1
00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:08,200
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff.

2
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:19,040
Speaker 1: I've never told your production of I Higher Radio. So

3
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:23,000
Speaker 1: we have passive Thanksgiving mark, Thanksgiving Day mark, and now

4
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,119
Speaker 1: we were quickly quickly as I was looking at my

5
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:30,680
Speaker 1: calendar approaching the Christmas mark, which man, I because I'm

6
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,080
Speaker 1: trying to see about quarantine ing and testing and making

7
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,879
Speaker 1: sure we're all in that same boat. And I was like, oh,

8
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,720
Speaker 1: we have to have a long, expensive time. So what

9
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,880
Speaker 1: are your plans for Christmas? Um, I don't know. I

10
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,440
Speaker 1: actually started my fourteen day I just finished my post

11
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:49,959
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving fourteen days and I'm starting my Christmas fourteen days.

12
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,880
Speaker 1: My mom emailed me very late last night about her

13
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,120
Speaker 1: plans what she's doing, which it was actually really comforting

14
00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,600
Speaker 1: because I was going to have the conversation with her,

15
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:02,880
Speaker 1: but she like took the initiative and was like this time,

16
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,200
Speaker 1: you know, we're going to do this this this listen,

17
00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:08,200
Speaker 1: no one else is coming. And I said, that's great.

18
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,280
Speaker 1: I'll be safe. Let's all be safe, and then we'll

19
00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:14,760
Speaker 1: see where we are, you know, when we get closer.

20
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,880
Speaker 1: I did complete my I this was such a foolish

21
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,319
Speaker 1: decision I made yesterday Samantha. But I was like, you

22
00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:23,080
Speaker 1: know what, I'm not going to go to the grocery

23
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:27,759
Speaker 1: store again until and I walked to the grocery store.

24
00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:31,920
Speaker 1: And let me tell you, I am sore from carrying

25
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:37,040
Speaker 1: the groceries my bags. It's like the most twenty twenty

26
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:41,360
Speaker 1: thing to be like physically sore from a grocery room

27
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,679
Speaker 1: three weeks worth of groceries for yourself and you walked, yeah,

28
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,920
Speaker 1: and I like I had to stop. I think people

29
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,640
Speaker 1: probably took video of this struggling, dumb white girl like

30
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:55,200
Speaker 1: dropping her groceries multiple times. I couldn't like lift them,

31
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,400
Speaker 1: you know what. I feel like I would probably be

32
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,560
Speaker 1: that person that would be like what, either she is

33
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,600
Speaker 1: amazing or she is really dumb, like there's no in

34
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,560
Speaker 1: between the moment, or you know, be like, man, someone

35
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,480
Speaker 1: should call her an uber. Well, and I forgot my phone.

36
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,359
Speaker 1: And that's the really funny part is I actually had

37
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,000
Speaker 1: more stuff on my list, but I forgot because I

38
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,960
Speaker 1: didn't on my phone. So it could have been even worse. Oh,

39
00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:18,760
Speaker 1: you could have been even happier. But I am making

40
00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:23,639
Speaker 1: a traditional eggnog. I got stuff for that. That sounds amazing.

41
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:27,200
Speaker 1: What about you? Uh? Yeah, so right now, I'm trying

42
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,000
Speaker 1: to figure out exactly what I'm gonna do and how

43
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,280
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it, because, as we've talked about before,

44
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:36,360
Speaker 1: my definition of safe and their definition my families are different, um.

