Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi everyone,
Speaker 1: exciting news. Okay, my second annual I Choose Me Live
Speaker 1: Summit Women's empowerment event is coming to Los Angeles on Saturday,
Speaker 1: April twenty fifth, and I want.
Speaker 2: You to be there.
Speaker 1: The I Choose Me movement began as three little words
Speaker 1: on Beverly Hills nine O two one oh in nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety five, but it has evolved into something so much
Speaker 1: more than that. A revolution, you guys. It's a message
Speaker 1: I feel so passionate about. I wrote the book on it.
Speaker 1: So please join me for this one day party shining
Speaker 1: a light on self care and self love. Our panelists
Speaker 1: are incredible this year. We have Amanda Klutes, Bethany Joy Lenz,
Speaker 1: Genie Mai, Gabby Reese, Sarah Shah, my dear friend, Gabrielle Carteris.
Speaker 1: We have Caromo and Cameron Matheson and more surprises. So
Speaker 1: please come for the powerful conversations, stay for lunch and cocktails.
Speaker 1: Make a commitment to choose yourself right here in sunny California.
Speaker 1: It's going to be amazing. Tickets are on sale now
Speaker 1: at veeps dot com. That's ve e e ps dot
Speaker 1: com and all of the info will be in our
Speaker 1: show notes. Thank you so much. Welcome do I Choose Me,
Speaker 1: the podcast about making choices for better and for worse.
Speaker 1: I am so excited today about this conversation because it
Speaker 1: really touches on so many things that we talk about
Speaker 1: here and I Choose Me, you know, try try again,
Speaker 1: proof that there is such a thing as a new
Speaker 1: life after midlife. It's never too late to start again.
Speaker 1: And also it's a very fun reminder that romantic comedies
Speaker 1: are alive and well. I love rom comms. I am
Speaker 1: thrilled to welcome actor, director, and just an all around
Speaker 1: inspirational great lady, Amy Landecker.
Speaker 3: Hi.
Speaker 2: Okay, wow, let's.
Speaker 1: Get into this because I don't want to take up
Speaker 1: too much of your time. I'm really grateful that you're here.
Speaker 3: By the way, thank you. I'm really grateful to be here.
Speaker 3: I'm excited.
Speaker 1: Your story is so so in line with everything I
Speaker 1: Choose Me. You had your breakout acting role at age forty,
Speaker 1: you met the love of your life, and then you
Speaker 1: five at forty five, and then you made your first
Speaker 1: film at fifty five. You're like the poster lady for
Speaker 1: the message that it's never too late.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel I feel like part of I mean,
Speaker 3: it's interesting because I made this movie really.
Speaker 2: I mean, you see here he comes the love of
Speaker 2: my life on cue too. Such an actor.
Speaker 3: He's still he's still futzing in the bathroom. I made
Speaker 3: the movie literally, people think I think people think that
Speaker 3: like I made it out of some sort of ambition
Speaker 3: or something like I want, you know, like you do
Speaker 3: something to get more work, or you do something because
Speaker 3: like no one else would give you the part, or
Speaker 3: and I'm sure subconsciously there's some some of that in there.
Speaker 3: But you know, as you're walking, Hi, look at that.
Speaker 1: Hi, Bradley, are you I'd be great good to see you.
Speaker 1: I love the film, so I'm so happy to see
Speaker 1: both of you. When you guys are on camera.
Speaker 2: Question.
Speaker 1: Sure, I'm sure you know this, Yeah, he did you
Speaker 1: cast them little casting couch action. I'm sure you guys
Speaker 1: know this and people have told you. But whenever the
Speaker 1: two of you are on screen was my favoritest parts
Speaker 1: of the movie because there's just so much love and
Speaker 1: connection and just you can't you know, you can't create that.
Speaker 3: That scene on the bench when we finally like talk
Speaker 3: is I definitely wanted.
Speaker 2: It didn't work, but when my acting coach shut up,
Speaker 2: it was really helpful.
Speaker 3: No, it was really really fun to do, and we've yeah.
Speaker 2: We've never really done that.
Speaker 1: I know, what a cool thing like. I would love
Speaker 1: to work with my husband. He's actually commercial actor, which
Speaker 1: is so funny. We watched the movie together last night
Speaker 1: and he was chuckling about all the acting classes. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I used to be a commercial actor. That
Speaker 3: was like my main bread and butter. So that's why
Speaker 3: I used to do that pharmaceutical voiceover for a decade.
Speaker 1: Oh god, let you girls, Yeah, let us let us talk.
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you, thank you?
Speaker 3: Fun or we're literally like anyway, besides, it's just an
Speaker 3: interesting day.
Speaker 2: I know, you know, what's going on is an interesting day.
Speaker 2: Every day is interesting. Every day is an interesting day.
Speaker 2: But but anyway, so I was saying that I that
Speaker 2: I I was.
Speaker 3: I don't think I'm being Pollyanna to say that. Really
Speaker 3: the point for me because I've written other things that
Speaker 3: didn't actually get made, and I had a real sense
Speaker 3: of relief around that because.
