1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:37,159 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional. Hey, 2 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,959 Speaker 1: Professional home Girls, and it's your girl. Eban a from 3 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,200 Speaker 1: the PhD podcast. The only place where you would hear 4 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: interviews from women anoviously on stories that were enlightened and 5 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: expand on taboo topics. Now if you hear someone that 6 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 1: sounds familiar, mind abits to pays you child. If you 7 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and subscribe on 8 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 1: Apple podcasts. Please find star reviews only hold me Down, 9 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: Don't hold me Up. You can connect with me on 10 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: Instagram at the Professional home Girl, at the PSG podcast, 11 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: and last not least at and a Beauty. If you're 12 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: all caught up with episodes, listen to bonus episodes by 13 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account. To support, please visit 14 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: www dot Patreon dot com. Forward slash the PSD podcast Now. 15 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: Please keep in mind that all of my guests aren't 16 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,840 Speaker 1: on this so let's begin this week's episode. I am 17 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: super excited about this week's episode as it would be 18 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: super informative on the topic transracial adoption. I've been doing 19 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: my research as usual and I am confident that my 20 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 1: guests will be able to share light on this topic 21 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: as well as her journey on being a transracial adoptee. 22 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: So to my guests, how are you feeling? I'm doing 23 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 1: all right? How are you doing? You know? I am good. 24 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: I thought today was gonna be a little weird. I 25 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: mean by trying this episode comes out the election election night, 26 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: I know. Yeah, right, how does it feel for you 27 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 1: know you're in Pennsylvania? Yeah, Um, it feels all right 28 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: right now. Yeah. I was just at the store and 29 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: I was like kind of like, if you like, we 30 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 1: go get my prescriptions right Um, honestly, isn't too bad. 31 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: We'll see. I do live like downtown, so we'll see 32 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: what if something pops off or not. But right, yeah, 33 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: it's feeling feeling all right right now. And then we 34 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: were just talking about because I was like, damn, I 35 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 1: can't believe, like we're in November, like out of here, 36 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: and where did you really thought that we all had 37 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:53,239 Speaker 1: a cute Instagram? Captain y'o? Was this year blurry? Come 38 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 1: on now, glorious? Like come on? It was not what 39 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:04,760 Speaker 1: we expect it, but you know we made it through. Well. 40 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: Before we get into your story, tell the audience what 41 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:13,520 Speaker 1: is transracial adoption? Yeah, So Transracial adoption is essentially when 42 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,280 Speaker 1: a child is adopted into a home of a different 43 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 1: race than their own. Most commonly, this is seen where 44 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 1: white adoptive families are adopting children of color. What are 45 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:32,080 Speaker 1: some misconceptional transracial adoption. Oh that's a good one. Yeah. 46 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 1: I feel like in your interviewed a lot of people 47 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 1: didn't really touch on it. And that's a really good question. Right. 48 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 1: So there's definitely a savior complex that comes with this, right, 49 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 1: like these white people are saving these black children. The 50 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: misconception that black people don't adopt, which is why white 51 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: um people are which is false. I mean you think 52 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: about um in the black community, UM or in any 53 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: commune city of color, we've been doing kinship care, which 54 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 1: is essentially you know, family taking in the child for centuries, 55 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: right community. Right, you know so many people who you know, 56 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: their cousin took them in there, they live with their 57 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: t t or whatever it is. It's just not in 58 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:25,040 Speaker 1: a formal legal state. Right. So, um, that's a misconception. 59 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: It just looks different, it just takes form in a 60 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 1: different way. But there definitely is that aspect. And then yeah, 61 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: the savior complex of you know, white people getting the 62 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 1: path on the back like they're doing some noble duty um, 63 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: and like that's there, that's their slide to heaven or 64 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: whatever it is. You know, is this a misconception? I 65 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 1: read some word that black babies cost less than other races. Well, 66 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:57,719 Speaker 1: the misconception is that a child costs money. That's a misconception. 67 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 1: So in private option, you are paying for fees, you're 68 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: paying for an attorney, you're paying legal fees. You're not 69 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: paying for a child. No one is buying children, or 70 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,479 Speaker 1: should not be if you that's classicing, right, So that's 71 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 1: the misconception um in itself, that anything costs money. Now, 72 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: there are different ways that you can adopt. There's children 73 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 1: who are adopted through foster care, which usually that is 74 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: cheaper if there are any costs at all, whereas private 75 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 1: adoption is completely different and that's going to be out 76 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,720 Speaker 1: of pocket. Is there a difference between, Like what's the 77 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: difference between an orphanage and adoption? So orphanagees are usually 78 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 1: something that are well. First off, an orphan is someone 79 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 1: who does not have parents. So a lot of times 80 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 1: we're seeing orphanages in third world countries where maybe parents 81 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: have died children most children who are in foster care 82 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: and are adopted are not orphans because they have parents. 