1
00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:07,160
Speaker 1: Maybe what's up? We got four whole boys? Isn't that crazy?

2
00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:10,719
Speaker 1: I never thought that I could be so in love

3
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:17,960
Speaker 1: with a little boy the fourth time around dead As. Hey,

4
00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:22,520
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know

5
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,720
Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading

6
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,280
Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll

7
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:33,000
Speaker 1: make you need derby most days. Wow. And one more

8
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,680
Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created

9
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,520
Speaker 1: this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most

10
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,120
Speaker 1: taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about

11
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,520
Speaker 1: through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead as

12
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,600
Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when

13
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:52,320
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

14
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,000
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about

15
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:59,520
Speaker 1: to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead

16
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:06,360
Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. My baby over here to my life,

17
00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:12,399
Speaker 1: delivered all three boys on week thirty seven, so she

18
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,560
Speaker 1: and I are planning mode with everything we have going on.

19
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,720
Speaker 1: Just new the coda was gonna come at week thirty

20
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:26,759
Speaker 1: seven or less us, so Kadina and I flew out

21
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,440
Speaker 1: the crew here to make sure we captured everything, flew

22
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,800
Speaker 1: our family in here. We had t Kia come to Cary, come,

23
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,679
Speaker 1: everybody caming around week thirty six. We're getting towards the

24
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,199
Speaker 1: end of week thirty seven and the Code is looking

25
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:43,080
Speaker 1: at us through the belly button like, nah, bro, I

26
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,280
Speaker 1: ain't coming on your time. And I remember Josh, who

27
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,960
Speaker 1: captured everything for us, was like, bro, I gotta leave tomorrow.

28
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,360
Speaker 1: You know what's gonna happen. And I'm like what He's like,

29
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,640
Speaker 1: as soon as I leave, the Code are gonna come.

30
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:59,800
Speaker 1: Same thing. I said, you know what happened. Josh got

31
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,920
Speaker 1: on the plaine the minute he landed in New York.

32
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,520
Speaker 1: Kay woke up that next morning tapped me and said, Baby,

33
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:15,840
Speaker 1: I'm wanting broke. I was like, damn, that was so annoying.

34
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:20,440
Speaker 1: It was so for a karaoke baby. Yes, I think

35
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,560
Speaker 1: it's the most appropriate song. You think that everybody knows

36
00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:33,280
Speaker 1: that we should sing what happy birthday to hey, Happy birthday,

37
00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:41,919
Speaker 1: Happy birthday, Happy birthday to hey, Happy birthday to hey,

38
00:02:42,040 --> 00:03:04,959
Speaker 1: Happy birthday, Happy birthday, birth happy bir to you to

39
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:09,680
Speaker 1: go to happy birthday boo. Yes, So before we get

40
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,000
Speaker 1: started with this full birthday day, we're gonna take a

41
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:20,919
Speaker 1: quick break, pay some bills. We'll be right back back.

42
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:25,840
Speaker 1: This episode, we're going to dedicate this entire podcast to

43
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,920
Speaker 1: walking y'all through the birthday process for Dakota. Absolutely, I

44
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,640
Speaker 1: think it's only right. I mean, we've done this entire

45
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:38,120
Speaker 1: season documenting our pregnancy with Dakota and talking about all

46
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,160
Speaker 1: things baby and preparation and all that stuff. So now

47
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,040
Speaker 1: that he's here and I'm in the right frame of

48
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,840
Speaker 1: mind to actually reflect and tell you all about the day, um,

49
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,400
Speaker 1: I think it'd be cool to get both of our

50
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,760
Speaker 1: perspectives of what was happening um in that moment, because,

51
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,040
Speaker 1: like Dvo said, we were waiting for him. I thought

52
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,800
Speaker 1: for sure that he was going to probably be the

53
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,280
Speaker 1: one that came sooner, mainly because it's my fourth baby,

54
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,920
Speaker 1: so you figured the fourth time around, my body pretty

55
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,520
Speaker 1: much knows exactly what to do. I was feeling things

56
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,280
Speaker 1: down there as of week thirty four, thirty five, and

57
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,680
Speaker 1: I kept saying to the vel listen, I just want

58
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:19,039
Speaker 1: to get thirty six weeks at least, because a Taqia,

59
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,640
Speaker 1: my midwife, would be here by then and I ain't

60
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,640
Speaker 1: trying to have no baby without her. I love you

61
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,760
Speaker 1: to death. Babe, but I needed her here too, Okay,

62
00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:30,479
Speaker 1: that my sister, your mom, Josh, and Matt, like the crew,

63
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,279
Speaker 1: everybody was coming into town. So I just wanted to

64
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,640
Speaker 1: make it there and then also to like thirty six weeks.

65
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,040
Speaker 1: I know that he would have been fully viable. Thirty

66
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,640
Speaker 1: seven is even better, um, but I didn't want him

67
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,559
Speaker 1: to be born and then they'd potentially be a reason

68
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,360
Speaker 1: for us to be in the hospital and things like that.

69
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,240
Speaker 1: So well, but speaking on that though, at week thirty four,

70
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,359
Speaker 1: when you started to feel things, you know what we

71
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,800
Speaker 1: did that we didn't do for any other child. But

72
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,919
Speaker 1: we slowed down because I remember you saying that you

73
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,880
Speaker 1: start to feel things. So I ultimately just put Cadine

74
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,240
Speaker 1: on bed rest because we wanted to wait, and I

75
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:01,960
Speaker 1: was like, yo, this is your fourth child, we don't

76
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,040
Speaker 1: want him to fall out early. So she was in

77
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,440
Speaker 1: the bed a lot more. She had stopped working out,

78
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,440
Speaker 1: and she was just like, let's just try to get

79
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,159
Speaker 1: him to thirty seven weeks. So I feel like in turn,

80
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,840
Speaker 1: that kind of slowed down the process a little bit

81
00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,760
Speaker 1: even more because for all other YEA, for Jackson, you

82
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,240
Speaker 1: were working the entire time for kir and Cash you

83
00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,120
Speaker 1: worked out, you were spinning, and you were walking and

84
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,280
Speaker 1: lifting waste the entire time, and then they both came

85
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,200
Speaker 1: right at thirty seven weeks. So I think when we

86
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,640
Speaker 1: stopped those two weeks prior, it kind of slowed down

87
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,719
Speaker 1: the process. Or it could have just been to Coda

88
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,400
Speaker 1: trolling all of us and just pretty much being like,

89
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,200
Speaker 1: I'm the last one, so I'm gonna let you get

90
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,600
Speaker 1: the biggest and the most uncomfortable and the most swollen,

91
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,080
Speaker 1: because at the very end, like there's like a swelling

92
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,600
Speaker 1: that tends to happen to women at the very very

93
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:50,280
Speaker 1: end about there is swelling that happens. I know, your

94
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,920
Speaker 1: ladies know what I'm talking about, if you've had baby

95
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,560
Speaker 1: or something that I don't know, you don't know, like

96
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,040
Speaker 1: you you were swell a little bit with it, like

97
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,320
Speaker 1: a particular swelling that tends to occur at the very

98
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,080
Speaker 1: end in the entire body when it's about to be time.

99
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,960
Speaker 1: And for me, I didn't really have that before, but

100
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,800
Speaker 1: with Dakota, I definitely like my hands I never had

101
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,320
Speaker 1: to take off and I had I had to take

102
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,920
Speaker 1: my wedding. I was like, there were things that were

103
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,920
Speaker 1: happening that I was like Okay, it's about to be time,

104
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,640
Speaker 1: but it ain't time yet. So thirties thirty eight weeks

105
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:20,719
Speaker 1: on the dots on the dot. So Josh and Matt

106
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:24,080
Speaker 1: were in town as of week thirty seven. I even

107
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,239
Speaker 1: had Josh changing his schedule and all sorts of things around.

108
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,359
Speaker 1: He was shooting a wedding out here in Georgia. I'm like,

109
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,560
Speaker 1: shoot the wedding, but come back here because I feel

110
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:36,279
Speaker 1: like it's going to happen any minute now. And um literally,

111
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,039
Speaker 1: I said to Josh, because he couldn't stay in long,

112
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,160
Speaker 1: I couldn't hold him postage any longer. I was like, damn, bro,

113
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,799
Speaker 1: I said, I know the minute you leave, the baby

114
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,600
Speaker 1: is going to come. So there were so many things

115
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,640
Speaker 1: that I was trying to do that week that they say,

116
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:54,200
Speaker 1: we'll have the baby come faster. Did you damn eggplant, eggplant, parmesan,

117
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,960
Speaker 1: all things eggplant. It didn't work. Let me tell you

118
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,920
Speaker 1: how this. This is how bad Coude wanted to get

119
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:07,120
Speaker 1: this baby out. The last two months of our of

120
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,760
Speaker 1: your pregnancy. You were like super anti intimacy, Like you

121
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,120
Speaker 1: just at a point where he's like, I don't want

122
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,360
Speaker 1: nobody to touch me. You was you were swollen in

123
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,160
Speaker 1: places like your feet were swollen, and you were just like,

124
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,080
Speaker 1: I just don't feel like nothing. I was just like, baby,

125
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,160
Speaker 1: want me cut you. She was like, now I don't know.

