WEBVTT - Ep 214 - The Check In 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:22.680 Hey, hey, hey, that's a slide. Hey hey, hey, we're back. 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:27.440 We're black, We're brown and be shine. 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:30.880 It's sunshiny today, Mandy. How are you? It is? 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:33.519 And you know what, I definitely am taking advantage of 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:36.760 it because sunshine is just so, it's just you need 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:38.640 it for the soul. Right now, it is what I 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:40.240 feel like. And if you live in parts of the 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:42.519 country that don't get tons of sunshine, I don't want 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:45.279 to hear if you live in California, or like one 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:48.319 of my friends, you sought refuge in California because you're 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:51.280 smart like that. Yeah, it's been so dreary here so 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:53.360 and I saw the rest of the weather for the 0:00:53.360 --> 0:00:57.200 week is going to be icky. So we definitely took 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:00.800 the baby outside and had lunch outside and soaked it up. 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:03.080 Probably gonna take a walk later if it feels up 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:03.560 to it. 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:06.960 Honestly, there's nothing like some sunshine. You definitely put a 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:08.440 little pep in my step. 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:12.200 Yeah, yay, I googled it. You only need ten to 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.600 thirty minutes. For those of you whose mind is like, 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:17.240 how much vitamin D do you get by being outside? 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:19.280 Because I'm always being told by doctors that I don't 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:21.800 have enough of it and it's ten to thirty minutes 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:25.760 of exposure a day per day, like if you do yeah, 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:28.840 so the hold this is the internet, but it was 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:32.720 a top result on Google. Okay, ten to thirty minutes 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:36.280 several times per week. And you know, they when you 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:39.680 have a baby in your breastfeeding, they give you their like, oh, 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:41.960 you need to get vitamin D supplements right after they 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:44.240 finished telling you how amazing breastfeeding it is and how 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:46.080 the milk is just like the bus, it's all the 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:47.919 baby needs, blah blah blah. And they're like, oh, yeah, 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:50.919 go to CBS and spend fifteen dollars on this tiny 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:53.840 little bottle of vitamin D that's absolutely going to spill 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:56.920 and you're going to have to repurchase it for fifteen 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:59.920 more dollars out of your pocket. And you know, make 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:02.000 your baby sucked that down once in a while so 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:05.760 that they don't get rickets. Yeah, it's real, real, it's 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:07.560 real fun. So today I was like, her baby, sit 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:12.200 in the sun, save your mama some money. It's beautiful. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.760 You need, Like I feel like I'm grasping onto any 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:18.920 little positive silver linings these days. Yes, what are you 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:23.160 doing too to help with the quarantine. Is there is 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:26.200 there like a syndrome yet the quarantine queezies or like 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:26.919 a right, I. 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:32.880 Got the quarantina? What am I doing to help with quarantina? 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:35.680 I feel like I'm working too much, as per yous, 0:02:35.800 --> 0:02:38.040 But I finally took your vice member. I don't know 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:39.600 if we talked about it on air how I was 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:41.560 afraid to call my IVF doctor. 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:44.280 Oh okay, yeah, I'm glad to hear that. 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:46.440 Yeah, yes, So for those of you who don't, I 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:48.320 don't remember because Mandy and I talked about it, like 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:50.320 you know, off air, but I think I mentioned on 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:53.280 air I was afraid to call, and I guess I 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:55.000 was afraid because I didn't. 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:57.040 I was afraid of the unknown, Like what if she says, 0:02:57.440 --> 0:02:58.919 what does this happen? What if I can't? 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:01.600 You know, I had only really taken a month off. 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:05.320 I'd gotten scar removal surgery, like I don't even remember, 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:08.359 like the twenty thousandth time, like in January, and then 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:11.400 when I came back in like February, it was like, yeah, 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:14.639 you you doing this perfect. Finally we are ready to start, 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:17.320 you know. And so basically what happens is you wait 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:19.240 for your period and then you start the process. It's 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:22.000 all based upon your hormones, that your period, like let 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.280 you know it's happening. So then March happened, it was like, ugh, 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:28.800 I'm not going in. No one's going anywhere, right, And 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:31.760 so I didn't call because of my nervousness, and so 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:33.840 you told me, but it took me weeks to finally call. 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:37.200 So I called maybe like two weeks ago, and turns 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:40.400 out they weren't taking anyone in during March because they 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:42.280 were trying to figure out what do we do? You know, 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.040 So I was like, oh my gosh, Okay, so it's 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:46.880 not like I felt like, oh my gosh, I messed up. 