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Speaker 1: Pushkin.

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Speaker 2: Hey, it's doctor Laurie Santos here. The science says that

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Speaker 2: giving a dollar away can make you feel happier than

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Speaker 2: spending on yourself, and if you're in the mood to

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Speaker 2: make every dollar you donate count this holiday season, the

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Speaker 2: Happiness Lab has teamed up with GiveDirectly dot org. If

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Speaker 2: we all pull together, we can make a huge difference

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Speaker 2: to one African village in twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 3: Kibobo, I think is a great place if people want

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Speaker 3: somewhere to support people there are living in really desperate situation.

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Speaker 3: They lack almost everything.

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Speaker 2: Rory Stewart from GiveDirectly dot org says money from Happiness

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Speaker 2: Lab listeners will go directly to the people of Kebobo

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Speaker 2: in Rwanda, who'll be loved to decide on their own

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Speaker 2: how to best spend it to improve their lives.

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Speaker 3: Getting a little bit of cash is what will allow

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Speaker 3: you to fix your house, buy a cow which could

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Speaker 3: provide milk for your family, get a relative who's ill

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Speaker 3: to the local hospital. These things that are genuinely life transforming.

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Speaker 2: So if you can spare just a few bucks and

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Speaker 2: want to join me and other fans of the show

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Speaker 2: to help the folks in Cabobo, then go to this

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Speaker 2: website give directly dot org slash happiness. That's give directly

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Speaker 2: dot org slash happiness. Just a few dollars can make.

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Speaker 4: A huge difference.

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Speaker 2: Happy Giving, Hey Happiness Lab Listeners, Today we're bringing you

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Speaker 2: an extra special treat. It's an episode from another podcast

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Speaker 2: that I think you'll like a lot. It's the new

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Speaker 2: Build the Life You Want series from Oprah's SuperSoul. In

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Speaker 2: the series, Oprah and Harvard professor Arthur Brooks offer listeners

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Speaker 2: a better understanding of the science behind happiness, which is

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Speaker 2: something that we constantly aim for on our show. Check

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Speaker 2: out the episode because you'll walk away with tips on

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Speaker 2: how to make your own lives happier. You can also

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Speaker 2: listen to the Build the Life you Want series on

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Speaker 2: Oprah's SuperSoul wherever you get your podcasts. Now here's the episode.

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Speaker 1: Thanks to the Heart for supporting this special bonus episode

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Speaker 1: of SuperSoul. So Arthur Brooks, Arthur, welcome back, Thank you,

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Speaker 1: and I'll started right here. During the pandemic, I came

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Speaker 1: across a column in the Atlantic magazine and noticed that

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Speaker 1: I started to look forward to reading it every week.

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Speaker 4: It's called how to Build a Life by Arthur Brooks.

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Speaker 1: I knew I had to meet the man who wrote

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Speaker 1: such insightful advice, So, Arthur Brooks, it is my great

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Speaker 1: pleasure to meet you.

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Speaker 4: I am such a huge fan of yours.

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Speaker 1: Arthur Brooks is a world renowned social scientist.

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Speaker 5: Happiness is really a combination of three things, enjoyment, satisfaction,

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Speaker 5: and meaning.

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Speaker 1: The author of many books, including the number one New

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Speaker 1: York Times bestseller From Strength to Strength.

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Speaker 4: I'm a big fan of how to Build a Life

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Speaker 4: column in The Atlantic. I find myself sharing with my

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Speaker 4: kids all the time.

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Speaker 1: And a professor at Harvard Business School who's course onhappyess

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Speaker 1: is so popular there's always a long wait list thought.

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Speaker 5: About it and I thought, it's not about them. It's

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Speaker 5: not about Harvard. This is about everybody who needs the

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Speaker 5: science of happiness. The whole world is of the waiting

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Speaker 5: list for this class.

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Speaker 1: This year, Professor Brooks and I teamed up to co

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Speaker 1: write a book we call Build a Life You Want

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Speaker 1: The Art and Science of getting Happier, and I am

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Speaker 1: very happy to say a debuted at the top of

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Speaker 1: the New York Times bestseller list.

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Speaker 5: We cooked up the whole book here in this room.

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Speaker 5: It's really it's it's incredibly gratifying, And isn't it gratifying?

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Speaker 4: Also?

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Speaker 1: I mean I was really excited to hit number one

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Speaker 1: on the New York Times Bestsellers. I mean, one of

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Speaker 1: the reasons why it's so gratifying is because, first of all,

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Speaker 1: number one is always gratifying.

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Speaker 5: R a nice number.

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Speaker 4: It's a nice, nice ring to it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. But it also means

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Speaker 1: that the work that we conceived in this room was

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Speaker 1: well received, right, yeah.

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Speaker 5: You remember we talked about it. We discussed not what's

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Speaker 5: going to be the book, but the why of the book.

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Speaker 5: This was the big thing that we did here. We said, okay,

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Speaker 5: what's the point. What are we trying to do? And

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Speaker 5: it was lift people up and bring them together with

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Speaker 5: science and ideas.

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Speaker 1: So we decided to do a three part series y'all

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Speaker 1: to dive further into the book here on Super Soul,

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Speaker 1: because my intention for this platform has always been to

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Speaker 1: enhance the human experience and to bring you information that

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Speaker 1: will open up your life. So I know that you

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Speaker 1: listeners are interested in learning new ways to explore a

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Speaker 1: life with meaning and purpose, which is what you, Arthur,

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Speaker 1: are all about and before we get started, I think

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Speaker 1: you should tell everyone actually about your day job or

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Speaker 1: what you do.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So my day job is I'm a teacher.

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Speaker 5: I'm a college professor. I teach the science of happiness

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Speaker 5: at the Harvard Business School. I also teach at Harvard

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Speaker 5: Kennedy School, which trains people to go work in government.

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Speaker 5: And I research and think and teach about behavior, human behavior,

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Speaker 5: what motivates people to do what they do. I'm a

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Speaker 5: social scientist.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I was going to say, you don't just teach

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Speaker 1: there you are Actually.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm a yeah so, and I've been a social

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Speaker 5: scientist for the past thirty years. That's what I've been

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Speaker 5: doing with my life, EHD social science indeed, indeed, and

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Speaker 5: so that's and I teach. People ask ask you know,

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Speaker 5: you're a professor. I say, yeah, Harvard Busines School. They say,

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Speaker 5: what do you teach accounting, finance, marketing, supply chain management,

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Speaker 5: you know, something really practical like that. I say, no,

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Speaker 5: I teach happiness. And they think I'm lying, Yeah, but

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Speaker 5: it's it's I teach happiness with the same seriousness that

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Speaker 5: you would teach supply chain management. Look, your your life

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Speaker 5: is an enterprise your life is your startup. Treat it

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Speaker 5: as such, treat it with seriousness, you know, treat the

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Speaker 5: inside of your head the same way you would treat

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Speaker 5: your p and L statement. Yeah, is the bottom line.

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Speaker 4: Your life is your startup, the biggest startup you're ever going.

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Speaker 5: To have, totally is the best enterprise you could be

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Speaker 5: part of, and the most serious one of that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So on this series, we're exploring the ideas in the

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Speaker 1: book where Arthur the author for science based practices and

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Speaker 1: wisdom that anybody can use to become happy.

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Speaker 4: I call it happier nest.

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Speaker 5: It was so good that you coined that helpful to

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Speaker 5: me because for the longest time, people would say, you know,

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Speaker 5: the goal is happiness, and I would say, no, it's

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Speaker 5: getting happier, but that doesn't have a ring to it.

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Speaker 5: And I told you that for the first time and

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Speaker 5: you said, so, the goal.

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Speaker 4: Is happier nes happierness.

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Speaker 5: It's the right word.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I love it, uh huh. And now people are

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Speaker 5: saying it.

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Speaker 4: My students are saying, yeah, we need a T shirt.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Before we dive into the book, let's talk about your

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Speaker 1: own journey though, because people want to know your story,

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Speaker 1: because you are the professor of happiness and how did

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Speaker 1: you get here?

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Speaker 4: At age fifty five?

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Speaker 1: You left a very successful career and you were chief

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Speaker 1: executive of a think tank, and now then you started

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Speaker 1: studying happiness. Was it to bring greater happiness to yourself?

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Speaker 5: For sure and other people? You go through kind of

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Speaker 5: a not necessarily a dark night of the soul, but

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Speaker 5: at certain points of your life they're hinge points when

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Speaker 5: you have to ask yourself, why am I doing what

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Speaker 5: I'm doing? And what is mission of my own life?

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Speaker 5: And the truth is, as I thought about it and

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Speaker 5: prayed about it and talk to the people I love

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Speaker 5: about it, it was very clear the mission of my

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Speaker 5: life is to lift people up and bring them together

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Speaker 5: and ideas of love and happiness using this.

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Speaker 4: Well, you were also doing that with the think tank, right, I.

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Speaker 5: Was trying, But it was good. It was good. I

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Speaker 5: was grateful for having done that. I did that for

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Speaker 5: eleven years, but it was time for somebody else to

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Speaker 5: do that. And at fifty five, I still had plenty

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Speaker 5: of still had plenty of gas in the tank, and

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Speaker 5: I wanted to use everything that I knew for other

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Speaker 5: people and quite frankly for me too. I wanted to

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Speaker 5: dig into this thing called that we now call happierness

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Speaker 5: and see whether or not it was achievable in my

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Speaker 5: own life, and if it was, could I bring it

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Speaker 5: to others.

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Speaker 1: Well, you know, studies are showing that America is in

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Speaker 1: a happiness slump. I don't think you even need a

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Speaker 1: study to figure that out. You just look around you,

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Speaker 1: or you turn on your computer, you look at your phone.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the news, the conspiracy theories, what is going on.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, no, it's true. I mean the data are unambiguous

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Speaker 5: and the experience that we all have that it feels

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Speaker 5: like people are less happy. It's true. And there's kind

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Speaker 5: of two things that we need to understand there. You

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Speaker 5: could say that there's problems in the climate and problems

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Speaker 5: in the weather. The climate has been changing for happiness

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Speaker 5: for decades now, since the late eighties, maybe the early nineties.

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Speaker 5: People have been gradually getting a little less happy year

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Speaker 5: after year after year, just a little tiny bit. And

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Speaker 5: that has to do with the fact that people are

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Speaker 5: less likely to live a spiritual or religious life or

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Speaker 5: find a life of meaning in those institutions. They're less

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Speaker 5: likely to have a close relationship with their families. People

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Speaker 5: have fewer and fewer friends who know them well. People

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Speaker 5: have less of a sense that they're serving others with

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Speaker 5: their work. That's the climate, and that's been a problem

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Speaker 5: for a long time. Then there's weather storms. There have

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Speaker 5: been two big storms in the past couple of decades

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Speaker 5: that we have to pay attention to. The first was

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Speaker 5: around two thousand and eight, two thousand and nine. Now,

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Speaker 5: I know everybody watching us is like, oh, obviously the

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Speaker 5: financial crisis, that wasn't it.

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Speaker 4: I thought it was.

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Speaker 5: It was social media. Same time. That's when everybody started

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Speaker 5: looking at social media. Everybody, right, just nine.

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Speaker 4: That's when I got on what used to be Twitter.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the artist formerly known as Twitter. Yeah yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 5: yea yeah, yeah, exactly right. And that's when when and

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Speaker 5: a couple of things were happening. So so Twitter, for example,

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Speaker 5: became a platform for people to be intensely negative. Instagram

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Speaker 5: is not the same way. It's more of a platform

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Speaker 5: where people compare themselves to others. But that had a

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Speaker 5: big impact, especially on young people, especially on women and

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Speaker 5: girls fifteen to twenty five years old. It created a

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Speaker 5: new kind of culture that was intensely comparative and problematic.

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Speaker 1: So social media actually, where people think it's bringing you

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Speaker 1: closer together and you're communicating up Facebook, it's actually made

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Speaker 1: people less happy.

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Speaker 5: Lonelier, lonely. Here's the weird thing. It's when you're super

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Speaker 5: hungry and it's like, oh, man, I haven't eaten, you know,

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Speaker 5: I haven't eight hours an hour and there, and you

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Speaker 5: passed by a fast food place. Yeah, you're like, good, Yeah,

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Speaker 5: that'll get the job done. And so you gorge yourself

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Speaker 5: and your stuff. You do feel so good. An hour later,

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Speaker 5: you're hungry again. What's what happened? The answer is you

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Speaker 5: didn't meet your nutrient needs. All you metage your caloric needs,

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Speaker 5: and so the result is you stay hungry even though

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Speaker 5: you don't need the calories. Social media is the junk

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Speaker 5: food of social life. It's like getting all of your calories.

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Speaker 4: That is a tweetable moment, but we don't tweet anymore.

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Speaker 1: We x call it.

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Speaker 5: But so that's that's like getting all your meals at

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Speaker 5: seven eleven.

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Speaker 4: Social media is the junk food.

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Speaker 5: Of social life. Social media is the junk food or

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Speaker 5: social life. You'll get too many calories and not enough nutrients.

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Speaker 5: That's the reason you'll binge and get Lonelier. Yes, that's

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Speaker 5: a problem. Yes, And a lot of young people have

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Speaker 5: never developed in a way where they can finally figure

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Speaker 5: out how to use it responsibly.

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Speaker 1: What's going to happen to the generation that was born

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Speaker 1: at that time, and that's all they've ever known.

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Speaker 5: We don't know. That's a big social experiment. That's a

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Speaker 5: massive social experiment.

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Speaker 4: Now we're in the midstuff right now.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not as if social media is all evil.

