1 00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:08,995 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:28,435 --> 00:00:32,555 Speaker 1: Joe Biden did not declare war on Donald Trump. Last night, 3 00:00:33,155 --> 00:00:35,835 Speaker 1: Joe Biden did something far more important and far more 4 00:00:35,875 --> 00:00:40,155 Speaker 1: courageous than that. He declared that Donald Trump had declared 5 00:00:40,195 --> 00:00:44,715 Speaker 1: war on America. Twice. Biden took the oath of Office 6 00:00:44,755 --> 00:00:46,995 Speaker 1: of the Vice Presidency of the United States and said, 7 00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:50,035 Speaker 1: I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend 8 00:00:50,035 --> 00:00:53,275 Speaker 1: the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign 9 00:00:53,355 --> 00:00:57,235 Speaker 1: and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance 10 00:00:57,275 --> 00:01:00,315 Speaker 1: to the same. And at the first inauguration of a 11 00:01:00,355 --> 00:01:03,195 Speaker 1: president since Lincoln in eighteen sixty one that was threatened 12 00:01:03,235 --> 00:01:06,435 Speaker 1: by traitors within our midst Biden took the oath of 13 00:01:06,435 --> 00:01:09,035 Speaker 1: Office of the Presidency, and on that day he said, 14 00:01:09,435 --> 00:01:11,955 Speaker 1: I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the 15 00:01:11,995 --> 00:01:14,635 Speaker 1: office of President of the United States, and will, to 16 00:01:14,715 --> 00:01:18,755 Speaker 1: the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the 17 00:01:18,835 --> 00:01:23,675 Speaker 1: Constitution of the United States. Last night, Joe Biden fulfilled 18 00:01:23,715 --> 00:01:27,635 Speaker 1: those oaths, and he accomplished something that an amazingly large 19 00:01:27,715 --> 00:01:30,555 Speaker 1: number of those who heard him speak could not manage 20 00:01:30,595 --> 00:01:34,515 Speaker 1: to do. To perceive that when much of the partisan 21 00:01:34,555 --> 00:01:37,795 Speaker 1: political structure of this nation has become a threat to 22 00:01:37,835 --> 00:01:40,355 Speaker 1: the rule of law in this nation and to the 23 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:44,315 Speaker 1: very existence of representative government of this nation. It is 24 00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:49,515 Speaker 1: not political to say so. It is above politics, beyond politics, 25 00:01:49,795 --> 00:01:54,595 Speaker 1: and in spite of politics. My maxim in twenty five 26 00:01:54,675 --> 00:01:57,755 Speaker 1: years of covering news and politics in this country has 27 00:01:57,795 --> 00:02:01,875 Speaker 1: been simple. Every problem that has ever been solved has 28 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:05,555 Speaker 1: only begun to be solved on that day when somebody 29 00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:10,795 Speaker 1: stood up and said this is wrong, this will not stand. 30 00:02:11,555 --> 00:02:16,515 Speaker 1: We must fix this. And that is what Joe Biden 31 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:20,395 Speaker 1: did last night, which dovetails to a point I made 32 00:02:20,475 --> 00:02:23,275 Speaker 1: first on Monday night here and now will repeat. The 33 00:02:23,355 --> 00:02:26,395 Speaker 1: most powerful thing the president can do in this fight 34 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:32,435 Speaker 1: is to mainstream the truth. Joe Biden used ugly words 35 00:02:32,555 --> 00:02:37,035 Speaker 1: last night, because right now the truth is ugly. He 36 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:43,355 Speaker 1: invoked insurrectionists and white supremacists, extremists and extremism. He called 37 00:02:43,395 --> 00:02:46,635 Speaker 1: out the mob and violence as a political tool. He 38 00:02:46,715 --> 00:02:50,195 Speaker 1: called it not normal. He called it darkness. He repudiated 39 00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:53,955 Speaker 1: lies told for profit and power, and blind loyalty to 40 00:02:53,995 --> 00:02:57,875 Speaker 1: a single leader. He brought up Charlottesville and a dagger 41 00:02:57,955 --> 00:03:01,635 Speaker 1: at the throat of our democracy and rioting in the streets, 42 00:03:02,595 --> 00:03:07,835 Speaker 1: and he named names, Rank God, he named names. The 43 00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:13,075 Speaker 1: Republican Party today is dominated, driven and intimidated by Donald 44 00:03:13,115 --> 00:03:17,155 Speaker 1: Trump and the Magari Republicans, and that is a threat 45 00:03:17,195 --> 00:03:21,115 Speaker 1: to this country. Magaari Republicans do not respect the Constitution, 46 00:03:21,955 --> 00:03:23,755 Speaker 1: They do not believe in the rule of law. They 47 00:03:23,755 --> 00:03:27,835 Speaker 1: did not recognize the will of the people. They refused 48 00:03:27,835 --> 00:03:31,115 Speaker 1: to accept the results of a free election. And they're 49 00:03:31,155 --> 00:03:35,075 Speaker 1: working right now as I speak, in state after state 50 00:03:36,075 --> 00:03:40,715 Speaker 1: to give power to decide elections in America to partisans 51 00:03:40,715 --> 00:03:46,955 Speaker 1: and cronies. Empowering election deniers to undermine democracy itself is 52 00:03:46,995 --> 00:03:50,115 Speaker 1: within our power. It's in our hands, yours in mind 53 00:03:51,235 --> 00:03:55,315 Speaker 1: to stop the assault on American democracy. This was that 54 00:03:55,515 --> 00:03:59,115 Speaker 1: rare presidential speech in which the sum of the parts 55 00:03:59,595 --> 00:04:03,675 Speaker 1: may be less than the whole. The phrases are everything, 56 00:04:04,155 --> 00:04:06,795 Speaker 1: The words are everything. He said what had to be 57 00:04:06,835 --> 00:04:09,235 Speaker 1: said and not be said by you or by me. 58 00:04:10,195 --> 00:04:13,155 Speaker 1: As I mentioned Monday, every phrase he used last week 59 00:04:13,195 --> 00:04:15,675 Speaker 1: in the semi fascism speech last night, and the we 60 00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:19,955 Speaker 1: the People's speech will be repeated and normalized and reported 61 00:04:20,235 --> 00:04:22,995 Speaker 1: and become the measuring sticks by which the peril of 62 00:04:23,035 --> 00:04:28,195 Speaker 1: the present hour is qualified and quantified, and it underscores 63 00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:31,315 Speaker 1: the peril of the present hour that a startling swath 64 00:04:31,435 --> 00:04:35,115 Speaker 1: of the political media in this country could not comprehend 65 00:04:35,595 --> 00:04:39,195 Speaker 1: what Joe Biden was saying, nor why he was saying it, 66 00:04:39,315 --> 00:04:43,315 Speaker 1: at Independence Hall in Philadelphia. Political media in this country 67 00:04:43,395 --> 00:04:47,235 Speaker 1: is a closed industry that understands only its own past 68 00:04:47,795 --> 00:04:51,915 Speaker 