126
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,040
Speaker 1: Once we got to the end of thirty seven. Now

127
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,320
Speaker 1: she's looking at me. She's making these fake batty eyes.

128
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,239
Speaker 1: She's just like she's thinking me when sucking some boobies,

129
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,240
Speaker 1: like what I heard that that would help. But first

130
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,120
Speaker 1: of all, I didn't even sexy. It ain't even it

131
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,200
Speaker 1: ain't even like she was like, hit, baby, come when

132
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,800
Speaker 1: I want you. She ain't. She wasn't even lie and

133
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,720
Speaker 1: say you want to suck on some boobies. And I

134
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,160
Speaker 1: was like, what's what's that gonna do? I hear that

135
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,119
Speaker 1: sounds like so now you just want me from my body.

136
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,240
Speaker 1: So of course I took one for the team and

137
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:57,520
Speaker 1: I obliged on boobies, and then nothing was happening. Nothing

138
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,080
Speaker 1: was happening. So I also want to get the egg

139
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,080
Speaker 1: plant from this rest right out here that they say

140
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,480
Speaker 1: if you eat the egg plant parmesan within forty eight hours,

141
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,920
Speaker 1: you're going to labor, which actually happens for me thirty

142
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,560
Speaker 1: six hours after eating it. But the water broke. There

143
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:14,120
Speaker 1: was a combination because you ate the eggplant. We did

144
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,920
Speaker 1: it doggie style, uh nipple stimulation. He was bouncing on that,

145
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:24,280
Speaker 1: damn uh yoga forever. I also drank the red raspberry

146
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,760
Speaker 1: leaf tea with Time in it, so I don't know

147
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,960
Speaker 1: if that happened, because Time was what I popped into

148
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,120
Speaker 1: the tea at the very last minute. And then he

149
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,000
Speaker 1: came the next so it was probably you know what.

150
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,679
Speaker 1: Maybe the Dakota was like, you know, I'm ready to

151
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:40,640
Speaker 1: come out. I'm gonna be honest. They don't be working.

152
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,960
Speaker 1: It's just when the baby want to come. The baby

153
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,240
Speaker 1: want to come, and I ain't gonna lie to you.

154
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,199
Speaker 1: After doing all of those things, I just got to

155
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,319
Speaker 1: a point where I was just like, yo, I'm going

156
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,640
Speaker 1: to bed and one day I'm gonna wake up and

157
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,800
Speaker 1: she's going telling me the water broke. I just knew

158
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,240
Speaker 1: that that's how it's gonna happen. And and so said,

159
00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:02,320
Speaker 1: so done. I remember Monday, sleeping fully, finally getting some sleep,

160
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,920
Speaker 1: and then you, you know, you tell me she's The

161
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:09,719
Speaker 1: funny thing is Cadee. She'd be trying like not to

162
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:13,320
Speaker 1: be nervous and trying to be cool because she had

163
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:18,040
Speaker 1: been planning this the whole time she touched me man man,

164
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,800
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, what's up? And and from

165
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,040
Speaker 1: week thirty six on, every time she touched me or

166
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,959
Speaker 1: she called me saying babe, I thought her water broke.

167
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,480
Speaker 1: I would like the baby's head, baby saying. And she

168
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,800
Speaker 1: was just like, my water, my water broke. So I

169
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,560
Speaker 1: was like yeah, I grab my phone. I was like, yeah,

170
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,079
Speaker 1: my water broke. And I'm looking at her and I'm like,

171
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,319
Speaker 1: why are you nervous? And she was like, I don't know.

172
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:44,760
Speaker 1: I wasn't ready. I thought I was not. You don't understand.

173
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,599
Speaker 1: It's like a It's like a build up, you know,

174
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,920
Speaker 1: Like I'm just like, yeah, I could do this, I

175
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,559
Speaker 1: could do you know. You talk to yourself mentally, you

176
00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:52,520
Speaker 1: kind of give yourself up for It's like a game day,

177
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,240
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You get prepared and then

178
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,800
Speaker 1: when it finally happens, and when the whistle blows, it's

179
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,920
Speaker 1: like damn, like this is about to happen, Like there's

180
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:04,640
Speaker 1: one way out, this one way out. So I'm gonna

181
00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:07,199
Speaker 1: get a little bit serious for a minute, because everything

182
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,920
Speaker 1: is always jokes and funding games with us, but I'm

183
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,280
Speaker 1: going to express some things to you. Now that I

184
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:21,000
Speaker 1: didn't express before first is that I was scared, right

185
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:27,120
Speaker 1: because we we're having this baby. We've had every child

186
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,840
Speaker 1: a week thirty seven, and for me it was like, okay,

187
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,839
Speaker 1: since we had in a week thirty seven and not

188
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,360
Speaker 1: closer to week forty. All of our children have been small,

189
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,360
Speaker 1: so maybe it was easy for you to push and

190
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,600
Speaker 1: get the baby out because all of our kids were

191
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:44,040
Speaker 1: small around six pounds, you know, one close to seven,

192
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,360
Speaker 1: but all of them around mid six pounds. Cairo was

193
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,559
Speaker 1: even five pounds five thirteen. So once we passed the

194
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:55,400
Speaker 1: thirty seven week mark, I was like, man, Dakota is bigger.

195
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,960
Speaker 1: I wonder if that's going to be an issue. Then

196
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,880
Speaker 1: you know, all of the doubt started to creep in

197
00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:05,800
Speaker 1: about whether or not we were doing things the right

198
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,679
Speaker 1: way because you are older. So then I was just like,

199
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,120
Speaker 1: I really just want to focus on you having a

200
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,400
Speaker 1: healthy childbirth and labor and the code of being healthy

201
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,200
Speaker 1: and born. That's all I was worried about, because also

202
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,840
Speaker 1: we were dealing with you getting COVID in the first

203
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,599
Speaker 1: trimester of having the code and having to be on

204
00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:30,520
Speaker 1: blood thinners well a baby aspirin for your entire pregnancy.

205
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:32,920
Speaker 1: So now I'm worried about bleeding if it's an issue,

206
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,319
Speaker 1: if the coda is going to be big and you

207
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,640
Speaker 1: might tear, is bleeding going to be an issue? These

208
00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,079
Speaker 1: are the things that we're going through my mind the

209
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,360
Speaker 1: week of the thirties seven going to thirty eighth, and

210
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,920
Speaker 1: I was just like, I hope he comes before week

211
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,319
Speaker 1: forty because I don't want you have to deal with

212
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,920
Speaker 1: those things. And I never expressed them because to me,

213
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,480
Speaker 1: it was like I didn't want to bring any stress

214
00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:52,920
Speaker 1: or any any negative thoughts to you. But those were

215
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,199
Speaker 1: really going through my mind at the time. Now I can,

216
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,320
Speaker 1: I can. I guess we can both say we were

217
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,880
Speaker 1: both feeling the same things, but not I guess, not

218
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,960
Speaker 1: trying to scare each other because I had the same

219
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,000
Speaker 1: apprehensions too, which is one of the reasons why when

220
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,120
Speaker 1: I had the conversation with our midwife ahead of time,

221
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,800
Speaker 1: letting her know that, you know, she was pretty much

222
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,240
Speaker 1: concurrently I was seeing her along with an O, B,

223
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,040
Speaker 1: G N. And she knew that I was on the

224
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,240
Speaker 1: baby aspirin, and I asked her if that would be

225
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:19,959
Speaker 1: an issue, and me feeling confident um with her and

226
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,280
Speaker 1: being in her care, she told me that that wasn't

227
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,800
Speaker 1: going to be an issue. I felt the same way.

228
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:25,760
Speaker 1: So I was like, Okay, if Takia said that I'm

229
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,240
Speaker 1: good being on this baby aspirin, We're fine. Bleeding won't

230
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,679
Speaker 1: be an issue. But there's always the you never know.

231
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,320
Speaker 1: Takia being here is the only reason why I felt comfortable,

232
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,280
Speaker 1: because if it wasn't with Ta Kia, I wouldn't have

233
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,599
Speaker 1: done this home birth with any any of the I

234
00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:43,520
Speaker 1: trusted her absolutely more than I trusted anything else. Absolutely,

235
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,760
Speaker 1: as long as she made us feel good, I felt good,

236
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,079
Speaker 1: right right right, Well, can you explain to them about

237
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,920
Speaker 1: the why you had to take the baby aspirin and

238
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,400
Speaker 1: with COVID and the spike poaching. I remember the details,

239
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,640
Speaker 1: but yeah, it was one of those things. Early on

240
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,679
Speaker 1: when I found out I was pregnant, um I had

241
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:01,720
Speaker 1: COVID when I was to really happen simultaneously. I must

242
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,280
Speaker 1: have gotten pregnant and had COVID literally at the same time.

