1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space. 12 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,159 Speaker 3: Even though the greeting looks different for everyone, and so 13 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 3: I know with my dad it took me. So I 14 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,199 Speaker 3: feel like it took seven years, honestly, because it just 15 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,640 Speaker 3: I remember being so angry. I was so bitter and 16 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 3: so angry with God. I was like, how could you 17 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 3: let this happen? You know, I've been through so much 18 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 3: and the fact that the way that it happened was 19 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 3: such a mind fuck because it was literally on a 20 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 3: family vacation. 21 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 2: They're taking me off. 22 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 4: The Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 23 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 4: women like you. 24 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:07,320 Speaker 2: We're Your Costs. 25 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 4: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist. 26 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 27 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:20,919 Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 28 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 29 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where 30 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 3: black women can just be. 31 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: So. 32 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,240 Speaker 3: A few years after I started blogging, I stumbled upon 33 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 3: this article online and I learned that this beautiful black 34 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 3: blogger who's only twenty two years old, I learned that 35 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 3: she lost her life to suicide. Her name was Karen Washington, 36 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 3: and she was the founder of four Brown Girls and 37 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 3: the popular Dark Girl's Red lib campaign. Now, when I 38 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 3: heard about Karen's that, I. 39 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 2: Was so hurt. I was confused. 40 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 3: I was sad, and even though I didn't know her, 41 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,560 Speaker 3: I wish that me or someone in her community, someone 42 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 3: in her corner, could have saved her. 43 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 2: And I think many of us. 44 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 3: Feel this way when we learn about someone committing suicide. 45 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 3: We kind of go back and we think, damn, I 46 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,920 Speaker 3: wish I could have been that person that could have 47 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 3: been there for them to help them. And I began 48 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 3: to just think a lot about you know, what, did 49 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 3: she want to be remembered for like, how wire her 50 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 3: community think about her and what will they do now 51 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 3: that she has gone? I often think about that for 52 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 3: public figures like down to myself. Right, we're now these 53 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 3: public figures, now that we have this podcast and this 54 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 3: ever growing platform, and I believe that it's important to 55 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 3: have a conversation about death and legacy. It's not the 56 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 3: most comfortable thing to do, right, I get it, But 57 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 3: I think that when a loved one or you know, 58 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 3: one of our favorite people or celebrity passes away, what's 59 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 3: the first thing we do. We go look for pictures 60 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,919 Speaker 3: of them, We try to revisit the members that we had, 61 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 3: and it's an important conversation that I think we do 62 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 3: need to have. And Don I would love to know 63 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 3: just how do you feel about this topic in general, 64 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 3: because I think you probably have feelings that will resonate 65 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 3: with a. 66 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:09,520 Speaker 2: Lot of people. 67 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:14,200 Speaker 5: I think that talking about death. 68 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 4: Is hard because we've been socialized to focus on living, 69 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 4: and so when we think about this blogger who took 70 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:30,919 Speaker 4: her own life, who committed suicide, I think sometimes we 71 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 4: think about suicide and we talk about suicide in a 72 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 4: different way than we talk about death in general. So 73 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 4: there's one piece of me that wants to make clear 74 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 4: that you know, if you are someone you know is 75 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 4: thinking about suicide, that there are resources out there and 76 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 4: we will provide those resources on our website, that you 77 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 4: are not alone, that there are people you can talk 78 00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 4: to to get help. Then we shift and we think 79 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 4: about death of a loved one or even someone a 80 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 4: celebrity or like you mentioned, like anyone out there that 81 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 4: we feel a connection to, that maybe their death was unexpected, 82 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:21,919 Speaker 4: so maybe the person was really young, or maybe we 83 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,840 Speaker 4: didn't know that this person had an illness, or maybe 84 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,039 Speaker 4: it was some other type of tragedies. Basically, their death 85 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:34,480 Speaker 4: was unexpected. And then we have the death of someone 86 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 4: we know who has lived a long life, so grandparents, 87 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 4: great grandparents, parents. 88 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 5: People who have lived what we would call a full. 89 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 4: Life, and how we think about death in each of 90 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 4: those scenarios is totally different. As we're talking about this 91 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 4: topic today, I think my feelings that come up, or 92 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:05,839 Speaker 4: the thoughts that come up for me will vary depending 93 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 4: on the circumstances surrounding that person's death. And I can 94 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,360 Speaker 4: imagine that, Lady, the same thing may be happening for you. 95 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 3: That makes sense, and I do want to note, this 96 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 3: is a heavy topic, right, but guess what, whether we 97 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 3: want to or not, we have to face it. We 98 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,640 Speaker 3: have to face it with our loved ones, our friends, 99 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 3: everyone we know, including myself. 100 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 2: Right, it's going to happen. 101 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 3: So why not embrace the conversation and try to have 102 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,600 Speaker 3: a bit more control over the uncontrollable. And I'll talk 103 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 3: about how I've kind of done that in my life. 104 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 3: And know that Dom and I got you. 105 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 6: Right. 106 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 3: If you listen to any of our other episodes, whenever 107 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,800 Speaker 3: we're diving into a tough topic, we try to add 108 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 3: a positive spin. We do end on a positive note, 109 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,359 Speaker 3: and you'll probably hear some laughing throughout this episode. So 110 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 3: we want you to know, like this is not going 111 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 3: to be a sad, depressing you know episode. Things may 112 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 3: come up for all of us, but just know that 113 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 3: you are here with us, right, we got you, and 114 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 3: you really want to say until the end because we 115 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 3: have a huge surprise that we're really excited to talk about. 