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Speaker 5: I mean you can use it responsibly.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely.

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Speaker 5: If you would not let somebody into your house who

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Speaker 5: bears you ill will you shouldn't let them into your head.

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Speaker 5: And that means you shouldn't be looking at the social

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Speaker 5: media where somebody can be tweeting at you or exing

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Speaker 5: at you or yeah, and telling you that you know

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Speaker 5: some you're that. Frankly, that's a big problem. That's the storm,

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Speaker 5: that's the short of a century.

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Speaker 4: Wow, So let's get happier.

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Speaker 5: Let's do that.

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Speaker 4: Let's get happier.

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Speaker 1: On page five, you say happiness is not a destination,

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Speaker 1: Happiness is a direction. I know that was a shift

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Speaker 1: in mindset for many who are reading this book.

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Speaker 4: Can you expand a little bit on that?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And you know, this is the problem with happiness

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Speaker 5: is such a funny thing because we all want it.

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Speaker 5: Every philosopher and theologian has talked about it. Everybody. I mean,

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Speaker 5: how many times have people said that on your show?

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Speaker 1: I know that's what I say in the beginning of

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Speaker 1: the book that thousands of times. Well, I became interested

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Speaker 1: in the subject because every time I would sit with

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Speaker 1: the audience and I'd say, what do you want? Everybody

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Speaker 1: would always say multiple people would answer, I just want

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Speaker 1: to be happy. I just want to be happy. But

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Speaker 1: yet when you ask them, what does that look like

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Speaker 1: for them? Hard to define for sure.

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Speaker 5: And part of the reason is because it's not something

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Speaker 5: that you can define in any meaningful way. We think

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Speaker 5: it's a feeling, we think it's a destination. It isn't either.

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Speaker 5: You know, happy feelings are nothing more than emotions, and

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Speaker 5: emotions are nothing more than information that we need in

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Speaker 5: reaction to the outside environment. And as a destination, what

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Speaker 5: would you why would you want to be completely happy

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Speaker 5: as a destination? You'd be dead in a week. Because

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Speaker 5: you actually need negative emotions and experiences to train you

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Speaker 5: to keep you vigilant, to keep you safe, and to

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Speaker 5: be happy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, to keep you alert, to keep you, to keep

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Speaker 4: you on it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean maybe when I dine I'm in heaven,

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Speaker 5: I see the face of God, the beatific vision will

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Speaker 5: be pure happiness. But on earth, I'm telling you, I

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Speaker 5: need my negative emotions to keep me alive and safe.

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Speaker 5: I need my negative experiences to learn and grow. And

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Speaker 5: so that's what people. They want to stay alive and safe,

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Speaker 5: but they don't want the feeling that keep them alive

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Speaker 5: and safe. And that's this conflict that they have, which

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Speaker 5: is why they feel so unsettled.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I think, particularly in this world of social media,

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Speaker 1: people think if I just get that, I mean I

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Speaker 1: see people toasting on private jets, and I see them,

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Speaker 1: you know, on beaches and you know, hair their hair

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Speaker 1: blowing in the wind and all that, and people think, well,

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Speaker 1: if I just had that, I could be happy.

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Speaker 4: But we know.

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Speaker 1: You have the science to back it up that they're

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Speaker 1: really four pillars, and if you don't have all of

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Speaker 1: those pillars working in your life, you will eventually end

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Speaker 1: up feeling not necessarily sad, but lonely or distanced or disconnected.

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Speaker 4: So the four pillars, there.

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Speaker 5: Are four pillars. There's kind of the four pillars you

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Speaker 5: think that you need, and those four pillars that you

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Speaker 5: really do need. The idols, the things that look right

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Speaker 5: but aren't, or money, power, pleasure and fame. Those are

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Speaker 5: the things that mother Nature said, you get those, you're

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Speaker 5: going to be happy.

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Speaker 4: Money, power, pleasure and fame.

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Speaker 5: That's right. But she lies. Mother Nature lies. She lies

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Speaker 5: a lot because she wants us to keep running, run

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Speaker 5: and run and run and run it right.

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Speaker 4: Because is my mother nature telling us that?

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Speaker 1: Or is society telling ussel? Well, so I think mother

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Speaker 1: nature is telling us that. It's the four pillars.

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Speaker 5: Well, mother nature gives us these imperatives because she wants

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Speaker 5: us and wants us to be hungry, you know, and

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Speaker 5: she wants us to survive and pass on our genes. Yes,

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Speaker 5: and the way that you do that is money, power, pleasure,

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Speaker 5: and fame, right, And she doesn't want us to figure

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Speaker 5: out that those things never really satisfy, so that we'll

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Speaker 5: keep running and running and running. That's called the hedonic treadmill.

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Speaker 5: What we really want, and this is backed up by

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Speaker 5: a lot of psychology, neuroscience, behavioral economics, all the research

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Speaker 5: that we want is that there's kind of four things

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Speaker 5: that are the virtuous things that we should be looking for.

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Speaker 5: The Mother Nature doesn't necessarily tell us but that if

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Speaker 5: we take the divine path in life religious are not

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Speaker 5: religiously understood. A better path in life will be happy.

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Speaker 5: And those are our faith, family, friends, and work that serves. Now,

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Speaker 5: if you give any teenage kid the choice between money, power,

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Speaker 5: pleasure and honor or faith, faith, family, good friends and

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Speaker 5: good times and a work that serves others, I mean

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Speaker 5: you're going to take yeah, right, I mean our society

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Speaker 5: does aid in a bed. Mother Nature's lie. Yeah, because

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Speaker 5: you know, the marketing colossus tells us that if you

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Speaker 5: get that car man, you're gonna be really happy. If

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Speaker 5: you get that job, you get that money, if you

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Speaker 5: get that one hundred thousand Instagram followers or whatever your

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Speaker 5: number happens to be, it's never high enough, by the way,

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Speaker 5: you're gonna be happy. But that's a lie, is the bottom.

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Speaker 5: There's nothing wrong with those things. Yeah, But if you

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Speaker 5: get those things, if we are so lucky to get

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Speaker 5: those things, they should only ever be in service of

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Speaker 5: the Big Four, the Good Four. They should only ever

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Speaker 5: be in service. They should be intermediate goals or rest

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Speaker 5: stop in the New Jersey Turnpike, Manhattan. Where you're trying

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Speaker 5: to get is faith, faith, and by that, Yeah, how

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Speaker 5: do you.

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Speaker 1: Use that money, power, pleasure in fame to enhance your faith,

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Speaker 1: family and work and friendship and friendships.

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Speaker 5: Basically your love, Yes, your love and your life and

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Speaker 5: the love and the lives of the people around you.

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Speaker 5: That's really what those those worldly goals should be used

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Speaker 5: for if you want to have any shot it through happiness. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I know we have a lot of questions from our readers, readers,

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Speaker 1: people who have already read the book.

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Speaker 4: I'm so excited. Yeah, Okay. Eric from Denver, Hello, Hi, I'm.

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Speaker 6: Eric, and I learned from this book that you can't

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Speaker 6: be happy, but you can be happier and that really

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Speaker 6: resonated with me because it makes happiness feel like a

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Speaker 6: thing I can incrementally work towards every day versus this

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Speaker 6: big place to arrive.

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Speaker 4: My question is for you, Oprah.

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Speaker 6: I'm wondering how as you've gotten older, your approach to

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Speaker 6: getting happier has changed.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for noticing that I've gotten older, Eric, Thank you.

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Speaker 4: I think that's actually I like that.

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Speaker 1: Question, Eric, because as I've gotten older, and one of

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Speaker 1: the reasons why I was so excited about working with

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Speaker 1: Arthur here is because Arthur you confirmed my belief system.

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Speaker 4: So I have been. I have known since I was.

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Speaker 1: A kid that life is better when you share it,

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Speaker 1: and I learned that with my first three Musketeers bar

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Speaker 1: Because growing up poor, I so seldom got candy. I

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Speaker 1: would save it until like cousins came by, so because

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Speaker 1: it tasted better when I could share it.

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Speaker 4: And now I know Eric.

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Speaker 1: That that is one of the principles of enjoyment, which

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Speaker 1: is what actually defined happiness, enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.

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Speaker 4: And so being able.

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Speaker 1: So to answer your question, I would say that now

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Speaker 1: that I know that the science actually backs me up

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Speaker 1: on life is better when you share it, I want

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Speaker 1: to share it more so it used to be I

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Speaker 1: would just love doing a random act of kindness or

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Speaker 1: doing something meaningful for somebody that would help them in

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Speaker 1: their lives or enhance their lives.

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Speaker 4: Now I make it a habit.

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Speaker 1: It's a part of my spiritual practice to include the

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Speaker 1: enjoyment for myself of making other people happier. So I

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Speaker 1: would say, as I've gotten older, that's what I've actually

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Speaker 1: learned about how to enjoy happiness, not just for myself,

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Speaker 1: but how to spread it to other people. So one

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Speaker 1: of the things we talk about in the book is

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Speaker 1: how enjoyment and satisfaction and purpose are the macro nutrients

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Speaker 1: of happiness. So let's talk about enjoyment first and the

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Speaker 1: difference between pleasure and enjoyment.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, this is a big mistake that a lot of

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Speaker 5: people make. I mean, one of the things that we

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Speaker 5: do in the book is we disabuse people of mistake

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Speaker 5: and notions of happiness. Happiness is not a feeling. Happiness

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Speaker 5: is not a destination. It's a direction or a happy eriness, etc.

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Speaker 5: And another one has to do with this idea that

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Speaker 5: I'm going to be happy if I can just hit

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Speaker 5: the pleasure level over and over and over again. Yes,

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Speaker 5: here's some words that have never been uttered. I'm really

406
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Speaker 5: happy because of methamphetamine. Nobody's ever said that. That is

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Speaker 5: not what people say. And the reason is because if

408
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Speaker 5: you use illicted drugs and drugs of abuse, you're going

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Speaker 5: to hit the pleasure lever. It's going to feel good,

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Speaker 5: but it's not going to make you happy. It's going

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Speaker 5: to lead to addiction. It's going to lead to a

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Speaker 5: super physiological level of dopamine in your brain. And all

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Speaker 5: that does is gives you a tiny little reward and

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Speaker 5: then goes away, tiny little reward and it goes away.

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Speaker 4: That's why you have to keep getting more and more

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Speaker 4: and more and it doesn't.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and then what happens is because that becomes an

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Speaker 5: incredibly isolated thing.

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Speaker 1: And that's regardless if it's methamphetamine, or if it's your work,

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Speaker 1: or if it's shopping, or if it's whatever it is

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Speaker 1: on this that's just giving you pleasure for sure.

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Speaker 5: I mean that can be gambling, that can be that

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Speaker 5: can be eating, that can be all kinds of things

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Speaker 5: that whatever your thing is. Yeah, and here's how you

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Speaker 5: know if it's a problem. Yeah, if you're hitting the

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Speaker 5: pleasure lever over and over and over again and you're alone,

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Speaker 5: then you know there's a problem. That's what it is.

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Speaker 5: And that actually there inside the diagnosis, there is the solution.

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Speaker 5: That's why you know. That's why Vandheuser Busch doesn't have

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Speaker 5: a beer commercial of a guy alone in his apartment

431
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Speaker 5: pounding a twelve pack. That's why that's not the ad.

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Speaker 5: That's because that doesn't lead to happiness, that leads to problem, doesn't.

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Speaker 4: That looks sad and pitiful.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, for sure. No, what they have is a

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Speaker 5: guy with his buddies making a memory, the guy with

436
00:20:32,436 --> 00:20:35,476
Speaker 5: his friends or his family making a memory. And therein

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Speaker 5: lies the answer to this is not that you've got.

438
00:20:38,276 --> 00:20:40,636
Speaker 4: To because lots of advertising does that totally.

439
00:20:40,676 --> 00:20:43,116
Speaker 5: That's all the beer commercials do because they want you

440
00:20:43,156 --> 00:20:44,996
Speaker 5: to be happier when they use their when you use

441
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,876
Speaker 5: their product, and the reasons they want you to have enjoyment,

442
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,556
Speaker 5: not just pleasure. Now, a lot of the problems that

443
00:20:50,556 --> 00:20:52,556
Speaker 5: we have in kind of a puritanical culture about this

444
00:20:52,596 --> 00:20:55,436
Speaker 5: would say that the solution is if you're hitting the

445
00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:58,756
Speaker 5: pleasure lever repeatedly by yourself, get rid of the pleasure lever.

446
00:20:59,236 --> 00:21:00,636
Speaker 5: But that's not necessarily the.

447
00:21:00,596 --> 00:21:02,956
Speaker 4: Solution, because the pleasure has its pleasures.

448
00:21:02,956 --> 00:21:05,876
Speaker 5: Totally, you need to add two things you need to

449
00:21:05,876 --> 00:21:08,676
Speaker 5: add in order to have enjoyment. Exactly, you have to

450
00:21:08,956 --> 00:21:13,876
Speaker 5: the source of pleasure plus people that you love plus memories. Now,

451
00:21:13,916 --> 00:21:16,356
Speaker 5: what you're doing is you're moving the experience of the

452
00:21:16,356 --> 00:21:19,036
Speaker 5: pleasure from the limbic system of your brain, which is

453
00:21:19,116 --> 00:21:22,236
Speaker 5: deep down evolved over a forty million year period. All

454
00:21:22,276 --> 00:21:24,356
Speaker 5: it is sending signals to you about how to survive.

455
00:21:24,476 --> 00:21:25,796
Speaker 4: I have the perfect example of this.

