WEBVTT - “I NEED TO KICK MY EX OUT”

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Before we get into the episode,

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<v Speaker 1>become a gek Legend today. All right, let's get into

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<v Speaker 1>the episode. Hello, Hello, How you doing all right?

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<v Speaker 2>Man? I'm doing pretty good. How about you tonight?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm hanging in there, man, I'm feeling all right. What's

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<v Speaker 1>what's going on with you? Your name is Jason.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeh, Jason.

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<v Speaker 1>What's happening with you? Jason? How can I get you today?

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<v Speaker 3>Uh?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I call it in because I'm kind of in

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<v Speaker 2>like a little bit of a unique situation. See, my

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<v Speaker 2>ex wife lives with me, and my ex girlfriend kind

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<v Speaker 2>of like sits outside and stalks my apartment at like

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<v Speaker 2>three in the morning because she doesn't know the ex

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<v Speaker 2>wife lives with me.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah I did that. You were right, Yeah, that is

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<v Speaker 1>quite a predicament. So why does your how how long

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<v Speaker 1>ago did you divorce your first of all? Which one

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<v Speaker 1>was more recently your uh? I guess actual partner? Were

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<v Speaker 1>you more recently? Uh? With the wife or with the girlfriends?

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<v Speaker 1>But the girls recently did not have the ex status?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, all right, So you were dating this girl

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<v Speaker 1>and then you broke up with her, and then your

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<v Speaker 1>ex wife moved in with you.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh what, myg's girlfriend broke up with me? Sees me

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<v Speaker 2>and my ex girlfriend, the one the stalker in question,

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<v Speaker 2>we had dated previously to me and my ex wife

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<v Speaker 2>being together.

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<v Speaker 1>And why does your okay, so okay, so that that

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<v Speaker 1>makes sense. You and you were with the wife and

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<v Speaker 1>then the girlfriend. Who are you? Who are you with first?

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<v Speaker 2>The girlfriend first, then the wife, then the girlfriend again.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, all right, now, why is your ex wife

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<v Speaker 1>living with you?

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<v Speaker 2>She found herself in a situation where she didn't have

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<v Speaker 2>anywhere to go. So we were together for like eight

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<v Speaker 2>years and out helped raise her kids. So her kids

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<v Speaker 2>still consider me, like, you know, a father figure or whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>So kind of out of the kindness of my heart,

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, well, if you know how anywhere to go?

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<v Speaker 2>She was like, I need a place to stay for

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<v Speaker 2>a week, and then a week. That was back in January.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, okay, so she's been living with It's August right now.

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<v Speaker 1>She's been living with you for I'm gonna it's August

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<v Speaker 1>is eight months, right, yeah, yeah, seven or eight months,

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<v Speaker 1>between seven and nine months. So why is she still there?

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<v Speaker 2>That's a good question. She has a temper, so it's

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<v Speaker 2>hard to bring it up with her without a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of confrontation, but it you know, she had previously said that. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>so she left me, my ex wife did because she

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<v Speaker 2>said that she felt like she had always been like

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<v Speaker 2>using me, because like I was a person that would provide,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I give her a places there, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>pay the bills, you know, I keep a steady job,

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<v Speaker 2>things like that, and then she felt like she was

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<v Speaker 2>never really in love with me. She was just there

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<v Speaker 2>for the I don't know, complacency of it. And then

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<v Speaker 2>I kind of feel like the same thing is happening,

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<v Speaker 2>just we're not sleeping together.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, she broke up with you because she felt

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<v Speaker 1>like she.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, she didn't just break up with me. She left

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<v Speaker 2>me for a dude that was ten years younger. Thus

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<v Speaker 2>that was the ecstasy dealer, and then kind of went

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<v Speaker 2>on like a crazy bench and like.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, and when she left you for this guy,

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<v Speaker 1>she told you that she didn't really love you and

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<v Speaker 1>that she was just using you for your money and

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<v Speaker 1>and the things that.

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<v Speaker 2>You provide, not necessarily money. I don't make like a

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<v Speaker 2>crap ton of money. It's it's just like it's enough

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<v Speaker 2>to maintain a household where she necessarily didn't have to

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<v Speaker 2>work or you know.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, right, so yeah, but using not Yeah, she's she

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<v Speaker 1>was using you for your money and she told.

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<v Speaker 2>You that yeah after the fact, Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, And then she goes off. Do you guys have

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<v Speaker 1>kids together? Did you say that?

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<v Speaker 2>No, they're not my kids biologically, but you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>treat them as such.

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<v Speaker 1>Her kids.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, she had three kids with one other guy, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>not separate baby daddies that they're all the same baby daddy.

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<v Speaker 2>But you know, I when I'm when I met the kids,

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<v Speaker 2>they were like, you know, between eight and eleven or so.

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<v Speaker 2>And then you know, I helped raise them, so like

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<v Speaker 2>they they they considered me their father because they're actual

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<v Speaker 2>father wasn't anywhere in the picture.

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<v Speaker 1>And do you still keep in contact with those kids?

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<v Speaker 2>That's correct.

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<v Speaker 1>How long were you away from your ex wife before

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<v Speaker 1>she moved back in.

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<v Speaker 2>About three years and.

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<v Speaker 1>During those three years were you in contact with her

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<v Speaker 1>kids still.

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<v Speaker 2>For the first two years? No, But she's got two

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<v Speaker 2>girls and a boy. The boy graduated from the Academy

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<v Speaker 2>of Science and Arts. And when he graduated, he made

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<v Speaker 2>like a big to do about he didn't want the

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<v Speaker 2>guy that she left me for there. He wanted me

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<v Speaker 2>there because he felt like I contributed to his success.

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<v Speaker 2>And then that is what started the conversation, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>back up between us.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, so he's graduating, he wants you there, and

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<v Speaker 1>then how does this converse? So then how does this

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<v Speaker 1>conversation go where she comes back into your house?

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<v Speaker 2>So she had bounced around a few different places. She

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<v Speaker 2>was like a living nurse for a little while way

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<v Speaker 2>out in the Sticks, and then you know, she lost

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<v Speaker 2>that gig or whatever, and she was living in really

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<v Speaker 2>sketchy places and like for real, because like the way

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<v Speaker 2>that it ended, it wasn't like I you know, it

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<v Speaker 2>was kind of out of the blue, and like I

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<v Speaker 2>still had feeling for her, so like I didn't want

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<v Speaker 2>to see her suffer, and you know, knowing that I

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<v Speaker 2>had the power to at least alleviate some of that,

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<v Speaker 2>I thought that I would try to be the better

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<v Speaker 2>person and go, hey, look man, like I'm kind of

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<v Speaker 2>just staying here by myself, Like I have a decent

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<v Speaker 2>job and shit, so like you can come crash on

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<v Speaker 2>my couch for a while and like it just it's

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<v Speaker 2>still there.

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<v Speaker 1>Jason. You're a sweet man that your idea of being

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<v Speaker 1>the bigger person in a relationship is letting your ex

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<v Speaker 1>stay in your house and eat your food and paying

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<v Speaker 1>for everything for her for eight months. That's very nice

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<v Speaker 1>of you, Jason.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm still here, Jason.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not here to hurt your feelings. But like, let's talk.

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<v Speaker 1>Is she's still is she still in the house? Are

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<v Speaker 1>you are you Where are you calling me from? Is

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<v Speaker 1>she like in the fucking other room.

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<v Speaker 2>No, she actually went to go shoot pool tonight with

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<v Speaker 2>another guy who's, like, I don't know, fifteen years younger

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<v Speaker 2>than her that she's trying to seduce. So I'm just

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<v Speaker 2>sitting here watching your stream in.

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<v Speaker 1>My apartment, Jason. What are you doing?

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<v Speaker 2>Man?

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<v Speaker 1>Jason? And you're afraid to tell her to leave because

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<v Speaker 1>she has a temper and she'll get mad, Jason has

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<v Speaker 1>I'm afraid.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm afraid to tell her to leave because she doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>have anywhere else to go. Like if I if I

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<v Speaker 2>was just like, hey, kick rocks, you know what I mean, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>she doesn't have a hot hand job, and where we

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<v Speaker 2>live at is kind of expensive to get a place

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<v Speaker 2>to live, so it's like I'd be putting her out

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<v Speaker 2>in her ass again, you know. I personally like, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to do Go ahead.

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<v Speaker 1>The kids. Hold of the kids now.

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<v Speaker 2>They're grown, they're eighteen, twenty twenty two.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, Jason, Jason, Okay, I was gonna say. I was

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<v Speaker 1>going to say, if you felt bad because of the kids,

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<v Speaker 1>that's one thing I'm fuck. I don't like telling people

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<v Speaker 1>what to do Jason, kick this woman out of your house.

