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Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous. It is Lala Kent. I am beyond smitten

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Speaker 1: right now with my next guest. She is our Internet

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Speaker 1: it girl, reality TV star, and host of the brand

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Speaker 1: new radio show on the Unwell Network, Big Sister with

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Speaker 1: Chloe Beach. Please welcome Chloe Beach. Hello, gorgeous, Hello, oh divine,

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Speaker 1: you are like so beyond stunning.

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Speaker 2: Oh thank you?

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Speaker 1: Like I looked at I cyberstalked you and I thought

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Speaker 1: you like, oh my, and I hate when people say

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Speaker 1: this to me, so it's not now I'm saying it.

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Speaker 1: Even how stunning you are on your Instagram, you're even

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Speaker 1: more breathtaking in person, if that is possible.

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Speaker 2: I love you, Thank you.

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Speaker 1: You can stay here all day to now what.

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Speaker 2: I used to take that as like a backhanded compliment

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Speaker 2: because I would then think, oh no, my Instagram isn't

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Speaker 2: good and I don't know, right am I not photogenic?

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Speaker 2: But now I'm like, no, that is because I feel

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Speaker 2: out when you see someone in person, they have an

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Speaker 2: aura and an energy, right, which then takes it from

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Speaker 2: Instagram and it's like lifelike.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think so too. And I think I

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Speaker 1: watched a video of yours where you got glammed up,

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Speaker 1: you got really close to the camera, you showed your

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Speaker 1: your wrinkles, your smile lines, and there was something about

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Speaker 1: that that I just loved so much. And I love

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Speaker 1: it not only for me. I'll be thirty five this year,

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Speaker 1: and even at this age, I still get onto, you know,

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Speaker 1: social media and go, I want to get my nose done, yeah,

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Speaker 1: to look like this girl's. I want to take these

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Speaker 1: lips in to show my plastic surgeon to give me

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Speaker 1: these lips.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I love it for me, but I love that

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Speaker 1: you did that. As someone who is a mom to

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Speaker 1: two girls, it's very scary raising kids in this new

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Speaker 1: world of social media and what they're going to be

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Speaker 1: exposed to and see, and they may not feel good

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Speaker 1: enough at moments. So I want to say thank you

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Speaker 1: for doing that, but also on the heels of what

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Speaker 1: we were just saying when you did that, when you

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Speaker 1: see someone in person, there's something about the humanness that

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Speaker 1: I think makes someone very beautiful the aura.

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Speaker 2: And you humanize them. First of all, thank you. I

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Speaker 2: love you for that because I always I try not

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Speaker 2: to be like perfect and pristine on Instagram, and it's

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Speaker 2: sober hard because even like you sometimes I look at

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Speaker 2: people's instagrams, I'm like, I want a BBL.

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Speaker 1: You just want to go so bad I can't even

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Speaker 1: stand it.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to have to go to the gym

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Speaker 2: and like actually work for a bum, Like I want

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Speaker 2: to just just you know, fly to Turkey get it

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Speaker 2: bought right. But no, that's not the worst. My insecurity

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Speaker 2: is speaking to me so like I have to kind

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Speaker 2: of block it out, and I'm like, no, I'm perfect

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Speaker 2: the way I am, perfect way I am. I just

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Speaker 2: need to go to the gym.

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Speaker 1: That's it.

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Speaker 2: Build the booty. I can change. I want to change.

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Speaker 1: But by the way, I'm the same with you as

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Speaker 1: like the BBL. And then like when I Pamela Anderson started,

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Speaker 1: you know, the revival of her and all of the

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Speaker 1: photos that started coming.

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Speaker 2: Out of going on Red Carpets, flawless, flawless. Yeah right, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I actually just spoke about this on my radio show

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Speaker 2: and me literally saying that I think I'm going to

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Speaker 2: go into a Pamela Anderson because it's like it's exposure

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Speaker 2: to judgment and shame and fear of like not being

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Speaker 2: liked by other people, right, just like being authentically yourself.

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Speaker 2: And then you kind of lean into Oh no, this

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Speaker 2: is me and it's not actually that scary people see

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Speaker 2: me without makeup.

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Speaker 1: Do you think that people feel that way even who

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Speaker 1: are not in the public eye. Yeah, more so than

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Speaker 1: people that are in the public eye.

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Speaker 2: Do you think I feel like I can only speak

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Speaker 2: on my experience, and my experience is because I've been

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Speaker 2: exposed to so many eyes on me, and like people

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Speaker 2: have given me insecurities I didn't even know, like knew

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Speaker 2: I had so like, I don't know, I'm trying to

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Speaker 2: give you an example. My face is really long, and

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Speaker 2: I never really noticed that when I was a child.

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Speaker 2: It's you know, it's just a vice, guess where you

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Speaker 2: can swear, you can say whatever you want. It's just

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Speaker 2: a fucking vice, right, you know what? Now I'm like,

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Speaker 2: oh no, does my face look really long in pictures?

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Speaker 1: Like what? Isn't it crazy?

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Speaker 2: What even a thing? I know?

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Speaker 1: And I felt that like I came into reality television,

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Speaker 1: I want to say, I think I had just turned

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Speaker 1: twenty four. I was very impressionable. I had very little confidence,

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Speaker 1: but I knew I wanted to be an entertainment and

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Speaker 1: at that time, I was like broken out and it

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Speaker 1: was like I either suck it up yeap and fake

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Speaker 1: my confidence until I actually have it, or I got

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Speaker 1: to go back to Utah and like go to college,

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Speaker 1: which I'm not good at school, get a normal job

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Speaker 1: like that just does not sound like something I would

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Speaker 1: be good at. And I literally got confidence. People would say, like,

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Speaker 1: how do I get your confidence? This was season four,

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Speaker 1: twenty four years old. I'm like, I don't. I don't

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Speaker 1: even have it.

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Speaker 2: No, what is it? What is self validation? What is

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Speaker 2: self love? Like? What does it mean and look like

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Speaker 2: and feel like? To love yourself? And you learn that

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Speaker 2: by faking it.

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Speaker 1: You fake it until you make it, exposing yourself to

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Speaker 1: feelings and judgment and then.

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Speaker 2: Just it's like exposure therapy. My therapist says to me

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Speaker 2: all the time, Okay, I'm going to put you in

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Speaker 2: an emotion. You're going to feel it, and you're going

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Speaker 2: to recognize that you're not going to die. So I

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Speaker 2: feel the emotion and I'm like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm going to die, but I don't die, Okay, perfect.

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Speaker 2: So the next time I feel that emotion, I'm going

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Speaker 2: to feel like I'm going to die, and it's going

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Speaker 2: to expose me to that overwhelming feeling where of like

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Speaker 2: I'm not good enough. Pamela Anderson prime example, she is

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Speaker 2: good enough.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, she's never looked better because it's

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Speaker 1: about like what's happening internally is coming out the.

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Speaker 2: Aurba the aura. Yeah, humanizing her. M h. I love it.

