Speaker 1: The Nick A. Gliser Podcast. Glaser, here's Nikki. Hello here,
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the show. It's a Nick Glazer podcast.
Speaker 1: I hope you all had a good week. I am
Speaker 1: here with by myself in this room, but joining me
Speaker 1: on the podcast is as always Brian h Noah.
Speaker 3: Coming in like a jazz radio station today.
Speaker 1: I know I don't feel as tired as my voice sounds,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it was a little bit like, Hi guys,
Speaker 1: welcome back to podcast.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a little da coming up after the I
Speaker 1: couldn't think of any jazz singer Herbie Hancock, wait, Jesuzz
Speaker 1: just piano, Josh Coltrane, John Coltrande, Ron Ja Me, Kat
Speaker 1: Callaway in college and it was one.
Speaker 2: Of the best classes I ever.
Speaker 1: All we did was watch ken Burns's PBS documentary about jazz,
Speaker 1: and if you watch one ken Burns series, you are
Speaker 1: because first of all, it is like a college course.
Speaker 1: It takes so long to get through. They're so long,
Speaker 1: and if you're paying attention and taking notes, you learn.
Speaker 1: You do learn a ton. And I think it should
Speaker 1: qualify you as being able to talk about things that
Speaker 1: other people can, like the Civil War. If you got
Speaker 1: through that baseball.
Speaker 3: What else?
Speaker 5: The watch that one? I remember Ken Burns jazz thing
Speaker 5: taught me that jazz came from basically jizz. I mean,
Speaker 5: it's it's another word. It's a euphemism for sex.
Speaker 1: Remember that did I did I sleep through that class?
Speaker 1: How did I not hear that? That was be the
Speaker 1: only thing I could retain? I know that's what I recall.
Speaker 1: I just remember being deep attracted a wind Winston Marcellus,
Speaker 1: Winton Marcellus, God, he was hot. I just remember being like, okay,
Speaker 1: I have feelings for this, like older man, and I
Speaker 1: was like a college It was just yeah, he was
Speaker 1: really hot in that documentary. I don't know, the light
Speaker 1: just everything was popping off in his little interviews he
Speaker 1: would come on and it was just a calming presence.
Speaker 1: Never got into his music, never even looked into it
Speaker 1: even for one second. I just jazz has never interested
Speaker 1: me at all.
Speaker 3: To Winston Marcellus.
Speaker 5: I grew up with wynd and Marcellus because my dad,
Speaker 5: My dad loves him so much, so that was always
Speaker 5: Sunday mornings was Wint Marcellas and then like comics in
Speaker 5: the paper, like spread out on the living room floor.
Speaker 5: And then my mom making crapes. She would always make crapes.
Speaker 2: Can you sing a Winton Marcella song?
Speaker 1: Can you like?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 5: I think it's instrumental. I think he's I mean, can you.
Speaker 2: Even like Hummet?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: Not at all?
Speaker 2: What do you play?
Speaker 5: I think trumpet? I don't know my dad's a trumpet.
Speaker 1: I mean is along the lines of heavy metal for me?
Speaker 1: And like, I don't, I don't. It's easier for me
Speaker 1: to get than maybe death metal. I don't mean to
Speaker 1: put heavy metal and death metal together, but to me,
Speaker 1: they're the same thing. I don't know the difference in
Speaker 1: terms of I don't understand how one could like that
Speaker 1: more than anything else. But could you maybe enlightened?
Speaker 6: It's an acquired taste jazz. You just gotta keep listening, baby,
Speaker 6: to like.
Speaker 5: Something you don't have to. But my dad grew up
Speaker 5: in the fifties with like conservative parents. But they what
Speaker 5: about how he's.
Speaker 1: Like old timey music. He's like you think about old
Speaker 1: time music where it's like he's spinning like one of
Speaker 1: those records. He's like turning it with his hand and
Speaker 1: he's like and his parents are like, get that racket down,
Speaker 1: and he's like.
Speaker 2: This is our music.
Speaker 1: Mom, and this is cool, not like your violin and ship.
Speaker 1: It's like a nickel in my pocket and a penny
Speaker 1: in my dreams. And he's just like rocket. And then
Speaker 1: he's like, why did every song used to have talking
Speaker 1: about nickels? There was a nickel in every song. If
Speaker 1: you had a nickel back in the day, you were
Speaker 1: doing good. And uh, but it was just so funny,
Speaker 1: how like, yeah, your dad was rebelling with jazz music.
Speaker 2: Like it was just so crazy.
Speaker 5: It was rebellious. I mean, you know, it's black music
Speaker 5: started in the South.
Speaker 1: And watched the whole ken Burn series.
Speaker 4: Huh.
Speaker 5: I think what's cool about Benny Goodman started it is
Speaker 5: there aren't there aren't rules of jazz, you know. So
Speaker 5: it's a lot like comedy. Where are we just talking
Speaker 5: about this the other day? Am I having dejah?
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: No, it's so you hate it. I don't hate it.
Speaker 1: I just there's there's nothing for me to sing to.
Speaker 1: There's nothing for me to like. I like memorization. I like, yes,
Speaker 1: there's a part of comedy that I can see how
Speaker 1: I really like when people I don't watch crowd work clips.
Speaker 1: It does it's not interesting to me because I could
Speaker 1: never do it because I'm not improvisational. I don't like it.
Speaker 5: What about Sinatra? Like that?
Speaker 2: Look at this table over?
Speaker 1: I mean he knew. Yeah, well I guess it's jazz.
Speaker 1: But it's like that stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Sometimes yeah, it's like and it's like there.
Speaker 6: I think sometimes jazz trios and quartets or whatever, their
Speaker 6: goal is to dare you to like it, Like I
Speaker 6: dare you to enjoy that. We're not gonna play any
Speaker 6: sort of melody at all. Some of these aren't even
Speaker 6: fucking notes. They're just screeches that we're scratching the edge
Speaker 6: of the second.
Speaker 1: We're daring you. How cool are you? I need to
Speaker 1: stay and listen to this because only the coolest people would.
Speaker 2: But do you relate to that?
Speaker 1: Of Like, I don't like things that I can't see
Speaker 1: myself in some realm being able to do. If I
Speaker 1: was just if you just turn the dial up on
Speaker 1: my talent, I could be Taylor Swift, you know, Like,
Speaker 1: that's probably why I like it. It's in the wheelhouse
Speaker 1: that I have no access to, but it's I could
Speaker 1: see the wheelhouse coming up with like a jet. Like
Speaker 1: even yesterday we were listening Brian was over at my
Speaker 1: ranch place and there was like a guy playing what
Speaker 1: was he playing on guitar or a piano.
Speaker 6: Pianel I Will by the Beatles? Who knows how long
Speaker 6: I Love You?
Speaker 1: And it was good and it was like he was
Speaker 1: kind of playing around with it and doing a lot
Speaker 1: of fun.
Speaker 3: Rifts and stuff amazing.
Speaker 1: It was singing it though, and Brian was like, this
Speaker 1: is my goal, would be able to like play this good.
Speaker 1: It's not it wasn't like crazy good. It was just
Speaker 1: it was good enough to play at a wedding. It
Speaker 1: was happening at a wedding nearby. So I'm on this
Speaker 1: ranch where there's lots of weddings happening every weekend, and
Speaker 1: you could just hear them in the distance. They're like
Speaker 1: one hundred feet away. You hear speeches like pople go
Speaker 1: and then silence, and you're like that joke didn't do
Speaker 1: well and or people are crying or something like that.
Speaker 1: But we heard this beautiful music and Brian was like,
Speaker 1: that would be my ultimate goal. Because you play piano, Brian, right,
Speaker 1: and you just want to be able to what's your
Speaker 1: ultimate goal with the piano, Like what's the setting that
Speaker 1: you picture yourself like killing it in what song are
Speaker 1: you playing and what's the vibe.
Speaker 6: It's one of my forty under forties is to be
Speaker 6: able to play piano for thirty straight minutes in front.
Speaker 1: I thought you had thirty straight white men.
Speaker 6: I want to play piano for thirty straight white men
Speaker 6: without getting turned on at all. I want to play
Speaker 6: piano for thirty straight minutes in a strange like in
Speaker 6: a public setting where there's only strangers and no one
Speaker 6: tells me to stop, like it's not annoying.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, the guy at the airport who sits down
Speaker 1: at the like community piano and it's like what the fuck?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I want people to be like pleasantly like, oh
Speaker 6: that's nice, so that's a nice piano.
Speaker 7: Like I'm not going to do that, Like do you
Speaker 7: know where you're going to do that?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 6: Yeah, Well there is one location that I know is
Speaker 6: a possibility, and that is l a X. Because they
Speaker 6: have a piano in l A X and it's just
Speaker 6: sitting out there. It's in some sort of bar, but
Speaker 6: it's just it's out there, clear and available for if
Speaker 6: someone really knows how to play piano, they can sit
Speaker 6: there and play. And I'm sure everyone will be happy
Speaker 6: about it, So that's one possibility.
Speaker 3: I'm also the idea of.
Speaker 1: You buying a plane ticket just so you can get it,
Speaker 1: because you can't just this isn't the nineties. You can't
Speaker 1: just walk into an airport. You got to buy a ticket.
Speaker 1: You'd buy the cheapest ticket, like a flight to one
Speaker 1: way to San Jose.
Speaker 3: Yes, right, yeah, yeah, no, I want to play there.
Speaker 6: I'm also hoping that one day I'm in like hotel
Speaker 6: or something and there's a lobby and there's a piano
Speaker 6: there and then I just sit down. But they're really
Speaker 6: I mean, would be amazing. I'm sure you guys can
Speaker 6: relate to this. But like, the real nice thing about
Speaker 6: piano and guitar is that it is an instrument that
Speaker 6: you could play in the background and it's fine. Like
Speaker 6: when I was growing up, I played the trumpet, and
Speaker 6: I just wish my dad would have told me when
Speaker 6: I was twelve years old that no one's gonna want
Speaker 6: to hear me play the trumpet after I'm thirteen years old.
Speaker 5: Want something us You're in a band with Wynton Marsalis.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, that's for sure. Yeah, but I was never going.
Speaker 2: To be excited about. I'm sorry, I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't think you can't solo in an airport.
Speaker 1: It's the thing that wakes you up in the morning
Speaker 1: to go do boot camp, like a right.
Speaker 3: My wife's my wife's dad plays trumpet.
Speaker 6: He's in bands and stuff, and that's good, like playing
Speaker 6: in a band where it's acceptable. But you can't be
Speaker 6: at like a party and just play. Hey guys, I
Speaker 6: brought my trumpet and to play. You know, a fucking
Speaker 6: These are different goals.
Speaker 1: You know, a trumpet player, you're a guy much like myself,
Speaker 1: who like, well, this is why you do comedy. You
Speaker 1: want the attention on you. You want to people to like
Speaker 1: what you're doing, and you want it to be kind
Speaker 1: of a solo endeavor.
Speaker 3: You don't.
Speaker 1: You don't mind a band, sure, but you want to
Speaker 1: be the main person providing the entertainment.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's very it makes sense.
Speaker 1: I think there are trumpet players who are like I
Speaker 1: would never need to just like play. I don't want
Speaker 1: to play at a party. That would be like so weird.
Speaker 5: But trumpet players do. I would say a lot of them.
Speaker 5: They live for a solo. Like my dad is the
Speaker 5: head of a band, a big band. He plays trumpet,
Speaker 5: and it's all about like he loves the collaborative thing.
Speaker 5: But when he nails a solo, we will hear about it.
Speaker 5: I nailed the solo, you know, and that's hard to
Speaker 5: solo on trumpet.
Speaker 3: No, I just imagine.
Speaker 1: I'm sure he plays another instrument too, if he loved so, Like,
Speaker 1: does he play piano or guitar?
Speaker 5: My dad plays a little piano.