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<v Speaker 2>I do kind of feel like the kids might hold

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<v Speaker 2>it against me to some degree, even I mean they're

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<v Speaker 2>not kids, they're they're adults obviously, But like you.

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<v Speaker 1>Know, Jason, man, all right, let's talk. I'm all right,

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<v Speaker 1>you talk about you? Jason. What do you do?

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<v Speaker 2>I am a I'm a route driver, so I drive

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<v Speaker 2>for a company that you know, I drive around Houston.

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<v Speaker 2>That's what I do.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, all right? How how do you feel? You happy?

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<v Speaker 2>No?

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<v Speaker 1>What's making you unhappy?

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<v Speaker 2>Uh? The fact that, like I guess I got you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I had to struggle to find my own sense of

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<v Speaker 2>identity and independence, and then I feel like it's kind

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<v Speaker 2>of been stolen away from me.

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<v Speaker 1>And stolen away from you from this woman.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I mean it was really hard to I love

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<v Speaker 2>that woman, you know, and it was really hard to

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<v Speaker 2>break away from her, and and you know, to separate

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<v Speaker 2>myself find my own like sense of purpose outside of

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<v Speaker 2>being a husband and a father to kids that aren't mine,

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<v Speaker 2>you know that I have no rights over and then

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<v Speaker 2>to have that thrust back into my life and then,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, and then I'm obviously being taken advantage of again.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, you know, I'm I struggle with the conflict

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<v Speaker 2>of I know I need to do what's right for me,

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<v Speaker 2>but doing what's right for me means putting somebody in

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<v Speaker 2>a situation of peril, and fundamentally, I feel like that

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<v Speaker 2>goes against my nature.

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<v Speaker 1>Mm Jason, Jason, Jason.

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<v Speaker 2>Mhm, I know this is savvy man. I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no, no, don't be sorry at all.

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<v Speaker 1>I wanna, I wanna. I want to help you here,

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<v Speaker 1>because look, do you understand what what if? What if

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<v Speaker 1>we what if we looked at it like this? What

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<v Speaker 1>if we looked at it like this? If it's in

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<v Speaker 1>your nature to help people, why don't you help yourself?

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<v Speaker 2>Man?

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<v Speaker 1>Because yes, kicking this woman out would make her unhappy,

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<v Speaker 1>but uh, having her stay is making you extremely unhappy.

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<v Speaker 1>Isation where you need to prioritize your own happiness over

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<v Speaker 1>this woman.

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<v Speaker 2>The problem I have with that is if prioritizing my

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<v Speaker 2>own happiness means that I would okay, So the happiness

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<v Speaker 2>that I would gain from kicking her out is not

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<v Speaker 2>comparative to the suffering that she would be subject to.

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<v Speaker 1>Jason, I'm gonna can I put this to another way?

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<v Speaker 1>The suffering that this woman subjects herself to.

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<v Speaker 2>You have.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, dude, And this is and this is something I

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<v Speaker 1>really I really, I really really want you to understand.

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<v Speaker 1>This woman suffering is her own fault. It's her. She's

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<v Speaker 1>how old is she?

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<v Speaker 2>She is forty two.

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<v Speaker 1>She's a forty two year old woman, Jason. She needs

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<v Speaker 1>to be responsible for her life, Okay, not you. Her suffering,

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<v Speaker 1>her not having a place to go, and her having

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<v Speaker 1>not being able to have a job or doing any

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<v Speaker 1>of these things about and her life not being together

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<v Speaker 1>is not your doing, Jason. You've only ever helped this person,

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<v Speaker 1>and at a certain point she needs to go help herself.

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<v Speaker 1>And by God, I'd understand the situation a little bit

0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:13.439
<v Speaker 1>more if it was somebody.

0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:20.920
<v Speaker 3>Who who who who you had a great relationship with,

0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.480
<v Speaker 3>who you shared kids of your own with, who said

0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:26.240
<v Speaker 3>something to you other than I literally point blank was

0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:27.360
<v Speaker 3>using you for your money.

0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:36.160
<v Speaker 1>Jason. You gotta let her be responsible for herself. Man.

0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:42.240
<v Speaker 2>That's hard to do. Man, It's hard for me, Like,

0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:46.000
<v Speaker 2>regardless of the situation of any individual, I find it

0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:50.120
<v Speaker 2>hard for me to inflict, you know, suffering upon another

0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:54.400
<v Speaker 2>individual when I have the means to not do. And

0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:59.320
<v Speaker 2>you're right, I'm not disagreeing with you, It's just hard

0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:01.720
<v Speaker 2>to get to that point where I'm like, hey, yo,

0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:07.080
<v Speaker 2>you know kick Rocks brod.

0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:08.920
<v Speaker 1>I I I really, I really hope there's a heaven. Jason.

0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:10.680
<v Speaker 1>You're the first person I've met that made me think

0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:15.480
<v Speaker 1>that I really hope there's a heaven, because the fact

0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.600
<v Speaker 1>that you know, the idea of you dying and you

0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:22.680
<v Speaker 1>know you never get anything in return for this path

0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:28.280
<v Speaker 1>of selfleslessness that you've chosen is upsetting to me. Dude,

0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:31.280
<v Speaker 1>that's kind It was kind of you there, Jason. Have

0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:32.480
<v Speaker 1>you talked to anyone else about this?

0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.120
<v Speaker 2>I have, man, I actually talked. I had a therapist

0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:42.480
<v Speaker 2>for a while, uh for over a year, and like,

0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.720
<v Speaker 2>granted she would if she heard this, she would tell

0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:47.760
<v Speaker 2>me that, you know, having her stay with me, it

0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:50.040
<v Speaker 2>was an absolutely terrible idea.

0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:57.840
<v Speaker 1>It's a terrible idea. So knowing that your therapist thinks

0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.760
<v Speaker 1>it's a terrible idea, no that I think it's a

0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:04.360
<v Speaker 1>terrible idea. Knowing that there's not a single person on

0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:07.160
<v Speaker 1>the world that you would talk to about this that

0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:12.240
<v Speaker 1>would tell you that it's not a terrible idea, Why

0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:20.560
<v Speaker 1>do you remain unconvinced.

0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:20.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't. I don't know, Wow, I don't. I don't

0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:23.200
<v Speaker 2>like hurting people man like. I don't like putting people

0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:27.520
<v Speaker 2>in situations discomfort, Like, regardless of their situation with me,

0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:29.840
<v Speaker 2>even if it was like a random stranger, I would

0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:33.600
<v Speaker 2>still be in the same position, I think mentally, Yeah.

0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:43.760
<v Speaker 4>But you're heart but you're hurting yourself every day.

0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:46.760
<v Speaker 1>Just to do you have any family? Do you have

0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:52.120
<v Speaker 1>any any family where your parents still arounds?

0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:56.800
<v Speaker 2>My parents got divorced when I was very young, listened

0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:59.160
<v Speaker 2>to im. I was raised by my mom.

0:16:59.480 --> 0:16:59.640
<v Speaker 3>And.

0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't like she wouldn't approve of the situation either,

0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:10.000
<v Speaker 2>And like I kind of a keeping the fact that

0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:12.400
<v Speaker 2>my ex wife is staying with me a secter from everybody,

0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:15.320
<v Speaker 2>because literally no one would say that this is a

0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:15.879
<v Speaker 2>good idea.

0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:20.399
<v Speaker 1>We know, we know nobody would say it's a good idea.

0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:24.439
<v Speaker 1>So do you have any friends?

0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:27.400
<v Speaker 2>No?

0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:30.800
<v Speaker 5>Mm hmmm, hmmmm.

0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:32.479
<v Speaker 2>M hm.

0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:34.760
<v Speaker 1>And you don't have any children of your own aside

0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:37.919
<v Speaker 1>from this woman's children, right, No.

0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:44.520
<v Speaker 2>I have a half sister who is uh, that's strange,

0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:48.399
<v Speaker 2>we'll say, and then my mom and that's pretty much it.

0:17:54.720 --> 0:17:58.359
<v Speaker 1>So are you are you close with your mom?

0:17:58.440 --> 0:17:59.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Very close?

0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:02.280
<v Speaker 1>Okay, great, have you you have you talked to her

0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:02.639
<v Speaker 1>about this?

0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:03.960
<v Speaker 6>No?

0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:09.560
<v Speaker 2>Uh, I don't really want to get my ass rings

0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:12.680
<v Speaker 2>to my mom my. Terrible decision.

0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:15.880
<v Speaker 1>Maybe what about your dad? What's up with him?