243
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,839
Speaker 1: So the minute I got over COVID, found out I

244
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,000
Speaker 1: was pregnant and then had to go into the doctor.

245
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,440
Speaker 1: After quarantining and then then getting a negative test, they

246
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:16,320
Speaker 1: did all the blood work. So naturally, at thirty if

247
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,880
Speaker 1: you're over thirty five, they're doing an extensive panel of

248
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,600
Speaker 1: blood work on you, much less just regular pregnancy blood work,

249
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,240
Speaker 1: So they're testing your blood and they're also testing um

250
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,800
Speaker 1: for the baby aftermalities, things like that. So in doing

251
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,959
Speaker 1: this entire panel, they came to find out that the

252
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,439
Speaker 1: spike proteins were elevated in my blood and um. The

253
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,520
Speaker 1: cardioiplin level was also elevated, so that was going to

254
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:43,439
Speaker 1: potentially cause um clouding issues with my blood and that

255
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,280
Speaker 1: would in turn make me more prone to um stroke,

256
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,559
Speaker 1: heart attack, um you know, blood clots, and also to

257
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,679
Speaker 1: possible placenta issues and blood flow issues, which is important

258
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,480
Speaker 1: for people to know because these are things that they

259
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:02,160
Speaker 1: don't speak to us as black parents, black moms. Right.

260
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 1: For example, people who have sickle cell anemia or the

261
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,959
Speaker 1: sickle cell anemia traite have higher complications with COVID. No

262
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,600
Speaker 1: one's talking about it. We know what. I've done research

263
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,400
Speaker 1: and I've spoken to people because you have the sickle

264
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:18,439
Speaker 1: celling trait and two of our boys, Hiro and Cats

265
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,680
Speaker 1: have the same trait. So once we found out about

266
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,280
Speaker 1: the spike protein, I started to look at the different

267
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,320
Speaker 1: ways and how COVID was going to affect people with

268
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,560
Speaker 1: sickle cell and I realized that that's one of the

269
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,000
Speaker 1: things that happened. Yeah, a lot of similarities that tend

270
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,080
Speaker 1: to happen if you're, like you said, exposed to the

271
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:39,400
Speaker 1: trait um. And also too, they tested me for other

272
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,960
Speaker 1: autoimmune diseases as well too, because there are also some

273
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,320
Speaker 1: similarities in the I guess what you can see in

274
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,120
Speaker 1: a person that has even syphilis, you know, you get

275
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,640
Speaker 1: a false positive for syphilis because there are some of

276
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,360
Speaker 1: the same you know, attributes that they happened from COVID

277
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,160
Speaker 1: from COVID. Yeah, and it was just things that people

278
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,120
Speaker 1: are still finding out now to this day. And these

279
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,520
Speaker 1: are tests they don't do on people who are not pregnant.

280
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,840
Speaker 1: No for example, So I, you know, I had COVID

281
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,360
Speaker 1: as well, and no one did my blood tests, so

282
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,680
Speaker 1: we don't know what are going to be the effects

283
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,560
Speaker 1: of the blood work. And then it wasn't until we

284
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,840
Speaker 1: spoke as the KIA, and the KIA said, typically when

285
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:18,640
Speaker 1: your body is fighting off infection or fighting off viral

286
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,440
Speaker 1: infections in particulars, when you get the spike protein right,

287
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,840
Speaker 1: So you know, these are things that they said will

288
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,920
Speaker 1: go away once the virus is gone. But once this

289
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,440
Speaker 1: alarms your doctor in the early part of the pregnancy,

290
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,280
Speaker 1: now this is something that they're watching, especially with you

291
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:37,920
Speaker 1: being considered geriatric because being over exactly, so everything is heightened.

292
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,280
Speaker 1: It's like pregnancy almost put your body under like a

293
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,240
Speaker 1: mini stress test, if that makes sense. So anything that

294
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:47,160
Speaker 1: potentially may arise at some point may rear its ugly

295
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,880
Speaker 1: head and pregnancy to kind of give you an alert, like, hey,

296
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,280
Speaker 1: you want to be you know, on the alert for

297
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,280
Speaker 1: something like this. UM. So I was in great care

298
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,760
Speaker 1: um with an O B G y N and also

299
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,760
Speaker 1: getting sonograms done every month just to sure that dacode

300
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,600
Speaker 1: it was growing nicely, that my PERCENTO was working as

301
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,440
Speaker 1: it should, that there was accurate blood flow, that he

302
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,960
Speaker 1: was gaining weight, that my amniotic fluid was good. So

303
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,200
Speaker 1: I actually preferred to be on the safe side and

304
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,960
Speaker 1: getting this extensive work done the entire time to make

305
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,040
Speaker 1: me feel at least a little bit more at ease. Yeah,

306
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,600
Speaker 1: with the process um leaving up to birth. But she

307
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:25,240
Speaker 1: pissed off. I'm gonna say this really quickly on my

308
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,960
Speaker 1: she pissed me off because she was doing her job

309
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:31,120
Speaker 1: and doing her job well, but for me. Sometimes your

310
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,200
Speaker 1: words have so much power that they can cause and

311
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 1: create stress. And when we told her that we were

312
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,680
Speaker 1: going to do a home birth, her first thing was,

313
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,120
Speaker 1: why would you do that? Yeah, and when in Georgia.

314
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,360
Speaker 1: Now we're not in New York because in New York

315
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,600
Speaker 1: medicine is a little bit more liberal. So when we

316
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,400
Speaker 1: spoke about O. B. G Y and then she was like,

317
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,200
Speaker 1: you're a perfect candidate for home birth because your second

318
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,520
Speaker 1: child came with ease, you didn't have any issues, you

319
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,640
Speaker 1: didn't tear. She gave me her bless You gave your

320
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,600
Speaker 1: bless long as you find someone that you're comfortable with

321
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 1: and that's a professional, you know. Um, but yeah, this

322
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:05,600
Speaker 1: O kind like that. She was totally not Yeah, she

323
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:09,200
Speaker 1: was not with any of my ships when it came Yeah,

324
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,440
Speaker 1: which I completely get. And now that I'm learning more

325
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:15,080
Speaker 1: about how, um, how midwives potentially you know, how they

326
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,680
Speaker 1: function out here in Georgia, you know, there's also a

327
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:21,119
Speaker 1: disconnect theater. There's a very huge difference between between midwives

328
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,640
Speaker 1: and O. B. Y. N noticed that over the last

329
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 1: couple of weeks exactly, and even just within different states,

330
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 1: the regulations and the rules are just completely different way

331
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,159
Speaker 1: to Kia. It was even you know, surprised at some

332
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,280
Speaker 1: things that they did here that she wasn't accustomed to.

333
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,760
Speaker 1: So um. So yeah, that leading up to that, I

334
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,760
Speaker 1: was definitely a little bit more nervous. Having to Kia

335
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,199
Speaker 1: and having reassured me, I think was the biggest thing

336
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:46,000
Speaker 1: that had me at ease. Um And even though I

337
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 1: would you know, the doctor gave me her rundown, it

338
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,760
Speaker 1: was like, I don't think you should do it. Um,

339
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 1: A little bit of fear started to enter my body

340
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,399
Speaker 1: and the kind of what IF's for a moment, and

341
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,240
Speaker 1: then I had to kind of rule myself back and say,

342
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,439
Speaker 1: Kadeem like, you've never had fear exist sting in your

343
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:04,440
Speaker 1: body when it came to anything, especially dealing with this pregnancy,

344
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,200
Speaker 1: So don't do that now, you know. I had to

345
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,120
Speaker 1: kind of talk myself off of a mini led real

346
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:12,240
Speaker 1: quick because I just knew and I had confidence in Takia,

347
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,520
Speaker 1: had confidence in you and myself that we were going

348
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,639
Speaker 1: to make this experience what we planned for it to be.

349
00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,399
Speaker 1: And of course making sure that we had an emergency

350
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 1: route and we had the you know plan everything, just

351
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,240
Speaker 1: making sure that everybody was on board, everybody knew their task.

352
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,760
Speaker 1: We had a family meeting, went to Everyone knew their

353
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 1: battle station where they had to man their position, so

354
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,040
Speaker 1: everyone knew what was to happen, and God forbid something

355
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,040
Speaker 1: were to go wrong, what the next step would be.

356
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,520
Speaker 1: Practice driving to the hospital, just to make sure that

357
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 1: we knew the route and everything would have gone smoothly.

