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Speaker 1: All eight episodes of To Die For are available now.

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Speaker 1: To Bitch absolutely free, but for ad free listening and

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Speaker 1: exclusive bonuses, subscribe to tendorfoot Plus at tenderfootplus dot com

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Speaker 1: or on Apple podcasts.

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Speaker 2: Warning, the following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes.

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Speaker 2: Listener discretion is advised.

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Speaker 3: There were some difficult decisions to be made after meeting

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Speaker 3: Alea Rosa. When I researched her online, there was not

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Speaker 3: a lot to find. However, there were a few sources

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Speaker 3: supporting her claims to be a Russian trained seduction spy.

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Speaker 4: I'm about to introduce you to a real life I

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Speaker 4: guess you could say red Sparrow.

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Speaker 5: She was trained in the KGB style arts of seduction,

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Speaker 5: persuasion and manipulating.

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Speaker 6: Then there were sources saying this.

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Speaker 7: Everyone in la is creating a narrative to further their

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Speaker 7: own careers. Hers just how seems to be absolutely outrageous,

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Speaker 7: and also a film has already been made, So yes,

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Speaker 7: she has lied to my face.

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Speaker 3: I wondered what the truth was and how do you

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Speaker 3: even go about officially confirming someone was a former FSB

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Speaker 3: seduction agent. After I watched these, Aliah did give me

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Speaker 3: photographs and documents, and even let me speak to one

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Speaker 3: of her former colleagues in Russia. But even the authenticity

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Speaker 3: of these can't be proven. I also wondered something else,

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Speaker 3: how much of some people's skepticalresponse to Aliyah comes from

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Speaker 3: the fact that she's a woman presenting herself in a

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Speaker 3: glamorous way online and selling information products. After all, for

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Speaker 3: the men at the table on the night I met Aleiah,

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Speaker 3: what was the proof that my friend Johnny Junior's family

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Speaker 3: was in the mafia family or that my other friend

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Speaker 3: really held a high position, he claims at the CIA.

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Speaker 3: Best selling author Chris Voss has made a career out

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Speaker 3: of a former FBI hostage negotiator, and he also sells

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Speaker 3: information products online.

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Speaker 6: I was an FBI hostage negotiator. It sounds like a

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Speaker 6: cry for help, doesn't it.

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Speaker 3: But he's a man and wears a suit. So I

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Speaker 3: called him to ask how often he's had to prove

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Speaker 3: his identity. Here's his answer, show like credentials approve that

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Speaker 3: you were a former FBI agent.

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Speaker 8: I haven't had anybody challenge me.

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Speaker 3: So I made the decision to sit down with Aliyah

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Speaker 3: and do something no one has ever done for her before.

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Speaker 3: Give her a safe space to share her full story

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Speaker 3: and to not just listen to it, but listen to

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Speaker 3: truly understand and to support her telling of it, and

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Speaker 3: then we can look at it all afterward. In order

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Speaker 3: to do this properly, especially after what FBI agent Robin

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Speaker 3: Drake told me in the last episode.

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Speaker 5: Because basically, she's human trafficked is what she is.

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Speaker 3: I took and completed a course in trauma informed interviewing

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Speaker 3: and consulted with everyone from intelligence agents to try counselors

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Speaker 3: to social justice professors along the way. So let's just

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Speaker 3: listen to Aliah's powerful story. Over the course of these

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Speaker 3: next episodes, find experts, agents, and even targets to better

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Speaker 3: understand the hidden world of Russian seduction spies and experience

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Speaker 3: what may be one of the most unforgettable and disturbing

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Speaker 3: accounts I've ever heard. Note that for privacy considerations, alterations

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Speaker 3: have been made to certain names, identifying features, and locations.

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Speaker 3: Listener discretion is highly advised.

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Speaker 8: Hello everyone, my name is Delia Rosa and I was

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Speaker 8: a former Russian spy. My name is Delia Rosa and

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Speaker 8: I was a secret service agent in Russia. My name

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Speaker 8: is Delia Rosa. I fled my country due to the

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Speaker 8: last mission I worked as a secret Service agent.

