WEBVTT - I Choose…To Share My Big High School Lessons

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hi, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is about choices,

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<v Speaker 1>and today I'm about to open up the mic to

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<v Speaker 1>my daughter and we are going to hear about some

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<v Speaker 1>of the choices she found herself making in high school.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm talking fresh off the campus for the last

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<v Speaker 1>four years kind of choices. If you listen to the

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<v Speaker 1>last episode, you know that my youngest Fiona just graduated

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<v Speaker 1>from high school. And wow, what a ride it has been.

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<v Speaker 1>Watching her walk across that stage was like watching all

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<v Speaker 1>of these just pathways like appear before her. The world

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<v Speaker 1>is her oyster, that's what they say. I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>why they say that, but they do. Her story. Our

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<v Speaker 1>story has been like, it's been messy, it's been powerful,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's been real. And here I sit with one

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<v Speaker 1>of my favorite people in the world, still trying to

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<v Speaker 1>absorb the fact that you're stepping into a new chapter.

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<v Speaker 1>I realize that, but I just I have so many questions. So, Fiona,

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<v Speaker 1>my beautiful, brave baby bird, thank you for agreeing to

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<v Speaker 1>do this.

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<v Speaker 2>Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to talk about it.

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<v Speaker 1>Congrats again. By the way, I can't say it enough.

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<v Speaker 2>You did it, I know I did.

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<v Speaker 1>Gosh, when you think back on the last four years,

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<v Speaker 1>what's one of the most Like, what's the moment that

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<v Speaker 1>really sticks out with you, for better or for worse,

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<v Speaker 1>the first thing that comes to your mind, the first thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, it depends on how comfortable you are just

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<v Speaker 1>being forthright and honest, and it is what.

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<v Speaker 2>It is, honestly. I mean what you said about walking

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<v Speaker 2>across the stage. I really felt like that was such

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<v Speaker 2>a pivotal moment, Like really walking across it felt slow motion,

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<v Speaker 2>It really did. It was so exciting and I was

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<v Speaker 2>so nervous. But I feel like it was a culmination

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<v Speaker 2>of the four years because honestly, even though I've been

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<v Speaker 2>graduated only a couple of weeks, it feels like everything's

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<v Speaker 2>a blur. Like looking back, does.

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<v Speaker 1>It feel like you closed the door, like slammed it

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<v Speaker 1>shut and.

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<v Speaker 2>Ran exactly like the second I got off the stage.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, how did you feel seeing our big, blended family

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<v Speaker 1>all there together celebrating you.

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<v Speaker 2>It was really nice to see all you guys. When

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<v Speaker 2>I looked out in the crowd, I saw all of

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<v Speaker 2>you with your pappers. I could hear you guys very loudly.

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<v Speaker 2>It was so nice that all of you guys came together.

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<v Speaker 2>It felt like such a foundation for such a big

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<v Speaker 2>moment for me. And seeing all of you guys just

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<v Speaker 2>being so proud of me, I could really feel it,

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<v Speaker 2>and it made me proud of me, and I was

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<v Speaker 2>just really happy to see everyone come together in that moment.

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<v Speaker 1>Is weird when you see me and your dad together

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<v Speaker 1>and then like Dave and Lily, it's a little of it.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes it's weird.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's a little weird, but like in a good way.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like it's not any sort of bad, bad

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<v Speaker 2>feeling towards it. It makes me really happy to see

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<v Speaker 2>all of you guys together because I feel like I'm

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<v Speaker 2>lucky enough to have four parents now, and it just

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<v Speaker 2>kind of feels like everyone loves me so much that

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<v Speaker 2>it just comes together and in a big pool of love.

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<v Speaker 2>That's how it feels for me.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been having all my feelings. What if we call

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<v Speaker 1>your dad and find out like how he's feeling since

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<v Speaker 1>you graduated? Can you call him?

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<v Speaker 2>Should we call him?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Call him?

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<v Speaker 1>Wait, he never answers my call, so you do it

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<v Speaker 1>from your phone.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, let's see if feel inswer mine. Hi, we are

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<v Speaker 2>on podcast right now. I just wanted to Hey, Peter,

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<v Speaker 2>mom's here too, right, I'm in the shower.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, this is gonna be great. Why first of all,

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<v Speaker 1>why do you have your phone in the shower?

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<v Speaker 3>I was, I reached out, I'm naked, and I'm well, that's.

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<v Speaker 1>A visual for our listeners.

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<v Speaker 3>That welcome to showering with Peter fashion Elle.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh that you know what that could work. I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>gonna lie. Well, Fiona and I are on my podcast

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<v Speaker 1>and we are talking about her high school experience and

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<v Speaker 1>I was kind of sharing like where I am and

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<v Speaker 1>all the emotions that I've kind of ran through and

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<v Speaker 1>where I've kind of settled, and we were just wondering, like,

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<v Speaker 1>for you, where are you with it? Like such a

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<v Speaker 1>big feeling. Yeah, how are you feeling?

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<v Speaker 3>I feel very numb. Honestly, it's been a very numbing experience. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know if it's all hit me yet.

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<v Speaker 2>I am.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a fe you know, you're you're our baby, so

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<v Speaker 3>you're all growing up and it's a whole new chapter.

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<v Speaker 3>And I feel like I don't I don't know how

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<v Speaker 3>to feel. I really feel like I haven't fully experienced

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<v Speaker 3>all the emotions. I feel like I'm curious how you

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<v Speaker 3>you're doing because I want to check on you. I

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<v Speaker 3>feel like, are you feeling like lost? Are you feeling

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<v Speaker 3>like excited? Are you feeling sad? I mean, I think

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<v Speaker 3>it also triggers a lot of emotions. You know, when

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<v Speaker 3>I finish a chapter, you know, you kind of feel

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<v Speaker 3>a little numb to like you do a little in

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<v Speaker 3>a period of not knowing what the next is, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>So it kind of I feel all those things coming

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<v Speaker 3>maybe from you or maybe from the triggering of when

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<v Speaker 3>I finished a chapter on things. So, you know, how

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<v Speaker 3>do you feel?

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<v Speaker 2>I feel great, really happy. Honestly, it feels like I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just so happy that I don't have to go back

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<v Speaker 2>to high school. I feel a little numb too, like

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<v Speaker 2>definitely hasn't set in that I'm not going back, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like when summer ends. But I I am actually really

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<v Speaker 2>happy and I feel like kind of just at peace.

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<v Speaker 2>Like that's how I'm feeling, right, Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>That's got to be a good feeling.

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<v Speaker 2>It's really nice, like waking up and not feeling stressed

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<v Speaker 2>to do anything, like just kind of having a moment

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<v Speaker 2>to just kind of regenerate and I bet. And it's

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<v Speaker 2>different from most summers because usually when I when I

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<v Speaker 2>when school ends for that year, you always think about, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going back and I have like summer reading to do.

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<v Speaker 2>But right now, I just feel like I'm moving on

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<v Speaker 2>to the next thing, and although change it feels scary

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit like I don't really know what to expect.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like it's going to be good.

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<v Speaker 1>I do.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so you're excited. It's like you're you're feeling free

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<v Speaker 3>and excited.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's how I feel kind of like you.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh I was shower just dripping all over the floor.

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<v Speaker 2>Now I'm getting a visual.

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<v Speaker 1>I think we have to end this conversation.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, thank you for calling and this. I hope this

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<v Speaker 3>makes you feel like you can call me anytime anywhere.

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<v Speaker 3>I will pick up a phone for you, even.

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<v Speaker 1>On a podcast in ways wet and dripping, I love you.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi. That was a shower.

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<v Speaker 4>That's that's like I need to just kind of have

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<v Speaker 4>a moment to scrub my bell. Yeah, okay, Well he's

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<v Speaker 4>feeling numb.

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<v Speaker 1>I can get that. Like it's like did that just happen?

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<v Speaker 1>Did those four years just happen? And now it's all over.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it really honestly, I was thinking about that, like

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<v Speaker 2>everything felt so big in the moment, and then I

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<v Speaker 2>graduated and I was like, why did I care that

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<v Speaker 2>much about everything?

