Speaker 1: Hey, there're folks in this episode. The greatest success story
Speaker 1: in Bachelor Nation history and possibly the history of reality
Speaker 1: dating show, Trista and Ryan Sudden. They're here to help us,
Speaker 1: help you, and with that, welcome to this special edition
Speaker 1: of Amy and TJ, where we are going to highlight
Speaker 1: love stories for you and Rodes. We've talked a lot
Speaker 1: about this being break up season, the uncuffing season, and
Speaker 1: well that's just depressing.
Speaker 2: It is because it's also it could also be the
Speaker 2: season of love. Yes, I know that it seemed like
Speaker 2: everybody was breaking up in recent months, and that is true.
Speaker 2: We had what Megan Fox, Machine Gun, Kelly on again,
Speaker 2: off again, so we Kravitz and Channing Tatum. How could
Speaker 2: we forget Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez finalizing their divorce
Speaker 2: that you thought was never going to happen, still holding
Speaker 2: out hope for a reconciliation.
Speaker 1: I am I'm not joking. I really am hoping that
Speaker 1: Ben and Jane get back together.
Speaker 2: I know that would make your twenty twenty Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2: And Matt James and Rachel Kirconnell. Well I'm voting on
Speaker 2: that one too as well. I am hoping for a reconciliation.
Speaker 2: I just am they got to need a beat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's gonna take a little while.
Speaker 2: Jessica Alba Cash Warren after sixteen years together. Jessica Simpson
Speaker 2: and her husband of ten years, Eric Johnson.
Speaker 3: They were together forever before that as well.
Speaker 1: So we're seeing all of that, and we did. We
Speaker 1: actually did another episode on a different a different podcast
Speaker 1: that was called Uncuffing Season. We were asking, like, what
Speaker 1: in the world is going on? I guess it makes
Speaker 1: a lot of sense when you stop and think about it.
Speaker 1: Why this is Uncuffing Season?
Speaker 4: What is it?
Speaker 1: December eleventh was the day that's the official breakup day,
Speaker 1: well unofficial, I should say, but people pointed to that
Speaker 1: as a breakup day because that's when somebody did whatever
Speaker 1: study that said that that's the day that people most
Speaker 1: change their Facebook status right from in a relationship.
Speaker 2: To single because they don't want to bring that other
Speaker 2: person or deal with them during the holidays.
Speaker 3: It's enough already.
Speaker 1: That makes sense to get out of having to deal
Speaker 1: with family. That sounds silly, but it makes.
Speaker 3: Sense, I agree, or other people's family.
Speaker 2: That way, you don't have to include the in laws
Speaker 2: or the potential in laws in your plans and.
Speaker 1: Then you have gift stress. They say that you don't
Speaker 1: want to have to buy gifts for your person you're with.
Speaker 1: And everybody is in a turning a new leaf mood.
Speaker 1: You're in a mood to make a bold move in
Speaker 1: your life and.
Speaker 3: Out with the old, in with the news.
Speaker 1: And I want to go through all this. I just
Speaker 1: went through a whole year with this bozo.
Speaker 3: Don't want another year.
Speaker 1: So it makes sense why this would be the season
Speaker 1: people would break up. But it also makes sense there's
Speaker 1: a season roads that people are getting together. It's a
Speaker 1: very popular season for getting together.
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean just for body warmth, Alan, I'll take it.
Speaker 2: I mean it's cold out there, right, you.
Speaker 3: Want to couple up, snuggle up? I get it. And
Speaker 3: Dating Sunday, by the way, is the thing. It's the
Speaker 3: biggest dating app day of the year.
Speaker 2: It happens right after New Year's It's the day the
Speaker 2: dating websites and the app see the most activity in
Speaker 2: sign ups because people are looking for love.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So, I mean I feel bad we focus so much
Speaker 1: on people breaking up. But yes, this is the time
Speaker 1: that I think most people, even if you went through
Speaker 1: a breakup or a difficult time. There is a season
Speaker 1: of hope and renewal and newness, and that's scary. I
Speaker 1: mean it sounds fun and exciting that most of the
Speaker 1: time we talk to people about dating and relationships, we're
Speaker 1: single and it's not positive.
Speaker 2: No, And we love watching We've talked about this before,
Speaker 2: but we are obsessed with relationship shows because you get
Speaker 2: to see where people make mistakes, where people their egos
Speaker 2: get in the way of what could have been otherwise
Speaker 2: a beautiful relationship.
Speaker 3: And so we're all looking for help.
Speaker 2: I'm taking notes, I'm looking at what not to do,
Speaker 2: relationship advice. I'll take anything i can get because we
Speaker 2: all want the end goal of finding our soulmate, finding
Speaker 2: the love of our life.
Speaker 1: And we're not joking there as we are recording this,
Speaker 1: we kid you not. The te television right now is
Speaker 1: on pause and we're looking at Pastor cal We're looking
Speaker 1: at We're not joking, really looking at his face, greeting
Speaker 1: one of the people who just got married. So of
Speaker 1: marriage proposals actually take place. We talk about uncuffing season,
Speaker 1: but this is a season of love. Between Thanksgiving and
Speaker 1: Valentine Valentine's Day, forty percent of marriage proposals do take place,
Speaker 1: So a lot of people are going through that right now.
Speaker 1: So no matter what stage of your relationship you're in,
Speaker 1: even if you're completely single, you're dating after a couple
Speaker 1: of months, you're newly wet, whatever, everybody is looking for
Speaker 1: some type of advice we could all use a little
Speaker 1: So we thought grows we give folks a little help,
Speaker 1: some advice, not from us, but from a variety of couples.
Speaker 1: A number of questions that we ask the same list
Speaker 1: of relate We ask them all the exact same list
Speaker 1: of questions.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so in this month of February, which I think
Speaker 2: is a month of love, we are going to give
Speaker 2: you all a couple a day. So we've asked couples
Speaker 2: up leading up until Valentine's Day all the same list
Speaker 2: of relationship questions. Questions like who said I love you first?
Speaker 2: Did your relationship have the support of family and friends?
Speaker 2: How often do you have sex? How often do you fight?
Speaker 3: Do you go to bed angry?
Speaker 2: You know, we always hear relationship experts say, whatever you do,
Speaker 2: don't go to bed angry.
Speaker 3: But we asked couples if they have done that. We
Speaker 3: even asked them have they threatened to break up during
Speaker 3: an argument.
Speaker 1: Have you not with you? Don't make idle threats. Don't
Speaker 1: make idle threats. So we asked all these questions, but
Speaker 1: twenty to thirty questions we got in with them. But
Speaker 1: it was a diverse bunch that we have here. We
Speaker 1: talked to an interracial couple has a thirty year age
Speaker 1: gap between the two. We got a couple of celebrating
Speaker 1: was eleven years of marriage, but she was married when
Speaker 1: they first met. Curious to hear about that. We got
Speaker 1: an actress and country singer married to her pro soccer habi.
