1 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. 6 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,160 Speaker 2: Wherever you are in the world, it is so great 7 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 2: to have you here. Back for another episode as we 8 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:41,480 Speaker 2: break down the psychology of our twenties. The older we get, 9 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 2: the less fun we have. That is how it seems 10 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,840 Speaker 2: to go, or that is the narrative that I think 11 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,160 Speaker 2: society would like to tell us. Our twenties are often 12 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 2: presented as this last decade for the kind of uninhibited 13 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 2: joy and playfulness and recklessness that is very reminiscent of 14 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 2: our childhood and our teen years. But once we kind 15 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 2: of start getting up there, all of that is apparently 16 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 2: meant to stop. Our life revolves around work and commitments, 17 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 2: financial and family obligations, and that kind of slice of 18 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 2: the pie that is devoted to personal freedom and playfulness 19 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 2: is meant to get smaller and smaller. Here's what I believe. 20 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 2: I think that we and the world in general do 21 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 2: not appreciate the value of play. Way into adulthood, we 22 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 2: do not really prioritize space in our life to be 23 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 2: unproductively social, to just hang out and be silly, to 24 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 2: be adventurous and imaginative, because there is so much that 25 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 2: takes up our focus. And I think that is why 26 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 2: a lot of us seem to feel like the older 27 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,560 Speaker 2: we get, the less joy there is in life. We're 28 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 2: losing this sense of wonder, We're losing out on something vital. 29 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 2: Despite that, there are so many proven benefits of play. 30 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 2: Stronger relationships, better friendships, reduce stress, greater creativity, better overall happiness. 31 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 2: So today I want to really present to you my 32 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 2: argument for bringing back play dates for adults. When we 33 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 2: were kids and we would like have our parents call 34 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 2: around to our friends' houses and you know, schedule an 35 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 2: afternoon together, and the hours would you know swim past. 36 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 2: It was so delightful and it was so fun to 37 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:28,960 Speaker 2: just literally spend hours not doing much, but doing it 38 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 2: with somebody else. And we all know that's harder. Now 39 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,399 Speaker 2: we don't hang out like we used to. There are 40 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 2: a lot of factors to blame. Technology is always the 41 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 2: first culprit, but also just how busy we are the 42 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 2: time constraints and the societal beliefs about what it means 43 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 2: to be an adult. We are meant to be serious 44 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 2: and we're meant to be mature, and that kind of 45 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 2: creates a lot of psychological restraints as well, like the 46 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 2: fear of judgment or guilt and the conditioned behavior that 47 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 2: comes along with that to be more mature and responsible 48 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 2: and professional. But today we are going to break down 49 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 2: what psychology has to say about the value of play, 50 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 2: how important it is to have unstructured moments where you 51 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 2: just hang out with others, even when we feel silly 52 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 2: about doing it, why we might be missing out, and 53 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 2: how we can actually bring back this spark and this 54 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 2: energy into our lives. We are also going to talk 55 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 2: about concepts like parallel play, play personalities, extraversion, introversion, ambi version, 56 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 2: and so much more. I cannot tell you how excited 57 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 2: I am for this episode. I feel like so many 58 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 2: of us already know this to be true. We are 59 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 2: craving more in person opportunities for connection. We're craving more 60 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 2: ways to really disconnect from reality for a little while 61 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 2: and just get back to that childhood wonder and awe 62 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 2: and joy and enjoyment and hopefully this persuades you even 63 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 2: more so, convinces you even more so that this is 64 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 2: something that you need to implement in your own life. So, 65 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 2: without further ado, let's talk about what I believe for 66 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 2: all the highly compelling reasons why we should be bringing 67 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 2: back adult play dates. As always, let's start super simple here. 68 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,559 Speaker 2: Let's start from the beginning. Why do we actually need play? 69 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 2: When we kind of think about our hierarchy of needs 70 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 2: as human beings, things like food and water, safety, belonging, community, love, money, 71 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 2: they all seem fairly obvious. Play less, so, especially as adults, 72 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 2: play really falls off of our list of essentials, even 73 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 2: our list of extras or luxuries. For children, we understand 74 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:47,160 Speaker 2: it's a bit more valuable. Play is actually quite essential 75 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 2: to how children learn those fine and gross motor skills, 76 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 2: They learn how to socialize and collaborate, develop their imagination 77 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 2: and abstract thinking. Kind of get the picture. There were 78 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,160 Speaker 2: some really fast papers and articles written in the late 79 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 2: nineties and early two thousands that suggested that play deprivation 80 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 2: or play deficiency, children who were not allowed to play 81 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 2: freely as children