116 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 3: We have a big giveaway. Okay, so don't be trying 117 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,159 Speaker 3: to fast forward. You got to stay intil the end 118 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 3: and listen to the conversation. 119 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:10,599 Speaker 2: Okay. 120 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 4: Our quote of the day, living in the moment means 121 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 4: letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. 122 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 4: It means living your life consciously aware that each moment 123 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:29,599 Speaker 4: you breathe is a gift that comes to us from 124 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,119 Speaker 4: Oprah Winfree now Dom. 125 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 3: Do you remember when you were first I don't want 126 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 3: to say introduced to death, but when you first learned 127 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,279 Speaker 3: of the concept or when you began to really think 128 00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:42,160 Speaker 3: about it, if you've ever experienced that. 129 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 4: I have experienced the death of quite a few people 130 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 4: in my life. I think the first time that I 131 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,839 Speaker 4: can recall being consciously aware of it is when my 132 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:02,480 Speaker 4: great grandmother died. It was right before my tenth birthday. 133 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 4: And it's easy for me to remember how old I 134 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,800 Speaker 4: was because her funeral was actually on my tenth birthday. 135 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 4: But and for a ten year old, if you think 136 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 4: about ten year olds, like ten year olds are like 137 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 4: I want a party, I. 138 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 5: Want people to celebrate me. 139 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 4: And I'm here focusing on losing a loved one that 140 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 4: was close to so many members. 141 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 5: Of the family. 142 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 4: But what I remember is that we had visited her 143 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 4: in the hospital. We had drove from New Orleans to Lafeyett, 144 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 4: where she lived a couple of times to visit her 145 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 4: in the hospital, and so I remember being aware that 146 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 4: that could be a possibility. 147 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 2: At ten, you were aware of that, okay. 148 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 4: Just because I knew just seeing her, because we would 149 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 4: visit her when I was as I was growing up, like, 150 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 4: we would visit her, so I knew that. 151 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 5: She was getting. 152 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 4: Older and that would be happening. I don't think that 153 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 4: we were conscious. I say we as in like the family. 154 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 4: I don't think anyone like openly discussed. 155 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: But. 156 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,040 Speaker 7: It was clear that, okay, she's in the hospital. 157 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 4: In my few years of being on this earth, I 158 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 4: had never heard mention of my great grandmother being in 159 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 4: the hospital. Something must be wrong, and so I think 160 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:38,359 Speaker 4: at that point there was an awareness, not an acceptance, 161 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,560 Speaker 4: but an awareness that this. 162 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 5: Or and not even an acknowledgment. 163 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:48,199 Speaker 4: Of what it really could be, but just an awareness 164 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 4: that this thing. 165 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 5: Could happen. 166 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes sense. 167 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 3: It's so interesting when you think about death and kids 168 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 3: and like how they process. I know, for me, I 169 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 3: think the first funeral I went to was a child 170 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 3: funeral was a childhood friend that I went to church with, 171 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 3: and I had to be between the ages of eight 172 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 3: and ten, and I remember going to the funeral and 173 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 3: I was just so confused because I was just like, Okay, 174 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 3: well she's right there, and it was open cast kids, 175 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,280 Speaker 3: she was dressed up nicely, and I was like, well, 176 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 3: she's right there. I knew she was sick, but I 177 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,000 Speaker 3: was just confused as like, well, where does she go? 178 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 3: And like what's happening and is that going to happen 179 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 3: to me? And there were a lot of questions around it, 180 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 3: and I feel like that may have been I don't know, 181 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 3: maybe I'm making this up because you know how sometimes 182 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,959 Speaker 3: our memory is not reliable. But when I think about death, 183 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 3: that's one of the first memories I've had, and I 184 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 3: feel like that may have brought up so many questions 185 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 3: and that's why I had this weird sort of fascination 186 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 3: with it. But it's because I've lost a lot of 187 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 3: family members over time. But I think my dad's death 188 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 3: when I was seventeen, that was one that just impacted 189 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,840 Speaker 3: me in a different way. I had never lost someone 190 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 3: that I lived with, and for me, that just like 191 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 3: fucked me up because it was like all your stuff 192 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 3: is still here, like I you know, we're coming home, 193 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 3: and it's like, you know, I'm smelling your cologne and 194 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,559 Speaker 3: I just it's like, it's just really wild to think about, 195 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 3: and the way that it happened. I think I talked 196 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 3: about it on a previous episode, like you know, we 197 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 3: were going on like a family vacation. 198 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,679 Speaker 2: It was totally unexpected. 199 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 3: My dad was also the the you know, soul provider 200 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 3: of the family, and so it happened in front of 201 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 3: my siblings and it was just very it was just 202 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,079 Speaker 3: very crazy to even think about. I'm just like, oh 203 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 3: my gosh, like what happened, you know. And I remember 204 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 3: after he passed away, I was, of course very sad, 205 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,199 Speaker 3: very angry, very bitter, but I wish I had more 206 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,000 Speaker 3: videos and pictures. It broke my heart that I didn't 207 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 3: have this connection with him, that I would never get 208 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,440 Speaker 3: in that way. And so after he passed away, I 209 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 3: bought a camera. I bought a digital camera from Walmart. 210 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 3: And it was actually a month before I went away 211 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 3: to college. So I brought this camera, and girl, I 212 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:58,119 Speaker 3: became the paparazzi to all family and friends. Like I 213 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 3: started documenting ever everything, okay, even to the day. My 214 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 3: siblings are teenagers now, but I have videos of them 215 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 3: when they were toddlers, and they can watch these videos 216 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 3: and look back on themselves. But I started documenting every 217 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 3: family event, every function. 218 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 2: My family and friends. 