Speaker 1: No guitar. He plays a tiny, tiny piano, A little piano,
Speaker 1: okay does because I don't understand why people who would
Speaker 1: crave that kind of spotlight would do something that wouldn't
Speaker 1: give them that. But I guess we all crave like
Speaker 1: we all kind of protect ourselves with Your dad might
Speaker 1: actually be scared of the solo and only one at
Speaker 1: once in a while.
Speaker 5: I think he is. But he loves the band. He
Speaker 5: loves being in a band. He kind of loves being
Speaker 5: the band leader. He loves being like we're doing an
Speaker 5: arrangement of dusty Springfields in the mills of your mind.
Speaker 1: I got it arranged.
Speaker 5: By the Chuck Berry or whatever you know.
Speaker 7: Yes, in the in the trumpet community, like they have
Speaker 7: like their big deal trumpet guys or girls.
Speaker 8: Oh for sure, you're yeah, really, yeah, Chuckman, Yeah.
Speaker 6: Can I just say when I was in high school,
Speaker 6: I was in the high school jazz band. I played
Speaker 6: trumpet and I had a solo in one of the songs.
Speaker 6: I forgot what song it was, but I remember thinking,
Speaker 6: I am not good at soloing, and we're gonna have
Speaker 6: a concert in front of all of our families and
Speaker 6: I'm gonna have to get up in solo during this.
Speaker 6: And I remember getting up and playing the solo and thinking, wow,
Speaker 6: I just did a terrible job soloing. That was really embarrassing,
Speaker 6: and I sat back down. What I did not know
Speaker 6: is that they were recording that performance and putting on
Speaker 6: a CD for everyone to have what and I forgot
Speaker 6: about this thing? And then ten years later I find
Speaker 6: the CD and I'm like, oh, I remember the jazz
Speaker 6: band being pretty good. We really a pretty good jazz bit.
Speaker 6: And then I go and listen to the song and man,
Speaker 6: that solo is much worse than I remember it being
Speaker 6: In person. It was like a fucking disaster. I wouldn't
Speaker 6: even know if I was. It was like I was
Speaker 6: in a different room playing practicing scales the band itself.
Speaker 3: It was so bad.
Speaker 1: That's humiliating.
Speaker 5: It's like my ice skating tape where I pretended to
Speaker 5: faint when I tripped, and that exists. Makes me the
Speaker 5: same here, I'm leaving my body.
Speaker 1: Okay, just tell it, and I'm going to go somewhere
Speaker 1: else because this one makes me so uncomfortable. Wait, is
Speaker 1: this the part we're doing a skating routine?
Speaker 5: To my heart belongs to daddy. First of all, that's
Speaker 5: the grossest part that it's like a strip of song.
Speaker 1: I'm a sex worker, but I'm nine and is a chair.
Speaker 5: Yeah, my dad is reading exactly on a folding chair,
Speaker 5: reading the New York Times or something in a.
Speaker 2: That's what his character is doing. He's like a part
Speaker 2: of this.
Speaker 5: Okay, yes, and I have a boa, A boa.
Speaker 1: I forgot about all these details. The fainting part is
Speaker 1: worse enough, but then you add all of this a
Speaker 1: perfectly a turd.
Speaker 4: I just remembered I was wearing fish nets. Dude, discuss
Speaker 4: fish nestalotard and a boa. I'm like skating around my daddy.
Speaker 2: So you mind fillatio on your dad and then Nikki.
Speaker 1: I would not go them. I painted on my fainting.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's close to God only knows what they
Speaker 1: made these girls do it another just one generation removed.
Speaker 1: We've progressed so much past this, this would be insane
Speaker 1: to do nowt communities would be fine. But okay, So
Speaker 1: what what happened next? So I'm only ten or twenty
Speaker 1: seconds into the routine? I do you were going to
Speaker 1: be used to say ten or twenty years old? I
Speaker 1: don't really remember.
Speaker 5: I think I was nine or ten. No, I was
Speaker 5: like ten or eleven. I had not gotten boobs yet,
Speaker 5: but just on the brink of what do you guys
Speaker 5: call it in your little group and dire. I was
Speaker 5: just on the brink of being And I'm doing a
Speaker 5: few back crossovers and I'm getting ready to do my
Speaker 5: axl or whatever, and then I trip over something silly,
Speaker 5: like maybe my boot. So I'm not even doing anything
Speaker 5: remotely hard and I trip and I just like face plant.
Speaker 5: And the ice has just been zambonied, so it's like
Speaker 5: completely slick. No one has skated on it, which means
Speaker 5: when you fall, you really fall far, like you're just
Speaker 5: like skating far, like a slip and slide, whereas if
Speaker 5: the ice has been skated on.
Speaker 1: You, you don't kind of a couple of feet.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I'm like fifteen feet you're like skating on
Speaker 5: your hockey table puck, just like cat just sliding, but fainted.
Speaker 9: And during that moment, everything slows down in my mind
Speaker 9: and I'm like.
Speaker 5: This was such a stupid fall that you have to
Speaker 5: act like you.
Speaker 9: Fainted and something went awry, because like no one would
Speaker 9: fall this. So I just pretend I'm unconscious, and there's
Speaker 9: just like.
Speaker 1: My music just keeps playing. My dad isn't aware. I can't.
Speaker 1: I need There's a price that I would pay to
Speaker 1: see this. It is more money than I spend on
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift tickets to see this video because I.
Speaker 5: Got to ask my dad where it is.
Speaker 1: There is a video of it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it exists.
Speaker 2: What Anya?
Speaker 1: Anya? Find you a solo audio? And we need this video?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And I did give you.
Speaker 5: Did I ever play you the audio of me like
Speaker 5: talking to my dad about that? No? I went home
Speaker 5: and I asked him about it. Let me see it?
Speaker 1: Why did she make me do?
Speaker 5: Can you hear that? And you thought it was creepy too?
Speaker 3: I thought it was creepy, very creepy. If I said,
Speaker 3: I hope nobody else is creepy.
Speaker 1: She made you dress up in a suit.
Speaker 5: I don't think I went on the ice.
Speaker 3: Yes you did.
Speaker 1: She had you part of the routine.
Speaker 5: You were sitting on the ice wearing a suit, reading
Speaker 5: a newspaper and I was fucking skating around you fish nets,
Speaker 5: going my heart belongs to daddy. What the fuck? Christ,
Speaker 5: I'm glad that most people are dead.
Speaker 1: That's a great line, that.
Speaker 2: Is, did you do? What happened afterwards?
Speaker 1: Did people like come up to you and you had
Speaker 1: to pretend like or were people kind of just like,
Speaker 1: get up, girl, we know what is.
Speaker 5: I think eventually I got up. I was like, I'm
Speaker 5: not fooling anyone, and I finished out the routine and
Speaker 5: it was so embarrassing, and you know I got last place,
Speaker 5: of course, and it was just that moment like you had, Brian,
Speaker 5: of like, I'm sure if I watched the video it
Speaker 5: would be so much worse than I thought.
Speaker 1: It was all our sort.
Speaker 5: I'll see if it exists.
Speaker 1: The first time I remember of this, Like I remember
Speaker 1: Dane Cook had a bit about if you trip and
Speaker 1: then you look back and you go like like you
Speaker 1: lat or what do you do? You get like mad
Speaker 1: with you trip, like because you're so embarrassed like things.
Speaker 1: Instant embarrassment causes you to have these like spikes in
Speaker 1: your emotions, so people would dinko get a bit where
Speaker 1: like any time anyone trips are like what the fuck like,
Speaker 1: but it's like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, who put that sidewalk there?
Speaker 1: But I remember the first time I ever heard that
Speaker 1: kind of idea was Kirsten, my friend from high school.
Speaker 1: We were in like French class in eighth grade, and
Speaker 1: I think maybe John Reiner, I forget who, someone John
Speaker 1: Dalberg or something was leaning back in his chair too far,
Speaker 1: like trying to be like cool, you know, like leaning
Speaker 1: back and like had his leg like kind of on
Speaker 1: the desk and then it fell back.
Speaker 2: He fell back all the way and then he was like,
Speaker 2: that was fun I want to do it again.
Speaker 1: Like you wished to try it, And it was just
Speaker 1: like I just remember her pointing out that that's what
Speaker 1: people do and they're embarrassed and thinking that's so funny,
Speaker 1: what a great observation. I was like, I'm gonna I'll
Speaker 1: be a comedian someday and steal that. I think that's
Speaker 1: what planted the scene. But I was just like, that
Speaker 1: was the first time I'd ever heard anyone call that out.
Speaker 1: And so I think we started making fun of people
Speaker 1: that would do something embarrassing and be like, well, you
Speaker 1: gotta do it. It's like, really, that was actually fun.
Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed all and you're like bleeding from the head down. Okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta go to break, but we'll come back with
Speaker 1: more after this. All right, we're back, Brian. Before the show,
Speaker 1: you had an announcement. You said something and I said,
Speaker 1: save it.
Speaker 6: Okay. I don't know if this is worthy of a show,
Speaker 6: but I have I have a bag, and in the
Speaker 6: bag are all these uh little uh you know these things,
Speaker 6: these like thread free cloths.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, they're for wiping.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Anyway, I was looking through the bag of cloths. I
Speaker 6: have a lot of them. I took them out. Actually
Speaker 6: I have more than all.
Speaker 1: Of the I can't see your camera right now for
Speaker 1: some reason, but like all of the cloths are like
Speaker 1: little things that you get from sun, Like, oh I
Speaker 1: see it now, all the like to clean sung lessons
Speaker 1: and stuff.
Speaker 2: To gather them in that bag.
Speaker 1: With electronics, and I just as to keep my bag yesterday.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, like.
Speaker 2: Little bags to put things in.
Speaker 3: No, don't you dare say that about.
Speaker 1: Okay, so oh boy, okay, okay, So.
Speaker 6: This one is uh, this one's like fucking twenty years
Speaker 6: old or something.
Speaker 3: This is from me, you ned more than one.
Speaker 6: This is from vision because in case I I don't know,
Speaker 6: but this one's from Vision People, which is a now
Speaker 6: out of business eye care store from on Long Island.
Speaker 6: And the last time I went to Vision People was
Speaker 6: well over twenty years ago. So now I have this,
Speaker 6: I have a red relic. Yeah, I'm gonna throw it
Speaker 6: out anyway.
Speaker 2: Okay, there you go.
Speaker 6: Okay, that's what I was gonna say before the show,
Speaker 6: just in case anyone was wondering.
Speaker 3: About my.
Speaker 1: Desk.
Speaker 2: I never use those.
Speaker 1: Anya always has them to wipe her glasses, and her
Speaker 1: glasses are probably scratched free. I use whatever is around
Speaker 1: to clean off sunglasses or any kind of camera lens.
Speaker 1: I bin say a SOS pad, anything that it's It's
Speaker 1: caused me so much strife in my life. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't learn, but it's better than a smudge.
Speaker 5: I guess these microfiber cloths, is they really fucking work?
Speaker 5: Otherwise I would lose them. But I do covet them,
Speaker 5: and when I come across and I'm like, snatch it.
Speaker 5: I mean, I could see why you have a coterie of.
Speaker 1: Thing made of them? Yes, why aren't more things like
Speaker 1: why aren't more shirts? Like these are short? People wear glasses?
Speaker 1: You could always cleanse it for a guitar. Great idea, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: better for a guitar. Again, I would just clean it
Speaker 1: with something that my mom. I just hear my mom's voice.
Speaker 2: Don't clean it with that.
Speaker 1: No, it's my dad's voice. Do you ever like hear
Speaker 1: a voice and you go like, who is scolding.
Speaker 8: You for this?
Speaker 7: Nick?
Speaker 2: Scratch it?
Speaker 1: Oh god, scratching it up? It was like my whole
Speaker 1: childhood is that some version of that?
Speaker 3: What do you do?
Speaker 2: You're just row in.
