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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, welcome back to I have some thoughts our

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Speaker 1: therapy for Black Girls miniso series, where we are discussing

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Speaker 1: all things pop culture, but of course through a mental

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Speaker 1: health lens. And I am joined today Vibria again. Who

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Speaker 1: is our production assistant? Hey Maria?

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Speaker 2: Hi? Everyone?

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Speaker 1: What are we chatting about today? Bria?

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Speaker 2: Yes, lots of topics to discuss today. First things first,

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Speaker 2: we could not start without talking about the NBA Finals.

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Speaker 2: Oh first, did you watch? And did you have a

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Speaker 2: team you're rooting for?

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Speaker 1: Of course I watch now. I do want to go

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Speaker 1: on record, I have not been following the MNBA. Y'all know,

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Speaker 1: I'm a WNBA stand so I only really got involved

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Speaker 1: once we were down to like the last four teams,

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Speaker 1: and y'all heard me talk about OKC because I love

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Speaker 1: Jared McCain. So I was already rooting against the Spurs

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Speaker 1: because they defeated OKAC. And the more I learned about

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Speaker 1: the next team and just how excited everybody has been,

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Speaker 1: I definitely became a dix waged.

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Speaker 2: No, the energy was honestly like contagious. I lived in

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Speaker 2: New York for two years, so I don't claim New York.

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Speaker 2: That's not where I'm from or anything like that. But

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Speaker 2: I was rooting for them too. But if you were

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Speaker 2: not familiar, they won in Game five against the San

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Speaker 2: Antonio Spurs ninety four to ninety and this is their

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Speaker 2: first NBA Championship win in fifty three years. So I'm

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Speaker 2: sure you've seen all the videos all over social media.

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Speaker 2: The streets of New York are just crazy right now.

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Speaker 2: The praise on Thursday, but people have just been celebrating

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Speaker 2: every day since. But I think it's a really cool

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Speaker 2: concept of people get so emotionally invested in these teams

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Speaker 2: and their cities, and the Knicks won the championship, but

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Speaker 2: it's really the whole city of New York won. So

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Speaker 2: what psychological needs are fulfilled by belonging to this community,

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Speaker 2: by belonging to fandoms of certain sport teams and sharing

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Speaker 2: in these wins and losses together.

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Speaker 1: Oh, this is such a great question. And of course,

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Speaker 1: like I have been a deserving all of this as

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Speaker 1: much as like the fun of it. Also, like it's

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Speaker 1: a fascinating, I think, like psychological case study. Just like

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Speaker 1: you said, like people have been in the streets for

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Speaker 1: like weeks now, very excited and just lots of things

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Speaker 1: going on, But one I think you mentioned it that

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Speaker 1: the Knicks have not won a series in fifty three years, right,

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Speaker 1: And so what I have been observing, again because I

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Speaker 1: have not been following for years, how many people have

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Speaker 1: stories about like their parents and grandparents ushering them into

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Speaker 1: the fandom, which I think is really cool, right, And

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Speaker 1: so you don't necessarily see that kind of like lineage

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Speaker 1: I think always in sports, and especially when the team

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Speaker 1: has not won a championship in this way. And so

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Speaker 1: I think for a lot of people there are like

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Speaker 1: some really strong family ties, especially when the people who

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Speaker 1: brought you into the fandom have passed away, right. And

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Speaker 1: so I've also seen some beautiful stories of people talking

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Speaker 1: about like how happy grandmother would be, your uncle would

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Speaker 1: be because the Nicks finally won, right, And so I

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Speaker 1: think for a lot of people there's a real sense

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Speaker 1: of family history like locked into this fandom that I

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Speaker 1: think is a little different than maybe others kind of

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Speaker 1: sports situations. I also think when you think about like

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Speaker 1: something like the finals, right, and like it's appointment TV

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Speaker 1: appointment viewing, right, So there are certain days and times

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Speaker 1: the games come on, there's all this planning that goes

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Speaker 1: into like, Okay, where am I going to watch it?