219 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,080 Speaker 3: Would be like, if you don't get that, god damn 220 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 3: camera out my face, paparazzi, terry, but I was like, 221 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 3: I don't care. 222 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 2: I'm documenting. And guess what. 223 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 3: I have so many memories and moments with so many 224 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 3: family members that have passed away, and during holiday season 225 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 3: are like tradition is to look at those videos, look 226 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 3: at the pictures, and you know, if you've all been listening, 227 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 3: my grandmother passed away. 228 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,319 Speaker 2: This sounds so crazy even. 229 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 3: Saying that it's still so fresh, but in July of 230 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 3: this year, and I have so many pictures and videos 231 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,320 Speaker 3: of her, and it just makes my heart so happy 232 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 3: to be able to have that and share that. And 233 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,240 Speaker 3: I have family members that have reached out and they're like, 234 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,680 Speaker 3: can you send me videos of my mom? And because 235 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 3: I have videos of everyone, so it's like they're asking 236 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 3: me to, you know, make these videos and send it 237 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 3: to them. And it's very calm, like it's been super 238 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 3: comforting to have that there and to be able to 239 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 3: sort of offer that gift to them, right, And so 240 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,319 Speaker 3: when I think about. 241 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 2: Death now, I have a lot of questions, Like I 242 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 2: wish we had answers for this stuff, right, I'm so curious. 243 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,800 Speaker 2: I'm just like what happens? Like where do we go? 244 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 3: I want to know all that and there are you know, 245 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 3: you have different beliefs that you've grown up with that 246 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,440 Speaker 3: we've been taught. But do we really have proof that 247 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 3: any of it's true? 248 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? 249 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 4: And I think that's what makes it so scary, right because. 250 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 5: If I were to tell you I have a fear 251 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 5: of snakes, I'm just pick something arbitrary. 252 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,960 Speaker 4: Right, If I were to tell you that I have 253 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 4: a fear of snakes, you could say, well, dumb, what 254 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 4: is your fear of snakes? Let's dive into this, let's 255 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:51,679 Speaker 4: look at it. Well, if your fears that the snake 256 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 4: is going to bite you, well, what's proof? What's your 257 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 4: proof that that's going to happen? How many people do 258 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 4: you know? Here are the statistics? Like these are things 259 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:06,439 Speaker 4: that we can explain. Right if I were to say 260 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:13,640 Speaker 4: I have a fear of traveling across the Atlantic, well 261 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 4: you can say, well, don I've been across the Atlantic. 262 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 5: Here's what that experience may look like for you. 263 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 4: Like there is proof there are stories, there is evidence, 264 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 4: and even the most religious people still need evidence for things, right, 265 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:43,439 Speaker 4: and death is that thing that we don't have any proof, 266 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 4: any evidence to show us what happens. 267 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 3: On the other side, I think you're right, and that 268 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 3: is very scary and I don't know. I think about 269 00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 3: you know, over the course of my college career up 270 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,439 Speaker 3: until now, there are lots debt like student deaths, right, 271 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 3: and some were murders, which is like really devastating. And 272 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,079 Speaker 3: I think he made a good point. And you know 273 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 3: who the person is, their age, also how it happened. 274 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 3: That all impacts our grieving process, and so I would 275 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 3: just want to say, you know, lady, as you listen, 276 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,320 Speaker 3: if you've lost someone, I think we always need to 277 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 3: just give ourselves space and time to grieve. And though 278 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 3: that grieving looks different for everyone, and so I know 279 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 3: with my dad it took me. So I feel like 280 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 3: it took seven years, honestly, because it just I remember 281 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 3: being so angry. I was so bitter and so angry 282 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 3: with God. I was like, how could you let this happen? 283 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 3: You know, I had been through so much and the 284 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,800 Speaker 3: fact that the way that it happened was such a 285 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 3: mind fucked because it was literally on a family vacation. 286 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 3: They're taking me off to go on a missions trip 287 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 3: to go help people. 288 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 2: And like in the hotel room. 289 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 3: My dad was never sick or anything, but he apparently 290 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,440 Speaker 3: he I think my siblings said he like rolled off 291 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 3: the bed because he was playing with my brother, hid 292 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 3: his head and then we ended up finding out later 293 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 3: there was a blood clot in his leg that rushed 294 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 3: up to his heart. So it was very quick and 295 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 3: it happened right there with the city, with my siblings and. 296 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 2: Mom there, and. 297 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 3: I had ended up leaving the night before, so I 298 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 3: had to regrets and there was this whole thing around 299 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 3: it of like, Okay, I have to process the fact 300 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,400 Speaker 3: that you're out here, and this is the guilt that 301 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 3: I have because I left my family the night before 302 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 3: to go bease my friends. 303 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 2: And then I felt like I wasn't a good daughter. 304 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 3: So there were so many layers to it, and so 305 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 3: I just want to say give yourself time. 306 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 4: Degree. 307 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 3: I don't think grieving has a hard stop. I think 308 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 3: that we can continue to. 309 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 2: Grieve and thrive, you know, as we live life. 310 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,080 Speaker 3: Right, I'm trying to think of unique ways to honor 311 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 3: my grandmother, because this is one of the first times 312 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 3: I feel like I did death the right way and 313 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 3: that we have videos. I had so many conversations with 314 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 3: her about it, so I knew what her wishes were. 315 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 3: I feel at peace with where we were in our relationship. 