Speaker 1: Then we got a mixed orientation couple you're gonna hear from.
Speaker 1: This is going to be one that's going to get
Speaker 1: you buzzing and talking. When we say mixed or orientation,
Speaker 1: what do we mean.
Speaker 2: So it's a gay man who has married a straight
Speaker 2: woman and they are in a sexual a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 2: And it is fascinating to see how love takes so
Speaker 2: many different forms, and actually so many of the couples
Speaker 2: we interviewed DJ just so happened, did not plan this
Speaker 2: that way where the woman is older than the man.
Speaker 3: And these are all successful, not just.
Speaker 2: Based on how many years they've been together, but just
Speaker 2: happy couples, and that's what we were focused on. We
Speaker 2: wanted to interview happy couples, joyful couples.
Speaker 1: And so we're going to drop a new episode, like
Speaker 1: Rope says, every day leading up to Valentine's Day. Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day Up, First, we have Trista and Ryan Sutter. Trista,
Speaker 1: of course, is the OG of dating reality show. She
Speaker 1: was the first ever bachelorette that was back in two
Speaker 1: thousand and three, and she is she and Ryan. I
Speaker 1: guess Robes, I don't think you could find a bigger
Speaker 1: success story when it comes to reality dating shows than
Speaker 1: those two, and certainly not back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, I watched this season of Trista
Speaker 2: and Ryan from start to finish, so I have been invested,
Speaker 2: as so many of you are, in their relationship and
Speaker 2: we are so happy to report. Look, they have been
Speaker 2: through the ups and downs. They've been in the ups
Speaker 2: and downs in a very public way, but they haven't
Speaker 2: talked that much about the details in their relationship. So
Speaker 2: without further ado, we're so excited to bring you Trista
Speaker 2: and Ryan.
Speaker 3: Welcome. How are y'all doing good?
Speaker 5: Thank you we're good. How are you, guys?
Speaker 2: We're doing great and we're so happy to hear from
Speaker 2: you and to see you all. I mean, you are
Speaker 2: one of the big success stories from the Bachelor franchise.
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that your marriage or your relationship is perfect,
Speaker 2: but you're still here and that's something to applied.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 5: Yes, we're good, we're happy. You know, we just celebrated
Speaker 5: twenty one years and who would have thought through a
Speaker 5: reality show. You know.
Speaker 2: Well, we've all been rooting for you from afar and
Speaker 2: we want to know a little bit more about your relationship.
Speaker 2: So I'll launch into the first one. You guys, hopefully
Speaker 2: can each answer this. Give us three words to describe
Speaker 2: your relationship right now.
Speaker 5: Trista ooh, oh my gosh. Solid. I would say scheduled,
Speaker 5: just because we're really busy and lasting.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 3: All right, Ryan, how about you?
Speaker 4: I'm going with best it's been.
Speaker 1: Ah No, that's done. That's well done. Next question though,
Speaker 1: and some people might remember this. I was trying to
Speaker 1: remember the season. But was their immediate chemistry when you
Speaker 1: first met?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I would say for me, there definitely was.
Speaker 4: I think for Trista it was different because she obviously
Speaker 4: couldn't just throw herself at one person. She could have,
Speaker 4: but she didn't.
Speaker 3: She was playing by the rules. She was playing by
Speaker 3: the rule.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think so right away. I think, you know,
Speaker 4: right as I first got out of the limousine and
Speaker 4: saw her and spoke with her briefly, I think from
Speaker 4: that very instant I knew that there was something there,
Speaker 4: or could potentially be something there. So yeah, I think
Speaker 4: I think it was pretty immediate with me anyway, me.
Speaker 5: Too, Yeah, I mean, he's a good looking, tall drink
Speaker 5: of water, and he got out of the limo and
Speaker 5: didn't even say his name. He was I was like,
Speaker 5: what's your name again, and called me ravishing, So you know,
Speaker 5: when a guy calls you ravishing, your first moments.
Speaker 4: It's done. I don't think I've ever used the term
Speaker 4: prior to or since, I don't know where it came from.
Speaker 3: But yeah, that is very cool. All right.
Speaker 2: It's a little interesting because, of course, you guys recording
Speaker 2: on television while Trista was also dating I.
Speaker 3: Don't even know how many other men.
Speaker 2: But I'll still ask our next question, who made the
Speaker 2: first move?
Speaker 4: Uh? I would say it was me because I had
Speaker 4: written Trista a poem prior to even going on the show,
Speaker 4: because you know that you're going to be competition. Seems
Speaker 4: like the wrong word, but it's competition, And so you
Speaker 4: wanted to do something to stand out. And so I
Speaker 4: had written her a quick poem based on a little
Speaker 4: bit of information I knew about her through the news basically,
Speaker 4: so and I gave her that poem on the first night,
Speaker 4: just so that she would be able there would be
Speaker 4: something that might make me stand out a little bit,
Speaker 4: so that I can at least get on make it
Speaker 4: through the first night.
Speaker 1: Twest to that sound about right? That was the first move.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And then and.
Speaker 5: Then he wrote me another poem when we went on
Speaker 5: our one on one to see world And and then
Speaker 5: he wrote me like little notes like under the table
Speaker 5: kind of you know that I could read while the
Speaker 5: cameras weren't filming, and like those just little moments really
Speaker 5: like stood out to me.
Speaker 1: Next question, I don't know if this took place on
Speaker 1: the show. Who said I love you first?
Speaker 4: Well me for.
Speaker 5: Sure, Oh, he definitely did. In Actually in the little
Speaker 5: letter that he wrote me, he handed me a note
Speaker 5: when we were just getting back from our one on one,
Speaker 5: right or just leaving for our one on one and no,
Speaker 5: it was in Veil. It was in Veil on his
Speaker 5: like hometown. And he handed me a note in the
Speaker 5: car and I read it and he had told me
Speaker 5: that he left me in.
Speaker 4: The letter and she did not see it.
Speaker 3: She said thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 4: So she did not say it back.
Speaker 1: You know, how long Ryan before you got the I
Speaker 1: love you too?
Speaker 4: Not till the very end, and she was pretty adamant.
Speaker 4: I guess based on her prior experience on the other show.
Speaker 4: She had lots of excuses, but she was pretty adamant
Speaker 4: about not telling me until the very end, despite the
Speaker 4: fact that I would. We had moments where there was
Speaker 4: no one else around and I would be like, you know, hey,
Speaker 4: there's no one else around.
Speaker 3: Like you could just you can tell me.
Speaker 4: I mean, you're not going to be spilling the beans.
Speaker 4: But she wouldn't do it, so I had to wait
Speaker 4: till the till the last moment.