perhaps grew up to have less empathy, 82 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,240 Speaker 2: more difficulty forming social bonds. How did they discover this. 83 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 2: They looked at mass shooters and people who were incarcerated 84 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 2: and people who had done jail time, and they compared 85 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 2: their level of free play as children to a separate 86 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,920 Speaker 2: sample of people who hadn't done sheell time. And what 87 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: they found was one of the differences was this capacity 88 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:41,680 Speaker 2: to be playful and this capacity to be free as children. Obviously, 89 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 2: there were a ton of other factors associated with that 90 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:48,040 Speaker 2: as well, but the presence or absence of play and 91 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 2: the quality of play, particularly in childhood development, does have 92 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:57,040 Speaker 2: proven long term impacts on our emotional intelligence, our resilience, 93 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:01,440 Speaker 2: even things like brain size. Even more evidence showing us 94 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 2: that parts of our brains that are most developed in 95 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 2: those early years between like eighteen months to eight years 96 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,359 Speaker 2: are the ones that respond best to the kind of 97 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 2: active experience induced by being playful. It's all about the 98 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 2: neural connections that play builds through problem solving and creating 99 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 2: and imaginating and also cooperating. That makes it so valuable. 100 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 2: But does that end when we turn eighteen? You know, 101 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 2: have we done? Has play kind of done all that 102 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 2: it can for us? Those neural systems are in place now, 103 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 2: it's time to get serious. We don't need it anymore. 104 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 2: You know, it's done what it's good for. Obviously, I 105 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 2: don't think so, absolutely not. Play is not just frivolous, 106 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,280 Speaker 2: and it's not just for kids. It's something that is 107 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: an inherent part of our human nature, probably even our 108 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 2: animal nature as well. It might seem like a waste 109 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 2: of time or unproductive, but there was this really fascinating 110 00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 2: New York Times article that put it this way. That 111 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 2: is the whole point, that is the whole point of play, 112 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 2: is that it is silly and unproductive and a quote 113 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 2: unquote waste of time. Play is a way of deliberately 114 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 2: bringing about joy without that joy being attached to some 115 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 2: specific goal or requirement. It is just like fun for 116 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 2: the sake of fun, whereas so much about our adult 117 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 2: lives is goal or outcome orientated. You know, we ride 118 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 2: our bikes because we want to lose weight. We go 119 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 2: to pilates class to get in shape, We do work 120 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 2: trivia to maintain social connections. We cook simply to feed ourselves. 121 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 2: Everything that perhaps used to bring us joy as children 122 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 2: or even as teenagers becomes something that is part of 123 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 2: a broader goal and kind of part of a broader 124 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 2: structure and routine. But when we are doing things like 125 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 2: playing frisbee in the park or I don't know, mermaids 126 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 2: in the pool, or charades with our friends, even video games, 127 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 2: we're kind of stepping back from the structure of our 128 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 2: days lives. And it's within those daily lives that we 129 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 2: often are kind of forced to follow a set of 130 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,760 Speaker 2: rules or forced to need to be ticking something off 131 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 2: of our to do list. When we give ourselves those 132 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 2: opportunities to take a step back, to enjoy the moment, 133 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 2: to be silly, we're channeling this in a child version 134 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,840 Speaker 2: of us that still exists, and we're bringing them to 135 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 2: the surface and with it we're bringing a sense of 136 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 2: wonder and a new excitement to things. We're kind of 137 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 2: turning off the stress tap, I would say, for just 138 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:40,559 Speaker 2: a second being present, and of course when playtime involves 139 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 2: a friend, the benefits just skyrocket. So that's why the 140 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 2: adult playdate needs to make a comeback. And by adult playdate, 141 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 2: I mean times where we go to each other's houses 142 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 2: or the park or the beach with the attention of 143 00:08:55,880 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 2: creating and doing something unseerious and inherently in joy like 144 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 2: ar like scrapbooking, lego, board games, make believe, playing Tiggy, 145 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 2: hide and Seek, PowerPoint nights. I see that on TikTok 146 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 2: all the time, and I'm going to say, I'm somebody 147 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,559 Speaker 2: who adopts this as part of my life. And there 148 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 2: is something so sweet about feeling like a kid again. 149 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 2: It is one of those weird things that have greatly 150 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 2: improved my mental health. Getting to be childish with your friends. 151 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 2: It feels equally nostalgic and fulfilling. When I was still 152 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 2: living in Canberra, well into being an adult, me and 153 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 2: a group of friends used to have a weekly game 154 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,560 Speaker 2: of Sardines. And if you don't know this game, it's 155 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,200 Speaker 2: where one player goes and hides and all the others 156 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 2: have to find them and like sardine up to them. 157 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 2: It's like the opposite of Hide and Seek. And those 158 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:53,319 Speaker 2: moments are so joyous and they are such treasured memories. 