1: and its own language. It cannot be flexible, It cannot 69 00:04:51,955 --> 00:04:55,635 Speaker 1: respond to new threats. It is unable to function without 70 00:04:55,675 --> 00:04:59,115 Speaker 1: first shoving everything that ever happens into one of the 71 00:04:59,315 --> 00:05:03,235 Speaker 1: dozen or less templates that are the only things that 72 00:05:03,355 --> 00:05:07,515 Speaker 1: can comprehend or process this. People from CBS and NBC 73 00:05:07,595 --> 00:05:10,955 Speaker 1: and ABC and the AP and the major newspapers all 74 00:05:11,035 --> 00:05:14,715 Speaker 1: struggled with the newness of Biden's approach last night, as 75 00:05:14,755 --> 00:05:18,435 Speaker 1: indeed they all struggled with the newness and new evil 76 00:05:18,555 --> 00:05:22,715 Speaker 1: of Trump's approach. But CNN deserves to be singled out. 77 00:05:23,075 --> 00:05:26,035 Speaker 1: We know it has installed a former hatchetman for Joe 78 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:29,475 Speaker 1: Scarborough as its new president. We know its new owner 79 00:05:29,555 --> 00:05:32,995 Speaker 1: thinks Brent Bear of Fox News is not only not 80 00:05:33,155 --> 00:05:37,995 Speaker 1: a biased propagandist, but a role model for journalism. And 81 00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:41,275 Speaker 1: three of its correspondents apparently know all this as well. 82 00:05:41,635 --> 00:05:45,755 Speaker 1: Before the speech, an anchor named Poppy Harlow demanded an 83 00:05:45,795 --> 00:05:50,795 Speaker 1: apology to Republicans. During the speech, anchor Brianna Keller said, 84 00:05:51,315 --> 00:05:54,035 Speaker 1: whatever you think of this speech, the military is supposed 85 00:05:54,075 --> 00:05:58,035 Speaker 1: to be a political. Positioning marines in uniform behind President 86 00:05:58,075 --> 00:06:00,675 Speaker 1: Biden for a political speech flies in the face of that. 87 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:04,715 Speaker 1: And CNN reporter Jeff Zeleny wrote, doing it against the 88 00:06:04,715 --> 00:06:07,635 Speaker 1: backdrop of two marines standing at attention and the marine 89 00:06:07,675 --> 00:06:10,395 Speaker 1: band is a break with White House traditions. And one 90 00:06:10,435 --> 00:06:14,795 Speaker 1: wonders where Keller and Zeleny were when Trump staged the 91 00:06:15,555 --> 00:06:19,155 Speaker 1: Republican convention on the White House lawn, or when Trump 92 00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:22,675 Speaker 1: staged a hundred rallies with police and military beside or 93 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,675 Speaker 1: behind him, and still does so. One wonders if Keller 94 00:06:25,755 --> 00:06:28,875 Speaker 1: and Zeleny know that the two marines standing behind Joe 95 00:06:28,915 --> 00:06:32,395 Speaker 1: Biden at Independence Hall are stationed there, and they were 96 00:06:32,395 --> 00:06:35,675 Speaker 1: there before Biden arrived, and they were there after he left, 97 00:06:36,155 --> 00:06:39,315 Speaker 1: and they will be there again today. And one wonders 98 00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:43,195 Speaker 1: how desperate people like Brianna Keller and Jeff Zeleny and 99 00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:47,235 Speaker 1: the others at the other outlets could be, how desperate 100 00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:51,115 Speaker 1: to stay on TV that they could apply both sides. 101 00:06:51,235 --> 00:06:54,155 Speaker 1: Is him to a speech by a president trying to 102 00:06:54,235 --> 00:06:57,715 Speaker 1: keep them all from winding up having to read only official, 103 00:06:57,915 --> 00:07:04,235 Speaker 1: state approved news that compliments Donald Trump. You can't love 104 00:07:04,395 --> 00:07:09,155 Speaker 1: your country only when you win, Joe Biden said last 105 00:07:09,235 --> 00:07:13,555 Speaker 1: night again he had said it in January two. It 106 00:07:13,715 --> 00:07:18,515 Speaker 1: is so resonant, especially when you hear something else said 107 00:07:19,035 --> 00:07:22,595 Speaker 1: about the January six insurrectionists. I will look very very 108 00:07:22,635 --> 00:07:27,475 Speaker 1: favorably about about full pardons if I decided to run, 109 00:07:27,595 --> 00:07:30,355 Speaker 1: and if I win, I will be looking very very 110 00:07:30,355 --> 00:07:35,795 Speaker 1: strongly about pardons. I think that's probably going to be 111 00:07:35,835 --> 00:07:38,475 Speaker 1: the best because even if they go for for two 112 00:07:38,475 --> 00:07:41,035 Speaker 1: months or six months, and you know, they have sentences 113 00:07:41,035 --> 00:07:44,315 Speaker 1: that a lot longer than will be looking very very 114 00:07:44,355 --> 00:07:48,075 Speaker 1: seriously at full pardons because we can't let that happen. 115 00:07:48,155 --> 00:07:51,635 Speaker 1: What's happened here, and I mean full pardons with an 116 00:07:51,635 --> 00:07:55,795 Speaker 1: apology just too many. That is what Joe Biden was 117 00:07:55,835 --> 00:08:00,315 Speaker 1: addressing last night, the scum that is Donald Trump dangling 118 00:08:00,395 --> 00:08:04,955 Speaker 1: mass pardons in front of traders. In an online interview 119 00:08:05,155 --> 00:08:09,075 Speaker 1: hours before Biden's speech, I'm going to thank Donald Trump 120 00:08:09,115 --> 00:08:11,795 Speaker 1: for something you may want to sit down. Thank you 121 00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:17,115 Speaker 1: Trump for proving Joe Biden's point. So, and by the way, 122 00:08:17,115 --> 00:08:20,435 Speaker 1: Trump appears to be on the odd even plan if 123 00:08:20,475 --> 00:08:24,635 Speaker 1: you heard that carefully. On odd numbers days, he suggests 124 00:08:24,635 --> 00:08:28,555 Speaker 1: he may run for president. On even numbered days, he 125 00:08:28,555 --> 00:08:32,395 Speaker 1: says he already is president or should be proclaimed so immediately. 126 00:08:33,075 --> 00:08:36,475 Speaker 1: And yet another interview, Trump did something strange even for him. 127 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,235 Speaker 1: His new legal team, in its response to the Department 128 00:08:39,275 --> 00:08:42,675 Speaker 1: of Justice in the Special Master's suit in Florida, pointedly 129 00:08:42,995 --> 00:08:47,875 Speaker 1: never stated, suggested, or implied that Trump had ever declassified 130 00:08:47,915 --> 00:08:50,355 Speaker 1: any of the documents Trump stolen took to Mari Lago, 131 00:08:50,955 --> 00:08:55,555 Speaker 1: nor did his lawyers claim to. That was especially telling 132 00:08:55,595 --> 00:08:57,675 Speaker 1: in so much as the d o J had stated 133 00:08:57,715 --> 00:09:01,235 Speaker 1: the same thing in its filings. The lawyers on both 134 00:09:01,235 --> 00:09:06,115 Speaker 1: sides agree Trump had all the documents, and Trump did 135 00:09:06,155 --> 00:09:10,115 Speaker 1: not declassify them, and has not legally claimed that he 136 00:09:10,155 --> 00:09:16,555 Speaker 1: did declassify them. That is called, in layman's terms, a confession. 