456
00:21:25,836 --> 00:21:29,596
Speaker 1: So all my life, from the moment I was working

457
00:21:29,596 --> 00:21:32,756
Speaker 1: in Baltimore making twenty two thousand dollars a year, my

458
00:21:32,836 --> 00:21:36,156
Speaker 1: first vacation I spent on going to a spa.

459
00:21:36,316 --> 00:21:37,756
Speaker 4: So I love a spa ying.

460
00:21:38,396 --> 00:21:41,636
Speaker 1: So I've been to mini spas by myself, were you know, massages,

461
00:21:41,756 --> 00:21:44,556
Speaker 1: the whole pedicare, manicure, or the whole thing walking around

462
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:49,156
Speaker 1: in Europe. And this past April I went spa ing.

463
00:21:49,276 --> 00:21:51,916
Speaker 1: I did a thing that when the first spy I

464
00:21:51,956 --> 00:21:55,236
Speaker 1: went to, there was a very wealthy woman there. I

465
00:21:55,236 --> 00:21:58,236
Speaker 1: remember a Getty I think was her name, and she

466
00:21:58,356 --> 00:22:02,316
Speaker 1: was there with all of her friends, and I thought, wow,

467
00:22:02,396 --> 00:22:05,316
Speaker 1: what would that be like to have enough money to

468
00:22:05,436 --> 00:22:07,996
Speaker 1: go with all of your friends for fun? It looks

469
00:22:07,996 --> 00:22:10,836
Speaker 1: certainly more fun than me walking around alone in my bathroom.

470
00:22:11,036 --> 00:22:15,156
Speaker 1: And this past April I did that with dear friends.

471
00:22:15,636 --> 00:22:19,236
Speaker 1: And it's the most fun I ever had at.

472
00:22:19,036 --> 00:22:21,796
Speaker 5: A spat because you took the pleasure, yeah, added the

473
00:22:21,796 --> 00:22:24,556
Speaker 5: people and made the memories. And we made the memories

474
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:27,636
Speaker 5: exactly right. That's enjoyment. Now. That means you don't have

475
00:22:27,716 --> 00:22:30,036
Speaker 5: to forego the sources of pleasure. You have to add

476
00:22:30,076 --> 00:22:30,956
Speaker 5: the people in the memory.

477
00:22:30,996 --> 00:22:33,516
Speaker 1: Now you got to take the plus memory people makes

478
00:22:33,556 --> 00:22:34,916
Speaker 1: it exactly, makes it enjoyment.

479
00:22:34,996 --> 00:22:37,916
Speaker 5: Pleasure plus people plus memory. Now you can mess this up, right,

480
00:22:37,996 --> 00:22:40,676
Speaker 5: You can have all your friends can be drunks, you know,

481
00:22:40,756 --> 00:22:42,676
Speaker 5: and they can kind of then you can kind of

482
00:22:42,716 --> 00:22:44,516
Speaker 5: go into a cycle like, yeah, a lot of people,

483
00:22:44,556 --> 00:22:46,116
Speaker 5: you know, So I drink too much and he drinks

484
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:47,356
Speaker 5: too much, and we all drink too much and we

485
00:22:47,396 --> 00:22:49,516
Speaker 5: all get really drunk together. Yeah. So I mean, obviously

486
00:22:49,516 --> 00:22:51,956
Speaker 5: there are exceptions to this, but that's the basic rule

487
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:53,916
Speaker 5: of phone. You don't have to do less, you have

488
00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:56,596
Speaker 5: to add more. This is not a subtractive formula. This

489
00:22:56,636 --> 00:22:59,316
Speaker 5: is an additive formula. Almost everything in the science of

490
00:22:59,356 --> 00:23:02,636
Speaker 5: happiness is additive. You've got to add more ingredients to

491
00:23:02,636 --> 00:23:03,116
Speaker 5: make it good.

492
00:23:03,196 --> 00:23:05,236
Speaker 1: So I think this is so great whatever it is

493
00:23:05,316 --> 00:23:07,916
Speaker 1: you So this is this is an easy formula. Whatever

494
00:23:07,956 --> 00:23:11,876
Speaker 1: it is you take pleasure in, yeah, find a way

495
00:23:11,996 --> 00:23:15,836
Speaker 1: to add other people into that pleasure, and it becomes

496
00:23:15,876 --> 00:23:18,476
Speaker 1: more enjoyable when you're making and you're making memories, babe,

497
00:23:18,516 --> 00:23:18,876
Speaker 1: that's right.

498
00:23:18,916 --> 00:23:21,156
Speaker 5: And so you know, I'm not saying don't go to Vegas,

499
00:23:21,556 --> 00:23:24,876
Speaker 5: just don't go alone. Four o'clock in the morning, going

500
00:23:24,996 --> 00:23:28,596
Speaker 5: by yourself. No, no, no, no, go with your buddies, go

501
00:23:28,676 --> 00:23:31,276
Speaker 5: with your spouse, go with your friends. And by the way,

502
00:23:31,276 --> 00:23:35,196
Speaker 5: if you're being compulsive, they're going to say, dude, really, yeah,

503
00:23:35,276 --> 00:23:35,996
Speaker 5: can you afford that?

504
00:23:36,556 --> 00:23:36,796
Speaker 4: Yeah?

505
00:23:36,836 --> 00:23:38,476
Speaker 5: And you're going to want to have more fun with

506
00:23:38,516 --> 00:23:41,076
Speaker 5: the company, as opposed to compulsively pulling the lever again

507
00:23:41,076 --> 00:23:43,596
Speaker 5: and again and again to get that little spritzer of

508
00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:46,556
Speaker 5: dopamine onto the nuclear succumbence of your brain giving you

509
00:23:46,636 --> 00:23:49,156
Speaker 5: that little relief, and that just goes away and you're

510
00:23:49,156 --> 00:23:49,956
Speaker 5: still by yourself.

511
00:23:50,156 --> 00:23:52,956
Speaker 1: So enjoyment is one of the components. And in order

512
00:23:52,996 --> 00:23:55,596
Speaker 1: to enjoy you've got to add other people and make

513
00:23:55,636 --> 00:23:59,156
Speaker 1: it more conscious. Exactly right, Okay, Monica, what's your question

514
00:23:59,196 --> 00:23:59,796
Speaker 1: from Michigan?

515
00:24:01,516 --> 00:24:03,276
Speaker 4: Hi, my name is Monica.

516
00:24:03,316 --> 00:24:08,556
Speaker 7: And when you talked about the difference between pleasure and

517
00:24:08,676 --> 00:24:11,596
Speaker 7: enjoyment in the book, that really struck me and I

518
00:24:11,676 --> 00:24:14,796
Speaker 7: realized that I tend to seek pleasure to cope with

519
00:24:14,876 --> 00:24:19,156
Speaker 7: disappointment or sadness or anger. So I would love to

520
00:24:19,156 --> 00:24:21,676
Speaker 7: hear some examples from both of you, Arthur and Oprah,

521
00:24:21,716 --> 00:24:26,276
Speaker 7: around how to disrupt that pattern when, as you say,

522
00:24:26,436 --> 00:24:29,036
Speaker 7: pleasure is easy and enjoyment is hard.

523
00:24:30,516 --> 00:24:32,996
Speaker 5: That's good disruption, right, I mean the whole idea is

524
00:24:32,996 --> 00:24:34,676
Speaker 5: you get it. She knows. I mean, by the way,

525
00:24:34,956 --> 00:24:38,196
Speaker 5: the first she's good. Yeah, Monica is good because Monica

526
00:24:38,276 --> 00:24:42,036
Speaker 5: realized she already has got knowledge about this. The basis

527
00:24:42,076 --> 00:24:44,676
Speaker 5: of getting happier is knowledge. Yeah, you know, this is

528
00:24:44,676 --> 00:24:45,716
Speaker 5: the thing. A lot of people are just like, I'm

529
00:24:45,716 --> 00:24:47,356
Speaker 5: gonna feel let me feel something different.

530
00:24:47,356 --> 00:24:47,796
Speaker 7: No, no, no.

531
00:24:47,956 --> 00:24:51,196
Speaker 5: The Dali Lama says, think more, feel less, okay, which

532
00:24:51,236 --> 00:24:53,476
Speaker 5: is really important. So that's why we wrote a book

533
00:24:53,476 --> 00:24:55,116
Speaker 5: that has a lot of science in it because people

534
00:24:55,156 --> 00:24:57,596
Speaker 5: need this particular knowledge. And she's really really on her way,

535
00:24:57,796 --> 00:25:00,476
Speaker 5: and she understands that there's a cycle and hitting the

536
00:25:00,556 --> 00:25:02,396
Speaker 5: lever to get the pleasure, hitting the lever to get

537
00:25:02,396 --> 00:25:04,636
Speaker 5: the pleasure, you have to disrupt that cycle. That gets

538
00:25:04,676 --> 00:25:06,796
Speaker 5: back to just what we were talking about before. You

539
00:25:06,916 --> 00:25:11,236
Speaker 5: disrupt that cycle with love with another person, with people

540
00:25:11,236 --> 00:25:14,036
Speaker 5: that you care about. You add the person who disrupt

541
00:25:14,076 --> 00:25:16,396
Speaker 5: that that little relationship, and you talk to people who

542
00:25:16,396 --> 00:25:18,196
Speaker 5: suffer from addiction. Yeah. One of the things that I

543
00:25:18,316 --> 00:25:21,356
Speaker 5: always talk about is that the addiction was like it

544
00:25:21,476 --> 00:25:24,676
Speaker 5: was like my closest relationship you know it was it

545
00:25:24,716 --> 00:25:25,036
Speaker 5: was like.

546
00:25:25,196 --> 00:25:27,076
Speaker 4: It was like my way. They were consumed by it.

547
00:25:27,196 --> 00:25:29,796
Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure, it was my lover. It was my

548
00:25:29,876 --> 00:25:32,356
Speaker 5: best friend. And you know, I wanted to go away

549
00:25:32,636 --> 00:25:36,516
Speaker 5: with my best friend, which was booze or whatever it

550
00:25:36,516 --> 00:25:38,836
Speaker 5: happened to be, gambling the want I wanted to I

551
00:25:38,836 --> 00:25:41,316
Speaker 5: wanted to go away with them. You disrupt that by

552
00:25:41,356 --> 00:25:45,476
Speaker 5: adding a real, living human being. That's how you disrupt

553
00:25:45,516 --> 00:25:47,516
Speaker 5: the cyclist at a person you love and.

554
00:25:47,516 --> 00:25:52,556
Speaker 1: Also accepting unhappiness. You say, without unhappiness, you wouldn't survive,

555
00:25:53,196 --> 00:25:54,156
Speaker 1: learn or come up.

556
00:25:54,116 --> 00:25:54,796
Speaker 4: With good ideas.

557
00:25:54,916 --> 00:25:57,116
Speaker 1: Even if you could get rid of your unhappiness, it

558
00:25:57,116 --> 00:25:59,036
Speaker 1: would be a huge mistake. The secret of the best

559
00:25:59,076 --> 00:26:02,876
Speaker 1: life is to accept your unhappiness so you can learn

560
00:26:02,956 --> 00:26:05,836
Speaker 1: and grow and manage the feelings that result. I think

561
00:26:05,836 --> 00:26:08,276
Speaker 1: that's hard for people because what does that mean? To

562
00:26:08,356 --> 00:26:11,796
Speaker 1: accept the unhappy? When you say accept, it often feels like, so,

563
00:26:11,836 --> 00:26:14,596
Speaker 1: I'm just supposed to like do nothing. I'm just supposed

564
00:26:14,596 --> 00:26:17,836
Speaker 1: to accept it. I'm supposed to surrender to it. I'm unhappy.

565
00:26:18,036 --> 00:26:20,556
Speaker 5: Yeah, No, that's that's not It's not the idea. The

566
00:26:20,596 --> 00:26:22,956
Speaker 5: truth is that you need to accept it as normal.

567
00:26:22,996 --> 00:26:26,396
Speaker 5: And this is A big part of our culture today

568
00:26:26,556 --> 00:26:29,516
Speaker 5: is that we think that if we feel unhappiness or pain,

569
00:26:29,516 --> 00:26:32,636
Speaker 5: there's something wrong with us, that there's evidence that something's broken.

570
00:26:32,876 --> 00:26:34,916
Speaker 5: If you feel unhappy, you know, you go to if

571
00:26:34,956 --> 00:26:36,916
Speaker 5: you're in college, you go to campus counseling and say,

572
00:26:37,036 --> 00:26:40,156
Speaker 5: I'm really feeling anxious and I'm really feeling depressed. And

573
00:26:40,196 --> 00:26:42,556
Speaker 5: you know, my university it's a really hard university. If

574
00:26:42,556 --> 00:26:45,916
Speaker 5: you're not anxious when you're at Harvard University, that's the problem.

575
00:26:45,996 --> 00:26:47,996
Speaker 5: That means you're not working hard enough. Maybe that's when

576
00:26:47,996 --> 00:26:50,196
Speaker 5: you need therapy. Quite frankly, you know, And I talk

577
00:26:50,236 --> 00:26:52,796
Speaker 5: to young people and says, feeling really anxious about my studies.

578
00:26:52,956 --> 00:26:56,956
Speaker 5: Of course you are. That's a normal thing. That's the acceptance,

579
00:26:57,316 --> 00:27:00,156
Speaker 5: the acceptance of the fact that you have feelings, including

580
00:27:00,196 --> 00:27:02,316
Speaker 5: negative feelings, and you'd be dead if you didn't.

