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Speaker 1: This is a headgun podcast. Dear God, please watch over

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Speaker 1: my new podcast. We're just starting out and I need

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Speaker 1: all the help I can get. Dear God, please fill

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Speaker 1: us with your delight and your good quality audio. Please

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Speaker 1: bless us with good Christian subscribers, people who open the

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Speaker 1: Bible and press subscribe and leave a good review. Dear God,

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Speaker 1: I know I haven't always followed your word to the letter,

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Speaker 1: but by Golly, I'm asking you here today to lift

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Speaker 1: me up and let me into the top one hundred

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Speaker 1: comedy podcasts on Apple. And Dear God, I know I've

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Speaker 1: listened to other podcasts in the past and they've asked

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Speaker 1: me to rate and subscribe, and I've laughed a full hour,

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Speaker 1: and then I did not go and rate and subscribe.

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Speaker 1: Forgive me for my trespasses of not reviewing. Forgive me

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Speaker 1: for my trespasses of not under standing the engineering work

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Speaker 1: that goes into creating a podcast that has high quality audio.

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Speaker 1: Please bless our microphones. Please bless Stevens twenty fourteen Math

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Speaker 1: book pro. And Dear God, please bless this audience. Amen.

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Speaker 1: Who's that knocking at the door. It's all your friends,

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Speaker 1: you filthy hor Your husband's gone and you've got books

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Speaker 1: on a bottle of wine to kill. It's books, it's gossip,

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Speaker 1: I'm shook. It's memoir, it's martinis. Clebrity Book Club can

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Speaker 1: read it while it's hot. Celebrity Book Club, tell your secrets.

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Speaker 1: We won't talk celebrity books. No boys are Alloud, celebrit

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Speaker 1: book say it Loud and cloud Celebrity book Club buzz men.

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Speaker 1: I brought the Queer Poe. Hey best friend, Hey, best friend.

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Speaker 1: I am so excited to see you, my good Christian sister, Stephen.

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Speaker 1: We have spent so much time at church, at church groups,

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Speaker 1: on missionary trips. It's so good to get in the

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Speaker 1: studio with you and talk about our life in the ministry.

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Speaker 1: That's why I built this home recording studio, so that

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Speaker 1: we could do things like podcast about God, about Values.

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Speaker 1: I was wondering we could talk about Jessica Simpson's new book,

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Speaker 1: Knew Ash to Old Book, Open Book for a little bit,

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Speaker 1: maybe say an hour to an hour and a half,

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Speaker 1: forty five to fifty five minutes. I would love to.

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Speaker 1: That would be a huge honor. That's so awesome. I've

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Speaker 1: been looking to collaborate with someone from New York City. Oh,

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Speaker 1: my god, that'd be so fun. I want to talk

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Speaker 1: about the book that we have read absolutely cover to cover,

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Speaker 1: cover to cover. I you know, this was really a

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Speaker 1: savior to me during I would say early Quarantine. Oh wow,

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Speaker 1: because you were just like I'm depressed, I am isolated,

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Speaker 1: and we just read this book and it was such

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Speaker 1: a joy. It was a page turner. You know. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I would say, like the sort of like when she's

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Speaker 1: famouswer Jane John Mayer like that that was I was

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Speaker 1: like up till five am, like just this is this

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Speaker 1: is book you stay up for. This is book you

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Speaker 1: would rather read personally for me rather than maybe watch

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Speaker 1: TV show. He's a little slow going at first because

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Speaker 1: you're just like okay, wow, okay, well we may disagree,

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Speaker 1: we may disagree. So yeah, just just to quickly sort

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Speaker 1: of situate our listeners, the book is called Open Book.

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Speaker 1: The photo the cover photo is in black and white, which,

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Speaker 1: as we know, indicates raw, raw, vulnerable honesty. I'm ready

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Speaker 1: to come clean. To quote her sister Ashley Simpson, oh

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Speaker 1: wait no, that's um wow, that's Hilary Duff. Okay, awkward

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Speaker 1: and your misogyny. This book, for our listeners name the

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Speaker 1: Austin Powers if you were frozen. Jica Simpson is like

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Speaker 1: a huge pop star and fashion designer and Christian woman

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Speaker 1: and wife and sports fan licensor. I'm a huge player

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Speaker 1: in the licensing community. I think she has like Guinness

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Speaker 1: Book of World records, like women entrepreneur who has like

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Speaker 1: licensed more pieces of clothing and jewelry and perfume than

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Speaker 1: anyone else. She got into the licensing game at really

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Speaker 1: the right time, like honey, I wish I got into

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Speaker 1: the licensing game when she did, but you know, made

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Speaker 1: two thousands, early two thousands. She kind of said she

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Speaker 1: could see the writing on the wall at the music

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Speaker 1: career and she was just like, I've obviously got something.

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Speaker 1: I've got this connect people and people love me, like

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Speaker 1: they loved her newly weds and like clearly they bought

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Speaker 1: her albums which are all like horrible, and you know

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Speaker 1: she had something to her Yeah, but yeah was it music? No? No,

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Speaker 1: it was did you want to expose herself on you know,

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Speaker 1: reality TV? Again? Not really, We'll see I okay. I

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Speaker 1: feel like she would apply say yes to a reality

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Speaker 1: TV She would just be like, but this time, here

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Speaker 1: are my boundaries, right. She would be a little more

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Speaker 1: it be cavaleria about it and be like Ace and whatever.

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Speaker 1: Her children would be like blurred out with their faces, Sailor,

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Speaker 1: I'm not time out, christ and Kevlary, Okay, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to force you to lift Christie Hilarius Sailor. James and

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Speaker 1: Ace do they have both both of them have kids

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Speaker 1: name as I don't. Jessica Simpson's kids are Ace and

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Speaker 1: Bertie May, right, Bertie May, which is also busy for

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Speaker 1: and it's something like Ace Keyhoe. It's very like, well,

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Speaker 1: that was an important space for her. Yeah. Christian Keller's

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Speaker 1: kids are smiler. James, yeah, x Son like super anti

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Speaker 1: like kind of anti vax. Jackson so anti vax. Do

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Speaker 1: you think Jessica Simpson is anti vax. I think she's

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Speaker 1: pro vax she seems. And Christian just kind of normal

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Speaker 1: Dallas take your kids to the doctor West, super normative

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Speaker 1: Dallas culture, which does support vaccinations. I feel like she

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Speaker 1: probably already has the COVID vacs. I'm sure. Yeah, she

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Speaker 1: got the visor like sent to her and her husband

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Speaker 1: and her like had tantric sets while they and that's

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Speaker 1: how I want to get my vaccine. Tantric vex cantry

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Speaker 1: vaccine from your six foot eight football player husband. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: football um Needham. Her husband Eric is from Needham, so

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Speaker 1: this is huge for us as a kind of a

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Speaker 1: Boston based podcast. He doesn't really scream need him to me, Well,

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Speaker 1: here's the thing about Needham. Needham doesn't scream okay, So

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Speaker 1: it's just like you're from Needham. Who cares. What's her name?

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Speaker 1: The gymnast is Needham. But she to me the one

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Speaker 1: who gom molasted. Yeah, the brunette okay, and onto Jessica,

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Speaker 1: she too got But here's the thing about Okay. So obviously,

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Speaker 1: like every subbody memoir, there's a dark history of sexual abuse.

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Speaker 1: It was girl not no spoilers, but I you know,

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Speaker 1: so in the page's leading up, you're realizing you're like, okay,

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Speaker 1: and she's talking about the abuse, and you're getting ready,

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Speaker 1: and you're just like, it's gonna be so creepy, and

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be like Uncle Jackson or whatever, and he's

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Speaker 1: gonna be like coming to my barn. It's gonna be

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Speaker 1: so dark. And then it's just about and I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying this is not as bad, but it's about her

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Speaker 1: getting fingered by her gruel a waterbed and you're just

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Speaker 1: kind of like that's like you're saying it's your fantasy.

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Speaker 1: I mean, yea, right, not at that age, No, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: not contentially, not at that age, but like you know,

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Speaker 1: as a child, like when I was like thirteen, I

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Speaker 1: always had like a fantasy that any like random vacation

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Speaker 1: I would go on like to Maine or the Cape

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Speaker 1: or whatever. I would like run into like a cool

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Speaker 1: local alternative girl and we would hook up. And it's

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Speaker 1: just like, well that never happened. So you're picturing yourself

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Speaker 1: at me. You're like gay dad, it's just like angry

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Speaker 1: looking at a map like your mom. It's being like

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Speaker 1: where are right? Where are we are we? And you're

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Speaker 1: thinking some girl in like checkered vans. Yep. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: like we're gonna go to like the local general store

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Speaker 1: and there's gonna be like a girl in checkered vance

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Speaker 1: like get to Coen or whatever and be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I want to come around behind the clamory, like I

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Speaker 1: want to show you something. Yeah, that's that's a Fantasy're like, hey,

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Speaker 1: a few of my friends are like I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you're new here or whatever, but like we're gonna

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Speaker 1: go out by like the bay or the dog. I

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Speaker 1: mean that did kind of happen to us and Nantucket

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Speaker 1: with um what's his name? Yes, we were standing on

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Speaker 1: a path and we saw a group of like true fantasy,

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Speaker 1: like this is my other sexual fantasy, just huge truck

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Speaker 1: of girls like drove by us and we're just like,

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Speaker 1: party this way, bitches, And we followed their party car

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Speaker 1: to an actual party at a house like by the beach,

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Speaker 1: and then we played flip club with white Russians and

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Speaker 1: this guy there was just like fucking white Russians for all,

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Speaker 1: So super epic. Yeah, who does that? Love milk and

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Speaker 1: vodka together, So we are drinking right now Jessica's favorite drink,

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Speaker 1: but also kind of what made her sent her down

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Speaker 1: a dark path, super dark path, which was paria and vodka.