83 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 1: They just don't have their parents, are not able to 84 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 1: care for them, or have chosen to relinquish their rights 85 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: to their child. M Um. In the States, they are 86 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: not orphanages. There are group homes in different placement settings, 87 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: but nothing is going to be an orphanage, and especially 88 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 1: not what we see as an orphanage, right, like a 89 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,239 Speaker 1: hundred kids in one room not fed, right, Like, that's 90 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:40,600 Speaker 1: not we We have state and federal regulations that don't 91 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:45,279 Speaker 1: allow that to happen. So, um, that's that. That's what 92 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: I would say. The main differences. Do you think there's 93 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,400 Speaker 1: a negative connotation with transprational adoption? And if you do, 94 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:58,480 Speaker 1: think so, why is it? I think it depends. So 95 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,799 Speaker 1: I think from the white lens, white people pat white 96 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: people on the back for adopting. Again, it's right, like 97 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: they doing something. Um. I see people in the black 98 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 1: community kind of side eye, which in fairness, they are 99 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: valid in that. Um. There are you know, there are 100 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 1: white people who are racists that adopt black children. Um. 101 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: There are people who raise their children be color mine. 102 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: There's a lot of there's a lot of nuances and 103 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: ignorance that comes with UM white families adopting, especially because 104 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 1: a lot of them are middle or upper class white 105 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 1: conservative families. They don't have the worldview or the understanding, 106 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: the cultural competency to really care for a black child 107 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 1: and their identity and all that comes with that. UM 108 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: and so of course that is going to make people 109 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 1: weary of white people adopting black children. Can you explain 110 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: the projects for adoption? I mean, I know it's I'm 111 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 1: pretty sure it's kind of extensive, but just like an 112 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,119 Speaker 1: over because I feel like people think it's like want 113 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 1: to nest it, but it's like a long process, right, 114 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: so it can be. Yeah, So it depends again between 115 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: private adoption and UM foster care to adoption, so foster 116 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: care to adoption, foster care, a child has been removed 117 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: because of abuser neglact, a child then goes into foster care, 118 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 1: and you know, within depends on where you're from. But 119 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: I don't want to say an exact time, but usually 120 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:51,560 Speaker 1: a judge will give the parents a year to fifteen 121 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 1: sixteen months to change whatever, whether that's addiction, you know, 122 00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 1: start counseling things like that to have the child re unified, 123 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: whether that's gain employment, you know, whatever the circumstances are. 124 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 1: If that does not happen, then they will look to 125 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:14,080 Speaker 1: terminate the parents rights. That can be done voluntary or involuntary. 126 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,439 Speaker 1: Which parents rights have to be terminated for adoption to happen. 127 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,000 Speaker 1: You can't have to have new people be your parents 128 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: when you have parents, right. So that's the process. Now 129 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 1: in private adoption, it's different. A lot of times it's 130 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:38,439 Speaker 1: women who are pregnant and um are not in whatever 131 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 1: situation to be parents. It's not always a lot of terms. 132 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 1: We think of it as women who you know, teenagers, 133 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: people who are drug addicting, single people, unexpected um. There's 134 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 1: a lot of different reasons why women choose to place 135 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,520 Speaker 1: their child for adoption. UM. And they're not all teens 136 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 1: and they're not all you know, drug addicts. But for 137 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,880 Speaker 1: whatever reason, they choose to place their child and it's 138 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: an elected thing, um that they choose to do. And 139 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,960 Speaker 1: you know, they can choose, they have a say and 140 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: you know where the child is placed or can make recommendations. 141 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 1: You know, if it's you know, a black woman, she 142 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 1: could say I would prefer my child be placed in 143 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,959 Speaker 1: a black you know, things like that, but doesn't always 144 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: going out later, no, because there's not always those families, right, 145 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 1: there has to be a family for them to adopt, 146 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: and they're not going to keep a child from having permanency. 147 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 1: So if there's only a waiting family, they're going to 148 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 1: do that, and they can't honor the mother's request based 149 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: off of the families that they have. But again, mothers, 150 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 1: you know, parents right, still have to be terminated for um, 151 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 1: a child to be adopted. So what inspired you to 152 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: work in the adoption feel well? Of course being adopted 153 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 1: at the end, you know. Oh, at first, it was 154 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:03,959 Speaker 1: kind of one of those things where I was like, 155 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 1: I need to pay it forward, right, I'm adopted, so 156 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 1: I should help children be At time, that was when 157 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: I was like in middle school, high school. But as 158 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: I grew up, I realized the problematic system of adoption 159 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 1: and you know, there's um a lot of things that 160 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 1: can be changed in that system, just like what you know, 161 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 1: like other areas of our legal system. I mean just 162 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: I mean a lot of times birth families can be 163 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 1: villainized and um, maybe not treated fairly in the process 164 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: of reunification. Um, you know, a lot of a lot 165 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 1: of families. Um, there can be generational curses and trauma 166 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 1: in there that have led them to the point where 167 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 1: their child has been um taken from you know, their custody. 168 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: And a lot of times we're not working on rehabilitating 169 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 1: families or working with them to have their child. A 170 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 1: lot of times this is some things it's easier to 171 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 1: just find them a new That is such a good point. 172 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 1: I have a home girl that's a and she literally 173 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 1: said the same exact thing you just said, Right, yeah, 174 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:36,400 Speaker 1: I mean the exact bourbone, which is crazy to me 175 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 1: because it's the mome thing. Right, Well, let's just the 176 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: race that and find a new family that's wealthy, are 177 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: living a better part of town, and we can move 178 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: on to saving the next child. And that's one unfair 179 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:59,599 Speaker 1: to the child and traumatic to them and their family. Um. 180 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: The point of adoption should not be to erase the 181 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: child's family. You know, we shouldn't even be seeing as 182 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 1: many adoptions as we are because hopefully we're doing everything 183 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: and exhausting all resources to have that child back in 184 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: the home. Reunification should be the goal. Family preservation should 185 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:21,560 Speaker 1: always be our priority. How long have you been in 186 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 1: the field, Um, about a year and a half. And 187 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 1: what was the challenges you face on working in this 188 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 1: field because I can only imagine, like since this is 189 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: close to home, like you're able to spot some things 190 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:40,360 Speaker 1: out like immediately. Yes, I definitely am able to spot 191 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 1: things out immediately. But I have to not act on 192 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 1: emotion and act professionally. And I always have to have 193 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:56,719 Speaker 1: professional backing in the decisions that I make, which can 194 00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 1: be difficult, especially at work for a county. I work 195 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 1: for an affiliate agency, but um, sometimes I don't always 196 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: agree with the decisions that are being made or you know, 197 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 1: I have a different opinion based on my interaction with 198 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 1: the child. Um, and that can be difficult. That can 199 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: be really really difficult. You see something or hear something 200 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 1: different than what others are being told or what they observe. 