Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanta way back home?
Speaker 3: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and they termino and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off in style.
Speaker 2: Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all
Speaker 2: about ity scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 1: Mal porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 1: to write to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome tod you
Speaker 3: need a ride. This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: And this is Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 3: We have very important duties today. We have to mail
Speaker 3: a letter.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's a that's actually a federal duty.
Speaker 2: Yes, And I'm gonna entrust you with because I'm in
Speaker 2: the driver's seat, so you have to be the runner.
Speaker 4: If I mess up at any point though, am I
Speaker 4: not committing a federal crime?
Speaker 2: Oh? I'll have you arrested by the Feds if you
Speaker 2: trip and fall and then my letter floats away.
Speaker 1: I'm saying letter, it's a bill.
Speaker 3: It's a bill, but it's handwritten like a letter.
Speaker 4: I whoever's receiving that, and I do believe it's Jerry
Speaker 4: and Don from reading that's right, Uh, the of the
Speaker 4: pump and well.
Speaker 3: Service, of course, Jerry and Don. Yeah, some of.
Speaker 1: The greats in that business.
Speaker 4: It looks it looks like they're about to get a
Speaker 4: sweet letter for Balentyne's nay.
Speaker 2: Dear Jerry, Hi, Don, Hi, it's me Karen, your friend
Speaker 2: from the well.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: If Don's right next to you, be sure to say
Speaker 4: hi to him as well.
Speaker 2: And surely the secretary, because this is an old fashioned business.
Speaker 4: Well, it's funny that you should assume that I would
Speaker 4: make a federal offense, because I do believe not having
Speaker 4: a return address in the upper left corner is jailable.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing about Chris Fairbanks is that you are like, oh,
Speaker 2: I know what he's all about, golf and skiing and
Speaker 2: snowboarding and all kinds of boarding. But I showed him
Speaker 2: this letter and said, I put this in my mailbox
Speaker 2: and it sat there and the mailman didn't take it,
Speaker 2: and now I'm late turning this in. It's so embarrassing,
Speaker 2: et cetera. And then he goes, probably because you didn't
Speaker 2: have a return address. Like someone who studies the coast.
Speaker 4: Action see article twenty seven postal document.
Speaker 3: Page forty eight.
Speaker 4: It skates clearly, etcetera, etceterasuonam or e plata.
Speaker 3: You forgot to put a return dress. Thank you. That
Speaker 3: was a if Willie Walker was.
Speaker 1: A postman, was great job.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, took some acting classes for commercials.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I have two things before we get into your acting
Speaker 2: career again, thank you.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: One of them is this.
Speaker 2: I was cleaning out this car before we got in
Speaker 2: because I always forget how much true garbage is in
Speaker 2: this car. And also it's just kind of dirty in general,
Speaker 2: like it's a dog's car and not my car. So
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, how about given it the old
Speaker 2: once over for your friend's Chris and on lease. And
Speaker 2: when I did that, and most of the stuff that
Speaker 2: is on the ground in my car are the tape
Speaker 2: parts of a pet.
Speaker 1: Hair remover roller.
Speaker 3: Sure, sure, it's all.
Speaker 1: It's everywhere around me all the time.
Speaker 3: You shed it like an onion and it gets sticky again.
Speaker 1: Exactly.
Speaker 2: Yes, So those little pieces are all in the back seat.
Speaker 2: And what I found today and a twenty dollars bill
Speaker 2: on a leash. Have you been leaving a twenty dollars
Speaker 2: bill laying on the ground in my car for days,
Speaker 2: for weeks.
Speaker 1: You meet me. What did you know it was there?
Speaker 2: My long it's because she keeps finding your teeth back there.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, she's the very Oh my god, I.
Speaker 4: Forget what show it is, but there is a scene
Speaker 4: I'm where this guy has an audition and he shows
Speaker 4: up late and he's breathing hard and it's for trident,
Speaker 4: and he improvises a song.
Speaker 3: That says that's.
Speaker 4: About outside, bones, outside, bones outside by.
Speaker 1: That's Tim Robin. Oh no, no, sorry, that's Kimmy Schmidt.
Speaker 3: Oh god, yes, it is the funniest.
Speaker 4: And to make things worse, they say they gave you.
Speaker 4: You got paid a dollar from a demon that your
Speaker 4: parents no, try it. I have watched it over and over.
Speaker 4: I've never watched Kimmy Schmidt.
Speaker 1: Oh you'd love it. If you love that, you'll love
Speaker 1: that show.
Speaker 4: That guy so that I think I've seen enough to
Speaker 4: know she was living with him.
Speaker 1: I think his name is Titus Andronicus.
Speaker 3: He is there.
Speaker 4: Funny, so funny. I watched it over and over. Anyway,
Speaker 4: it made it brought back memories of yes that that
Speaker 4: in Santa Claus.
Speaker 3: The Tooth Fairy was enforced at my house.
Speaker 2: But to get back to my question on Elise, I'm sorry, no, no,
Speaker 2: I'm just saying.
Speaker 1: Did you know it was back there? No? I don't
Speaker 1: think that's twenty dollars Bill, Okay, you weren't just leaving
Speaker 1: there is like a trust test? No, But now should
Speaker 1: I say I literally took it and shoved it into
Speaker 1: my purse this session? I saw it all that. Now,
Speaker 1: now I know if you'd passed the tests round.
Speaker 3: It's funny I failed.
Speaker 4: I was going to accuse you of being frivolous with
Speaker 4: your twenties, and this is the twenty hanging out of
Speaker 4: your purse.
Speaker 2: Ye.
Speaker 4: I'm like, maybe it just flew out of your purse
Speaker 4: like this one, but that is the twenty in question.