0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:23.320
<v Speaker 2>Ah? We we don't have a great relationship.

0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:32.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you have any friends that were or you drive?

0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:35.040
<v Speaker 1>You drive a car, so you're you You're pretty much

0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:36.360
<v Speaker 1>alone during the day.

0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:38.240
<v Speaker 2>I drive a truck. I drive one of those like

0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:41.320
<v Speaker 2>snubnosed box trucks as you see going down the road

0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:44.640
<v Speaker 2>delivering random things. That's what I drive. It's a it's

0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:49.359
<v Speaker 2>a very very lonely job. I spend five percent of

0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:51.840
<v Speaker 2>my day conversing with other humans.

0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:57.200
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm, God. I really do hope there's a heaven, Jason,

0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:02.400
<v Speaker 1>I really do. Tell me about this. Okay, let's put

0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:05.840
<v Speaker 1>a pin in this ex wife situation. Tell me about

0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:08.480
<v Speaker 1>this ex girlfriend. Is this the other part of this

0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:16.440
<v Speaker 1>that you wanted to talk about? Tell me about the

0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:19.879
<v Speaker 1>ex girlfriend. Is this the other part of this that

0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:22.639
<v Speaker 1>you wanted to talk about, Because not only do you

0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:25.120
<v Speaker 1>have this ex wife situation going on, now, your ex

0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:29.119
<v Speaker 1>girlfriend is currently stalking you as well.

0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:31.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so we dated before me and my ex wife

0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:34.439
<v Speaker 2>were together and it ended tragically. She left me for

0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:36.879
<v Speaker 2>a guy like a meth dealer or something, and then

0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:39.840
<v Speaker 2>that ended badly. And then me and my ex wife

0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:41.760
<v Speaker 2>had gotten together, and then we spent the next eight

0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:44.320
<v Speaker 2>years together. And after me and my ex wife split,

0:19:45.040 --> 0:19:48.360
<v Speaker 2>she found an in you know, and and came back

0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:51.119
<v Speaker 2>into my life and everything was cool for like we

0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:54.720
<v Speaker 2>alreadyget it for a couple of years, and then like

0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:58.000
<v Speaker 2>she cheated on me with her ex and then kind

0:19:58.000 --> 0:19:59.640
<v Speaker 2>of was just like it seemed like one of those

0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:04.320
<v Speaker 2>situations where somebody like they find something stable and then

0:20:04.480 --> 0:20:07.800
<v Speaker 2>they they're not used to it, so they rebel against it.

0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:12.280
<v Speaker 2>So then she left me right so and then like

0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:14.679
<v Speaker 2>after the fact, when after the fact that when I

0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:17.479
<v Speaker 2>was like, OK, okay, well I'm actually done with this

0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:22.679
<v Speaker 2>because I've learned some lessons, right and she was like

0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:25.480
<v Speaker 2>kind of went sideways about it. It's been like sending

0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:28.479
<v Speaker 2>me like crazy ass texts, you know, like angry as

0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:31.040
<v Speaker 2>shit because she left me, but I won't get back

0:20:31.080 --> 0:20:34.840
<v Speaker 2>with her. And then like three o'clock in the morning,

0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:38.240
<v Speaker 2>she's sending me messages like, you know, I was outside

0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:41.680
<v Speaker 2>of your place for like fifteen minutes, but I didn't

0:20:41.680 --> 0:20:43.760
<v Speaker 2>want to come and knock on your door, and it's

0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:48.440
<v Speaker 2>like Jesus Christ, man, I can't I can't get away

0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:49.520
<v Speaker 2>from these crazy ass women.

0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:56.240
<v Speaker 1>Did your friends? Growing up.

0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:06.359
<v Speaker 2>One quasi long term friend, I moved around a lot.

0:21:06.520 --> 0:21:09.520
<v Speaker 2>Like being raised by a single mom in a less

0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:13.920
<v Speaker 2>than advantageous financial situation, you find yourself moving around a lot.

0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:16.600
<v Speaker 2>And when you find yourself in that situation, you have

0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:19.560
<v Speaker 2>to reinvent yourself. You find new friends. So I don't

0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:25.520
<v Speaker 2>really have any long term friends or family members, so

0:21:25.720 --> 0:21:27.760
<v Speaker 2>now I'm kind of just going solo in this.

0:21:29.359 --> 0:21:31.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, look at you now, man, I'm proud of you

0:21:31.080 --> 0:21:34.639
<v Speaker 1>because you know, it sounds like you grew up not

0:21:34.760 --> 0:21:38.280
<v Speaker 1>a great financial situation and now you have enough money

0:21:38.320 --> 0:21:42.800
<v Speaker 1>not only to support yourself, but to support your wild

0:21:42.840 --> 0:21:45.760
<v Speaker 1>ex wife.

0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:50.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah, I guess so.

0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:52.760
<v Speaker 1>So no, no, And I know it's funny, but I

0:21:53.119 --> 0:21:56.639
<v Speaker 1>seriously should be proud of yourself for that, Jason, You

0:21:56.680 --> 0:21:59.600
<v Speaker 1>really should, because it sounds like you went through a

0:21:59.640 --> 0:22:01.240
<v Speaker 1>lot to get where you are right now.

0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:05.440
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for saying that.

0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:10.080
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so you've kind of been alone in your whole life.

0:22:10.560 --> 0:22:17.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah mm hmm, what would your dude, what would your

0:22:17.240 --> 0:22:20.560
<v Speaker 1>life look like if it was if it was really good,

0:22:20.800 --> 0:22:22.320
<v Speaker 1>what would it what would what would that look like?

0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:35.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean that's a good question, I guess. You know,

0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:40.040
<v Speaker 2>it sounds simple, but like basically the kind of life

0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:43.919
<v Speaker 2>that afforded me to sit around a bonfire on the

0:22:43.960 --> 0:22:50.520
<v Speaker 2>weekends listen friends just barbecuing, you know, with the tailgate

0:22:50.560 --> 0:22:52.920
<v Speaker 2>down the truck with some music on, just shooting ship,

0:22:53.040 --> 0:22:56.040
<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean, just kind of like not

0:22:56.119 --> 0:23:00.000
<v Speaker 2>taking things too seriously, like I I got I got

0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:03.920
<v Speaker 2>me tattooed on my arm, because like that's kind of

0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:07.200
<v Speaker 2>like how I want to go about life, Like I

0:23:07.200 --> 0:23:09.680
<v Speaker 2>I want it to be like it's not that big

0:23:09.720 --> 0:23:12.120
<v Speaker 2>a deal, Like everything's good when you look at it

0:23:12.200 --> 0:23:17.280
<v Speaker 2>from the broad perspective, but it doesn't really seem that

0:23:17.359 --> 0:23:18.760
<v Speaker 2>it actually plays out that way.

0:23:19.920 --> 0:23:24.560
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmmm, mm hmmm. Because you'd like to be able to,

0:23:24.920 --> 0:23:27.760
<v Speaker 1>uh kick your ex wife out and when she bangs

0:23:27.800 --> 0:23:32.479
<v Speaker 1>on the door, turn around and go meh, but for

0:23:32.520 --> 0:23:33.840
<v Speaker 1>some reason you can't know that.

0:23:37.280 --> 0:23:41.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean that sounds pretty accurate. It's I have

0:23:41.760 --> 0:23:44.480
<v Speaker 2>a high sense of morality. I guess when it comes

0:23:44.480 --> 0:23:47.360
<v Speaker 2>to my own personal act, maybe I'm very critical of myself.

0:23:49.280 --> 0:23:51.280
<v Speaker 1>Why why are you critical of yourself.

0:23:58.400 --> 0:23:59.280
<v Speaker 2>You know, my whole life.

0:23:59.359 --> 0:23:59.479
<v Speaker 1>Man.

0:23:59.520 --> 0:24:02.600
<v Speaker 2>I mean I'm told that that dudes are like pieces

0:24:02.600 --> 0:24:05.640
<v Speaker 2>of shit, you know what I mean, Like we're all toxic,

0:24:05.720 --> 0:24:08.480
<v Speaker 2>We're all like there's no good dudes in this world.

0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:11.199
<v Speaker 2>Like I've seeing that over and over again, and I

0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:15.560
<v Speaker 2>kind of made it my like fixture to prove that wrong.

0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:18.840
<v Speaker 2>Like there there are actually like good people in this

0:24:18.920 --> 0:24:22.080
<v Speaker 2>world who just want the people that they love to

0:24:22.119 --> 0:24:27.480
<v Speaker 2>be successful and happy. It's hard to prove that to people.

0:24:29.080 --> 0:24:31.200
<v Speaker 2>I guess they just have their own walls or something.

