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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, this is just a quick reminder that this

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Speaker 1: is part two of my ex husband gave me HIV.

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Speaker 1: As always, thank you so much for supporting the kid,

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Speaker 1: and I really do hope you enjoyed this week's episode.

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Speaker 1: Until next time, everyone later, welcome. You are now listening

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Speaker 1: to the Professional prof Hey, Professional Home Girls is the

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Speaker 1: kid of a name from the PSG podcast, the only

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Speaker 1: place where you would hear interviews from black women anyestly

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Speaker 1: on stories that will enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now,

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Speaker 1: if you hear someone that sounds familiar, mind the business

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Speaker 1: that pays you child. If you like the PhD podcast,

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Speaker 1: please rate, review and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five

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Speaker 1: star reviews only. Hold me Down, Don't Hold me Up.

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Speaker 1: Merchant is now available on the site as well as

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Speaker 1: my book list, so please make sure you visit the

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Speaker 1: link in the show notes below. You can connect with

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Speaker 1: the kid on Instagram at the Professional Home Girl and

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Speaker 1: at the PhD podcast. If you are on Twitter, please

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Speaker 1: follow me at the PhD podcast. Now. If you are

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Speaker 1: all caught up with episode, listen to the bonus episodes

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Speaker 1: by supporting the PSHG podcast Patreon account. To support, please

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Speaker 1: visit www dot Patreon dot com. Forward Slash the PSD Podcast. Now,

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Speaker 1: please keep in mind that all of my guests are Annes.

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Speaker 1: So let's again this week's episode looking back. Did you

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Speaker 1: what was some other red flags if you noticed about him?

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Speaker 1: Because I feel like who you are now and you

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Speaker 1: more evolved and you have so many lessons out of

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Speaker 1: your belt. What was some other is that you noticed

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Speaker 1: that you knew you knew it wasn't right. WHOA I like,

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Speaker 1: it's crazy, but I was going through his old Facebook

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Speaker 1: pages and stuff like that, and I noticed that it

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Speaker 1: was some men twerking in the video, and I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: in my or, I'm dripping about it. I was like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: what's up with this on your Facebook page? You know

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Speaker 1: what He's told me? What he was like, Oh, they're

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Speaker 1: just having fun with their friends. I said, nigga, what

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Speaker 1: in hell bro Amen for to be having this on

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Speaker 1: his Facebook? So like he got upset. Another red flag

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Speaker 1: was when God gave me a dream that he slept

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Speaker 1: with two women, both of them was white. Now, in dreams,

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Speaker 1: the dreams always mean the opposite. So instead of white women,

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Speaker 1: it was black. Instead of women, it was men. So

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Speaker 1: when I brought that up to him because he know

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Speaker 1: I'm a dreamer and he knows what God was trying

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Speaker 1: to tell me. I mean, it was such a huge argument,

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Speaker 1: like it was so freaking bad. And then another one

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Speaker 1: was he was always hanging with men who are always

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Speaker 1: like suspect that they were look you know, so it's

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Speaker 1: like the size was there because I even brought it

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Speaker 1: up to my my stepdad, so y'all won't get confused

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Speaker 1: when I'm talking about my stepdad. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: think he's gay and I but I brushed it off

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Speaker 1: because like right after that, that's when I found out

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Speaker 1: I was pregnant, So I didn't even want to be

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Speaker 1: a singer mom. I didn't want to be alone. So

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Speaker 1: basically I felt like I stayed um because I just

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Speaker 1: want to love. And did you get married after you

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Speaker 1: found out she was pregnant? No, we actually got married before. UM.

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Speaker 1: My parents are big in church, so you know, she's like,

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Speaker 1: y'all shacking, you're not married, blah blah blah. Basically, she

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Speaker 1: wanted me to be done with him without actually saying it,

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Speaker 1: you know, because she cannot live for me. But he

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Speaker 1: came up, and I came up with the idea, well,

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Speaker 1: let's just get married then, because I mean, I love him,

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Speaker 1: so why not. But the thing is, I didn't even

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Speaker 1: know him that long. You know, I felt like I

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Speaker 1: got caught up in the puppy love and the puppy love.

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Speaker 1: Reason why I say puppy love because I was young

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Speaker 1: and he was just so good at manipulating me, like

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Speaker 1: he could have he could have took like I would

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Speaker 1: probably would have gave him my heart, and how in

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Speaker 1: love I was with him. And it was also crazy

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Speaker 1: because your mom kept asking y'all to get tested too. Yes, So, um,

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Speaker 1: I ended up getting tested because I had got pregnant,

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Speaker 1: so he told me that he was gonna go get tested. Now.

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Speaker 1: Another red flag was I should have known about the

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Speaker 1: HIV IS when he was like, um, I was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: me and Lizzie, how to get tested? He was like, well,

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Speaker 1: let me go get first. Let me go get tested first.

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Speaker 1: And I got upset. But I just don't remember what

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Speaker 1: happened after that. Like that was a red flag right there,

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Speaker 1: Like what do you mean you know you need to

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Speaker 1: get tested first? Like what's going on? That's that should

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Speaker 1: have been my reaction, but I think I brushed it.

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Speaker 1: Off like, okay, well he can test it first, and

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Speaker 1: then he came back and told me he was negative.

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Speaker 1: And then I showed him my paperwork that it was negative.

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Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying, so come on. But he

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Speaker 1: was just so good at what he did, like this

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Speaker 1: man had me wrapped around his finger. And then he

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Speaker 1: was also older than you. Yeah, he pretty much was.

