Speaker 1: All eight episodes of To Die For are available now.
Speaker 1: To Bitch absolutely free, but for ad free listening and
Speaker 1: exclusive bonuses, subscribe to tendorfoot Plus at tenderfootplus dot com
Speaker 1: or on Apple podcasts.
Speaker 2: Warning, the following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes.
Speaker 2: Listener discretion is advised.
Speaker 3: There were some difficult decisions to be made after meeting
Speaker 3: Alea Rosa. When I researched her online, there was not
Speaker 3: a lot to find. However, there were a few sources
Speaker 3: supporting her claims to be a Russian trained seduction spy.
Speaker 4: I'm about to introduce you to a real life I
Speaker 4: guess you could say red Sparrow.
Speaker 5: She was trained in the KGB style arts of seduction,
Speaker 5: persuasion and manipulating.
Speaker 6: Then there were sources saying this.
Speaker 7: Everyone in la is creating a narrative to further their
Speaker 7: own careers. Hers just how seems to be absolutely outrageous,
Speaker 7: and also a film has already been made, So yes,
Speaker 7: she has lied to my face.
Speaker 3: I wondered what the truth was and how do you
Speaker 3: even go about officially confirming someone was a former FSB
Speaker 3: seduction agent. After I watched these, Aliah did give me
Speaker 3: photographs and documents, and even let me speak to one
Speaker 3: of her former colleagues in Russia. But even the authenticity
Speaker 3: of these can't be proven. I also wondered something else,
Speaker 3: how much of some people's skepticalresponse to Aliyah comes from
Speaker 3: the fact that she's a woman presenting herself in a
Speaker 3: glamorous way online and selling information products. After all, for
Speaker 3: the men at the table on the night I met Aleiah,
Speaker 3: what was the proof that my friend Johnny Junior's family
Speaker 3: was in the mafia family or that my other friend
Speaker 3: really held a high position, he claims at the CIA.
Speaker 3: Best selling author Chris Voss has made a career out
Speaker 3: of a former FBI hostage negotiator, and he also sells
Speaker 3: information products online.
Speaker 6: I was an FBI hostage negotiator. It sounds like a
Speaker 6: cry for help, doesn't it.
Speaker 3: But he's a man and wears a suit. So I
Speaker 3: called him to ask how often he's had to prove
Speaker 3: his identity. Here's his answer, show like credentials approve that
Speaker 3: you were a former FBI agent.
Speaker 8: I haven't had anybody challenge me.
Speaker 3: So I made the decision to sit down with Aliyah
Speaker 3: and do something no one has ever done for her before.
Speaker 3: Give her a safe space to share her full story
Speaker 3: and to not just listen to it, but listen to
Speaker 3: truly understand and to support her telling of it, and
Speaker 3: then we can look at it all afterward. In order
Speaker 3: to do this properly, especially after what FBI agent Robin
Speaker 3: Drake told me in the last episode.
Speaker 5: Because basically, she's human trafficked is what she is.
Speaker 3: I took and completed a course in trauma informed interviewing
Speaker 3: and consulted with everyone from intelligence agents to try counselors
Speaker 3: to social justice professors along the way. So let's just
Speaker 3: listen to Aliah's powerful story. Over the course of these
Speaker 3: next episodes, find experts, agents, and even targets to better
Speaker 3: understand the hidden world of Russian seduction spies and experience
Speaker 3: what may be one of the most unforgettable and disturbing
Speaker 3: accounts I've ever heard. Note that for privacy considerations, alterations
Speaker 3: have been made to certain names, identifying features, and locations.
Speaker 3: Listener discretion is highly advised.
Speaker 8: Hello everyone, my name is Delia Rosa and I was
Speaker 8: a former Russian spy. My name is Delia Rosa and
Speaker 8: I was a secret service agent in Russia. My name
Speaker 8: is Delia Rosa. I fled my country due to the
Speaker 8: last mission I worked as a secret Service agent.
Speaker 6: Okay, I do it.
