1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,480 Speaker 1: I don't want to do with select. My name's Chuck. 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,040 Speaker 1: I don't want to pick out a select and do 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: an intro for this one. I don't want to work. 4 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,640 Speaker 1: See that was play acting everyone. This is called how 5 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: Temper Tantrums work, And that was an example of a 6 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: temper tantrum. This is from and it was a good one. 7 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: It was um before I had a kid, and it 8 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:26,760 Speaker 1: really was instructive on how things were gonna go once 9 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 1: I did have a kid. But I gotta tell you, 10 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: I'm five years into this thing, and she's great. She 11 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,160 Speaker 1: rarely ever has thrown temper tantrums in her whole life. 12 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:35,239 Speaker 1: She can be a real paint in the butt, but 13 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,840 Speaker 1: she's never been a tantrum thrower. So I'm gonna listen 14 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: to this one again. Actually right along with you. Welcome 15 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:54,520 Speaker 1: to Stuff you should Know, a production of I Heart Radio. Hey, 16 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: and welcome to the podcast. I'm Josh Clark Bush, Charles 17 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: Chuck Bryant, and again we have our guest producer Noel. 18 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: He's thrashing about on the ground, vomiting, screaming, capillaries bursting 19 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 1: in his cheeks, all because we wouldn't give him a 20 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: third pork chop not true. Yeah, boy, temper tantrums or 21 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,639 Speaker 1: I always feel so bad for the parents in public, 22 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: you know, Oh really, I always think like, you screwed 23 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 1: up your kid already. See you're so wrong. And we're 24 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: about to dispel that. Yeah it's true, although I did 25 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: see a UM, we're about to talk a lot about 26 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,759 Speaker 1: why it's not the parents fault. But I did some 27 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,120 Speaker 1: extra research and there are experts that say you can 28 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: also be a bad parent and that could lead to 29 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,399 Speaker 1: temper tantrums. Like, we don't want to blame parents, but 30 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: you can definitely play a part. And we as a 31 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: society of said, uh, from this age to this age, 32 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: temper tantrums are normal. And then after that then apparently 33 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: it's like the bad parenting really shines through and then 34 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 1: they think like, yeah, there's some real problems this kid 35 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 1: has and it's largely because of bad parenting or a 36 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:12,240 Speaker 1: bad home environment, or troubles during pregnancy like abuse, things 37 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 1: like that. Um, that can all lead to temper tantrums 38 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: that turn into something else after a certain age. Yeah, 39 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: this whole thing, it makes me kind of uncomfortable. But 40 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:29,919 Speaker 1: just parenting advice period is so like subjective and individual Yeah, 41 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 1: it's it's always feel like people shouldn't tell other people 42 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 1: how to parent, But I also I feel like they're 43 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: probably some pretty good guidelines to parenting too. So yeah, 44 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 1: and if you go back and look at, um, the 45 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: history of parenting, yeah, like it wasn't too long ago 46 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: that it was. It kind of seems to go on 47 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: a cycle. Like in the eighteenth century. Um Rousseau, the 48 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 1: Great Enlightenment thinker, basically was one of the first to say, 49 00:02:56,240 --> 00:03:02,239 Speaker 1: you know what, maybe kids aren't just internature adults and 50 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: like maybe child like something special. It's a time of development. 51 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 1: We should you know, become less parent centric and more 52 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:14,920 Speaker 1: child centric as far as parenthood goes. And um, that 53 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,359 Speaker 1: really kind of sparked this different idea of you know, 54 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 1: treating kids as kids rather than adults. And then that 55 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: was replaced later on by the whole like discipline and 56 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: all that of the late nineteenth early twentieth century, and 57 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 1: then that was replaced by the idea that kids their 58 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 1: childhood should be indulged, you know. And then Russo said, boy, 59 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: fetch me in my feather, I need to throw up? 60 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: Is that from fletch, No, fletch. This is what came 61 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: to mind. No, I just thought it'd be funny. You know, 62 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: I need to throw up, you know, the benjing and 63 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: purging back in the day, eat till you can't eat 64 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 1: anymore than you stick a feather it on your throat 65 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: and vomited it up. Supposedly, the vomitorium thing is a myth. 66 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: Have you heard that in Rome? Ancient Rome, vomitoriums they 67 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: supposedly had like pieces for that. I haven't heard. They 68 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 1: were a myth. Supposedly their myth mythological and not like 69 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 1: the Menatar, like a real myth, not like they want 70 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,280 Speaker 1: you to think it's a myth. Got Okay, So we're 71 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: talking temper tantrums, and we've already kind of said, um 72 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: that during a certain period of your life, they're normal. 73 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 1: It's actually you would be a weird kid if you 74 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: didn't have a temper tantrum pretty frequently. Not weird, but 75 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: you would be in the minority for sure. Okay, but 76 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:41,280 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you're weird. Comparatively speaking, it means you're weird. 77 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:47,039 Speaker 1: So like, from age one to age three ish, they 78 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 1: basically say, I have have your temper tantrums. It's normal. Yeah, 79 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: between fifty if you want a statistic of two to 80 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 1: three year old boys and girls have at least one 81 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 1: tantrum per week, and UM have a tantrum every day. Yeah, 82 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: those kids are fun between those those years. Yeah. Uh. 83 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 1: And then there was another study from the University of Minnesota. 