137 00:09:17,635 --> 00:09:20,755 Speaker 1: So what did Trump immediately do after all these filings? 138 00:09:21,035 --> 00:09:25,715 Speaker 1: He insisted he did declassify the documents. People think that 139 00:09:25,795 --> 00:09:28,835 Speaker 1: when you walk into my office, I have confidential documents 140 00:09:28,915 --> 00:09:31,755 Speaker 1: or whatever it may be, all declassified. But I had 141 00:09:32,115 --> 00:09:35,275 Speaker 1: confidential documents spread out all of them my far flow 142 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:40,995 Speaker 1: and like a slab, not like a slab, a slab 143 00:09:42,035 --> 00:09:47,195 Speaker 1: confidential documents. He said, all declassified Trump's public variants from 144 00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:50,315 Speaker 1: what his lawyers are saying, is a problem inside the 145 00:09:50,315 --> 00:09:54,555 Speaker 1: courtroom of his appointee, Judge Eileen Cannon. But as clueless 146 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,675 Speaker 1: and often childish as her conduct so far has been, 147 00:09:57,915 --> 00:10:01,475 Speaker 1: there is something fascinating about her statement late Thursday that, 148 00:10:01,555 --> 00:10:04,235 Speaker 1: while she is not ruling on the Trump request for 149 00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:07,555 Speaker 1: a special Old Master to evaluate the possibility of executive 150 00:10:07,555 --> 00:10:10,955 Speaker 1: privilege for some of those documents, she will enter a 151 00:10:11,075 --> 00:10:16,555 Speaker 1: written order quote at some point every day the judge 152 00:10:16,635 --> 00:10:20,635 Speaker 1: does nothing, is of course positive inertia for the Justice Department, 153 00:10:20,635 --> 00:10:23,315 Speaker 1: because it can continue to build its case against Trump. 154 00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:26,355 Speaker 1: The judge also said she may order that the Justice 155 00:10:26,395 --> 00:10:30,515 Speaker 1: Department stopped looking at the documents it reclaimed, while allowing 156 00:10:30,555 --> 00:10:34,035 Speaker 1: the intelligence services to continue to do so, to assess 157 00:10:34,115 --> 00:10:37,075 Speaker 1: damage to the national security. In other words, she may 158 00:10:37,155 --> 00:10:40,435 Speaker 1: try to order something impossible, not just ordering that the 159 00:10:40,435 --> 00:10:43,435 Speaker 1: toothpaste go back into the tube, but ordering that only 160 00:10:43,595 --> 00:10:46,715 Speaker 1: some of the toothpaste has to go back into one 161 00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:50,435 Speaker 1: of a series of tubes. It may be her way 162 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:53,915 Speaker 1: to respect the law while placating Trump, it would be 163 00:10:53,915 --> 00:10:58,075 Speaker 1: better than say whatever Clarence Thomas would do. And of 164 00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,955 Speaker 1: course that blight on the history of mankind is back 165 00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:03,475 Speaker 1: in the news now as well. It turns out his 166 00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:07,675 Speaker 1: ex cult member life did not just email lawmakers in 167 00:11:07,715 --> 00:11:11,275 Speaker 1: Arizona to erase the presidential vote there, but according to 168 00:11:11,355 --> 00:11:14,355 Speaker 1: the Washington Post, she tried the same stunt in Wisconsin. 169 00:11:14,475 --> 00:11:19,155 Speaker 1: Quote please reflect on the awesome authority granted to you 170 00:11:19,275 --> 00:11:22,955 Speaker 1: by our constitution, she wrote to a Wisconsin state rep 171 00:11:22,995 --> 00:11:26,875 Speaker 1: and to the Wisconsin State Senate Elections Committee chair. Jenny 172 00:11:26,915 --> 00:11:29,995 Speaker 1: Thomas is a menace. She is one of the people 173 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:33,795 Speaker 1: Biden talked about last night. If Clarence Thomas were to 174 00:11:33,875 --> 00:11:38,195 Speaker 1: publicly recuse himself from all political cases, he might find 175 00:11:38,235 --> 00:11:41,075 Speaker 1: a way forward to remain on the Supreme Court. But 176 00:11:41,155 --> 00:11:46,075 Speaker 1: he has not, and therefore he must not. Lastly, back 177 00:11:46,075 --> 00:11:48,315 Speaker 1: to the Biden speech, and something you may or may 178 00:11:48,315 --> 00:11:51,235 Speaker 1: not have noticed until Biden himself brought it up. The 179 00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:55,395 Speaker 1: fascists make much of his sometimes halting speeches, his coughs, 180 00:11:55,835 --> 00:11:58,835 Speaker 1: his pauses. That he had to make a long and 181 00:11:58,915 --> 00:12:03,035 Speaker 1: painful recovery from stuttering is never mentioned by them. They 182 00:12:03,075 --> 00:12:07,235 Speaker 1: simply questioned his capacity last night. For nearly the length 183 00:12:07,275 --> 00:12:11,915 Speaker 1: of that speech, a heckler repeatedly bellowed, F Joe Biden. 184 00:12:12,795 --> 00:12:15,915 Speaker 1: I didn't hear it. I didn't notice it until Biden 185 00:12:15,995 --> 00:12:18,915 Speaker 1: himself said the creature was entitled to be outrageous, even 186 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:24,115 Speaker 1: if quote good Manners is nothing they've ever suffered from. 187 00:12:24,235 --> 00:12:27,955 Speaker 1: One wonders if a similar critic of Donald Trump having 188 00:12:27,995 --> 00:12:30,475 Speaker 1: gotten that close to l Douche in the middle of 189 00:12:30,475 --> 00:12:33,595 Speaker 1: one of his presidential speeches of self pity and shouting 190 00:12:34,035 --> 00:12:39,155 Speaker 1: an identical message about f Trump would be hospitalized this morning. 191 00:12:40,075 --> 00:12:44,555 Speaker 1: We're worse and that is what Joe Biden was warning 192 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:57,595 Speaker 1: this country about last night. Still ahead on countdown, It's 193 00:12:57,635 --> 00:13:01,875 Speaker 1: Friday's with Thurber at this time. How to relax while 194 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:06,475 Speaker 1: broadcasting sports? The New York Yankees are breaking in a 195 00:13:06,555 --> 00:13:12,035 Speaker 1: rookie tonight. He is seventy years old and in worse persons. 196 00:13:12,035 --> 00:13:15,835 Speaker 1: Oh oh, you think you want an edit button on Twitter? 