Speaker 5: Didn't you tell he's harboring something.
Speaker 3: He's still not over it. It's funny.
Speaker 2: Our next question is l for both of you all
Speaker 2: because I was. We asked how long before you got engaged?
Speaker 2: While you were dating? We saw it was on television,
Speaker 2: So you got engaged at the end of the Bachelorette.
Speaker 2: But how long were you engaged before you actually got married?
Speaker 5: A year?
Speaker 4: Not even a year?
Speaker 5: Well, no, we got engaged in November and then we
Speaker 5: got married in December.
Speaker 4: Oh true, we got engaged in real life in November,
Speaker 4: but this show didn't air until February. So as far
Speaker 4: as the world was concerned, we were engaged for Yeah,
Speaker 4: however long that was. But but yeah, a little less
Speaker 4: than a year. I think we were officially engaged.
Speaker 5: No, a little more than a year, a little more
Speaker 5: than He's really good at math usually.
Speaker 1: But this is great. See, this is an experienced couple.
Speaker 1: They know each other well and it's coming through this
Speaker 1: next question. We could kind of on in some of
Speaker 1: the earlier answers you gave, but still, if your believers
Speaker 1: in there being a one out there for each of you,
Speaker 1: did you all know or how long did it take
Speaker 1: before you came around to the idea that you had
Speaker 1: found the one in each other?
Speaker 5: I mean, I when we went to Seattle on our
Speaker 5: like fantasy suite weekend or you know date, That's when
Speaker 5: I knew that I was thinking, I was thinking more
Speaker 5: about him than I was the other guys during the
Speaker 5: whole fantasy suite thing, like, even with the other guys,
Speaker 5: I was thinking about him. So and yes, I said,
Speaker 5: we went to Seattle for our fantasy, not to Bora,
Speaker 5: Bora or Australia or.
Speaker 3: Seattle.
Speaker 5: Anyway, that's when I thought, and that was probably a
Speaker 5: month in. But I think if you're the lead of
Speaker 5: the show, you have to believe unless you have other intentions.
Speaker 5: But if you're there for the right reasons, then you
Speaker 5: have to believe that there is the one out there.
Speaker 5: You know, that's why you're That's why you're doing it,
Speaker 5: That's why I was doing it.
Speaker 3: How about you, Ryan?
Speaker 4: I think there's two phases, Like I thought that she
Speaker 4: was the one during the show, but do you you
Speaker 4: come to realize that the show is is such a
Speaker 4: microcosm and you're so focused on each other that it's
Speaker 4: hard not to think that you're almost driven in that direction.
Speaker 4: And then the show ends and we had to be
Speaker 4: separated for somewhere around three months. You'll have to ask
Speaker 4: her exactly how long. I don't know, apparently can't keep
Speaker 4: back of time. But there's there's this separation that you
Speaker 4: have like real life comes back into play. She's the
Speaker 4: bachelorette and so everyone she's doing all sorts of fun things,
Speaker 4: going to Super Bowl parties, and I'm back at work
Speaker 4: at the firehouse. Like so at that point, all we
Speaker 4: could do is talk on the phone and have a
Speaker 4: few little meetings. And I think at that point is
Speaker 4: when I really realized, Okay, she's despite she's the fact
Speaker 4: that she's become really famous and doing all these really
Speaker 4: fun things and getting to hang out with like Bradley
Speaker 4: Cooper and all sorts of people who I would I
Speaker 4: would easily leave me for, and she's not. So I
Speaker 4: think at that point I thought, you know, because you're
Speaker 4: for so long you're competing for her heart, but you
Speaker 4: don't ever feel like she's has to do anything to
Speaker 4: compete for you, Like she's just sort of taking in
Speaker 4: and all of these different proposals from all these different
Speaker 4: people and choosing one at the end, and then you're
Speaker 4: left with this like, well, I wonder, you know, like
Speaker 4: if she really like she didn't have to sell herself
Speaker 4: to me, really, I just had to sell myself to her.
Speaker 4: And then through that process of her and how she
Speaker 4: dealt with the ramifications of the show, and then when
Speaker 4: we were able to get together, how well she protected
Speaker 4: I'm not good at this type of stuff, and so
Speaker 4: she did a great job of protecting me from it,
Speaker 4: shielded me from a lot of the things that I
Speaker 4: didn't want to have to deal to deal with, or
Speaker 4: a lot of the places I didn't want to have
Speaker 4: to go. And so I just she it became obvious
Speaker 4: that she was really on my side, and that she
Speaker 4: chose me, she chose me for a reason, and that
Speaker 4: she didn't really have to sell herself to me at
Speaker 4: that point. And so this is a really long winded
Speaker 4: answer to your question, but I think that's that's kind
Speaker 4: of when I knew is is when real life came
Speaker 4: in and she was still there.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 6: Now.
Speaker 3: Is there an age difference between the two of you.
Speaker 4: And she's way older?
Speaker 5: How much I'm not way older? Two years?
Speaker 3: Okay? Two years?
Speaker 2: What did that have any impact at all on your relationship?
Speaker 2: Do you think did it make you think any differently
Speaker 2: about being two years older than your guy?
Speaker 5: No, he's mature enough.
Speaker 1: Okay, we knew you weren't way older when he made
Speaker 1: a joke about you being way older.
Speaker 2: You can make that joke, because he likes to make
Speaker 2: jokes all the time. Like, she's fine, four and a half,
Speaker 2: four and a half exactly.
Speaker 1: She was in college. I was still in junior high school.
Speaker 1: It's just the truth of the matter is what he does.
Speaker 1: It's fine. This is about justin Ryan. Next question here now,
Speaker 1: of course, just so, you went on the show because
Speaker 1: you wanted to get married, and Ryan, you were on
Speaker 1: the show because you were looking for a relationship and
Speaker 1: to get married. But why that step? And I guess
Speaker 1: I'm asking is different difficult because of how you all met,
Speaker 1: But how would your relationship be different if you had
Speaker 1: gotten together and been dating but not taking that extra
Speaker 1: step of getting married. Why it was marriage so important?
Speaker 5: I mean, I think that it's just your way to
Speaker 5: show your commitment. You know, in my mind, I'm pretty
Speaker 5: traditional when it comes to that kind of stuff, and
Speaker 5: that's how I always That's what I grew up thinking.