84 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 1: I found even higher rates. UM. Nine percent of children 85 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 1: in this study between the ages of thirty, thirty months 86 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: and three years UM had a tantrum on a weekly basis. Right, 87 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 1: so it happens. If you had a kid, you've probably 88 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: had it happened. If you don't have kids yet, it 89 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 1: will happen to you. And if you have a kid 90 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: that doesn't have tantrums, they're weird. No, you're just lucky. Yeah, 91 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: you are pretty lucky. I wasn't a tantrum thrower. I know, 92 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,080 Speaker 1: I'm sure I was, but I think I was a 93 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: pretty good kid. Yeah, I'm in saying it never happened 94 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: with me, but I was pretty chill. Yes the gate. Yeah, 95 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 1: my brother in law and sister in law lucked out 96 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,240 Speaker 1: a good kid who's like more hard on herself than 97 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 1: like they are on her. That's the best self regulating kids. Yeah, 98 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 1: she's good and she's like right in the age two 99 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:02,479 Speaker 1: and she's very good. So she's weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 1: weird and all the all the best ways. The good 101 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: news is, um, by the time they reach four or five, 102 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: you should be seeing a large drop off or complete 103 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: cessation of these tantrums. Yeah. And the reason why we 104 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:23,160 Speaker 1: say the age um, that there is an age for 105 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,279 Speaker 1: this to end, is because we finally figured out that 106 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,840 Speaker 1: the mechanisms involved in temperate tantrums. Yeah, it's a thing. 107 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: It's not just my kid's pain in the butter, he's 108 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,720 Speaker 1: in a bad mood, or he's spoiled. It's there's there's 109 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 1: brain activity that is causing this to happen. Yes, specifically 110 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,040 Speaker 1: in the prefrontal cortex, or we should say there's a 111 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 1: lack of activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is the 112 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,280 Speaker 1: last part of the brain to evolve. Yeah, like it 113 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: up until your eighteenth birthday, prefonal cortex is still evolving, right, Yes, 114 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: and developing, is I think what we mean? Yes, yes, 115 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 1: we do. Both said evolved, but it's true. I mean, 116 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,839 Speaker 1: you know, the Victorians used to think that if you 117 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,599 Speaker 1: looked inside an egg, you would see the animal that 118 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: species go through its full evolution, that that was its 119 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 1: process of development, And it kind of makes sense to 120 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 1: an extent, especially if you think of the brain, like 121 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: I'm sure the brain stem is the first part of 122 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: the brain to be constructed in utero, you know, and 123 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: then it goes all the way like after birth. Your 124 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 1: brain is still developing, and it's probably the most sophisticated 125 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: regions of the brain that take the longest to develop. 126 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 1: That makes sense. So the victorians were right all along 127 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 1: about throwing up All right, well should we talk about 128 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 1: what the tantrum? That there was a doctor who clearly 129 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: has uh some masochistic tendencies because he did a study 130 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: in which he rigged toddlers with microphones. He's the temper 131 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: tantrum specialist. He's like the guy he's definitely a masochist. Yeah. No, 132 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: I'm saying, God bless this guy, because it is not 133 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: fun work to chord and analyze audio tapes of temper 134 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 1: tantrums over and over and over. But that's what he did, 135 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: and he did find some patterns. First of all, they 136 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: only last a few minutes. Parents, it might seem like 137 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: an eternity there in target while your kid is like 138 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 1: buried in the clothes rack screaming, But it's only going 139 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 1: to be a few minutes, and then ten minutes later, 140 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: your kid has just probably forgotten about it, even though 141 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: you have not. The He also found that UM, based 142 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: on the types of sounds that the kids made, they 143 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: can basically be classified as sad sounds and angry sounds. 144 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,080 Speaker 1: And he found that his name is Michael Protagal, and 145 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: Portagal found that UM, rather than one giving into the 146 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: other leading into the other, they're pretty much simultaneous. And 147 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 1: then once the anger, it's basically you have sadness all along, 148 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: and then it's overlaid with anger. And then once the 149 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: anger subsides, all this left to sadness, and now the 150 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 1: healing can begin because when kids are sad, they want 151 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,959 Speaker 1: to be comforted, so they go to you, the parent 152 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: hopefully yeah, um, and and then the temper tantrum can subside. Yeah. 153 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: And he broke it down into three phase three stages. Uh, 154 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: you get your yelling and screaming. You've got your physical actions, 155 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: which is what we talked about, like throwing yourself on 156 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: the floor, and that's what you typically think of, like 157 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: kicking and screaming, and then um or biting, and then 158 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,559 Speaker 1: you've got your whimpering and whining, which is the third 159 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 1: and saddest stage right to witness, because the kid has 160 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 1: just played out at this point and it's really sad. Yeah. 161 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:41,440 Speaker 1: And protocol also found that if the kid goes straight 162 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:46,080 Speaker 1: into the physical stage, Yes, the tantrum is even shorter lived. 163 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,200 Speaker 1: I think because they text themselves more quickly. Yeah, that 164 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 1: makes sense. Uh. And these we talked earlier about Noel's 165 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 1: tantrum before we came in and how his face is flushed. 