Speaker 1: Debt and just being like, Okay, I don't I can't
Speaker 1: have nice things. I'm a sloppy mess on the family, kids,
Speaker 1: I would one hundred percent do that. I scold people
Speaker 1: all the time for things that I do. It's like,
Speaker 1: that's you become your parents. That's why I don't want kids.
Speaker 1: There's no chance that I would even be close to
Speaker 1: being a better parent than they were in those moments.
Speaker 1: I do the same exact thing because they condition makes
Speaker 1: dogs don't know know nothing, and they get yeah, and
Speaker 1: my dog's not cleaning up anything ever, like my dog's
Speaker 1: ever trying to be a better dog. These are all
Speaker 1: moments where I was trying to help and do something
Speaker 1: and and I failed at it. And this is why
Speaker 1: I don't clean my room, is why I don't clean
Speaker 1: bathrooms because I do everything wrong anyway, and I always
Speaker 1: mess it up. More why would I try to do
Speaker 1: the right thing? So then I would leave it or
Speaker 1: a rone, I would leave it alone.
Speaker 4: And.
Speaker 1: The other day, I know, I would leave alone and
Speaker 1: then oh yeah, and I would see the rest of the.
Speaker 2: Make it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would just make it work, or my mom
Speaker 1: would do it for me. And then that's how I
Speaker 1: grew up to be, to have a room that is
Speaker 1: completely in disarray all the time, and uh yeah, but
Speaker 1: it's an organized chaos and I like that. Where when
Speaker 1: I found out that those two words together, it really
Speaker 1: brought me a lot of peace. And the more I've
Speaker 1: looked on ADHD memes on Reddit, which is what my
Speaker 1: boyfriend and I often share those because he has a
Speaker 1: different kind. I think he has more advanced ADHD than me,
Speaker 1: but he's like he has found so much solace in
Speaker 1: these memes that make him feel so much less alone.
Speaker 1: I've never seen someone so comforted by memes. But he's like,
Speaker 1: I saw another meme today that I thought was just me,
Speaker 1: but it's ADHD And it's like it's so freeing for
Speaker 1: people to have a label to put on things. We
Speaker 1: hate labels, but it makes you feel like such, not
Speaker 1: like an anomaly or a freak. And again, it makes
Speaker 1: you feel like it's not your fault, that it's something
Speaker 1: outside of you, when really everything, no matter what it is,
Speaker 1: is not your fault and outside of you. Know, free
Speaker 1: will Bengo card. But I just see him all the
Speaker 1: time feeling so much better, Like, oh my god, he
Speaker 1: is a thing. I don't know if you guys relate
Speaker 1: to this. If you, I probably brought it up before
Speaker 1: because it does it. I don't relate to it. And
Speaker 1: I'm kind of almost mad because I fit a lot
Speaker 1: of ADHD things, but not this one. If he has
Speaker 1: an appointment later that day, he can get nothing done
Speaker 1: until the appointment, Like it's sitting there and he's like,
Speaker 1: I have a three o'clock dentist appointment. I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: so much done before then, I'm gonna wake up at nine,
Speaker 1: and it's just it's that appointment is all that exists
Speaker 1: that day, even though there's a full day before it.
Speaker 2: You are all nodding your heads.
Speaker 1: I can't relate to that at all, and I think
Speaker 1: I would have no sick in my life if I
Speaker 1: had that. That seems very tough. What's he doing before
Speaker 1: the appointment that I don't know. I think maybe tidying
Speaker 1: around the house, like just or like watching Netflix or something,
Speaker 1: napping or like it's just I guess the feeling is
Speaker 1: I can't speak for him, but I will and continue
Speaker 1: to the rest of our lives with a lot of
Speaker 1: authority and just shortness that I'm getting it right. But he,
Speaker 1: I'm guessing, would say that it's just all that he can.
Speaker 1: There's nothing else to do that day. If he has
Speaker 1: an important thing, there's just the rest of his day
Speaker 1: falls away and then nothing gets accomplished, even though he
Speaker 1: did have a whole day free.
Speaker 2: I don't know, though, but you guys relate.
Speaker 6: I saw something experience this phenomenon. Sometimes the way to
Speaker 6: counteract that is to make another appointment that's earlier, and
Speaker 6: then you have few appointments.
Speaker 3: But I do that all the time. I think I'm
Speaker 3: if I was to guess.
Speaker 6: Why, I'll just lay around and I'll look at my
Speaker 6: phone and I'll like just kind of language. When I
Speaker 6: have an appointment at three o'clock and I guess why
Speaker 6: that is. I would think it's because it no matter
Speaker 6: what thing you assign yourself to do, it feels like
Speaker 6: you're not going to have enough time to finish it
Speaker 6: because your appointment's coming up.
Speaker 5: I have you have an unfinished thing?
Speaker 1: What is it?
Speaker 7: I think so I relate to this too, and I'm
Speaker 7: a procrastinator, and I think it's just like another excuse
Speaker 7: to procrastinate on things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that could be a too. So it's an excuse.
Speaker 1: Because you can't get anything done. Like what Brian is saying,
Speaker 1: you go, I can't get like thing done anyway, Yes,
Speaker 1: like I don't have enough time before the appointment. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be late for the appointment. Okay, it's
Speaker 1: like constantly want to be late. Perfectionism, procrastination.
Speaker 5: What's the other p pussy?
Speaker 1: Okay, I just found it. Waiting mode is when you
Speaker 1: can't get anything done because you're distracted by the awareness
Speaker 1: that you have something planned, such as an appointment later on.
Speaker 1: You feel anxi, impatient and even overwhelmed. People with ADHD
Speaker 1: know all about waiting mode, and it's incredibly frustrating. And
Speaker 1: that's from you know, Google snipped that to read, Yeah, people,
Speaker 1: I can't start any tasks because I have an appointment later.
Speaker 1: It's just a common thing. Nothing ruins a person with
Speaker 1: ADHD's day like a three pm appointment.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about weight mode.
Speaker 1: I can't do anything when I have a scheduled I mean,
Speaker 1: over and over, people are struggling with this. Wow, I
Speaker 1: don't because I feel like I know that I have
Speaker 1: to leave fifteen minutes before that. There's no worry about
Speaker 1: a weight like as I set my alarm on my
Speaker 1: phone for five minutes before I have to actually leave,
Speaker 1: you know, like there's and I feel like maybe I
Speaker 1: might not do anything really important to get done. But
Speaker 1: I almost feel like that gives me a free time
Speaker 1: to Like, I have an appointment, so I will be
Speaker 1: doing something today. There will be a sense of accomplishment,
Speaker 1: so I feel free to pursue my hobbies or like
Speaker 1: something that I just or to be on my phone
Speaker 1: or to take a nap. I don't feel disappointed in
Speaker 1: myself because I do have that scheduled thing. Does he
Speaker 1: feel disappointed in himself? Yes, I think that is the
Speaker 1: overall vibe. Like I don't think it would be something
Speaker 1: he like. Is like, I relate to it so much
Speaker 1: if he wasn't feeling anguish over.
Speaker 6: It, Because what is You go to your appointment at
Speaker 6: three o'clock, you get back home, it's fucking five thirty now,
Speaker 6: and you're like, what the fuck? I didn't do anything
Speaker 6: all day except go to this appointment. That's why you
Speaker 6: feel bad, which happens all the time.
Speaker 2: But I relate to Yeah, you take me.
Speaker 6: ADHD is a blessing and a curse. I think that
Speaker 6: it's a curse with stuff like that. I don't think
Speaker 6: I have it. I mean maybe a little bit or whatever.
Speaker 6: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't think you do. But yeah, I think we
Speaker 1: all have the touch.
Speaker 3: Maybe yeah, I mean I only I just keep all
Speaker 3: my rags.
Speaker 1: But I think that that's ADHD.
Speaker 6: By the way, look at this littleism, this little shit rag.
Speaker 1: Why do they Why does anyone? Will you give me
Speaker 1: some of those? Brian? Will you give me the one
Speaker 1: you're about to throw out, the vintage one like a
Speaker 1: Maxie's monocle. I already threw it out? Was it on
Speaker 1: top of a dirty banana and some raw eggs? Like,
Speaker 1: I'll take it out of your waist basket next to
Speaker 1: your desk. Okay, I'll have this trash. I'll eat that rag.
Speaker 6: ADHD is a blessing because I feel like a lot
Speaker 6: of people who are very good at things have ADHD
Speaker 6: because they have an extreme attention to detail and they
Speaker 6: don't let things slide, and that creates really amazing, amazing
Speaker 6: things like producers and writers and stuff like that, because
Speaker 6: it's like I must say, get laser focus. It's laser focus.
Speaker 6: I just nothing else can distract them. And people think
Speaker 6: that eighty we've talked about this before. They think that
Speaker 6: ADHD is just like there's a like a squirrel. I'm
Speaker 6: gonna talk about this, And it is that in a
Speaker 6: lot of ways.
Speaker 2: I have it.
Speaker 1: When it comes to conversation, I'll be in the middle
Speaker 1: of a sentence and I won't finish the sentence it
Speaker 1: I'll start the next like I do. Like I just said,
Speaker 1: like I will start the next sentence before finishing that sentence.
Speaker 1: So I think that's like the negative side of it,
Speaker 1: but it's it is a lot of just hyper focus,
Speaker 1: because when you get in a tunnel, you can and
Speaker 1: that's I think the appointment thing. I have an appointment today,
Speaker 1: I can't think about anything else. I can't do anything else.
Speaker 1: I have that to do.
Speaker 2: Hyper focus. I can't miss that.
Speaker 1: I waited a really long time to get this appointment,
Speaker 1: and there's like a lot of stress around that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's a blessing and a curse as well.
Speaker 5: I've seen a meme about reading a book if you
Speaker 5: have ADHD and you just read the same page over
Speaker 5: and over, realize you haven't absorbed the page, go back
Speaker 5: for pages, and the same thing happens again. You just
Speaker 5: cannot absorb material.
Speaker 2: I think that's probably ADHD people's uffer from it.
Speaker 1: But I think people without ADD have that too, because
Speaker 1: sometimes a book is fucking boring and you are just
Speaker 1: thinking about something else and you're trying to read the
Speaker 1: book to distract you from that thing, but your brain
Speaker 1: is like, no, we need to solve this other thing,
Speaker 1: which I think could be ADD. But I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people have that feeling of reading the same
Speaker 1: page over and over. I know I do it constantly
Speaker 1: when I'm reading or when i'm I mean more so
Speaker 1: when I'm watching any anything, I mean, I've talked about
Speaker 1: this before. I will watch a scene seventeen time. I'm
Speaker 1: not kidding you, like on a succession, because succession I
Speaker 1: want to I don't want to miss a single line.
Speaker 1: And there's sometimes when I would watch it and I'd
Speaker 1: be very distracted on my phone and I would keep
Speaker 1: looking down my phone at the exact moment that I
Speaker 1: would do it every time, and I would watch for
Speaker 1: five seconds ago, don't do it again, Nikki, and then
Speaker 1: I forget not to do it, and I look down
Speaker 1: again and I don't miss it again. So that just, yeah,
Speaker 1: that happens.
Speaker 6: That's why you like you're an active watch or you
Speaker 6: like talking when you're watching watching shows. Yeah, so maybe
Speaker 6: that helps you pay attention because you're engaging one.
Speaker 1: Hundred percent material. There's something riding on my attention, which
Speaker 1: is a human connection that I'm trying to make. If
Speaker 1: I'm not watching the show, I have nothing to say
Speaker 1: to this person. I will I'm accountable if I'm watching
Speaker 1: with someone. I can't watch anything alone. I don't know
Speaker 1: when this happened. As a kid, I could watch things
Speaker 1: alone all the time. I do think I have ADHD
Speaker 1: from social media and phones. Like, I think it's late
Speaker 1: on set. I think I had early signs of it
Speaker 1: for sure, but I think it is really amped up
Speaker 1: because of devices. I don't see how it couldn't be.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think we all suffer from all. But yeah,
Speaker 5: that's what I wonder is, like, when is it ADHD
Speaker 5: and when is it just a person in twenty twenty
Speaker 5: three who owns a phone?
