WEBVTT - Invisible Black Women Epidemic 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.720 Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:06.600 Red Tabletop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the Facebook 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:10.440 watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and I 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:13.760 Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review on 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:18.079 Apple podcasts. Hearing your stories, this sounds evil to me. 0:00:18.480 --> 0:00:21.520 Didn't even make me angry, like it hurt my feelings. 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:23.560 Outrage And she's like, well, why don't you have your 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:25.680 credentials with you? You don't have your diploma with You're 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:29.680 out of here. Tragedy, ultrasound show that I had been 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:32.760 in labor for almost two days. Shocking stories that will 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:35.400 shake you to your core. When I had Jada, I 0:00:35.440 --> 0:00:38.400 was not treated well. I was denied the pain that 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:42.440 I was having. He made me step off the flight 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:44.920 and he asked me, did I know how to behave 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:49.480 the invisible black woman? The epidemic we need to talk about. 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:57.720 Well today it's gonna be a great show. Yeah, I'm excited, 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:00.720 and we're gonna talk about the invisibility of black women. 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:04.560 Now that's a topic. Yeah, it's just so deep rooted. Yeah, 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:06.280 it's great to see you and have you back at 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:08.800 the table. Thank y'all for inviting me back. I didn't 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.120 know you get to come back again. Well, it just 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:18.600 didn't depends. It just depends. Our friend Tamika Mallory is 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:22.280 one of the most powerful social justice leaders of today. 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.360 Her new book spells out the urgent state of black 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:29.400 people in America. One of the things that I love 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:32.720 is that you show up for the invisible black woman. 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:36.760 You really do. You know, you were out there for Brianna. 0:01:37.160 --> 0:01:40.360 If it was up to the world, Brianna Taylor would 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:44.039 have been forgotten. She was murdered on March thirteenth. I 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:46.600 think because there was no video, a lot of people 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:50.720 were like, uh, you know, I don't know, They're there 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:52.920 was a young woman, she had six bullets in her body, 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:54.720 she was sleeping in the bed. They woke her up 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:58.200 for nothing. That's what happened, right. Black women are ignored 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.480 and disrespected in general. People don't want to talk about 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:05.200 McKay Bryant right now, you know. They want to say that, well, 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:07.640 you know, she had a knife, and it's justified, and 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:09.720 a lot of it is trauma. I spent some time 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:12.920 talking with her family and she had told them she 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:16.000 was also in communication with her biological mom. Although she's 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:18.680 in foster care. She had told them that she was 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:22.440 experiencing something, she was going through something, and that adults, 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:27.959 not children, has been attacking her bothering Right now, officer arrives. 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:30.519 He doesn't know any of this, right, but here's the 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:32.480 bottom line for me. Would he have shown up where 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:34.960 there was white women and shot center mass at a 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:39.560 young woman. It's unfortunate that this young girl's story ends 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:42.480 this way. And in fact, I attended her funeral, And 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:44.360 the reason why I went is because I know that 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:48.560 if she was sixteen years old and perfect, the perfect victim, 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.760 everyone would be all over it. Everyone would be all 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.040 over it. People would have been there to support. She 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:58.200 deserves the same care and attention and for someone that's 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:01.360 to advocate for her and her situation, even though she 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:03.359 might have she may have had a knife, you know, right, 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:06.440 it's that she's a child and we saw her laying 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:08.440 on the ground. The fact that you went to the 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:12.280 funeral for that young sister, because I just feel like 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:15.960 there's always an excuse of why not to show up 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:20.680 for us, For black women, there's always freaking excuse, but 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:27.079 yet we are always expected to show up. So to 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:29.720 Mek and when were the times that you felt invisible, 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:33.520 and I think I feel invisible all the time. That 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:37.280 invisible feeling is one that I have probably felt my 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:40.560 whole life, from school days all the way until now. 