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Speaker 6: Okay, I do it.

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Speaker 8: That's you like it more? Yeah, everybody likes it. In fact,

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Speaker 8: like we never called each other like spy. I mean yeah,

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Speaker 8: it was spine, but it's kind of like spies, kind

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Speaker 8: of like a movie thing like, oh spy, it's so sexy,

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Speaker 8: but it wasn't.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 8: It's just like, okay, we were agents even like in

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Speaker 8: my diploma and then my certificate that says like agent.

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Speaker 8: You know, we don't call each other spies, but in

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Speaker 8: fact they would call it espionage. It's exactly what is spying?

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Speaker 6: Is that? Or is it? Right? In Russia it's the

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Speaker 6: same word.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, it's kind of like right they would say, like,

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Speaker 8: which is spy?

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Speaker 3: Soish just because people talk out a lot with Russia

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Speaker 3: with their poisons as well or not?

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Speaker 8: Oh yes, absolutely, we started all kind of poisons. Yeah,

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Speaker 8: where to put them? Basically where to place them like

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Speaker 8: for example, you can pour some in water or tea,

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Speaker 8: and how long will this poison affect the body and

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Speaker 8: when the poison will disappear. So when they would do

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Speaker 8: when the person will read this that, and they would

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Speaker 8: do how do you call it an English? Yeah, autopsy.

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Speaker 8: Then they wouldn't find anything. It would be just like,

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Speaker 8: you don't know why this person died, maybe hard attack

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Speaker 8: or whatever, like oh, maybe something you know, just like happens.

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Speaker 3: I tell Eleah that it sounds not like a school

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Speaker 3: for espionage, but a school for death.

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Speaker 8: It's death. You're kind of like, I mean, death is

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Speaker 8: so close. You always feel death that you Okay, So

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Speaker 8: once they give you the gun and you feel the

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Speaker 8: gun in your hand, okay, so you do understand you

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Speaker 8: can kill. You have this power, and it's so addictive.

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Speaker 9: I had to kill you. I'm really sorry. I had to.

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Speaker 6: Do it that. I got on.

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Speaker 9: Duty a bed, I was old, and my god, I

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Speaker 9: got to like you. I had to kill you, said

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Speaker 9: so much.

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Speaker 3: Episode two, Chapter four, Forbidden Motions.

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Speaker 6: The President of the United States.

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Speaker 4: Good evening and Merry Christmas to all Americans across our

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Speaker 4: great country. During these last few months, you and I

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Speaker 4: have witnessed one of the greatest dramas of the twentieth century,

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Speaker 4: the historic and revolutionary transformation of a totalitarian dictatorship the

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Speaker 4: Soviet Union and the liberation of its peoples. New independent

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Speaker 4: nations have emerged out of the wreckage of the Soviet Empire.

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Speaker 4: This act marks the end of the old Soviet Union,

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Speaker 4: signified today by Mikhail Gorbachev's decision to resign as president.

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Speaker 4: So I am seizing my activities in the post of

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Speaker 4: President of the uss.

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Speaker 5: R and from the White House.

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Speaker 4: President Bush salutes the man who presided over the end

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Speaker 4: of the Soviet Union.

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Speaker 8: I was born in the Soviet Union in Usasa, the

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Speaker 8: country which doesn't exist anymore. My parents coming from Central Asia.

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Speaker 8: According to my DNA, I don't have any Russian blood

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Speaker 8: inside of me. But Kazakhstan was part of USSAR, and

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Speaker 8: when in nineteen ninety one Yusata was dissolved, my father

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Speaker 8: and my family we ended up living in Russia in Moscow,

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Speaker 8: so we had our citizenship of Russia, but yet we

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Speaker 8: half our heritage coming from Central Asia.

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Speaker 10: Original lot is shit.

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Speaker 3: Astrown there was.

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Speaker 8: I was born in a family of high ranked officer

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Speaker 8: of the military army. My father was working on the

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Speaker 8: Department of Domestic Security, protecting city and country from criminal

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Speaker 8: gangs coming from former YUSUSA countries. His father was a

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Speaker 8: national hero fighting against Natzi Second War, and being a

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Speaker 8: little girl, my dad would bring me to the main

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Speaker 8: monument in Stadingrad and he would show his father name

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Speaker 8: written on the wall with other heroes.