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Speaker 1: And the thing is he actually is the same like

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Speaker 1: the same mage as my parents. So one of the

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Speaker 1: things start any for the worst. So I think once

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Speaker 1: he realized that, Okay, reality is, this girl does love me. Um,

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Speaker 1: she's just not here to hurt me. She's not like

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Speaker 1: the other women I used to deal with, because what

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Speaker 1: I found out is he used to hanging and messing

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Speaker 1: with crickeads, so um right, So he was starting to

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Speaker 1: realize that this is real. I'm pregnant with his baby.

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Speaker 1: I'm actually in love with him because I actually helped

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Speaker 1: him get a job because it was hard to get

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Speaker 1: a job because his record. It was just a lot

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Speaker 1: that I was dealing with, but accepted him for like

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Speaker 1: I accepted him for him and um, even though I

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Speaker 1: was so young, I used my school check to make

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Speaker 1: sure we had a roof overright head. I know, girl,

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Speaker 1: I was there, but he's like reality started to hit him.

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Speaker 1: And then I found out not too long ago that

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Speaker 1: he was on medicine. I didn't even know that because

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Speaker 1: he used to tell me. So basically, basically, HIV was

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Speaker 1: the hitting thing for sicken cells. He was saying that

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Speaker 1: he had sicken cells. Um. Um, he said he had that,

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Speaker 1: but in reality it was HIV. So then excitements. So

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Speaker 1: I just recently, like like probably like a couple of

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Speaker 1: days ago, I asked my doctor what the heck excitement is.

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Speaker 1: So she explained to me what it was. And the

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Speaker 1: whole time you're telling me I was with a man

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Speaker 1: who had a mental health problem. And I'm not just

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Speaker 1: talking about no anxiety type mental health. No, he is

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Speaker 1: crazy when he's not on his medicine. Um. He actually

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Speaker 1: just had a couple of episodes not too long ago

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Speaker 1: because he his boyfriend called me. Um. So that's the

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Speaker 1: whole another story. Um I haven't talked about yet. So, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I felt like he was like he's currently

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Speaker 1: rubbing the fact that he's with a man out in

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Speaker 1: my face. But anyways, um, but yeah, so wait, So

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Speaker 1: he was on a site miss. He was on he

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Speaker 1: was taking medication for HIV. I remember you saying that

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Speaker 1: he was doing a coke. He was doing k to

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Speaker 1: what he was drinking, like that's a lot heavy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he was. He actually did in front of me. So, UM,

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Speaker 1: actually seen it for myself. You know, I've seen the

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Speaker 1: crack pipe and all kinds of stuff, and I'm just like, uh, you, Like,

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Speaker 1: the crack smell was so bad. It was so staint.

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Speaker 1: And I'm pregnant, like I think I had to be

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Speaker 1: like five to six months pregnant, and I was just

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Speaker 1: so big and pregnant, and I was just sitting there

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Speaker 1: like what the heck? And he didn't in front of me,

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Speaker 1: and he looked at me and laugh because he knew

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Speaker 1: I was judging him in a way. So when did

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Speaker 1: you decide to leave and go live in a homeless her?

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Speaker 1: So that is actually a good question. Um. So one

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Speaker 1: night he came home really high and drunk. And he

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Speaker 1: came home really high and drunk, and he just started

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Speaker 1: like acting crazy. So at this time, I'm getting in

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Speaker 1: the tub and I'm aggravated because of him, And he

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Speaker 1: came back really really high. I got a knife poked

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Speaker 1: it at my stomach, and so he killed me, my

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Speaker 1: baby and him because he can't take it no more.

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Speaker 1: So in reality, I'm like, okay, now, thinking, okay, was

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Speaker 1: it You couldn't take it because you want to be

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Speaker 1: with a man, or you couldn't take it because you

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Speaker 1: taught a lion see me? So um, you know, I

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Speaker 1: called the police, and I remember he always told me

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Speaker 1: that if I ever called the police on him that

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Speaker 1: he would kill me because he's like, he's his name

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Speaker 1: is pig, his nickname is pig, so pig like he

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Speaker 1: explained to me what a pig really means. So I

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Speaker 1: was like, why why do they call you pig? He said,

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Speaker 1: a pig where it is shot like yeah, So I

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Speaker 1: was just like, oh that makes sense. Basically he don't care.

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Speaker 1: So yeah. So when he was at the homeless y'allse,

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Speaker 1: I know you were saying that you was praying and

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Speaker 1: asking God for you for him to fix your relationship.

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Speaker 1: So what made you go through his email account? Because

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Speaker 1: that's when you saw that he was having conversations with

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Speaker 1: other men. So I was just like, at this point,

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Speaker 1: I don't know this man, Like he just flipped out

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Speaker 1: of nowhere, So I need to know who this man

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Speaker 1: is and who I'm really dealing with. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: I have to find something on him. So I went

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Speaker 1: to this email and I just like scrolled to the

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Speaker 1: scent boxes and that's when I found all the pictures

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Speaker 1: him talking a man on Craiglist. If you don't know,

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Speaker 1: let's have a thing where you get or women and

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Speaker 1: women or just find you trying to find a relationship

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Speaker 1: or quick basically, and also in reality, it's a lot

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Speaker 1: of men who's on there and that's in a relationship

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Speaker 1: or Mary. I actually see one myself where this concussual

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Speaker 1: guy was like his girlfriend went out of town with

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Speaker 1: her family. He's looking for a hot dude. And I

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Speaker 1: felt I felt fixed in my stomach because she don't

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Speaker 1: even know, you know. And then these people know he

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Speaker 1: had HIV, he could pass it on to somebody else.

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Speaker 1: So um, I went through it and that's how I

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Speaker 1: found all the conversation and pictures of him and name Wow.