Speaker 2: How hard it would be.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when this one we actually had financing that fell through,
Speaker 3: that was much more money, and I was devastated, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, that's an interesting feeling. And it really
Speaker 3: was because I feel like I have something to offer people,
Speaker 3: you know, and in the most direct case, women who
Speaker 3: have been through divorce and are older, who are terrified
Speaker 3: that they're going to be alone the rest of their
Speaker 3: life or they're not going to get to do like
Speaker 3: that there you know, you can't try something new or
Speaker 3: like there's such a fear. I mean, I know when
Speaker 3: I when I was going through it, I was just
Speaker 3: like I'm going to be alone the rest of my
Speaker 3: life and like my.
Speaker 2: Career is over whatever, whatever the fears are.
Speaker 3: And I and I knew that somehow I'd had this
Speaker 3: miraculous path through and I just felt like I needed
Speaker 3: If we don't see it, we don't know it's possible, right,
Speaker 3: So it was like I just wanted to help me.
Speaker 2: It sounds I'm not that great of a person, but
Speaker 2: like I really but I really did want. I really
Speaker 2: have so many girlfriends that I love.
Speaker 3: I have. It's funny that you asked or somehow I
Speaker 3: got to be on this podcast because there was an
Speaker 3: article about you in People magazine years ago about your
Speaker 3: divorce and getting I think remarried and I it really
Speaker 3: affected me and gave me hope. And so this is
Speaker 3: sort of like that kind of thing. It's will circle
Speaker 3: for me to be here with you. I mean, I
Speaker 3: get it's like really emotional for me because of that.
Speaker 3: That shit is like so important when you're going through
Speaker 3: that stuff, you have to see like that it can
Speaker 3: work out, that people can heal. I mean, it's not
Speaker 3: just also, I mean I make it really it's important
Speaker 3: to me in the movie that the guy is not
Speaker 3: the thing. The guy is not the actual thing that
Speaker 3: like shows up first, right, the first thing that shows
Speaker 3: up is her best friend. And that was so much
Speaker 3: about how I got through everything. Like I mean that
Speaker 3: I found love. It is the greatest thing in the world.
Speaker 3: But like I also know I'll I'm going to lose
Speaker 3: love one way or another, you know, right right, I'm
Speaker 3: going to go, He's going to go.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I hate to think about it, but like God forbid,
Speaker 3: I just know that, like I can get through anything
Speaker 3: with my girlfriends, right, that's the truth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that relationship with your best friend in
Speaker 1: the movie. We're talking about your new film for Worse,
Speaker 1: which by the way, is available today on demand. It
Speaker 1: is a rom com about the surprising magic that can
Speaker 1: happen when your life blows up. You know, you are
Speaker 1: the writer, the director, and the star of this film.
Speaker 1: I love saying all three of those things. So I
Speaker 1: love hearing about this. And you're so right. When we
Speaker 1: see other people walking our walks, there's something that ignites
Speaker 1: inside of us, whether we really know it at the
Speaker 1: time or not. But it's like a seed that's planted
Speaker 1: and it like once you start watering it, like it grows.
Speaker 2: You were like a seed the plan.
Speaker 1: It was a little seed.
Speaker 2: Isn't that just wild? Yeah?
Speaker 3: And I felt like I was getting enough people asking me,
Speaker 3: you know, and I knew people, I mean people knew me.
Speaker 3: When I was going through the divorce I have, I
Speaker 3: fell apart in a way that was like like really.
Speaker 2: Wild, Like I just didn't know that was coming.
Speaker 3: I mean, I knew breakups were hard, but like I
Speaker 3: hadn't factored in the shared custody part of divorce. And
Speaker 3: that is really what Bradley and I kind of bonded
Speaker 3: over when we finally started to talk to each other.
Speaker 3: We knew each other like a year before we had
Speaker 3: a real conversation. We were working on that the show Transparent.
Speaker 3: He was a guest star and I was a series regular,
Speaker 3: and I thought he was like kind of a I mean,
Speaker 3: we've talked about this, but it's true.
Speaker 2: Like I thought he was like a I can't you.
Speaker 1: Say that on Kelly Clarkson. And I totally relate because
Speaker 1: it's the it's the presence, it's the swag, it's the
Speaker 1: air of healthcareself.
Speaker 2: Yes, he just has a swag.
Speaker 3: That's why he gets cast as like cocky people. And
Speaker 3: I was interpreting him through that lens, and he was
Speaker 3: interpreting me through a lens where I was like getting dumped.
Speaker 2: Like I don't know.
Speaker 3: I was getting together and breaking up like every two
Speaker 3: days with the same person, and I was like crying
Speaker 3: at work and he was just like, Okay, she's like
Speaker 3: crazy actress tropes, right. We both had these ideas and
Speaker 3: and I so that's why I have this like real
Speaker 3: darcy part too. But anyway, our real connection, our very
Speaker 3: first connection, was I was not prepared to not have
Speaker 3: my kid for half my kids, like you can't be
Speaker 3: prepared for that pair yourself for that feeling, and it
Speaker 3: made me insane and my ex had moved on with
Speaker 3: someone that Iris loved.
Speaker 1: I am understanding what you're saying perfectly. It's very hard.
Speaker 2: She was little and she'd be like.
Speaker 3: Mommyhtie's friend Lisa smells so good. I know, I know,
Speaker 3: and it is so soft.
Speaker 2: I love her clothes.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're like, I do too.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that you.
Speaker 1: Like that exactly, while just like you have to dying inside, please.
Speaker 3: Depress every animal instinct that you have, your maternal instinct
Speaker 3: and be like.