0:24:31.240 --> 0:24:44.239
<v Speaker 1>Now, Jesse, have you ever done anything outside of your

0:24:44.240 --> 0:24:47.760
<v Speaker 1>normal routine to put yourself out there to make new

0:24:47.840 --> 0:24:53.400
<v Speaker 1>friends or to meet girls or anything like that.

0:24:54.160 --> 0:24:59.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've kind of had this, this this experience recently

0:25:00.720 --> 0:25:04.359
<v Speaker 2>where like I go on like dating apps and I'm like, hey,

0:25:04.400 --> 0:25:06.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, maybe I can meet somebody, Maybe I can

0:25:06.640 --> 0:25:08.880
<v Speaker 2>meet somebody new. You know what I'm saying, somebody had

0:25:09.119 --> 0:25:15.119
<v Speaker 2>zero contact with outside of my previous life. And the

0:25:15.240 --> 0:25:19.440
<v Speaker 2>response I've gotten is that and this sounds harsh, but

0:25:19.560 --> 0:25:27.639
<v Speaker 2>it's true. Is that, like I'm too ugly for other women,

0:25:30.480 --> 0:25:32.640
<v Speaker 2>Like no one wants to take the time to get

0:25:32.640 --> 0:25:33.560
<v Speaker 2>to know someone else.

0:25:34.960 --> 0:25:36.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't know who told you that.

0:25:38.960 --> 0:25:42.480
<v Speaker 2>In the last three months, three separate women on dating

0:25:42.520 --> 0:25:46.280
<v Speaker 2>apps were like, well, you know, you seem like a

0:25:46.320 --> 0:25:51.280
<v Speaker 2>cool guy, but you know you're not that cute.

0:25:52.280 --> 0:25:57.639
<v Speaker 1>The three different women on dating apps told you that, Yeah.

0:25:58.160 --> 0:26:02.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I look, man, I don't. I don't consider myself

0:26:02.240 --> 0:26:06.720
<v Speaker 2>like a like a like a nine or anything like

0:26:07.760 --> 0:26:10.240
<v Speaker 2>or a one. I think I follow like a five

0:26:10.560 --> 0:26:14.280
<v Speaker 2>or a six, Like I'm six to like one hundred

0:26:14.320 --> 0:26:17.479
<v Speaker 2>and seventy. I'm a ginger. It is what it is,

0:26:17.640 --> 0:26:18.280
<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean?

0:26:18.320 --> 0:26:21.920
<v Speaker 1>Like, I'm not everybody that's pretty good right.

0:26:21.920 --> 0:26:27.000
<v Speaker 2>There, I guess. I mean my job is pretty active.

0:26:27.040 --> 0:26:35.920
<v Speaker 1>Man, Jason, you said you went to therapy before.

0:26:38.119 --> 0:26:39.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, for like over a year.

0:26:40.040 --> 0:26:40.200
<v Speaker 3>Man.

0:26:40.359 --> 0:26:43.359
<v Speaker 2>It was expensive, but at the time I could afford it.

0:26:43.480 --> 0:26:46.479
<v Speaker 2>I can't anymore, which might be why I'm talking to you.

0:26:48.440 --> 0:26:49.560
<v Speaker 1>Was it helpful when you had it?

0:26:50.200 --> 0:26:55.359
<v Speaker 2>Very very helpful. If anybody thinks that they can't be

0:26:55.440 --> 0:27:00.919
<v Speaker 2>held by therapy, they're wrong. Everyone can be helped by therapy.

0:27:01.040 --> 0:27:04.120
<v Speaker 2>Mm hm, it was. It was a beautiful thing, man,

0:27:04.240 --> 0:27:06.560
<v Speaker 2>Like I miss my therapist. I ain't a log.

0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:10.320
<v Speaker 1>Just I want I want to keep talking about I

0:27:10.400 --> 0:27:13.680
<v Speaker 1>want to keep talking to you about this, but will

0:27:13.720 --> 0:27:15.399
<v Speaker 1>you do me, Will you do me a favor after

0:27:15.440 --> 0:27:18.959
<v Speaker 1>this call if you could, and I might. You know,

0:27:19.000 --> 0:27:21.480
<v Speaker 1>this fucking just comes up so much on the podcast

0:27:21.520 --> 0:27:24.639
<v Speaker 1>that I I I've done some a little bit of

0:27:24.720 --> 0:27:28.600
<v Speaker 1>research into it. Can you try to what can you can?

0:27:28.600 --> 0:27:34.399
<v Speaker 1>I ask you what state you live in, Texas? Texas,

0:27:34.720 --> 0:27:36.960
<v Speaker 1>go to the go to the I don't know how

0:27:36.960 --> 0:27:39.879
<v Speaker 1>far you are of like the University of Texas or whatever,

0:27:39.960 --> 0:27:44.120
<v Speaker 1>but like you can go to you can. I've looked

0:27:44.160 --> 0:27:45.720
<v Speaker 1>into that. I've never tried it myself. I actually kind

0:27:45.720 --> 0:27:47.639
<v Speaker 1>of want to and report back so it goes. But

0:27:47.960 --> 0:27:54.840
<v Speaker 1>you can go to like a university and if they

0:27:54.840 --> 0:27:58.760
<v Speaker 1>have a psychology department, I think they have these things

0:27:58.800 --> 0:28:02.919
<v Speaker 1>where you can like get free therapy from grad students

0:28:03.359 --> 0:28:05.520
<v Speaker 1>or something like that. I don't know for sure. I

0:28:05.800 --> 0:28:07.800
<v Speaker 1>don't quote me on it, but I think there are

0:28:07.920 --> 0:28:10.280
<v Speaker 1>resources to get free therapy, and I think you should.

0:28:10.440 --> 0:28:14.560
<v Speaker 1>You should take advantage of them. So go do that,

0:28:14.800 --> 0:28:18.720
<v Speaker 1>because you know, I want to keep talking you about this,

0:28:19.000 --> 0:28:23.320
<v Speaker 1>but maybe it'll take a few sessions with a real

0:28:23.400 --> 0:28:25.920
<v Speaker 1>therapist over the long term, because I don't know, man,

0:28:25.920 --> 0:28:29.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about so many things and It's like, Dude,

0:28:29.560 --> 0:28:34.320
<v Speaker 1>I could tell you a lot of things, and I

0:28:34.320 --> 0:28:35.920
<v Speaker 1>could tell you that you need to put yourself back

0:28:35.960 --> 0:28:38.120
<v Speaker 1>out there, but at the end of the day, it's like,

0:28:38.320 --> 0:28:42.440
<v Speaker 1>I feel like you just have these like fundamental beliefs

0:28:42.480 --> 0:28:44.800
<v Speaker 1>about yourself, and I don't know who put them there.

0:28:44.840 --> 0:28:48.240
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if it was these like series of

0:28:48.440 --> 0:28:55.640
<v Speaker 1>horrible relationships or unfortunate encounters that you've had. I don't

0:28:55.680 --> 0:28:58.560
<v Speaker 1>know where these ideas that you have about yourself came from.

0:28:58.640 --> 0:29:02.560
<v Speaker 1>But you need to undo them and get them out

0:29:02.560 --> 0:29:08.920
<v Speaker 1>of your head because you are are You don't deserve

0:29:09.920 --> 0:29:15.120
<v Speaker 1>to feel that way about yourself, especially after all of

0:29:15.160 --> 0:29:24.320
<v Speaker 1>the good will that you've tried really hard to act

0:29:24.400 --> 0:29:29.120
<v Speaker 1>with in your life. You know, and I also and

0:29:29.200 --> 0:29:34.040
<v Speaker 1>I also think that, I mean, you have so many

0:29:36.120 --> 0:29:40.880
<v Speaker 1>good years ahead of you if you can undo those

0:29:42.520 --> 0:29:47.600
<v Speaker 1>bad thoughts that you have about yourself and find somebody

0:29:48.920 --> 0:29:52.880
<v Speaker 1>who gives a shit about you and kind of make

0:29:53.040 --> 0:29:57.240
<v Speaker 1>this chill, bonfire life that you're talking about. I really,

0:29:57.280 --> 0:30:00.080
<v Speaker 1>I really think it's in it's in the cards for you.

0:30:00.080 --> 0:30:05.040
<v Speaker 1>You gotta undo these horrible ways that you have of

0:30:05.040 --> 0:30:07.480
<v Speaker 1>of of thinking about yourself.

0:30:12.920 --> 0:30:20.000
<v Speaker 2>It's uh, I like that advice. Well, I appreciate that. Man,

0:30:22.120 --> 0:30:25.200
<v Speaker 2>mm hm hm.