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Speaker 5: At Stalingrad, German forces were locked in a deadly struggle

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Speaker 5: with the city's beleaguered Red Army defenders. In the terrible battle,

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Speaker 5: half a million Nazi troops were killed, wounded or captured

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Speaker 5: and more than three quarters of a million Russians.

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Speaker 8: Being a little girl, I remember I looked at my

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Speaker 8: dad going to the work, worrying this uniform, and every

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Speaker 8: single evening when he would come back home, he would

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Speaker 8: take me on his lap and he would tell me

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Speaker 8: that I also should protect people one day, and also

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Speaker 8: would serve military one day to protect my country and

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Speaker 8: my people. I was so proud of my dad, and

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Speaker 8: I was so proud to be his daughter, and I

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Speaker 8: just wanted him to be proud of me too.

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Speaker 3: And so from a young age, Aliyah began receiving intense

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Speaker 3: physical training from her father. Home became boot camp.

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Speaker 8: From six years old. Every day he would push me

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Speaker 8: to do exercises, push ups and all this stuff. He

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Speaker 8: would give me very heavy weights to lift and he

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Speaker 8: would tell me, okay, so two ki long verchances like

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Speaker 8: I don't know how many miles, like okay, you have

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Speaker 8: to go like with me, but like very heavy stuff

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Speaker 8: in my hands. And I would be crying and I

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Speaker 8: would say I cannot do it, like it's so having.

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Speaker 8: He's like, no, you do it. You cannot give up

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Speaker 8: do it. So I didn't have any adoption. I had

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Speaker 8: to go with him, follow him, and just slowly, slowly,

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Speaker 8: I became a really strong girl.

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Speaker 3: Physical strength and endurance were not enough. Really his father

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Speaker 3: he also trained her to be strong mentally. When she

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Speaker 3: came home from elementary school, Aliah would sit on the

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Speaker 3: floor at her father's feet while he taught her his

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Speaker 3: unique lessons.

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Speaker 8: The most important technique which my dad taught me is

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Speaker 8: all the stake cold blooded. All the stay very focused

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Speaker 8: on the main goal and never be emotional. And you

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Speaker 8: have to train your mind where whatever comes any stressful

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Speaker 8: situation in your life, but you all this stake cold blooded.

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Speaker 8: For example, if something could happen I don't know, my

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Speaker 8: toy was broken or something, I literally was not allowed

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Speaker 8: to cry, so I couldn't be emotional. I could cry

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Speaker 8: only in the night so nobody could see my tears.

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Speaker 6: And then one day when she was twelve, Aliyah discovered

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Speaker 6: her passion.

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Speaker 8: I remember one day we were driving and we were

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Speaker 8: driving through the forest and he said, would you like

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Speaker 8: to try to shoot from gun? And I remember the

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Speaker 8: first moment I took a gun and it was heavy

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Speaker 8: and cold, but it was really powerful. He had another

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Speaker 8: gun which was my favorite. It's much faster, it's more effective.

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Speaker 8: It calls s teta instead of like vistolt macaroff, which

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Speaker 8: is gun macarf. It's kind of like common everybody using it.

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Speaker 8: But teta gun is like one of my one of

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Speaker 8: my favorite. And I had that excitement that I'm holding

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Speaker 8: these special with fun, like a superhero to protect other

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Speaker 8: you know, innocent of weak people.

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Speaker 3: Much of the training Aliah received from her father, from

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Speaker 3: shooting guns to hiding her true thoughts and emotions, unintentionally

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Speaker 3: prepared her to be what they call in Russia a

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Speaker 3: swallow or a seduction spy. Because of the connotations of

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Speaker 3: the word swallow in America, it was changed in its

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Speaker 3: translation here to another bird, a sparrow. This was definitely

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Speaker 3: not the type of military work that Aliah's father had

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Speaker 3: imagined for his daughter.