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<v Speaker 1>That is profound? Like a lot of people don't come

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<v Speaker 1>to that realization until much much later in their lives

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<v Speaker 1>and their like development. But for you to be able

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<v Speaker 1>to see that now, just just looking right back from

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<v Speaker 1>graduating from high school, that's huge. And if you can

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<v Speaker 1>carry that on to wherever you go and whatever you do,

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<v Speaker 1>remind yourself because I think we probably I know, your dad,

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<v Speaker 1>I know we talked about like it doesn't really matter.

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<v Speaker 1>You're never going to see these people again. Yeah, there

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<v Speaker 1>are some friends that you're going to stay in touch with,

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<v Speaker 1>but more so, it doesn't matter what anyone, you know, thinks.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just so grateful for the teachers who really saw you,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, because you know, it's no joke. It really

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<v Speaker 1>does take a village to raise a kid. And I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just I was every time you would come home and

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<v Speaker 1>talk to me about you had a good experience with

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<v Speaker 1>a teacher, or you're learning something and you're excited about

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<v Speaker 1>with the lessons, or just the conversations you have after

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<v Speaker 1>class or before class with your teachers. Every time that

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<v Speaker 1>would happen, I would just be like, like excited, because

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<v Speaker 1>that's what I wanted for you the whole time. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>but it wasn't always the case.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there were a few teachers that I really connected

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<v Speaker 2>with that really I really felt like saw me for

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<v Speaker 2>like who I was and didn't have like a label

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<v Speaker 2>on me or whatever it may be. I felt really

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<v Speaker 2>seen by a few, and I really appreciate them looking back.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you feel like some of your teachers helped to

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<v Speaker 1>sort of shape you to the person that you are

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<v Speaker 1>right now?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I think there was a teacher sophomore year who

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<v Speaker 2>I really loved who Miss Alamida, Miss Alameda. I loved her.

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<v Speaker 2>She really helped me, and I went back to her

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<v Speaker 2>classroom many times, especially at lunches where I was feeling

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<v Speaker 2>like emotional or anything like that, I would just talk

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<v Speaker 2>with her and and she just really was such a

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<v Speaker 2>kind person that I really appreciated having, especially it's such

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<v Speaker 2>a hard time.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, what about you said that certain teachers were kind

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<v Speaker 1>of able to not label you or see past the

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<v Speaker 1>what presents. Yeah, what do you think was stopping the

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<v Speaker 1>other teachers from being able to do that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think there was a couple of teachers looking

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<v Speaker 2>back that I feel kind of had mislabeled me from

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<v Speaker 2>the jump, and I always tried to participate in class,

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<v Speaker 2>and there was sometimes when I felt kind of just

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<v Speaker 2>overlooked in classes and like they weren't as a whole.

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<v Speaker 2>They were just looking at the group as a whole

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<v Speaker 2>and not individually, which I feel like is a big thing,

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<v Speaker 2>especially in bigger classes where you where it's nice to

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<v Speaker 2>feel like you the teacher knows you and see how

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<v Speaker 2>hard you're trying, or like how much work you actually

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<v Speaker 2>are putting in. But I don't, I mean, it wasn't

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<v Speaker 2>that bad, but I think definitely there were some times

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<v Speaker 2>where that was what I felt.

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<v Speaker 1>What are some things from your teachers and the other

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<v Speaker 1>adults maybe at your school that you'll take with you.

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<v Speaker 1>I think your favorite teachers were Miss Almadia.

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<v Speaker 2>Miss Almeida, Miss Colvin, Miss Shelton Michelle. Mister mister was

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<v Speaker 2>so fun. He was just a ball of energy.

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<v Speaker 1>He made the learning fun.

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<v Speaker 2>Fun And I was taking an AP class with him,

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<v Speaker 2>which is a harder class, and he never made me

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<v Speaker 2>feel even when I didn't understand, which is What I

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<v Speaker 2>really liked about him is he never made me feel

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<v Speaker 2>bad about asking questions and like being curious about the material,

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<v Speaker 2>even if the question sounds dumb. He would always say,

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<v Speaker 2>there's no such thing as a stupid question. So I

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<v Speaker 2>I just felt seen in that class. My other teachers,

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<v Speaker 2>they taught me a lot, especially Miss Covin, about social justice.

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<v Speaker 2>Even it was a religion class, but it really taught

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<v Speaker 2>me about things I didn't even know. I mean, we

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<v Speaker 2>had classes about sexual health and all those types of

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<v Speaker 2>things that I never learned before. And I think that's

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<v Speaker 2>really important that I had that class, especially in a

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<v Speaker 2>school where some of those things are overlooked. That was

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<v Speaker 2>really helpful to learn about, right because it was.

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<v Speaker 1>A Catholic Catholic school, So that's good that they were

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<v Speaker 1>teaching you those things.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and they she didn't look at it through a

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<v Speaker 2>lens of like this is bad or whatever. It's just

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<v Speaker 2>teaching and the facts and especially asking questions in that

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<v Speaker 2>class was really helpful. We had like an anonymous questions thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Wait wait, wait, what was one of your anonymous questions?

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<v Speaker 1>So nobody's going to know. I don't even know.

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<v Speaker 2>I asked a lot of anonymous questions all, but I

0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:07.480
<v Speaker 2>asked a lot about I didn't know about all the STDs.

0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:09.840
<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of them, and there's a lot of

0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:12.680
<v Speaker 2>facts about them. I was like, what And so I

0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.400
<v Speaker 2>would ask a lot of questions about that, like just

0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:19.440
<v Speaker 2>in general, like can you get this? Or what what

0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:21.720
<v Speaker 2>are the symptoms of this? You know, just asking questions

0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:23.880
<v Speaker 2>about that I didn't want people to be like, why

0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:25.040
<v Speaker 2>is she asking all these questions?

0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:26.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm asking for a friend.

0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:28.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I just wanted to know.

0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:32.120
<v Speaker 1>So, yeah, it must be that. That's that's a really

0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:34.160
<v Speaker 1>good way to do it. How it be anonymous questions?

0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:34.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:37.280
<v Speaker 1>What about the teachers that didn't see you and that

0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:40.560
<v Speaker 1>sort of did you feel like they put you in

0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:43.040
<v Speaker 1>a certain box? Like you said from the jump?

0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:46.800
<v Speaker 2>And then I mean, yeah, there were some classes where

0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:50.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I don't want to name names, but

0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:53.760
<v Speaker 2>I was being like picked on a lot for being

0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:55.839
<v Speaker 2>They would call me stupid or be like.

0:13:55.720 --> 0:14:01.240
<v Speaker 1>Ohoo, who no names, but who called you stupid? A teacher?

0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:03.719
<v Speaker 2>No? No, no, no, no, friends, I'm saying.

0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:05.960
<v Speaker 1>Down.

0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:09.680
<v Speaker 2>There were times when in the classroom I would feel

0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:12.240
<v Speaker 2>like the teachers could hear what was going on, but

0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:17.600
<v Speaker 2>they weren't doing anything, especially the comments of like they

0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:19.240
<v Speaker 2>would really get to meet some of the comments. And

0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:21.200
<v Speaker 2>I would even look at the teachers and they were

0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.920
<v Speaker 2>fully listening and they wouldn't do anything, and they would

0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:25.520
<v Speaker 2>just be like, Oh, it's just kids being kids. And

0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:29.240
<v Speaker 2>I think that it is so important for teachers to

0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.640
<v Speaker 2>pay attention to what is going on because they just don't.

0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:34.720
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes they just want to teach the material and they

0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:37.280
<v Speaker 2>want to get through the class. But I don't know,

0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:41.120
<v Speaker 2>I just felt not supported by some of the teachers

0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:43.440
<v Speaker 2>sometimes in that sense, because I feel like I couldn't

0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:45.720
<v Speaker 2>go to anyone. And when I met some of my

0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:48.200
<v Speaker 2>favorite teachers senior year is when I realized I could

0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:51.080
<v Speaker 2>go to adults. But freshman year sophomore year, I didn't.

0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:53.480
<v Speaker 2>With the exception of a few, I didn't feel like

0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:55.560
<v Speaker 2>I could go to anyone for help.

0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:56.760
<v Speaker 1>That stinks.

0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:58.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it really was hard.

0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.480
<v Speaker 1>What kind of comments are we talking about? Like that

0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:06.320
<v Speaker 1>would the teacher would overhear and then do nothing about

0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:07.440
<v Speaker 1>or say nothing about.