Speaker 2: I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 3: And then they leave and you fall on the floor
Speaker 3: and you weep. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love that scene in the movie when you drop
Speaker 1: your daughter off. Yeah to your exit YouTuber. Yeah, oh god,
Speaker 1: it's so funny and so actual, like that's I mean, you.
Speaker 3: Know, and it's funny because I wrote a very I
Speaker 3: grew up like really loving very traditional rom com structure.
Speaker 3: Like I just think it's very satisfying. Like I tried.
Speaker 3: I wanted to stay with the math of that. And
Speaker 3: what's interesting and we keep talking about this amongst ourselves
Speaker 3: is like there's no I mean, it's a very heightened version,
Speaker 3: but none of it is not true, right, It's like
Speaker 3: that is the way my best friend talks. There's a
Speaker 3: reason those are tropes, right, because we kind of everyone
Speaker 3: sort of has, you know, like the friend. I mean,
Speaker 3: my friend is just incredibly crass and funny, and she
Speaker 3: just is always.
Speaker 2: Telling me how I am. I mean that was her line.
Speaker 3: Like when I was getting She's like, oh, Amy, you know,
Speaker 3: I mean it's just like you meet those friends who
Speaker 3: are just like telling you that you still, you know,
Speaker 3: can can have a relationship where.
Speaker 2: You're still sexy. And she was, So that's a trope.
Speaker 3: Like I'm writing the character going, well, you know, you
Speaker 3: got this sort of wise cracking best friend, and then
Speaker 3: my you know, ex's new girlfriend is in crely warm
Speaker 3: and kind, and I in the beginning wanted to punch
Speaker 3: her in the face, you know, I mean like it
Speaker 3: wasn't you know, like I just want That is also
Speaker 3: very common now that like you meet people who want
Speaker 3: to just blend right conscious and COMPLI like all that stuff.
Speaker 3: And it was like, I can't jump to the healing.
Speaker 3: I can't jump to take that. I can't And so
Speaker 3: in my attempts to do that, I was falling apart
Speaker 3: because I was trying to get to like the healing
Speaker 3: which did happen? You know, like absolutely, which is why
Speaker 3: I also love that, you know there, I had people
Speaker 3: see the movie like before, like in the early days
Speaker 3: where you're getting notes on the script and stuff, and
Speaker 3: people are like, like, why does everyone have to be happy
Speaker 3: at the end.
Speaker 2: I'm like, because that's the point.
Speaker 3: Like the whole point is like we're all okay, everybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, then the movie's all about you. You're saying
Speaker 1: like there's there's such a thing as a new life
Speaker 1: after midlife. Yes, and a lot of women are facing
Speaker 1: this in their forties, their fifties, their sixties and beyond.
Speaker 1: So you know, everybody's wondering, has life passed me by?
Speaker 1: My kids are grown, the relationships I have are changing
Speaker 1: because whatever there's going on in their lives or the
Speaker 1: relationship is in it, whatever, your careers are shifting changing,
Speaker 1: you know, who knows what's happening. And you've been there,
Speaker 1: You've been through that painful divorce. So is it in
Speaker 1: the movie, like what is it that helped you actually
Speaker 1: open your heart to new beginnings? And how long did
Speaker 1: that take you?
Speaker 2: It took?
Speaker 3: I mean the painful part to say because I hate
Speaker 3: because I remember someone saying it to me, and I
Speaker 3: was like, I can't wait that long, Like if it's
Speaker 3: going to take that long, Like.
Speaker 2: No, was it seven years?
Speaker 3: I mean it wasn't seven years, But what's the line
Speaker 3: in the movie that.
Speaker 2: Guys say it's going to take six years? And I
Speaker 2: was like six years. That's a lot time. I mean it's.
Speaker 3: Different for everybody, right, Like I felt like, here's what
Speaker 3: really for me is I feel like what happened. I
Speaker 3: had a relationship end that I thought was going to
Speaker 3: be like the thing that would mean I wasn't going
Speaker 3: to be alone forever.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: I went right into something and I was like, you know,
Speaker 3: this will work out, and it didn't. And there was
Speaker 3: something about that not working out that triggered like a
Speaker 3: real panic, And so I went into a relationship that
Speaker 3: was not good for me out of just a need
Speaker 3: to not want to be alone. And that was such
Speaker 3: a painful process and so wrong for what I needed.
Speaker 3: But it was perfect because I kind of bottomed out
Speaker 3: on that sort of solution, right, I was like, this
Speaker 3: is not working. So I made this like vow to
Speaker 3: be alone for a while, And in the time that
Speaker 3: I really was alone, I really got really happy being
Speaker 3: alone for probably the first time in my life.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 3: That was when Bradley came in, right, I always I
Speaker 3: didn't need Bradley, like I was like, I was like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm finally happy, so good on my own.
Speaker 1: Yes, did you do you feel like you equate that
Speaker 1: to like? Because I talk about this a lot about
Speaker 1: like when we when we get to the place where
Speaker 1: we truly love ourselves and we realize there's nothing we
Speaker 1: cannot not survive.
Speaker 2: Yes, then that.
Speaker 1: Self of love just opens up the universe. And that
Speaker 1: is always when the right relationship or the right job
Speaker 1: opportunity comes, or the right anything.
Speaker 2: It's that horrible, beautiful truth of life.
