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Speaker 1: Two hopeless one dating app then bears you swipe right.

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Speaker 2: The question is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 3: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.

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Speaker 2: It's the dating game show that knows the secret to

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Speaker 2: intimacy is sharing a toothbrush on night one Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: do that.

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Speaker 3: Don't do that on night one thousand you use it

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Speaker 3: at the same time.

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Speaker 1: Broke cold.

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Speaker 3: Not what you're thinking.

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Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates, where two of our

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Speaker 2: listeners go head to head to find out whose dating

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Speaker 2: life is the most tragic. We'll get to the rules

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Speaker 2: in just a second, but first let's meet today's contestants.

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Speaker 2: In this corner, she likes her men the same way

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Speaker 2: she likes her cars. Modest, reliable, and able to accommodate

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Speaker 2: five to seven children.

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Speaker 1: Met Dian Hello.

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Speaker 3: Been a less sexy nickname.

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Speaker 2: In the other corner, she's into clear skies, bars with

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Speaker 2: saddles for seats, and whatever dumb sports team or date likes.

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Speaker 3: Say hello to fair Weather Heather.

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Speaker 4: Hi everybody, he's into what I'm into.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Here's how the game works.

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Speaker 2: One contestant will start by telling one of their worst

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Speaker 2: date stories.

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Speaker 3: The other will try and counter with the nightmare story

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Speaker 3: of their own.

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Speaker 2: We're going back and forth for three rounds until we

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Speaker 2: declare a winner. We're gonna start it off with Mini

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Speaker 2: Van Diane Get it girl.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. So basically I went back with a tinner date

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Speaker 4: to his house. Yeah, you know, we're just kind of

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Speaker 4: messing around on his bed and then there was like

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Speaker 4: a stuff there on the bed. So I went to

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Speaker 4: move it out of the way. Before I knew it,

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Speaker 4: he grabbed it out of my hand, like very aggressively.

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Speaker 4: Uh oh no, he assisted it had to say it's place.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, what's the deal.

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Speaker 3: Oh, maybe it's like covering a stain on the bed.

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Speaker 3: Some people use it for that. I thought it was

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Speaker 3: just his security bear. It makes him feel better. Maybe

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Speaker 3: did he say?

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Speaker 4: He told me it's an encouragement bear built in parts

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Speaker 4: of recording.

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Speaker 3: Encouraging. What are you going to take on the day?

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Speaker 3: I was joking he needs like a hype man.

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Speaker 4: During the deep he had me press the button and

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Speaker 4: a sound came out of it saying, you got the honey.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I know it was his mom o, his mother's voice.

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Speaker 2: Yet that's not the hype woman that you want. The

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Speaker 2: next one was like more tongues, sweetie. Yeah, bros O

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Speaker 2: fair counter.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I had this tender day bring me home to

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Speaker 1: meet his pets.

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Speaker 3: It's okay, that's kind of cute.

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Speaker 1: Sure, Like we get in his house and he's calling

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Speaker 1: the name Freddy. Okay, but nothing happened. So at this

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Speaker 1: point I'm like, did he just make this up to

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Speaker 1: get me back to his crib friend?

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Speaker 3: What you don't see the dog.

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Speaker 1: In front of I don't see anything in front of me.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, but I don't know where. A fly goes

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Speaker 1: by the both of us, and he yells, there you

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Speaker 1: are what.

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Speaker 3: His pet fly?

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Speaker 1: And then he's spending the next ten minutes showing me

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Speaker 1: that him and Freddy are playing tag.

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Speaker 3: He got a little string. Oh he's laying eggs in

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Speaker 3: your ear. That means he likes you. Okay, Well he

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Speaker 3: got the bell for round two. That means, Diane, we're

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Speaker 3: back to you.

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Speaker 4: So I went to the beach with a guy and

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Speaker 4: he suggested we do this stink where we bury one

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Speaker 4: person in the sand.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, classic game.

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Speaker 4: I thought it's funny. He covered me up. I'm just

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Speaker 4: laying there, okay, and it's like out of a movie.