316 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 3: She was also older, so she had a chance to 317 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 3: She wasn't that old. She was like seventy, which I 318 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 3: don't think that's old. I don't know if you think 319 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 3: it's old, but it's all relative. But I feel the 320 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 3: older I get, the older the old age gets for me. 321 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 2: So I used to pay thirties old. 322 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, thirties old, and girl, I'm about 323 00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 3: to be thirty and I'm like the thirty eight old. 324 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 2: It's like, you know what I mean. 325 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 3: So yeah, I think she was still relatively young, but 326 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 3: she lived a good life and so it's different, right, 327 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 3: It varies depending on all these different factors, And so 328 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 3: I think it's really important for us to reframe the 329 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 3: way we think about death because it can be a 330 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 3: beautiful thing if we let it, but it takes time 331 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 3: to get there, right and again, it all goes back 332 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 3: to the circumstance, and I think that there are so 333 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 3: many inspiring stories out there, people that have lost children, 334 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 3: people that have lost you know, parents, people that have 335 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 3: lost people unexpectedly. There are so many people, and I 336 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 3: want to say testimonies out there of people that are 337 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 3: thriving in the midst of loss and that have come 338 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 3: up with beautiful you know, platforms, beautiful campaigns, beautiful businesses 339 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 3: from death and so that I think could be our 340 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 3: inspiration when we're looking for something unique to our situation. 341 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 5: And when I hear that, I think about this idea. 342 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 4: You know, going back to our quote of the day 343 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 4: about living in the moment. Sometimes when we say, oh, 344 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 4: I'm going to live in the moment, that means that 345 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 4: we're not really thinking about responsibility, and that's not what 346 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 4: we want to talk about, Like, that's not how we 347 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 4: want to focus it. Living in the moment doesn't mean 348 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,680 Speaker 4: that you're not being responsible. 349 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:25,360 Speaker 5: Living in the moment really means that you are. 350 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 4: Fully present and engaged in what is happening for you 351 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 4: right in the here and now. It means that so 352 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,960 Speaker 4: as as your lady, as you're listening to this podcast, 353 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 4: I know that oftentimes we have a tendency to want 354 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:47,200 Speaker 4: to multitask, that we have lots of things that might 355 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,679 Speaker 4: be happening for us, And so we may be listening 356 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 4: to this podcast, but we're also working, or we're doing chores, 357 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 4: or or we're driving, or we're doing other things. Right, 358 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 4: living in the moment, Living in the here and now 359 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 4: means that you're not just letting what you're hearing in 360 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:18,919 Speaker 4: this podcast episode breeze by you that you are really 361 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:23,399 Speaker 4: sitting with it and you're processing it. And as we're talking, 362 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 4: you're reflecting on, Yeah, what were those times when I've 363 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 4: lost the love, on how did I respond? What was 364 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:38,520 Speaker 4: my grieving process? Like, let me hear what's being said 365 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 4: in this moment. Let me not think about this drive 366 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 4: if I'm driving, because I know that's when I tend 367 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 4: to listen to podcasts. 368 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 5: That's when i'm driving, right. 369 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,399 Speaker 4: Let me not think about what I need to be 370 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 4: doing when I get to my destination. Let me really 371 00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 4: focus and take in what's being said to me right now. 372 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,399 Speaker 2: I would agree with that. 373 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,399 Speaker 3: I think living in the moment, that's something I feel 374 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 3: like I learned from my dad's death because I had 375 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 3: to girl, I had to sit with that for a 376 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 3: long time. That was one of that was a very 377 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 3: challenging moment in life, and so I thought about what 378 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:13,359 Speaker 3: I learned from it. 379 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 2: Living in the moment is one of those is. 380 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,960 Speaker 3: One of those lessons I learned. It's like life is precious. 381 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,640 Speaker 3: We don't know when our time is, so I think 382 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 3: that their death can be beautiful. It can be a 383 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 3: beautiful lesson for us, Like treat people kindly and don't 384 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:26,880 Speaker 3: hold grudges. 385 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,479 Speaker 2: I learned that too. I was like, why hold a 386 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 2: grudge when I don't. 387 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,080 Speaker 3: I would I would be devastated to lose someone on 388 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 3: bad terms, right, And I felt like I was a 389 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 3: bad I wasn't a bad daughter, but you know now 390 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 3: as a teenager, survivor's guilt. Yeah, survivor's guilt for sure. 391 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 3: And it's like, oh, I should have done this. But 392 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 3: I thought about how I can live more fully by 393 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:50,440 Speaker 3: just treating people better and and and not holding grudges, 394 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 3: like I said, because it's like, if you look, if 395 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,920 Speaker 3: you're at the end of your life, let's say you're 396 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 3: on your deathbed and you have this grudge, is it 397 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 3: really that big of a deal at that point, It's 398 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 3: like problem, not right? So I try to live that way. 399 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,959 Speaker 3: I also think a lot about legacy, like why do 400 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 3: I want to be remembered. In my ideal world, I'm 401 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 3: going to die as an old lady. I'm gonna be 402 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 3: one hundred and fifty years old. 403 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 2: Don't It's just I'm gonna be an old lady. 404 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 3: Though with the full I would have lived a full life. 405 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 3: Now die and you know, be peaceful in my sleep 406 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,640 Speaker 3: so I won't feel no pain. 407 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,400 Speaker 2: That's that's my goal. But you know, life is unpredictable. 408 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 5: That's not how death works. 409 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,680 Speaker 3: That's not how it works. And I fly a lot 410 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,680 Speaker 3: in my fear. It's like being in a plane crash girl, 411 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 3: and that is like very devastating to me. But I 412 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,399 Speaker 3: go back to one thing you said on one of 413 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 3: our episodes. It's like, what can I control. I can't 414 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 3: control how it's going to happen. Unfortunately, I can pray, 415 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 3: like I look out for your girl, but like I don't, 416 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 3: I don't know. I can't control it. So what I 417 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 3: can control is how I treat people. Now, I can 418 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 3: control having conversations with people about it. I talk to 419 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 3: my family about it, my siblings. I'm like, I'm super 420 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,360 Speaker 3: close to them, and I know that ideally I would 421 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,160 Speaker 3: leave before them because they're younger than me. But I'm like, like, 422 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,200 Speaker 3: if I were to leave, they would be devastated. 423 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,480 Speaker 2: So you know what I'm gonna do. 424 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 3: I'm going to create content for them, Like I'm going 425 00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 3: to send video. I'm going to create videos for them 426 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,680 Speaker 3: so that I can sort of speak from the grave. 