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Speaker 1: I like the the exposure therapy that your therapist. I

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Speaker 1: for the first time, I want to say, in the

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Speaker 1: past week two weeks, have had to acknowledge when I

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Speaker 1: get jealous, we need.

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Speaker 2: To talk about this, because time we need to talk

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Speaker 2: about this.

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Speaker 1: Okay, saying it makes me like I can feel the

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Speaker 1: elephant on my.

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Speaker 2: Chests, on yourself. You're putting yourself under the bus.

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Speaker 1: I'm putting myself under the bus. And the only reason

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Speaker 1: I acknowledged this was, have you done a human design?

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Speaker 1: Your human design?

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Speaker 2: Who I want to marry? Is Is that what I mean? No?

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Speaker 1: But I love that, I wish that. I love that

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Speaker 1: I manifest that a human design as you put your

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Speaker 1: time of birth and where you were born. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it's it's not like your star sign. It's a

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Speaker 1: breakdown a blueprint of who you are. And my downfall

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Speaker 1: is bitterness. And then I clicked on it. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't love this word. I click on it and

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Speaker 1: it said you can take other people's success as a

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Speaker 1: personal attack and get jealous. And when you allow yourself

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Speaker 1: to feed into that and not acknowledge it, it blankets

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Speaker 1: who you are to your core, which is not that person,

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Speaker 1: and it dims your light. And I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to throw up. I'm going to throw up.

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Speaker 2: Someone post me at please.

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Speaker 1: So that I've had to literally in moments where I

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Speaker 1: see things and I'm like, I can't see it, I

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Speaker 1: can't hear about it. It's like you're feeling envious, you're

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Speaker 1: feeling jealous. You're taking their success or whatever it may be,

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Speaker 1: their face, their brand new lips that you'll never have.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they're bum They're bum that I will have in

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Speaker 2: the year.

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Speaker 1: Once I consistently go to the camp, I can consistently

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Speaker 1: do it, acknowledge that, and be okay with it. You

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Speaker 1: won't die.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, Yeah, I'm so proud of you by the way,

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Speaker 2: I feel like you're my there. No, but that's hard.

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Speaker 2: That's really hard because looking at yourself in the mirror

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Speaker 2: and recognizing that beyond surface level, we all have toxic

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Speaker 2: traits like We sometimes are the problem. Yeah, just like

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Speaker 2: that meme, Am I the problem?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Sometimes we are the problem. So touched on what you've

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Speaker 2: just said, my boyfriend currently my current boyfriend. That sounds

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Speaker 2: really bad.

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Speaker 1: I know it.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend that I love very much. We are currently

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Speaker 2: going through something where he's constantly around beautiful women. Okay,

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Speaker 2: he manages talent, he's got like the Love Islanders on

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Speaker 2: his Rosstar and like people that he manages on a

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Speaker 2: day to day and he spends extensive amounts of time

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Speaker 2: with them, and I barely get to see him during

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Speaker 2: the day because he's working, like sixteen seventeen hours. My

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Speaker 2: ex cheated on me left me in Thailand. We were

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Speaker 2: looking at engagement rings two days before he slept with

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Speaker 2: multiple women. So from that previous wound, I'm currently bleeding

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Speaker 2: on my current I keep on saying current partner or

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Speaker 2: my partner currently, and I've had to kind of bite

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Speaker 2: my tongue a few times because I'm like, I feel

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Speaker 2: really upset and really angry. I don't know how to

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Speaker 2: express it, but I basically want to tell him to

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Speaker 2: just not ever be around women. But that's not healthy.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to do that doesn't mean, I'm a

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Speaker 2: bad person for having those thoughts and feelings. I just

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Speaker 2: need to work out where it comes from, right and

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Speaker 2: how to expose myself to that feeling and know that

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to die and lean into that trust.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's what a trigger is. A trigger when people

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Speaker 1: are feeling triggered by something, is because it's bringing you

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Speaker 1: back to a moment that you were your most vulnerable,

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Speaker 1: you're most hurt, and even though that's not the situation

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Speaker 1: with your boyfriend, now, you cannot help the trauma that

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Speaker 1: your ex created. Yeah, is that something you work through

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Speaker 1: with your therapist?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is. It's something that I'm almost like too

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Speaker 2: fixated on and hyper aware about now. Okay, because my

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Speaker 2: ex I didn't really see any red red flags. I

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Speaker 2: was blinded. Now I'm like, oh shit, I'm exposed to

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Speaker 2: red flags that I didn't even know were red flags.

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Speaker 2: And now I'm like hyper fixating on is my boyfriend

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Speaker 2: gaslight in me? Right now? I need to ask CHATGBT

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Speaker 2: if this is a red flag, because I don't want

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Speaker 2: to ignore it just in case I get hurt again

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Speaker 2: like I did in my last relationship.

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Speaker 1: Do you feel in your last relationship you ignored your gut,

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Speaker 1: so now you don't trust yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, massively.

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Speaker 1: That's completely relatable. I think any woman who has been

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Speaker 1: in a serious relationship that ended could say there were

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Speaker 1: many times that they ignored their gut. Is this the

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Speaker 1: relationship where you had random strangers on the street trying

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Speaker 1: to get you out of this relationship?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Do you feel comfortable talking about Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: How long were you guys, Like, how did it start

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Speaker 1: and what was it like when it ended.

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Speaker 2: I've known him for fifteen years. He was one of

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Speaker 2: my brother's friends. It was surface level. He was always

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Speaker 2: in a relationship, and he was a little bit older

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Speaker 2: than me, so it wasn't really like we were going

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Speaker 2: to ever get together. And I met him again fresh

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Speaker 2: out of a breakup. I was in America for a

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Speaker 2: few months, come home see him, went to a barbecue together,

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Speaker 2: and we kind of just jumped straight into it. We

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Speaker 2: were going on dates every day. We were spending like

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Speaker 2: hours and hours and hours together. He was staying at

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Speaker 2: my family home, and then within four months of us

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Speaker 2: being together, I moved us into a home because we

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Speaker 2: were like, let's just do it, like, I love you,

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Speaker 2: this is great. I've known you forever. I know who

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Speaker 2: you are, and that honestly, you don't know who someone

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Speaker 2: is just because you've known them for fifteen years. I

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Speaker 2: didn't know what he was like in a relationship. I

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Speaker 2: didn't know need of how he was going to be

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Speaker 2: as a boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well once you add intimacy, different.

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Speaker 2: Completely different, Yeah, completely different. So it was great. There

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Speaker 2: was a few things that I was like, okay, I

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Speaker 2: mean I can communicate with him about this, Like he

246
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Speaker 2: was very quick to anger. He would internalize a lot

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Speaker 2: of his emotions and then he would like have an outburst.

