Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central show time Way for the
Speaker 1: Daily Show. My name is John Stuart.
Speaker 2: We have a fabulous show for you tonight. I'm not
Speaker 2: you know what I'm not gonna do tonight. I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna overthink it. Honestly, I'm just gonna come out here
Speaker 2: like Pacino at the Oscars, I'm just gonna mumble. If
Speaker 2: you weren't there it, Eventually you'll figure out what I.
Speaker 1: Was getting at. It's fine. The big event we need
Speaker 1: to talk about.
Speaker 2: It's the Oscars of politics, the State of the Union
Speaker 2: address last Thursday night, Joseph Raising.
Speaker 3: That Biden the twelve.
Speaker 2: He had the unenviable task of having to lay out
Speaker 2: his vision for the nation, whilst also demonstrating that he
Speaker 2: is not too old, not too tired to be the
Speaker 2: President of the United States, and that he wouldn't rather
Speaker 2: just tie thousands of balloons to the White.
Speaker 1: House and had to paradise balls.
Speaker 2: And so President Biden entered the House Chamber, navigating through
Speaker 2: our divided Congress and barely barely barely getting past the
Speaker 2: bridge troll who guards the bodio.
Speaker 4: What say you, sir, I say to the American people,
Speaker 4: when America gets knocked down, we get back up. My
Speaker 4: message of President Putina I've known for a long time
Speaker 4: is simple.
Speaker 3: We will not walk away burning books.
Speaker 1: It's wrong.
Speaker 4: I say, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it
Speaker 4: pass universal backgrounds.
Speaker 1: Send me to border Bell.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 4: The state of argument is strong and getty stronger.
Speaker 3: Which one of you princks wants to fight? Put up
Speaker 3: your dukes Biden's back, baby.
Speaker 2: I know that all the haters have been out there
Speaker 2: talking their shit.
Speaker 3: He's too old, he's too weak. He can't make it.
Speaker 3: He won't be understand.
Speaker 1: Oh, I see you haters. I know who you are.
Speaker 1: Really you know. We said in rehearsal, can you give
Speaker 1: me a prettier mirror? At boy? Boy? Did they deliver?
Speaker 6: That?
Speaker 7: Is?
Speaker 2: Of course, by the way, State of the Union was
Speaker 2: just the Democratic message.
Speaker 1: Would that message survive?
Speaker 2: Would that message survive a concise and intelligent rebuttal? We're
Speaker 2: ahead of it.
Speaker 1: What happened to happen on Thursday? I should read the
Speaker 1: whole thing, though I shouldn't.
Speaker 2: Would it survive a concise and intelligent rebuttal from the
Speaker 2: GOP or whatever it was that Alabama Senator Katie.
Speaker 8: Britt to the kitchen batman our families are hurting. Our
Speaker 8: country can do better. President Biden's border policies are a disgrace.
Speaker 8: Mister President, enough is enough.
Speaker 5: End this crisis and stop the suffering. We see you,
Speaker 5: we hear you, and we stand with you.
Speaker 2: If you're going to stand with me, could you stand
Speaker 2: a little bit further away. I imagine one of her
Speaker 2: kids just came downstairs and was like, I'm sorry, Mom,
Speaker 2: I just came down to get a bowl of cereal.
Speaker 2: I didn't realize you were losing your mind. I'll come
Speaker 2: back when the Zannies kick came.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Look, everybody's had a bit of a go at Senator
Speaker 2: Britt because her rebuttal was objectively terrible.
Speaker 1: But there was one moment in a rebuttal.
Speaker 2: That didn't get as much attention that I thought was
Speaker 2: quite interesting.
Speaker 8: We are the party of hard working parents and families,
Speaker 8: so I am asking you, for the sake of your
Speaker 8: kids and your grandkids, get into the arena. Never forget
Speaker 8: we are steeped in the blood of patriots who overthrew
Speaker 8: the most powerful empire in the world.
Speaker 1: Two things.
Speaker 2: One who smiles when they say the line steeped in
Speaker 2: the blood of patriots and number two This is just
Speaker 2: one more entry in the Republican mythology that they are
Speaker 2: the inheritors of the American revolutionary tradition, that they somehow
Speaker 2: are more American y than non Republican Americans.
Speaker 9: We are the party of the real American people, real America,
Speaker 9: where people work hard, they're patriotic.
Speaker 10: They don't want to transform America like the Democratic Party
Speaker 10: wants to do.
Speaker 1: This liberal bubble in New York or you know, in California.
Speaker 3: That don't understand where real Americans are at.
Speaker 9: The Democrat elite very simply hate America.