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Speaker 8: My father comes from Muslim family, but in Usasada or

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Speaker 8: no religion, so we wouldn't go to you know, mosques

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Speaker 8: or wherever or like keep kind of like traditions. But

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Speaker 8: as a Muslim man, he would be really strict to

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Speaker 8: my mom and to me too, so we would always

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Speaker 8: kind of like serve him, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 8: like serve the man and myself. Like for example, daughters

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Speaker 8: they have to when they will marry, they have to

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Speaker 8: be virgin and before their marriage, they cannot have any

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Speaker 8: sexual relationship with anyone. So my father didn't allow me

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Speaker 8: to go out. My father didn't allow me to have

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Speaker 8: friends mot even like boyfriends or whatever, so I was

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Speaker 8: even more shy. So I was not allowed to wear

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Speaker 8: make up or nail polish, like super short skirts or

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Speaker 8: something like that. If I would go out with my

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Speaker 8: friend and I would be late for five minutes, my

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Speaker 8: father would literally beat me with his belt. So I

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Speaker 8: was honestly like, I was scared of him very much.

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Speaker 3: In high school in Moscow, because she was different, Aaliyah

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Speaker 3: was picked on relentlessly.

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Speaker 8: I was bullied in my school all the time because

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Speaker 8: I was one Asian girl studying with all these beautiful, blonde,

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Speaker 8: blue eyed girls. I had pimples all over my face.

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Speaker 8: I had like big lenses, you know, like glasses. I

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Speaker 8: had long hair. I was dressed really badly because again

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Speaker 8: my dad didn't allow me to wear like, you know,

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Speaker 8: short skirts or dresses.

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Speaker 6: I felt awful.

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Speaker 8: And that was my childhood. And even though I was

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Speaker 8: physically strong and I could really beat them up, all

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Speaker 8: of them, but I just was not confident and I

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Speaker 8: was just so I was just an ugly duckling.

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Speaker 3: When a Leah graduated high school at age seventeen, she

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Speaker 3: went to a university like most of her classmates. However,

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Speaker 3: as soon as she turned eighteen, the minimum age to

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Speaker 3: join the military, her father did something that wouldn't be

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Speaker 3: possible in America. He stormed into the university in his

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Speaker 3: military uniform, made the administrators hand over Lea's records, and

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Speaker 3: forcibly withdrew her from college.

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Speaker 8: And I remember that moment when he went to the university.

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Speaker 8: He took my papers literally like that. And you know,

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Speaker 8: in that city where we lived, he was kind of

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Speaker 8: like a big name. So he took out all my

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Speaker 8: papers and he sat, no, you have to go to

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Speaker 8: the military, because this is our life, this is our path,

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Speaker 8: and that's it.

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Speaker 6: Chapter five War Crimes.

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Speaker 2: Warning. The following contains graphic descriptions of violence and sexual

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Speaker 2: assault that may be too intense or triggering to some listeners.

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Speaker 2: Discretion is advised.

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Speaker 3: Is there anything that makes the Russian military and its

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Speaker 3: culture different than the other militaries you've seen and covered?

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Speaker 11: So in my experience in working in places where there

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Speaker 11: has been the presence of the Russian military, whether that

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Speaker 11: be Syria or in Ukraine, it's just an incredibly brutal military.

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Speaker 11: It's a very menacing This.

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Speaker 3: Is Hally McKay, a leading journalist who's investigated war crimes

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Speaker 3: and violence against women in Russia, Ukraine, Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq

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Speaker 3: and dozens.

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Speaker 6: Of other countries.

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Speaker 11: Sort of war crimes that have happened, especially in Ukraine.

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Speaker 12: Just again, the sort of cold blooded killing, the treatment

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Speaker 12: of the civilians or of prisoners of war is just

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Speaker 12: really on another level that I often have just never

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Speaker 12: seen in my time as a war reporter. And mind you,

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Speaker 12: Russian society it's a very brainwashed society in many ways.

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Speaker 2: You know, whatever the Kremlin says.