0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:11.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, mostly jokingly comments. I guess that's what they said.

0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.040
<v Speaker 2>They were just jokes. Oh it's just a joke, joke,

0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:18.720
<v Speaker 2>don't be so sensitive, Just like oh, Fiona, like do

0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:21.640
<v Speaker 2>you get this? Or like is this too much for

0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:26.000
<v Speaker 2>you to understand? Or just like I would ask a question,

0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.120
<v Speaker 2>they'd be like what kind of question is that? I would

0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.560
<v Speaker 2>be like, or if I didn't know the answer, they'd

0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:32.080
<v Speaker 2>be like, of course she doesn't know the answer. Just

0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:35.280
<v Speaker 2>things like that, like little jabs, little like belittling comments,

0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:39.320
<v Speaker 2>oh yeah, which were made by my friends. So it

0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:43.280
<v Speaker 2>was hard for me to differentiate jokes and actual like truth.

0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:46.120
<v Speaker 2>I think that's still something I struggle with when I'm

0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:49.120
<v Speaker 2>around them or when I was around them, is like

0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:52.000
<v Speaker 2>do they actually think I'm stupid? Or are they joking?

0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:54.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't, I didn't, I still don't know.

0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:58.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, don't let that make you feel stupid, because that

0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:01.920
<v Speaker 1>just is one of those things. It doesn't matter, and

0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:03.320
<v Speaker 1>you're never gonna see them anymore.

0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:06.360
<v Speaker 2>No, that's exactly why I'm so happy to be gratifying.

0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:09.360
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I can feel your joy, and it's

0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:17.560
<v Speaker 1>like it's contagious. You didn't just survive, you really grew

0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:22.640
<v Speaker 1>a lot. And I know that that happens for anybody

0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:26.320
<v Speaker 1>in high school. You've got to survive the rough times

0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:29.760
<v Speaker 1>and you've got to be open and grow. I think

0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:34.280
<v Speaker 1>you know things now that, like I said, some adults

0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:39.160
<v Speaker 1>don't even know they haven't learned, and things I'm still learning.

0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:45.000
<v Speaker 1>What did you learn about yourself during the times when

0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:48.680
<v Speaker 1>things felt most impossible.

0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:53.520
<v Speaker 2>I learned a lot. I feel like they were really

0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:56.480
<v Speaker 2>important gears those four years. I feel like you really

0:16:56.520 --> 0:17:01.720
<v Speaker 2>grow as a person. I think I learned how strong

0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:07.240
<v Speaker 2>I actually am and how much it's important to find

0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.680
<v Speaker 2>people that make you feel good and make you feel seen,

0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:13.280
<v Speaker 2>and to stick with those people you know. In high school,

0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.680
<v Speaker 2>it's so easy to get wrapped up in the cool

0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:19.440
<v Speaker 2>kids or who you know who you want to like you,

0:17:19.760 --> 0:17:21.960
<v Speaker 2>But it's important to stay with the people who just

0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:24.800
<v Speaker 2>like you for you and be loyal to them, because

0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:28.359
<v Speaker 2>I feel like that's really important to put your eggs

0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:31.680
<v Speaker 2>in the right baskets and find people that make you

0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:35.280
<v Speaker 2>feel good about being yourself. And I think I learned

0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:41.760
<v Speaker 2>that it's okay to be emotional and to go through

0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:46.080
<v Speaker 2>things and feel things deeply. It's not a weakness, it's

0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:50.360
<v Speaker 2>actually a strength that you can have. And don't let

0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:53.119
<v Speaker 2>people bring you down, because who really cares what they

0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:55.399
<v Speaker 2>think in the long run, I mean, it's your life,

0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:56.000
<v Speaker 2>you know.

0:17:57.240 --> 0:18:00.920
<v Speaker 1>So you said earlier. You were told you emotional.

0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:06.159
<v Speaker 2>I've heard that a few times. Same, Yeah, you do,

0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:07.359
<v Speaker 2>I get it from you.

0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:11.000
<v Speaker 1>But what do you think of being a person that's

0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:13.840
<v Speaker 1>charged with full of emotions.

0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:16.679
<v Speaker 2>I think it's a great thing. I think it's something

0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:19.440
<v Speaker 2>to be proud of that you feel things deeply. I mean,

0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:22.800
<v Speaker 2>I would rather feel things ten times the normal feeling

0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:26.240
<v Speaker 2>than to feel less for people, you know, and if

0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:31.840
<v Speaker 2>if something hurts you, it should be okay to feel upset.

0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:32.080
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:38.200
<v Speaker 2>It's not over dramatic or over sensitive to be affected

0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:40.720
<v Speaker 2>by things, you know. I feel like that was very

0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:44.919
<v Speaker 2>looked down upon when things would happen, and you just

0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:48.280
<v Speaker 2>don't like roll it off your back, you know. And

0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:51.560
<v Speaker 2>that's another thing, like sometimes if someone says something you should,

0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:53.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, roll it off your back because who cares

0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:55.480
<v Speaker 2>what they think? But it is hard to hear.

0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:59.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so in the moment, in the heated moment, and

0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:04.560
<v Speaker 1>like your other peers are around you, and it can

0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:06.320
<v Speaker 1>be so like isolating.

0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:07.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, isolating.

0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:19.240
<v Speaker 1>I remember you quite a number of times calling me

0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.520
<v Speaker 1>which you're not supposed to go from school, calling me

0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:27.160
<v Speaker 1>from like the bathroom or the girl's locker room or something. Yeah,

0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:31.719
<v Speaker 1>and just having to have a moment of like coming undone.

0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:35.359
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I would not go back to that if you

0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:37.040
<v Speaker 2>paid me so much money.

0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:38.800
<v Speaker 1>So I don't want to give you bad I really

0:19:38.880 --> 0:19:39.359
<v Speaker 1>just had.

0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:42.399
<v Speaker 2>No Yeah, there were a lot of times like that.

0:19:42.440 --> 0:19:44.520
<v Speaker 2>I know a lot of girls too who have had that.

0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:47.119
<v Speaker 2>I've met girls and we've talked about it. There's just

0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:49.800
<v Speaker 2>one bathroom at school. We like talked about how that's

0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:52.040
<v Speaker 2>the bathroom you go and you cry and you call.

0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:53.480
<v Speaker 1>Your mom crying bathroom.

0:19:53.560 --> 0:19:57.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, I think the tenants ladies didn't like me

0:19:57.240 --> 0:19:59.000
<v Speaker 2>very much because I was always sick.

0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:02.640
<v Speaker 1>Is that you took a few you took mental health

0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:04.080
<v Speaker 1>days to a whole other level.

0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:06.520
<v Speaker 2>I think they like should like frame my picture or

0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:08.040
<v Speaker 2>something with.

0:20:08.600 --> 0:20:11.840
<v Speaker 1>All the notes we didn't give them to uh correct

0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:17.280
<v Speaker 1>your absences. When you look back on freshman year Fiona,

0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:21.399
<v Speaker 1>with that little freshman year Fiona to the Fiona you

0:20:21.440 --> 0:20:25.240
<v Speaker 1>are right now, what are the biggest differences that you

0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:26.120
<v Speaker 1>see in yourself?

0:20:27.119 --> 0:20:29.840
<v Speaker 2>So many? But I really just want to talk to her,

0:20:29.960 --> 0:20:33.119
<v Speaker 2>like i've I really just want to sit down with

0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:36.800
<v Speaker 2>her because she was so I mean, I love her,

0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:42.040
<v Speaker 2>but she was I like to say, beautifully naive, because

0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:44.960
<v Speaker 2>she just looked for the good and everything she didn't

0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:49.040
<v Speaker 2>was I don't think she was ever exposed to what

0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:54.040
<v Speaker 2>I had to be exposed to, but yeah, she I

0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:56.440
<v Speaker 2>think one of the biggest differences is like my sense

0:20:56.480 --> 0:21:00.360
<v Speaker 2>of self and what I will put up with. And

0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:04.040
<v Speaker 2>I used to do this thing. I don't know if

0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:05.679
<v Speaker 2>this is like a normal thing, but I used to

0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:08.520
<v Speaker 2>like act dumber than I was, just because that was

0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:12.080
<v Speaker 2>what people thought I was. And I just want to

0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:15.800
<v Speaker 2>tell her, like, you're so smart and so strong and

0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:18.399
<v Speaker 2>you don't need to like dumb yourself down.