358
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,359
Speaker 1: So once that water broke and I was like, baby,

359
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,400
Speaker 1: I think it's time. It was not well. And here's

360
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,919
Speaker 1: a funny thing. When the water broke, now, we were

361
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,119
Speaker 1: expecting things to move the same way they moved with

362
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 1: our first two shows in the past, with Cairo and

363
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:06,520
Speaker 1: Kaz Codeine's water broke, they came within six hours, like

364
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,639
Speaker 1: they were. They were both like boom, six hours. So

365
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,520
Speaker 1: now Codine's water broken, we're liking at the time and well,

366
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,520
Speaker 1: it's like okay, so in about six hours, the quota

367
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,040
Speaker 1: will be here. Six hours came around. There was no movement.

368
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,359
Speaker 1: The contractions has slowed down down completely. I was like,

369
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 1: what in the world, I said, this kid really doesn't

370
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,400
Speaker 1: want to get out. You know, it was an early morning.

371
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,040
Speaker 1: I got up to use the restroom, um, you know,

372
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,840
Speaker 1: kind of waddled over to the bathroom, used it, then

373
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,160
Speaker 1: got back in bed, and the minute I laid down,

374
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,480
Speaker 1: when my water breaks, on exactly what it feels like.

375
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 1: It feels like there's like an internal like a pop

376
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,000
Speaker 1: that happens internally. And I was like, oh my god,

377
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,640
Speaker 1: I think my water broke. To myself, I didn't say

378
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,520
Speaker 1: anything to the value yet. I said, coadine, if you

379
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:49,399
Speaker 1: stand up and water trickles down your legs, if you

380
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,480
Speaker 1: know your water really broke. And I looked at the

381
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 1: time it was six thirty eight in the morning, um,

382
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 1: and the okay, coadin go ahead and stand up girl,

383
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 1: Stand up girl. I had to talk myself into it,

384
00:19:58,119 --> 00:19:59,920
Speaker 1: like as if I didn't know. If if I didn't

385
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,719
Speaker 1: stand up, it wasn't gonna happen. And I stood up

386
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,639
Speaker 1: and so said, so done that warm water sensation trickling

387
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 1: down my legs, and I was like to hew, my

388
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,399
Speaker 1: water broke. And then at that point I was like,

389
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,360
Speaker 1: all right, we're gonna wait the house because every day

390
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,160
Speaker 1: everyone was going to bed with the anticipation of something happening.

391
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,439
Speaker 1: But it was a great moment. Though you were smiling.

392
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: I was smiling. Gentlemen, I'm gonna say this, you don't

393
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,480
Speaker 1: really understand your power and we're gonna talk about it

394
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 1: as we get through the birthing process. You don't understand

395
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 1: your power as a father until you go through labor

396
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 1: and realize how your voice, your presence, and your touch

397
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,640
Speaker 1: can control the whole process. And I mean literally control

398
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 1: the whole process. When I got up, even though I

399
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 1: was concerned and worried, the minute she told me how

400
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,159
Speaker 1: water broke, all I did was smile. I smiled, I

401
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 1: kissed her, I hugged her, and I watched her go

402
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 1: from nervous to be like, okay, well, this is just

403
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,239
Speaker 1: what we do. And then we we woke up. Her

404
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 1: mom was getting Jackson ready for school. We went outside.

405
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 1: It was like perfect time because Jackson was about to

406
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,879
Speaker 1: leave for school with twenty minutes, and I was like,

407
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 1: you know what, you could stay. I don't stay because

408
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,680
Speaker 1: your brother's coming. Woke your mom up. Your mom almost

409
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 1: like she was so used to waiting every morning she

410
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 1: comes or whatever it will happen when it happens. And

411
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,680
Speaker 1: then we told her like you know, these water broken,

412
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: and she started jumping up and down and said, okay,

413
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:16,959
Speaker 1: what do we do? What do we do? And then

414
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 1: Jackson was just like can I stay home? And we

415
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: were like, of course, of course, So Jackson stayed home,

416
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 1: we kept King Kats home and then we were just

417
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,919
Speaker 1: like for me personally, I was like, I know it's

418
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 1: gonna take six hours. There's no reason to rush and

419
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 1: Phil he told them we got time. I woke my

420
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 1: sister up, We woke up everybody but te Kia the

421
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 1: mid We were like, wait a second, we have to

422
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 1: let her know too. And then um, we made breakfast

423
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 1: and we woke my mom up and we chilled for

424
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 1: a little bit. Um started putting on some movies and say, okay,

425
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,360
Speaker 1: what's the next what's the next process? But then time

426
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: started flying. Yeah, And what I noticed was it went

427
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 1: from being I think it was about six. It was

428
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:59,120
Speaker 1: like six o'clock and Jackson was getting ready for before

429
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 1: I knew it. It was like and I was like,

430
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 1: how you feeling, and you were like nothing, Yeah, I

431
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,639
Speaker 1: felt I felt it was strange. I was expecting to

432
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,479
Speaker 1: have the progression happened and it wasn't happening. So that's

433
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: when to Kia was like, you know what, let's go outside.

434
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:18,960
Speaker 1: So we went outside. I put my sweats on I did.

435
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, come on over. Then where

436
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 1: you know now everything's gonna happen. It was beautiful. It

437
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: was a beautiful day. I put my my hoodie on

438
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,159
Speaker 1: and I was like, all right, we're gonna do some exercises.

439
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 1: So I was out there doing lunges and spots and

440
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 1: walking and getting some fresh air, just trying to get

441
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 1: a little change of scenery. UM, which was nice to

442
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 1: encourage that UM. And still I didn't feel like much

443
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 1: was happening in that moment. It might have been a

444
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 1: little bit because I was distracted because everyone was there,

445
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,680
Speaker 1: But I didn't realize the impact that was happening on

446
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 1: happening on labor and the impact it was happening happening

447
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 1: on my body, because if I wasn't focused, it seems

448
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,639
Speaker 1: like labor wasn't going togs, which was strange for me.

449
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 1: That was something very different, well it was. It was

450
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 1: was very different because that didn't happen with the other

451
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 1: two children. And I remember sitting in the room. Then

452
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 1: we finally started putting water in the tub, and my

453
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 1: mom sat there and just held the water over the

454
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 1: TOUB was a mom, you can leave that, but that

455
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 1: was her task. She wanted to do that. And then

456
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 1: I remember feeling in that moment like Okay, everything isn't

457
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: going as planned, just like the other two. So then

458
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 1: for me, I was a little bit I started to

459
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 1: get anxiety. I'm like, shoot, it ain't thirty seven weeks

460
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,880
Speaker 1: or thirty eight weeks. It's going on all this time

461
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 1: because it's my job to suppress all of my anxiety

462
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,239
Speaker 1: and be calm in that moment so that you can

463
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: find a place, a sovereign place of peace. When you

464
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: look at me, you're the one doing all the work.

465
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 1: You can't be doing all the working, and I'm walking

466
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: around like what's happening? So every time you came around,

467
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 1: I was just I was calm, but I really was

468
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 1: thinking like this baby must be bigger. You know you

469
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: are older, is longer weeks, like at least all the

470
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,119
Speaker 1: things I'm thinking. So that's when I grabbed you and

471
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,920
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, baby, let's just walk in the house.

472
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 1: So I remember you know, doing the soldier. Remember we

473
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: did the what's it called the was that line? We

474
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,439
Speaker 1: need the congoline through the through the house. We went

475
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: from the kitchen to the living room to the four year,

476
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: to the dining room to the great room, and we

477
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 1: were just walking and as we started to walk. I

478
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: noticed the contractions. What's coming every I think two and

479
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 1: a half minutes, No, no minute and a half, about

480
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 1: every minute and a half, but every ninety seconds of

481
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: contraction started to come. Okay, move, we're moving. We're moving,

482
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: We're moving. But they were like weak contractions. They weren't like,

483
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 1: you know, on the scale of contractions. They were coming,

484
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,239
Speaker 1: but they were coming kind of like I was tolerating them.

485
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 1: So I felt like, Okay, maybe it's happening, but it's

486
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,640
Speaker 1: just starting to progress, starting to speed up a little

487
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: bit more. And then after that, I think that's when

488
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: Takia said to us, I think you guys need some

489
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: quiet time. I'm gonna get everyone out of the room.

490
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 1: You guys can sit and have lunch together. Um, and

491
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need dad to love on mom and mom

492
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 1: to love on dad. And at first I was like,

493
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,960
Speaker 1: don't time for that. That that's how we got that's

494
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 1: how we got here. She's like, well, because that's how

495
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: you got here, that's what's going to help to get

496
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: him out. And she talked us about oxytosa and how

497
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 1: intimacy or just even touch or just being around your

498
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: person can help to progress. Lambor so it's a it's

499
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: a real hormone that helps with two things. For for

500
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 1: women it's contractions and also for lactating. So even oxytosen

501
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 1: comes from your child too. That's why when your child

502
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: gets on you or you think about your child and stuff,

503
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 1: your boob start to leak. Right before we started today,

504
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: Kadeine was sitting here and we started talking about childbirth

505
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,959
Speaker 1: and she said, oh, I didn't put on any breastpads, right,

506
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: so I'll never forget this. And this is when as

507
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: as a as a man, you start to realize your

508
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 1: power in all of these different things. We're sitting in

509
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 1: the room and we're on the two chairs that just

510
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,199
Speaker 1: brought in our bedroom, and she just while she was nesting,

511
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 1: and she's looking at me, and I'm looking at her,

512
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: and I can tell him in your eyes that you

513
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: were nervous. And I smiled, and I was just like,

514
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: what's the matter of me while I'm nervous as but

515
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: I can't show you something. It's a matter of baby,

516
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 1: and you just like and then the race car for

517
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 1: the last time, the race car cry happening. I don't

518
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 1: know what's going on. So then I pulled you close

519
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: because you were sitting on the ball, pulled you close,

520
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, look at me, look

521
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: at me. We had out intimate conversation. I kissed you,

522
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 1: you kissed me. We started making out, and then when

523
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 1: we started making out, then all you did was going

524
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,360
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, well what was that. Yeah.

