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Speaker 1: the episode. Hello, Hello, How you doing all right?
Speaker 2: Man? I'm doing pretty good. How about you tonight?
Speaker 1: I'm hanging in there, man, I'm feeling all right. What's
Speaker 1: what's going on with you? Your name is Jason.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeh, Jason.
Speaker 1: What's happening with you? Jason? How can I get you today?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: Well, I call it in because I'm kind of in
Speaker 2: like a little bit of a unique situation. See, my
Speaker 2: ex wife lives with me, and my ex girlfriend kind
Speaker 2: of like sits outside and stalks my apartment at like
Speaker 2: three in the morning because she doesn't know the ex
Speaker 2: wife lives with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah I did that. You were right, Yeah, that is
Speaker 1: quite a predicament. So why does your how how long
Speaker 1: ago did you divorce your first of all? Which one
Speaker 1: was more recently your uh? I guess actual partner? Were
Speaker 1: you more recently? Uh? With the wife or with the girlfriends?
Speaker 1: But the girls recently did not have the ex status?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, all right, So you were dating this girl
Speaker 1: and then you broke up with her, and then your
Speaker 1: ex wife moved in with you.
Speaker 2: Oh what, myg's girlfriend broke up with me? Sees me
Speaker 2: and my ex girlfriend, the one the stalker in question,
Speaker 2: we had dated previously to me and my ex wife
Speaker 2: being together.
Speaker 1: And why does your okay, so okay, so that that
Speaker 1: makes sense. You and you were with the wife and
Speaker 1: then the girlfriend. Who are you? Who are you with first?
Speaker 2: The girlfriend first, then the wife, then the girlfriend again.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, all right, now, why is your ex wife
Speaker 1: living with you?
Speaker 2: She found herself in a situation where she didn't have
Speaker 2: anywhere to go. So we were together for like eight
Speaker 2: years and out helped raise her kids. So her kids
Speaker 2: still consider me, like, you know, a father figure or whatever.
Speaker 2: So kind of out of the kindness of my heart,
Speaker 2: I was like, well, if you know how anywhere to go?
Speaker 2: She was like, I need a place to stay for
Speaker 2: a week, and then a week. That was back in January.
Speaker 1: So yeah, okay, so she's been living with It's August right now.
Speaker 1: She's been living with you for I'm gonna it's August
Speaker 1: is eight months, right, yeah, yeah, seven or eight months,
Speaker 1: between seven and nine months. So why is she still there?
Speaker 2: That's a good question. She has a temper, so it's
Speaker 2: hard to bring it up with her without a lot
Speaker 2: of confrontation, but it you know, she had previously said that. Okay,
Speaker 2: so she left me, my ex wife did because she
Speaker 2: said that she felt like she had always been like
Speaker 2: using me, because like I was a person that would provide,
Speaker 2: you know, I give her a places there, you know,
Speaker 2: pay the bills, you know, I keep a steady job,
Speaker 2: things like that, and then she felt like she was
Speaker 2: never really in love with me. She was just there
Speaker 2: for the I don't know, complacency of it. And then
Speaker 2: I kind of feel like the same thing is happening,
Speaker 2: just we're not sleeping together.
Speaker 1: You know, she broke up with you because she felt
Speaker 1: like she.
Speaker 2: Oh, she didn't just break up with me. She left
Speaker 2: me for a dude that was ten years younger. Thus
Speaker 2: that was the ecstasy dealer, and then kind of went
Speaker 2: on like a crazy bench and like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and when she left you for this guy,
Speaker 1: she told you that she didn't really love you and
Speaker 1: that she was just using you for your money and
Speaker 1: and the things that.
Speaker 2: You provide, not necessarily money. I don't make like a
Speaker 2: crap ton of money. It's it's just like it's enough
Speaker 2: to maintain a household where she necessarily didn't have to
Speaker 2: work or you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, so yeah, but using not Yeah, she's she
Speaker 1: was using you for your money and she told.
Speaker 2: You that yeah after the fact, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, And then she goes off. Do you guys have
Speaker 1: kids together? Did you say that?
Speaker 2: No, they're not my kids biologically, but you know, I
Speaker 2: treat them as such.
Speaker 1: Her kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she had three kids with one other guy, you know,
Speaker 2: not separate baby daddies that they're all the same baby daddy.
Speaker 2: But you know, I when I'm when I met the kids,
Speaker 2: they were like, you know, between eight and eleven or so.
Speaker 2: And then you know, I helped raise them, so like
Speaker 2: they they they considered me their father because they're actual
Speaker 2: father wasn't anywhere in the picture.
Speaker 1: And do you still keep in contact with those kids?
Speaker 2: That's correct.
Speaker 1: How long were you away from your ex wife before
Speaker 1: she moved back in.
Speaker 2: About three years and.
Speaker 1: During those three years were you in contact with her
Speaker 1: kids still.
Speaker 2: For the first two years? No, But she's got two
Speaker 2: girls and a boy. The boy graduated from the Academy
Speaker 2: of Science and Arts. And when he graduated, he made
Speaker 2: like a big to do about he didn't want the
Speaker 2: guy that she left me for there. He wanted me
Speaker 2: there because he felt like I contributed to his success.
Speaker 2: And then that is what started the conversation, you know,
Speaker 2: back up between us.
