Speaker 1: Maybe what's up? We got four whole boys? Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 1: I never thought that I could be so in love
Speaker 1: with a little boy the fourth time around dead As. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know
Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading
Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll
Speaker 1: make you need derby most days. Wow. And one more
Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created
Speaker 1: this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most
Speaker 1: taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about
Speaker 1: through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead as
Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about
Speaker 1: to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. My baby over here to my life,
Speaker 1: delivered all three boys on week thirty seven, so she
Speaker 1: and I are planning mode with everything we have going on.
Speaker 1: Just new the coda was gonna come at week thirty
Speaker 1: seven or less us, so Kadina and I flew out
Speaker 1: the crew here to make sure we captured everything, flew
Speaker 1: our family in here. We had t Kia come to Cary, come,
Speaker 1: everybody caming around week thirty six. We're getting towards the
Speaker 1: end of week thirty seven and the Code is looking
Speaker 1: at us through the belly button like, nah, bro, I
Speaker 1: ain't coming on your time. And I remember Josh, who
Speaker 1: captured everything for us, was like, bro, I gotta leave tomorrow.
Speaker 1: You know what's gonna happen. And I'm like what He's like,
Speaker 1: as soon as I leave, the Code are gonna come.
Speaker 1: Same thing. I said, you know what happened. Josh got
Speaker 1: on the plaine the minute he landed in New York.
Speaker 1: Kay woke up that next morning tapped me and said, Baby,
Speaker 1: I'm wanting broke. I was like, damn, that was so annoying.
Speaker 1: It was so for a karaoke baby. Yes, I think
Speaker 1: it's the most appropriate song. You think that everybody knows
Speaker 1: that we should sing what happy birthday to hey, Happy birthday,
Speaker 1: Happy birthday, Happy birthday to hey, Happy birthday to hey,
Speaker 1: Happy birthday, Happy birthday, birth happy bir to you to
Speaker 1: go to happy birthday boo. Yes, So before we get
Speaker 1: started with this full birthday day, we're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick break, pay some bills. We'll be right back back.
Speaker 1: This episode, we're going to dedicate this entire podcast to
Speaker 1: walking y'all through the birthday process for Dakota. Absolutely, I
Speaker 1: think it's only right. I mean, we've done this entire
Speaker 1: season documenting our pregnancy with Dakota and talking about all
Speaker 1: things baby and preparation and all that stuff. So now
Speaker 1: that he's here and I'm in the right frame of
Speaker 1: mind to actually reflect and tell you all about the day, um,
Speaker 1: I think it'd be cool to get both of our
Speaker 1: perspectives of what was happening um in that moment, because,
Speaker 1: like Dvo said, we were waiting for him. I thought
Speaker 1: for sure that he was going to probably be the
Speaker 1: one that came sooner, mainly because it's my fourth baby,
Speaker 1: so you figured the fourth time around, my body pretty
Speaker 1: much knows exactly what to do. I was feeling things
Speaker 1: down there as of week thirty four, thirty five, and
Speaker 1: I kept saying to the vel listen, I just want
Speaker 1: to get thirty six weeks at least, because a Taqia,
Speaker 1: my midwife, would be here by then and I ain't
Speaker 1: trying to have no baby without her. I love you
Speaker 1: to death. Babe, but I needed her here too, Okay,
Speaker 1: that my sister, your mom, Josh, and Matt, like the crew,
Speaker 1: everybody was coming into town. So I just wanted to
Speaker 1: make it there and then also to like thirty six weeks.
Speaker 1: I know that he would have been fully viable. Thirty
Speaker 1: seven is even better, um, but I didn't want him
Speaker 1: to be born and then they'd potentially be a reason
Speaker 1: for us to be in the hospital and things like that.
Speaker 1: So well, but speaking on that though, at week thirty four,
Speaker 1: when you started to feel things, you know what we
Speaker 1: did that we didn't do for any other child. But
Speaker 1: we slowed down because I remember you saying that you
Speaker 1: start to feel things. So I ultimately just put Cadine
Speaker 1: on bed rest because we wanted to wait, and I
Speaker 1: was like, yo, this is your fourth child, we don't
Speaker 1: want him to fall out early. So she was in
Speaker 1: the bed a lot more. She had stopped working out,
Speaker 1: and she was just like, let's just try to get
Speaker 1: him to thirty seven weeks. So I feel like in turn,
Speaker 1: that kind of slowed down the process a little bit
Speaker 1: even more because for all other YEA, for Jackson, you
Speaker 1: were working the entire time for kir and Cash you
Speaker 1: worked out, you were spinning, and you were walking and
Speaker 1: lifting waste the entire time, and then they both came
Speaker 1: right at thirty seven weeks. So I think when we
Speaker 1: stopped those two weeks prior, it kind of slowed down
Speaker 1: the process. Or it could have just been to Coda
Speaker 1: trolling all of us and just pretty much being like,
Speaker 1: I'm the last one, so I'm gonna let you get
Speaker 1: the biggest and the most uncomfortable and the most swollen,
Speaker 1: because at the very end, like there's like a swelling
Speaker 1: that tends to happen to women at the very very
Speaker 1: end about there is swelling that happens. I know, your
Speaker 1: ladies know what I'm talking about, if you've had baby
Speaker 1: or something that I don't know, you don't know, like
Speaker 1: you you were swell a little bit with it, like
Speaker 1: a particular swelling that tends to occur at the very
Speaker 1: end in the entire body when it's about to be time.
Speaker 1: And for me, I didn't really have that before, but
Speaker 1: with Dakota, I definitely like my hands I never had
Speaker 1: to take off and I had I had to take
Speaker 1: my wedding. I was like, there were things that were
Speaker 1: happening that I was like Okay, it's about to be time,
Speaker 1: but it ain't time yet. So thirties thirty eight weeks
Speaker 1: on the dots on the dot. So Josh and Matt
Speaker 1: were in town as of week thirty seven. I even
Speaker 1: had Josh changing his schedule and all sorts of things around.
Speaker 1: He was shooting a wedding out here in Georgia. I'm like,
Speaker 1: shoot the wedding, but come back here because I feel
Speaker 1: like it's going to happen any minute now. And um literally,
Speaker 1: I said to Josh, because he couldn't stay in long,
Speaker 1: I couldn't hold him postage any longer. I was like, damn, bro,
Speaker 1: I said, I know the minute you leave, the baby
Speaker 1: is going to come. So there were so many things
Speaker 1: that I was trying to do that week that they say,
Speaker 1: we'll have the baby come faster. Did you damn eggplant, eggplant, parmesan,
Speaker 1: all things eggplant. It didn't work. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: how this. This is how bad Coude wanted to get
Speaker 1: this baby out. The last two months of our of
Speaker 1: your pregnancy. You were like super anti intimacy, Like you
Speaker 1: just at a point where he's like, I don't want
Speaker 1: nobody to touch me. You was you were swollen in
Speaker 1: places like your feet were swollen, and you were just like,
Speaker 1: I just don't feel like nothing. I was just like, baby,
Speaker 1: want me cut you. She was like, now I don't know.
Speaker 1: Once we got to the end of thirty seven. Now
Speaker 1: she's looking at me. She's making these fake batty eyes.
Speaker 1: She's just like she's thinking me when sucking some boobies,
Speaker 1: like what I heard that that would help. But first
Speaker 1: of all, I didn't even sexy. It ain't even it
Speaker 1: ain't even like she was like, hit, baby, come when
Speaker 1: I want you. She ain't. She wasn't even lie and
Speaker 1: say you want to suck on some boobies. And I
Speaker 1: was like, what's what's that gonna do? I hear that
Speaker 1: sounds like so now you just want me from my body.