581
00:27:02,516 --> 00:27:04,756
Speaker 4: Who's walking around at Harvard not feeling anxious?

582
00:27:04,796 --> 00:27:07,956
Speaker 5: Totally totally mean, by the way, including the faculty. Yeah, yeah, tell,

583
00:27:07,996 --> 00:27:09,796
Speaker 5: it's like my students don't quite figure out that I'm

584
00:27:09,796 --> 00:27:10,916
Speaker 5: like freaking out too.

585
00:27:12,156 --> 00:27:16,156
Speaker 4: Gane from Atlanta has a question about regret. Jane hi

586
00:27:16,316 --> 00:27:17,396
Speaker 4: oprah hi Artha.

587
00:27:18,116 --> 00:27:21,156
Speaker 8: I'm Jane build the life you want has been the

588
00:27:21,156 --> 00:27:23,676
Speaker 8: gift that I didn't even know that I needed. On

589
00:27:23,796 --> 00:27:27,156
Speaker 8: page twenty, when I read that people who do not

590
00:27:27,316 --> 00:27:30,716
Speaker 8: regret tend to make the same mistake over and over again,

591
00:27:31,436 --> 00:27:35,676
Speaker 8: I thought, that's me. When I was eighteen years old,

592
00:27:36,036 --> 00:27:38,116
Speaker 8: I failed an exam that would enable me to get

593
00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:42,316
Speaker 8: into the university and my dad said, no, crying, move forward.

594
00:27:42,236 --> 00:27:42,996
Speaker 3: And I didn't.

595
00:27:43,796 --> 00:27:47,196
Speaker 8: Now my question is, how do I today begin to

596
00:27:47,316 --> 00:27:50,996
Speaker 8: use regret as a tool when my African upbringing has

597
00:27:51,036 --> 00:27:55,476
Speaker 8: dictated that I move forward and get on with it.

598
00:27:56,436 --> 00:27:56,996
Speaker 4: I love that.

599
00:27:57,076 --> 00:27:57,836
Speaker 5: It's a great question.

600
00:27:57,916 --> 00:27:58,436
Speaker 4: That is great.

601
00:27:58,476 --> 00:28:00,916
Speaker 5: It really is good because that's a lot of advice

602
00:28:00,916 --> 00:28:03,276
Speaker 5: that we give our children. You know. It's like suck

603
00:28:03,316 --> 00:28:05,836
Speaker 5: it up, suck it up, yeap, you know, and like

604
00:28:05,916 --> 00:28:08,676
Speaker 5: move on, move on, move on. Now there's there's like

605
00:28:08,716 --> 00:28:11,716
Speaker 5: ajournal of I mean, good for her father, because what

606
00:28:11,796 --> 00:28:14,436
Speaker 5: he was really telling her was not forget about everything

607
00:28:14,436 --> 00:28:16,716
Speaker 5: had happened. What he was telling her was don't ruminate

608
00:28:16,836 --> 00:28:19,756
Speaker 5: on it, don't you know, go over it again and

609
00:28:19,796 --> 00:28:21,716
Speaker 5: again and again and and have it, you know, create

610
00:28:21,756 --> 00:28:23,916
Speaker 5: a constant source of sadness in your life. On the contrary,

611
00:28:23,916 --> 00:28:26,076
Speaker 5: you got to you got to keep moving. And that's true.

612
00:28:26,476 --> 00:28:28,756
Speaker 5: But here's the thing. Rumination is not the same thing

613
00:28:28,796 --> 00:28:32,396
Speaker 5: as understanding what you want. When something bad happens to you,

614
00:28:32,396 --> 00:28:35,676
Speaker 5: you benefit from it tremendously if you analyze it like

615
00:28:35,676 --> 00:28:38,036
Speaker 5: a scientist. Yes, so that's one of the reasons that

616
00:28:38,076 --> 00:28:40,596
Speaker 5: I tell my students they keep a failure journal like

617
00:28:40,836 --> 00:28:43,956
Speaker 5: a disappointment that we talked about in the book. Absolutely,

618
00:28:43,956 --> 00:28:45,916
Speaker 5: we talked about how you can do it. Yes, when

619
00:28:45,956 --> 00:28:49,156
Speaker 5: something bad happens, you write it down and think about it.

620
00:28:49,156 --> 00:28:50,876
Speaker 5: Don't ruminate on it. Don't have it be kind of

621
00:28:50,876 --> 00:28:54,356
Speaker 5: like a ghost, you know, around haunting your the limbic

622
00:28:54,396 --> 00:28:57,796
Speaker 5: system of your emotions. Then's use it as an opportunity

623
00:28:57,836 --> 00:28:59,956
Speaker 5: to think about what actually happened. And when you do that,

624
00:29:00,036 --> 00:29:01,676
Speaker 5: by the way, when you think about it as if

625
00:29:01,676 --> 00:29:04,596
Speaker 5: you were analyzing a problem that somebody else had, this

626
00:29:04,676 --> 00:29:06,396
Speaker 5: is something we're talking a lot about in the book,

627
00:29:06,756 --> 00:29:09,556
Speaker 5: then you will learn and grow. So the point is,

628
00:29:09,596 --> 00:29:13,476
Speaker 5: don't ruminate. Understand. That's the way that you can actually

629
00:29:13,596 --> 00:29:16,996
Speaker 5: use the information. Take the time to understand these things

630
00:29:17,076 --> 00:29:18,956
Speaker 5: appropriately and learning grow.

631
00:29:19,676 --> 00:29:24,116
Speaker 1: The second macro nutrient of happiness satisfaction is that thrill

632
00:29:24,196 --> 00:29:25,996
Speaker 1: from accomplishing a goal you work for.

633
00:29:26,036 --> 00:29:28,796
Speaker 4: Is what you say? Why is satisfaction also the key

634
00:29:28,796 --> 00:29:29,556
Speaker 4: to getting happier.

635
00:29:30,316 --> 00:29:33,716
Speaker 5: We're made to make progress. Human beings are made to

636
00:29:33,716 --> 00:29:38,356
Speaker 5: make progress. We're you know, we want to achieve. The

637
00:29:38,356 --> 00:29:39,996
Speaker 5: funny thing is that people always think, when I get

638
00:29:40,036 --> 00:29:42,356
Speaker 5: to my goal, then I'm going to be finally happy.

639
00:29:42,356 --> 00:29:45,956
Speaker 5: But that commits that. That's this incredible fallacy that's called

640
00:29:45,956 --> 00:29:48,516
Speaker 5: the arrival fallacy. You know, like you and I are

641
00:29:48,516 --> 00:29:50,156
Speaker 5: doing high fives because the book hit number one in

642
00:29:50,196 --> 00:29:52,236
Speaker 5: New York Times bestseller list. But if we're like, okay,

643
00:29:52,316 --> 00:29:54,876
Speaker 5: now Oprah and Arthur are going to be happy forever,

644
00:29:55,116 --> 00:29:57,796
Speaker 5: we're kidding ourselves. No, next week we're going to be

645
00:29:57,836 --> 00:30:00,116
Speaker 5: in doing a new project, doing a new thing. That's

646
00:30:00,116 --> 00:30:02,676
Speaker 5: the truth. The arrival fallacy is once I finally get

647
00:30:02,676 --> 00:30:04,476
Speaker 5: the money, once I finally get the marriage, once I

648
00:30:04,476 --> 00:30:06,596
Speaker 5: finally get the car of the house to boat, then

649
00:30:06,676 --> 00:30:08,916
Speaker 5: all will be well. The truth is that the greatest

650
00:30:09,436 --> 00:30:13,556
Speaker 5: joy comes from the progress toward the accomplishment, even in

651
00:30:13,596 --> 00:30:15,836
Speaker 5: spite of the fact that it requires a lot of struggle. Yeh,

652
00:30:15,876 --> 00:30:18,556
Speaker 5: Satisfaction is that moment that you hit it, which is

653
00:30:18,596 --> 00:30:21,036
Speaker 5: a real moment of joy. Now the paradox in that

654
00:30:21,196 --> 00:30:24,436
Speaker 5: is it doesn't last, and it can't last if you actually,

655
00:30:24,476 --> 00:30:24,876
Speaker 5: if you know.

656
00:30:25,316 --> 00:30:26,956
Speaker 4: That's why you couldn't get no satisfaction.

657
00:30:27,476 --> 00:30:29,076
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's right. And the truth is you can't keep

658
00:30:29,076 --> 00:30:31,996
Speaker 5: no satisfaction. That's the real problem. I mean, Mick Jagger

659
00:30:32,036 --> 00:30:32,956
Speaker 5: had it almost right.

660
00:30:33,316 --> 00:30:36,356
Speaker 4: That's what I was thinking. Jagger couldn't get no satisfaction.

661
00:30:35,796 --> 00:30:37,476
Speaker 5: That's right, I mean, and the truth is, if you

662
00:30:37,476 --> 00:30:39,756
Speaker 5: couldn't get it, you wouldn't keep trying and trying and trying.

663
00:30:39,796 --> 00:30:42,636
Speaker 5: Like he says. The problem is you can't keep no satisfaction.

664
00:30:42,956 --> 00:30:45,276
Speaker 5: And that's what seems kind of like a bitter fruit

665
00:30:45,676 --> 00:30:47,996
Speaker 5: with a satisfaction dilemma. You need to struggle. If you

666
00:30:48,036 --> 00:30:50,596
Speaker 5: don't struggle. By the way, there is no satisfaction. If

667
00:30:50,636 --> 00:30:53,436
Speaker 5: my students cheat on my exam and they get an A,

668
00:30:53,636 --> 00:30:56,196
Speaker 5: there's no satisfaction, satisfaction. They do an all nighter and

669
00:30:56,196 --> 00:30:58,756
Speaker 5: they work really hard and they get an A, they're like, yes,

670
00:30:58,996 --> 00:31:00,276
Speaker 5: and you know how it feels. I mean, you and

671
00:31:00,316 --> 00:31:02,556
Speaker 5: I were we worked hard on this book. Yeah, I

672
00:31:02,636 --> 00:31:05,076
Speaker 5: mean it was it was. It was a quick job,

673
00:31:05,116 --> 00:31:06,236
Speaker 5: but real quick turn.

674
00:31:06,516 --> 00:31:09,516
Speaker 1: And we were yeah, from the time that it Yeah,

675
00:31:09,516 --> 00:31:12,356
Speaker 1: it's miraculous from the time we decided.

676
00:31:12,556 --> 00:31:17,796
Speaker 5: Chapter I don't know, and it was, but then boom

677
00:31:17,956 --> 00:31:21,756
Speaker 5: and this satisfaction. Then the problem is thinking that once

678
00:31:21,796 --> 00:31:23,716
Speaker 5: we arrive, it's going to be good forever, and then

679
00:31:23,796 --> 00:31:27,516
Speaker 5: having a little the frustration that comes from the satisfaction

680
00:31:27,916 --> 00:31:29,916
Speaker 5: is dispelled and there's a way to fix there's a

681
00:31:29,916 --> 00:31:31,436
Speaker 5: way to a round that. But once again, you got

682
00:31:31,476 --> 00:31:32,356
Speaker 5: to fight mother nature.

683
00:31:32,556 --> 00:31:36,556
Speaker 1: Okay, So you need enjoyment, you need satisfaction, and you

684
00:31:36,636 --> 00:31:37,676
Speaker 1: also need purpose.

685
00:31:37,996 --> 00:31:40,476
Speaker 4: Those are the macro nutrients, like.

686
00:31:40,436 --> 00:31:42,116
Speaker 5: The protein, carbohydrates and fat.

687
00:31:42,276 --> 00:31:46,076
Speaker 1: Okay, and and how okay, so explain to people how

688
00:31:46,116 --> 00:31:49,076
Speaker 1: the macro nutrients fit into the pillars.

689
00:31:49,316 --> 00:31:52,356
Speaker 5: Yeah. So the macro nutrients are basically the elements that

690
00:31:52,396 --> 00:31:54,836
Speaker 5: we find that you need in balance and abundance. You

691
00:31:54,836 --> 00:31:57,156
Speaker 5: can't just have a life of enjoyment. You also need satisfaction,

692
00:31:57,196 --> 00:31:59,676
Speaker 5: you need goals, you need to struggle, and you need meaning,

693
00:31:59,676 --> 00:32:02,036
Speaker 5: which is the why, the essence of your life. You

694
00:32:02,076 --> 00:32:04,516
Speaker 5: need those things. The happiest people have those three things

695
00:32:04,516 --> 00:32:06,516
Speaker 5: and they work on them. They take them seriously, and

696
00:32:06,556 --> 00:32:08,476
Speaker 5: we spend tons of time about how to actually do that.

697
00:32:08,636 --> 00:32:11,676
Speaker 1: Yeah, then this is why this is so great. For y'all,

698
00:32:12,276 --> 00:32:15,276
Speaker 1: and I mean y'all meaning myself too, because when I

699
00:32:15,556 --> 00:32:18,356
Speaker 1: me and yeah, when we figured it out. I mean,

700
00:32:18,396 --> 00:32:22,516
Speaker 1: those are the that's the baseline. You need enjoyment, you

701
00:32:22,596 --> 00:32:25,836
Speaker 1: need satisfaction, and you need meaning and purpose, right, And

702
00:32:25,916 --> 00:32:27,876
Speaker 1: let's talk about what meaning and purpose means because I

703
00:32:27,876 --> 00:32:30,076
Speaker 1: think people get all confused about the purpose.

704
00:32:30,116 --> 00:32:31,996
Speaker 4: It like I don't know my purpose. I don't know

705
00:32:32,036 --> 00:32:33,236
Speaker 4: my purpose. Yeah.