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Speaker 1: And if you ever asked him about the emails, oh,

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Speaker 1: I know you went back home after this. I waited.

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Speaker 1: I waited until um. Actually, in my book, I didn't

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Speaker 1: mention this on YouTube because I wanted to be a

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Speaker 1: surprise to everybody. But actually in my book, I talked

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Speaker 1: about how I actually brought up to him that I

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Speaker 1: found out he was gay way before, way before the

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Speaker 1: emails and um, the pictures that was in his phone

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Speaker 1: actually found out screenshot at to me the man while

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Speaker 1: we was together and I was laying in bed and

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Speaker 1: he was outside talking to the man, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: something told me to go through his phone, and I did,

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Speaker 1: and that's how I seen so I keep sleep and

201
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Speaker 1: I actually was punching him like I was fighting a

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Speaker 1: girl on the street, and he grabbed me. He said, baby,

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Speaker 1: what's wrong? I said, but when did you decide to

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Speaker 1: leave him? Because did you leave him before you went

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Speaker 1: to the hospital, and what made you go to the

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Speaker 1: hospital to go get tested? So actually I left way

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Speaker 1: before then. Um, he didn't even know I left Tallahassee

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Speaker 1: because he was on drugs and living in a street

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Speaker 1: life and doing his own thing. He didn't even know

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Speaker 1: that I was gone because he probably felt like he

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Speaker 1: still had me like right around his finger, but he didn't.

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Speaker 1: So I moved back to Tallahassee, of course, I mean

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Speaker 1: I moved back to Jacksonville. Of course, I still was

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Speaker 1: kind of stuck on him, but I had to. She

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Speaker 1: was between him and my daughter, and I chose my daughter.

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Speaker 1: So I moved in with my big sister because she left.

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Speaker 1: She also loved Tallahassee, um to move back to Jacksonville,

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Speaker 1: so I moved back with her. UM And then I

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Speaker 1: finally told my family that I was here. It took

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Speaker 1: me a while because I was embarrassed because they didn't

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Speaker 1: even know what was going on. My parents didn't know.

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Speaker 1: I was just too embarrassed because he had like basically

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Speaker 1: kept me from talking to my parents. UM. So when

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Speaker 1: it was for like I had to get enrolled, you know,

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Speaker 1: in a new doctor because I'm pregnant with my mom

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Speaker 1: and my dad and my sister, we all went to

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Speaker 1: the doctor together because you know, it's the first grand baby,

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Speaker 1: so everybody exciting and stuff like that. So, um, I

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Speaker 1: got tested. I was getting my blood drawn and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. So that's like the same day I was

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Speaker 1: home and I was just chilling and I started coughing

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Speaker 1: like I was on for my ex husband and I

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Speaker 1: started coughing. He was like, why are you coughing like that?

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Speaker 1: And I was just like, I don't know. I think

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Speaker 1: I have a cold. Now me being the first time. Um,

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking my cough was normal, you know, maybe it's

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Speaker 1: just part of the pregnancy. Everything which is part of

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Speaker 1: the pregnancy to me. So the lady, like the nurse,

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Speaker 1: my nurse called me saying, nurse, I have to this day.

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Speaker 1: She caught me and she asked me to come in,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, no, because I just came in.

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Speaker 1: Why why that woman coming again? She I really need

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Speaker 1: you to come in here. Um. So I came in

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Speaker 1: the next day, me my mom and that's when she

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Speaker 1: told me. Well, the doctor came in and told me

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Speaker 1: I was HIV positive. Um. I was just so numb, heard,

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Speaker 1: confused all the above because I never thought something like

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Speaker 1: that could ever happen to me. And that's why I

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Speaker 1: always try to stress the people the things that you

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Speaker 1: think won't happen to you. Ken and will mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: So I know you when you told him about your stads,

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Speaker 1: you get in front of your family. So what was

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Speaker 1: his reaction? What did he say? No, Bay, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe that, Like, you didn't know? So I said,

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Speaker 1: don't believe me. I did you know? And he was like,

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Speaker 1: is anybody around you? I was like, no, I like,

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Speaker 1: he was like he knew he had and he had

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Speaker 1: a few years mm hmm, yeah, that's wow, mhm craz Yeah, Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't understand how he could just say that and

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Speaker 1: maybe it seem like it's okay. He he like maybe

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, he supposed had told me

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Speaker 1: where he got it from. He set up from a woman,

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Speaker 1: but I honestly believe it was a man because he

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Speaker 1: told me that he's been like that since he was

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Speaker 1: a kid, so been like what like bisexual, And I

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Speaker 1: believe he did get it from a man because he's

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Speaker 1: been having sex with men since he was a child.

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Speaker 1: So I don't believe nothing he'd said anymore. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: so you and then I thought one part that you

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Speaker 1: said to me because I was like, wow, that was

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Speaker 1: kind of deep because you said you spoke to his

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Speaker 1: ex wife and she told you that he gave it

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Speaker 1: to her at the age of sixteen and when she

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Speaker 1: was pregnant too. Well actually was baby Mama. He was,

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Speaker 1: I'm actively the first woman he ever married. Um, she

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Speaker 1: had told me that she was pregnant. She found out

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Speaker 1: that when she was in her third tramaster because she

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Speaker 1: was about to have the baby, and she found out

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Speaker 1: she was positive. Then um, the baby, well, she told

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Speaker 1: me that the baby was negative, but he ended up

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Speaker 1: telling me that the baby in the beginning hib and yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's crazy. So the baby. She did put the baby

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Speaker 1: up for adoption, but she did ask me, she said,

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Speaker 1: if you don't do anything else, please lock him up

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Speaker 1: because I can't do it. Because I was just like,