45
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,520
Speaker 1: As well as the fact that my nephew is flying

46
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,240
Speaker 1: in actually today from Korea and he's been stationed there

47
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,720
Speaker 1: for over a year, and I feel like I need

48
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,040
Speaker 1: to go see him, obviously, but it feels so unsure

49
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,560
Speaker 1: and I'm don't know what to do. The political stuff

50
00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:50,600
Speaker 1: makes me kind of antsy as well, So there's a

51
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,120
Speaker 1: whole lot of things, um. And you know, this is

52
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:56,560
Speaker 1: kind of one of those moments where every holiday, because

53
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,360
Speaker 1: of the tension between myself and not necessarily my parents

54
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,440
Speaker 1: but the rest of the family, UM, it's I can't

55
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,480
Speaker 1: try to find a way to get out of it,

56
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,480
Speaker 1: which sounds horrible, UM, but you know what, it's something

57
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,160
Speaker 1: that I've learned that I have to do for my

58
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,280
Speaker 1: own peace of mind. I have to say no sometimes. UM.

59
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 1: And you know what, that's what we're going to talk

60
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,359
Speaker 1: about today. We wanted to talk very short. We're not

61
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,480
Speaker 1: gonna give too many things, just like what it kind

62
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,919
Speaker 1: of looks like when you start saying no for your

63
00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:28,320
Speaker 1: own health. Yeah. UM. And we've talked before about compassion

64
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,799
Speaker 1: fatigue in our trauma series and also the roles of

65
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,360
Speaker 1: daughters and families and the holidays. Um, all of us

66
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,839
Speaker 1: is no different. It's kind of amplified actually. UM. Last

67
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,240
Speaker 1: year we talked about how the responsibilities and planning were

68
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:44,240
Speaker 1: often left to mothers or adult women to take care of. UM,

69
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,040
Speaker 1: takeover and all the stress that can lead to I

70
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:52,080
Speaker 1: can test to that, UM so so much right, And

71
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,280
Speaker 1: for me, I don't do I don't actually have that

72
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,680
Speaker 1: as my stress because I am the youngest and with

73
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,680
Speaker 1: an older sister and a mother who is I'm pretty

74
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,680
Speaker 1: sure are like the country mark the Stewart of of Georgia. UM,

75
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,880
Speaker 1: I kind of don't have as much pressure in that realm.

76
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,080
Speaker 1: But you know, one of the things again is what

77
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,440
Speaker 1: when do we learn to keep our distance, especially with

78
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,400
Speaker 1: the pandemic and trying to learn our spaces and just

79
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,400
Speaker 1: for our own comfort and health. And you know, there

80
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,919
Speaker 1: was a term often used for women who seem to

81
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,640
Speaker 1: need to do it all. That's kind of that kind

82
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,960
Speaker 1: of whole what my mother does as well, which is

83
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,560
Speaker 1: the superwoman syndrome, which is fairly new to me, which

84
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, that's absolutely makes sense. UM. And

85
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,800
Speaker 1: the syndrome talks of the need to not only do

86
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:34,920
Speaker 1: it all, but to overcommit do without asking for help, UM,

87
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,720
Speaker 1: taking on too many responsibilities. As well as what we

88
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,800
Speaker 1: talked about before, we've seen it played out so much,

89
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,440
Speaker 1: especially during the holidays, where we just can't say no.

90
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,920
Speaker 1: And I personally feel like I've done that often with

91
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,240
Speaker 1: whether it's with work and with friends, where I just

92
00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:52,200
Speaker 1: overextend myself because I want to do it all and

93
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,120
Speaker 1: or I don't want to disappoint. And I've witnessed so

94
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,640
Speaker 1: many friends, including you any um and and other co

95
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,080
Speaker 1: workers doing that as well all And because of that,

96
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,719
Speaker 1: I do want to talk. Specifically, we brought back on

97
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,839
Speaker 1: my friend, our friend Courtney Jones. Hi, Cordi, Hi, cord

98
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:13,440
Speaker 1: Oh everyone, because you are you are what I saw

99
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,400
Speaker 1: as like being superwoman all the time, whether it was

100
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,320
Speaker 1: for me helping me out and try to figure out

101
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,239
Speaker 1: work and or being with your family and your friends.

102
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:26,880
Speaker 1: So hey, Gordy, Hi, Hi are happy? I can't talk today? Hello? Everyone?