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Speaker 1: She is just a classic vodka girl. And this is

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Speaker 1: where this is why she is vodka because it's just

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Speaker 1: like girl sorority is like sweatshirt vodka, small shorts, small shorts,

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Speaker 1: and it's just like we've all heard the stories of

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Speaker 1: like the vodka so tampons, and it's just like clear

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Speaker 1: alcohol has this some sort of connotation in the minds

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Speaker 1: of it, like straight girls at college that it's like

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Speaker 1: better for you. Well it's like less yeah, it's less calories,

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Speaker 1: so many empty calories. But I think it is less

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Speaker 1: calories than whiskey. Also, like I feel like that type

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Speaker 1: of girls, So like whiskey does acey things right, And

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Speaker 1: they all have this complex about tequila and they're like

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Speaker 1: tequila's tequila gets me too weird, right, Like tequila makes

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Speaker 1: you like slighty, but like vodka you can just like

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Speaker 1: throw in crayon or gatorade and you don't taste it

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Speaker 1: and you're covering it up and you're in control. I mean,

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Speaker 1: and honestly, like that is how it made does it go? Feel? So,

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Speaker 1: you know, the book opens up and she's she's filling

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Speaker 1: up one of those big TJ Max tumblers that you

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Speaker 1: can take to the gym, put coffee, you know, keep

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Speaker 1: keep this beverage eight hours cold, eight hours hot, and

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Speaker 1: she's filling it with PERRYA and vodka to go to

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Speaker 1: like ace Keyhos to go to her like seven year

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Speaker 1: old school play or whatever. And she's like like squeezing

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Speaker 1: into the vaccinat. I mean, she sounds so like Jennifer

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Speaker 1: Coolidge in any movie. And I mean, it's like delusional,

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Speaker 1: like full crazy star who's well by that point, everyone

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Speaker 1: just came to me and I had big parties and

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Speaker 1: I never had to leave my house. I know she

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Speaker 1: has to like see people well and the big things

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Speaker 1: she had to you know, which is her biggest pain

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Speaker 1: is her parents divorce and her dad being a completely

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Speaker 1: psychotic gay pastor psycho manager. Yeah, which again we see

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Speaker 1: these through lines in all these celebrities. You have to

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Speaker 1: have a psycho parent in there. Well, you have to

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Speaker 1: have someone pushing you past the rink. You have to

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Speaker 1: have someone to be like, oh, I'll drive you towards

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Speaker 1: Orlando and we're going to stand in line for this

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Speaker 1: like audition and then you're going to cry because like

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Speaker 1: you lost the audition to Christina, and you have to

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Speaker 1: just be like you're gonna see that girl Christina again

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna show her and you're gonna beat her,

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Speaker 1: and it's okay. The irony. So she starts to have

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Speaker 1: all of these run ins with like Justin Timberlake and

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Speaker 1: Brittany and Christina like when they're all teens, because like

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Speaker 1: this was this era when the Teen Stars was starting.

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Speaker 1: They all auditioned for Mickey Mouse, and I think like

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Speaker 1: Brittany and Christina like got to a higher level of

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Speaker 1: Mickey Mouse and just either like they were on making

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Speaker 1: musk Up. I think they were all on it, but

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Speaker 1: Jessica was not. Yeah, she didn't make it, but she

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Speaker 1: got very fine the auditions. Yes, yes, yeah, and she

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Speaker 1: I mean I think that Jessica has a great voice,

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Speaker 1: but she did not have the full package like Brittany

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Speaker 1: was coming out with all these dance moves. Christina obviously

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Speaker 1: has an insanely huge voice that was just sort of undeniable,

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Speaker 1: and Jessica was just third. So it's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: when we jumped to when she's like auditioning at Sony

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Speaker 1: and you know, Colombia and all this stuff. Every time

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Speaker 1: she walks into her room, they're like, huh, we just

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Speaker 1: signed a girl just like you, but better. Her name

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Speaker 1: is Brittany. Yeah, we just signed a girl just like you,

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Speaker 1: but like skinnier. Her name is Christina. Yeah. And it's

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Speaker 1: always like they signed her like twenty minutes before she

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Speaker 1: got it would be in the place at the right time.

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Speaker 1: And then you know, she does get signed, and Tommy

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Speaker 1: Mattola signs her famous sex husband and Ri car fifteen. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and so it begins, so it begins the weight loss,

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Speaker 1: you know, the infiority complex. You know. Meanwhile, she's what

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Speaker 1: one hundred and seven powers, She's like a buck two.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, she's she's classic celebrity. She's like

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Speaker 1: four eleven. She would walk in this room and I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to see her, and they just never could.

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Speaker 1: Like she says it too, she was just like they

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Speaker 1: just didn't have a genre for me. And I was

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Speaker 1: like listening to the albums and it's like the first

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Speaker 1: one is just like all these kind of like random

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Speaker 1: sea ballads that you would find on my Carry album,

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Speaker 1: like track eleven. Yeah. I mean here's the issue though,

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Speaker 1: It's like when you are, you know, a church singer,

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Speaker 1: it's like you kind of have to go big or

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Speaker 1: go home. And so like she didn't have like these

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Speaker 1: power power ballots. She had these like really mid level

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Speaker 1: sea ballads that were just like kind of Celine Dion

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Speaker 1: clunkers that if you don't have an insane like French

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Speaker 1: Canadian like psycho singing them, like it doesn't really have

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Speaker 1: any personality. What's completely insane is the way she also

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Speaker 1: got her auditions, like she had her dad, her crazy

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Speaker 1: gay dad, Joe Simpson, had just been having her record

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Speaker 1: like Christian songs, and they were on a missionary trip

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Speaker 1: to Belize, and just quote from the Belize trip, their

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Speaker 1: bus broke down and this is where like the book

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Speaker 1: also you started, You're like, okay, this is a full

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Speaker 1: Christian Bible. She's like, the bus broke down. So I

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Speaker 1: had everyone get out of the bus and I led

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Speaker 1: a prayer circle around the bus and Belize where they

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Speaker 1: all gathered around the bus holding hands, and she was like,

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Speaker 1: Dear God, let's pray for this bus, and like pray

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Speaker 1: for the buses engine. And she's like and then a

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Speaker 1: bunch of armed guards came and caught us anyway. And

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Speaker 1: then it was on that trip that this woman called

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Speaker 1: her and is like, I want you to meet me

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Speaker 1: in Dallas like now. And the reason is because she

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Speaker 1: heard her non secular songs and she was like, Matt,

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Speaker 1: she was like, Daddy, like, how dare you send them

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Speaker 1: my non secular songs? What you mean her secular song? Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: remind me so, okay, secular means the Christian songs and

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Speaker 1: non secular are pop songs songs. Wait now, I'm actually

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Speaker 1: having an insane like brain reversal right now, or I

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Speaker 1: don't know what I actually think secular means, Pops, Because

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Speaker 1: secular means like a secular country is one that is

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Speaker 1: not like a Christian like a not a religious country,

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Speaker 1: right right, It's always this whole thing. It's like it's

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Speaker 1: Turkey going to be a secular country. That's the only

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Speaker 1: thing I can think of as Turkeys. Glad we figured that. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so right, this woman Tracy like got her non secular

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Speaker 1: songs and they were so Christian and we're wait, okay,

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Speaker 1: I literally just are maybe forgetting it. We're gonna move

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Speaker 1: on from secular because don't you feel like you're in

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Speaker 1: kind of a religion PhD? Right now? Secular non secular

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Speaker 1: absolutely ideal. Let's like, let's like click study like in fact,

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Speaker 1: like Buddhism and Christiania more in common than you might think.

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Speaker 1: Oh it's true. I just had, as you know, my

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Speaker 1: um exterminator the other the other week because I yes,

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Speaker 1: I had a small road problem, not my fault, just

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Speaker 1: large building New York City. Um. He told me he

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Speaker 1: was a Catholic Buddhist. What yes, wait, because this is

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Speaker 1: the one who told you that his daughter was lesbian cop. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and he tried to set your girlfriend up with her, yes,

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Speaker 1: or also just tell her to join the force to

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Speaker 1: be a stuf or lesbians. Yeah, but I think the

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Speaker 1: implication is was, yeah, you know, hey, maybe you'll find

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Speaker 1: some other than this losers. Yeah, this sitting down down

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Speaker 1: over here getting roaches in your house because they can't

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Speaker 1: clean the kitchen. Find yourself a fucking good cop lesbian.

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Speaker 1: UM shout out Donnie UM DM me for I wish

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Speaker 1: we had a coupon code for him. Honestly Catholic Muddha

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Speaker 1: Katholic Buddhist, which is kind of Jessica like, I mean,

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Speaker 1: she's super Christian evangelical, but like her now husband Eric,

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Speaker 1: well they're just like they're la So yeah, they're being

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Speaker 1: so like Zen and Cabala and having just like a

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Speaker 1: fountain in their backyard that has like a ball on it.

