Speaker 1: I won't let my body out me outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know everybody of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then he'll always out way if you feel it,
Speaker 1: but you she'll some love to the food. By you
Speaker 1: have there, say good day and did you and die out?
Speaker 2: Hey?
Speaker 3: Hey, leanne here and I hope you enjoyed this series
Speaker 3: with doctor Chip Dodd. Here on outweigh and if you
Speaker 3: want to learn more about how I teach my own
Speaker 3: clients to turn off the part of their brain that's
Speaker 3: obsessed with food, obsessed with their weight, and rewire their
Speaker 3: own brain for peace and freedom, then head on over
Speaker 3: to Stressless eating dot com, where I've literally peeled back
Speaker 3: the curtain and walked you through the exact strategy I
Speaker 3: teach my clients to heal themselves from the all or
Speaker 3: nothing diet mentality for good, but without restricting themselves, punishing
Speaker 3: their bodies, and definitely without ever having to use words
Speaker 3: like macros, low carb or calorie burn. It is all
Speaker 3: over there for you to access over at stressless seeding
Speaker 3: dot com. Hey, hey, and happy Saturday Outweigh. We are
Speaker 3: back for part two of this four part mini series
Speaker 3: here with doctor Chip Dodd.
Speaker 2: Hello, good, good to see you.
Speaker 3: Yes, good to have you back. Last week was a
Speaker 3: powerful conversation if you missed it, we got into what
Speaker 3: is addiction really right, not just the you know, theoretical
Speaker 3: version of it, but we talked about it on a
Speaker 3: science level, on a logistics level, and then of course
Speaker 3: on a cause and effect level, from where it's truly rooted,
Speaker 3: which is in the heart, in the feelings, in the
Speaker 3: soul and the spirit. So we are back now to
Speaker 3: talk about why we numb and the real reason we
Speaker 3: avoid pain and seek comfort. And so last week we
Speaker 3: talked a little bit about, you know, why we turn
Speaker 3: to food and alcohol and shopping and relationships, even busyness
Speaker 3: like hustling for our worthiness nowadays has become a bit
Speaker 3: of an addiction. But what we're really trying to escape
Speaker 3: or avoid? So can we just you know, we pick
Speaker 3: up from where we were last week when we're trying
Speaker 3: to escape or avoid, like what is that? What are
Speaker 3: we doing and why are we turning to those coping mechanisms?
Speaker 2: With you this is going to sound strange at first,
Speaker 2: but we actually, and this is going to probably sound
Speaker 2: very strange, we have two enemies. We have society at
Speaker 2: large that measures everything externally and judges accordingly, right, judges
Speaker 2: like that. And then our real primary enemy is the
Speaker 2: brain itself. Now I don't mean the whole brain, okay,
Speaker 2: but the brain is doing exactly what it's made to do.
Speaker 2: I'm talking about our frontal lobe logic and our executive
Speaker 2: functioning is created to find places where there isn't pain.
Speaker 2: So your brain as the organ is actually a comfort seeking,
Speaker 2: pleasure seeking instrument doing what's made to do, which means
Speaker 2: pain avoidant. Okay. So your brain is doing its job
Speaker 2: to helping you avoid honestly having to feel and having
Speaker 2: to be, indeed, or having to be in situations in
Speaker 2: which you are vulnerable, which means don't have control. Okay. Now,
Speaker 2: so your brain is oddly pain intolerant. That's how come
Speaker 2: your thinking can't sob can't bring you to healing because
Speaker 2: your thinking is opposed to what it takes to heal.
Speaker 2: All right, So, but your brain is intolerant for pain,
Speaker 2: and here's the beauty. Your heart is pain tolerant. Okay,
Speaker 2: I mean your emotional center of your being is a
Speaker 2: pain tolerant place. You don't have to like the pain,
Speaker 2: but you find that somehow or another, you're capable of
Speaker 2: tolerating the pain. Love is painful, child bearing is painful.