0:21:19.920 --> 0:21:21.679
<v Speaker 1>I can't lift my arms right now, but oh my god,

0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:28.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm cheering. Yes, Fiona, Yes, preach. That's it. Don't dumb

0:21:28.840 --> 0:21:34.080
<v Speaker 1>yourself down for anybody. We have we talked about that,

0:21:34.119 --> 0:21:38.920
<v Speaker 1>like in private. I don't know, maybe probably, yeah, because

0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:42.159
<v Speaker 1>that's a thing. That's a thing that I've done. That's it.

0:21:42.240 --> 0:21:46.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't know why copings like a survival tactic.

0:21:46.320 --> 0:21:48.919
<v Speaker 2>Like I just want to know why, Like why do

0:21:48.960 --> 0:21:49.439
<v Speaker 2>we do that?

0:21:49.960 --> 0:21:51.960
<v Speaker 1>Well, good thing, You're gonna go study psychology.

0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm just so excited. That's why I'm doing it.

0:21:54.480 --> 0:21:58.080
<v Speaker 1>Why you come back to me with that information? Yeah,

0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:01.800
<v Speaker 1>don't dumb yourself down, don't dim or light, don't not

0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:07.280
<v Speaker 1>speak up and have a voice. That little Fiona, I

0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:08.200
<v Speaker 1>just want to hug her.

0:22:08.359 --> 0:22:09.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, she needed a hug.

0:22:10.600 --> 0:22:14.119
<v Speaker 1>We do a lot of talk about like thinking about

0:22:14.119 --> 0:22:17.240
<v Speaker 1>that little girl inside of you, and you know, at

0:22:17.280 --> 0:22:21.120
<v Speaker 1>your age, it seems kind of silly and like, okay, mom,

0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:25.240
<v Speaker 1>yeah I'll do that. But did you find yourself able

0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:27.240
<v Speaker 1>to kind of connect with that girl in those times?

0:22:27.800 --> 0:22:31.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? I mean I've been trying to do that more definitely.

0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:37.000
<v Speaker 2>I think it's really important to be gentle with your

0:22:37.119 --> 0:22:39.440
<v Speaker 2>younger self and not be so hard on her, even

0:22:39.480 --> 0:22:44.760
<v Speaker 2>though she made questionable decisions. Sometimes it's important to, you know,

0:22:46.160 --> 0:22:49.520
<v Speaker 2>hold space for her and just accept that. And that

0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:51.880
<v Speaker 2>actually helped you to get to where you are now.

0:22:52.119 --> 0:22:55.080
<v Speaker 2>So be grateful for that version of yourself that is

0:22:55.119 --> 0:22:55.800
<v Speaker 2>no longer there.

0:22:57.080 --> 0:23:02.040
<v Speaker 1>So if someone were to give you a hard time now,

0:23:02.760 --> 0:23:04.240
<v Speaker 1>try to put you in the dumb box.

0:23:05.280 --> 0:23:07.560
<v Speaker 2>Oh, I'm not putting up with it anymore. I think

0:23:07.600 --> 0:23:10.520
<v Speaker 2>there's definitely parts of me that at first they're like okay,

0:23:10.760 --> 0:23:13.879
<v Speaker 2>just like yeah, I am, you know, But then I

0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:17.240
<v Speaker 2>think I'm I'm strong enough now to be like, don't

0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:19.280
<v Speaker 2>talk to me like that that you don't get to

0:23:19.320 --> 0:23:21.879
<v Speaker 2>talk to me like that, you know, And some I

0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:25.000
<v Speaker 2>used to get mad at you. I remember, I'm sorry

0:23:25.119 --> 0:23:27.719
<v Speaker 2>to get mad at you when you would get when

0:23:27.760 --> 0:23:29.960
<v Speaker 2>you would stand up for yourself, like when you were

0:23:30.000 --> 0:23:33.199
<v Speaker 2>when you were, for example, like a road rage, Like

0:23:33.240 --> 0:23:36.040
<v Speaker 2>when you were on the road and somebody would you

0:23:36.080 --> 0:23:40.960
<v Speaker 2>do have a when like somebody would say something mean

0:23:40.960 --> 0:23:42.800
<v Speaker 2>to you and you were like no, like, don't talk

0:23:42.800 --> 0:23:44.199
<v Speaker 2>to me like that, and you would get all riled up.

0:23:44.200 --> 0:23:45.440
<v Speaker 2>I'd be like, Mom, calm down.

0:23:45.320 --> 0:23:47.399
<v Speaker 1>Like always you want to backt like that, mom to

0:23:47.520 --> 0:23:48.080
<v Speaker 1>embarrass me?

0:23:48.280 --> 0:23:52.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but honestly, like that's that is what you have

0:23:52.040 --> 0:23:55.720
<v Speaker 2>to do like that. You don't put up with that crap.

0:23:55.840 --> 0:23:59.120
<v Speaker 2>No you don't. So I'm actually proud of you now,

0:23:59.160 --> 0:24:00.439
<v Speaker 2>and I'd like to be more like that.

0:24:00.600 --> 0:24:03.880
<v Speaker 1>Hey, see what you did there? See what I did there?

0:24:03.960 --> 0:24:12.359
<v Speaker 1>Taught you something he did when it came to that relationship,

0:24:14.560 --> 0:24:17.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, the one I'm talking about. Everybody around us

0:24:17.640 --> 0:24:20.040
<v Speaker 1>knows the one I'm talking about. What do you think

0:24:20.359 --> 0:24:25.359
<v Speaker 1>finally helped you walk away? I know how how hard

0:24:25.400 --> 0:24:28.680
<v Speaker 1>that was for you, and I also know how powerful

0:24:28.760 --> 0:24:33.120
<v Speaker 1>you had to become to make that choice, like, if

0:24:33.160 --> 0:24:36.520
<v Speaker 1>you feel ready, I'd love for you to sort of

0:24:36.640 --> 0:24:39.399
<v Speaker 1>speak to that from your perspective.

0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:43.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, it was really hard to go through,

0:24:43.680 --> 0:24:47.800
<v Speaker 2>especially at that age. I met that guy when I

0:24:47.880 --> 0:24:51.480
<v Speaker 2>was a freshman, the first kind of movie night we had,

0:24:51.600 --> 0:24:53.800
<v Speaker 2>like the first time, Yeah, the first he was the

0:24:53.800 --> 0:24:56.439
<v Speaker 2>first guy saw. I remember it like, I was like

0:24:56.920 --> 0:24:59.159
<v Speaker 2>I like him, Like I was like that something was

0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:03.600
<v Speaker 2>set a on him and I don't know why that happened.

0:25:03.640 --> 0:25:05.720
<v Speaker 2>I feel like now I can look back and think

0:25:05.760 --> 0:25:08.720
<v Speaker 2>like that was a lesson, like that was put into

0:25:08.760 --> 0:25:11.760
<v Speaker 2>that place because I needed to learn this. It took

0:25:11.760 --> 0:25:16.840
<v Speaker 2>a long time, but I needed to learn that. And yeah,

0:25:16.880 --> 0:25:21.879
<v Speaker 2>it was very tumultuous, very like an emotional rollercoaster for

0:25:22.000 --> 0:25:25.080
<v Speaker 2>four years, and it really affected the way people saw me,

0:25:26.119 --> 0:25:28.959
<v Speaker 2>not only how you felt and the way I saw me, yes, yea,

0:25:29.520 --> 0:25:32.119
<v Speaker 2>which is the most important, but it did affect the

0:25:32.119 --> 0:25:34.400
<v Speaker 2>way everyone saw me, which made everyone treat me differently.