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Speaker 1: She's always like. I woke up and looked out the

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Speaker 1: window and I saw Eric was meditating, and I said,

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Speaker 1: this is the perfect man. This is the perfect man

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Speaker 1: after her. You know, were you a big newlyweds watcher? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I that was ten spot, right, Yeah, that was ten

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Speaker 1: spot and we owned the DVD of it, kind of

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Speaker 1: like in our roommatehood, right as as friends, as good

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Speaker 1: good roommate friends. Yeah, I mean newlyweds. Wow, that was

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Speaker 1: an interesting time, truly was. And so you know, blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah. It's like, right, she's coming out with these

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Speaker 1: albums and then she refers to it as the second

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Speaker 1: album of they tried every genre under the sun. Also,

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Speaker 1: I'm just imagining you at the Virgin megastore on Newberg's

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Speaker 1: Street in Boston, just where they have like number one album,

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Speaker 1: number two, number three, and you're like, I'm going down

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Speaker 1: the line, yeah, and you're just kind of big red

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Speaker 1: shopping basket like one, two, three four, putting on the

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Speaker 1: big headphones. I'm listening to a couple of tracks and saying, yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is for me. I could see myself jammy out

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Speaker 1: to this semi io six City Changer in my room

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Speaker 1: for shore. Because when she's referencing some of her hits here,

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Speaker 1: I was just like, what, well, that's she's justn't how

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Speaker 1: many hits she has. I would say that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I love the Jack and Danne one. Yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: I think I think that kind of became a sleeper

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Speaker 1: hit like way after I came out, because it's her

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Speaker 1: second album, and like I think Jay Physical Therapy actually

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Speaker 1: introduced me to that song. I think that's liked by

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Speaker 1: sort of like millennials in like a cool retro way.

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Speaker 1: Oh do you guys remember like five years ago in

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Speaker 1: this like total fucking ridiculous like pop machine just because people,

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Speaker 1: I think they just like the sample because the samples

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Speaker 1: like the eighties or whatever. And then I listened to

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Speaker 1: that album a Public Affair. That whole album is like

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Speaker 1: samples of famous eighties songs, and that's why it's the best.

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Speaker 1: It's very throwback totally. And then I tried to listen

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Speaker 1: to her country album and you are huge country. It's

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Speaker 1: so bad, Like I'll listen to the most like written

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Speaker 1: by a computer country song that's just like hey Boots,

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Speaker 1: Hey Boots to Kayla Boots and Boots Shoots boots and

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Speaker 1: the backup my pickup, get my pickup, And it's just

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Speaker 1: truly just a list of objects. Yeah, and this was

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Speaker 1: not even that. It was like Sunday Jeans or for it.

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Speaker 1: It's again, it's so slow. There's no bangers tempo as

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Speaker 1: a tempo issue. I'm just like, and this is another

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Speaker 1: reason why she could never like, you know, compete in

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Speaker 1: the same arena as Brittany and Christina because they were

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Speaker 1: just like, yeah, we're like sixteen year old little like

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Speaker 1: dance machines and we're just gonna give people some bangers,

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, Jessica refused. I feel like

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Speaker 1: in this question way, she was like, well, I can't

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Speaker 1: do a banger, right, people can't dance time music. That's sinful. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I want to jump to something completely insane. We'll get

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Speaker 1: super into her relation with Nick, but basically she knows

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Speaker 1: it's over and she gets on a plane. She's like

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Speaker 1: and there was no WiFi in those days, so I

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Speaker 1: was just stuck with me and my emotions. And of

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Speaker 1: course they play the Notebook and she goes and I

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Speaker 1: really knew the plot of the Notebook because I was

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Speaker 1: offered the role and had read the script, and she

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Speaker 1: turned it down because there was a sex scene. It's like,

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Speaker 1: can you imagine if Jessica Simpson had been verse Rechid mccadams, like,

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Speaker 1: it would have just beenned, I guess so much more.

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Speaker 1: Walk to Remember and like wouldn't have been a classic, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because it has just been so fake. Like what I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to wait. Have you seen her act? Have

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Speaker 1: you seen what's it called Johnny Knoxviell movie who she

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Speaker 1: has an emotional I almost watched Jukes of Hazard the

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Speaker 1: other night and then I decided to watch Newlyweds. But

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Speaker 1: I have seen her in like that Dane Cook movie

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Speaker 1: many years ago, like Employee of the Month. Yeah, where

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Speaker 1: she works in a superstore. That's such a straight TDBD.

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Speaker 1: Yeah it fun. Yeah, I think it was fun. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure I laughed a little. It's like fucking hijinks and

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Speaker 1: a costco. Oh, I'm having a humiliating memory right now.

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Speaker 1: Oh blowing this guy while he watched Superstore. That is

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Speaker 1: absolutely humiliated. But that's also what's hot. What was cool

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Speaker 1: and hot about it? Yeah, So I want to talk

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Speaker 1: about the Johnny Knoxville emotional affair she works in this movie.

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Speaker 1: So when she's pretty much at the height of her fame,

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Speaker 1: she's like getting movie offers and third season Newlyweds. It's

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Speaker 1: a huge hit. Her in Nick's marriage is in is

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Speaker 1: in every tabloid. It's at the bottom of the barrel.

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Speaker 1: They're fighting so much. They hate the cameras, but she's

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Speaker 1: got all this fame to go along with it, and

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Speaker 1: she gets a role in Dukes of hazard Um as

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Speaker 1: Daisy Do Daisy Do, and basically like the role is,

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Speaker 1: you have to wear those us, which hard for her,

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Speaker 1: and Johnny Knoxville plays whoever. Also, are we gonna talk

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Speaker 1: about Johnny Johnny relationship in my relationship? You know? And

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Speaker 1: of course I think Jessica and Johnny Knoxville have a

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Speaker 1: bigger relationship, so and I would never want to overshadow it.

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Speaker 1: But Johnny Knoxville was my personal beard um before I

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Speaker 1: came out, like I thought, he was literally the coolest

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Speaker 1: mother fucker on the planet. So when people, you know,

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Speaker 1: in middle school, high schools say, hey, Lelli, who's who's

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Speaker 1: your crush? Who's your celebrity crush? I said, proudly Johnny Knoxville.

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Speaker 1: And he was the only person who had a crush

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Speaker 1: on that was still alive. Yeah, Because there's a famous

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Speaker 1: memory famous to me when I was in the basement

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Speaker 1: of you know, my friend's house. We're having caffeine free

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Speaker 1: diet coke and eating dominos, and they're like, Lily, who's

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Speaker 1: your crush? Who's your crush? And I was like James Dean,

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Speaker 1: Frank Sinatra, Clark Gable and I was like, and Johnny Knight.

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Speaker 1: They were like, please name someone who's not dead, just like, ah, weird,

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Speaker 1: you're sixty. W brought the old girl. So then I

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Speaker 1: was like, I was like, okay, fuck, this is sound

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Speaker 1: my brain. This is sounding weird. And then I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: cool punk MTV guy who like other like old girls

404
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Speaker 1: do think it's hot, Johnny Knoxville. So I get it. Jessica, Okay,

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Speaker 1: So they start, you know, they start this emotional affair

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Speaker 1: where he introduces her to mccollins scotch whiskey and they

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Speaker 1: sit at the bar and they talk about their marriages

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Speaker 1: and they talk about life and semiotics, and he introduces

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Speaker 1: her to Johnny Cash. She okay, Jessica does this thing

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Speaker 1: that Terry Hatcher does that I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: girl girls do, where it's just like any conversation to them,

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Speaker 1: it's just like really meaningful, and it's just like she's like,

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Speaker 1: we talked for two hours and it's kind of like, okay,

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Speaker 1: you talk. Well, it's what I feel like you were saying.

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Speaker 1: To quote you from our last podcast, it's just how

416
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,520
Speaker 1: like straight people don't have anything in common, so if

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Speaker 1: they do talk for two hours, then it's literally like

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Speaker 1: like the world's colliding and they're like, holy shit, we

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Speaker 1: like managed to maintain conversation. Well, I'm sure. In watching Newlyweds,

420
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 1: it's like Jessica and Nick are having the ultimate straight marriage,

421
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: where just they're both she's big sweatshirt, little shorts, he's

422
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 1: huge shorts, super tight tank top visor and they're just

423
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:45,200
Speaker 1: like walking around silently and he's just like cracking another

424
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,479
Speaker 1: Miller light in their massive house, and she's like, are

425
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 1: you going to watch the game? We just listened to

426
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 1: the game, and then he's turning on like another college

427
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 1: basketball game. So to sit down at a bar or

428
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: Johnny Knoxville, he's piercing. Sorry, I'm getting soaked right now,

429
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 1: those dark eyes, and you know he's sitting there, he's

430
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: cracking jokes. He's he said, oh, man, when I was

431
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,200
Speaker 1: sixteen and I heard you know this Johnny Cash song

432
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 1: and they're talking, my God in their marriages, he was

433
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: having trouble and she related because she felt so isolated

434
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,680
Speaker 1: at that point. You know, it was like the whole

435
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:20,680
Speaker 1: everyone wanted everything from her, and she just wanted to disappear. Well,

436
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 1: it changed through her views on sex because it's it's

437
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 1: also completely I'm sorry. It's so insane that like her

438
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 1: whole career was being a virgin. She like became famous

439
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 1: for being a virgin, got married, had a whole show

440
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,399
Speaker 1: about her married because everyone was like, oh wow, this

441
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 1: is the first time. Yeah, we're watching you, like watching

442
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 1: someone lose a virginity live. And then just like she

443
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, now I am actually divorced and just

444
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 1: having sex regularly and it's completely normal. It's in there

445
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,399
Speaker 1: her and Nick's courtship. It's so crazy. You're like they

446
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: dated for like two years and there's a point where

447
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: he's like I actually like literally can't hit and he's

448
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: like twenty seven. And then she's like I knew, like

449
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 1: it was hard for Nick, and then he proposes, and

450
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: it's like and that another seven months. Like if someone

451
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 1: literally was like I can't have sex for you, sex

452
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 1: for you, sex with you for like two years, yeah,

453
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 1: I mean I don't. I don't think I think we

454
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 1: both know the answer question. It's just it's wild. I mean,

455
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 1: how long would would you wait? Max? Max? I think

456
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: a month, like a month of like courting courting, So

457
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 1: that means like maybe five dates. Yeah, so like maybe

458
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: you're seeing each other like every weekend and like one

459
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 1: midweek date. Well, and also she doesn't really say it's

460
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: like right, is she being so classic like Christian girl

461
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: who's doing like everything but she's giving him so many

462
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: blow jobs? Yeah? I kind of think, yes, there's no

463
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,719
Speaker 1: other way like it could happen. Yeah, or the classic

464
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 1: Catholic girl things like you can all Dan. I kind

465
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 1: of think they're just had to have been in all

466
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 1: and they lived and she was like and Nick moved

467
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 1: into a condo in my condo buildings. We were like

468
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 1: living together. It was almost like living together. And they're

469
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: like in these insane Hollywood condos next to each other

470
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 1: that are just so carpeted. Honestly, I kind of love that,

471
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 1: like the idea of having that sort of independence and

472
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: yet convenience. Absolutely. Yeah, just pop into the next condo.