Speaker 1: All right, so he's graduating, he wants you there, and
Speaker 1: then how does this converse? So then how does this
Speaker 1: conversation go where she comes back into your house?
Speaker 2: So she had bounced around a few different places. She
Speaker 2: was like a living nurse for a little while way
Speaker 2: out in the Sticks, and then you know, she lost
Speaker 2: that gig or whatever, and she was living in really
Speaker 2: sketchy places and like for real, because like the way
Speaker 2: that it ended, it wasn't like I you know, it
Speaker 2: was kind of out of the blue, and like I
Speaker 2: still had feeling for her, so like I didn't want
Speaker 2: to see her suffer, and you know, knowing that I
Speaker 2: had the power to at least alleviate some of that,
Speaker 2: I thought that I would try to be the better
Speaker 2: person and go, hey, look man, like I'm kind of
Speaker 2: just staying here by myself, Like I have a decent
Speaker 2: job and shit, so like you can come crash on
Speaker 2: my couch for a while and like it just it's
Speaker 2: still there.
Speaker 1: Jason. You're a sweet man that your idea of being
Speaker 1: the bigger person in a relationship is letting your ex
Speaker 1: stay in your house and eat your food and paying
Speaker 1: for everything for her for eight months. That's very nice
Speaker 1: of you, Jason.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm still here, Jason.
Speaker 1: I'm not here to hurt your feelings. But like, let's talk.
Speaker 1: Is she's still is she still in the house? Are
Speaker 1: you are you Where are you calling me from? Is
Speaker 1: she like in the fucking other room.
Speaker 2: No, she actually went to go shoot pool tonight with
Speaker 2: another guy who's, like, I don't know, fifteen years younger
Speaker 2: than her that she's trying to seduce. So I'm just
Speaker 2: sitting here watching your stream in.
Speaker 1: My apartment, Jason. What are you doing?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 1: Jason? And you're afraid to tell her to leave because
Speaker 1: she has a temper and she'll get mad, Jason has
Speaker 1: I'm afraid.
Speaker 2: I'm afraid to tell her to leave because she doesn't
Speaker 2: have anywhere else to go. Like if I if I
Speaker 2: was just like, hey, kick rocks, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 2: she doesn't have a hot hand job, and where we
Speaker 2: live at is kind of expensive to get a place
Speaker 2: to live, so it's like I'd be putting her out
Speaker 2: in her ass again, you know. I personally like, I
Speaker 2: don't want to do Go ahead.
Speaker 1: The kids. Hold of the kids now.
Speaker 2: They're grown, they're eighteen, twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1: Oh, Jason, Jason, Okay, I was gonna say. I was
Speaker 1: going to say, if you felt bad because of the kids,
Speaker 1: that's one thing I'm fuck. I don't like telling people
Speaker 1: what to do Jason, kick this woman out of your house.
Speaker 2: I do kind of feel like the kids might hold
Speaker 2: it against me to some degree, even I mean they're
Speaker 2: not kids, they're they're adults obviously, But like you.
Speaker 1: Know, Jason, man, all right, let's talk. I'm all right,
Speaker 1: you talk about you? Jason. What do you do?
Speaker 2: I am a I'm a route driver, so I drive
Speaker 2: for a company that you know, I drive around Houston.
Speaker 2: That's what I do.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right? How how do you feel? You happy?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: What's making you unhappy?
Speaker 2: Uh? The fact that, like I guess I got you know,
Speaker 2: I had to struggle to find my own sense of
Speaker 2: identity and independence, and then I feel like it's kind
Speaker 2: of been stolen away from me.
Speaker 1: And stolen away from you from this woman.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean it was really hard to I love
Speaker 2: that woman, you know, and it was really hard to
Speaker 2: break away from her, and and you know, to separate
Speaker 2: myself find my own like sense of purpose outside of
Speaker 2: being a husband and a father to kids that aren't mine,
Speaker 2: you know that I have no rights over and then
Speaker 2: to have that thrust back into my life and then,
Speaker 2: you know, and then I'm obviously being taken advantage of again.
Speaker 2: But yeah, you know, I'm I struggle with the conflict
Speaker 2: of I know I need to do what's right for me,
Speaker 2: but doing what's right for me means putting somebody in
Speaker 2: a situation of peril, and fundamentally, I feel like that
Speaker 2: goes against my nature.
Speaker 1: Mm Jason, Jason, Jason.
Speaker 2: Mhm, I know this is savvy man. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, don't be sorry at all.
Speaker 1: I wanna, I wanna. I want to help you here,
Speaker 1: because look, do you understand what what if? What if
Speaker 1: we what if we looked at it like this? What
Speaker 1: if we looked at it like this? If it's in
Speaker 1: your nature to help people, why don't you help yourself?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 1: Because yes, kicking this woman out would make her unhappy,
Speaker 1: but uh, having her stay is making you extremely unhappy.
Speaker 1: Isation where you need to prioritize your own happiness over
Speaker 1: this woman.
Speaker 2: The problem I have with that is if prioritizing my
Speaker 2: own happiness means that I would okay, So the happiness
Speaker 2: that I would gain from kicking her out is not
Speaker 2: comparative to the suffering that she would be subject to.
Speaker 1: Jason, I'm gonna can I put this to another way?