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Speaker 1: Who am I going to be with? I think for

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Speaker 1: a lot of people, there have probably been group chats

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Speaker 1: and people that you haven't talked to in maybe years,

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Speaker 1: that you've now reconnected with around the Knicks being in

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Speaker 1: the finals, right, And so I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: it is related to the socializing and like the social

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Speaker 1: impact of being able to get together to watch these

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Speaker 1: things and socializing in ways that maybe you don't typically right, Like,

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Speaker 1: usually we're going about our routine and there isn't this

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Speaker 1: kind of thing to sustain our you know, breaking up

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Speaker 1: our routine. And so I think being able to watch

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Speaker 1: the finals collectively and people were doing watch parties in

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Speaker 1: the streets, and like, I think that the social impact

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Speaker 1: of that cannot be denied in the impact that that

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Speaker 1: has on our mental health, especially right now, right where

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Speaker 1: so many is someone so many things are not going

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Speaker 1: well and there isn't a lot to look forward to.

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Speaker 1: I think having the games to look forward to, having

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Speaker 1: to look forwards who socializing and connecting with other people

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Speaker 1: really just as a positive mental health impact that I

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Speaker 1: hope we could stay connected to.

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Speaker 2: For sure. My favorite was the man who just set

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Speaker 2: up a projector outside of his apartment window and had

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Speaker 2: like everyone watching it in the streets. I thought that

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Speaker 2: was so cool. Yeah, But then even when it comes

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Speaker 2: to like people who have no tires to New York,

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Speaker 2: have never been a Knicks fan, I really feel like

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Speaker 2: it's some aspects of like this redemption arc. Like, you know,

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Speaker 2: a team that hasn't won in fifty something years, So

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Speaker 2: what is it about like the underdogs and like long

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Speaker 2: awaited victories that really resonates with people, So especially people

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Speaker 2: who aren't even connected to this team at all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think that there's something very powerful

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Speaker 1: about rooting for the underdog, right, And the more you

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Speaker 1: learn and the more I've learned about like just the

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Speaker 1: story of the players, right, So Jalen Brunson can be

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Speaker 1: counted out all his life and told he was too

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Speaker 1: small and he's never gonna be able to lead a

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Speaker 1: team to a championship. And then the history of him

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Speaker 1: and Michael Bridges and Josh Hart playing in Villanova together, right,

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Speaker 1: Like all these really cool like stories that are a

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Speaker 1: part of it. I think also they're very likable, So

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Speaker 1: I think it's easy to kind of root for people

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Speaker 1: who come across as like humble and really excited and

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Speaker 1: playing with a real sense of community and brotherhood. I

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Speaker 1: think that that made it really easy to root for them.

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Speaker 1: But I think we love a redemption arc, right, We

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Speaker 1: love kind of being counted out and being the one

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Speaker 1: who finally succeeds. And I think there are lots of

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Speaker 1: lessons we can take that from that for our own lives, right,

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Speaker 1: Like one of the things that Jalen Brunson talked about

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Speaker 1: is his confidence really matching his work ethic, which I

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Speaker 1: think is a lesson for us to kind of take

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Speaker 1: away from that, right, Like, the things that you work

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Speaker 1: hard at, even if you're not successful, you're more likely

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Speaker 1: to be successful when you're putting in those hours. And

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Speaker 1: I think that there are just lots of lessons like

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Speaker 1: that that we can take for our own even if

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Speaker 1: we're not NBA Superstars.