201 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So being that you are transmracial adopting, what 202 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: did your family unit look like? Because my I have 203 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: a white family. I lived in a white small town 204 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: of Like come on now, I don't be laughing now 205 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 1: and listen no, because it's like it's all I ever knew, right, 206 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 1: but it never felt right. Well, I was gonna be 207 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: my next lesson because I know you said that you 208 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: felt it felt uncomfortable. Yeah, and a lot of that 209 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: was because of family members bothering me. Right, Like they 210 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: made it clear that I was adopted. They would say like, oh, 211 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 1: like joke about, well, no one's gonna think we're cousins 212 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 1: because I mean you're black. I mean, look right, So 213 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 1: how can you feel comfortable in the space where you're 214 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 1: being told you're not one of us? Right? Um, that 215 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: of course is going to make you feel uncomfortable. And 216 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 1: as I've grown up, there's been other forms of uncomfortability 217 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 1: that I've taken place, like political right. When your family 218 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: doesn't believe that black lives matter, Okay, how do you 219 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: for me? For me, it's extended family. So it's easier 220 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: now I know what that these that it is um, 221 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 1: their immediate family. It's parents, older siblings, younger siblings that 222 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 1: have It's not a political view, it's a value. It's 223 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: a moral right. Black lives mattering is not political. My 224 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: life mattering, me being alive is not um. But there 225 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: are those difference in values, and I mean it's heartbreaking. 226 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 1: It's heartbreaking when these people that have to some degree 227 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 1: welcomed you and loved you as family can say I 228 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 1: love you, but right UM, And for me, I'm grown, 229 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 1: I'm I mean, I don't pop off because I don't 230 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 1: go to family events because I believe that my sanity 231 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 1: and my um own self preservation is of higher priority 232 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: than to appease and aunt or uncle that I don't 233 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:12,959 Speaker 1: get along with. UM. I will protect my peace at 234 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 1: all costs now. And I don't need to go to 235 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,679 Speaker 1: those events. I really don't. I don't care if his Thanksgiving, Christmas, whatever. 236 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,159 Speaker 1: I will make my own family and I rebuild my 237 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 1: own traditions because that's unhealthy. And a lot of times 238 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: adoptees are growing up in these situations and can't break 239 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: free of them. Well, I have two questions, what is 240 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: your Because I feel like your mom from the interviews 241 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 1: I've seen and her from you and read about you 242 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,679 Speaker 1: and your family, Like your mom is very supportive of you, 243 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,439 Speaker 1: so like, how does that make do you get do 244 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,439 Speaker 1: you ever get a chance to speak to her about 245 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,919 Speaker 1: those situations and how it makes you feel? And like 246 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 1: what did she do? So? Growing up, I never really 247 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: talked about these issues because while my parents are supportive, 248 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: they're also very They're not very confrontational people and definitely 249 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,719 Speaker 1: like peacemakers, and so for me, my thought process was 250 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell them because it's gonna be 251 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 1: more hurtful if I tell them and they don't do 252 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: anything than if they don't know. Right. So I really 253 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 1: didn't talk about any of the problems or issues or 254 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:23,719 Speaker 1: concerns that I had with other family members until like 255 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:28,919 Speaker 1: three months ago. Um yeah, so it's more recent. I 256 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 1: can imagine how you've been feeling because in egality like 257 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:40,880 Speaker 1: like building up, yeah, listen, listen, I'd be telling people 258 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,359 Speaker 1: that My new saying is I'm safe but a center, 259 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,640 Speaker 1: and you will catch all this that like for real, 260 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,800 Speaker 1: for real, because when I'm not a child again, I'm grown. 261 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 1: You're not gonna sit here and talk to me like that. 262 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 1: And I had cousins who would make jokes about, oh, well, 263 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 1: you know, the fried chicken, watermelon based ignorant stuff. But 264 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:07,840 Speaker 1: it's developed again into the you know, I think it 265 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,640 Speaker 1: was two years ago. One of my cousin says, your 266 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 1: people people right, like your people and then they said 267 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: like a pet peeve about black people. And I was like, 268 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 1: first off, what you're not right? But those are the 269 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 1: things that are said all the time in passing and 270 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: when you grow up with that, you kind of think 271 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:37,439 Speaker 1: it's normal. It never feels comfortable or like, you know, 272 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,360 Speaker 1: you just kind of laughing shrug it off because ain't 273 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: nobody back. Everyone's just they're laughing with them, so you 274 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:50,200 Speaker 1: just like go with it, and then they are, yeah, 275 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 1: they're crazy. But then you know, I went away to 276 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: college and I started healing from some of my adoption trauma, 277 00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 1: and I realized that a lot of white people are whack, 278 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 1: but there's not all um, And you know, I just 279 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,879 Speaker 1: realize that that's not okay. And so I either did 280 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,640 Speaker 1: not go to those things or you know, they can't 281 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 1: catch these here, Yeah, they better try Jesus. And not 