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Speaker 10: Goes, And I think any time you believe that you

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Speaker 10: have the righteous power or that somehow whatever you're doing

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Speaker 10: is for the grade of good, you can justify any

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Speaker 10: sort of horrible behavior against another individual.

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Speaker 3: Before we begin the story of Elah's time in the military,

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Speaker 3: which is disturbing on a number of levels. This kind

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Speaker 3: of context is important because being a spy or a

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Speaker 3: secret agent may sound glamorous, but not when you're a

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Speaker 3: woman in the Russian military. Yeah, I'm just curious any

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Speaker 3: context you can provide on what it's like to be

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Speaker 3: a woman in the Russian military or intelligence.

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Speaker 10: It's about four point two percent of the entire forces

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Speaker 10: are made up of women.

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Speaker 2: From everything that I've heard and people that I've interviewed.

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Speaker 10: Myself, it's just an extremely hostile environment to work in.

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Speaker 10: And I know even with the US military it's a

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Speaker 10: very hard slog for women, so many face sexual assault,

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Speaker 10: But in the Russian military, I want to say that

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Speaker 10: that is significantly even more intense and even higher. One

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Speaker 10: particular woman that I remember interviewing back in twenty seventeen

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Speaker 10: when I was doing some work in Moscow and she

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Speaker 10: had been a Russian military medic.

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Speaker 3: Allie tells the story of this interviewee who was subjected

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Speaker 3: to continued sexual abuse and harassments in the Russian military

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Speaker 3: and made to serve as what the euphemistically call a

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Speaker 3: fieldwife to her commanders.

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Speaker 10: Home in and out, And she was just one example

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Speaker 10: of someone who had suffered so much of that internal

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Speaker 10: trauma and nothing was necessarily related to the combat. She

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Speaker 10: didn't see combat herself, but just being in that environment

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Speaker 10: for a decade of her very young life, I think

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Speaker 10: it really destroyed her. And I think she's probably just

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Speaker 10: one example of many that once you sort of get in,

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Speaker 10: it's very difficult to get out. And there is this

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Speaker 10: mentality of where the military wants to break you that

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Speaker 10: can be done in so many different ways, and I

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Speaker 10: think for women that often manifests itself in sexual.

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Speaker 3: Assault, and it seems that there's a lot of sort

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Speaker 3: of power and control that if you don't comply with this,

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Speaker 3: we're going to ruin your entire life in your future,

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Speaker 3: because this is a career path for the people in it.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, absolutely, you have very few levers of recourse to

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Speaker 10: complain about what happened, to file a complaint, to speak

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Speaker 10: to a supervisor.

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Speaker 11: That will destroy you in your career much more than

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Speaker 11: it's going to.

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Speaker 10: Destroy a perpetrator.

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Speaker 6: So you're better off just to sort.

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Speaker 10: Of shut up and be quiet about it and try

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Speaker 10: to get through it, which of course manifests itself in

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Speaker 10: trauma in the end. But that is certainly the experience

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Speaker 10: of what I've heard with most women in the Russian military.

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Speaker 10: But I personally have never heard of any sort of

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Speaker 10: repercussion against a Russian soldier for sexual assault or rape

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Speaker 10: against a fellow combat troope.

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Speaker 3: And so against this horrible backdrop, you returned to a

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Speaker 3: LEAs story and her internship at the Department of Criminal

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Speaker 3: Investigations ACQUISITE before beginning her formal military training. Because of

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Speaker 3: the gravity of what follows, Aliah's story will be shared

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Speaker 3: in its entirety as she first told it, without any interruptions.

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Speaker 3: For many, like Aaliah, it's important not to minimize or

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Speaker 3: dilute the severity of these types of experiences.

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Speaker 6: Please note that what she just closes here is very

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Speaker 6: graphic and maybe disturbing to some listeners.

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Speaker 8: Do they My dad took me and introduced me to

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Speaker 8: this department, to my future colleagues, my future commander. I

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Speaker 8: remember the day very well. I was confused, and I

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Speaker 8: tried to do my best. You know, I wanted to

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Speaker 8: look good, of course, in terms of my intellectual abilities,

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Speaker 8: and I just wanted to be good employee and good agent.