166 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,320 Speaker 1: That is something that can happen if they are screaming 167 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,680 Speaker 1: loud enough, they and pop blood vessels in the face 168 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: and capillaries, and they can induce vomiting. It can get 169 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: like really serious and violent and disturbing. Inducing vomiting is funny. 170 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: You don't just wouldn't you just be like, you stupid kid? 171 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: What is wrong with you? You just screamed until you 172 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,600 Speaker 1: threw up? Yeah. I think that's a good approach. Well, 173 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 1: I mean you don't say, certainly think alright, So back, yeah, stupid, 174 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 1: Back to the prefrontal cortex. Uh. We said it develops 175 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: very Uh, I don't know about slowly, but it develops 176 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: over the course of your life until you're about eighteen. Um. 177 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: But it doesn't even start to till you're four and 178 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: they think the reason why, or not necessarily the reason 179 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 1: why they think. Because of this this malleability and plasticity 180 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 1: in the prefrontal cortex, we are able to acquire language 181 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: skills as humans. So it's kind of a trade off 182 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 1: because while we can acquire language skills while our p 183 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 1: is developing, we don't have the emotional stability that we 184 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 1: have later on in life with the fully developed PFC, 185 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: because the prefrontal cortex is in charge of regulating our 186 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 1: emotional stability. Yeah, and basically saying like whoa, it's the 187 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 1: part of the it's the joey part of the brain, right, 188 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: So your kid, your kid doesn't have the joey part 189 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 1: of the brain yet. There is since you brought up language, 190 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 1: there is a um there's a conflict between what the 191 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: kid can understand and then relay back to you at 192 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: that age, like they may be able to understand what 193 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,240 Speaker 1: you're saying, but they can't speak the words yet. So 194 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: you've got a really frustrated kid because it can't get 195 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: out what it wants to say. And then you've got 196 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: the prefrontal cortex not doing anything yet, right, it's not 197 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 1: putting the brakes on. Yeah, so that is a tantrum. 198 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,679 Speaker 1: I mean, that's a recipe for a tantrum. And why 199 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:53,559 Speaker 1: don't you stew on that for a minute while we 200 00:11:53,640 --> 00:12:11,800 Speaker 1: take a message break because that was some heavy stuff. Okay, 201 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: so we're back. We just talked about the prefrontal cortex 202 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: and you, Chuck just explained what a temper tantrum is. Yeah, 203 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:23,400 Speaker 1: because we all have like moments of frustration. We all 204 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 1: have um times when like we act out a little bit, 205 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 1: like you know, this light bulb is supposed to work, 206 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: you know that kind of thing, or road rage. That's 207 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 1: an adult temper tantrum exactly, you know, But we have 208 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 1: prefrontal cortex is we've been socialized to feel embarrassed for 209 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: acting out. Um, if you took that away and shrunk 210 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 1: us down by several feet, you would have what's a 211 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: normal temper tantrum and kids. Yeah, and we also should 212 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 1: point out that the fight or flight kicks into a 213 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 1: big shot of cortis all happens, and so everything is 214 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 1: just messed up. Like it's a wonder your kid doesn't 215 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,480 Speaker 1: have more of these, right when you think about that, 216 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 1: So that frustration, Um, does trigger cortisol. It triggers Norah 217 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: and ephron. Uh, your fight or flight syndrome or responses 218 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: kicked into high gear. And again you have nothing to 219 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 1: put the brakes on all of this. What's interesting is, Um, 220 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 1: some of the physical signs that the fight or flight 221 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 1: responses kicked in are also signs that your kids about 222 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:36,600 Speaker 1: to have like a major meltdown. Things like, um, you're breathing, flesh, skin, sweating, sweating, 223 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: pupils dilated, drooling and spitting. Yeah, all these things where 224 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 1: I like, you see your kids starting to do that, 225 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 1: you just felling the exorcists gonna blow yes. And the reason, um, 226 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 1: they stop or at least taper off by the ages 227 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: of four or five is because you're the joey part 228 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,679 Speaker 1: of your brain starts to work and the kid can 229 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,880 Speaker 1: now talk to you and all of these kind of 230 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,760 Speaker 1: undo and the kids like that was the problem because 231 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,840 Speaker 1: they can now tell you that, right, I couldn't talk. Yeah, 232 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: it smelled like chili dogs all the time, and I tried. 233 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 1: I just couldn't tell you that. Yeah, in my PFC 234 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,120 Speaker 1: wasn't working. So what am I to do? Just go 235 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 1: berserk exactly? Um. The thing is is like, yes, your 236 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 1: kid is going to likely age out of this. If 237 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 1: your kid doesn't age out of it, then perhaps it's 238 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: time to consult a specialist, say around five six years 239 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 1: of age, usually six, I think. Um. But along the way, 240 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 1: you can help your kid have fewer temper tantrums, have 241 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: less severe temper tantrums, and basically just be a better 242 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 1: human being in general by how you as the parents 243 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 1: address the temper tantrums. By telling them they're dumb for 244 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: just throwing up. Just you think that in your head. 245 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 1: You don't say it out loud or else you're a 246 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 1: terrible parent. If you think it, you're fine, Okay. Um. 247 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,720 Speaker 1: The number one thing you want to do, um, prior 248 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:10,120 Speaker 1: to temper tantrums is giving the kid a a schedule. Yeah, 249 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 1: because apparently a lot of the temper tantrums come from 250 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: a fear that somethings that they're not going to get food, 251 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: whether they're not gonna get held or at tension or whatever. 