Speaker 2: I have a feeling this is just a theory that
Speaker 2: our new best friend Aequila Hughes, who did an episode
Speaker 2: with us recently, probably this could be a theory. I mean,
Speaker 2: I don't know, we're well enough to theorize about her
Speaker 2: personality that she didn't pay for the coffee we got,
Speaker 2: and maybe she wasn't going to do a thing of
Speaker 2: like no, please take my money, so she just left
Speaker 2: it back.
Speaker 4: I I one percent just I think you're absolutely correct
Speaker 4: right that she has the most sound, well working brain.
Speaker 4: I think on an intimidating level where I'm like, oh, okay,
Speaker 4: we're dealing with someone that knows more than me and
Speaker 4: a little bit about just about everything, yeah, and can
Speaker 4: confidently talk to anyone, whereas I get crippled.
Speaker 3: With fear in many conversations.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and not fear, but just like I'm gonna be
Speaker 4: quiet right now and just giggle yes, or try and
Speaker 4: tussle my hair and be cute.
Speaker 1: Your own hair work. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I give myself milgies too. It gets me out of
Speaker 4: a lot of sticky situations. But Aequila was one of
Speaker 4: those people that's like, oh, she's got a good working brain.
Speaker 1: Yes, and I guess yeah. To all that, it's like,
Speaker 1: so what would the coolest person do?
Speaker 2: They would leave a twenty back there like I'm not
Speaker 2: going to talk about it, I'm not gonna argue, I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna do it.
Speaker 3: Or was it a guest after that? Maybe it was
Speaker 3: Chris Garcia.
Speaker 1: He would do that.
Speaker 3: He would say, so of sound mine.
Speaker 2: I feel like the Chris Garcia day didn't we get
Speaker 2: McDonald's drinks right, So twenty would be.
Speaker 1: A little or kill, wouldn't it.
Speaker 3: I there was so much sugar in that beverage.
Speaker 4: And I know I'm not telling any new news, but
Speaker 4: it gave me cricket legs and I could not sleep.
Speaker 3: It wasn't the caffeine.
Speaker 4: I had sugar in my ankles and I was trying
Speaker 4: to kick out the jams all night.
Speaker 3: And it was that was a sweet, sweet coffee.
Speaker 1: Yeah was it was? That was a bit crazy.
Speaker 4: I last night speaking of being wrestled. Well, I guess
Speaker 4: I was just hungry. I walked in my neighborhood and
Speaker 4: I've been trying to experience more things.
Speaker 3: I know, since I stopped drinking.
Speaker 4: I'm coming to this podcast with fewer stories about near
Speaker 4: scuffles or anything.
Speaker 3: Really, but it's for my health that you're.
Speaker 1: Bored things to talk about.
Speaker 4: Besides yeah, exactly, I'm gonna venture out and see what happens.
Speaker 4: And I walked by a lot of people eating on
Speaker 4: the sidewalk. There's a pizza place by my street. I
Speaker 4: was like looking, I wasn't looking at anyone. I was
Speaker 4: just walking and this dog all of a sudden absolutely
Speaker 4: was focused.
Speaker 3: On me and thought that I was the devil.
Speaker 4: And I haven't had that like, I was just bragging
Speaker 4: about how much your dogs seem to love me. I
Speaker 4: think I've become someone that's like, oh, dogs like me. Yeah,
Speaker 4: as someone that grew up with cats and my mom
Speaker 4: was like, dogs'll bite you.
Speaker 3: And I had a lot of door to door jobs
Speaker 3: where I got bit by dogs. I have childhood dog
Speaker 3: trauma and I'm over it. Okay, I'm like no, I'm
Speaker 3: I'm a Caesar Milan type now.
Speaker 4: But this dog was lunging and growling and showing teeth,
Speaker 4: and the owners. What made it worse was their like,
Speaker 4: why why is he doing that? They were so confused,
Speaker 4: and that's what made me think, am I possessed?
Speaker 3: Right now? What is it that this dog sees that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? It was it. I wonder if you smelled like something,
Speaker 1: like a different animal.
Speaker 4: I was half a block away when he started lunging.
Speaker 4: They had to like hold the dog down. I wasn't
Speaker 4: wearing a hat. I was wearing a male carrier uniform
Speaker 4: because of my passion.
Speaker 3: That's because you.
Speaker 1: Were studying for the big test. Yes, you know, just.
Speaker 4: The law side of things. I don't want to go
Speaker 4: and hoof it out their door to door. I want
Speaker 4: a book keeping job at the mail service if possible.
Speaker 4: So I've been wearing the outfit.
Speaker 2: Oh it's crazy, and that feels bad, like you feel
Speaker 2: like you've been singled out.
Speaker 3: It's been bothering me. Yeah, I'm like, what is it?
Speaker 3: What did I do?
Speaker 4: Did you look at the dog? And then I realized
Speaker 4: I have to turn around. There's nowhere to eat. I'm
Speaker 4: getting near a restaurant zone. So I turned around and
Speaker 4: it was even worse on the way back. And that's
Speaker 4: and the people thought, maybe he is sketchy. Why did
Speaker 4: he walk by twice?
Speaker 1: Yeah? It just kept getting Yeah, I'm on their side
Speaker 1: the second time.
Speaker 3: Right, I had to get back home.
Speaker 4: You know, I could go down an alley, but at
Speaker 4: that point it's like, am I really this scared of
Speaker 4: this situation?
Speaker 1: Also?
Speaker 2: Could there could be more dogs or raccoons down that
Speaker 2: alley other threatening things.
Speaker 3: Right exactly? Or people with knives or swords?
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 4: And I tried tussling my hair. Nothing was it doesn't
Speaker 4: work when you do it day And then I did
Speaker 4: that terrible hackey thing where I put my finger on
Speaker 4: my lip nothing.
Speaker 1: And one foot in near yes, yes, well behind you, yes,
Speaker 1: not just straight up in the air.
Speaker 3: I believe it's a semi curtsey.
Speaker 2: With the raised foot. Here's a piece of breaking news.