0:25:35.320 --> 0:25:38.119
<v Speaker 2>And you know, I wish I didn't have to go

0:25:38.200 --> 0:25:40.680
<v Speaker 2>through it, but I really think I learned a big, big,

0:25:40.800 --> 0:25:45.159
<v Speaker 2>big lesson. I think it really taught me moving forward,

0:25:45.440 --> 0:25:47.920
<v Speaker 2>what I will put up with and what I won't

0:25:47.960 --> 0:25:51.800
<v Speaker 2>put up with, so I'm actually grateful for it. I

0:25:51.880 --> 0:25:54.119
<v Speaker 2>don't think I was the best version of myself, so

0:25:54.160 --> 0:25:57.880
<v Speaker 2>I can take accountability. When you're with someone like that,

0:25:58.080 --> 0:26:00.600
<v Speaker 2>it can bring out the worst in you, and I

0:26:00.600 --> 0:26:04.160
<v Speaker 2>think I definitely saw that. I saw the worst version

0:26:04.200 --> 0:26:06.240
<v Speaker 2>of myself that I could be, and I didn't like her,

0:26:06.720 --> 0:26:08.600
<v Speaker 2>and so that was really hard because I didn't like

0:26:08.680 --> 0:26:11.479
<v Speaker 2>myself at all, and so I think that's what really

0:26:11.680 --> 0:26:16.120
<v Speaker 2>made me leave after a long time of going back

0:26:16.160 --> 0:26:18.600
<v Speaker 2>and back and back, but really the last time I

0:26:18.680 --> 0:26:21.399
<v Speaker 2>left it was because I just couldn't stand who I

0:26:21.520 --> 0:26:27.280
<v Speaker 2>was because it just made me so just the worst

0:26:27.359 --> 0:26:30.639
<v Speaker 2>version of myself. So yeah, I think that's what pushed

0:26:30.640 --> 0:26:33.879
<v Speaker 2>me to leave, and knowing that I deserve better, and also,

0:26:34.400 --> 0:26:39.160
<v Speaker 2>I will say connection from family and friends who saw

0:26:39.200 --> 0:26:41.840
<v Speaker 2>me and loved me, I think really helped me get

0:26:41.880 --> 0:26:45.760
<v Speaker 2>through that because I felt very alone at times. So

0:26:45.840 --> 0:26:48.879
<v Speaker 2>when I was with people who I knew loved me

0:26:48.960 --> 0:26:51.040
<v Speaker 2>for me and I saw that version, I saw that

0:26:51.040 --> 0:26:54.239
<v Speaker 2>little girl who I am come out, I was like,

0:26:54.280 --> 0:26:56.840
<v Speaker 2>I want to be happy, I want to be me.

0:26:57.320 --> 0:27:01.439
<v Speaker 2>So I think I chose me and I finally just

0:27:02.520 --> 0:27:04.240
<v Speaker 2>put that in the past. And I also think leaving

0:27:04.320 --> 0:27:08.080
<v Speaker 2>high school is you know, really closing the chapter. But

0:27:08.880 --> 0:27:10.000
<v Speaker 2>it's definitely hard.

0:27:10.400 --> 0:27:16.920
<v Speaker 1>Definitely hard. What would you say to a freshman who's

0:27:16.960 --> 0:27:22.080
<v Speaker 1>going into high school who maybe spots a guy and

0:27:22.160 --> 0:27:23.560
<v Speaker 1>thinks he's the one.

0:27:24.560 --> 0:27:26.960
<v Speaker 2>Don't put your eggs on one basket. That's what I

0:27:26.960 --> 0:27:29.720
<v Speaker 2>will say, like straight out of the gate. Don't do that. Yeah,

0:27:30.000 --> 0:27:33.800
<v Speaker 2>just make good friends, surround yourself with people who share

0:27:33.800 --> 0:27:38.399
<v Speaker 2>your same passions and interests and see you and be

0:27:38.960 --> 0:27:44.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, cautious and and don't don't accept anything less

0:27:44.760 --> 0:27:45.600
<v Speaker 2>than what you deserve.

0:27:45.800 --> 0:27:49.240
<v Speaker 1>I think, how do you find those those your people? Though?

0:27:49.280 --> 0:27:51.000
<v Speaker 1>How do you find those people that see you in

0:27:51.080 --> 0:27:53.320
<v Speaker 1>a sea of how many? How many people were in

0:27:53.359 --> 0:27:54.520
<v Speaker 1>your class? A lot?

0:27:54.600 --> 0:27:58.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't even know, maybe like four hundred, I think, Yeah,

0:27:58.119 --> 0:28:01.600
<v Speaker 2>I would say I didn't really find I mean, with

0:28:01.640 --> 0:28:03.960
<v Speaker 2>the exception of a few, I didn't really find my

0:28:04.080 --> 0:28:07.800
<v Speaker 2>people in high school. I think that's because I didn't have,

0:28:08.280 --> 0:28:10.639
<v Speaker 2>you know, a major sport that I was in or

0:28:10.680 --> 0:28:13.840
<v Speaker 2>a club I wasn't very well I did, but I quit.

0:28:14.119 --> 0:28:17.080
<v Speaker 1>So you were you were in soccer the first year?

0:28:17.560 --> 0:28:22.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and then I quit. Yeah. So I think even

0:28:22.359 --> 0:28:24.200
<v Speaker 2>if it's not a sport, if you're not into sports,

0:28:24.280 --> 0:28:27.800
<v Speaker 2>a club or you know, sitting with different people and

0:28:27.960 --> 0:28:30.879
<v Speaker 2>exploring different options. And I was really caught up in

0:28:30.920 --> 0:28:34.119
<v Speaker 2>the cool group, like who are the popular kids? You know?

0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:36.879
<v Speaker 2>And that was always on my mind, like I have

0:28:36.920 --> 0:28:38.280
<v Speaker 2>to go sit with them. Even if I met like

0:28:38.320 --> 0:28:40.480
<v Speaker 2>a really cool girl in like my English class, I'd

0:28:40.520 --> 0:28:41.960
<v Speaker 2>be like, you're cool, But I have to go sit

0:28:41.960 --> 0:28:43.920
<v Speaker 2>with the people that don't actually like me because I

0:28:43.960 --> 0:28:44.720
<v Speaker 2>want them to like me.

0:28:44.800 --> 0:28:47.760
<v Speaker 1>You know, that's so ridiculous.

0:28:47.800 --> 0:28:50.040
<v Speaker 2>It is ridiculous, but I feel like it's honestly something

0:28:50.080 --> 0:28:53.959
<v Speaker 2>everyone goes through. But I would say a freshman just

0:28:54.000 --> 0:28:56.719
<v Speaker 2>to find, like someone who's going into high school, just

0:28:57.640 --> 0:29:00.240
<v Speaker 2>you know, explore different groups and find the people that

0:29:00.240 --> 0:29:02.040
<v Speaker 2>make you feel the best and stick with them.

0:29:02.200 --> 0:29:06.520
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm yeah, like get curious instead of just being

0:29:06.600 --> 0:29:11.080
<v Speaker 1>handed what comes your way, Like step out of that

0:29:11.200 --> 0:29:13.560
<v Speaker 1>and get curious about like what are my other options

0:29:13.600 --> 0:29:14.320
<v Speaker 1>around this place?

0:29:14.440 --> 0:29:17.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there's so many people. And on graduation day, people's

0:29:17.280 --> 0:29:18.920
<v Speaker 2>names were being called and I was like, who is that,

0:29:19.080 --> 0:29:20.800
<v Speaker 2>Like I don't I didn't even know. And I was

0:29:20.840 --> 0:29:22.880
<v Speaker 2>like they could have been really cool, and I never

0:29:23.000 --> 0:29:25.719
<v Speaker 2>got to get to know them because I was too

0:29:25.800 --> 0:29:28.880
<v Speaker 2>stuck in my own world, and I think stepping out

0:29:28.920 --> 0:29:32.040
<v Speaker 2>of that can really be beneficial, especially when you feel isolated.

0:29:32.760 --> 0:29:35.520
<v Speaker 1>Do you think you missed out on some opportunities?

0:29:36.440 --> 0:29:39.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I do. I mean I did joins like cheer

0:29:40.080 --> 0:29:41.560
<v Speaker 2>and things.

0:29:41.520 --> 0:29:43.840
<v Speaker 1>Weren't even the Divorced Kids club I was.

0:29:44.600 --> 0:29:46.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't think I went to a meeting, but I

0:29:46.480 --> 0:29:47.280
<v Speaker 2>signed up for that one.

0:29:47.360 --> 0:29:50.080
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know you weren't. It was frowned upon, so

0:29:50.160 --> 0:29:51.280
<v Speaker 1>you you didn't.