Speaker 1: So of course I took one for the team and
Speaker 1: I obliged on boobies, and then nothing was happening. Nothing
Speaker 1: was happening. So I also want to get the egg
Speaker 1: plant from this rest right out here that they say
Speaker 1: if you eat the egg plant parmesan within forty eight hours,
Speaker 1: you're going to labor, which actually happens for me thirty
Speaker 1: six hours after eating it. But the water broke. There
Speaker 1: was a combination because you ate the eggplant. We did
Speaker 1: it doggie style, uh nipple stimulation. He was bouncing on that,
Speaker 1: damn uh yoga forever. I also drank the red raspberry
Speaker 1: leaf tea with Time in it, so I don't know
Speaker 1: if that happened, because Time was what I popped into
Speaker 1: the tea at the very last minute. And then he
Speaker 1: came the next so it was probably you know what.
Speaker 1: Maybe the Dakota was like, you know, I'm ready to
Speaker 1: come out. I'm gonna be honest. They don't be working.
Speaker 1: It's just when the baby want to come. The baby
Speaker 1: want to come, and I ain't gonna lie to you.
Speaker 1: After doing all of those things, I just got to
Speaker 1: a point where I was just like, yo, I'm going
Speaker 1: to bed and one day I'm gonna wake up and
Speaker 1: she's going telling me the water broke. I just knew
Speaker 1: that that's how it's gonna happen. And and so said,
Speaker 1: so done. I remember Monday, sleeping fully, finally getting some sleep,
Speaker 1: and then you, you know, you tell me she's The
Speaker 1: funny thing is Cadee. She'd be trying like not to
Speaker 1: be nervous and trying to be cool because she had
Speaker 1: been planning this the whole time she touched me man man,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, what's up? And and from
Speaker 1: week thirty six on, every time she touched me or
Speaker 1: she called me saying babe, I thought her water broke.
Speaker 1: I would like the baby's head, baby saying. And she
Speaker 1: was just like, my water, my water broke. So I
Speaker 1: was like yeah, I grab my phone. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: my water broke. And I'm looking at her and I'm like,
Speaker 1: why are you nervous? And she was like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I wasn't ready. I thought I was not. You don't understand.
Speaker 1: It's like a It's like a build up, you know,
Speaker 1: Like I'm just like, yeah, I could do this, I
Speaker 1: could do you know. You talk to yourself mentally, you
Speaker 1: kind of give yourself up for It's like a game day,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You get prepared and then
Speaker 1: when it finally happens, and when the whistle blows, it's
Speaker 1: like damn, like this is about to happen, Like there's
Speaker 1: one way out, this one way out. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get a little bit serious for a minute, because everything
Speaker 1: is always jokes and funding games with us, but I'm
Speaker 1: going to express some things to you. Now that I
Speaker 1: didn't express before first is that I was scared, right
Speaker 1: because we we're having this baby. We've had every child
Speaker 1: a week thirty seven, and for me it was like, okay,
Speaker 1: since we had in a week thirty seven and not
Speaker 1: closer to week forty. All of our children have been small,
Speaker 1: so maybe it was easy for you to push and
Speaker 1: get the baby out because all of our kids were
Speaker 1: small around six pounds, you know, one close to seven,
Speaker 1: but all of them around mid six pounds. Cairo was
Speaker 1: even five pounds five thirteen. So once we passed the
Speaker 1: thirty seven week mark, I was like, man, Dakota is bigger.
Speaker 1: I wonder if that's going to be an issue. Then
Speaker 1: you know, all of the doubt started to creep in
Speaker 1: about whether or not we were doing things the right
Speaker 1: way because you are older. So then I was just like,
Speaker 1: I really just want to focus on you having a
Speaker 1: healthy childbirth and labor and the code of being healthy
Speaker 1: and born. That's all I was worried about, because also
Speaker 1: we were dealing with you getting COVID in the first
Speaker 1: trimester of having the code and having to be on
Speaker 1: blood thinners well a baby aspirin for your entire pregnancy.
Speaker 1: So now I'm worried about bleeding if it's an issue,
Speaker 1: if the coda is going to be big and you
Speaker 1: might tear, is bleeding going to be an issue? These
Speaker 1: are the things that we're going through my mind the
Speaker 1: week of the thirties seven going to thirty eighth, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, I hope he comes before week
Speaker 1: forty because I don't want you have to deal with
Speaker 1: those things. And I never expressed them because to me,
Speaker 1: it was like I didn't want to bring any stress
Speaker 1: or any any negative thoughts to you. But those were
Speaker 1: really going through my mind at the time. Now I can,
Speaker 1: I can. I guess we can both say we were
Speaker 1: both feeling the same things, but not I guess, not
Speaker 1: trying to scare each other because I had the same
Speaker 1: apprehensions too, which is one of the reasons why when
Speaker 1: I had the conversation with our midwife ahead of time,
Speaker 1: letting her know that, you know, she was pretty much
Speaker 1: concurrently I was seeing her along with an O, B,
Speaker 1: G N. And she knew that I was on the
Speaker 1: baby aspirin, and I asked her if that would be
Speaker 1: an issue, and me feeling confident um with her and
Speaker 1: being in her care, she told me that that wasn't
Speaker 1: going to be an issue. I felt the same way.
Speaker 1: So I was like, Okay, if Takia said that I'm
Speaker 1: good being on this baby aspirin, We're fine. Bleeding won't
Speaker 1: be an issue. But there's always the you never know.
Speaker 1: Takia being here is the only reason why I felt comfortable,
Speaker 1: because if it wasn't with Ta Kia, I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: done this home birth with any any of the I
Speaker 1: trusted her absolutely more than I trusted anything else. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: as long as she made us feel good, I felt good,
Speaker 1: right right right, Well, can you explain to them about
Speaker 1: the why you had to take the baby aspirin and
Speaker 1: with COVID and the spike poaching. I remember the details,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it was one of those things. Early on
Speaker 1: when I found out I was pregnant, um I had
Speaker 1: COVID when I was to really happen simultaneously. I must
Speaker 1: have gotten pregnant and had COVID literally at the same time.
Speaker 1: So the minute I got over COVID, found out I
Speaker 1: was pregnant and then had to go into the doctor.
Speaker 1: After quarantining and then then getting a negative test, they
Speaker 1: did all the blood work. So naturally, at thirty if
Speaker 1: you're over thirty five, they're doing an extensive panel of
Speaker 1: blood work on you, much less just regular pregnancy blood work,
Speaker 1: So they're testing your blood and they're also testing um
Speaker 1: for the baby aftermalities, things like that. So in doing
Speaker 1: this entire panel, they came to find out that the
Speaker 1: spike proteins were elevated in my blood and um. The
Speaker 1: cardioiplin level was also elevated, so that was going to
Speaker 1: potentially cause um clouding issues with my blood and that
Speaker 1: would in turn make me more prone to um stroke,
Speaker 1: heart attack, um you know, blood clots, and also to
Speaker 1: possible placenta issues and blood flow issues, which is important
Speaker 1: for people to know because these are things that they
Speaker 1: don't speak to us as black parents, black moms. Right.
Speaker 1: For example, people who have sickle cell anemia or the
Speaker 1: sickle cell anemia traite have higher complications with COVID. No
Speaker 1: one's talking about it. We know what. I've done research
Speaker 1: and I've spoken to people because you have the sickle
Speaker 1: celling trait and two of our boys, Hiro and Cats
Speaker 1: have the same trait. So once we found out about
Speaker 1: the spike protein, I started to look at the different
Speaker 1: ways and how COVID was going to affect people with
Speaker 1: sickle cell and I realized that that's one of the
Speaker 1: things that happened. Yeah, a lot of similarities that tend
Speaker 1: to happen if you're, like you said, exposed to the
Speaker 1: trait um. And also too, they tested me for other
Speaker 1: autoimmune diseases as well too, because there are also some
Speaker 1: similarities in the I guess what you can see in
Speaker 1: a person that has even syphilis, you know, you get
Speaker 1: a false positive for syphilis because there are some of
Speaker 1: the same you know, attributes that they happened from COVID
Speaker 1: from COVID. Yeah, and it was just things that people
Speaker 1: are still finding out now to this day. And these
Speaker 1: are tests they don't do on people who are not pregnant.