Speaker 8: That's you like it more? Yeah, everybody likes it. In fact,
Speaker 8: like we never called each other like spy. I mean yeah,
Speaker 8: it was spine, but it's kind of like spies, kind
Speaker 8: of like a movie thing like, oh spy, it's so sexy,
Speaker 8: but it wasn't.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 8: It's just like, okay, we were agents even like in
Speaker 8: my diploma and then my certificate that says like agent.
Speaker 8: You know, we don't call each other spies, but in
Speaker 8: fact they would call it espionage. It's exactly what is spying?
Speaker 6: Is that? Or is it? Right? In Russia it's the
Speaker 6: same word.
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's kind of like right they would say, like,
Speaker 8: which is spy?
Speaker 3: Soish just because people talk out a lot with Russia
Speaker 3: with their poisons as well or not?
Speaker 8: Oh yes, absolutely, we started all kind of poisons. Yeah,
Speaker 8: where to put them? Basically where to place them like
Speaker 8: for example, you can pour some in water or tea,
Speaker 8: and how long will this poison affect the body and
Speaker 8: when the poison will disappear. So when they would do
Speaker 8: when the person will read this that, and they would
Speaker 8: do how do you call it an English? Yeah, autopsy.
Speaker 8: Then they wouldn't find anything. It would be just like,
Speaker 8: you don't know why this person died, maybe hard attack
Speaker 8: or whatever, like oh, maybe something you know, just like happens.
Speaker 3: I tell Eleah that it sounds not like a school
Speaker 3: for espionage, but a school for death.
Speaker 8: It's death. You're kind of like, I mean, death is
Speaker 8: so close. You always feel death that you Okay, So
Speaker 8: once they give you the gun and you feel the
Speaker 8: gun in your hand, okay, so you do understand you
Speaker 8: can kill. You have this power, and it's so addictive.
Speaker 9: I had to kill you. I'm really sorry. I had to.
Speaker 6: Do it that. I got on.
Speaker 9: Duty a bed, I was old, and my god, I
Speaker 9: got to like you. I had to kill you, said
Speaker 9: so much.
Speaker 3: Episode two, Chapter four, Forbidden Motions.
Speaker 6: The President of the United States.
Speaker 4: Good evening and Merry Christmas to all Americans across our
Speaker 4: great country. During these last few months, you and I
Speaker 4: have witnessed one of the greatest dramas of the twentieth century,
Speaker 4: the historic and revolutionary transformation of a totalitarian dictatorship the
Speaker 4: Soviet Union and the liberation of its peoples. New independent
Speaker 4: nations have emerged out of the wreckage of the Soviet Empire.
Speaker 4: This act marks the end of the old Soviet Union,
Speaker 4: signified today by Mikhail Gorbachev's decision to resign as president.
Speaker 4: So I am seizing my activities in the post of
Speaker 4: President of the uss.
Speaker 5: R and from the White House.
Speaker 4: President Bush salutes the man who presided over the end
Speaker 4: of the Soviet Union.
Speaker 8: I was born in the Soviet Union in Usasa, the
Speaker 8: country which doesn't exist anymore. My parents coming from Central Asia.
Speaker 8: According to my DNA, I don't have any Russian blood
Speaker 8: inside of me. But Kazakhstan was part of USSAR, and
Speaker 8: when in nineteen ninety one Yusata was dissolved, my father
Speaker 8: and my family we ended up living in Russia in Moscow,
Speaker 8: so we had our citizenship of Russia, but yet we
Speaker 8: half our heritage coming from Central Asia.
Speaker 10: Original lot is shit.
Speaker 3: Astrown there was.
Speaker 8: I was born in a family of high ranked officer
Speaker 8: of the military army. My father was working on the
Speaker 8: Department of Domestic Security, protecting city and country from criminal
Speaker 8: gangs coming from former YUSUSA countries. His father was a
Speaker 8: national hero fighting against Natzi Second War, and being a
Speaker 8: little girl, my dad would bring me to the main
Speaker 8: monument in Stadingrad and he would show his father name
Speaker 8: written on the wall with other heroes.