0:29:51.440 --> 0:29:54.280
<v Speaker 2>I also like signed up for a bunch of different clubs,

0:29:54.280 --> 0:29:56.840
<v Speaker 2>but actually never went to the meetings. Just so I

0:29:56.880 --> 0:30:00.520
<v Speaker 2>think really going just experiencing. If you don't like it,

0:30:00.520 --> 0:30:02.320
<v Speaker 2>then don't go back. But I never even went, so

0:30:02.360 --> 0:30:06.480
<v Speaker 2>I think you should go and just have like one

0:30:06.520 --> 0:30:08.360
<v Speaker 2>meeting at lunch with somebody.

0:30:08.360 --> 0:30:11.960
<v Speaker 1>You know. That seems odd behavior from you, just knowing

0:30:11.960 --> 0:30:16.880
<v Speaker 1>you so well and knowing how you love meeting new

0:30:16.880 --> 0:30:19.960
<v Speaker 1>people and you love talking to people and you're so curious.

0:30:21.280 --> 0:30:23.800
<v Speaker 1>It might you know, it pains me to know like

0:30:24.520 --> 0:30:27.040
<v Speaker 1>how trapped inside yourself you were.

0:30:27.360 --> 0:30:29.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's what I was saying, Like I didn't even

0:30:29.320 --> 0:30:32.840
<v Speaker 2>recognize myself. I didn't want to know anybody else except

0:30:32.880 --> 0:30:35.360
<v Speaker 2>for the people that were treating me the worst, which

0:30:35.400 --> 0:30:41.200
<v Speaker 2>is what is that? So I think there was some

0:30:41.240 --> 0:30:44.240
<v Speaker 2>sort of prize. We've talked about this where I felt like,

0:30:44.280 --> 0:30:45.920
<v Speaker 2>if I could get them to like me, I won,

0:30:46.560 --> 0:30:49.440
<v Speaker 2>you know. With the guy felt like either he was

0:30:49.720 --> 0:30:52.040
<v Speaker 2>hot commodities, so I was like, if I could get

0:30:52.080 --> 0:30:54.280
<v Speaker 2>him to like me, I'm I'm you know, I'm that

0:30:54.320 --> 0:30:58.200
<v Speaker 2>girl or whatever. But I don't looking back, that.

0:30:58.240 --> 0:31:01.440
<v Speaker 1>Was just so stupid, Like it's sort of this like

0:31:01.680 --> 0:31:05.840
<v Speaker 1>kind of need to win or to conquer or something

0:31:05.880 --> 0:31:08.480
<v Speaker 1>like we've talked about that because I possessed that to

0:31:08.600 --> 0:31:12.920
<v Speaker 1>a very competitive not with outside, just competitive with my

0:31:12.960 --> 0:31:16.240
<v Speaker 1>own self and like I got to do that. Yeah,

0:31:16.320 --> 0:31:18.720
<v Speaker 1>that seems like something I can't do. I'm gonna do it.

0:31:19.000 --> 0:31:21.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to prove to myself and others I can't

0:31:21.640 --> 0:31:21.920
<v Speaker 2>do that.

0:31:22.120 --> 0:31:25.920
<v Speaker 1>You know, maybe you shouldn't have had to prove yourself

0:31:27.120 --> 0:31:28.160
<v Speaker 1>with that regard.

0:31:28.280 --> 0:31:29.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:31:29.160 --> 0:31:39.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh man, Okay, Well let's talk about the mom hard

0:31:39.160 --> 0:31:43.400
<v Speaker 1>for a second. Were there times when you felt like

0:31:43.560 --> 0:31:47.960
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't fully there for you or were there times

0:31:48.600 --> 0:31:50.840
<v Speaker 1>when I was there for you way too much? I

0:31:50.880 --> 0:31:52.520
<v Speaker 1>mean I'm sure yes to both of those.

0:31:52.640 --> 0:31:55.960
<v Speaker 2>Yes to both of those. I feel like sometimes I

0:31:56.000 --> 0:31:58.920
<v Speaker 2>push you away. A lot of times I push you

0:31:58.920 --> 0:32:01.160
<v Speaker 2>away because I felt I needed to handle it all

0:32:01.160 --> 0:32:04.880
<v Speaker 2>on my own. And then sometimes I really just needed

0:32:05.320 --> 0:32:08.200
<v Speaker 2>a hug. But that was also my fault because I

0:32:08.240 --> 0:32:11.520
<v Speaker 2>didn't tell anybody what was going on. So I think, honestly,

0:32:11.960 --> 0:32:14.000
<v Speaker 2>you did a great job. I think, especially in the

0:32:14.080 --> 0:32:17.040
<v Speaker 2>last two years, I started opening up more to you.

0:32:17.400 --> 0:32:21.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you felt that, but I just

0:32:21.240 --> 0:32:23.560
<v Speaker 2>felt really supported by you the last two years. The

0:32:23.560 --> 0:32:25.160
<v Speaker 2>first two years I just wanted to do it all

0:32:25.240 --> 0:32:26.760
<v Speaker 2>my own, So it really was not your fault.

0:32:26.920 --> 0:32:31.040
<v Speaker 1>What do you think was the shift? I think.

0:32:32.400 --> 0:32:34.160
<v Speaker 2>I think I don't know what it was, but I

0:32:34.200 --> 0:32:36.720
<v Speaker 2>feel like the summer going into junior year, I didn't

0:32:36.800 --> 0:32:39.600
<v Speaker 2>talk to anybody from my school. I had my best

0:32:39.640 --> 0:32:43.640
<v Speaker 2>friend outside of school who really helped me, and yeah,

0:32:44.000 --> 0:32:48.719
<v Speaker 2>I love her, and that really changed how I felt

0:32:48.760 --> 0:32:53.040
<v Speaker 2>about priorities and who I'm going to give my energy to.

0:32:53.200 --> 0:32:54.960
<v Speaker 2>And I felt like I really needed to give my

0:32:55.080 --> 0:32:56.840
<v Speaker 2>energy to my family that I feel like I need

0:32:56.840 --> 0:33:00.400
<v Speaker 2>to lean on you guys in that time and my

0:33:00.480 --> 0:33:03.000
<v Speaker 2>best friend, so I think that would just became more

0:33:03.040 --> 0:33:05.280
<v Speaker 2>important to me. So I think that's when I started

0:33:05.280 --> 0:33:09.440
<v Speaker 2>talking to you, especially after I got out of the relationship.

0:33:09.520 --> 0:33:12.760
<v Speaker 2>I think I was more open to sharing what happened,

0:33:13.040 --> 0:33:15.680
<v Speaker 2>because when you're in a relationship, you don't want to

0:33:15.680 --> 0:33:17.280
<v Speaker 2>talk about the bad things you do because then you're

0:33:17.280 --> 0:33:19.400
<v Speaker 2>not going to like him, you know, right, you.

0:33:19.320 --> 0:33:21.120
<v Speaker 1>Don't want me to not like him. I want to

0:33:21.400 --> 0:33:23.000
<v Speaker 1>change your mind tomorrow, exactly.

0:33:23.120 --> 0:33:25.360
<v Speaker 2>I wanted you to like him, so I just protected

0:33:25.440 --> 0:33:28.160
<v Speaker 2>him at all costs and made him seem like the

0:33:28.200 --> 0:33:32.840
<v Speaker 2>best boyfriend, the best person, when really it was tearing

0:33:32.880 --> 0:33:36.800
<v Speaker 2>me down emotionally inside and just really hard. I just

0:33:36.840 --> 0:33:39.320
<v Speaker 2>wanted to paint the best picture of what was going on.

0:33:40.120 --> 0:33:43.360
<v Speaker 2>So I think after that ended, I was more open

0:33:43.360 --> 0:33:45.920
<v Speaker 2>to sharing, and I feel like we connected more after that.