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Speaker 1: why you want to do it because it was still

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Speaker 1: fresh to me, and I was like, so why you

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Speaker 1: just won't do it? And then she was just like

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Speaker 1: because it's been long ago, you know, since it happened

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Speaker 1: to her, and I was just like okay, So I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'll think about it. But of course I

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Speaker 1: did lock him up, not only for me, for her

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Speaker 1: and everybody else that he probably would try to do

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Speaker 1: it too, because I actually had a lot of people

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Speaker 1: on YouTube reached out to need to tell me that

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Speaker 1: my ex husband tried them when we was married in

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Speaker 1: Tlassie and they were didn't do it because they'd have

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Speaker 1: been a victim too, and I'm just like, I'm glad

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Speaker 1: you didn't do it either, annoying that he was a

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Speaker 1: married man, because if you was one of those native

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Speaker 1: females semester would have married man, then you would end

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Speaker 1: up with the wife had So I'm glad you didn't either. No,

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, because I know your father, he

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Speaker 1: also has HIV. He's also HIV positive too, So how

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Speaker 1: did he feel when he found out about your status? Um?

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Speaker 1: He actually told me if he can live with it,

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Speaker 1: I can live with it. So why did I lock

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Speaker 1: my exessment up? Yeah? Like, how did that make you feel?

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Speaker 1: It was hurtful, but I'm not surprised that it came

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Speaker 1: from him. Um. He My mom tried to tell me

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Speaker 1: in so many ways without actually telling me that my

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Speaker 1: dad is evil, that he don't think about nobody but himself.

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Speaker 1: I tried to get doubt, but he showed me what

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Speaker 1: my mom was trying to tell me. Do you think

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Speaker 1: I know? This is like a million dollar question that

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Speaker 1: everybody kept asked me? Do you think your father and

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Speaker 1: ex husband was messing with each other? Yes? I do,

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Speaker 1: and I still believe that to this day, and my

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Speaker 1: excessman still trying to convince me that it never happened.

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Speaker 1: But I just if there's no reason, Like with my dad,

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Speaker 1: you can't get nothing from him unless you do what

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Speaker 1: he wants m H. And I used to brag about

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Speaker 1: my excess sex, so I know for a fact. Then

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Speaker 1: my my dad tried it because he wanted to do

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Speaker 1: your mom think that too? Um. I actually never asked her,

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Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure she believed so because she told

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Speaker 1: me so many stories about how you know, a bunch

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Speaker 1: of pastors. She has been the same room watching men

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Speaker 1: and man porn when she was young because my mom

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Speaker 1: was a child when my dad got with her, so

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Speaker 1: she was still like in high school, she was not

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Speaker 1: even old enough to buy a cigarette, right, so crazy

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Speaker 1: about him. So I thought I went through something. I

334
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,080
Speaker 1: felt like I really lived my mom life basically, but

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Speaker 1: I always look at it as if we have a purpose.

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Speaker 1: So so you decided to go to the police, the

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00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:15,320
Speaker 1: press charges what happened, So all I know is it

338
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,720
Speaker 1: happened so fast. It was all over the news, all

339
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:21,240
Speaker 1: over Facebook. And I asked him to please, please, please

340
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:25,600
Speaker 1: please please don't mention my name or my picture. But

341
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,800
Speaker 1: of course people know that that was my like, that

342
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Speaker 1: was my husband at the time, so they knew it

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Speaker 1: was me. I was a victim, and they knew I

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Speaker 1: was pregnant, so people was reaching out to me, I

345
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Speaker 1: had to delete my entire Facebook for a while. How

346
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Speaker 1: many year? Um they only gave him four and he

347
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,320
Speaker 1: did too in jail and to in prison. I believe

348
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Speaker 1: the reason why they gave him for because they felt

349
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Speaker 1: like that I wasn't strong up to talk against him.

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Speaker 1: But in reality is if they wasn't just thinking about,

351
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Speaker 1: you know, whinning a case, you know what I'm saying,

352
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,240
Speaker 1: instead of thinking about the victim, they would have got

353
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Speaker 1: victory because I would have told him every single thing,

354
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,439
Speaker 1: you know, and I would have showed so much proof,

355
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 1: but that he would have got bunger, you know. But

356
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:14,080
Speaker 1: think about themselves. And I remember this story because this

357
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 1: was a big story in Florida. Wow, Like when I

358
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,679
Speaker 1: was doing my research and stuff and I saw a

359
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 1: picture of him, I'm like, yo, I remember the story

360
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:27,639
Speaker 1: going like viral. Yeah, I've seen um. Actually a lot

361
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 1: of people reached out to me and said they remember it. Um.

362
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 1: It was all over the news, people talking about it

363
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,959
Speaker 1: like it was crazy. When I first seen it shared

364
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,199
Speaker 1: from a from somebody in sala Haste that actually was

365
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,680
Speaker 1: cool with I immediately like oh heck no, Like I

366
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,439
Speaker 1: didn't think it was gonna get that far. I was

367
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 1: so ashamed. I was so afraid. I was already suicidal.

368
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Speaker 1: So I was just like, it's just too much. And

369
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Speaker 1: then people started to reach out to me. I was

370
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Speaker 1: just like, I can't handle this anymore. Do you know

371
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Speaker 1: how many people he affected? Um? I honestly, but I

372
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 1: believe the majority of everybody got seen in that phone

373
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Speaker 1: he did. And I even told the talk about that

374
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Speaker 1: I told him about the partners that he did have

375
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Speaker 1: and met on the internet. Is that he did not

376
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,840
Speaker 1: disclose his status too. Um. From what from what I heard,

377
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,120
Speaker 1: they did reach out to the other people. But I'm

378
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 1: not sure if that's really true. And I'm surprised he

379
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Speaker 1: only got four years, especially since he's a registered sex offender. Yeah,

380
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:29,160
Speaker 1: so what is your relationships now with your ex husband?

