WEBVTT - Rob Dial: How to Break the Cycle of Procrastination & 3 Ways to Change Your Repeated Thoughts 0:00:01.639 --> 0:00:04.320 There's a lot of talk about mindfulness these days, which 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:06.680 is fantastic. I mean, we all want to be more 0:00:06.680 --> 0:00:11.240 present and self aware, more patient, less judgmental. We discuss 0:00:11.320 --> 0:00:13.760 all these themes on the podcast, but it's hard to 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:17.120 actually be mindful in your day to day life. That's 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:19.919 where Calm comes in. I've been working with Calm for 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:22.640 a few years now with the goal of making mindfulness 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.520 fun and easy. 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Calm 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:00.560 your Mind, Change your Life. 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:03.200 I think if people are like I want to accomplish 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:06.200 this goal, the very next question is why, and then 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:07.520 go why why? Why? Why? 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:07.640 Why? 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:09.960 If your why is so strong, how it's going to 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:12.479 be done. It doesn't matter who You'll figure out. You've 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:15.520 got a book out called Level Up rub Dial from 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:19.160 the Mindsetmental Podcast. Not everything that's happened to you in 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:20.920 your life is your fault, but whatever it is that 0:01:20.959 --> 0:01:22.840 you have, it is your responsibility to work through. If 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:24.600 I'm going to feel the feelings of fear, why don't 0:01:24.640 --> 0:01:27.240 I also just try feeling the feelings of success in 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:27.759 getting there? 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:34.240 Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:38.360 In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:41.720 of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:45.480 not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.200 if you want to create a habit, make it easy 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:52.000 to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:56.440 habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed. 0:01:56.800 --> 0:01:59.720 This would also mean the absolute world to me and 0:01:59.800 --> 0:02:03.520 help help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:04.080 and the world. 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:08.799 Subscribe right now the number one health and wellness podcast. 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:15.600 Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty, sly Ja shet Hey, everyone, welcome 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:18.000 back to On Purpose. I am so glad that you 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:21.639 decided to tune in to listen, learn and grow. Today's 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:24.679 guest is a long time friend. When we tell you 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:26.720 about how we met and how long ago it was, 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:29.239 you'll get to hear this story in a few moments. 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:31.760 But I'm really excited because this is his first time 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:35.000 on the show. We're finally making it happen. His name 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:38.440 is Rob Dile, the host of the hugely popular podcast, 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:43.959 The Mindset Mentor podcast. Rob simplifies neurology, psychology, and cognitive 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:47.600 behavioral therapy to help people grasp how their brains and 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:52.040 bodies function together. Rob's podcast is one of his biggest projects. 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:54.600 If you're not subscribe yet, check it out. And Rob's 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:57.720 also the author of Level Up. The book is out 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:02.040 right now and it guides people to take action, overcome procrastination, 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:05.919 and form lasting habits. Rob believes that when you master 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:08.480 your mindset, you master your life. If you don't have 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:11.400 this book already, go and order it now. Level Up 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.200 by Rob Dow Welcome to the show. 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:13.720 Rob. 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:15.079 I'm so excited to be here. 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:15.320 Dude. 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:17.120 I can't believe it's taken us this long. I know, 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:19.320 but we're doing it. Hey, I love it and I 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:21.760 don't come to Austin enough. So we haven't done that yet. 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:25.440 I was saying to everyone, Yeah, we've we met seven 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:27.760 years ago. We were just talking about it in New York, 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:31.320 and I think we were both just starting out trying 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:34.080 to figure it out, making content, figuring it out. And 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.880 we'd connected because I think we had a similar set 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:39.880 of like values and beliefs around the kind of mindset, 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:43.560 and you were always really curious about Eastern spirituality, and 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:46.360 I felt like we just had great conversations. We went 0:03:46.400 --> 0:03:49.640 on a couple of walks, hung out, and I was 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:51.560 just we were just saying this offline. It was you 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:53.920 who actually said to me back in twenty seventeen. You 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:56.480 were like, dude, you should start a podcast. And I 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:57.920 was like, I don't know if I have time, I 0:03:57.920 --> 0:03:59.520 don't know if I'm able to do. I don't know 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:01.840 what it would be if you know, And you were like, 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:03.760 I remember you literally saying that you should just record 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:05.760 yourself walking around, like just whatever. 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:06.560 You really have so. 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:08.640 Much wisdom, there's just it needs to people need to 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:08.960 hear it. 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.600 No, But I'm grateful, man, for all those conversations and 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:13.840 all the conversations in between. 