427 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 3: It's weird as it sounds. This idea of legacy videos 428 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,399 Speaker 3: is this new tradition that I've tried to start in 429 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,719 Speaker 3: my family where we create videos for each other and 430 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:23,640 Speaker 3: say the things that you would say in person, right, 431 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,240 Speaker 3: but also say add some extra motivation and inspiration. Because girl, 432 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 3: I look at all the videos that I have of 433 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,320 Speaker 3: loved ones that have passed away now and it provides 434 00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 3: a lot of comfort. So I want to be able 435 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,320 Speaker 3: to do that for them so that when I do leave, 436 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,240 Speaker 3: they have something that can comfort them. 437 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 5: You know, how often do you update these videos? 438 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,200 Speaker 2: That's a good question. So right now I have, Girl, 439 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 2: you done got me started. I'm like, so can you 440 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 2: see how excited? So I know it's so weird, but 441 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 2: it's just I don't know. 442 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 3: It means a lot to me, this topic, but I 443 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 3: probably I try to do it like once a year, 444 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 3: but I create a lot of just vlogs in general, 445 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 3: that are like personal and so I'm trying to figure 446 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 3: out a system of like there's actually this this this 447 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 3: platform where I forget what it's called, but you can 448 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 3: actually prompt an email to be sent when you pass 449 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,399 Speaker 3: away if you want to like send your family like 450 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 3: emails from the grave. I know that sounds so crazy, 451 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 3: but there is a service for that, which I think 452 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 3: is really crazy. 453 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:24,480 Speaker 4: I know, actually, yeah, yah, y'all relationships see my face, 454 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,960 Speaker 4: And I'm really trying to what are you hate? I'm 455 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 4: trying to process this idea of Okay, so I have 456 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:36,680 Speaker 4: an email composed that in the event of my untimely debt, 457 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:38,880 Speaker 4: this goes out to my family. 458 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,160 Speaker 5: I almost feel like that kind of. 459 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 4: Like on one hand, I feel like that could be comforting, right, 460 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,560 Speaker 4: But then there's like because I think it's about comforting 461 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 4: the people that we've left behind. But then there's another 462 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 4: piece of me that's like, well, if we go back 463 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,680 Speaker 4: to this idea of really living in the moment, then 464 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:04,000 Speaker 4: that means that I'm engaged in conversation with my friends 465 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,880 Speaker 4: and family who mean a lot to me. I'm constantly 466 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,920 Speaker 4: in contact and engaging with them to let them know 467 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 4: how I feel or because as the words came out 468 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:17,719 Speaker 4: of my mouth. I was like, well, shit, Dom, you 469 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,920 Speaker 4: ain't in constant contact with folks. So I want to 470 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:26,439 Speaker 4: pull back on that and acknowledge that I know that 471 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 4: I'm not in constant contact with people. But I think 472 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,480 Speaker 4: when I am in contact with people, making sure that 473 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 4: I am fully present and making sure that I am 474 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 4: letting them know how I feel about them in those moments, 475 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:47,160 Speaker 4: so that there is no room for questions, no room 476 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,080 Speaker 4: for people to wonder every conversation, they know that how 477 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 4: I feel. Like I think about when I talk to 478 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 4: Almost every Sunday, I talk to my grandmother, my godmother, 479 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 4: and we end the phone call with my grandmother telling 480 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 4: me that she loves me. I say I love you back, 481 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,960 Speaker 4: my aunt says my aunt she thought. My godmother says 482 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 4: ditto because she doesn't like saying I love you, and 483 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,880 Speaker 4: I say yep or all right or something like that. 484 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:23,040 Speaker 5: Acknowledging her ditto right every conversation. 485 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:29,919 Speaker 4: And if there's a moment when that doesn't happen, like 486 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 4: I remember, there was one time where I was getting 487 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 4: off the phone with them and they were ending the call, 488 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 4: but my grandmother wasn't starting off with the starting to 489 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 4: end the call with I love you. I called it 490 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,639 Speaker 4: immediately and jumped in and was like, I love y'all 491 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 4: because I wanted to be clear that yeah, I do, 492 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 4: and want to make sure that you know that so 493 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 4: that we don't have a phone call where that doesn't happen. 494 00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 2: That's spot on. 495 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,199 Speaker 3: I feel like that's so important for us to do that, Like, 496 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 3: don't you know, I don't wait until something something bad 497 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:06,400 Speaker 3: happens to all let me call these people, like tell 498 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,840 Speaker 3: people right now, Like I that's one thing. 499 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,920 Speaker 2: That I think is really important practicing gratitude. 500 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,520 Speaker 3: But I'll randomly just call people and yeah, it might 501 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 3: sound mushy and people are like, oh those don't don't 502 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,440 Speaker 3: call me with all the mushy said, oh, well okay, 503 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,119 Speaker 3: because I won't be able to do this forever. So 504 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,440 Speaker 3: I think it's important to have those moments. And those 505 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 3: are moments that my grandmother and I we had as well. 506 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,480 Speaker 2: Our thing was I love you, and whoever said I 507 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,119 Speaker 2: love you infinity first, they won. 508 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 3: So we would go back that's like I love you, 509 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,040 Speaker 3: I love you too, I love the infinity. It's like, 510 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,200 Speaker 3: oh man, you got me and I love the infinity. 511 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,000 Speaker 3: And that was like our thing when we hung up, 512 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,400 Speaker 3: And so I think it depends on the person too. 513 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,960 Speaker 3: Some people they might be freaked out by I don't know, 514 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:43,879 Speaker 3: I don't know what would be a freaked out, but 515 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,399 Speaker 3: like some people might be freaked out by seeing a 516 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,119 Speaker 3: video of their loved one after But I think I 517 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,160 Speaker 3: just think about all the people that have passed away, 518 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,400 Speaker 3: and I know that, you know, whenever we see someone 519 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,679 Speaker 3: pass away, literally I watch, you know, having gone to 520 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 3: a funeral just now, everyone goes right to photos and 521 00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 3: write to video. 522 00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 2: And so you were able to purposefully do this for family. 523 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,159 Speaker 3: I feel like that could be a great asset for 524 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 3: them to hold on to for the rest of their lives. 525 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,160 Speaker 3: I also think that we should shy away from saying things. 