159 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 2: And nowadays I like to incorporate it through doing things 160 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,839 Speaker 2: like Lego with my boyfriend, Like we recently did an 161 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 2: Lego set, and when I tell you, we were giggling, 162 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 2: we were so focused, we were enjoying it so much. 163 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 2: I did not think about work. I did not think 164 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:14,960 Speaker 2: about life for even a second, and there are so 165 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 2: few circumstances where we get that feeling. On top of that, 166 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,320 Speaker 2: the reason why I think adult play dates need to 167 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:25,080 Speaker 2: make a comeback is because friendships become even harder during 168 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 2: this decade, and there's a lot of evidence that unstructured 169 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:32,960 Speaker 2: time is what we actually need to improve our relationships. 170 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,559 Speaker 2: Because when when it's such a structured activity, when it's 171 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,839 Speaker 2: such a structured hangout, like we are going to dinner 172 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 2: and we have to talk for two hours and I'm 173 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 2: going to be that's my time to be social, we're 174 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 2: still feeling like we need to be on. But when 175 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 2: the hangout is unstructured, it has been proven to create 176 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 2: a deeper connection, a deeper bond. It also ensures that 177 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 2: we have more shared memories the older we get, ones 178 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,440 Speaker 2: that we can really reminisce on the same way that 179 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 2: we tend to be nostalgic for our childhood memories. There's 180 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 2: less sense of obligation, which I think we all need, 181 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 2: and it's just less effort because there is this joint 182 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 2: activity that we're doing together and it's typically cheaper than 183 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 2: having drinks and dinner. You know that can cost like 184 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 2: sixty dollars a person seventy dollars a person. But I 185 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 2: also think that we can do a bit better in 186 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 2: maintaining our social lives than sitting in a busy, loud, 187 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 2: too dark restaurant for two hours once a fortnight and 188 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 2: thinking that that it's going to help us maintain a relationship. 189 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 2: There is a lot of evidence that as a generation 190 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,199 Speaker 2: and as a society, we need that, especially in our twenties. 191 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 2: There is this developmental and social shift that occurs when 192 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,439 Speaker 2: we hit our twenties. I think our mid twenties in particular, 193 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 2: where we suddenly enter environments and specifically, I think a 194 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:54,440 Speaker 2: life chapter that no longer promotes being effortlessly social. It 195 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 2: becomes very deliberate, restrictive, time constrained, and the things that 196 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:06,720 Speaker 2: are restraining, that is responsibilities, and the responsibilities put pressure 197 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 2: on our limited mental resources, meaning that we're busy, we 198 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 2: are burnt out, we're often stressed. If you think about it, 199 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 2: when you were a teenager, like running around during the 200 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 2: summer or after school or on the weekends, and you 201 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 2: had no money, you didn't have a nine to five, 202 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 2: Your biggest worry was your homework. You kind of had 203 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 2: to make the most of what you had, so you 204 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 2: were more creative and you probably had a lot more fun. 205 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,559 Speaker 2: It wasn't just that we were younger, it was also 206 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:37,079 Speaker 2: that time and history before the invention of such an 207 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 2: omnipresent technology. And what I'm referring to is of course 208 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,439 Speaker 2: our phones. And you know what, I Am not going 209 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 2: to be somebody who sits here and puts all the 210 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 2: blame on technology, because I actually think it's had a 211 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 2: lot of benefits. But it has also meant that we 212 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:55,319 Speaker 2: can swap face to face interactions with texting and sending 213 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 2: each other tiktoks and interacting from our couches. We just 214 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 2: spend a lot less time together. And we've seen that 215 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,280 Speaker 2: since the late two thousands, that is when the decline 216 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 2: really rapidly started to take off. We aren't seeing people 217 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 2: as much anymore. And the times when people do see 218 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 2: each other as in more structured environments like school or 219 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 2: the workplace. So how do we actually know this well 220 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:28,680 Speaker 2: through this really cool resource called the American Time Use Survey. 