381
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: Because y'all do have a child together? Right? Yes? UM?

382
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 1: We quadr like I you know how a person can

383
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,359
Speaker 1: deal with a person because they have to do with

384
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 1: that person. Um is haying there, how she's doing good

385
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 1: in a discussion, like in the beginning, he was trying

386
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 1: to talk to me and be all extra talking about

387
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,879
Speaker 1: he messed up. He wants his family and I wasn't

388
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 1: doing that, and what he didn't know is every time

389
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,800
Speaker 1: we get on the phone, I put her on speakers

390
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 1: so that my husband can hear. And then like then

391
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,439
Speaker 1: a boy friend, his boyfriend like, he's currently with a

392
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 1: man right now, So his boyfriend like reached out to

393
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 1: me to ask me of listening to anything he wants

394
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Speaker 1: to be in her life. And I was pissed at

395
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,920
Speaker 1: first because I'm like, first of all, ain't none of that.

396
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 1: That's for one. Two, I don't even play them type

397
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 1: of games. Because I felt some type of way also

398
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 1: because this is not the first time a man reached

399
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 1: out to me. Um, when he was in jail, a

400
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 1: gay dude actually called me why he was in jail,

401
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 1: saying that he knows who I am. I don't know.

402
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 1: These dudes thought I was just some little girl. But

403
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,600
Speaker 1: after this situation actually built me to not take any

404
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 1: crap anymore, so I was not even going for that.

405
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 1: I blocked. I blocked the jail thing, and it was

406
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: none of that. So I actually blocked his boyfriend too

407
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,159
Speaker 1: because I don't I don't play them type of games.

408
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,160
Speaker 1: And then it's like he already thrown in my face

409
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 1: down my other half. Yeah, your other half, so you're

410
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 1: telling me that you always knew that you liked the men.

411
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:05,719
Speaker 1: So was I a joke to you? Like? That was

412
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 1: my reaction. And I asked him that um not longer though,

413
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: and he was just like, no, I wasn't a joke

414
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 1: to him. He was just going through a lot. I

415
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 1: felt like it was bull crap. But I was just like, listen,

416
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 1: you out, you out. Your family knew, and they didn't

417
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: tell me. You plan on? Do you plant on like

418
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,880
Speaker 1: letting your daughter go and like spend time with him

419
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 1: or no? Never? Yeah, out of first of all, you

420
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:34,199
Speaker 1: are a sex offender. That's one. To you lie to

421
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 1: me while you're a sex offender. Three, I don't know

422
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 1: the people that you're being around, and you around sex offenders.

423
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:45,119
Speaker 1: And then y'all got I'm good now. And I just

424
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,239
Speaker 1: think that's just so crazy how your dad knew that

425
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 1: he was bisexual and a sex offender and he still

426
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:56,360
Speaker 1: introduced y'all to each other. He's selfish too, because from

427
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 1: what I was told, I'm not the only daughter he

428
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 1: did too. I was just the only dotter. It was

429
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,639
Speaker 1: dumb enough to fall for it. Mm hm. So you

430
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,160
Speaker 1: spoke about the first year being difficult once you found

431
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: out about your status? What was going on during that time? Um,

432
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: I became, but wow. When I say I became, but wow,

433
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 1: it's I didn't care about life anymore. To care about myself.

434
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: I started in cigarettes, I started drinking, clubbing, things that

435
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 1: I normally don't do. Um at the time, I just

436
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,159
Speaker 1: started doing it. You know. At one point, when I

437
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 1: was like eighteen, I was clubbing, you know, and stuff

438
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 1: like that. But I had got my life together with God.

439
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 1: So I was going to church heavy. But I felt

440
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 1: like I was gonna die anyways, so why not live

441
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: my best life? You know? I just basically became careless. Um.

442
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to be honest and come out

443
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 1: and talk to people about it. Um, I was suicidal.

444
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 1: It was just a lot um me taking my medicine.

445
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,360
Speaker 1: I used to cry every single day taking my medicine.

446
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 1: But does medication look like for you? So okay, So

447
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 1: I can't speak for everybody else that have hra V.

448
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,640
Speaker 1: I can only speak to me, Like, speak for me.

449
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,199
Speaker 1: I take one pill a day, but I've seen that

450
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: a lot of people take four or five, six, eight,

451
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,199
Speaker 1: ten peels, but me always had one. Feel like I

452
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 1: was blessed enough to have one peel, and I've always

453
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 1: been blessed enough to be undetective. I have been. I

454
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:29,679
Speaker 1: have been under that this since. Um I had my daughter. Right,

455
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 1: it's like as if I don't even have it because

456
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 1: I take care of myself. Now, what I like this

457
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: is how I know for a fact that it was God.

458
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 1: Because for one, the young lady that he was messing

459
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:47,440
Speaker 1: with who who baby had got it? Um, she found

460
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,679
Speaker 1: out right before she had the baby. I found out

461
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: like a month before I had my daughter. So technically

462
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: Elizabeth was supposed to get it, but because of the God,

463
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: she didn't. Mm hmm. So back forwards, now you are

464
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 1: in a healthy nurse to your current husband, or I

465
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 1: can got him my baby after because that's my daddy

466
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,719
Speaker 1: nowl So it wasn't hard for you to check your

467
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: status with him. Um, No, it wasn't because I always

468
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 1: told myself, I said, I didn't get the chance, you know,

469
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:29,439
Speaker 1: and I want to be that person to give that

470
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 1: person a chance. You know, if I want to talk

471
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 1: to him, I know I want to be with them.