252 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 1: If they're on a schedule, they'll know that it's coming. 253 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,400 Speaker 1: And if they start to freak out, you can say, 254 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,400 Speaker 1: of course, your goldfish are coming. It's almost two pm. 255 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 1: Settled down, you little goldfish. Junkie. Yeah, and I know 256 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: they stress scheduling all lot with kids with like Asperger's 257 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 1: uh and autism, But it's a big deal. Period. You 258 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: should get your kids on a schedule. Kids like knowing 259 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: what to expect. They don't like balls. If you have 260 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 1: to make your own bowl of cereal at age like two, 261 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 1: the parent needs to take some time and figure out 262 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: what's going wrong here with water? Yeah remember that what 263 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: was that Friday's Yeah, when they did that milk. Yeah, 264 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: that's funny that you said that is I just remembered yesterday. 265 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,680 Speaker 1: What a good movie Friday. Oh yeah, it was really funny. 266 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: It's wonderful. Uh. Okay, So get your kids on a schedule. 267 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 1: That's a big one. This is this is preventing yes, um, 268 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 1: temper tantrum and that's regular sleep, regular feeding, uh, regular interaction. 269 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: Any kind of thing they can rely on is going 270 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: to help, like chill your kid out and get them stable. 271 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 1: I remember, um, one of the things one of the 272 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: bases of temper tantrums is frustration. Yeah, and one way 273 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: around that is to give your kid make them feel empowered. Yeah. 274 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 1: I like this bit of advice. I thought that was 275 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 1: spot on. So like in this article, I think Conger says, um, 276 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: if your kid hates putting shoes on, basically distract them 277 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: by saying, hey, big boy, do you want to wear 278 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,600 Speaker 1: your duck boots or your cowboy boots? Yeah? You you 279 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: choose to you. Yeah, sort of like heading them off 280 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: at the templeton. You still have to wear shoes, but 281 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: you get to choose which one. Yeah, I've heard that's 282 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: a pretty common thing, if acause a lot of kids 283 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: don't want to get dressed when they should or put 284 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 1: on their shoes when they should. And um, a lot 285 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 1: of parents now are like letting their kids dress themselves. 286 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,159 Speaker 1: Yeah you can tell, yeah, but look around. I know, 287 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: and it's I think it's great and fun to see 288 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,439 Speaker 1: little kids walking around in these crazy outfits that they 289 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,360 Speaker 1: clearly picked out. It's like a moment. It's like many 290 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: mental asylums all let out. It's like the Reagan era 291 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:27,959 Speaker 1: all over again, but for kids. I think it's awesome. Um, Okay, 292 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 1: so empowering choices, great advice. So okay, you've taken these 293 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 1: steps to avoid it, it's still not gonna do. Your 294 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 1: kids still gonna have a temperature tantrum. It's just you 295 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 1: can expect it. It's inevitable. Um So, when a temper 296 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 1: tantrum happens, here's the hard part. You have to stay calm. 297 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: And apparently the the advice from parenting experts psychologists is 298 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: ignore it. Yeah, this is not us talking. We've researched this, 299 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: and they say to try and ignore it. They say 300 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 1: that that is the quickest way too, to put an 301 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,680 Speaker 1: end to that particular tantrum. If they're not getting the attention, 302 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 1: then they will quit sooner. Yeah, and that's what they say. 303 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 1: So long as they're not hurting themselves or other people 304 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: or destroying property. If they're just screaming and being a 305 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 1: brat basically is what it amounts to, then ignoring it 306 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: is the best course of action. Yeah. The reason why is, 307 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: um if you say you are like, oh, I know, 308 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,679 Speaker 1: you feel so bad, and you pick them up and 309 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: you hug them and everything, you're giving your kid positive reinforcement. 310 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,960 Speaker 1: You're saying, hey, scream your head off and I'll pick 311 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,960 Speaker 1: you up and rub your back and comfort you. You 312 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: don't want to do that. You want to remain neutral 313 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,639 Speaker 1: and basically not associate this thing with anything during it. 314 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: That's what I would do, especially in public and just 315 00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:57,200 Speaker 1: be like, man, whose kid is that? Right? I'm gonna 316 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,400 Speaker 1: go over here and eat a box of neutral green 317 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,719 Speaker 1: bars if i'm myself while this little kid finishes up, 318 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: and I'll just pay for it at the register with 319 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 1: an empty box and it's all good. Um. An sense 320 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,680 Speaker 1: of shape. The other reason, and we're joking around here, 321 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 1: this is if someone like I have friends who have 322 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 1: had a big trouble with this and it's not a 323 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: laughing matter. It's really a lot of stress on a family. Oh, 324 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 1: I can't imagine we joke because it's just what we 325 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,520 Speaker 1: always do. Another time, the guy in the grocery store 326 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,280 Speaker 1: gets to go see you later, good luck. Um. Another 327 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 1: reason not to what like they say, to muffle that 328 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: is because there could be other underlying causes like hearing 329 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:41,159 Speaker 1: problem or vision vision impairment that you won't notice. Um 330 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,800 Speaker 1: if you're if you're not, just like you know, if 331 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: you've got the kid buried in your chest. Yeah it's weird. 