221 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,640 Speaker 2: So this is an in depth measure of how the 222 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 2: average American spends their time. So economists at the A 223 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 2: to US, which is where the survey is conducted. They 224 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 2: basically carefully track time spent socializing, meaning the time that 225 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 2: we spend having face to face interactions, and they do 226 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 2: that across more than a dozen demographics, multiple different areas, 227 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,440 Speaker 2: from a huge sample size, and what they've found year 228 00:13:55,480 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 2: after year is that broadly, real world socializing has declined 229 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 2: for all genders, all ages, all ethnicities, all incomes, all 230 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,599 Speaker 2: education levels, and definitely like something that we need to 231 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 2: take account for is COVID nineteen, but we never bounced 232 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 2: back from that period of isolation, and the trend towards 233 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 2: isolation predates the pandemic. I feel like I don't need 234 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 2: to list off, like why this is so concerning, right, 235 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 2: but you know, it's more loneliness, more stress, more isolation, 236 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 2: more mental health concerns. And it's only recently that the 237 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 2: World Health Organization, you know, declared loneliness basically an epidemic, 238 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 2: basically a pressing health threat. It's not just a personal problem, 239 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 2: it's a collective problem. One of the really curious trends 240 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 2: to jump out of that data that I was talking 241 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 2: about before is that a lot of Americans, in particular 242 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 2: that's where the study was conducted, have traded people for 243 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 2: pets when it comes to social time. You know, in 244 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,840 Speaker 2: two thousand and three, the typical female pet owner spent 245 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 2: much more time socializing with humans than playing with her 246 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 2: cat or her dog, And by twenty twenty two this 247 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 2: is flipped. The average woman with a pet now spends 248 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 2: more time actively engaged with her pet than she spends 249 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 2: hanging out face to face with humans. Here's the thing, 250 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 2: what does a pet have to offer that may not 251 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 2: always be on the table with others? Play like a 252 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 2: constantly willing companion to hang out with, to have fun with. 253 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 2: And you know, obviously they can't talk to us. It's 254 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 2: not the same, but maybe that's what we're kind of 255 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 2: after It is just a bit more fun. We also 256 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 2: need to talk about some of the more psychological reasons 257 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 2: we've stopped having designated time and space for play. I 258 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 2: spoke about it before, But the older we get, the 259 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 2: expectations around how we should behave change. Our behavior is 260 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 2: more closely scrutinized. There's less room for mistakes. People want 261 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 2: us to be mature and serious and responsible. Otherwise they 262 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,320 Speaker 2: might say we have peter Pan syndrome, or they might 263 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 2: say that we're child But the more we hide the 264 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 2: fact that we each of us having innate need to 265 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 2: just literally have fun, the more of a habit it 266 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 2: becomes through self policing and conditioning, until even when we 267 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 2: have that opportunity, we can't actually draw on that playfulness. 268 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 2: We can't draw on that joy. It's so locked away. 269 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,560 Speaker 2: And I think our imagination is a muscle and it's 270 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 2: definitely weakened from a lack of use. I kind of 271 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 2: experienced this recently. It was so interesting. I was catching 272 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 2: up with an old friend from university, one of my 273 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 2: old roommates, and we haven't seen each other in months, 274 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 2: and we're goofing around and we're laughing, and this woman 275 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 2: literally turned around. We were outdoors. She turned around and 276 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 2: she shushed us. In public outside she shushed us, and 277 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,760 Speaker 2: she tutted at us. And that was exactly the example 278 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,400 Speaker 2: I needed for this episode of how society polices us 279 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 2: and conditions us into being serious. And it made me 280 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 2: quite sad. You know, we were two people who were 281 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,760 Speaker 2: obviously so excited to see each other, so full of 282 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 2: love and delight and laughter, and that was annoying to 283 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 2: her and I kind of, you know, I don't like 284 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,280 Speaker 2: to judge people in public, but I was a bit like, Wow, 285 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 2: maybe you've lost your spark a little bit. Maybe you're 286 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,920 Speaker 2: having a bad day. I don't know, but it kind 287 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 2: of proved a point that I had for myself. Right 288 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 2: there was a bit of cognitive bias, confirmation bias happening, 289 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:28,120 Speaker 2: which is that we just don't know how to have 290 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 2: fun the way that we used to. I think, despite 291 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,120 Speaker 2: all that, and despite our worries that if we were 292 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 2: to be like, hey, friend, I want to have an 293 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,480 Speaker 2: adult play date, they might be like, that is really weird, 294 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,880 Speaker 2: and no one likes the feeling of being rejected. Despite that, 295 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,639 Speaker 2: despite the reasons not to do it, I think we 296 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 2: need to make this happen, and I want to tell 297 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,200 Speaker 2: you exactly how we can do that, how we can 298 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:53,880 Speaker 2: bring play back into our social lives after this shortbreak. 299 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 2: Play is a lot more scientific than you might think. 300 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 2: I think we tend to assume it's just having fun, 301 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,960 Speaker 2: but you know, for one person, fun might be playing 302 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,960 Speaker 2: video games for eight hours straight, whereas you know for 303 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 2: other people it's physical players, creative players, adventurous. If you 304 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,880 Speaker 2: want to have more adult play dates, if you want 305 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,439 Speaker 2: to center play in your life, as they think you should, 306 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 2: even doing solo playdates, you need to know your play personality. 