Speaker 1: There's a lot of talk about mindfulness these days, which
Speaker 1: is fantastic. I mean, we all want to be more
Speaker 1: present and self aware, more patient, less judgmental. We discuss
Speaker 1: all these themes on the podcast, but it's hard to
Speaker 1: actually be mindful in your day to day life. That's
Speaker 1: where Calm comes in. I've been working with Calm for
Speaker 1: a few years now with the goal of making mindfulness
Speaker 1: fun and easy. Calm has all sorts of content to
Speaker 1: help you build positive habits, shift yourself, talk, reframe your
Speaker 1: negative thoughts, and generally feel better in your daily life.
Speaker 1: So many incredible options from the most knowledgeable experts in
Speaker 1: the world, along with renowned meditation teachers. You can also
Speaker 1: check out my seven minute daily series to help you
Speaker 1: live more mindfully each and every day. Right now, listeners
Speaker 1: of On Purpose get forty percent off a subscription to
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Speaker 1: your Mind, Change your Life.
Speaker 2: I think if people are like I want to accomplish
Speaker 2: this goal, the very next question is why, and then
Speaker 2: go why why? Why? Why?
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 2: If your why is so strong, how it's going to
Speaker 2: be done. It doesn't matter who You'll figure out. You've
Speaker 2: got a book out called Level Up rub Dial from
Speaker 2: the Mindsetmental Podcast. Not everything that's happened to you in
Speaker 2: your life is your fault, but whatever it is that
Speaker 2: you have, it is your responsibility to work through. If
Speaker 2: I'm going to feel the feelings of fear, why don't
Speaker 2: I also just try feeling the feelings of success in
Speaker 2: getting there?
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you.
Speaker 1: In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent
Speaker 1: of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are
Speaker 1: not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that
Speaker 1: if you want to create a habit, make it easy
Speaker 1: to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a
Speaker 1: habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed.
Speaker 1: This would also mean the absolute world to me and
Speaker 1: help help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you
Speaker 1: and the world.
Speaker 3: Subscribe right now the number one health and wellness podcast.
Speaker 1: Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty, sly Ja shet Hey, everyone, welcome
Speaker 1: back to On Purpose. I am so glad that you
Speaker 1: decided to tune in to listen, learn and grow. Today's
Speaker 1: guest is a long time friend. When we tell you
Speaker 1: about how we met and how long ago it was,
Speaker 1: you'll get to hear this story in a few moments.
Speaker 1: But I'm really excited because this is his first time
Speaker 1: on the show. We're finally making it happen. His name
Speaker 1: is Rob Dile, the host of the hugely popular podcast,
Speaker 1: The Mindset Mentor podcast. Rob simplifies neurology, psychology, and cognitive
Speaker 1: behavioral therapy to help people grasp how their brains and
Speaker 1: bodies function together. Rob's podcast is one of his biggest projects.
Speaker 1: If you're not subscribe yet, check it out. And Rob's
Speaker 1: also the author of Level Up. The book is out
Speaker 1: right now and it guides people to take action, overcome procrastination,
Speaker 1: and form lasting habits. Rob believes that when you master
Speaker 1: your mindset, you master your life. If you don't have
Speaker 1: this book already, go and order it now. Level Up
Speaker 1: by Rob Dow Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3: Rob.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 3: Dude.
Speaker 1: I can't believe it's taken us this long. I know,
Speaker 1: but we're doing it. Hey, I love it and I
Speaker 1: don't come to Austin enough. So we haven't done that yet.
Speaker 1: I was saying to everyone, Yeah, we've we met seven
Speaker 1: years ago. We were just talking about it in New York,
Speaker 1: and I think we were both just starting out trying
Speaker 1: to figure it out, making content, figuring it out. And
Speaker 1: we'd connected because I think we had a similar set
Speaker 1: of like values and beliefs around the kind of mindset,
Speaker 1: and you were always really curious about Eastern spirituality, and
Speaker 1: I felt like we just had great conversations. We went
Speaker 1: on a couple of walks, hung out, and I was
Speaker 1: just we were just saying this offline. It was you
Speaker 1: who actually said to me back in twenty seventeen. You
Speaker 1: were like, dude, you should start a podcast. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know if I have time, I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm able to do. I don't know
Speaker 1: what it would be if you know, And you were like,
Speaker 1: I remember you literally saying that you should just record
Speaker 1: yourself walking around, like just whatever.
Speaker 3: You really have so.
Speaker 2: Much wisdom, there's just it needs to people need to
Speaker 2: hear it.
Speaker 1: No, But I'm grateful, man, for all those conversations and
Speaker 1: all the conversations in between.
Speaker 2: And yeah, man, I.
Speaker 3: Remember when we were talking about this as well. It's beautiful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I at that book. Actually you helped me with that,
Speaker 2: Whereas like I felt like in twenty twenty, I never
Speaker 2: wanted to write a book, and then in twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: I was like, man, I'm kind of thinking about it.
Speaker 2: And I talked with with one of my friends who
Speaker 2: had written a book, and then I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna hit up Jay and see what he thinks. And
Speaker 2: so I called you up and I was like, hey, man,
Speaker 2: like should I go traditional? Should I go like self published?
Speaker 2: And you're like, well, traditional is good. You told me
Speaker 2: the reasons why. And it was like I always say,
Speaker 2: like in life, you never see the entire path, but
Speaker 2: you can look like in the headlights where it's like
Speaker 2: if you drive at night, on see the entire path
Speaker 2: to where you're going, but you can see the next
Speaker 2: hundred feet in front of you. And like, the first
Speaker 2: one hundred feet was calling my friend and I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: you have a successful book, what should I do? And
Speaker 2: then the next hundred feet was calling you up and
Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, you should do this. And so then
Speaker 2: I talked to an agent, well a little bit further on,
Speaker 2: and it took three years, but it eventually came out,
Speaker 2: but you were a part of it as well.
Speaker 3: Man, I love it.
Speaker 1: It took you thirty seconds to start dropping hacks, habits,
Speaker 1: and tools.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 3: And that's I know the.
Speaker 1: Audience is going to love this conversation because I know
Speaker 1: you all love mindset, I know you all love habits,
Speaker 1: I know you love tools. This book is packed with them,
Speaker 1: and today we're going to extract it all out of Rob. So, Rob,
Speaker 1: I want to dive straight in because I think there's
Speaker 1: so many things we can talk about, and I love
Speaker 1: that this book has so much to do with focus
Speaker 1: and we. I feel like that's a topic that's really important.
Speaker 1: We haven't had many guests that have shed a lot
Speaker 1: of light on it, so this is perfect. Talk to
Speaker 1: me about why, because I know you love the neuroscience.
Speaker 1: Why is it that we all want something? We have goals,
Speaker 1: we have things that we believe are important, but we
Speaker 1: struggle to focus on them.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, there's a couple different things. I think. The
Speaker 2: first thing is that we hold ourselves back from is
Speaker 2: we have a lot of fears and fears when you
Speaker 2: really start to dive into them, like you mentioned in
Speaker 2: the beginning of this started talking with you about like
Speaker 2: the East, and you started I remember you told me
Speaker 2: in twenty seventeen like you should read the bogg of Ikita.
Speaker 2: So I literally wrote it. I got it like the
Speaker 2: next week and read it while we were traveling, and
Speaker 2: so there was that, And as I was writing the book,
Speaker 2: I was like, what's the thing because the original tide
Speaker 2: of the book was the psychology of taking action? Because
Speaker 2: I was looking at the mindset mentor podcasts. I have
Speaker 2: fourteen hundred episodes and I was like, it's just me
Speaker 2: speaking for almost every single one of them. And I
Speaker 2: was like, what do I teach? Like what do what
Speaker 2: do people want for me? And I was like, it's
Speaker 2: almost all like tips and tricks understand yourself to take
Speaker 2: action because everybody who's listening to a podcast has the
Speaker 2: awareness of I want to improve, I want to get better,
Speaker 2: I want something different, but how do I do it?
Speaker 2: And so I started saying, Okay, if taking action is
Speaker 2: what the book's going to be about, like why don't
Speaker 2: people take action in the first place? And one of
Speaker 2: the things that pops up for people is fear, like
Speaker 2: they're just there's some sort of fear that pops up
Speaker 2: for them and I had a conversation with one of
Speaker 2: my friends who went and lived in the tribe with
Speaker 2: a tribe, a native Brazilian tribe in the middle of Brazil,
Speaker 2: and so he had to fly into a town, he
Speaker 2: had to hop on a boat and go for two
Speaker 2: days on at in the middle of nowhere. And he
Speaker 2: started talking to me about these things that he called
Speaker 2: primal fears and intellectual fears. So, like a primal fear
Speaker 2: is pain or death is attached to it, and we
Speaker 2: don't really come up with too many primal fears in
Speaker 2: our life nowadays. Intellectual fear is like what we deal
Speaker 2: with all day long, which is, you know, the fear
Speaker 2: of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of not
Speaker 2: being accepted, the fear of success. We all these fears,
Speaker 2: and all of these fears are made up in our minds.
Speaker 2: And so I was listening to I'm pretty sure it
Speaker 2: was sad Guru I was listening to, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I put on and I was driving around in Sedona
Speaker 2: as I was writing the book. I was there just
Speaker 2: to try to get my whole mind together, is by
Speaker 2: myself writing it. And I was like looking at fears
Speaker 2: and trying to figure them out. And one thing that
Speaker 2: he said that like really hit me more than anything else,
Speaker 2: is Okay, I've identified my fears, and the next thing is, well,
Speaker 2: how do I overcome these fears? And if it's an
Speaker 2: intellectual fear, the fears that exists in our minds is
Speaker 2: you can't overcome something that doesn't exist. And so we
Speaker 2: create we basically wake up with in the book we
Speaker 2: wake up in the morning, we create the Boogeyman, which
Speaker 2: is like the fear of success, the fear fairy, whatever
Speaker 2: it is. And instead of actually taking the action that
Speaker 2: we need to and focusing on what it is that
Speaker 2: we want, we take all of our focus and put
Speaker 2: it towards trying to overcome this fear, when in reality,
Speaker 2: the fear doesn't even exist in the first place. And
Speaker 2: so I think the biggest thing for most people is
Speaker 2: like the fear is keeping you from focusing. But there's
Speaker 2: also like the identity of who you think you are.
Speaker 2: And one of my favorite things is challenging who I
Speaker 2: think I am all the time. Like I love the
Speaker 2: story and I put in the Book of Jim Carrey
Speaker 2: when he decided to be and man on the moon
Speaker 2: and the Man on the Moon was a movie where
Speaker 2: he ended up playing Andy Kaufman, and there was a
Speaker 2: whole documentary that was done on this and they curbed
Speaker 2: it for like twenty years because it was so off
Speaker 2: the rails of how crazy he went and what he
Speaker 2: did was he It's a documentary called Jim and Andy
Speaker 2: that's on him playing the role on Man on the Moon.
Speaker 2: So Andy Kaufman was a guy who was once alive.
Speaker 2: And the crazy part of any about Andy Kaufman is
Speaker 2: he also played other characters. So it was Jim Carrey
Speaker 2: playing Andy Kaufman, who played like Tony Clifton and other characters.
Speaker 2: But the thing that happened with him was that he
Speaker 2: would never break character, so he was a method actor.
Speaker 2: So for four months he played as this real life person,
Speaker 2: and even to the point where his driver that would
Speaker 2: pick him up in Hollywood and drive him to his
Speaker 2: house said that whoever he was playing at the time
Speaker 2: that they stopped recording, whether it was Andy Kaufman, Tony Clifton,
Speaker 2: he would play that person the entire day when he
Speaker 2: was driving him home that night and he picked him
Speaker 2: up and he was still the same person, not Jim
Speaker 2: Carrey anymore. And so what happened was he he ended
Speaker 2: up like and it gets kind of crazy where he
Speaker 2: ends up doing therapy sessions with Andy Kaufman's real daughter
Speaker 2: and his family to help them overcome his sudden death.