Speaker 1: The suffering that this woman subjects herself to.
Speaker 2: You have.
Speaker 1: Okay, dude, And this is and this is something I
Speaker 1: really I really, I really really want you to understand.
Speaker 1: This woman suffering is her own fault. It's her. She's
Speaker 1: how old is she?
Speaker 2: She is forty two.
Speaker 1: She's a forty two year old woman, Jason. She needs
Speaker 1: to be responsible for her life, Okay, not you. Her suffering,
Speaker 1: her not having a place to go, and her having
Speaker 1: not being able to have a job or doing any
Speaker 1: of these things about and her life not being together
Speaker 1: is not your doing, Jason. You've only ever helped this person,
Speaker 1: and at a certain point she needs to go help herself.
Speaker 1: And by God, I'd understand the situation a little bit
Speaker 1: more if it was somebody.
Speaker 3: Who who who who you had a great relationship with,
Speaker 3: who you shared kids of your own with, who said
Speaker 3: something to you other than I literally point blank was
Speaker 3: using you for your money.
Speaker 1: Jason. You gotta let her be responsible for herself. Man.
Speaker 2: That's hard to do. Man, It's hard for me, Like,
Speaker 2: regardless of the situation of any individual, I find it
Speaker 2: hard for me to inflict, you know, suffering upon another
Speaker 2: individual when I have the means to not do. And
Speaker 2: you're right, I'm not disagreeing with you, It's just hard
Speaker 2: to get to that point where I'm like, hey, yo,
Speaker 2: you know kick Rocks brod.
Speaker 1: I I I really, I really hope there's a heaven. Jason.
Speaker 1: You're the first person I've met that made me think
Speaker 1: that I really hope there's a heaven, because the fact
Speaker 1: that you know, the idea of you dying and you
Speaker 1: know you never get anything in return for this path
Speaker 1: of selfleslessness that you've chosen is upsetting to me. Dude,
Speaker 1: that's kind It was kind of you there, Jason. Have
Speaker 1: you talked to anyone else about this?
Speaker 2: I have, man, I actually talked. I had a therapist
Speaker 2: for a while, uh for over a year, and like,
Speaker 2: granted she would if she heard this, she would tell
Speaker 2: me that, you know, having her stay with me, it
Speaker 2: was an absolutely terrible idea.
Speaker 1: It's a terrible idea. So knowing that your therapist thinks
Speaker 1: it's a terrible idea, no that I think it's a
Speaker 1: terrible idea. Knowing that there's not a single person on
Speaker 1: the world that you would talk to about this that
Speaker 1: would tell you that it's not a terrible idea, Why
Speaker 1: do you remain unconvinced.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't know, Wow, I don't. I don't
Speaker 2: like hurting people man like. I don't like putting people
Speaker 2: in situations discomfort, Like, regardless of their situation with me,
Speaker 2: even if it was like a random stranger, I would
Speaker 2: still be in the same position, I think mentally, Yeah.
Speaker 4: But you're heart but you're hurting yourself every day.
Speaker 1: Just to do you have any family? Do you have
Speaker 1: any any family where your parents still arounds?
Speaker 2: My parents got divorced when I was very young, listened
Speaker 2: to im. I was raised by my mom.
Speaker 3: And.
Speaker 2: I don't like she wouldn't approve of the situation either,
Speaker 2: And like I kind of a keeping the fact that
Speaker 2: my ex wife is staying with me a secter from everybody,
Speaker 2: because literally no one would say that this is a
Speaker 2: good idea.
Speaker 1: We know, we know nobody would say it's a good idea.
Speaker 1: So do you have any friends?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 5: Mm hmmm, hmmmm.
Speaker 2: M hm.
Speaker 1: And you don't have any children of your own aside
Speaker 1: from this woman's children, right, No.
Speaker 2: I have a half sister who is uh, that's strange,
Speaker 2: we'll say, and then my mom and that's pretty much it.
Speaker 1: So are you are you close with your mom?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Very close?
Speaker 1: Okay, great, have you you have you talked to her
Speaker 1: about this?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 2: Uh, I don't really want to get my ass rings
Speaker 2: to my mom my. Terrible decision.
Speaker 1: Maybe what about your dad? What's up with him?
Speaker 2: Ah? We we don't have a great relationship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have any friends that were or you drive?
Speaker 1: You drive a car, so you're you You're pretty much
Speaker 1: alone during the day.
Speaker 2: I drive a truck. I drive one of those like
Speaker 2: snubnosed box trucks as you see going down the road
Speaker 2: delivering random things. That's what I drive. It's a it's
Speaker 2: a very very lonely job. I spend five percent of
Speaker 2: my day conversing with other humans.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, God. I really do hope there's a heaven, Jason,
Speaker 1: I really do. Tell me about this. Okay, let's put
Speaker 1: a pin in this ex wife situation. Tell me about
Speaker 1: this ex girlfriend. Is this the other part of this
Speaker 1: that you wanted to talk about? Tell me about the
Speaker 1: ex girlfriend. Is this the other part of this that
Speaker 1: you wanted to talk about, Because not only do you
Speaker 1: have this ex wife situation going on, now, your ex
Speaker 1: girlfriend is currently stalking you as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we dated before me and my ex wife
Speaker 2: were together and it ended tragically. She left me for
Speaker 2: a guy like a meth dealer or something, and then
Speaker 2: that ended badly. And then me and my ex wife
Speaker 2: had gotten together, and then we spent the next eight
Speaker 2: years together. And after me and my ex wife split,
Speaker 2: she found an in you know, and and came back
Speaker 2: into my life and everything was cool for like we
Speaker 2: alreadyget it for a couple of years, and then like
Speaker 2: she cheated on me with her ex and then kind
Speaker 2: of was just like it seemed like one of those
Speaker 2: situations where somebody like they find something stable and then
Speaker 2: they they're not used to it, so they rebel against it.