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:48.760 Maybe I missed a month, and no, they were like 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:53.160 we weren't, girl, nobody, and even now because usually when 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:54.400 you go there, you know people are sitting in the 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:56.640 waiting room and things like that. They're actually only taking 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.240 people case by case that you have to Actually on 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:01.520 Friday and in a couple of days, I sit down 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:04.920 with the doctor via you know, video tele a call 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:07.840 and it's by case by case basis. So I'm assuming 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:09.880 she's going to be like yes girl, because she's already 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:11.360 like like yesterday and we need to be on it 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:13.440 with you. But I'm assuming, like, let's just say I 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:16.560 was like twenty five and newly married and we've been 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:19.479 trying for two years but for some reason, because you 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:21.280 have to try for at least two years if you're 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.440 a certain age, but for some reason, I haven't gotten 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:25.200 pregnant yet. So we're going to do IVF because it's 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:28.560 included in my insurance SIS that SIS can wait, but 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:32.440 me forty with eggs that have gone bad faster than 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:35.479 what a normal forty year old should, that I can't wait. 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:38.000 So I'm assuming she's going to be on Friday, Like, yes, Tiffany, 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:40.080 you are one of the handful of people or however 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.479 many that they're taking because they're only going to allow 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:44.840 basically you and the office at a time. 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:46.400 So oh that's great. 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:47.000 Mm hm. 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:49.120 So I have a call with her on She was 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:50.880 on vacation, so I had the call with her on Friday. 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:52.560 So I was like, I felt like, Yay, I conquered 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:54.279 this thing that I was afraid of. 0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:56.000 I made a call and it was just in time, 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:58.640 because imagine if I would have waited another month, Mandy, 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:00.640 and they were like, oh, Tiffany, we. 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:01.280 Didn't hear from you. 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:03.160 So we had maybe let's just say we're only taking 0:05:03.200 --> 0:05:05.760 twenty people, and we already took our twenty you know. 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:09.279 Yeah, Well it's you know, it's the unknown, and it's 0:05:09.320 --> 0:05:12.240 that I just could tell it was weighing on you. Yeah, 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.159 and I mean very different situations. Obviously this is a 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:18.280 big deal, bigger deal for you. But when I was 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:21.080 trying to figure out if we should have the nanny 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:23.640 that we'd already hired start working for us, and it 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:25.719 was a day before and I was talking to my 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:27.920 it was a day it was the friday before she 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:30.640 was supposed to start, and I was talking to my 0:05:30.680 --> 0:05:32.919 therapist and I was agonizing over am I doing the 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:35.000 right thing having this woman still come And this was, 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.880 you know, way back in early March. And she was like, listen, 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:40.720 you take the decision out of your hand. Just call 0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:43.720 the doctor, call your pediatrician, let them decide. And I 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:46.480 was like, that's a stroke of genius. You justified all 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:50.520 these kopas, girl. Yeah, because you know it's it does 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:53.159 we put pressure in ourselves to make the right decisions. 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:56.840 And I think calling a mental health professional or calling 0:05:56.920 --> 0:05:59.920 a professional medical professional like those IVF doctors they know 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:03.200 what's safe and anyway, I'm glad you did it. 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.160 Girl, And now I felt so much better. I was 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:07.279 like Mandy was right. It wasn't even my decision. 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:09.680 And you know, all this time of stressing, of being 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:11.719 like I'm not going in girl, you wouldn't have to 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:14.400 go on in anyway because they're not taking anyone. And 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:16.280 they would have said, right now, we're trying to figure 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:18.520 it out. And I could have wosat it to me. 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.000 One of the things, like I don't want to call 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.359 it a character flaw, but definitely one of the things 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:26.520 I have always had an issue with that I am 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:29.599 actively working on is what I call the hard conversation. 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:33.680 Like I am the ultimate avoid what I'm afraid of 0:06:33.680 --> 0:06:36.760 a conversation. I can avoid it for years. But it's 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:39.520 something I'm really like actively working on, especially this year 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:43.000 of like taking the bandit off, because I will tell myself, 0:06:43.040 --> 0:06:44.600 oh my gosh, but if we talk about it, then 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:46.400 they're gonna be mad, and then then they're mad, then 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:48.120 we're not gonna be friends. If we're not friends, then 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:50.520 what about this? And I will have built this whole 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:54.440 thing in my head and it's it's something that I 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:57.240 really would to work on because it's caused. It's one 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:58.960 of the few things in my life that actually cause 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:01.640 a stress. Like when it comes to business stuff, like 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:03.120 one of my team members could call me right now, 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:04.800 I'd be like, oh, the budget NEETs down, and I'd 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:07.159 be like, okay, well call. 