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:15.120 And yeah, man, I. 0:04:15.040 --> 0:04:17.120 Remember when we were talking about this as well. It's beautiful. 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:20.320 Yeah, I at that book. Actually you helped me with that, 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:23.240 Whereas like I felt like in twenty twenty, I never 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.160 wanted to write a book, and then in twenty twenty, 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:26.560 I was like, man, I'm kind of thinking about it. 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:29.200 And I talked with with one of my friends who 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:31.480 had written a book, and then I was like, I'm 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:33.080 gonna hit up Jay and see what he thinks. And 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:34.560 so I called you up and I was like, hey, man, 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:38.360 like should I go traditional? Should I go like self published? 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:40.159 And you're like, well, traditional is good. You told me 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:42.279 the reasons why. And it was like I always say, 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:45.000 like in life, you never see the entire path, but 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:46.880 you can look like in the headlights where it's like 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:48.560 if you drive at night, on see the entire path 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:50.280 to where you're going, but you can see the next 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:51.920 hundred feet in front of you. And like, the first 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:54.440 one hundred feet was calling my friend and I was like, hey, 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.680 you have a successful book, what should I do? And 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:58.400 then the next hundred feet was calling you up and 0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:00.200 You're like, yeah, you should do this. And so then 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:01.880 I talked to an agent, well a little bit further on, 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:04.400 and it took three years, but it eventually came out, 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:05.520 but you were a part of it as well. 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:06.200 Man, I love it. 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:08.760 It took you thirty seconds to start dropping hacks, habits, 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:09.159 and tools. 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:09.560 I love it. 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:10.600 And that's I know the. 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:12.240 Audience is going to love this conversation because I know 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:14.480 you all love mindset, I know you all love habits, 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:16.520 I know you love tools. This book is packed with them, 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:19.040 and today we're going to extract it all out of Rob. So, Rob, 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:20.839 I want to dive straight in because I think there's 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:23.640 so many things we can talk about, and I love 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:26.280 that this book has so much to do with focus 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:29.880 and we. I feel like that's a topic that's really important. 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:31.720 We haven't had many guests that have shed a lot 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:35.640 of light on it, so this is perfect. Talk to 0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:39.200 me about why, because I know you love the neuroscience. 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:43.039 Why is it that we all want something? We have goals, 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:47.080 we have things that we believe are important, but we 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:48.400 struggle to focus on them. 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:51.560 Yeah. Well, there's a couple different things. I think. The 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:53.479 first thing is that we hold ourselves back from is 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.279 we have a lot of fears and fears when you 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:58.839 really start to dive into them, like you mentioned in 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.159 the beginning of this started talking with you about like 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:03.760 the East, and you started I remember you told me 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:05.880 in twenty seventeen like you should read the bogg of Ikita. 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:07.640 So I literally wrote it. I got it like the 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.000 next week and read it while we were traveling, and 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:12.000 so there was that, And as I was writing the book, 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:14.040 I was like, what's the thing because the original tide 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:16.240 of the book was the psychology of taking action? Because 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:18.240 I was looking at the mindset mentor podcasts. I have 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:20.800 fourteen hundred episodes and I was like, it's just me 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.440 speaking for almost every single one of them. And I 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.280 was like, what do I teach? Like what do what 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:27.560 do people want for me? And I was like, it's 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:30.320 almost all like tips and tricks understand yourself to take 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.520 action because everybody who's listening to a podcast has the 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:35.400 awareness of I want to improve, I want to get better, 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:38.040 I want something different, but how do I do it? 0:06:38.600 --> 0:06:40.919 And so I started saying, Okay, if taking action is 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.280 what the book's going to be about, like why don't 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:45.000 people take action in the first place? And one of 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:47.000 the things that pops up for people is fear, like 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:48.960 they're just there's some sort of fear that pops up 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:50.760 for them and I had a conversation with one of 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.400 my friends who went and lived in the tribe with 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:56.040 a tribe, a native Brazilian tribe in the middle of Brazil, 0:06:56.520 --> 0:06:58.240 and so he had to fly into a town, he 0:06:58.240 --> 0:06:59.480 had to hop on a boat and go for two 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:01.640 days on at in the middle of nowhere. And he 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:03.240 started talking to me about these things that he called 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:06.080 primal fears and intellectual fears. So, like a primal fear 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:08.880 is pain or death is attached to it, and we 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:10.680 don't really come up with too many primal fears in 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:14.280 our life nowadays. Intellectual fear is like what we deal 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:17.880 with all day long, which is, you know, the fear 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.560 of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of not 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:23.880 being accepted, the fear of success. We all these fears, 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:25.840 and all of these fears are made up in our minds. 