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Speaker 2: And these outbursts would happen not very much in the

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Speaker 2: beginning because it was all like rainbows and sunshine. And

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Speaker 2: then he started to feel the guilt. I know for

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Speaker 2: a fact, because I was paying for everything, the rent,

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Speaker 2: the food, his clothes, on his back. I took him

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Speaker 2: away on his thirtieth birthday to Thailand, Australia. Like, but

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Speaker 2: I loved that. I was like, okay, like I can

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Speaker 2: be in my masculine sometimes. I love you. We can

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Speaker 2: make this work as long as you're working towards like

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Speaker 2: having a stable career, which he said that he was

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Speaker 2: wanting to do. And it just it kind of he

259
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Speaker 2: was just leaching off of me, and he was just

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Speaker 2: comfortable with me. And I think it reached a point

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Speaker 2: where other people started to notice that he was just

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Speaker 2: with me because it was comfortable, and he wasn't able

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Speaker 2: to give me that love because he didn't have that

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Speaker 2: self love himself, Like he hated who he was as

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Speaker 2: a person. And I was constantly trying to see tell

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Speaker 2: him like, oh, no, you're actually a really good person.

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Speaker 2: Just love yourself. You can't teach someone how to love themselves,

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Speaker 2: you know. And because of my life in the industry,

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Speaker 2: at first, I thought, I've been on TV a bunch,

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Speaker 2: he knows me from before TV. This is going to

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Speaker 2: be great. Like he's not going to be with me

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Speaker 2: for the money or the fame, because like I knew

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Speaker 2: him way before then, right, So when we got into

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Speaker 2: the relationship, he started to see a different side of me.

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Speaker 2: He was coming to podcasts. I flew him out to

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Speaker 2: America where I filmed my show that I hosted with Netflix.

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Speaker 2: He met the production he was in the green room,

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Speaker 2: like he was living a life that was like lavish, right,

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Speaker 2: you know, And I thought, maybe that will make him

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Speaker 2: love me more because of these outbursts. They would get

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Speaker 2: more and more and more. It wasn't like jealousy. He

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Speaker 2: wouldn't try and control me. He just couldn't control himself. Oh,

283
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Speaker 2: he didn't have the narcissist tendencies to be like, you

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Speaker 2: can't do this, I'm gonna gaslight you, I'm gonna manipulate you.

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Speaker 2: He didn't try to isolate you, no, Okay, if anything,

286
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Speaker 2: it was just he wanted to do whatever he wanted

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Speaker 2: to do in the relationship. But I would isolate myself

288
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Speaker 2: because of how shitty I felt being in the relationship.

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Speaker 2: If he smashed up the house, I wouldn't want my

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Speaker 2: family coming around because they'd ask questions, you know. So

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Speaker 2: he didn't force me to isolate myself, but he would

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Speaker 2: put me in situations where I had to and I

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Speaker 2: had no choice but to isolate myself. Right. But the

294
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Speaker 2: incident you just spoke about so towards the end, it

295
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:45,480
Speaker 2: was very toxic. I should have left, But I don't

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Speaker 2: guilt myself anymore and think to myself, I caused my

297
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Speaker 2: own pain because I didn't leave. I felt like I

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00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,960
Speaker 2: needed to stay in that relationship to run its full

299
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Speaker 2: course for me to fully come to the realization understanding

300
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Speaker 2: that this is something and someone I do not want,

301
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Speaker 2: I do not deserve this. I am completely in love

302
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Speaker 2: with myself and I need to love myself more than

303
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Speaker 2: him because I'm allowing him to treat me a certain way.

304
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Speaker 2: He cheated on me multiple times, and every time I

305
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:19,200
Speaker 2: would bring it up to him, it was like I

306
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Speaker 2: was the one apologizing.

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Speaker 1: Oh he flipped it back, Yeah, to make you think

308
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Speaker 1: that you were the cause of his indiscretions.

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Speaker 2: And that was a massive red flag. But I just

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Speaker 2: didn't see it.

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Speaker 1: But you were also very very young. I mean you're

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Speaker 1: you're still young, but the early twenties, you're a baby, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you think that love is something that it's just not.

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Speaker 1: And when he would have these outbursts, was he like verbally.

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Speaker 2: Abusive, Oh yeah, physical, all of the above, all of it,

316
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,880
Speaker 2: all of the above. That that incident that you just

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Speaker 2: brought up. We were with an agent, see that I

318
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,520
Speaker 2: just signed with. It was an out inn. Every time

319
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,960
Speaker 2: he would drink, he would get like aggressive towards other

320
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Speaker 2: people or to me, And I said to him, can

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Speaker 2: you please not drink? I need you to be sober.

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Speaker 2: This is a work thing. I don't want you to

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Speaker 2: embarrass me. He came. He was four cans deep in

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Speaker 2: the bus uber ride on the way there. So I'm like, great, now,

325
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Speaker 2: I can't turn you background because you've already started drinking

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Speaker 2: and I'm going to be late. We're mixing a mingling

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Speaker 2: with everyone, and he was like off, floating about, and

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Speaker 2: my nervous system is telling me like, okay, he's going

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Speaker 2: to kick off. I just know it. So I'm already

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Speaker 2: feeling uneasy. Yeah, constantly scanning is he over there, is

331
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Speaker 2: he arguing with someone? Is he fighting someone? And then

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Speaker 2: he comes up to me like, why are you so anxious?

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Speaker 2: What's wrong with you? How do I tell someone I'm

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00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,680
Speaker 2: just waiting for you to fuck up because I know

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Speaker 2: it's coming.

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Speaker 1: Well, you can't, you can't. He's deeply You said what

337
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,560
Speaker 1: a trigger like you saying that is what it's going

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00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,360
Speaker 1: to pop shit off?

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00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,400
Speaker 2: Exactly? So I would ignore it, pretend to be okay,

340
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 2: fake the confidence. No one else knew what I was

341
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,360
Speaker 2: going through. I was internalizing all of it. And then

342
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,640
Speaker 2: he couldn't get into a club because they told him

343
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Speaker 2: he was too drunk.

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Speaker 1: What Yeah, and you can't get into a nake club

345
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,520
Speaker 1: during the day during the day during the day, it

346
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:12,280
Speaker 1: was a rooftop bar.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, God, he grabbed me, he shoved me. He

348
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,199
Speaker 2: was shouting at me like it was my fault. And

349
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,679
Speaker 2: then the security guard actually said to him, I'm not

350
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,120
Speaker 2: allowing you in. You're actually banned because of the way

351
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,800
Speaker 2: that you've just spoke to your girlfriend. Wow. And because

352
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 2: someone else called him out on his own behavior towards me,

353
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Speaker 2: he ran off for forty five minutes.

354
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:34,920
Speaker 1: Oh your little pussy.

355
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,679
Speaker 2: So I'm calling him, where are you. He's shouting down

356
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 2: the phone at me like it's my fault. So now

357
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,640
Speaker 2: I'm having to apologize for the way I've behaved to him.

358
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Speaker 2: For him to even come back what like the most

359
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,960
Speaker 2: exaggerated version of an avoidant. And I'm an anxious attachment

360
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 2: So I'm like, this, just this balance isn't gonna work, babe.

361
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,120
Speaker 2: So I'm like, I've just pushed myself into understanding attachment

362
00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,440
Speaker 2: styles and understanding my self worth and now I'll never

363
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,120
Speaker 2: be with an avoidant. No. Yeah, that's I.