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Speaker 4: He sees a hot girl walking by. Yeah, so he

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Speaker 4: just like, puts a beach chair over my head? What

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Speaker 4: to hide? Yeah, it was like he was trying to

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Speaker 4: hide me so the girl couldn't see me.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, and you're just stuck.

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Speaker 4: And then he tries to flirt with her.

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Speaker 2: Oh I mean you gotta be yelling at this point, right, Yeah, I.

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Speaker 4: Mean I kind of froze. I was like, what should

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Speaker 4: I do?

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Speaker 3: Can you step it up?

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Speaker 1: I was out with this guy and we decided to

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Speaker 1: go to this little hole in the wall, this little

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Speaker 1: burrito place. So we get to the register and they

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Speaker 1: say they only take cash, but both of us don't

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Speaker 1: have any I.

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Speaker 2: Can pay the seven dollars fees.

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Speaker 1: So he just says it's okay, come with me. So

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Speaker 1: we end up going back to his place and he

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Speaker 1: immediately walks to the backyard. He starts digging with a

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Speaker 1: shovel and turns out he's got a bag of cash

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Speaker 1: in there.

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Speaker 3: I got the good stuff.

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Speaker 1: Who needs an at M jose No fees if you

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Speaker 1: keep it buried in your backyard. It's crazy because I

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Speaker 1: was thinking like, Okay, this is a bit weird. I

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Speaker 1: don't trust banks.

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Speaker 2: But he trusted you enough to know where his special

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Speaker 2: spot was exactly.

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Speaker 3: That's real sweet you said let him go.

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Speaker 2: But now we're on to our third and final round here,

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Speaker 2: so we need your best stories, ladies.

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Speaker 3: So Mini Van Diane, what do you got?

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Speaker 4: So a guy invited me on his boats, the two

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Speaker 4: of us, and he's being flirty, putting his arms around me,

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Speaker 4: letting me drive the boat. Oh yeah, and that's when

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Speaker 4: I see someone on a paddle board waving their hands

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Speaker 4: in the air, screaming at us.

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Speaker 2: Probably Alexis, but yeah, okay.

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Speaker 4: Well he freaks out. He tells me to steer the

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Speaker 4: other way because it's actually his girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: And that's when you steered directly into her.

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Speaker 4: I know. He's like, oh, I didn't know she'd be

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Speaker 4: on the lake today.

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Speaker 2: Between sandboy and paddle board girl, you need to stay

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Speaker 2: away from all bodies of water.

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Speaker 3: Stories are so good, he this is your last chance.

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Speaker 1: Okay. So, like, I go out with this guy. Things

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Speaker 1: are going great, and he said, well, let's go back

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Speaker 1: to my place to watch a video.

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Speaker 3: A video that's a weird way to put it, okay.

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Speaker 1: So when we get there, he pulls up his ring

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Speaker 1: camera footage on his iPad.

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Speaker 2: Stop it.

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Speaker 1: He starts replaying it over and over just to show

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Speaker 1: me how good he looked getting the mail the other day.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh oh, he set up his ring camera so

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Speaker 1: it gets his right angles.

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Speaker 3: And did he look high?

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Speaker 1: Oh he looked average. But he's like showing me these

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Speaker 1: other videos of himself taking the trash out, parking a car.

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Speaker 3: So we didn't watch the next episode without you?

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Speaker 1: He actually did. I didn't stick around.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, oh, you didn't see the end of the series.

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Speaker 2: Will never know. But the final bell was there. We

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Speaker 2: need to score this, Judges, So alexis, who are you

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Speaker 2: gonna give it to?

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Speaker 1: I'm going Diane for the Teddy Bear with his mom's.

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Speaker 2: Voice for Diane Broke, I'm going Diane for the head

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Speaker 2: of the sand. Yeah, okay, well that means Diane Mini

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Speaker 2: Van Diane. Congratulations, you are our forsaken female of the week.

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Speaker 1: Can we get an oh yeah, oh yeah.

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Speaker 2: No text in seven, eight, five, nine two and you

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Speaker 2: might appear on the next edition of Battle of the

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Speaker 2: Tender Dates.

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Speaker 3: We got your phone tap coming

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Speaker 1: Up, Brook and Jeffrey in the morning