706
00:32:33,276 --> 00:32:36,796
Speaker 5: So those macronutrients are just like the macronutrients of food,

707
00:32:36,836 --> 00:32:38,636
Speaker 5: the component parts of food. Yeah, and then you got

708
00:32:38,636 --> 00:32:40,436
Speaker 5: the dishes and the dinner, which are the pillars that

709
00:32:40,476 --> 00:32:42,436
Speaker 5: we'll talk about later, Okay, the things to actually be

710
00:32:42,436 --> 00:32:44,756
Speaker 5: focusing on the things that you're working on. But the

711
00:32:44,836 --> 00:32:48,716
Speaker 5: last macronutrient is meaning or purpose. Meaning is the essence

712
00:32:48,756 --> 00:32:51,676
Speaker 5: of your life. You know, who am I? It's this

713
00:32:51,796 --> 00:32:54,876
Speaker 5: whole finding yourself thing, right, Like I gotta find myself

714
00:32:54,916 --> 00:32:57,516
Speaker 5: and people from the beginning of time, it's like who

715
00:32:57,596 --> 00:33:01,076
Speaker 5: am I? Right? And that's a that's no, that's no joke.

716
00:33:01,396 --> 00:33:03,076
Speaker 5: That's a hard thing to do. I mean some people

717
00:33:03,116 --> 00:33:05,596
Speaker 5: believe that you could discover it because of your essence

718
00:33:05,636 --> 00:33:08,836
Speaker 5: precedes your existence. Yes, I mean most religious people, you know,

719
00:33:08,876 --> 00:33:11,036
Speaker 5: people raised in the Christian faith like you and me.

720
00:33:11,116 --> 00:33:12,676
Speaker 5: I mean, we believe that we're made in God's image

721
00:33:12,676 --> 00:33:14,076
Speaker 5: and that's our essence and it precedes us.

722
00:33:14,396 --> 00:33:14,556
Speaker 4: Right.

723
00:33:15,036 --> 00:33:17,116
Speaker 5: Other people think that they can create their own essence.

724
00:33:17,436 --> 00:33:20,116
Speaker 5: This is you know, different philosophies believe. That's a tricky one, right.

725
00:33:20,276 --> 00:33:22,916
Speaker 5: Some people believe there is no essence. That's a real problem, right.

726
00:33:23,316 --> 00:33:25,476
Speaker 5: But the truth of the matter is that to do

727
00:33:25,556 --> 00:33:28,236
Speaker 5: that And we talk about this in the book a

728
00:33:28,236 --> 00:33:32,636
Speaker 5: little bit, that there's a quiz that you've got to

729
00:33:32,676 --> 00:33:36,316
Speaker 5: give yourself and you have to have real sincere answers

730
00:33:36,356 --> 00:33:39,476
Speaker 5: to two questions. Now, if you don't have them, it

731
00:33:39,516 --> 00:33:42,116
Speaker 5: means there's a crisis of meaning in your life. But

732
00:33:42,196 --> 00:33:44,276
Speaker 5: that's a good thing to know that because then you

733
00:33:44,276 --> 00:33:46,196
Speaker 5: have the opportunity to go in search of just the

734
00:33:46,196 --> 00:33:49,716
Speaker 5: answers to just two questions. Yeah, question number one, why

735
00:33:49,796 --> 00:33:52,436
Speaker 5: are you alive? And again I can't tell you that.

736
00:33:52,516 --> 00:33:53,876
Speaker 5: I mean, it's like you gotta have your own answer

737
00:33:53,876 --> 00:33:55,516
Speaker 5: to that, Yes, go in search of that answer. In

738
00:33:55,556 --> 00:33:58,676
Speaker 5: the second for what are you willing to die today?

739
00:33:59,916 --> 00:34:03,756
Speaker 5: And the answer probably shouldn't be no food, right, There's

740
00:34:03,796 --> 00:34:05,516
Speaker 5: got to be something. And once you actually find the

741
00:34:05,556 --> 00:34:08,796
Speaker 5: answers to those questions. It's extraordinary, Oprah. You know when

742
00:34:08,836 --> 00:34:11,916
Speaker 5: you see this my you know, you know a lot

743
00:34:11,916 --> 00:34:14,956
Speaker 5: of my family not my family, and one my son,

744
00:34:15,036 --> 00:34:17,756
Speaker 5: you haven't met yet because he's still an active duty marine.

745
00:34:17,796 --> 00:34:20,596
Speaker 5: He's a scout sniper in the US Marine Corps. And

746
00:34:20,636 --> 00:34:23,676
Speaker 5: you know he struggled in high school because meaning you know,

747
00:34:23,876 --> 00:34:26,156
Speaker 5: it's like he was goofing off and he wasn't even

748
00:34:26,196 --> 00:34:30,156
Speaker 5: having fun because he's like, who am I? So I

749
00:34:30,156 --> 00:34:31,916
Speaker 5: I'm a business school professor. I make my kids do

750
00:34:31,956 --> 00:34:34,396
Speaker 5: a business plan when they're a junior in high school,

751
00:34:34,516 --> 00:34:36,756
Speaker 5: you know, a business plan because the enterprise of life. Yeah,

752
00:34:37,116 --> 00:34:40,916
Speaker 5: and they're entrepreneurs. I'm VC, I'm venture capital, so I

753
00:34:40,956 --> 00:34:43,636
Speaker 5: deserve a business plan. I realized it's pretty nerdy, but

754
00:34:43,636 --> 00:34:44,036
Speaker 5: there you go.

755
00:34:44,236 --> 00:34:44,676
Speaker 4: I like it.

756
00:34:44,756 --> 00:34:46,796
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so they and if it's not original, I

757
00:34:46,836 --> 00:34:49,556
Speaker 5: send it back for revisions. Those are my son, Carlos.

758
00:34:49,556 --> 00:34:52,036
Speaker 5: He's a good boy, and carl is like his business

759
00:34:52,076 --> 00:34:54,036
Speaker 5: plans kind of. I don't know. I don't believe it.

760
00:34:54,076 --> 00:34:55,876
Speaker 5: So I say, you need to find the answers to

761
00:34:55,916 --> 00:34:57,396
Speaker 5: these questions. How are you going to find the answers

762
00:34:57,436 --> 00:34:59,076
Speaker 5: to these questions? So in his business plan, he says,

763
00:34:59,116 --> 00:35:01,196
Speaker 5: I'm not going to college, which is fine. I didn't

764
00:35:01,196 --> 00:35:02,996
Speaker 5: either until I was thirty. You know, I took me

765
00:35:03,036 --> 00:35:05,356
Speaker 5: a long time to get through college too. I wasn't ready.

766
00:35:05,516 --> 00:35:07,756
Speaker 5: He went to work on a farm. He spent two

767
00:35:07,836 --> 00:35:10,396
Speaker 5: years on a dry land wheat for in Idaho. Then

768
00:35:10,436 --> 00:35:14,956
Speaker 5: he joined the Marines. And he's twenty three. Now he's married,

769
00:35:15,676 --> 00:35:17,996
Speaker 5: and he's got to going on and he's got answers

770
00:35:18,036 --> 00:35:20,596
Speaker 5: to those two questions. And I asked him, Carlos, why

771
00:35:20,596 --> 00:35:23,316
Speaker 5: were you born? Why are you alive? He said, because

772
00:35:23,316 --> 00:35:26,036
Speaker 5: God made me to serve. For what are you willing

773
00:35:26,076 --> 00:35:29,796
Speaker 5: to die today? He says, for my family, for my faith,

774
00:35:30,316 --> 00:35:34,236
Speaker 5: for my friends, and for the United States of America.

775
00:35:34,636 --> 00:35:38,676
Speaker 5: Boom boom. And you know that's not everybody's answers were

776
00:35:38,676 --> 00:35:41,796
Speaker 5: watching us. Yeah, but that boys got answers at three,

777
00:35:41,876 --> 00:35:45,316
Speaker 5: at twenty three, and his life is different than it was.

778
00:35:45,876 --> 00:35:49,156
Speaker 5: His life is meaning it's beautiful. As a father, I

779
00:35:49,156 --> 00:35:52,436
Speaker 5: couldn't be prouder. I couldn't be prouder of the enterprise

780
00:35:52,516 --> 00:35:55,236
Speaker 5: that he's building of his life. M he because you

781
00:35:55,236 --> 00:35:56,516
Speaker 5: know he's becoming a good man.

782
00:35:56,836 --> 00:35:59,556
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, yes, I love that you're the venture

783
00:35:59,596 --> 00:36:01,236
Speaker 1: capitalist and bringing the plane.

784
00:36:01,396 --> 00:36:03,916
Speaker 4: Yeah all right, business school, Yeah, okay.

785
00:36:04,516 --> 00:36:10,236
Speaker 1: Chapter two is entitle the power of metacognition and what

786
00:36:10,316 --> 00:36:12,916
Speaker 1: I call field to feel and then take the will

787
00:36:13,036 --> 00:36:17,436
Speaker 1: explain medicognition. I think this is just one of the biggest, biggest,

788
00:36:17,516 --> 00:36:24,516
Speaker 1: biggest contributions to people getting happier in their lives once

789
00:36:24,556 --> 00:36:25,556
Speaker 1: you get the metacognition.

790
00:36:25,636 --> 00:36:27,796
Speaker 5: It's changed my life. Yeah, it's just changed my life.

791
00:36:27,796 --> 00:36:29,396
Speaker 5: And part of the reason is because people go through

792
00:36:29,436 --> 00:36:32,956
Speaker 5: life relatively unexamined in their emotions and just hoping that

793
00:36:32,956 --> 00:36:35,756
Speaker 5: their emotions will get better, and with a complete inability

794
00:36:35,756 --> 00:36:40,076
Speaker 5: to separate their own essence from their emotions. And that's

795
00:36:40,076 --> 00:36:42,516
Speaker 5: a crazy thing to do. You're not your emotions. Look,

796
00:36:42,556 --> 00:36:46,036
Speaker 5: I'm not my hand, you know. If it's it's I'm

797
00:36:46,036 --> 00:36:48,036
Speaker 5: not my my hand is not completely independent. It was

798
00:36:48,076 --> 00:36:50,436
Speaker 5: like it's like one of the whole horror movies. But

799
00:36:50,476 --> 00:36:52,796
Speaker 5: that's how people are with their emotions, where their emotions

800
00:36:52,796 --> 00:36:58,276
Speaker 5: are controlling them. Metacognition is thinking about thinking. It's it's

801
00:36:58,436 --> 00:37:01,036
Speaker 5: the ability to look at your own self with a

802
00:37:01,076 --> 00:37:05,836
Speaker 5: certain intellectual remove at a distance. It's putting distance between

803
00:37:05,876 --> 00:37:09,556
Speaker 5: your feelings and your reactions and doing it on purpose.

804
00:37:09,956 --> 00:37:12,596
Speaker 5: When you have that ability, your life isn't going to

805
00:37:12,636 --> 00:37:14,476
Speaker 5: be the same. It just isn't because you're not going

806
00:37:14,556 --> 00:37:17,236
Speaker 5: to wonder like, is something bad gonna happen to tomorrow?

807
00:37:17,476 --> 00:37:20,076
Speaker 5: By the way, answer, yes, am I going to feel

808
00:37:20,076 --> 00:37:22,636
Speaker 5: bad about it? I'm going to decide how I'm gonna

809
00:37:22,636 --> 00:37:24,916
Speaker 5: work on this. I'm going to decide my reactions. I'm

810
00:37:24,956 --> 00:37:27,556
Speaker 5: going to substitute emotions that are more appropriate for what

811
00:37:27,556 --> 00:37:30,116
Speaker 5: I'm doing. Now, you have emotions for a reason, you're

812
00:37:30,156 --> 00:37:32,236
Speaker 5: not going to block them out. But once you have

813
00:37:32,636 --> 00:37:36,756
Speaker 5: metacognitive skill where you can put space between the emotions

814
00:37:36,756 --> 00:37:38,876
Speaker 5: that are simply signals from your brain about what's going

815
00:37:38,876 --> 00:37:39,716
Speaker 5: on around you.

816
00:37:40,036 --> 00:37:43,356
Speaker 1: And the emotions are there to tell you that something's off,

817
00:37:43,596 --> 00:37:45,996
Speaker 1: is just and you need to do something. It's it's

818
00:37:46,036 --> 00:37:49,436
Speaker 1: just that your emotions are just information.

819
00:37:49,636 --> 00:37:49,876
Speaker 5: They are.

820
00:37:49,956 --> 00:37:51,396
Speaker 4: You can get that, and if you.

821
00:37:51,356 --> 00:37:56,596
Speaker 1: Can separate yourself from the thing that you're feeling, feel

822
00:37:56,636 --> 00:37:59,436
Speaker 1: the feeling and then take control exactly right.

823
00:37:59,596 --> 00:38:01,116
Speaker 5: And the way that you do that is by putting

824
00:38:01,196 --> 00:38:03,676
Speaker 5: space between the emotions and your reactions. Tell us how

825
00:38:03,716 --> 00:38:07,116
Speaker 5: to do that, So you do that by by studying yourself.