282 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:22,439 Speaker 1: that they're gonna catch these hands. I do, and I 283 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:26,360 Speaker 1: really would, um, which is another reason why I wouldn't 284 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 1: go to family functions because at the end of the 285 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:38,120 Speaker 1: damn yeah, and I'm gonna be viewed as the matter right, 286 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,920 Speaker 1: like I'm already the cousin, like I'm right right, like 287 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: I'm the one that be I'm the one that they 288 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 1: be sidey. And because I gotta one thing that I 289 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 1: liked about your I learned from your interviews is you know, 290 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,719 Speaker 1: I love think people understand the correlation between the grieving 291 00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: process and being an adoptee and when you was breaking 292 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:02,920 Speaker 1: it down, but you didn't even get a chance to 293 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 1: break it down. But I was just piecing it started 294 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,680 Speaker 1: interviews together, and I was like, damn, Like I didn't 295 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,879 Speaker 1: even think about that, because you're literally burying your old 296 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 1: life in a sense. Yeah, yeah, and even yeah, and 297 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,800 Speaker 1: I mean I was adopted as an infant. I went 298 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: home to live with my now family four months old. 299 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:24,480 Speaker 1: But it is it's a loss, I mean, but you 300 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 1: also got to think you don't have the closure. You 301 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: don't have closure, right. I don't know anything about my family. 302 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,920 Speaker 1: I know that they're out there, my birth families out 303 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 1: there living their life. Do you want to get them 304 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:40,200 Speaker 1: where I'm not there? Um? I think that's something that 305 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 1: eyes an adopted go back and forth about. Um, there's 306 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 1: no guarantee. You know a lot of times people are like, oh, well, 307 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,520 Speaker 1: like you should reach out to your mom or your dad, 308 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 1: and you know it'll be great. I know adoptees who 309 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:57,040 Speaker 1: their parents have they have secondary trauma from being rejected 310 00:21:57,119 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 1: a second right there, you know, And there there are 311 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,919 Speaker 1: parents who want to meet their child, um and be 312 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,399 Speaker 1: a part of their life and you know, are in 313 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,520 Speaker 1: a different stage in life than when they place their child. 314 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,200 Speaker 1: There are also parents and family members who don't want 315 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 1: anything to do with that child um and a lot 316 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,920 Speaker 1: of that is their own her favors, um or ship. 317 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 1: It's not always just like right, but it's there's there, 318 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 1: there's feelings there that they have to uncover. And yeah, 319 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:40,639 Speaker 1: there are adopts who faced that secondary rejection and that's 320 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 1: the rutal you that is that is I don't know, 321 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 1: and so I I think part of it is fear 322 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: that I'm not interested. I also just think that I 323 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,919 Speaker 1: need to figure out I need to be content in 324 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,679 Speaker 1: who I am so that that does and affect me 325 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,920 Speaker 1: and it's not detrimental to me in my mental health, 326 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: in my mental state. And I'm not sure if I'm 327 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 1: in that place yet. So I know that you spoke 328 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 1: about like feeling isolated on you just you know, just upbringing. 329 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 1: How don't you get passed or do you still deal 330 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:24,600 Speaker 1: with it? I've definitely worked through it, but I mean 331 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:32,280 Speaker 1: I can I feel like I'm still developing my racial 332 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,199 Speaker 1: identity as a black woman. I feel like I'm behind 333 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:40,160 Speaker 1: in the times in a way. Because well, I mean 334 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: I didn't grow up in about community, right, So, like 335 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,719 Speaker 1: I just don't have that connection, those deep rooted connections 336 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:54,199 Speaker 1: to other black people, you know. So it's like or 337 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: even references like my boyfriend's black and he'll talk about 338 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 1: like shows that he watched growing up, or like music 339 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,800 Speaker 1: references from like the nineties and stuff, and I'm like, 340 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 1: who what? And it's difficult because I want to know 341 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 1: those things. But it's like when you have eighteen you know, 342 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,440 Speaker 1: I didn't start until I was like in college or 343 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:23,200 Speaker 1: even now. It's like that's eighteen to twenty plus years 344 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:29,880 Speaker 1: of a lack of or very little connections to black culture. 345 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 1: That's hard. And a lot of times it feels like, 346 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:41,879 Speaker 1: you know, there's this racial impost question, right, Like a 347 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 1: lot of times white people were like oh yeah, or 348 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,800 Speaker 1: black people were like girls, but she was raised by 349 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:53,919 Speaker 1: them white folks like okay, when I can't help I can't, Right, 350 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 1: I didn't have a choice, and I don't associate with 351 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,879 Speaker 1: any part of white culture. That's the thing, right, Like, 352 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:06,480 Speaker 1: but I felt a pressure to assimilate to it when 353 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,760 Speaker 1: I was growing up. I went to an always school 354 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: and you were racist school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like 355 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: m everybody was in middle school in high school, don't 356 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 1: nobody want to be the sore thumb. Don't nobody wants 357 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,639 Speaker 1: be the weird one? And I always was because I 358 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:31,439 Speaker 1: was a girl and I did not like country music, 359 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,120 Speaker 1: and I did not like Taylor Swift and the other 360 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: things that my white peers did. But those were the 361 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:43,200 Speaker 1: only people I didn't have a choice. And I noticed 362 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,199 Speaker 1: that you were very active when you was growing up too, 363 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 1: But I can only imagine how exhausted that must have 364 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:55,600 Speaker 1: been to be around these people. Yeah, I mean, yeah, 365 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,360 Speaker 1: it was definitely exhausting because I was just I did 366 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,680 Speaker 1: a lot. I was involved with a lot of things. 