Speaker 5: You know, I wanted to find a man, get engaged,
Speaker 5: get married, have babies, you know, probably in that order,
Speaker 5: and that's what happened, thankfully. But yeah, I feel like
Speaker 5: it's just a way to tell the world that you
Speaker 5: are committing to each other for forever.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I mean I think Trista was thirty on
Speaker 4: the show. I was twenty eight on the show. And
Speaker 4: so you're at that point where you're both of us
Speaker 4: had lived quite a bit of life, and we sort
Speaker 4: of had been through relationships and we knew what we
Speaker 4: were looking for and what we weren't. Again, the show
Speaker 4: like really condenses things, so really you get swept up
Speaker 4: in it. I think normally you wouldn't ask someone to
Speaker 4: marry you after six weeks or whatever it was and
Speaker 4: a handful of dates, but but it really is this
Speaker 4: intense time and all you're focused on is that one person,
Speaker 4: so you just you get sort of, I don't know,
Speaker 4: brainwashed a little bit. And then once we got engaged,
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously you can lots of people call that off,
Speaker 4: but like I said, after that point, when we really
Speaker 4: got to know each other, it became clear to both
Speaker 4: of us that we didn't want to waste any time
Speaker 4: with it. We may as well just get officially married
Speaker 4: and move on as quickly as possible.
Speaker 5: He actually has said that if they had had somebody
Speaker 5: there to marry us that day, like he would have
Speaker 5: gotten married when we got engaged instead, because he didn't
Speaker 5: need the whole you know, hullabaloo of our wedding. I
Speaker 5: thought it was amazing. It was my lifetime dream, so
Speaker 5: he let me have it. But he very well could
Speaker 5: have gotten married that day, you know.
Speaker 6: Plus I hate I hate saying it so as quick
Speaker 6: as I could get past this is my fiance. That
Speaker 6: was my wife's way back, just that fiance middle ground
Speaker 6: I couldn't stand.
Speaker 1: And we're trying to graduate out of boyfriend and go friend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're like, how old are we? How do I
Speaker 2: have a boyfriend when I'm fifty one?
Speaker 3: You know, that's ridiculous.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I understand.
Speaker 3: Did you have?
Speaker 2: Was your relationship supported by your friends and your family,
Speaker 2: especially because of the unconventional way you all met.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but there were a couple of my friends, like
Speaker 5: we actually went to New York to tell our friends
Speaker 5: that they were going to be in our wedding party.
Speaker 5: And there were definitely a couple friends who I think
Speaker 5: and they might have been nudged a little bit by producers,
Speaker 5: but I think they were a little hesitant just because
Speaker 5: we had only known each other for six weeks and
Speaker 5: there were other guys involved, and you know, it was
Speaker 5: a reality show, and no one had ever created a
Speaker 5: successful relationship to that point out of a dating reality show.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I did have a couple of friends that
Speaker 5: were a little hesitant, but in the end, everyone was
Speaker 5: super supportive and still continues to be to this day.
Speaker 1: Thank for you.
Speaker 4: I think I think my mom My mom is very traditional.
Speaker 4: Both my parents are very traditional. I think they just
Speaker 4: celebrated their fifty seven wedding anniversary something looked like really long,
Speaker 4: and she, I think had an issue with not having
Speaker 4: ever met my fiance and now all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: I had a fiance, you know, Like I think it
Speaker 4: was that part of it, Like she she would have
Speaker 4: liked I mean she she did meet her on the
Speaker 4: show as part of the like the hometown thing, but
Speaker 4: it wasn't like she never really got to know her,
Speaker 4: and she never really had to sit down with her
Speaker 4: and figure out who this woman was that I was
Speaker 4: now getting married to. And it was a circus around
Speaker 4: all of it. So I think my mom would have
Speaker 4: rather had an opportunity to slow things down a little
Speaker 4: bit and just remove all that ancillary stuff that was
Speaker 4: going on around us and really just get to know
Speaker 4: us as a couple prior to I mean, she really
Speaker 4: probably didn't get to know us as a couple until
Speaker 4: after we were and we're married and now we have
Speaker 4: a great relationship. It's just for her. I think that
Speaker 4: was really tough and she was probably the one person
Speaker 4: that she didn't not support us. But I think you
Speaker 4: would have rather seen it go a different.
Speaker 1: Way any mom, That makes sense, right? You see as
Speaker 1: a baby get buried, and that's not the way she
Speaker 1: would want it to go down. But good to hear
Speaker 1: things are going well in that area now. But how
Speaker 1: many you'll said twenty one years of marriage now? But
Speaker 1: go back for me, both of you describe your first
Speaker 1: year of marriage. How would you describe it?
Speaker 5: Oh, a whirlwind? I mean.
Speaker 4: That was.
Speaker 5: The wedding. I think twenty six million people watched the wedding,
Speaker 5: so it was it was a crazy time, like just
Speaker 5: crazy time. And we had lots of fun opportunities that
Speaker 5: we tried to take advantage of. But it was a whirlwind.
Speaker 5: It wasn't like a normal you know relationship had we
Speaker 5: met not on the show.
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, we went through so many, so many
Speaker 4: great experiences and so many frustrating experiences. We were involved
Speaker 4: in everything from lawsuits to like like celebrations, like it
Speaker 4: was all over the map. We were traveling constantly. And
Speaker 4: that's kind of what I mean about when I really
Speaker 4: knew that she was the right one, because she she
Speaker 4: was just so good at handling all of it and
Speaker 4: so good at helping me deal with all of it
Speaker 4: because it stresses all that stuff sort of stresses me out.
Speaker 4: And so at the very end, result of that first
Speaker 4: year was I think, at just a much tighter bond
Speaker 4: and a much more confidence in who we were as
Speaker 4: individuals and how we could support each other, you know,
Speaker 4: throughout the next twenty years at that point. But we
Speaker 4: had a ton of fun. We had to do so
Speaker 4: many fun things, you know, we were we were on
Speaker 4: the cover of magazines all of a sudden, and then
Speaker 4: that that alone just makes your life different and so
Speaker 4: to have to deal to, you know, like I think,
Speaker 4: I think for you guys, there are a lot of
Speaker 4: people who who want to be in television or movies,
Speaker 4: like they kind of work towards that. For us, it
Speaker 4: was like one day I'm just going to work, and
Speaker 4: the next day I'm in the grocery store and there
Speaker 4: there's my wife and ire on on in the grocery store. Aslan.
Speaker 4: It was a really big difference between those two things.
Speaker 4: And so that first year was a whole lot of that.
Speaker 4: And they tell you on the show before you go
Speaker 4: on the show, like, hey, you can expect I forget
Speaker 4: what it is a couple of months. They're like, hey,
Speaker 4: probably me a couple of months there where your life's
Speaker 4: going to be a little different and you know, just
Speaker 4: you know, just weather the storm and you'll be fine.
Speaker 4: And it was not a couple of moms. It was
Speaker 4: a long time and so but it was great. Like
Speaker 4: I said that it was all great, Well, it wasn't
Speaker 4: all great, but the end of result was all great.
Speaker 4: We came through it all and we survived and so
Speaker 4: and here we are twenty one years later. But I
Speaker 4: think that first year really was. It really gave us
Speaker 4: the foundation to survive a lot of other things that
Speaker 4: came up throughout the next twenty years.