473
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 1: That's a fun sitcom. Yeah, and then you know, you

474
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: get you guys getting a fight, you want a little

475
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: bit space, You pop back over to your capetic condo.

476
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 1: You're good to go. I just remember that show was

477
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 1: very much it was very obvious that she was the

478
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:36,400
Speaker 1: bigger star, and he was just like completely like frustrated

479
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 1: and cooked by that and was just like always like

480
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,400
Speaker 1: so anguish. He's so cut So because she talks about

481
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: this part in the book of like one of the

482
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 1: fights they had where like he wants her to be

483
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 1: this like traditional Cincinnati wife where she's like cooking and

484
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 1: doing laundry. It's so funny in the show, just like

485
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 1: she's so messy, Boots, It's like she is twenty and

486
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: she's just like their rooms like disgusting, and she's just

487
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: like filled with cops and clothes some I'm like, and

488
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: then she goes and then she's just like, oh, I'll

489
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,960
Speaker 1: cook for you, and she's shopping but getting home at ten.

490
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 1: They're also having the most classic couple of fight that

491
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I've been in so many times about

492
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: movies where you're like, oh, we don't have enough time

493
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: to eat. Should we just go to the movie or

494
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,480
Speaker 1: should skipped the movie and like have dinner because like

495
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:21,919
Speaker 1: the movie isn't thirty minutes. Yeah, remember movies, remember movies anyway,

496
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 1: But he's like she goes in a huge tour to

497
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: plan at Hollywood and all these things, and like he

498
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: decorates their house and then she comes home and she's

499
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: mad at him because like he didn't consult from the decorating,

500
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 1: and he is just like, how dare you? I've been

501
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:40,440
Speaker 1: busting my ass for three days, just like hanging ugly mirrors.

502
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 1: And she's like, well, I was like actually like on

503
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: like a full five city like tour autographs and he's like,

504
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 1: I'm doing the same stuff you are, and she goes, baby,

505
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 1: no you're not. And they're out there and like they're

506
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 1: big veranda and he's cracking his noor lad and who

507
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 1: I mean, Okay, have you ever been that person in

508
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,680
Speaker 1: the relationship who was just like which one the one working?

509
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm definitely the nick Lache now working. No,

510
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: But like I feel like you maybe do relate to

511
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: the Lache a little bit because just like your girlfriend's working,

512
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 1: and then you're like, hello, I actually spent all day

513
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 1: looking at lamps. Then I actually picked a lamp and

514
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: that was actually a lot of work and I had

515
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: to like look measure it and like see how it

516
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 1: would look and like look at the collars in the

517
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 1: room and like where were you? And you were not

518
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 1: helping with that decision at all? No, and she's just like,

519
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I have a literal, actual job in a

520
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 1: salary no that I'm saying, So I am just and

521
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: she's like, baby, I wanted to I wanted to hire

522
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 1: an interior desider. I can't design right, And I love

523
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 1: that she admits that. I mean, yeah, it's like looking

524
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 1: for a lamp is hard, and like the summer, when

525
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 1: I was looking for a lamp for me and my girlfriend,

526
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,440
Speaker 1: she just kept on saying, buy a lamp, and I

527
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 1: was just like, it's literally so hard. That's a full

528
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 1: time job. Most lamps are disgusting. To find a cute

529
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 1: lamp in your price range. Listen as you. I just

530
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 1: bought a floor lamp. It was torture. It has taken

531
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: me years. It's kind of funny. After I had this

532
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,920
Speaker 1: whole trauma of lamps, lamps just started coming to me. Well,

533
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 1: get you mean ads for lamps, no garage sales, flea markets.

534
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, when it rains, it pours, yeah,

535
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: so when it rains, lamps, it pours lamps. But I

536
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: do think there's two things here. There's one there's being

537
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 1: the spouse who is just like, you know, completely unreasonable

538
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 1: and unsupportive of your suce's career. Yeah, okay, we don't.

539
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,879
Speaker 1: We all remember I once dated someone who when I

540
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 1: would go on work trips because I had a very

541
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,680
Speaker 1: high powered career in politics, he would just be like,

542
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 1: why are you going? Why are you going to New

543
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,360
Speaker 1: Mexico And would just be like, well, it's literally my job.

544
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, like I have a job, and he just

545
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 1: like he was being the like was storming around and

546
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: his huge cargoes, right, and that's like you know that

547
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: that I think is like unsupportive and that is angry. However,

548
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: I do think that interior design is very stressful. It

549
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,480
Speaker 1: is extremely traumatizing, and that and that the person who's

550
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: not doing the design should at least acknowledge the trauma

551
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: that has transpired. Celebrity book. This episode is sponsored by

552
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: Zok Doc. You're trying to find a cause for your

553
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: symptoms akey, back, headache, running, nose itchy. I worked on

554
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Speaker 1: my genitals, so let me guess you stumble down a

555
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 1: TikTok rabbit hole full of questionable advice from so called experts.

556
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 1: Suddenly I have cancer. No, thank you. There are better

557
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Speaker 1: ways to get the answers you want and the care

558
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Speaker 1: you deserve from trusted professionals and not random people on

559
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: the internet the randoms I love you and my TikTok connection.

560
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 1: Yeah it stands, but I'm sorry. You shouldn't be getting

561
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 1: medical advice from some girl on her grandmother's basement in Toronto.

562
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: Zok doc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals

563
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564
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Speaker 1: type of experience you want. That's right, ditch the talk,

565
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: get the doc. Zoktok is the only free app that

566
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: lets you find a book doctors who are patient reviewed,

567
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568
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569
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570
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571
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572
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573
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574
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575
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576
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577
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578
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579
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Speaker 1: Then find a book a top rated doctor today Sleigh.

580
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581
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Speaker 1: c d oc dot com, slash book Club, zok dot

582
00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: dot com slash book Club. Ditch the talk. I want

583
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: to talk about her writing style for a second and

584
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: just dig into the obsolete, obscene level of detail that

585
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 1: she provides, mostly about venues and the history of the

586
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: various venues that she's at. I have here pulled up

587
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 1: her describing a ship. Oh okay, yeah, this will be

588
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: a little bit of an example. So she went on

589
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 1: a bunch of you know, USO tours because she's like,

590
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 1: of course obsessed with the troops. On that tour, we

591
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 1: had to land on the USSS Theodore Roosevelt, a nuclear

592
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 1: powered aircraft carrier. Now I'm not one of those cool

593
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 1: girls who goes on roller coasters and throws up her hands.

594
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: I scratched my eyes, tight, white knuckling whatever or whoever

595
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:56,479
Speaker 1: I can hold onto. You think an aircraft carrier just parks,

596
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 1: but they are always moving and then it's like blah

597
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: blah blah. The Roos of Elt had been deployed in

598
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: the North Arabian Sea since early October and had a

599
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 1: crew about five five hundred people. It's like the crew

600
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 1: size and this goes I mean, it goes on and on,

601
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: and I feel like in other parts of the book,

602
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 1: she's like describing planes. Well literally one day later she's like,

603
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 1: I was chilly even in my Gray Arthur Ashe kid's

604
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: day hoodie sweatshirt and the us AS Detroit ball cap

605
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 1: a sailor had given me. It's like, well, the reason

606
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 1: why I think she goes she does all this explaining

607
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 1: was because her whole reputation is just being like stupid

608
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: and chicken of the sea. And so she like she

609
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 1: thinks being smart means including la deals about the hat

610
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: you wore and the veteran that gave it to you,

611
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: and just like explaining a little Quinta bar and grayl

612
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: on February seventh, before she performed at the Rose Ball.

613
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 1: And there's this other part where she performs at the

614
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 1: US Open and for like the Arthur Ashe foundation and connection,

615
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: she thinks Agassi is Arthur Ashe and then and she's

616
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 1: like looking at him and she's like, thank you so much,

617
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 1: dead and like and Agassi is just like looking at her,

618
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: just being like, what are you talking about? And then

619
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 1: she does a full page being like Arthur ashe was

620
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: born in nineteen forty five, you know, so she has

621
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: to you know, beat her reputation and be like, yeah,

622
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: I know facts right which I know ships were made.