Speaker 5: At Stalingrad, German forces were locked in a deadly struggle
Speaker 5: with the city's beleaguered Red Army defenders. In the terrible battle,
Speaker 5: half a million Nazi troops were killed, wounded or captured
Speaker 5: and more than three quarters of a million Russians.
Speaker 8: Being a little girl, I remember I looked at my
Speaker 8: dad going to the work, worrying this uniform, and every
Speaker 8: single evening when he would come back home, he would
Speaker 8: take me on his lap and he would tell me
Speaker 8: that I also should protect people one day, and also
Speaker 8: would serve military one day to protect my country and
Speaker 8: my people. I was so proud of my dad, and
Speaker 8: I was so proud to be his daughter, and I
Speaker 8: just wanted him to be proud of me too.
Speaker 3: And so from a young age, Aliyah began receiving intense
Speaker 3: physical training from her father. Home became boot camp.
Speaker 8: From six years old. Every day he would push me
Speaker 8: to do exercises, push ups and all this stuff. He
Speaker 8: would give me very heavy weights to lift and he
Speaker 8: would tell me, okay, so two ki long verchances like
Speaker 8: I don't know how many miles, like okay, you have
Speaker 8: to go like with me, but like very heavy stuff
Speaker 8: in my hands. And I would be crying and I
Speaker 8: would say I cannot do it, like it's so having.
Speaker 8: He's like, no, you do it. You cannot give up
Speaker 8: do it. So I didn't have any adoption. I had
Speaker 8: to go with him, follow him, and just slowly, slowly,
Speaker 8: I became a really strong girl.
Speaker 3: Physical strength and endurance were not enough. Really his father
Speaker 3: he also trained her to be strong mentally. When she
Speaker 3: came home from elementary school, Aliah would sit on the
Speaker 3: floor at her father's feet while he taught her his
Speaker 3: unique lessons.
Speaker 8: The most important technique which my dad taught me is
Speaker 8: all the stake cold blooded. All the stay very focused
Speaker 8: on the main goal and never be emotional. And you
Speaker 8: have to train your mind where whatever comes any stressful
Speaker 8: situation in your life, but you all this stake cold blooded.
Speaker 8: For example, if something could happen I don't know, my
Speaker 8: toy was broken or something, I literally was not allowed
Speaker 8: to cry, so I couldn't be emotional. I could cry
Speaker 8: only in the night so nobody could see my tears.
Speaker 6: And then one day when she was twelve, Aliyah discovered
Speaker 6: her passion.
Speaker 8: I remember one day we were driving and we were
Speaker 8: driving through the forest and he said, would you like
Speaker 8: to try to shoot from gun? And I remember the
Speaker 8: first moment I took a gun and it was heavy
Speaker 8: and cold, but it was really powerful. He had another
Speaker 8: gun which was my favorite. It's much faster, it's more effective.
Speaker 8: It calls s teta instead of like vistolt macaroff, which
Speaker 8: is gun macarf. It's kind of like common everybody using it.
Speaker 8: But teta gun is like one of my one of
Speaker 8: my favorite. And I had that excitement that I'm holding
Speaker 8: these special with fun, like a superhero to protect other
Speaker 8: you know, innocent of weak people.
Speaker 3: Much of the training Aliah received from her father, from
Speaker 3: shooting guns to hiding her true thoughts and emotions, unintentionally
Speaker 3: prepared her to be what they call in Russia a
Speaker 3: swallow or a seduction spy. Because of the connotations of
Speaker 3: the word swallow in America, it was changed in its
Speaker 3: translation here to another bird, a sparrow. This was definitely
Speaker 3: not the type of military work that Aliah's father had
Speaker 3: imagined for his daughter.