367 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:06,520 Speaker 1: But I felt like part of me wanting to be 368 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,760 Speaker 1: involved and stay busy was so that I didn't have 369 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 1: downtime to think of how like depressed I was about 370 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 1: being adopted and how only I was and I was 371 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:31,160 Speaker 1: always worried about like a racial incident topic I think, crazy, right, 372 00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:36,159 Speaker 1: So for me being involved in like being high achieving, 373 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,199 Speaker 1: not necessarily my grades all the time, but anyways, but 374 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 1: it gained me credibility. I wasn't the ghetto black girl 375 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 1: like a lot of the black people just by default 376 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,280 Speaker 1: work get out. But I was a high chieving girl. 377 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,440 Speaker 1: I was president of my class for three years. I 378 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: was president of my whole high school. Senior year, I 379 00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,600 Speaker 1: was on homecoming court, right, and I worked all to 380 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,359 Speaker 1: be seen in a certain light so that if something 381 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 1: popped off, I couldn't be seen as something that other 382 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 1: than what I was. Yeah, that's deep. And you know 383 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,399 Speaker 1: a lot of people were like, well, how are you 384 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 1: talking bad about your high school experience when you devoted 385 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,360 Speaker 1: time to it. It was it was a chess move. Again. 386 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:30,639 Speaker 1: It was to allow myself credibility if something happened. I 387 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,680 Speaker 1: know one thing you were saying when you when you 388 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,960 Speaker 1: be out with your family and people will like look 389 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 1: at y'all and say things and stuff, And I'm just like, yeah, 390 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,919 Speaker 1: people will, They definitely will. And do somebody tell you 391 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:53,840 Speaker 1: must be like that yeah yeah, oh yeah people yeah. 392 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,639 Speaker 1: People be like, oh, I'm sure you're so thankful to 393 00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: your parents for what they did for you, or wow, 394 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 1: your parents are just amazing, right, Like implying that I 395 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:06,399 Speaker 1: need to like worship the ground that they walk on 396 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 1: walk on, and you know that's just crazy. Um, And 397 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 1: I tell people I don't have to be any more 398 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 1: thankful then your children. And the thing is, the funny 399 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:31,520 Speaker 1: thing is when you think about it, you know, if 400 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 1: not all the time are biologic planned. Right, my parents 401 00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: consciously saw out an adoption agency, right, So like they 402 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 1: made this whole choice to be parents. It was a 403 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,480 Speaker 1: conscious decision. I don't have to be thankful like your children, 404 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:54,680 Speaker 1: whether they were planned or unplanned, don't owe you something, right, 405 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: Like people place this burden on me, like I have 406 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:05,800 Speaker 1: to play like right, right, I didn't, yes, exactly. I 407 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 1: didn't have a decision to be I didn't have a 408 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 1: choice in being birth. I didn't have a choice in 409 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 1: being placed. I didn't have a choice in being placed 410 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:17,680 Speaker 1: in a white freaking family town. And now you're telling 411 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:23,960 Speaker 1: me that I have to be saying, so, how were 412 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 1: you introduced to black culture? Because I felt like your 413 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:31,320 Speaker 1: parents were very aware and supportive of embracing the color 414 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:36,520 Speaker 1: of your skin. Yeah, my parents are a lot better 415 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,600 Speaker 1: than a lot of other white adoptive parents that I see. Um, 416 00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 1: I don't know white adopted parents that are scared of 417 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:52,640 Speaker 1: black people. And it's like you right, Yeah, And my 418 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 1: mom used to take me to you know, hair salons. 419 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,160 Speaker 1: They would take my brother to a barbershop. Um, I 420 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,320 Speaker 1: went to a damp studio like half an or from 421 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,360 Speaker 1: my house where there's other black kids, and so I 422 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 1: had like little tastes of it, like you know, a 423 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:17,240 Speaker 1: little chick because I'm black, and brown babies with their 424 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: hair looking all crazy and nappy and stuff. Girls listen. 425 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,360 Speaker 1: And my mom's still to this day because I'm like, 426 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 1: you know, I'm girl, Like I keep playing I'm girling, 427 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 1: but like you know, I go out looking half a 428 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 1: mess because you know, I'm like going to the story 429 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,640 Speaker 1: to get stuff, and my mom will be like, why 430 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,200 Speaker 1: I'm not going with you because they're gonna think I 431 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,920 Speaker 1: didn't teach you how to do your hair. She will, 432 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 1: Or for my little sister who's still in high school, 433 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 1: back we are not going. You can't go to the mall. 434 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,600 Speaker 1: You better go wash your hair and you know, do 435 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,160 Speaker 1: all this because I'm not gonna have them thinking I'm 436 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:57,080 Speaker 1: some white MoMA you're looking at she because there are 437 00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,120 Speaker 1: a lot who would do, but I'm That is something 438 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,000 Speaker 1: that I appreciate about my mom is that she learned 439 00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: to breik and do my hair. And if she didn't 440 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,080 Speaker 1: know how, she would take me somewhere. She wasn't too 441 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 1: prideful to do that. And you know, we would have 442 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,280 Speaker 1: people come out in the store, like black people will 443 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,200 Speaker 1: be like, oh, like who does her hair? Or like 444 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,520 Speaker 1: you know, but like in a helpful way to my mom, 445 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 1: like oh, like you should try using this on her 446 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 1: scalp or whatever whatever, And my mom's always receiving of that. 447 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,360 Speaker 1: And a lot of times when I talk to white 448 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,720 Speaker 1: adopted parents are like how do I respond when they 449 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 1: I'm like right, or they're but they're like giving me 450 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 1: advice and it's like, then accept it, Like I don't 451 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 1: know black hair, and when your child is bald head, 452 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,880 Speaker 1: you don't be putting nothing in it, right, Like, then 453 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:54,080 Speaker 1: there's obviously a reason. So that is something that I 454 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,320 Speaker 1: appreciate about my parents that they did do that, But 455 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: that isn't enough, right, Like I didn't have of deep 456 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:06,560 Speaker 1: rooted connections to black people, like okay, I dance with 457 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:11,520 Speaker 1: you dancing, Like we went to an all white church, 458 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 1: I went to an all white school. I didn't have 459 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: many black friends. I didn't know many black parents that 460 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,959 Speaker 1: could be like aunt, he's an uncle, So how are 461 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,960 Speaker 1: you making connections now? Yeah? I mean I think just 462 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: putting myself in places where there are other black people. 463 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 1: It's not like I go up to a black person. 