103
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,480
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm doing very good. I'm just trying

104
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,400
Speaker 1: to make sure you know part of that superwoman women's

105
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,920
Speaker 1: syndrome is making sure everyone's okay, and so I can't

106
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,159
Speaker 1: really complain. My family has done very well during the

107
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:43,520
Speaker 1: pandemic so far as keeping themselves healthy. UM so one

108
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,880
Speaker 1: confirmed case, but she's okay now, So overall we're doing okay.

109
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,599
Speaker 1: That's good, right, And you and I talked about that

110
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,440
Speaker 1: yesterday with work that I used to be with the

111
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,920
Speaker 1: Wind and I work with you and all of the

112
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:58,440
Speaker 1: different people going through all of the trauma and all

113
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,960
Speaker 1: the illnesses that are happening that we're being announced because

114
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,600
Speaker 1: we would get announcements of people's deaths and funerals. It

115
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:10,440
Speaker 1: has become really depressing. But um, I didn't want to

116
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,680
Speaker 1: talk specifically with you because throughout the time you and

117
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,200
Speaker 1: I have been hanging out, which has been now like

118
00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:17,640
Speaker 1: what seven years, I'm gonna say seven years because that's

119
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:21,039
Speaker 1: how I see things in my time six or seven years. Um,

120
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,800
Speaker 1: I watched you more than one occasion being what I

121
00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:26,000
Speaker 1: would call superwoman to the point that I'm like, are

122
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,640
Speaker 1: you okay? And even other coakers being like man, she

123
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:32,039
Speaker 1: takes on a lot um again not only for me,

124
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,200
Speaker 1: and Anie knows I'm a procrastinator to a point because

125
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,080
Speaker 1: she's like a little bit worried that I'm not gonna

126
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:42,520
Speaker 1: get done seen her. But to so many people, including

127
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,880
Speaker 1: your family, like your dynamic was so different. Can you

128
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,320
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about your personal experience. Well, let's

129
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,839
Speaker 1: let's start at the beginning so you can see why

130
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,799
Speaker 1: things are the way they are. I am the first

131
00:06:55,400 --> 00:07:00,760
Speaker 1: of thirteen grandchildren. Of those grandchildren, we now have fifteen

132
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,800
Speaker 1: great grandchildren up. We contribute to any children because I

133
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,440
Speaker 1: have helped babysit and raise all of those below me.

134
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,760
Speaker 1: So you have to understand I'm six years older than

135
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,360
Speaker 1: the first child that was born after me, so far

136
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,880
Speaker 1: as with grandchildren, So yeah, I was the family go

137
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:23,080
Speaker 1: to when it was um um club night. Anytime there

138
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,680
Speaker 1: was an adult event happening, you knew I was babysitting.

139
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,400
Speaker 1: So um There's never been a time that I haven't

140
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,440
Speaker 1: looked out for others. I've always been that go to person.

141
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,760
Speaker 1: So that's what it is for me personally. And then

142
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,640
Speaker 1: you know, also culturally, we tend to lean on each

143
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:44,040
Speaker 1: other more um. Within my culture, um, where you come

144
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:48,280
Speaker 1: from a big family, that's what we do. So it's

145
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,720
Speaker 1: kind of difficult trying to work around living in a

146
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:57,320
Speaker 1: metropolitan area but still having those small town values, especially

147
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:02,200
Speaker 1: when we're so spread apart so within the area now.

148
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,360
Speaker 1: So because I've always been there, I felt like I

149
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:09,920
Speaker 1: had to continue to do everything right. Um. And and

150
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,680
Speaker 1: just to give another background, like you have been a caretaker,

151
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,920
Speaker 1: not only for who, by the way, are very self

152
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,400
Speaker 1: sufficient in theirselves, but when they need help reach out

153
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,120
Speaker 1: to you would be like your grandmother, Um, after your

154
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,360
Speaker 1: mother got sick, you became her primary caretaker. Even for

155
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,240
Speaker 1: your brother who has had some ups and downs with

156
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,400
Speaker 1: his health as well. You've been there for them. And

157
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,560
Speaker 1: like you said, you've raised nieces. Remember you telling me

158
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:36,320
Speaker 1: stories and showing me like pictures of your adorable nieces.