Speaker 8: My father comes from Muslim family, but in Usasada or
Speaker 8: no religion, so we wouldn't go to you know, mosques
Speaker 8: or wherever or like keep kind of like traditions. But
Speaker 8: as a Muslim man, he would be really strict to
Speaker 8: my mom and to me too, so we would always
Speaker 8: kind of like serve him, you know what I mean,
Speaker 8: like serve the man and myself. Like for example, daughters
Speaker 8: they have to when they will marry, they have to
Speaker 8: be virgin and before their marriage, they cannot have any
Speaker 8: sexual relationship with anyone. So my father didn't allow me
Speaker 8: to go out. My father didn't allow me to have
Speaker 8: friends mot even like boyfriends or whatever, so I was
Speaker 8: even more shy. So I was not allowed to wear
Speaker 8: make up or nail polish, like super short skirts or
Speaker 8: something like that. If I would go out with my
Speaker 8: friend and I would be late for five minutes, my
Speaker 8: father would literally beat me with his belt. So I
Speaker 8: was honestly like, I was scared of him very much.
Speaker 3: In high school in Moscow, because she was different, Aaliyah
Speaker 3: was picked on relentlessly.
Speaker 8: I was bullied in my school all the time because
Speaker 8: I was one Asian girl studying with all these beautiful, blonde,
Speaker 8: blue eyed girls. I had pimples all over my face.
Speaker 8: I had like big lenses, you know, like glasses. I
Speaker 8: had long hair. I was dressed really badly because again
Speaker 8: my dad didn't allow me to wear like, you know,
Speaker 8: short skirts or dresses.
Speaker 6: I felt awful.
Speaker 8: And that was my childhood. And even though I was
Speaker 8: physically strong and I could really beat them up, all
Speaker 8: of them, but I just was not confident and I
Speaker 8: was just so I was just an ugly duckling.
Speaker 3: When a Leah graduated high school at age seventeen, she
Speaker 3: went to a university like most of her classmates. However,
Speaker 3: as soon as she turned eighteen, the minimum age to
Speaker 3: join the military, her father did something that wouldn't be
Speaker 3: possible in America. He stormed into the university in his
Speaker 3: military uniform, made the administrators hand over Lea's records, and
Speaker 3: forcibly withdrew her from college.
Speaker 8: And I remember that moment when he went to the university.
Speaker 8: He took my papers literally like that. And you know,
Speaker 8: in that city where we lived, he was kind of
Speaker 8: like a big name. So he took out all my
Speaker 8: papers and he sat, no, you have to go to
Speaker 8: the military, because this is our life, this is our path,
Speaker 8: and that's it.
Speaker 6: Chapter five War Crimes.
Speaker 2: Warning. The following contains graphic descriptions of violence and sexual
Speaker 2: assault that may be too intense or triggering to some listeners.
Speaker 2: Discretion is advised.
Speaker 3: Is there anything that makes the Russian military and its
Speaker 3: culture different than the other militaries you've seen and covered?
Speaker 11: So in my experience in working in places where there
Speaker 11: has been the presence of the Russian military, whether that
Speaker 11: be Syria or in Ukraine, it's just an incredibly brutal military.
Speaker 11: It's a very menacing This.
Speaker 3: Is Hally McKay, a leading journalist who's investigated war crimes
Speaker 3: and violence against women in Russia, Ukraine, Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq
Speaker 3: and dozens.
Speaker 6: Of other countries.
Speaker 11: Sort of war crimes that have happened, especially in Ukraine.
Speaker 12: Just again, the sort of cold blooded killing, the treatment
Speaker 12: of the civilians or of prisoners of war is just
Speaker 12: really on another level that I often have just never
Speaker 12: seen in my time as a war reporter. And mind you,
Speaker 12: Russian society it's a very brainwashed society in many ways.
Speaker 2: You know, whatever the Kremlin says.
Speaker 10: Goes, And I think any time you believe that you
Speaker 10: have the righteous power or that somehow whatever you're doing
Speaker 10: is for the grade of good, you can justify any
Speaker 10: sort of horrible behavior against another individual.