0:30:25.320 --> 0:30:33.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to think of what else? Man, have any

0:30:34.000 --> 0:30:37.960
<v Speaker 1>have have either of these this x This woman has

0:30:38.160 --> 0:30:40.400
<v Speaker 1>been living with you for a months. She hasn't tried

0:30:40.440 --> 0:30:44.240
<v Speaker 1>to hit you. Has she? Uh?

0:30:44.440 --> 0:30:48.040
<v Speaker 2>My ex wife hit me in a lot. Uh. I

0:30:48.080 --> 0:30:51.840
<v Speaker 2>actually had to have surgery to remove a like a

0:30:52.160 --> 0:30:55.120
<v Speaker 2>like assist, you know what I'm saying. That devolved from

0:30:55.120 --> 0:30:59.240
<v Speaker 2>the But dex's girlfriend, No, she's more like psychological warfare.

0:30:59.680 --> 0:31:02.320
<v Speaker 2>But that his wife. Yeah, No, she was highly abusive

0:31:02.480 --> 0:31:06.560
<v Speaker 2>and is in Texas. Man, you can't well probably in

0:31:06.600 --> 0:31:08.720
<v Speaker 2>any other state. You can't be like, hey, my wife's

0:31:08.720 --> 0:31:11.720
<v Speaker 2>beating me, you know what I'm saying, Like it it

0:31:11.840 --> 0:31:13.760
<v Speaker 2>comes just kind of like looked out the way on that.

0:31:14.040 --> 0:31:16.800
<v Speaker 1>Well, this is the this is the woman who's staying

0:31:16.800 --> 0:31:17.520
<v Speaker 1>with you right now.

0:31:19.160 --> 0:31:35.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was always my fault, right I drove her

0:31:35.160 --> 0:31:38.640
<v Speaker 2>to that or I made her insane or you know whatever.

0:31:39.200 --> 0:31:41.200
<v Speaker 2>You know she's abusive.

0:31:41.640 --> 0:31:46.239
<v Speaker 1>Can I can I ask you something? Do you? And bro?

0:31:46.360 --> 0:31:49.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm not I'm not a real therapist, but I'm I'm

0:31:49.280 --> 0:31:55.080
<v Speaker 1>captivated by your this moment, like, get do you do

0:31:55.120 --> 0:31:59.760
<v Speaker 1>you understand even a little bit and it's a genuine

0:32:00.240 --> 0:32:04.440
<v Speaker 1>question because you seem like a you know, a self

0:32:04.440 --> 0:32:10.360
<v Speaker 1>aware guy and a smart guy. Do you understand the

0:32:10.520 --> 0:32:18.800
<v Speaker 1>effects of a relationship like that? Do you understand the

0:32:18.800 --> 0:32:21.560
<v Speaker 1>effects that that relationship has likely had on you?

0:32:24.240 --> 0:32:26.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I I struggle with this. See. I

0:32:27.040 --> 0:32:30.360
<v Speaker 2>grew up watching my mom be highly abused, and I

0:32:30.760 --> 0:32:33.840
<v Speaker 2>don't know if I fall into that same pattern of

0:32:34.000 --> 0:32:41.640
<v Speaker 2>accepting abuse as a byproduct of emotional instability. I don't know.

0:32:47.240 --> 0:33:03.480
<v Speaker 2>M I'm sorry to make you think so much.

0:33:03.560 --> 0:33:07.600
<v Speaker 1>Man, I know, don't be done. You got you got

0:33:07.600 --> 0:33:09.600
<v Speaker 1>nothing to apologize for now. I want to be thinking

0:33:09.600 --> 0:33:13.680
<v Speaker 1>because I'm like, I'm like, dude, no j I wanna,

0:33:15.000 --> 0:33:16.760
<v Speaker 1>I want to, I want, I want. I would. I

0:33:16.800 --> 0:33:18.840
<v Speaker 1>would love to get a call from you of a

0:33:18.920 --> 0:33:22.000
<v Speaker 1>fucking year from now, to hear that you you found

0:33:22.200 --> 0:33:25.320
<v Speaker 1>somebody new and you're having bonfires and you're living a

0:33:25.400 --> 0:33:25.960
<v Speaker 1>good life.

0:33:26.480 --> 0:33:30.360
<v Speaker 2>I'd probably I'd probably just be playing Minecraft, just hating myself.

0:33:32.480 --> 0:33:36.240
<v Speaker 2>H mm hmm.

0:33:38.920 --> 0:33:41.200
<v Speaker 1>Have you got any when you were on the dating apps?

0:33:41.400 --> 0:33:43.080
<v Speaker 1>Did you go on any successful dates?

0:33:46.120 --> 0:33:55.520
<v Speaker 2>No? Look, man, the thing is the thing is like

0:33:55.640 --> 0:33:59.640
<v Speaker 2>that that I I think that I run in a

0:33:59.720 --> 0:34:02.560
<v Speaker 2>highlight level, and and so like, you know, I'm talking

0:34:02.600 --> 0:34:05.080
<v Speaker 2>to you about some like really deep ship, right like,

0:34:05.560 --> 0:34:08.239
<v Speaker 2>but my life is kind of full of really deep shit,

0:34:08.480 --> 0:34:12.440
<v Speaker 2>right like, so like really deep ship is kind of

0:34:12.440 --> 0:34:14.920
<v Speaker 2>the norm for me, and and like that kind of

0:34:14.920 --> 0:34:20.440
<v Speaker 2>scares people off, like they don't want people of substance

0:34:20.480 --> 0:34:21.640
<v Speaker 2>and value, right.

0:34:22.120 --> 0:34:23.520
<v Speaker 1>Tell me what you tell me what you mean when

0:34:23.600 --> 0:34:26.120
<v Speaker 1>you say that your life is filled with really deep shit?

0:34:29.880 --> 0:34:40.640
<v Speaker 2>Ah? So okay, Well, my my mom raised me, right

0:34:40.960 --> 0:34:44.120
<v Speaker 2>and then like me and or my mom and my

0:34:44.200 --> 0:34:46.759
<v Speaker 2>dad broke up and split off when I was like

0:34:47.040 --> 0:34:51.680
<v Speaker 2>one or two. And then after that my mom raised me,

0:34:51.800 --> 0:34:54.920
<v Speaker 2>but like she was in really bad position because she

0:34:55.080 --> 0:34:58.560
<v Speaker 2>was raised terribly by a highly abusive father of hers.

0:34:58.880 --> 0:35:03.960
<v Speaker 2>So she found men that kind of emulated that, you know,

0:35:04.080 --> 0:35:07.120
<v Speaker 2>aspect of themselves.

0:35:07.200 --> 0:35:12.200
<v Speaker 1>And then yeah, you're just a descendant of a of

0:35:12.239 --> 0:35:14.879
<v Speaker 1>a long standing pattern of all this shit.

0:35:15.280 --> 0:35:19.600
<v Speaker 2>Kind of So so when I was like nine, uh,

0:35:19.760 --> 0:35:22.840
<v Speaker 2>my mom decided that I would be better off living

0:35:22.880 --> 0:35:26.160
<v Speaker 2>with my dad because like he lived this quote unquote

0:35:26.280 --> 0:35:30.279
<v Speaker 2>stable life. So she kind of sent me off to

0:35:30.400 --> 0:35:33.279
<v Speaker 2>go stay with him, and he was in a different state,

0:35:34.000 --> 0:35:38.120
<v Speaker 2>so I went and stayed with him, and then I

0:35:38.160 --> 0:35:41.040
<v Speaker 2>have an older brother or an older half brother who

0:35:41.160 --> 0:35:44.080
<v Speaker 2>happened to be living there at the time, and then

0:35:45.719 --> 0:35:48.120
<v Speaker 2>when she sent me off to live with my dad,

0:35:50.080 --> 0:35:53.960
<v Speaker 2>my brother molested me for like two years, and then

0:35:54.320 --> 0:35:56.680
<v Speaker 2>like whenever I finally got the courage to tell my

0:35:56.800 --> 0:36:01.600
<v Speaker 2>dad about it, he acted like nothing happened, and then

0:36:02.239 --> 0:36:05.520
<v Speaker 2>it just continued to happen for another year before he

0:36:05.960 --> 0:36:08.680
<v Speaker 2>set an apartment building on fire and got sent back

0:36:08.680 --> 0:36:12.480
<v Speaker 2>to Texas. And it just like it just kind of

0:36:12.480 --> 0:36:16.560
<v Speaker 2>compounded things, man Like it just like I had a

0:36:16.600 --> 0:36:19.919
<v Speaker 2>really kind of fucked up view of what dudes were

0:36:20.320 --> 0:36:22.880
<v Speaker 2>and then like had no idea on what it would

0:36:23.200 --> 0:36:29.480
<v Speaker 2>what it was to be, Like you know, a man,

0:36:29.520 --> 0:36:30.920
<v Speaker 2>I guess I don't really know.