307 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 2: So this idea of a play personality was created by 308 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:36,439 Speaker 2: like one of the grandfathers of play psychology, doctor Stuart Brown. 309 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 2: He went on to create the National Institute for Play, 310 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 2: which that is such a cool job, that's like a 311 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:48,000 Speaker 2: dream job title. But basically by observing children, teenagers, and 312 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 2: importantly adults, he began to realize that how we enjoy 313 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,760 Speaker 2: our downtime is not the same for all of us. 314 00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 2: So if you want to connect with someone else through play, 315 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 2: personalities kind of have to be aligned. And there are 316 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,880 Speaker 2: eight distinct play personalities that we can have. So let's 317 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 2: go through them and just think about which of these 318 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,640 Speaker 2: might relate best to how you like to have fun. 319 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,679 Speaker 2: So the first one is the collector. The thrill of 320 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:24,199 Speaker 2: play for the collector is you know, collecting objects or experiences, trinkets, clothes, wine, coins, antiques. 321 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,640 Speaker 2: They might be a lot more solitary, but what they're 322 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:32,199 Speaker 2: really focused on is, you know, making a collection of 323 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,920 Speaker 2: things that they can feel proud of going out and 324 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,639 Speaker 2: sourcing these things, finding these things, and they often have 325 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,120 Speaker 2: really intense social connections with others who share this passion. 326 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 2: Then we have the competitor. Competitors access the euphoria and 327 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 2: the joy of play by participating in a competitive game 328 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 2: with specific rules. They are not just playing for the 329 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,439 Speaker 2: sake of playing. They are playing to win. So if 330 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 2: you like that, you know, keep score. If you like 331 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,399 Speaker 2: games in which you can win, I think that is 332 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 2: probably going to be your primary play personality. This is 333 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,560 Speaker 2: people who really like playing in team sports. They might 334 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 2: like single player video games where they might be like, oh, 335 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,439 Speaker 2: that wasn't fun unless I got something out of it, 336 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 2: and the thing I got out of it was success. 337 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,960 Speaker 2: Then we have the creator slash artists play personality. And 338 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 2: for this person the creator artist, the joy is found 339 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,120 Speaker 2: in just making things and they don't have to be good. 340 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 2: It could be painting, pottery, sculpture, you know, knitting, sewing, 341 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 2: even gardening is also included in this. And the thing 342 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 2: is is that this creator artist type, they might never 343 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 2: even show what they've created to the outside world. The 344 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,120 Speaker 2: point for them is just to make something, to make 345 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 2: something maybe goop you know, beautiful or functional, sometimes like ridiculous, 346 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 2: and and to make something that they enjoyed the process 347 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,199 Speaker 2: of making, not just for the sake of making. Then 348 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 2: we have the director. Directors play by planning. They might 349 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,479 Speaker 2: enjoy you know, executing scenes or events. I always think 350 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,119 Speaker 2: about like a film director. Obviously, most people who have 351 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,800 Speaker 2: this play personality aren't even aware of their motive in 352 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,240 Speaker 2: playing this way. They just like having the power to 353 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:30,639 Speaker 2: make things happen. They like creating things by directing things. 354 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,159 Speaker 2: They're just kind of like born organizers. They are the 355 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,200 Speaker 2: party givers. They are the planners of great excursions. They 356 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 2: bring people together, they create like really fun events. That's 357 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,640 Speaker 2: the director. Then we have the explorer, you know, exploring. 358 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 2: I think that that you know, the name kind of 359 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 2: says most of it. But it can be physical like 360 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,280 Speaker 2: literally you know, traveling, going on hikes, going on road trips. 361 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 2: Or it can be emotional, you know, searching for a 362 00:21:57,119 --> 00:22:03,320 Speaker 2: new feeling or deepening feeling through music, through movement. It 363 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:08,359 Speaker 2: might also be through exploration of a new subject. And 364 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,920 Speaker 2: this is what I found really interesting about this play 365 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 2: personality is people who really like, I don't know, getting 366 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,720 Speaker 2: into a deep dive on Wikipedia, or who get really 367 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 2: fixated on one specific subject for a while. That often 368 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,960 Speaker 2: has a lot of overlap with people who are neurodivergent 369 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 2: as well. We have three more to go. We have 370 00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 2: the joker. The joker's play always revolves around like some 371 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 2: kind of foolishness, like pranks or comedy or stand up 372 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,479 Speaker 2: that's like such a classic form of playfulness. Then we 373 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,520 Speaker 2: have the kinesthetic player. So these are people who like 374 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,240 Speaker 2: to move. Maybe they even need to move in order 375 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 2: to think. They like to naturally push their bodies and 376 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 2: feel the result. Obviously, run clubs at the moment are 377 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 2: a huge thing. A lot of kinesthetic players are probably 378 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,679 Speaker 2: really drawn to that, you know, yoga dance. They just 379 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,119 Speaker 2: like the openness of it