Speaker 1: No for example, So I, you know, I had COVID
Speaker 1: as well, and no one did my blood tests, so
Speaker 1: we don't know what are going to be the effects
Speaker 1: of the blood work. And then it wasn't until we
Speaker 1: spoke as the KIA, and the KIA said, typically when
Speaker 1: your body is fighting off infection or fighting off viral
Speaker 1: infections in particulars, when you get the spike protein right,
Speaker 1: So you know, these are things that they said will
Speaker 1: go away once the virus is gone. But once this
Speaker 1: alarms your doctor in the early part of the pregnancy,
Speaker 1: now this is something that they're watching, especially with you
Speaker 1: being considered geriatric because being over exactly, so everything is heightened.
Speaker 1: It's like pregnancy almost put your body under like a
Speaker 1: mini stress test, if that makes sense. So anything that
Speaker 1: potentially may arise at some point may rear its ugly
Speaker 1: head and pregnancy to kind of give you an alert, like, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to be you know, on the alert for
Speaker 1: something like this. UM. So I was in great care
Speaker 1: um with an O B G y N and also
Speaker 1: getting sonograms done every month just to sure that dacode
Speaker 1: it was growing nicely, that my PERCENTO was working as
Speaker 1: it should, that there was accurate blood flow, that he
Speaker 1: was gaining weight, that my amniotic fluid was good. So
Speaker 1: I actually preferred to be on the safe side and
Speaker 1: getting this extensive work done the entire time to make
Speaker 1: me feel at least a little bit more at ease. Yeah,
Speaker 1: with the process um leaving up to birth. But she
Speaker 1: pissed off. I'm gonna say this really quickly on my
Speaker 1: she pissed me off because she was doing her job
Speaker 1: and doing her job well, but for me. Sometimes your
Speaker 1: words have so much power that they can cause and
Speaker 1: create stress. And when we told her that we were
Speaker 1: going to do a home birth, her first thing was,
Speaker 1: why would you do that? Yeah, and when in Georgia.
Speaker 1: Now we're not in New York because in New York
Speaker 1: medicine is a little bit more liberal. So when we
Speaker 1: spoke about O. B. G Y and then she was like,
Speaker 1: you're a perfect candidate for home birth because your second
Speaker 1: child came with ease, you didn't have any issues, you
Speaker 1: didn't tear. She gave me her bless You gave your
Speaker 1: bless long as you find someone that you're comfortable with
Speaker 1: and that's a professional, you know. Um, but yeah, this
Speaker 1: O kind like that. She was totally not Yeah, she
Speaker 1: was not with any of my ships when it came Yeah,
Speaker 1: which I completely get. And now that I'm learning more
Speaker 1: about how, um, how midwives potentially you know, how they
Speaker 1: function out here in Georgia, you know, there's also a
Speaker 1: disconnect theater. There's a very huge difference between between midwives
Speaker 1: and O. B. Y. N noticed that over the last
Speaker 1: couple of weeks exactly, and even just within different states,
Speaker 1: the regulations and the rules are just completely different way
Speaker 1: to Kia. It was even you know, surprised at some
Speaker 1: things that they did here that she wasn't accustomed to.
Speaker 1: So um. So yeah, that leading up to that, I
Speaker 1: was definitely a little bit more nervous. Having to Kia
Speaker 1: and having reassured me, I think was the biggest thing
Speaker 1: that had me at ease. Um And even though I
Speaker 1: would you know, the doctor gave me her rundown, it
Speaker 1: was like, I don't think you should do it. Um,
Speaker 1: A little bit of fear started to enter my body
Speaker 1: and the kind of what IF's for a moment, and
Speaker 1: then I had to kind of rule myself back and say,
Speaker 1: Kadeem like, you've never had fear exist sting in your
Speaker 1: body when it came to anything, especially dealing with this pregnancy,
Speaker 1: So don't do that now, you know. I had to
Speaker 1: kind of talk myself off of a mini led real
Speaker 1: quick because I just knew and I had confidence in Takia,
Speaker 1: had confidence in you and myself that we were going
Speaker 1: to make this experience what we planned for it to be.
Speaker 1: And of course making sure that we had an emergency
Speaker 1: route and we had the you know plan everything, just
Speaker 1: making sure that everybody was on board, everybody knew their task.
Speaker 1: We had a family meeting, went to Everyone knew their
Speaker 1: battle station where they had to man their position, so
Speaker 1: everyone knew what was to happen, and God forbid something
Speaker 1: were to go wrong, what the next step would be.
Speaker 1: Practice driving to the hospital, just to make sure that
Speaker 1: we knew the route and everything would have gone smoothly.
Speaker 1: So once that water broke and I was like, baby,
Speaker 1: I think it's time. It was not well. And here's
Speaker 1: a funny thing. When the water broke, now, we were
Speaker 1: expecting things to move the same way they moved with
Speaker 1: our first two shows in the past, with Cairo and
Speaker 1: Kaz Codeine's water broke, they came within six hours, like
Speaker 1: they were. They were both like boom, six hours. So
Speaker 1: now Codine's water broken, we're liking at the time and well,
Speaker 1: it's like okay, so in about six hours, the quota
Speaker 1: will be here. Six hours came around. There was no movement.
Speaker 1: The contractions has slowed down down completely. I was like,
Speaker 1: what in the world, I said, this kid really doesn't
Speaker 1: want to get out. You know, it was an early morning.
Speaker 1: I got up to use the restroom, um, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of waddled over to the bathroom, used it, then
Speaker 1: got back in bed, and the minute I laid down,
Speaker 1: when my water breaks, on exactly what it feels like.
Speaker 1: It feels like there's like an internal like a pop
Speaker 1: that happens internally. And I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I think my water broke. To myself, I didn't say
Speaker 1: anything to the value yet. I said, coadine, if you
Speaker 1: stand up and water trickles down your legs, if you
Speaker 1: know your water really broke. And I looked at the
Speaker 1: time it was six thirty eight in the morning, um,
Speaker 1: and the okay, coadin go ahead and stand up girl,
Speaker 1: Stand up girl. I had to talk myself into it,
Speaker 1: like as if I didn't know. If if I didn't
Speaker 1: stand up, it wasn't gonna happen. And I stood up
Speaker 1: and so said, so done that warm water sensation trickling
Speaker 1: down my legs, and I was like to hew, my
Speaker 1: water broke. And then at that point I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, we're gonna wait the house because every day
Speaker 1: everyone was going to bed with the anticipation of something happening.
Speaker 1: But it was a great moment. Though you were smiling.
Speaker 1: I was smiling. Gentlemen, I'm gonna say this, you don't
Speaker 1: really understand your power and we're gonna talk about it
Speaker 1: as we get through the birthing process. You don't understand
Speaker 1: your power as a father until you go through labor
Speaker 1: and realize how your voice, your presence, and your touch
Speaker 1: can control the whole process. And I mean literally control
Speaker 1: the whole process. When I got up, even though I
Speaker 1: was concerned and worried, the minute she told me how
Speaker 1: water broke, all I did was smile. I smiled, I
Speaker 1: kissed her, I hugged her, and I watched her go
Speaker 1: from nervous to be like, okay, well, this is just
Speaker 1: what we do. And then we we woke up. Her
Speaker 1: mom was getting Jackson ready for school. We went outside.