526 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:11,919 Speaker 3: As easy as it is to say this, I think 527 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,400 Speaker 3: we should shy away from oh, I'm not going nowhere, 528 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,520 Speaker 3: because I feel like people used to always say that 529 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 3: growing up, and in a way it's kind of I mean, 530 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,399 Speaker 3: especially when you say to kids, it's really deceiving them 531 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,640 Speaker 3: because it's not true and we don't have control over that. 532 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,440 Speaker 3: And I remember when I was growing up, I would 533 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 3: always tell my grandparents like I hope, I hope I 534 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,359 Speaker 3: passed away before you, because I don't know if I 535 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 3: can live without you. 536 00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 8: Guys. 537 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:30,880 Speaker 2: You've been so. 538 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,360 Speaker 3: Instrumental in my life, and I'm just like, I don't 539 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 3: know if I can do this, y'all. And they will 540 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,159 Speaker 3: always say, you have your whole life ahead of you, like, 541 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 3: we don't want that to happen. 542 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 2: We're not going nowhere. 543 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,679 Speaker 3: And the older they got, I saw them begin to 544 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,880 Speaker 3: change and I was like, oh, damn, my grandparents are 545 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,639 Speaker 3: getting older. They're aging, and they aren't going to be 546 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,360 Speaker 3: here forever. And I miss them dearly. But I am 547 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,920 Speaker 3: thriving even though they're not here, and I have these 548 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,280 Speaker 3: memories and these videos, girl, that keep it together. 549 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 4: And I think that's the thing, is that they aren't 550 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,760 Speaker 4: going to be here forever. We aren't going to be 551 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,280 Speaker 4: here forever. And I really like what you said about 552 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:14,400 Speaker 4: not telling people that, not selling a dream and being 553 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:19,639 Speaker 4: open and honest with the conversation of Okay, I know 554 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:23,399 Speaker 4: that I'm not going to be here forever. Here's the 555 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,879 Speaker 4: legacy that I want to leave, Here's what I want 556 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:31,720 Speaker 4: you to do when I die, And being comfortable with 557 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:36,399 Speaker 4: saying those words when I die or when someone does die. 558 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,679 Speaker 4: You know, oftentimes we avoid using that word. We say, oh, 559 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:44,399 Speaker 4: so and so passed away or they moved on. We 560 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:49,359 Speaker 4: have to be comfortable with actually using the language, with 561 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:56,200 Speaker 4: actually saying that person died, because then that makes it real, 562 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,880 Speaker 4: and by making it real, it allows us to go 563 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 4: into the healing process. 564 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,919 Speaker 3: Absolutely, I think you're so right, because I think in 565 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,439 Speaker 3: the moment sometimes it's like, oh, it helps me in 566 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:09,200 Speaker 3: the moment because they. 567 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:10,160 Speaker 2: Say they're going to be here forever. 568 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,920 Speaker 3: But then when they're not there, some people are I mean, 569 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,119 Speaker 3: you might be distraught. I with the lose of my 570 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,199 Speaker 3: grandmother recently, people have some people in the family have 571 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:21,720 Speaker 3: lost their minds because they just did not even fat 572 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 3: They couldn't even fathom her being gone. And when you 573 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 3: are the matriarch or the patriarch of a family, it's 574 00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,200 Speaker 3: like that can really destroy people. And it happens because 575 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,240 Speaker 3: we're human and we're so connected to one another. 576 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 2: And I know we've talked about this concept of a 577 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:34,880 Speaker 2: legacy video. 578 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,280 Speaker 3: I kind of just wanted to touch on my sort 579 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 3: of I guess advice on what I would include in 580 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 3: a legacy video since I've been creating these. 581 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 2: For a while. 582 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:46,160 Speaker 3: I think a personal message to those that are closest 583 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 3: to you, telling them how you feel about them and 584 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,800 Speaker 3: what they mean to you. And so imagine, you know, 585 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 3: just think of someone that passed away, that suck your 586 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,600 Speaker 3: loved one, that you love so much, and imagine seeing 587 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 3: a video of them saying, I love you so much, 588 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 3: I'm so proud. 589 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 2: Of you for this. 590 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,800 Speaker 3: You know, you know if you miss me when I'm going, 591 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,080 Speaker 3: I want you to do this, like pray, learn about 592 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 3: connecting with the ancestors. I mean, whatever it is that 593 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,920 Speaker 3: you might tell them, but give them some words of 594 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 3: encouragement and let them know that they can make it 595 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:15,040 Speaker 3: without you. I think that's so important. I would also say, 596 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 3: you know, of course you should have your will in place. 597 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 3: You want to have your living will and all that 598 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,959 Speaker 3: good stuff in place. But I think even stating your 599 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,960 Speaker 3: wishes in a video could be very helpful because let 600 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,280 Speaker 3: me tell you, if you're listening to this and you've 601 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 3: ever had to plan a funeral, you know, there's so 602 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 3: much drama and chaos erupts when someone passes away. And 603 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 3: of course people have will, they have money, they might 604 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 3: want to leave folks. But in my videos, I plan 605 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,040 Speaker 3: on letting people know this is what I want. I 606 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 3: will personally like to be cremated. That's just my thing. 607 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,000 Speaker 3: I want to be cremated. And I'm going to put 608 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,040 Speaker 3: down all the other things in a video as well, 609 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 3: because I feel. 610 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 2: Like a video speaks to volumes. 611 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 3: Even though it's not as official as a will, it'll 612 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:53,600 Speaker 3: speak volumes. 613 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,400 Speaker 2: Emotionally to family members. Did you want to add something there? 