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:45.240 And people don't understand what feeling invisible means because they 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:48.280 because it's like I'm loud, I talk a lot, talk 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:50.520 all the time, and then like you can't be invisible 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:53.000 because we can't miss you. You're always there. But my 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:58.360 feelings are not always value my opinion of things. I'm 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:02.240 constantly having to raise my temperature in order for people 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:04.360 to know that I know what I'm talking about. You 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:08.080 know what I mean. It's been difficult for so long 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.000 to feel like, um, I've been ignored, and when I 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:13.880 was with the Women's March, I experienced that, you know, 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:15.920 I really did. I think there were days when I 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:18.839 started being like, why am I here dealing with y'all? 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:21.480 And I got my own problems and like I'm getting 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.880 beat up left and right. It was just too much 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:27.720 to think about. So I started taking Zanex, taking whatever 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:30.680 you could do to sleep, because that sleep is an 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:34.160 issue when you're stressed and not able to rest. Any 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.080 pill that somebody would give me that had the ability 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:39.400 to make you calm down and to deal with anxiety. 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:42.320 I wanted them I got addicted, and now you want 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:45.520 me to go get unaddicted, Like I don't even understand 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:48.880 the concept of how this happened to me, of all people, 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.000 but I was. And so then I had to go 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.719 to rehab. And while I was in rehab, they were like, 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:58.200 you need PTSD support because you're having a problem that's 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:01.960 deeper than this drug. You're going through some soul issues. 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:04.440 So I had to do all of that, and it 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:08.720 was like tearing down and building me all back up. 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:13.080 But look at me, I'm still cute. You are. It's 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:18.600 interesting when you talk about needing to turn up the temperature, 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:23.200 because I don't know how many times I felt like 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:27.480 I've had to turn up the temperature and then ostracize. 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:36.760 It makes me just it breaks my heart, that stereotype 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:40.440 because that has been stuffed down and repressed and all 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:42.320 that and feeling invisible and then it's like, oh, you're 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:44.719 just the angry black woman, but it's so much deeper. 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:47.640 I was having a conversation with my boy Dwayne Martin 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:49.359 the day because he called me. He was like, what 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:52.279 y'all talking about at the Ranta and then talk a 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:54.840 bit about the invisibility and black women. He said, can 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:59.320 I just tell you something, He said, I realized that 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:04.520 society has used the best parts of black women. He said, 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:08.719 from historically, you know, you guys using your breast to 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:12.559 feed other children and raising other children. And he said, 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:16.000 from the surgeons who steal your body parts and put 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:18.600 them on other people, from the ass to the lips, 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.440 to the hips to the thighs. And he said, and 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:23.680 you know what, they steal the best parts of you 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:28.000 guys and throw the rest away. That's exactly right. And 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:30.000 he said it's like you know, in slavery women, they 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:32.000 would take the best parts of the pig or the 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:35.440 chicken and they give us the scraps, the scraps. But 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:38.760 when he broke it down like that, just like dang, 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.960 I was like, that's deep. So that goes along with 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:49.520 that foundation of invisibility. One of the most shocking consequences 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:53.200 of black women being invisible is when it comes to healthcare. 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:58.600 Check this. Trussey mcmillancottom says she was pregnant and in crisis, 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:02.679 and all the doctors all was an incompetent black woman. 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:06.599 When I got pregnant, I wanted the very best for 0:07:06.680 --> 0:07:10.200 my baby. That's why I chose the hospital uptown where 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:13.320 the white women went to have their babies with white doctors, 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:16.360 thinking I would get better care. And I got anything. 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:20.200 But I was about four months pregnant when I started bleeding. 