Speaker 2: Recovery is painful. And a woman named Marian Diamond, she
Speaker 2: was the inventor of neuroplasticity, which is where we get
Speaker 2: the idea that the brain could be changed from where
Speaker 2: it was to a different place. This is nineteen sixties,
Speaker 2: and she was disregarded for two three decades almost And
Speaker 2: she's the one that came up with the phrase use
Speaker 2: it or lose it. And so she discovered there are
Speaker 2: five ways to create what she called brain health. But
Speaker 2: the truth was she actually had discovered, in my opinion,
Speaker 2: she had actually discovered the five ways that the heart
Speaker 2: overcomes the brain, and so that we will quote choose
Speaker 2: health over comfort, and the five ways for us to
Speaker 2: be maximum maximumly fulfilled. She said she discovered nutrition, exercise, risking,
Speaker 2: seeing new things, taking on challenges, and love. I mean,
Speaker 2: these things were scientifically proven. But if you'll notice all
Speaker 2: five of those things, eating, healthy, exercise, seeing new things,
Speaker 2: taking on challenges, and love, all five of them require pain.
Speaker 2: We have to delay gratification for benefits. And so if
Speaker 2: you're not raised in a world where feelings are forms
Speaker 2: of strength. See now we're being raised more than ever before.
Speaker 2: Children are being raised with having feelings, but the feelings
Speaker 2: in so many ways because the parents don't trust them.
Speaker 2: The feedings become permission to not have to risk, rather
Speaker 2: than yes, you're gonna feel it, but I'll be here
Speaker 2: when you're done. Yes okay, versus don't feel it. And
Speaker 2: so many of us came from a don't feel it
Speaker 2: and now there's great permission to feel, but nobody could
Speaker 2: tolerate them. So there's a tweeer world. It's called delay
Speaker 2: gratification for benefit, and all of recovery is about taking
Speaker 2: the risk of having feelings to delay gratification. But it's
Speaker 2: a promise of gratification being better than satisfaction. When I
Speaker 2: eat an apple pie muffin, I mean just go down
Speaker 2: the list. It hits the blood brain barrier seconds. If
Speaker 2: I eat healthy, I have to wait for the benefit
Speaker 2: to upcome. And it all has to do with feelings
Speaker 2: like I won't be okay your brain, and your brain
Speaker 2: is literally saying, look, you can do this tomorrow. Let's
Speaker 2: wait till tomorrow. I promise tomorrow will be a great day,
Speaker 2: but tonight for right now. And then when we go
Speaker 2: do the thing that that makes us comfortable, we wind
Speaker 2: up judging ourselves for being weak, and we weren't weak.
Speaker 2: We're not weak. We're doing what the brain is, the
Speaker 2: brains telling us to do to avoid feeling because your
Speaker 2: brain is a mechanism that says, I want to take
Speaker 2: care of you, right.
Speaker 3: And that's why it's so important for us to learn
Speaker 3: and take back ownership from our brain and influence it
Speaker 3: in the direction that it needs to go rich than
Speaker 3: having it drive us around.
Speaker 2: Yes, rabbit, So but what is it that takes control
Speaker 2: of the brain, And it's the one thing we run
Speaker 2: from heart? The heart. I know it sounds so weird,
Speaker 2: but the heart is created by God to take precedence
Speaker 2: over the brain. In fact, the God piece here and
Speaker 2: Proverbs four twenty three says above all else, I mean,
Speaker 2: like above everything else. It says guard your heart, and
Speaker 2: it doesn't mean unlock it in prison it be set
Speaker 2: it free and treasure it both. It's very valuable part
Speaker 2: of you to guard your heart above all else, because
Speaker 2: out of it flow all the issues of life. Another
Speaker 2: translation says, because it's the well spring of life. So
Speaker 2: if you don't know your heart, you'll never be free.
Speaker 2: If you don't have your heart, you'll never be courageous.
Speaker 2: If you don't have your heart, you can't be really curious.
Speaker 2: Everything's about controlling rather than experiencing. Wow.
Speaker 3: And so if you have ever heard yourself feeling like
Speaker 3: or identified with this whole, you know, short term gratification trap.