Speaker 1: It was like perfect time because Jackson was about to
Speaker 1: leave for school with twenty minutes, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, you could stay. I don't stay because
Speaker 1: your brother's coming. Woke your mom up. Your mom almost
Speaker 1: like she was so used to waiting every morning she
Speaker 1: comes or whatever it will happen when it happens. And
Speaker 1: then we told her like you know, these water broken,
Speaker 1: and she started jumping up and down and said, okay,
Speaker 1: what do we do? What do we do? And then
Speaker 1: Jackson was just like can I stay home? And we
Speaker 1: were like, of course, of course, So Jackson stayed home,
Speaker 1: we kept King Kats home and then we were just
Speaker 1: like for me personally, I was like, I know it's
Speaker 1: gonna take six hours. There's no reason to rush and
Speaker 1: Phil he told them we got time. I woke my
Speaker 1: sister up, We woke up everybody but te Kia the
Speaker 1: mid We were like, wait a second, we have to
Speaker 1: let her know too. And then um, we made breakfast
Speaker 1: and we woke my mom up and we chilled for
Speaker 1: a little bit. Um started putting on some movies and say, okay,
Speaker 1: what's the next what's the next process? But then time
Speaker 1: started flying. Yeah, And what I noticed was it went
Speaker 1: from being I think it was about six. It was
Speaker 1: like six o'clock and Jackson was getting ready for before
Speaker 1: I knew it. It was like and I was like,
Speaker 1: how you feeling, and you were like nothing, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: felt I felt it was strange. I was expecting to
Speaker 1: have the progression happened and it wasn't happening. So that's
Speaker 1: when to Kia was like, you know what, let's go outside.
Speaker 1: So we went outside. I put my sweats on I did.
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, come on over. Then where
Speaker 1: you know now everything's gonna happen. It was beautiful. It
Speaker 1: was a beautiful day. I put my my hoodie on
Speaker 1: and I was like, all right, we're gonna do some exercises.
Speaker 1: So I was out there doing lunges and spots and
Speaker 1: walking and getting some fresh air, just trying to get
Speaker 1: a little change of scenery. UM, which was nice to
Speaker 1: encourage that UM. And still I didn't feel like much
Speaker 1: was happening in that moment. It might have been a
Speaker 1: little bit because I was distracted because everyone was there,
Speaker 1: But I didn't realize the impact that was happening on
Speaker 1: happening on labor and the impact it was happening happening
Speaker 1: on my body, because if I wasn't focused, it seems
Speaker 1: like labor wasn't going togs, which was strange for me.
Speaker 1: That was something very different, well it was. It was
Speaker 1: was very different because that didn't happen with the other
Speaker 1: two children. And I remember sitting in the room. Then
Speaker 1: we finally started putting water in the tub, and my
Speaker 1: mom sat there and just held the water over the
Speaker 1: TOUB was a mom, you can leave that, but that
Speaker 1: was her task. She wanted to do that. And then
Speaker 1: I remember feeling in that moment like Okay, everything isn't
Speaker 1: going as planned, just like the other two. So then
Speaker 1: for me, I was a little bit I started to
Speaker 1: get anxiety. I'm like, shoot, it ain't thirty seven weeks
Speaker 1: or thirty eight weeks. It's going on all this time
Speaker 1: because it's my job to suppress all of my anxiety
Speaker 1: and be calm in that moment so that you can
Speaker 1: find a place, a sovereign place of peace. When you
Speaker 1: look at me, you're the one doing all the work.
Speaker 1: You can't be doing all the working, and I'm walking
Speaker 1: around like what's happening? So every time you came around,
Speaker 1: I was just I was calm, but I really was
Speaker 1: thinking like this baby must be bigger. You know you
Speaker 1: are older, is longer weeks, like at least all the
Speaker 1: things I'm thinking. So that's when I grabbed you and
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, baby, let's just walk in the house.
Speaker 1: So I remember you know, doing the soldier. Remember we
Speaker 1: did the what's it called the was that line? We
Speaker 1: need the congoline through the through the house. We went
Speaker 1: from the kitchen to the living room to the four year,
Speaker 1: to the dining room to the great room, and we
Speaker 1: were just walking and as we started to walk. I
Speaker 1: noticed the contractions. What's coming every I think two and
Speaker 1: a half minutes, No, no minute and a half, about
Speaker 1: every minute and a half, but every ninety seconds of
Speaker 1: contraction started to come. Okay, move, we're moving. We're moving,
Speaker 1: We're moving. But they were like weak contractions. They weren't like,
Speaker 1: you know, on the scale of contractions. They were coming,
Speaker 1: but they were coming kind of like I was tolerating them.
Speaker 1: So I felt like, Okay, maybe it's happening, but it's
Speaker 1: just starting to progress, starting to speed up a little
Speaker 1: bit more. And then after that, I think that's when
Speaker 1: Takia said to us, I think you guys need some
Speaker 1: quiet time. I'm gonna get everyone out of the room.
Speaker 1: You guys can sit and have lunch together. Um, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need dad to love on mom and mom
Speaker 1: to love on dad. And at first I was like,
Speaker 1: don't time for that. That that's how we got that's
Speaker 1: how we got here. She's like, well, because that's how
Speaker 1: you got here, that's what's going to help to get
Speaker 1: him out. And she talked us about oxytosa and how
Speaker 1: intimacy or just even touch or just being around your
Speaker 1: person can help to progress. Lambor so it's a it's
Speaker 1: a real hormone that helps with two things. For for
Speaker 1: women it's contractions and also for lactating. So even oxytosen
Speaker 1: comes from your child too. That's why when your child
Speaker 1: gets on you or you think about your child and stuff,
Speaker 1: your boob start to leak. Right before we started today,
Speaker 1: Kadeine was sitting here and we started talking about childbirth
Speaker 1: and she said, oh, I didn't put on any breastpads, right,
Speaker 1: so I'll never forget this. And this is when as
Speaker 1: as a as a man, you start to realize your
Speaker 1: power in all of these different things. We're sitting in
Speaker 1: the room and we're on the two chairs that just
Speaker 1: brought in our bedroom, and she just while she was nesting,
Speaker 1: and she's looking at me, and I'm looking at her,
Speaker 1: and I can tell him in your eyes that you
Speaker 1: were nervous. And I smiled, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: what's the matter of me while I'm nervous as but
Speaker 1: I can't show you something. It's a matter of baby,
Speaker 1: and you just like and then the race car for
Speaker 1: the last time, the race car cry happening. I don't
Speaker 1: know what's going on. So then I pulled you close
Speaker 1: because you were sitting on the ball, pulled you close,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, look at me, look
Speaker 1: at me. We had out intimate conversation. I kissed you,
Speaker 1: you kissed me. We started making out, and then when
Speaker 1: we started making out, then all you did was going
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, well what was that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I stood up off the ball at this point and
Speaker 1: the contraction, like I felt like, oh, this is active labor,
Speaker 1: and it happens almost instantaneously. Within maybe twenty minutes, I
Speaker 1: went from like not so much in labor to being like, oh,
Speaker 1: shoot and it will come in seconds. Yes, like these
Speaker 1: and these were contractions that would stop her in her track. Literally,
Speaker 1: she would be talking to me, we would be dancing
Speaker 1: and making funny, funny fun doing things, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden and she was breathing, not moving and
Speaker 1: just squeezing me and holding onto me. And then Takia
Speaker 1: and Sakari came in to check your vitals, check the baby.
Speaker 1: Shout to my sister. She was she was my actually
Speaker 1: she was an R and she was an assistant. Yeah
Speaker 1: please you know, said my baby sisters in R right now.
Speaker 1: So she was actually assisting to Kia, so she wasn't
Speaker 1: in sister role. Really, she wasn't in dula role. She
Speaker 1: was literally like a nurse role, which was amazing. So
Speaker 1: I'm glad she got that experience. So shout out to
Speaker 1: Aunti Sakari. Yeah, and then uh, you destroyed that food
Speaker 1: other things. Make sure when you're in labor, ladies that
Speaker 1: you eat. Yeah, sometimes you can't, depending if you're an
Speaker 1: assid and you're on certain medications and whatnot. But I
Speaker 1: wanted to eat, and the kid was like, if you
Speaker 1: want to eat, better eat. But but think about that, right,
Speaker 1: the difference between being in a hospital being strapped to
Speaker 1: a bed with an i V and not being able
Speaker 1: to move, or not being able to have the intimate
Speaker 1: moment with your partner to help have oxytocin help push
Speaker 1: labor along. You see what I'm saying. Like, for me,
Speaker 1: that's what was the best part about having a child
Speaker 1: at home. We could close our sweet doors to our
Speaker 1: master bedroom and people can be outside and be comfortable
Speaker 1: and relaxed because they're in our home. They can watch TV.