623
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 1: Let meet Wikipedia this. I feel like we should move

624
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 1: on to John Mayer and just like how completely insane

625
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: that relationship. I just I just found one, just one

626
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 1: other oh place sa yeah sorry. I went to Nairobi

627
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: National Park, a forty five square mile nature preserve just

628
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 1: outside the main part of the city. I walked in

629
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 1: through the main entrance and I had the feeling of

630
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: being on a spacewalk because I got farther and farther

631
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 1: from the safety of the car. It's just like we

632
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,959
Speaker 1: needed to know that you went through the main entrance

633
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: of this park reserve. I would I want I want

634
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 1: a class to be taught in the way you know

635
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 1: that she writes. And it's like, you know, when she

636
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 1: was writing, like she was like this is the stuff

637
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 1: people love, you know. I gone on the left side

638
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 1: of an escalade and the windows were tinted. Well, this

639
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: is this comes back to the cover being in black

640
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: and white, where she's like, I'm actually being really vulnerable

641
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 1: because I'm letting you know what I got in on

642
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: the left side of the escalade. And she's like, I

643
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,760
Speaker 1: will tell you that I wrote like scintillating sexy emails

644
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 1: to Johnny Knoxville. But I will also tell you that

645
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: I'm like I wrote them on my new iMac book

646
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 1: that I bought at the Apple store in Laho. Okay,

647
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 1: John Mayer, we have to get into it, I said,

648
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,439
Speaker 1: of more, and I'll say it again. I even before

649
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 1: this book, I hated John Mayer. You hate you hate

650
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 1: him mayor like I hate Paul Red. You know what

651
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 1: I mean? No, exactly, Like I think his voice is disgusting.

652
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: I think his persona is disgusting. He if he his

653
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 1: like I can't even speak him In a heathered blue

654
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:02,280
Speaker 1: v neck, he sings that your body is a London

655
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: that it's like to think of that as sexy, just

656
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 1: like this, heather faced. Heather voiced, well, first of all,

657
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: he's like six to four, so I don't know if

658
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: you've heard of heights. Yeah, people are into it. Sorry,

659
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 1: Some people like raw badasses who are probably five to ten,

660
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: like Johnny Knoxville, who wear Western shirts and dickies and

661
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:28,360
Speaker 1: do pranks. Maybe he's six one. Um, he kind of

662
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 1: has like an Obama stature. I just hate his singing voice.

663
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 1: And people are always like, he is the greatest guitar

664
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 1: player of our generation, and I'm like, well, who gives

665
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 1: a fuck because he makes the most magic one of

666
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 1: six point seven like soft rock. Fuck him and his

667
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 1: absolute bullshit. I just hate this. And he has all

668
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 1: these albums and people are like, oh, no, you gotta

669
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: listen to the actually track seven. You have the live album,

670
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 1: like acting like he's you know who's telling you to

671
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: listen to the live album. Well, he now plays with Grateful,

672
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 1: so okay, he's taken on that live album. Stature. You, Um,

673
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,399
Speaker 1: you're very upset and I see that, and I'll calm

674
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: down for a second. And if you like him, that's cool, Okay,

675
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 1: do what you need to do. I mean, you know,

676
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 1: I listened to john in high school. I'm not such

677
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: a mayor head anymore. I do know what you mean

678
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 1: about the voice, because it's very overly sensitive and it's

679
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:24,400
Speaker 1: it's breathy. You know, it's kind of are you a

680
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 1: male Macy Gray? What's happening here? I loved, But the

681
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,840
Speaker 1: thing is like he just is class. I think, like

682
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 1: what you need to understand about John Mayer is that

683
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 1: he is just straight culture in like the most deep

684
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,359
Speaker 1: normal way where it's like I think I understand love

685
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: a guy who plays guitar period, and not plays guitar,

686
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 1: but a guy who picks up a guitar at a party,

687
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 1: and which that's what he is. You know, a guy

688
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 1: who brings out an acoustic at a party and it's

689
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 1: just like, let me just like jam a little bit,

690
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 1: like do some like steel fingered camp fire stuff, and

691
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 1: that's like what makes girls. Then well his whole persona

692
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,880
Speaker 1: is I'm which is you know? I think? Can I

693
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 1: say something Also, as a pianist, piano does not do

694
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: the same thing. You can't really pick up well, you

695
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: can pick up piano, but then you're like at this

696
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 1: like cabaret party on fifty second Street and everyone's life

697
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 1: Steven's playing, let's gather around and sing. Yeah, it's just

698
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 1: a little bit more Oscar wild and yeah, no, I

699
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 1: wouldn't say, yeah, it's not like all these girls just

700
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,919
Speaker 1: being like, fuck, you can play piano. Yeah, And even

701
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 1: guys who are like, oh, it's cool, you can play piano,

702
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 1: they're not just like dripping unless it's kind of in

703
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: this like sexy random rom com way where it's like

704
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,760
Speaker 1: a crowd of people and you're like a super silent

705
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: genius pianist and you're like everyone's like where's that where's

706
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,880
Speaker 1: that sound coming from? And I'm like what Roger like

707
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,920
Speaker 1: the thing that when you play songs on a piano,

708
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 1: like they just sound so like or like musical or

709
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 1: like gershwim, but it's like it doesn't sound like raw. No.

710
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:04,919
Speaker 1: And even I who plays like when you're mediocre league, yeah,

711
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 1: I have a little bit I like never was in

712
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 1: a band or just like have stage fright. So like

713
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,919
Speaker 1: I can't really like be like gather around. I'm gonna

714
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 1: play for Nirvana or whatever you're all gonna be impressed,

715
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 1: because then I'm just gonna be so nervous. Well, but

716
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 1: you can't just like play a cover when you're gonna

717
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: impressed people. You have to like improvise in a way

718
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 1: that feels cool. And it's like improvising the piano, you

719
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 1: just sound like you're the most like weird like autumnal

720
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 1: like wearing the most big velvet cape woman, and like

721
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: the album is called like Seasons of autun Man. It's

722
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 1: just like no one's like, oh fuck, I'm so horny

723
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:41,840
Speaker 1: for Diana Crawl or just like but to John and Jessica,

724
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: it's like, right, she is, you know, here is this

725
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 1: you know guy who's sensitive right supposedly? Well, I mean

726
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 1: the thing is like when you're a sorority girl and

727
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 1: you all you know jocks, it's like you're like, oh,

728
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,800
Speaker 1: here is this guy who's like this, right, a football

729
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 1: player and plays an instrument and so has this like

730
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: you know, she of artistry or intellectualism or something that's

731
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,320
Speaker 1: not just like I am a meathead football player. And

732
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 1: it's like all the guys, it's like Nick is just

733
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,320
Speaker 1: very like, you know, a dumb boy band guy. And

734
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,359
Speaker 1: so it's just like she meets this one person who

735
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 1: can strings a sentence together, and she's like this comes

736
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 1: back to the like, oh I had a conversation with

737
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 1: John Yaxwell for two hours a bar where she's just

738
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 1: like she's just so like floored, and like when she

739
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 1: talks about their relationship, which is insane and very on

740
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 1: and off, and he's like constantly gaslighting here and breaking

741
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 1: up with her and then getting back together over he

742
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: really invented what gaslighting is. Yeah, well is it? Okay?

743
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: Is it gas now? Because now you said that and

744
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 1: I'm putting it in the secular pile where I'm like,

745
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: what does that mean? I'm like, I feel like it

746
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,879
Speaker 1: wasn't even gaslighting. He was just being a dick where

747
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 1: he would just dump her and then get back together

748
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 1: with her. Okay, well this is just crazy. Maybe craziest

749
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 1: part to me about their like on and off is

750
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,479
Speaker 1: once they broke up, she finds out for like months

751
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,760
Speaker 1: and months he had been going over to her parents

752
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:03,360
Speaker 1: how and like playing guitar for them in the backyard,

753
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: and just like so do like that's what I'm actually

754
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 1: like American psycho and like full serial killer, just like

755
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 1: where you're so charming and just I can get anyone

756
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: wrapped around. Well, he actually famously collects watches, and GQ

757
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: is always like John Mayer has collected another fucking dope watch.

758
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, can we when in history did men and

759
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 1: watches become associated? And well, so that's so clue. You

760
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 1: collect watches that just means you're rich. Fuck yeah, I

761
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: mean super today, just like it's like, yeah, if you

762
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 1: collect sneakers, at least there's some like style that's also

763
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 1: an expensive hobby. But you're like, I'm not saying really

764
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 1: prove your point. Watches is just a little more like okay,

765
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 1: so a vintage role X, congrats, I'm sure it's well.

766
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, that can be cont that can be

767
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 1: like ten grand. That's a lot more than sneakers. But no,

768
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 1: I just watches, like I don't know why. Some at

769
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 1: some point in history someone said I'm wearing a watch

770
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,520
Speaker 1: in their compass pocket watches. I don't know what you're

771
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 1: talking about, And you would have a watch collection. I'm jealous.

772
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 1: In high school I loved pocket watches. Then I got

773
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: more retro eighties watches less like you know, it's eighteen

774
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,040
Speaker 1: ninety three, what time does it click? But anyway, so

775
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 1: John Marry and Jessica have this tumultuous relationship where it's

776
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:25,320
Speaker 1: always in secret. See this is the thing where I

777
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 1: don't know if he's gasling. I think he's just a dick.

778
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 1: Where it's like he's kind of embarrassed by her because

779
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 1: she's known to be like stupid, so kind. He's being

780
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 1: the me and he thinks like, she's such a pop

781
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: store and he's this like cool intellectual guitar player, so

782
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, but fucking her right. He calls her

783
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 1: sexual napalm in the famous Playboy interview, and he says like,

784
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 1: I would live on the street if it got to me,

785
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 1: and I could fuck her every day. Okay, Well, he says,

786
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 1: if you, if you, if you told me, I'd have

787
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: to pay ten thousand dollars to fuck her every time.