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Speaker 8: And I was ready to study, and I was really driven,

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Speaker 8: and I was I had these romantic feelings about my job.

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Speaker 8: Oh my god, I will protect people, I will do

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Speaker 8: my best. I will you know, I will serve my country.

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Speaker 8: That's amazing, Like I want to be that, you know,

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Speaker 8: that hero, like my grandfather was. In that department, they

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Speaker 8: were about fifty agents and only me was a female one.

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Speaker 8: So all these forty nine guys looked at me in

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Speaker 8: the way like oh, a new meet. And I didn't

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Speaker 8: realize basically that I was that, you know, like a

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Speaker 8: deer surrounded by wolves. I didn't realize because I was

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Speaker 8: too young and too unexperienced as a woman. Just a

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Speaker 8: few days later, when I was accepted as an intern,

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Speaker 8: and I had to start it my job routine and

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Speaker 8: I had to just to learn and see what is

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Speaker 8: it about and everything. Somebody called to our home number.

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Speaker 8: It was eight pm and I was reading a book.

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Speaker 8: I remember, I was preparing to go to sleep. My

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Speaker 8: dad picked up the phone and he spoke with someone

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Speaker 8: and I heard, yes, yes, okay, I understand, Yes, she'll

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Speaker 8: be right back, she'll be yeah, she'll be there. Okay,

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Speaker 8: she'll take taxis, she'll come. Then my dad came and

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Speaker 8: he said to me, your colleague just called and they

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Speaker 8: said it's a huge murder, so everybody have to come

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Speaker 8: and try to help, you know, to find out killers

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Speaker 8: and murders. So you have to go and help your department,

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Speaker 8: So get ready do it. Like immediately I came to

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Speaker 8: the department, was about like eight thirty. I didn't know right,

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Speaker 8: it was my first alarm ever, so I don't know

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Speaker 8: what's going on. And I just saw only one guy there,

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Speaker 8: like one of my colleague, my my agent, who was

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Speaker 8: that time about like maybe twenty like seven twenty like

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Speaker 8: eight something like that.

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Speaker 4: And I came.

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Speaker 8: I said, like, hey, all right, so I received the

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Speaker 8: call so and he said, yeah, I called you that.

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Speaker 8: I'm like okay, yeah, I'm ready to do, Like okay,

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Speaker 8: so what do I need to do? He didn't tell

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Speaker 8: me anything, and I was like, why is he's so quiet,

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Speaker 8: like what's going on? And then I looked at the department.

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Speaker 8: Everything was like dark, like no other agents, no lights.

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Speaker 8: Every room is closed, like you know, every office's room

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Speaker 8: is so close. And I asked him why no one

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Speaker 8: is in the department, like where everybody, and he's like, oh,

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Speaker 8: everybody's on their own spots, so don't worry about it.

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Speaker 8: And he asked me, do you want to drink, like drink?

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Speaker 8: First of all, I don't drink. I was not allowed

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Speaker 8: to drink alcohol obviously. Second, like what drink? I mean,

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Speaker 8: be supposed to work? Great? And I asked him, like,

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Speaker 8: I mean, like no, I don't thank you. He said,

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Speaker 8: come here to that room because everything is closed. So

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Speaker 8: I entered the like the room, and I saw a table,

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Speaker 8: I saw a couch, and I saw, you know, a

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Speaker 8: lamp which was like kind of like in a dark

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Speaker 8: mode so it's not too bright. And I saw vodka

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Speaker 8: on the table and some kind of like snacks, and

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Speaker 8: slowly I started to think that this is not what

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Speaker 8: I'm I'm supposed to do. I was supposed to work.

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Speaker 8: I supposed to be on the alarm, I supposed to

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Speaker 8: like do my job like, but this is not like

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Speaker 8: there's nothing like that. I had this thought that something

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Speaker 8: going on, but I couldn't understand what. And he just

401
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 8: came to me so close that I could feel his

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Speaker 8: breath and I understood that he had been drinking. And

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Speaker 8: that moment, okay, should I run, Like what should I do?