525
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: I stood up off the ball at this point and

526
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 1: the contraction, like I felt like, oh, this is active labor,

527
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 1: and it happens almost instantaneously. Within maybe twenty minutes, I

528
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: went from like not so much in labor to being like, oh,

529
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: shoot and it will come in seconds. Yes, like these

530
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 1: and these were contractions that would stop her in her track. Literally,

531
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 1: she would be talking to me, we would be dancing

532
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: and making funny, funny fun doing things, and then all

533
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: of a sudden and she was breathing, not moving and

534
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 1: just squeezing me and holding onto me. And then Takia

535
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,159
Speaker 1: and Sakari came in to check your vitals, check the baby.

536
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: Shout to my sister. She was she was my actually

537
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: she was an R and she was an assistant. Yeah

538
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: please you know, said my baby sisters in R right now.

539
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 1: So she was actually assisting to Kia, so she wasn't

540
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 1: in sister role. Really, she wasn't in dula role. She

541
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 1: was literally like a nurse role, which was amazing. So

542
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 1: I'm glad she got that experience. So shout out to

543
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 1: Aunti Sakari. Yeah, and then uh, you destroyed that food

544
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 1: other things. Make sure when you're in labor, ladies that

545
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,879
Speaker 1: you eat. Yeah, sometimes you can't, depending if you're an

546
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 1: assid and you're on certain medications and whatnot. But I

547
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 1: wanted to eat, and the kid was like, if you

548
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 1: want to eat, better eat. But but think about that, right,

549
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 1: the difference between being in a hospital being strapped to

550
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 1: a bed with an i V and not being able

551
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,479
Speaker 1: to move, or not being able to have the intimate

552
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 1: moment with your partner to help have oxytocin help push

553
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: labor along. You see what I'm saying. Like, for me,

554
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: that's what was the best part about having a child

555
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 1: at home. We could close our sweet doors to our

556
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: master bedroom and people can be outside and be comfortable

557
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 1: and relaxed because they're in our home. They can watch TV.

558
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: They're not in a hospital waiting room, you know, and

559
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: no restriction, no restriction, And they were waiting for us,

560
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: and then when the time happened, everybody jumped into action.

561
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 1: But gentlemen, I cannot say this enough. You have a

562
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: power to help your wife, your girlfriend, the mother of

563
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:57,280
Speaker 1: your child through labor with love and affection. It may

564
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 1: sound cliche, but it really isn't. It's the truth. Like

565
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: love and affection, I'll kissed on you and the kisses

566
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: one just okay, let me kiss you because let's make

567
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 1: this baby. I could see in your face that you

568
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 1: were worried. And then we looked at each other and

569
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: we started to feel that love again and we started

570
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: to make out like kids. And then the baby just

571
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: started to be like, all right, I need to get

572
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: out of here. I just don't. I don't like any hand.

573
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 1: I want to get out. There were all the love

574
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: is and right. That's when the kid came and said,

575
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: I think we need to start moving to that tub. Yep.

576
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 1: And that's when I got even more nervous, because then

577
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 1: at this point I know that it's a the point

578
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 1: of no return, be this baby is coming out one

579
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: way not or the other one way. And then I

580
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: started to I think I started to then think back

581
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: to my birth with kas, which I was very calm.

582
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 1: When I look at the footage now from both deliveries.

583
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 1: Super calm with cats. With Dakota, I think I was

584
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 1: anticipating the pain and like what was coming next and

585
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: in that moment, and I kind of panicked a little bit.

586
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 1: I feel like when I was in the water, it

587
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 1: was like a panic that I felt like, oh my God,

588
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 1: like I know it's about to happen. I just want

589
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: to get this baby out of me. And with each

590
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 1: contraction and with each push, I think I was that

591
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 1: much more just nervous. I think you're harding yourself. I

592
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: don't think you panic. You don't think I think you

593
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: handled that that pretty well. If I looked at them,

594
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: look crazy crazy exhaling and giving a grunt or a

595
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 1: scream while the contraction is coming, while the baby's head

596
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 1: is coming through your vagina. It's not panicking, you know

597
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's right, That's that's part of the process.

598
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: I mean, you extremely calm um. I remember the water

599
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 1: was very, very hot, and you weren't screaming and cussing

600
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:52,959
Speaker 1: that people. You were just like, it's you know, it's

601
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 1: kind of it's kind of hot, and then you asked

602
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: me to get the cool water. I remember leaving your

603
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 1: side for a minute to check one of the cameras,

604
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: and you were just like no, no, yeah. I was like,

605
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: don't don't you, like, just just stay right here, just

606
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 1: stay right here. I almost took my mom's braids out

607
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 1: at one point because she was to my left and

608
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 1: I was looking for something to grab onto and I

609
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: think I pulled her hair. Poor things. Sorry, mom My bad.

610
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 1: She might have a little both spot because of that.

611
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 1: Um yeah, she's yeah her your mom my mom. They

612
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: were like literally surrounding the tub. My sister was right

613
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: next to Takia. You were right literally behind me the

614
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 1: entire time. Um. It was just a great, great experience. Yeah,

615
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 1: while are you talking about it as I'm just smiling,

616
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 1: because until you've experienced that type of power from a

617
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 1: woman and the power of a village and watching everybody

618
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 1: come together, it's like it's something so divine about it. Absolutely,

619
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: it's the way everyone just literally rallied around me. And

620
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 1: I just had at that point when one thing I've

621
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 1: always had was total trust in my body. Like I've

622
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 1: always felt like my body, particularly doing during labor or

623
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: just during pregnancy, that my body is not going to

624
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: feel me. Um, And in that moment, I just knew

625
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: that my body was doing what it was supposed to do,

626
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: so and still being a little bit nervous and a

627
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 1: little bit antsy and wanting this baby to come out,

628
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 1: and just being like, oh my god, there's this pain.

629
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 1: It was trusting the process and trusting the pain that

630
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: knowing that each time I had a contraction or each

631
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: time I felt the urge to push, it was my

632
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 1: body bringing me that much closer to holding the baby.

633
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: You know. It was just like, this is like the

634
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: grand finale. This is when I'm gonna finally have this

635
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 1: baby in my arms. And can nobody tell me nothing? Okay?

636
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: Can nobody tell me nothing now? Because I literally feel

637
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: like like I feel like a woman. I feel like

638
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: my body did what it was supposed to do and

639
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: there was no intervention. I had my husband by my side,

640
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 1: my team of women around me. It was just such

641
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: like you said, it was a divine moment, Like God

642
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 1: was over that place. He was all in the room,

643
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: all in the water, he was all over it, all

644
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 1: over it. And I feel like having Dakota beautifully born

645
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: at home, it's just proof of that. It's just proof

646
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: of that. Like he came out and he literally didn't

647
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 1: make a word, he didn't make a sound, he didn't cry,

648
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 1: He just came out and just laid on top of

649
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 1: me like he was just supposed to just like just

650
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: be here. It was just it was amazing. It was amazing,

651
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 1: And those are the only moments that made me, for

652
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: two point five seconds, I feel like I could do

653
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 1: it again. But now, I mean, what it was was

654
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 1: what it was in that moment, and it was great,

655
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 1: and we have our memories, we have our footage, and

656
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: it was just it was great. And I'm gonna I'm

657
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: gonna put this out there on the podcast that um,

658
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: you're not going to get a birthing vlog. UM. Kadina

659
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: and I had made a decision before the Koda got

660
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:58,479
Speaker 1: here that we wanted to keep this memory for us.

661
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: We do share a UM, we like to share because

662
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: we like to inform people. But we've shared a birthing

663
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: vlog with with you guys. We shared a birthing and

664
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 1: we appreciate you guys being a part of our virtual family.