826
00:38:07,596 --> 00:38:11,796
Speaker 1: Now, no don't you that Also by observing the feeling

827
00:38:12,516 --> 00:38:15,556
Speaker 1: exactly as though it were happening, is somebody else's how

828
00:38:15,556 --> 00:38:18,636
Speaker 1: you do you identify what this feeling as you say, oh, gosh,

829
00:38:18,916 --> 00:38:22,316
Speaker 1: I'm feeling so sad right now, I'm feeling so put upon,

830
00:38:22,356 --> 00:38:26,676
Speaker 1: I'm feeling so betrayed, whatever it is. But you separate

831
00:38:27,036 --> 00:38:31,236
Speaker 1: that feeling from yourself. You're observing all those feelings inside

832
00:38:31,276 --> 00:38:33,596
Speaker 1: your body so that you see that the feeling is

833
00:38:33,596 --> 00:38:34,916
Speaker 1: really different from you.

834
00:38:34,916 --> 00:38:36,556
Speaker 4: You're in control of the feeling.

835
00:38:36,316 --> 00:38:37,996
Speaker 5: Exactly way, and you're you're able to react in an

836
00:38:38,036 --> 00:38:40,236
Speaker 5: appropriate way. I mean, it's that we're so maladapted to

837
00:38:40,276 --> 00:38:41,836
Speaker 5: the way that our feelings occur to us. I mean

838
00:38:42,116 --> 00:38:44,156
Speaker 5: I talk to people all the time where once again

839
00:38:44,236 --> 00:38:46,956
Speaker 5: back to social media, Yeah, I got a bad tweet

840
00:38:47,236 --> 00:38:47,916
Speaker 5: and what are to do?

841
00:38:48,116 --> 00:38:48,156
Speaker 4: It?

842
00:38:48,636 --> 00:38:51,556
Speaker 5: It raised your stress hormones or through the roof. You've

843
00:38:51,596 --> 00:38:53,596
Speaker 5: got butterflies in your stomach and the whole thing. The

844
00:38:53,676 --> 00:38:56,716
Speaker 5: reason for that is because nature wants you to run

845
00:38:56,756 --> 00:38:59,956
Speaker 5: away from a saber tooth tiger by injecting stress hormones

846
00:38:59,996 --> 00:39:02,156
Speaker 5: in your system when you think there's a threat but

847
00:39:02,956 --> 00:39:05,556
Speaker 5: or you don't want to wander the frozen tundra and

848
00:39:05,596 --> 00:39:08,036
Speaker 5: die alone. But you know, folks, look around, no tundra,

849
00:39:08,196 --> 00:39:11,796
Speaker 5: Twitter's not ton And so the result is metacognition is

850
00:39:11,916 --> 00:39:13,796
Speaker 5: very important so that we can we make it feel

851
00:39:13,836 --> 00:39:16,636
Speaker 5: like it sure, And if you don't have an examined life, yes,

852
00:39:16,916 --> 00:39:18,876
Speaker 5: then you're not going to be able to make those distinctions.

853
00:39:18,916 --> 00:39:21,076
Speaker 5: And so you can actually laugh at yourself when you're

854
00:39:21,116 --> 00:39:24,396
Speaker 5: actually observing your own emotions at a certain remove, as

855
00:39:24,396 --> 00:39:26,196
Speaker 5: if they were happening to another person, and you see

856
00:39:26,196 --> 00:39:28,996
Speaker 5: yourself freaking out because of a tweet, you will start laughing.

857
00:39:29,636 --> 00:39:33,876
Speaker 5: You will start You'll be like, really, Arthur, really really, Yeah,

858
00:39:33,876 --> 00:39:35,796
Speaker 5: you're you're really I mean, it's like you're a grown man.

859
00:39:36,636 --> 00:39:39,156
Speaker 5: You have a PhD or social scientist. You're supposed to

860
00:39:39,196 --> 00:39:41,116
Speaker 5: know all this stuff. And somebody said a mean thing

861
00:39:41,116 --> 00:39:42,996
Speaker 5: to you on Twitter, and you're acting as if you

862
00:39:43,036 --> 00:39:46,476
Speaker 5: know an axe murder is chasing you. Come on, man,

863
00:39:46,836 --> 00:39:49,636
Speaker 5: and it's just funny and life gets better. And that's

864
00:39:49,676 --> 00:39:51,636
Speaker 5: what metacognition can do for all of us if we

865
00:39:51,676 --> 00:39:52,516
Speaker 5: have the right techniques.

866
00:39:52,556 --> 00:39:56,556
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's explain the emotional caffeine metaphor you mentioned

867
00:39:56,596 --> 00:39:57,996
Speaker 1: on page seventy one.

868
00:39:58,316 --> 00:39:59,876
Speaker 4: We all love this the first time we heard it.

869
00:40:00,156 --> 00:40:02,836
Speaker 5: Tell us about it. So emotional caffeine. This is just

870
00:40:02,916 --> 00:40:06,676
Speaker 5: a metaphor. Most people of something like ninety five percent

871
00:40:06,756 --> 00:40:11,076
Speaker 5: of Americans use caffeine on a regular basis. I'm crazy

872
00:40:11,116 --> 00:40:12,956
Speaker 5: about coffee. I lived. I grew up next to the

873
00:40:12,996 --> 00:40:15,596
Speaker 5: first Starbucks in the world in the nineteen seventies. There

874
00:40:15,636 --> 00:40:18,036
Speaker 5: was one Starbucks. My house was near it. I've been

875
00:40:18,116 --> 00:40:21,236
Speaker 5: drinking in Seattle. Yeah. I grewu to Seattle on in

876
00:40:21,276 --> 00:40:22,956
Speaker 5: the queen An neighborhood and he us to walk down

877
00:40:22,996 --> 00:40:25,756
Speaker 5: to Pike Place mart. Yeah, the first one. Yeah. I've

878
00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:27,836
Speaker 5: talked to Howard Schultz about this. He thinks it's quite charming.

879
00:40:27,996 --> 00:40:30,316
Speaker 5: But I've been drinking caffeine, I mean taking caffeine regularly

880
00:40:30,356 --> 00:40:32,596
Speaker 5: since I was seventh grade, which means I have the

881
00:40:32,636 --> 00:40:35,676
Speaker 5: most enervated adrenal system. And who knows. I mean, it's

882
00:40:35,716 --> 00:40:39,636
Speaker 5: like the autopsy is going to be a fun time anyway. So,

883
00:40:40,356 --> 00:40:41,916
Speaker 5: but what happens with your brain is you think it

884
00:40:41,916 --> 00:40:43,556
Speaker 5: PEPs you up because it gives you all this energy.

885
00:40:43,636 --> 00:40:47,556
Speaker 5: Is not what it does. Is it blocks another neurotransmitter

886
00:40:47,676 --> 00:40:51,116
Speaker 5: called a dentisine. A dentisine is a neurotransmitter that's floating

887
00:40:51,116 --> 00:40:53,396
Speaker 5: around your brain that goes into these certain receptors and

888
00:40:53,436 --> 00:40:55,716
Speaker 5: it mellows you out. So it makes you when you

889
00:40:55,756 --> 00:40:58,476
Speaker 5: have time to be tired, time to lower your energy.

890
00:40:58,516 --> 00:41:01,076
Speaker 5: Whatever it is. The problem is you got too much

891
00:41:01,116 --> 00:41:03,196
Speaker 5: of it, Like in the morning, you're feeling kind of lethargic,

892
00:41:03,236 --> 00:41:05,596
Speaker 5: too much a dentisine feeling those receptors. You get this

893
00:41:05,676 --> 00:41:09,116
Speaker 5: caffeine where the molecule is the same size and shape

894
00:41:09,196 --> 00:41:11,236
Speaker 5: and it goes into the parking spots for the a

895
00:41:11,276 --> 00:41:14,836
Speaker 5: dent scene blocking it. So it just can't mellow you out.

896
00:41:14,996 --> 00:41:19,636
Speaker 5: That's what caffeine does. It blocks the neurotransmitter that you

897
00:41:19,676 --> 00:41:23,276
Speaker 5: don't want. That's what it's doing. So it's not up,

898
00:41:23,356 --> 00:41:26,916
Speaker 5: it's not it's preventing you from being perked down. That's

899
00:41:27,116 --> 00:41:29,236
Speaker 5: that's not an expression. Is it to mellow you out?

900
00:41:29,276 --> 00:41:30,076
Speaker 5: You don't want to be too much.

901
00:41:30,316 --> 00:41:34,916
Speaker 4: There's happierness. We can be perked down too, creating language.

902
00:41:35,156 --> 00:41:36,716
Speaker 5: I love it. So so that's what it's. And so

903
00:41:36,756 --> 00:41:39,436
Speaker 5: the reason I use that particular metaphor, and you and

904
00:41:39,516 --> 00:41:41,796
Speaker 5: I talk about this metaphor in the book, is because

905
00:41:41,836 --> 00:41:44,596
Speaker 5: that's what you can do once you're a metacognitive and

906
00:41:44,596 --> 00:41:47,316
Speaker 5: you're aware of your own emotions, and you're studying your

907
00:41:47,316 --> 00:41:50,476
Speaker 5: own emotions. So many times throughout life you've got a

908
00:41:50,476 --> 00:41:53,316
Speaker 5: particular emotion, but it's not the emotion you want. Choose

909
00:41:53,316 --> 00:41:54,916
Speaker 5: another one, choose.

910
00:41:55,436 --> 00:41:58,436
Speaker 1: So you should have a store, like a little storage

911
00:41:59,116 --> 00:42:01,796
Speaker 1: of better emotions, repertoire.

912
00:42:01,876 --> 00:42:02,876
Speaker 5: You need a better repetoi.

913
00:42:03,476 --> 00:42:06,356
Speaker 4: That's right, a repertoire better emotions.

914
00:42:06,436 --> 00:42:09,516
Speaker 1: So when you're in a funk, when you're perked down,

915
00:42:10,076 --> 00:42:11,636
Speaker 1: you can go to something that.

916
00:42:11,556 --> 00:42:14,036
Speaker 5: Perks you up, exactly right. You can actually block the

917
00:42:14,796 --> 00:42:16,036
Speaker 5: anxiety and depression.

918
00:42:16,276 --> 00:42:17,036
Speaker 4: Give me an example.

919
00:42:17,156 --> 00:42:19,716
Speaker 5: So, and it's an example from a mutual friend of ours,

920
00:42:19,756 --> 00:42:22,836
Speaker 5: Rain Wilson. You know, the actor who is in the office. Yeah,

921
00:42:23,036 --> 00:42:27,356
Speaker 5: he I noticed, you know, just through basic observation, that

922
00:42:27,436 --> 00:42:31,316
Speaker 5: a lot of professional comedians are depressed. So I said, hey, man,

923
00:42:31,756 --> 00:42:35,156
Speaker 5: what is it about professional comedy that bums you out

924
00:42:35,196 --> 00:42:37,156
Speaker 5: so much? That makes you melancholic? And he said, no, no,

925
00:42:37,196 --> 00:42:40,396
Speaker 5: you got it wrong. It's the opposite, is that we

926
00:42:41,076 --> 00:42:43,996
Speaker 5: tend toward depression and we make a joke when we

927
00:42:44,036 --> 00:42:48,636
Speaker 5: feel down, and that solves the problem. That's emotional caffeine.

928
00:42:48,996 --> 00:42:51,436
Speaker 5: When you make a joke and other people laugh. Life

929
00:42:51,476 --> 00:42:54,516
Speaker 5: gets better. You lighten somebody else's load, and you lighten

930
00:42:54,556 --> 00:42:57,196
Speaker 5: your own load, and you get relief. You get a

931
00:42:57,196 --> 00:42:59,876
Speaker 5: little cup of Starbucks dark roast at that moment.

932
00:42:59,996 --> 00:43:02,116
Speaker 1: Is it also sort of like you know when I

933
00:43:02,556 --> 00:43:05,676
Speaker 1: every time anybody knows this too. I'm sure this happens

934
00:43:05,676 --> 00:43:08,676
Speaker 1: to you. You go to the doctor, the blood pressure

935
00:43:09,156 --> 00:43:12,316
Speaker 1: cuff goes on. My blood pressure immediately goes up when

936
00:43:12,316 --> 00:43:13,916
Speaker 1: I see the blood pressure cover coming.

937
00:43:14,236 --> 00:43:16,596
Speaker 4: I got the way. I definitely have the white coat syndrome.

938
00:43:16,636 --> 00:43:20,036
Speaker 1: I've literally I go to Cleveland clinic like once a

939
00:43:20,076 --> 00:43:22,116
Speaker 1: year and they leave me in the room for a

940
00:43:22,116 --> 00:43:24,916
Speaker 1: few minutes before so I can calm myself down because

941
00:43:24,916 --> 00:43:27,356
Speaker 1: I got the white coat syndrome. And I start thinking

942
00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:30,476
Speaker 1: about every happy thing. Walking in the woods with my dogs.

943
00:43:30,996 --> 00:43:33,836
Speaker 1: I've always loved water sprinklers on a green lawn, you know,

944
00:43:33,916 --> 00:43:35,996
Speaker 1: when you're walking and you can see the rainbow in

945
00:43:36,036 --> 00:43:36,276
Speaker 1: the water.

946
00:43:36,596 --> 00:43:39,676
Speaker 4: So I start I have like this little storage, just

947
00:43:39,756 --> 00:43:40,836
Speaker 4: a little place.

948
00:43:40,676 --> 00:43:44,316
Speaker 1: Yeah, a little repertoire of things to calm me down

949
00:43:44,716 --> 00:43:45,356
Speaker 1: to think about.

950
00:43:45,436 --> 00:43:46,796
Speaker 4: So is that what emotional caffeine.