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:23.200 My husband rushed me to the doctor's office, where I 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:26.000 sat in the waiting room for about thirty minutes. The 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:31.480 doctors the nurses really ignored the crying, bleeding, pregnant woman 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:34.760 in the waiting room. I was in extreme pain. I've 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:39.680 never felt more invisible. After I bled onto the chair 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:42.400 in the waiting room, the doctor finally saw me, but 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:45.400 he dismissed my concern, told me that spotting was normal, 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:48.880 especially for someone as fat as I was in his words, 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.800 and he sent me home. As the pain got worse 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:54.280 throughout the night, I went back to the hospital. The 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:57.560 doctor was again dismissive and told me that probably just 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:02.040 eaten something bad. After are constantly pleading and begging with 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:05.480 the doctor, he did finally agree to give me an ultrasound, 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:10.320 and what we saw in the ultrasound was shocking. The 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:13.280 image showed what looked like three babies, except I was 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:18.000 only pregnant with one the other two were fairly large tumors. 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:22.800 I was checked into the maternity ward, where I asked 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:26.800 repeatedly for an epidural. I was pushing before I knew 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:30.280 what was happening, and my daughter was here. She died 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:39.120 shortly after her first breath. Oh yeah, sorry, so sorry, 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:43.199 thank you. Ultrasound showed that I had been in labor 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:46.480 for almost two days and my baby was worn too 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:50.480 early to survive, and I left the hospital without my daughter. 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:56.800 What happened is both traumatic but not singular. Happened to 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:59.880 a lot of black women um which is something that 0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:04.240 was totally preventable. If we had an ultrasound. When you're 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.079 supposed to do an ultrasound, they would have known mine 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:11.560 was a high risk pregnancy. Nurse, I know the difference 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:16.360 between bleeding and spotting. Spotting. She was bleeding when they 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:20.000 had to remove the chair after I left the waiting room, 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:22.280 right and I still did not signal to them that 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:24.360 was an emergency. By the way, still did not go 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:27.400 to the emergency room at that point. At every step 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:30.319 of the process, no one really took seriously that I 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.839 knew what was happening to me, one or cared enough 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:37.320 to at least do an assessment. Let's do an exam, 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:39.680 Let's do a test. They didn't even care enough to 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:44.240 do that. Childbirth is when you're most vulnerable. You really 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:48.240 are relying on people to see your pain, right, and 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:51.079 people's ability to see your pain relies on their ability 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:54.400 to see you as human. Yes, the experience for me 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:56.400 was a loss that shouldn't have been a loss, but 0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:59.560 worse than that, a loss that no one treats like 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:04.240 a law. It is just traumatic. There's no aftercare when 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:07.120 it was a child. The nurse doesn't come to check 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:10.840 on you six weeks out, there's no postpartum right at 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:12.880 the time, I was working, you know, full time, as 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:15.439 most women aren't, especially women of color and black women. 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:21.800 It's no longer maternity leave when your baby dies. What Yeah, 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:24.720 it's no longer maternity leave. So it's not just the 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:27.440 trauma of the event, it's the way the world treats you. 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:31.920 I never even heard from the doctor's office again, except 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:34.240 for the nurse to call and tell me just so 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:38.640 you know, there was nothing we could have done. Okay, 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:42.440 So you know that's one of the reasons why I 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:46.319 never had another child, Because I was eighteen pregnant, and 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:49.360 the experience was so horrible that I was like, I'm 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:53.040 not doing that again. Imagine a young black girl, you know, 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:55.960 and they treated me really bad, just like sit over there, 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.440 we'll get to you in a minute. My water leaked 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.080 for a month. It was just so much trauma that 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:03.960 after that, I was like, never again. It's interesting that 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:06.480 you say that, because now that I'm thinking about my 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:09.120 own experience when I had Jada, it was pretty similar. 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:11.839 I was not treated well, I was not cared for, 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.920 and I was in a hospital where my father was 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:20.040 head of anesthesia at the time, so they knew exactly 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:23.800 who I was. I was denied um the pain that 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:28.520 I was having at the time, Oh, it's not that bad. 