Speaker 3: Okreed, tell me about it. That should be a meme.
Speaker 5: That should be is this disorder when you have a
Speaker 5: flight in the morning, but you have twenty four hours
Speaker 5: until the flight, and you spend the entire day packing perfectly,
Speaker 5: like the perfect amount of shampoo, the perfect That's what
Speaker 5: I do before a big trip, and I'll see.
Speaker 6: The entire CD based on anxiety. You have anxiety about
Speaker 6: the upcoming engagement, and you spend you try You're trying
Speaker 6: to protect yourself from any outcome that could be negative
Speaker 6: by packing so perfectly.
Speaker 1: I am so glad I don't have that, but I'm
Speaker 1: jealous that I don't at the same time, because I
Speaker 1: thought as much my life would be fucking hell. I'm
Speaker 1: jealous of just being organized and like having nice things
Speaker 1: nicely folded and like, you know, I just want to
Speaker 1: be a neat woman with like nice things and like
Speaker 1: just my suitcase unpacked so that the dog can crawl
Speaker 1: in it and be like I'm gonna miss you. But
Speaker 1: my dog could never even get neat, Like I want
Speaker 1: to take a cute pic. I could never take a
Speaker 1: picture of my dog in the suitcase because he can't
Speaker 1: get in because there's things. There's things flying hurling towards it.
Speaker 1: As I threw throw them from my closet. He would
Speaker 1: get hit in the face with a fucking stiletto that
Speaker 1: I won't wear because I've never worn stilettos, But I
Speaker 1: keep it in my closet because someday I might need
Speaker 1: a stiletto heel. Even though they haven't been in forever
Speaker 1: and they hurt my feet so badly, I won't wear them.
Speaker 1: So yeah, there's something that's my whole thing. I'm jealous
Speaker 1: of something and I want it, but I actually it
Speaker 1: would really hinder my life. Do you feel like annoyed
Speaker 1: that you do that? Like, I don't think Anya Marina
Speaker 1: would give up. If I could tell you, you will pack exact,
Speaker 1: you will pack less perfectly, but you will save you
Speaker 1: will only do it for three hours worse before your
Speaker 1: flight or or you know, at some point before, not
Speaker 1: directly before.
Speaker 3: Would you for getting to bring sunscreen?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you might have to go buy sunscreen at CVS,
Speaker 1: but it's not.
Speaker 5: Getting My heart rate is r rising right now. I
Speaker 5: feel it rising just you asking me that question.
Speaker 1: I can feel my heart beat. Really it's like this.
Speaker 5: But I do think I've made progress because I used
Speaker 5: to spend eight hours packing, not even joking, for like
Speaker 5: a tour weekend, and now what like I went to
Speaker 5: New York the other day. Yeah, because I would be like,
Speaker 5: I don't want to bring one extra T shirt of merch,
Speaker 5: but you always do, like I always would.
Speaker 2: What happens if you do?
Speaker 1: Like you're not trying to get things under fifty pounds
Speaker 1: necessarily because you carry on, so like who cares if
Speaker 1: you bring an extra shirt or something?
Speaker 5: No, I do try to get it under fifty. I
Speaker 5: hate bringing extra shit with me. I hate being like
Speaker 5: I can't believe I lugged all this shit around or
Speaker 5: like there's an extra bags that.
Speaker 1: Worse than spending hours of your life.
Speaker 5: Like, well, I get to a point where I'm like
Speaker 5: this is this is a waste of my time. You know,
Speaker 5: you don't need to spend the whole day because you're
Speaker 5: cutting into your life, Like this is fun anymore. And
Speaker 5: so now I'm a much quicker packer, and I do
Speaker 5: feel like I've gotten I've made progress around Like who cares?
Speaker 5: So what if you only have one outfit and you
Speaker 5: forgot more clothes? Or who cares if you have like
Speaker 5: too many clothes and you never wore those, or you
Speaker 5: brought two books and you never even cracked one of them.
Speaker 5: Who cares?
Speaker 1: So it's better I packed for New York, like I like,
Speaker 1: I understand who cares? So much? Like I thank god
Speaker 1: I do, because my life really would be hell if
Speaker 1: I had to pack so much all the time. And
Speaker 1: I really do start packing a half hour before I
Speaker 1: will leave for like two week trips, and there's no
Speaker 1: joke there. I just grab. Okay, going through my shirts,
Speaker 1: I love this shirt. I love this shirt. I know
Speaker 1: I need like around. I'm going first five Let's say
Speaker 1: I'm going for five days. I'll probably want nine shirts
Speaker 1: because I might just want to wear different things in
Speaker 1: different days. Nine shirts. Okay, sweatshirts, I need to I
Speaker 1: like this one. I like this one. A denim jacket perfect.
Speaker 1: I need actually a dressy jacket.
Speaker 2: I'll take that.
Speaker 1: Okay. I'm gonna need black boots and like, oh, white
Speaker 1: boots that those go with everything. Okay, gym shoes, running shoes,
Speaker 1: Sneakers that will look good on stage, Sneakers that are
Speaker 1: kind of like scuffed uff that I can wear to
Speaker 1: get coffee, flip flops in case we go somewhere like that.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I'm getting some nice pants right now.
Speaker 1: Really, yeah, so many things right now, like me Lulu
Speaker 1: Lemon pants. Okay, let me go throw all my litule
Speaker 1: Lemon pants. I really okay, I'm gone five days. I
Speaker 1: like to wear them every day. I kind of like
Speaker 1: a clean pair every day. I'm gonna honestly bring six.
Speaker 1: Fuck it, I'm gonna bring six. I don't only wear two.
Speaker 1: Who gives a shit, they don't weigh that much. Throw
Speaker 1: them in there. Okay, toiletry thinks that's already packed up,
Speaker 1: because I live out of a toiletry case anyway. I
Speaker 1: never put anything back away, so I just zip that up.
Speaker 1: Put my face washed back in my whatever is out
Speaker 1: on the counter, put it back in, zip up, throw
Speaker 1: it in socks Okay, go to the sock drawing. I'm
Speaker 1: gone five days. Let's bring ten socks. Fuck it, I
Speaker 1: don't know what's gonna happen. There might be all in
Speaker 1: my bag ten socks. Throw them in.
Speaker 2: And then I roll up my suitcase and I go, whoa,
Speaker 2: this is about fifty two.
Speaker 1: I can feel it. Okay, we got to go back
Speaker 1: in those Lulu Lemon pants. I don't need fucking five Okay,
Speaker 1: those are kind of heavy. Let me put the heaviest ones.
Speaker 1: Let me take two of those out.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: What of these lotions in my bag are under three
Speaker 1: ounces that are kind of heavy that I can put
Speaker 1: in my carry on? Okay, take those out. That's two pounds. Okay, good,
Speaker 1: good to go. Let's go. Oh I forgot all the
Speaker 1: podcast equipment that really like works. I could if I
Speaker 1: could move that fast, I could pack that fast.
Speaker 5: What I just said, I don't know. I'm not wired
Speaker 5: that way.
Speaker 1: What what is going through your mind when you pick
Speaker 1: out shirts? I am, let's say four days. I can't shirts.
Speaker 5: It's like asking a cow why they don't like run
Speaker 5: like a fucking jackrab They just don't. The cow's like
Speaker 5: I will take my I just cannot do it. It doesn't.
Speaker 5: It like really aggravates me. I don't like being stressed.
Speaker 5: I don't like rushing. Like I was coming here today
Speaker 5: and I was like, I'm going to be ten minutes late.
Speaker 5: I'm like, no, fuck it, I'll be five, and it
Speaker 5: was just like, I hate this. I would so much
Speaker 5: rather be early and chilled out than like plugging in
Speaker 5: my headphones and putting in and trying to get online.
Speaker 1: I love being right on time and rushing right to
Speaker 1: the moment because I just know it's I know, I
Speaker 1: just know how long things take almost perfectly, and I
Speaker 1: am late a lot of times, but I'm always like
Speaker 1: at the most, unless I'm like super late and it's
Speaker 1: I've overslept, or it's something egregious, there's like a car
Speaker 1: accident that there's huge traffic. If I checked my text
Speaker 1: of the word late, I would say it would most
Speaker 1: likely be the number three or seven next to it.
Speaker 1: Three minutes late, seven minutes late, and three minutes late.
Speaker 1: People go, why do you even need to tell me? Well,
Speaker 1: because it's late, but it's always and I know exactly
Speaker 1: what it's gonna be. I guess that's I will like
Speaker 1: that part about my personality. But I don't like getting
Speaker 1: somewhere and having to wait. Ooh god, I wanted to
Speaker 1: just walk right in and go waiting.
Speaker 5: I love it because it's like it's an illusion of
Speaker 5: wasting time. It's like I can spread it out, I
Speaker 5: can open up my laptop, I can listen to a podcast,
Speaker 5: and I don't have to stress at all that I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, see, that's like rushing now.
Speaker 1: It's time distress girl, because you have nothing to do
Speaker 1: until it starts, and you don't have any of your
Speaker 1: distractions with you. I mean you have your phone so
Speaker 1: and maybe your laptop, so you do have distractions with you,
Speaker 1: but it's taking Maybe like I'm there for like a
Speaker 1: lunch meeting with something with someone at a cafe, I
Speaker 1: don't want to get there early because I'm nervous about it,
Speaker 1: or a date like when I used to go on dates,
Speaker 1: like I don't want to get I'm always five minutes
Speaker 1: late because I do. I want to get right in
Speaker 1: and I don't want to sit and think about like
Speaker 1: you should run, you should not go. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be up. I saw a couple I was in, well,
Speaker 1: this was so cute. I was staying on this ranch
Speaker 1: and there's a coffee shop here and every morning I
Speaker 1: see this girl and she's so freaking nice. I just
Speaker 1: love her warmth. She's like this young girl, cute and
Speaker 1: I get a latte and she's so nice. She knows
Speaker 1: my name now, and I think she's like, you know,
Speaker 1: she's I don't know, everyone knows my name. Cheers. It's happening.
Speaker 1: So and it's just me and this girl and I
Speaker 1: sit there and I write in my journal and then
Speaker 1: she's just doing her stuff and people come in and out.
Speaker 1: And the other day I walked in there's it was
Speaker 1: like round four thirty. It's closing at five, maybe four
Speaker 1: forty five, and there there's this guy sitting there and
Speaker 1: there's only two tables in this very very small cafe.
Speaker 1: It's almost like annoying that I'm in there. When she's in,
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's like, could you just go outside? But
Speaker 1: it's so hot here. So I'm sitting there and this
Speaker 1: guy is sitting at the other table and it's right
Speaker 1: next to me, like we're on top of each other.
Speaker 1: And he's a young kid and he's just sitting there
Speaker 1: and he's holding his phone and then he puts his
Speaker 1: phone down and he's just staring straight ahead for a
Speaker 1: really long time, and I'm like, wow, it's so cool,
Speaker 1: like this guy in his like twenties can like just
Speaker 1: not be on his phone. Like it's I've never seen
Speaker 1: this in this generation. I couldn't even do that. He's
Speaker 1: just sitting there thinking, and she's starting to do closing duties,
Speaker 1: you know, because it's closing, and she says to him
Speaker 1: or no. He says to her, do you want me
Speaker 1: to help? So I'm go, oh, they know each other.
Speaker 1: I thought at first, I go, what is this guy doing?