951
00:43:46,916 --> 00:43:49,316
Speaker 5: Emotional caffeine works exactly that way, And the key thing

952
00:43:49,356 --> 00:43:52,796
Speaker 5: is thinking about the things, the things that the bew

953
00:43:53,356 --> 00:43:55,796
Speaker 5: you know, the particular experiences that you have that are

954
00:43:55,796 --> 00:43:59,356
Speaker 5: the problematic emotions that are that are maladapted. They're not exact,

955
00:43:59,396 --> 00:44:01,356
Speaker 5: they're not the wrong emotion, they're just the emotion. It's

956
00:44:01,396 --> 00:44:03,996
Speaker 5: just information. Yeah, But you can have another emotion that's

957
00:44:04,076 --> 00:44:07,956
Speaker 5: also extremely appropriate and choose that. If you're studying yourself

958
00:44:07,996 --> 00:44:10,716
Speaker 5: and you've got distance between your reaction and to what

959
00:44:10,756 --> 00:44:12,556
Speaker 5: you're feeling. If you're very reactive, if you're like a

960
00:44:12,556 --> 00:44:15,476
Speaker 5: little kid, you know, you're angry, you yell, you're sad,

961
00:44:15,556 --> 00:44:18,276
Speaker 5: you cry without thinking about it. On the contrary, when

962
00:44:18,316 --> 00:44:20,876
Speaker 5: you're something is, it's and and it's fine. I mean,

963
00:44:20,916 --> 00:44:23,156
Speaker 5: we like spontaneous people, but that's no way to live,

964
00:44:23,556 --> 00:44:25,316
Speaker 5: you know, when when you have little kids. When my

965
00:44:25,396 --> 00:44:27,236
Speaker 5: kids were little, my wife and I would say, use

966
00:44:27,316 --> 00:44:31,556
Speaker 5: your words. Let's say being metacognitive. That's what that really means,

967
00:44:31,556 --> 00:44:33,916
Speaker 5: because when you use your words, you've moved the experience

968
00:44:33,956 --> 00:44:37,596
Speaker 5: of the emotion into your prefrontal cortex, into your executive brain,

969
00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:40,156
Speaker 5: and there you can make decisions like emotional caffeine. You

970
00:44:40,196 --> 00:44:42,596
Speaker 5: can you can decide on on on different emotions that

971
00:44:42,676 --> 00:44:45,396
Speaker 5: are more appropriate to the circumstances. So here's a you.

972
00:44:45,316 --> 00:44:46,436
Speaker 4: Can think of better thought.

973
00:44:46,676 --> 00:44:48,316
Speaker 5: You can think a better thought, and you can think.

974
00:44:48,156 --> 00:44:51,556
Speaker 1: A better thought if you have a repertoire, a thought

975
00:44:51,676 --> 00:44:54,516
Speaker 1: to go to to think. It's hard to think a

976
00:44:54,516 --> 00:44:56,796
Speaker 1: better thought when you're in the midst of the if

977
00:44:56,836 --> 00:44:57,916
Speaker 1: you're all down.

978
00:44:57,796 --> 00:45:00,316
Speaker 5: So give yourself some space, get some space in there

979
00:45:00,316 --> 00:45:02,396
Speaker 5: and say, okay, huh, I'm gonna go to the library.

980
00:45:02,436 --> 00:45:04,556
Speaker 5: I'm gonna pick out that one. Here's a classic one

981
00:45:04,556 --> 00:45:06,516
Speaker 5: that you do all you do super well, I've seen it.

982
00:45:06,556 --> 00:45:08,276
Speaker 4: You do it again and yeah, yeah, yeah, right, you're

983
00:45:08,316 --> 00:45:08,996
Speaker 4: talking about.

984
00:45:09,116 --> 00:45:11,356
Speaker 5: Talk about ut Yeah.

985
00:45:11,396 --> 00:45:11,556
Speaker 1: Yeah.

986
00:45:11,596 --> 00:45:14,876
Speaker 5: So we feel resentment and we feel bitterness or we

987
00:45:14,916 --> 00:45:17,196
Speaker 5: feel anger a lot, and the reason is because we're

988
00:45:17,196 --> 00:45:20,556
Speaker 5: evolved to have those as dominant emotions. This is called

989
00:45:20,556 --> 00:45:24,596
Speaker 5: the negativity bias. The negativity bias is that, you know,

990
00:45:24,996 --> 00:45:28,076
Speaker 5: we actually have more brain space dedicated to producing emotions

991
00:45:28,116 --> 00:45:31,356
Speaker 5: that are negative than positive, because negative emotions on the

992
00:45:31,396 --> 00:45:34,796
Speaker 5: place to scene keep you alive. Yeah, somebody smiling sweetly

993
00:45:34,836 --> 00:45:37,916
Speaker 5: at you in the tribe, that's great. Somebody frowning at

994
00:45:37,956 --> 00:45:40,316
Speaker 5: you might be a big problem when you step outside,

995
00:45:40,396 --> 00:45:40,676
Speaker 5: and you.

996
00:45:40,596 --> 00:45:43,316
Speaker 1: Will remember that frown longer than you remember the twelve

997
00:45:43,356 --> 00:45:44,156
Speaker 1: people who smiled.

998
00:45:44,196 --> 00:45:46,956
Speaker 5: Oh yes, oh yeah, because that's evolved to keep you alive.

999
00:45:47,076 --> 00:45:50,996
Speaker 5: The problem is hugely maladapted and what it'll ruin big

1000
00:45:51,036 --> 00:45:54,116
Speaker 5: parts of our lives. Yeah, because we're so we're negative

1001
00:45:54,116 --> 00:45:55,876
Speaker 5: all the time. It's also unrealistic, the truth.

1002
00:45:56,036 --> 00:45:57,836
Speaker 1: It's why in the beginning of the Oprah Show, when

1003
00:45:57,876 --> 00:46:01,436
Speaker 1: we were still just you know, taking phone calls and

1004
00:46:01,436 --> 00:46:04,836
Speaker 1: people were writing real letters by snail mail, if somebody

1005
00:46:04,876 --> 00:46:07,956
Speaker 1: wrote something negative or said something, I would track them down.

1006
00:46:08,396 --> 00:46:10,956
Speaker 4: I'd get a thousand great letters.

1007
00:46:11,236 --> 00:46:14,276
Speaker 1: I wouldn't respond but oh that's nice, that's nice, that's nice,

1008
00:46:14,316 --> 00:46:18,196
Speaker 1: and one negative thing. I would track them down. I'd

1009
00:46:18,196 --> 00:46:20,676
Speaker 1: find them in Louisiana.

1010
00:46:19,996 --> 00:46:22,876
Speaker 4: Alabama, wherever you were. I'm gonna and.

1011
00:46:22,756 --> 00:46:25,396
Speaker 1: Then call them up and say, excuse me, this is

1012
00:46:25,436 --> 00:46:26,996
Speaker 1: Oprah calling and they're like, what I know.

1013
00:46:27,076 --> 00:46:29,636
Speaker 5: It's like I know, yeah, yeah, it's crazy. But you know,

1014
00:46:29,876 --> 00:46:32,156
Speaker 5: there's a there's a lot of literature on this. Social

1015
00:46:32,156 --> 00:46:34,116
Speaker 5: scientists and looks at us a lot. If you're out

1016
00:46:34,116 --> 00:46:36,396
Speaker 5: for dinner with your friends having a great old time

1017
00:46:36,676 --> 00:46:40,396
Speaker 5: and there's one point of disagreement, that's what you remember

1018
00:46:40,716 --> 00:46:42,396
Speaker 5: from the whole night that's.

1019
00:46:42,236 --> 00:46:43,796
Speaker 4: The thing saying stays with you.

1020
00:46:44,036 --> 00:46:47,756
Speaker 5: Right Thanksgiving dinner when you know Aunt Mabel, yeah something,

1021
00:46:47,916 --> 00:46:50,716
Speaker 5: you know, she she she went after you know, her

1022
00:46:50,756 --> 00:46:53,836
Speaker 5: nephew Jake because you know they disagreed about President Trump

1023
00:46:53,916 --> 00:46:55,836
Speaker 5: or something like that. And that's what everybody's like, Oh,

1024
00:46:55,956 --> 00:46:58,396
Speaker 5: that was the Thanksgiving or Aunt Mabel went berserk about

1025
00:46:58,396 --> 00:47:01,356
Speaker 5: politics or something. That's what you remember about.

1026
00:47:01,116 --> 00:47:02,836
Speaker 4: Because we can't invite An Mabel again.

1027
00:47:02,916 --> 00:47:04,796
Speaker 5: Yeah, because of that thing happened. You had a great

1028
00:47:04,876 --> 00:47:07,316
Speaker 5: time for three hours or four hours, and it was

1029
00:47:07,356 --> 00:47:10,876
Speaker 5: like three minutes. But the negativity bias, man, that's like

1030
00:47:10,876 --> 00:47:12,156
Speaker 5: a blinking life and.

1031
00:47:12,076 --> 00:47:13,756
Speaker 4: We are so you're saying we're born that way.

1032
00:47:13,756 --> 00:47:16,076
Speaker 5: We're born that way. Absolutely, we're born that way. And

1033
00:47:16,676 --> 00:47:18,996
Speaker 5: sometimes it's great because it saves your life. But a

1034
00:47:18,996 --> 00:47:22,436
Speaker 5: lot of times it just embitters beautiful things and it's unrealistic.

1035
00:47:22,476 --> 00:47:24,516
Speaker 5: It's not even right. Yeah, you know the truth is

1036
00:47:24,636 --> 00:47:26,796
Speaker 5: a lot of the times we're feeling resentment because it's like,

1037
00:47:26,876 --> 00:47:31,876
Speaker 5: can you believe the quality of this airline food. It's like, dude,

1038
00:47:32,196 --> 00:47:35,796
Speaker 5: you're getting all the way across the country in six

1039
00:47:35,876 --> 00:47:40,316
Speaker 5: hours on your middle class salary and you're complaining about

1040
00:47:40,356 --> 00:47:45,356
Speaker 5: the fact that you don't like the food it's nuts,

1041
00:47:45,436 --> 00:47:46,996
Speaker 5: or it's like can you believe it's it's a little

1042
00:47:46,996 --> 00:47:48,636
Speaker 5: bit too cold on this plane, or you know whatever

1043
00:47:48,636 --> 00:47:49,156
Speaker 5: it happens to be.

1044
00:47:49,156 --> 00:47:51,916
Speaker 1: That that we say that people just allow themselves to

1045
00:47:51,956 --> 00:47:52,716
Speaker 1: be absorbed by that.

1046
00:47:52,956 --> 00:47:56,116
Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean, we have this incredibly privileged lives. I

1047
00:47:56,116 --> 00:47:57,876
Speaker 5: get it that we also have problems and we have

1048
00:47:57,916 --> 00:47:59,716
Speaker 5: suffering and not everything is perfect and all that, but

1049
00:48:00,196 --> 00:48:02,676
Speaker 5: on balance in modern life most of the time is

1050
00:48:02,716 --> 00:48:04,916
Speaker 5: pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, And this is the point

1051
00:48:04,916 --> 00:48:06,156
Speaker 5: that we can actually get that. I've seen you do

1052
00:48:06,236 --> 00:48:07,156
Speaker 5: this a bunch of times.

1053
00:48:07,516 --> 00:48:09,196
Speaker 4: Oh. The gratitude thing is huge.

1054
00:48:09,436 --> 00:48:11,836
Speaker 5: And I know it's been since you were a little kid. Yeah, right,

1055
00:48:11,996 --> 00:48:14,956
Speaker 5: that you basically, when you feel the resentment welling up

1056
00:48:14,956 --> 00:48:17,716
Speaker 5: inside you, when you feel the anger, even when you

1057
00:48:17,756 --> 00:48:20,996
Speaker 5: feel fear, that's when you start to That's when you

1058
00:48:21,036 --> 00:48:23,756
Speaker 5: start to reflect on the sources of heath and not.

1059
00:48:23,756 --> 00:48:26,276
Speaker 1: Just reflect because it's not not enough sometimes just to

1060
00:48:26,356 --> 00:48:30,116
Speaker 1: like think about it. I actually I have volumes of

1061
00:48:30,156 --> 00:48:30,956
Speaker 1: gratitude journals.

1062
00:48:31,036 --> 00:48:32,796
Speaker 5: Right, this is a really good thing because this is the.

1063
00:48:32,956 --> 00:48:34,956
Speaker 4: Volumes of gratitude journals.

1064
00:48:34,956 --> 00:48:37,796
Speaker 1: And now I hear like everybody talking about it, and

1065
00:48:37,836 --> 00:48:40,156
Speaker 1: I see these reels where people are talking about gratitude.

1066
00:48:40,276 --> 00:48:42,356
Speaker 1: I've been doing it for years and years and years.

1067
00:48:42,516 --> 00:48:44,476
Speaker 5: Yeah, and when you write it down, by the way,

1068
00:48:44,636 --> 00:48:47,076
Speaker 5: it can't stay in your limbic system. Then it's in

1069
00:48:47,116 --> 00:48:49,756
Speaker 5: your prefrontal cortex. The act of writing something down and

1070
00:48:49,796 --> 00:48:52,636
Speaker 5: putting it into words puts it into the executive centers

1071
00:48:52,636 --> 00:48:55,196
Speaker 5: in your brain and it sits there. I mean, this

1072
00:48:55,276 --> 00:48:57,316
Speaker 5: is in your memory banks. At this point, you're really

1073
00:48:57,356 --> 00:48:58,756
Speaker 5: going to use it, and you have it in the

1074
00:48:58,796 --> 00:49:02,756
Speaker 5: most conscious, metacognitive way possible. This is the mac Gratitude

1075
00:49:02,796 --> 00:49:05,916
Speaker 5: journals are great. Everybody should keep a gratitude journal. I

1076
00:49:06,636 --> 00:49:08,556
Speaker 5: the failure journal is fantastic. We talk about it in

1077
00:49:08,556 --> 00:49:10,316
Speaker 5: the book and all ways that you can take your

1078
00:49:10,316 --> 00:49:12,916
Speaker 5: sources of disgust and discontent and turn them into learning

1079
00:49:12,916 --> 00:49:13,396
Speaker 5: and growth.