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:31.720 And there was so much invested in telling me that 0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:33.880 that I wasn't feeling what I was feeling. You know 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:37.000 how they do the pain scale level of one to ten. 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:39.040 Where are you? I was in the middle of a 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:42.959 contraction and I'm vibrating. It hurts so bad, right I'm vibrating. 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:44.720 I knew if i'd say ten, they tell me I 0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:47.800 was exaggerating. If I say anything less than five, they 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:51.200 leave the rum. And I remember negotiating with myself to 0:11:51.200 --> 0:11:55.160 settle on seven because if they left the room, the 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:57.880 anesthesiologist wasn't gonna come. And she told me, if you 0:11:57.920 --> 0:12:01.880 complain too much, he doesn't like complaint, he won't come. 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:05.839 And I was terrified that he wouldn't come because I 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:09.000 wanted the apaturial badly by that point, Yeah, I terrified. 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:11.520 I hate to bring it this far, but you're looking 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:13.800 at a woman in pain, the most vulnerable place she's 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:16.240 ever been in her entire life, and you're just going 0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:19.000 to like that seems evil to me, Like that seems 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:21.120 like an evil thing to do. That did have to 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:23.400 start to think about how did I end up in 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:25.319 a room where there was no one to speak for me? 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:27.920 What could not have done differently? What is too much 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:31.400 to ask for from somebody else to advocate for you? Right? 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:35.199 I have a family health insurance, all those things that 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:39.800 are supposed to matter. Advocacy takes somebody willing to hear you. 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:41.720 You can say a lot of things. If people won't 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:45.160 hear it, it really doesn't matter. And I tell people 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.960 all the time I'm asked to testify before Congress and etcetera. No, 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.760 you don't bring me in unless you're serious, Because I 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:56.080 don't perform trauma for people who are not invested in 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.679 fixing the problem. That is so. Yeah, that was very 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:06.200 extant to the idea of performing trauma for the same 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:09.240 public that wouldn't have cared about what happened to me 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:12.720 in the hospital. Yeah. So it's not that people don't know, 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:15.680 it's that they don't care. Yeah. What is your advice 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:20.199 for black women who find themselves feeling invisible, especially when 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:23.560 it comes to medical issues. Has anybody ever told you 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:26.360 that if the doctor starts talking crazy that you should 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:30.840 get up, leave, should leave. I want black women to 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:35.760 treat doctors like we treat a service provider. Black women 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:39.920 don't play if the food is cold, right, you know, 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:42.880 I play if the service man, the cableman is late. 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:46.720 But the medical profession, it's shape for you to follow 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:49.559 directions to not question authority. But it is the one 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.880 place where questioning authority can save your life. You have 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.520 to do your research and if the plan that they 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:57.000 are creating for you doesn't work, then go to somebody 0:13:57.040 --> 0:14:00.000 who's planning it does work for you. Yes, I tell him, 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.800 don't even let him finish you, right, like, get up, 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:05.760 you can get dressed in the hallway, get your clothes, 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:08.800 and you walk out. Exactly if we had the same 0:14:09.000 --> 0:14:14.800 crisis facing middle class, suburbon white women, if they were 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:18.080 dying at the rate that we die trying to give birth. Yeah, yeah, 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:21.440 the inequity is undeniable. Yeah, there would be a public 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:24.120 health crisis, would be a public health campaign. Boards would 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:27.360 be conveniing tribunals. Right, they don't think it's a loss. 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:31.480 That's the crux of the process, that's at the cool 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:38.240 right there. Yeah, trustee, thank you, this was important. Thank you. Yeah, 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:43.760 thank you. And a Facebook post seen by millions, Dr 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:46.840 Cross revealed an incident on an airplane that left her 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:52.040 feeling more invisible than ever. Thank you for joining us today. 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:56.120 So explaining us what happened. I was on an airplane 0:14:56.480 --> 0:15:00.400 and I heard somebody shrieking two rows a head of me. 