Speaker 2: So then she left me right so and then like
Speaker 2: after the fact, when after the fact that when I
Speaker 2: was like, OK, okay, well I'm actually done with this
Speaker 2: because I've learned some lessons, right and she was like
Speaker 2: kind of went sideways about it. It's been like sending
Speaker 2: me like crazy ass texts, you know, like angry as
Speaker 2: shit because she left me, but I won't get back
Speaker 2: with her. And then like three o'clock in the morning,
Speaker 2: she's sending me messages like, you know, I was outside
Speaker 2: of your place for like fifteen minutes, but I didn't
Speaker 2: want to come and knock on your door, and it's
Speaker 2: like Jesus Christ, man, I can't I can't get away
Speaker 2: from these crazy ass women.
Speaker 1: Did your friends? Growing up.
Speaker 2: One quasi long term friend, I moved around a lot.
Speaker 2: Like being raised by a single mom in a less
Speaker 2: than advantageous financial situation, you find yourself moving around a lot.
Speaker 2: And when you find yourself in that situation, you have
Speaker 2: to reinvent yourself. You find new friends. So I don't
Speaker 2: really have any long term friends or family members, so
Speaker 2: now I'm kind of just going solo in this.
Speaker 1: Well, look at you now, man, I'm proud of you
Speaker 1: because you know, it sounds like you grew up not
Speaker 1: a great financial situation and now you have enough money
Speaker 1: not only to support yourself, but to support your wild
Speaker 1: ex wife.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I guess so.
Speaker 1: So no, no, And I know it's funny, but I
Speaker 1: seriously should be proud of yourself for that, Jason, You
Speaker 1: really should, because it sounds like you went through a
Speaker 1: lot to get where you are right now.
Speaker 2: Thank you for saying that.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you've kind of been alone in your whole life.
Speaker 1: Yeah mm hmm, what would your dude, what would your
Speaker 1: life look like if it was if it was really good,
Speaker 1: what would it what would what would that look like?
Speaker 2: I mean that's a good question, I guess. You know,
Speaker 2: it sounds simple, but like basically the kind of life
Speaker 2: that afforded me to sit around a bonfire on the
Speaker 2: weekends listen friends just barbecuing, you know, with the tailgate
Speaker 2: down the truck with some music on, just shooting ship,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, just kind of like not
Speaker 2: taking things too seriously, like I I got I got
Speaker 2: me tattooed on my arm, because like that's kind of
Speaker 2: like how I want to go about life, Like I
Speaker 2: I want it to be like it's not that big
Speaker 2: a deal, Like everything's good when you look at it
Speaker 2: from the broad perspective, but it doesn't really seem that
Speaker 2: it actually plays out that way.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, mm hmmm. Because you'd like to be able to,
Speaker 1: uh kick your ex wife out and when she bangs
Speaker 1: on the door, turn around and go meh, but for
Speaker 1: some reason you can't know that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that sounds pretty accurate. It's I have
Speaker 2: a high sense of morality. I guess when it comes
Speaker 2: to my own personal act, maybe I'm very critical of myself.
Speaker 1: Why why are you critical of yourself.
Speaker 2: You know, my whole life.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: I mean I'm told that that dudes are like pieces
Speaker 2: of shit, you know what I mean, Like we're all toxic,
Speaker 2: We're all like there's no good dudes in this world.
Speaker 2: Like I've seeing that over and over again, and I
Speaker 2: kind of made it my like fixture to prove that wrong.
Speaker 2: Like there there are actually like good people in this
Speaker 2: world who just want the people that they love to
Speaker 2: be successful and happy. It's hard to prove that to people.
Speaker 2: I guess they just have their own walls or something.
Speaker 1: Now, Jesse, have you ever done anything outside of your
Speaker 1: normal routine to put yourself out there to make new
Speaker 1: friends or to meet girls or anything like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've kind of had this, this this experience recently
Speaker 2: where like I go on like dating apps and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 2: you know, maybe I can meet somebody, Maybe I can
Speaker 2: meet somebody new. You know what I'm saying, somebody had
Speaker 2: zero contact with outside of my previous life. And the
Speaker 2: response I've gotten is that and this sounds harsh, but
Speaker 2: it's true. Is that, like I'm too ugly for other women,
Speaker 2: Like no one wants to take the time to get
Speaker 2: to know someone else.
Speaker 1: I don't know who told you that.
Speaker 2: In the last three months, three separate women on dating
Speaker 2: apps were like, well, you know, you seem like a
Speaker 2: cool guy, but you know you're not that cute.