614 00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,280 Speaker 3: I saw your face like girl, yes, said drama. The 615 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,640 Speaker 3: other thing is, you know, all for comforting words that 616 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,600 Speaker 3: they might experience during a difficult time. Reminisce on fond 617 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,600 Speaker 3: memories and share your wishes for their life. I think 618 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 3: especially for elders and parents and older siblings, and my 619 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 3: legacy video to my siblings, I want to share with 620 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,880 Speaker 3: them the greatness that I see in them. And you know, 621 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,920 Speaker 3: I want you to be happy. I want you to, 622 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,480 Speaker 3: you know, go after your dreams and be fearless. I 623 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,000 Speaker 3: think it's important to talk about that as well in 624 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,200 Speaker 3: the video. And I know it might seem a little eye, 625 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:29,959 Speaker 3: but I do have a blog post about this if 626 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,280 Speaker 3: you're wondering, like what does this look like? I don't 627 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 3: even know where to get started, but I do just 628 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 3: encourage you to be open minded and consider it and 629 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 3: I will add the link in the show notes as well. 630 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,720 Speaker 4: Okay, so this makes sense then why you would want 631 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:49,640 Speaker 4: to update this like every year or so, because people, hopefully, 632 00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 4: if people are thriving, things change in time. Right, So 633 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:58,680 Speaker 4: if you're telling them about reminiscing on certain things, so 634 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,720 Speaker 4: in the course of a year, all kinds of stuff 635 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,200 Speaker 4: could happen, New. 636 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,040 Speaker 5: Memories could be created that you want to reflect upon. 637 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 4: As you're saying this, as you were talking about this, 638 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:14,640 Speaker 4: creating these videos also to me seems like a cool 639 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:19,240 Speaker 4: way to reflect on the year, right. It gives you 640 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,840 Speaker 4: a cool This is like a real fun way to 641 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:29,960 Speaker 4: reflect and think about what you want for the year 642 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:36,960 Speaker 4: coming or for the next year's years coming. So even 643 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:40,040 Speaker 4: if this isn't about because I know some people might 644 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 4: still be struggling with the idea of like, oh, this 645 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:46,080 Speaker 4: is a legacy video, this is about death. An easy 646 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 4: way to reframe it, to maybe get people, to maybe 647 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 4: get your family or your friends to buy into doing 648 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 4: this with you, is to think about this as our 649 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,200 Speaker 4: year in review. And so if you make this like 650 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 4: a year in review, like a like you're end of 651 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:05,880 Speaker 4: year activity, it's a way too easily create it and 652 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 4: not necessarily have to think about death. 653 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,800 Speaker 5: If that's not where you're ready to go yet. 654 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,920 Speaker 2: That is a great that's a great advice right there. 655 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,680 Speaker 3: I think that's a really good point because some people 656 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,480 Speaker 3: they're just not going to be open to it. 657 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:18,760 Speaker 2: Man. 658 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,360 Speaker 3: But those that do take this and they're open to it, 659 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:22,680 Speaker 3: you were, it's going to be It can be a 660 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 3: magical experience. 661 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,520 Speaker 2: And I want to show you this little clip, just 662 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 2: like bring this soft phone circle. 663 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:28,760 Speaker 5: So is it? 664 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,840 Speaker 2: Are you comfortable with that? Me and my grandmother? 665 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:31,760 Speaker 5: Okay, go forward. 666 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:32,960 Speaker 2: It's only a couple of minutes. 667 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:38,720 Speaker 8: Today, March fifteenth, Friday, I hangle on my grandmother. She's 668 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 8: talking about her talk show. 669 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:45,560 Speaker 6: We sometimes look at things that we had wanted from 670 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:46,360 Speaker 6: when we were young. 671 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 9: Okay, that could dream might have had when we were young, 672 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,440 Speaker 9: and as time. 673 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 6: Going on, you know, we don't really see us right 674 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 6: then doing that, but it's still a dream. 675 00:32:57,800 --> 00:32:58,400 Speaker 9: In the back of ard. 676 00:32:58,720 --> 00:32:59,720 Speaker 2: Sure, all right. 677 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 8: So I was always a dream. 678 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,640 Speaker 2: But when I was in the field. 679 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:07,200 Speaker 6: That I was in, I said, I'm doing this, well, 680 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:11,240 Speaker 6: why not don do me instead of somebody else? Okay, 681 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 6: So that's I started doing. However, I thank God that 682 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,240 Speaker 6: he let me get that far away. I was able 683 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,320 Speaker 6: to do the talk show without money, Okay. 684 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:20,960 Speaker 2: I thank him for that. 685 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,240 Speaker 9: Good people, a lot of people that couldn't have done that. 686 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 8: For no money. 687 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:28,320 Speaker 2: And you're on Will Code, right, I was on Will 688 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 2: co Yeah, will go table. 689 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 9: And I just thank God that it wasn't years, it 690 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 9: was just months. But I never had any idea that 691 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 9: I would be able to do that for real. I 692 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 9: knew it was a dream of mine, okay. 693 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,680 Speaker 2: And I didn't go to school for it. I didn't. 694 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 2: I didn't go to college for it. 695 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,239 Speaker 9: I went to I got my ged and I went 696 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 9: to the community for like a year and. 697 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:51,160 Speaker 5: A half I think it was. 698 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,800 Speaker 2: So I didn't graduate from college. 699 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:53,840 Speaker 5: Any of that. 700 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 9: But what it was is that it was something. 701 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,160 Speaker 8: Inside of it, drive inside of it. That was my 702 00:33:59,280 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 8: free destination. 703 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,960 Speaker 6: And that's not that it's going to be going back to, 704 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,800 Speaker 6: no doubt, because that's what God let me, and that's 705 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,320 Speaker 6: what it was from the time I was a kid. 706 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,799 Speaker 2: That's obviously I'm supposed to be. That's I'll see that, 707 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,880 Speaker 2: and I know it is. 708 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,279 Speaker 3: It's scary to see that your health is that your 709 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:16,320 Speaker 3: health isn't doing the best. 710 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:20,520 Speaker 8: Right now, yes, and it's hard to watch that, and 711 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,239 Speaker 8: I think for me, one thing that I want to 712 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 8: make sure that you do because we don't know when 713 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:24,239 Speaker 8: our time is. 714 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 3: I want you to make sure that you don't need 715 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,400 Speaker 3: this earth regret. And because you did, you did a lot. 716 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,200 Speaker 3: You did so much that I think you need to 717 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,759 Speaker 3: keep yourself credit for it. And at least you know, 718 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,239 Speaker 3: if you're in this space here health isn't doing well, 719 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 3: start getting into a space. 720 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,040 Speaker 2: Where you are at peace. 