364
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,160
Speaker 1: Think incredible that at the age of twenty six, you

365
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:07,639
Speaker 1: know that.

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Speaker 2: And I try and preach to everyone. I'm like, if

367
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 2: anyone is listening, please don't listen to them self help books.

368
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,719
Speaker 2: Just read up on anxious attachments, secure attachments.

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00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need to research that.

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00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 2: I've been asking chatibt for years. You have a year

371
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:24,639
Speaker 2: help me.

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Speaker 1: Was that something that your therapist raised? Was she like

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00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,720
Speaker 1: you need to look into this, oh, talk about it?

374
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 1: Or this was well before the therapy. This is before

375
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 1: the therapist. Yeah, I got into therapy because of him. Wow, okay,

376
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:37,760
Speaker 1: silver lining.

377
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so grateful.

378
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,680
Speaker 1: So then you're looking at engagement rings and he left

379
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:43,360
Speaker 1: you in Thailand?

380
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,600
Speaker 2: M hmm, yeah, what the fuck?

381
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,720
Speaker 1: I know I would never leave you in Thailand ever.

382
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 2: Thank you? Do you want to go to Thailand? We

383
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 2: should go to Thailand.

384
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:03,680
Speaker 1: How long after this breakup did you land on too

385
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,399
Speaker 1: hard to handle?

386
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:10,120
Speaker 2: Oh Jesus, I mean so too hot to handle was

387
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,080
Speaker 2: when I was nineteen, So it was before. It was

388
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 2: before this guy. Too hot to handle was before this guy.

389
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:21,560
Speaker 2: This guy was like last year, babe.

390
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:22,800
Speaker 1: I know.

391
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 2: That is so recent, so recent?

392
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,320
Speaker 1: Okay, can I ask you a question?

393
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:28,879
Speaker 2: Ask it.

394
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,679
Speaker 1: This is an almost thirty five year old asking a

395
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 1: twenty six year old. How do you know that you

396
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 1: have not healed enough to be in another relationship already?

397
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 2: I asked myself that a thousand times over.

398
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 1: And that's no judgment, that's just a real question. Curious.

399
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,719
Speaker 2: I was so scared to get into Anopp relationship because

400
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,760
Speaker 2: I knew that I would put him in positions he

401
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 2: didn't need to be in. Okay, Like, why do you

402
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 2: want to look through my phone? Oh, because my ex

403
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 2: cheated on me? Bullshit, that's not that's not a good

404
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,000
Speaker 2: enough excuse. Like, you need to heal yourself, work through

405
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,520
Speaker 2: whatever trauma is EXS put you through. But when I

406
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 2: spoke to my therapist, she said to me, have three

407
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:08,800
Speaker 2: months on your own, be with friends, be with family, cry, scream,

408
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 2: go through all of the grief stages, anger, upset, denial,

409
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 2: and then once you've reached the end of that three months,

410
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 2: sit down and write down why you love yourself and

411
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 2: then work through self love. And that's what I'm continuously

412
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 2: doing even to this day. So she said to me,

413
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 2: you can actually heal whilst you're in another relationship. But

414
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:36,920
Speaker 2: only it's so controversial, controversial because I honestly can't even

415
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,000
Speaker 2: believe that I'm in another relationship right now, Like I

416
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,200
Speaker 2: thought I would be single for another two years because

417
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 2: of all the stuff my ex put you through. But

418
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 2: having a partner that's healthy, that communicates with me. I've

419
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:53,159
Speaker 2: never seen my boyfriend angry like he deals with anger

420
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 2: in so many different ways. He doesn't need to check

421
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 2: a table or grab me or shout in my face.

422
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 2: He doesn't trigger that in me. He is very much like, Okay,

423
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 2: well let's speak about it. Wow.

424
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 1: Communication, And I'm like, oh my god, sounds so simple.

425
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 1: I always say. I'm like, every time you think about

426
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 1: anything going south, it always comes down to one of

427
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 1: the most simple words, communication, Yet it is so complex

428
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 1: for any of us to implement into any relationship.

429
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. Yeah. I think Also, one thing that

430
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 2: helped with anyone that may have just got out of

431
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 2: a toxic relationship was wanting to get into another, not

432
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:39,960
Speaker 2: another toxic relationship, but another relationship, is understanding what gas

433
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 2: lighting is. Understanding what manipulation is in the different forms

434
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 2: it can come in your core values, your core beliefs,

435
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,399
Speaker 2: moral compass. Like having a greater understanding of that is

436
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 2: so like. Okay, So if I'm in a conversation as

437
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,159
Speaker 2: someone's trying to manipulate me, I get that feeling of them,

438
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,679
Speaker 2: this doesn't feel right, And then I can talk to

439
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 2: my therapist about it. I feel like that's how I'm

440
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 2: able to heal whilst being in this new relationship.

441
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 1: Right.

442
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:05,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

443
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: What's the age difference between you and your current your boyfriend?

444
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 2: Why? I don't know, because it's a trend on TikTok.

445
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 2: I'm like my current boyfriend, my boyfriend, he's that three.

446
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 1: Okay, so he's in his thirties.

447
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 2: Got his shit together.

448
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 1: We were talking about this earlier. There's just something about

449
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 1: when someone hits their thirties, specifically women, because you just

450
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 1: come into your own And I feel like the Kim

451
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,199
Speaker 1: Kardashians and Gwen Stefani's and Jalo's of the world have

452
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: made even Pamela Anderson, they've made age something that we

453
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 1: should not be afraid of, like it used to be,

454
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,199
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna be thirty. I've been watching Sex in

455
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 1: the City and they talk about even friends, they talk about,

456
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm going to be thirty, and it's

457
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 1: like this scary, like big number that no one wants

458
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: to hit. Yeah, and I don't feel like it's that

459
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 1: way anymore. Did you?

460
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 2: Was you nervous before you tenth thay? Like, what was

461
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,439
Speaker 2: that like combedn't I I was not.

462
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about it, and I think about it,

463
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: and I'm such a thinker. I don't know why I

464
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 1: didn't think about it.

465
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 2: I love that.

466
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 1: I Also, I was pregnant and gave birth at thirty,

467
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 1: so I don't think I was fixated on the fact

468
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 1: that I was getting older. I was more fixated on

469
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: the fact that I was like growing a person inside

470
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 1: of me.

471
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, and.

472
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 1: Then you have to push it out, and you got

473
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 1: to push it out, and you got to do the

474
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 1: whole thing and then you have to be responsible for

475
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 1: it for the rest of its life. And it's just

476
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,119
Speaker 1: you're not focused on the fact you're turning third you know,

477
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 1: You're like.

478
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,199
Speaker 2: Oh, I have to ray y'all need to just have

479
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 2: a vibee.

480
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: No, don't do that.

481
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 2: Shall just have a vibe.