Speaker 2: I love that it either would have it made you
Speaker 2: or it would have broken you, and it made you.
Speaker 2: And I think that's really cool. Now, the next question
Speaker 2: I'm going to say, we ask, we're asking everyone, how
Speaker 2: would you describe your sex life now versus then?
Speaker 5: Even now versus then? Well, I mean twenty one years later. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and two teenagers who are who walk in your room,
Speaker 5: you know, looking for Q tips or whatever. You know,
Speaker 5: without having it is a bit.
Speaker 4: More, it's less spontaneous.
Speaker 5: Yes, what's the what's the opposite of spontaneous?
Speaker 1: Scheduled?
Speaker 4: But I feel like, I mean, I'm the male side
Speaker 4: of the relationship, so I always am like trying to
Speaker 4: get a little bit more out of that end of things.
Speaker 4: But I don't feel like I can complain. I think
Speaker 4: that I think that we do a really good job,
Speaker 4: and honestly, I think that's a part of why we've
Speaker 4: lasted so long as we've We've maintained that part of
Speaker 4: our life despite having kids or everything else. And sometimes
Speaker 4: the kids part makes it more fun, like you have
Speaker 4: to be a little bit more creative with things or
Speaker 4: quick or whatever, and so there are advantages to that.
Speaker 4: But I feel like I really, I really push that
Speaker 4: into things. And so so if it were if we'ren't
Speaker 4: for me, I'm not sure it would be as good
Speaker 4: as it is now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm not involved at all, nobody.
Speaker 3: It's good to feel wanted, isn't it. It sounds like
Speaker 3: you said we are Yeah, Well.
Speaker 1: How important that sex is one thing, but just as
Speaker 1: a matter of physical touch, when you're sitting next to
Speaker 1: each other and so and specifically walking down the street,
Speaker 1: do you hold hands? How important is that stuff and
Speaker 1: how much does it play a role in your relationship?
Speaker 5: We do unless we're walking our dog because he's a
Speaker 5: little much to handle sometimes. So yes, when we're laying
Speaker 5: on the couch watching the show, we're either right next
Speaker 5: to each other or holding hands or our legs are
Speaker 5: pretzeled together. Yeah, I mean I love physical touch. I
Speaker 5: love a BackRub, you know, I could take more of
Speaker 5: that all day. So and and we're not like PDA,
Speaker 5: I don't feel like but we're we're you know, we'll
Speaker 5: definitely touch out in public and not worry about it,
Speaker 5: you know, holding hands.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love being close to my wife and in
Speaker 4: a non sexual way. It's it's great. I think. I
Speaker 4: think like most couples, we have different sorts of temperatures
Speaker 4: we sleep at. So it's hard. When we were little,
Speaker 4: when we're little, when we were.
Speaker 1: That's good, that's good.
Speaker 4: Years ago, like you would be like you would spoon
Speaker 4: and sleep and stuff, and we don't do that now
Speaker 4: because she gets way too hot and so I'll try
Speaker 4: to sneak like a foot over and put my foot
Speaker 4: under her foot or something. Stay away.
Speaker 5: I cannot have anybody anywhere near me. It's menopause time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so there's none of those like high schools sleeping
Speaker 4: on the couch, So we have to figure out other
Speaker 4: ways to to express that. But I think we do
Speaker 4: it a pretty good job.
Speaker 3: We're laughing because you just described us. How often do
Speaker 3: you all fight?
Speaker 5: I mean, we've got a healthy fighting relationship. I would say,
Speaker 5: I don't know, not that often. Maybe like once every
Speaker 5: month or two months or three months, I don't know,
Speaker 5: something like that.
Speaker 4: I think we disagree on things, yeah, a lot. We
Speaker 4: have different philosophies on different things, but I usually just
Speaker 4: have to to lose and then we move on.
Speaker 5: Oh that's interesting. I'm glad.
Speaker 4: Are you recording this eventually if the disagreement's ever going
Speaker 4: to and I just have to be like, all.
Speaker 1: Right, fine, Well is that not accurate?
Speaker 4: Like there have been times that we've gotten in bigger,
Speaker 4: bigger arguments. Oh yeah, for.
Speaker 5: The years, but not like big blowout ones. I mean
Speaker 5: years between, like when we have big blowout ones.
Speaker 4: You know, we don't harbor, we don't like hold grudges,
Speaker 4: and so when something is bothering someone, it usually gets
Speaker 4: brought to the surface pretty quickly and then resolved. And
Speaker 4: it doesn't always get resolved and like hug it out,
Speaker 4: we're good. It gets resolved in Okay, fine, I'm going
Speaker 4: to take the dog for a walk, and you go
Speaker 4: to your office and then eventually if everything calms back
Speaker 4: down and we're fine. But yeah, dealing with conflict and
Speaker 4: disagreement is a challenge for sure, and I think we
Speaker 4: we've had those challenges certainly, but we get through and
Speaker 4: we want to be an example to our kids of
Speaker 4: not perfection of hey, you're you're not always going to
Speaker 4: agree with each other, but you're that the disagreements that
Speaker 4: we have have never ever affected the love that we have.
Speaker 4: So you may have a disagreement in the moment, but
Speaker 4: your overall love for each other, as long as that
Speaker 4: stays high, you're going to come out the other end
Speaker 4: of the disagreement usually just fine. But and so we've
Speaker 4: never had an issue with that. We've never lost love
Speaker 4: for each other. We've just not agreed sometimes.
Speaker 5: And I think humor has a lot to deal with it. Obviously.
Speaker 5: We love to laugh and joke around, and I feel
Speaker 5: like once we've kind of stewed for a minute and
Speaker 5: you know, been upset, had our time, then we start
Speaker 5: joking around with each other, and I feel like that
Speaker 5: humor has allowed us to get over ourselves or get
Speaker 5: over the situation or whatever's happening, and kind of come
Speaker 5: back together.
Speaker 1: This is kind of freaky, isn't it. You all are
Speaker 1: describing so much of oh, really exactly what. I love
Speaker 1: that and humor is a big part of it. You
Speaker 1: got to be able to laugh as much as life
Speaker 1: throws at you, especially when you got kids and things
Speaker 1: and families of balance. Man, laughter is a big deal
Speaker 1: if you all the mind when you do fight, though,
Speaker 1: do you all like variety or do you find yourselves
Speaker 1: fighting about the same damn thing all the time?
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, we'll find about the same thing, But
Speaker 5: I feel like there are different things. I mean, as
Speaker 5: your kids get older, just different scenarios, you know, play
Speaker 5: out in your life. And I think that there are
Speaker 5: there are themes, certainly, but I think there's also some
Speaker 5: some variety.
Speaker 3: It just depends.