Speaker 3: Before we begin the story of Elah's time in the military,
Speaker 3: which is disturbing on a number of levels. This kind
Speaker 3: of context is important because being a spy or a
Speaker 3: secret agent may sound glamorous, but not when you're a
Speaker 3: woman in the Russian military. Yeah, I'm just curious any
Speaker 3: context you can provide on what it's like to be
Speaker 3: a woman in the Russian military or intelligence.
Speaker 10: It's about four point two percent of the entire forces
Speaker 10: are made up of women.
Speaker 2: From everything that I've heard and people that I've interviewed.
Speaker 10: Myself, it's just an extremely hostile environment to work in.
Speaker 10: And I know even with the US military it's a
Speaker 10: very hard slog for women, so many face sexual assault,
Speaker 10: But in the Russian military, I want to say that
Speaker 10: that is significantly even more intense and even higher. One
Speaker 10: particular woman that I remember interviewing back in twenty seventeen
Speaker 10: when I was doing some work in Moscow and she
Speaker 10: had been a Russian military medic.
Speaker 3: Allie tells the story of this interviewee who was subjected
Speaker 3: to continued sexual abuse and harassments in the Russian military
Speaker 3: and made to serve as what the euphemistically call a
Speaker 3: fieldwife to her commanders.
Speaker 10: Home in and out, And she was just one example
Speaker 10: of someone who had suffered so much of that internal
Speaker 10: trauma and nothing was necessarily related to the combat. She
Speaker 10: didn't see combat herself, but just being in that environment
Speaker 10: for a decade of her very young life, I think
Speaker 10: it really destroyed her. And I think she's probably just
Speaker 10: one example of many that once you sort of get in,
Speaker 10: it's very difficult to get out. And there is this
Speaker 10: mentality of where the military wants to break you that
Speaker 10: can be done in so many different ways, and I
Speaker 10: think for women that often manifests itself in sexual.
Speaker 3: Assault, and it seems that there's a lot of sort
Speaker 3: of power and control that if you don't comply with this,
Speaker 3: we're going to ruin your entire life in your future,
Speaker 3: because this is a career path for the people in it.
Speaker 10: Yeah, absolutely, you have very few levers of recourse to
Speaker 10: complain about what happened, to file a complaint, to speak
Speaker 10: to a supervisor.
Speaker 11: That will destroy you in your career much more than
Speaker 11: it's going to.
Speaker 10: Destroy a perpetrator.
Speaker 6: So you're better off just to sort.
Speaker 10: Of shut up and be quiet about it and try
Speaker 10: to get through it, which of course manifests itself in
Speaker 10: trauma in the end. But that is certainly the experience
Speaker 10: of what I've heard with most women in the Russian military.
Speaker 10: But I personally have never heard of any sort of
Speaker 10: repercussion against a Russian soldier for sexual assault or rape
Speaker 10: against a fellow combat troope.
Speaker 3: And so against this horrible backdrop, you returned to a
Speaker 3: LEAs story and her internship at the Department of Criminal
Speaker 3: Investigations ACQUISITE before beginning her formal military training. Because of
Speaker 3: the gravity of what follows, Aliah's story will be shared
Speaker 3: in its entirety as she first told it, without any interruptions.
Speaker 3: For many, like Aaliah, it's important not to minimize or
Speaker 3: dilute the severity of these types of experiences.
Speaker 6: Please note that what she just closes here is very
Speaker 6: graphic and maybe disturbing to some listeners.
Speaker 8: Do they My dad took me and introduced me to
Speaker 8: this department, to my future colleagues, my future commander. I
Speaker 8: remember the day very well. I was confused, and I
Speaker 8: tried to do my best. You know, I wanted to
Speaker 8: look good, of course, in terms of my intellectual abilities,
Speaker 8: and I just wanted to be good employee and good agent.
Speaker 8: And I was ready to study, and I was really driven,
Speaker 8: and I was I had these romantic feelings about my job.