464 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm yearning connections with people, be my friend, right, 465 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,400 Speaker 1: But like I go to a black church not and 466 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 1: a lot of that is because of comfort, right, Like 467 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:52,560 Speaker 1: I feel more comfortable woman just like right, like like 468 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:56,680 Speaker 1: any other black person. So things like that, I don't know, 469 00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 1: Like I just have some good Um you know, I 470 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,240 Speaker 1: recently moved out here, but I have some good girlfriends 471 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,400 Speaker 1: who like live near Baltimore. So I go out with 472 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,640 Speaker 1: them and they show me. You know, we do things, 473 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,280 Speaker 1: I like make people take me places to their people 474 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:16,280 Speaker 1: and hang out. But um, you know, COVID has made 475 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:20,000 Speaker 1: it hard because that just moved here where I am now. 476 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:24,160 Speaker 1: But to me, it's naturally It's not anything that I force. 477 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,040 Speaker 1: And it's not like I'm shunning all white people. Like 478 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,160 Speaker 1: some of my best friends are still white that I 479 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,240 Speaker 1: grew up with, her, that I went to college with. 480 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:39,160 Speaker 1: But the thing is there will always be a gap 481 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:44,239 Speaker 1: between me because they understand the black experience, right, and 482 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:48,120 Speaker 1: so I can still love them wholeheartedly, but they never 483 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 1: understand me. Like another black we can look at you 484 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:57,800 Speaker 1: and see what's going on with you, seran, and it's 485 00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,880 Speaker 1: just it's just a different vibe to a different vibe, 486 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,560 Speaker 1: Like I mean, I'm not gonna be where my white 487 00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: friends being like that, right, Like but then they think 488 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:12,880 Speaker 1: they can say that and again, I will throw I 489 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:17,640 Speaker 1: will throw hands. I will absolutely, So you know, there's 490 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:23,600 Speaker 1: just a difference, and that's kind of like what Jesus Christ, 491 00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:30,160 Speaker 1: it is it? Yeah, yeah, it's exhausted. I mean you 492 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:33,080 Speaker 1: gotta do it, especially when you were certain rooms and stuff. 493 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:38,800 Speaker 1: But man, right, But I didn't even realize the extent 494 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:43,480 Speaker 1: of my code switching until like one of my white 495 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,520 Speaker 1: friends in college, she came into my dorm room where 496 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,440 Speaker 1: I was on the phone with one of my black 497 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:53,719 Speaker 1: guy friends, and she was like, oh my gosh, like 498 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,560 Speaker 1: I literally didn't know what you were saying, and like 499 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:04,840 Speaker 1: I wouldn't need to that urban dictionary. And I was like, 500 00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:07,680 Speaker 1: first of all, you don't need to know what I'm 501 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:12,960 Speaker 1: saying because I don't know. Don't do that, right like 502 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:18,840 Speaker 1: you and my business don't do that. So um, you know, 503 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:21,800 Speaker 1: So it definitely has been but that's been my whole life. 504 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:32,920 Speaker 1: So I'm just it is exhausting, but I guess I'm yeah, 505 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:38,040 Speaker 1: but I think it's also funny because now that I've 506 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:42,279 Speaker 1: developed my racial identity and I'm confident in who I 507 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,440 Speaker 1: am as a black woman, you know, sometimes they've be 508 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,520 Speaker 1: falling through the cranks and I'll just be out here 509 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:49,800 Speaker 1: and like my white friends are like white people be like, 510 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:55,320 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you seem so like aggressive, like older, 511 00:35:56,920 --> 00:36:00,520 Speaker 1: or like right, or like you know, you just seem 512 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:05,000 Speaker 1: more like a liberal person. And I'm like, sister was 513 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,960 Speaker 1: always here. Y'all just didn't see it because you know 514 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:13,960 Speaker 1: we need to, but I don't, you know, I am 515 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,160 Speaker 1: who I am and at this point in my life 516 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,600 Speaker 1: just like you can take it or leave it growing, 517 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:28,359 Speaker 1: so you're gonna keep evolved. This is me, listen, right, 518 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,320 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of times, um people, especially 519 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 1: adults that knew me when I was younger, still has 520 00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:40,640 Speaker 1: the cute little black baby, and they questioned my intelligence 521 00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 1: and intellect and my maturity and my womanhood. Do you 522 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:49,320 Speaker 1: think there's benefits, uh with being adopted by a white family. 523 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:57,279 Speaker 1: M hm, No, it's not, because honestly, there's nothing like 524 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:00,040 Speaker 1: a black household. But the reason why I'm asking, and 525 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,320 Speaker 1: I'm just thinking of like maybe like for financial reasons, 526 00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:07,400 Speaker 1: different opportunities, different resources. So I was just thinking about that. 527 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:14,120 Speaker 1: Here's the thing. Being adopted does not promise you a 528 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:17,680 Speaker 1: better life. There are adopted parents who have murdered their children, 529 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:23,480 Speaker 1: abused their children. Adoption does not promise you a better life. 530 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:28,359 Speaker 1: While and I mean, I also can't speak because this 531 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 1: is all I've ever known. So I can't speak to 532 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,440 Speaker 1: to the ones of what my life would have been. 533 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,720 Speaker 1: Everything that I am, everything that I've become is because 534 00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:42,440 Speaker 1: I was adopted. But the hurt and pain and grief 535 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,720 Speaker 1: that I've dealt with I would never go through again. 536 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:52,719 Speaker 1: Like adoptees are four times more likely to commit suicide 537 00:37:52,840 --> 00:38:00,240 Speaker 1: than their peers. There's a reason for that, and that's 538 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:04,520 Speaker 1: a weight that no one should have to bear. And 539 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:10,640 Speaker 1: so I I can't say that it's I think there 540 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,720 Speaker 1: are benefits. I mean, I went to a private liberal 541 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:19,880 Speaker 1: arts college. But you know that's amazing, that's great. But 542 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:27,200 Speaker 1: you know, I can't speak to what my post high 543 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,680 Speaker 1: school life and like, if I wasn't a baptod could 544 00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,080 Speaker 1: have been worse, It could have been the same, it 545 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:36,759 Speaker 1: could have been better. Umm, who knows, did you ever 546 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:41,040 Speaker 1: think about what the life would have been like? H 547 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:45,279 Speaker 1: of course I think everyone does. But that's asking adoptees 548 00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:47,719 Speaker 1: the impossible, right, You're asking me to choose between a 549 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:53,360 Speaker 1: life and everything good in a life that I've never known, right, Like, 550 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,719 