159
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,320
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh my gosh, you don't know. I've

160
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,600
Speaker 1: pretty much taken care of them, um. And I was like,

161
00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:44,280
Speaker 1: my lord, when do you have time for yourself? Well,

162
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,400
Speaker 1: that's just that my nieces are pretty much well taken

163
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,439
Speaker 1: care of by their moms. But it's my cousins there

164
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:54,160
Speaker 1: are I'm old enough to be there aren't. So uh,

165
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:59,400
Speaker 1: it's it's I don't even know how to compare it

166
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,280
Speaker 1: to being in the superwoman syndrome, because you're just helping

167
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,960
Speaker 1: out family. In your mind, it's not anything that you

168
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,079
Speaker 1: think that you're doing extra because that's just our day

169
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:14,800
Speaker 1: to day life and me feeling overwhelmed. The overwhelmed part

170
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,600
Speaker 1: comes when you just dome or money to go around,

171
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,400
Speaker 1: and that's when you feel like, oh man, when it's

172
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:26,120
Speaker 1: really not to delegate when you know that you know

173
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,679
Speaker 1: their family members have similar situations going on because they

174
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,360
Speaker 1: have their own stuff going on, and that's kind of

175
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,760
Speaker 1: one of the things that you don't want to ask

176
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,679
Speaker 1: for help, whether it's because you don't want to be

177
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,280
Speaker 1: a burden quote unquote on someone else or trying to

178
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,559
Speaker 1: figure it out because you know what's out there. But

179
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,480
Speaker 1: there came a point and I actually have a moment

180
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,280
Speaker 1: in my mind, I don't like, I'm not gonna go

181
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,200
Speaker 1: to you deep in it where you follow like I

182
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,680
Speaker 1: can't do this, I can't do this for this person

183
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,360
Speaker 1: this person person, and you actually set specific days of

184
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,920
Speaker 1: like this is the last of this, this is the

185
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,640
Speaker 1: last of this. What made you come to that point?

186
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,480
Speaker 1: My job, Um, looking at the deal with and the

187
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,800
Speaker 1: families that we deal with and looking at those that dysfunction,

188
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,520
Speaker 1: I could see some of the same patterns, but not

189
00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:12,240
Speaker 1: maybe at the same levels. And I was thinking, this

190
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,800
Speaker 1: is so dysfunctional, this is so unhealthy for me that

191
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,800
Speaker 1: my health can't take anymore. I have to learn how

192
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:22,240
Speaker 1: to start saying no and letting it be that, because

193
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,760
Speaker 1: if not. I mean, the depression was more than just

194
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,440
Speaker 1: having a blue day. We're talking days and weeks of

195
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,080
Speaker 1: me just wondering how am I gonna get out of

196
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,920
Speaker 1: this house? You know, Um it had gotten that bad.

197
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,680
Speaker 1: And then I had to realize, this is not my responsibility.

198
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:44,160
Speaker 1: It's okay to help, but it's not my responsibility to

199
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,679
Speaker 1: make sure that get everything. Like Mike, I was working

200
00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,000
Speaker 1: with my cousin a lot and her daughter, and I

201
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,920
Speaker 1: had to stop doing that because it was so draining

202
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,840
Speaker 1: and it was no type um reciprocation so far as

203
00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:01,199
Speaker 1: thank you's being appreciative. It was always what more can

204
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,960
Speaker 1: you do or what you're not doing. One of the

205
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,520
Speaker 1: things that we need to talk about is trying to