482
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: Even thirty though, was very young. Like I look back

483
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 1: and that relationship ended, and I'm like, Okay, if if

484
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 1: we were to redo this, I wouldn't redo it, because

485
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 1: my my four year old is magical. Yeah, but I'm

486
00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 1: like women who think that we obviously have the biological

487
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 1: clock happening. Let's just say we live in a perfect world.

488
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: And that's not a thing. Thirty is very young. I

489
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 1: would not advise anybody to have a child at thirty. Yeah,

490
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,920
Speaker 1: I would say, wait a minute, because you become an

491
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: entirely new person, like get reacquainted with the person that

492
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 1: you will now be, and then bring the baby into

493
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 1: the mix. That's what I would say. Yeah, now that

494
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 1: you asked me for my advice.

495
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 2: No, but I wanted your advice. I think that's something

496
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 2: that we all need to hear because the biological clock

497
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 2: is such a thing and I don't know what it is,

498
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,080
Speaker 2: but like, if I'm just being vulnerable for a minute,

499
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 2: I've felt such a shift in my energy and my

500
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:45,439
Speaker 2: emotional intelligence and my maturity in a way that's like

501
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 2: good for me. I'm like, okay, I can have like

502
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 2: an adult conversation, pay my taxes whatever, Da da da

503
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 2: da da. But then a part of me mourns that

504
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 2: version of me that had no cares, no responsibilities, like

505
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,440
Speaker 2: going out with my friends, having a three day are

506
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 2: waking up at six pm, and now I can't do that,

507
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 2: and it's like, oh, I've changed so much. I think

508
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 2: that's why I have that fear, not necessarily because of

509
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,959
Speaker 2: the number thirty but it's because it's that dread of

510
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 2: if I'm not where I'm supposed to be by that age,

511
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 2: does that mean I've failed? And I don't think that's true.

512
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 2: I just think that's the pressure I'm putting on my

513
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 2: own head that I feel like everyone does, whether that

514
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:33,359
Speaker 2: age is thirty, forty fifty, twenty twenty five. I feel

515
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 2: like I've evolved so much, and like you have to

516
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,640
Speaker 2: like being a mom, your podcasts evolved so much through

517
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:43,360
Speaker 2: different stages, like you said, like rolling with the punches.

518
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 1: That's what I've and as a vir girl that does

519
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 1: not like I don't like the wind to blow away,

520
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 1: that I'm not planning. I don't like to not have control.

521
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:58,479
Speaker 1: And once you well, once I had kids, it was like, oh,

522
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: I'm realizing how little control I have over everything in life.

523
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 1: And I'm wondering if that if you've always been that way,

524
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,120
Speaker 1: or if when you enter too hot to handle, because

525
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 1: then you're in the public eye and you can kind

526
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: of take that. There's two directions you can go. There's

527
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 1: people that enter reality TV or whatever it may be,

528
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 1: the public eye and they're either there for that moment

529
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 1: and then they go back to normal life or they

530
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: really take the opportunity by the balls and they catapult

531
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: it and parlay it into something different. Do you feel

532
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: like you were born that way of always striving for

533
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 1: more and wanting more, or once you got a taste

534
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: of the opportunities that too hot to Handle brought to you,

535
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: was say like, oh I want I'm here to take

536
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,120
Speaker 1: over the entire house, like the door has been opened.

537
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,400
Speaker 2: I was way too young, Domin Knive, so we even

538
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 2: have that thought, any of those thoughts. I think when

539
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 2: I got the show Taught to Hand or I was

540
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 2: nineteen years old, I was there for a laugh. I thought,

541
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 2: probably won't find love. I'm just here for a good time. Yeah.

542
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 2: And then the confidence I got from the fans' reactions

543
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 2: of me being on screens, being authentically myself and just

544
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 2: being weird, funny and full of ADHD, I was like, oh,

545
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 2: I am enough. And then like having people constantly message

546
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 2: me every day like you've helped me tell my boyfriend

547
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 2: that this is toxic and I've left my boyfriend and

548
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh shit. My purpose is to speak and

549
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 2: be vulnerable about shit that's going on in my life

550
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:36,920
Speaker 2: to help other people go through theirs. And I feel

551
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 2: like I'm the type of person to always want, Like

552
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,359
Speaker 2: I'm always like, what's next, what's the next thing? I

553
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 2: want to do something else. But I also because I

554
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 2: have ADHD pour myself in so many different directions that

555
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 2: sometimes I just paralyze and I'm like, Oh, I don't

556
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 2: want to do anything, or I have so much to do,

557
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 2: I just don't want to start. Yeah, you know, and

558
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 2: then that feeds into my insecurities of not being enough

559
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 2: my self, limiting beliefs. Some of my friends in the

560
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 2: same industry that started on the same show as me

561
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 2: at driving Lamborghinis, they have millions in the bank, they

562
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 2: have multiple businesses. I'm not there. That means I've failed.

563
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 2: So it's like realizing an age of whatever age you're at,

564
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 2: that everyone is always going to be on a different path.

565
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 2: You just got to be always driving to be the

566
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 2: best version of yourself and being happy with what you have.

567
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 2: Someone actually sent me a voice note the other day

568
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 2: because when the radio show launched with Unwell and Serious XM,

569
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 2: I didn't celebrate it. I was like, oh, it's a

570
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 2: small win. One of my friends went, you fucking joke it.

571
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 1: I feel like you and I are the same person

572
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: right now.

573
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

574
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: Sorry, everything you're saying is hitting very close literally. Okay,

575
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: So you didn't feel like you could celebrate it because

576
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 1: you felt like it was a small win because.

577
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 2: In our industry, it's a small win. It's like, oh,

578
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 2: she has a podcast, whereas to someone that kind of

579
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 2: goes to work, goes home wants to listen to that podcast,

580
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 2: it's like that's a big win for them. It's like,

581
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 2: I wish I could have my own bookcast. My friend

582
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 2: said to me, she said, you are in an industry

583
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 2: where you could have everything and still not be enough.

584
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 2: So you need to know that you are enough and

585
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 2: then everything else will fall into place, and then you'll

586
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 2: feel validated in that, you know.

587
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, you're speaking so true to me and I

588
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 1: know many other people because I constantly am feeling when

589
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:33,719
Speaker 1: I feel at peace or content, I go, we've gotten lazy.

590
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 1: Look at what this person's doing. Look you're what that

591
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 1: person is doing. This is a small win. Yeah, And

592
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 1: I will beat myself up until I have exhausted, Like

593
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: I will go to bed at night with a splitting

594
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,959
Speaker 1: headache and I'm like I have kaoed myself. Yeah, to

595
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 1: the point of just like bruised, beaten, battered, and how

596
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 1: did we get here? And the other the other day

597
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,479
Speaker 1: when I had a acknowledged you get bitter, you get jealous,

598
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 1: you take some people's success as a personal attack, has

599
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. I was sitting here thinking

600
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: about all of the things that I've wanted in the

601
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 1: past two years, and my biggest thing was I wanted

602
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 1: to bring another baby into the world. I don't know

603
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 1: if you know this. I had a really toxic relationship

604
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 1: that my daughter, Ocean, came out of she's four. Because

605
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 1: I was so just traumatized by that whole situation, I

606
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: ended up getting a sperm donor for my second baby

607
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,760
Speaker 1: because I knew I wanted more kids.