Speaker 2: And so what happens is they stopped recording four months later,
Speaker 2: and he's like, I don't know who I am and
Speaker 2: he lost who he was, and he's like, I don't
Speaker 2: know my beliefs. I don't know what makes me happy, well,
Speaker 2: what makes me sad, what pisses me off anymore. He's like,
Speaker 2: I've kind of just lost who Jim Carrey is. It's
Speaker 2: kind of like his spiritual awakening that you've seen him
Speaker 2: go through over the past twenty years. And he realized,
Speaker 2: if I can lose Jim Carrey, then who the hell
Speaker 2: is Jim Carrey? And he realized that Jim Carrey is
Speaker 2: just basically a character that he's playing all the time
Speaker 2: that is completely somebody else, and he could just wake
Speaker 2: up another morning and act like he's somebody else. And
Speaker 2: so I think that two of the things that really
Speaker 2: keep us from focusing on stuff is we get really
Speaker 2: afraid and fearful of making change or judgment or failure
Speaker 2: and all that, and the other thing is like, who
Speaker 2: we actually truly think we are will hold us back
Speaker 2: from tiking either the action that we need to or
Speaker 2: you know, staying in the exact same position that we're in.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: I want to go down both of those routes because
Speaker 1: I find them both fascinating for different reasons. And I
Speaker 1: want to go down that more spiritual ethereal journey as
Speaker 1: well too, because yeah, but before we do that, I
Speaker 1: want to make sure that so if we talk about
Speaker 1: the fears that people are experiencing, as you said, a
Speaker 1: lot of the time, it's an intellectual fear.
Speaker 3: It's not real, but.
Speaker 1: It feels so real, feels really right, Like when someone
Speaker 1: says like, oh, I'm really scared about what if I
Speaker 1: get rejected from the job, or I'm really scared that
Speaker 1: my partner is going to leave me, or I'm really
Speaker 1: scared that I don't feel good enough or smart enough
Speaker 1: to make it in whatever field it is, those feel
Speaker 1: extremely real. How do you process a feeling that feels
Speaker 1: real even though it may be intellect.
Speaker 2: You yeah, well, so that's the beautiful thing about being
Speaker 2: a human. And I think it's and you can correct
Speaker 2: me if I'm wrong, but I think it's actually in
Speaker 2: the Bagavakisi. It gives an example of a lion attacking
Speaker 2: you or tiger attacking you at night. And you know,
Speaker 2: one of the examples I give in the book is
Speaker 2: similar that, where it's like, if you think about it,
Speaker 2: if you we've all had this. We have a really
Speaker 2: intense dream, like you're walking in a forest whatever it is,
Speaker 2: and you see a lion. It starts running after you. You know,
Speaker 2: you run from it. You turn, you look over, your
Speaker 2: shoulder's getting closer. You're still running from it. You turn
Speaker 2: and look over your shoulder just as teeth are about
Speaker 2: to dig into you. And you wake up in the
Speaker 2: middle of the night and your body didn't move at all,
Speaker 2: but you're sweating, you're out of breath, your heart rate
Speaker 2: is in tensely going. And the amazing thing about being
Speaker 2: a human, you know they usually say in any case,
Speaker 2: is what your biggest strength is is also can be
Speaker 2: your biggest fault. The thing about humans is that we
Speaker 2: can project our minds into a future that doesn't exist yet.
Speaker 2: And so what we can do right now is we
Speaker 2: can sit here. You know, we're in the studio. Everything
Speaker 2: is amazing we have food, water, shelter, clothing, everything. But
Speaker 2: if I'm like a lot of people do, Like if
Speaker 2: I'm starting a business, right I can sit here and
Speaker 2: I can think, well, I really want to start this business,
Speaker 2: But then I start playing out all of the things
Speaker 2: that could go wrong, which is what we tend to do,
Speaker 2: not what goes right, but what could go wrong when
Speaker 2: I project my mind into that future. The crazy part
Speaker 2: is that my mind and my body are constantly connected,
Speaker 2: So my brain is sending neuropeptides to my body and
Speaker 2: creating hormones as if that moment is actually happening right now.
Speaker 2: And so what happens is we tend to as humans,
Speaker 2: as a protection mechanism, we tend to project ourselves into
Speaker 2: a future that is fearful, that is scary, and that fearful,
Speaker 2: scary feeling usually keep us in the exact same place.
Speaker 2: And so what I always say is like, if I'm
Speaker 2: going to imagine the worst that could happen, why don't
Speaker 2: I at least try to see the best that could happen.
Speaker 2: And so if I'm going to notice myself the awareness
Speaker 2: of like I'm really in a lot of fear right
Speaker 2: now with starting this business, and I'm going, man, what's
Speaker 2: the worst that could happen? Well, then I might as
Speaker 2: well close my eyes and say, like, what's the best
Speaker 2: that could happen? And what would it feel like to
Speaker 2: start this business and to be able to crack a
Speaker 2: million dollars in a business? And how proud of myself
Speaker 2: would I be to break a million dollars in sales
Speaker 2: and to be able to build this and travel with
Speaker 2: my family and provide what I've always wanted to provide.
Speaker 2: And if I'm going to feel the feelings of fear,
Speaker 2: why don't I also just try on feeling the feelings
Speaker 2: of success in getting there. And so if we notice
Speaker 2: it's an intellectual fear, the first piece that I always
Speaker 2: say is there's three pieces. There's the awareness of it. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm aware. Then I'm in a state of fear. I
Speaker 2: need a practice to get myself out of that. Okay,
Speaker 2: if I notice myself in a state of fear, what's
Speaker 2: my practice to get myself out of it? Well, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna go ahead, and I'm gonna calm down and take
Speaker 2: six deep breaths, and I'm gonna connect back to my heart,
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna ask myself like, what's the best thing
Speaker 2: that could happen. That's the practice to get myself out
Speaker 2: of it. And then the last piece is repetition. So
Speaker 2: it's awareness, it's practice, it's repetition. If I do it
Speaker 2: over and over and over again, eventually I start to
Speaker 2: rewire myself. So like, one of the things that that
Speaker 2: I found in myself years ago that I didn't like
Speaker 2: was was that I judge people. And I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: I love people like I love I try to do.
Speaker 2: I try to be of service as much as I can.
Speaker 2: But an immediate thought that will come in my head
Speaker 2: sometimes is like judgment of somebody that I don't know,
Speaker 2: and I judge them, and I was like, I don't
Speaker 2: like that pattern. I want to change this pattern within myself.
Speaker 2: It's awareness. I've become aware of what I want to change.
Speaker 2: And the one the first time I really did it,
Speaker 2: I was at a grocery store and this guy had
Speaker 2: this like bluetooth, you know, like the long bluetooth. It
Speaker 2: was like as if he was, you know, making cold
Speaker 2: calls at an office, but he was at the grocery store.
Speaker 2: And immediately the first thought in my head was judgment.
Speaker 2: And I always say, you can't change your first thoughts,
Speaker 2: you could change your second thought. I noticed a judgment
Speaker 2: is a first thought. Awareness. My practice that I decided
Speaker 2: for myself was I'm going to force myself in my
Speaker 2: head to say three things that I like about this guy.
Speaker 2: I pause myself in the moment I found myself in
Speaker 2: a pattern that I don't want to be in anymore.
Speaker 2: What are three things that I like by the sky?
Speaker 2: And I said it, and then I went on about
Speaker 2: my day and I started doing this over and over
Speaker 2: and over and over again. And one thing that I
Speaker 2: noticed is that my first thought started changing to less
Speaker 2: judgment and more acceptance, because ultimately that's what I really
Speaker 2: want to work on, is more acceptance and loving of
Speaker 2: people and of myself. And so I think it's it's
Speaker 2: becoming aware of it. Once you're aware of the things
Speaker 2: that you're trying the patter of you're trying to change,
Speaker 2: what's the practice that you're going to take yourself down?
Speaker 2: And then noticing that you're just going to need to
Speaker 2: do it over and over and over again. But one
Speaker 2: of the biggest keys is to give yourself grace as
Speaker 2: you're doing it, because a lot of times we make
Speaker 2: were become aware, and then we judge ourselves and we
Speaker 2: beat ourselves up for it. So I think it's giving
Speaker 2: yourself a lot of loving grace and going hey, I've
Speaker 2: noticed this pattern. Don't worry, we're going to change it.
Speaker 2: Let's go on practice and just continuing to do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so well said. Hey everyone, it's Jay here.
Speaker 1: My wife and I have had so much fun creating
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Speaker 1: Through our commitment to our wellness journey and striving to
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Speaker 1: Juny at a Target near you. I think so often
Speaker 1: we get scared even of having the thought of what
Speaker 1: could be possible, because we're scared that it can't be possible,
Speaker 1: and we just find another thing to be fearful love.
Speaker 1: And I love this idea of what you're saying around
Speaker 1: transform in your thoughts, because I've definitely the more and
Speaker 1: more I've studied books, the more and more I've read
Speaker 1: and I've thought, I've discovered that all of our failure
Speaker 1: and success in life is based on our most repeated thought.
Speaker 1: And one of my biggest questions to most people I
Speaker 1: meet now is what is your most repeated thought? And
Speaker 1: most people don't know the answer because they're not aware
Speaker 1: in your words, and a lot of people who do
Speaker 1: know will say it's something like I'm not good enough,
Speaker 1: I don't like the way I look, I am ugly,
Speaker 1: and whatever else it may be for them, right, And
Speaker 1: so we're either aware and it's negative, or we're unaware
Speaker 1: because it's so subconscious. And I've started to recognize that
Speaker 1: most of the thoughts we have are not that different.
Speaker 1: They're the same thought that comes in a different voice,
Speaker 1: a different tone, a different vocabulary, a different language, but
Speaker 1: it's the same repetition. And so I've started to really
Speaker 1: think about what's my most repeated door and how can
Speaker 1: I be more? As you are saying, how can I
Speaker 1: be more selective about it, and how can I choose
Speaker 1: it more effectively rather than just let it be something
Speaker 1: that's kind of just coming up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's like not don't identify with your thoughts,
Speaker 2: you know, like one of the things that I don't
Speaker 2: remember where I heard it before, but the way I
Speaker 2: like to think about it, and I've heard you say before,
Speaker 2: even like a lot of people say, like, oh, I
Speaker 2: struggle with meditating, and I've heard you say before, where
Speaker 2: it's not about mastering your thoughts. It's not about making
Speaker 2: your thoughts going away. It's just becoming aware of your
Speaker 2: thoughts a little bit more. Because when we close our eyes,
Speaker 2: you know, about sixty percent of our brain is visual
Speaker 2: for visual things to see. So when we close our eyes,
Speaker 2: it kind of turns off a lot of parts, and
Speaker 2: so thoughts usually come up and we become aware of those.
Speaker 2: Like one of the things that I've been doing a
Speaker 2: lot recently is like trying to be in as much
Speaker 2: silence as possible, Like I'm just trying to be as
Speaker 2: much silence as I possibly can, because I feel like
Speaker 2: that's where a lot of my awarenesses, a lot of
Speaker 2: my answers come from, and so when you sit there,
Speaker 2: and the analogy that I love when you start thinking
Speaker 2: of your thoughts is it's like sitting on the edge
Speaker 2: of a mountain and down below there's just a road
Speaker 2: going that you're looking at. And sitting on the edge
Speaker 2: of the mountain is like meditating or just sitting in
Speaker 2: silence and just you know, looking at your thoughts, and
Speaker 2: you can watch the cars go by, the thoughts that
Speaker 2: go by, and not have to be attached to them.