Speaker 8: Oh my god, I will protect people, I will do
Speaker 8: my best. I will you know, I will serve my country.
Speaker 8: That's amazing, Like I want to be that, you know,
Speaker 8: that hero, like my grandfather was. In that department, they
Speaker 8: were about fifty agents and only me was a female one.
Speaker 8: So all these forty nine guys looked at me in
Speaker 8: the way like oh, a new meet. And I didn't
Speaker 8: realize basically that I was that, you know, like a
Speaker 8: deer surrounded by wolves. I didn't realize because I was
Speaker 8: too young and too unexperienced as a woman. Just a
Speaker 8: few days later, when I was accepted as an intern,
Speaker 8: and I had to start it my job routine and
Speaker 8: I had to just to learn and see what is
Speaker 8: it about and everything. Somebody called to our home number.
Speaker 8: It was eight pm and I was reading a book.
Speaker 8: I remember, I was preparing to go to sleep. My
Speaker 8: dad picked up the phone and he spoke with someone
Speaker 8: and I heard, yes, yes, okay, I understand, Yes, she'll
Speaker 8: be right back, she'll be yeah, she'll be there. Okay,
Speaker 8: she'll take taxis, she'll come. Then my dad came and
Speaker 8: he said to me, your colleague just called and they
Speaker 8: said it's a huge murder, so everybody have to come
Speaker 8: and try to help, you know, to find out killers
Speaker 8: and murders. So you have to go and help your department,
Speaker 8: So get ready do it. Like immediately I came to
Speaker 8: the department, was about like eight thirty. I didn't know right,
Speaker 8: it was my first alarm ever, so I don't know
Speaker 8: what's going on. And I just saw only one guy there,
Speaker 8: like one of my colleague, my my agent, who was
Speaker 8: that time about like maybe twenty like seven twenty like
Speaker 8: eight something like that.
Speaker 4: And I came.
Speaker 8: I said, like, hey, all right, so I received the
Speaker 8: call so and he said, yeah, I called you that.
Speaker 8: I'm like okay, yeah, I'm ready to do, Like okay,
Speaker 8: so what do I need to do? He didn't tell
Speaker 8: me anything, and I was like, why is he's so quiet,
Speaker 8: like what's going on? And then I looked at the department.
Speaker 8: Everything was like dark, like no other agents, no lights.
Speaker 8: Every room is closed, like you know, every office's room
Speaker 8: is so close. And I asked him why no one
Speaker 8: is in the department, like where everybody, and he's like, oh,
Speaker 8: everybody's on their own spots, so don't worry about it.
Speaker 8: And he asked me, do you want to drink, like drink?
Speaker 8: First of all, I don't drink. I was not allowed
Speaker 8: to drink alcohol obviously. Second, like what drink? I mean,
Speaker 8: be supposed to work? Great? And I asked him, like,
Speaker 8: I mean, like no, I don't thank you. He said,
Speaker 8: come here to that room because everything is closed. So
Speaker 8: I entered the like the room, and I saw a table,
Speaker 8: I saw a couch, and I saw, you know, a
Speaker 8: lamp which was like kind of like in a dark
Speaker 8: mode so it's not too bright. And I saw vodka
Speaker 8: on the table and some kind of like snacks, and
Speaker 8: slowly I started to think that this is not what
Speaker 8: I'm I'm supposed to do. I was supposed to work.
Speaker 8: I supposed to be on the alarm, I supposed to
Speaker 8: like do my job like, but this is not like
Speaker 8: there's nothing like that. I had this thought that something
Speaker 8: going on, but I couldn't understand what. And he just
Speaker 8: came to me so close that I could feel his
Speaker 8: breath and I understood that he had been drinking. And
Speaker 8: that moment, okay, should I run, Like what should I do?
Speaker 8: I don't know? And then I started saying, wait a minute,
Speaker 8: how can I run? Because he closed the door with
Speaker 8: the keys and I don't have the keys. I cannot
Speaker 8: open the door to get out. What I supposed to do?