Speaker 2: Also because I had two beat the jacket that the
Speaker 2: woman who worked at forty nine ers Official Central, Lauren
Speaker 2: Lauren gave us a gorgeous jacket that we gave my
Speaker 2: dad for Christmas. He took a picture in it kind
Speaker 2: of sarcastically, and then he was like, that's crazy. He
Speaker 2: thinks it's the craziest most ornate thing anyone.
Speaker 1: Could ever perch.
Speaker 3: But on the super Bowl.
Speaker 1: But on the super Bowl.
Speaker 2: He gave it to my niece's boyfriend, uhh, who then
Speaker 2: gave it.
Speaker 1: To his dad who was at the super Bowl.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, yep, So it really found a like that
Speaker 4: guy's going to wear it.
Speaker 2: Yes, he loved it. He thought it was the nicest.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's a gorgeous jacket. It's just like my
Speaker 2: dad is that style?
Speaker 3: And I apologize, yeah, I know, neither's my dad.
Speaker 4: He like, I think he started freestyle wrapping and he's
Speaker 4: not good at it.
Speaker 3: When I had him wear it.
Speaker 4: And to think that that coat was sitting in my
Speaker 4: garage in the box that came in for way too long,
Speaker 4: which you know, I've apologized.
Speaker 1: Profuse No, I know, I've finally forgiven it.
Speaker 4: And it was probably like, em, is this my home,
Speaker 4: this dank garage with no electricity.
Speaker 2: No, no, it's not. You're going all the way to
Speaker 2: the big time.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It was fostered for a while by your Yeah,
Speaker 3: isn't that cool? Yeah, it's really cool.
Speaker 1: I mean, we all love a story that buttons up
Speaker 1: at the end. Yes, it's perfect one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And actually the jacket it's actually has snaps.
Speaker 4: Oh I'm sorry, Well, you button it up and then
Speaker 4: you end it with a bad joke.
Speaker 3: That's how I tell stories.
Speaker 4: I wore my hat, my jersey with Fairbanks on the back,
Speaker 4: and the jacket all together and went to a super
Speaker 4: Bowl party and they were like, oh, so you're gonna
Speaker 4: get mad if they don't win. I'm like, oh no,
Speaker 4: I brought face paint to put on my forehead or
Speaker 4: the other team, or.
Speaker 3: Swifty or or Kansas City, Like.
Speaker 4: I wanted to do face paint, but I didn't get
Speaker 4: around to it, so I just looked like the jockeyest jock.
Speaker 2: You were there for all competitors, you were supporting everybody.
Speaker 4: Right in spirit. But I really, if I had done
Speaker 4: the face paint. I just liked the color red both teams,
Speaker 4: you know, oh got it. I just didn't get around
Speaker 4: to it. But I was gonna be both sides.
Speaker 1: Sorry, that would mean that you had just a full
Speaker 1: red face.
Speaker 4: I brought stencils and I was going to put I
Speaker 4: had face paint. I was gonna stencil the right phrase,
Speaker 4: and I just couldn't decide on it. And once you
Speaker 4: you know, I brought the makeup to the party. It's
Speaker 4: something I should have done before, right, I didn't never
Speaker 4: enough time. I'm not gonna paint my face in the
Speaker 4: bathroom of a home I've never been to.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but sorry with the stencil. Did you hear that
Speaker 2: that very high pitched whistle that I just said when
Speaker 2: like a southern hey you boy, hey boy, get off my.
Speaker 4: Craw oh you boy, that farm and crash boy. I
Speaker 4: know people that can do it speak rapidly. Greg Warren
Speaker 4: does a character in his act. Oh, it's like a
Speaker 4: corn farmer and he he it's so good, and he's
Speaker 4: obviously been practicing it since he's like thirteen.
Speaker 1: Well, I bet you he's the kind of person.
Speaker 2: Also that cauld whistle for like a dog from far away,
Speaker 2: right without using his hands, right, the.
Speaker 4: Kind of whistle my dad claims he never knew how
Speaker 4: to whistle like that. I could hear my dad's whistle
Speaker 4: from three blocks and I dropped whatever I was doing. Yeah,
Speaker 4: whoever I was talking to and booked at home, yep.
Speaker 3: Same, I don't know what my fear was.
Speaker 2: Oh boy, it's like you can't just try it, you
Speaker 2: dumb asshole.
Speaker 3: Yeah, someone was backing with.
Speaker 2: That backing out onto. We're on Ventura. We might as
Speaker 2: well be on the one on one.
Speaker 4: I blame these cameras because you know, I still I'm
Speaker 4: in an.
Speaker 3: Analog car without a without a camera.
Speaker 4: I when I'm backing up, I take off the seat
Speaker 4: belt and I wrapped my arm. I've heard this whole move.
Speaker 4: It's been called sexy. I ripped the safety belt off
Speaker 4: and I put my arm around the seat and I
Speaker 4: make full eye contact and I drive backwards.
Speaker 3: Oh I don't back up.
Speaker 1: I drive backwards. It's a brook a cross tail, yes, yes, yeah, yes.
Speaker 4: I'm like Donnie Brasco and I make full eye contact,
Speaker 4: but I'm going backwards.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, I think though in this particular part of
Speaker 2: Los Angeles. There's a privilege issue where that person in
Speaker 2: their white BMW just wanted to back out when they
Speaker 2: wanted to back out, and it was like, you have
Speaker 2: to stop.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have to go to Casa Vega. Get out
Speaker 4: of my way. It was in Once About a Time
Speaker 4: in Hollywood.
Speaker 1: I'm getting my hair straightened.
Speaker 3: And then I'm gonna get it curbed for the afternoon.
Speaker 2: For someone who does not like this town, I've lived
Speaker 2: here for thirty years.
Speaker 1: Next month, it's that sad you don't like this tone?
Speaker 3: Are you one of these day area people that doesn't.
Speaker 1: Like La Yeah, I got a real chip on my shoulder.
Speaker 1: This is Sony is here.