Speaker 2: You don't find yourself getting sucked into the red car
Speaker 2: that just went by. You just watched the cars go by.
Speaker 2: And that's the way that I try to see my thoughts,
Speaker 2: which is Okay, I'm going to watch them go by.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to connect to them, but I can
Speaker 2: look at them and be like, is this thought, which
Speaker 2: you know about ninety percent of our thoughts the same
Speaker 2: as yesterday, is this thought helping me and trying to
Speaker 2: get to where I want to be in life? Or
Speaker 2: is this thought holding me back from trying to get
Speaker 2: to where I want to be in life? And if
Speaker 2: it's helping me, then I want to strengthen it. If
Speaker 2: it's not helping me, well then hey, as that guy
Speaker 2: on the podcast said, I can control my first stop,
Speaker 2: I could troll my second, So what would I prefer
Speaker 2: my second thought to be?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you just hit the nail on the head,
Speaker 1: like that's what it is for me. It's whether you've
Speaker 1: understood that you're not your thoughts or not. That can
Speaker 1: be quite hard for people because I think we're so
Speaker 1: close to them. But even if you can practice distance
Speaker 1: through meditation or mindfulness, the real win is being able
Speaker 1: to look at a thought and say is it good
Speaker 1: for me?
Speaker 3: Or is it not helpful?
Speaker 1: Like you just said, I think that is the wisdom
Speaker 1: of it. That can I evaluate everything that's repetitive in
Speaker 1: my mind and ask myself is this useful? Is it helpful?
Speaker 1: Is it allowing me to move in the direction I want?
Speaker 1: Because chances are a lot of what we're saying is
Speaker 1: actually doing the complete opposite. And then you go, oh,
Speaker 1: wait a minute. Even though it's interesting and even though
Speaker 1: I could get lost in it, I don't want to
Speaker 1: waste time, and therefore I'll move in the other direction.
Speaker 1: You talk about procrastination in this book, and that, again
Speaker 1: going back to your earlier title, is a block against
Speaker 1: the psychology of action, and we all have a friend
Speaker 1: or maybe we are that friend that constantly puts things off.
Speaker 1: We postpone, we procrastinate, We say I'll do it another year.
Speaker 1: I want to launch a podcast. Someone's been saying that
Speaker 1: for two years. There's someone listening right now who wants
Speaker 1: to start on Instagram page. They put it off for
Speaker 1: six months. There's someone listening who's like, oh, I missed
Speaker 1: out in the clubhouse thing, and then I missed out
Speaker 1: on the TikTok thing, and now I'm missing out on
Speaker 1: whatever the next thing is. And we procrastinate, hoping that
Speaker 1: one day will come. What have you learned about procrastination
Speaker 1: through your research when you were writing the book that
Speaker 1: has helped people break that cycle? Because it seems to
Speaker 1: apply to so many of our lives.
Speaker 2: I mean, the thing about it is this, if I've
Speaker 2: always I always like to be like very extreme in
Speaker 2: examples because we can go extreme that it makes a
Speaker 2: lot of sense. But I always tell people like and
Speaker 2: I always say it like, hey, I've given this. When
Speaker 2: I used to give a lot of speeches, I would
Speaker 2: be in front of people and say, hey, what's the
Speaker 2: chance of you making a million dollars this year? Give me?
Speaker 2: Give me numbers, and everyone's like zero percent, zero percent,
Speaker 2: zero percent, one percent, there's always one percent, like five
Speaker 2: and that's like the most it'll get to. And I said, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give you the most extreme example, but I
Speaker 2: just want to see what happens. Okay, what's the percentage
Speaker 2: chance of you making a million dollars this year legally?
Speaker 2: And if you don't, everyone that you love dies. And
Speaker 2: everyone's like one hundred percent, one thousand, one thousand percent.
Speaker 2: I said, what changed? The goal? Didn't change, the timeframe,
Speaker 2: didn't change. Why you're doing it changed. Would you wake
Speaker 2: up in the morning if everyone that you loves life
Speaker 2: depended on it and be like, yeah, well maybe I
Speaker 2: should scroll on TikTok for a little while. No, you'd
Speaker 2: be like, I'm going to take action immediately. And so
Speaker 2: it doesn't need to be like a fear of losing everybody.
Speaker 2: But what's really behind that is like why, like why
Speaker 2: they're they're doing it? Like if I have a reflection
Speaker 2: of anyone who doesn't know Jay, like you're one of
Speaker 2: the hardest working people I've ever met, but you have
Speaker 2: a really strong why, right, And that's like one of
Speaker 2: the best parts about it. Where it's like when I
Speaker 2: see jam like this guy has he has this internal
Speaker 2: feeling of like I want to change the world, and
Speaker 2: you work so hard trying to do it. And that's
Speaker 2: one of the most beautiful things about you, is like
Speaker 2: you're wanting to change the world and you have a
Speaker 2: really strong why to it. And I think that if
Speaker 2: most people could figure out, like, oh, yeah, well I
Speaker 2: want to do this thing, why do you want to
Speaker 2: do it? And my very first one on one coach
Speaker 2: used to say to me, he would say, what's your why?
Speaker 2: What's your why? Why are you doing this? Why are
Speaker 2: you doing this? Even like hammer it home in my
Speaker 2: head and I was like, why you asked this so much?
Speaker 2: And he would always say, because if your why is
Speaker 2: strong enough, your how will reveal itself. If you know
Speaker 2: why you want to do something, how it's going to
Speaker 2: be done, you'll figure out it doesn't matter. Things are
Speaker 2: going to get in your way. There's going to be obstacles.
Speaker 2: There's always gonna be obstacles, there's always going to be challenge,
Speaker 2: there's always going to be moments of like I don't
Speaker 2: know if I can do this, But if your why
Speaker 2: is so strong, it's like I don't care what comes
Speaker 2: up in front of me. I'm going to get it done.
Speaker 2: Like most people, they want to be motivated. And I
Speaker 2: have come to hate the word motivation because motivation is
Speaker 2: so fleeting, like we can wake up and we can
Speaker 2: listen to a podcast where we can get you know,
Speaker 2: read something and be motivated, and then something can happen
Speaker 2: to us and it's gone, which just disappears. What I
Speaker 2: want to be is I want to be driven. Like
Speaker 2: when you see a driven person, like you see it
Speaker 2: in their eyes, like yeah, they're not stopping. And the
Speaker 2: difference between a motivated person a driven person is that
Speaker 2: a driven person has this why that they want to
Speaker 2: see have happened in the world or in their life
Speaker 2: or for their family. And so I think if people
Speaker 2: are like I want to accomplish this goal, the very
Speaker 2: next question is why, and then go why why? Why why?
Speaker 2: And go deeper into it. An example I'd give him
Speaker 2: the book is I had a coaching client years ago,
Speaker 2: like eight nine years ago, and he was like, Rob,
Speaker 2: I want to make one hundred thousand dollars this year.
Speaker 2: I've never made it, And I was like why, And
Speaker 2: I took him through what's called seven levels of why,
Speaker 2: just keep asking why, why?
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 2: And it went from I want to make a hundred
Speaker 2: thousand dollars a year because I've never done it before
Speaker 2: to the eventual thing was he had just got into
Speaker 2: a divorce a couple of years ago. Both of his
Speaker 2: young children lived in a bad part of town with
Speaker 2: his ex wife. He wanted to regain custody because he
Speaker 2: was afraid that both of his children would be killed
Speaker 2: in a drive by and he was so terrified of
Speaker 2: it that that was his actual true why, And so
Speaker 2: it wasn't the motivation. I didn't have to talk to
Speaker 2: him say hey, you know how close you'd make a
Speaker 2: one hundred thousand dollars this year? I said, hey, how
Speaker 2: close are you to provided more safety for your children
Speaker 2: this year? Because he wanted them to move in with him.
Speaker 2: He wanted to be able to provide for them and
Speaker 2: to make sure that they were safe. And so I
Speaker 2: think that if we just ask ourselves, why do I
Speaker 2: truly want to accomplish this goal, it kind of reveals
Speaker 2: itself and it makes it a lot easier to take
Speaker 2: the action.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, I mean I you know, and I
Speaker 1: appreciate all the kind words but I can definitely say
Speaker 1: the only thing that's kept me going is my why,
Speaker 1: because I think there are so many things that either
Speaker 1: make you want to give up or slow down, or
Speaker 1: become lazy or complacent. And when I look at it,
Speaker 1: and someone asked me this, I was sitting with another
Speaker 1: creator end of last year and he was just like
Speaker 1: to me, Jay, why do you even do anything anymore?
Speaker 1: Like what's the point? Like it seems like you're good,
Speaker 1: Like why do you need to do anything? And I
Speaker 1: was like, We've just got to the start of Like
Speaker 1: I just got to the beginning of where I need
Speaker 1: to be. I was like, we've just got to a
Speaker 1: point where we can connect with lots of people, but
Speaker 1: we need to give people the step by step process
Speaker 1: to transform their life. And now we can take them
Speaker 1: on the journey because people are listening, they're engaged. We
Speaker 1: have a community, we have a connection with people. But
Speaker 1: when I started out, we didn't have any of that.
Speaker 1: So I see it as we got to the start
Speaker 1: of where I want to be because and it was
Speaker 1: just interesting to me that so many people struggle to
Speaker 1: find their why, and I think it's because we don't
Speaker 1: no one's and you just said, your coach helped you
Speaker 1: do it. It was the same with me my art teacher
Speaker 1: at from age eleven to age eighteen. He was my
Speaker 1: art teacher at school, and every time i'd paint something,
Speaker 1: or draw something, or do a collage or graphic design
Speaker 1: and whatever i'd do, the first question he'd ask me
Speaker 1: is why did you do it? And I'd be like,
Speaker 1: because my initial response because it looks good like that,
Speaker 1: you know, I was a kid, what do I know?
Speaker 3: And he'd be like.
Speaker 1: Every year he'd be like, why did you do it?
Speaker 1: And I'd be like, oh, because this color matches with
Speaker 1: this color. And they'd be like, why do you do it?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, because it reveals the metaphor that
Speaker 1: I think this is about. And then he'd be like,
Speaker 1: why did you do it? And I'm like, because that's
Speaker 1: how I'm feeling right now, I'm trying to And every
Speaker 1: year it would ask me it would reveal more and
Speaker 1: more layers of my psyche in a similar way. And again,
Speaker 1: I've owed it to someone in my life who pushed
Speaker 1: me to ask the question why, same as you, and
Speaker 1: so I think what we're both saying is please ask
Speaker 1: that question to yourself. But what if someone asked that
Speaker 1: question and they feel stuck and they kind of go,
Speaker 1: I've asked it, but it's kind of just like just
Speaker 1: want a nice house. That could just want a nice car,
Speaker 1: or just I just kind of want to you know,
Speaker 1: like it's not that deep. And I think you're right,
Speaker 1: like you said, we don't have a lot of primal fears.
Speaker 1: Like some people are listening right now will have fears
Speaker 1: of survival and that is driving them and they are
Speaker 1: working hard and they are pushing and at the same time,
Speaker 1: but people who are like driven, but they're like, I'm
Speaker 1: not driven enough because I haven't got anything to be
Speaker 1: that scared about it, right, or that worried about what?
Speaker 1: How do that person discover their work?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think for me, it's like my life was
Speaker 2: never terrible or you know, like when I when I
Speaker 2: started the Yeah, when I started the podcast the mindset
Speaker 2: mentor like I was at a point in my life
Speaker 2: where I was making a whole bunch of money and
Speaker 2: I was twenty seven years old, and I was making
Speaker 2: two hundred and fifty grand a year, and I was
Speaker 2: working from home and everything was great, but I felt
Speaker 2: like I was slowly withering away. And I could see
Speaker 2: what the future was going to be while I was there,
Speaker 2: and I said, oh, okay, if I do this for
Speaker 2: another five years and I'm thirty two years old and
Speaker 2: I'm still doing this, or I have my manager's job,
Speaker 2: is that going to fulfill me? And it actually gave
Speaker 2: me more anxiety to think about having my manager's job.