472
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 1: I want to give them a chance to either accept me,

473
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 1: because if I believe if they were, then it wasn't

474
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 1: for you, you you know, how you hear that if it

475
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,679
Speaker 1: wasn't meant, it wasn't for you. That's how I felt

476
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 1: in that recommends. So when I told him, he accepted me,

477
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 1: no questions act. He didn't even want to know how, when, where,

478
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 1: and why? He said, okay, like, okay, that's that's that's it,

479
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 1: that's the biggest thing you gotta tell me. I also

480
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 1: know your husband is very he understood how you felt

481
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: because his aunt died from a right Yes. Yeah, so

482
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 1: did his family treat you differently once they knew about

483
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 1: your status? No, um, not at all. I do believe

484
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: his mom was upset at first because she heard it

485
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 1: from somebody else and not in him. But I felt

486
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 1: like it wasn't that person place anyways, because that's what

487
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: to this day, I have never met this person. I

488
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: don't even know this person. My husband showed me a

489
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 1: picture of her, UM, but I have never ever met

490
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 1: this person. And I've been with him for four years

491
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 1: and I still haven't met that family member um let

492
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 1: alone even heard about it, like you know what I'm saying.

493
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: So I felt like that was my place and my

494
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: husband's place to tell his parents about my status. But

495
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 1: m ahead at the same time, I've probably been upset

496
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,200
Speaker 1: if I was in her shoes because my sister sir

497
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: die from age because her husband gave it to her. Like,

498
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: how would I feel you being my sign in your project?

499
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 1: So I understand if she said, you know, if that's

500
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 1: the case, But they don't treat me different. They treating

501
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 1: normal like a regular person. And your current husband he's

502
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 1: HIV negative correct, And I know y'all get tested a

503
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 1: lot together, yes, every three months together. So I know

504
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:36,920
Speaker 1: you have three beautiful girls. So what's something What's something

505
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 1: that you would share with your share with your three

506
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 1: doors that you wish somebody would have shared with you

507
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,680
Speaker 1: at a young age. One is how to love yourself

508
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 1: too if somebody if you say no, the answer is no.

509
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 1: For example, um my dad was playing with her and

510
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,440
Speaker 1: um he's like my my baby girl, my new baby.

511
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: She didn't want to be with him no more. So

512
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: she wanted to come to me or her dad. So

513
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 1: he was like, that's all right, I got my new

514
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: grand baby. I stally got my first grand baby. And

515
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 1: she said no. So basically he was trying to bribe

516
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 1: her with snacks to sit with him so he won't

517
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 1: look embarrassed. You know, because he was going to be

518
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,639
Speaker 1: cool never. But I wanted to teach her that the

519
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: answer is no, um, and she told him no. She

520
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,400
Speaker 1: want to sit by herself and watch the movie because

521
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,159
Speaker 1: she was like a movie, so she didn't want to

522
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 1: move or whatever. So when we got home, UM, she

523
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: told her dad she was like that, Um. People wanted

524
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: me to ship with him, and I told him no.

525
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,679
Speaker 1: He's a grown man, so I told him no. But

526
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: that just lets me know that I'm doing my job

527
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 1: that my my daughter. No, she means no. And you know,

528
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 1: another example is she knows she's not supposed to sitting

529
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: the man's lap, you know. Um, anything somebody said to

530
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 1: keep it a secret, she know to tell me the

531
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: secret because I'm her best friend. You know. It's just

532
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 1: things that I wish that somebody would have told me.

533
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 1: You know, she tells me everything. Even if you take

534
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: her time to tell me, she's gonna eventually tell me.

535
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: Another thing that I wish is somebody was to help

536
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: me about credit, um money, how to manage money, because

537
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 1: I believe I wouldn't even have to be scripting if

538
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: I knew how to manage my lytrics. I was getting,

539
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 1: you know, if I understood college and stuff like that.

540
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 1: Not everybody go to college, because yeah, I went to college,

541
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: but what I want to do in life, I don't

542
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 1: believe college just for me, you know. So I became

543
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: an author without going to college, and in Florenza without

544
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: going to college, you know what I'm saying. So it's

545
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 1: like I really didn't need college. But I was like, basically, oh,

546
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: if you don't go to college, then you ain't gona

547
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: be nobody. That's all. That's the MENTALIAN always had, you know,

548
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 1: because I hear people say that I would never be nothing,

549
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 1: and that's something that I want to tell my girls.

550
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: You are somebody. You will be somebody in life, because

551
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 1: that was always tolding me that I was ugly. I

552
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 1: would never have nothing. I would never be nothing. And honestly,

553
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: y'all everybody that's listening to this day, it took me

554
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 1: a long time to get over. And I am twenty

555
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 1: four years old. I think I just got over it

556
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: last year. I'm believe in it, So I'm my husband

557
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 1: encouraged me and told me and basically showed me more

558
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 1: than what people say you would ever be. They laughed

559
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: at you, but you turning your pain into a worldwide

560
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: influence the situation mm hmm. And I didn't even look

561
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: at it like that because I'm not humble, you know.

562
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 1: So it was just amazing how my husband basically brought

563
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 1: me out of it, like I have my mental breakdown.

564
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: To you guys, if you if you don't know, sometimes

565
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: I do have my mental breakdown while I just cry.

566
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: Um actually shared it on TikTok one time. I showed

567
00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 1: people how I record myself having an hut mental break

568
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: down because the first I'd be like, well, why would

569
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 1: he do this to me? Why I was nap seeing you?

570
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: So I was a child. He could have left me alone,

571
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 1: he could have did he could have did anything else.