197 00:13:16,475 --> 00:13:19,195 Speaker 1: What could a crypto scammer do with an edit button 198 00:13:19,235 --> 00:13:21,435 Speaker 1: on Twitter? What could a guy trying to change the 199 00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:24,115 Speaker 1: betting odds of a sporting event do with an edit 200 00:13:24,155 --> 00:13:27,635 Speaker 1: button on Twitter? Or worst of all, what could a 201 00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:31,515 Speaker 1: politician do with an edit button on Twitter. That's next. 202 00:13:31,555 --> 00:13:49,475 Speaker 1: This is Countdown. This is Countdown with Keith Alberman coming up. 203 00:13:49,555 --> 00:13:52,675 Speaker 1: Apparently Sarah Palin just found out that the Alaska house 204 00:13:52,795 --> 00:13:56,715 Speaker 1: race that she lost was by ranked choice voting. Surprise, 205 00:13:57,475 --> 00:13:59,795 Speaker 1: And he is in his forty year in the Pros. 206 00:13:59,875 --> 00:14:02,355 Speaker 1: He's seventy years old, and tonight he breaks in as 207 00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:06,235 Speaker 1: a rookie with the New York Yankees. All that ahead first. 208 00:14:06,235 --> 00:14:08,195 Speaker 1: In each edition of Countdown, we feature a dog in 209 00:14:08,275 --> 00:14:10,475 Speaker 1: need whom you can help. Every dog has its day, 210 00:14:11,035 --> 00:14:15,395 Speaker 1: Proverbs twelve ten. Rescue does wonderful work with dogs at 211 00:14:15,475 --> 00:14:19,075 Speaker 1: risk in Nashville. They're usually upbeat with weekly adoption events 212 00:14:19,155 --> 00:14:21,435 Speaker 1: wonderful photos of cats and dogs, but now they are 213 00:14:21,475 --> 00:14:25,275 Speaker 1: pleading for help. They are over capacity. They need adopters 214 00:14:25,275 --> 00:14:27,675 Speaker 1: and fosters. But they also want to hammer home at 215 00:14:27,715 --> 00:14:31,235 Speaker 1: the real problem. People are not spaying and neutering their 216 00:14:31,275 --> 00:14:35,195 Speaker 1: dogs and cats, and it is essential and solves so much. 217 00:14:35,715 --> 00:14:37,515 Speaker 1: In the interim, they are trying to find a home 218 00:14:37,715 --> 00:14:40,835 Speaker 1: around there. In Tennessee for a beagle named Ginger. She 219 00:14:40,915 --> 00:14:42,795 Speaker 1: needs to be the lone dog in your home, but 220 00:14:42,875 --> 00:14:45,355 Speaker 1: she loves people. Her only demands are a nice bed, 221 00:14:45,755 --> 00:14:49,955 Speaker 1: some squirrels to watch placed sunbathe and you find her 222 00:14:49,995 --> 00:14:52,875 Speaker 1: at Proverbs twelve ten. Rescue dot org, or look for 223 00:14:52,995 --> 00:14:56,435 Speaker 1: my tweet about Ginger at Tom Jumbo Grumbo on Twitter 224 00:14:56,915 --> 00:15:05,675 Speaker 1: and thank you very much. Coming up on countdown. You 225 00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:08,755 Speaker 1: want a Twitter edit button, You want edits. You can't 226 00:15:08,755 --> 00:15:12,795 Speaker 1: handle the Twitter edit button. Truth, worst persons Coming up first. 227 00:15:12,795 --> 00:15:16,355 Speaker 1: Postscripts to the news, some headlines, some thoughts, some snark. 228 00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:29,115 Speaker 1: Dateline Central Clinical Hospital Moscow revealed Maganoff, the head of 229 00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:32,555 Speaker 1: Russia's Luke Oil, the big oil and gas firm there, 230 00:15:33,035 --> 00:15:36,995 Speaker 1: who criticized the invasion of Ukraine, has died. He had 231 00:15:36,995 --> 00:15:39,875 Speaker 1: a long illness and he was hospitalized and then he 232 00:15:39,955 --> 00:15:43,115 Speaker 1: encountered the leading cause of death in Russia. An open 233 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:47,875 Speaker 1: sixth floor window. Dateline, Austin. The reelection campaign for Texas 234 00:15:47,875 --> 00:15:51,315 Speaker 1: Fascist governor Greg Abbott has attacked his Democratic rival Beto 235 00:15:51,475 --> 00:15:54,675 Speaker 1: O'Rourke for wanting the state to reconnect to the national 236 00:15:54,715 --> 00:15:58,275 Speaker 1: power grid. Their pitch began. While the Texas grid has 237 00:15:58,355 --> 00:16:02,715 Speaker 1: successfully dealt with record heat, which ignores one minor detail, 238 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:06,315 Speaker 1: it did not successfully deal with cold. Just two winners ago. 239 00:16:06,355 --> 00:16:11,795 Speaker 1: In February, the Texas grid failed during three separate storms, 240 00:16:11,995 --> 00:16:15,155 Speaker 1: four and a half million Texas homes and businesses lost power. 241 00:16:15,355 --> 00:16:18,995 Speaker 1: At least two hundred forty six Texans died, though estimates 242 00:16:18,995 --> 00:16:21,555 Speaker 1: put the total of dead as high as seven hundred 243 00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:25,795 Speaker 1: and Dateline Phoenix, Arizona Attorney General Mark Bernovitch and fascist 244 00:16:25,835 --> 00:16:29,755 Speaker 1: colleagues in Missouri and Texas have met privately to strategize 245 00:16:29,835 --> 00:16:35,035 Speaker 1: multiple lawsuits to stop President Biden's student loan forgiveness program. 246 00:16:35,115 --> 00:16:39,515 Speaker 1: Quoting him anytime any president thinks they can unilaterally dismiss 247 00:16:39,595 --> 00:16:43,395 Speaker 1: debts or transfer wealth from one group to another group, 248 00:16:43,475 --> 00:16:46,635 Speaker 1: it's a huge power grab. Of course, it isn't a 249 00:16:46,635 --> 00:16:49,475 Speaker 1: power grab at all. It's the same as bankruptcies or 250 00:16:49,515 --> 00:16:54,355 Speaker 1: bailouts for large corporations, except canceling payments on interest does 251 00:16:54,395 --> 00:16:59,115 Speaker 1: not transfer wealth to or from anybody. The Republicans are 252 00:16:59,115 --> 00:17:02,915 Speaker 1: already running to decrease voting, closed some travel borders between 253 00:17:02,915 --> 00:17:06,915 Speaker 1: the states, and institutes slavery for pregnant women, So I 254 00:17:06,955 --> 00:17:10,475 Speaker 1: guess also running against freeing Americans to spend their money 255 00:17:10,515 --> 00:17:14,595 Speaker 1: within the consumer economy instead of on you. Serious debts 256 00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:31,995 Speaker 1: from decades ago fits right into the platform. This is 257 00:17:32,475 --> 00:17:39,675 Speaker 1: sports center. Wait, check that not anymore. This is countdown 258 00:17:40,315 --> 00:17:44,955 Speaker 1: with Keith in sports. What was with the Tom Brady 259 00:17:45,115 --> 00:17:49,315 Speaker 1: retirement on retirement than disconnection from the grid for eleven 260 00:17:49,395 --> 00:17:52,075 Speaker 1: days during the training camp of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 261 00:17:52,195 --> 00:17:55,795 Speaker 1: business The New York Post Gossip column reports, so take 262 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,675 Speaker 1: this with a grain of salt, that Tom Brady's wife, 263 00:17:58,755 --> 00:18:02,395 Speaker 1: Giselle Bunchen, has left their home in Florida to take 264 00:18:02,435 --> 00:18:06,275 Speaker 1: a breather in Costa Rica. The host source says Tom 265 00:18:06,275 --> 00:18:09,635 Speaker 1: and Giselle are in a fight right now, they claim. 