all. They you know, competition 380 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,879 Speaker 2: isn't really the main focus. They just like engaging in 381 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:15,359 Speaker 2: play through movement. And finally, we have the storyteller. So 382 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,680 Speaker 2: imagination is really the key to the joy that this 383 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 2: person gets from play. They might be you know, novelist, 384 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 2: always writing stories or watching movies or you know, writing 385 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:35,400 Speaker 2: screenplays or making cartoons. They feel really engaged in stories 386 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:39,440 Speaker 2: and they experience the thoughts and the emotions of these 387 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:43,360 Speaker 2: characters in the story really intensely. People who are performers 388 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 2: are often storytellers. So people who like acting or giving 389 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,160 Speaker 2: lectures or poetry or whatever, normally they have the storyteller, 390 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 2: play personality. So these are the eight play personalities. And 391 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 2: you know what I love about the play personalities. They 392 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 2: reveal to import aspects of this that we haven't spoken 393 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:05,199 Speaker 2: about before. Play is firstly more than we think it is. 394 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,879 Speaker 2: You know, it can be researching, it can be collecting, 395 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 2: it can be daydreaming, it can be you know, physical movement, 396 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,479 Speaker 2: it can be exercising, whatever it is. I think that 397 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,560 Speaker 2: makes it so much more accessible. It's not just about 398 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,120 Speaker 2: being silly and chasing each other around. It's like quite 399 00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 2: intellectual and spiritual at times. And secondly, it goes to 400 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,679 Speaker 2: show that play isn't just social. It's also solo, and 401 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:34,480 Speaker 2: it's also parallel. And that last part is so important. Obviously, 402 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 2: we're talking about adult play dates, so solo play is 403 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,640 Speaker 2: kind of on the back burner today. We really want 404 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,439 Speaker 2: to talk about playing with other people, playing nice with 405 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,159 Speaker 2: other people. We're going to return to that at a 406 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 2: later date. But parallel play is one of my all 407 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 2: time favorite concepts in psychology. It could even be number one. 408 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 2: To be honest, I talk about this all the time. 409 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,480 Speaker 2: I think it has so many positive and hidden applications 410 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 2: to our lives and especially to our twenties. So parallel play. 411 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,879 Speaker 2: We normally only hear it referred to in children, but 412 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 2: you know who cares. We are all children at heart. 413 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,679 Speaker 2: It's basically a form of play where we play adjacent 414 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 2: to someone else, so we don't try and influence their behavior. 415 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 2: We're in the same room, but we're each doing something 416 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,240 Speaker 2: that we love, and we're deriving joy from that separately, 417 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,679 Speaker 2: but in parallel knowing that the other person is feeling 418 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:26,080 Speaker 2: lots of the samely and fascination and happiness next to you, 419 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,879 Speaker 2: so you're kind of sharing in the feeling but doing 420 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:35,199 Speaker 2: the activity separately. Parallel play is, in my mind, and 421 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 2: maybe this is overstating things. Tell me if you think 422 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,199 Speaker 2: it is. I think it's one of the answers to 423 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 2: rising loneliness in our society because it is so low effort. 424 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,240 Speaker 2: You still get to do what you love, and you 425 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 2: still get to do what you enjoy, but you have company. 426 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 2: So there are only two rules for parallel play. Firstly, 427 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,199 Speaker 2: you're both doing something that you enjoy as individuals, and secondly, 428 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,280 Speaker 2: you're not like completely ignoring each other. So one therapist 429 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 2: put it this way, if one person is, you know, 430 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,120 Speaker 2: playing really intense immersive video games, and it doesn't matter 431 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 2: to them whether their partner or their friend is in 432 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,159 Speaker 2: the room or not. That's not parallel play. It's like 433 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 2: more deep than that. You invite a friend over for 434 00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:20,080 Speaker 2: a movie and one of you scrap books whilst you knit. 435 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 2: You know, you're at the beach reading whilst they're building 436 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,879 Speaker 2: a sand castle. You're separate but equally tapped into the 437 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:31,160 Speaker 2: same experience, the experience of play and doing it next 438 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,920 Speaker 2: to each other and still being involved with each other. 439 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,399 Speaker 2: There are a few other ways that we can really 440 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:41,159 Speaker 2: bring that parallel play into our lives, right inviting a 441 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,120 Speaker 2: friend over, like I said, to both do something separately 442 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 2: that you were equally engaged in, or going to like 443 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,439 Speaker 2: a pottery class together. Going for a run together is 444 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 2: the perfect example of parallel play. Like you are both 445 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,120 Speaker 2: on your own mission to get the run done and over. 446 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 2: Maybe if you enjoy running, it's more enjoyable than that. 447 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,399 Speaker 2: But you know you're both doing the same thing, but 448 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 2: you are doing it separately. You're not you know, one 449 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 2: of you isn't moving one leg and the other person 450 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,600 Speaker 2: moving the other. You're enjoying the same experience in each 451 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,400 Speaker 2: other's presence, but doing it separately, if that makes sense. 