788
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: I would just start selling all my shit, all of

789
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 1: his fucking individual lexus out the door. I love you're

790
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:05,240
Speaker 1: slowly revealing the issue with John Marris that you actually

791
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 1: just like have a lot in common. Went out just

792
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 1: and you're like, no, I'm Indiana, I like watches fuck you.

793
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 1: I impress the parents. Well okay, but I wouldn't like, okay,

794
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go secretly hang out like with my girlfriend's

795
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:23,879
Speaker 1: parents if we broke up and like hang out with them. Yes,

796
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 1: you would be like, oh oysters one time, okay, Yeah,

797
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 1: if they were like, oh yeah, we're actually just checking

798
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: out just like cool Burmese oyster pop up. Yeah, sure,

799
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 1: I don't know would you do that? Would you like Court? No,

800
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,320
Speaker 1: I wouldn't Court, But I do think there it becomes

801
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,839
Speaker 1: that thing where it's like you still have the x's

802
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 1: mom and your phone and then you and you're just like, oh, like,

803
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,879
Speaker 1: merry Christmas, Christine. I hope you're doing well. I guess

804
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 1: it's super awkward to go over to their house and

805
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 1: like made them tunes around a fire like in Calabasas,

806
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,439
Speaker 1: since you are such a piano man, and I feel

807
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:08,439
Speaker 1: like being a piano man is more of a parent

808
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 1: horny this thing. I could really see you going over

809
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:13,399
Speaker 1: and just being like, hey, Christine, what do you want

810
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 1: to hear Elvis Costello, Janie Mitchell. Hell, let's let's do

811
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 1: Billy Joel Like actually crazy, how moms are the only

812
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: ones who are horny from my piano? Right? So, and

813
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 1: you're there and like this Christine woman is like telling

814
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: her son a year later, just being like, oh, Stephen

815
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,839
Speaker 1: has been playing piano at the home now for a year,

816
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 1: Like that's creepy of her again, like her parents are creepy,

817
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 1: and just like any stage parents are creepy. They're like,

818
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 1: oh yeah, sorry, we just forgot to tell you that

819
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 1: John Mayer came over every night. It's way creepier of

820
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: John because it's like, so you just want to go

821
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:52,720
Speaker 1: over and for sure this like closeted pastor and the wife,

822
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,759
Speaker 1: and you want to just like weirdly continue to insinuate

823
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 1: yourself in Jessica's life after you keep like dumping her

824
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 1: and like not acknowledge relationship publicly and then like writing

825
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 1: some long email being and that it's finally triumphant. Is

826
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: like she realizes he breaks up with her just to

827
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 1: have song material. Well, she breaks up with him when

828
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 1: the Sexual NAPO interview comes out and I have to say,

829
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, out of everything that he did to me,

830
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 1: that's like, doesn't that make you epoch? I was like

831
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: that's a huge compliment. I was like, that's like the

832
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:23,400
Speaker 1: everything else he did do is awful, Like that is

833
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 1: kind of great. I would love for someone to call

834
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 1: me sexual nape on that an interview. I thought they

835
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 1: broke up when like he she's going to see Ashley

836
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:35,800
Speaker 1: Simpson in London and like he's waiting outside of her hotel.

837
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 1: It just comes to a point where she's just like, well,

838
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 1: you know, I met John Mayer once at Neiman Marcus

839
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,800
Speaker 1: in Boston. Oh my god, I've forgotten. He was like

840
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 1: probably buying like an I remember this article with him

841
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:52,320
Speaker 1: about how he would buy like thirty dark gray American

842
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: apparel of VNX at a time. Huh. I mean sure,

843
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 1: I mean it was probably a good idea because I

844
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 1: went out of business exactly stalk up. So take us

845
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 1: to Neiman Marcus downtown Boston. I met Nieman's. I don't

846
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 1: know if I was like shopping there, if I was like,

847
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 1: oh my mother with no I was. I was with

848
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,319
Speaker 1: a friend from high school, A good good friend from

849
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:15,919
Speaker 1: high school. Was not you. And who do I see

850
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: hulking among the racks but John Mayer. And there's a

851
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 1: couple of girls going up to him, and my friends like,

852
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's John Mayer. And I'm like, oh

853
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 1: my god, that's John Mayor. And he's in a hoodie

854
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,880
Speaker 1: and he's huge. I really got the shaggy hair, the

855
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: sort of beach skater hair. He is dsl's full. Dsl's

856
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:37,879
Speaker 1: absolutely massively. He also was like at the height of thin,

857
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 1: right v neck, thin hoodie, maybe under a blazer sometimes

858
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 1: but mostly just kind of that super thin. Yeah, it

859
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 1: was I mean it was two thousand and four, and

860
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 1: you know you can tell he's packing, right, He's just

861
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 1: a large man with large features. It's got to be big.

862
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 1: And I go up with my friend and I was

863
00:45:56,880 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: like so stammering and just like, oh hi, I'm a fan,

864
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 1: and then I made this like really weird. I guess

865
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: it wasn't a joke, but I was trying to connect

866
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 1: with him, and I was like, oh, I saw an

867
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 1: acapella group do a performance of your body as a

868
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 1: wonder Land recently. Okay, like when I meet celebrities, which

869
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 1: is you know, obviously rare. When you made this lab like,

870
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:19,840
Speaker 1: I'm just fully starstruck, like I fall to silence, I mute,

871
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:23,800
Speaker 1: like lock my lips, and you do come up with

872
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 1: like super random one liners. Because when we met SJP

873
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 1: at the Nantucket Aid's gala, I was just like, and

874
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:36,720
Speaker 1: you asked her if she gets to keep her clothes

875
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: from Sex and the City and if they're in storage

876
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:40,800
Speaker 1: or like what was her storage, right, And then she

877
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 1: was like, oh, archived them. Yeah, I mean I'm so

878
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 1: e news right, you're Ross Matthews, Hey, Joan, hey Joan,

879
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 1: so uh yeah, I hear from the press junk kid,

880
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:55,360
Speaker 1: Do you want to know what he said in response

881
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 1: to the a cappella comm at, because it was very him.

882
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 1: He goes, it still won't get them laid though. Oh

883
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: he was like nasty. Yeah, he was like fucking like

884
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 1: high school acapella troup is like de listle I mean

885
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 1: honestly t Yeah, acapella groups you don't get late. It's

886
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 1: like the most d list thing that's correct until you

887
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:17,440
Speaker 1: get to like Lessen, you're one of those ivy alcapella

888
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:19,320
Speaker 1: groups that do like really well, and you become like

889
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 1: a different league of like corny, nerdy person. I will

890
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,440
Speaker 1: say that the acapella comment that he made, like I

891
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 1: didn't quite get it at first, but I felt like

892
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 1: I knew that I had to be kind of like,

893
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 1: I don't know, a shamed or cowed in some way.

894
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:36,920
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, like I guess like a loser,

895
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 1: I'm a virgin. I'm a virgin somehow it's like and

896
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 1: I was a virgin, so again that was accurate. Um.

897
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 1: But I do remember being like, Okay, this person is

898
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,600
Speaker 1: tall but wearing normal clothes, and that's interesting. And I

899
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 1: do think that celebrities in general, they're never the height

900
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 1: that you think they are, and they're always in more

901
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:56,800
Speaker 1: normal clothes. And when Jessica Simpson at Disney World, she

902
00:47:56,920 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: gets mistaken for Britney Spears. Do you remember that part?

903
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: I wish she'd just been like, I was wearing a

904
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 1: Ralph Floren large white tank and jeans from Leviyes. She goes,

905
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:15,440
Speaker 1: I was wearing my Mickey ears and my vintage Mickey

906
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 1: Mouse Club shirt that I got when I auditioned, and

907
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,320
Speaker 1: it's like she never made it to Mickey Mouse. And

908
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 1: this woman comes up to her and is like Britney

909
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 1: Spears and she already like had the selfie ready and

910
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:30,880
Speaker 1: takes a pick. And then the woman runs into her

911
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 1: the next day of the pool and it's like, I

912
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 1: am so sorry you are Jessica Simpson, And last night

913
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 1: my husband and I prayed that we would see you

914
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,840
Speaker 1: again and again it's like everyone so Christian kind of

915
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 1: I come in the L word of lesbian. That's everyone's Christian.

916
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:46,959
Speaker 1: I guess a lot of people are Christian in this world.

917
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 1: But she's like this woman just that obviously Disneyland just

918
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 1: been like and I prayed all night long that I

919
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:55,479
Speaker 1: would run into you and get to like fix my mistake. Oh,

920
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:57,800
Speaker 1: I mean it's like fine, you fix the mistake, but

921
00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: that's still fucking hurt like a dad. And so that

922
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 1: I would be. I would be mortified if you're at

923
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 1: Disneyland with your family, your family and somebody, like if

924
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 1: somebody mistook me for another just like Comedian, I would

925
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 1: actually jump off a bridge. No, you would be like

926
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,359
Speaker 1: just talking to yourself on a roller coaster. You would

927
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 1: just be like, oh, Steward Star. And then we'd be

928
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 1: at like the pretzel like Hacienda factory later and you're

929
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,399
Speaker 1: just like again just like shoving pretzels in your mouch,

930
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 1: just being like damn. I was like, what's wrong with Steven?