206
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,800
Speaker 1: help someone who's not and we're not going to do here,

207
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,679
Speaker 1: but trying to help someone who's not willing to help

208
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,840
Speaker 1: themselves and can't see how to help themselves and unwilling

209
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,359
Speaker 1: to take those steps. And that's a whole different conversation

210
00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:17,640
Speaker 1: even though you want to solve that problem because there's

211
00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:21,000
Speaker 1: another person a child involved. But that brings us to

212
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,640
Speaker 1: like the other things is how did you learn to

213
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:26,160
Speaker 1: self say just say no? Like? How did you learn

214
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,719
Speaker 1: to do that? It's very hard when you live with

215
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:32,280
Speaker 1: the person because you can't just say um, yeah, and

216
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:37,719
Speaker 1: then you're at the house, so it becomes more of look, um,

217
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,680
Speaker 1: I have a lot going on right now. Can help

218
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:43,439
Speaker 1: you with what you're not willing to do. First system

219
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,760
Speaker 1: in that if you keep backsliding into just do this

220
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,200
Speaker 1: one more thing or one more thing, then they're gonna

221
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:53,160
Speaker 1: continue to take advantage. And it's not that they are

222
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:58,360
Speaker 1: they're thinking they're taking advantage. They're and and sometimes it

223
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,880
Speaker 1: is taking advantage, but they don't really understand what a

224
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,360
Speaker 1: stressor it is on you because they don't know what

225
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,040
Speaker 1: all you have going on in your life. Um. And

226
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,199
Speaker 1: that's another don't share a lot of my problems with

227
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,840
Speaker 1: my family because I am one of the ones that

228
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,920
Speaker 1: I don't have any children. I saw early in life

229
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:20,680
Speaker 1: that that was for me. Um. I just never met

230
00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:24,599
Speaker 1: anyone that shared the same views in life, and I

231
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,560
Speaker 1: always wanted to be married. First, I had children because

232
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:32,480
Speaker 1: being a single parent something I never wanted to do never. Um,

233
00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:36,920
Speaker 1: So that's I think, um, them not understanding what's going

234
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,920
Speaker 1: on with me because I don't have some of the

235
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,600
Speaker 1: same challenges that they have, and they're thinking everything's all

236
00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:44,600
Speaker 1: gravy is that in the third and I don't. These

237
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:50,160
Speaker 1: student loans are kicking up behind. So it's really setting

238
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,440
Speaker 1: those boundaries and making sure that they understand that you

239
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,760
Speaker 1: have things going on outside of the family and being

240
00:12:55,800 --> 00:13:00,920
Speaker 1: consistent in that. Right, right, all of that and now

241
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,040
Speaker 1: you've kind of already touched on some of the advice,

242
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,080
Speaker 1: But what are some other things people who are trying

243
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,720
Speaker 1: to set boundaries for themselves, learning to step into their

244
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,880
Speaker 1: uh ability to say no. What would be some of

245
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,439
Speaker 1: your some advice for them? You know, I really have

246
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,200
Speaker 1: to stay off on Instagram because Instagram has some of

247
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:21,280
Speaker 1: the most uplifting memes sometimes. But I did come across

248
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:25,920
Speaker 1: something that really resonated with me, and that, um, sometimes

249
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:31,400
Speaker 1: when women say no or feel overwhelmed, they don't realize

250
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:35,760
Speaker 1: they're being overwhelmed. They think that they're failing. And that's

251
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,760
Speaker 1: exactly the way I felt on a day to day basis.

252
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,520
Speaker 1: I felt like I was failing my family, failing myself,

253
00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:45,480
Speaker 1: feeling my job, and it wasn't that I was failing.