572
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: He could have went anybody if people wanted to be

573
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: in a man like that was me going on. So

574
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: I record my stuff crying and doing that so people

575
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: can see the reality because I'm not gonna like, oh,

576
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: I'm perfect, I'm good. It's so I'm still affecting it.

577
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: Does it does? I have to see my daughter every

578
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: day she looked just like him. It does. But I

579
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 1: am in the process of healing from the situation. And

580
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: it's not an overnight situation. This man basically took my

581
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 1: life from me. I was so young and in college

582
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: I was trying to get to know me because, like as,

583
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 1: I had a low suffer steam and I thought a

584
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,719
Speaker 1: baby was gonna help me. But I end up having

585
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 1: a miscarriage. So I wanted a restart in my life.

586
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 1: And you're so young. Yeah, I don't think that. I

587
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 1: feel like I'm about mortifying myself. I didn't. Yeah, you've

588
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 1: definitely been through a lot. But I'm also surprised that

589
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 1: you have your kids around your father though, Um, say

590
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 1: what as, I'm also surprised do you have your kids

591
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 1: around your father because of everything that happened? Um? Are

592
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: you taking my stepdad and my real dad? Uh? Both? Oh?

593
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: Who who was you referring to when you said that

594
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: that your daughter was saying, no, Papa, I don't want

595
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 1: to sit with you, um my stepdad. Um. He was

596
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: cracking jokes basically like you know how many ego is?

597
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: He was like, oh, well, I got my first grand baby,

598
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: my first grand baby, gonna sit with me and watch

599
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: a movie. Because my new baby, she was crying because

600
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: she didn't want to sit no more. She wanted us

601
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: to play with her, and he wanted to watch a movie.

602
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: So he was like, that's all right, I got my

603
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 1: first friend, baby, my first MEMBERY will always make sure good.

604
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: But she didn't wanted to sit with him, so he

605
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 1: was trying to brag up with popcorn. So does all

606
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 1: kind of stuff because he do us like that and

607
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 1: we've grown. I used to when I was pregnant because

608
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: you know, back and pregnant was hungry. But um, I

609
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: was teaching her to say no, no matter what the

610
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 1: situation is, you know means to know. And another thing

611
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 1: I taught my kids was, um, if dope, if you

612
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 1: tell me something about adult and they say, we called

613
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: me a liar to put fear in your heart, you

614
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: better tell them and they face, yes, you're a liar, Mama.

615
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 1: This person did this because that used to happen to

616
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 1: me when I was young, and I was afraid that

617
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 1: put fear in my heart. So I always taught my

618
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 1: kids it's okay to call another a lie if you're lying,

619
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 1: if they're lying, tell them they're lying. So um, but no,

620
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 1: my real father does not be around my kids. I

621
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 1: don't trust him. Um. I don't even send pictures to

622
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 1: him because I just don't trust him, you know, for

623
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,480
Speaker 1: him if you meet him in person, you'll think he's

624
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: a normal person, but you actually a seek person. So

625
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 1: but my my up dad, he's amazing father. He's he

626
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 1: had never did anything to all any of us, my

627
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 1: siblings because actually it's seven of us, and it's five

628
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: girls and two boys, and we never had a problem

629
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: with him. He raised us when we was kids. Um,

630
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: once my mom divorced that family, my dad stepped in

631
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: and raised us and and tried to show us, you know,

632
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 1: but we were just so damaged, you know, it was

633
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: kind of hard for him to root in us. But

634
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 1: I when it took the hustle side and um, the

635
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: survival side, I think I was able to take that

636
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: from him. Um. He he always showed us how a

637
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 1: man is supposed to keep a woman. But for some

638
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: reason I didn't take that. So how does your family

639
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 1: feeling out with you coming out? You're influencer, you're sharing

640
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 1: your stories, Like, do you feel like they're proud of

641
00:34:54,560 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: you like your siblings? Um, I don't know, because like

642
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: my family, we're not like an affection of people. Like

643
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: I purposely hugged my siblings and they thought something was wrong.

644
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 1: So my sister did the same thing. To me like

645
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: later on, and like she hugged me, and I thought

646
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: something was wrong because like we don't show that type

647
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,240
Speaker 1: of love and infection. You know, I think it's weird.

648
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 1: But like I said, because the way it was grew up,

649
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 1: you know, because it's kind of weird. Um, I don't know, Honestly,

650
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know, and I never asked. And

651
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,479
Speaker 1: so many of us and we all have different lives

652
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 1: we did. We lived like different meanings in life, Like

653
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,879
Speaker 1: we were literally just so different. So they asked my mom.

654
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: I was like, what she embarrassed with me? I even

655
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,399
Speaker 1: asked her to that probably, like like the other night,

656
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 1: I was like, are you embarrassed with me? And I said,

657
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 1: because it's getting bigger in me here, and she was like,

658
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 1: you know, why would I be embarrassed? You know? Um,

659
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: everybody has their own story. And then that makes sense

660
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,760
Speaker 1: because my mom had her own story and she actually

661
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 1: wrote a book about her. So um. But when they're like,

662
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: I just don't know, I never ask them how they feel.

663
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 1: You're just so different. Well, I'm super proud of you,

664
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: and I'm happy to see that you are in a

665
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 1: good space. You know, I've watched your YouTube channel. Uh,

666
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 1: and I see that you are manifesting in the life

667
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 1: that you deserve. And I think that you're a beautiful girl.