Speaker 3: Then the cont you know, the complete contradiction that like
Speaker 3: I let it go and then it comes right.
Speaker 1: But then the horror is it a horse or a cat?
Speaker 1: Let it run free and it will come.
Speaker 2: Back to you if it's meant to be.
Speaker 3: It's so annoying. It's like, why do I have to
Speaker 3: like let go to keep it? I don't want to.
Speaker 3: I just want to grab it and hold it and
Speaker 3: be afraid. But it's true, and it's happened to me
Speaker 3: like every point in my life. I mean, it was
Speaker 3: so weird professionally, Like years ago, I was a Chicago
Speaker 3: theater actor and I had done a play at the
Speaker 3: Goodman in Chicago and it ended up getting a production
Speaker 3: at the Public in New York, but only two actors
Speaker 3: from the cast were brought and I was not one
Speaker 3: of them, and I.
Speaker 2: Was devastated, devastated.
Speaker 3: And they were all going to New York and the
Speaker 3: rest of us that got left behind. I ended up
Speaker 3: like going it's a long story. I won't get into
Speaker 3: the details. I just ended up being in LA for
Speaker 3: pilot season through a series of events. I'd been flown
Speaker 3: out to LA from Chicago for an audition, and I
Speaker 3: was like, that wouldn't have happened if I'd been doing
Speaker 3: the play in New York. I was out there with
Speaker 3: an agent. I was like, none of this would have
Speaker 3: happened if I hadn't done the play in New York.
Speaker 3: And I literally like lied down. I'm not kidding at
Speaker 3: my friends. I was in my friend's second bedroom. It
Speaker 3: was beautiful, smell of like all those flowers in LA
Speaker 3: that like waffed through your window on a perfect day,
Speaker 3: and I was like, this is just so perfect. I'm
Speaker 3: so glad that I didn't do the play and boom,
Speaker 3: my phone rings, and the director of that play is like,
Speaker 3: I'm we need to replace this actress. Is it possible
Speaker 3: that you could come out to New York and immediately
Speaker 3: all these things lined up? Where I called the only
Speaker 3: person I knew in New York at the time. It
Speaker 3: was like, they won't put me up, they'll fly me.
Speaker 3: How am I going to find a place to live
Speaker 3: in New York if I want to go do this play?
Speaker 3: And he's like, oh, I happened to be leaving my
Speaker 3: apartment that's walked from the theater. Like just so many
Speaker 3: things lined up, and it was My friend still talks
Speaker 3: about it because it was like I literally had finally
Speaker 3: released the like I didn't get the play. I didn't
Speaker 3: get the play, and then the play just came back
Speaker 3: and then everything kind of moved from that space. So
Speaker 3: I know that that's a spiritual truth. It's just very
Speaker 3: You can't really get there inauthentically, right. You just have
Speaker 3: to actually get there, and.
Speaker 2: That's yeah, you have to experience.
Speaker 1: You have to be willing to like sit with it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just have to be uncomfortable and upset for
Speaker 3: as long as as long as take until you finally
Speaker 3: just go Okay, I trust the universe, and I'm probably
Speaker 3: a little bit better as I get older of getting
Speaker 3: there a little quicker. But the divorce was not a
Speaker 3: place where I did that well. And I felt so
Speaker 3: good about all the growth that I'd made in so
Speaker 3: many areas, but this was an area that I was like,
Speaker 3: this just slammed me back on the ground, and I
Speaker 3: was like, and so the movie too came out of
Speaker 3: a time where I felt like I was in a regression,
Speaker 3: which I do think can happen too, right, or you
Speaker 3: think you healed that thing and then that thing like
Speaker 3: comes and bites you, and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like you're not off that free.
Speaker 2: No, you're not done.
Speaker 3: We got a whole deeper level that we're going to
Speaker 3: go here. So but yeah, I mean, how do you
Speaker 3: get through it? Is through it?
Speaker 2: Right. It's like a joke when one of the characters.
Speaker 3: Like he's the the stepfather in this movie and he's like,
Speaker 3: the only way you know, the.
Speaker 2: Out is through, The only way out is through?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love that character, by the way.
Speaker 3: This really makes it funny instily when he comes on the.
Speaker 2: Screen, You're just like, what is happening. It's so good.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you I feel like just in general, this
Speaker 1: whole story moment that you're in, your personal story was
Speaker 1: about getting this movie made and then making the movie.
Speaker 1: But we all have these ideas, these big dreams for
Speaker 1: what's next for us, a business, a book, even a
Speaker 1: new relationship, that those things sometimes take a long time
Speaker 1: to come to freeish fruition. And that's what happened with
Speaker 1: you for making this movie. Do you yeah, what's your
Speaker 1: advice for you know, to know when to keep pushing
Speaker 1: or when is the time just gracefully let it go
Speaker 1: and move on to something new.
Speaker 3: You know why I felt like this one stuck was
Speaker 3: because I really loved this story, like I would want
Speaker 3: to see this movie, right, that's good. And there was
Speaker 3: other things that I had written or I was trying
Speaker 3: to make that we're not really what I love. You know,
Speaker 3: I've done some really smart people's stuff, Like I've been
Speaker 3: in a Coen Brothers movie, and I've been on Luis
Speaker 3: K's show, and I was on Joey Solloway's show, and
Speaker 3: this is all like, you know, very it's very smart,
Speaker 3: like sort of hip, you know, like dark funny stuff.