721 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:39,000 Speaker 8: Like you did so much. 722 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 2: You helped your. 723 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,799 Speaker 8: Husband with his dreams and goals, his businesses. You know, 724 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,799 Speaker 8: you helped home with people and let them live in 725 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 8: your house and got them wanted to be you. You 726 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,560 Speaker 8: have so much like in direct success in addition to 727 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,839 Speaker 8: your own success, and I think it's important to realize that. 728 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,720 Speaker 8: Just sit with that and yourself like I'm the vibe 729 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:55,319 Speaker 8: I did? 730 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:57,920 Speaker 3: You know that's important And I always like, oh I 731 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,000 Speaker 3: shouldn't do this, Oh I'm going to do it. 732 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:01,600 Speaker 2: What about the thing that you did? 733 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:01,759 Speaker 3: Do? 734 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:02,239 Speaker 5: You know? 735 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,319 Speaker 9: Right, that's what you always talk about, what you should have. 736 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:11,600 Speaker 8: Did, What grandkids and great grand keys and children that 737 00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:14,319 Speaker 8: you can I had them. 738 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:15,759 Speaker 5: I love it. 739 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,640 Speaker 4: I love how she was so like matter of fact 740 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,160 Speaker 4: like and She looked dead at that camera and said, 741 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:24,320 Speaker 4: this is where I'm supposed to be. 742 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,240 Speaker 5: Yes, I love it. 743 00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 3: But girl, like that right there, I miss her so 744 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 3: much and that has given me so much peace because 745 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,040 Speaker 3: I was like I had every conversation I wanted to 746 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 3: have with her. As uncomfortable as it was to think 747 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:37,720 Speaker 3: about death and talk about it with her. 748 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:38,279 Speaker 2: I did. 749 00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,360 Speaker 3: And now I can show my babies that, you know, 750 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,200 Speaker 3: when I have kids, and like it's just it really 751 00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 3: provides a lot of peace. Although it doesn't take away 752 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:47,799 Speaker 3: the loss, right and I still cry. I still miss 753 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:48,480 Speaker 3: her so. 754 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,200 Speaker 2: Like my mom while you leave me, But I have. 755 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,080 Speaker 3: Stuff like that that just girl, when I tell you 756 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,200 Speaker 3: the peace that it provides that I don't. 757 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,080 Speaker 2: I wish I would have had that before my dad too, 758 00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So, yeah, what do you 759 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:00,960 Speaker 2: think do. 760 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 4: I think it's motivating to actually like capture those moments 761 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,480 Speaker 4: because like those types of conversations, like I have those 762 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:14,799 Speaker 4: types of conversations, those real conversations with my grandmother, we. 763 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,160 Speaker 5: Just don't capture it on video. 764 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:21,800 Speaker 4: It's like so for me, it's esched in my memory, 765 00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,960 Speaker 4: like I can think back to conversations I had with her, 766 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:29,680 Speaker 4: like in high school in undergrad just seeking her wisdom, 767 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 4: and so I could see how the importance of capturing 768 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 4: that video, capturing those conversations on video could provide comfort. 769 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,239 Speaker 3: That makes sense. And it's funny because I feel the 770 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,399 Speaker 3: same with my dad. I remember moments that we had 771 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 3: together and I'm just like, if I could, just if 772 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 3: I would have just turned off the camera. I didn't 773 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 3: think to do it then, but even I've done like 774 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,080 Speaker 3: video chats on Google hangouts. So if you're not you're 775 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,080 Speaker 3: not living the same place with someone, you can hop 776 00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,200 Speaker 3: on a Google hangout, record that bad boy. It'll just 777 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:01,799 Speaker 3: be in your archive on YouTube privately, and that can 778 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:03,839 Speaker 3: be your reference if you aren't able to get face 779 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:07,600 Speaker 3: to face. And so I hope you you know, lady, 780 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,840 Speaker 3: I know this was like a very non traditional topic. 781 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,400 Speaker 3: I hope we were able to sort of bring this 782 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,760 Speaker 3: full CIRF and present a unique perspective on death and legacy. 783 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,759 Speaker 2: And I think it's time for our surprise. 784 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:28,560 Speaker 10: I know, sorry, Teem, we know you could be a 785 00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:35,160 Speaker 10: little extra. But but but that extra ness there's a 786 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 10: reason for like and this and it ties into this 787 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,160 Speaker 10: episode so beautifully. 788 00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,000 Speaker 5: So all right, so tell us what it is. 789 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,520 Speaker 3: Okay, So, and we got to talk about our conversation 790 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,000 Speaker 3: around this too, because it was pretty funny. So basically, 791 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,560 Speaker 3: my I told you about my grandmother. She has been 792 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:56,760 Speaker 3: such an amazing matriarch woman. I mean, she has helped 793 00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:00,399 Speaker 3: so many people in her life, and an honor of her, 794 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:05,719 Speaker 3: I would love to give away my wedding dress. It's 795 00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,640 Speaker 3: still in very good shape and we'll put details about 796 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,600 Speaker 3: the dress on our website. But I want to give 797 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,080 Speaker 3: away my wedding dress to a bride and need in 798 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:17,080 Speaker 3: honor of my grandmother because she was so altruistic, she 799 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,319 Speaker 3: helped so many people, and she helped me with my 800 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,759 Speaker 3: wedding and so I want to be able to give 801 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,839 Speaker 3: that to someone else. And so we're going to give 802 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,719 Speaker 3: you details on how to enter this contest. So you 803 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,120 Speaker 3: have to visit herspace podcast dot com and you'll see 804 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,359 Speaker 3: a link there where you can get more details about 805 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 3: the wedding dress giveaway. So be sure to share this 806 00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:38,919 Speaker 3: episode with all of your friends, your entire network, because 807 00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:40,640 Speaker 3: if there's a bride out there in need, we want 808 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,799 Speaker 3: her to be able to have a chance to win 809 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:44,160 Speaker 3: this wedding dress. 810 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:49,640 Speaker 7: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 811 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:53,719 Speaker 7: that I show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 812 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:57,239 Speaker 7: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 813 00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:00,360 Speaker 7: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 814 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:04,640 Speaker 7: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or 815 00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,240 Speaker 7: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 816 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:11,520 Speaker 7: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today 817 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,200 Speaker 7: or contact your insurance provider. 818 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,480 Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 819 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:22,279 Speaker 3: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 820 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:28,160 Speaker 3: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website 821 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:33,000 Speaker 3: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 822 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 3: after me, I will not judge myself for where I'm starting. 823 00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,359 Speaker 3: I'm making progress every day. 824 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,040 Speaker 7: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week. 825 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:42,440 Speaker 2: Lady