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:04.720 It was a husband and wife and the husband was unresponsive, 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:10.440 so the wife was screaming. The flight attendant immediately rushed 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:14.040 over there. She said that she needed a medical personnel 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:17.920 or physician. Immediately. I just flagged her down. She said, 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:20.360 oh no, no, no, sweetie, we don't have time, you know, 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:22.480 to talk right now. We're looking for an actual physician. 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:26.080 I'm trying to explain to her that I'm the physician 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:30.760 that you're looking for. She just continued with her condescending remarks. 0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:33.320 At that time is going on on the overhead where 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.680 they're saying we need a medical personnel. And I stared 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:40.280 her and pressed my button and so that's when she's like, oh, 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:44.840 you're an actual physician. That's when she started asking more questions. 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:47.200 It wasn't like, Okay, you're a doctor, great, come over here, 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:54.880 mind you he's still responsive, still unresponsive. She's like, well, 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:56.680 if you're a doctor, you know, well what are you 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:58.480 what are you doing? What are you Why are you hearing? 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:00.440 Why are you in de trade? And she's like, well, 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:02.000 why don't you have your credentials with you? You don't 0:16:02.040 --> 0:16:07.080 have your diploma with you know, I don't like you 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:08.800 don't have a business card. No, I don't have a 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:12.520 business card on me. This continues back and forth, and 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.440 then there's a middle age Caucasian mail coming from the 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:19.320 front of the plane and she said, well, he's a physician, 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:22.400 he has his credentials, but of course my blood's boiling 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:27.359 on inside. That's ridiculous. Did you complain to the airline? 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:31.600 I did. She basically offered me sky miles an exchange 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:36.160 for the miscommunication, and I said, I'm good. I got 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:39.000 off the plane and then I went and reported it 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:42.120 to the gate agent, and the gate agent was like, 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:44.080 I'm so sorry for it and handed me a free 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:46.720 drink ticket for my next flight, and I was like, 0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:49.480 y'all don't get it. So I put it on social media. 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:51.280 I got on my next flight, got off, and it 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:54.880 was viral that quickly. You had an issue to the 0:16:54.960 --> 0:16:57.360 same thing happened to airline and the same thing. I 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:00.360 had to put some information on social media because I 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.280 tried and no one cared. A pilot threw me off 0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:06.199 of a plane for no reason. In my situation, the 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:09.080 gay agent was the problem, and it was a black woman. 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:12.640 I was communicating with her and she was so nasty. 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:16.240 The white man who was the pilot happened to be 0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:18.600 off the plane standing there next to her, and I 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:20.520 watched them as I walked through the door to go 0:17:20.600 --> 0:17:23.520 get on the plane, have a little conversation that you 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:26.080 know whatever she said to him, and he just decided 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:28.760 to come and throw me off the plane. He made 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:31.680 me step off the flight and he asked me, did 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:33.679 I know how to behave, and he asked me to 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:37.640 repeat those words that I would behave and I did 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:40.000 and it threw me off anyway. I said, yes, sir, 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:44.280 I will behave and that was like he was like, 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:46.440 oh no, So to me, are you saying that they 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:48.359 threw you off the plane because you and the gate? 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:55.639 Because I had about because my seat. I have claustrophobia 0:17:56.320 --> 0:17:58.800 and I was upgraded to first class and then all 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.240 of a sudden my seat got and I was complaining 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:03.639 about it. We were just having a quiet conversation, but 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:06.600 he happened to be standing there and he decided to 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:09.199 use his authority against me. The funny thing, though, is 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:12.199 that the flight attendant who's on there looking like what 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:16.520 is going on because she doesn't know anything, she recognizes 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:18.320 who I am. She's looking at me and she's like, 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:20.800 oh my god. She was a white woman. So you 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:22.800 need to fight this. She said, what he's doing to 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:26.399 you is wrong, and she began to cry. When he 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:31.000 came back with six police officers, six I verified. I said, 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:32.600 so you're throwing me off the fan and do anything 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:34.200 he told me? He said yes. I said, okay, I've 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:36.960 commenced to every MF F and so and so. I 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:39.280 told a whole plane