Speaker 2: And then I sat there and I thought, Okay, well,
Speaker 2: like I really want to do this podcasting thing. It
Speaker 2: seems to be going pretty well. I want to coach people.
Speaker 2: I want to help people. And I also at the
Speaker 2: same time, was like starting an Amazon business and trying
Speaker 2: to make money online and do that. And so I
Speaker 2: thought about it and I asked myself, Okay, if I
Speaker 2: fast forward five years from today, do I want to
Speaker 2: be the person that's in sales management like I'm doing
Speaker 2: now and consulting. Do I want to be the guy
Speaker 2: that's selling stuff on Amazon and you know, incredible Amazon
Speaker 2: business person. Or do I want to be the guy
Speaker 2: that's coaching people and helping people change their lives. And
Speaker 2: the immediate answer was very clear, coaching people and changing
Speaker 2: their lives. And I was like, Okay, well, that feels
Speaker 2: like it's the path and then immediately comes up is
Speaker 2: all kinds of fear because I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2: Like back in the day twenty fifteen, nobody made any
Speaker 2: money in podcasts. I didn't have any idea of how
Speaker 2: to grow a business any of that type of stuff.
Speaker 2: But what was important to me was number one, when
Speaker 2: I fast forwarded into the future, the futures that I
Speaker 2: didn't want seemed way more painful than trying the unknown
Speaker 2: and what could be if I did take the path,
Speaker 2: And so that was that became more of a fear,
Speaker 2: like the fear of judgment, the fear of putting myself
Speaker 2: out there are the people's opinions. It was there, it's
Speaker 2: still there, and I don't know if you ever get
Speaker 2: past it, but you just kind of get more used
Speaker 2: to it. But the fear of being in the exact
Speaker 2: same position, working the same job, maybe making a little
Speaker 2: bit more money doing this for every day until the
Speaker 2: day I die, was terrified. That that was a fear,
Speaker 2: and I was like, well, then this path of the
Speaker 2: unknown isn't as scary, and so I might as well
Speaker 2: take this path of the unknown and I'll be fully transparent.
Speaker 2: There was I shared this on like one other time.
Speaker 2: I think there was a moment in twenty fifteen where
Speaker 2: I started the podcast. In August of twenty fifteen. November
Speaker 2: of twenty fifteen, I was feeling like a whole lot
Speaker 2: of fear, and I was like, I might have to
Speaker 2: go back and work for someone else again. And it
Speaker 2: was just fear was so in my head, and I
Speaker 2: was like, I gotta go back to making money. I
Speaker 2: got a new house, I got a mortgage. I don't
Speaker 2: know how'm gonna do this. I'm not making any money
Speaker 2: doing this. My sister came out to me, and I believe,
Speaker 2: you know, if you're silent, the messages are always there.
Speaker 2: If you're looking the message, you're always there. And my sister,
Speaker 2: I was at her house and she goes, hey, have
Speaker 2: you ever seen this box the dad's stuff? And I
Speaker 2: was like no, and she brought up my father was
Speaker 2: an alcoholic. He passed away and I was fifteen from
Speaker 2: his alcoholism. And she brought out this box and it
Speaker 2: was like his glasses, there's a t shirt of his,
Speaker 2: it was his watch, and the other things were a
Speaker 2: bunch of letters. My dad was in jail for a
Speaker 2: little while for multiple DUIs and they put him in jail,
Speaker 2: and he would write letters to us. And he wrote
Speaker 2: a letter to my sister on her nineteenth birthday and
Speaker 2: I was reading this, you know, twenty fifteen, so he
Speaker 2: would have wrote it to in nineteen ninety nine. And
Speaker 2: the very last line was I hope you live your
Speaker 2: life with courage, love and laughter. And I read it
Speaker 2: and it was like the universe warped. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: he wrote this for me. Like there was a moment
Speaker 2: where I was like, he wrote this to my sister,
Speaker 2: but the universe is giving this sussage through my dad
Speaker 2: because I need to hear this right now because I'm
Speaker 2: in so much fear. And the very first line is courage.
Speaker 2: Live your life with courage, love and laughter. And I
Speaker 2: was like, I got to commit, Like this has to
Speaker 2: be the thing. I've got to make a decision. And
Speaker 2: when you look at the root word of decision, it's dicaderia,
Speaker 2: which means to cut off. I'm going to cut off
Speaker 2: all other options.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I'd heard like Will Smith say there's no reason to
Speaker 2: have Plan B because it distracts from Plan A, Like
Speaker 2: it's got to be the thing, and I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I got to commit to this thing.
Speaker 2: I can't have any more feelings of like I'm going
Speaker 2: to go back to working for someone else. Like this
Speaker 2: is my life path. I'm either going to succeed it
Speaker 2: and I'm going to die trying. And I was like
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: going to get this tattooed to my arm, so I
Speaker 2: literally have you live your life with courage, love and
Speaker 2: laughter tattooed to my my very first tattoo I ever got.
Speaker 2: But it was like for me, people always think like
Speaker 2: when you make a decision, the fear disappears, like I
Speaker 2: wish that I could do these things, but it's like
Speaker 2: it's always there, but you've got to learn that, Like
Speaker 2: the fear is always going to be there. But my
Speaker 2: big fear is getting to end my life and having
Speaker 2: not done this, having not tried to help people, you know,
Speaker 2: like being in the room with my father after he
Speaker 2: passed away when I was fifteen years old and realizing,
Speaker 2: because he was the first person I ever met the
Speaker 2: past away, I'm going to be there one day. And
Speaker 2: I saw it. I was like, oh, yeah, that's I'm
Speaker 2: gonna He was a dreamer and he was an amazing person,
Speaker 2: but he didn't do what he wanted to do. I
Speaker 2: am not going to live that life. I'm going to
Speaker 2: create what I want to create. And now I have
Speaker 2: all of the other fears that everyone else has, but
Speaker 2: my biggest fear is getting to end my life and
Speaker 2: not having tried or not having at least gone for it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's I love hearing that.
Speaker 1: And you've reminded me of a great speech that Jim
Speaker 1: Carrey gave funnily enough, and he talked about how his dad.
Speaker 1: I believe his dad and I could be getting this wrong,
Speaker 1: but he said that his dad was an accountant and
Speaker 1: he did that to be safe, and he said that
Speaker 1: when he was young, his dad got made redundant from
Speaker 1: his safe job. Right, Jim Carrey said that in life,
Speaker 1: you are probably going to fail at something you don't love,
Speaker 1: so you might as well try something you do love,
Speaker 1: like this idea that I'm choosing the safe option, or
Speaker 1: I'm choosing something that my parents taught my family wanted,
Speaker 1: or I'm choosing something I think is secure even that's
Speaker 1: unstable and uncertain, and so the uncertainty that you pursue
Speaker 1: actually is less fearful because you're on top of it,
Speaker 1: you're aware. And I think that's one of the biggest
Speaker 1: habits that I think is changed my life is that
Speaker 1: I stopped believing and accepting that I would get to
Speaker 1: a place where I no longer had to use my brain.
Speaker 1: Right Like I think we all believe subconsciously somewhere that
Speaker 1: there's a paycheck, there's a bank balance, there's a home,
Speaker 1: there's a fashion, there's a partner. That means from that
Speaker 1: point on, I don't have to think about anything because
Speaker 1: it's all good. And I'd say my best habit in
Speaker 1: life is recognizing that that is the biggest myth that
Speaker 1: we've been sold and I just don't accept it. And
Speaker 1: I'm okay that my life requires constant work, ethic and
Speaker 1: effort and awareness and being astute and being conscious because
Speaker 1: that is what's actually being demanded by this world. A
Speaker 1: uncertain world forces you to be conscious. But if you're
Speaker 1: unconscious in an uncertain world, that's leading to a really
Speaker 1: dangerous place.
Speaker 3: Sure, but I think.
Speaker 1: We're waiting for that moment where we can just not
Speaker 1: be conscious because it's so much hard work. But to
Speaker 1: your point, it's way hard at work being unconscious because
Speaker 1: the amount of unconscious issues that arise are numerous.
Speaker 2: I think there's like a lot of wisdom in what
Speaker 2: you said, because a lot of people would rather just
Speaker 2: be like, well, let me get to this destination once
Speaker 2: and there everything becomes better.
Speaker 3: Andy, I want that too, I do too right.
Speaker 2: And I thought that for a long time. And it's
Speaker 2: interesting the journey that I've had is, you know, I
Speaker 2: always want to make money because I thought money was
Speaker 2: going to give me what I needed. It would give
Speaker 2: me that safety and security that I never felt as
Speaker 2: a child. And then I got to a goal that
Speaker 2: I wanted to get to, and I realized, I feel
Speaker 2: exactly the same as I've always felt. I don't feel
Speaker 2: any different. I don't feel any more secure, I don't
Speaker 2: feel any happy, I don't feel any more loved. And
Speaker 2: what I realized was I thought that the achievement, the
Speaker 2: recognition from other people, the money in my bank account,
Speaker 2: the buying cool stuff would fill what I actually thought
Speaker 2: was and consciously now know is I thought that all
Speaker 2: of those things would fill a void that was inside
Speaker 2: of me. And what I realized is what I was
Speaker 2: searching for from the external world is actually what I
Speaker 2: was searching for for myself. And so the reason why
Speaker 2: I spend so much time in silence nowadays, I'll just
Speaker 2: go out of my porch and I'll just sit there
Speaker 2: for a couple hours is because I'm trying to fill
Speaker 2: the void that I have created through life and through patterns,
Speaker 2: and through heartbreaks and through all of the things that
Speaker 2: happened in my childhood. And I'm trying to be there
Speaker 2: as the thirty eight year old man for the nine
Speaker 2: year old boy that's still healing. And what I've realized
Speaker 2: is that none of the material things, anything externally, will
Speaker 2: ever give me what I was ever searching for. Everything
Speaker 2: I've always searched for in the external was what I've
Speaker 2: been searching for for myself. And so I don't one
Speaker 2: hundred percent agree with you. I don't think there's any
Speaker 2: destination we ever get to. I think I'm constantly going
Speaker 2: to overcome more things every single day. And you know,
Speaker 2: if I lived to one hundred, I would be so
Speaker 2: lucky in another sixty two more years. I don't expect
Speaker 2: that I'm going to get to the end of my
Speaker 2: life and be like I figured it out. I think
Speaker 2: the beautiful thing part about it is I think that
Speaker 2: I was given this need for achievement to realize that
Speaker 2: it doesn't change anything because the path of wanting to
Speaker 2: achieve and doing it through business and doing it through
Speaker 2: growing and all that stuff has actually lit up inside
Speaker 2: of me a spiritual journey that wouldn't have been there
Speaker 2: had I not wanted to go for those things.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, I heard this.
Speaker 1: You're reminded me of this story that's told about Benjamin Franklin.
Speaker 1: And Benjamin Franklin had thirteen virtues and these were all
Speaker 1: qualities that he aspired to develop in his life. Simplicity, authenticity, patience,
Speaker 1: things like that. And when he was on his deathbed,
Speaker 1: they asked him which one he didn't accomplish and he
Speaker 1: said it was the thirteenth one and they said what
Speaker 1: was that?
Speaker 3: And he said humility.