931
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:32,919
Speaker 1: But anyway, all these paints, I mean, they just add

932
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 1: up to Jessica failing. Yeah, that thing and at one

933
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: point why with vodka? This okay, this trip I felt

934
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 1: was so uh. So she wants to because she's already

935
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 1: had her kids and her and her husband are like

936
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 1: drinking so much, but they're like super happy. Um, and

937
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 1: she was in a trip and she wants to get

938
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: a surgery to get her what do you call it

939
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: stretch marks removed? And her doctor calls her and talks

940
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:55,920
Speaker 1: for her assistance, like I need to talk to her assistants,

941
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: like it's her thirty fifth, like Jessica's time to anyone

942
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: to kill a sha And he's like, no, literally, I

943
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 1: need to talk to her. And he calls her and

944
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 1: he's like your liver levels or pretty high, like very

945
00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 1: big an style. He's like you're gonna die and she's like,

946
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 1: well not tonight like tequila, but I mean you can't

947
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: once you know. Oh no, That's why I'm saying, like

948
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,719
Speaker 1: I super relate to that. If you told me I

949
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 1: couldn't have to stop drinking my thirty fifth, I would

950
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, you're like, honey with the ship is

951
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 1: already left the more the girl yacht is already on

952
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 1: the water by Yady has left the harbor. We are

953
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:45,319
Speaker 1: drinking recess on the Yaks segment Boots. How does she live?

954
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:49,759
Speaker 1: How does she wear? What does she eat? Okay, what

955
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 1: does she eat? She talks about totally insane being quito

956
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 1: and um, She's like, well everyone else is having fun.

957
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 1: I was melting velvita cheese on a slice of turkey.

958
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 1: I mean sure, eating style is disgusting, Like I mean,

959
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:07,320
Speaker 1: she defines like grilled chicken Marble count like Island, and

960
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 1: then she's always doing like grilled chicken nachos on and

961
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:13,239
Speaker 1: it's like but she's getting like it's like the grilled

962
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: chicken that comes like pre pre grilled with like with

963
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 1: lime from like whatever. That like it's like a Purdue sacket. Yeah, sacket,

964
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,880
Speaker 1: like a sack of chicken, like a female sack, a

965
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: sack at And you know, now I'm sure she's more

966
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 1: just home delivery meals. Yeah, she's she's getting gold belly

967
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 1: left and right. She is like goldbelling her favorite, like

968
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 1: Houston barbecue, and she's like tonight for Valentine's, It's like

969
00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 1: I feel like it's Valentine's there around the clock of yeah,

970
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 1: and it's just like anniversaries Valentine's Tonight, we're doing our

971
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 1: favorite Houston raw bar, barbecue, frozen seas. It's like Rock

972
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 1: and MoMA sushi, my favorite, like a lamb locked sushi

973
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 1: restaurant that I'm getting heard in Mayo, and I think

974
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:05,319
Speaker 1: she's ordering a lot and like loves Mexican food. I mean,

975
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 1: obviously she's also I mean what I do love about

976
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 1: her is she she keeps describing her alife. Is she

977
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: was always the host, the party host, and so it's

978
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:15,800
Speaker 1: like her house was gather was she she loves to

979
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:18,399
Speaker 1: gather and like she's the kind of like TJ Max

980
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,439
Speaker 1: mom who has the sign that says a place to gather,

981
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 1: but like she actually means she No, she's not fucking

982
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:26,360
Speaker 1: fake about it. And I think she just has a

983
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 1: chef basically, and or there are chefs in and out

984
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:30,799
Speaker 1: that she doesn't even and there's always like big trays.

985
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:34,319
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, well, there's like leftover chicken and treladas

986
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 1: from our last Halloween party. This is what her food silist.

987
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,440
Speaker 1: She is a big island covered in tinfoil trays. Yeah,

988
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 1: if there's always signed up, that's what it's like. It

989
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if it's Super Bowl Sunday or if it's

990
00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 1: just a random fucking twoes. It's like she's the kind

991
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: of someone who always has tinfoil trays on the island. Well,

992
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 1: and she refers to like how her and Eric like

993
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 1: thought they were like Jim Morrison of like having all

994
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:59,080
Speaker 1: their friends over to their like house, just being like, yeah,

995
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 1: I would like the sixties, the sixties, we're all hanging out.

996
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 1: And he thought he was Jim Martin and it's like, okay, Jessica, No,

997
00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:11,520
Speaker 1: but like you having like tons of catering trays of

998
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 1: like Enchilattison sushi, is now you being Jim Morrison and

999
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 1: just like drinking vodka out of your Live left Love tumbler. Shake,

1000
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:22,800
Speaker 1: shake shake. I I do I do respect that. I

1001
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 1: do think it's super generous to have the trays and

1002
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 1: to have people and to just be like help yourself. Well,

1003
00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:30,239
Speaker 1: and she's i think made peace also, you know, to

1004
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 1: an extent with her body, because there's one point where

1005
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 1: she says her daughter's like mom, like crystal Na Nathan's

1006
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:40,839
Speaker 1: mom says, I but bread is bad and I can't

1007
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: have it, and she's like no, like you are going

1008
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:46,239
Speaker 1: to have gluten. Like I'm not going to have a

1009
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 1: five year old to have a fear of gluten. Let's

1010
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 1: not start that trauma now. Absolutely not, at least wait

1011
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:59,320
Speaker 1: until Madison Avenue drills. Um, how does she live the most? Okay?

1012
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:03,279
Speaker 1: These that she had newlyweds, Like, yes, she has all

1013
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:04,799
Speaker 1: new stuff and that was years ago, but I'm sure

1014
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 1: she has. It was massive, massive, massive dining room table,

1015
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 1: micro fiber banquet chairs. So I think it's actually I

1016
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 1: know that I think it's swayed times. Yeah, it's a

1017
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 1: swede because exactly what I was thinking. It's got the

1018
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 1: studs on it. Oh, the studs all shaking, shaking my boots.

1019
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 1: Her furniture is like bigger than any furniture that like

1020
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 1: anyone has ever seen. It's like you walk in its honey,

1021
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 1: I shrunk the kids. Yeah, that's like the hugest cabinets,

1022
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 1: the huge just entertainment centers, the biggest TV, the hutches,

1023
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 1: the king highest beds, big light kind of trying and

1024
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:45,880
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I'm these like quote unquote like girly

1025
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:49,719
Speaker 1: princess lamps. There's an indoor grill. There's an outdoor grill,

1026
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,719
Speaker 1: outdoor kitchendoor kitchen. There's a full kitchen in the like

1027
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:55,520
Speaker 1: basement rumpus room. There's a full kitchen in the upstairs

1028
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,320
Speaker 1: in the bonus room where they have like a little

1029
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: sank tount. There's cure eggs everywhere, like every bathro right,

1030
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,840
Speaker 1: Like the curic man comes to the house and they're like,

1031
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:10,399
Speaker 1: got another lord for you. She's getting a dumb truck

1032
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 1: full of pods every week, fresh pods, fresh flowers. Her

1033
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:16,720
Speaker 1: and her husband keep a trash bin of oyster shells

1034
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 1: by their bed because it's an aphrodisiac, so that's like

1035
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 1: just used oyst like, but they must be like dried,

1036
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:25,279
Speaker 1: you know, in like such a cape cod oh, because

1037
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 1: at first I was like you fucking wet ass, I

1038
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 1: know it's so wet. No, you're right, like a dry

1039
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 1: like a shell that a girl has on like you

1040
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 1: in in urban fittish catalog. Yes, lamp succulent ye, But

1041
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:38,080
Speaker 1: it's like the trash can't. I'm really curious about this

1042
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: trash can And I mean I think as we basically learned,

1043
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 1: like Jessica's like really good in bed, it's like, yeah,

1044
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:50,080
Speaker 1: she fucks. There's one thing about Jessica. She fucks, and

1045
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 1: maybe there's something to be said for being a virgin

1046
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 1: for a while. Yeah, she's like she realized it's all

1047
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 1: about the emotion and then she went full Okay in

1048
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 1: cuming fairy um, super Christian girls who wait to have

1049
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,600
Speaker 1: sex till they're married are the craziest in bad Okay. Yes,

1050
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:07,360
Speaker 1: I was gonna say they're kind of the repression the

1051
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,800
Speaker 1: gay men of the straight world, because gay men also

1052
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 1: like wait to have sex because they like don't meet

1053
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 1: at the school, so it's like I didn't lose. We're

1054
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,279
Speaker 1: also same with like lesbians. Okay, I also didn't have

1055
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,480
Speaker 1: sex like untold college, but not really talking about you're

1056
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 1: like um and again like sorry they don't count, so

1057
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 1: just ye sorry girls and gays, girls and gay gay

1058
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:33,360
Speaker 1: girls and gays, And it's like that waiting keeps it

1059
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 1: all pent up and then once you start fucking, you

1060
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:39,279
Speaker 1: don't stop totally. But I also think the Christianity and

1061
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:41,879
Speaker 1: the repression it's so bad because it's like so good.

1062
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 1: Well yeah, that's the thing though. It's like I feel

1063
00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 1: like Christianity, even more so than almost sex ready day,

1064
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:49,359
Speaker 1: is like something that you never really get to rub out.