Speaker 2: But I am not.
Speaker 3: I've tried to write that and it's been somewhat successful.
Speaker 3: Like I was able to sort of, you know, develop
Speaker 3: get some development deals around me trying to do that.
Speaker 3: But like I said, sort of when those things fell through,
Speaker 3: I felt a relief because I didn't actually feel like
Speaker 3: that was me. And this was the first thing that
Speaker 3: I ever wrote where I was like, I am writing
Speaker 3: this for me in my voice, and you know it
Speaker 3: it means it's not as cool as like some of
Speaker 3: the stuff I've been in, and you know, it's little
Speaker 3: as Bradley and I always talk about. It's like more generous,
Speaker 3: like I like accessible stuff. And so I was writing
Speaker 3: in a way that was funny to me and was
Speaker 3: and so that it's because this is gonna when you're
Speaker 3: trying to do something new, it is it is like
Speaker 3: going to take a lot of work, right, Like it's
Speaker 3: not just going to like you know, like yes, so
Speaker 3: it better be something you're enjoying doing for whatever that
Speaker 3: you have.
Speaker 2: A passion for. Yes, you're going to.
Speaker 3: Hold on to it. It's so hard to do. I mean,
Speaker 3: this was really hard for me to do. I am
Speaker 3: not someone who likes to do hard things. I was
Speaker 3: like a voice factor for many years, and because it
Speaker 3: was like the laziest job with the most money, and
Speaker 3: that's what I wanted.
Speaker 2: I am not like a person. I like comfort.
Speaker 3: I mean, that's the other joke amongst the people in
Speaker 3: my life, who would have thought you'd be the one
Speaker 3: who'd finished the movie because but it was because I
Speaker 3: thought it was. I still can watch that movie and
Speaker 3: it delights me.
Speaker 1: It delights you because it's so relatable your character. Okay,
Speaker 1: I just needed to talk about this some more because
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed watching it. Your character gets into some
Speaker 1: you know, awkward, absurd and sometimes humiliating experiences and behaviors
Speaker 1: that you know that can happen when you're trying to
Speaker 1: reinvent yourself and you're entering into this unknown.
Speaker 2: It felt so real.
Speaker 1: So I have to believe that some of those stories
Speaker 1: were things that actually happened in your life.
Speaker 2: I mean some version absolutely.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I've been pretty open about the fact that,
Speaker 3: you know, I did go.
Speaker 2: This is basic.
Speaker 3: So this movie's about It's sort of a wedding rom com, right,
Speaker 3: and I went. And the movie starts with my character
Speaker 3: getting into kind of a fling with a younger man
Speaker 3: and there was a there was a wedding that literally
Speaker 3: I felt it was like the most devastating weekends I've
Speaker 3: ever had. And then Tough immediately started laughing at it.
Speaker 3: Like the second we left. I was like, I would say,
Speaker 3: almost the second we left, I started thinking, there's a
Speaker 3: rom com in there like it because it was such
Speaker 3: a joke. To me, it was like, literally you could
Speaker 3: it wrote itself like, I'm a middle aged woman, I
Speaker 3: just got divorced. I'm going to my first wedding since
Speaker 3: my divorce. I did go with a younger guy from
Speaker 3: my class as friends, but we had had a sort
Speaker 3: of muddy relationship, but we were gonna go as friends,
Speaker 3: and he was like, I promise, I'm not gonna leave you.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna stay with you because I know it's gonna
Speaker 3: be hard. And then as soon as we got there,
Speaker 3: you know, he did what a normal human being would
Speaker 3: do when you are like the young, hot single person
Speaker 3: and all the girls are hot and you are drinking
Speaker 3: and you go party and he just kind of went off.
Speaker 3: Instead of me letting him go off and being an
Speaker 3: adult and going to bed, I decided that I would
Speaker 3: stay up till four o'clock in the morning and act
Speaker 3: like a lunatic. I mean I was like, I'm like,
Speaker 3: you're acting like a lunatic. I was just like, what
Speaker 3: are you doing? And that night ended, you know, with
Speaker 3: I had a guy vomit all over me.
Speaker 2: There was a there was a fight.
Speaker 3: There was a fight because like one of the guys
Speaker 3: in the party who was gay, hit on a trucker
Speaker 3: at a bar at four o'clock in the morning, the
Speaker 3: trucker and there was a huge.
Speaker 2: Like brawl out.
Speaker 3: I mean, it was one of those weddings where it's
Speaker 3: just a classic wedding, you know, and everyone's having sex
Speaker 3: and everyone's wasted, and everyone's like and I am like
Speaker 3: stone cult sober, which no one can ever believe.
Speaker 2: I mean, I seem drunk always and I'm not.
Speaker 3: You don't need it, as Bradley says, you do not
Speaker 3: want to add alcohol to my situation. I don't need
Speaker 3: I'm crazy enough and loose enough and whacky enough, and
Speaker 3: I get like really like contact drunk and high with people,
Speaker 3: so like if they're all drunk, I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, and I'm just like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3: Like it was so and then me and the kid,
Speaker 3: I call him the kid wasn't as young as Nicoharaga,
Speaker 3: but you know, we got into a really big fight.
Speaker 2: On the way home, and then we and then Mike
Speaker 2: we had to.