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know what the circumstances were. 551 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,800 Speaker 1: I don't know if I would have been living beneath 552 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:02,319 Speaker 1: the poverty line and doing who knows what. I you 553 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:07,440 Speaker 1: know who, I could have been just fine in a 554 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:11,879 Speaker 1: middle class family or working class family like there that's 555 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:17,400 Speaker 1: really hard. And what do you think your immediate family 556 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,920 Speaker 1: was very lovely support does that? Do you think they 557 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,879 Speaker 1: would ever fill that void? The world ELPs are now, 558 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,240 Speaker 1: um no, because there was still voids though they didn't 559 00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:34,040 Speaker 1: there were things that were met, but there were still boys. 560 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,080 Speaker 1: And I don't think people would ever understand unless they're 561 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:43,319 Speaker 1: in that position, right right, And also just also knowing 562 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:47,960 Speaker 1: that being adopted by black families still would solve all 563 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,960 Speaker 1: those boys. It would solve some of them, like you know, 564 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,360 Speaker 1: the racial voids, but they're still grief and loss and adoption. 565 00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,400 Speaker 1: The race aspect just adds an added so the way 566 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:06,360 Speaker 1: counceling of you who it was the first time I 567 00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:10,040 Speaker 1: ever heard that adoption was trauma I'd never known that 568 00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 1: until I went to counseling in college, and also just 569 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 1: realizing that the root of a lot of my issues 570 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:24,520 Speaker 1: were because of my adoption, my self esteem, my UM, 571 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,920 Speaker 1: a lot of relationship things because like in college, I 572 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,439 Speaker 1: like started dating. I didn't really do that in high school. 573 00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:33,640 Speaker 1: I didn't care for the white boys, but um, but 574 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,760 Speaker 1: you know, I realized that a lot of my trust, 575 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 1: self esteem, my worth, and myself were rooted in feeling unworthy, 576 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:47,000 Speaker 1: unlovable because I was adopted. My lack of belonging was 577 00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:54,080 Speaker 1: because I had never belonged in a space fully right. 578 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:59,040 Speaker 1: So there was a lot of those things that I 579 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,880 Speaker 1: realized were, oh my gosh, we're rooted to my adoption. 580 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,799 Speaker 1: But it was hard for me because again, I was 581 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,400 Speaker 1: adopted as a baby, So how can something that I 582 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:10,080 Speaker 1: don't remember from when I was four months old be 583 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:14,680 Speaker 1: affecting me so deeply at eighteen? That was hard for me, 584 00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,320 Speaker 1: and especially because people were talking you you need to 585 00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:21,759 Speaker 1: be thankful, right, And so I was never allowed the 586 00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:25,200 Speaker 1: space before then to think of my adoption as anything 587 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,920 Speaker 1: other than the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. 588 00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:32,000 Speaker 1: So listen, advice, you will gift to our listeners that 589 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 1: if they are adoptees that are struggling with I get 590 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:44,400 Speaker 1: any crisis. Find people there is a space right now, 591 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:50,839 Speaker 1: and you know that there is a space, you just 592 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:56,120 Speaker 1: have to find it. And it's uncomfortable, it can feel 593 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,600 Speaker 1: lonely at times, but you will find a space and 594 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,240 Speaker 1: know that you are worth, know that you are loved. 595 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:10,279 Speaker 1: Seek therapy, Seek therapy, um overcome the uncomfortablelity of being 596 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,799 Speaker 1: in a space that you want to feel comfortable and right. 597 00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:16,960 Speaker 1: Like for me, at points, it was intimidating going into 598 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,359 Speaker 1: black spaces because I was like, oh my gosh, they're 599 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:23,880 Speaker 1: gonna think I'm the white black girl or you know whatever. 600 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:29,439 Speaker 1: But I don't overcome that because that's where I knew 601 00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,640 Speaker 1: I belonged, and that's where I knew I would feel 602 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,720 Speaker 1: at peace and at home and could break down those walls, 603 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:40,879 Speaker 1: the barriers that I'd built up. And finding other adoptees, 604 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:45,319 Speaker 1: I think that's a great thing too, because I can 605 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:49,160 Speaker 1: speak and talk to other black women or black men 606 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,759 Speaker 1: about the black experience, but they don't understand the adopted experience, 607 00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:57,480 Speaker 1: and so finding other black adoptees that can relate to 608 00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:02,600 Speaker 1: those intersections of life has been and I feel like 609 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:12,920 Speaker 1: the transmtional adopting community is deep. It is because those again, 610 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:21,080 Speaker 1: those are interesting. I was like, wow, this is amazing. Yeah, 611 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,600 Speaker 1: but like you have to be like, we aren't here 612 00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,799 Speaker 1: for the small talk and the key keys and ha 613 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,880 Speaker 1: ha's like it's like where are you? Like how is 614 00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:34,960 Speaker 1: your heart? What? What are you struggling with? Because we 615 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:36,680 Speaker 1: are the only people who can understand that. It can 616 00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:40,160 Speaker 1: be like oh crazy too, girl, m m m m 617 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,200 Speaker 1: m m oh you ain't go ahead, all right, come 618 00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:47,440 Speaker 1: over baby, Okay, that's traumatizing. This is your family, but 619 00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:53,560 Speaker 1: they're crazy, like it is right, And that's I'm literally 620 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:57,440 Speaker 1: posted on my story uh last night and today like, 621 00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,279 Speaker 1: if you are a transracial adoptee and you feel unsafe, 622 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,239 Speaker 1: please let me know. I don't care where you are. 623 00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:08,799 Speaker 1: I will find something. I will find someone to buy 624 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,280 Speaker 1: you a hotel to stay. I will try and find 625 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:17,680 Speaker 1: someone near you who is safe, because our mental health 626 00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,560 Speaker 1: or emotional health, and a lot of times even our 627 00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:24,439 Speaker 1: physical health is compromising being in white spaces. Yeah, that's 628 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:28,160 Speaker 1: that's really sad. I'm glad that you're doing to work 629 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,520 Speaker 1: you in your community because it is I know there's 630 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,440 Speaker 1: certain people and you're one of them. And I see 631 00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:36,279 Speaker 1: y'all like really like getting out the mud, like really 632 00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:40,799 Speaker 1: trying to create a safe space for people that are 633 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,479 Speaker 1: like you and only y'all can understand anything, like really 634 00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,040 Speaker 1: provide these tools and resources that's needed. I think that's 635 00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:52,560 Speaker 1: really