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:27.960 And so I was listening to I'm pretty sure it 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:30.200 was sad Guru I was listening to, and I was like, 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:32.480 I put on and I was driving around in Sedona 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:34.320 as I was writing the book. I was there just 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:36.400 to try to get my whole mind together, is by 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:39.119 myself writing it. And I was like looking at fears 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:40.880 and trying to figure them out. And one thing that 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:43.160 he said that like really hit me more than anything else, 0:07:44.040 --> 0:07:47.400 is Okay, I've identified my fears, and the next thing is, well, 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:49.680 how do I overcome these fears? And if it's an 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:53.520 intellectual fear, the fears that exists in our minds is 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:56.880 you can't overcome something that doesn't exist. And so we 0:07:57.000 --> 0:07:58.920 create we basically wake up with in the book we 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:00.720 wake up in the morning, we create the Boogeyman, which 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:03.440 is like the fear of success, the fear fairy, whatever 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:05.200 it is. And instead of actually taking the action that 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:06.800 we need to and focusing on what it is that 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:09.240 we want, we take all of our focus and put 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:11.560 it towards trying to overcome this fear, when in reality, 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:13.760 the fear doesn't even exist in the first place. And 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:15.720 so I think the biggest thing for most people is 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:19.720 like the fear is keeping you from focusing. But there's 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:21.680 also like the identity of who you think you are. 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.880 And one of my favorite things is challenging who I 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:28.200 think I am all the time. Like I love the 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:30.440 story and I put in the Book of Jim Carrey 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:34.000 when he decided to be and man on the moon 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:37.000 and the Man on the Moon was a movie where 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.600 he ended up playing Andy Kaufman, and there was a 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:43.160 whole documentary that was done on this and they curbed 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:45.080 it for like twenty years because it was so off 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:47.920 the rails of how crazy he went and what he 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:50.640 did was he It's a documentary called Jim and Andy 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:53.120 that's on him playing the role on Man on the Moon. 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:55.680 So Andy Kaufman was a guy who was once alive. 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.080 And the crazy part of any about Andy Kaufman is 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:00.400 he also played other characters. So it was Jim Carrey 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:04.360 playing Andy Kaufman, who played like Tony Clifton and other characters. 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:06.360 But the thing that happened with him was that he 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.440 would never break character, so he was a method actor. 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:13.120 So for four months he played as this real life person, 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:15.640 and even to the point where his driver that would 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:17.640 pick him up in Hollywood and drive him to his 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:21.040 house said that whoever he was playing at the time 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.720 that they stopped recording, whether it was Andy Kaufman, Tony Clifton, 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:26.000 he would play that person the entire day when he 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:28.120 was driving him home that night and he picked him 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:30.480 up and he was still the same person, not Jim 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:33.839 Carrey anymore. And so what happened was he he ended 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.240 up like and it gets kind of crazy where he 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:40.199 ends up doing therapy sessions with Andy Kaufman's real daughter 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:43.520 and his family to help them overcome his sudden death. 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:47.040 And so what happens is they stopped recording four months later, 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.640 and he's like, I don't know who I am and 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:52.320 he lost who he was, and he's like, I don't 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:54.040 know my beliefs. I don't know what makes me happy, well, 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:56.680 what makes me sad, what pisses me off anymore. He's like, 0:09:56.760 --> 0:10:00.120 I've kind of just lost who Jim Carrey is. It's 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:02.040 kind of like his spiritual awakening that you've seen him 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:04.320 go through over the past twenty years. And he realized, 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:06.920 if I can lose Jim Carrey, then who the hell 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.679 is Jim Carrey? And he realized that Jim Carrey is 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:12.520 just basically a character that he's playing all the time 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.600 that is completely somebody else, and he could just wake 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:17.719 up another morning and act like he's somebody else. And 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:19.240 so I think that two of the things that really 0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:21.280 keep us from focusing on stuff is we get really 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:24.760 afraid and fearful of making change or judgment or failure 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:26.160 and all that, and the other thing is like, who 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:29.439 we actually truly think we are will hold us back 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:31.280 from tiking either the action that we need to or 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:33.440 you know, staying in the exact same position that we're in. 