332 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,640 Speaker 1: It's like you want to ignore it. Let it run 333 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,440 Speaker 1: its natural course, watch it out of like the side 334 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: of your eye, you know. Yeah. Um, Because you don't 335 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,639 Speaker 1: want them to like you really don't want them to 336 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: think you're paying any attention to them at all. And 337 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:03,120 Speaker 1: apparently and when that, when that's done, it just runs 338 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 1: its course and it's it's over with, and like we 339 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,640 Speaker 1: said earlier, the kid forgets even what was bothering him 340 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 1: or her, you know, a few minutes afterward. Yeah, what 341 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 1: you really don't want to do is punish the kid 342 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 1: or reprimand the kid in the middle of a tantrum 343 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: or right after a tantrum, because it's a natural thing, 344 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. That is not a healthy approach to 345 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 1: getting your child to not do something because they're two 346 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 1: and three years old, and to be punished for something 347 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: that they don't understand, it's just that's not gonna help anything. Sure, 348 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:38,120 Speaker 1: So what you do want to do is after a 349 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: meltdown has taken place and things are calm again, you 350 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 1: want to take some time to explain to the kid 351 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,880 Speaker 1: basically what went wrong or what they didn't do. Let's say, 352 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,000 Speaker 1: is over the shoes again. You you they've just told 353 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: you we need to talk about shoes again. Right now 354 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: that things are calm, we have to talk about shoe 355 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: was because I just had a meltdown about it. So 356 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: now that they're calm. You have to say you need 357 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: to wear shoes because they protect your feet from all 358 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: the terrible stuff that you can step on. That's why 359 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 1: you have to wear shoes and put them on when 360 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 1: I tell you too. And it's time to leave it 361 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 1: to them understanding the value of shoes right in a 362 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 1: very understandable two year old way. Apparently you don't want 363 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 1: to moralize it and say you better not you better 364 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,320 Speaker 1: not pitch a fit when I tell you to put 365 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 1: your shoes on. Yeah, this happens every morning, right. That 366 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,520 Speaker 1: doesn't help. It doesn't help. And if your kid the 367 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,320 Speaker 1: next day says, well, I want to pick out my 368 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: shoes at a mom because they protect my feet, then 369 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: you are you get a toy? Yeah, you get a toy, 370 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:49,359 Speaker 1: big playmobile box set. Well, depending on how much money 371 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: you have, you could at least give them positive reinforcement 372 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,360 Speaker 1: and a cookie yeah boor a pat on the head. 373 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:59,480 Speaker 1: You could also get a knockoff plood mobile not box set. 374 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 1: That's fine. The kid doesn't know. He's too. We got 375 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 1: so many knockoff toys growing up. Have you seen that 376 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 1: gallery of knockoff toys that I made? It's great if 377 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 1: you have not seen it go check it out and stuff. 378 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,440 Speaker 1: I think I had a few of those, did you really? Yeah? 379 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 1: I mean my parents were teachers. We weren't like poor, 380 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 1: but we didn't. You know, there were three kids. We 381 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 1: didn't all get everything we wanted. I wanted the BMX 382 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,119 Speaker 1: Mongoose and I got the Sears Goose. You know, I 383 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:31,760 Speaker 1: wanted Pong again Sears like yeah, basically Nights of the 384 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: Round Table pretty much. You remember that? Yeah, but I 385 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:40,200 Speaker 1: did look at me. Yeah, I never had brand name clothes. Uh, 386 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,199 Speaker 1: unless they had you know, like a button missing or 387 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 1: the collar was miss shapen or something. Again, I don't 388 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,879 Speaker 1: think I can stress enough how awesome that gallery of 389 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,880 Speaker 1: beloved knockoff knockoffs of beloved toys that we made that's 390 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: on our site is. It's great. Yeah, we'll repost it, 391 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,080 Speaker 1: but you can. You should definitely look under galleries. You 392 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,399 Speaker 1: should dot com. There's some real missus yea. And I 393 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: have to say I remember going to plenty of stores 394 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 1: as a kid and being told I could pick out 395 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,280 Speaker 1: a toy, but it was like something liquidators. Yeah, yeah, 396 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 1: like what is this thing? Did you have any rich 397 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:16,360 Speaker 1: kid friends? Um? Yeah, they weren't like rich kids, but Yeah, 398 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,120 Speaker 1: there were some parents were like lawyers and stuff like that. 399 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: It's like at a one particular that I was always 400 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,080 Speaker 1: just so like his house was so cool. It was 401 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,800 Speaker 1: like a modern house, and back then I'd never seen 402 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,600 Speaker 1: a modern house. And he had, you know, the green 403 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 1: machine and in television, and horses and a trampoline and 404 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 1: a go kart and a motorcycle dude. Everything. Yeah, and 405 00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 1: look at him now, he's super successful and wealthy. Yeah, 406 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:47,879 Speaker 1: good for him. His parents raised him, right, they did. Okay, 407 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,439 Speaker 1: so we're gonna hit what you touched on earlier of 408 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 1: when you might have a problem that's a little deeper 409 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:57,119 Speaker 1: than your average temper tantrum and they say three or 410 00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,040 Speaker 1: more tantrums per day that lasts more than fifteen and 411 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:04,320 Speaker 1: it's could qualify as what is now called in the 412 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: new d s M five disruptive mood disregulation disorder that 413 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:15,440 Speaker 1: depends that is um that depends on the age two. 414 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,800 Speaker 1: So there's a big hubub yeah over this right, yeah, 415 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 1: because it was just added to the new d s 416 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 1: M in two thousand. Yeah, a new disorder, yes, And 417 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:31,320 Speaker 1: basically it turns temper tantrums into a mental illness, like yeah, 418 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 1: pure and simple if you were over age six between 419 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,119 Speaker 1: six and ten. Yeah, and you have that number what 420 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,439 Speaker 1: was at three three per day that last fifteen minutes 421 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 1: or more or it says here three or more for 422 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 1: one year, So I think there's a couple of criteria. 