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:09.760 WordPress or whatever. I wouldn't. That doesn't stress me out. 0:07:10.040 --> 0:07:12.760 Business stuff up and down, left and right, no, okay, 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:18.320 But interpersonal someone being upset with me or maybe me 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:20.880 hearing something that's not going to be good news or 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.240 that will like send me into a tizzy. So I'm 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:27.480 really trying to work on managing the emotional part of 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:31.080 that so I can push through because it's rarely ever 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:33.480 as bad as I think. I don't even know if 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:34.920 it's ever been as bad as I think. And I'm like, 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:36.400 Timm and Day, I need you to get over this 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:38.720 because you give yourself anxiety unnecessarily. 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:41.160 Yeah, I mean if you need a little bit, well, 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:43.000 you know, we're very different in that way. I'm like, 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:47.280 if there's a red button, I'm that kid in the 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:53.080 elevator who's like, push that button, see what happens, and 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:56.679 it happens. It's always me my siblings, you know, every 0:07:56.760 --> 0:08:01.200 like family get together, especially during the live election season. 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:04.360 The last presidential election season, which I'm sure for lots 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:08.320 of us was just like super just really difficult to 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:12.280 endure any family gatherings anyway. My filing's like Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:14.200 and I'm just like, Okay, I'm gonna be good. 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:14.760 I'm gonna be good. 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:17.160 I'm gonna be good, and then I just can't help myself, 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:20.040 but I do. I mean, it's a good it's definitely 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:23.360 a good trade. It's like when there is a confrontation 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:25.480 to be had, I'm not afraid to have that conversation. 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:28.680 It's very difficult that when the other person isn't ready yet, 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.440 and I've had to learn maybe I'm ready to have 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:34.360 the difficult conversation, but I need to also give the 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:38.360 other person time to get ready. So that's what am 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:39.120 I talking about? 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:41.000 Like what do you tell yourself? Because I'm trying to 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:44.760 figure out what is it? Like are you just not afraid? 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:46.640 Is it not something that you tell yourself? Like I'm 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:48.160 just you know what I mean, I'm trying to figure out, 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:50.199 like what is that internal thing that I can help 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:51.000 to turn on in me? 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:52.479 Is it a muscle I can exercise. 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:55.640 I think it's because I'm internal. I like to have 0:08:55.720 --> 0:08:58.000 a bit of the upper hand and like I like 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:00.120 to sort of come from a place of power. And 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:01.920 this has been me my control freak side. But when 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:03.840 I'm the first one to bring something up, it sort 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:07.360 of makes it feel like I can. I can, I 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:10.160 can lead the conversation. At least it's happening on my terms, 0:09:10.240 --> 0:09:13.560 you know. And also you know, when it comes to 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:16.360 the kind of difficult conversations you have to have in work, 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:19.439 like letting someone go, giving someone a bad performance review, 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:23.839 telling someone that you know they need better hygiene. I've 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:28.280 I All I tell myself is no one else is 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:30.000 going to do it. You the boss. This is your job. 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:32.200 Suck it up. This is what it is, and you've 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:35.800 got to do it in a careful way. And when 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:39.280 it comes to, you know, tough conversations with people I love, 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:43.400 like friends and family, I try and tell myself this 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:46.400 is not going to be forever. Like the sooner you 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:49.160 do this, the sooner the air is cleared, the sooner 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:51.959 you can sleep better, and the sooner you can get 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:55.040 over this and move on. And I mean, don't get 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:58.280 me wrong, I've I've definitely held grudges, but I think 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:00.480 the older I get, the more I'm like, let's just 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.000 you know, let's just get let's just get you know, 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.080 if we need to address this, let's address it and 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:08.440 then get on over it. Because I it's those feelings 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:10.480 of anxiety and stuff like, there's all there's so much 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.360 other stuff to worry about it, and and I just 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.559 feel like, let's build the bridge and get over things. 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:18.480 But I need your help to build it. So let's 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:20.920 sit down and talk about it, you know. Okay, I 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:23.719 guess that's sort of the internal dialogue that I have 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:27.839 with your therapist. Okay, how I do it and tell 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:28.480 you how? Yeah? 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:30.400 No, No, it's good cause I'm just like, you know, 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:33.400 because in my mind, I'm just like, I don't know. 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:35.040 I guess in my well, no, I do know. My 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:36.760 friend is like, you're an adult, you do know. We 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:38.400 say I don't know, and we don't want to say. 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:41.880 But it's just like I almost like, the sooner we 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:43.960 talk about it, the sooner I hear. 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:44.440 The bad news. 0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:47.800 That's what runs in my head, like at least if 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:51.720 I don't say, then it's not for sure bad, it's 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:52.600 maybe bad. 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:56.760 But if I say then it's for sure bad. 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:58.760 That's what I tell myself, even though I know I'm 0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:00.480 like Tiffany as an adult, g are. 