Speaker 3: Pick up Iris at her dad's and we just started
Speaker 3: laughing at how ridiculous we had been the whole weekend
Speaker 3: with each other, and we became friends again and everything
Speaker 3: was fine. But I knew in that weekend that there was.
Speaker 2: A movie in there.
Speaker 3: There's a movie in here, and it took me twelve years.
Speaker 3: So Angelie Cabral, who plays my ex's new girlfriend, it
Speaker 3: was her wedding that I went to, and jay Lecopo,
Speaker 3: who plays the stepfather, was at that wedding with me, and.
Speaker 2: So there's a lot of like little Easter egg people.
Speaker 3: And everyone who was at that wedding knew I had
Speaker 3: this idea, had known I was thinking about making this
Speaker 3: movie for years, and I just it took me that
Speaker 3: long to sort of.
Speaker 2: Figure out the structure.
Speaker 3: What was I made a short that was like really
Speaker 3: dark and weird, and again trying to do things that
Speaker 3: you know, in someone else's taste, like the things that.
Speaker 2: You thought people would want.
Speaker 3: Yes, you know, what would get me good reviews or
Speaker 3: what would get me boards or what would get me,
Speaker 3: you know, festivals. The funny thing is this, the short
Speaker 3: did nothing like nobody wanted it, and I realized how
Speaker 3: half baked it was. I learned a lot from doing
Speaker 3: that because I didn't really try very hard. I thought
Speaker 3: I could kind of like half asset, and you know,
Speaker 3: it's just a very interesting process where I'm like, you can't,
Speaker 3: just like, you know, you're gonna have to work really
Speaker 3: hard if you want to do this, you know. And
Speaker 3: I worked really hard on that script, and I wrote
Speaker 3: it over a thousand times, you know. I worked hard
Speaker 3: on the math of it. I had financing fall through
Speaker 3: three times. We ended up making it in eleven days
Speaker 3: for three hundred thousand dollars. That's all I had. And
Speaker 3: I was like, well, this is what we got, so
Speaker 3: this is what we're doing. And that is an insanely
Speaker 3: short amount of time to shoot the entire feature le folk.
Speaker 3: It's insane when you think about how many pages you're
Speaker 3: doing a day, And it was really it required me
Speaker 3: just like never giving up. And I also had people
Speaker 3: offer me money if I wouldn't be the lead, and
Speaker 3: I was open to that.
Speaker 2: But and it's not because I did the lead because
Speaker 2: I mean maybe.
Speaker 3: Part of me was like, okay, no one would give
Speaker 3: me this part, But also like, who's going to know
Speaker 3: it better than me when it's my story?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, by life for sure.
Speaker 3: I could hire you to do it and you'd be amazing.
Speaker 2: But it'd be great.
Speaker 3: But like, if you made a choice that was different
Speaker 3: than mine, I'd be like, you're wrong.
Speaker 1: Even if you were directing them, you would never get
Speaker 1: them to the place where in your mind you're like,
Speaker 1: this is how it went down.
Speaker 4: They would have no freedom they It would be no
Speaker 4: fun for that actor. No, no, because any idea of
Speaker 4: yours that's different than mine is just wrong. I can't,
Speaker 4: you know, And I also don't have.
Speaker 3: The time if I'm not on that schedule. On that schedule,
Speaker 3: I was like, I have to do all of it.
Speaker 3: But I literally like went to a cognitive therapist and
Speaker 3: a therapist to discuss whether I was going to do
Speaker 3: all three things.
Speaker 1: You did it, though, you did. You got to boss
Speaker 1: your husband around as the director. Yeah, I was that fun.
Speaker 3: I got to direct him in something and he had
Speaker 3: the best time ever. I directed him in a funnier
Speaker 3: dyed mockumentary called Bradley Whitford emotional stuntman and it was
Speaker 3: like one of his favorite things he ever did. It
Speaker 3: was written by this young guy, Matt. I can't like
Speaker 3: spacing his name speaking of menopause and all that.
Speaker 2: But that was my big fear was like I was
Speaker 2: really tired.
Speaker 3: I was in perimenopause and I was also getting brain fall,
Speaker 3: and I was like, how am I going to direct
Speaker 3: a movie? But it turned out totally fine. That was
Speaker 3: no problem, like once I was in the thick of it,
Speaker 3: but I have problems like random memory shit. But anyway,
Speaker 3: I it's like basically this this idea that when you're watching,
Speaker 3: like you know, Brian Cranston in a great scene and
Speaker 3: breaking bad, it's not actually Brian. It's Bradley who's been
Speaker 3: brought in like he's like a stuntman and he's in
Speaker 3: like the green, the green, like he's in a green
Speaker 3: supreen screen. Yeah, he is a green screen and he
Speaker 3: does your emotional work because most actors don't know how
Speaker 3: to act, so they get Bradley to come in and
Speaker 3: do it. And he got to improvise a lot and
Speaker 3: he really really had a good time. And that gave
Speaker 3: me the confidence to know that I could direct him.
Speaker 3: What I wasn't really sure about was our chemistry or
Speaker 3: our acting together, because yeah, because we hadn't done it,
Speaker 3: and our scene was day two, Like our big scene
Speaker 3: together was day two. And it was like, Butter, I mean,
Speaker 3: I gotta tell you, it was easy. I mean we
Speaker 3: were like it was good. It was so easy. I
Speaker 3: couldn't believe it. I was like, wow, God, Wow, thank god,
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 5: Thank god.