665
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: But we had made a decision beforehand that, UM, how

666
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 1: we filmed this time was going to be way more

667
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,800
Speaker 1: intimate than the last time. Number one, because I wanted

668
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 1: to be very aware of what's going on. Like I

669
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: said before, I didn't want to have to think about

670
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,760
Speaker 1: cameras in blog footage while this delivery was happening, because

671
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 1: this is you know, this is four years from kas Um. Also,

672
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: I didn't want to have to worry about how you

673
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 1: felt during I don't know how to explain it, but

674
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 1: you don't want me to be conscious of it. I

675
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,360
Speaker 1: didn't want you to be conscious. I wanted you to

676
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 1: be fully aware of the moment. Later, see what I'm saying.

677
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: Being present in the moment and not being isn't about

678
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 1: where the camera is or which angle is being caught.

679
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:08,319
Speaker 1: I wanted it to be as organic and natural as possible. Yes,

680
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: and that's why there's no Vlaut footage. Yeah, sorry, guys,

681
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 1: I just I just wanted this moment moment for us

682
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 1: and our family. And like you said, there's a lot

683
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: of things that we do share, UM, there's actually a

684
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 1: lot of things that we don't share, and we make

685
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 1: a collective decision about what that's going to look like

686
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 1: for us, UM and I literally wanted it to be

687
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 1: just what it was. I wanted to be present in

688
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,800
Speaker 1: that moment. I wanted to be able to think about

689
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 1: and feel everything that was happening without any interruption, if

690
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 1: that makes sense. Um, Like, I don't want to think

691
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 1: about who was in the room, extra people in the room, um,

692
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 1: recording anything. I really just wanted to live in that moment.

693
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: So when I think back to the birth of Dakota,

694
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: I can literally feel and smell and hear everything that

695
00:35:55,719 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 1: had happened. Um amidst the contractions, when those happen, and

696
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: you don't hear or think about anything other than, oh

697
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: my god, I can't believe this is happening. UM. So yeah,

698
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: it was a beautiful experience. The boys were literally right

699
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,919
Speaker 1: outside the door with my dad. UM. So the minute

700
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 1: Dakota came out, I had the boys come in to

701
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,720
Speaker 1: meet their brother. They were so excited to meet sweet Baby.

702
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 1: That's what Catty has been calling him, sweet baby. Um.

703
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: So we've been able to meet baby Broader. We took

704
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: some pictures of course. UM. Shout out to Kayla, thank

705
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,880
Speaker 1: you for being here on the last minute, because you know,

706
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 1: so we have photos and stuff. Yeah so video, Yeah,

707
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: we'll put together a little something so you guys can see,

708
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 1: um probably simultaneously with this this podcast, But as far

709
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 1: as sorry, and it's all it's all here like I

710
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 1: can like case that I can smell and feel and

711
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 1: remember every single thing like I can remember. Isn't it

712
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,759
Speaker 1: crazy how social media has like conditioned us so much

713
00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: to be like so on that that portion of you know, um,

714
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: being in the moment or feeling or just heightening senses

715
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 1: um kind of took a back seat for a while

716
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: when it came to certain experiences. And then now we

717
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 1: realized the value in those moments. Let me tell you,

718
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 1: God tends to put things in perspective, right, Um, I

719
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:24,240
Speaker 1: wanted to be present for my child's birth. I didn't

720
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:28,239
Speaker 1: want to be in production of my child's birth. Right

721
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 1: you understand what I'm saying. I just wanted to be

722
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 1: present and I felt present, and I feel like and

723
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about this on the next flog me

724
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,320
Speaker 1: on the next podcast. There was a reason why I

725
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 1: felt that way, and it turned out that that reason

726
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: was the best reason, because giving birth as the closest

727
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 1: you'll get to death without actually dying. And shout out

728
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: to all the moms who have given birth, UM, condolences

729
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,439
Speaker 1: to mom's we have lost their lives while giving birth.

730
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 1: Moms who have just given birth and who are dealing

731
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 1: with certain issues after giving birth. Ums. The more children

732
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 1: you have and the money, the more times you watched it,

733
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: the real or childbirth gets to you and you respect

734
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 1: that so much where you realize like everything can't be

735
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 1: a production. And um, first of all, I love you, baby,

736
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:28,919
Speaker 1: I love you so much. UM four, he's so perfect, y'all,

737
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 1: y'all have no idea. Man, you'll have no idea. He

738
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: is so perfect when you watch such a good baby

739
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 1: too so far and his brothers are so in love

740
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 1: with him, and it's funny. I couldn't even It was

741
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 1: hard for me to I have this moment, these moments

742
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 1: every time I have another kid, Like with Jackson, it

743
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, this guilty feeling of like

744
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 1: now imposing another child in Jackson's life and having to

745
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,720
Speaker 1: divide my time. And then I had the same feeling

746
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: after having Cairo and then having casts so soon after.

747
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:00,399
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, Cayro as a baby

748
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 1: and I'm bringing another baby in and how dare I

749
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: do this to him? Then we have the three boys

750
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,919
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, but our little trio is so cute.

751
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:10,759
Speaker 1: Now was infiltrate their circle with another kid? What am

752
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 1: I doing? And then you end up having another child

753
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 1: and they fall right into place like as if they

754
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 1: were here the entire time. Um, and it just it's

755
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 1: it's beautiful to see and it's beautiful to watch. He's

756
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 1: an amazing baby. I know. Devil has looked at me

757
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 1: some sometimes and like, you really in love with this baby? Huh,

758
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,400
Speaker 1: as if I'm not supposed to be, but I'm just

759
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,680
Speaker 1: it's just I don't even nothing. So we can go

760
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: to break on that, because that was just the best

761
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 1: description of the feeling of it's like, man, it was perfect.

762
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: So it's gonna take a quick break. Guys, We'll be back,

763
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:00,399
Speaker 1: all guys, be back. And even after having or kids,

764
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 1: this is still Conde's favorite part of the show. Adult time. Guys. Okay,

765
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,839
Speaker 1: this is my adult time in between breastfeeding and all

766
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 1: the good stuff. All right, So we got listening letters? Cool?

767
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 1: Should I read the first one? That you want to go? First?

768
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,760
Speaker 1: Your day is your date? Baby? All right? Do it? Hey? Baby?

769
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: All right? Um. Couple couple episodes ago, you guys talked

770
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 1: about providing a safe space, especially for women when it

771
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: comes to being a mom and birthing myself and my

772
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 1: significant other both really want to be parents and believe

773
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 1: that this is a part of our legacy. However, I'm

774
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: terrified of giving birth. I feel bad expressing this because

775
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 1: people tell me, well, other ladies go through it too,

776
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: so you should be okay. And as you mentioned before,

777
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 1: if it was that bad, people wouldn't have multiple kids.

778
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: Made me think, hey, that's a good point. As I

779
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:51,719
Speaker 1: still want to be a mother and pray the Lord

780
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,399
Speaker 1: blesses me with children. How can I prepare for the pain.

781
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 1: My pain tolerance is low and I hate hospitals. Hearing

782
00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 1: you guys talk about birthing at home where you're comfortable

783
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 1: has brought some ideas to my mind, but I fear

784
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 1: I won't be able to face the pain and become

785
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: so afraid that it might hinder my thought process of

786
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 1: having birthing a child. I know my man wants to

787
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 1: be a father, and the last thing I want is

788
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 1: last minute to switch things up. My goal is all

789
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: due to thinking about the unbearable pain after spending time

790
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 1: and putting effort towards us. I sometimes expressed this and

791
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 1: people say everyone goes through it, so you're fine, But

792
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:28,399
Speaker 1: I feel like that devalues my feelings and doesn't give

793
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 1: me a safe place, safe space to discuss this sin.

794
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 1: I felt the same way. So for you to feel

795
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 1: like yeah, I know, and four babies later for you

796
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 1: to feel like, um, you know this is like you're

797
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 1: you're crazy for feeling this way. You're not. Um. Literally,

798
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 1: every single time that I lead up to birth and

799
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 1: labor and delivery, I get completely nervous and I worry

800
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: about the pain. I used to actually think that my

801
00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:00,800
Speaker 1: pain tolerance was low, but come to find out, my

802
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: pain tolerance is pretty high, which is crazy to me. Um.

803
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 1: One thing that my mad wife told me that really

804
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 1: helped with just my mental space when it came to

805
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 1: dealing with pain. She told me, if I thought of

806
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:18,320
Speaker 1: pain or the contractions as one step closer to me

807
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:21,399
Speaker 1: holding my baby, or one step closer to me being

808
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:25,280
Speaker 1: at the end of labor and delivery, that that sometimes

809
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: gives me a little bit of momentum that I need

810
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:31,320
Speaker 1: to keep going, which actually really works. So it's like

811
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: it's a in a sense, I welcomed the pain at

812
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 1: the end um although it is pain nonetheless, and it

813
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: feels like you're bones are being crushed in your entire pelvis,

814
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 1: but it does make you feel like, Okay, that's one

815
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 1: less contraction that I have to deal with, UM to

816
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 1: then seeing my baby. And if I put this timeline

817
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 1: in perspective for you, a water broke at six thirty

818
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: eight in the morning, very light contractions throughout the day.