Speaker 1: The three different women on dating apps told you that, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I look, man, I don't. I don't consider myself
Speaker 2: like a like a like a nine or anything like
Speaker 2: or a one. I think I follow like a five
Speaker 2: or a six, Like I'm six to like one hundred
Speaker 2: and seventy. I'm a ginger. It is what it is,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like, I'm not everybody that's pretty good right.
Speaker 2: There, I guess. I mean my job is pretty active.
Speaker 1: Man, Jason, you said you went to therapy before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for like over a year.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 2: It was expensive, but at the time I could afford it.
Speaker 2: I can't anymore, which might be why I'm talking to you.
Speaker 1: Was it helpful when you had it?
Speaker 2: Very very helpful. If anybody thinks that they can't be
Speaker 2: held by therapy, they're wrong. Everyone can be helped by therapy.
Speaker 2: Mm hm, it was. It was a beautiful thing, man,
Speaker 2: Like I miss my therapist. I ain't a log.
Speaker 1: Just I want I want to keep talking about I
Speaker 1: want to keep talking to you about this, but will
Speaker 1: you do me, Will you do me a favor after
Speaker 1: this call if you could, and I might. You know,
Speaker 1: this fucking just comes up so much on the podcast
Speaker 1: that I I I've done some a little bit of
Speaker 1: research into it. Can you try to what can you can?
Speaker 1: I ask you what state you live in, Texas? Texas,
Speaker 1: go to the go to the I don't know how
Speaker 1: far you are of like the University of Texas or whatever,
Speaker 1: but like you can go to you can. I've looked
Speaker 1: into that. I've never tried it myself. I actually kind
Speaker 1: of want to and report back so it goes. But
Speaker 1: you can go to like a university and if they
Speaker 1: have a psychology department, I think they have these things
Speaker 1: where you can like get free therapy from grad students
Speaker 1: or something like that. I don't know for sure. I
Speaker 1: don't quote me on it, but I think there are
Speaker 1: resources to get free therapy, and I think you should.
Speaker 1: You should take advantage of them. So go do that,
Speaker 1: because you know, I want to keep talking you about this,
Speaker 1: but maybe it'll take a few sessions with a real
Speaker 1: therapist over the long term, because I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about so many things and It's like, Dude,
Speaker 1: I could tell you a lot of things, and I
Speaker 1: could tell you that you need to put yourself back
Speaker 1: out there, but at the end of the day, it's like,
Speaker 1: I feel like you just have these like fundamental beliefs
Speaker 1: about yourself, and I don't know who put them there.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was these like series of
Speaker 1: horrible relationships or unfortunate encounters that you've had. I don't
Speaker 1: know where these ideas that you have about yourself came from.
Speaker 1: But you need to undo them and get them out
Speaker 1: of your head because you are are You don't deserve
Speaker 1: to feel that way about yourself, especially after all of
Speaker 1: the good will that you've tried really hard to act
Speaker 1: with in your life. You know, and I also and
Speaker 1: I also think that, I mean, you have so many
Speaker 1: good years ahead of you if you can undo those
Speaker 1: bad thoughts that you have about yourself and find somebody
Speaker 1: who gives a shit about you and kind of make
Speaker 1: this chill, bonfire life that you're talking about. I really,
Speaker 1: I really think it's in it's in the cards for you.
Speaker 1: You gotta undo these horrible ways that you have of
Speaker 1: of of thinking about yourself.
Speaker 2: It's uh, I like that advice. Well, I appreciate that. Man,
Speaker 2: mm hm hm.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of what else? Man, have any
Speaker 1: have have either of these this x This woman has
Speaker 1: been living with you for a months. She hasn't tried
Speaker 1: to hit you. Has she? Uh?
Speaker 2: My ex wife hit me in a lot. Uh. I
Speaker 2: actually had to have surgery to remove a like a
Speaker 2: like assist, you know what I'm saying. That devolved from
Speaker 2: the But dex's girlfriend, No, she's more like psychological warfare.
Speaker 2: But that his wife. Yeah, No, she was highly abusive
Speaker 2: and is in Texas. Man, you can't well probably in
Speaker 2: any other state. You can't be like, hey, my wife's
Speaker 2: beating me, you know what I'm saying, Like it it
Speaker 2: comes just kind of like looked out the way on that.
Speaker 1: Well, this is the this is the woman who's staying
Speaker 1: with you right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was always my fault, right I drove her
Speaker 2: to that or I made her insane or you know whatever.
Speaker 2: You know she's abusive.
Speaker 1: Can I can I ask you something? Do you? And bro?
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not a real therapist, but I'm I'm
Speaker 1: captivated by your this moment, like, get do you do
Speaker 1: you understand even a little bit and it's a genuine
Speaker 1: question because you seem like a you know, a self
Speaker 1: aware guy and a smart guy. Do you understand the
Speaker 1: effects of a relationship like that? Do you understand the
Speaker 1: effects that that relationship has likely had on you?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I I struggle with this. See. I
Speaker 2: grew up watching my mom be highly abused, and I
Speaker 2: don't know if I fall into that same pattern of
Speaker 2: accepting abuse as a byproduct of emotional instability. I don't know.
Speaker 2: M I'm sorry to make you think so much.