Speaker 5: It depends on the moment and the menopause, Like where
Speaker 5: the menopause is sitting in the cycle, and whether or
Speaker 5: not he's gotten sleep, and whether or not he's gotten sex,
Speaker 5: and whether or not he's gotten food.
Speaker 4: And Yeah, generally I'm pretty agreeable with those three things
Speaker 4: that once that's taken care of, I'll agree to just
Speaker 4: about anyway.
Speaker 5: Again, you're recording this, I'm gonna I'm gonna.
Speaker 4: I think disagreements on everything from we have the usual
Speaker 4: things like like parents in law and money and those
Speaker 4: sorts of things and and children, and then we have
Speaker 4: like we just had a disagreement the other day on
Speaker 4: neuterating our dog. Like I personally would love for the
Speaker 4: poor little fellow to be able to keep him him
Speaker 4: self intact because I'm a guy. I'm like, I don't
Speaker 4: I don't know, Like he seems fine, poor guys. I
Speaker 4: don't hate to do that to any living but he's, uh,
Speaker 4: he's a rescue and apparently we signed an agreement that
Speaker 4: you can't keep him that way. So I'm going to
Speaker 4: lose that.
Speaker 5: He literally was doing training. He was doing save the
Speaker 5: balls training.
Speaker 4: I think we've been doing Coda and Coda is the dog,
Speaker 4: and I've been doing save my nuts training. Yeah, I
Speaker 4: was like, if I can make him super well, behaved,
Speaker 4: then no one can have an argument about he's too like,
Speaker 4: he's too testosteronefilled. So and he's been doing a great job.
Speaker 4: The poor guy has been doing a great job. He's
Speaker 4: going to try to save it. And if they're not
Speaker 4: going to be able to save.
Speaker 1: It, wait, have you started online campaign hashtag save my nuts?
Speaker 1: That's out there.
Speaker 4: That's not a bad idea.
Speaker 1: Man, You know dog lovers will come to them of course.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, we signed a contract, so I don't know
Speaker 5: if we're getting out of that.
Speaker 4: But sorry, Oh I love it.
Speaker 5: I think that's hysterical.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do a two part one on this one.
Speaker 2: Do you remember the last time you said I'm sorry
Speaker 2: to one another? And do you guys and have you
Speaker 2: guys gone to bed angry?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 5: Yes, number two, we have definitely gotten to bed angry.
Speaker 5: I think that actually, you know, I feel like it's
Speaker 5: something that everyone says the best advice that you can
Speaker 5: give when you're giving advice to somebody who's newly married
Speaker 5: or whatever is never go to bed angry. And I'm like,
Speaker 5: I totally disagree with that. I feel like sometimes you
Speaker 5: just have to go to bed angry and and think
Speaker 5: about it and sleep on it and then wake up
Speaker 5: in the morning and talk it through, or maybe not,
Speaker 5: or maybe wait another day. Like however long it takes
Speaker 5: you to get to the place where you feel like
Speaker 5: you're calm and able to have a sane conversation, then
Speaker 5: do it. So the second one, for sure, we have
Speaker 5: gone to bed angry. I don't like it because I
Speaker 5: like to talk things through, like right when they're happening.
Speaker 5: But sometimes just it doesn't happen. Like he goes to
Speaker 5: bed early. I go to bed pretty late, depending on
Speaker 5: like the kids' schedules, whatever, And sometimes it just doesn't
Speaker 5: happen in time. You know, you just don't have Logistically,
Speaker 5: it just can't happen. So don't to anyone listening, don't
Speaker 5: ever get hung up on that go to bed angry.
Speaker 5: You'll wake up, it'll be a new day and hopefully
Speaker 5: you can talk it through.
Speaker 1: I agree with that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would say we rarely go to bed angry.
Speaker 5: Right, that's true. I'm not angry angry.
Speaker 4: There are times when we go to bed and we
Speaker 4: haven't resolved the disagreement. Yeah, but like when like fuming angry,
Speaker 4: no one can sleep, and so at that point I
Speaker 4: have to get something, otherwise you're just going to lay there.
Speaker 4: You eventually are now tired and angry, which if thing works,
Speaker 4: that's not gonna be Like that doesn't happen often. I think, like, well,
Speaker 4: the last time we said sorry, I feel like I
Speaker 4: say sorry a lot a lot.
Speaker 5: Of mistakes, really sorry a lot.
Speaker 4: Didn't we just work through something? We did?
Speaker 5: Just sorry, like two days ago. Yes, there was there
Speaker 5: was some frustration happening, and we definitely said's not too
Speaker 5: long ago, so you know, And actually that's one the
Speaker 5: biggest question that we get asked, and you probably have
Speaker 5: it on your list, is what is the secret? And
Speaker 5: I don't think it's a secret. Like one of the
Speaker 5: things is forgiving the little the little things that happen
Speaker 5: in your life, like if you're in a bad mood
Speaker 5: and you say something that's hurtful or what and you
Speaker 5: don't even realize that you say something that's hurtful. Like actually,
Speaker 5: just saying I'm sorry can work wonders in a relationship.
Speaker 5: So I think saying sorry should happen more frequently, you know,
Speaker 5: for healthy relationships. Why are you like laughing? He's like
Speaker 5: he's like smirking or getting ready to break out.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's true. No, I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 5: He's like, we're not getting in a fight over this podcast.
Speaker 4: It is like the power of those words. Like there
Speaker 4: have been times when when Trista is so mad at me,
Speaker 4: so mad, and I don't really know. Sometimes I don't
Speaker 4: know exactly why. I kind of think I know why,
Speaker 4: but I don't know exactly why. And if I just
Speaker 4: say I'm sorry, like and mean it, it's like over
Speaker 4: and I'll be like, I can't believe all I had
Speaker 4: to do was just say I'm sorry and all of
Speaker 4: this like this like tension in our house is suddenly like, oh,
Speaker 4: it's gone. I'm like, this is an It's an amazingly
Speaker 4: powerful thing if you can do it with you know,
Speaker 4: and actually mean it. So that's a lesson I've definitely
Speaker 4: learned and some and sometimes I'm I can really like
Speaker 4: I can really mean it without sort of even inside myself,
Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, like I still think I'm right, but
Speaker 4: I'm sorry. And then and then it's gone. I still
Speaker 4: like I get what to walk away and like complain
Speaker 4: to myself about feeling like I was still rough right,
Speaker 4: but at least the tension in the house is gone.
Speaker 4: That's powerful.
Speaker 1: You have got all the secrets to a very happy
Speaker 1: and healthy merits. I'd love to And to your point,
Speaker 1: there was a lot of thing. I got it from
Speaker 1: my pastor. He would always say, it's not what people say.
Speaker 1: The most painful words are the words that what people
Speaker 1: don't say, and i'm sorry is among them. That it's
Speaker 1: most hurtful to not hear that. Then most of the
Speaker 1: things that come out of people's mouth. Do I say
Speaker 1: I'm sorry?
