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Speaker 1: Today, I affed up by using boiled eggs to masturbate.

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Speaker 1: Nice sweet sweet yoke. Hey, that's how you get scrambled eggs.

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Speaker 1: Yo Ooh disgusting, this happened just now. I never thought

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Speaker 1: i'd have to post anything like this. Really, you didn't

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Speaker 1: have to post this at all. Actually, no, you could

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Speaker 1: have just gone around your day and not posted masturbation

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Speaker 1: stories to the internet. But here you are, and here

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Speaker 1: we are reading about it for obvious reasons. I can't

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Speaker 1: tell this anyone I know, so you poor souls are

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Speaker 1: going to have to read this. Oh again, we didn't

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Speaker 1: have to. We did it. We did it. But here

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Speaker 1: we are. But here we are. About two hours ago,

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Speaker 1: I got a little horny and had the glorious idea

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Speaker 1: to boil a few eggs and find out how many

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Speaker 1: of them I can fit inside my vagina. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: took a turn, you know, I thought I was going

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Speaker 1: to be a man master. I thought that there are

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Speaker 1: like eggs I've heard of, like a little egg in Japan,

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Speaker 1: So it's like, how many can I fit? It's like

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Speaker 1: a Russian nesting doll. That's interesting, and I guess like

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Speaker 1: the kind of thing that sounds like healing the eggs,

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Speaker 1: one would hope, so I would a little crunchy horniness

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Speaker 1: makes us do all stupid all kinds of stupid things.

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Speaker 1: But I seem to be extraordinarily brained dead. So once

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Speaker 1: the eggs are boiled and cooled down, I lay in

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Speaker 1: my bed with the eggs next to me, got a

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Speaker 1: ton of lube, opened up a porn video, and got started. Oh,

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Speaker 1: call me a mother hen because I'm going from one

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Speaker 1: to ten eggs, laying them all inside. Egg number one

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Speaker 1: went inside, just fine, ooh, slip and slide loss. Egg

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Speaker 1: number two followed with ease like a breeze. Egg number

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Speaker 1: three got stuck halfway in, so I started rubbing myself

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Speaker 1: as I slowly pushed the egg further inside. All of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, the worst soundpop, wack a crunch. Oh. I

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Speaker 1: removed the glass egg and put a finger inside me

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Speaker 1: to find that my worries were confirmed. At least one

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Speaker 1: of the eggs inside me had cracked. What do you

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Speaker 1: expect to happen? Sorry, you're so dumb, I'm so hard boiled.

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Speaker 1: I could much more understand you. Sneeze once and those

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Speaker 1: eggs are all cracking. If you're doing your kegels properly. Dude,

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Speaker 1: you're cracking eggs easily like a chef down there. Wow. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's let's see what happens. I tried pretty successfully not

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Speaker 1: to panic and thought about what to do. Unfortunately for

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Speaker 1: this context, I have something for enemas and recently botten

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Speaker 1: enema nozzle, and recently bought an enema nozzle for my

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Speaker 1: shower hose. So I put that on my shower hose,

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Speaker 1: started the water and put it inside myself with a

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Speaker 1: quite aggressive stream. Spent an hour. I spent about an

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Speaker 1: hour flushing out egg shells and boiled egg. Once all

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Speaker 1: the broken pieces seemed to be out, I checked again

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Speaker 1: with my fingers. One egg was still in there, the

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Speaker 1: whole angle egg, but it seemed intact. But the egg

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Speaker 1: was all the way back there. I put lube on,

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Speaker 1: squatted down and tried to push it out like a

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Speaker 1: head and laying an egg, but the thing didn't move.

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Speaker 1: I kept trying different positions, but it seemed hopeless. After

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Speaker 1: numerous stupid things, I tried to get the last egg out.

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Speaker 1: I used my index finger and middle finger of both hands,

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Speaker 1: trying to keep myself opened as I pushed, and then

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Speaker 1: finally got the egg out and it was still intact.

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Speaker 1: I proceeded to go back in the shower, rinse myself

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Speaker 1: some more, and hopefully get this thing out. I don't

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Speaker 1: feel any there are things in here, but of course

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Speaker 1: I can't be sure because I'm a little paranoid. Bruh.

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Speaker 1: Of course you're gonna be paranoid. You had an egg

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Speaker 1: crack inside you. You're cracked up. But you gotta view

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Speaker 1: eggs loose. It's not often, but that happens on the show.

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Speaker 1: I'm speechless. Yeah, I don't think I'll ever be able

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Speaker 1: to eat eggs again without being reminded of my immense stupidity.

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Speaker 1: Moral of the story, don't put things that don't belong

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Speaker 1: inside of you, and for the love of God, don't

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Speaker 1: use eggs or go for ten? Go for ten? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: why not? Jesus