Speaker 4: This is the first I've heard of you hating your home.
Speaker 4: I love it here.
Speaker 1: It's just so phony.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what are you? What are you?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: The Drew Droe Jay's character that famously said I don't
Speaker 4: like La Fay.
Speaker 3: Why am I forgetting her name? Chloe Samba?
Speaker 2: Actually, Chloe seven Young just did a really good She
Speaker 2: was being interviewed by like Variety or Vanity Fair or
Speaker 2: something like that.
Speaker 3: I think that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when she just lists, she's like, yeah, it's too bright,
Speaker 2: it's too that and she just lists eight things she
Speaker 2: hates about it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but one of them is the sun. Yeah, it's
Speaker 4: like that. I saw a lot of people making fun
Speaker 4: of it. But everything she list did, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 4: she's right, it's not a deal breaker.
Speaker 3: Have you been to.
Speaker 1: Other parts of the Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3: Have you been to you know?
Speaker 2: I think she was doing the old La n Y
Speaker 2: comparison right, which I just don't think. I don't think
Speaker 2: that's a good use of anybody's time. There's no comparison.
Speaker 2: And if you're going to if we're going to hang
Speaker 2: our lives on the way bagels are made, then all
Speaker 2: is lost unless we live in New York City.
Speaker 4: And I don't want to even get close to the
Speaker 4: avenue of talking about pizza. Please, oh can we not
Speaker 4: talk about it? But I went to New York. I
Speaker 4: had a real slice.
Speaker 3: I get it. It was the best pets I'd ever have.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it doesn't mean I'm going to put down a deposit.
Speaker 3: On a four by four s base to live in.
Speaker 1: No, you sure aren't. No, not GD town.
Speaker 3: It folds and it folds in, It doesn't droop. It's
Speaker 3: it's crisbean.
Speaker 1: Itselft is that the apartment.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, there's there's a height of bed and and
Speaker 4: out and a noticeable dead.
Speaker 3: What what happened?
Speaker 1: Look what you're doing?
Speaker 3: What did I do?
Speaker 1: There's a mailbox?
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I thought you were going to have
Speaker 4: me scrape up road kill or something.
Speaker 1: No, I didn't.
Speaker 3: Look what you're doing.
Speaker 1: Don't do Look what you're up to?
Speaker 4: Okay, I guess I'll say goodbye to this deer on
Speaker 4: the side of the microphone.
Speaker 3: Oh thank you. I would have dove out and be
Speaker 3: right back. Are you sure you don't want to put
Speaker 3: your return address?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 4: Look at they hire me usps Hire me. I'm changing
Speaker 4: your us Hire me usps.
Speaker 1: Do you think that?
Speaker 2: Do you think it is a true a requirement that
Speaker 2: I just didn't know about?
Speaker 3: It used to be.
Speaker 4: From this mailbox, it's even more of a requirement. I
Speaker 4: think you're right in that. If you're mailing from your
Speaker 4: house and you put the little flag up, I assume
Speaker 4: you have a little snoopy flag.
Speaker 1: I don't have a snoopy flag.
Speaker 4: Oh well, then maybe the carrier did not search for
Speaker 4: a pickup.
Speaker 1: I just hate when you make excuses for them.
Speaker 4: You know, as a man who's you know I'm all
Speaker 4: for local government.
Speaker 3: USBs. Here we go.
Speaker 1: Good job, Thank you, thank you, don.
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2: Well, well you just make sure these are still in use.
Speaker 2: These things as they look at pretty crappy.
Speaker 4: Right hey, these are telephone booths. I've done my civic duty.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I really appreciate it, because that was not
Speaker 1: going to get done.
Speaker 3: One of us is not going to federal prison.
Speaker 1: Hurry, you did not mishandle that.
Speaker 3: Let me securely put on my seat. God, hell of rules.
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you so much. We got something taken care of.
Speaker 4: I'm I went to I went snowboard.
Speaker 3: I couldn't.
Speaker 4: I asked twenty people, will you please go snowboarding with me?
Speaker 4: I want to go snowboarding at snowing a lot. I
Speaker 4: couldn't find anyone.
Speaker 2: Huh.
Speaker 4: So I took my two wheel drive car with not
Speaker 4: all seasoned radials. Ooh, up to Mount Baldy, which is
Speaker 4: only an hour and a half away, and it is
Speaker 4: a steep rugged It's a heavy ass steep mountain. Yeah,
Speaker 4: double diamond all around. Not an easy way down. I
Speaker 4: couldn't believe. It seemed like I was back in at
Speaker 4: my home mountain. It was even steeper and old guys
Speaker 4: with beards like Telemark skiing. It's it's kind of like
Speaker 4: cross country skis where only your toes attached, but it's
Speaker 4: very Nordic and it's the kind like when you see
Speaker 4: Golande jumping and they fly forever and ever.
Speaker 1: Uh, Like, I feel like you didn't understand any of
Speaker 1: those words.
Speaker 4: Adie the Eagle jumping Olympic ski jumping, where the skis
Speaker 4: are kind of parallel to the body as they're flying.
Speaker 4: Like that's because the heel is not attached, it's just
Speaker 4: the toe and.
Speaker 3: It's harder to ski that way.
Speaker 4: You have to like lunge with each turn, your your
Speaker 4: your the trailing ski.
Speaker 3: Your knee is almost touching the ground.
Speaker 1: So it's like it's just a style.
Speaker 4: Of skiing, yes, and it's difficult, and yes, it's like
Speaker 4: old school purist mountaineering style because along with that also
Speaker 4: is the ability to put direct like skins and at
Speaker 4: one point I think it was real skin, but you
Speaker 4: can stretch it on the bottom of the ski, so
Speaker 4: all of a sudden it's grippy and you can climb
Speaker 4: cross countries, climb up a mountain, take those skins.
Speaker 3: Off, and then ski down. Oh, that's like a new thing.
