Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. You guys on TikTok. Right, Well,
Speaker 1: I got bad news because if you're on TikTok, you
Speaker 1: gotta drop out of college because universities across the country
Speaker 1: are banning TikTok from school WiFi because they're words that
Speaker 1: China might be spying on them. Yeah, and you know what, good,
Speaker 1: get these kids off TikTok. I'm tired of seeing Little
Speaker 1: Ashley's amazing hat for how to flip grilled cheese in
Speaker 1: a pan. You don't think I know how to flip
Speaker 1: a pan, bitch, or make grilled cheese. I've been flipping
Speaker 1: pants and making grilled cheese since before you were ball.
Speaker 1: So don't talk to me like I'm stupid. You're a stupid,
Speaker 1: stupid twenty four year old. What you're doing skin, you
Speaker 1: have no use? Okay, well, okay, I think I got
Speaker 1: off the subject. I'm sorry. Next up, the t s
Speaker 1: A announced that they seized record numbers of guns at
Speaker 1: airports checkpoints last year. And let me tell you something,
Speaker 1: if I'm bringing a gun through checkpoint, you ain't taking
Speaker 1: it from me because I got a gun. But honestly,
Speaker 1: I think this makes it more interesting for t s
Speaker 1: a people because you know they get bored and they're
Speaker 1: probably happy when they actually find a gun. You know,
Speaker 1: del though, del though, Dildo to dildos. Oh hey, game,
Speaker 1: we got that gun. Yeah, and get the deal goo too.
Speaker 1: I think he a deal. The who you are? Nasty terrorist? Who?
Speaker 1: Moving on? Y'all know who George Santos is right with
Speaker 1: his creepy ash if y'all don't know who he is.
Speaker 1: He's the new Republican congressman who found who we found
Speaker 1: out lied about his entire life. He made up a
Speaker 1: whole career as a businessman. He made up that his
Speaker 1: family was Jewish and his mom was a victim of
Speaker 1: nine eleven Ill? Ill, do you know how much you
Speaker 1: have to lie to be known as the lying congressman?
Speaker 1: Meant is lie all day, But when you ask them
Speaker 1: who is the liar, they're like, this guy, wait till
Speaker 1: you hear about this ship he did. Representative George Santos
Speaker 1: is allegedly so on three thousand dollars and donations from
Speaker 1: a disabled, homeless veterans dying service dog. Santos allegedly used
Speaker 1: an alias to Colm the Veteran and set up a
Speaker 1: go fund me page that would be deleted as soon
Speaker 1: as it hit its goal, and then Santos disappeared altogether exactly. So,
Speaker 1: so you're telling me this man didn't steal three thousand
Speaker 1: dollars from a dog. He didn't just steal from a
Speaker 1: service dog. He didn't just steal from a dying service dog.
Speaker 1: He stole from a disabled, homeless veterans dying service dog.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you evil and stupid. You're gonna mess
Speaker 1: with somebody's dog. Have you not heard of John Wick?
Speaker 1: Your ass is in trouble. Truble mess with no veteran's dog.
Speaker 1: You know? So crazy? This guy is so evil. I
Speaker 1: wonder if they put him in there on purpose so
Speaker 1: I can't pay attention to the other evil people. Anybody
Speaker 1: got me eyes on Marjorie Taylor Grain? What's up with
Speaker 1: that bitch? What is that bitch up too? She brobably
Speaker 1: got Garfield tied up in her office? I'm serious, Like,
Speaker 1: what does this man have to do to get thrown
Speaker 1: out of Congress? He's a liar. Black people don't get
Speaker 1: believed when they actually tell the truth. Barack Obama was like, hey,
Speaker 1: I was born in America, and people were like, bullshit,
Speaker 1: where's reverse certificated, and this guy was like, I was
Speaker 1: a millionaire Jewish volleyball star, and y'are like, hell yeah,
Speaker 1: I put him in Congress. Sick of y'all ship. And finally,
Speaker 1: I don't know if y'all been um eating breakfast lately,
Speaker 1: but breakfast is in trouble's son. The latest economic number
Speaker 1: show inflation is slowing down, but not for people who
Speaker 1: buy eggs. The average price for a dozen of eggs
Speaker 1: has more than doubled over the past year. Shortages around
Speaker 1: the country are hurting producers and putting more stress on
Speaker 1: consumers and businesses. Why is there a shortage right now?