0:36:31.080 --> 0:36:37.880
<v Speaker 1>So you so you just had such horrible uh views,

0:36:38.040 --> 0:36:42.640
<v Speaker 1>and and of of like these male models in your life,

0:36:42.719 --> 0:36:45.440
<v Speaker 1>of your brother and your dad that you kind of

0:36:45.480 --> 0:36:48.120
<v Speaker 1>just swore you were, like, I'm never ever ever going

0:36:48.200 --> 0:36:54.719
<v Speaker 1>to be somebody that inflicts any kind of modicum, bro, Anybody.

0:36:54.200 --> 0:36:57.400
<v Speaker 2>Let me tell you that, Like the person I am

0:36:57.440 --> 0:37:02.160
<v Speaker 2>today is almost it living in of of that. Yeah,

0:37:02.360 --> 0:37:07.479
<v Speaker 2>in spite of the male figure mm hmm, which which

0:37:07.560 --> 0:37:12.319
<v Speaker 2>in itself, which in itself regards yourself, like am I

0:37:12.520 --> 0:37:14.840
<v Speaker 2>doing this for my own thing? Or am I actually

0:37:14.840 --> 0:37:15.480
<v Speaker 2>a good person?

0:37:15.560 --> 0:37:15.799
<v Speaker 1>You know?

0:37:17.719 --> 0:37:19.279
<v Speaker 2>I struggle with this ship all the time.

0:37:19.360 --> 0:37:24.719
<v Speaker 1>Man, And so you're like, so so so don't want

0:37:24.800 --> 0:37:28.359
<v Speaker 1>to be anything like these horrible models that you had

0:37:28.400 --> 0:37:32.560
<v Speaker 1>growing up that you don't want to kick out your

0:37:32.600 --> 0:37:35.920
<v Speaker 1>ex wife? Who does you cut totally? You got to

0:37:36.000 --> 0:37:40.239
<v Speaker 1>kick out? Is that kind of what's going on?

0:37:43.719 --> 0:37:46.439
<v Speaker 2>If you want to put it in a in a box? Yeah,

0:37:46.480 --> 0:37:47.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean yeah, I guess so.

0:37:49.480 --> 0:37:51.239
<v Speaker 1>Well, I guess not putting it in a box. But

0:37:51.360 --> 0:37:54.600
<v Speaker 1>I maybe that's it sounds to me like that's a

0:37:54.719 --> 0:37:56.279
<v Speaker 1>contributing factor to what's going on.

0:38:00.080 --> 0:38:03.120
<v Speaker 2>M I guess that's why I'm talking to a gecko

0:38:03.239 --> 0:38:03.840
<v Speaker 2>on the computer.

0:38:10.320 --> 0:38:10.640
<v Speaker 5>M h.

0:38:12.200 --> 0:38:18.600
<v Speaker 1>Oh Man, Jason, Jason, fuck man? What what? What is

0:38:18.640 --> 0:38:19.200
<v Speaker 1>your company?

0:38:19.320 --> 0:38:19.640
<v Speaker 2>I want?

0:38:19.640 --> 0:38:22.360
<v Speaker 1>I want, I want to get you into How do

0:38:22.440 --> 0:38:25.960
<v Speaker 1>we get you to talk to a real therapist or something?

0:38:26.000 --> 0:38:29.560
<v Speaker 1>Because it would be dude. I just I just feel

0:38:29.560 --> 0:38:35.480
<v Speaker 1>like if you if you were able to unlearn these

0:38:35.520 --> 0:38:39.480
<v Speaker 1>these horrible things about yourself, I think you could you

0:38:39.520 --> 0:38:42.680
<v Speaker 1>could really turn it around and have a have a

0:38:42.719 --> 0:38:43.320
<v Speaker 1>good life.

0:38:44.400 --> 0:38:49.080
<v Speaker 6>But I agree with you, man, like agree with that

0:38:49.160 --> 0:39:01.480
<v Speaker 6>way about yourself, Jason, I'm listening.

0:39:03.160 --> 0:39:06.760
<v Speaker 1>You. You agree with me. You you you have have

0:39:06.760 --> 0:39:11.960
<v Speaker 1>have the same modicum of optimism that that I that

0:39:12.000 --> 0:39:12.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling.

0:39:19.760 --> 0:39:30.200
<v Speaker 2>No, but I'm listening. Mhm. Look, it's not that I'm

0:39:30.239 --> 0:39:32.319
<v Speaker 2>not it's not it's not that I'm not optimistic, but

0:39:32.600 --> 0:39:37.399
<v Speaker 2>like love I look man like it it's I want

0:39:37.400 --> 0:39:40.040
<v Speaker 2>to be optimistic. I I know that there's there's a

0:39:40.080 --> 0:39:42.680
<v Speaker 2>bright side out there, and I just feel out of

0:39:42.760 --> 0:39:44.680
<v Speaker 2>touch with it, like I I don't know how to

0:39:44.719 --> 0:39:48.640
<v Speaker 2>get back with it. Like I find myself like falling

0:39:48.719 --> 0:39:52.400
<v Speaker 2>further and further into this like spiral of you know,

0:39:52.680 --> 0:39:56.760
<v Speaker 2>losing things that I'm interested in, you know, like finding

0:39:56.880 --> 0:40:00.160
<v Speaker 2>joy in life, and and I know that the is

0:40:00.200 --> 0:40:02.120
<v Speaker 2>a way to overcome it, and I know therapy helps,

0:40:02.120 --> 0:40:05.120
<v Speaker 2>and I get that, man, I truly get like, like

0:40:05.360 --> 0:40:10.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, real you know, psychotherapist or whatever. And I

0:40:11.280 --> 0:40:14.200
<v Speaker 2>find great enjoyment in talking to you, man, like I

0:40:14.239 --> 0:40:18.239
<v Speaker 2>respect you. You're a good dude. Man, you have good intentions.

0:40:18.520 --> 0:40:24.239
<v Speaker 1>And I just tell me, I'm on that spiral on

0:40:24.440 --> 0:40:26.480
<v Speaker 1>fall losing touch with the things that give you joy

0:40:26.480 --> 0:40:29.000
<v Speaker 1>in life throughout your life, even even I mean, you

0:40:29.000 --> 0:40:32.120
<v Speaker 1>can go back to when you were like thirteen or anything, anything,

0:40:32.480 --> 0:40:42.040
<v Speaker 1>anything at all? What has given you joy?

0:40:43.640 --> 0:40:47.320
<v Speaker 2>The quest for knowledge? I was an astrophysics major in college,

0:40:47.400 --> 0:40:51.719
<v Speaker 2>and I wanted to be a professor of cosmology, and

0:40:53.880 --> 0:41:00.200
<v Speaker 2>I truly find joy in finding answers to things that

0:41:00.360 --> 0:41:04.879
<v Speaker 2>other people don't have. Interesting, Like, it would be great

0:41:04.920 --> 0:41:09.560
<v Speaker 2>to be a teacher, right, but teaching doesn't pay well,

0:41:09.800 --> 0:41:11.160
<v Speaker 2>so you can't paign bills with that.

0:41:13.320 --> 0:41:18.439
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm. I've been doing this lately, if you're cool.

0:41:18.680 --> 0:41:19.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you're cool with this, but I

0:41:20.040 --> 0:41:22.400
<v Speaker 1>was gonna see if the chat have any questions of

0:41:22.480 --> 0:41:28.080
<v Speaker 1>things that they wanted to ask you. Sure, Chat, do

0:41:28.080 --> 0:41:29.640
<v Speaker 1>you have any questions for Jason.

0:41:32.000 --> 0:41:33.799
<v Speaker 2>I haven't looked at chat once, so.

0:41:35.560 --> 0:41:41.040
<v Speaker 1>Good, good, here, I'll uh, I'll feed you the questions. Well,

0:41:41.080 --> 0:41:46.800
<v Speaker 1>someone said, Paul says, Jason is fucking smart. I wanted

0:41:46.800 --> 0:41:49.440
<v Speaker 1>to do astrophysics, but it's just too hard.

0:41:52.040 --> 0:41:57.320
<v Speaker 2>No, it's really not. It's actually not at hard. It's

0:41:57.440 --> 0:41:59.919
<v Speaker 2>just physics in the vacuum. It's not that bad.