Speaker 3: Not only did you just get the neuroscientific explanation from
Speaker 3: doctor chip DoD over here, but also you know again
Speaker 3: you cannot solve a logical problem or emotional problem with
Speaker 3: this logic and reason, you know, And it's.
Speaker 2: A hard In fact, all addiction is a logic problem. Yeah.
Speaker 2: In other words, it's trusting the logic too much. If
Speaker 2: I do this, I'll get that. If I get that,
Speaker 2: I'll do this if I do and your logic will
Speaker 2: always take you away from having to deal with feelings.
Speaker 2: They'll always win every draw. Yeah, every one of us
Speaker 2: who goes and does something that we know ahead of
Speaker 2: time is going to hurt us, right, and we do
Speaker 2: it anyway. It's not because we're stupid, it's because the
Speaker 2: logic said go there absolutely avoid feeling.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I have so many conversations with these highly
Speaker 3: intelligent women and they're likely Anne, I'm so good everything else,
Speaker 3: And I tell them this is not an intelligence problem.
Speaker 3: This is not lack of thing you know it is. Really,
Speaker 3: it's so much deeper, and it's hardwired. It's a product
Speaker 3: of cause and effective. A lot of times, decades or
Speaker 3: a lifetime of these practices where the brain has gotten hijacked.
Speaker 2: Hijack, or is the doing the hijacking and gets hijacked,
Speaker 2: and people are very successful through their thinking. Almost most
Speaker 2: of the people that I treated years ago at the
Speaker 2: Center for Professional Excellence, most of those people were highly influential,
Speaker 2: highly highly achieved, super people, pleasing people. I'm talking about politicians,
Speaker 2: the lawyers, the doctors, and so on, male and female.
Speaker 2: I remember I would say to them, Look, you're intelligent, amazingly.
Speaker 2: I know you're smarter than I am. I know that
Speaker 2: you have the willpower of like a rhinoceros. You know,
Speaker 2: I mean your toughest nails. You couldn't endure what you've endured,
Speaker 2: even residency for example, in medical schools. And you're moral,
Speaker 2: I mean, you seek perfection. So it's a form of
Speaker 2: morality if nothing else. You know how to hide your
Speaker 2: secrets because you fear being judged. But you're so smart,
Speaker 2: you're so tough, and you're so strong, but you look stupid,
Speaker 2: you look weak, and you look bad. But we know
Speaker 2: you're not, because it's proven that you're not. So you
Speaker 2: don't have an intelligence problem, you don't have a willpower problem,
Speaker 2: you don't have a moral problem. You have a heart problem, honestly,
Speaker 2: not taking a risk of trusting honestly, that limbic system,
Speaker 2: that part of your b that is the emotional center
Speaker 2: and the long term memory center.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, yeah, the elephant that never forgets that
Speaker 3: have boganfans. So let's talk about avoidance, Okay, because this
Speaker 3: is a big one, no matter who's listening. I know
Speaker 3: we've all that can be procrastination, avoidance, numbing. So let's
Speaker 3: talk about avoidance. Why does that happen? And I feel
Speaker 3: like there is not that we're making this a you know,
Speaker 3: society's bad conversation, but there is a societal pattern of
Speaker 3: kind of teaching us to numb instead of process avoidance
Speaker 3: and how that just continues that disconnect ourselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you talk about that avoidance is actually just an
Speaker 2: impaired expression of wisdom. And what I mean by that
Speaker 2: because see wisdom, wisdom is because I've experienced life, I've
Speaker 2: learned from it, and I know how to process the
Speaker 2: feelings of it. Wisdom becomes a sense of intuitively knowing
Speaker 2: when to do something and when not to. Avoidance is
Speaker 2: a beat up form of wisdom that says, I don't
Speaker 2: want to have to feel that, I don't want to
Speaker 2: have to risk that, I don't want to be told
Speaker 2: I'm wrong. So avoidance becomes like a beat up form
Speaker 2: of wisdom and also a demand for perfectionism, like I'm
Speaker 2: not even gonna step into yeah. And so it's part
Speaker 2: of the control addiction and ultimately in all addiction, all
Speaker 2: impairments related to addiction, because the core addiction is control addiction,
Speaker 2: that out of which comes all the expressions of our
Speaker 2: multi layered, multi dimensional, multi factorial expressions of the sickness
Speaker 2: of addiction. Whether it's like the disordered eating eating disorders,
Speaker 2: it could be you know, like the drug of choice.