Speaker 1: Is he on the ranch too? Like maybe I'll make
Speaker 1: a friend? And he goes and then I go does
Speaker 1: he oh? Is he her boss or something? And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I looked at him. I go, no,
Speaker 1: he definitely doesn't work here. This is probably her boyfriend
Speaker 1: who's like come to pick her up and he's hanging
Speaker 1: out before and so she goes out. She goes, no,
Speaker 1: I'm good, and she goes out and she's stacking chairs
Speaker 1: on the front. She can't hear me, and I go,
Speaker 1: is that your girlfriend? Because I'm just like obsessed with
Speaker 1: this girl. I think she's so adorable. I saw a
Speaker 1: guy come in the other day while I was writing
Speaker 1: in my journal. There's a lot of people who cycle
Speaker 1: through this canyon. I'm staying in and they stop in
Speaker 1: at this ranch to get coffee, and he stopped in
Speaker 1: and they were like flirting and they both liked each other,
Speaker 1: and I was like wanting to set them up whatever.
Speaker 1: So then she's adorable. I'd like really imagined this whole
Speaker 1: life for this girl. She can have anything she wants
Speaker 1: in life. She's fantastic. And I go, is that your girlfriend?
Speaker 1: And he's like, oh no, And then I realized, oh,
Speaker 1: he is her. He's like, I'm just her friend. I'm like,
Speaker 1: this guy's in love with her. This is a friend
Speaker 1: who is in love with this girl. He's He's like,
Speaker 1: I just I was in the area, so I just
Speaker 1: decided to come and hang out where I think we're
Speaker 1: gonna go get dinners. Like there's like too much information
Speaker 1: coming out. But he was like what guy goes and
Speaker 1: just watches his friend close the place. Maybe they were
Speaker 1: just friends, but I was projecting a lot onto this
Speaker 1: of like he's got this deep crush on her. She
Speaker 1: kind of knows but doesn't and maybe would be into it.
Speaker 1: But he's not direct enough and he's but I realized
Speaker 1: what he was doing with the phone thing is he
Speaker 1: was he was trying to look like he's sitting at
Speaker 1: this cafe, he has nothing else to do. She's there
Speaker 1: watching him, but she can't talk to him because I'm
Speaker 1: in there, so she can't like be friendly with him,
Speaker 1: and he's thinking, like, I can't. I don't want this
Speaker 1: girl to think I'm just always on my phone and
Speaker 1: that's like all I do, and I'm obsessed with my
Speaker 1: phone like other guys. So I'm just gonna like stare.
Speaker 1: That doesn't look cool. Fuck, Okay, now I just look
Speaker 1: like a psycho like but there's nothing. There's nothing for
Speaker 1: him to write, there's nothing for him to do. So
Speaker 1: he was just having this internal struggle of like how
Speaker 1: I would have look cool in this moment, And I
Speaker 1: bet you anything he wishes he would have got there
Speaker 1: a little bit later to not have to deal with
Speaker 1: this like waiting time because she didn't want help from him,
Speaker 1: but he was but what do you do in that?
Speaker 1: I do?
Speaker 5: Really?
Speaker 1: I guess I was projecting the whole way because I
Speaker 1: know that when I think I'm being watched or I'm
Speaker 1: trying to look cool. I don't want to see them
Speaker 1: like someone who's addicted to their phone, so I'll put
Speaker 1: it down.
Speaker 2: But then you go, well, what do I do?
Speaker 1: There's nothing? Do I just sit here and think? That
Speaker 1: looks maybe even more crazy, Like do you ever get.
Speaker 3: I've done that at a wall?
Speaker 1: He had nothing to look at either.
Speaker 6: There was like a line at Starbucks or something. And
Speaker 6: if you just look at any line at Starbucks, everyone's
Speaker 6: on their phone. There's not a single person on their phone.
Speaker 6: And there was a time I got I frequently don't
Speaker 6: look at my phone. I'm one of those guys staring off.
Speaker 6: And I sat, I stood on the line, and I
Speaker 6: was the only one on the line without a phone,
Speaker 6: and I you know what you feel like? You feel
Speaker 6: like a like a sixty year old or something who's like,
Speaker 6: I'm looking around and these people know like if I
Speaker 6: look up from my phone, this fucking guy.
Speaker 3: Is going to try to talk to me. And that's
Speaker 3: what happen.
Speaker 1: Feel you can feel your presence.
Speaker 3: But I didn't want to talk to anybody. But that's
Speaker 3: just how I woke.
Speaker 6: I didn't have a phone, so everyone was thinking that
Speaker 6: I was gonna do that, but I just really wanted
Speaker 6: to look around.
Speaker 1: Yes, you are a guy that is not tethered to
Speaker 1: his phone. So we have a common friend here that
Speaker 1: we're hanging out with yesterday, and she was talking about
Speaker 1: trying to get out there and date again. She's mid thirties,
Speaker 1: got to have a relationship recently, is like, wants to
Speaker 1: get back out there, is discouraged by the apps. And
Speaker 1: she's like, you know, the days of meeting someone at
Speaker 1: a bar are so long gone. And she was like,
Speaker 1: or just like out in public sheet And We've said
Speaker 1: this before, and I've heard this before, but it just
Speaker 1: struck me. She's like, because everyone's looking down now, no
Speaker 1: one even looks up anymore. There's no one even looking
Speaker 1: to make a connection out in the real world.
Speaker 2: It's so discouraging.
Speaker 3: How get your pods in too, Yes, And.
Speaker 2: That what a way to show the world. Don't talk
Speaker 2: to me.
Speaker 1: I mean when people talk to me with my air
Speaker 1: PUDs and I go, are you fucking crazy? Can you
Speaker 1: not see that there's nothing playing in these? And I'm
Speaker 1: wearing them solely to let you think that there's something
Speaker 1: playing in them. And I'm listening to a podcast. I'm
Speaker 1: engrossed in an audiobook.
Speaker 6: That's why everyone's fucking their co workers now, because it's
Speaker 6: the only time you can actually talk.
Speaker 1: To me a personal and you are forced to not
Speaker 1: be on your phone. You have to look at them
Speaker 1: across the table at a meeting.
Speaker 3: That's such a good point.
Speaker 1: I keep thinking everyety.
Speaker 3: Everyone's every workers Biden.
Speaker 5: I keep thinking we're going to grow out of this, Biden.
Speaker 1: I think they we will. There will be a reckoning.
Speaker 1: I think that, you.
Speaker 5: Know, I think it's going to be like really cool
Speaker 5: thin she like I.
Speaker 1: Was the Jeens lowisted. Lewis said, it's the trends will
Speaker 1: keep going back and forth.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we'll go one or either way. It
Speaker 3: will either go. There'd be a generation who thinks it's
Speaker 3: uncool to be connected to your phone and that it's
Speaker 3: cool to be in present are We'll just keep increasing
Speaker 3: until we're so connected that we our cell phone is
Speaker 3: implanted chip into our brain and we're never not connected.
Speaker 3: So it's not even a choice.
Speaker 1: I tried to scroll the other day on I took
Speaker 1: some notes to go on stage. I was doing a
Speaker 1: million sets the other night, and I had my like
Speaker 1: a note card from my you know, hotel notepad, and
Speaker 1: I wrote some lines on it, which I don't normally do.
Speaker 1: I'm always just like looking at my phone. And I
Speaker 1: was holding my phone and holding this note card, and
Speaker 1: Carlisle was in the car with me as I was
Speaker 1: reviewing my set, and I tried to scroll on the
Speaker 1: note card I've done multiple times. I kept doing it.
Speaker 5: I've done this thing on photos. You're trying to enlarge
Speaker 5: it or like, wait, a page from a book.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I was doing it, and I realized,
Speaker 1: I thought, and I tried to convince myself. I was
Speaker 1: self soothing, just like I'm just rubbing this paper and
Speaker 1: I go, no, you're scrolling. My hand is constantly in
Speaker 1: a phone claw. In every picture where I don't have
Speaker 1: a phone in my hand, it is already in it's it,
Speaker 1: it's reaching out for it. And I do have that
Speaker 1: dent on my pinky. Does everyone have the pinky dent?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Or your phone?
Speaker 1: That's a we all have it now, But that's where
Speaker 1: you rest your phone when you're holding it. And there's
Speaker 1: a dent now in most people's pinkies. Look and see
Speaker 1: if you have it on your pinky phone holding hand.
Speaker 1: Do you see that dent in line a.
Speaker 5: Little bit yeah right there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: Okay, I put my phone do I.
Speaker 2: Yeah, rest there something rest there? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I had a million sets this week, nine to be exact,
Speaker 1: nine million and over two nights, four on Friday, five
Speaker 1: on Saturday. And talk about like having such pleasure when
Speaker 1: you are like I can do a whole night. I
Speaker 1: start at seven forty and I end at eleven o'clock
Speaker 1: and I can go boom boom, boom boom and hit
Speaker 1: them all at the right time. I plan them all
Speaker 1: and I but I at all, no waiting at all.
Speaker 1: I just walk in and go right up, or if
Speaker 1: i'd you know, some time I see the set before
Speaker 1: me or something, which is sometimes kind of fun because
Speaker 1: it forces me to watch stand up, which I'm don't
Speaker 1: want to do sometimes.
Speaker 4: But I.
Speaker 1: Had four sets on Saturday, and then someone I had
Speaker 1: a block of time between like eight forty five and
Speaker 1: ten eleven where I was like, what the fuck am
Speaker 1: I going to do in that. I'm in my car,
Speaker 1: I'm in Hollywood, I'm you know, twenty miles away from
Speaker 1: where I'm staying. I can't go back home. There's no
Speaker 1: one to go to dinner with. I don't want to
Speaker 1: go have dinner alone. I just was like, what am
Speaker 1: I gonna do? And then I got a text earlier
Speaker 1: that day that was like, Nikki, do you have time
Speaker 1: tonight around nine o'clock? And I'm like yes, and do
Speaker 1: you like Jeremy Renner? And I was like, I just
Speaker 1: wrote hah. It was from a number that I don't
Speaker 1: really know who it is, to be honest with you,
Speaker 1: it's just someone who always books me on shows and
Speaker 1: I show up at the shows and I never know
Speaker 1: if that person is there or not. I'm always like,
Speaker 1: h I just like greet everyone like I've been texting
Speaker 1: with them for years, booking me on places. Thank you
Speaker 1: for this. I don't know who this person is, just
Speaker 1: an eight one eight number, but we have a history
Speaker 1: of about Yeah, it's like, do you like me?
Speaker 2: I'm coming to the chase.
Speaker 1: We've been texting for years. Do you like me? I
Speaker 1: was in a terrible accident which I did not remember,
Speaker 1: so I said, I said uh hahaha, and I said, yes,
Speaker 1: I am free at that time, and yeah, I think
Speaker 1: he's extremely talented, which I do. I was like, what
Speaker 1: do I feel about Jeremy Renner? Like, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't really often comb through my feelings about actors whose
Speaker 1: work I really haven't been exposed to because I'm not
Speaker 1: an action movie gal.
Speaker 2: He's in the hurt Locker.
Speaker 3: Hawkeye. He's Hawkeye.
Speaker 6: He's in Disney's in Marvel, every Marvel movie, the Avengers.
Speaker 1: I knew he was in Avengers, but I didn't I
Speaker 1: was a short king. He's a short king, yes, but
Speaker 1: I all I know of him, to be honest with you,
Speaker 1: Besides something, the tabloids are stories of his life. I e.