0:42:00.680 --> 0:42:04.160
<v Speaker 1>Inglorious bastard wants to know if your therapist never talked

0:42:04.200 --> 0:42:06.400
<v Speaker 1>to you about negative core beliefs.

0:42:10.520 --> 0:42:15.799
<v Speaker 2>That's a broad question. I would say yes, but it

0:42:15.840 --> 0:42:19.080
<v Speaker 2>doesn't address like the problem that I have is that

0:42:19.239 --> 0:42:24.040
<v Speaker 2>I ask very specific questions. And when when you talk

0:42:24.120 --> 0:42:28.040
<v Speaker 2>to somebody who like all therapists need a therapist, right,

0:42:29.360 --> 0:42:33.000
<v Speaker 2>So when when you start talking to a therapist, it's

0:42:33.239 --> 0:42:36.759
<v Speaker 2>when you ask them very specific questions. They find it

0:42:36.840 --> 0:42:40.200
<v Speaker 2>hard to answer those questions because it's hard to insert

0:42:40.200 --> 0:42:44.360
<v Speaker 2>yourself into someone else's mind state. Over you know, X amount.

0:42:44.120 --> 0:43:03.080
<v Speaker 1>Of years, somebody asked what you play besides Minecraft.

0:43:01.560 --> 0:43:09.040
<v Speaker 2>Seld A Singularity, I play also I Person of five Royale.

0:43:09.320 --> 0:43:16.200
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I don't know if that helps. Other than that,

0:43:16.239 --> 0:43:19.080
<v Speaker 2>I just I watch YouTube video. I haven't watched a

0:43:19.280 --> 0:43:23.080
<v Speaker 2>TV show or a movie in literally years because I

0:43:23.080 --> 0:43:24.600
<v Speaker 2>don't have the attention span for it.

0:43:25.200 --> 0:43:26.800
<v Speaker 1>Who do you? Who do you watch on YouTube?

0:43:29.080 --> 0:43:38.520
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm, let's see. There's there's the occasional mister Beast video.

0:43:38.960 --> 0:43:43.160
<v Speaker 2>And then I listened but not to slight you, but

0:43:43.280 --> 0:43:51.680
<v Speaker 2>I listened to you on Spotify as a podcast and yeah, yeah, yeah,

0:43:51.840 --> 0:43:54.160
<v Speaker 2>So what I do is I listened to that. I

0:43:54.239 --> 0:43:56.600
<v Speaker 2>work two jobs, so I have my primary job and

0:43:56.640 --> 0:43:58.440
<v Speaker 2>then like as soon as I get off work on

0:43:58.480 --> 0:44:00.720
<v Speaker 2>my primary I'm go to work at like in the morning,

0:44:01.480 --> 0:44:05.080
<v Speaker 2>and then when I get off work, I immediately go

0:44:05.200 --> 0:44:07.920
<v Speaker 2>and I do door dash, and I listen to you

0:44:07.960 --> 0:44:10.640
<v Speaker 2>while I'm doing door dash. Because I drive a gigantic

0:44:10.719 --> 0:44:13.960
<v Speaker 2>ass truck in the fourth largest city in America, it's

0:44:13.960 --> 0:44:17.760
<v Speaker 2>hard to concentrate when you're doing that, So therapy Gecko

0:44:17.800 --> 0:44:21.800
<v Speaker 2>isn't necessarily the thing to listen to. I would say

0:44:23.920 --> 0:44:25.960
<v Speaker 2>I have a hard time even with Minecraft. Man, like

0:44:26.040 --> 0:44:32.279
<v Speaker 2>I anything that is longer than twenty five minutes, I

0:44:32.320 --> 0:44:34.799
<v Speaker 2>have a hard time holding on to.

0:44:38.320 --> 0:44:41.840
<v Speaker 1>Ipout O wait says, do you have any hobbies? Because

0:44:41.880 --> 0:44:44.000
<v Speaker 1>hobbies help the mind a lot.

0:44:45.680 --> 0:44:47.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I struggle with that. It's one of the things

0:44:47.600 --> 0:44:49.439
<v Speaker 2>that I talked to in my therapist about a lot

0:44:50.160 --> 0:44:52.520
<v Speaker 2>was that I have no hobbies. I have no interest

0:44:52.600 --> 0:44:56.200
<v Speaker 2>or likes or friends or anything like. Literally like, I'm

0:44:56.200 --> 0:45:03.960
<v Speaker 2>just like, eh, just I know, man, I'm throwing a

0:45:03.960 --> 0:45:04.400
<v Speaker 2>lot at you.

0:45:04.640 --> 0:45:07.399
<v Speaker 1>Cow no no, no, no, no, no, don't be I don't

0:45:07.400 --> 0:45:11.160
<v Speaker 1>want you to be. Sorry, Jason, I'm fucking thinking here,

0:45:12.000 --> 0:45:13.680
<v Speaker 1>what would you somebody in the chat ask this, what

0:45:13.719 --> 0:45:18.480
<v Speaker 1>would you say to somebody who you loved who was

0:45:18.520 --> 0:45:20.080
<v Speaker 1>in a similar situation as you.

0:45:22.520 --> 0:45:27.000
<v Speaker 2>That's a damn good question. I would tell them to

0:45:27.120 --> 0:45:30.440
<v Speaker 2>run as far as they can. But I'm also in

0:45:30.440 --> 0:45:33.440
<v Speaker 2>a position of I'm also in a position of knowing,

0:45:33.600 --> 0:45:37.160
<v Speaker 2>like how hard it is to run from something like that,

0:45:41.120 --> 0:45:44.799
<v Speaker 2>Like what what is your capacity to hurt somebody? You

0:45:44.840 --> 0:45:47.960
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean? Like what like what level of

0:45:49.440 --> 0:45:52.200
<v Speaker 2>when you say take care of yourself, right, like like

0:45:52.280 --> 0:45:55.480
<v Speaker 2>look out for yourself? Like what capacity of selfishness is

0:45:55.520 --> 0:45:57.719
<v Speaker 2>involved in that? To the point that you have to

0:45:57.800 --> 0:45:59.480
<v Speaker 2>ignore someone else's suffering.

0:46:01.040 --> 0:46:03.080
<v Speaker 1>But you have to understand that you're not caught like

0:46:03.480 --> 0:46:09.440
<v Speaker 1>you're just you're You're Your perspective on this situation is

0:46:09.760 --> 0:46:16.520
<v Speaker 1>warped by years and years and years and years of

0:46:16.520 --> 0:46:21.280
<v Speaker 1>of of of what sound like an unfortunately very traumatic experience.

0:46:21.320 --> 0:46:23.640
<v Speaker 2>I like the extra years you put on that.

0:46:23.760 --> 0:46:30.879
<v Speaker 1>Now, sorry, this is why I'm not This is why,

0:46:30.960 --> 0:46:33.480
<v Speaker 1>this is why you don't do unlicensed therapy on the

0:46:33.520 --> 0:46:38.120
<v Speaker 1>fucking twitch. Fine, but dude, I just want you to

0:46:38.160 --> 0:46:42.359
<v Speaker 1>know your perspective on this whole situation is warped, and

0:46:42.440 --> 0:46:43.759
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what it's gonna I don't know what

0:46:43.800 --> 0:46:47.840
<v Speaker 1>it's gonna take to unwarp it, because you're not you

0:46:48.200 --> 0:46:54.120
<v Speaker 1>are not the cause of this woman suffering. Her she's

0:46:54.200 --> 0:46:58.279
<v Speaker 1>forty two years old, her and her port And by

0:46:58.320 --> 0:47:00.279
<v Speaker 1>the way, I want you to know something, you can

0:47:00.360 --> 0:47:04.560
<v Speaker 1>still care. You can still care about this woman, even

0:47:04.680 --> 0:47:08.200
<v Speaker 1>if she's been awful to you. You can still care

0:47:08.239 --> 0:47:13.440
<v Speaker 1>about her. You can still in your guts, in your heart,

0:47:13.640 --> 0:47:17.040
<v Speaker 1>in your mind, unless you think it's it's healthier, want

0:47:17.239 --> 0:47:24.880
<v Speaker 1>her to succeed in life, but not at your expense,

0:47:25.640 --> 0:47:32.040
<v Speaker 1>not constantly at your expense. And you know, I wish,

0:47:32.080 --> 0:47:35.799
<v Speaker 1>I wish it was as easy as me telling you

0:47:35.840 --> 0:47:36.880
<v Speaker 1>that I know it's not.

0:47:41.680 --> 0:47:44.640
<v Speaker 2>I know what you're saying I mean, and it makes

0:47:44.440 --> 0:47:46.520
<v Speaker 2>it logically makes sense.