1080
00:49:13,556 --> 00:49:13,876
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1081
00:49:13,916 --> 00:49:16,836
Speaker 5: But the gratitude journal is a must for everybody, and

1082
00:49:16,876 --> 00:49:18,396
Speaker 5: there are a lot of ways to do it. You know.

1083
00:49:18,556 --> 00:49:20,996
Speaker 5: The easiest way is every Sunday night, write down five

1084
00:49:21,036 --> 00:49:23,556
Speaker 5: things you're grateful for. It doesn't matter how stupid they are.

1085
00:49:23,956 --> 00:49:26,676
Speaker 5: It's like my team one, right, I ate a three

1086
00:49:26,756 --> 00:49:29,796
Speaker 5: Musketeers bars with my cousins. Yes, like you said, right, yeah,

1087
00:49:29,836 --> 00:49:31,676
Speaker 5: whatever it happens to be that delights your heart a

1088
00:49:31,676 --> 00:49:34,876
Speaker 5: little bit. And then you know, Monday through Saturday, look

1089
00:49:34,876 --> 00:49:37,076
Speaker 5: at those things and ponder them a little bit, give up,

1090
00:49:37,116 --> 00:49:40,356
Speaker 5: maybe a word of thanks, maybe a little prayer. Sunday

1091
00:49:40,436 --> 00:49:42,996
Speaker 5: update it. The data say that on average, after ten

1092
00:49:43,036 --> 00:49:44,636
Speaker 5: weeks you'll be twelve percent happier.

1093
00:49:45,196 --> 00:49:47,636
Speaker 1: I believe that, yeah, And I believe that in the

1094
00:49:47,756 --> 00:49:50,636
Speaker 1: moment when you are feeling the worst, if you can

1095
00:49:50,956 --> 00:49:53,556
Speaker 1: just take a deep breath and go to the thing

1096
00:49:53,636 --> 00:49:56,476
Speaker 1: that first of all, grateful for your breath, right, and

1097
00:49:57,316 --> 00:50:01,316
Speaker 1: start you know, actualizing for yourself. And you're saying writing

1098
00:50:01,356 --> 00:50:04,516
Speaker 1: down is more important than just thinking about it. The

1099
00:50:04,556 --> 00:50:07,476
Speaker 1: things you're grateful, you can feel your own vibration change.

1100
00:50:07,596 --> 00:50:09,556
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, for sure, Yeah absolutely.

1101
00:50:09,556 --> 00:50:11,476
Speaker 4: But for me also a walk in nature too.

1102
00:50:11,956 --> 00:50:13,996
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a lot of work on that. It's really

1103
00:50:14,036 --> 00:50:16,516
Speaker 5: interesting to begin with. That's a that's almost a form

1104
00:50:16,516 --> 00:50:17,716
Speaker 5: of worship for a lot of people.

1105
00:50:18,756 --> 00:50:19,316
Speaker 4: It is for me.

1106
00:50:19,436 --> 00:50:22,956
Speaker 5: You and I have walked here and and it was

1107
00:50:22,996 --> 00:50:25,156
Speaker 5: sort of magic. I remember that we were working super

1108
00:50:25,196 --> 00:50:27,556
Speaker 5: hard on cooking up this book and we walked all

1109
00:50:27,556 --> 00:50:29,196
Speaker 5: they were really really super time and then we took

1110
00:50:29,196 --> 00:50:30,276
Speaker 5: a long walk on twilight.

1111
00:50:30,396 --> 00:50:30,636
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1112
00:50:30,636 --> 00:50:33,036
Speaker 5: It was so beautiful, right, yeah, because everything was crazy.

1113
00:50:33,076 --> 00:50:33,756
Speaker 4: Is a picture of that?

1114
00:50:33,836 --> 00:50:35,876
Speaker 5: Yeah, there is a picture of that. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

1115
00:50:35,916 --> 00:50:37,756
Speaker 5: And it was somebody took a picture of us. It

1116
00:50:37,756 --> 00:50:39,996
Speaker 5: wasn't us, but it wasn't staged. Yeah, and it was

1117
00:50:40,076 --> 00:50:42,596
Speaker 5: it was I remember, it was relaxed and it was nice.

1118
00:50:42,836 --> 00:50:46,276
Speaker 5: And some researchers are asking what it is about the

1119
00:50:46,316 --> 00:50:50,756
Speaker 5: experience of touching nature and that you can even get

1120
00:50:50,836 --> 00:50:53,836
Speaker 5: more if you're barefoot. That's a that's a whole thing

1121
00:50:53,876 --> 00:50:56,596
Speaker 5: called grounding that I've heard of that, you know, as

1122
00:50:56,596 --> 00:50:59,516
Speaker 5: a social scientist, I'm like, but you know, it's funny.

1123
00:50:59,516 --> 00:51:01,236
Speaker 5: The data are actually quite compelling that.

1124
00:51:01,436 --> 00:51:02,636
Speaker 4: There's there's some truth to that.

1125
00:51:02,676 --> 00:51:04,476
Speaker 5: There appears to be that, you know, your feet on

1126
00:51:04,516 --> 00:51:07,596
Speaker 5: the grass and soil, I mean, actually touching the grass

1127
00:51:07,636 --> 00:51:11,196
Speaker 5: and soil has a particularly profound impact physiologically on the

1128
00:51:11,716 --> 00:51:12,476
Speaker 5: what we're experiencing.

1129
00:51:12,516 --> 00:51:16,156
Speaker 1: That's really interesting because I enjoy walking outside barefoot on

1130
00:51:16,196 --> 00:51:19,356
Speaker 1: the grass. But I thought it was because that's the

1131
00:51:19,356 --> 00:51:22,676
Speaker 1: way I was raised, you know, back to your Yeah, Mississippi.

1132
00:51:22,676 --> 00:51:25,356
Speaker 1: I thought it was like dirt road, Mississippi, and you're

1133
00:51:25,556 --> 00:51:26,836
Speaker 1: just just like a primal thing.

1134
00:51:26,876 --> 00:51:27,596
Speaker 4: I didn't know that it was.

1135
00:51:27,676 --> 00:51:29,476
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, there's there's there's work on that. And I

1136
00:51:29,516 --> 00:51:31,236
Speaker 5: do a lot of people, a lot of us remember

1137
00:51:31,276 --> 00:51:33,396
Speaker 5: when we were kids that you know, out in the

1138
00:51:33,436 --> 00:51:36,436
Speaker 5: backyard or you know, in the neighborhood and running around

1139
00:51:36,436 --> 00:51:38,196
Speaker 5: with our bare feet, and it brings us back to

1140
00:51:38,196 --> 00:51:40,996
Speaker 5: those particular times. You can smell certain things from your childhood,

1141
00:51:41,236 --> 00:51:43,516
Speaker 5: but there is more to it than that. There scientists

1142
00:51:43,556 --> 00:51:46,236
Speaker 5: believe that there is more to the experience of touching

1143
00:51:46,316 --> 00:51:49,716
Speaker 5: nature than that. A lot of times I wind up

1144
00:51:49,716 --> 00:51:52,076
Speaker 5: giving a lot of counsel and support to young people

1145
00:51:52,116 --> 00:51:54,716
Speaker 5: who are in their twenties and they feel quite lost,

1146
00:51:55,036 --> 00:51:56,836
Speaker 5: and I get it, you know. There they don't they

1147
00:51:56,836 --> 00:51:59,116
Speaker 5: don't know the why their life. They haven't haven't read

1148
00:51:59,116 --> 00:52:02,036
Speaker 5: our book yet, you know, and uh. And so one

1149
00:52:02,036 --> 00:52:03,476
Speaker 5: of the things that I'll tell them to do is

1150
00:52:03,476 --> 00:52:05,556
Speaker 5: to go on a process of discernment about their life

1151
00:52:05,556 --> 00:52:07,716
Speaker 5: to understand meaning of life. And one of the best

1152
00:52:07,716 --> 00:52:10,676
Speaker 5: ways to do it, I recommend to everybody, but not

1153
00:52:10,756 --> 00:52:14,316
Speaker 5: just young people, is to get up before dawn it's

1154
00:52:14,356 --> 00:52:16,916
Speaker 5: hard for some people and walk for an hour as

1155
00:52:16,956 --> 00:52:21,756
Speaker 5: the sun comes up. There's something profoundly mystical. It's cooler,

1156
00:52:22,516 --> 00:52:25,476
Speaker 5: it's quiet. You're alone with your thoughts, no devices, no

1157
00:52:25,596 --> 00:52:30,756
Speaker 5: podcasts except this one. Do that, just with with the

1158
00:52:32,116 --> 00:52:35,516
Speaker 5: with the sounds in your head, with the music of I.

1159
00:52:35,476 --> 00:52:37,276
Speaker 4: Know somebody who does that every day.

1160
00:52:37,716 --> 00:52:39,836
Speaker 5: It's super important to do that. That's actually one of

1161
00:52:39,836 --> 00:52:42,476
Speaker 5: the ways that you can satisfy the you know, the

1162
00:52:42,996 --> 00:52:45,956
Speaker 5: spiritual element of what a good and happy life actually needs.

1163
00:52:46,036 --> 00:52:49,076
Speaker 5: A transcendent life, one that transcends your day to day

1164
00:52:49,516 --> 00:52:53,156
Speaker 5: Quotitian ordinary, boring, you know, work.

1165
00:52:52,916 --> 00:52:56,556
Speaker 1: Existence, because you get to see how small you are

1166
00:52:56,596 --> 00:52:59,356
Speaker 1: and compared to the largeness of everything else.

1167
00:52:59,516 --> 00:53:02,756
Speaker 5: I'm alive, Yeah, I'm alive. I don't know what the

1168
00:53:02,796 --> 00:53:07,236
Speaker 5: stay will bring. I don't know, And that's okay. I'm

1169
00:53:07,316 --> 00:53:10,356
Speaker 5: just really grateful to be alive, to stay and to

1170
00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:13,836
Speaker 5: be walking on this road at this moment and to

1171
00:53:13,876 --> 00:53:15,876
Speaker 5: see the sun rising. It puts you in a state

1172
00:53:15,916 --> 00:53:18,316
Speaker 5: of awe. It puts you in a moment of peace.

1173
00:53:18,476 --> 00:53:19,836
Speaker 5: And if that becomes a product, and by the way,

1174
00:53:19,876 --> 00:53:21,356
Speaker 5: you get ten thousand steps, that's a good thing to

1175
00:53:21,356 --> 00:53:21,676
Speaker 5: do too.

1176
00:53:22,156 --> 00:53:24,756
Speaker 4: Okay. So that's a good place to end, right.

1177
00:53:25,236 --> 00:53:27,916
Speaker 1: That's all the happiness we can squeeze into our first episode.

1178
00:53:27,956 --> 00:53:31,116
Speaker 1: We've only just begun. Remember that song I did, We've

1179
00:53:31,196 --> 00:53:32,436
Speaker 1: only just begun?

1180
00:53:32,516 --> 00:53:36,036
Speaker 4: Who saying it? Carverringers, thank you.

1181
00:53:36,196 --> 00:53:38,316
Speaker 5: I mean, it's like I was a classical musician growing up.

1182
00:53:38,356 --> 00:53:41,196
Speaker 5: It's like I was raised there. I know, I know,

1183
00:53:41,316 --> 00:53:43,756
Speaker 5: but I was like every freaking wedding for every no

1184
00:53:43,836 --> 00:53:45,996
Speaker 5: I know, you know who knows we play bock at

1185
00:53:45,996 --> 00:53:46,316
Speaker 5: our wedding.

1186
00:53:47,596 --> 00:53:50,556
Speaker 1: Okay, So my gratitude to you and to all of

1187
00:53:50,596 --> 00:53:53,676
Speaker 1: our readers for their thoughtful questions. Guys, and we so

1188
00:53:53,836 --> 00:53:56,476
Speaker 1: appreciate that you're reading the book. I think I just

1189
00:53:56,516 --> 00:53:59,236
Speaker 1: want to say this. I think this is a great

1190
00:53:59,276 --> 00:54:02,036
Speaker 1: gift idea for your loved ones. There's something in here

1191
00:54:02,036 --> 00:54:05,836
Speaker 1: for everybody. I am not just saying that, I think

1192
00:54:06,276 --> 00:54:09,476
Speaker 1: I actually today sent three copies off to people that

1193
00:54:09,516 --> 00:54:11,556
Speaker 1: I know and I think will benefit from it. So

1194
00:54:12,116 --> 00:54:14,396
Speaker 1: next up episode two of our three part build a

1195
00:54:14,436 --> 00:54:17,236
Speaker 1: Life You Want series, and we'll be discussing chapters four

1196
00:54:17,236 --> 00:54:21,076
Speaker 1: and five specific strategies for you to start taking action

1197
00:54:21,836 --> 00:54:25,556
Speaker 1: and building what matters to you. So thank you, Arthur,

1198
00:54:25,796 --> 00:54:27,356
Speaker 1: thank you Oprah, See y'all next time.

1199
00:54:32,756 --> 00:54:35,276
Speaker 4: Thanks to our episode sponsor, the Hartford