608
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 2: Oh my good love.

609
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she's ten months old. Oh congratulations, thanks.

610
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 2: Oh that's beautiful, thank you.

611
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: So that was like a whole thing, right, I'm like, Okay,

612
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 1: I need to pick the donor, and you know, health wise,

613
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 1: we have to work well together, but also like I'm

614
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: bringing a member into the family and I just need

615
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 1: to make sure like, yeah, she's already going to have

616
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: a lot of people ask her questions. How do I

617
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: make her life less difficult?

618
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 2: Right?

619
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: And I just said I want to pour my heart

620
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: and soul into just being the best mom, and I

621
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 1: want to be available for every single moment. And then

622
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 1: I start having moments of jealousy, right, And I literally

623
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 1: had to sit down and like feel the ground and go,

624
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 1: why are we jealous? Talk myself through it. I was

625
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: literally having a conversation with myself that's that do it no,

626
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 1: totally asking myself questions aloud and answering them aloud like

627
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 1: a psychopath.

628
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 2: Uh huh.

629
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: And then I thought about all of the things that

630
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: I have wanted and craved and what makes me feel

631
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 1: peaceful and whole, and it always comes back to my

632
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: two kids. Right. I'll be able to build brands, I'll

633
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 1: be able to record a podcast. What I'll never be

634
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: able to do is get that moment back where I

635
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: was so fucked up on being jealous and in my

636
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 1: own head that I missed my daughter doing something amazing, right,

637
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 1: Because those moments are so fleeting, and it doesn't even

638
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: have to go back to kids. You having a beautiful,

639
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: romantic dinner with your boyfriend. You'll never get that moment back.

640
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: You will never get the moment back of someone saying

641
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: to you, we're giving you your own show on the

642
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: Unwell Network. That's never going to happen age. So if

643
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 1: we don't celebrate the win in the moment, it's gone.

644
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's enough to.

645
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: Bring you to your knees too.

646
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 2: I'm on my knees. It brought me to my knees

647
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 2: right now. I'm like, okay, I'm present.

648
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: So did you ever end up celebrating or did your

649
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: friend saying that resonate?

650
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 2: It was kind of too late for me to celebrate

651
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 2: because it was already like eight pm on the night

652
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: that I launched. But I took a moment for gratitude.

653
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 2: I think that's okay to me. That would be a

654
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 2: celebratory moment of gratitude to just recognize what I've done.

655
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 2: And I think, like, even with you, like you've been

656
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 2: through so much to be where you are today, sometimes

657
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 2: we don't even need a win, look back and reflect,

658
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 2: Oh fuck, yeah, have birth to babies, babe. Yeah, Like

659
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 2: you look gorgeous, thank you look a day over twenty five.

660
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 2: I love that A style of Madonna style icon. I

661
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 2: fucking love like, Honestly, sometimes we are more than enough.

662
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 1: I feel like women battle this more than men. I

663
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 1: just don't see men sitting here being like I'm not enough.

664
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 2: Yeah. I it's funny because Sam.

665
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 1: I think that women have such a this internal battle

666
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,239
Speaker 1: that is so complex, and we're all looking for the

667
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 1: answers to why we deal with things in a certain way.

668
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you're ever able to conquer

669
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: it unless you just you gain years, right, and then

670
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 1: you can look at someone who's younger than you and say,

671
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: I know what you're feeling. Shake it off. But then

672
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: cut you're in your fifties or whatever, and it's a

673
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 1: whole new set of insecurities and problems.

674
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, now my back's now. I need a new hip, right,

675
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 2: I can't walk in heels anymore. Oh my god, I

676
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,320
Speaker 2: don't even want to think about it.

677
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 1: It's scary.

678
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think the lesson is embracing who you are,

679
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 2: no matter how long I'm far you are down the road.

680
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 2: So like me, I was mourning a person that I

681
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 2: was before I got responsibilities. Yeah, you were just talking

682
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 2: about mourning the person you were before you had a

683
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 2: child and become a mother. But it's like we have

684
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 2: to disembrace it and roll with the punches.

685
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: Roll with the punches.

686
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:35,720
Speaker 2: Sometimes they're not punches they're kisses.

687
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: Oh I love that too.

688
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 2: It's like an hyper pie a quote.

689
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 1: So I call my family my pod because we're like orcas.

690
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 1: Like I bought a house when my relationship went south

691
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: with my eggs. My mom moved out, and then I

692
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 1: moved my brother in, and now we all live together

693
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 1: and we're like raising these kids as a family. And

694
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 1: I'm like love that. It's like a very beautiful situation

695
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: in structure that we've created, right, and it's not gonna

696
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,240
Speaker 1: last forever. You know, my brother's going to find a person.

697
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: I will one day find my partner, but for now,

698
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:15,760
Speaker 1: like it's great. Do you have like your little circle

699
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 1: of people? I mean at twenty six, I well, at

700
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: twenty six, I was a drunk, full transparency. We're approaching

701
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 1: seven years of sobriety one day at a tengratulation. But

702
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 1: thank you. And I wonder, because you've been in this

703
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 1: for so long and because you experienced such a toxic

704
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 1: relationship at such a young age, did you learn to

705
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 1: keep your circle tight?

706
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,839
Speaker 2: No? No, no, I feel like it's been hard for

707
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 2: me because I've tried to be cautious about who I'm

708
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 2: friends with, who I'm letting into my circle. But I'm

709
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 2: such an energy person. I think if you have a

710
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 2: good vibe, I will allow you in my life completely

711
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 2: and fully until you prove me otherwise, okay. Which is

712
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 2: an extensive version of like a friend group. I have friends,

713
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 2: friends of friends, friends of family friends. Everyone has access

714
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 2: to me, and I feel like that's one thing that

715
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 2: I'm working on in therapy to kind of limit that

716
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 2: access to a certain degree. Yeah, so I get drained

717
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 2: a lot. It's like, oh shit, okay, oh so.

718
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,399
Speaker 1: Energy drains you, Like I When I'm around a lot

719
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 1: of people, I feel like I have an interaction hangover. Yeah,

720
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 1: where like I need to retreat and like be by myself.

721
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 1: Is that what happens to you?

722
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 2: Definitely? I was actually sober for two and a half years. Wow,

723
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,239
Speaker 2: I was a friend of Bill as well. Really yeah,

724
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 2: I love of time And it was the moment, like

725
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 2: I learned so much about myself in those two and

726
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 2: a half years of sobriety and I feel like I

727
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 2: completely shifted. And I looked at myself. I was how

728
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 2: old was I? I think I was twenty Okay, Yeah,

729
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 2: I looked at all my previous friends in the circles

730
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 2: I was in and it was just like people that

731
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,880
Speaker 2: I didn't really want or should have around me. It

732
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 2: was very much like bloodsucking creatures. And now I have

733
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 2: like a smaller friend group. Well was something that actually

734
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 2: happened quite recently. I am a few months ago. If

735
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,359
Speaker 2: I'm being completely honest, I had really really, really really

736
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 2: low dip. I felt really.