Speaker 8: Beat him? I cannot beat him. He's like bigger than me,
Speaker 8: like two times I'm very pitied, hungry, ten pounds and
Speaker 8: he is like huge guy, two times bigger than me.
Speaker 8: Like how I'm supposed to run? And I mean, like
Speaker 8: how I'm supposed to escape? And I started to think
Speaker 8: about it. So it's just like very quickly and rapidly,
Speaker 8: like all these thoughts came into my mind and I
Speaker 8: just understood that, like I don't know what to do,
Speaker 8: there is no way to get out. And he took
Speaker 8: his hand and he put his hand on my neck.
Speaker 8: I couldn't move because he pushed his body on my
Speaker 8: body close to the wall, so I couldn't even move anywhere.
Speaker 8: And he said, so there are two options. Number one,
Speaker 8: either you fuck with me right now, and number two,
Speaker 8: I'll still fuck you, but I don't want to leave
Speaker 8: bruises on your body. And if you think that, you
Speaker 8: will go and complain to your daddy. This is not
Speaker 8: happening because you know why, because you don't want your
Speaker 8: daddy go to jail, right, don't you? And I'm like, no,
Speaker 8: he said, and you cannot go to police. I'm the power,
Speaker 8: I'm the government person. You can't do anything, do you understand?
Speaker 8: And I just I just nod my head and he said, okay,
Speaker 8: so would you choose? And I said, but wait, listen,
Speaker 8: First of all, I'm virgin, like I you know, like
Speaker 8: I'm coming from a very religious family, like I never haven't,
Speaker 8: like I don't know anything about it. And he said, like, well,
Speaker 8: even better for me. That day I had a period.
Speaker 8: I didn't even use stampoons, so I was using pads
Speaker 8: because I was virgin. So I said, like, this is
Speaker 8: not pleasant for you are all like I mean, I
Speaker 8: I have a periods, Like I can't do that anyway.
Speaker 8: I said, like, let's do it another time, right, I'll
Speaker 8: come another day and you'll do it. I mean, I'm
Speaker 8: still here, I work here, I'm not trying to wear something.
Speaker 8: So I tried to call to his logical mindset to
Speaker 8: make him to think that it doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 8: And he said, to me, what do you think you'll
Speaker 8: bushit me is stupid. At that moment, I understood that
Speaker 8: it's just it just doesn't work. He just grabbed my
Speaker 8: small body and he pushed me so strong to the couch.
Speaker 8: He just jumped on me, and he jumped on me
Speaker 8: so hard that I felt that all my legs and everything,
Speaker 8: like I in pain because he's like, basically he jumped
Speaker 8: on me and I felt like his bones on my bones,
Speaker 8: and I thought like he basically almost like broke my knees.
Speaker 8: I was thinking, okay, so if I will scream, there
Speaker 8: is no one in this building. So even if I
Speaker 8: will scream, there's no one really to come. And she
Speaker 8: just looked into my eyes and he said that just
Speaker 8: make it fast. You know, it's all depend from you.
Speaker 8: And I started to cry, and he said, like, I
Speaker 8: don't care if you cry. I was wearing a skirt.
Speaker 8: He just threw away my panties with my pad and
Speaker 8: immediately he just tried to put his penis and he
Speaker 8: couldn't do it because I had the Virgin Hammond and
Speaker 8: I was super dry, of course, and he couldn't just
Speaker 8: basically go inside, and he started to scream at me.
Speaker 8: He said to me, open yourself, like let me in,
Speaker 8: and I just couldn't do anything, and I said I can't,
Speaker 8: Like I was just crying and screaming, like I cannot
Speaker 8: do it, I cannot do it. And he started to
Speaker 8: beat me. He said, I couldn't. I couldn't beat your
Speaker 8: face because it's obvious bruises and you have to come
Speaker 8: to your job tomorrow, and you have to be very
Speaker 8: quiet about what happened. So I know how to beat
Speaker 8: without leaving any evidences. So he started to beat my
Speaker 8: stomach and it was painful, and he said, if you
Speaker 8: won't let me in, you'll be in pain even longer.