Speaker 2: I don't think they hate America. They hate room temperature.
Speaker 1: Yoga is really Yoga's closed me very hot.
Speaker 2: Just out of curiosity, what is it about the Republican
Speaker 2: Party that makes it americinnier than the rest of us?
Speaker 7: Where the party and ideology of the Constitution.
Speaker 9: Every decision that I make starts with asking the questions
Speaker 9: is this constitutional?
Speaker 1: I believe in this document.
Speaker 9: I carry it with me next to my heart because
Speaker 9: I refer to it daily.
Speaker 10: As we all know, the Constitution starts with the three
Speaker 10: most important words outside the Bible, we the People, the
Speaker 10: power of we the people, We.
Speaker 6: The people, the Constitution, We believe in it.
Speaker 11: They do not.
Speaker 1: Do you rip it up? That was your copy.
Speaker 3: You said that that's what they do. When you did it,
Speaker 3: you ripped.
Speaker 2: It out like Shinad O'Connor's, like I believe in the Pope.
Speaker 2: But oh yes, it's an article of faith that Republicans
Speaker 2: love the Constitution. They give speeches in front of the Constitution.
Speaker 2: They cover their buses in the Constitution. They dress up
Speaker 2: like the people who wrote the Constitution.
Speaker 1: Do you communists.
Speaker 3: With your unconstitutioned buses and zero cornered hats.
Speaker 2: That's why these patriots love Donald Trump, for he alone
Speaker 2: will restore the rule of.
Speaker 1: Law in our constitutional public.
Speaker 11: Trump's lawyer claimed the president has a legal license to
Speaker 11: murder his American political rivals.
Speaker 3: Just gonna just gonna check my foot on.
Speaker 1: It's gonna check, hime.
Speaker 2: I actually keep my heart next to my Constitution.
Speaker 1: That's how important. My hands are shaking. I'm so nervous.
Speaker 2: I don't see anything in here about assassinating your political rivals.
Speaker 1: Here it is hold on, I asked.
Speaker 2: It says the president must faithfully execute Well, I think.
Speaker 1: We're done here. The laws of a land. Never mind
Speaker 1: why I don't want to be a nitpicker, but I
Speaker 1: do not remember.
Speaker 2: The assassination episode of Schoolhouse Rock. Under the constitution, wouldn't
Speaker 2: you get in some trouble for that?
Speaker 12: I feel that as a president you have to have immunity,
Speaker 12: very simple.
Speaker 2: Yes, it is the bedrock American constitutional principle. The president
Speaker 2: must be above the law, out of reach of the law.
Speaker 2: Look forget the constitution. Accountability to the law of the
Speaker 2: land is basic. Magna cartas shit. Keep him tiny magna
Speaker 2: carta in my you know what, I'm sorry, this is
Speaker 2: just a flip book. Hold on, Oh, dog's never going
Speaker 2: to catch that car. Maybe they like Trump because he's
Speaker 2: more of Bill a rights guy.
Speaker 1: President Trump attacking the First Amendment and freedom of the press.
Speaker 7: You take the writer and or the publisher of the
Speaker 7: paper a certain paper, and you know, and you say,
Speaker 7: who is the laker national security? And they say, we're
Speaker 7: not going to tell you. They say it's okay, you're.
Speaker 3: Going to jail.
Speaker 7: And when this version realizes that he is going to
Speaker 7: be the bride of another presider, very sure.
Speaker 1: I believe it was Thomas Jefferson who.
Speaker 2: Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, though obviously,
Speaker 2: as with any right there is.
Speaker 1: Some wiggle room for non consensual aspect.
Speaker 2: Don't blame me, that's Jefferson. He said that, Thomas Jefferson.
Speaker 1: Look it up. Hold on, let me get.
Speaker 2: But that's the press, the press of the enemy of
Speaker 2: the people. How does Trump feel about freedom of assembly?
Speaker 1: He says, can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them
Speaker 1: in the legs or something. And he's suggesting that we
Speaker 1: should do that. We should bring in the troops and
Speaker 1: shoot the protesters.
Speaker 9: The Commander in chief was suggesting that the US military
Speaker 9: shoot protesters.
Speaker 1: Yes, in the streets America or Nations capital. That's right.
Speaker 2: Well, they'd still be free to assemble, just the assembly
Speaker 2: would be more of a.
Speaker 1: Pile, that's all.
Speaker 2: But that's just hearsay from Trump's secretary of Defense at
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 1: Look, how about the Fifth Amendment? Due process?
Speaker 12: Very simply, if you rob a store, you can fully
Speaker 12: expect to be shot as you are leaving that store.