Speaker 4: Even snowboards now are split down the middle, bindings rearranged
Speaker 4: to where they're like Telemark skis, and you you ski
Speaker 4: up on two halves of a snowboard, get to the top,
Speaker 4: reassemble it, and snowboard down.
Speaker 3: And it seems like a lot of work.
Speaker 4: And I'm someone that I'd rather get on a chair lift. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's it's exercise.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and it one day I will be motivated
Speaker 4: enough to do that, but until.
Speaker 1: Now, it sounds like a lot of exercise. Though.
Speaker 4: Yes, And another way to get your heart rate up
Speaker 4: is to buy chains and put them on your bald
Speaker 4: tires and go up a mountain road because something about
Speaker 4: my car. I put these chains on, and it was
Speaker 4: sending all messages to my car because the differential, it's
Speaker 4: like a car's tendency, I think, is to go from
Speaker 4: the wheels that slipped to the wheels that grip.
Speaker 3: And they were slipping and there's chains on them.
Speaker 4: So my car just started lunging and beeping and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: my car's breaking until the moment I actually hit deeper
Speaker 4: snow and then it worked and I went up there.
Speaker 4: I snowbear by myself, and I had the best day ever.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 3: It was great, and then yeah, it was our halfway
Speaker 3: and then I came home.
Speaker 1: Well that's good. Yeah, Is that going to be your
Speaker 1: new hobby? Is that the replacement?
Speaker 4: It's so the whole ordeal, buying chains, paying for parking,
Speaker 4: and then buying a one hundred dollars lift ticket. I
Speaker 4: realized what a rich per and sport snowboarding is. And
Speaker 4: I don't know how I did it my whole life,
Speaker 4: never having money. I just saved it for that and
Speaker 4: went snowboarding and decided, oh, it's okay, I'll just eat
Speaker 4: saltines in the cafe. I the whole time I lived
Speaker 4: in Oregon and snowboarded every day. I had a bag
Speaker 4: of textured vegetable protein and crackers and mustard, and I
Speaker 4: drank Molt liquor. I think I probably spent fifty dollars
Speaker 4: total that winter on eating, which is something you can
Speaker 4: do when you're young. And I hiked every day and
Speaker 4: built jumps and flipped around. It's a past life that
Speaker 4: no one knows about me, kind of like my work
Speaker 4: with the CIA.
Speaker 1: I think they know about it though.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 4: Have taken a lot of people sniper style, but it
Speaker 4: was Yeah, it was just a terrific day.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm so glad. That's nice. Yeah, that's a good
Speaker 1: time well spent.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I there is isn't There isn't like anything
Speaker 4: super funny that happened.
Speaker 3: But that's my story.
Speaker 1: Okay, I accept that story. Here's my story.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: There's a new game show on and it's called Deal
Speaker 2: or No Deal Island.
Speaker 1: Have you heard of it?
Speaker 3: I've heard of a Deal or No Deal, but only
Speaker 3: on the mainland.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, now there's it's on an island and it's
Speaker 2: hosted by Are you looking at that billboard?
Speaker 3: God?
Speaker 2: They've taken Joe Mangionello, the stripper from Magic Mike, and
Speaker 2: they put him on an island and they're gonna play
Speaker 2: Deal or No Deal. I don't know if he's just
Speaker 2: the suitcase holder or if he's the host.
Speaker 4: Or what's that That seems like a billboard from Idiocracy?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: Sponsored by Gatorade? Oh wow?
Speaker 4: Okay, well I do like him because I do too.
Speaker 4: There's a lesser known third Peeweez Big Adventure Movie, and
Speaker 4: he's like.
Speaker 3: Peewee's sidekick and he's pretty good with pee wee. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think he's really good. I think he's wildly of
Speaker 2: course handsome. Yeah, we know that that he's like he's
Speaker 2: like the Heidi male Heidi Klum.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's that?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And and much like uh Jason Momoa or something, it
Speaker 4: seems like he also is.
Speaker 3: Like, eh, I work out. I used to.
Speaker 4: Now I kind of drink beer, like they get out
Speaker 4: of shape and then they're like, oh for a movie,
Speaker 4: I'll get ripped and hot again.
Speaker 3: Right, But he like fluctuates like a normal person.
Speaker 1: Yes, well it all relatively.
Speaker 2: Hot his Yes, his version of being quote unquote overweight,
Speaker 2: which is like a minor dad bod, is even hotter
Speaker 2: on him.
Speaker 1: So it's like him and Jason Momoa can do no wrong.
Speaker 2: It's like, unless you're gaining weight in weird lumps, you're going.
Speaker 1: To be fine for like two hundred pounds.
Speaker 4: I would say, well, try and try and maintain what
Speaker 4: you viewed your whole life, your sexuality to be. Once
Speaker 4: you go down a wormhole of seeing Jason Momoa skateboarding
Speaker 4: on his ramp at his house because he rips and
Speaker 4: he's ripped, and I am he's hot, there.
Speaker 3: Is movement in my pants and my hands are up here.
Speaker 1: Grabbing at him.
Speaker 3: He's stateboards. Do you hear what I'm saying?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I did.
Speaker 3: I did not know that.
Speaker 1: That is exciting and he's relatively good on it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like he he can skate on a halfpipe, like,
Speaker 4: he does the grind, He does all the basics. And
Speaker 4: you can tell by his comfortable his comfort level that
Speaker 4: he once was like that was his thing. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 4: when he was a little thinner and before he like
Speaker 4: was on Baywatch or whatever, like, because mostly skater bodies
Speaker 4: are like a thin you know. It just seems like
Speaker 4: a big muscley guy. You would think if you're big
Speaker 4: and muscley, you never were interested in it.
Speaker 3: That's mine.
Speaker 1: You didn't have to be interested. You're a football boy.
Speaker 3: Right, you assume that.
Speaker 4: I don't think he's a football boy.
Speaker 1: I think Katie isn't he from hoy.