Speaker 1: They're not in a hospital waiting room, you know, and
Speaker 1: no restriction, no restriction, And they were waiting for us,
Speaker 1: and then when the time happened, everybody jumped into action.
Speaker 1: But gentlemen, I cannot say this enough. You have a
Speaker 1: power to help your wife, your girlfriend, the mother of
Speaker 1: your child through labor with love and affection. It may
Speaker 1: sound cliche, but it really isn't. It's the truth. Like
Speaker 1: love and affection, I'll kissed on you and the kisses
Speaker 1: one just okay, let me kiss you because let's make
Speaker 1: this baby. I could see in your face that you
Speaker 1: were worried. And then we looked at each other and
Speaker 1: we started to feel that love again and we started
Speaker 1: to make out like kids. And then the baby just
Speaker 1: started to be like, all right, I need to get
Speaker 1: out of here. I just don't. I don't like any hand.
Speaker 1: I want to get out. There were all the love
Speaker 1: is and right. That's when the kid came and said,
Speaker 1: I think we need to start moving to that tub. Yep.
Speaker 1: And that's when I got even more nervous, because then
Speaker 1: at this point I know that it's a the point
Speaker 1: of no return, be this baby is coming out one
Speaker 1: way not or the other one way. And then I
Speaker 1: started to I think I started to then think back
Speaker 1: to my birth with kas, which I was very calm.
Speaker 1: When I look at the footage now from both deliveries.
Speaker 1: Super calm with cats. With Dakota, I think I was
Speaker 1: anticipating the pain and like what was coming next and
Speaker 1: in that moment, and I kind of panicked a little bit.
Speaker 1: I feel like when I was in the water, it
Speaker 1: was like a panic that I felt like, oh my God,
Speaker 1: like I know it's about to happen. I just want
Speaker 1: to get this baby out of me. And with each
Speaker 1: contraction and with each push, I think I was that
Speaker 1: much more just nervous. I think you're harding yourself. I
Speaker 1: don't think you panic. You don't think I think you
Speaker 1: handled that that pretty well. If I looked at them,
Speaker 1: look crazy crazy exhaling and giving a grunt or a
Speaker 1: scream while the contraction is coming, while the baby's head
Speaker 1: is coming through your vagina. It's not panicking, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's right, That's that's part of the process.
Speaker 1: I mean, you extremely calm um. I remember the water
Speaker 1: was very, very hot, and you weren't screaming and cussing
Speaker 1: that people. You were just like, it's you know, it's
Speaker 1: kind of it's kind of hot, and then you asked
Speaker 1: me to get the cool water. I remember leaving your
Speaker 1: side for a minute to check one of the cameras,
Speaker 1: and you were just like no, no, yeah. I was like,
Speaker 1: don't don't you, like, just just stay right here, just
Speaker 1: stay right here. I almost took my mom's braids out
Speaker 1: at one point because she was to my left and
Speaker 1: I was looking for something to grab onto and I
Speaker 1: think I pulled her hair. Poor things. Sorry, mom My bad.
Speaker 1: She might have a little both spot because of that.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, she's yeah her your mom my mom. They
Speaker 1: were like literally surrounding the tub. My sister was right
Speaker 1: next to Takia. You were right literally behind me the
Speaker 1: entire time. Um. It was just a great, great experience. Yeah,
Speaker 1: while are you talking about it as I'm just smiling,
Speaker 1: because until you've experienced that type of power from a
Speaker 1: woman and the power of a village and watching everybody
Speaker 1: come together, it's like it's something so divine about it. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: it's the way everyone just literally rallied around me. And
Speaker 1: I just had at that point when one thing I've
Speaker 1: always had was total trust in my body. Like I've
Speaker 1: always felt like my body, particularly doing during labor or
Speaker 1: just during pregnancy, that my body is not going to
Speaker 1: feel me. Um, And in that moment, I just knew
Speaker 1: that my body was doing what it was supposed to do,
Speaker 1: so and still being a little bit nervous and a
Speaker 1: little bit antsy and wanting this baby to come out,
Speaker 1: and just being like, oh my god, there's this pain.
Speaker 1: It was trusting the process and trusting the pain that
Speaker 1: knowing that each time I had a contraction or each
Speaker 1: time I felt the urge to push, it was my
Speaker 1: body bringing me that much closer to holding the baby.
Speaker 1: You know. It was just like, this is like the
Speaker 1: grand finale. This is when I'm gonna finally have this
Speaker 1: baby in my arms. And can nobody tell me nothing? Okay?
Speaker 1: Can nobody tell me nothing now? Because I literally feel
Speaker 1: like like I feel like a woman. I feel like
Speaker 1: my body did what it was supposed to do and
Speaker 1: there was no intervention. I had my husband by my side,
Speaker 1: my team of women around me. It was just such
Speaker 1: like you said, it was a divine moment, Like God
Speaker 1: was over that place. He was all in the room,
Speaker 1: all in the water, he was all over it, all
Speaker 1: over it. And I feel like having Dakota beautifully born
Speaker 1: at home, it's just proof of that. It's just proof
Speaker 1: of that. Like he came out and he literally didn't
Speaker 1: make a word, he didn't make a sound, he didn't cry,
Speaker 1: He just came out and just laid on top of
Speaker 1: me like he was just supposed to just like just
Speaker 1: be here. It was just it was amazing. It was amazing,
Speaker 1: And those are the only moments that made me, for
Speaker 1: two point five seconds, I feel like I could do
Speaker 1: it again. But now, I mean, what it was was
Speaker 1: what it was in that moment, and it was great,
Speaker 1: and we have our memories, we have our footage, and
Speaker 1: it was just it was great. And I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna put this out there on the podcast that um,
Speaker 1: you're not going to get a birthing vlog. UM. Kadina
Speaker 1: and I had made a decision before the Koda got
Speaker 1: here that we wanted to keep this memory for us.
Speaker 1: We do share a UM, we like to share because
Speaker 1: we like to inform people. But we've shared a birthing
Speaker 1: vlog with with you guys. We shared a birthing and
Speaker 1: we appreciate you guys being a part of our virtual family.
Speaker 1: But we had made a decision beforehand that, UM, how
Speaker 1: we filmed this time was going to be way more
Speaker 1: intimate than the last time. Number one, because I wanted
Speaker 1: to be very aware of what's going on. Like I
Speaker 1: said before, I didn't want to have to think about
Speaker 1: cameras in blog footage while this delivery was happening, because
Speaker 1: this is you know, this is four years from kas Um. Also,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to have to worry about how you
Speaker 1: felt during I don't know how to explain it, but
Speaker 1: you don't want me to be conscious of it. I
Speaker 1: didn't want you to be conscious. I wanted you to
Speaker 1: be fully aware of the moment. Later, see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Being present in the moment and not being isn't about
Speaker 1: where the camera is or which angle is being caught.
Speaker 1: I wanted it to be as organic and natural as possible. Yes,
Speaker 1: and that's why there's no Vlaut footage. Yeah, sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: I just I just wanted this moment moment for us
Speaker 1: and our family. And like you said, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of things that we do share, UM, there's actually a
Speaker 1: lot of things that we don't share, and we make
Speaker 1: a collective decision about what that's going to look like
Speaker 1: for us, UM and I literally wanted it to be
Speaker 1: just what it was. I wanted to be present in
Speaker 1: that moment. I wanted to be able to think about
Speaker 1: and feel everything that was happening without any interruption, if
Speaker 1: that makes sense. Um, Like, I don't want to think
Speaker 1: about who was in the room, extra people in the room, um,
Speaker 1: recording anything. I really just wanted to live in that moment.