up at that point that my 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:43.040 nice little four letter words. And at some point in it, 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:46.320 I said, and you will not forget me. I said, 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:48.199 you don't know who I am. And I told him, 0:18:48.240 --> 0:18:51.760 I said, I will go to hell fighting. And he 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:54.119 looked at me, and then she said something and he 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:56.600 realized that I have messed up. And do you know 0:18:56.640 --> 0:18:59.120 that that man had the audacity to say to me, um, 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:01.439 would you like to talk? Like, why don't you just 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:03.840 calm down and we can just have a conversation. And 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:09.200 I said a conversation, you know. But the follow up 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:11.560 of that was one no one called me back. They 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:15.119 didn't take it seriously until puff Puff Daddy did he 0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:20.119 we call him puff right until he retweeted what was happening, 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:23.000 and then it became a thing. Yeah, it went viral. 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:26.439 One thing they did do they started instituting a branch 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:29.600 of changes, Like they looked at their policies and procedures 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:32.440 and they began to really work inside the company. Because 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:35.040 that's what I wanted. Wasn't about money, it wasn't about 0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:36.800 any of that. Was like, this has to change. This 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:39.199 can't happen to another woman. And I was on the 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:41.560 way to a wedding that was really important to me 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:44.400 and I missed it. Then these changes happened in regards 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:47.840 to your incident. Yeah. Absolutely, But I went all the 0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:50.760 way up to the CEO of the airline and went 0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:53.520 down to Atlanta, met with them, and then two months 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:57.240 later they actually changed their policies because they did have 0:19:57.240 --> 0:20:00.000 a policy saying that they're supposed to verify. I'm sure 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.120 there is some kind of policy. What I do want 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:04.879 to say, it was all that question about where you going, 0:20:05.080 --> 0:20:07.840 why were you in Detroit? All that's insane. That's not 0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:12.880 part of the policy. You know. In meantime, you're jeopardizing 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:16.280 somebody's life. Yeah, well, thank you so much for coming 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:19.760 and sharing your story, but thank you for having me so. 0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:22.600 Dr Romeny, a good friend of the table. Has an 0:20:22.640 --> 0:20:26.359 important message and it's something you might be doing that 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:29.280 is very harmful and not even know it. It's called 0:20:29.520 --> 0:20:36.760 racial gas lighting. Dr Romeny, how are you? It's so 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:39.320 good to see it. I feel so privileged to be 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:42.520 part of this conversation. We are always so happy to 0:20:42.600 --> 0:20:46.000 have you and you talk about racial gaslighting. Give us 0:20:46.000 --> 0:20:48.720 some examples of what that looks like. When we're talking 0:20:48.760 --> 0:20:52.239 about racial gas lighting, you're denying the experience as a 0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:55.520 person has as a person of color, especially as a 0:20:55.560 --> 0:20:58.439 woman of color. It's very very easy to guess like 0:20:58.600 --> 0:21:01.119 any woman of color. So when we look at it 0:21:01.160 --> 0:21:04.520 that way, then it's things like, you're making this about race, 0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:07.440 and it's not. There's no more racism. We've had a 0:21:07.480 --> 0:21:11.280 black president, they've changed the laws. Denying your experience of pain, 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:14.240 You're not in that much pain. You didn't earn that degree. 0:21:14.320 --> 0:21:17.240 Why are you at this elite university? Was it affirmative action? Right? 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:21.080 The immediate assumption is you did not earn that. Somebody 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:24.480 cut you a break because you're and that already weakens 0:21:24.520 --> 0:21:27.639 that person in that position and makes them less likely 0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:31.159 to have their voice. That's a denial of your experience. 0:21:31.240 --> 0:21:34.920 And then when a person of color fights back, calm down, Yeah, 0:21:35.760 --> 0:21:38.800 that's gaslighting, because it's the whole idea is you're being 0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:42.960 too sensitive, you're perceiving things that aren't happening. And it's 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:46.760 not one person doing this, it's the entire system is 0:21:46.800 --> 0:21:50.879 doing this. What someone's done is they've taken away your reality. 0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:54.840 And when you gaslight someone, someone has told me it's 0:21:54.880 --> 0:22:01.080 really just not that serious. Yes, my head just wants 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:03.680 to explode. Think of this one. One of the ultimate 0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:06.920 examples is when people say I don't see race, right, 0:22:08.080 --> 0:22:13.080 I don't. I don't see color. Slighting you know, because yes, 0:22:13.160 --> 0:22:17.240 you do, right right, be able to see you're wearing 0:22:17.240 --> 0:22:20.000 a green shirt, you can see that. And I understand 0:22:20.040 --> 0:22:23.359 what the intention is, but the fact is that it 0:22:23.440 --> 0:22:27.560 invalidates a person's experience. When you steal someone's reality, you 0:22:27.640 --> 0:22:31.160 steal their power, right because they're they're doubting themselves. They're 0:22:31.200 --> 0:22:33.520 walking around saying, am I being too sensitive? Maybe I'm 0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:36.760 the one who wrong? Right, So now you've lost even 0:22:36.800 --> 0:22:40.440