423 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: Then anyway, then you are eligible for anti psychotic medications 424 00:24:55,960 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 1: and all other manner of prescription drugs even though you're six. Yeah. 425 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:05,440 Speaker 1: And critics are saying there's not enough data on this 426 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,600 Speaker 1: to create a new diagnosis, Like some critics are saying 427 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: you shouldn't have done this at all. Proponents are saying, no, 428 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 1: this will actually help because kids are being diagnosis bipolar 429 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:19,960 Speaker 1: at six and this will prevent that. So it's a 430 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: little awkward right now. But it's funny that they bring 431 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: up bipolar because when they when they expanded and basically 432 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:31,760 Speaker 1: created children's bipolar disorder, pediatric bipolar disorder is what it's called. 433 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,520 Speaker 1: UM When they expanded that, there was a fortyfold spike 434 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:43,800 Speaker 1: in diagnoses, and as a result, the antipsychotic prescriptions for 435 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,720 Speaker 1: kids aged two to five doubled between two thousand and 436 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,920 Speaker 1: two thousand seven. So there's a definite trend of any 437 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:55,160 Speaker 1: time a new disorder is identified or described everything I've 438 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 1: got that my kids they won't shut up. Can you 439 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:01,119 Speaker 1: give them some anti psychotics please? Yeah? And uh, the 440 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: psychiatrists is sure right because he has this, because he 441 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,400 Speaker 1: fits this criteria. Yeah. It's definitely been a controversial addition 442 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: to the d S m as are many additions to 443 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:16,120 Speaker 1: the d S m uh. But that's not to say 444 00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:18,840 Speaker 1: that there isn't a larger issue at work, because some 445 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,680 Speaker 1: of the times there is. So they want to teach 446 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 1: you his parents to monitor maybe don't like go put 447 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: them on psycho psychotropic drugs, but maybe monitor them after 448 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,600 Speaker 1: the age of four and see how violent they are 449 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,639 Speaker 1: and how long they last, and are they trying to 450 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,320 Speaker 1: injure themselves or others? Are they holding their breath and 451 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:40,119 Speaker 1: feigning like how severe is it? Um? Which is the 452 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:45,199 Speaker 1: thing breath? Apparently the understanding of that now though, is 453 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,880 Speaker 1: that kids don't necessarily hold them their breaths on purpose, 454 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,040 Speaker 1: like it just kind of happens to they forget to breathe, 455 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,200 Speaker 1: they get so worked up that they freathe yeah, and faint. 456 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,399 Speaker 1: And apparently when your kid does that, for reek's parents 457 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 1: out and then kids to learn that if they hold 458 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: their breath or even threatened to hold their breath, they'll 459 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 1: get what they want. But apparently, if your kid holds 460 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 1: his or her breath or it's held for them when 461 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,919 Speaker 1: they faint, their normal breathing will take over again, and 462 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,240 Speaker 1: as a parent, you can kick start the whole process 463 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,800 Speaker 1: by blowing air into their mouth. It almost like tickles 464 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: their breathing mechanism to take back over normally again even 465 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: though they fainted. And the advice is that I read 466 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,560 Speaker 1: that if your kid is feigning from holding his or 467 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,679 Speaker 1: her breath during a tantrum, you can't let that alter 468 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:41,400 Speaker 1: your your parenting skills, like how you react to it. Yeah, 469 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: you can't be held hostage by it. Man, that's so challenging. 470 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 1: I can't imagine because your kid faints, it's bad news. Yeah, 471 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,199 Speaker 1: I mean, hats offen, That's like going back to the 472 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,359 Speaker 1: shark again. Good luck remembering to punch the shark in 473 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,680 Speaker 1: the nose while you're paying attack. Yeah, but that is 474 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,720 Speaker 1: a that is a criteria. If your kid is doing 475 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,320 Speaker 1: this now and it's new and or like after age four, 476 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,880 Speaker 1: and their tantrums are increasing rather than decreasing, these are 477 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 1: all red flags for Okay, this, this may be abnormal. 478 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,880 Speaker 1: And let's see what's going on. The first step isn't 479 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 1: necessarily taking your kid to psychiatrists for drugs. It can. 480 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 1: You can also do a self survey of your house, like, uh, 481 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,200 Speaker 1: is there a new step parent? Um, do we move recently? 