Speaker 1: So when I think back to the birth of Dakota,
Speaker 1: I can literally feel and smell and hear everything that
Speaker 1: had happened. Um amidst the contractions, when those happen, and
Speaker 1: you don't hear or think about anything other than, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I can't believe this is happening. UM. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a beautiful experience. The boys were literally right
Speaker 1: outside the door with my dad. UM. So the minute
Speaker 1: Dakota came out, I had the boys come in to
Speaker 1: meet their brother. They were so excited to meet sweet Baby.
Speaker 1: That's what Catty has been calling him, sweet baby. Um.
Speaker 1: So we've been able to meet baby Broader. We took
Speaker 1: some pictures of course. UM. Shout out to Kayla, thank
Speaker 1: you for being here on the last minute, because you know,
Speaker 1: so we have photos and stuff. Yeah so video, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll put together a little something so you guys can see,
Speaker 1: um probably simultaneously with this this podcast, But as far
Speaker 1: as sorry, and it's all it's all here like I
Speaker 1: can like case that I can smell and feel and
Speaker 1: remember every single thing like I can remember. Isn't it
Speaker 1: crazy how social media has like conditioned us so much
Speaker 1: to be like so on that that portion of you know, um,
Speaker 1: being in the moment or feeling or just heightening senses
Speaker 1: um kind of took a back seat for a while
Speaker 1: when it came to certain experiences. And then now we
Speaker 1: realized the value in those moments. Let me tell you,
Speaker 1: God tends to put things in perspective, right, Um, I
Speaker 1: wanted to be present for my child's birth. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to be in production of my child's birth. Right
Speaker 1: you understand what I'm saying. I just wanted to be
Speaker 1: present and I felt present, and I feel like and
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about this on the next flog me
Speaker 1: on the next podcast. There was a reason why I
Speaker 1: felt that way, and it turned out that that reason
Speaker 1: was the best reason, because giving birth as the closest
Speaker 1: you'll get to death without actually dying. And shout out
Speaker 1: to all the moms who have given birth, UM, condolences
Speaker 1: to mom's we have lost their lives while giving birth.
Speaker 1: Moms who have just given birth and who are dealing
Speaker 1: with certain issues after giving birth. Ums. The more children
Speaker 1: you have and the money, the more times you watched it,
Speaker 1: the real or childbirth gets to you and you respect
Speaker 1: that so much where you realize like everything can't be
Speaker 1: a production. And um, first of all, I love you, baby,
Speaker 1: I love you so much. UM four, he's so perfect, y'all,
Speaker 1: y'all have no idea. Man, you'll have no idea. He
Speaker 1: is so perfect when you watch such a good baby
Speaker 1: too so far and his brothers are so in love
Speaker 1: with him, and it's funny. I couldn't even It was
Speaker 1: hard for me to I have this moment, these moments
Speaker 1: every time I have another kid, Like with Jackson, it
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, this guilty feeling of like
Speaker 1: now imposing another child in Jackson's life and having to
Speaker 1: divide my time. And then I had the same feeling
Speaker 1: after having Cairo and then having casts so soon after.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, Cayro as a baby
Speaker 1: and I'm bringing another baby in and how dare I
Speaker 1: do this to him? Then we have the three boys
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, but our little trio is so cute.
Speaker 1: Now was infiltrate their circle with another kid? What am
Speaker 1: I doing? And then you end up having another child
Speaker 1: and they fall right into place like as if they
Speaker 1: were here the entire time. Um, and it just it's
Speaker 1: it's beautiful to see and it's beautiful to watch. He's
Speaker 1: an amazing baby. I know. Devil has looked at me
Speaker 1: some sometimes and like, you really in love with this baby? Huh,
Speaker 1: as if I'm not supposed to be, but I'm just
Speaker 1: it's just I don't even nothing. So we can go
Speaker 1: to break on that, because that was just the best
Speaker 1: description of the feeling of it's like, man, it was perfect.
Speaker 1: So it's gonna take a quick break. Guys, We'll be back,
Speaker 1: all guys, be back. And even after having or kids,
Speaker 1: this is still Conde's favorite part of the show. Adult time. Guys. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is my adult time in between breastfeeding and all
Speaker 1: the good stuff. All right, So we got listening letters? Cool?
Speaker 1: Should I read the first one? That you want to go? First?
Speaker 1: Your day is your date? Baby? All right? Do it? Hey? Baby?
Speaker 1: All right? Um. Couple couple episodes ago, you guys talked
Speaker 1: about providing a safe space, especially for women when it
Speaker 1: comes to being a mom and birthing myself and my
Speaker 1: significant other both really want to be parents and believe
Speaker 1: that this is a part of our legacy. However, I'm
Speaker 1: terrified of giving birth. I feel bad expressing this because
Speaker 1: people tell me, well, other ladies go through it too,
Speaker 1: so you should be okay. And as you mentioned before,
Speaker 1: if it was that bad, people wouldn't have multiple kids.
Speaker 1: Made me think, hey, that's a good point. As I
Speaker 1: still want to be a mother and pray the Lord
Speaker 1: blesses me with children. How can I prepare for the pain.
Speaker 1: My pain tolerance is low and I hate hospitals. Hearing
Speaker 1: you guys talk about birthing at home where you're comfortable
Speaker 1: has brought some ideas to my mind, but I fear
Speaker 1: I won't be able to face the pain and become
Speaker 1: so afraid that it might hinder my thought process of
Speaker 1: having birthing a child. I know my man wants to
Speaker 1: be a father, and the last thing I want is
Speaker 1: last minute to switch things up. My goal is all
Speaker 1: due to thinking about the unbearable pain after spending time
Speaker 1: and putting effort towards us. I sometimes expressed this and
Speaker 1: people say everyone goes through it, so you're fine, But
Speaker 1: I feel like that devalues my feelings and doesn't give
Speaker 1: me a safe place, safe space to discuss this sin.
Speaker 1: I felt the same way. So for you to feel
Speaker 1: like yeah, I know, and four babies later for you
Speaker 1: to feel like, um, you know this is like you're
Speaker 1: you're crazy for feeling this way. You're not. Um. Literally,
Speaker 1: every single time that I lead up to birth and
Speaker 1: labor and delivery, I get completely nervous and I worry
Speaker 1: about the pain. I used to actually think that my
Speaker 1: pain tolerance was low, but come to find out, my
Speaker 1: pain tolerance is pretty high, which is crazy to me. Um.
Speaker 1: One thing that my mad wife told me that really
Speaker 1: helped with just my mental space when it came to
Speaker 1: dealing with pain. She told me, if I thought of
Speaker 1: pain or the contractions as one step closer to me
Speaker 1: holding my baby, or one step closer to me being
Speaker 1: at the end of labor and delivery, that that sometimes
Speaker 1: gives me a little bit of momentum that I need
Speaker 1: to keep going, which actually really works. So it's like
Speaker 1: it's a in a sense, I welcomed the pain at
Speaker 1: the end um although it is pain nonetheless, and it
Speaker 1: feels like you're bones are being crushed in your entire pelvis,
Speaker 1: but it does make you feel like, Okay, that's one
Speaker 1: less contraction that I have to deal with, UM to
Speaker 1: then seeing my baby. And if I put this timeline
Speaker 1: in perspective for you, a water broke at six thirty
Speaker 1: eight in the morning, very light contractions throughout the day.
Speaker 1: The last forty five minutes I would say is probably
Speaker 1: the worst of it. And the contractions they come and
Speaker 1: they go, so you do get a little bit of reprieve,
Speaker 1: even though it's not a lot in between them. You
Speaker 1: do get a moment to kind of catch your breath.