819
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 1: The last forty five minutes I would say is probably

820
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 1: the worst of it. And the contractions they come and

821
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 1: they go, so you do get a little bit of reprieve,

822
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: even though it's not a lot in between them. You

823
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 1: do get a moment to kind of catch your breath.

824
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 1: So it's like a build up. If you think of

825
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: the contraction like a hill. You'll feel it coming on,

826
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 1: it'll kind of hit a peak, and then it goes down.

827
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't say that it's a continuous pain that

828
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 1: I felt the entire time. So that's what helped me

829
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 1: with having moments of just having highs and lows, UM,

830
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 1: And that's how I was able to look at the

831
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 1: pain um and look at the process. So it wasn't

832
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:32,800
Speaker 1: as daunting UM, Like you said, It's going to be

833
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:36,400
Speaker 1: pain nonetheless, But that's my mental space that I'm in

834
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,319
Speaker 1: when I look at labor and I try to deal

835
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 1: with the pain, um the best that I can. So

836
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: I hope that helps because I would love to see

837
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 1: you become a mom and love for your significant other

838
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,360
Speaker 1: to be a father and if pain is the only hindrance.

839
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: Also too, you have to know that there's options. You know,

840
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 1: there are epidurals that people take, um when you're in

841
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:55,800
Speaker 1: the hospital. You have to be in the hospital for

842
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,360
Speaker 1: that though. UM. But just allowing your body to do

843
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 1: what it's supposed to do naturally, I think helps the

844
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,720
Speaker 1: process go faster, which I like about the home birthing

845
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,520
Speaker 1: process that there's no intervention in your body literally do

846
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 1: does what it's made to do. So good luck to

847
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:11,919
Speaker 1: her on that. Do you have any two cents about

848
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 1: the pain or you can't? Yea attractions like I'm just

849
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:17,840
Speaker 1: not gonna do that. But what I will say for

850
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:22,800
Speaker 1: her significant other, it's his responsibility to create that space

851
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:27,040
Speaker 1: for her, you know. Like there's like I remember one

852
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 1: time in particular, UM, the O B G y N

853
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 1: had you waiting there for a couple of hours and

854
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 1: I called and I said, I will be there in

855
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 1: five minutes because I couldn't at this point, I couldn't

856
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 1: come to the appointments because of COVID regulations, but I

857
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 1: would have blown that whole place up for then making

858
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:49,040
Speaker 1: my wife feel uncomfortable. And I feel like that's where

859
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: we have to be as men. We can't have a contraction,

860
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: we can't carry a baby, but everything outside of what's

861
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 1: going on in your body is my responsibility. What you eat,

862
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 1: what you drink, where you will, who's around you, where

863
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,880
Speaker 1: you have the child, who's your O, B, G, Y N.

864
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,759
Speaker 1: It's a man's responsibility to make sure that you have

865
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:10,319
Speaker 1: access to everything you need to be as comfortable as

866
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,839
Speaker 1: you have to be during that process. So I don't

867
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 1: have any words for her with how to deal with contractions,

868
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,399
Speaker 1: but if I could speak to him, if you want

869
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: to ask this woman to have your baby, you better

870
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: be prepared to deal with everything. And I'm talking about

871
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 1: everything the mood swings because because this is another thing

872
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,959
Speaker 1: that oxytocin, Now that I know about it, I wish

873
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,840
Speaker 1: I known about it earlier because that oxytocin could have

874
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: been used to earlier in the couple and during the

875
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 1: pregnancy to get you through some moments where you were

876
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:43,399
Speaker 1: feeling down. At times, I felt like you didn't want

877
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 1: to be touched and stuff like that, and I didn't

878
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,800
Speaker 1: know what the benefits of it, so I was just

879
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 1: trying to give you what you ask for. But knowing

880
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 1: more now, I would have just knocked down your little

881
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,359
Speaker 1: heisman block. And I was like, to come here out

882
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:57,439
Speaker 1: of kisstoring you love you, just to make you feel

883
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 1: when the team was here. It's that or faster too.

884
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 1: And but I didn't know. But this is why we share.

885
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 1: But that's that's his responsibility. And I will say, this

886
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: is your first first baby, definitely get with an O, B, G,

887
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 1: Y N that you trust and let them guide you

888
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:19,800
Speaker 1: through the process of whether you're a good candidate forth

889
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,439
Speaker 1: candidate and Codeine and I also went through the fact

890
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:28,360
Speaker 1: that um Dacoda was transverse at one point almost transverse,

891
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 1: so we had to do a ton of exercises to

892
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 1: get him to be put into position. It's difficult, yes,

893
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 1: it's difficult. To give birth to a child when they're

894
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 1: breached or transversed or transverse is like impossible as the

895
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 1: basest sideways, there's no way to for the baby to

896
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 1: come out, so that the only result in that is

897
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: a C section section. And I was like, oh no,

898
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 1: we did a ton of inversions that we did some

899
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,520
Speaker 1: things to to get dacoda in place. But and that's

900
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 1: also a part of it. Like as as your significant other,

901
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:02,239
Speaker 1: your your husband, it's his job to make sure that

902
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 1: everything around the contraction because that's the only thing you

903
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 1: can control and the actual birth he has to control that. Yeah,

904
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 1: the environment is super important and not for nothing. I've

905
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: been in a hospital room lately, in the labor and

906
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:17,839
Speaker 1: delivery unit and um, it was very comfortable. I will

907
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 1: say it doesn't It didn't give me that sterile feel

908
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,760
Speaker 1: that hospitals typically have. I think that hospitals are working

909
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: to try to make them a little bit cozier environments

910
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: for when you're having babies. So if that becomes an

911
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 1: option for you, or it needs to be an option, um,

912
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:32,840
Speaker 1: you know, doing like a hospital tour, I think I

913
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 1: had a time would be worth it to see if

914
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:37,319
Speaker 1: it's a space that you feel like you can be comfortable, um,

915
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: laboring in and delivering. So good luck to you s this.

916
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 1: I hope everything pans out for you and you guys

917
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 1: are able to create that legacy that you've always wanted.

918
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,840
Speaker 1: Number two, my husband and I have been together for

919
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: four years, married for two. He is thirty and I'm

920
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: just turning. My husband and I have no children. We

921
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,839
Speaker 1: are actually trying to become pregnant, but have not told

922
00:47:56,840 --> 00:48:00,399
Speaker 1: anyone that we're actually in fact trying. We just say

923
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,720
Speaker 1: we're doing our thing, and if it happens, it happens

924
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:05,560
Speaker 1: with me knowing that we're actually trying. I have been

925
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 1: asking pregnancy questions of my husband, my husband's mom, and

926
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 1: my mom, Researching things, watching things, you know, the whole

927
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 1: bit about pregnancy. Just trying to learn what I can

928
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:16,959
Speaker 1: and prepare as much as possible for what my body

929
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,840
Speaker 1: could possibly endure. My mom thinks that I need to

930
00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:22,760
Speaker 1: leave the talk alone until I become pregnant. My husband's

931
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 1: mom thinks that I'm stressing, in which I'm not. I

932
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 1: just want to learn what I can. I'm a very

933
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,279
Speaker 1: curious person to get to the to get to the

934
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 1: real point. I have decided for a long time now

935
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:34,799
Speaker 1: that I want to have a water birth at home.

936
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: I want my parents on both sides to be there.

937
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 1: I wanted to be intimate and I want I don't

938
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 1: want the hospital telling me who I can and can't

939
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 1: have around and support of me and my husband's first

940
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:46,760
Speaker 1: baby being born. I live in Oklahoma City and hospitals

941
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,400
Speaker 1: are only allowing one person in and not out or

942
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:52,360
Speaker 1: in and out once they're in. My question is do

943
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 1: you think that I should consider having our first baby

944
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 1: in the hospital because it is my first? And do

945
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 1: you think that I am doing too much by researching

946
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:03,320
Speaker 1: home births, researching duelas and midwives, reading and listening to

947
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 1: things about pregnancy experience before I'm actually pregnant. No? Absolutely,

948
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: not no, No, getting research and thinking about pregnancy is

949
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:17,319
Speaker 1: just responsible. Absolutely, I think more If more people did

950
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 1: the research ahead of time, we probably wouldn't have as

951
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 1: many people becoming parents because they understand what's entailed. People

952
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 1: like to shame other people for just being different, right,

953
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 1: And this is this is even to moms, right right,

954
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 1: Your mom, my mom, grand mom's. Just because you did

955
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: motherhood one way don't mean the next mother do it,

956
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 1: or it doesn't make it to be all that ends alliborhood.

957
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:49,879
Speaker 1: Like the fact that you're asking questions who who else

958
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 1: would you want to ask advice from other than the

959
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:54,879
Speaker 1: two moms closest to your mother and your mother in law.

960
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:58,400
Speaker 1: But for them to shame her about that, come on, Like,

961
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, it is a little man stuff.