452 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,480 Speaker 2: And it's so amazing how when you start implementing this 453 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,480 Speaker 2: you really see your relationships change because so often now 454 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,960 Speaker 2: I think socializing as an adult involves alcohol, involves structure, 455 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:32,359 Speaker 2: involves activities done at nighttime. And when we bring in 456 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,879 Speaker 2: parallel play, it's like we have more room to be 457 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 2: creative and actually do something that's going to make us 458 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 2: feel good at the end of the day and feel 459 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,880 Speaker 2: better and feel like our cup is really full. There 460 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,920 Speaker 2: are a few other ways that we can really bring 461 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:49,399 Speaker 2: play back to life. Literally, approach hanging out with your 462 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,960 Speaker 2: friends every time as a playdate and call it that, Like, say, 463 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,800 Speaker 2: do you want to come over and do an activity? 464 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 2: Do you want to have a board games night? Do 465 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,479 Speaker 2: you want to do some arts and crafts? Make that 466 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 2: the event, make that the playdate, be the instigator, and 467 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,800 Speaker 2: make it an experience. This is something that I think 468 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,159 Speaker 2: all of us need someone like this in our lives. 469 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,439 Speaker 2: Right the person who is going to be willing to 470 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:16,800 Speaker 2: put the extra effort in into making a hangout an 471 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:20,760 Speaker 2: activity feel like you are engaged and involved and like 472 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,960 Speaker 2: there are memories to be made there and you're really 473 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:27,439 Speaker 2: joyful and playing together. I would say, devote like a 474 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 2: day once a fortnight to a playdate and be intentional 475 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,520 Speaker 2: about it. Make the extra ten percent of effort to 476 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:39,200 Speaker 2: switch from dinner and drinks to you know, a movie 477 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 2: in a board game night, or go into a board 478 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 2: game bar. Like those things exist. They're so fun. Join 479 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:47,920 Speaker 2: a social sport team. So me and my friends do 480 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 2: this at the moment, and sometimes it's such a like 481 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 2: such a hassle to get everyone to show up, but 482 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,480 Speaker 2: when you do, it's like, Okay, we have this one 483 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 2: night a week that we feel obligated to go to, 484 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 2: which sometimes is a bit stressful, but when we get there, 485 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 2: we know we're going to have fun and I don't 486 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 2: think about work once and our endorphins. You rise and 487 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 2: we get a sweat up and we're laughing together. And 488 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,680 Speaker 2: it not only means that you see people more regularly 489 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,719 Speaker 2: because you have this thing that you go to together, 490 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,840 Speaker 2: but you actually are engaged in the experience of doing 491 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:24,240 Speaker 2: it with them, and you feel more present but also 492 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,440 Speaker 2: more relaxed, if that makes sense. And I think going 493 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:29,719 Speaker 2: back to that previous point because I kind of just 494 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 2: hit on it briefly, but I want to go into 495 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 2: it further, like I said before, be the instigator. Invite 496 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 2: people in find community through what you love. First, if 497 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:45,560 Speaker 2: it's sport, if it's art, people are more likely to 498 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,320 Speaker 2: show up and do things that they want to do, 499 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,040 Speaker 2: especially if you make it exciting, and especially if you 500 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:55,400 Speaker 2: bring community into that process. The other thing that I've 501 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 2: been really committed to, and especially on weekends when the 502 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 2: weather isn't terrible, is all we're making it a priority 503 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,320 Speaker 2: to be outside, to kind of move a hangout to 504 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,479 Speaker 2: somewhere scenic or nature based. I get it so much 505 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:11,320 Speaker 2: easier in summer. So if you're like in the Northern hemisphere, congratulations, 506 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 2: this is not too hard for you. But even like, 507 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:17,920 Speaker 2: choosing a physical activity indoors is so much more fun 508 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:23,200 Speaker 2: and more enriching, like especially when that's time in nature. 509 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 2: The world is your playground. You get to go out 510 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 2: and reconnect with who you are as a human and 511 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 2: get some fresh air, and it's just joint experience and 512 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,480 Speaker 2: a special memory. I was speaking about this too a 513 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:38,480 Speaker 2: friend of mine the other day, and almost two years 514 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,440 Speaker 2: ago we went on this hike. Honestly, it was probably 515 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 2: three years ago. We went on this hike together and 516 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,400 Speaker 2: it was totally out of routine for us, we don't 517 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 2: do it that much. And anytime I think about, like 518 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,480 Speaker 2: my core memories and experiences with this person, I couldn't 519 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,240 Speaker 2: tell you, like the last place we got in, I 520 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,560 Speaker 2: couldn't tell you the last meal that we had together. 521 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 2: But I always reflect on this hike and I reflect 522 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 2: on how special, meaningful it was also run chores together. 