dope, really dope. Thank you being that you work 636 00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,480 Speaker 1: in this field. Um, what is some advice you will 637 00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,840 Speaker 1: give to those individuals that would like to adopt babies 638 00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:04,840 Speaker 1: from different racists? Yeah, definitely do your research and find 639 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,799 Speaker 1: that also, your child of a different race should not 640 00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:10,759 Speaker 1: be your first friend of that race, right, if you've 641 00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:17,680 Speaker 1: never had a black friend, you're chasing, But don't don't 642 00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:25,200 Speaker 1: do that. I'm gonna need you to argue, right, right, 643 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,160 Speaker 1: but your first black friend should not be your black child, 644 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:32,359 Speaker 1: And you shouldn't start caring about about black lives at 645 00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,279 Speaker 1: the point where you have a child, right, Like, you 646 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:39,600 Speaker 1: have to have some cultural competency and awareness before you 647 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:43,000 Speaker 1: bring a child into your home, and you should be 648 00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:47,399 Speaker 1: having those supports. And you know, a child should see 649 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:53,120 Speaker 1: theirselves in the home. Right representation matters, um, And I 650 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:57,600 Speaker 1: think that's super important. And again, like the the mental 651 00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:00,719 Speaker 1: health piece, of it, whether you are adopting a child 652 00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,359 Speaker 1: of the same race or a different race, and understanding 653 00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:08,680 Speaker 1: that this is trauma and being willing to, you know, 654 00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,080 Speaker 1: take part in services for your child for them to 655 00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:18,080 Speaker 1: be safe and healthy and happy. I think that are 656 00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:21,320 Speaker 1: really important things. And I don't think that just because 657 00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:25,720 Speaker 1: you went through an agency and you did, like, because 658 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:31,799 Speaker 1: right like, that is not equipping you to understand the 659 00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:38,440 Speaker 1: curnsities of diversity and inclusion, right like that is not enough. 660 00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,280 Speaker 1: And you know, I'm being dramatic, it's more than twelve hours, 661 00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:45,680 Speaker 1: but you know what I'm saying, Like, there's not extensive 662 00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:52,440 Speaker 1: enough training in those orientations for you to completely grasp 663 00:46:53,160 --> 00:47:02,080 Speaker 1: what it is like different race white people adopting black babies. Okay, 664 00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,680 Speaker 1: because I I don't know, I just it just makes 665 00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:12,239 Speaker 1: me a little uncomfortable sometimes, right because again, a lot 666 00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:17,759 Speaker 1: of them do have that savior complex. They think they're untouchable. 667 00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:20,440 Speaker 1: They don't want to hear that their child is have 668 00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:24,360 Speaker 1: bald headed and that that they that's their fault. They 669 00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:29,240 Speaker 1: don't want to hear that, you know, them still voting 670 00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,600 Speaker 1: for Trump still makes them racist, even though they have 671 00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:35,200 Speaker 1: a black child. They don't want to hear that they 672 00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:42,120 Speaker 1: are further traumatizing and causing an inevitable UM identity crisis 673 00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:45,840 Speaker 1: for their child by only surrounding them with white people. 674 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:55,319 Speaker 1: So no, I don't think it's necessarily bad, UM. And 675 00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:58,520 Speaker 1: I would just hope you know, if you do see 676 00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,800 Speaker 1: someone like that, or if you continue to see them, 677 00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,919 Speaker 1: that you know you kind of reach out to them. 678 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:10,760 Speaker 1: Because I don't care about about their parents feelings. I don't, 679 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:15,920 Speaker 1: but I care about their child and I beg you 680 00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:20,720 Speaker 1: in some way, shape and form, that child is feeling 681 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:27,360 Speaker 1: something that they are not sharing with their family, and 682 00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:31,120 Speaker 1: they deserve to feel supported and safe. Do you think 683 00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:40,000 Speaker 1: you'd ever heard that. I go back and forth with this, Um, 684 00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,440 Speaker 1: I could potentially see it again. I think it's one 685 00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,759 Speaker 1: of those things where adoptees are kind of felt as 686 00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:52,520 Speaker 1: though we need to pay it forward, and I don't know. 687 00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:56,719 Speaker 1: I also want, I hope that I can have my 688 00:48:56,760 --> 00:49:04,040 Speaker 1: own children. I've never known anyone who looks like me, UM. 689 00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:05,759 Speaker 1: I want to know what a little mini me would 690 00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:07,960 Speaker 1: look like. I don't. I don't know what my siblings 691 00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:09,880 Speaker 1: look like. I don't know what my parents look like. 692 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:14,120 Speaker 1: And that's kind of sad, right, Everyone, you know you 693 00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,840 Speaker 1: here all the time from people oh you look just 694 00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:18,799 Speaker 1: like oh you look just like you that I've never 695 00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:23,440 Speaker 1: had that um and so I definitely want to experience 696 00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:25,760 Speaker 1: that as well. But I am definitely keep in contact 697 00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,160 Speaker 1: with you. Like I said, I have a couple of 698 00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:34,880 Speaker 1: things that I'm reckon on. Have your runs and systems. Yeah, 699 00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:37,960 Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you so much for 700 00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:40,719 Speaker 1: taking the time to speak with me. And I just 701 00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,920 Speaker 1: really appreciate you sharing your story and shannon more light 702 00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:47,320 Speaker 1: on the transracial adoption community and also just being a 703 00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,800 Speaker 1: voice and an advocate for those black and brown babies 704 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:54,560 Speaker 1: that are in the system and you just you know, 705 00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,600 Speaker 1: doing what you have to do to advocate for them, 706 00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,400 Speaker 1: and your story has definitely inspired me. So thank you 707 00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:03,120 Speaker 1: so much. Yeah. Absolutely, I was like yeah, I was 708 00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:04,560 Speaker 1: like hand to her, I'm like, I hope she asked 709 00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:09,360 Speaker 1: about email again. I was like, girl, I know you 710 00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:17,880 Speaker 1: speak me in your INMOX. You stop playing for me, 711 00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:21,640 Speaker 1: I'm last. He was like, oh, I was gonna get 712 00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:30,279 Speaker 1: It's like all right, girl, by you trying. Man, I 713 00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:33,560 Speaker 1: really do appreciate what you're doing. So if you want 714 00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:36,600 Speaker 1: to learn more about my guest, you have any questions, 715 00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:38,279 Speaker 1: probably won't be the last time that you would hear 716 00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:41,160 Speaker 1: from her on my platform. Please make sure to email 717 00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:44,600 Speaker 1: me at hello at the PhD podcast dot com And 718 00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:57,399 Speaker 1: until next time, everyone, Later, you're not gonna pay back. Bye, Sorry, 719 00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:05,840 Speaker 1: what's going Backs fell bad