Speaker 1: That snowmobiling accent. I know so that he was great
Speaker 1: on SNL. I remember seeing his SNL monologue and thinking,
Speaker 1: everyone give up. This is this guy can sing. I
Speaker 1: take a good actor because he plays with eble piano
Speaker 1: and he was singing, and I was like, this guy
Speaker 1: is a renaissance man. He's good at everything. He's attractive,
Speaker 1: he's he's funny, like he's nailing it, he seems. I
Speaker 1: just remember being very frustrated after I saw his Usually
Speaker 1: I'm not frustrated by men in that way when they're
Speaker 1: super talented. I'm usually like, well they're a man, They're
Speaker 1: not my competition. But I felt like Jesus Christ, I
Speaker 1: can't believe God bestows that much talent on some people
Speaker 1: and others. He like, you know, I can't do a
Speaker 1: fucking B minor chord. It's just frustrating, you know. And
Speaker 1: so that's all I knew. And then I get to
Speaker 1: the So then I pick up Carlisle to go around
Speaker 1: to my sets with me, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm doing your friend Katie Cordoza's show at the Haha,
Speaker 1: which I is this club in the valley that I
Speaker 1: never go to because it's just not in the area,
Speaker 1: but it fit my schedule, so I said, I said
Speaker 1: yes to the show. And she also asked me if
Speaker 1: someone asked me who booked me on the show, if
Speaker 1: I like Jeremy Runner, and she was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's friends with him. And I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: so is he on the show? Like I thought, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll get to meet him. I'll be on the show.
Speaker 1: I guess he's trying stand up, like doing a Jeremy Piven.
Speaker 1: All the Jeremies I are trying stand up. I don't know,
Speaker 1: And so she's like, no, I think he comes to
Speaker 1: watch sometimes. And I was like, oh, okay, he'll be
Speaker 1: in the audience, but like, why would I be asked
Speaker 1: if I like him, why does that matter? If like
Speaker 1: I can, he will only watch comedians who like him
Speaker 1: or something. I was just like, it's just a weird
Speaker 1: question from a person I don't know. And so I
Speaker 1: got there and they're like, Jeremy Renner is in the building.
Speaker 1: I'm like, is this not a dish? Like I don't
Speaker 1: even know. I don't need to know this. I don't
Speaker 1: like to know when famous people are there. I mean,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's fun. There was a show where I was
Speaker 1: at where Bette Midler was there, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what jokes would Bette like? But most of the time
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know it, just like now there's
Speaker 1: something added to it. And then to add to that,
Speaker 1: I'm in the law the place I'm about to go up,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what jokes did Jeremy Renner like? I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I don't know anything about this guy.
Speaker 1: But I also would to please a celebrity because they're
Speaker 1: celebrity and everyone else is like making a big deal
Speaker 1: of it, not like a huge deal, but they're like
Speaker 1: Jeremy Renner is like he's here, he's in, like he's
Speaker 1: can change my life, and there's like this just that
Speaker 1: idea I guess in Hollywood of like every show. Who
Speaker 1: knows he could be like she's a leading lady or what.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I wasn't really thinking that way.
Speaker 1: I don't even want to be in movies.
Speaker 8: And then.
Speaker 1: And then I see a guy at the bar. I'm like,
Speaker 1: is that fucking Carlos Mencia? Who I You know, when
Speaker 1: I started in two thousand and six, you might not
Speaker 1: think Carlo Smancia is a big deal now, but he
Speaker 1: was such a fucking huge jobt He was the biggest
Speaker 1: comedian a MS right in two thousand and five to
Speaker 1: two thousand and nine. He was like the guy arena
Speaker 1: like Madison Square Garden, probably multiple shows sold out and
Speaker 1: he's at the ha haa cafean a Saturday night at
Speaker 1: the bar? Is he wearing shorts? Are those lawn shoes?
Speaker 1: What's happening? But I'm like, no, that guy just looks
Speaker 1: like Carlos Spencia. And then I go in the hallway
Speaker 1: and I'm like kind of like because I opened for
Speaker 1: him early on in my career, we had the same
Speaker 1: agency and they were like, you should go on Carlos's
Speaker 1: tour and I went to one gig with him on
Speaker 1: a weekend, and Brad Williams was there too, He's the
Speaker 1: little person comedian. He was there too, and Josh Blue.
Speaker 1: I think maybe Josh wasn't there, but Carlos didn't. We
Speaker 1: didn't get It's not like we didn't get along. It
Speaker 1: was just not a good fit for his audience to
Speaker 1: have me do like abortion jokes for five minutes, like
Speaker 1: trying to be serious before he went up and did
Speaker 1: whatever he did. He used to go to break but
Speaker 1: I'll finish this story when I get back. So I'm
Speaker 1: at the ha Cafe. I'm about to go on. I
Speaker 1: think I've seen Carlos Spencia. I don't know. He comes
Speaker 1: over and he's like Nikki Carlos, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. Carlo Spencia still like locked in this
Speaker 1: part of my brain which is like this guy is
Speaker 1: a big deal. He can change your life. I don't
Speaker 1: feel that way now. And Cosmincy is a good example
Speaker 1: of like why none of this fucking matters because he
Speaker 1: was doing arenas and now he's at the Haja Cafe
Speaker 1: on a Saturday night having beers with his friends and
Speaker 1: he's not It's not that he's I'm sure he could
Speaker 1: be working. It's not like he's hard up for gigs.
Speaker 1: But he returned to the clubs like he had a
Speaker 1: someone would call it a fall where it was like
Speaker 1: he had everything and I don't. Brian was saying, yesterday
Speaker 1: you had a good point about him. Will you share
Speaker 1: that point about like his comedy did not age well?
Speaker 6: I guess, oh well, uh yeah, I mean some of
Speaker 6: his material I guess from back in the day would
Speaker 6: be considered offensive now to the degree that he probably
Speaker 6: wouldn't be able to get away with doing it. Even
Speaker 6: like his signature bit was where he'd like make fun
Speaker 6: of a mentally handicapped person and like at the time
Speaker 6: that was perfectly fine, and nowadays it's not so like,
Speaker 6: you know, maybe that didn't age well.
Speaker 3: And then also he was accused of Joe stealing and
Speaker 3: that kind of.
Speaker 6: Really derailed his career, Like it was really it really
Speaker 6: affected his career. I don't know why that was the thing,
Speaker 6: but like it's really crazy that something like that that
Speaker 6: was like getting canceled before it was about uh, you know,
Speaker 6: sexual harassment. That was the most defensive thing that you
Speaker 6: stole it you could possibly do to get away with
Speaker 6: jerking off on somebody in a closet, but you can't
Speaker 6: get away with stealing a joke.
Speaker 2: Yes, it was.
Speaker 1: I mean, well, there was the footage of Joe Rogan
Speaker 1: confronting him at the comedy store, and that was right
Speaker 1: when I think Joe Rogan. It made Carlsmancia unfamous and
Speaker 1: it made Joe Rogan famous.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh, pivotal moment.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and just like raise his whatever you do status. Yes,
Speaker 6: Joe Brogan's one of the most powerful men in the world.
Speaker 1: He wasn't at that time though that that clip came out,
Speaker 1: but it really brought him like a fear of factor.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I mean, which is hard.
Speaker 1: And he was on news radio. I mean, he was
Speaker 1: a famous guy, there's no question about it. Like, but
Speaker 1: the way he is now is not. At that he
Speaker 1: was not a household name, And I think that clip
Speaker 1: did the opposite to each of their careers. But what
Speaker 1: I will say about Karlsmancia, what I think I observed
Speaker 1: from being on the road with him for a little
Speaker 1: bit and the way that his the openers that he had,
Speaker 1: and how they would all talk. I believe that I
Speaker 1: do believe they absorb things and think they don't think
Speaker 1: they're stealing, they think they're they I think his argument
Speaker 1: was like, I'm doing it better kind of thing. And
Speaker 1: I was thinking about this this weekend because my voice
Speaker 1: teacher is trying to get me to He knows that
Speaker 1: I'm not writing original music, so he's trying to get
Speaker 1: me to do covers in my own way. He's like,
Speaker 1: you can interpret the song in a completely different way
Speaker 1: and deliver it so it sounds like a completely different song.
Speaker 1: Even though it's the same melody and the same key
Speaker 1: and everything, it can sound totally different. I'm like, why
Speaker 1: is that okay? But it's not okay to take someone's
Speaker 1: bit and go, you know what, I could actually have
Speaker 1: a much better perspective on the same thing. Why is
Speaker 1: that so forbidden? And I agree it is like, I
Speaker 1: obviously don't ever want anyone to do that to my jokes,
Speaker 1: But how many fucking times have I seen a joke
Speaker 1: that I have thought of before on stage and someone
Speaker 1: is just scratching the surface, like they didn't fill they
Speaker 1: didn't scratch the whole scratcher's ticket there is there is
Speaker 1: a great joke there, and that you can win a
Speaker 1: million dollars, but you just scratched the first row and
Speaker 1: go why it's something that was kind of fun, and
Speaker 1: you know, was there a.
Speaker 5: Way to do it where it would be respected by
Speaker 5: your peers?
Speaker 6: There is one way, you think, there is one way.
Speaker 6: You just say like, oh, I've never heard you say
Speaker 6: that joke parallel thinking.
Speaker 1: I guess I no, But no one gives a shit
Speaker 1: about that. If you're called it a joke thief, it
Speaker 1: haunts you the rest of your life. Look at Amy Schumer.
Speaker 1: Every single clip of hers, there's someone saying she steals
Speaker 1: jokes when it was really just parallel thought. You know,
Speaker 1: like if you get called it once you it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter if it was parallel thought. And I'm talking about
Speaker 1: when it's not parallel thought when I do. The other night,
Speaker 1: I saw Mark Maron do a joke that I'm like,
Speaker 1: I have had that thought in my head and now,
Speaker 1: and not to say that he just did a scratch
Speaker 1: the surface choke. He did dig into it. He's talking
Speaker 1: about being vegan. And I've been in Carlo Goes, I've
Speaker 1: heard you say that so many times that you could
Speaker 1: do that. He said it. It was the first time
Speaker 1: I met you.
Speaker 2: You said it.
Speaker 1: How He's like the best thing about being vegan. It's
Speaker 1: actually really hard to do. It doesn't taste as good
Speaker 1: all these things. But the best thing is that you
Speaker 1: are a good person and no one could argue you
Speaker 1: out of it. You are doing the right thing, and
Speaker 1: you there's no argument you're choosing to eat animals. I'm
Speaker 1: like pretty much what I say all the time, which
Speaker 1: is like, it's the only thing I'm certain of that
Speaker 1: makes me a better person than everyone else if they're
Speaker 1: not doing it that and but he killed with it.
Speaker 1: I've never found a way to articulate it. But that's
Speaker 1: dead to me. If I have a little bit of
Speaker 1: a different perspective on that whole thing, I can never
Speaker 1: do that. I can't touch that idea that vegans are
Speaker 1: superior and that I actually feel like a better person
Speaker 1: than everyone else.
Speaker 2: And it's gone.
Speaker 1: It's dead. But I could have different things to say
Speaker 1: to it. I could have different rifts that I want
Speaker 1: to run, Like in a song, like you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like if I are songs, you are able
Speaker 1: to artistically interpret a song and sometimes make it better.
Speaker 1: I mean, there are how many people think that the
Speaker 1: what's a better cover than the original? There's millions of songs.
Speaker 1: I think that we're not a lot as comedians.
Speaker 3: I think the tides changing.
Speaker 6: I think it's getting more acceptable to kind of just
Speaker 6: as long as it's not a straight up exact same joke.
Speaker 6: I think it's getting more acceptable because of TikTok, where
Speaker 6: on TikTok everyone is just stealing everyone else's sketch and
Speaker 6: making and putting their own spin on it. And if
Speaker 6: you even if you like look at the like the
Speaker 6: accounts that tell your hearers how to become viral on
Speaker 6: TikTok or whatever, they literally say, like go through popular
Speaker 6: successful tiktoks and take that idea and then make it
Speaker 6: your own.
Speaker 3: And it's not.
Speaker 6: Stealing because you're gonna take it and make put your
Speaker 6: own spin on it and it's.
Speaker 3: Your thing now.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would be so pissed if
Speaker 1: someone did this to one of my jokes, but if
Speaker 1: they brought something new to it that I didn't, I
Speaker 1: would be a little bit jealous and go, h, I
Speaker 1: wish I would have thought of that, And I'm glad
Speaker 1: you can't. That information should be out there, that added thing.
Speaker 3: Just like a tag or something. It needs to be.