Speaker 1: And I love that because I think what you're saying
Speaker 1: is humility doesn't mean you're meek or weak. It means
Speaker 1: I'm able to accept there's always more to learn. I
Speaker 1: don't know everything, and it's okay. I'm going to give
Speaker 1: myself grace for it too. It isn't a feeling of
Speaker 1: I'm useless because I don't know. It's actually, I'll become
Speaker 1: more useful if I recognize there are things that I
Speaker 1: still have to learn. And when I'm listening to you
Speaker 1: about your spiritual journey and that's silence, I'm intrigued by
Speaker 1: that walk us through how you fill that void almost
Speaker 1: practice wise, because I identify with that fully. And it's
Speaker 1: funny because we always talked about how our lives were
Speaker 1: kind of opposite because when I met you, I'd kind
Speaker 1: of gone down this deep spiritual pause but had no money,
Speaker 1: and you were in the other boat where you you
Speaker 1: had sustained yourself financially and create a really good stable
Speaker 1: place for yourself, but you were seeking spiritually, and so
Speaker 1: we were kind of at right. We had that conversation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and let's talk about that too. But I'm intrigued as
Speaker 1: to how does that a couple of hours or whatever,
Speaker 1: that time on your porch.
Speaker 3: Like, how do you do that for people?
Speaker 1: Because I think we like the sound of that, but
Speaker 1: then we get distracted by the next thing.
Speaker 2: What I've come to find and I can speak within
Speaker 2: myself and just what I've seen from other people, but
Speaker 2: what I've seen within myself is that I've learned a
Speaker 2: lot of lessons from my dad, most of them after
Speaker 2: his death. And me processing things. My father was the
Speaker 2: way that he was, and he became an alcoholic because
Speaker 2: he had things in his past that he hadn't worked through.
Speaker 2: And the thing that he hadn't worked through is when
Speaker 2: he was twelve years old, my father heard a gunshot.
Speaker 2: He walked into the room and his dad had just
Speaker 2: shot himself in the mouth of the shotgun. And so
Speaker 2: my dad grew up in rural Tennessee. This is nineteen
Speaker 2: you know, sixties when this happened. Nineteen seeah, nineteen sixties.
Speaker 2: When this happened, there wasn't a whole lot for him
Speaker 2: to understand it. There weren't podcasts, there weren't books to
Speaker 2: read like we have nowadays. And so I always consciously
Speaker 2: knew that what was happening was that he had not
Speaker 2: healed his pain. And Gabormante says, don't ask why the trauma,
Speaker 2: asked why the pain. And when I first heard Gaborimate,
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, someone's finally saying what
Speaker 2: I always thought with my father. And so you know,
Speaker 2: we can look at him and say, oh, yeah, he's
Speaker 2: an alcoholic and he didn't overcome as trauma. The trauma
Speaker 2: the way it came up in my life is I
Speaker 2: became a workaholic, and so I didn't. You know, sometimes
Speaker 2: we could see someone and say, oh, they drink too
Speaker 2: much alcohol, they do too much drugs, they eat too
Speaker 2: much food. They and we can say, oh, yeah, that's
Speaker 2: their their addiction. The problem in the hard thing in
Speaker 2: our society is that my addiction of workaholic is rewarded
Speaker 2: and people look up to it and they're like, you're
Speaker 2: doing so great, You're making so much money. All of
Speaker 2: this is so good. And what I came to find
Speaker 2: is that my workaholism was just basically me trying to
Speaker 2: not feel my feelings and to not work through and
Speaker 2: process those things. You know, like scrolling on social media
Speaker 2: could be that way for somebody. It could be some
Speaker 2: people are addicted to working out, some people are addicted to,
Speaker 2: you know, watching TV, and there's so many some people
Speaker 2: addicted to shopping. There's so many different addictions that we have.
Speaker 2: And what I found is that the hardest thing for
Speaker 2: me was to stop and to just not have to.
Speaker 2: I was always trying to fill every single moment of
Speaker 2: my day. I always try to be so busy. When
Speaker 2: I didn't have something to do, I'd find something to
Speaker 2: do with my business. Businesses, you can always work all
Speaker 2: day every day. And so what I've tried to do
Speaker 2: and I've built in my business is a lot of
Speaker 2: systems and processes through my VP of Operations has really
Speaker 2: helped me with this a ton to be able to
Speaker 2: take a lot of stuff off my plate so that
Speaker 2: I have more time to just be. It's my personal
Speaker 2: belief that I think that God, the universe, life, whatever
Speaker 2: it is, speaks in silence, and so if I want
Speaker 2: those messages, I need to be silent. What I found
Speaker 2: for myself is when I would be silent, a lot
Speaker 2: of anxiety would come up, and I'll you gotta go
Speaker 2: to the next thing. You gotta go the next thing.
Speaker 2: This is stupid, you should be doing something else. And
Speaker 2: then I just realized that what I was trying to
Speaker 2: do is achieve to fill a void. But I could
Speaker 2: sit here and There's been moments where I'll sit on
Speaker 2: my porch and I'll literally just start crying, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: sometimes it's gratitude. Oh my God, I can't believe I've
Speaker 2: been given this life. I can't believe I've had these challenges.
Speaker 2: I can't believe that I've had this come up, but
Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for every single aspect of it. And
Speaker 2: sometimes i just sit there and tear it up and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know what this is, but this
Speaker 2: is something my body's releasing, and I need to be
Speaker 2: okay with this releasing process. You know. There's a really
Speaker 2: interesting thing that that people could look at. There's two
Speaker 2: videos that are really interesting on YouTube. One of them
Speaker 2: is called polar Bear Trauma, where they show a video
Speaker 2: of a polar there and they shoot it with a
Speaker 2: tranquilizer gun from a helicopter, chase it down the helicopter,
Speaker 2: really heightened experience. They shoot it with a traninkloves a gun,
Speaker 2: so it's still awake, but it's not, you know, completely out,
Speaker 2: and it starts having a convulsion, starts seizuring, and eventually
Speaker 2: after its seizure is it's what it's doing is it's
Speaker 2: releasing all of the cortisol, all of the adrenaline from
Speaker 2: its body so that there's no trauma that comes with it.
Speaker 2: And so then it goes after it's shaken for a while,
Speaker 2: it takes a really deep breath and it just kind
Speaker 2: of calms down. Almost identical video of a impaula that
Speaker 2: gets attacked by a jaguar, and the jaguar gets scared off,
Speaker 2: it starts to convulse, It takes a deep breath, and
Speaker 2: then it moves it. And we're taught in our lives
Speaker 2: at some point in time not to remove this and
Speaker 2: to work through these traumas and these feelings. I think
Speaker 2: children naturally do it through like temper tantrums. They move it,
Speaker 2: and sometimes as adults we either need to have like
Speaker 2: an adult temper tantrum in safety where you just take
Speaker 2: a pillow and you can be angry, you could be mad,
Speaker 2: you can just scream, you can cuss, you can smash
Speaker 2: it against the bed, whatever it is in safety by
Speaker 2: yourself without other people around, so you don't scare as well.
Speaker 2: And then sometimes it's also just like sitting there in
Speaker 2: silence and realizing that what is coming is going. It's
Speaker 2: like when you squeeze an orange, what's inside of it
Speaker 2: orange juice, because that's what's in it. Right when you
Speaker 2: sit there and you put pressure on yourself or you
Speaker 2: give yourself space, what's coming out is ask you what's inside,
Speaker 2: and your body's natural intelligence is trying to let go
Speaker 2: of it. And so for me. That's what I found
Speaker 2: is that there's some moments where I'm just like incredibly grateful,
Speaker 2: or some moments roun by doing nothing, Jay, I get
Speaker 2: so much anxiety and I'm like, what is this why?
Speaker 2: And instead of running from it, I get curious, and
Speaker 2: I think if we could just get more curious. Like
Speaker 2: I've been reading a whole lot of Christian Murty recently.
Speaker 2: I love Christian Murty, and one says. One thing he
Speaker 2: says is don't know yourself because knowing is based in
Speaker 2: the past, and past is based off of memories. Start
Speaker 2: learning yourself, which is in the present moment. So be
Speaker 2: present and be like, what comes up? How can I
Speaker 2: be curious about this anxious feeling or these tears or
Speaker 2: whatever it is, and just be be in the space
Speaker 2: to just know yourself or get to know yourself a
Speaker 2: little bit better.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so great.
Speaker 1: I mean talking about that, that goes to me back
Speaker 1: to what we were talking about the start of it.
Speaker 1: You were saying, how this idea of well, what if
Speaker 1: the worst thing happens, what if the best thing happens?
Speaker 1: And we're talking about this idea of Jim Carrey, and
Speaker 1: you were saying that there's this experience of well, I
Speaker 1: lost who Jim Carrey was. And what we've both talked
Speaker 1: about is we are so much of what our thoughts are,
Speaker 1: and if if you change the thoughts completely, you're almost
Speaker 1: a completely different humor. Sure, so then who are we?
Speaker 1: Right comes back to this know thyself asus learning thyself? Like,
Speaker 1: what has that spiritual journey taken you on to understanding identity?
Speaker 2: I mean, God, yeay, that's that. I'm just I am
Speaker 2: just a soul that chose this life. And one of
Speaker 2: the things that I like to do is I like
Speaker 2: to think that I chose this life in that immediately
Speaker 2: takes me from being a victim in my life. Oh
Speaker 2: what was me? My father was this way, he did
Speaker 2: this to me, did this to me, and my teachers
Speaker 2: acted this way versus me going like, I think my
Speaker 2: soul chose this life because this is whatever is needed
Speaker 2: for this path that it's on for, you know, whether
Speaker 2: it's reincarnation or whether it's heaven or hell or whatever
Speaker 2: it comes after this, I don't know, but I do know,
Speaker 2: like right now I do have this life as Rob dile,
Speaker 2: and as I get older, the thing I realized that
Speaker 2: my body changes I'm not as fast as I used
Speaker 2: to be. I'm a lot more sore than I used
Speaker 2: to be. Like my body's changing, but my soul is
Speaker 2: this thing that is just always there. And so the
Speaker 2: thing that I've that I've come to realize is that
Speaker 2: I want to I don't know if it's going to
Speaker 2: sound weird, like I want to unattach myself from this body,
Speaker 2: from everything around me, and I want to try to
Speaker 2: connect back to what's internally inside of me. And the
Speaker 2: one thing that I find is that that never changes,
Speaker 2: like that there's like a truth that's behind that, and
Speaker 2: truth is a thing that never changes. If something changes,
Speaker 2: or if something could be questioned, it's not true. But
Speaker 2: there's this feeling that feels like truth inside of me
Speaker 2: at least. And everybody has their own truth, but for me,
Speaker 2: my truth is there's something that's behind all of it.
Speaker 2: And the more that I connect to it, the more
Speaker 2: peace that I have. Like I listen to a lot
Speaker 2: of Ramdas, and one of the things that he said
Speaker 2: I was listening to him on the drive over here
Speaker 2: and I listen to his meditation every day is the
Speaker 2: only work that you have to do is the connection
Speaker 2: to your own heart, and so I'm always constantly thinking
Speaker 2: what's in the way of my own heart, what material possessions,
Speaker 2: what things that I want to get her in the
Speaker 2: way of that. And the reason why I think that
Speaker 2: it helps is number one. I've had so much more
Speaker 2: peace from trying to connect to that. And my relationship
Speaker 2: with my wife has been so much better because of it.
Speaker 2: Because I'm not blocking her from letting her in, she's
Speaker 2: experiencing me fully, she starts to be able to open
Speaker 2: up even more in different ways, I'd be able to
Speaker 2: experience her more fully. And so for me, it's just
Speaker 2: like connecting to the thing that's behind it that feels
Speaker 2: like the only thing that's true. Now. Mind you, if
Speaker 2: Rob fifteen years ago had heard this, he would be like,
Speaker 2: what the hell is that guy talking about? It would
Speaker 2: make no sense. But on this journey, I've just kind
Speaker 2: of realized that there's something behind it all, and I
Speaker 2: want to try to connect to that something behind it
Speaker 2: all and see what it is. And so for me,
Speaker 2: it's like I like to use myself as a guinea pig.