Speaker 1: Man, I know, don't be done. You got you got
Speaker 1: nothing to apologize for now. I want to be thinking
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I'm like, dude, no j I wanna,
Speaker 1: I want to, I want, I want. I would. I
Speaker 1: would love to get a call from you of a
Speaker 1: fucking year from now, to hear that you you found
Speaker 1: somebody new and you're having bonfires and you're living a
Speaker 1: good life.
Speaker 2: I'd probably I'd probably just be playing Minecraft, just hating myself.
Speaker 2: H mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Have you got any when you were on the dating apps?
Speaker 1: Did you go on any successful dates?
Speaker 2: No? Look, man, the thing is the thing is like
Speaker 2: that that I I think that I run in a
Speaker 2: highlight level, and and so like, you know, I'm talking
Speaker 2: to you about some like really deep ship, right like,
Speaker 2: but my life is kind of full of really deep shit,
Speaker 2: right like, so like really deep ship is kind of
Speaker 2: the norm for me, and and like that kind of
Speaker 2: scares people off, like they don't want people of substance
Speaker 2: and value, right.
Speaker 1: Tell me what you tell me what you mean when
Speaker 1: you say that your life is filled with really deep shit?
Speaker 2: Ah? So okay, Well, my my mom raised me, right
Speaker 2: and then like me and or my mom and my
Speaker 2: dad broke up and split off when I was like
Speaker 2: one or two. And then after that my mom raised me,
Speaker 2: but like she was in really bad position because she
Speaker 2: was raised terribly by a highly abusive father of hers.
Speaker 2: So she found men that kind of emulated that, you know,
Speaker 2: aspect of themselves.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, you're just a descendant of a of
Speaker 1: a long standing pattern of all this shit.
Speaker 2: Kind of So so when I was like nine, uh,
Speaker 2: my mom decided that I would be better off living
Speaker 2: with my dad because like he lived this quote unquote
Speaker 2: stable life. So she kind of sent me off to
Speaker 2: go stay with him, and he was in a different state,
Speaker 2: so I went and stayed with him, and then I
Speaker 2: have an older brother or an older half brother who
Speaker 2: happened to be living there at the time, and then
Speaker 2: when she sent me off to live with my dad,
Speaker 2: my brother molested me for like two years, and then
Speaker 2: like whenever I finally got the courage to tell my
Speaker 2: dad about it, he acted like nothing happened, and then
Speaker 2: it just continued to happen for another year before he
Speaker 2: set an apartment building on fire and got sent back
Speaker 2: to Texas. And it just like it just kind of
Speaker 2: compounded things, man Like it just like I had a
Speaker 2: really kind of fucked up view of what dudes were
Speaker 2: and then like had no idea on what it would
Speaker 2: what it was to be, Like you know, a man,
Speaker 2: I guess I don't really know.
Speaker 1: So you so you just had such horrible uh views,
Speaker 1: and and of of like these male models in your life,
Speaker 1: of your brother and your dad that you kind of
Speaker 1: just swore you were, like, I'm never ever ever going
Speaker 1: to be somebody that inflicts any kind of modicum, bro, Anybody.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you that, Like the person I am
Speaker 2: today is almost it living in of of that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: in spite of the male figure mm hmm, which which
Speaker 2: in itself, which in itself regards yourself, like am I
Speaker 2: doing this for my own thing? Or am I actually
Speaker 2: a good person?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: I struggle with this ship all the time.
Speaker 1: Man, And so you're like, so so so don't want
Speaker 1: to be anything like these horrible models that you had
Speaker 1: growing up that you don't want to kick out your
Speaker 1: ex wife? Who does you cut totally? You got to
Speaker 1: kick out? Is that kind of what's going on?
Speaker 2: If you want to put it in a in a box? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, I guess so.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess not putting it in a box. But
Speaker 1: I maybe that's it sounds to me like that's a
Speaker 1: contributing factor to what's going on.
Speaker 2: M I guess that's why I'm talking to a gecko
Speaker 2: on the computer.
Speaker 5: M h.
Speaker 1: Oh Man, Jason, Jason, fuck man? What what? What is
Speaker 1: your company?
Speaker 2: I want?
Speaker 1: I want, I want to get you into How do
Speaker 1: we get you to talk to a real therapist or something?
Speaker 1: Because it would be dude. I just I just feel
Speaker 1: like if you if you were able to unlearn these
Speaker 1: these horrible things about yourself, I think you could you
Speaker 1: could really turn it around and have a have a
Speaker 1: good life.
Speaker 6: But I agree with you, man, like agree with that
Speaker 6: way about yourself, Jason, I'm listening.
Speaker 1: You. You agree with me. You you you have have
Speaker 1: have the same modicum of optimism that that I that
Speaker 1: I'm feeling.
Speaker 2: No, but I'm listening. Mhm. Look, it's not that I'm
Speaker 2: not it's not it's not that I'm not optimistic, but
Speaker 2: like love I look man like it it's I want
Speaker 2: to be optimistic. I I know that there's there's a
Speaker 2: bright side out there, and I just feel out of
Speaker 2: touch with it, like I I don't know how to
Speaker 2: get back with it. Like I find myself like falling
Speaker 2: further and further into this like spiral of you know,
Speaker 2: losing things that I'm interested in, you know, like finding
Speaker 2: joy in life, and and I know that the is
Speaker 2: a way to overcome it, and I know therapy helps,
Speaker 2: and I get that, man, I truly get like, like
Speaker 2: you know, real you know, psychotherapist or whatever. And I
Speaker 2: find great enjoyment in talking to you, man, like I
Speaker 2: respect you. You're a good dude. Man, you have good intentions.