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:01.400 You growing girl? You forty? 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:04.120 You know that it really ever as bad as you think. 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.160 I'm like, yeah, but maybe this is the one time 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:08.200 out of the forty years it is as bad as 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:10.920 I think, so I will push it off another day. 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:13.600 That's true. I think it's also the thing where it's 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:15.560 almost like when you leave a conversation and you go 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:17.760 home and you're analyzing every word you said, and you're 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:21.600 criticizing yourself. The other person's very rarely doing that. And 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:24.680 I think it's like we have this tendency to think 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:27.600 the worst, and I do too. And my husband calls 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:29.760 me out for this. I will make because he's a 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:35.120 very restrained speaker and I'm not. And he has so 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:37.680 many thoughts inside of his brain and he doesn't always 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.600 articulate them, so I'll do it for him. I'm a writer, right, 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:43.080 so I just make up whole conversations in mind. I 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:45.960 make up whole thought bubbles for him. Here's what he's thinking, 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.120 you know. And that hurts me because I'm getting myself 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:50.959 worked up and he's over there thinking about I don't 0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:52.920 know what he had for lunch or something like that, 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:56.360 and I think I've talked about this before. I've also like, 0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:58.960 for example, I was in a group text and I 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:01.120 thought that I sounded like a douche because I was 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:03.600 like bragg I thought I sounded too braggy because I 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:06.400 was telling them about the delicious dinner I made and 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:08.640 you know, and my friends and mom with like two 0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:10.240 kids at home, and I was like, dang, you're being 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:12.480 like kind of a jerk. Maybe you shouldn't be bragging. 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:13.880 And so I apologize and she was like, what are 0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:17.480 you talking about. You weren't annoying, like this was your 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:20.959 meal sounded delicious, And I try not to do that, 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:24.440 you know. But I also by confronting it myself and apology, 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:28.040 it's almost like I want it's like you're like to 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:29.920 take the power back. I didn't need to do that. 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.480 It's it's a pro and con On the other hand, Hey, 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.199 I know that I wasn't being annoying or she would. 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:37.520 She didn't take it that way, And it's I guess 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.920 in my own way, it's like expect, don't always expect 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:43.640 the worst people are thinking about you, and maybe that's 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:45.400 that's part of the dread of what that you have, 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:48.560 you know, not having those conversations because you're worried you 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:51.840 might hear that someone thinks negatively about you mm hm, 0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:52.679 and you're not. 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:54.200 Super sensitive to that. 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:55.599 I think it's you know, it's funny how like this 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:58.719 truck like that crosses over to like money, right, how 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:00.559 many people are like I'm not gonna open up the 0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:03.040 envelope because the bill is going to be more. 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:03.880 Than I can afford. 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:06.360 Or I'm not going to talk about to my spouse 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:08.839 about their spending because I think they're going to fly 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:11.760 off the handle, or you know, I actually don't want 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:12.560 to know how much I owe. 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:13.800 I don't want to know. I don't know what. 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:16.120 I remember my first year in business, Remember I told 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:18.520 the story how like it was like not even first year, 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:20.000 for the first like two or three years, I did 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:23.320 not pay taxes and I was so scared. Yeah, I 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.080 was so scared because I was like, I don't have it. 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:25.719 I don't have it. 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:30.240 And then I Carlos saw me, my accountant, saw me 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:32.199 at like a local shop, right, and he like took 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:33.760 his cart and he blocked me, and it was like 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:35.599 you I had been calling you. 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.079 I've been calling you, are texting you. Tiffany, do you 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:39.719 want to go to day? 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:42.880 I was like, I don't want to. He was like, 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:44.600 come in and do you have taxes? I was like, 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:46.000 I'm going to owe too much. He's like, how much 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:46.480 do you think you o? 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:49.360 I was like, maybe like thirty thousand dollars. 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.439 He's like, no, you ate you owe eighty five hundred. 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:53.120 I was like, oh, he said, yo, what an old 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:56.560 five thousand. But you have to pay all these fees 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:59.200 for not He's like, I filed for you, but you 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.320 had to pay all these fees for not paying you know, 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:05.319 these years. And it was like, dang that this fear 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:09.200 literally is costing me money, you know yea, And yeah 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:10.840 that was years ago and still here I am. So 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:12.440 that was just like, It's just funny how like it 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.000 plays a role even in your financial life sometimes that 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:19.600 kind of like energy, that nervous not wanting to know energy. 