Speaker 2: You do, yes, But you just say I'm sorry, you don't.
Speaker 2: I kind of sometimes want to know why you're sorry.
Speaker 1: Oh God, it's never never not.
Speaker 5: Same, same amy, same, same.
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you, because I feel like you're just saying
Speaker 2: it for the exact reasons why Ryan just explained.
Speaker 1: Okay, well Ryan, Ryan, send me the play by play
Speaker 1: of how to actually deliver me I'm sorry. So that's effective.
Speaker 1: What would you say next question here? What would you say?
Speaker 1: I'll start with you, Ryan. You love most about your
Speaker 1: wife and has that changed over time?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 4: I think she's just a giver. She has a motherly
Speaker 4: quality about her even when we didn't have kids, and
Speaker 4: I alluded to it earlier. She just wants to take
Speaker 4: care of you. She wants to protect you, almost to
Speaker 4: a fault. Sometimes with our kids, I have I feel
Speaker 4: like I have to be the one to say you
Speaker 4: got you. Gotta let them go a little bit and
Speaker 4: and find their own way and make their own mistakes.
Speaker 4: And she just is so good and it's just comes
Speaker 4: so naturally for her to be just a caregiver of
Speaker 4: all kinds, like of her mom, of my mom, of me,
Speaker 4: of our kids, a dog, like whatever. She's always involved
Speaker 4: in the kids' activities, and she just she just loves,
Speaker 4: as you know, as much as it sometimes stresses her out,
Speaker 4: she just loves being the person to organize things and
Speaker 4: take care of things and make sure things are going
Speaker 4: well and make sure that everybody's doing okay. And I've
Speaker 4: always I've loved that when when the focus was on me,
Speaker 4: and I love it now that the focus is on
Speaker 4: our kids. She's just really good at being a mom
Speaker 4: to people who are n't even her kids.
Speaker 1: And just what would you say your favorite thing about him?
Speaker 1: And has it changed?
Speaker 5: I would say probably his humor. I love laughter. I
Speaker 5: love being able to have fun together. I mean, what
Speaker 5: is life if you're not laughing and having fun? You know?
Speaker 5: I mean, obviously you're going to have days that you
Speaker 5: just don't want to laugh, and that hasn't changed. He's
Speaker 5: always had the gift of being able to make me
Speaker 5: laugh and make me smile, and I love that.
Speaker 2: I want to know, and I think this is a
Speaker 2: cause for a lot of relationship issues. How do you
Speaker 2: all handle finances, household chores, the parenting, all the things
Speaker 2: that like just weigh you down in life. Couples tend
Speaker 2: to fight about do you have shared accounts? Do you
Speaker 2: have separate accounts? Can you explain a little bit how
Speaker 2: you figured out how to on your household and have
Speaker 2: that enhance your marriage instead of divided.
Speaker 4: I think we've kind of gone with where our strengths are.
Speaker 4: I think I initially started out managing our finances and
Speaker 4: trist is just meticulous, and so she sort of took
Speaker 4: over the balancing of the checkbooks and then that sort
Speaker 4: of stuff.
Speaker 5: She doesn't believe in that.
Speaker 4: I'm a little bit less particulous when it comes to
Speaker 4: that part of things, but I am super meticulous about
Speaker 4: like my truck is always clean, and I don't I
Speaker 4: don't like like in my profession, like at the firehouse,
Speaker 4: like the dishwasher is always emptied in the morning, and
Speaker 4: we do we clean the bathrooms every day, and we
Speaker 4: like everything is clean, the truck is clean, like everything.
Speaker 4: And so I've sort of gravitated towards the cooking and
Speaker 4: cleaning side of the house, and she's gravitated towards the
Speaker 4: taxes and check book side of the house. I see, Yeah,
Speaker 4: that just kind of happens sort of naturally.
Speaker 5: Although I will say, like when the kids were young
Speaker 5: or little, they I was doing the cooking mainly for
Speaker 5: all of us. You know, when he's gone, he's gone
Speaker 5: for twenty four hour shifts or he used to be
Speaker 5: gone for forty eight hour shifts sometimes. So I was
Speaker 5: handling that and I remember specifically one day I was
Speaker 5: just over it. I was like, I can't cook anymore
Speaker 5: and I was in such a bad mood. And he
Speaker 5: came in and it was one of those moments where
Speaker 5: he was like, how can I help, Like what's going on?
Speaker 5: And I said, do you remember when we first met
Speaker 5: and I told you that I was not born with
Speaker 5: the cooking gene. Well that still stands today, and I
Speaker 5: just hate it. It puts me in the worst mood
Speaker 5: to have to figure out what We're going to eat
Speaker 5: and buy all the groceries and then no one likes
Speaker 5: it or whatever, you know, the pressure and just getting
Speaker 5: it done because I'm trying to do everything and I
Speaker 5: just can't. And from that day forward, he kind of
Speaker 5: took over cooking, like at least dinner, you know, lunches
Speaker 5: and breakfast everyone can do on their own. But that
Speaker 5: was a huge, huge help. So I think he said
Speaker 5: it best. And we have figured out over the years
Speaker 5: what our strengths are and just kind of each person
Speaker 5: has taken whatever we feel we can do best at.
Speaker 5: We do have joint accounts, and that gets a little
Speaker 5: hard because like Christmas shopping, I get like the credit
Speaker 5: card notifications when there's a purchase being made, you know,
Speaker 5: and like he feels like he can't do anything.
Speaker 4: Like every time I order something out of the ordinary,
Speaker 4: I get a phone call, Hey did you order? What
Speaker 4: was this? I'm like, yeah, God, like you can't buy
Speaker 4: any gifts. It's difficult, but yeah, and I'd say, and
Speaker 4: I'd say. The last thing would be parenting, and we've
Speaker 4: that's one of the areas where we sometimes have different philosophies,
Speaker 4: and we've had to agree to not make any permanent
Speaker 4: decisions until we've talked to each other about it, because
Speaker 4: we tend to make like all tend to make a
Speaker 4: different decision than she would have. And if we don't
Speaker 4: talk about it, then I don't really I'm not on
Speaker 4: the same page, and it's hard to it's hard to
Speaker 4: parent effectively when you're not on the same page. So
Speaker 4: that has been one area that's taken some practice, but
Speaker 4: the other two kind of like just organically happened. Well.