Speaker 2: It was like just talk.
Speaker 3: I mean, it was just like and it edited itself,
Speaker 3: like I remember our editor gave us a cut.
Speaker 2: I don't think we ever touched it. It was just like,
Speaker 2: it's really sweet that scene. So I looked out with that.
Speaker 3: I mean, there was a could have gone wrong, but
Speaker 3: but and that was probably the most unknown. A lot
Speaker 3: most people in that movie are friends of mine. I knew.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you had to call on favors, and yeah,
Speaker 1: you got to call on favors.
Speaker 3: That's one good thing about being older, too. You don't
Speaker 3: care a lot more people in your life.
Speaker 2: This is true, and.
Speaker 1: You care less about like, oh, they're going to be
Speaker 1: so annoyed, like just ask you because they can say no.
Speaker 2: I don't care exactly after you say no, I'll just
Speaker 2: move on to my next idea exactly.
Speaker 1: I love just the overall thing the movie really gives
Speaker 1: women and men permission to take risks and step out
Speaker 1: of their comfort zone, even when they're in this messy
Speaker 1: middle and in the process of choosing a new life.
Speaker 1: So I love to help our listeners and sort of
Speaker 1: inspire them through your story. So how would you suggest
Speaker 1: we start if we are feeling stuck and we want
Speaker 1: something new, something different.
Speaker 3: I mean the thing that comes to my mind, honestly
Speaker 3: is like two things. One is like the internal journey.
Speaker 3: So yeah, you're a really big believer. The older you get,
Speaker 3: I feel like my ability to feel my gut is
Speaker 3: like a lot better, Like I get like goosebumps when
Speaker 3: I'm having a certain feeling. And so part of what
Speaker 3: I'm always saying to people is like, deep down in
Speaker 3: your quiet, at this place when you turn off like
Speaker 3: all the noise, you know something that you might be saying.
Speaker 3: I don't know, but there is somewhere I mean speaking
Speaker 3: of like was it going to direct act? And at
Speaker 3: the same time, I went into like a deep sematic
Speaker 3: place with this person. So sematic therapy is kind of
Speaker 3: a really interesting therapy. I feel like when you're older.
Speaker 3: Because I've done a lot of talk therapy, right, so,
Speaker 3: like talk therapy is fantastic, but I'd done it for
Speaker 3: so long that wasn't really what was at the core
Speaker 3: of what I was trying to get at, which was
Speaker 3: like what do I really want to do? And I
Speaker 3: had to get like I did a session with this
Speaker 3: woman who I trust with everything, and we got real
Speaker 3: quiet and she's always asking like what is your body
Speaker 3: feeling here? What is your you know, and you have
Speaker 3: to settle in first. It's not something that just like
Speaker 3: comes right away because we have so much noise coming
Speaker 3: at us.
Speaker 2: But I had a session where.
Speaker 3: It was like the biggest like goose bumps and like
Speaker 3: weight came on me, which is what I would equate
Speaker 3: with like truth for me.
Speaker 2: Like because when it's when it's real fear, there's a lot.
Speaker 3: Of panic and like my throat starts to close. But
Speaker 3: when I'm in a place and if I pose the
Speaker 3: question like do I want to do everything?
Speaker 2: I was completely hit with like yes you do.
Speaker 3: And so I kind of knew, no matter what fear
Speaker 3: was coming up, that I had an answer and I
Speaker 3: just had to keep like trusting that and not because
Speaker 3: it's hard to fear can be two kinds of fear.
Speaker 2: Some fear is.
Speaker 3: Good fear, right, and it's telling you no. And then
Speaker 3: some fear is just a bunch of noise. And so
Speaker 3: part of it is just like when I'm not when
Speaker 3: I'm really quiet, what's what am I feeling?
Speaker 2: You know? And so but then the other part.
Speaker 3: Of that is asking for help, you know, like not
Speaker 3: thinking that any of this do you have to do alone?
Speaker 2: And no matter what it is, that you're utter what
Speaker 2: it is right, no matter.
Speaker 3: It doesn't like and we think, and also that you
Speaker 3: think you're supposed to know stuff you can't know until
Speaker 3: you know, Like like, oh I don't know, so I
Speaker 3: can't do it. It's like no, you you.
Speaker 2: Ask for help. You'll learn as you go, right, you know.
Speaker 3: And I really believe in it's scientifically proven that men
Speaker 3: and I don't know if it's a testosterone versus estrogen.
Speaker 3: I don't know what the core of it is or
Speaker 3: it's cultural or physical. I don't know, but like men
Speaker 3: are much more willing to jump in and believe that
Speaker 3: they can figure it out, and women are much more cautious.
Speaker 3: And it's like, you know, I had done two movies
Speaker 3: with young guys who wrote, directed, and started their movies
Speaker 3: and didn't think twice about it. And I'm a fifty
Speaker 3: five year old actress who's worked for many years, have
Speaker 3: been on a ton of sets and written scripts and
Speaker 3: directed episodes of stuff. And somehow I don't know if
Speaker 3: I have enough knowledge.
Speaker 1: To do this.