Speaker 3: What are we doing?
Speaker 2: You know, I'm pretty sure that shooting a guy on
Speaker 2: suspicion of stealing a pair of khakis violates not only
Speaker 2: the Constitution, but the Ten Commandments and the Gap Employee Handbook.
Speaker 2: All right, I promise you that is the end of
Speaker 2: the things in my jacket. Now we've had our fun
Speaker 2: dancing around the former president's rather eccentric interpretations of our
Speaker 2: country's founding document. May I offer you something more explicit.
Speaker 12: I only want to be a dictator for one day,
Speaker 12: just so you know, that is how it starts.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying anybody has to do the arm salute.
Speaker 2: Let's just start with a few people doing the arms saluke,
Speaker 2: and we'll see if the arm salute catches on. Ignoring
Speaker 2: the Bill of Rights, tearing up the Constitution, pining for
Speaker 2: a brief stint.
Speaker 1: As a dictator, well that settles it.
Speaker 2: When the good, patriotic, constitution loving real Americans hear Trump's
Speaker 2: disrespect and disdain for our sacred constitutional principles, they will
Speaker 2: be outraged.
Speaker 1: I'd really have Donald trumb Is a dictator for four years.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, this country needs a dictator.
Speaker 11: I hate to say that, but it's the truth.
Speaker 5: He could stand on the front steps of the Flit
Speaker 5: House and and commit murder, and I'm with it.
Speaker 13: If he says it, then I'll go with it. And
Speaker 13: if he wants to be a dictator, then so be it.
Speaker 1: This is it.
Speaker 2: The Thomas Nast cartoon patriots festooned in American flags, co
Speaker 2: signing dictatorship.
Speaker 1: Remember we the people.
Speaker 14: You know.
Speaker 2: There's more words after that, right, smaller font, still binding. Look,
Speaker 2: if you want to love Trump, love them, go to
Speaker 2: the rallies, buy the sneakers. You want to give him
Speaker 2: absolute power. You want them to be the leader uber allis.
Speaker 2: You want them to have the right of kings. You
Speaker 2: do you, but stop framing it as patriotism, because the
Speaker 2: one thing you've got out say is that Donald Trump
Speaker 2: is following the tradition of the Founders. He is advocating
Speaker 2: for complete and total presidential immunity his words, not mine.
Speaker 2: That is monarchy shit, and it's your right to support it.
Speaker 2: But just do me a favor for historical accuracy. Next
Speaker 2: time you want to dress up at the rallies, were
Speaker 2: the right colored coats?
Speaker 1: That's what you are.
Speaker 14: And I just want to.
Speaker 3: Pay you out and I want you to know.
Speaker 1: We see you.
Speaker 15: First, let's get into our continuing coverage of Indecision twenty
Speaker 15: twenty four. Let's kick things off with the presidential race. Yesterday,
Speaker 15: Joe Biden and Donald Trump both secured enough delegates to
Speaker 15: clinch their party's nomination, making this officially a three men
Speaker 15: race between Trump, Biden, and natural causes, although there is
Speaker 15: another candidate in the race who can play a big role,
Speaker 15: Robert F.
Speaker 1: Kennedy Junior.
Speaker 15: He's pulling as high as twenty two percent so far,
Speaker 15: which means he could lose this election more successfully than
Speaker 15: any third party candidate in years, and soon we'll find.
Speaker 1: Out who he'll choose to lose alongside him.
Speaker 14: What Kennedy Junior says he has chosen his running mate
Speaker 14: and will announce his VP pick in the next two weeks.
Speaker 14: The independent presidential candidate says his short list includes New
Speaker 14: York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers, who came under scrutiny during
Speaker 14: the pandemic for misleading the public about his vaccination status.
Speaker 15: That's right, Aaron Rodgers could be RFK Junior's running mate.
Speaker 15: This would be the greatest president and vice president pairing
Speaker 15: of all time, is what I'm assuming.
Speaker 1: The measles virus is saying.
Speaker 15: A football player in the White House feels like progress.
Speaker 15: Though we don't need any more aging old men with
Speaker 15: brain problems.
Speaker 1: We need a strong young man with brain problems. I
Speaker 1: just don't know if Aaron.
Speaker 15: Rodgers is qualified to be next in line for the presidency.
Speaker 15: But I guess we don't have to worry about that.
Speaker 15: When has a Kennedy ever died unexpectedly?
Speaker 16: Don't forget Aaron Rodgers is supposed to be the starting
Speaker 16: quarterback for the Jets next season, so the question is
Speaker 16: what's he going to do if the Jets make it
Speaker 16: to the Super Bowl?