Speaker 1: What's going on? Well, I'm sure you heard there is
Speaker 1: a bird flu in the Midwest. At egg Tuck, a
Speaker 1: breakfast part in Los Angeles that goes through up to
Speaker 1: six thousand eggs a week, costs have quadruple and they're
Speaker 1: feeling it. All of our forces are made with eggs. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: the line of cars is about thirty minutes long at
Speaker 1: Billy's Egg Farm in southern California, and workers are scrambling
Speaker 1: to meet demand. What wait, which, why you buying so
Speaker 1: many eggs? But yeah, there's an egg shortage right now.
Speaker 1: Because a ton of chickens got bird flute, which is
Speaker 1: which isn't surprising, you know, because chickens are freaky, little
Speaker 1: disgusting creatures. And god how I love to eat what
Speaker 1: they shipped out they bird pussy early in the morning.
Speaker 1: I got fun. I love it. But that's a serious. Now,
Speaker 1: this is serious because people need eggs so badly. I
Speaker 1: think the chickens are gonna start getting real cocky. What's up, bitch?
Speaker 1: You want these eggs? What you're gonna do for me?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you what I want. I want a
Speaker 1: new barn. I want to assist it. I want to
Speaker 1: fly business class and an extra large flat screen and
Speaker 1: a PS five and one more thing sell sally to
Speaker 1: Popeye's boe bitch. Alright, alright, for more on this egg story,
Speaker 1: Let's now go to a man who deserves to be
Speaker 1: knee deep in chicken ship. Y'all give it up for
Speaker 1: Michael Costa. Okay, yeah, Leslie, it's it's great to see
Speaker 1: you again. No, it ain't agree, Okay, I see. Just
Speaker 1: so everybody knows, Leslie and I have a bit of history.
Speaker 1: But don't worry, we're gonna be totally professional. I ain't
Speaker 1: about to be ship. I ain't gonna be professional, and
Speaker 1: not that you should have been professional when you was
Speaker 1: dating my home girl. Okay, okay, Leslie, Leslie, love is
Speaker 1: complicated and I'd rather not share the details of such
Speaker 1: a private matter. Okay. But ultimately, relationships do end. So
Speaker 1: now the eggs, don't try to weasel yourself out of this.
Speaker 1: Don't don't do that, Leslie. I don't know what she
Speaker 1: told you, but but she cheated on me three times.
Speaker 1: Oh and that's the reason not to call her back.
Speaker 1: Be not chicken ship. Okay, Okay, all right, okay, So
Speaker 1: now the egg shortage, it's actually the result of the
Speaker 1: Avian bird flu, and that I don't give up about that.
Speaker 1: What you did was wrong, Costa, Leslie. You don't know this,
Speaker 1: but she gave me clamdia. Yeah, I do know that,
Speaker 1: and people have done worse, Costa. It's terrible. Okay, just
Speaker 1: get you some penicina the ship that gets rid of
Speaker 1: that ship. Don't think ghost in my girl. That ain't cool. Okay.
Speaker 1: Let's let's just talk about the eggs, okay, Because, as
Speaker 1: I was saying, the shortage is severe, but if you
Speaker 1: look closely, you'll find that it's not all it's cracked
Speaker 1: up to be. You so corny Coustard. You know she
Speaker 1: was gonna break up with you because you're a corny mother, right,
Speaker 1: you know that? Right? Look, Look, I'm trying to be
Speaker 1: a good sport here. I came all the way out
Speaker 1: here to this farm that you sent me to. I
Speaker 1: got feathers all over my suit. It stinks, you know what.
Speaker 1: You know what, I tell you what stinks. My girl
Speaker 1: had to go to therapy after you. Yeah, because she
Speaker 1: has multiple personality disorder. Yeah, that's what we loved about her.
Speaker 1: She's like ten friends and one be a man and
Speaker 1: tan bitch. Just okay, I handled it the best I could.
Speaker 1: I don't know why you care about this so much.
Speaker 1: Why don't we talk about it off air? If you're
Speaker 1: so upset, can we just focus on the news. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm talking to his right, looking at those lying eyes
Speaker 1: of him. He ain't ship, do you know what? That's right,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring that up. I'm bringing that up. Okay,
Speaker 1: hold on, you know what Costa. You know what, you
Speaker 1: didn't even visit her in the lock up after she stabbed.
Speaker 1: Joe asked, that's up, Leslie for the last time. You know,
Speaker 1: what do you want from me? I want you to
Speaker 1: say you sorry. I want you to apologize to my
Speaker 1: own girl. All right, Okay, m leslie, from the bottom
Speaker 1: of my heart, you ain't got no damn when I
Speaker 1: did that ship and I hope for chicken ships in
Speaker 1: your shoes, y'all give it up for Michael Costa. Explore
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