Speaker 2: And it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: But and that is what we tell ourselves. The culture
Speaker 3: tells us. Maybe maybe estrogen. I mean I've always said,
Speaker 3: like gender is and real, but hormones are, you know.
Speaker 3: I don't know where I am on the spectrum. I
Speaker 3: just know that I need to like push myself a
Speaker 3: little bit from a place of love, though not push
Speaker 3: myself from a place of like, you know, you know,
Speaker 3: fear for you're being a coward, none of that.
Speaker 2: It's now compassion for yourself, ask for help.
Speaker 3: And listen to your gut, because your gut knows I'm
Speaker 3: you know, like I love my gut.
Speaker 2: I never knew it when I was younger.
Speaker 3: It was two, I was two nuts and everything was
Speaker 3: like too crazy. But now I feel like my gut
Speaker 3: really is strong.
Speaker 1: You know, It's so important that we get that comfortable
Speaker 1: with ourselves. Yes, I love that. That's so encouraging for people.
Speaker 1: The movie's so good. I just I want everybody to
Speaker 1: see it. So how can people see it?
Speaker 3: It's available right now, it's on demand anywhere on demand,
Speaker 3: So honestly what's great is it's on Amazon.
Speaker 2: I mean right now.
Speaker 3: It's like it's a rental or a buye. So there's
Speaker 3: this phase and distribution. You hope to find us home
Speaker 3: eventually where it's free for everybody, but it has to
Speaker 3: sort of perform well in video on demand, So that's
Speaker 3: what's happening first. So like anywhere like Apple, anywhere that
Speaker 3: you know, YouTube, anywhere where you could rent or buy.
Speaker 2: A movie for available, which is kind of fun.
Speaker 3: And it's ninety minutes, nice and easy, nice and easy.
Speaker 1: It's it's you're not going to be like it's too
Speaker 1: scared or you're not.
Speaker 2: It's just stuff in it.
Speaker 3: Like yeah, it's there's a funny but it ends with
Speaker 3: I mean there's some there's some emotion, there's some depth,
Speaker 3: I would like to think, but there's but it mostly
Speaker 3: is meant to give you a chance to laugh and
Speaker 3: to feel good at the end.
Speaker 2: Right, Yes, So if you're our age, you got to
Speaker 2: watch this movie.
Speaker 1: Because you will relate for sure. Okay, So before I
Speaker 1: let you go, Amy Landecker, what was your last I
Speaker 1: choose me moment?
Speaker 3: You know, I'm visiting my daughter right in Ireland right now,
Speaker 3: and I've been traveling a lot. I've been doing a
Speaker 3: lot of work trying to get the you know, for
Speaker 3: on behalf of the movie. I've had some other projects
Speaker 3: that are starting, and I was here and I was
Speaker 3: feeling guilty that I wasn't staying longer because technically I
Speaker 3: could kind of push it a day or two. And
Speaker 3: so funny, Nko Hiraga is facetiming me as telling me
Speaker 3: you're a little busy.
Speaker 2: Does not this does not happen.
Speaker 3: He never tell me he did a great young guy
Speaker 3: in the movie. For those who don't know, he's the hattie,
Speaker 3: He's the haughty youngster. But I had to just I've
Speaker 3: had a beautiful trip, and I'm like, you are pushing
Speaker 3: out of some guilt that your child hasn't even put
Speaker 3: on you, right like like it's like it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: I literally was like, is your nerve system? Does it
Speaker 3: need a change in the flight, a change in the hotel,
Speaker 3: like things that yes, I could do, but should I do.
Speaker 3: And I just kind of was like, no, I need
Speaker 3: to go home and my kid is fine, and it
Speaker 3: is my nervous system that needs to be taken care
Speaker 3: of at this point because there's been so much going on,
Speaker 3: and that would be like this weird moment. That's very
Speaker 3: hard for me because I have a separation anxiety. That
Speaker 3: is one of the things I've always had. And when
Speaker 3: I'm having a really good time, I think I should
Speaker 3: push it to have more instead of going, let's leave
Speaker 3: on a high note, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 3: we had the best time. So I go, oh, but
Speaker 3: and you know she did say one time, like I
Speaker 3: wish you were here longer, right, you know, like oh,
Speaker 3: I wish you weren't good, And then I just go oh.
Speaker 3: I always have to watch that part of myself, you know,
Speaker 3: and guilty even leaving the dog to come here is
Speaker 3: the mom guilt because that dog I have like an
Speaker 3: dog who's like mistreated when she was little. And so
Speaker 3: I always have to sort of ask myself like like
Speaker 3: are you.
Speaker 2: Is like what do you need to do? What do
Speaker 2: you need right? What do you need to do?
Speaker 1: That is the best question we can ask ourselves, especially
Speaker 1: at the stage in our lives.
Speaker 5: Okay, it's okay, okay, better that than override and then
Speaker 5: have feel stressed and tired and things fall apart because
Speaker 5: you're not in a place where you have enough to give.
Speaker 1: Anyway, that's all what it's all about. That's what Choosing yourself,
Speaker 1: that's the core of it right there. Choose yourself so
Speaker 1: that you can be better for other people. Yeah, everybody,
Speaker 1: see this movie. You're going to love it.
Speaker 2: And I love you.
Speaker 1: You are a great lady.
Speaker 2: Thanks, it is so not you two.
Speaker 3: I'm so excited I got to talk with you.