266 00:18:09,675 --> 00:18:12,395 Speaker 1: Another source says there's been trouble in the marriage over 267 00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:15,835 Speaker 1: his decision to unretire. Giselle has always been the one 268 00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:19,835 Speaker 1: with the kids. Come on, Tom, come on, Giselle, grow up. 269 00:18:20,595 --> 00:18:24,115 Speaker 1: This stuff is for children. You're both in your seventies 270 00:18:24,155 --> 00:18:27,475 Speaker 1: now and forty three years ago. When I broke into 271 00:18:27,515 --> 00:18:30,155 Speaker 1: full time broadcasting and network radio at u p I 272 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,755 Speaker 1: and r k O, one of my jobs was to 273 00:18:32,875 --> 00:18:37,675 Speaker 1: find and assign stringers in almost every North American city 274 00:18:37,675 --> 00:18:39,795 Speaker 1: that might host a major sporting event. I used to 275 00:18:39,795 --> 00:18:41,875 Speaker 1: get paid to go in one day a week to 276 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,435 Speaker 1: this radio network and never go on the air that day, 277 00:18:44,635 --> 00:18:47,595 Speaker 1: just to sit there and call radio guys everywhere from 278 00:18:47,595 --> 00:18:50,955 Speaker 1: Atlanta to Alaska to get them to go cover games 279 00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:53,875 Speaker 1: for US, often for as little as fifteen dollars, to 280 00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:57,075 Speaker 1: get clips of interviews with the players after the games, 281 00:18:57,195 --> 00:19:00,795 Speaker 1: or to get their phoned in reports of game results. St. 282 00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:04,395 Speaker 1: Louis always impossible to find a good stringer, also Milwaukee 283 00:19:04,515 --> 00:19:06,715 Speaker 1: for some reason, but we had lots of them in 284 00:19:06,715 --> 00:19:08,795 Speaker 1: New York, some good, some bad, one of whom was 285 00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:12,155 Speaker 1: named Howie Spira. Shortly thereafter he went to jail when 286 00:19:12,155 --> 00:19:15,115 Speaker 1: he tried to enable Yankee owner George Steinbrenner to try 287 00:19:15,115 --> 00:19:18,435 Speaker 1: to blackmail Yankee superstar Dave Winfield. I always like to 288 00:19:18,475 --> 00:19:21,675 Speaker 1: say that I once gave cash to Howard Spira. But 289 00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:25,235 Speaker 1: one place we never had to worry was Indianapolis, Indiana. 290 00:19:25,355 --> 00:19:28,515 Speaker 1: There was a guy they're always reliable for Indiana Pacers 291 00:19:28,555 --> 00:19:31,715 Speaker 1: games or University of Indiana games or n C Double 292 00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:36,355 Speaker 1: A playoffs. His name was Howard Kellman. Professional and proactive. 293 00:19:36,435 --> 00:19:38,675 Speaker 1: He would often call in during the games and asked 294 00:19:38,715 --> 00:19:41,675 Speaker 1: me about the postgame interviews he had yet to do. Anybody, 295 00:19:41,755 --> 00:19:46,115 Speaker 1: particularly you want. Howard grew up in Sheepshead Bay in Brooklyn, 296 00:19:46,195 --> 00:19:48,595 Speaker 1: dreaming of becoming the voice of the New York Yankees. 297 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:52,315 Speaker 1: He is seventy. Now, he's done some big league play 298 00:19:52,355 --> 00:19:55,155 Speaker 1: by play, he's been interviewed for a bunch of jobs, 299 00:19:55,355 --> 00:19:58,075 Speaker 1: and he's done forty six years of the minor league 300 00:19:58,115 --> 00:20:01,755 Speaker 1: team in Indianapolis. But he's never gotten a full time 301 00:20:01,795 --> 00:20:05,275 Speaker 1: major league gig, nor done a New York Ark Yankees 302 00:20:05,355 --> 00:20:09,955 Speaker 1: game on the radio until tonight, with their regular eight 303 00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:12,595 Speaker 1: four year old play by play man John Sterling getting 304 00:20:12,595 --> 00:20:15,795 Speaker 1: extra time off. The Yankees radio play by play man 305 00:20:15,835 --> 00:20:21,235 Speaker 1: tonight will be rookie Howard Kellman. It is almost certainly 306 00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:23,075 Speaker 1: a one shot deal. But as I once said to 307 00:20:23,115 --> 00:20:25,435 Speaker 1: Kevin Seitzer after he grounded out in his first and 308 00:20:25,555 --> 00:20:28,355 Speaker 1: only World Series at bat, in his last at bat 309 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:33,275 Speaker 1: before he has already announced retirement, Hey stop complaining. You're 310 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:52,035 Speaker 1: in the book, Howard, You're also in the book. Still 311 00:20:52,075 --> 00:20:55,875 Speaker 1: Ahead Fridays with Thurber his classic real to life experience 312 00:20:55,915 --> 00:20:59,475 Speaker 1: of the days when people dressed up in tuxedos to 313 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:05,555 Speaker 1: go on radio. How to Relax while broadcasting. First the 314 00:21:05,635 --> 00:21:08,755 Speaker 1: daily roundup of the misgrants, morons and Dunning Kruger effects 315 00:21:08,755 --> 00:21:13,795 Speaker 1: specimens who constitute today's worst persons in the world. The 316 00:21:13,915 --> 00:21:18,635 Speaker 1: Bronze Good Old Sarah Palin Wineing about losing in Alaska 317 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:22,675 Speaker 1: because of this thing she evidently didn't know anything about, 318 00:21:23,275 --> 00:21:26,315 Speaker 1: which may or may not be a good idea, but 319 00:21:26,435 --> 00:21:30,235 Speaker 1: either way, it's been the law in Alaska since ranked 320 00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:34,195 Speaker 1: choice voting. But of course, Sarah Palin has never accepted 321 00:21:34,235 --> 00:21:38,035 Speaker 1: responsibility for anything in her life, and she is not 322 00:21:38,195 --> 00:21:42,715 Speaker 1: going to start right now. Down the second and third 323 00:21:42,715 --> 00:21:51,795 Speaker 1: place votes, decided's gonna win and Nancy Pelosi, Yeah, it's 324 00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:55,235 Speaker 1: Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi's fault that Alaska adopted ranked 325 00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:58,155 Speaker 1: choice voting. The problem, of course, with what she said 326 00:21:58,235 --> 00:22:01,435 Speaker 1: inside that drivel was that not only Mary Peltola get 327 00:22:01,475 --> 00:22:04,915 Speaker 1: the most second and third place votes Sarah, but she 328 00:22:04,995 --> 00:22:08,955 Speaker 1: also got the most first place votes Sarah Palin. Throughout 329 00:22:09,035 --> 00:22:12,195 Speaker 1: the years, throughout history, it will always be said of 330 00:22:12,235 --> 00:22:17,355 Speaker 1: her that woman is an idiot. The silver goes to 331 00:22:17,475 --> 00:22:20,955 Speaker 1: the House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who tried to pre 332 00:22:20,995 --> 00:22:26,435 Speaker 1: empt President Biden's pro democracy speech last night. He announced, quote, 333 00:22:26,475 --> 00:22:32,555 Speaker 1: the electric chord of let me try this again. McCarthy announced, 334 00:22:32,795 --> 00:22:37,155 Speaker 1: the electric chord of liberty still sparks in our hearts. 