Speaker 2: Everything I teach in the Mindset Mentor and the podcast
Speaker 2: is all stuff that I'm trying within myself, and I
Speaker 2: use it as almost my own therapy sessions where I'm
Speaker 2: talking to everybody, but I'm talking to myself. I'm reminding
Speaker 2: myself of all these things. And what I realized is
Speaker 2: I realized that after fifteen nineteen years of personal development,
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, personal development's like this cup right here,
Speaker 2: and I feel like my cup in person ELM was overflowing.
Speaker 2: And then I found spiritual development and I realized, oh
Speaker 2: my god, it's a lot bigger cub and it's not
Speaker 2: even close to being full, Like it's a bucket and
Speaker 2: it needs It's my next thing that I'm working on.
Speaker 2: So for me, it's like the mindset, the working through,
Speaker 2: like I'm constantly working on those and trying to get better.
Speaker 2: But for me, it's like I want to connect to
Speaker 2: myself and see what else is in there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 1: I mean, you made me remember a CS Lewis statement
Speaker 1: that says you don't have a soul, you are the
Speaker 1: soul and you have a body. Yeah, And I remember
Speaker 1: I used to have that written on a little post
Speaker 1: it note and I used to just look at it
Speaker 1: every day first thing in the morning because I was
Speaker 1: thinking about this concept of identity that the first thing
Speaker 1: ninety nine percent of us do when we wake up,
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning is we look in the mirror.
Speaker 3: Usually we say.
Speaker 1: Something like, oh I look tired or don't like that spot,
Speaker 1: or God, I put on way.
Speaker 3: God, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Right now, all of a sudden, we're already in the
Speaker 1: bodily concept of life, this bodily consciousness, and now you
Speaker 1: live your whole day thinking about the body. Whereas the
Speaker 1: body need the body needs food, et cetera, and so
Speaker 1: and that's natural, Like, that's not unnatural, that's normal.
Speaker 3: Like I do that too.
Speaker 1: But then you're saying that at the same time, you've
Speaker 1: got a nurture and nourish and connect with this deeper sense.
Speaker 1: How do you balance the two in a real world
Speaker 1: where you have responsibilities, you have bills, you have things
Speaker 1: to do that are connected to the body. But then
Speaker 1: at the same time, we're like, but you're not this body,
Speaker 1: So how do you balance how do you make sense
Speaker 1: of these two seemingly opposite pursuits.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I'm the thing that that I think
Speaker 2: I would have thought five or ten years ago, was
Speaker 2: that the more that I get into spiritual goverment. The
Speaker 2: less motivated I'll become with the most the less I
Speaker 2: will want to achieve. That hasn't gone away any sort
Speaker 2: of way. But what I have found is that I
Speaker 2: achieve through a place of it's more like I'm not
Speaker 2: white knuckling my way through life anymore. I'm not I
Speaker 2: can take action and not be so wrapped up in
Speaker 2: my fears and my limiting beliefs, and so it's not
Speaker 2: like I'm in the world and of the world at
Speaker 2: the same time, where it's like the soul is here
Speaker 2: and I get as I'm speaking to everything that I say.
Speaker 2: Is also something that I struggle with every single day.
Speaker 2: I have not met for this process. There'll be times
Speaker 2: where I find myself just so in the world and
Speaker 2: I'm just like stress, there's things happening. There's this business
Speaker 2: where there's all of this. You know, we've got employees,
Speaker 2: we're hiring people, there's stuff happening. And then I just
Speaker 2: take a step back and I'm like, it's just it's
Speaker 2: just like a kind of like a game, like take
Speaker 2: a second, like that's it's all real. I'm not saying
Speaker 2: that's it's not true. It's not reality. It's not in
Speaker 2: front of you, it's all there. But behind it all,
Speaker 2: if I can connect to like a deeper sense that's
Speaker 2: within me and in the soul that I feel is
Speaker 2: in there, I'm like, hey, man, chill out for a second.
Speaker 2: Like it's really not that big of a deal, right,
Speaker 2: most things you know, there are There are definitely some
Speaker 2: things that are big deals in people's lives, and there's deaths,
Speaker 2: and there's there's things that people have to you know,
Speaker 2: be in control of and be able to pay bills
Speaker 2: and all that stuff. All those are real and they're
Speaker 2: definitely necessary. But behind it all, you're still there, and
Speaker 2: there's this thing that if I can take myself back
Speaker 2: and kind of like out of my own head and
Speaker 2: kind of into my heart, which has been a big
Speaker 2: journey for me because I was I'm so analytical and
Speaker 2: was never really taught like feelings and how to feel
Speaker 2: and process emotions. But if I can take myself out
Speaker 2: of my head and into my heart, what I've always
Speaker 2: found is that my head is always projecting itself into
Speaker 2: the future or sometimes projecting itself into the past. But
Speaker 2: most for me, like if I said, owt to meditate,
Speaker 2: sometimes it's like all of my to do list, all
Speaker 2: of the things that I have to do, and it's
Speaker 2: projecting itself into the future. So my brain is always
Speaker 2: somewhere else. My body it's always here. And so when
Speaker 2: I know as myself gets stressed, I knowice myself get anxious,
Speaker 2: I notice myself whatever feelings I might be feeling. If
Speaker 2: I can take a couple of deep breaths and kind
Speaker 2: of get back into my body, I'm like, it's not
Speaker 2: that bad. Like you'll fit you. You have overcome so
Speaker 2: many things in your life. You'll figure out a way
Speaker 2: to get through it. And so what I've found is
Speaker 2: that it's not that I don't take the action. It's
Speaker 2: not that I'm not wanting to achieve more and more
Speaker 2: things and be able to have more fun and more
Speaker 2: do all of this stuff in the external world. But
Speaker 2: when I find myself kind of take a step back
Speaker 2: and kind of be in my heart is it may
Speaker 2: makes it a lot easier. I'm not like white knuckling
Speaker 2: and forcing my way through life. It's almost like I'm
Speaker 2: allowing life to happen through me. And I don't know
Speaker 2: how it works, and I don't pretend to be smart enough,
Speaker 2: but things start happening around me that helped me in
Speaker 2: the process of getting to wherever it is that I
Speaker 2: actually want to truly go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's there's this really interesting thing in Eastern traditions.
Speaker 1: There's obviously this idea of oneness and that everything's one,
Speaker 1: and then there's this idea of duality, that there's this
Speaker 1: side and then there's this side. And one teaching that
Speaker 1: I've really connected with is this idea of simultaneously one
Speaker 1: and different, and it sounds complex, but it's actually not.
Speaker 1: It's this idea that this feels real and it can
Speaker 1: be real, and it is real, and at the same
Speaker 1: time there is a greater reality. So rather than this
Speaker 1: feeling of everything's one, everything's the same, or it's disconnected,
Speaker 1: there's real and fake, it's actually this idea that a
Speaker 1: lot of things are real, but they're not the full picture.
Speaker 1: So the idea that today in La it's like saying
Speaker 1: the weather is rainy and cloudy, but that's not the
Speaker 1: weather everywhere. So it's my current reality, but it's not
Speaker 1: reality across the whole world. And when you start looking
Speaker 1: at life in that way of there's this reality and
Speaker 1: then there's this bigger reality, I think that's that. Zoom out,
Speaker 1: that's that, Let me take a breath, that's that. Let
Speaker 1: me look at the inner world as well. And I
Speaker 1: think what it does is it gives you a certain grace,
Speaker 1: and it gives you a certain detachment disconnection, but also
Speaker 1: way recognition of the significance of what you do and
Speaker 1: the insignificance.
Speaker 3: Of both are so needed.
Speaker 1: Like I believe what I do is significant, and at
Speaker 1: the same time, it's totally insignificant.
Speaker 3: You won't.
Speaker 2: We won't be remembered in a thousand years.
Speaker 3: And it's so okay, but we take it so seriously.
Speaker 1: And if you only do one or the other, Like
Speaker 1: if I only see my life as extremely significant, everything's
Speaker 1: too high pressure. Oh my gosh, I would it would
Speaker 1: hurt me and it would cause me pain if I
Speaker 1: thought everything I did was of utmost significant and if
Speaker 1: I thought my life was insignificant. If I thought my
Speaker 1: life was irrelevant, that would be really bad for my
Speaker 1: self esteem. I do anything, I won't be able to function.
Speaker 1: And so I think it's really interesting because the more
Speaker 1: and more I'm learning, I'm like, I have to learn
Speaker 1: how to hold these two seemingly opposite things, but actually
Speaker 1: they're so connected and symbiotic, and they're so synchronous because
Speaker 1: they both have value. Going back to which thought has value,
Speaker 1: the collective thought of my life is significant and insignificant
Speaker 1: is the most helpful thought, because thinking I'm significant and
Speaker 1: insigniant were both unhelpful thoughts.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you actually just summarize perfectly what I
Speaker 2: feel like actually has been going through my head for years,
Speaker 2: which is what I do. I do believe is so important,
Speaker 2: and at the same time, I'm like, none of it matters, right,
Speaker 2: It's this weird duality free but it's so fering because
Speaker 2: it it takes so much pressure off where it just
Speaker 2: becomes like fun, Like it's how can I bring more
Speaker 2: fun into life? Like when did we lose the joy
Speaker 2: of life and the fun of life that we had
Speaker 2: as children? When was it programmed out of us? And
Speaker 2: how can I connect to that child and bring that
Speaker 2: spirit back in and be like, yeah, I'm going to
Speaker 2: do some amazing things in the world, but without it
Speaker 2: being stressful, with just with it being fun and with
Speaker 2: it being something that I can do in it and
Speaker 2: it effortlessly flows out of me, Like I believe that
Speaker 2: every single person is incredibly creative and we are creators
Speaker 2: at the actual core of us, and a lot of
Speaker 2: us have lost it, and I lost it for years,
Speaker 2: and so what I think is, how can I make
Speaker 2: the creativity flow out of me in some sort of
Speaker 2: way and just allow the space for it to happen.
Speaker 2: And one of the things that happens, and it's not
Speaker 2: necessarily my goal of it, but when I sit in silence,
Speaker 2: I get ideas that come through and I'm like, oh man,
Speaker 2: I don't know how I didn't see this, And that's
Speaker 2: where they all are. So it's like a lot of
Speaker 2: times we're trying to force things that happen. We're trying
Speaker 2: to force creative You're trying to force ideas. But sometimes
Speaker 2: when I get there, I'm like, oh man, yeah, this
Speaker 2: is the thing I've been searching for. And it's just
Speaker 2: I think every person just needs to give themselves just
Speaker 2: a little bit more space to not be on their phone,
Speaker 2: to not be constantly, you know, And a lot of
Speaker 2: people have children and their children are up. Can you
Speaker 2: wake up a little bit earlier and not be on
Speaker 2: your phone and just sit in silence and see what
Speaker 2: comes up? And I think that it's really important for
Speaker 2: people because what you'll notice is exactly what you're saying,
Speaker 2: which is what we do. Like this life is so important,
Speaker 2: but it is very insignificant, and that's okay, there's nothing
Speaker 2: wrong with that. Like I've I love watching videos on
Speaker 2: YouTube about how small the Earth is compared to the
Speaker 2: rest of the universe, and it stresses my wife out.