Speaker 8: I'll beat you till your fucking death. Open your fucking legs.
Speaker 8: I just understood that I cannot do anything, and I
Speaker 8: just had to let him go inside and just rape me.
Speaker 8: The moment I relaxed my body, he rapidly just went
Speaker 8: inside and it was so painful, and I screamed. I
Speaker 8: screamed because it was unexpected pain, and I felt that
Speaker 8: that pressure inside of me, and that moment everything I
Speaker 8: read in the books or everything I've heard about sex,
Speaker 8: I was like, wait a minute, this is sex. This
Speaker 8: is painful and disgusting. It cannot be a pleasure, like
Speaker 8: I don't understand, like this is so.
Speaker 6: This is so bad.
Speaker 8: He did come quite quick, thank god. And the moment
Speaker 8: he did come, he just jumped out of me, and.
Speaker 11: I was so.
Speaker 8: You know, I just wanted to run away, and I
Speaker 8: had clothes all over. My blows was ripped and my
Speaker 8: skirt was somewhere and everything was in blood. He left
Speaker 8: into the toilet, I suppose, and I was thinking, like
Speaker 8: I need to get the hell out right now because
Speaker 8: I don't want to see him. I just need to
Speaker 8: get out. I don't know where the keys are, so
Speaker 8: I have to ask him to open the door and everything.
Speaker 8: And somebody knocked the door. Somebody came, and I said,
Speaker 8: like fuck, why didn't they fucking came like just two
Speaker 8: minutes ago when he could like stop and like it
Speaker 8: was like such a bad luck. And that guy was
Speaker 8: still in the bathroom and he went out. He ran
Speaker 8: into the opening the door, and he told me, if
Speaker 8: you will tell anyone about this, I'll make sure that
Speaker 8: you'll never see the next day, do you understand?
Speaker 3: And I.
Speaker 8: And I looked at you into his eyes, and I
Speaker 8: understood that he's not joking, like this is not a joke.
Speaker 8: He's like serious, and I just I said yeah, I
Speaker 8: said okay, and I and it's just like I need
Speaker 8: to go home because my dad is waiting. I need
Speaker 8: to go home, like okay, go I just ran. I
Speaker 8: was so broken and devastated. And I remember when I
Speaker 8: left the department running back home. The only one thought
Speaker 8: I had how can I leave that no one will
Speaker 8: notice what really happened to me? Because when I went
Speaker 8: to the bus, I thought that everybody looked at me
Speaker 8: that I just you know, I just had like blood
Speaker 8: all over myself, and I was thinking, like how can
Speaker 8: I hide it from my dad so he wouldn't notice
Speaker 8: or ask me anything? And how can I leave with
Speaker 8: this pain inside of me? I can't cry, I cannot
Speaker 8: show it. How can I leave this with this like disappointment? Right,
Speaker 8: It's like everything wherever I believed, all these romances, and
Speaker 8: he is supposed to be a good guy in the story.
Speaker 8: He's an agent. How could this officer, a military officer
Speaker 8: who protects people from criminal how could he reap me?
Speaker 8: I told myself that moment that the revenge will come
Speaker 8: and Karma will do the best for him, and eventually
Speaker 8: it did.
Speaker 6: Elia's story continues in episode.
Speaker 8: Three, if you leave the Wolves, you have to become
Speaker 8: one of Wolves.
Speaker 3: Available now along with all eight episodes of To Die
Speaker 3: For Volume one, continue listening for free on Apple Podcasts.
Speaker 3: For full credits, check out our show notes. If you
Speaker 3: or a loved one are a survivor of sexual assault,
Speaker 3: you can visit rain dot org. That's r AI n
Speaker 3: N dot org, or call one eight hundred sixty five
Speaker 3: six four six seven three for free confidential twenty four
Speaker 3: to seven support