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Speaker 2: No, for sure, my team is the Dallas Maverick So

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Speaker 2: I was rooting for Jaylem friends and because he used

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Speaker 2: to play for them, So I was like, Okay, my

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Speaker 2: team is not there, but I at least have an

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Speaker 2: old player that's there exactly. So we're gonna stay on

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Speaker 2: the topic of sports for our next topic. But unfortunately

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Speaker 2: this one is a lot less celebratory. After winning the

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Speaker 2: biggest fight of his career, UFC fighter Josh hoy Kitt

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Speaker 2: used his moment to call former firstly Michelle Obama and

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Speaker 2: refer to her as a man now. The reaction from

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Speaker 2: the crowd was mixed. It seems like half the crowd

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Speaker 2: was really shocked into silence. But if you're like listening

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Speaker 2: back to the recording and you can hear some cheers

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Speaker 2: throughout too, I'm sure he thought he was going to

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Speaker 2: get a different reaction, but then on Instagram later that

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Speaker 2: day or the next day, he doubled down and was

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Speaker 2: just like, I'm not here to be liked. I'm not

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Speaker 2: here to be a role model. I don't care. I'm

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Speaker 2: here to succeed. The UFC President and CEO Dana White

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Speaker 2: has completely shut the statement down. She's said called it nonsense,

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Speaker 2: said that it's something that they don't really stand for.

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Speaker 2: But at the same time, like he is like their

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Speaker 2: UFC champion and there's only really so much that they

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Speaker 2: can do, and it's they're not really going to like

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Speaker 2: kick him out of the UFC things like that. But

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Speaker 2: I think it's just like a much broader conversation about

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Speaker 2: why powerful black women are often denied this like sense

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Speaker 2: of femininity and softness and humanity. I mean we saw

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Speaker 2: it during like the initial election, during Obama's presidency, Like

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Speaker 2: there was so many moments where Michelle Obama was just

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Speaker 2: kind of torn apart. And I feel like the first

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Speaker 2: thing that they went for was her femininity.

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Speaker 1: There's such a long history of kind of stripping Black

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Speaker 1: women of femininity, right, Like the relationship between Black women

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Speaker 1: in femininity, I think has been a tenuous one, and

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Speaker 1: not through our own doing, right, Like everything goes back

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Speaker 1: to racism, right, And so to me is very kind

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Speaker 1: of poignant that like in this moment where he like

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Speaker 1: won this big fight and like it should really be

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Speaker 1: all about him and celebrating like his own kind of

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Speaker 1: ablishments that like what he thinks about is like Michelle Obama, right,

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Speaker 1: Like how much it we on your mind that like

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Speaker 1: this moment about a black woman. But I think that

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Speaker 1: educated black women, like powerful black women are definitely seen

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Speaker 1: as a threat, especially at this moment in history, right,

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Speaker 1: And you know, I think we can't escape like the

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Speaker 1: background of the fight, right, Like the fight was at

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Speaker 1: the White House on the lawn, and so the toxicity

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Speaker 1: that has just been manifested and fostered by this administration,

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Speaker 1: I think is that is what we saw is a

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Speaker 1: direct reflection of just the sentiment that I think so

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Speaker 1: many of his supporters tend to run with. I'm surprised

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Speaker 1: that he did not get a bigger reaction because I

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Speaker 1: think probably the people at the fight are people who

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Speaker 1: maybe even believe some of those things. But I do

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Speaker 1: think that it really just speaks to the toxicity that

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Speaker 1: is really prevalent in the culture right now, and just

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Speaker 1: those historical ideas of black women not being able to

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Speaker 1: be feminine and being dehumanized and othered in lots of

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Speaker 1: ways that have been really harmful and distasteful.

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Speaker 2: No, for sure, I feel like there's so many people

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Speaker 2: within Trump supporting communities that just feel so emboldened and

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Speaker 2: empowered to say so many things out loud that is

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Speaker 2: just kind of like, what's happening? Right? And then what

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Speaker 2: does it look like for black women who are kind

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Speaker 2: of under this microscope? How do they maintain like a

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Speaker 2: sense of self worth when they're constantly being judged through

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Speaker 2: someone else's lens, especially people who might not align with

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Speaker 2: them or support them too.