Speaker 3: I do believe so. Yeah, I thought he was. That
Speaker 3: makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because of the beauty.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not sure actually, but this ramp, Yes, when
Speaker 4: he was getting that ramp, it seemed very tropical in
Speaker 4: not California way.
Speaker 1: Do you want me to drop you off at the
Speaker 1: acting center?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: I do need to rent some leg warmers and chapstick. U.
Speaker 4: They have rentals there fitness and ballroom. You know what
Speaker 4: we should do? What cleap these mics clipped on and
Speaker 4: go in and take a dance class.
Speaker 2: It's so purple in there are all ballroom dancing studios
Speaker 2: purple themed.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, answer answer.
Speaker 4: Me, because if it may because of royalty, yes right, yes, yeah.
Speaker 4: There is some valure upholstery in there as well, or velvet.
Speaker 2: Today's day Madam Webb comes out. I just want everyone
Speaker 2: to know I Madam Web.
Speaker 4: There is a I distinctly remember in the trailer there
Speaker 4: it because it seems good. But then she's in the
Speaker 4: forest with these young girls she met and she's like, I.
Speaker 3: Know this because.
Speaker 4: Something something my mom got bit when she was in
Speaker 4: the forest studying spiders.
Speaker 3: Oh it's like a line that.
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, that could have used it right when
Speaker 4: my mom was studying spiders.
Speaker 3: I don't remember how it was. I think it kind
Speaker 3: of went viral.
Speaker 1: Oh you don't have to call me Madam Webb. That's
Speaker 1: my mother, call me miss Web.
Speaker 3: Yes. I don't study spiders.
Speaker 4: I just get bit by them and I glean their powers.
Speaker 2: I just have superpowers exactly like Spider Man. We're not
Speaker 2: talking about Spider Man. Is it a different movie?
Speaker 3: I think it's.
Speaker 4: Judging by the Marvel Leader or DC logo, it is
Speaker 4: a based on a comic book.
Speaker 3: This is this is I think?
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a Spider Spider Man or Man based storyline. Okay,
Speaker 4: but Madam Webb must be there's people out there itching
Speaker 4: in their chairs to yell at. But I think it's
Speaker 4: a comic book. Okay, yeah, maybe from the fifties. Not
Speaker 4: me now, I'm just making it up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well you're theorizing, but you're right on a podcast.
Speaker 4: Theories come from hypothesis and become fact when proven correct.
Speaker 1: How many times three I believe.
Speaker 4: If you're in a laboratory, of course you need a
Speaker 4: control subject.
Speaker 3: We'll have that be Toby McGuire.
Speaker 2: I never come this far down Ventura ever. That's why
Speaker 2: I'm reading every sign that I see right exactly.
Speaker 4: The only reason I ever go on the street that
Speaker 4: side of four or five is to get my teeth
Speaker 4: or eyeballs looked at by a professional.
Speaker 1: Yes they're all out here.
Speaker 3: Or to golf. The thing I've been not doing as.
Speaker 2: Much right well, because you spent all your money on snowboarding.
Speaker 4: It is yes, it's a it's it's not to be
Speaker 4: taken lightly.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 4: The guy that I skied with because I went by
Speaker 4: myself so I was just like single and it forced
Speaker 4: me to interact with a couple guys good and he
Speaker 4: just didn't pay.
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, I never do. He's a fireman, and he.
Speaker 4: No. We talked a little shop, though I had plenty
Speaker 4: of you know, I pretended your dad was my dad,
Speaker 4: and then I.
Speaker 3: Also had a brother in law.
Speaker 4: So I was everyone's a fireman but me, and we
Speaker 4: became fast friends.
Speaker 3: But he did not. He's like, oh, I never pay.
Speaker 4: I just get in mine and say, man, so fun
Speaker 4: up there, put a little snow in my hair.
Speaker 3: What wait, how would you so you saved one hundred
Speaker 3: and twenty dollars?
Speaker 1: He where would you pay? Did you have to pay
Speaker 1: at the bottom the ski lift?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just yes and I I And it was
Speaker 4: early in the morning. There was the chance that you
Speaker 4: uh you know, had come down already and maybe she forgot,
Speaker 4: but you'r I always paid because I don't want the
Speaker 4: embarrassment and like, where's your ticket? I need to see it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I think he's someone that would be like, oh, I'll
Speaker 4: go get one my other jacket yeah yeah yeah, or
Speaker 4: it fell off or what you know. He was telling
Speaker 4: me all the different ways that music festivals things. He's like, oh,
Speaker 4: I just paid for this online. He prints things out,
Speaker 4: puts his name on it. But so it's like, hey,
Speaker 4: these are all bad things. Meanwhile, he's saving lives three
Speaker 4: times a week, so I think he buys the ability
Speaker 4: to do other things.
Speaker 1: Did you happen to notice if he was a married man.
Speaker 3: He was not. He was young, and uh yeah, he
Speaker 3: was very very handsome.
Speaker 2: I think, well, I'm just My only point is I
Speaker 2: think he's gonna need to stop doing that if he
Speaker 2: ever wants to have a lady in his life. That's
Speaker 2: the kind of shit that makes me and it's gonna
Speaker 2: be me, but that's the kind of shit that makes
Speaker 2: me so fucking anxious where I could never like the
Speaker 2: whole energy you have to have to do shit like
Speaker 2: that is like you have to be hot because you've
Speaker 2: kind of gone through your life like being given shit
Speaker 2: and expecting to be given shit. And I've gone through
Speaker 2: my life getting in trouble and doing it wrong and
Speaker 2: like fucking up. So like there's no uh, I can't
Speaker 2: even fake it, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did say I.
Speaker 4: Could not pull that off. Yeah, but I didn't announce
Speaker 4: that I disapprove.
Speaker 1: I just like, probably wouldn't have care.
Speaker 4: No, And you're right, he was like he I think
Speaker 4: he's you know, a couple of days off, a couple
Speaker 4: of days on at the station, and other than that,
Speaker 4: it seemed like he lived in his.