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00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 8: I don't know? And then I started saying, wait a minute,

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Speaker 8: how can I run? Because he closed the door with

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Speaker 8: the keys and I don't have the keys. I cannot

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Speaker 8: open the door to get out. What I supposed to do?

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Speaker 8: Beat him? I cannot beat him. He's like bigger than me,

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Speaker 8: like two times I'm very pitied, hungry, ten pounds and

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Speaker 8: he is like huge guy, two times bigger than me.

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Speaker 8: Like how I'm supposed to run? And I mean, like

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Speaker 8: how I'm supposed to escape? And I started to think

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Speaker 8: about it. So it's just like very quickly and rapidly,

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Speaker 8: like all these thoughts came into my mind and I

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Speaker 8: just understood that, like I don't know what to do,

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Speaker 8: there is no way to get out. And he took

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Speaker 8: his hand and he put his hand on my neck.

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Speaker 8: I couldn't move because he pushed his body on my

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Speaker 8: body close to the wall, so I couldn't even move anywhere.

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Speaker 8: And he said, so there are two options. Number one,

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Speaker 8: either you fuck with me right now, and number two,

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Speaker 8: I'll still fuck you, but I don't want to leave

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Speaker 8: bruises on your body. And if you think that, you

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Speaker 8: will go and complain to your daddy. This is not

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00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 8: happening because you know why, because you don't want your

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Speaker 8: daddy go to jail, right, don't you? And I'm like, no,

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Speaker 8: he said, and you cannot go to police. I'm the power,

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Speaker 8: I'm the government person. You can't do anything, do you understand?

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Speaker 8: And I just I just nod my head and he said, okay,

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Speaker 8: so would you choose? And I said, but wait, listen,

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Speaker 8: First of all, I'm virgin, like I you know, like

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Speaker 8: I'm coming from a very religious family, like I never haven't,

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Speaker 8: like I don't know anything about it. And he said, like, well,

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Speaker 8: even better for me. That day I had a period.

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Speaker 8: I didn't even use stampoons, so I was using pads

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Speaker 8: because I was virgin. So I said, like, this is

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Speaker 8: not pleasant for you are all like I mean, I

438
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 8: I have a periods, Like I can't do that anyway.

439
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 8: I said, like, let's do it another time, right, I'll

440
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 8: come another day and you'll do it. I mean, I'm

441
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 8: still here, I work here, I'm not trying to wear something.

442
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 8: So I tried to call to his logical mindset to

443
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 8: make him to think that it doesn't make any sense.

444
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 8: And he said, to me, what do you think you'll

445
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 8: bushit me is stupid. At that moment, I understood that

446
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 8: it's just it just doesn't work. He just grabbed my

447
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 8: small body and he pushed me so strong to the couch.

448
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 8: He just jumped on me, and he jumped on me

449
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 8: so hard that I felt that all my legs and everything,

450
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 8: like I in pain because he's like, basically he jumped

451
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 8: on me and I felt like his bones on my bones,

452
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 8: and I thought like he basically almost like broke my knees.

453
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 8: I was thinking, okay, so if I will scream, there

454
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 8: is no one in this building. So even if I

455
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 8: will scream, there's no one really to come. And she

456
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 8: just looked into my eyes and he said that just

457
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 8: make it fast. You know, it's all depend from you.

458
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 8: And I started to cry, and he said, like, I

459
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 8: don't care if you cry. I was wearing a skirt.

460
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 8: He just threw away my panties with my pad and

461
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 8: immediately he just tried to put his penis and he

462
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 8: couldn't do it because I had the Virgin Hammond and

463
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 8: I was super dry, of course, and he couldn't just

464
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 8: basically go inside, and he started to scream at me.

465
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 8: He said to me, open yourself, like let me in,

466
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 8: and I just couldn't do anything, and I said I can't,

467
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 8: Like I was just crying and screaming, like I cannot

468
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 8: do it, I cannot do it. And he started to

469
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 8: beat me. He said, I couldn't. I couldn't beat your

470
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 8: face because it's obvious bruises and you have to come

471
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 8: to your job tomorrow, and you have to be very

472
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 8: quiet about what happened. So I know how to beat

473
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 8: without leaving any evidences. So he started to beat my

474
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 8: stomach and it was painful, and he said, if you

475
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 8: won't let me in, you'll be in pain even longer.