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Speaker 1: So many of us have had these conversations since we

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Speaker 1: were young, right, And so I think there's something really powerful,

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Speaker 1: though unfortunate, about how we have to raise young black people,

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Speaker 1: and how we have been raised to kind of really

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Speaker 1: avoid the gaze of other people and really seek definition

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Speaker 1: from within ourselves and from within our community. And so

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Speaker 1: I think for a lot of us, and for a

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Speaker 1: lot of black women, I think your sense of self

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Speaker 1: worth has to come from places that are not outside

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Speaker 1: of you. It has to come from you and your

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Speaker 1: intrinsic values and the things that you are excited about

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Speaker 1: and the things that you are good at, things that

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Speaker 1: you feel confident about. But that's not to say that

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Speaker 1: this doesn't impact us, right, Like I definitely saw lots

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Speaker 1: of systems coming out, of course in support of Michelle, right,

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Speaker 1: And so I think these kinds of things, even when

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Speaker 1: they don't happen to us, still can impact us, right,

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Speaker 1: Because we have also probably had experiences, maybe not as

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Speaker 1: high profile, but people kind of chipping away at us

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Speaker 1: or making us feel bad, or making fun of us,

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Speaker 1: and like pointing to us in moments that have nothing

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Speaker 1: to do with us, right, And so I think many

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Speaker 1: of us can identify with that. But then you know,

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Speaker 1: it goes back to the Tony Morrison quote of the

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Speaker 1: real impact of racism being kind of constantly having to

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Speaker 1: negate why this thing is not true? Right, And so

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Speaker 1: I think so much of our energy then becomes around

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Speaker 1: like having to deal with racist as opposed to just

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Speaker 1: living our own lives. And so as much as I

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Speaker 1: think self worth has to come from you and the

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Speaker 1: things that are important to you, I do think that

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Speaker 1: there is a mental health impact when we see things

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Speaker 1: like this happen.

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Speaker 2: For sure. Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break, and.

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Speaker 2: Then for our last topic, we're going to talk about

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Speaker 2: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's daughter Sahara. So she has

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Speaker 2: officially filed to have the pit from her last name

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Speaker 2: removed so she would go by Sawa Jolie Pitt. She

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Speaker 2: actually had the pit part removed. You may remember a

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Speaker 2: few years ago an FBI report came out and it

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Speaker 2: had a bunch of details about a violent altercation that

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Speaker 2: took place on a private plane back in twenty sixteen

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Speaker 2: between Brad Pitt and Angelina. The details were pretty heavy.

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Speaker 2: There was a lot of physical and verbal abuse from

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Speaker 2: bad pit all throughout, But Zahara was actually their third

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Speaker 2: child to drop the pit from the last name. Maddix

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Speaker 2: did so just a few days before Zahara did, and

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Speaker 2: then Shilah did last year as well. And I think

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Speaker 2: there's like a much broader conversation about when you don't

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Speaker 2: align with certain parts of your familial identity or you

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Speaker 2: do need to sever those relationships and those ties. So

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Speaker 2: how do people navigate the emotional complexity of creating distance

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Speaker 2: from a parent that you may still love, you may

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Speaker 2: still care for, but they have disappointed you, they have

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Speaker 2: hurt you, and so now you're still processing love, disappointment,

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Speaker 2: grief all at the same time.

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Speaker 1: You know, I immediately think of our conversation a couple

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Speaker 1: of weeks ago with doctor Natalie Jones about going no

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Speaker 1: contact with family, right, and how this is often a

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Speaker 1: very difficult decision for people to make for lots of

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Speaker 1: different reasons. Right, Like, so much of our society talks

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Speaker 1: about honoring our parents and they can do no wrong,

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Speaker 1: and you know, like we really just need to kind

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Speaker 1: of be in reverence to them. But the sad and

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Speaker 1: unfortunate truth is that sometimes our parents are some of

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Speaker 1: the most toxic people we encounter, at least for the

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Speaker 1: first time, right, And so I think it does often

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Speaker 1: become a very difficult decision to maybe break tides, even

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Speaker 1: if there is still love, even if you still feel

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Speaker 1: fortunate that they've taken care of you, even though that's

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Speaker 1: what parents are supposed to do, right, It's a very

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Speaker 1: complicated kind of decision, and so it's not one that

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Speaker 1: people make take lightly or make easily. And so I

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Speaker 1: think going no contact, but then also making this extra

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Speaker 1: step of like I'm changing my name, like I really

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Speaker 1: want some separation here. I wanted to be a public

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Speaker 1: declaration that I am claiming this for myself that I

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Speaker 1: do not want to have this kind of relationship with you.