335 00:22:38,035 --> 00:22:41,875 Speaker 1: This is a man who knows his wiring. The electric 336 00:22:42,035 --> 00:22:45,475 Speaker 1: chord of liberty still sparks in our I think Benjamin 337 00:22:45,515 --> 00:22:49,835 Speaker 1: Franklin said, the electric chord of liberty still sparks in 338 00:22:49,875 --> 00:22:51,995 Speaker 1: our Did you see that? It was in the Ken 339 00:22:51,995 --> 00:22:56,035 Speaker 1: Burns documentary about the Civil War, The electric chord of 340 00:22:56,115 --> 00:22:58,835 Speaker 1: liberty still sparks in our hearts. So everybody thought, oh, 341 00:22:58,835 --> 00:23:01,395 Speaker 1: my god, is this guy a moron? But he then added, 342 00:23:01,475 --> 00:23:04,835 Speaker 1: quote Joe Biden and a politicized department of Jeff just 343 00:23:04,995 --> 00:23:07,795 Speaker 1: launched a raid on the home of his top political rival, 344 00:23:08,115 --> 00:23:12,035 Speaker 1: Donald Trump. That is an assault on democracy. End quote. 345 00:23:12,995 --> 00:23:16,355 Speaker 1: Kevin McCarthy is a whore. He is a whore who 346 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,995 Speaker 1: would sell his children to keep Trump off his back. 347 00:23:19,355 --> 00:23:21,955 Speaker 1: And he is a whore who would sell this democracy 348 00:23:22,035 --> 00:23:24,675 Speaker 1: to become Speaker of the House. More than that, Kevin 349 00:23:24,715 --> 00:23:30,195 Speaker 1: McCarthy is a five dollar whore. But our winner, Twitter, 350 00:23:30,915 --> 00:23:33,435 Speaker 1: You know the story by now. The demands and please 351 00:23:33,475 --> 00:23:36,595 Speaker 1: and prayers began sixteen years, five months and twelve days 352 00:23:36,595 --> 00:23:40,795 Speaker 1: ago the day they started Twitter, and now your prayers 353 00:23:40,835 --> 00:23:44,675 Speaker 1: have been answered. Twitter has confirmed it will institute an 354 00:23:44,835 --> 00:23:48,755 Speaker 1: edit button. It's in the experimental stage. After it's beta tested, 355 00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:52,115 Speaker 1: they will charge you to use it, but it will 356 00:23:52,155 --> 00:23:55,435 Speaker 1: finally happen and a mighty roar went up from the crowd, 357 00:23:56,035 --> 00:24:01,355 Speaker 1: and you will a tone everybody now saying I'm so 358 00:24:01,475 --> 00:24:04,395 Speaker 1: glad I've always wanted an edit button from my tweets. 359 00:24:04,675 --> 00:24:09,195 Speaker 1: Will know within weeks, maybe days, maybe hours, you have 360 00:24:09,315 --> 00:24:13,515 Speaker 1: been praying for Pandora's box to open, and you have 361 00:24:13,755 --> 00:24:17,755 Speaker 1: gotten Pandora's box to open. Enjoy the sickness, death, and 362 00:24:17,795 --> 00:24:20,875 Speaker 1: emotional curses from which you had been protected till now 363 00:24:20,955 --> 00:24:26,915 Speaker 1: until you opened Twitter's edit button box. Oh, I know 364 00:24:27,515 --> 00:24:31,915 Speaker 1: you type were and as you hit send, spell check 365 00:24:32,115 --> 00:24:34,835 Speaker 1: changes it to were. And you have just sent your 366 00:24:34,835 --> 00:24:39,195 Speaker 1: many followers something that reads we We're wearing war where 367 00:24:39,795 --> 00:24:43,635 Speaker 1: and you feel great shame. And now, for half an 368 00:24:43,635 --> 00:24:46,875 Speaker 1: hour after you make that mistake, and at popular prices, 369 00:24:47,235 --> 00:24:49,795 Speaker 1: you will be able to fix it. You'll be able 370 00:24:49,835 --> 00:24:53,715 Speaker 1: to hit the Twitter edit button, copying it, deleting it, 371 00:24:53,795 --> 00:24:56,915 Speaker 1: correcting it, sending it again. Well, that's way too much 372 00:24:56,995 --> 00:25:00,715 Speaker 1: work for you, isn't it. Using the almost flawless proof 373 00:25:00,755 --> 00:25:04,595 Speaker 1: reading method for anything, read it out loud first, that's 374 00:25:04,835 --> 00:25:07,355 Speaker 1: way too much work for you too, huh. So instead 375 00:25:07,395 --> 00:25:11,795 Speaker 1: you have answered the sirens call you want a Twitter 376 00:25:12,115 --> 00:25:15,915 Speaker 1: edit button, an edit button which will now also go 377 00:25:16,075 --> 00:25:21,835 Speaker 1: to every politician and political commentator who wants to change 378 00:25:21,835 --> 00:25:26,075 Speaker 1: what they promised twenty two minutes ago. An edit button, 379 00:25:26,075 --> 00:25:29,995 Speaker 1: which will now also go to every sports pundit making 380 00:25:29,995 --> 00:25:34,435 Speaker 1: a prediction that goes immediately bad. An edit button which 381 00:25:34,475 --> 00:25:38,715 Speaker 1: will now also go to everybody everywhere in every language 382 00:25:38,755 --> 00:25:42,995 Speaker 1: who tweets something so stupid that within twenty nine minutes 383 00:25:43,035 --> 00:25:46,515 Speaker 1: they have gone viral with a ratio of thirty thousand 384 00:25:46,515 --> 00:25:52,195 Speaker 1: seven replies, one thousand retweets, and eleven likes, and within 385 00:25:52,315 --> 00:25:56,035 Speaker 1: thirty minutes they can completely erase whatever it was they 386 00:25:56,115 --> 00:26:00,995 Speaker 1: wrote and apologize for it. An edit button which will 387 00:26:01,035 --> 00:26:04,435 Speaker 1: now also go to every evil bastard who uses Twitter 388 00:26:04,475 --> 00:26:08,875 Speaker 1: to harris women or bully teenagers or threatened violence, and 389 00:26:08,915 --> 00:26:12,475 Speaker 1: they can now do all that and then erase the evidence. 390 00:26:13,355 --> 00:26:17,275 Speaker 1: Maybe maybe you could proof reread your tweets instead, or 391 00:26:17,315 --> 00:26:21,595 Speaker 1: just live with your typos rather than hand the sleazbag 392 00:26:21,755 --> 00:26:28,395 Speaker 1: community of Twitter impunity and immunity. Twitter for the Twitter 393 00:26:28,675 --> 00:26:31,515 Speaker 1: Edit button. Kill It, Kill It in the Nest Light, 394 00:26:31,555 --> 00:26:39,995 Speaker 1: the Nest on Fire, Twitter, Two Day's Worst Parsons and 395 00:26:40,155 --> 00:26:59,275 Speaker 1: the World to the number one story on the Countdown 396 00:26:59,275 --> 00:27:01,915 Speaker 1: and It's Friday and the weekend edition, so that means 397 00:27:01,955 --> 00:27:05,595 Speaker 1: a little more James Thurber for you. James Thurber had 398 00:27:05,635 --> 00:27:08,475 Speaker 1: many full time jobs. He was a street reporter for 399 00:27:08,515 --> 00:27:12,435 Speaker 1: the Columbus Dispatch and later the New York Post, and 400 00:27:12,555 --> 00:27:14,915 Speaker 1: he was an editor of The New Yorker long before 401 00:27:14,915 --> 00:27:18,195 Speaker 1: he was a writer or cartoonist there, and people kept 402 00:27:18,195 --> 00:27:22,355 Speaker 1: trying to make him into a radio star, leading to 403 00:27:22,435 --> 00:27:26,515 Speaker 1: a short story which is understandably one of my favorites. 