Speaker 1: I all don't tell it together.
Speaker 16: Almost Meanwhile, RFK isn't the only candidate closing in on
Speaker 16: a running mate. Donald Trump has also been looking at
Speaker 16: potential vice presidents. He's focused grouping their appeal, feeling them
Speaker 16: out on policy, seeing how soft their lips feel on
Speaker 16: his ass. And this week, one of Trump's leading contenders
Speaker 16: made a strong, if somewhat unusual bid for the spotlight.
Speaker 16: South Dakota Governor Christy nome Is making waves after releasing
Speaker 16: a video on social media promoting a cosmetic dentist in
Speaker 16: a different state, Texas.
Speaker 9: The team here was remarkable and finally gave me a
Speaker 9: smile that I can be proud of and confident in.
Speaker 9: I can be confident when I smile at people and
Speaker 9: know that they can actually appreciate and see the kindness
Speaker 9: in my face and the love that I have for them.
Speaker 9: My husband and I flew down to Houston, got here
Speaker 9: at two o'clock in the morning, and did an appointment
Speaker 9: that very next week. I'll be eternally grateful. It has
Speaker 9: been a gift to be here at Smile Texas.
Speaker 1: What is going on here?
Speaker 16: Why is the sitting governor doing an ad for veneers
Speaker 16: and for a dentist in another state? Isn't that insulting
Speaker 16: to South Dakota. I flew to Texas at two in
Speaker 16: the morning because these hillbilly dipshits in my state are
Speaker 16: that bad. Next week I'm going to Florida for a haircut.
Speaker 16: This is just so cringey. Why is she shilling for
Speaker 16: Smile Texas when she should be shilling for Westside Dental
Speaker 16: Spa who do great work. Use CODEZI to get me
Speaker 16: twenty five percent off my next cleaning. Having said, I
Speaker 16: am impressed, this might be the first time a woman
Speaker 16: has had to fly into Texas to see a doctor.
Speaker 15: I do appreciate a politician being so transparent with the
Speaker 15: fact that they're bought.
Speaker 1: You know, they should do this all the time.
Speaker 15: My fellow Americans, the state of our union is easy, breezy,
Speaker 15: beautiful cover girl, Let's move on to the big news
Speaker 15: of the day. If you're like many Americans, you're on TikTok.
Speaker 15: In fact, you're probably on it right now while this
Speaker 15: show plays in the background.
Speaker 3: Hey hey, I'm on TV over here.
Speaker 15: Pay attention unless you're watching me on TikTok, in which
Speaker 15: case nice, Thank you. Anyway, TikTok is huge, But if
Speaker 15: Congress has its way, that's about to change.
Speaker 13: We begin this hour with breaking news up on Capitol Hill.
Speaker 13: Just minutes ago, Houst lawmakers passed a bill that could
Speaker 13: lead to a ban of the very popular social media
Speaker 13: platform TikTok here in the United States, and the measure
Speaker 13: would give the company less than six months to sell
Speaker 13: to a non Chinese owner. If that doesn't happen, TikTok
Speaker 13: could be shut down here in the United States.
Speaker 6: Lawmakers from both parties warning that China could manipulate the
Speaker 6: algorithm to spread its own propaganda or.
Speaker 8: Data like your browser history and location could be shared
Speaker 8: with the Chinese government.
Speaker 2: This is not an attempt to ban TikTok.
Speaker 3: It's an attempt to make TikTok better. T tech toe
Speaker 3: a winner, a winner, that's.
Speaker 1: Right, that's right.
Speaker 15: Congress might be banning TikTok or banning tic tac Toe.
Speaker 15: I'm not sure Nancy Pelosi knows. Also, tic tac Toe
Speaker 15: winner tic tac Toe is always a tie, unless you're
Speaker 15: playing with your three year old, then I'm winning three
Speaker 15: out of five times. But yes, obviously there's a problem
Speaker 15: with a Chinese app spying on Americans and feeding us propaganda.
Speaker 15: You want American apps doing that, But is this app
Speaker 15: really a Chinese propaganda tool? The most viral TikTok right
Speaker 15: now is just this chocolate strawberries that has more than
Speaker 15: seven hundred and ten million views, and there's nothing political
Speaker 15: about it. I mean, yes, it does make you want
Speaker 15: to invade Taiwan a little, but aside from that, it's harmless.