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:21.640 Oh one hundred percent. And on the other hand, me, 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:25.120 who's when I remember dating Enrique and very early in 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:28.600 our relationship wanting to know his credit score and I 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:30.720 just you know, I think I know what I'm talking about. 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:32.560 I I write about this stuff all the time. I'm 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:34.720 trying to take my own advice, Like you should know 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:36.640 if you're moving in with someone, what their credit score was. 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:40.120 I underestimated how deeply personal that number was to him. 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:42.480 He got into this huge drop down, drag down fight 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:45.840 and wasn't really that important. No, but he wasn't ready yet. 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.000 But I was trying to push push, push, push that button, 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:51.520 push that button. You know whatever, live, live and learn. 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:54.800 It's also holds you back when you're and you know 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:56.920 you've talked about this too, like knowing what to ask 0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:58.880 for speaking fees and knowing when to ask for more. 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:01.280 And if you're in the you know, the other chair 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:05.480 negotiating a job salary, like and having been in the 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:07.760 hiring seat for as long as I have, you know 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:09.960 I'm not looking for well you never never say never. 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:13.520 But the next time I'm negotiating a salary, I one 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:17.400 hundred percent will ask for more, only because I've seen 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:20.000 too many people miss out by not doing it. But 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.800 it's it's hard, it's freaking hard. It's easier said than done, 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:25.440 easier said than done. And it sounds a little silly, 0:15:25.440 --> 0:15:27.360 but role playing helps. Have you ever have you ever 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:31.040 like role played? A conversation with someone. 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:34.320 Else in my own head, but. 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:37.800 With another person, it really helps I recollect. Yeah, I 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.640 recommend it, like you know, someone that you think will 0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:43.200 first of all take it seriously and just someone to just, 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:45.720 I don't know, play play yourself and you play the 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:47.960 other person or vice versa, and just kind of run 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:50.880 through the conversation and maybe you've run through here's the 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:52.920 worst it could go, and here's the best it could go, 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:57.400 and just practice what you're gonna say. As someone who 0:15:57.440 --> 0:16:01.760 likes to like edit themselves, and especially you know, I 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.640 like to say things exactly right, and that's why I 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:07.560 prefer to write them out. But anyway, it helps to 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:08.560 talk things out a little bit. 0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:10.560 No, that's good because I'll straight be in the shower 0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:13.080 like and then I hate said, no, he's I'll see 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:17.480 he's Jesus. And meanwhile I'm like arguing and mad. I 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:19.960 do this a lot with my with my husband internally 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:23.120 because I'm like, oh, he definitely has attitude. I can 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:27.040 tell meanwhile nothing, he's just woken up, And I'm like, oh, exactly, 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.840 you know. I just well because I'll tell myself he 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.680 has an attitude me because I'm working a lot I'm like, well, 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:34.680 I have to work a lot because right now. And 0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:36.320 I'm like, babe, you mad at me. He's like, what 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:38.440 are you talking about. I'm like, well, it seems like 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:40.680 you have an attitude. He's like, I just woke up. 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:43.480 He's wrong with you. I'm like nothing, What do you 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:46.720 want for breakfast? I mean I've had it, I've had 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.200 an hour long shower. But I'm going back and forth 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:54.320 and women work, right, I'm not just here me while 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:55.360 none of that has happened. 0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:59.640 Yeah, but we we also project what we are. You 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:03.280 pretty what you're feeling guilty about, and you know what 0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:04.560 you think you should be doing. 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:05.480 Oh yeah, oh yeah. 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:06.080 We could talk. 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:08.080 Clearly because clearly you see where my issue is. I'm like, 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:10.440 I'm not cleaning enough as much as I could. I'm 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.320 not cooking as much as I could. So I swear 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:15.359 that whenever I feel like any sort of tension, you know, 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:17.000 intern that that's what it is. 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:19.560 I'm like, because I'll literally be like I just didn't 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:21.760 get a chance to clean up. He's like huh. 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:28.199 I'm like, he's like, you're talking to that uh, to 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:29.600 that voice in your head again. 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:33.359 She's crazy. Don't mind her if you're. 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:35.719 Stuck at home with a significant other right now. The 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:38.439 only way that husband and I have survived this past 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:40.080 how long has it been now two months since we've 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:43.680 been home, is just giving each other a freaking break. 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:46.720 I give him, you know, and sometimes you know, me 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:48.880