0:33:47.560 --> 0:33:51.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm so glad you started talking to me, because

0:33:51.600 --> 0:33:55.520
<v Speaker 1>a mom can always feel it, see it, know, when

0:33:56.000 --> 0:34:00.640
<v Speaker 1>their kid is struggling. You know, you see it in

0:34:00.680 --> 0:34:03.560
<v Speaker 1>different ways, and you see it and things that aren't

0:34:03.560 --> 0:34:05.760
<v Speaker 1>said as much as the things that are said. And

0:34:07.200 --> 0:34:09.720
<v Speaker 1>I don't know about you, but I mean, I feel

0:34:10.040 --> 0:34:16.720
<v Speaker 1>so grateful that you made it through that, specifically that relationship,

0:34:16.840 --> 0:34:21.239
<v Speaker 1>that you learned all about the person you didn't want

0:34:21.280 --> 0:34:29.960
<v Speaker 1>to be. Yeah, Okay, Well, looking ahead, What is it

0:34:30.360 --> 0:34:34.840
<v Speaker 1>during this time of transition into college that you would

0:34:34.920 --> 0:34:40.960
<v Speaker 1>like to see from me or what would you like

0:34:41.040 --> 0:34:43.839
<v Speaker 1>me to do differently? And I'm just opening this up

0:34:43.880 --> 0:34:47.400
<v Speaker 1>for conversation. Well, you're really excited.

0:34:48.200 --> 0:34:50.120
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think you do.

0:34:50.160 --> 0:34:50.719
<v Speaker 1>A great job.

0:34:50.760 --> 0:34:54.919
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, I'll give that to you. I think you're very

0:34:54.960 --> 0:34:58.320
<v Speaker 2>easy to talk to, easy to come to with my problems,

0:34:58.400 --> 0:35:00.920
<v Speaker 2>and I don't think you try to control me at all.

0:35:01.000 --> 0:35:05.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean I am technically an adult, just saying, but

0:35:05.760 --> 0:35:08.480
<v Speaker 2>I think going into college, I'll probably want to come

0:35:08.480 --> 0:35:11.360
<v Speaker 2>home a lot, especially since i'll be closed.

0:35:12.320 --> 0:35:15.279
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, that's that's bad because I'm going to use

0:35:15.320 --> 0:35:16.200
<v Speaker 1>your room as a gym.

0:35:16.560 --> 0:35:21.520
<v Speaker 2>No, you're not to keep it exactly as it is. No, Yeah,

0:35:21.560 --> 0:35:25.600
<v Speaker 2>I feel like just being a supportive person like you are.

0:35:25.600 --> 0:35:27.760
<v Speaker 2>I don't think there's anything you need to change honestly

0:35:28.360 --> 0:35:29.040
<v Speaker 2>as of right now.

0:35:30.040 --> 0:35:32.960
<v Speaker 1>No, no curfew alternation.

0:35:32.600 --> 0:35:37.200
<v Speaker 2>You could yeah, maybe like one am.

0:35:36.840 --> 0:35:39.440
<v Speaker 1>What do you think a reasonable curfew is for somebody

0:35:40.520 --> 0:35:43.200
<v Speaker 1>in high school and then somebody that's just graduated fromigh.

0:35:42.960 --> 0:35:44.680
<v Speaker 2>School, well senior in high school. I mean a lot

0:35:44.680 --> 0:35:46.280
<v Speaker 2>of my friends don't even have curfews.

0:35:46.280 --> 0:35:47.000
<v Speaker 1>What's up with that.

0:35:47.920 --> 0:35:51.080
<v Speaker 2>I just don't think it's like a thing anymore. I

0:35:51.280 --> 0:35:53.239
<v Speaker 2>really have never heard the word curfew in a couple

0:35:53.280 --> 0:35:55.560
<v Speaker 2>of months. I don't think people are like, oh, my curfew,

0:35:55.600 --> 0:35:57.480
<v Speaker 2>I have to be home. I think they just like

0:35:57.680 --> 0:36:02.000
<v Speaker 2>you say that kind of kind of yeah. But honestly,

0:36:03.160 --> 0:36:05.440
<v Speaker 2>I think people just know when to be home. I

0:36:05.480 --> 0:36:07.480
<v Speaker 2>mean the people I hang out with her, like, I

0:36:07.480 --> 0:36:09.040
<v Speaker 2>want to be home at this time. I want to

0:36:09.080 --> 0:36:12.160
<v Speaker 2>be home, like in my bed, you know. But I

0:36:12.160 --> 0:36:14.799
<v Speaker 2>feel like a reasonable curfew for like I don't know,

0:36:14.840 --> 0:36:16.719
<v Speaker 2>like twelve twelve one.

0:36:16.800 --> 0:36:19.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I love you so much, twelve, let's twelve thirty

0:36:19.600 --> 0:36:20.040
<v Speaker 1>about it?

0:36:20.400 --> 0:36:22.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but now I'm feeling like one thirty.

0:36:23.040 --> 0:36:26.440
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well you can come back. Let's circle back on that.

0:36:26.520 --> 0:36:30.360
<v Speaker 1>Let's put a pin in that. Okay, But seriously, no,

0:36:30.480 --> 0:36:31.480
<v Speaker 1>what did I always tell you?

0:36:32.400 --> 0:36:35.040
<v Speaker 2>Nothing good happens after I don't even know what time you.

0:36:35.040 --> 0:36:37.200
<v Speaker 1>Said, but you are listening one midnight.

0:36:37.520 --> 0:36:39.080
<v Speaker 2>Oh I thought you said one.

0:36:40.560 --> 0:36:43.960
<v Speaker 1>No, nothing good ever happens in LA after midnight.

0:36:44.000 --> 0:36:46.799
<v Speaker 2>That's so true, though, It true, it really is. But

0:36:46.840 --> 0:36:49.040
<v Speaker 2>like I just keep going out past twelve and then

0:36:49.080 --> 0:36:52.040
<v Speaker 2>like being like, oh wait, mom says she was right.

0:36:52.200 --> 0:36:55.560
<v Speaker 1>This is I'm not having fun all of a sudden. Huh. Okay,

0:36:55.600 --> 0:36:59.200
<v Speaker 1>so you've graduated from high school. You are in the

0:36:59.360 --> 0:37:02.759
<v Speaker 1>in between space between high school and going off to

0:37:02.800 --> 0:37:05.160
<v Speaker 1>college in the fall. What do you feel as a

0:37:05.160 --> 0:37:08.600
<v Speaker 1>family member your role is during this time? Because I

0:37:08.680 --> 0:37:11.080
<v Speaker 1>know if I were to put myself in your shoes,

0:37:11.200 --> 0:37:13.800
<v Speaker 1>I would be like, Whooo, I've got to party it

0:37:13.920 --> 0:37:16.160
<v Speaker 1>up with all my friends that I probably am not

0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:18.600
<v Speaker 1>going to see again for a very long time. They're

0:37:18.640 --> 0:37:20.920
<v Speaker 1>going off to different colleges, and I just want to

0:37:20.920 --> 0:37:22.440
<v Speaker 1>hang out my friends and go to the beach and

0:37:22.480 --> 0:37:22.960
<v Speaker 1>have fun.

0:37:23.200 --> 0:37:24.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's basically how I'm feeling.

0:37:25.360 --> 0:37:29.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know, what does choosing yourself mean to you? Now?

0:37:29.520 --> 0:37:34.880
<v Speaker 1>After everything you've walked through, I've watched you claim your power,

0:37:35.360 --> 0:37:38.399
<v Speaker 1>and I want to know what it feels like from

0:37:38.400 --> 0:37:41.600
<v Speaker 1>your perspective. What does choosing yourself truly mean to you now?

0:37:42.680 --> 0:37:46.000
<v Speaker 2>I think it just means thinking about what you need

0:37:46.040 --> 0:37:48.840
<v Speaker 2>in that moment. And I know that sounds selfish, but

0:37:48.920 --> 0:37:52.480
<v Speaker 2>it isn't, because you putting yourself first in a conscious

0:37:52.520 --> 0:37:55.240
<v Speaker 2>way about what is going to make me feel better

0:37:55.360 --> 0:37:58.520
<v Speaker 2>and what is going to make me feel more aligned

0:37:58.520 --> 0:38:01.680
<v Speaker 2>with who I am more so I think, yeah, just

0:38:02.440 --> 0:38:06.200
<v Speaker 2>doing things that make you feel happy and not trying

0:38:06.239 --> 0:38:10.320
<v Speaker 2>to please everybody else, and taking moments to really think.

0:38:10.120 --> 0:38:11.560
<v Speaker 1>About what you need in that moment.