Speaker 5: I think the parenting one, you know, I think with
Speaker 5: any healthy relationship, you have to respect each other. And he,
Speaker 5: you know, has said to me, like, hey, what's going on? Like,
Speaker 5: I you know, I'm with the kids more just because
Speaker 5: I'm like Max is driving on his own now, but
Speaker 5: I'm shuttling Blakeslee places and so, you know, I just
Speaker 5: have more one on one FaceTime with them, So I
Speaker 5: kind of am more in tune on what's going on
Speaker 5: with them and if I have to make a decision
Speaker 5: about something in their life, if I've made it without
Speaker 5: his input. At times he's been like, hey, like what
Speaker 5: am I chopliver? You know, like I want to be
Speaker 5: part of this decision too. So I feel like over
Speaker 5: the years we've had those moments and we've had to
Speaker 5: learn that, like I need to bring the parenting decisions
Speaker 5: to him too, because I'm not a single parent thankfully,
Speaker 5: and we're a part we're a partnership, we're a team,
Speaker 5: so we need to do it together.
Speaker 1: All right, Next one here, and we're going to try
Speaker 1: to blaze through these last year. We got so many left.
Speaker 1: But the first one here. Have you ever been to
Speaker 1: couple's therapy?
Speaker 4: No, no therapy, I haven't done counts.
Speaker 2: Like, all right, what's the closest you've ever come to
Speaker 2: break up? Or have you ever come close to breaking
Speaker 2: up at any point?
Speaker 4: If it has been close, it's been just a breaking
Speaker 4: up with me, probably like years and years ago. But yeah,
Speaker 4: I think I went through like a little bit of
Speaker 4: a rough period of just trying to figure out kind
Speaker 4: of where I was in life. And I think that
Speaker 4: was difficult on her. And I don't, like I said,
Speaker 4: I don't think there's ever been a time where our
Speaker 4: our love for each other has wavered. But at that
Speaker 4: point I feel like I was not I was I
Speaker 4: was a little more selfish than she wanted to have
Speaker 4: someone be if she was going to spend the rest
Speaker 4: of her life with them, and so that those are
Speaker 4: probably our hardest conversations and really like I just had
Speaker 4: to wake up and grow up a little bit, and
Speaker 4: and I now I feel like I did. I mean,
Speaker 4: we're still here, but that's probably the closest and I
Speaker 4: don't know that we were close that close, but definitely
Speaker 4: I think there are some thoughts of like, is this
Speaker 4: her end? Is this who I want to be with
Speaker 4: for ever? And thank god she decided it was. But yeah,
Speaker 4: that's I mean, that's what I let's.
Speaker 1: Say, all right, anyone listening to a couple that's been
Speaker 1: together for twenty one years, a young couple, or even
Speaker 1: somebody who's single right now who wants a marriage to
Speaker 1: last that long, what would you all tell them? You
Speaker 1: absolutely need to consider or even ask yourself before you
Speaker 1: decide that that's the person you want to marry.
Speaker 5: I So I got great advice when I was the bachelorette.
Speaker 5: I can't remember who was from. And then I actually
Speaker 5: gave this advice to Gary, who was the first Golden Bachelor,
Speaker 5: and that is is choose someone that you can't live without,
Speaker 5: not someone that you can live with, but someone you
Speaker 5: can't live without. And you know, unfortunately Gary and Teresa
Speaker 5: didn't last that long after that advice had been taken.
Speaker 5: But I feel like for us, that was definitely something
Speaker 5: that played into my decision because I didn't want to
Speaker 5: live without Ryan. I felt like my life would not
Speaker 5: be as happy without him, So that would be one.
Speaker 5: And then you know, like like I said, the little
Speaker 5: forgivenesses forgiving each other. You need to communicate, you need
Speaker 5: to respect each other, you need you need to laugh together.
Speaker 5: If they're not a good kisser, take them to the curb.
Speaker 5: Those are some of the things.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have a hard time answering that question, I
Speaker 4: think just because I think there's always a little bit
Speaker 4: of a leap of faith there. You can't you It's
Speaker 4: very difficult to know everything about someone prior to going in,
Speaker 4: and I think that's part of the fun. The fun
Speaker 4: of the whole thing is is learning along the way.
Speaker 4: So I think I would I would just recommend before
Speaker 4: anyone goes into a relationship to just keep keep their
Speaker 4: mind open to the things that that there will be,
Speaker 4: just to know there will be things that you didn't know,
Speaker 4: and there will be challenges that you didn't foresee, and
Speaker 4: there will be opportunities and off and disappointments and things
Speaker 4: like that. Life will Life is still going to happen,
Speaker 4: Like you're not going to get married and life suddenly
Speaker 4: becomes like rainbows and roses. It's you're still going to
Speaker 4: have to deal with life even though you're married, and
Speaker 4: just now you have somebody to help you with that.
Speaker 4: And and that's what has been successful for us is
Speaker 4: we've helped each other, I think, through those peaks and
Speaker 4: valleys of marriage. But I would I would never discourage anyone,
Speaker 4: you know, Like it's kind of funny around the firehouse,
Speaker 4: like you're always joking about like the young guys who
Speaker 4: now think they're you know, they're getting engaged and stuff,
Speaker 4: and everybody's like, oh, don't do that, Like it's you know,
Speaker 4: but everybody really knows that that's one of the best
Speaker 4: things you can do is to formulate that lasting bond
Speaker 4: and that that type of relationship. And and so I
Speaker 4: just think, if you're ready, you know it, and and
Speaker 4: just do it, you know, like that kind of like
Speaker 4: we did, like we knew we were ready, and so
Speaker 4: we why waste time, Let's just do it and get
Speaker 4: on with it and and enjoy our lives together.
Speaker 1: How would they have done on Married at First Sight?
Speaker 3: I think really good.
Speaker 2: We've gotten really into you know, I know that or
Speaker 2: The Bachelorette where the beginnings of all of these dating shows,
Speaker 2: but we're so into them now like the relationship shows.
Speaker 3: Married at First Sight?
Speaker 2: Have you all watched that we're obsessed.
Speaker 5: On your chest. I haven't watched.
Speaker 4: I've watched.
Speaker 5: I watched the first season. I think of love is Blind.
Speaker 5: We haven't watched anything else.
Speaker 2: I would say thank you for it's you have been
Speaker 2: I so I watched your season all those years ago,
Speaker 2: and I it was great because there was hope and
Speaker 2: the fact that you all are still together. And it's
Speaker 2: not that you're just still together. You're together and you're happy.
Speaker 2: You're not perfect, but you're happy and and that is
Speaker 2: so inspirational. So thank you both for sharing your story,
Speaker 2: your love, all the ups and downs. I think this
Speaker 2: is going to make a lot of people feel inspired
Speaker 2: that love, true love actually does exist, and marriage can
Speaker 2: be a good thing.
Speaker 5: Yes, agreed, it can be a good thing. I think
Speaker 5: it's just about your your perspective, your attitude, your effort,
Speaker 5: all of those things. So thanks so much for having
Speaker 5: us it was.
Speaker 1: We got a lot out of this too as a
Speaker 1: couple really hashtag SA saving ups.
Speaker 3: Thank you, guys,