Speaker 2: In this area, it can be believe it or not
Speaker 2: taking something very healthy and taking it to extremes. It
Speaker 2: was like even spinning things to avoid having to face things.
Speaker 2: I mean, the politicians expert tease is the addiction of spinning,
Speaker 2: and it's an addiction to avoiding, to have to avoid
Speaker 2: having to actually stand up and say this is where
Speaker 2: I am, this is what I feel, because we're trying
Speaker 2: to keep ourselves brain safe rather than carry the taught
Speaker 2: integrity of their own hearts. That makes sense, absolutely, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3: No, for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then the avoidance itself becomes its own identity of
Speaker 3: like the well, this is just what I do and
Speaker 3: this is who I am, and then they forget that
Speaker 3: again it's just and then there's a numbing that comes
Speaker 3: with the avoidance because you don't even know what you're doing,
Speaker 3: like what you're hiding from anymore. So a lot of
Speaker 3: times I'll ask a woman, you know, why does she
Speaker 3: think it is that she's not able to do? Is
Speaker 3: there something? Is there a story that she's telling herself,
Speaker 3: a thought that she's thinking, a fear that she has,
Speaker 3: And the answer often is like, I don't even know.
Speaker 3: I've never asked myself.
Speaker 2: That's great, that's a great question you're asking. And avoidance
Speaker 2: is always about not having to touch a feeling. I
Speaker 2: don't know what to do with. I mean, avoidance is
Speaker 2: about not having to feel. I know it sounds you know,
Speaker 2: I sound like I'm what one trick pony, But I'm
Speaker 2: telling you it's the most astounding thing every one of
Speaker 2: our problems that isn't just truly a sort of genetic
Speaker 2: neurophysiological purely you know, like a brain's broken, so to speak.
Speaker 2: Every one of our problems has to do with avoiding,
Speaker 2: over extending, reacting to doing everything we can to keep
Speaker 2: from having to do one thing. Feel our feelings, tell
Speaker 2: the truth about them, and trust that there's a process
Speaker 2: that allows us to heal from even feelings we don't
Speaker 2: want to have. That's it. I know it sounds so well.
Speaker 3: I think people need to hear the oversimplification because I
Speaker 3: think that what a lot of people are being told
Speaker 3: is that it is a willpower problem. In order to
Speaker 3: you need to avoid restrict control, which is creating more
Speaker 3: of the problem absolutely versus like, well, why don't we
Speaker 3: look at what hole am I trying to fill avoid
Speaker 3: of with food, social media, whatever, And how do I
Speaker 3: learn how to become emotionally and spiritually available to myself
Speaker 3: in those moments rather than turning to food.
Speaker 2: Jesus was so clear, unless you change and become like
Speaker 2: and he said one of these. He was literally talking
Speaker 2: about a three year old child standing at his knee,
Speaker 2: and he said, unless you change and become like one
Speaker 2: of these. And I just said something that every child
Speaker 2: can understand, and every child already knows. What are you feeling?
Speaker 2: What's the truth? What happened that you feel this way right?
Speaker 2: And what do you want related to it? In other words,
Speaker 2: there's a process that will bring you back to oxytocin,
Speaker 2: which is the chemistry of truly being connected, life giving,
Speaker 2: which is strength for the day we're all made to
Speaker 2: have relationship with heart to heart.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I talk about oxytocin as being like the emotional safety hormone,
Speaker 3: because it's like, if you don't feel emotionally safe, you
Speaker 3: can't be or do anything.
Speaker 2: Isn't it true too that oxytocin, if everything I've read
Speaker 2: it I understand so far, is the only like neurochemical
Speaker 2: that you can't produce synthetically.
Speaker 3: Yes, it is.
Speaker 2: You can't produce it synthetically, And that's what all of
Speaker 2: our addiction is an attempt to produce the relational connection
Speaker 2: chemical without having dear risk.