1065
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,640
Speaker 1: It's so because then you're gay and all of a sudden,

1066
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:53,839
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, you've been gay for a while, Yeah

1067
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 1: you've forgotten about you forgot about like being closet and

1068
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 1: how traumatizing it was, whatever, move on. But it's like Christianity, guys,

1069
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:03,320
Speaker 1: oh it's with you. Yeah. I mean my mother Catholic,

1070
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,239
Speaker 1: you know, she's never going to scrub that off. No, no, no,

1071
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,840
Speaker 1: So that's what I'm saying. I'm Jessica. But also in

1072
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 1: the Jessica. Once you're Christian. That's the thing. She's like,

1073
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 1: it is my duty to fuck the ship out of

1074
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 1: my husband. I will fuck my husband. God is watching it,

1075
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:22,200
Speaker 1: and God approves, and he's sitting on a massive, massive

1076
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 1: sexual couchu wiffair approving of me fucking my husband with

1077
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:29,880
Speaker 1: oyster shells. Where it's just like, okay, so now every

1078
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:31,760
Speaker 1: time you have sex, it's just like and this is

1079
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 1: a beautiful union in the eyes of God. It's like

1080
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 1: every time you penetrate, it's a union. I don't think

1081
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 1: every time I feel her and kind of in her

1082
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 1: mind she I think every time Eric is very tan trick. Yeah,

1083
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 1: there are no quickies in the Simpson household. I could

1084
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,680
Speaker 1: see her. Actually, she's like being the man and she's

1085
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:51,680
Speaker 1: like Eric, like, come fuck me on top of like

1086
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:56,080
Speaker 1: our massive watching machine laundry room putch den and there's

1087
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 1: of course a sixty five inch TV in the laundry room. No,

1088
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 1: and there's like so there's like such a like a

1089
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 1: folding station that's like a full island snacks, a fridge,

1090
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 1: more cure eggs. Um. Okay, what does she wear? What

1091
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:12,760
Speaker 1: does she wear? I mean, as I was saying earlier.

1092
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:16,600
Speaker 1: She's like she says her favorite style is huge hoodie,

1093
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:20,800
Speaker 1: little shorts, flip flops, and obviously her her like Coals

1094
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: line is just like very coals. It's like it's like,

1095
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's kind of Southern Christian like sweater

1096
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 1: big vnex better with Christian girl autumn y. You know

1097
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 1: a lot of arm skirts. Yeah, the holes. It's a

1098
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:39,480
Speaker 1: huge billowing arms with armholes. It's also like the tightest

1099
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 1: a lot of boots. The denim is so paint on

1100
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:45,400
Speaker 1: and like like rah. Yeah, I wonder if she has

1101
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 1: introduced like a wide calf boot. I'm sure she has

1102
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:51,800
Speaker 1: for women of like wider calf experience. Yeah, I would

1103
00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:55,320
Speaker 1: love to go to the coals safely and distance and

1104
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 1: see if I could dry on some of her boots

1105
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 1: because I have one of my biggest insecurities. I've pretty

1106
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 1: big calfs. Okay, I feel like I've heard you say

1107
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:06,320
Speaker 1: in the past, though, that you wish your calves were bigger. No,

1108
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 1: I've never said that. That's why I was so hesitant

1109
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:12,520
Speaker 1: to get into to wear my socks high, because I

1110
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 1: thought it made my cast look even bigger. Right, But

1111
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 1: you know that a bigger calf would make your ankle

1112
00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:20,400
Speaker 1: look smaller, which is then I realized after wearing my

1113
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 1: socks high. And I just want to congratulate Jessica in

1114
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,760
Speaker 1: the kind of what does she wear again? I think

1115
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:30,480
Speaker 1: she made her deal with the Vince Vince Kimudo the brand.

1116
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 1: Her licensing deal. She was like and a deal Like

1117
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:36,720
Speaker 1: they met at Macy's and it was just like no

1118
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 1: one had ever made a licensing deal like that. Oh,

1119
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:42,919
Speaker 1: because she like she fought for her more percentage points

1120
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 1: or something. Yeah, it was She's so Lorie Grinder, She's

1121
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 1: so shark Tank. She was like everyone else like I

1122
00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 1: fought for like a crazy percentage. And that's why she's

1123
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 1: so fucking rich because kind of before this book, like

1124
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:57,680
Speaker 1: you like you know she's perfume and stuff, but you're

1125
00:59:57,680 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 1: like what and then like there'll be a click beata

1126
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 1: article that will be like richest celebrity in the world,

1127
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 1: and it's like Jessica Simpson because she has three hundred

1128
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 1: billion dollar licensing deal. She knew she's done, but she

1129
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:10,720
Speaker 1: knew what to do. She saw it. She saw all

1130
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:15,120
Speaker 1: those perfume luclaws, saw those moms, those Southern moms, those

1131
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:18,360
Speaker 1: friendly Christian ladies, and she said, chet ching, chet ching.

1132
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 1: Dillard's let's go have we haven't talked about who are

1133
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,439
Speaker 1: we in the book? Oh my god, we always forget

1134
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:26,560
Speaker 1: about this time. Know well, I think that we know

1135
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 1: that you're John Mayer, as we've discovered. I didn't think

1136
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:33,360
Speaker 1: I was, but I was gonna say I'm Johnny Knoxville.

1137
01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 1: But clearly I'm John Mayne. And that's where all your

1138
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 1: internal conflict comes from. Are you Willie Nelson? Oh? I

1139
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:43,080
Speaker 1: was gonna say, Ashley, Oh, because I love London, right,

1140
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 1: and you're like this like sassy younger sister and sassy

1141
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:49,400
Speaker 1: younger sister. We used to drive, well, you would drive.

1142
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:52,160
Speaker 1: You would scare me to death, blasting the Ashley Simpson

1143
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:56,360
Speaker 1: album going one hundred miles an hour on the Tobin Bridge, right,

1144
01:00:56,560 --> 01:01:00,440
Speaker 1: I mean, but terrifying. That album was just so emotional

1145
01:01:01,040 --> 01:01:05,000
Speaker 1: autobiography La La you know you make me want a

1146
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:07,960
Speaker 1: La La in the kitchen on the floor. I'll be

1147
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:12,440
Speaker 1: a franchman that had attitude. Yeah, okay, so you're Ashley.

1148
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:14,800
Speaker 1: You're this crazy? And also I think she was for

1149
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 1: her Notes job. Oh wait, actually did get a Notes

1150
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 1: out this year, so I'm post you're Ashley Simpson. I'm

1151
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:23,640
Speaker 1: John Mayer done, let's record an album. So our next

1152
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 1: book is going to be by A Now, I guess

1153
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 1: uncancelled comedian A Z's unsorry, truly not sure if his

1154
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 1: canceled status. Um, you know from Parks and Rack, his

1155
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:37,560
Speaker 1: show Master of None, and his book is called Modern Romance.

1156
01:01:37,640 --> 01:01:42,400
Speaker 1: It's about singles and laid swiping, left, swiping right, where

1157
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:46,000
Speaker 1: are we swiping? Okay, what happened? It's actually I feel

1158
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:47,960
Speaker 1: like it's going to be very friendly wwitz, like what

1159
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 1: happened to meeting someone at a bar? Yeah? I mean

1160
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 1: I feel like that is not going to be that

1161
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:59,200
Speaker 1: friendly Witz because he actually is probably very protent or yeah,

1162
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 1: because it's gonna be more like tender strategies and him

1163
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:03,800
Speaker 1: just being like, dude, you got to play the field.

1164
01:02:03,960 --> 01:02:06,560
Speaker 1: You gotta flirt like an economist, get your duck in

1165
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:11,640
Speaker 1: every row, you know. Yeah, he's also sensitive. Well we'll see.

1166
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:13,600
Speaker 1: He doesn't struck me as like so nostalgic for like

1167
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:16,960
Speaker 1: the sixties and like diners. I think he's nostalgic for

1168
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:20,000
Speaker 1: diners actually, but he's so pop up and like he's

1169
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 1: so awesines pop up and just like a Thai food.

1170
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:27,320
Speaker 1: Please gold belly. He's so gold belly. He's he's like, oh,

1171
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:30,920
Speaker 1: I'm gold bellying everything. He like launched three vodka collabs

1172
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,840
Speaker 1: this week, and just like Nashville Fried, like hot fried chicken,

1173
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,120
Speaker 1: and like the white sauce and the special sauce. So

1174
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 1: we're gonna get into it all. Okay, all the disease

1175
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:43,720
Speaker 1: fisitioned for Master of Not didn't get the part, Well

1176
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:46,760
Speaker 1: grieve next week for that one. Um, thank you so

1177
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:51,040
Speaker 1: much for listening. Great like, subscribe, um, and tell your friends,

1178
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:54,000
Speaker 1: and tell your parents and their friends, and your aunts

1179
01:02:54,040 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 1: and your cousins and their cousins and any friends who

1180
01:02:57,040 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 1: may be expecting. I'm sure you know. I'm sure they're

1181
01:02:59,160 --> 01:03:20,120
Speaker 1: probably pretty str right now, guys to fund good tip. Okay, best, Hey, y'all,

1182
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 1: I want to tell you about the good people that

1183
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:26,920
Speaker 1: made this episode happen. Celebrity Book Club is presented by

1184
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:30,680
Speaker 1: Prolo Projects and Headgum. The show is produced by my

1185
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:35,760
Speaker 1: sister in God, Meg Murnin, with editorial support from my

1186
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:40,560
Speaker 1: pastor Andrew Parsons and his pastor Leon Nate Fock. Engineering

1187
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:45,960
Speaker 1: by Ferris Manchi. Original theme song by my organist Stephen

1188
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:49,280
Speaker 1: Phillips Horst artwork by Teddy Blanks at Chips and Why.

1189
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:53,000
Speaker 1: Follow us on Twitter at CBC the Pod, Subscribe on

1190
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:56,520
Speaker 1: your favorite podcast app, leave us a review. I don't

1191
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:59,200
Speaker 1: forget to tell your friends about us. It would mean

1192
01:03:59,240 --> 01:04:13,640
Speaker 1: the world to me. That was a headgum podcast.