482 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,560 Speaker 1: Am I an alcoholic? And do we always fight? Yeah? 483 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 1: You know it happens where parents and kind of like kids, 484 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,919 Speaker 1: you know, they don't even they don't understand what's going on. 485 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,359 Speaker 1: We keep the fighting away from them, but they understand 486 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,560 Speaker 1: and they pick up on body language and emotional cues 487 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,320 Speaker 1: that you don't think are there, and they're little sponges, 488 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,040 Speaker 1: and that could be a reason if uh, did you 489 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: mention maybe if you've moved. Yeah, yeah, that's a big one. 490 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 1: I think I said moved. Yeah, did his best friend 491 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,640 Speaker 1: get a better bike than him or something? Right, you 492 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 1: need to go get that bike then too. But the 493 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 1: point is to not be freaked out by isolated incidences 494 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 1: past the age of four, uh, because they they happen, 495 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,720 Speaker 1: and um, it's not a typical You just need and 496 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,960 Speaker 1: if your kid has a problem with this, As parents, 497 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,400 Speaker 1: you probably have a plan in place, like you're not 498 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 1: just reacting to each incident, like you get together and 499 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 1: you huddle and be like, all right, we have an 500 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 1: issue because little Timmy is a nightmare, and so how 501 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,440 Speaker 1: are we going to deal with this? And then let's 502 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 1: stick to it. If little Timmy also is breaking your 503 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 1: humble figurines all the time now, then good because those 504 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 1: are awful, then um, well, that's actually it can be 505 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,440 Speaker 1: a sign, but it's not necessarily a sign. Right. For example, 506 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,040 Speaker 1: there is a study that had a pretty decent population 507 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: size from two seven research temper tantrums among two hundred 508 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:48,640 Speaker 1: and seventy nine preschoolers almost two preschoolers um and uh. 509 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:53,000 Speaker 1: They found that kids who are considered healthy um had 510 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:57,600 Speaker 1: were less likely to become violent, self injurious, destructive, or 511 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 1: verbally combative like during their ten for tantrums. But it's 512 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:08,000 Speaker 1: also been found that around of quote mentally stable preschoolers 513 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 1: will still become you know, one of these unhealthy things 514 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 1: during a temper tantrum from time to time. It's not 515 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 1: like there goes a homo figuring you have to go 516 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 1: to the psychiatrist now. Or if your kid like rips 517 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: the head off their barbie in a violent way, that 518 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,320 Speaker 1: might be disturbing to you, but that is about as 519 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: normal American behavior as has ever been generated by a child. Yeah, 520 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 1: if your kid is being mean to animals, that's a 521 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:40,880 Speaker 1: different story, because that that is uh, you know, it's 522 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,440 Speaker 1: not a good sign. And it's certainly you want to 523 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,360 Speaker 1: stop any kind of uh like violent aggression towards humans 524 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,880 Speaker 1: or animals. Like that's not like, oh, let's just see 525 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 1: how'll put this plays out. You want to get in 526 00:30:51,320 --> 00:31:00,680 Speaker 1: there take care of business. Yeah, in the right way. Fish. 527 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,520 Speaker 1: So you raise your kid, you get them out of 528 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 1: the terrible two's. Age four comes along, and all of 529 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: a sudden, they're like talking to you and making sense 530 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 1: and expressing themselves. They're able to settle themselves down. Um, 531 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 1: they they they're just human beings. You made it out 532 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 1: of the woods until the teenage years come, and then 533 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 1: it starts all over again. Yes, and then it starts 534 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 1: all over again. For the same reason. The prefrontal cortex 535 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:52,000 Speaker 1: undergoes a new round of development during puberty from age 536 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:56,520 Speaker 1: about eleven to eighteen, and as a result, the emotional 537 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,400 Speaker 1: breaks that are provided by that region of the brain 538 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:03,440 Speaker 1: are lost again for several years. Yeah. And it's also 539 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,360 Speaker 1: similar in that teenagers might not feel like they can 540 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,240 Speaker 1: express themselves even though like as a toddler you literally 541 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 1: can't talk, but as a teen, you know, parents just 542 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 1: don't understand. That's the old adage. And you've got the hormones, 543 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:19,240 Speaker 1: and you've got new things happening to your body, and 544 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 1: you've got new things happening in your heart for you know, 545 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,040 Speaker 1: the little girls and little boys. You start feeling those 546 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:29,080 Speaker 1: feelings and it's confusing, and it's just it's it's all 547 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,440 Speaker 1: happening all over again, all these things you don't understand 548 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 1: and can't express, and then you've got your prefemal cortex 549 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,600 Speaker 1: not helping you out. And that's why you're going to 550 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 1: see the same similar behaviors at least. It's basically temper 551 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,800 Speaker 1: tantrums the sequel. Yeah, And it may not manifest itself 552 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:46,480 Speaker 1: the same way. They may not be on the floor 553 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,600 Speaker 1: like kicking and screaming and vomiting, but they may rampage 554 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,400 Speaker 1: through your house and slam the doors and scream and 555 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,920 Speaker 1: yell and uh. They'll grow out of that though, And 556 00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 1: again if they don't, then psychiatry is there to back 557 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:06,120 Speaker 1: you up with some diagnoses and pills. There's oppositional defiant disorder, yeah, 558 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:12,120 Speaker 1: which is basically it sounds like temper tantrums. That it 559 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 1: sounds like temper tantrums, basically the same thing. Yeah. This 560 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:18,720 Speaker 1: study from University of San Diego was pretty interesting. I 561 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: thought they studied kids between the ages of ten and 562 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:25,080 Speaker 1: twenty two. It's not a kid, by the way, and 563 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,680 Speaker 1: um between eleven and eighteen years old. During that window, 564 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:34,560 Speaker 1: the speed that they identified emotions indicated by facial expressions dropped. 