523 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,400 Speaker 2: I am going to make an argument for the fact 524 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 2: that chores are a form of play, and you can 525 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 2: make them fun. And you can make them fun. You 526 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 2: can make you can take something that is so adult 527 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 2: and serious and often such a time commitment and enjoy 528 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,560 Speaker 2: it more when you approach it like you are a child. 529 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 2: And when you approach it by bringing someone along and 530 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 2: you know, chatting with them while you do it, making 531 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:31,560 Speaker 2: jokes in the aisles, and taking those everyday experiences and 532 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:35,760 Speaker 2: being deliberate about your choice to make them interesting and 533 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 2: bringing in new dimension to them. That is a form 534 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:42,719 Speaker 2: of play. Farmers markets great opportunity for this. If you 535 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 2: live near one, It is going to take you the 536 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 2: same amount of time as you go to the grocery store. 537 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,520 Speaker 2: And maybe they won't have everything that you want or 538 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 2: whatever that you know, whatever the problem is. But if 539 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,720 Speaker 2: you like invite friends and you go and do it there, 540 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 2: it is that's a core memory there. That is a 541 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:02,080 Speaker 2: fun memory, that is a playful joy for wonderful time 542 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:06,040 Speaker 2: that you get to reflect back on together. Also engage 543 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:11,120 Speaker 2: in microplay, those small moments of glee games at the 544 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,880 Speaker 2: grocery store, in the parking lot with yourself, trying to 545 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:19,880 Speaker 2: avoid like the cracks in the road, like making funny voices, 546 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 2: literally throwing a ball around at lunch. Those micro moments, 547 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 2: like micro habits, build up and accumulate. They put you 548 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,040 Speaker 2: back in touch with your imagination and with your just 549 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 2: genuine enjoyment of life. And I do think that every 550 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,560 Speaker 2: small moment where we let ourselves be free and we 551 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,480 Speaker 2: let ourselves be a kid again and we kind of 552 00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:46,120 Speaker 2: shirk off the responsibilities of adulthood make us happier people 553 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:51,120 Speaker 2: and greatly reduce our stress as well. I just want 554 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 2: to conclude this episode by saying, I get that play 555 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 2: doesn't seem important and why we push it down our lists, 556 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,600 Speaker 2: But the people around you, when you provide them with 557 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 2: the opportunity, they will really go for it. Everybody is 558 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:10,520 Speaker 2: really looking for opportunities to engage with people in a 559 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 2: more meaningful way. Maybe it's like a hangover from the pandemic. 560 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 2: I don't know, But all those things that we miss 561 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 2: about our childhood selves, our creativity and our appreciation for 562 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:25,280 Speaker 2: the small things, even our energy, even our sense of hope, 563 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,480 Speaker 2: but also the fact that the friendships we made back 564 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:32,960 Speaker 2: then were so immediately important and valuable and fun. I 565 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 2: think play is truly the answer to that. So however 566 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,760 Speaker 2: you find it in your life, please find a way 567 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:43,239 Speaker 2: to incorporate it, find a way to make it an 568 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:46,880 Speaker 2: essential the same way that you would make exercising in essential, 569 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,120 Speaker 2: or the same way that you would make going to 570 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:53,440 Speaker 2: work or going to the doctor and essential. Play is, 571 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 2: in my mind, if you cannot tell one of those 572 00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 2: core self fulfillment and self actualation activities that we're neglecting. 573 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,800 Speaker 2: And although they haven't I don't know if there's been 574 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,319 Speaker 2: a study on this, I feel like it's contributing to 575 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 2: a lot of the modern day problems that people are 576 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 2: trying to find solutions for the fact that we are 577 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:19,480 Speaker 2: made to be too serious and too disengaged too early. 578 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,759 Speaker 2: So thank you so much for listening to this episode. 579 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:24,560 Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you got something 580 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 2: out of it. I hope that you are scheduling an 581 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:30,319 Speaker 2: adult playdate right now. Message your friends, see if you 582 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,239 Speaker 2: can get into a pottery class. See if you want 583 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:35,000 Speaker 2: to go to the beach this weekend. Go and play tennis. 584 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 2: I don't care what it is, make it happen, and 585 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,239 Speaker 2: thank you for listening along. If you did enjoy this episode, 586 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:43,680 Speaker 2: please feel free to leave a five star review on 587 00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:47,279 Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now. It 588 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 2: helps the show to groote, it helps it reach new people, 589 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 2: and it makes me really happy. I read every single 590 00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 2: one of your reviews. They really do make my day. 591 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 2: If you have an episode suggestion, if you have any 592 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,560 Speaker 2: feedback on this episode, if you are thinking about more 593 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 2: ways that we could bring play into your life that 594 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:07,040 Speaker 2: I didn't mention, please feel free to DM me at 595 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,399 Speaker 2: that psychology podcast on Instagram. I'd love to hear from you. 596 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,719 Speaker 2: And until next time, stay safe, be kind, and be 597 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,040 Speaker 2: gentle to yourself. Please and thank you. We will talk 598 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:18,879 Speaker 2: very very soon.