254
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,080
Speaker 1: Was just too much and I couldn't process it. So first,

255
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,680
Speaker 1: be kind to yourself. Second, the person who said we

256
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,800
Speaker 1: all had the same twenty four hours couldn't been from

257
00:13:55,800 --> 00:14:00,439
Speaker 1: this planet because you're in twenty four hours, and twenty

258
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:04,880
Speaker 1: four hours are completely doing. You may have someone, you

259
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,840
Speaker 1: may have a spouse, you may have money to take

260
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,120
Speaker 1: care of this and that. You may have your loans

261
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,439
Speaker 1: and things taken care of. You may have had parents

262
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,040
Speaker 1: to gift you a house. I've never had any of that.

263
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,000
Speaker 1: So you're twenty four hours in my twenty four hours

264
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,560
Speaker 1: and not the same. And lastly, I would just say

265
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:26,120
Speaker 1: be consistent in how you want to deally up your

266
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,320
Speaker 1: time with your family. You have to make sure that

267
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,320
Speaker 1: they understand this is what you're willing to do and

268
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 1: what you're not willing to do. That way, you won't

269
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,080
Speaker 1: even get the phone call for stuff that you don't

270
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:40,720
Speaker 1: want to do. They already know. Yeah. Good, I like

271
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,480
Speaker 1: that part, and thank you so much, Corty, And I

272
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,600
Speaker 1: think that's so good, Like I love that twenty four

273
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,880
Speaker 1: hours to call it. That's so true, as well as

274
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,800
Speaker 1: the fact that if you lay out the law like

275
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,000
Speaker 1: this is what I'm not gonna do, I don't ask you.

276
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,600
Speaker 1: That's that's beautiful. It's kind of things like I can cook,

277
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,400
Speaker 1: but I don't tell my parents, so my sisters and

278
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,680
Speaker 1: sister in law's do it. So just come and like

279
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,120
Speaker 1: get box of cookies and here you go. I did it. Yeah,

280
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,920
Speaker 1: the cats out of the bag for that for me,

281
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,920
Speaker 1: But go ahead. Yeah, I know I'm still better. Some

282
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,880
Speaker 1: of the food you haven't brought me you talk about

283
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,280
Speaker 1: you did really a good cheese take though. Oh y'all,

284
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,720
Speaker 1: it was so good. It was so good. Um, Courtney,

285
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,200
Speaker 1: thank you as always as always for stopping by. Thank

286
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,600
Speaker 1: you so much for giving us advice, because, like I said, um,

287
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,120
Speaker 1: watching you throughout the years and you handling yourself has

288
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,760
Speaker 1: been something that I have been so just in awe

289
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,880
Speaker 1: of and which is why I love you so much. Like, yeah,

290
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,400
Speaker 1: this is why she's going to my friend for life.

291
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 1: Thank you. I would say the same to you that Samanthew.

292
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,720
Speaker 1: You have some of us. You are one of the

293
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,960
Speaker 1: strongest women I have ever met, and people don't. I mean,

294
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,520
Speaker 1: if you know her story, you will know exactly what

295
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,920
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. She didn't let her start determine her

296
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,040
Speaker 1: in and I just appreciate on a daily basis. So

297
00:15:51,080 --> 00:16:02,040
Speaker 1: I love you boy. It's well. Yes, thank you so

298
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,960
Speaker 1: much for joining us and listeners. If you would like

299
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,720
Speaker 1: to contact us, you can. We would love to hear

300
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,320
Speaker 1: from you. Um Our email is Stuff Medium, mom Stuff

301
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,120
Speaker 1: at iHeart media dot com. You can also find us

302
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,760
Speaker 1: on Instagram and Stuff I've Never Told You are on

303
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,480
Speaker 1: Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always to our

304
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 1: super producer Andrew Howard. We love you too, Andrew, Oh,

305
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,280
Speaker 1: yes we do, and thanks to you for listening Stuff

306
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,960
Speaker 1: I've Never Told You. The production of I Heart Radio

307
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,000
Speaker 1: for More podcast from I Heeart Radio is the iHeart

308
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever he listened to your

309
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,000
Speaker 1: favorite shows