962
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: I think I think that they should welcome that. I mean,

963
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:04,919
Speaker 1: you should be curious about pregnancy, especially if you haven't

964
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 1: been through it before. And like I said, if more

965
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: people did research about it, people might feel like, you

966
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 1: know what, this might not be what it's not what

967
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 1: it is cracked up to be, or this might not

968
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:15,440
Speaker 1: before me. So I think it's actually very responsible if

969
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 1: you actually doing that, especially if you're considering a home birth.

970
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:22,040
Speaker 1: You know, I can't tell you what to do your

971
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 1: first time around having a baby. Should you or should

972
00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:25,560
Speaker 1: you not have it in a hospital, because I know

973
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,719
Speaker 1: people who have had their first child at home and

974
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 1: everything panned out fine. Um. Personally, I know that if

975
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: it was my first baby, I probably would have went

976
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: the O B G Y En route just to ensure

977
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: that medically I was sound enough to have a home

978
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 1: birth as I wanted to. UM. But I don't think

979
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,800
Speaker 1: you can do too much research. I mean, especially with

980
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:46,800
Speaker 1: our first home birth with Cats, I went through the

981
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:52,319
Speaker 1: entire gamut of midwives, birthing centers, um, you know, black midwives.

982
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 1: I looked for everybody I went and dug up their

983
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:59,879
Speaker 1: entire resume. UM, we did interviews. There were so many

984
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 1: things that we did to be able to prepare for

985
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:03,719
Speaker 1: a home birth. This is what I want people to

986
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:06,719
Speaker 1: look up because there's such a stigma around home birtht right,

987
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 1: look up the infant and mother mortality rate for hospitals

988
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,439
Speaker 1: versus home bursts, and you tell me which one is higher,

989
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 1: And then say why is there such a stigma around

990
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 1: home burst when people die in hospitals at a higher

991
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 1: rate than they die at home. That's all I'm gonna say.

992
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 1: Just look up the numbers and you tell me. Because

993
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 1: people need to understand too, that America is a business. Right.

994
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,439
Speaker 1: There's a business of birth thing. There's a business of death.

995
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 1: There's a business of epidurals. There's a business of c sections, right.

996
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:42,399
Speaker 1: And before hospitals and birthling became a business, people gave

997
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 1: birth at home. How do you think everybody got here?

998
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. So eliminate the stigma when

999
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: you do research, because if you go into the research

1000
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:55,279
Speaker 1: thinking that this is something that maybe extreme, then you're

1001
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:58,240
Speaker 1: going to find things that's gonna seem extreme as opposed

1002
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: to just doing research and being open minded to what

1003
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 1: the possibilities are. And I think that's I mean, that's

1004
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 1: that's where we are in America today anyway, because there's

1005
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,239
Speaker 1: so much stigma with anything. It's either your vacs are

1006
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 1: anti vacs, so now they're stigmatizing vaccine people, but then

1007
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:16,640
Speaker 1: they're stigmatizing anti vacs when the bottom line is it's

1008
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:18,239
Speaker 1: just a choice. You have a choice to do what

1009
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:20,440
Speaker 1: you want to do with your body. What if you

1010
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 1: think it's sound for you, continue to do as much

1011
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 1: research as possible. Um, no question is a dumb question.

1012
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 1: I will say having an O B G Y N

1013
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,799
Speaker 1: that's open minded to the possibility of you having your

1014
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,800
Speaker 1: own birth would be the best choice because that person

1015
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 1: would tell you if you're a good candidate or not.

1016
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 1: You see, but don't don't just I'm gonna do this

1017
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:42,960
Speaker 1: on my own unless you have the knowledge to do

1018
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 1: it on my on your own. That's That's a really good,

1019
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 1: really good way to wrap it up. Love that. Love

1020
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:51,200
Speaker 1: that all right, And if you want to be a

1021
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 1: part of the listener letters, be sure to email us

1022
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: at s advice at gmail dot com. That's D E

1023
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 1: A D A S S A D V I C

1024
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:05,520
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. Alright, moment of truth time.

1025
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:11,279
Speaker 1: Um oh, man, definitely look tired. I feel like I

1026
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,919
Speaker 1: feel like I'm talking in slow motion. You look great,

1027
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: You look great. You're just saying that. I literally always

1028
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 1: feel like I'm talking in slow motion and my eyes

1029
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 1: feel so heavy. All y'all have to excuse me. We're

1030
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 1: recording this with three weeks postpartum, and we had quite

1031
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:29,480
Speaker 1: the three weeks. But I will say, um, in my

1032
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:33,239
Speaker 1: moment of truth, that baby Dakota is worth every sleepless night.

1033
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 1: He's worth the cracked, sore nipples. Um, He's worth He's

1034
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: worth all the things. UM. But like I said, I

1035
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:45,520
Speaker 1: was going to come to this in my moment of truth,

1036
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 1: I have to thank you for creating a space and

1037
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 1: a life and um, oh God, here with the hormones

1038
00:53:55,400 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 1: again and it tears. Um, But you really have, um,

1039
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 1: made this last baby And I say that confidently. Um,

1040
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 1: this last baby, and this last pregnancy, and this last

1041
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:17,799
Speaker 1: labor and delivery experience for us probably the best yet

1042
00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 1: because you have worked day in and day out and

1043
00:54:23,239 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: overnight and around the clock to make sure that I

1044
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 1: was comfortable that I didn't want for anything or didn't

1045
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:33,200
Speaker 1: need for anything. Um. And if I did, you found

1046
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 1: a way to bend over backwards to make it happen,

1047
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 1: but all while still being a stellar um father, present

1048
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 1: for Jackson, Cairo Kaz, being present for me, being present

1049
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:49,799
Speaker 1: for my mom because she's here with us helping out,

1050
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:56,840
Speaker 1: and also being a kick ass actor, um, you know,

1051
00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 1: working on Sisters and all the other shows you did

1052
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:03,240
Speaker 1: this summer. Like, I feel like I need to publicly

1053
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:08,239
Speaker 1: celebrate you, um, because I know that social media gets

1054
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:11,400
Speaker 1: the version of the vow that they get, but I

1055
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:14,479
Speaker 1: need them to know that this is you every single

1056
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 1: day and um, and I don't think that for granted,

1057
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 1: although sometimes I know I probably make you feel that way, UM,

1058
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 1: but I really don't. And UM, I love you and

1059
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: these boys love you so much. And um, this is

1060
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: the last time you'll get me crying on this podcast.

1061
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 1: But I just need you to know how much you

1062
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 1: mean to me and our family. And I know it

1063
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 1: feels like a thankless job sometimes, but none of this

1064
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 1: ship works without you. And UM, I know you told

1065
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:58,000
Speaker 1: me that recently in another circumstance that we'll talk about

1066
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 1: in another podcast episode, But are really none of this

1067
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 1: ship works without you? And I love you so much,

1068
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 1: and um, I would have all the babies for you

1069
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 1: if you wanted me to. But I think this is it.

1070
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:11,719
Speaker 1: We might be able to hang this up. But I

1071
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 1: just love you so much and you have literally made

1072
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,680
Speaker 1: this um experience the best that it could have been

1073
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:25,160
Speaker 1: for our family and for me. And thank you. Yeah, damn,

1074
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:29,839
Speaker 1: that's my moment of truth, y'all. My mama Shooth is short.

1075
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 1: You deserve it. You just deserve it. That's all I got.

1076
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:45,839
Speaker 1: Thank you deserve it. I love you too, all right, y'all,

1077
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,919
Speaker 1: y'all still watching, y'all still listening. We're having a whole

1078
00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 1: moment here. But no, it just that just came over

1079
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:54,919
Speaker 1: me and talking about everything because I just think about

1080
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:56,680
Speaker 1: how present you've been, like you knew things that was

1081
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:59,960
Speaker 1: happening to me and my body before it even happened.

1082
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:02,320
Speaker 1: I feel like, like, how in tune you were with

1083
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:05,319
Speaker 1: it it's just me and everything, and how in tune

1084
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 1: you've been with Dakota just newborn life and the boys

1085
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:12,879
Speaker 1: and just everything. And here's a moment of truth. Every

1086
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 1: woman bringing life into this world deserve to feel that safe. Absolutely,

1087
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 1: that's just the truth. Like that's the hardest thing to do. Literally,

1088
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:28,920
Speaker 1: we thank you for acknowledging that you deserve and you

1089
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: rocket at it. I love you, Thank you you too.

1090
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 1: Be sure to find us on social media at dead

1091
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:38,200
Speaker 1: Ass the podcast. Yes and you can find me on

1092
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:42,520
Speaker 1: social media Cadan I am and I Am Devout and

1093
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Y'all. Yay. It's

1094
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 1: Happy birthday to Dakota. Happy birthday. D Oh you gotta

1095
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: d now Boys. Dead Ass is a production of I

1096
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 1: Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and

1097
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 1: Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as

1098
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 1: the Podcasts and never miss a Thing