565 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 1: So between ten and eighteen, if you're like your kid 566 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:44,760 Speaker 1: can't even look at your face and read your emotional cues, Like, 567 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:48,240 Speaker 1: that's how out of it they are, you know? Yeah, 568 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,000 Speaker 1: teenagers like I couldn't even tell Dad was mad at me. Yes, 569 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:57,120 Speaker 1: because the wires aren't connecting upstairs. And apparently the prefecial 570 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 1: corps prefernal cortex is also involved in um regulating behavior. Yeah, 571 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 1: which explains why teenagers are prone to like risk taking. Well, yeah, 572 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,279 Speaker 1: because if the pre phone cortex isn't doing the job, 573 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 1: then I think the amygdala takes over, and the amygdala 574 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,839 Speaker 1: is is not a good thing to be running your 575 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 1: emotions running the show, No, not emotionally. So, are you 576 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 1: got anything else you want to talk about? That girl 577 00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,959 Speaker 1: from Millieville? Yeah, go ahead, I'll actually read that part. 578 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 1: There was a girl, UH who in two thousand and twelve, UH, 579 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:39,440 Speaker 1: at the age of six, was arrested and taken to 580 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:43,360 Speaker 1: the police station from her kindergarten class because the temper 581 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,160 Speaker 1: tantrum she threw was so bad she was wrecking her 582 00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 1: kindergarten class. She was taken to jail for a temper 583 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:54,200 Speaker 1: tantrum like knocking over bookcases onto the principle, yeah, and 584 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:59,360 Speaker 1: injuring the principle yeah. Um. And she apparently was just 585 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 1: on a rampage and the cops took her to jail, 586 00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 1: didn't book her process or anything, but I'm sure scared 587 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,240 Speaker 1: the daylights out of this little girl. And the school 588 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,319 Speaker 1: said she can't come back the rest of this year. 589 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:16,759 Speaker 1: She's just invited. Yeah. Luckily it was in April, so 590 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,879 Speaker 1: I imagine there was only a couple of months left 591 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:22,799 Speaker 1: to school. Still, so we hope she's doing better. Sure, 592 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,000 Speaker 1: we won't say her name. We didn't say her name, Tony, Nope, 593 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:28,480 Speaker 1: the article does, which I thought was slightly irresponsible. Oh, 594 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,839 Speaker 1: she was a news item. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, Hey, 595 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:33,399 Speaker 1: you don't want to be in the news. Little girl, 596 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 1: right to you that's it, all right. If you want 597 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 1: to learn more about temper tantrums, you can procreate and 598 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,960 Speaker 1: have a kid and then see it firsthand. That's right. 599 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,319 Speaker 1: You can also before you do that, if you want 600 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 1: to find out if you're interested in that kind of thing, 601 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:52,799 Speaker 1: type in temperate tantrums in the search bar at how 602 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,200 Speaker 1: stuffworks dot comm and will bring up this article. And 603 00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: I said search bar, which means it's time for listener mail. 604 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:03,959 Speaker 1: I'm gonna call this UH positive amnesia. Hey, guys, Nearly 605 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,600 Speaker 1: five years ago was in and uh Portland, Oregon. I 606 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,680 Speaker 1: was in a near fatal motorcycle wreck that not only 607 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,799 Speaker 1: knocked my brain around in my full face helmet, but 608 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:16,800 Speaker 1: also shattered my pelvis, broke two ribs too, vertebrae, left wrist, 609 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:21,800 Speaker 1: right thumb, left collarbone is showing all I know, Evil kinevil. 610 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: I was in the hospital for two weeks, but only 611 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,319 Speaker 1: remember bits and pieces of the last few days of 612 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,959 Speaker 1: my stay, though I was mostly awake the whole time. 613 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,400 Speaker 1: The doctors told me that nearly UH I had a 614 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 1: nearly two week gap in my memory, and it was 615 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 1: a combination of shock and medically induced amnesia. I learned 616 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:38,920 Speaker 1: a lot about the different kinds of amnesia from your 617 00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,839 Speaker 1: show in ways that my team of doctor never took 618 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,920 Speaker 1: the time to explain me. But I didn't. You're like, yeah, 619 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,160 Speaker 1: that always happens. But I didn't hear you mentioned any 620 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:52,880 Speaker 1: positive effects of memory loss. Uh, through my memory loss, 621 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,360 Speaker 1: it did not. Though my memory loss did not prevent 622 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,719 Speaker 1: severe ps PTSD after the incident. I think it is 623 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 1: all to manly help me be less afraid of red 624 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:06,160 Speaker 1: light running land rovers. I think we did mention that 625 00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:08,919 Speaker 1: it was that was one positive effect of it. I thought, 626 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 1: did we I think so? Maybe not. Well, if we're not, 627 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,400 Speaker 1: then we're glad that. Adrian wrote in he said, Um, also, 628 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,000 Speaker 1: I don't have the additional trauma of remembering the numerous 629 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:23,400 Speaker 1: surgeries and operations. Your podcast made ampniesia sound confusing and scary, 630 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,399 Speaker 1: which it is. But I'm living proof that sometimes it's 631 00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 1: best if you don't remember. Well, Thanks a lot, Adrian. 632 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:33,840 Speaker 1: We're glad you are doing okay. Yeah, be careful, man, 633 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,360 Speaker 1: watch out for those land rovers. Yeah, red light running 634 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:42,000 Speaker 1: land rovers. Hope they hope the dude got in trouble. Yeah, yeah, 635 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,279 Speaker 1: I got nothing else. If you if you want to 636 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,759 Speaker 1: let us know about well, if you want to fill 637 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: in the gaps on our memories, something we left out 638 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,279 Speaker 1: of an episode, we always want to hear that kind 639 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,080 Speaker 1: of thing. You can go on to stuff you Should 640 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,200 Speaker 1: Know dot com and check out our social links, and 641 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,440 Speaker 1: you can also send us a good old fashion an email, 642 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,759 Speaker 1: wrap it up, spank it on the bottom with it 643 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:05,319 Speaker 1: some good old country goodness and send it off to 644 00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,760 Speaker 1: stuff Podcast at iHeart radio dot com. Yeah.