476
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 8: I'll beat you till your fucking death. Open your fucking legs.

477
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 8: I just understood that I cannot do anything, and I

478
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 8: just had to let him go inside and just rape me.

479
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 8: The moment I relaxed my body, he rapidly just went

480
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 8: inside and it was so painful, and I screamed. I

481
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 8: screamed because it was unexpected pain, and I felt that

482
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 8: that pressure inside of me, and that moment everything I

483
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 8: read in the books or everything I've heard about sex,

484
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 8: I was like, wait a minute, this is sex. This

485
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 8: is painful and disgusting. It cannot be a pleasure, like

486
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 8: I don't understand, like this is so.

487
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 6: This is so bad.

488
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 8: He did come quite quick, thank god. And the moment

489
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 8: he did come, he just jumped out of me, and.

490
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 11: I was so.

491
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 8: You know, I just wanted to run away, and I

492
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 8: had clothes all over. My blows was ripped and my

493
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 8: skirt was somewhere and everything was in blood. He left

494
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 8: into the toilet, I suppose, and I was thinking, like

495
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 8: I need to get the hell out right now because

496
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 8: I don't want to see him. I just need to

497
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 8: get out. I don't know where the keys are, so

498
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,800
Speaker 8: I have to ask him to open the door and everything.

499
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 8: And somebody knocked the door. Somebody came, and I said,

500
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 8: like fuck, why didn't they fucking came like just two

501
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 8: minutes ago when he could like stop and like it

502
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 8: was like such a bad luck. And that guy was

503
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 8: still in the bathroom and he went out. He ran

504
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 8: into the opening the door, and he told me, if

505
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 8: you will tell anyone about this, I'll make sure that

506
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 8: you'll never see the next day, do you understand?

507
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 3: And I.

508
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 8: And I looked at you into his eyes, and I

509
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 8: understood that he's not joking, like this is not a joke.

510
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 8: He's like serious, and I just I said yeah, I

511
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 8: said okay, and I and it's just like I need

512
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 8: to go home because my dad is waiting. I need

513
00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 8: to go home, like okay, go I just ran. I

514
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 8: was so broken and devastated. And I remember when I

515
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:19,879
Speaker 8: left the department running back home. The only one thought

516
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 8: I had how can I leave that no one will

517
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 8: notice what really happened to me? Because when I went

518
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 8: to the bus, I thought that everybody looked at me

519
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 8: that I just you know, I just had like blood

520
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 8: all over myself, and I was thinking, like how can

521
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 8: I hide it from my dad so he wouldn't notice

522
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 8: or ask me anything? And how can I leave with

523
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:50,320
Speaker 8: this pain inside of me? I can't cry, I cannot

524
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 8: show it. How can I leave this with this like disappointment? Right,

525
00:36:55,440 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 8: It's like everything wherever I believed, all these romances, and

526
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 8: he is supposed to be a good guy in the story.

527
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:12,760
Speaker 8: He's an agent. How could this officer, a military officer

528
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 8: who protects people from criminal how could he reap me?

529
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:29,439
Speaker 8: I told myself that moment that the revenge will come

530
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 8: and Karma will do the best for him, and eventually

531
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 8: it did.

532
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 6: Elia's story continues in episode.

533
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 8: Three, if you leave the Wolves, you have to become

534
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:05,840
Speaker 8: one of Wolves.

535
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 3: Available now along with all eight episodes of To Die

536
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 3: For Volume one, continue listening for free on Apple Podcasts.

537
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 3: For full credits, check out our show notes. If you

538
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,800
Speaker 3: or a loved one are a survivor of sexual assault,

539
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 3: you can visit rain dot org. That's r AI n

540
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 3: N dot org, or call one eight hundred sixty five

541
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 3: six four six seven three for free confidential twenty four

542
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 3: to seven support