Speaker 1: Car.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's like a baden stuff.
Speaker 4: So but so on paper, these are all things like, oh,
Speaker 4: that's bad, but he was living a life because he's
Speaker 4: younger that I always wanted to.
Speaker 3: He has a good job, he has his days off,
Speaker 3: he goes.
Speaker 4: Has adventures, and then when he's working, he's saving people
Speaker 4: well and feeling money out of their pocket exactly.
Speaker 1: Call it a tip, call it a force tip.
Speaker 3: Yes, but yeah, that's a good interaction.
Speaker 1: And then that's fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And before that, I was with a gear that
Speaker 3: we started talking politics.
Speaker 4: He was very right leaning, and I'm like, and he
Speaker 4: was a military guy and.
Speaker 3: He was from Israel.
Speaker 4: He was in the Israeli Army and we had a
Speaker 4: very long.
Speaker 3: I got really nervous when he said that.
Speaker 4: I'm like, because you and I don't talk about it
Speaker 4: because we don't know what.
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm not smart enough to have the conversation.
Speaker 1: Well, it's not a conversation.
Speaker 2: It's a genocide taking place where Palestinian people are being murdered,
Speaker 2: and it's a whole.
Speaker 4: Like and I told him, I'm like, what about what's
Speaker 4: happening in Rapa right now? Do you there's no way
Speaker 4: that you think military violence is the answer to peace
Speaker 4: with this? And he's like, I don't know, and he
Speaker 4: started crying in a moment, yes, and it was and then.
Speaker 3: It got very intense.
Speaker 4: And then because I said what I thought, and he
Speaker 4: obviously doesn't talk about it much, but it was important
Speaker 4: for us to talk about that.
Speaker 3: And then I was like, I just think it's important to.
Speaker 4: Listen to more news sources, not just the one you
Speaker 4: usually listen to. He said, yes, I am like a
Speaker 4: Fox News guy, and I'm like, I like to take
Speaker 4: a sample of each with the app on my TV
Speaker 4: and watch a little bit of everything that's not necessarily true.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm a left I'm a lefty. And he said, well,
Speaker 4: I'm glad we talked about this. He's like, I hope
Speaker 4: we can still ski together. And I'm like sure, but
Speaker 4: then we went down and I was just better than
Speaker 4: him and I lost him, and he probably thinks, I'm like,
Speaker 4: did it for political reasons that I ditched him?
Speaker 1: Well, I bet you, because that's difficult. Like you, guys,
Speaker 1: it was hot.
Speaker 2: You had a difficult and meaningful conversation, which I think
Speaker 2: people anybody can get on social media and be like
Speaker 2: do this, do that, And I think that people get
Speaker 2: into that place and have no intention of ever having
Speaker 2: a real life conversation.
Speaker 4: And there was the fact that I was on a
Speaker 4: chair lift where the only option to get out of
Speaker 4: it was to jump onto rocks. But I'm like, I'm
Speaker 4: going to this person wants to talk about this. All
Speaker 4: of this is a conversation that none of us are
Speaker 4: able to have, and it's everyone is scared and feels helpless,
Speaker 4: and it's it's been really frustrating for me because it's all.
Speaker 3: I've been thinking about. But h and then it's I ditched,
Speaker 3: Oh see you later.
Speaker 2: But I guess my point was I bet you he
Speaker 2: wanted to get away just as bad as you did,
Speaker 2: because it's like, you're.
Speaker 3: Right, just realized he probably ditched me. It was like, well,
Speaker 3: because I stopped.
Speaker 1: One thing to check off your list of worries. I
Speaker 1: would say that one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, well it was we skied together before that
Speaker 4: and didn't talk about anything and accept jobs and you.
Speaker 3: Know, it was like, uh, that's nice guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then the second ride was totally different. It was
Speaker 3: tense and also very high up in the air.
Speaker 5: With rocks, just the two of you. Yes, ski lift
Speaker 5: and then solve it. Let me add to the tenseness
Speaker 5: the bar. The safety bar was not brought down. My
Speaker 5: mom and I always on a chairlift. She said this
Speaker 5: once and I thought, are you mad? She was like,
Speaker 5: I always think I'm just going to jump off the chairlift.
Speaker 3: And I'm like what.
Speaker 4: And then ever since then, whenever I'm on a chairlift,
Speaker 4: because you are just sitting in a chair, you could
Speaker 4: suddenly lose control over your body.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and be like, well here I go. I
Speaker 3: guess I'm doing this right.
Speaker 2: But don't you get I get that feeling anytime I'm
Speaker 2: on like a five story or higher building rooftop.
Speaker 4: Which isn't often, but it happened all the time when
Speaker 4: we would go to like there's certain parties I've been
Speaker 4: to there to like, here's a rooftop area, and I'm
Speaker 4: afraid of heights, but I'm also afraid of me around heights.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: What if I can't control my sudden urge that comes
Speaker 4: out of nowhere? I guess possession Yep, not sadness. I'm
Speaker 4: not talking about that. What if I lose control my body?
Speaker 3: In Joe?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: And there's a weird thing I think that comes up
Speaker 2: in all humans when they see that, which is like,
Speaker 2: what's the worst thing I could do right now? Oh
Speaker 2: my god?
Speaker 1: What if I did it?
Speaker 4: Yes? Yeah, I think I have that problem with everything
Speaker 4: the middle of a set on stage. Oh, I wonder
Speaker 4: what it would feel like right now to draw a
Speaker 4: blank yep, not think of any joke and start eating shit.
Speaker 4: I was just doing really well and they like me,
Speaker 4: let me just take a moment to do bad.
Speaker 3: Yeah it felt bad. Yeh, that felt terrible.