Speaker 3: It has to be like you're talking about like if
Speaker 3: I did it. If I did a joke that was
Speaker 3: about uh, you know.
Speaker 6: Uh working at a deli, and I had a bunch
Speaker 6: of jokes about working at a deli, and then somebody
Speaker 6: else came out with jokes that were about working at
Speaker 6: a deli.
Speaker 3: It's like, well, no, I don't.
Speaker 1: Think anyone could accuse that you both worked at a deli.
Speaker 1: That's fine, you have different perspectives. I'm talking about a
Speaker 1: specific joke, like if I were to do a Mark
Speaker 1: Maarn joke of like I feel better than all of
Speaker 1: you people. I know that. It's if I wanted to
Speaker 1: just expound on that in my own way that would
Speaker 1: maybe make that point resonate more or.
Speaker 3: In my own life you know, happened all the time.
Speaker 1: I mean, but I can't do it because that's why
Speaker 1: I don't like watching comedy, because if I didn't see
Speaker 1: him do that, I could have possibly argued that I
Speaker 1: get to keep doing that. Now I've seen it.
Speaker 2: It's off limits.
Speaker 3: That's how you get away with it.
Speaker 1: But keep yourself from so many good bits.
Speaker 6: So famous that you can't If somebody went ahead and
Speaker 6: did a joke that was like Oscar the grouch is
Speaker 6: angry because he's a homeless, poor guy. Like Dave Chappelle's joke,
Speaker 6: if somebody did a joke like that, then that would
Speaker 6: be off the table because it's such a famous bit.
Speaker 2: But like like if someone did like a right, it's
Speaker 2: very specific.
Speaker 6: If someone did a joke about gun control needing we
Speaker 6: should have bullet control, that would be clear. You can't
Speaker 6: do that because Chris Rock's bit is so famous. But like,
Speaker 6: I don't know, there's just some things that it's just
Speaker 6: it feels.
Speaker 2: Icky to me.
Speaker 1: It feels like I would be wrong too. It's like
Speaker 1: shoplifting when you know that they have a surplus or
Speaker 1: something on even though they won't.
Speaker 3: Huh, it's only icky if you did it on purpose.
Speaker 6: If you sat down, saw someone tell a joke and said, oh,
Speaker 6: I can do that joke better, and then did that joke.
Speaker 1: Well, am I not doing that? When I see Mark
Speaker 1: Maron do a bit that I've only thought and said
Speaker 1: to my friends and said on podcasts, but I haven't
Speaker 1: actually said, oh, I want to take them on the stage,
Speaker 1: isn't that stealing to be like, Yeah, that does work
Speaker 1: on stage.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna start doing it on stage. How is that
Speaker 2: not to me? It feels I'm not gonna do it,
Speaker 2: You're never gonna mean No, I've.
Speaker 5: Heard Bonnie McFarlane say years ago, I'm a vegan. Any
Speaker 5: other vegans in the house, I mean, you know they
Speaker 5: do say that. It's like the number one way of
Speaker 5: helping to save the environment is being a vegan. So
Speaker 5: I'm better than all of you. But anyway she goes on,
Speaker 5: So that's like a parallel.
Speaker 1: Well, I've said the joke that I will keep in
Speaker 1: my act is like it's just a short one, but
Speaker 1: it's not going into it, which is I really do
Speaker 1: recommend being vegan. I just I feel better than you.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it, like you know, a little Kevin
Speaker 1: Neil and ish.
Speaker 5: Okay, that's a perfect example. That's not but I liked.
Speaker 1: But it's a parallel thing.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: I was jealous of Mark Marin's because it really everyone
Speaker 1: in the audience. I know that audience was ninety percent
Speaker 1: not vegan at the fucking mo least whatever the word
Speaker 1: is for that, And and they all fucking got it.
Speaker 1: They were all like feeling a little guilty but also laughing.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, that's what I want people to do
Speaker 1: is like, actually, see I want to make people go,
Speaker 1: maybe I should go Vegan. That's a good point he's making,
Speaker 1: But I don't think that my little joke that I
Speaker 1: just told does that at all, and I think his
Speaker 1: does so. Anyway, what I think happened with Carlosmans is
Speaker 1: not only that where he's like, I could do it better.
Speaker 1: I think he had joke writers for him, right, He
Speaker 1: had his openers would write for him and give him bits,
Speaker 1: and I think sometimes they would actually be talking backstage
Speaker 1: and they would say something funny and he would just
Speaker 1: take it from them and just he'd be like, that's good.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use that. Because that has happened to me
Speaker 1: and Brian. He's nodding so many times where you're talking
Speaker 1: to a comedian and you, guys, you bring up the bit,
Speaker 1: you start riffing on it with the person next to you.
Speaker 1: Maybe they say it's some dumb tag and they go,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use that. That's good, and you go, no,
Speaker 1: what what just happened?
Speaker 4: You?
Speaker 1: I came up with that. You've just now convinced yourself
Speaker 1: you did because you either laughed at what I said
Speaker 1: or you acknowledged that that was good, like that is
Speaker 1: the most in same thing, and it happens a lot,
Speaker 1: and I've only in the probably the past five years,
Speaker 1: been brave enough to go, no, I'm gonna that's mine,
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna use that. It happened the other night someone,
Speaker 1: someone who I know very well, did it to me
Speaker 1: and was like, I'm can I use that?
Speaker 4: And I go.
Speaker 1: It was really hard for me to do because I
Speaker 1: look up to this person and I would like to
Speaker 1: be as successful and prolific as this person. But now
Speaker 1: I know how they're prolific, you know, like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: I might use that. And I honestly didn't think about
Speaker 1: using it until you just said that you wanted to
Speaker 1: use it. But it is my thoughts, so I get
Speaker 1: to determine whether. I was like, I'll let you know
Speaker 1: if I don't, but I think I'm going to and
Speaker 1: I probably never will, but I don't want him to
Speaker 1: have it because it was mine.
Speaker 5: Oh that they asked.
Speaker 1: I don't think they asked. He was like, wait, he
Speaker 1: kind of asked. It was almost like I'm gonna, like
Speaker 1: I could do that. He did ask I guess, and
Speaker 1: it was nice. But this was the thing I think
Speaker 1: Carlos Mencia had his people write for him and they
Speaker 1: would steal from people, and so he would do a bit.
Speaker 1: They would knowingly steal because they're like, we got give
Speaker 1: Carlos something. They would see some open micro set. So
Speaker 1: Carlos wasn't doing the one that was stealing. He was
Speaker 1: having writers write for him and they would steal because
Speaker 1: I would see I would I think that's what was happening.
Speaker 1: So when he heard like these but but who knows,
Speaker 1: he also was confronted with some pretty obvious bits that
Speaker 1: he probably really did hear, like the Cosby one about something.
Speaker 6: We were watching Gabriel Galacias special this last week and
Speaker 6: he did a joke that was extremely similar to a
Speaker 6: Bill Bird joke, but it's just because the premise is like,
Speaker 6: you know, it's like it's like not that original, but
Speaker 6: it's still funny. The joke was, when your dog comes
Speaker 6: to greet you at the door, your wife gets jealous
Speaker 6: because you like greeting the dog better than wife goes,
Speaker 6: why are you happier? Why are you happier when you
Speaker 6: greet the dog? And then Gabriela Galacius's punchline is like, well,
Speaker 6: because you don't have your tongue, hanging out, running around
Speaker 6: in circles, all happy to see me. And Bill Burr's
Speaker 6: punchline is, well, if I come home at two am drunk,
Speaker 6: you're not walking up to the door shaking your ass
Speaker 6: and like, it's the same joke. But did they steal
Speaker 6: that joke from each other?
Speaker 1: I would say that people would argue if people connected it,
Speaker 1: they would accuse whoever came out later with the joke.
Speaker 1: And by the way, actually they would accuse because no
Speaker 1: one would ever think Bill Burr would steal joke. But
Speaker 1: I think people would probably think Gabriel Glaziye is still first.
Speaker 1: For sure, yeah it was, but I think even if
Speaker 1: it came second, no one would ever people would go
Speaker 1: he wouldn't do that, like no one would have. I
Speaker 1: think Mark Norman got accused of stealing a joke once
Speaker 1: and then no, it didn't go anywhere because everyone's like, no,
Speaker 1: this guy doesn't pull that shit.
Speaker 8: We just know it.
Speaker 2: The type of comic key is he doesn't need to
Speaker 2: do that. Bill Burr doesn't need to do it.
Speaker 1: I'm not a huge Gabriela Glacias fan, but I would
Speaker 1: think based on the things. I'm not a huge I
Speaker 1: don't know his comedy, but I don't think he's a thief.
Speaker 1: But I think he would get pinned on that more
Speaker 1: than you know, I mean.
Speaker 3: And so my point is this something like that even
Speaker 3: matter like that, Like, yeah, I guess that was the
Speaker 3: same joke.
Speaker 1: But yes, when you want to villainize someone and discount
Speaker 1: discredit them, yeah, that's all the people have sometimes That's
Speaker 1: what I fear.
Speaker 2: I guess is like I people hate me.
Speaker 1: So there's some people who don't like me so much
Speaker 1: that they would love to do what they did to Amy,
Speaker 1: which is finally we have a reason to not like
Speaker 1: her other than she just is a girl who's talking
Speaker 1: too loud and making us feel sometimes calling us out
Speaker 1: so oh and telling us not to use guns or
Speaker 1: whatever they're really annoyed with Amy for. But they're like, no,
Speaker 1: she's a thief. Now we have something that is like yes, ah,
Speaker 1: and now let's stick to it and write it under
Speaker 1: every clip she has. And now that's the people that
Speaker 1: don't even know the story of where this originated from
Speaker 1: and how it's based in fucking nothing, we'll just think
Speaker 1: she's a liar because or she's a thief because that's
Speaker 1: what we wrote in this YouTube comment that's how That's
Speaker 1: what I'm scared of. Yeah, But anyway, I met Jeremy Renner.
Speaker 1: Carlos comes up to me and he's like Carlos. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, Carlos. We hugged and we
Speaker 1: remembered working together, and he was so nice and was like,
Speaker 1: congratch on all your success, and he was kind of like,
Speaker 1: are you handling it well? And I've realized this thing
Speaker 1: in la that people think I'm really like it's very nice,
Speaker 1: but everyone thinks I'm just fucking killing It's like it's
Speaker 1: it's nice, but I really am, like, don't you know
Speaker 1: that anything on Instagram isn't real? Like it's it means
Speaker 1: that I'm doing a good job on social media, which
Speaker 1: I didn't think I was, but for my constituents to
Speaker 1: believe that I'm like killing it, which listen, I have
Speaker 1: no complaints about my career. I literally don't want anything
Speaker 1: to change. I want for nothing. But am I like
Speaker 1: the number one comedian and the like killing it in
Speaker 1: the ways that I feel like these people sometimes say?
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, like it's fine, it's good. But it
Speaker 1: was nice of him to say that, But I'm like
Speaker 1: I'm nowhere near the level of what he was killing
Speaker 1: it in the mid two thousand. It's not even fucking close.
Speaker 1: But he was like, wow, you're really well, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: but I said something like I like, my I go,
Speaker 1: it's been very gradual. I actually heard James Marsden. There
Speaker 1: was a quote yesterday I read on Reddit of him
Speaker 1: saying that because people are like, why has he not
Speaker 1: had like a big moment, like why is he not
Speaker 1: more famous? And he's like, I'm so glad I'm not.
Speaker 1: I love a gradual. I two percent more and successful
Speaker 1: every year gradual, and that's the way to do it.
Speaker 1: No one gets yes, like and the next month safe,
Speaker 1: there's low risk, there's no because if you do a gradual,
Speaker 1: no one gets fucking annoyed by you. People just go,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, but a meteoric rise, people are going to
Speaker 1: fucking hit turn. So you gotta be gradual. I like
Speaker 1: that little gradual. And I even said that to Carlos
Speaker 1: and I didn't realize. I was like kind of saying
Speaker 1: to him, what I, you know, noticed about his own career.