0:47:54.080 --> 0:47:57.279
<v Speaker 1>Bim bam bop, says Jason. Come to the Netherlands and

0:47:57.320 --> 0:48:01.360
<v Speaker 1>smoke a joint with me. That sounds funk.

0:48:03.480 --> 0:48:07.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, sounds like some good conversation. Do I do I

0:48:07.400 --> 0:48:09.400
<v Speaker 2>need to go to another portal to get to the

0:48:09.440 --> 0:48:10.399
<v Speaker 2>nether Lands or.

0:48:12.640 --> 0:48:15.160
<v Speaker 1>You know, I never I never made the connection of Netherlands.

0:48:15.239 --> 0:48:19.200
<v Speaker 1>And like the word nether meaning like an underworld, it's

0:48:19.200 --> 0:48:27.120
<v Speaker 1>pretty good. Hm hmm, Jason, I'm gonna tell you this

0:48:27.160 --> 0:48:33.239
<v Speaker 1>before we go. Yeah, here's the thing. Everybody listening to

0:48:33.320 --> 0:48:35.399
<v Speaker 1>this right now and me.

0:48:36.960 --> 0:48:37.719
<v Speaker 4>Are all.

0:48:41.680 --> 0:48:44.960
<v Speaker 1>We We want you to succeed. We really do.

0:48:46.200 --> 0:49:01.000
<v Speaker 5>And me too, man, I want to succeed too.

0:49:04.280 --> 0:49:06.400
<v Speaker 1>I wish I wish I could take the optimism I

0:49:06.440 --> 0:49:09.239
<v Speaker 1>have you and I as I wish I could take

0:49:09.320 --> 0:49:13.160
<v Speaker 1>the optimism that I have for you and just like,

0:49:13.680 --> 0:49:17.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, fucking blast it like fucking Goku into your

0:49:18.800 --> 0:49:21.960
<v Speaker 1>into your into your soul. But I don't know how

0:49:22.000 --> 0:49:22.399
<v Speaker 1>to do that.

0:49:26.560 --> 0:49:30.040
<v Speaker 2>I mean you you painted your face green, dress up

0:49:30.040 --> 0:49:32.000
<v Speaker 2>as a get go. You took your time and talk

0:49:32.080 --> 0:49:37.600
<v Speaker 2>to me. It's thank you, man, Like I appreciate that.

0:49:37.880 --> 0:49:41.960
<v Speaker 2>Just it's been nice to just I don't know talk

0:49:42.000 --> 0:49:45.479
<v Speaker 2>about it because I don't have any friends, I don't

0:49:45.520 --> 0:49:52.480
<v Speaker 2>have any family really, so it's nice. And I'm fucking

0:49:52.520 --> 0:49:55.000
<v Speaker 2>forty years old, you know what I mean. Like I'm

0:49:55.040 --> 0:49:57.240
<v Speaker 2>an old ass man, I'm close to desk.

0:49:58.000 --> 0:50:04.600
<v Speaker 1>It's nice to just say it, I guess, Jason. Is

0:50:04.640 --> 0:50:07.560
<v Speaker 1>there anything else that you want to talk about or

0:50:07.600 --> 0:50:09.359
<v Speaker 1>anything else you want to say to the people as

0:50:09.360 --> 0:50:11.719
<v Speaker 1>the computer before we go to.

0:50:11.719 --> 0:50:16.480
<v Speaker 2>The people on the computer. Not really, man, Just you

0:50:16.520 --> 0:50:19.160
<v Speaker 2>know this is this is the only one shot we have,

0:50:19.520 --> 0:50:24.880
<v Speaker 2>and really it all depends on your perspective, so try

0:50:25.400 --> 0:50:26.759
<v Speaker 2>try to make the best of it.

0:50:30.680 --> 0:50:32.319
<v Speaker 1>I hope you listen to your own words, man, I

0:50:32.360 --> 0:50:32.759
<v Speaker 1>really do.

0:50:35.200 --> 0:50:37.719
<v Speaker 2>I hope so too. I appreciate that, bro.

0:50:38.840 --> 0:50:45.240
<v Speaker 1>Have a good night, Jason. It's hurt a man, man

0:50:45.280 --> 0:50:50.200
<v Speaker 1>man man man man. That was really tough. That was

0:50:50.239 --> 0:50:55.799
<v Speaker 1>that was that was really really tough. I've I got

0:50:55.800 --> 0:50:58.880
<v Speaker 1>a ton of thoughts about this. I feel I feel

0:50:58.880 --> 0:51:02.560
<v Speaker 1>bad because Jace Jason seemed like a great dude. He

0:51:02.640 --> 0:51:06.200
<v Speaker 1>had great intentions. His dream in life was just a

0:51:06.320 --> 0:51:12.520
<v Speaker 1>fucking chill by a fire with his homies. And he

0:51:12.520 --> 0:51:18.200
<v Speaker 1>he He's like a fucking cool guy, you know, someone

0:51:18.239 --> 0:51:23.000
<v Speaker 1>you could be boys with, and just he just I

0:51:23.000 --> 0:51:26.560
<v Speaker 1>don't know. I'm not a real therapist. I'm playing. I'm playing,

0:51:26.640 --> 0:51:29.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing Fisher Price therapy here. But it sounded like

0:51:29.520 --> 0:51:35.640
<v Speaker 1>he was just a descendant of a long line of

0:51:35.920 --> 0:51:44.919
<v Speaker 1>of bullshit. And I don't know. I don't fucking know, dude.

0:51:44.960 --> 0:51:48.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm a I'm a I'm a gecko guy on

0:51:48.880 --> 0:51:51.120
<v Speaker 1>the computer. I don't know what gets people out of

0:51:51.160 --> 0:51:53.840
<v Speaker 1>those situations or what changes people's minds. I don't know

0:51:53.880 --> 0:51:57.759
<v Speaker 1>if it's therapy. I don't know if it's ayahuasca. I

0:51:57.800 --> 0:52:01.480
<v Speaker 1>don't know what it is. I don't I don't. I

0:52:01.640 --> 0:52:07.960
<v Speaker 1>wish I did, and I wish that Jason had access

0:52:08.080 --> 0:52:29.759
<v Speaker 1>to it, whatever it is. Mm hmmm, mm hmmm, I

0:52:29.760 --> 0:52:32.120
<v Speaker 1>don't know. Talk to me in the comments of the

0:52:32.239 --> 0:52:36.680
<v Speaker 1>of this of the YouTube video, or on the or

0:52:36.760 --> 0:52:40.240
<v Speaker 1>on the I think the Spotify has a whole uh

0:52:40.800 --> 0:52:44.480
<v Speaker 1>what did you think of this episode thing? Talk talk

0:52:44.520 --> 0:52:45.960
<v Speaker 1>to me in those things. I want to hear what

0:52:46.040 --> 0:52:48.920
<v Speaker 1>you guys think about this whole thing, because it's a

0:52:49.000 --> 0:52:54.560
<v Speaker 1>really a really tough situation. I wish I wish I,

0:52:54.640 --> 0:52:55.920
<v Speaker 1>like I said, I wish there was something I could

0:52:55.960 --> 0:53:00.439
<v Speaker 1>implant into Jason's brain to turn him around on that.

0:53:02.680 --> 0:53:07.400
<v Speaker 1>Thanks for calling, Jason, Thanks so much for sharing this

0:53:08.040 --> 0:53:10.680
<v Speaker 1>with us. Maybe somebody is in a similar situation and

0:53:10.719 --> 0:53:16.359
<v Speaker 1>has listened to this and feels less uh alone and

0:53:16.560 --> 0:53:19.480
<v Speaker 1>uh call back in, Jason. I want to hear from you.

0:53:19.520 --> 0:53:23.040
<v Speaker 1>I want you to call me from your fucking van

0:53:23.200 --> 0:53:28.840
<v Speaker 1>life bonfire where you have a desktop built in that

0:53:28.880 --> 0:53:32.279
<v Speaker 1>you can play Minecraft on and you can start a

0:53:32.280 --> 0:53:36.800
<v Speaker 1>big server and everyone can join and make a giant

0:53:37.400 --> 0:53:43.640
<v Speaker 1>cock and balls. All right, Thank you, Jason, and.

0:53:43.800 --> 0:53:46.960
<v Speaker 2>Goes on the line making your phone calls every night

0:53:47.360 --> 0:53:50.520
<v Speaker 2>every week, and goes to his teaching you aloud in

0:53:50.600 --> 0:53:51.600
<v Speaker 2>the of your line.

0:53:53.280 --> 0:54:22.360
<v Speaker 1>An expert