404 00:27:27,235 --> 00:27:30,275 Speaker 1: A lot of it speaks of broadcasting in another world 405 00:27:30,355 --> 00:27:33,275 Speaker 1: and of course another century. But it is amazing how 406 00:27:33,355 --> 00:27:37,035 Speaker 1: much of what you will hear now is still true today. 407 00:27:37,195 --> 00:27:40,475 Speaker 1: From the May five four edition of The New Yorker, 408 00:27:41,235 --> 00:27:48,595 Speaker 1: How to Relax while Broadcasting by James Thurber. The evening 409 00:27:49,275 --> 00:27:52,515 Speaker 1: I went up to the studios for my first radio broadcast. 410 00:27:52,555 --> 00:27:55,195 Speaker 1: I got off by mistake, at the sixteenth floor instead 411 00:27:55,195 --> 00:27:58,595 Speaker 1: of the sevent I decided not to wait for the elevator, 412 00:27:58,635 --> 00:28:01,235 Speaker 1: but just run up the stairs to the seventeenth floor, 413 00:28:01,355 --> 00:28:06,475 Speaker 1: because elevators in broadcasting buildings are always crowded with small 414 00:28:06,595 --> 00:28:11,075 Speaker 1: Italian musicians carrying cellos. And furthermore, when the up sign 415 00:28:11,115 --> 00:28:13,635 Speaker 1: above the elevators in these buildings lights, the operator of 416 00:28:13,635 --> 00:28:17,475 Speaker 1: the car that stops where you usually says don't, and 417 00:28:17,515 --> 00:28:19,915 Speaker 1: before you can think, you find yourself on the first 418 00:28:19,955 --> 00:28:22,875 Speaker 1: floor again, without any way of getting back up, because 419 00:28:22,915 --> 00:28:26,075 Speaker 1: you surrendered your pass to the man at the desk 420 00:28:26,155 --> 00:28:29,035 Speaker 1: in the lobby the first time you went up. I 421 00:28:29,155 --> 00:28:32,235 Speaker 1: walked to a door on the sixteenth floor, marked stairs, 422 00:28:32,355 --> 00:28:35,475 Speaker 1: and stepped out into a cold, dark staircase shaft and 423 00:28:35,515 --> 00:28:38,595 Speaker 1: walked up one flight. I found that the door on 424 00:28:38,675 --> 00:28:42,755 Speaker 1: that floor wouldn't open. It was after seven o'clock in 425 00:28:42,795 --> 00:28:46,435 Speaker 1: the evening and the door had been officially locked. I 426 00:28:46,515 --> 00:28:49,235 Speaker 1: hurried back down to the sixteenth floor and discovered that 427 00:28:49,315 --> 00:28:52,755 Speaker 1: the door there had locked behind me too. I began 428 00:28:52,795 --> 00:28:56,155 Speaker 1: to beat on it and kick it from far off. 429 00:28:56,195 --> 00:29:00,995 Speaker 1: A faint voice came to me, finally saying, cut that out. 430 00:29:02,995 --> 00:29:05,675 Speaker 1: The only thing to do was walk down fifteen flights 431 00:29:05,875 --> 00:29:09,035 Speaker 1: to the main floor, which I did, but the door 432 00:29:09,195 --> 00:29:12,555 Speaker 1: out into the lobby was also locked, and nobody answered 433 00:29:12,595 --> 00:29:18,675 Speaker 1: my screams and poundings. Screaming and pounding is not radio, 434 00:29:19,115 --> 00:29:22,995 Speaker 1: as the broadcasting people say. I went down into the basement, 435 00:29:22,995 --> 00:29:26,115 Speaker 1: which was dark and gloomy, and hunted for the elevator shaft. 436 00:29:26,435 --> 00:29:28,515 Speaker 1: I found it, but there was no bell to push, 437 00:29:28,955 --> 00:29:31,355 Speaker 1: so I sat on an old chair until the car 438 00:29:31,435 --> 00:29:34,835 Speaker 1: came down. The operator was surprised to see me and 439 00:29:34,875 --> 00:29:38,595 Speaker 1: asked me for my pass. I told him I didn't 440 00:29:38,635 --> 00:29:41,435 Speaker 1: have a pass. He thought a while and then asked 441 00:29:41,435 --> 00:29:43,875 Speaker 1: if Mr Hayman knew I was down there. I said 442 00:29:44,395 --> 00:29:47,875 Speaker 1: I didn't think so. He was pretty much alarmed by that, 443 00:29:47,955 --> 00:29:49,755 Speaker 1: but he took me up to the seventeenth floor after 444 00:29:49,835 --> 00:29:52,915 Speaker 1: warning me never to come down to the basement again 445 00:29:53,155 --> 00:29:58,275 Speaker 1: without a pass. There was nobody on the seventeenth floor 446 00:29:58,315 --> 00:30:01,835 Speaker 1: who understood my case, although the people I talked to 447 00:30:01,875 --> 00:30:05,155 Speaker 1: were patient and courteous. They said the seventeen floor was 448 00:30:05,315 --> 00:30:07,635 Speaker 1: entirely given over to the business department and had no 449 00:30:07,995 --> 00:30:11,595 Speaker 1: studios or microphones. What I probably wanted was the twenty 450 00:30:11,795 --> 00:30:15,315 Speaker 1: seventh floor. Up there, I found some people I had 451 00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:17,635 Speaker 1: met before, but they were pretty busy and seemed to 452 00:30:17,675 --> 00:30:21,115 Speaker 1: think it was the wrong night. I sat down in 453 00:30:21,155 --> 00:30:23,155 Speaker 1: a chair, and presently a man came up to me 454 00:30:23,195 --> 00:30:27,875 Speaker 1: and asked me if I was Mr. Totherer. I said 455 00:30:28,635 --> 00:30:33,475 Speaker 1: I wasn't sure, and he said to follow him. I 456 00:30:33,555 --> 00:30:35,675 Speaker 1: was shown into an office where there were some officials 457 00:30:35,715 --> 00:30:37,155 Speaker 1: I knew and some friends of mine. One of the 458 00:30:37,195 --> 00:30:40,155 Speaker 1: officials was denying the story somebody had been telling about 459 00:30:40,195 --> 00:30:43,675 Speaker 1: a man who fell dead in front of the microphone. 460 00:30:44,635 --> 00:30:50,075 Speaker 1: It seems he had merely had a stroke. In a 461 00:30:50,115 --> 00:30:53,275 Speaker 1: little while, I was led in a solemn march to 462 00:30:53,355 --> 00:30:58,035 Speaker 1: a small and lonely studio, heavily draped and silent. I 463 00:30:58,115 --> 00:31:00,955 Speaker 1: took out a cigarette, but saw a sign saying no smoking, 464 00:31:01,515 --> 00:31:04,555 Speaker 1: so I put the cigarette away again. Some men in 465 00:31:04,795 --> 00:31:07,195 Speaker 1: glassed in control room began to look at me. I 466 00:31:07,195 --> 00:31:10,315 Speaker 1: could see their lips move, but I couldn't hear anything. 