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Speaker 1: And I think that that's a really brave and bold step.

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Speaker 1: Now many of us in kind of regular life, people

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Speaker 1: don't know, like there has not been an FBI investigation

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Speaker 1: into the things that have happened, and people don't know

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Speaker 1: all of the reasons why you might but I would

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Speaker 1: imagine that they probably have also faced some scrutiny around

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Speaker 1: like oh, that's your father, and maybe even because they

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Speaker 1: you know, well, at least a couple of them have

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Speaker 1: been adopted, right, like, oh, don't you feel fortunate that

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Speaker 1: they kind of saved you, so to speak, you know,

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Speaker 1: so I'm sure that they've also faced some scrutiny but

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Speaker 1: also made the decision to take care of themselves and

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Speaker 1: to choose themselves in this moment. And I think that

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Speaker 1: that's a very powerful lesson, no.

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Speaker 2: For sure. And to your point about like everyone's knock

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Speaker 2: under this celebrity public eye aspect of it, there's also

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Speaker 2: like very normal regular people that are dealing with these

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Speaker 2: complicated family dynamics. Some people, you know, may not feel

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Speaker 2: as empowered or may not feel it's necessary to make

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Speaker 2: that step, But how can they honor their own well

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Speaker 2: being while navigating these family dynamics and setting those boundaries

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Speaker 2: that way?

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, yeah, I mean I would go back to

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Speaker 1: this conversation with doctor Jones. Will definitely have to link

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Speaker 1: that one in the show notes because I think that

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Speaker 1: would be a great one for people to check out,

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Speaker 1: you know. But I think it is around setting boundaries, right,

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Speaker 1: whether it is fully going no contact and really severing

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Speaker 1: ties to this person are much more limited contact, right,

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Speaker 1: So I maybe see you for holidays and we have

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Speaker 1: brief conversation, but there's no kind of daily keeping you

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Speaker 1: up to date with what's going on in my life.

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Speaker 1: I'm not expecting birthday presents, and you should not expect

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Speaker 1: the same from me. Like, I think it really is

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Speaker 1: about what is your comfort level of setting boundaries, but

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Speaker 1: also I think getting support from people who understand why

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Speaker 1: you made that decision. Yeah, because like I said, I

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Speaker 1: think there can be a lot of judgment around like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, how could you cut off your father

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Speaker 1: kind of thing without people knowing the full story and

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Speaker 1: without people knowing like what it took for you to

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Speaker 1: actually make that decision. And so you definitely want to

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Speaker 1: be surrounded by supportive people who support you in making

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Speaker 1: that decision, who don't question you, who don't say, oh,

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Speaker 1: do you just want to you know, reach out for

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Speaker 1: Father's Day or you know, like that kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: Like So, whether that is from friends and family or

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Speaker 1: whether that's a therapist, I think that that's one of

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Speaker 1: the most important things, is having a supportive community who

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Speaker 1: does not question your decision and who really can back

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Speaker 1: you in making that really difficult decision.

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Speaker 2: For sure, No, I love that, and I obviously we

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Speaker 2: see it from a distance, but I do appreciate the

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Speaker 2: relationship that it seems Angelina and to her have like

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Speaker 2: from videos that we've seen from graduations and from when

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Speaker 2: became in AKA a couple of years ago too, so

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Speaker 2: I hope that she's feeling all the love and support too.

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Speaker 2: That was our last topic for the week.

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Speaker 1: Perfect great topics for you. Thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: sharing those, And if there are things that you are

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Speaker 1: talking about or thinking about in pop culture that you'd

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Speaker 1: like to hear us laying on, please end those suggestions

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Speaker 1: to us at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash mailbox

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Speaker 1: And until next time, take good care of yourself, I

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Speaker 1: guess