Speaker 2: She's like, I'm gonna have a panic attacker. Why do
Speaker 2: you watch this because I like to remind myself that
Speaker 2: even though it's all happening and I'm in it, none
Speaker 2: of it actually truly matters.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I think when I'm listening to you, there's
Speaker 1: this feeling that, you know, I feel like I agree
Speaker 1: with you. I think everyone is a creator. I do
Speaker 1: believe that creativity flows when we connect with that, but
Speaker 1: I think sometimes we feel so distracted from it, and
Speaker 1: it's so much easier to pull out our phone. It's
Speaker 1: so much easier to put on a show in the background,
Speaker 1: it's so much easier to do all of these it's
Speaker 1: so much easier to do all those things at the
Speaker 1: same time. Like now we're no longer ever with one person.
Speaker 1: We're with one person, we're both on our phones, and
Speaker 1: we're watching a show at the same time, and we've
Speaker 1: got our laptops doing work. So you've literally got three
Speaker 1: screens in front of you, five screens in total. And
Speaker 1: there's so much distraction, right we know that, How does
Speaker 1: a person possibly And I say this out of like
Speaker 1: compassion and empathy because it's like it requires so much
Speaker 1: from us because everything around us is built for distraction.
Speaker 1: The foods we're eating, the things we drink and consume,
Speaker 1: the stuff that's created around us, it's all to distract.
Speaker 1: So you're fighting like almost what feels to a lot
Speaker 1: of people like a losing battle.
Speaker 3: What do you do to get pick yourself back?
Speaker 2: I mean, what's more? What's more important than that? You know, Like,
Speaker 2: what's more important than connecting to your true self? To
Speaker 2: working on yourself? Like I why do I like, why
Speaker 2: am I so hardcore in mindset? Because I know how
Speaker 2: many people are so wrapped up in in their mindset
Speaker 2: and their thoughts and their beliefs and their patterns that
Speaker 2: they're stuck in. And what ultimately we all want, I
Speaker 2: think is freedom. And the way to get through to
Speaker 2: that freedom is to work on yourself, whatever that looks
Speaker 2: like for whatever stage someone is in you know, and
Speaker 2: I can have empathy for every person at every stage
Speaker 2: because I've been through so many stages of my process,
Speaker 2: and I think that it comes back to like why
Speaker 2: are you doing it? What do you want? If you're
Speaker 2: trying to disconnect from your phone? Why you know? Like
Speaker 2: for me, like I recently deleted Instagram from my phone.
Speaker 2: I did it last year for a month fell like,
Speaker 2: go was amazing. The book came out and I was like,
Speaker 2: I gotta get back on. I got to promote, I
Speaker 2: got to make sure things are good. I recently just
Speaker 2: deleted it again. And now everything that I post, everything
Speaker 2: flows through my team, So it's not like it's just gone,
Speaker 2: it's just now I just happened to flow. Everything flows
Speaker 2: through my team. Why did I do that, though, was
Speaker 2: because I don't want to live my life on that phone.
Speaker 2: And that one thing that I noticed is that Instagram
Speaker 2: was one of the things where I would pick it
Speaker 2: up and I would just somehow get to it, and
Speaker 2: I wasn't even thinking about getting to it, and I
Speaker 2: was like, my life is not this little tiny thing.
Speaker 2: My life is everything that's out here, and so why
Speaker 2: do I want to get Why did I delete it
Speaker 2: was because I actually want to be in everything. I
Speaker 2: want to be present with my wife when we have children.
Speaker 2: I want to be present with our children. I want
Speaker 2: to be the most present version of myself as I
Speaker 2: possibly can. And I can't imagine that I'll get to
Speaker 2: the end of my life, be one hundred years old
Speaker 2: and be like I wish I would have spent more
Speaker 2: time on Instagram. I wish I would spend more time
Speaker 2: watching Netflix, you know, and I've I've been addicted to
Speaker 2: all of those things. I'm not, you know, above any
Speaker 2: of this stuff. But I started looking at my off
Speaker 2: and saying like, is this helping me get to where
Speaker 2: I want to be in life? Is it creating more
Speaker 2: peace in my life? For me, it was creating way
Speaker 2: more stress. To was perpetuating these feelings that I'm trying
Speaker 2: to let go of, trying to work with. And so
Speaker 2: for me, I think what's important to people is like,
Speaker 2: if you want to make a change, why do you
Speaker 2: want to make the change? And for me, looking at
Speaker 2: a screen is not as important as actually physically being
Speaker 2: in front of my wife and giving her what she
Speaker 2: actually truly deserves. It's just one hundred percent of my
Speaker 2: attention because there's been times where I've not given her
Speaker 2: one hundred percent of my attention. And as we start
Speaker 2: to have kids and stuff, I don't want to be
Speaker 2: a distracted parent. I want to be with them. I'll
Speaker 2: never sit there and go, well, when my kids were kids,
Speaker 2: my kids were children, like I wish I would have
Speaker 2: spent more time on Instagram. I wlush to spend more
Speaker 2: time watching Netflix. I just think if for me, like
Speaker 2: the level of the place I met in my life is,
Speaker 2: I want to be as present as possible. Because I've
Speaker 2: worked for things that I've climbed ladders, I've gotten to
Speaker 2: different places. I've realized none of those things fulfilled me
Speaker 2: any sort of way. And this journey I've been on
Speaker 2: in the pasta you know, ten years, seven years ago,
Speaker 2: and we started talking about the bag, about Gita, and
Speaker 2: I started meditating a whole lot more and getting into is.
Speaker 2: I realized, oh, these things are bringing me peace. And
Speaker 2: the more peaceful I feel, the more that it becomes
Speaker 2: easy to actually achieve and create the stuff that I
Speaker 2: want to in life. And so for me, the presence
Speaker 2: in the piece at this point in my life, things
Speaker 2: might change. I don't know what it's going to be
Speaker 2: in five years are actually things that are the most
Speaker 2: important to me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so interesting.
Speaker 1: I think we feel like being anxious and being you know,
Speaker 1: kind of like busy and stuff will actually create the
Speaker 1: most effectiveness.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: But what you just said, this idea of if you
Speaker 1: start from a place of peace, and I think about that.
Speaker 1: I completely agree with that. If you walk into something
Speaker 1: with stillness, it gives you clarity, gives you perspective. You
Speaker 1: can zoom out, you can zoom in. If you're buzzing
Speaker 1: around and moving around, you lose all of that. It's
Speaker 1: all blurry and fuzzy. And I want to ask you,
Speaker 1: what's what's a lesson you wish you learned earlier in life.
Speaker 2: I think it's that what you're searching for externally, you're
Speaker 2: actually searching for yourself. I think that's become very apparent
Speaker 2: to me in the past few years is I was
Speaker 2: always looking for somebody to give me love, somebody to
Speaker 2: give me acceptance to achieve so that I could be accepted.
Speaker 2: And what I actually truly think is what I was
Speaker 2: searching for from everyone else is what I was searching
Speaker 2: for for myself. So a lot of people that are
Speaker 2: like a lot of people I know are people pleasers.
Speaker 2: They come to me Rob, I'm a people pleaser, and
Speaker 2: it's like they'll change themselves to try to get love
Speaker 2: and acceptance from somebody else. But that's just feeling a
Speaker 2: you know, it's like a hungry ghost. It just continue.
Speaker 2: The food just goes through the ghosts, it doesn't go anywhere.
Speaker 2: And what we're actually searching for is what we're searching
Speaker 2: that love and acceptance for our self. And one of
Speaker 2: the biggest things that I think I've learned in probably
Speaker 2: the past two years is I was always trying to
Speaker 2: grow and change myself because there were aspects of myself
Speaker 2: that I didn't like and I resented. And what I've
Speaker 2: changed it to in the past couple of years is
Speaker 2: I'm going to love every aspect of myself. So there's
Speaker 2: some parts of Rob that are beautiful, that are amazing,
Speaker 2: that love people, that want to connect. There's some great
Speaker 2: parts of Rob. There's some parts of Rob also that
Speaker 2: are very selfish, that are very judgmental, that are a
Speaker 2: little bit short, not as present as he should be.
Speaker 2: Instead of trying to change those and hate those, I've
Speaker 2: actually just tried to love them and realized that the
Speaker 2: selfish rob that exists was some sort of thing that
Speaker 2: was a part of past conditioning that came up from
Speaker 2: needing to be selfish as a child for whatever it
Speaker 2: might have been, whatever reasons it might have been, And
Speaker 2: I can love that side. I mean, what I realized
Speaker 2: is that if I try to change it, it gets stronger.
Speaker 2: If I love it and I accept it, it kind
Speaker 2: of chills out and it doesn't disappear like I'm not like, yeah,
Speaker 2: these parts me don't exist. It's me looking like Internal
Speaker 2: family systems is a therapy where you look at all
Speaker 2: parts of you and who you are, and you try
Speaker 2: to figure out a way to understand how the entire
Speaker 2: orchestra works together. You know, when I was writing my book,
Speaker 2: I was sitting there and I was going so hardcore.
Speaker 2: Like you and I come from the world of creating
Speaker 2: viral videos. I would spend so much time on every
Speaker 2: single line to make sure it was perfect right, because
Speaker 2: I wanted to make sure, like I've only got thirty
Speaker 2: seconds or a minute to get the message to be
Speaker 2: as clear and concise as possible. Let me try to
Speaker 2: make as perfect as possible. And I used to do
Speaker 2: a lot of poetry. I used to do a lot
Speaker 2: of songwriting when I was younger, so I was used
Speaker 2: to making every line as potent as I could. As
Speaker 2: I was writing this book, I was like sixteen rounds
Speaker 2: of edits in editing every single piece of it. And
Speaker 2: there's a part of me that said it said why
Speaker 2: are you doing this? Like? Why are you doing this?
Speaker 2: And I was like, I want to write a book
Speaker 2: that helps people and changes people's lives. I want someone
Speaker 2: to not know what the mindset mentor podcasts, but they
Speaker 2: walk into Barnes and Noble acs book and they're like, interesting,
Speaker 2: let me read it, let me pick it up, and
Speaker 2: they read it and it changes their life life. And
Speaker 2: then I've played Devil's advocate. I said, but you also
Speaker 2: want it to be successful, don't you. You also want
Speaker 2: it to be a New York Times bestseller, so you
Speaker 2: can have a little badge to put on yourself and say,
Speaker 2: New York Times bestseller. You want it to be this
Speaker 2: incredibly selling thing because you know, if it takes off,
Speaker 2: you're gonna make great money for a very long time
Speaker 2: if it's a perennial seller. And I thought to myself, Okay,
Speaker 2: can I use that ego e side of me to
Speaker 2: actually help me create a better book, and I could.
Speaker 2: And so what I realized is instead of hating that aspect,
Speaker 2: it's like a tool on my tool belt. When I
Speaker 2: need to bring that side of me out, I can
Speaker 2: bring out that side of me out and say, you
Speaker 2: know what, I'm going to create the best freaking book
Speaker 2: that I can of, the best podcast that I can are,
Speaker 2: the best real that I can to try to impact people.
Speaker 2: And so it's not about like trying to force change
Speaker 2: on myself. It's about loving every aspect of myself the
Speaker 2: quote unquote good and bad. Eventhough there is no good
Speaker 2: or bad but every aspect of Rob. And if I
Speaker 2: need to use it, I can bring it up and say, hey, Rob,
Speaker 2: I need this version of you right now. But I'm
Speaker 2: not going to fight it anymore.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: In the monastery, we'd always talk about how the word
Speaker 1: is an arthur, which means unwanted. Thing that seems unwanted
Speaker 1: actually needs to be engaged, Like you need to engage
Speaker 1: it in the service of doing something higher really for
Speaker 1: it to be purified. It's like you can't just cut
Speaker 1: it out. You can't just get rid of it. You
Speaker 1: can't just hate it to go away. You can't just
Speaker 1: shame it away. You can't just guilty away. It has
Speaker 1: to be engaged in a higher service IY impacting others,
Speaker 1: helping others, improving your own life, improving the lives of others.