Speaker 1: And I just tell me, I'm on that spiral on
Speaker 1: fall losing touch with the things that give you joy
Speaker 1: in life throughout your life, even even I mean, you
Speaker 1: can go back to when you were like thirteen or anything, anything,
Speaker 1: anything at all? What has given you joy?
Speaker 2: The quest for knowledge? I was an astrophysics major in college,
Speaker 2: and I wanted to be a professor of cosmology, and
Speaker 2: I truly find joy in finding answers to things that
Speaker 2: other people don't have. Interesting, Like, it would be great
Speaker 2: to be a teacher, right, but teaching doesn't pay well,
Speaker 2: so you can't paign bills with that.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I've been doing this lately, if you're cool.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're cool with this, but I
Speaker 1: was gonna see if the chat have any questions of
Speaker 1: things that they wanted to ask you. Sure, Chat, do
Speaker 1: you have any questions for Jason.
Speaker 2: I haven't looked at chat once, so.
Speaker 1: Good, good, here, I'll uh, I'll feed you the questions. Well,
Speaker 1: someone said, Paul says, Jason is fucking smart. I wanted
Speaker 1: to do astrophysics, but it's just too hard.
Speaker 2: No, it's really not. It's actually not at hard. It's
Speaker 2: just physics in the vacuum. It's not that bad.
Speaker 1: Inglorious bastard wants to know if your therapist never talked
Speaker 1: to you about negative core beliefs.
Speaker 2: That's a broad question. I would say yes, but it
Speaker 2: doesn't address like the problem that I have is that
Speaker 2: I ask very specific questions. And when when you talk
Speaker 2: to somebody who like all therapists need a therapist, right,
Speaker 2: So when when you start talking to a therapist, it's
Speaker 2: when you ask them very specific questions. They find it
Speaker 2: hard to answer those questions because it's hard to insert
Speaker 2: yourself into someone else's mind state. Over you know, X amount.
Speaker 1: Of years, somebody asked what you play besides Minecraft.
Speaker 2: Seld A Singularity, I play also I Person of five Royale.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if that helps. Other than that,
Speaker 2: I just I watch YouTube video. I haven't watched a
Speaker 2: TV show or a movie in literally years because I
Speaker 2: don't have the attention span for it.
Speaker 1: Who do you? Who do you watch on YouTube?
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, let's see. There's there's the occasional mister Beast video.
Speaker 2: And then I listened but not to slight you, but
Speaker 2: I listened to you on Spotify as a podcast and yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: So what I do is I listened to that. I
Speaker 2: work two jobs, so I have my primary job and
Speaker 2: then like as soon as I get off work on
Speaker 2: my primary I'm go to work at like in the morning,
Speaker 2: and then when I get off work, I immediately go
Speaker 2: and I do door dash, and I listen to you
Speaker 2: while I'm doing door dash. Because I drive a gigantic
Speaker 2: ass truck in the fourth largest city in America, it's
Speaker 2: hard to concentrate when you're doing that, So therapy Gecko
Speaker 2: isn't necessarily the thing to listen to. I would say
Speaker 2: I have a hard time even with Minecraft. Man, like
Speaker 2: I anything that is longer than twenty five minutes, I
Speaker 2: have a hard time holding on to.
Speaker 1: Ipout O wait says, do you have any hobbies? Because
Speaker 1: hobbies help the mind a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I struggle with that. It's one of the things
Speaker 2: that I talked to in my therapist about a lot
Speaker 2: was that I have no hobbies. I have no interest
Speaker 2: or likes or friends or anything like. Literally like, I'm
Speaker 2: just like, eh, just I know, man, I'm throwing a
Speaker 2: lot at you.
Speaker 1: Cow no no, no, no, no, no, don't be I don't
Speaker 1: want you to be. Sorry, Jason, I'm fucking thinking here,
Speaker 1: what would you somebody in the chat ask this, what
Speaker 1: would you say to somebody who you loved who was
Speaker 1: in a similar situation as you.
Speaker 2: That's a damn good question. I would tell them to
Speaker 2: run as far as they can. But I'm also in
Speaker 2: a position of I'm also in a position of knowing,
Speaker 2: like how hard it is to run from something like that,
Speaker 2: Like what what is your capacity to hurt somebody? You
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like what like what level of
Speaker 2: when you say take care of yourself, right, like like
Speaker 2: look out for yourself? Like what capacity of selfishness is
Speaker 2: involved in that? To the point that you have to
Speaker 2: ignore someone else's suffering.
Speaker 1: But you have to understand that you're not caught like
Speaker 1: you're just you're You're Your perspective on this situation is
Speaker 1: warped by years and years and years and years of
Speaker 1: of of of what sound like an unfortunately very traumatic experience.
Speaker 2: I like the extra years you put on that.