668
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 1: And I saw you guys could keep done. I said, yeah,

669
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: they didn't tell me nothing when I got them tromp

670
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: with Listen she her cheesing. Listen if you saw a

671
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 1: real old video. I was just like, oh my kidness, Like,

672
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:47,240
Speaker 1: oh my goodness. I had so much confidence because honey,

673
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 1: who let me on his camera like this. But my

674
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: husband said, if you never did it then you this,

675
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: then you would have did it for the money. He said,

676
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 1: if you never did it this far, that, um, it

677
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 1: wasn't your calling. So I did it without my teeth

678
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 1: being big. I did it without knowing how to do

679
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 1: makeup and hare. But I am doing a video of

680
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 1: me comparing myself. Um. It was a vision board that

681
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 1: I did, but I never did my one, um my

682
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 1: one vision board yet. So I'm actually gonna do both

683
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 1: of them in the same video. And you know, I

684
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: just want people to see how far I came and

685
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: how much I accomplished, um, through the grace of God,

686
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 1: because it's nothing that I did, you know, So are

687
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 1: you supprised that how far you came like, do you

688
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,800
Speaker 1: ever look back and be like, damn, like I really

689
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: made it? Yes, yes, yes, because I'm just like I

690
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 1: was like last year. I never thought I would be

691
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 1: here to this day. That's why I always try to

692
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:49,879
Speaker 1: say now, you never know where you'll be six months

693
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: from now. Because six months later my YouTube blew up.

694
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: I've been doing YouTube for a whole year, almost two

695
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 1: years now, and at the time I was just doing

696
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:01,399
Speaker 1: fashion plus size. But I wasn't That wasn't that wasn't

697
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 1: my calling. Once I was able to come out and

698
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 1: tell my story and tell people the reality of HRIV,

699
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 1: that's when I blew up. That's when I realized, Okay,

700
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 1: this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed

701
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: to help somebody else, because when I needed help, nobody

702
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 1: was there for me. I couldn't find out one YouTube

703
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 1: video it like. I recently searched to see if I

704
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 1: can find something similar. I still couldn't find a body

705
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 1: like people people out of the like different countries talk

706
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: about their story, but you don't actually have people now

707
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: giving help UM, educating UM young younger people. Because these

708
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,479
Speaker 1: younger people, it's a lot of young people have heard peace.

709
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: You know, to me, there's no difference of these says

710
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 1: of the disease. But I've been noticing a lot lately

711
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 1: that a lot of people that have not been like this,

712
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: um telling people their status. And I'm just like, you're selfish.

713
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 1: I don't even want to be around here. You're selfish.

714
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 1: You know. I was a victim, so you was a victim,

715
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 1: So why not tell the person that you're sleeping with

716
00:38:56,120 --> 00:39:03,319
Speaker 1: your status? So yeah, you take that choice from that person, right. Well, last,

717
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 1: and not least, what is an advice you would give

718
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 1: up to our listeners are not giving up. We're not

719
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:14,919
Speaker 1: giving up. Pray. That's all I can say is pray

720
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: because that's what it took, like prayer for real. Because

721
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 1: I'm I'm like, oh, well, God, don't hear me, Yes,

722
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 1: you do. I promise you you'd do. Because I didn't

723
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 1: think you hear me either. You know, I didn't think

724
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 1: he was gonna send me a husband. He did because

725
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 1: I thought a man would never love me. M I

726
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:37,600
Speaker 1: love exactly like um my aunt, she's a prophet and

727
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 1: she came to meant she was like, um, God's gonna

728
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 1: bless you with a husband who loves you. For you

729
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 1: and your children. Remind you. I was pregnant with my

730
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 1: second daughter and I ready hand Elizabeth, and when she

731
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,960
Speaker 1: said that I didn't believe her. Black months later my

732
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:58,279
Speaker 1: husband came in the picture. No prayer. Is this the

733
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 1: only thing I could think of, because I never I

734
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 1: thought that I would be here at this moment, like

735
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 1: this is my dream, you know, and something had to

736
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: happen to me to be able to help somebody. Mm hmm. Yeah,

737
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:14,879
Speaker 1: I've been through a lot, But how can I tell

738
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:19,399
Speaker 1: somebody who's going through with a disease if I don't

739
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,759
Speaker 1: have one, you know. So I definitely say if you

740
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: feel like you want to give up, pray about it,

741
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,359
Speaker 1: praying as God say give you a vision, praying as

742
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 1: God to order your steps. You know, even when you

743
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 1: just keep going, even if you feel like He's not listening,

744
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 1: just keep going. I promise you to change. It's gonna come,

745
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:40,360
Speaker 1: because I'm telling you from experience to this day that

746
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 1: I just felt like I just couldn't do it. There's

747
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 1: times where I felt like I wanted to give up.

748
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 1: This is too much been a public figure. I'm getting judged,

749
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 1: like right now, I'm currently getting judged so much on

750
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: all platforms because, like I tell you, guys, I felt

751
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 1: like I wasn't as big but because I'm humble. But

752
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,280
Speaker 1: in reality is I'm bigger than I think I am.

753
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 1: So I just really need to be careful, you know,

754
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,320
Speaker 1: with everything I gotta do, and just pray about everything,

755
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 1: every little thing. I don't care if it's stipping the water. God,

756
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: you want me to step this water. I used to

757
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,719
Speaker 1: think that was so crazy. When the older people just

758
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: tell me that, well, I am super excited. I'm very

759
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 1: thankful that we finally made this happen. So to my listeners,

760
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,400
Speaker 1: If y'all have any questions, comments, for concerns, please make

761
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,800
Speaker 1: sure to email me at Hello at the pfd podcast

762
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 1: dot com. I'm pretty sure this won't be the first

763
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 1: time we would have our guests with us going at

764
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,919
Speaker 1: the first to last? Should I say until next time?

765
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: Everyone Later,