Speaker 2: I can't tell you how many times that was like
Speaker 2: a thing I did at Largo a lot where it's
Speaker 2: like it's killing, killing, killing, to a rhythm where you're
Speaker 2: like this is amazing, and you're like, I'm going to
Speaker 2: stop it yep, and just stop. I would stop talking
Speaker 2: and stare at the audience. Yes, what weird things like
Speaker 2: that where it's more about control, where it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: you don't even care about doing well, you just care
Speaker 2: about being.
Speaker 1: In control of seventy five people.
Speaker 3: You fucking loun boy. I maybe it goes that deep.
Speaker 3: I would hate to think that.
Speaker 4: I'm I think that I just in life always have
Speaker 4: created my own obstacles, and I do it in the
Speaker 4: moment like that, like, oh, I'm going to make myself
Speaker 4: eat it just because I like to fuck with my
Speaker 4: own emotions.
Speaker 3: But I are or is it to see.
Speaker 4: If I can recover, Like, oh, I'm gonna do this
Speaker 4: just so I can win them.
Speaker 3: Back because that always feels good. Yeah, maybe that's it.
Speaker 2: Maybe the only way I can get higher than this
Speaker 2: moment is to lose and win again.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I think we should break up, baby, come
Speaker 3: back to me.
Speaker 1: No, I'm going to win you back.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Earlier I saw billboard that said something wrong, call Anne Pong,
Speaker 2: and then there was I guess Anne Fong standing there.
Speaker 1: You were seen that one.
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, are we near Anne Phongs?
Speaker 2: No, we passed it a while ago, but I saw
Speaker 2: it and made a mental note put it in the file.
Speaker 4: Effects Yes, I wonder when Anne Phong does have we
Speaker 4: talked about Ann Phong because.
Speaker 1: It's like a lawyer. It's a lawyer billboard for sure.
Speaker 6: You know what what you know, dude, Ship Pope did
Speaker 6: a video where he made he zoomed in on that
Speaker 6: billboard and just said it out loud over and over
Speaker 6: and that all of a sudden, Chipop, you and I
Speaker 6: both love and I we got to get Chipop on this.
Speaker 3: I have not seen him. I he's like teaching screenwriting.
Speaker 3: He's doing great, I think.
Speaker 1: But he texted me also. That reminds me at Christmas time.
Speaker 2: He texted me and I completely forgot to write back,
Speaker 2: goddamn it.
Speaker 4: And yesterday, not that they're like the same two halves
Speaker 4: of a whole. But I did Howard Kramer podcast and
Speaker 4: we should have him on as well.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, how did it go on Howard's podcast?
Speaker 3: It was great? We yeah, it was his who Charted podcast?
Speaker 1: Oh nice?
Speaker 4: And we talked about a lot of things and I
Speaker 4: had my picked good songs.
Speaker 3: It's one of those shows where there's a.
Speaker 4: Little bit of homework and uh and I always turned
Speaker 4: like I just did Jimmy Pardo's talk show where you
Speaker 4: had to write jokes based on certain categories and I
Speaker 4: always get turned off by the homework thing.
Speaker 3: I just wanted to stand up.
Speaker 4: But when my jokes all worked, I was like, oh
Speaker 4: I can write you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Yo?
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh I nailed this. I yeah and.
Speaker 4: Uh and I had I had fun also in the
Speaker 4: same way with Gramer's but he said, I've never done
Speaker 4: your podcast, and I'm like, right now, I'm googling your
Speaker 4: name with do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: And two three yes, multiple multiple.
Speaker 2: If Howard doesn't remember, then we should have him back
Speaker 2: on because then we can be like, here's all the
Speaker 2: things you need to remember. Yeah.
Speaker 4: It was really surprising to me because I said, you've
Speaker 4: been on it at least once this episode, and he's.
Speaker 3: Like, I don't think so.
Speaker 4: And then there was some other thing with TIGG. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 4: you were on that and I'm like, no, I was not.
Speaker 4: But you know me, even when I'm right, I'm like, eah,
Speaker 4: maybe I'm wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. You just give them the floor. Yeah, you're
Speaker 2: like the least resistance possible.
Speaker 4: If someone's sure of it. I sometimes forget what I know.
Speaker 4: That's why I hope I never get accused of a murder.
Speaker 1: Yeah, be careful, you.
Speaker 3: Guys really think I did it. I guess I did.
Speaker 1: Guess, so you have a point about me. Oh, what happened?
Speaker 3: What happened?
Speaker 2: Oh, at least it gave me the shoulder tap to
Speaker 2: let me know that we have two minutes to go.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: But I was looking over it because there was people
Speaker 2: on the roof over there, and I'm like, there's people
Speaker 2: on the roof. And then I felt a tap on
Speaker 2: my shoulder and for some reason, I was like, they're
Speaker 2: tapping me on his shoulder.
Speaker 4: You thought you thought that was a sniper on the
Speaker 4: roof and you got hit with a rubber bullet, and.
Speaker 2: Then the snipers like tip tip, Hey, in two minutes.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna kill you.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna get you right after I'm done with this
Speaker 4: roofing project.
Speaker 1: I asked for that. That was the que I asked for.
Speaker 3: Something is wrong and Fong.
Speaker 1: Well, I think we've done it.
Speaker 3: Well that I feel like we should continue this episode.
Speaker 4: This is one of those very well remember on sitcoms
Speaker 4: in the eighties, sometimes there will be a very special
Speaker 4: second half and they would end it with it to
Speaker 4: be continued at the bottom. It made made your week.
Speaker 4: You'd be so excited to see the.
Speaker 2: Rest so and that to be continued would have a
Speaker 2: weird sad version of the theme song like do you need.
Speaker 3: Oh channe are Kong. This has been an exactly Right.
Speaker 2: Production produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi. Our
Speaker 2: talent booker is Patrick Kottner.
Speaker 3: Theme song by Karen Kilgarret.
Speaker 1: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
Speaker 2: podcast That's d y nar Podcast.
Speaker 4: For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Oh You're welcome