Speaker 1: Because when it's engaged, then it becomes purified. Because if
Speaker 1: you just ignore it, it would just stay there, and
Speaker 1: if you try and push it away, it's gonna push
Speaker 1: back and just get it. But if you engage and go, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what, I do have that in me, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to use that tendency to try and help
Speaker 1: this person do this. That's the only way that it
Speaker 1: starts to be purified. And so that resonates very strongly.
Speaker 3: Great answer.
Speaker 1: The other one I wanted to ask you was what's
Speaker 1: a lesson you have to learn the hard way?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think the one that's been the most potent for
Speaker 2: a long time is you can't do it all on
Speaker 2: your own. For me, I don't think I was able
Speaker 2: to trust people for a very long time.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I went to a therapist one time and he had said, yeah,
Speaker 2: you've been you've been neglected, and I was like, Noah,
Speaker 2: I haven't been neglected like I had food, water, sheltered clothing,
Speaker 2: all these things. And he's like, no, you were emotionally
Speaker 2: neglected from your father, and and I was like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, I that really like ringed true. But what
Speaker 2: happened was I had developed this feeling over my lifetime
Speaker 2: of I've got to do it alone. I can't trust anybody.
Speaker 2: No one else can do it for me, you know,
Speaker 2: Like there were times when my dad would even though
Speaker 2: it was and he was an amazing person, I always
Speaker 2: tell people like I was, I'm so grateful that I
Speaker 2: had the father that I had. He was. He never
Speaker 2: beat me, he never yelled at me, he never touched
Speaker 2: me in appropriately. He would just get drunk and fall asleep.
Speaker 2: And when he fell asleep, he'd forget about me in
Speaker 2: a lot of different ways. Right, So there was that
Speaker 2: neglect of like I might he would say, Hey, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna come pick you up and we're going to go fishing,
Speaker 2: because I lived in Florida, and I, you know, would
Speaker 2: sit on the front porch for an hour or two
Speaker 2: hours in my fishing pole and he would just never
Speaker 2: show up, right, And so were there were aspects of that,
Speaker 2: And I think somewhere along the line, I developed this
Speaker 2: feeling of like, no one's gonna help me. I have
Speaker 2: to do it all on my own. Which there's a
Speaker 2: piece of that which there is some truth, right, like
Speaker 2: I do have to sometimes step forward and be the
Speaker 2: person to do it. But for the longest time, I
Speaker 2: never understood the phrase no man is an island because
Speaker 2: I was like, I have done everything by myself. And
Speaker 2: then I started looking around me and I was like, no,
Speaker 2: I haven't. The universe has always been there giving me
Speaker 2: everything that I need in every person to help me
Speaker 2: in some sort of way and prove and get better.
Speaker 2: And you know, as everything's grown, the podcast has grown,
Speaker 2: my company has grown, all this stuff. We have thirty
Speaker 2: people on the team. Like I can't do it on
Speaker 2: my own. I can't help people on my own the
Speaker 2: way that I wish that I could if i've I'm
Speaker 2: not thirty people. I don't have thirty days. You know
Speaker 2: that they can get done and we can get done
Speaker 2: in one day that I could get done in an
Speaker 2: entire month. And so what's been big for me is
Speaker 2: is trusting people to be able to help me and
Speaker 2: to be able to ask for help, whether that be
Speaker 2: in a business, but also like go into my life
Speaker 2: and be like, hey, I'm really struggling right now. Can
Speaker 2: you just talk to me for a few minutes, And
Speaker 2: knowing that she doesn't think like, oh, he's not man enough,
Speaker 2: which is you know, fear that I had, like oh,
Speaker 2: if I go to her with my problem, she's gonna
Speaker 2: be like he's not man enough. But for her to
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, let me hold space for you, let's
Speaker 2: talk it out. And so I think the biggest thing
Speaker 2: for me is like, is learning that I can't do
Speaker 2: it all on my own. It's okay to it's actually
Speaker 2: strength to ask for help. It's strong to ask for help,
Speaker 2: and that I need to be better at at asking
Speaker 2: for help when I do need it.
Speaker 3: That's a great one. That's a great one I can
Speaker 3: relate to in so many ways.
Speaker 1: And yeah, it strikes a chord for sure, and I
Speaker 1: think so many of us, you know, both of those questions.
Speaker 3: Think about it.
Speaker 1: You know what's taken, what's the lesson you learned the
Speaker 1: hard way? And what's the lesson you wish you learned earlier? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and write them down because you might forget it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you kind of fold back in that cycle often
Speaker 1: Rob we end every on purpose episode with.
Speaker 3: A final five.
Speaker 1: Okay, these questions have to be answered in one word
Speaker 1: to one sentence maximum.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, okay, and so I'm so wordy.
Speaker 1: That's that's I'll do my best, Rob DIZI your final five.
Speaker 1: The first question is what is the best advice you've
Speaker 1: ever heard or received.
Speaker 2: I'll give you the I'll give you the sentence and
Speaker 2: if you want me to explain it, I can. But
Speaker 2: everything is your fault.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can explain it.
Speaker 2: Everything is your fault comes back to like you or
Speaker 2: the CEO of your life. My very first mentor that
Speaker 2: I had. I paid five hundred dollars a month to
Speaker 2: have my first coach when I was nineteen, about to
Speaker 2: turn twenty, and we worked together for two years and
Speaker 2: we had some great calls. I don't remember any of them.
Speaker 2: I remember one and what it was was I had
Speaker 2: made so many excuses as too while I was late
Speaker 2: to calls why I didn't hit my assignment, so I
Speaker 2: didn't do what I needed to do. And he had
Speaker 2: this really tough conversation. I mean, he said, Rob, if
Speaker 2: a business succeeds, whose fault is it? And I was like,
Speaker 2: I mean, what do you mean. He's like, if a
Speaker 2: business succeeds, all one thousand employees move into the direction
Speaker 2: they have a successful year, who's faults it that the
Speaker 2: person who orchestra it. I was like the CEO. He said,
Speaker 2: if a business fails, whose faults it? And it's the CEO.
Speaker 2: He said, Rob, if you get to the end of
Speaker 2: your life and it's not what you wanted it to be,
Speaker 2: and you didn't create the life that you wanted to
Speaker 2: make the money she wanted to have, the success, the love,
Speaker 2: the happiness, travel the places that you wanted to, whose
Speaker 2: fault would it be? And I said it'd be my fault.
Speaker 2: And he said, if you did create the life that
Speaker 2: you wanted to you had to love, the happiness, the abundance,
Speaker 2: everything that you wanted, whose fault would that be? And
Speaker 2: I said it would be my fault. And he said
Speaker 2: the problem with you is you're treating this treating this
Speaker 2: life as you if you're the victim. And what you
Speaker 2: need to realize that everything that happens to you is
Speaker 2: your fault and that your life won't change until you
Speaker 2: decide that you want to be the CEO of your life.
Speaker 1: I do know how that would have felt when you
Speaker 1: heard it at that point hurt. Yeah, exactly with that mindset,
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of people today would find
Speaker 1: that offensive. They might get hurt by it. They might
Speaker 1: what how did you transfer that energy to be like, no,
Speaker 1: this is actually helpful, it's not hurtful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I was a little bit hurt, but
Speaker 2: there's I felt truth. I felt like, yeah, he's right,
Speaker 2: because when I look at the path of where my
Speaker 2: life was going to go, had I continued to blame
Speaker 2: everybody else, it wasn't going to be good. But when
Speaker 2: I looked at people who I knew who took full
Speaker 2: ownership of their life. One of my probably my first
Speaker 2: mentor without even being on purpose, was my uncle Dan,
Speaker 2: who was an incredibly successful guy, had a bunch of success,
Speaker 2: but also is incredibly giving, always so loving, and he
Speaker 2: never blamed anybody else. For when his business failed and
Speaker 2: he brought it back from nothing and rebuilt it, he
Speaker 2: never blamed anybody else. He was always there for everyone else,
Speaker 2: but he always took everything as his responsibility. And you know,
Speaker 2: it's like, not everything that's happened to you in your
Speaker 2: life is your fault, but whatever it is that you
Speaker 2: have it is your responsibility to work through. Will Smith
Speaker 2: also said this right where it's like, it's not my
Speaker 2: fault that my father was an alcoholic, but it's my
Speaker 2: responsibility to do with what do with it because it's
Speaker 2: the reality that I have and I have to work
Speaker 2: through those things. And so for me it was like
Speaker 2: it rang really true where I was. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: it's right, and if my life is going to change,
Speaker 2: I have to be the person to change it. And
Speaker 2: that's when it clicked for me. That conversation, I could say,
Speaker 2: is absolutely on the one conversation that changed my life completely.
Speaker 3: Powerful.
Speaker 1: Second question, what is the worst advice you ever had
Speaker 1: or received?
Speaker 2: Fit in with everybody else?
Speaker 3: Good? Question number three? What is your most repeated though.
Speaker 2: As of recently is I'm proud of you. I try
Speaker 2: to tell myself that every single day. My mom told
Speaker 2: me that a lot as a kid. I'm trying to
Speaker 2: repeat it to myself.
Speaker 3: I love that. That's a great one.
Speaker 1: Question number four the number one habit that changes your life,
Speaker 1: like a daily habit, like something that you.
Speaker 2: Practice, meditation and breathwork, finding space for myself?
Speaker 3: Love it.
Speaker 1: Final question if you could create one law that everyone
Speaker 1: in the world had to follow.
Speaker 3: What would it be take you.
Speaker 2: There one law that everybody in the world has to follow,
Speaker 2: to take five minutes every single day to practice self awareness.
Speaker 2: I think that every problem in this world could be
Speaker 2: solved if people were more self aware. I think that
Speaker 2: all of our problems come from lack of self awareness.
Speaker 2: And if people were more aware of our actions. You know,
Speaker 2: if politicians are more aware of their actions and how
Speaker 2: it's affecting the entire world. And if parents were aware
Speaker 2: of how their actions are affecting their children and as
Speaker 2: you know, a son, if I'm aware of how my
Speaker 2: actions are affecting my mom, my sister, my wife, everybody
Speaker 2: around me. If we could take five minutes to practice
Speaker 2: being more self aware, I think that the entire world
Speaker 2: would be better.
Speaker 1: I love that Rob Doll everyone. The book is called
Speaker 1: Level Up How to Get focused, procrastinating and Upgrade your Life.
Speaker 1: If you don't have a copy, go and grab it already.
Speaker 1: You'll be able to see my testimonial on the back
Speaker 1: if you're at the top of the back there. Make
Speaker 1: sure you go and grab a copy and tag me
Speaker 1: and Rob on Instagram, on x on TikTok with what
Speaker 1: resonated with you, what connected with you. I love seeing
Speaker 1: and I want Rob to see as well, what you're practicing,
Speaker 1: what you're trying to put into action in your life.
Speaker 1: And I can't wait for you to level up.
Speaker 3: Rob.
Speaker 1: Thank you again, Thank you man for coming on and
Speaker 1: opening your heart and being so vulnerable and at the
Speaker 1: same time giving so many practical insights of how people
Speaker 1: can move from where they are to where they really
Speaker 1: want to be and even deeper.
Speaker 3: So thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Well. Thank thank you Jay, like I've known you for
Speaker 2: seven years now and your inspiration for like doing good
Speaker 2: in the world, and I can see that the actions
Speaker 2: that you take are from your heart and from a
Speaker 2: place of purpose, and it's inspiring from you to always
Speaker 2: see that.
Speaker 3: Thank you, man. I appreciate you, of course. Thank you.
Speaker 1: If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with
Speaker 1: Dr Gabor Matte on understanding your trauma and how to
Speaker 1: heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
Speaker 3: Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable. So a
Speaker 3: tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it.
Speaker 3: It goes where it's soft and green and vulnerable.