Speaker 1: I was like, I like gradual. I don't think I
Speaker 1: could handle overnight, and I think it would be taken
Speaker 1: away from me like immediately or like within years, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh fuck, I'm telling him his life story.
Speaker 1: In other words, I don't want to end up at
Speaker 1: the Haja Cafe on a Saturday night, even though that's
Speaker 1: where I am right now in my career.
Speaker 2: So then I do my set.
Speaker 1: It was fine, and Carlos watched it, and I was
Speaker 1: nervous about Carlos watching it because he's a fucking killer.
Speaker 1: There's thief or not, one of the best performers ever,
Speaker 1: and you can't get to that level without being super
Speaker 1: fucking talented. He's very nice to me even back then,
Speaker 1: and it just wasn't a good fit for me to
Speaker 1: open for him. But he was in the room and
Speaker 1: then I walk out. I have to run to my
Speaker 1: other set because now I'm kind of late, and Carlo's like, well, wait,
Speaker 1: Jeremy Renner wants to meet you, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, why is this like a thing? Like why is
Speaker 2: why do I have to go to like a wait
Speaker 2: for Jeremy to exit. He's a big fan.
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, well no I will, and so
Speaker 1: I wait and then Jeremy comes out and he's kind
Speaker 1: of like I think he's drunk. I'm like, oh, like
Speaker 1: I was like hi, and we like hug and he
Speaker 1: does like kind of a long hug, not like a
Speaker 1: creepy long hug, but it's slow. It's like anya packing.
Speaker 1: It's it's just delivered like just a slower thing. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, he's wasted, not wasted, but like verge
Speaker 1: of wasted. And he's kind of talking slower, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: how's it going? And I was more asking, like with
Speaker 1: the strike, like h heart out there, like eh, you
Speaker 1: got time on a Saturday night, you know, to come
Speaker 1: to the ha ha. And he's like, considering everything I've
Speaker 1: been through, it's doing all. I'm just happy to be here.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh whoa, oh my god. And
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden it went flooding back, like
Speaker 1: the snowmobile accident. He almost died and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: oh my rescuing someone. Yeah, he was like rescuing his nephew.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I didn't look into the details. I
Speaker 1: should have looked to do it more. But he, I know,
Speaker 1: he was like almost maybe in a medically induced coma,
Speaker 1: almost died, has to like learn to walk again. He
Speaker 1: looked and then all of a sudden, when I saw
Speaker 1: him in that light, when I realized that I had
Speaker 1: beer goggles on. As soon as I thought i'd notice
Speaker 1: a little bit something off with him, I just go,
Speaker 1: he's wasted, and I like kind of him, just like,
Speaker 1: let me just get through this. And then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, he seemed very lucid to me, and I
Speaker 1: was like, you're just doing great, and he was. He was.
Speaker 1: He was hilarious, nice, talking a little bit slower, but
Speaker 1: it seems to be well on the mend, and like
Speaker 1: you know, he was just saying how great he's like,
Speaker 1: I've learned a lot in all of this, like having
Speaker 1: that kind of gratitude that people will have when they
Speaker 1: go through something very traumatic. But he was just so
Speaker 1: freaking nice. We had many hugs of just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here, Like it felt like I'd.
Speaker 2: Known him forever.
Speaker 1: He was so nice, and I uh, we took pictures
Speaker 1: together and it was just a great like he was
Speaker 1: just a very normal I can't I was like, you're
Speaker 1: I didn't realize like what a huge fucking star he was.
Speaker 1: But it was very cool to meet him, and he
Speaker 1: was very nice to me and That's all I have
Speaker 1: to say about that.
Speaker 5: So why was he talking slowly?
Speaker 1: Because I think he's maybe on pain meds or something.
Speaker 5: Okay, Wow, it got to me. He broke thirty bones
Speaker 5: and had blunt chest trauma. What You're being hit and
Speaker 5: run over by a snowplow at his home January first
Speaker 5: of this year.
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3: The fact that walking around that's oh.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he was totally Ten weeks later, he's he was
Speaker 5: strong enough to start walking with a cane. So it
Speaker 5: was quite a bit accident.
Speaker 3: He's a fucking superhero.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's gonna be back. He looked great, but he
Speaker 1: was really nice, and I was just so happy to
Speaker 1: meet him and hopefully like have a new friend in
Speaker 1: this business that I'm just like, Oh, it gives me
Speaker 1: faith in this crazy celebrity culture that I kind of
Speaker 1: them just roll my eyes at.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so cool.
Speaker 1: It was nice.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean that's amazing, And I feel like there's
Speaker 6: gonna be a lot of people like that are gonna
Speaker 6: want to be your friend.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's interesting because like, yeah, you forget that, like actors
Speaker 1: look at comedians like, how could you do that?
Speaker 2: I could never do that.
Speaker 1: There's you just go up there and there's no script
Speaker 1: and like, and they do put us on a pedestal.
Speaker 1: I forget that sometimes because we're way less famous than
Speaker 1: they are. But if they've seen like one thing we do,
Speaker 1: they're kind of like so impressed with us. So there
Speaker 1: that is nice when you like are known by so like.
Speaker 1: I would never think that he would know who I was,
Speaker 1: but it's at that point now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, especially when you're like going through recovery. I'm sure
Speaker 5: you're trying to laugh as much as possible. So I
Speaker 5: bet he got exposed to you even more during this year,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: How cool?
Speaker 5: He killed it on SNL too. I want to go
Speaker 5: watch that performance now.
Speaker 1: I have a faint memory. I got to watch it again,
Speaker 1: but I remember just being so upset by it because
Speaker 1: it was too much talent tmt I.
Speaker 6: I have a story I gotta tell about that's relevant
Speaker 6: to the jokestealing that. I'm glad it's at the very
Speaker 6: end of the podcast because I'm a little weary of
Speaker 6: telling it. But and I won't say who it was.
Speaker 6: But many years ago, I was hosting at the Comedy
Speaker 6: Attic and there was a feature that came and this
Speaker 6: has nothing to do with the headliner. This is just
Speaker 6: the sidle act. Yeah, the middle act. I was having
Speaker 6: a drink with him or whatever I was doing, and
Speaker 6: he started telling me this story about this very famous
Speaker 6: comedian who he used to open for. And he said,
Speaker 6: he opened for this guy for around seven years and
Speaker 6: then all of a sudden stopped and the reason is
Speaker 6: because he would he this is a guy, he is
Speaker 6: a feature. He's less than ten years into the game.
Speaker 6: He's got twenty five minutes of material.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 6: Like, he worked all that time to get his twenty
Speaker 6: five minutes and he takes it on the road change
Speaker 6: in It's well, it's not change. I mean he has
Speaker 6: he doesn't have the opportunity to grow it. I mean
Speaker 6: I can relate. But he's like, you know, he's got
Speaker 6: twenty five minutes and that it's like the most precious
Speaker 6: thing in the world to him. That's you got to
Speaker 6: understand that. And he, uh has been opening for this
Speaker 6: guy for seven years. And then one day he gets
Speaker 6: a phone call from this guy and the guy says, listen,
Speaker 6: I just filmed my hour special. I want you to
Speaker 6: know that I may have accidentally used one of your
Speaker 6: jokes in my special and I'm really sorry about it,
Speaker 6: but I will give you forty thousand dollars or maybe
Speaker 6: it was ten thousand dollars, ten thousand dollars for the joke.
Speaker 6: And the guy was like, Okay, well that sucks, but
Speaker 6: I guess, you know, ten thousand dollars for one of
Speaker 6: my jokes. That's that's fine. I guess I don't love it,
Speaker 6: but I'll take the money. So he takes the money,
Speaker 6: and then the special comes out and it turns out
Speaker 6: this guy used twenty minutes of his material on the
Speaker 6: hour special.
Speaker 1: And because I'm so excited to find out who this
Speaker 1: is for me.
Speaker 6: There and because he paid him ten thousand dollars, legally,
Speaker 6: he has no.
Speaker 1: Because he signed something.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he's like, i'll give you ten thousand dollars for
Speaker 6: the joke. Here's the thing to sign. He signed it,
Speaker 6: and it just said like that motherfucker lied, and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure he told him it was just the joke.
Speaker 1: You do that. There is just this joke, you know, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm sure they talked about what joke. It was positive
Speaker 1: of it, but it was not. So he is all, So,
Speaker 1: now this guy has five.
Speaker 6: Minutes and now this guy can't do any of his
Speaker 6: jokes because everyone refuse him. They're like, oh, that's not
Speaker 6: your joke, it's this other guy. Yeah, and then and
Speaker 6: so he almost quit comedy, but then he slowly clawed
Speaker 6: his way back and he did. He now has twenty
Speaker 6: minutes again. And I watched him do the twenty minutes
Speaker 6: and pretty nice. Yeah, those old twenty minutes back.
Speaker 1: I got No one's paying for this new twenty christ.
Speaker 5: How do we make this person pay?
Speaker 3: They've already paid, They've already paid dearly.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to say, I think this person has
Speaker 1: been canceled in some way.
Speaker 2: They something canceled by God Ralphie May.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying who it is. Why do you say,
Speaker 3: Ralphie May?
Speaker 2: That means because he's dead.
Speaker 3: Well, he's not the only person who's dead, though I.
Speaker 1: Don't know if he's the first person I could think
Speaker 1: of that.
Speaker 3: Die As his dad would say, those people are dead.
Speaker 1: That's true. God, damn it. Who's a dead comedian? Why
Speaker 1: can't I think of not? I want to keep naming
Speaker 1: names for our listeners to maybe, you know, incite intrigue
Speaker 1: and have them guessing. I want to like have a
Speaker 1: reaction when I say a name that will confirm who
Speaker 1: it is who's dead? Come on, why think of dead
Speaker 1: comedian died? You would do that?
Speaker 3: It is not and it is not Norm MacDonald. I
Speaker 3: will say that.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, they like, why can't I think
Speaker 1: of but Ralphie? Make seems like it's when it could be,
Speaker 1: But it's I'm guessing it wasn't. God, who else has tragically.
Speaker 5: Died someone hugely famous, right.
Speaker 1: As someone who had a really good career and taped
Speaker 1: a special within the past ten or fifteen years. God
Speaker 1: damn it. Let me just look at dead comedians really quick.
Speaker 5: Not Bob Well, Gary Shandling, Bob what's his name? The
Speaker 5: brother of Albert Brooks So I can't remember. It was
Speaker 5: on Curb Your Enthusiasm. But he's not.
Speaker 1: Huge, Not Bill Hicks, not Bernie mac oh, Robin Williams.
Speaker 3: Well, Rob Williams is a famous joke steeler.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have all forgiven that because he's not rich Heedburgh,
Speaker 1: No fucking way, was it match.
Speaker 2: Not Bob Saget, No, God.
Speaker 1: Not Patrese.
Speaker 3: The only think Bob Saga stole was our hearts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, oh my god, that's so sweet. Okay, we
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop guessing, but you are going to tell
Speaker 1: me within good thirty seconds of us ending this podcast.
Speaker 2: And that's why we have to go.
Speaker 1: Oh, you guys talk about it amongst yourselves. Maybe we'll
Speaker 1: make little easter eggs about who it's about in a
Speaker 1: future episode, but we'll never confirm it because we can't
Speaker 1: have this out there and we want to protect the
Speaker 1: guy who got paid ten thousand dollars, who is probably
Speaker 1: at you know, the Chuckle Hut and Dayton this weekend
Speaker 1: with that new twenty. All right, thank you for joining
Speaker 1: us today. We will be here tomorrow. We'll do Reddit
Speaker 1: dump tomorrow. Let's get into it then. Thank you all.
Speaker 1: Don't piqua and just take a joke and make it
Speaker 1: your own