0:38:11.760 --> 0:38:15.000
<v Speaker 2>Check in with your Yeah, just check in and you know,

0:38:16.120 --> 0:38:19.440
<v Speaker 2>think about what you need in that moment.

0:38:20.960 --> 0:38:23.200
<v Speaker 1>What are you most excited about as you go off

0:38:23.200 --> 0:38:25.200
<v Speaker 1>to college.

0:38:25.400 --> 0:38:28.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm so excited to meet a brand new bunch of

0:38:28.719 --> 0:38:34.520
<v Speaker 2>new people and to have new experiences, to learn new things.

0:38:34.960 --> 0:38:38.000
<v Speaker 2>I think having some sort of like independence. Also like

0:38:38.040 --> 0:38:42.600
<v Speaker 2>living in my own dorm and decorating it and making

0:38:42.640 --> 0:38:44.560
<v Speaker 2>sure that I get to the you know, the gym

0:38:44.640 --> 0:38:46.480
<v Speaker 2>in my classes on time. I'm just excited to have

0:38:46.520 --> 0:38:50.920
<v Speaker 2>like a sense of independence, I think. And yeah, I

0:38:50.920 --> 0:38:53.520
<v Speaker 2>would say the most exciting thing to me is like

0:38:53.800 --> 0:38:57.719
<v Speaker 2>meeting new people and picking the right people that that

0:38:58.560 --> 0:38:59.959
<v Speaker 2>I feel the best around.

0:39:00.080 --> 0:39:01.920
<v Speaker 1>M hmm. How are you gonna know?

0:39:02.680 --> 0:39:04.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't know yet, but I feel like i'll know.

0:39:04.520 --> 0:39:06.719
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I've met good friends and I have

0:39:06.760 --> 0:39:09.719
<v Speaker 2>good friends right now. I'll be like I feel good

0:39:09.719 --> 0:39:13.520
<v Speaker 2>around this person, and just like it's a feeling You're like, oh,

0:39:13.560 --> 0:39:15.520
<v Speaker 2>I like being around this person, like they're a cool person,

0:39:15.760 --> 0:39:18.480
<v Speaker 2>and not in the way that you want to, you know,

0:39:18.560 --> 0:39:20.759
<v Speaker 2>impress them or like suck up to them, but just

0:39:20.800 --> 0:39:22.600
<v Speaker 2>like I like being around you and it feels.

0:39:22.400 --> 0:39:24.520
<v Speaker 1>Natural and fun and easy. Yeah.

0:39:24.560 --> 0:39:26.960
<v Speaker 2>So I want to find people that I just can

0:39:27.000 --> 0:39:31.839
<v Speaker 2>talk to and listen to, you know, and have fun with.

0:39:32.480 --> 0:39:38.280
<v Speaker 1>I mean speaking of talking too and listening to people.

0:39:39.000 --> 0:39:42.520
<v Speaker 1>Should we tell? Do you want to tell the audience?

0:39:42.600 --> 0:39:45.719
<v Speaker 1>Like we can give a little little sneaky peaky we

0:39:45.760 --> 0:39:49.319
<v Speaker 1>could do that into what's about to happen? You do it?

0:39:49.360 --> 0:39:50.880
<v Speaker 1>You do it well.

0:39:51.320 --> 0:40:01.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to be starting my own podcast with my heart. Yeah.

0:40:01.360 --> 0:40:03.720
<v Speaker 1>That's that's a big applause. That's this is huge.

0:40:04.000 --> 0:40:04.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm so excited.

0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:09.400
<v Speaker 1>We don't know what it's going to be called yet, Nope. Okay,

0:40:10.040 --> 0:40:11.720
<v Speaker 1>when it's going to be out, Nope.

0:40:12.600 --> 0:40:16.279
<v Speaker 2>I just know I'm excited to talk about what I've

0:40:16.280 --> 0:40:20.040
<v Speaker 2>been through and kind of help others to feel seen,

0:40:20.719 --> 0:40:23.319
<v Speaker 2>other people my age to feel seen. I feel like

0:40:23.360 --> 0:40:25.480
<v Speaker 2>I've felt isolated and I feel like when I was

0:40:25.480 --> 0:40:26.960
<v Speaker 2>in those times, I was like, no one is going

0:40:27.000 --> 0:40:28.719
<v Speaker 2>through what I'm going through, And I just want to

0:40:28.800 --> 0:40:33.040
<v Speaker 2>offer a space where you can feel, you know, like

0:40:33.480 --> 0:40:35.920
<v Speaker 2>people understand, like I understand what you're going through. You know,

0:40:37.239 --> 0:40:39.359
<v Speaker 2>so that's going to be really good for a lot

0:40:39.360 --> 0:40:43.120
<v Speaker 2>of excited I hope, I hope people really take what

0:40:43.160 --> 0:40:44.960
<v Speaker 2>they need out of it and really enjoy it.

0:40:45.960 --> 0:40:51.120
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, miss Fiona Patinally before I let you go,

0:40:51.239 --> 0:40:53.040
<v Speaker 1>what was your last I Choose me moment?

0:40:54.360 --> 0:40:57.640
<v Speaker 2>Hmm okay, well my last actually, my last I choose

0:40:57.719 --> 0:41:00.759
<v Speaker 2>me moment was this morning? Okay, yeah, this morning and

0:41:00.840 --> 0:41:04.480
<v Speaker 2>I woke up around like nine and I read I

0:41:04.520 --> 0:41:09.080
<v Speaker 2>think like three chapters, which is a lot, three chapters

0:41:09.120 --> 0:41:10.919
<v Speaker 2>of my book that I'm really loving right now.

0:41:11.400 --> 0:41:12.040
<v Speaker 1>What's the book.

0:41:12.080 --> 0:41:14.560
<v Speaker 2>It's called How to Love Better. I think it's Young

0:41:14.560 --> 0:41:17.680
<v Speaker 2>POI blowers, Yes, yes, it's great, so good. I love

0:41:17.719 --> 0:41:20.000
<v Speaker 2>this chapter that I just read. The last one I

0:41:20.040 --> 0:41:22.920
<v Speaker 2>just read this morning, called Leaving Things in the Past.

0:41:23.560 --> 0:41:25.600
<v Speaker 2>I was like, this is perfect, and I think that

0:41:25.640 --> 0:41:27.960
<v Speaker 2>really helped me set the tone for my day instead

0:41:27.960 --> 0:41:30.239
<v Speaker 2>of just getting on my phone like I usually do.

0:41:31.360 --> 0:41:34.719
<v Speaker 2>I just felt like I really reflected on what I read,

0:41:34.719 --> 0:41:36.520
<v Speaker 2>So I think I really chose myself in that moment.

0:41:37.239 --> 0:41:38.680
<v Speaker 1>What was your takeaway from that chapter?

0:41:38.880 --> 0:41:41.720
<v Speaker 2>I oh, okay, I wanted to talk about this. It

0:41:41.840 --> 0:41:44.960
<v Speaker 2>said in like the last part of the chapter, this

0:41:45.080 --> 0:41:48.840
<v Speaker 2>quote about how life is like a moving river, and

0:41:49.239 --> 0:41:51.440
<v Speaker 2>how things are supposed to flow through you and you're

0:41:51.440 --> 0:41:53.680
<v Speaker 2>not supposed to cling on or have attachment to things

0:41:53.719 --> 0:41:59.080
<v Speaker 2>because that can lead to suffering. And I think just

0:41:59.600 --> 0:42:01.640
<v Speaker 2>thinking of life like a river, like this is a

0:42:01.640 --> 0:42:03.440
<v Speaker 2>great moment, but it's going to pass, and being in

0:42:03.480 --> 0:42:06.680
<v Speaker 2>the present moment because that moment is only one moment,

0:42:06.760 --> 0:42:10.840
<v Speaker 2>you know. So I think really enjoying every day to

0:42:10.920 --> 0:42:15.880
<v Speaker 2>the fullest potential you can. You are a genius. I

0:42:15.920 --> 0:42:17.560
<v Speaker 2>love you, I love you.

0:42:17.760 --> 0:42:20.759
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for coming on the podcast. And this is

0:42:20.800 --> 0:42:24.560
<v Speaker 1>how I feel about you.