Speaker 1: So it's like a build up. If you think of
Speaker 1: the contraction like a hill. You'll feel it coming on,
Speaker 1: it'll kind of hit a peak, and then it goes down.
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't say that it's a continuous pain that
Speaker 1: I felt the entire time. So that's what helped me
Speaker 1: with having moments of just having highs and lows, UM,
Speaker 1: And that's how I was able to look at the
Speaker 1: pain um and look at the process. So it wasn't
Speaker 1: as daunting UM, Like you said, It's going to be
Speaker 1: pain nonetheless, But that's my mental space that I'm in
Speaker 1: when I look at labor and I try to deal
Speaker 1: with the pain, um the best that I can. So
Speaker 1: I hope that helps because I would love to see
Speaker 1: you become a mom and love for your significant other
Speaker 1: to be a father and if pain is the only hindrance.
Speaker 1: Also too, you have to know that there's options. You know,
Speaker 1: there are epidurals that people take, um when you're in
Speaker 1: the hospital. You have to be in the hospital for
Speaker 1: that though. UM. But just allowing your body to do
Speaker 1: what it's supposed to do naturally, I think helps the
Speaker 1: process go faster, which I like about the home birthing
Speaker 1: process that there's no intervention in your body literally do
Speaker 1: does what it's made to do. So good luck to
Speaker 1: her on that. Do you have any two cents about
Speaker 1: the pain or you can't? Yea attractions like I'm just
Speaker 1: not gonna do that. But what I will say for
Speaker 1: her significant other, it's his responsibility to create that space
Speaker 1: for her, you know. Like there's like I remember one
Speaker 1: time in particular, UM, the O B G y N
Speaker 1: had you waiting there for a couple of hours and
Speaker 1: I called and I said, I will be there in
Speaker 1: five minutes because I couldn't at this point, I couldn't
Speaker 1: come to the appointments because of COVID regulations, but I
Speaker 1: would have blown that whole place up for then making
Speaker 1: my wife feel uncomfortable. And I feel like that's where
Speaker 1: we have to be as men. We can't have a contraction,
Speaker 1: we can't carry a baby, but everything outside of what's
Speaker 1: going on in your body is my responsibility. What you eat,
Speaker 1: what you drink, where you will, who's around you, where
Speaker 1: you have the child, who's your O, B, G, Y N.
Speaker 1: It's a man's responsibility to make sure that you have
Speaker 1: access to everything you need to be as comfortable as
Speaker 1: you have to be during that process. So I don't
Speaker 1: have any words for her with how to deal with contractions,
Speaker 1: but if I could speak to him, if you want
Speaker 1: to ask this woman to have your baby, you better
Speaker 1: be prepared to deal with everything. And I'm talking about
Speaker 1: everything the mood swings because because this is another thing
Speaker 1: that oxytocin, Now that I know about it, I wish
Speaker 1: I known about it earlier because that oxytocin could have
Speaker 1: been used to earlier in the couple and during the
Speaker 1: pregnancy to get you through some moments where you were
Speaker 1: feeling down. At times, I felt like you didn't want
Speaker 1: to be touched and stuff like that, and I didn't
Speaker 1: know what the benefits of it, so I was just
Speaker 1: trying to give you what you ask for. But knowing
Speaker 1: more now, I would have just knocked down your little
Speaker 1: heisman block. And I was like, to come here out
Speaker 1: of kisstoring you love you, just to make you feel
Speaker 1: when the team was here. It's that or faster too.
Speaker 1: And but I didn't know. But this is why we share.
Speaker 1: But that's that's his responsibility. And I will say, this
Speaker 1: is your first first baby, definitely get with an O, B, G,
Speaker 1: Y N that you trust and let them guide you
Speaker 1: through the process of whether you're a good candidate forth
Speaker 1: candidate and Codeine and I also went through the fact
Speaker 1: that um Dacoda was transverse at one point almost transverse,
Speaker 1: so we had to do a ton of exercises to
Speaker 1: get him to be put into position. It's difficult, yes,
Speaker 1: it's difficult. To give birth to a child when they're
Speaker 1: breached or transversed or transverse is like impossible as the
Speaker 1: basest sideways, there's no way to for the baby to
Speaker 1: come out, so that the only result in that is
Speaker 1: a C section section. And I was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: we did a ton of inversions that we did some
Speaker 1: things to to get dacoda in place. But and that's
Speaker 1: also a part of it. Like as as your significant other,
Speaker 1: your your husband, it's his job to make sure that
Speaker 1: everything around the contraction because that's the only thing you
Speaker 1: can control and the actual birth he has to control that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the environment is super important and not for nothing. I've
Speaker 1: been in a hospital room lately, in the labor and
Speaker 1: delivery unit and um, it was very comfortable. I will
Speaker 1: say it doesn't It didn't give me that sterile feel
Speaker 1: that hospitals typically have. I think that hospitals are working
Speaker 1: to try to make them a little bit cozier environments
Speaker 1: for when you're having babies. So if that becomes an
Speaker 1: option for you, or it needs to be an option, um,
Speaker 1: you know, doing like a hospital tour, I think I
Speaker 1: had a time would be worth it to see if
Speaker 1: it's a space that you feel like you can be comfortable, um,
Speaker 1: laboring in and delivering. So good luck to you s this.
Speaker 1: I hope everything pans out for you and you guys
Speaker 1: are able to create that legacy that you've always wanted.
Speaker 1: Number two, my husband and I have been together for
Speaker 1: four years, married for two. He is thirty and I'm
Speaker 1: just turning. My husband and I have no children. We
Speaker 1: are actually trying to become pregnant, but have not told
Speaker 1: anyone that we're actually in fact trying. We just say
Speaker 1: we're doing our thing, and if it happens, it happens
Speaker 1: with me knowing that we're actually trying. I have been
Speaker 1: asking pregnancy questions of my husband, my husband's mom, and
Speaker 1: my mom, Researching things, watching things, you know, the whole
Speaker 1: bit about pregnancy. Just trying to learn what I can
Speaker 1: and prepare as much as possible for what my body
Speaker 1: could possibly endure. My mom thinks that I need to
Speaker 1: leave the talk alone until I become pregnant. My husband's
Speaker 1: mom thinks that I'm stressing, in which I'm not. I
Speaker 1: just want to learn what I can. I'm a very
Speaker 1: curious person to get to the to get to the
Speaker 1: real point. I have decided for a long time now
Speaker 1: that I want to have a water birth at home.
Speaker 1: I want my parents on both sides to be there.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be intimate and I want I don't
Speaker 1: want the hospital telling me who I can and can't
Speaker 1: have around and support of me and my husband's first
Speaker 1: baby being born. I live in Oklahoma City and hospitals
Speaker 1: are only allowing one person in and not out or
Speaker 1: in and out once they're in. My question is do
Speaker 1: you think that I should consider having our first baby
Speaker 1: in the hospital because it is my first? And do
Speaker 1: you think that I am doing too much by researching
Speaker 1: home births, researching duelas and midwives, reading and listening to
Speaker 1: things about pregnancy experience before I'm actually pregnant. No? Absolutely,
Speaker 1: not no, No, getting research and thinking about pregnancy is
Speaker 1: just responsible. Absolutely, I think more If more people did
Speaker 1: the research ahead of time, we probably wouldn't have as
Speaker 1: many people becoming parents because they understand what's entailed. People
Speaker 1: like to shame other people for just being different, right,
Speaker 1: And this is this is even to moms, right right,
Speaker 1: Your mom, my mom, grand mom's. Just because you did
Speaker 1: motherhood one way don't mean the next mother do it,
Speaker 1: or it doesn't make it to be all that ends alliborhood.
Speaker 1: Like the fact that you're asking questions who who else
Speaker 1: would you want to ask advice from other than the
Speaker 1: two moms closest to your mother and your mother in law.