737
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:21,879
Speaker 1: Low.

738
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 2: I didn't want to be here. It was like, okay,

739
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 2: I've had enough. So I rang one of my friends. Actually, no,

740
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 2: I rang my therapist and I said, I'm having these thoughts.

741
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 2: I'm really worried, but like I'm almost kind of at

742
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 2: peace with it. It's weird, like it's scary when you

743
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 2: have those thoughts because you don't necessarily want to fight

744
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 2: against them. It's almost like you just want to give

745
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 2: in to them. It's the best way I can describe it.

746
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 2: And she said, okay, that's fine, Like, thank you for

747
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 2: being honest with me. Let's who do you feel safe around.

748
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I mean, I don't really feel anything

749
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 2: right now. I'm feeling numb. She said, well, let me

750
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 2: call your friend Brian. I'm like, okay, So she called Brian,

751
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 2: who's one of my best friends. I met him one

752
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 2: perfect match. He was one of the producers. Okay, and

753
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 2: it was really scary because I'm away from home. I

754
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 2: only moved to LA about a year ago. It's taken

755
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 2: me a while. Like I don't even feel fully settled

756
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 2: in right now. Like, so my friendship group is so sporadic.

757
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 2: I'm still learning people. He came to my house and oh,

758
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 2: I'm getting emotional. He came to my house and he

759
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 2: held me like a baby, and it was one of

760
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 2: the only times that I'd drank since been sober, and

761
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,359
Speaker 2: all those thoughts come back to me. So I haven't

762
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 2: spoken about this publicly yet, but I went back to

763
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 2: drinking after being sober, and I feel like, because oh

764
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 2: my god, I'm so sorry not I.

765
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:45,359
Speaker 1: Wish I wouldn't have thrown those things the way. Can

766
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: we get her a tissue please, I can dub it.

767
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 1: Are you okay? Yeah, Well you're in such a safe space.

768
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:51,839
Speaker 1: Oh I love that.

769
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 2: Thank you. I feel like because I like announced to

770
00:38:57,719 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 2: the world that I was sober in sobriety, and I

771
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 2: still get messages to this day like you've helped me

772
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,479
Speaker 2: go to AA and like find myself. And my daughter

773
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 2: is so thankful that her Mum's now sober. I've been

774
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:13,799
Speaker 2: carrying these guilt of like I'm not sober anymore. You know,

775
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 2: I felt like a fraud because I feel like, oh God,

776
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,879
Speaker 2: if I tell people that I've drank or that I've

777
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:29,760
Speaker 2: gone back to drinking, what if I'm putting other people's

778
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 2: lives at risk? Like what if they idolize me for

779
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:34,800
Speaker 2: being sober? And then if I say I'm back drinking,

780
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,320
Speaker 2: they go, right, I'm going to drink now because Chloe's drinking,

781
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 2: Like I feel like, because I'm a person of influence,

782
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 2: I I don't want to feel that guilt and that pressure.

783
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 2: You know, there's a lot of pressure. But again, oh

784
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 2: thank you such a cry baby.

785
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:58,359
Speaker 1: But you're in good company with that.

786
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 2: Yeah. One of the the moments that I knew that

787
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:04,880
Speaker 2: my friend Brian loved me, And so anyone out there listening,

788
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:09,839
Speaker 2: it's so important to just let your guard down when

789
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 2: you need to, because if I'd have kept quiet, I

790
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:21,319
Speaker 2: wouldn't have had such an enlightenment on how much my

791
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:24,360
Speaker 2: friend Brian loves me. So he cradled me like a baby.

792
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 2: He took me to the doctors. I got the help

793
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 2: that I needed. I spoke to professionals. And then I

794
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 2: came back home and I was like, I can't go

795
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,360
Speaker 2: home because my bedroom's a mess, and he said, no,

796
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 2: I got a cleaner to clean your bedroom for you.

797
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 2: Do you want me to come and stay around yours

798
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:43,439
Speaker 2: until you feel better? So it's like he was there

799
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 2: for me. He doesn't just love me because I'm funny.

800
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 2: He doesn't just love me because I dress nice when

801
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 2: I go out and he looks good next to me,

802
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 2: and I look good next to him. I could be

803
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 2: at my lowest of loves and he'd still be there

804
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 2: for me. And I carried so much shame for having

805
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 2: all these emotions, and it actually might describe stronger. It's

806
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 2: like I could trust you with my life. Yeah, Like

807
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 2: that's a friend. So I answer to your question, I've

808
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 2: only probably got one or two friends that I hold

809
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 2: closer to me.

810
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 1: I love everything that just happened just now, and I'm

811
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: so happy that you have, Brian. I don't want you

812
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: to feel the weight of other people's sobriety or addiction.

813
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 1: I don't want that is not your story, And it's

814
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 1: easier said than done because I've had those moments too

815
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:44,280
Speaker 1: where I'm like I anything that is forever can become

816
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 1: very daunting and paralyzing, and there are moments when I

817
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,720
Speaker 1: think about, like I can never have another drink again.

818
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 1: I start having anxiety because it's a forever, yeah, And

819
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 1: that's why I'm like, okay, just one day at a time.

820
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 1: But I also have those moments of if I were

821
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:08,879
Speaker 1: to do this, I would let other people down. And

822
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 1: me saying to you is what I'm saying is also

823
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,719
Speaker 1: me trying to practice what I preach. Not that I'm

824
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 1: going to go out and drink, but I just don't

825
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: want you to feel like that is your responsibility, because

826
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: it isn't. There's so many other things that you've offered

827
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 1: just on this forty two minutes of a podcast that

828
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: I know that I'm going to carry very closely, and

829
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 1: I know other people are going to do the exact

830
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: same And you're just so wise for a twenty six

831
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 1: year old, Like I was not like you at all

832
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 1: at twenty six, And we do and it's just a

833
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:49,280
Speaker 1: part of our story. And I've learned in this life

834
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 1: that we're all just doing the best that we can.

835
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: And it's such a it's such a funky time because

836
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 1: we're all doing the best we can, but no one's

837
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:03,720
Speaker 1: trying to help anyone out right. The internet's gotten vile. Yeah,

838
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,840
Speaker 1: everyone's up in arms about just the state of everything.

839
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 1: And that's just one one pressure that you should take

840
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:19,279
Speaker 1: off of yourself. Yeah, you know, definitely, not that that

841
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:22,279
Speaker 1: would carry any weight, but as someone who's sober, I'm

842
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 1: telling you, like, please don't carry that with you. Thank you,

843
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 1: You're very welcome.

844
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:28,800
Speaker 2: The first time I've actually said it out loud, I

845
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 2: feel kind of good. Yeah, this was amazing good. That's

846
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 2: me practicing what I preach. I'm like, I'm preaching people

847
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:39,240
Speaker 2: to be vulnerable. There you go, there's my It's very hard.