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:33.959 I love that. 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:35.959 I want to go down both of those routes because 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:39.320 I find them both fascinating for different reasons. And I 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:42.440 want to go down that more spiritual ethereal journey as 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:45.040 well too, because yeah, but before we do that, I 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:47.480 want to make sure that so if we talk about 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:50.360 the fears that people are experiencing, as you said, a 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:51.960 lot of the time, it's an intellectual fear. 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:53.160 It's not real, but. 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:56.080 It feels so real, feels really right, Like when someone 0:10:56.120 --> 0:11:00.120 says like, oh, I'm really scared about what if I 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:02.680 get rejected from the job, or I'm really scared that 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:05.320 my partner is going to leave me, or I'm really 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:10.240 scared that I don't feel good enough or smart enough 0:11:10.440 --> 0:11:13.640 to make it in whatever field it is, those feel 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:18.640 extremely real. How do you process a feeling that feels 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:21.120 real even though it may be intellect. 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:22.959 You yeah, well, so that's the beautiful thing about being 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:24.560 a human. And I think it's and you can correct 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:25.839 me if I'm wrong, but I think it's actually in 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:29.320 the Bagavakisi. It gives an example of a lion attacking 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:32.200 you or tiger attacking you at night. And you know, 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:33.679 one of the examples I give in the book is 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:35.679 similar that, where it's like, if you think about it, 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:38.040 if you we've all had this. We have a really 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:41.000 intense dream, like you're walking in a forest whatever it is, 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:44.080 and you see a lion. It starts running after you. You know, 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:46.200 you run from it. You turn, you look over, your 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:48.319 shoulder's getting closer. You're still running from it. You turn 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:50.760 and look over your shoulder just as teeth are about 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:53.040 to dig into you. And you wake up in the 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.719 middle of the night and your body didn't move at all, 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:59.559 but you're sweating, you're out of breath, your heart rate 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:02.760 is in tensely going. And the amazing thing about being 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.920 a human, you know they usually say in any case, 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:07.880 is what your biggest strength is is also can be 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:10.320 your biggest fault. The thing about humans is that we 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:13.720 can project our minds into a future that doesn't exist yet. 0:12:14.160 --> 0:12:16.600 And so what we can do right now is we 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:19.439 can sit here. You know, we're in the studio. Everything 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:23.000 is amazing we have food, water, shelter, clothing, everything. But 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:24.760 if I'm like a lot of people do, Like if 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:27.360 I'm starting a business, right I can sit here and 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:29.600 I can think, well, I really want to start this business, 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:31.800 But then I start playing out all of the things 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:33.760 that could go wrong, which is what we tend to do, 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:36.600 not what goes right, but what could go wrong when 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:39.640 I project my mind into that future. The crazy part 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:41.760 is that my mind and my body are constantly connected, 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:44.440 So my brain is sending neuropeptides to my body and 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:48.040 creating hormones as if that moment is actually happening right now. 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:50.920 And so what happens is we tend to as humans, 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:54.280 as a protection mechanism, we tend to project ourselves into 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:58.280 a future that is fearful, that is scary, and that fearful, 0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:01.360 scary feeling usually keep us in the exact same place. 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:04.280 And so what I always say is like, if I'm 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:06.920 going to imagine the worst that could happen, why don't 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:08.679 I at least try to see the best that could happen. 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.280 And so if I'm going to notice myself the awareness 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:12.880 of like I'm really in a lot of fear right 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:16.559 now with starting this business, and I'm going, man, what's 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:17.960 the worst that could happen? Well, then I might as 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:19.559 well close my eyes and say, like, what's the best 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.120 that could happen? And what would it feel like to 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:24.320 start this business and to be able to crack a 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:27.000 million dollars in a business? And how proud of myself 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:30.800 would I be to break a million dollars in sales 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:32.840 and to be able to build this and travel with 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.320 my family and provide what I've always wanted to provide. 