Speaker 1: But for them to shame her about that, come on, Like,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, it is a little man stuff.
Speaker 1: I think I think that they should welcome that. I mean,
Speaker 1: you should be curious about pregnancy, especially if you haven't
Speaker 1: been through it before. And like I said, if more
Speaker 1: people did research about it, people might feel like, you
Speaker 1: know what, this might not be what it's not what
Speaker 1: it is cracked up to be, or this might not
Speaker 1: before me. So I think it's actually very responsible if
Speaker 1: you actually doing that, especially if you're considering a home birth.
Speaker 1: You know, I can't tell you what to do your
Speaker 1: first time around having a baby. Should you or should
Speaker 1: you not have it in a hospital, because I know
Speaker 1: people who have had their first child at home and
Speaker 1: everything panned out fine. Um. Personally, I know that if
Speaker 1: it was my first baby, I probably would have went
Speaker 1: the O B G Y En route just to ensure
Speaker 1: that medically I was sound enough to have a home
Speaker 1: birth as I wanted to. UM. But I don't think
Speaker 1: you can do too much research. I mean, especially with
Speaker 1: our first home birth with Cats, I went through the
Speaker 1: entire gamut of midwives, birthing centers, um, you know, black midwives.
Speaker 1: I looked for everybody I went and dug up their
Speaker 1: entire resume. UM, we did interviews. There were so many
Speaker 1: things that we did to be able to prepare for
Speaker 1: a home birth. This is what I want people to
Speaker 1: look up because there's such a stigma around home birtht right,
Speaker 1: look up the infant and mother mortality rate for hospitals
Speaker 1: versus home bursts, and you tell me which one is higher,
Speaker 1: And then say why is there such a stigma around
Speaker 1: home burst when people die in hospitals at a higher
Speaker 1: rate than they die at home. That's all I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1: Just look up the numbers and you tell me. Because
Speaker 1: people need to understand too, that America is a business. Right.
Speaker 1: There's a business of birth thing. There's a business of death.
Speaker 1: There's a business of epidurals. There's a business of c sections, right.
Speaker 1: And before hospitals and birthling became a business, people gave
Speaker 1: birth at home. How do you think everybody got here?
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. So eliminate the stigma when
Speaker 1: you do research, because if you go into the research
Speaker 1: thinking that this is something that maybe extreme, then you're
Speaker 1: going to find things that's gonna seem extreme as opposed
Speaker 1: to just doing research and being open minded to what
Speaker 1: the possibilities are. And I think that's I mean, that's
Speaker 1: that's where we are in America today anyway, because there's
Speaker 1: so much stigma with anything. It's either your vacs are
Speaker 1: anti vacs, so now they're stigmatizing vaccine people, but then
Speaker 1: they're stigmatizing anti vacs when the bottom line is it's
Speaker 1: just a choice. You have a choice to do what
Speaker 1: you want to do with your body. What if you
Speaker 1: think it's sound for you, continue to do as much
Speaker 1: research as possible. Um, no question is a dumb question.
Speaker 1: I will say having an O B G Y N
Speaker 1: that's open minded to the possibility of you having your
Speaker 1: own birth would be the best choice because that person
Speaker 1: would tell you if you're a good candidate or not.
Speaker 1: You see, but don't don't just I'm gonna do this
Speaker 1: on my own unless you have the knowledge to do
Speaker 1: it on my on your own. That's That's a really good,
Speaker 1: really good way to wrap it up. Love that. Love
Speaker 1: that all right, And if you want to be a
Speaker 1: part of the listener letters, be sure to email us
Speaker 1: at s advice at gmail dot com. That's D E
Speaker 1: A D A S S A D V I C
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. Alright, moment of truth time.
Speaker 1: Um oh, man, definitely look tired. I feel like I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm talking in slow motion. You look great,
Speaker 1: You look great. You're just saying that. I literally always
Speaker 1: feel like I'm talking in slow motion and my eyes
Speaker 1: feel so heavy. All y'all have to excuse me. We're
Speaker 1: recording this with three weeks postpartum, and we had quite
Speaker 1: the three weeks. But I will say, um, in my
Speaker 1: moment of truth, that baby Dakota is worth every sleepless night.
Speaker 1: He's worth the cracked, sore nipples. Um, He's worth He's
Speaker 1: worth all the things. UM. But like I said, I
Speaker 1: was going to come to this in my moment of truth,
Speaker 1: I have to thank you for creating a space and
Speaker 1: a life and um, oh God, here with the hormones
Speaker 1: again and it tears. Um, But you really have, um,
Speaker 1: made this last baby And I say that confidently. Um,
Speaker 1: this last baby, and this last pregnancy, and this last
Speaker 1: labor and delivery experience for us probably the best yet
Speaker 1: because you have worked day in and day out and
Speaker 1: overnight and around the clock to make sure that I
Speaker 1: was comfortable that I didn't want for anything or didn't
Speaker 1: need for anything. Um. And if I did, you found
Speaker 1: a way to bend over backwards to make it happen,
Speaker 1: but all while still being a stellar um father, present
Speaker 1: for Jackson, Cairo Kaz, being present for me, being present
Speaker 1: for my mom because she's here with us helping out,
Speaker 1: and also being a kick ass actor, um, you know,
Speaker 1: working on Sisters and all the other shows you did
Speaker 1: this summer. Like, I feel like I need to publicly
Speaker 1: celebrate you, um, because I know that social media gets
Speaker 1: the version of the vow that they get, but I
Speaker 1: need them to know that this is you every single
Speaker 1: day and um, and I don't think that for granted,
Speaker 1: although sometimes I know I probably make you feel that way, UM,
Speaker 1: but I really don't. And UM, I love you and
Speaker 1: these boys love you so much. And um, this is
Speaker 1: the last time you'll get me crying on this podcast.
Speaker 1: But I just need you to know how much you
Speaker 1: mean to me and our family. And I know it
Speaker 1: feels like a thankless job sometimes, but none of this
Speaker 1: ship works without you. And UM, I know you told
Speaker 1: me that recently in another circumstance that we'll talk about
Speaker 1: in another podcast episode, But are really none of this
Speaker 1: ship works without you? And I love you so much,
Speaker 1: and um, I would have all the babies for you
Speaker 1: if you wanted me to. But I think this is it.
Speaker 1: We might be able to hang this up. But I
Speaker 1: just love you so much and you have literally made
Speaker 1: this um experience the best that it could have been
Speaker 1: for our family and for me. And thank you. Yeah, damn,
Speaker 1: that's my moment of truth, y'all. My mama Shooth is short.
Speaker 1: You deserve it. You just deserve it. That's all I got.
Speaker 1: Thank you deserve it. I love you too, all right, y'all,
Speaker 1: y'all still watching, y'all still listening. We're having a whole
Speaker 1: moment here. But no, it just that just came over
Speaker 1: me and talking about everything because I just think about
Speaker 1: how present you've been, like you knew things that was
Speaker 1: happening to me and my body before it even happened.
Speaker 1: I feel like, like, how in tune you were with
Speaker 1: it it's just me and everything, and how in tune
Speaker 1: you've been with Dakota just newborn life and the boys
Speaker 1: and just everything. And here's a moment of truth. Every
Speaker 1: woman bringing life into this world deserve to feel that safe. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: that's just the truth. Like that's the hardest thing to do. Literally,
Speaker 1: we thank you for acknowledging that you deserve and you
Speaker 1: rocket at it. I love you, Thank you you too.
Speaker 1: Be sure to find us on social media at dead
Speaker 1: Ass the podcast. Yes and you can find me on
Speaker 1: social media Cadan I am and I Am Devout and
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Y'all. Yay. It's
Speaker 1: Happy birthday to Dakota. Happy birthday. D Oh you gotta
Speaker 1: d now Boys. Dead Ass is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and
Speaker 1: Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as
Speaker 1: the Podcasts and never miss a Thing