848
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 1: It's very hard to be vulnerable. And and once we

849
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 1: are going back to the me admitting my jealousy issues,

850
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, at the moment, it was very suffocating. Yeah,

851
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: And I'm like, but for some reason, I feel like

852
00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: I've just come out as like an addict all over again. Right, Yeah,

853
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh the elephant. Okay, we're living in our

854
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,840
Speaker 1: truth and the only way to get a handle and

855
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:10,879
Speaker 1: implement tools YEP is admitting is always the first step

856
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: with any grassing yourself up right exactly, So what is

857
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 1: your show on a happier, fun, exciting note. Your show

858
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: on the Unwell Network, tell us what it's called the

859
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: radio show? It was supposed to be a podcast.

860
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 2: No, I wanted to. I wanted to go into the

861
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 2: podcast well okay, Alex Cooper and them. But then she's

862
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 2: just done a massive deal with Serious XM, and I

863
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 2: was like, I want to be the first ogs to

864
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 2: have a radio show. Another thing under my belt. I've

865
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 2: just hosted my first epishow, Sneaky Links, that's out on

866
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 2: Netflix right now. It's all so exciting. Oh my gosh,

867
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 2: it's crazy. I definitely celebrated that whim good for going

868
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 2: out for dinner. Yes, but it's called Big Sister with

869
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 2: Chloe Beach, and it's a space in which we talk

870
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 2: about reality TV, my opinions on it, and also just

871
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 2: giving people advice. Basically what we have just spoken about, okay,

872
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:09,479
Speaker 2: is like every Friday Live at twelve pmst Ah. I

873
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 2: love it. I call my friends. I'm like, babe, I

874
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 2: need some advice. My boyfriend's been busing me off. What

875
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 2: should I do? So it's very much fun, emotional, vulnerable.

876
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:21,320
Speaker 2: It's got that shock factor.

877
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: Do people write in, Yeah, they call in.

878
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:25,359
Speaker 2: Oh, they call call in.

879
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 1: You've got the personal connection going, yeah, And do you

880
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 1: stick to one topic each Friday or is it kind

881
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,480
Speaker 1: of all all over the place like a tangent.

882
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 2: Whatever's happening that week? Okay, Yeah, we have segments. We've

883
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 2: got de Lulu is not the Slulu. It's where I

884
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 2: basically say something that's been going on in my life

885
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 2: that I've been delusional about. Okay, and I kind of

886
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 2: go into the solution. And then we have a segment

887
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 2: where someone calls in. I give them advice, and I

888
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 2: call my friend, they give me advice, and then we

889
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 2: just talk about the a reality show that's been viral,

890
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 2: Like we spoke about Love Island.

891
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 1: So my brother has been watching Love Island. I've never

892
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 1: watched Love Island. I watched like a couple episodes of

893
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:09,400
Speaker 1: season two because I thought that this one guy was

894
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 1: super hot and I d M him and the can

895
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 1: we believe it? His name again? It was season two.

896
00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:21,200
Speaker 1: His name was oh dear like tall. Yes, this covered

897
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 1: season season two, so they're on season seven, so this

898
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:28,479
Speaker 1: was like, but I had just started watching season two

899
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,320
Speaker 1: because I'm like, this guy's hot. And then he had

900
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: in his bio that he was on Love Island. But

901
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:39,320
Speaker 1: he responded to my DM right off the bat as,

902
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,239
Speaker 1: are you trying to get your back blown out?

903
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 2: Wha? I was like, oh yeah.

904
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'll catch you when I land.

905
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 2: Give me three to five business marchandised to figure out.

906
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 1: But I was like, wow, like how confident?

907
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 2: What did you say? What was your first message?

908
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: Well, I have no game anymore, so my first message

909
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 1: to him was the chef's kiss emoji?

910
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 2: Okay?

911
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 1: And then hero, are you trying to get your bag

912
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 1: blown out?

913
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 2: Which is vile?

914
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 1: It's a lot where will be gone?

915
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 2: I'm sorry it's gone.

916
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:20,919
Speaker 1: Does your man have any friends? Any good ones? He's

917
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:21,799
Speaker 1: too busy right?

918
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I wouldn't well hit me in mind.

919
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 2: Please show me the radio this Friday reckon Advice.

920
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 1: I love this so much. My last question is how

921
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 1: do you know if someone is the one.

922
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 2: For me personally?

923
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: Right now?

924
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 2: I can see the growth after every conversation. Okay, I

925
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:56,279
Speaker 2: can feel my nervous system get quiet and quie. I

926
00:47:56,320 --> 00:48:00,800
Speaker 2: can feel physically my body's reaction to stress and lesson

927
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 2: and it's like a dance. You know, it's not it's

928
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,319
Speaker 2: going to be perfect. Sometimes you'll piss me off. I'll

929
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 2: piss it. Yeah, it's you just feel.

930
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 1: It, you feel it. I love what you said about

931
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 1: the conversations because it sounds to me what I gathered

932
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 1: is that you know someone is going to be the one.

933
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 1: I mean, none of us have a crystal ball and

934
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:25,000
Speaker 1: we don't know what the future holds, but evolving together.

935
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 2: And I think also trusting in yourself because you can

936
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 2: have that feeling that they're the one, right, but like,

937
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 2: don't be an idiot. You know, there's like intuition and

938
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 2: gut feelings and then like reality, yeah, red flags and

939
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 2: all the other bullshit and smoke and mirrors. So I

940
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 2: don't believe in love at first sight or someone definitely

941
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 2: being the one because my parents were married and now

942
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:54,719
Speaker 2: they're no longer. Yeah, So I think you just gotta

943
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 2: trust your gut, trust it instincts, and just communicate. Yeah,

944
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 2: and having great set. That's very fan. I'm sorry, thank

945
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 2: you for the rest of my life. Thank you very much.

946
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 2: That's one. There, it is, you're the one. You're the one.

947
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 1: I've done enough charity fucking for the rest of my life.

948
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,919
Speaker 1: Oh my god, for shre Yeah no more. All right,

949
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: I'm over it. Where can people find you? Follow you,

950
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:23,839
Speaker 1: watch you on TV, give me all the Tea Oh

951
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: No So shows.

952
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 2: I'm klobbe Bach and you can watch my newish show

953
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:30,920
Speaker 2: Sneak Links on Netflix premiere in It's out now, and

954
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 2: then my radio show is live every Friday on a

955
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:36,440
Speaker 2: serious XM channel seven eight six.

956
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:41,319
Speaker 1: This is so exciting. I'm celebrating for you. Thank you,

957
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 1: congratulations on all of your massive wins. Thank you for

958
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 1: being on my podcast, my love. Thank you for listening

959
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:49,280
Speaker 1: to another episode of the Give Them a La Podcast.

960
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 1: I'm going to catch you guys on Monday for the

961
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 1: bonus and again next Wednesday.

962
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:54,920
Speaker 2: Bye,