467 00:31:11,075 --> 00:31:13,555 Speaker 1: A man tiptoed into the room where I was and 468 00:31:13,595 --> 00:31:17,635 Speaker 1: shook hands with me, and tiptoed out again. He never 469 00:31:18,195 --> 00:31:22,315 Speaker 1: came back. I walked over to a regular microphone, such 470 00:31:22,355 --> 00:31:24,955 Speaker 1: as I had talked over once or twice before and 471 00:31:24,995 --> 00:31:27,115 Speaker 1: had got used to. But somebody led me away from 472 00:31:27,155 --> 00:31:30,475 Speaker 1: that said I was to talk over a table microphone 473 00:31:30,515 --> 00:31:34,315 Speaker 1: because it would help me to relax. This turned out 474 00:31:34,355 --> 00:31:37,355 Speaker 1: to be a table about the size of a card table, 475 00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:40,715 Speaker 1: with a microphone set innocently in its center, face up, 476 00:31:40,755 --> 00:31:45,875 Speaker 1: more or less like an ashtray. It studied simplicity caused 477 00:31:45,955 --> 00:31:48,275 Speaker 1: me to tighten up slightly, and I mentioned this to 478 00:31:48,355 --> 00:31:54,635 Speaker 1: a man. Be at your ease, he said. I stood 479 00:31:54,635 --> 00:31:58,555 Speaker 1: over the table, grasped its edges firmly, and leaned down 480 00:31:58,675 --> 00:32:02,195 Speaker 1: toward the microphone. Someone grasped me. No, no, he said, 481 00:32:02,355 --> 00:32:04,235 Speaker 1: you just sit down at the table, as if you 482 00:32:04,275 --> 00:32:06,235 Speaker 1: were sitting in a chair at any table and talk. 483 00:32:07,515 --> 00:32:11,395 Speaker 1: I sat down, trying to remember how I sit in 484 00:32:11,435 --> 00:32:14,235 Speaker 1: a chair at a table, especially a card table at 485 00:32:14,235 --> 00:32:18,755 Speaker 1: which nobody else is sitting. Relax, said someone with a 486 00:32:18,795 --> 00:32:21,675 Speaker 1: note of command. I slumped back in the chair and 487 00:32:22,395 --> 00:32:24,755 Speaker 1: placed on the table the papers I was going to 488 00:32:24,835 --> 00:32:29,155 Speaker 1: use and began fussing with them. Somebody hissed, don't rustle them. 489 00:32:29,195 --> 00:32:32,395 Speaker 1: This is a very highly sensitized mike which picks up 490 00:32:32,435 --> 00:32:38,115 Speaker 1: every slightest sound. It would sound like a waterfall if 491 00:32:38,155 --> 00:32:41,595 Speaker 1: you rustled them. I began to drum my fingers on 492 00:32:41,635 --> 00:32:44,435 Speaker 1: the tabletop, but a courteous official put his hand on 493 00:32:44,475 --> 00:32:49,675 Speaker 1: mine and stopped that. Tapping would sound like cavalry crossing 494 00:32:49,715 --> 00:32:55,795 Speaker 1: a bridge to your listeners, he explained, Just take it easy. 495 00:32:56,995 --> 00:32:59,435 Speaker 1: I leaned back in my chair and adjusted my tie. 496 00:32:59,795 --> 00:33:01,915 Speaker 1: Doubt was giving the effect of someone trying to take 497 00:33:01,955 --> 00:33:06,395 Speaker 1: a leather belt away from a bulldog in a moment, 498 00:33:06,635 --> 00:33:08,915 Speaker 1: an announcer came in and said we were all ready 499 00:33:08,955 --> 00:33:12,715 Speaker 1: to go. Okay, I said, standing up, let's get out. 500 00:33:13,435 --> 00:33:16,555 Speaker 1: He smiled with calm assurance and said no. He meant 501 00:33:16,555 --> 00:33:20,275 Speaker 1: that we were about to start the program. Everybody but 502 00:33:20,475 --> 00:33:23,195 Speaker 1: him tiptoed out of the room. I sat down at 503 00:33:23,195 --> 00:33:25,355 Speaker 1: the table again. I could see them all watching me 504 00:33:25,435 --> 00:33:28,155 Speaker 1: from the control room. Somebody in there raised his hands 505 00:33:28,195 --> 00:33:30,715 Speaker 1: sharply and let it drop sharply. I expected to hear 506 00:33:30,715 --> 00:33:34,075 Speaker 1: the faint hiss of lethal gas escaping into the chamber, 507 00:33:34,155 --> 00:33:37,635 Speaker 1: but instead the announcer started to talk. I creaked nervously 508 00:33:37,675 --> 00:33:40,155 Speaker 1: in the chair at this, and the listeners heard, along 509 00:33:40,195 --> 00:33:44,235 Speaker 1: with his calm announcement, the sound of a buckboard falling 510 00:33:44,275 --> 00:33:47,315 Speaker 1: over a cliff. Finally, he pointed a finger at me. 511 00:33:47,635 --> 00:33:52,115 Speaker 1: I sat bolt up and began to talk to the ashtray. 512 00:33:54,675 --> 00:33:58,515 Speaker 1: When it was all over, everybody tiptoed whisperingly into the 513 00:33:58,555 --> 00:34:03,035 Speaker 1: room and congratulated me on being only five seconds too slow. 514 00:34:03,595 --> 00:34:07,275 Speaker 1: Not bad for a beginn nor the record is one 515 00:34:07,475 --> 00:34:11,715 Speaker 1: five hundredth of a second. I got up and started 516 00:34:11,715 --> 00:34:13,515 Speaker 1: it out of the room, but a man followed me 517 00:34:13,555 --> 00:34:16,155 Speaker 1: and took me by the arm. Where are you going, 518 00:34:16,275 --> 00:34:19,955 Speaker 1: he asked, Let's all go out and get a drink. 519 00:34:20,075 --> 00:34:23,195 Speaker 1: I said, but you haven't got time, he said. All 520 00:34:23,315 --> 00:34:29,235 Speaker 1: this has just been the rehearsal. I must have tightened 521 00:34:29,315 --> 00:34:33,035 Speaker 1: up horribly at that, for he said, soothingly, take it easy. 522 00:34:33,595 --> 00:34:36,275 Speaker 1: You've got plenty of time to relax in He looked 523 00:34:36,275 --> 00:34:41,595 Speaker 1: at his wrist watch. You got four minutes how to 524 00:34:41,795 --> 00:34:54,555 Speaker 1: relax while broadcasting by James Thurber. I've done all the 525 00:34:54,635 --> 00:34:56,755 Speaker 1: damage I can do here. If you're listening to me 526 00:34:56,755 --> 00:34:58,995 Speaker 1: a favorite, give this a good review or rating, or 527 00:34:58,995 --> 00:35:02,035 Speaker 1: whatever the kids do today, just lie and say it 528 00:35:02,075 --> 00:35:05,275 Speaker 1: was good. The Countdown theme from Beethoven's Nine The arrange 529 00:35:05,275 --> 00:35:08,315 Speaker 1: produced and performed by Countdown Musical directors Brian Ray and 530 00:35:08,395 --> 00:35:13,675 Speaker 1: John Philip Chanelle. All orchestration and keyboards by John Philip Chanelle. Guitars, 531 00:35:13,755 --> 00:35:16,675 Speaker 1: bass and drums by Brian Ray. Produced by t k 532 00:35:16,835 --> 00:35:19,875 Speaker 1: O Brothers. The other Beethoven selections have been arranged and 533 00:35:19,875 --> 00:35:23,955 Speaker 1: performed by No horns allowed our sports music. The Alderman 534 00:35:24,235 --> 00:35:29,115 Speaker 1: ESPN two theme written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN, Inc. 535 00:35:29,635 --> 00:35:33,675 Speaker 1: Musical comments by Nancy Fauss. The Best Baseball Stadium organist. Ever. 536 00:35:34,115 --> 00:35:38,355 Speaker 1: Our announcer today was my friend Richard Lewis. Let's countdown 537 00:35:38,395 --> 00:35:41,195 Speaker 1: for this the six fourth day since Donald Trump's first 538 00:35:41,195 --> 00:35:45,875 Speaker 1: attempted coup against the democratically elected government of the United States. Hey, 539 00:35:45,915 --> 00:35:48,635 Speaker 1: it's a holiday weekend, so I'm gonna take Monday off 540 00:35:48,995 --> 00:35:52,915 Speaker 1: except in the event of emergencies. Rights your plenty of time, 541 00:35:53,355 --> 00:35:57,515 Speaker 1: So it's a new episode Tuesday. We're Monday if there's 542 00:35:57,515 --> 00:36:01,435 Speaker 1: an emergency till then, I'm Keith Olderman. Good morning, good afternoon, goodnight, 543 00:36:02,075 --> 00:36:11,995 Speaker 1: and good luck. Countdown with Keith Alderman is a production 544 00:36:12,155 --> 00:36:15,795 Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, 545 00:36:15,955 --> 00:36:19,515 Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 546 00:36:19,595 --> 00:36:20,915 Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.