Speaker 3: Social brain, not this on licking reason and where the
Speaker 3: dopamine is coming in. Yeah, you can so, but we're trying,
Speaker 3: we're trying to produce it. We're chancing after that quick high,
Speaker 3: that quick hit, rather than learning. And it's not even
Speaker 3: like we talked about last week. We're not doing it
Speaker 3: on purpose. Our brain is doing it without our consent,
Speaker 3: and that's where we need to get in there and
Speaker 3: do some you.
Speaker 2: Know me, you know when you said like once, we're
Speaker 2: sort of like blocked in heart. Once we sort of
Speaker 2: have noum to our hearts and we're not able to
Speaker 2: receive oxytocin. We're still in search of it. Like this is,
Speaker 2: as example, just you and I doing this podcast today,
Speaker 2: this episode today, when we're when it's finished, you and
Speaker 2: I will have had an oxytocin experience. It's not just
Speaker 2: babies being born to touch with caregivers. But I have
Speaker 2: to be willing to believe it. You have to be
Speaker 2: willing to believe it because in the last episode that
Speaker 2: we did after it was always like hey, you said
Speaker 2: that was good. I'm like, yeah, I think that was good.
Speaker 2: But will I believe it? Because if I can't receive it,
Speaker 2: which means trust another person, I won't get the oxytocin.
Speaker 2: So I've got to be able, and we all have
Speaker 2: to be able to ask you mean it, you tell
Speaker 2: the truth. We all have to be willing to doubt
Speaker 2: the people who are caring about us, not just oh
Speaker 2: thank you or reject. See avoidance that you brought up.
Speaker 2: Avoidance has everything to do with not trusting. And if
Speaker 2: you can't trust, you can't receive. If you can't receive,
Speaker 2: you remain isolated, and addiction is the ultimate best next choice,
Speaker 2: rigid whatever.
Speaker 3: Receivership is a teachable skill, like I don't need to
Speaker 3: make it sound robotic like that, but it is like
Speaker 3: open your heart and then the receivership receiving that not
Speaker 3: just the oxytocin, but feeling worthy of love and belonging
Speaker 3: to all.
Speaker 2: Of those things. Even saying like I'm afraid to believe
Speaker 2: you is a beginning of experiencing oxytocin. That chrisk you
Speaker 2: say I'm afraid and be received and not rejected is
Speaker 2: a trust experience, which is a life giving experience, which
Speaker 2: is a skill that's been gained, which is a faith
Speaker 2: that's been attained to Maybe I could do that again
Speaker 2: and turn out Okay, we're renewing ourselves, we're regrowing all
Speaker 2: that sort of thing. Seeding. Feeding's heal. You got to
Speaker 2: feel it to heal it. You sure knew it. If
Speaker 2: you can't seal it. Yeah, And it doesn't have it
Speaker 2: doesn't always have to mean, like you said, go into
Speaker 2: a graveyard and digging up every tasket in there.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it can be right now, right now, starting today,
Speaker 3: right amen. I would love it. I love this conversation. Well,
Speaker 3: we're going to be back next week where we talk
Speaker 3: about healing from the inside out and breaking free from
Speaker 3: the need to, not just like trying not to none,
Speaker 3: but breaking free from that actual need to.
Speaker 2: Where can you find it? Find me at chipdod dot
Speaker 2: com see hip d d d dot com, also Spotify
Speaker 2: at Amazon. The Living with Heart from Birth to Death podcast.
Speaker 2: I really encourage people to listen to that because there's
Speaker 2: so much in it. I get to be unbridled, which
Speaker 2: is really good. And go beyond the Voice of the
Speaker 2: Heart book. I mean, I'm getting to go way beyond
Speaker 2: Voice of the Heart book.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: So those are two ways that I would love to
Speaker 2: hear from people, and I'd love for people to get
Speaker 2: on the podcast.
Speaker 3: Amazing Yeah, and definitely check out The Voice of the Heart.
Speaker 3: You will not be sorry. We will be back next
Speaker 3: week for the third part of this series, so we'll
Speaker 3: see then. Bye, thank you.