Speaker 16: What's interesting here is how unpredictable the breakdown of the
Speaker 16: vote was. Marjorie Taylor Green and AOC voted together against
Speaker 16: the bill. Nancy Pelosi and Lauren Bobert voted for it,
Speaker 16: both nightmare blunt rotations, by the way. Meanwhile, Biden's Biden
Speaker 16: says he'd sign the bill, and Trump has come out
Speaker 16: against it. The only thing you can really count on
Speaker 16: is that young people hate it, and TikTok is doing
Speaker 16: everything it can to mobilize them.
Speaker 2: The company has launched an all out lobbying effort, both
Speaker 2: on the app and here on Capitol Hill.
Speaker 14: If you are on TikTok, there's a good chance you've
Speaker 14: gotten an alert to say, call your member of Congress.
Speaker 1: Phones are ringing off the.
Speaker 14: Hook in many offices here in Washington.
Speaker 2: Little children calling into our office and others business saying
Speaker 2: questions like what is Congress?
Speaker 1: What is a Congressman? Can I have my TikTok back?
Speaker 16: That's how you know this issue was important. It forced
Speaker 16: gen Z to make their very first phone call. And
Speaker 16: you know, you know, congressmen must have been pissed at
Speaker 16: teenagers blowing up their phones all day. I mean, well,
Speaker 16: Matt Gates didn't mind, but rest of them were picked.
Speaker 15: Look, I have to say, as an American, it's great
Speaker 15: that these kids are getting involved in the civic process.
Speaker 15: You're never too young to start getting ignored by your congressperson.
Speaker 15: For more on the TikTok band, we go live to Washington,
Speaker 15: d C. With Ronnie Chang.
Speaker 2: Ronnie, what's the feeling up on Capitol Hill.
Speaker 6: I'll tell you what the feeling should be. America should
Speaker 6: be feeling humiliated right now, China made an app so
Speaker 6: popular that the government has to ban it.
Speaker 3: That means communists.
Speaker 6: China beat free market America at capitalism.
Speaker 1: All right, that's like a whole thing.
Speaker 3: America, and you lost.
Speaker 6: This is as bad as that time that Asian dude
Speaker 6: won the hot dog eating contest six times in a row.
Speaker 6: China beat us so bad at mindless entertainment.
Speaker 3: We need the government to save us. Oh no, TikTok's popular. Now,
Speaker 3: what dicktive to our.
Speaker 6: Phones that are also made in China?
Speaker 16: Rinnie, Hold on a minute, what choice do our leaders
Speaker 16: have here? China is using TikTok to influence people.
Speaker 3: Oh trust me.
Speaker 6: I know before I use TikTok, I was a white
Speaker 6: guy in Iowa named Mike Sullivan.
Speaker 3: Okay, look at me now, is that true?
Speaker 1: Is that true?
Speaker 6: No, No, idiots, that's just how susceptible we all ought
Speaker 6: to miss in form. And it doesn't matter what app
Speaker 6: you use. Okay, I wouldn't be surprised if the next
Speaker 6: election is swung by uber eats, Like here's a spaghetti
Speaker 6: vote for Donald Trump. Oh okay, I will whatever you say,
Speaker 6: mister spaghetti.
Speaker 16: All right, Ronnie you're not being fair. Americans aren't gullible.
Speaker 16: It's that TikTok is an incredibly powerful tool for spreading misinformation.
Speaker 6: Yeah, because that misinformation is entertaining. Facebook has just as
Speaker 6: much misinformation, but it's boring as shit. How am I
Speaker 6: supposed to get behind conspiracies that come from your great
Speaker 6: aunt who can't even pop and lock.
Speaker 3: Misinformation?
Speaker 6: TikTok misinformation is exciting, cool dancers, cute baby animals, tenements
Speaker 6: square didn't happen.
Speaker 3: We're all having fun.
Speaker 15: So what America's supposed to just roll over and let
Speaker 15: TikTok do whatever it wants.
Speaker 6: Yes, or America can innovate itself out of this problem.
Speaker 6: Just make a better app to package American misinfgo nation world.
Speaker 6: Why because American misinformation is the best in the world. Okay,
Speaker 6: we got people to storm the Capitol dress as a buffalo. No,
Speaker 6: Gwyneth Paltrow told me to put an egg in my vagina.
Speaker 6: American misinformation is straight up turning people into omelets.
Speaker 3: That's how powerful it is.
Speaker 6: And you know what, we can win this war of
Speaker 6: misinformation America. Or my name isn't Mike Sullivan?
Speaker 10: Wow?
Speaker 3: Inspiring Mike sullivant.
Speaker 16: Everyone.
Speaker 7: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 7: searching the.
Speaker 3: Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily
Speaker 3: Show week nights at eleven ten.
Speaker 4: Central on Comedy Central, and streamful episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.
Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcast.
Speaker 3: Yew.