Speaker 1: Now, sorry, this is why I'm not This is why,
Speaker 1: this is why you don't do unlicensed therapy on the
Speaker 1: fucking twitch. Fine, but dude, I just want you to
Speaker 1: know your perspective on this whole situation is warped, and
Speaker 1: I don't know what it's gonna I don't know what
Speaker 1: it's gonna take to unwarp it, because you're not you
Speaker 1: are not the cause of this woman suffering. Her she's
Speaker 1: forty two years old, her and her port And by
Speaker 1: the way, I want you to know something, you can
Speaker 1: still care. You can still care about this woman, even
Speaker 1: if she's been awful to you. You can still care
Speaker 1: about her. You can still in your guts, in your heart,
Speaker 1: in your mind, unless you think it's it's healthier, want
Speaker 1: her to succeed in life, but not at your expense,
Speaker 1: not constantly at your expense. And you know, I wish,
Speaker 1: I wish it was as easy as me telling you
Speaker 1: that I know it's not.
Speaker 2: I know what you're saying I mean, and it makes
Speaker 2: it logically makes sense.
Speaker 1: Bim bam bop, says Jason. Come to the Netherlands and
Speaker 1: smoke a joint with me. That sounds funk.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds like some good conversation. Do I do I
Speaker 2: need to go to another portal to get to the
Speaker 2: nether Lands or.
Speaker 1: You know, I never I never made the connection of Netherlands.
Speaker 1: And like the word nether meaning like an underworld, it's
Speaker 1: pretty good. Hm hmm, Jason, I'm gonna tell you this
Speaker 1: before we go. Yeah, here's the thing. Everybody listening to
Speaker 1: this right now and me.
Speaker 4: Are all.
Speaker 1: We We want you to succeed. We really do.
Speaker 5: And me too, man, I want to succeed too.
Speaker 1: I wish I wish I could take the optimism I
Speaker 1: have you and I as I wish I could take
Speaker 1: the optimism that I have for you and just like,
Speaker 1: you know, fucking blast it like fucking Goku into your
Speaker 1: into your into your soul. But I don't know how
Speaker 1: to do that.
Speaker 2: I mean you you painted your face green, dress up
Speaker 2: as a get go. You took your time and talk
Speaker 2: to me. It's thank you, man, Like I appreciate that.
Speaker 2: Just it's been nice to just I don't know talk
Speaker 2: about it because I don't have any friends, I don't
Speaker 2: have any family really, so it's nice. And I'm fucking
Speaker 2: forty years old, you know what I mean. Like I'm
Speaker 2: an old ass man, I'm close to desk.
Speaker 1: It's nice to just say it, I guess, Jason. Is
Speaker 1: there anything else that you want to talk about or
Speaker 1: anything else you want to say to the people as
Speaker 1: the computer before we go to.
Speaker 2: The people on the computer. Not really, man, Just you
Speaker 2: know this is this is the only one shot we have,
Speaker 2: and really it all depends on your perspective, so try
Speaker 2: try to make the best of it.
Speaker 1: I hope you listen to your own words, man, I
Speaker 1: really do.
Speaker 2: I hope so too. I appreciate that, bro.
Speaker 1: Have a good night, Jason. It's hurt a man, man
Speaker 1: man man man man. That was really tough. That was
Speaker 1: that was that was really really tough. I've I got
Speaker 1: a ton of thoughts about this. I feel I feel
Speaker 1: bad because Jace Jason seemed like a great dude. He
Speaker 1: had great intentions. His dream in life was just a
Speaker 1: fucking chill by a fire with his homies. And he
Speaker 1: he He's like a fucking cool guy, you know, someone
Speaker 1: you could be boys with, and just he just I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm not a real therapist. I'm playing. I'm playing,
Speaker 1: I'm doing Fisher Price therapy here. But it sounded like
Speaker 1: he was just a descendant of a long line of
Speaker 1: of bullshit. And I don't know. I don't fucking know, dude.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a I'm a I'm a gecko guy on
Speaker 1: the computer. I don't know what gets people out of
Speaker 1: those situations or what changes people's minds. I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's therapy. I don't know if it's ayahuasca. I
Speaker 1: don't know what it is. I don't I don't. I
Speaker 1: wish I did, and I wish that Jason had access
Speaker 1: to it, whatever it is. Mm hmmm, mm hmmm, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Talk to me in the comments of the
Speaker 1: of this of the YouTube video, or on the or
Speaker 1: on the I think the Spotify has a whole uh
Speaker 1: what did you think of this episode thing? Talk talk
Speaker 1: to me in those things. I want to hear what
Speaker 1: you guys think about this whole thing, because it's a
Speaker 1: really a really tough situation. I wish I wish I,
Speaker 1: like I said, I wish there was something I could
Speaker 1: implant into Jason's brain to turn him around on that.
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling, Jason, Thanks so much for sharing this
Speaker 1: with us. Maybe somebody is in a similar situation and
Speaker 1: has listened to this and feels less uh alone and
Speaker 1: uh call back in, Jason. I want to hear from you.
Speaker 1: I want you to call me from your fucking van
Speaker 1: life bonfire where you have a desktop built in that
Speaker 1: you can play Minecraft on and you can start a
Speaker 1: big server and everyone can join and make a giant
Speaker 1: cock and balls. All right, Thank you, Jason, and.
Speaker 2: Goes on the line making your phone calls every night
Speaker 2: every week, and goes to his teaching you aloud in
Speaker 2: the of your line.
Speaker 1: An expert