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:37.600 And if I'm going to feel the feelings of fear, 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:41.040 why don't I also just try on feeling the feelings 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:44.160 of success in getting there. And so if we notice 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:47.280 it's an intellectual fear, the first piece that I always 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:50.680 say is there's three pieces. There's the awareness of it. Okay, 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:53.360 I'm aware. Then I'm in a state of fear. I 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:56.280 need a practice to get myself out of that. Okay, 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.040 if I notice myself in a state of fear, what's 0:13:59.080 --> 0:14:01.120 my practice to get myself out of it? Well, I'm 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:04.200 gonna go ahead, and I'm gonna calm down and take 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:06.760 six deep breaths, and I'm gonna connect back to my heart, 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:08.800 and I'm gonna ask myself like, what's the best thing 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:11.280 that could happen. That's the practice to get myself out 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:13.040 of it. And then the last piece is repetition. So 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.920 it's awareness, it's practice, it's repetition. If I do it 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:19.360 over and over and over again, eventually I start to 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:21.880 rewire myself. So like, one of the things that that 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:23.880 I found in myself years ago that I didn't like 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:26.240 was was that I judge people. And I'm like, man, 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:28.200 I love people like I love I try to do. 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.000 I try to be of service as much as I can. 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:32.280 But an immediate thought that will come in my head 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:34.720 sometimes is like judgment of somebody that I don't know, 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:37.120 and I judge them, and I was like, I don't 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.880 like that pattern. I want to change this pattern within myself. 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:42.720 It's awareness. I've become aware of what I want to change. 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:45.440 And the one the first time I really did it, 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:47.320 I was at a grocery store and this guy had 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:49.720 this like bluetooth, you know, like the long bluetooth. It 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:51.680 was like as if he was, you know, making cold 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:53.800 calls at an office, but he was at the grocery store. 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:56.360 And immediately the first thought in my head was judgment. 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:58.560 And I always say, you can't change your first thoughts, 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:00.880 you could change your second thought. I noticed a judgment 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:04.280 is a first thought. Awareness. My practice that I decided 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:06.720 for myself was I'm going to force myself in my 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:08.640 head to say three things that I like about this guy. 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.960 I pause myself in the moment I found myself in 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:13.480 a pattern that I don't want to be in anymore. 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:15.600 What are three things that I like by the sky? 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:18.400 And I said it, and then I went on about 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:20.640 my day and I started doing this over and over 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:22.840 and over and over again. And one thing that I 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:26.680 noticed is that my first thought started changing to less 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:29.880 judgment and more acceptance, because ultimately that's what I really 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:31.600 want to work on, is more acceptance and loving of 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:35.040 people and of myself. And so I think it's it's 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:37.760 becoming aware of it. Once you're aware of the things 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:39.400 that you're trying the patter of you're trying to change, 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:41.560 what's the practice that you're going to take yourself down? 0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:43.520 And then noticing that you're just going to need to 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.640 do it over and over and over again. But one 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:48.720 of the biggest keys is to give yourself grace as 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:50.360 you're doing it, because a lot of times we make 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:52.840 were become aware, and then we judge ourselves and we 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:54.960 beat ourselves up for it. So I think it's giving 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:57.520 yourself a lot of loving grace and going hey, I've 0:15:57.560 --> 0:15:59.480 noticed this pattern. Don't worry, we're going to change it. 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:01.960 Let's go on practice and just continuing to do that. 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:06.320 Yeah, it's so well said. Hey everyone, it's Jay here. 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:09.400 My wife and I have had so much fun creating 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:12.760 our own sparkling tea Juni, and I've got big news 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:15.920 for you. 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I think so often 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:50.520 we get scared even of having the thought of what 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:53.160 could be possible, because we're scared that it can't be possible, 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:55.920 and we just find another thing to be fearful love. 0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:59.200 And I love this idea of what you're saying around 0:16:59.400 --> 0:17:03.160 transform in your thoughts, because I've definitely the more and 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.600 more I've studied books, the more and more I've read 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:09.440 and I've thought, I've discovered that all of our failure 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:13.120 and success in life is based on our most repeated thought. 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:15.359 And one of my biggest questions to most people I 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.560 meet now is what is your most repeated thought? And 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:21.399 most people don't know the answer because they're not aware 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:24.920 in your words, and a lot of people who do 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.160 know will say it's something like I'm not good enough, 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:32.480