Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2: What are we doing on YouTube now, Catherine? Airing are
Speaker 2: full episodes or yeps?
Speaker 3: We have full episodes available on YouTube as well as
Speaker 3: some older episodes that we're putting out now. So check
Speaker 3: for the weekly episode. They go up on Thursdays, just
Speaker 3: like the podcast, and you know we throw in an
Speaker 3: extra old episode for funzies.
Speaker 4: Great well, great, okay, yes.
Speaker 2: People ask all the time where they can watch the podcast,
Speaker 2: so now you can watch it and it's the full episodes,
Speaker 2: right Catherine.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, oh great, this is awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're gonna love it.
Speaker 4: Chelsea.
Speaker 3: I know you're here prepping for the Critics' Choice Awards
Speaker 3: and you've got.
Speaker 1: Your new book coming out if people want to pre
Speaker 1: order it.
Speaker 2: I have a book coming out. I'll have what she's
Speaker 2: having ready for pre order. Comes out of my fiftieth birthday, everybody,
Speaker 2: February twenty fifth.
Speaker 3: Well Tofer Grace is here to talk about his new movie,
Speaker 3: Flight Risk. So let's just get into it, shall we.
Speaker 4: To for It's so nice to see you. Congratulations on
Speaker 4: your new movie.
Speaker 2: First of all, I want to congratulate you on making
Speaker 2: such a transition for but you have so many hats
Speaker 2: that you can play comedian.
Speaker 4: Now you're an action star.
Speaker 2: Well you started out as a comedy actor, but you've
Speaker 2: done a lot more serious stuff since then, So I
Speaker 2: wanted to congratulate you on that full spectrum of work.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 6: I don't think anyone thinks I'm an action star, Chelsea.
Speaker 6: But it was interesting when I got the call for
Speaker 6: this because I thought, oh my god, I'm actually gonna
Speaker 6: be in one of these.
Speaker 5: And then I remember.
Speaker 6: Thinking, I'm gonna listen to like the Mission Impossible theme
Speaker 6: song on the way to work, and I'm gonna like
Speaker 6: I tried going to the gym a little bit more,
Speaker 6: and then like day one, I was like, oh, I'm
Speaker 6: not cut out for this, Like, but it's lucky because
Speaker 6: my character is kind of a whim.
Speaker 2: Yes, first of all, a lot of interesting people are
Speaker 2: in the movie with you. The movie is directed by
Speaker 2: Mel Gibson. Is that who made who called you to
Speaker 2: offer you the role Mel Gibson?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, and he knows from action movies and also,
Speaker 6: you know, kind of comedic action movies, so I think
Speaker 6: he There are a lot of directors who have worked
Speaker 6: with no matter what the genre, who are a little
Speaker 6: bit scared to You've probably had experiences like this, Chelsea
Speaker 6: where it's like you want to add some humor and
Speaker 6: they're like, ooh, that's not the tone, and you go,
Speaker 6: I've seen action movies and horror movies you know, that
Speaker 6: have great humor in it, but it really takes a
Speaker 6: master to know how to put something that's totally different
Speaker 6: than what would be in the trailer like in the film.
Speaker 5: And then basically my agents.
Speaker 6: Called and said, like, Mark Welberg is doing an action
Speaker 6: movie and there are only two other people in it,
Speaker 6: and you're gonna be one of them. And I went like, finally,
Speaker 6: you know, like he must be dying to do that,
Speaker 6: you know, like we've been talking for a long time.
Speaker 4: Me and Mark, I'm sure, yeah, and we finally did.
Speaker 5: This is the one, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: And similar physicalities as well as.
Speaker 6: That is our issue was are people going to be
Speaker 6: able to tell who's who.
Speaker 4: Who is stronger?
Speaker 5: You know what I mean? Like is it like are
Speaker 5: these guys twins? Or like what's up?
Speaker 6: So we finally yeah, No, it was it was a
Speaker 6: like a real journey for me.
Speaker 5: I'm sure it was like just another day at the
Speaker 5: office for Mark.
Speaker 2: It's nice to be on a set, I think, with
Speaker 2: a small group of people rather than having a massive set,
Speaker 2: because this takes place on most of the movie takes
Speaker 2: place on a smaller aircraft with a lot of mafiosa input.
Speaker 6: Well, what's like genius about the idea it was like
Speaker 6: a Blacklist script. I remember I read it actually before
Speaker 6: it was put together. Is that it's like life raft
Speaker 6: or lifeboat, you know that Hitchcock movie where everyone's you know,
Speaker 6: it all takes place in one place, but the vistas
Speaker 6: are amazing, So you're like trapped in this little thing.
Speaker 5: But instead of being like in a phone.
Speaker 6: Booth or like a coffin or something, you're actually up
Speaker 6: above the Alaskan wilderness and there's incredible shots. And I
Speaker 6: knew even before we did it, like, oh, this could
Speaker 6: be both like very intimate and very like cinematic.
Speaker 4: Did you get banged up during that shoot?
Speaker 2: Shooting in a small like tiny space of an area,
Speaker 2: I would imagine that you dus was awful.
Speaker 5: It was awful, right right.
Speaker 6: I got hurt, like just like getting in the first
Speaker 6: day because I realized you can't even stand up in
Speaker 6: that thing, which is crazy.
Speaker 5: And then your three stories up on the plane itself
Speaker 5: is on a gimbal that.
Speaker 2: Kind of rock and then please don't use that kind
Speaker 2: of language tofur What do you mean, kim You know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Kimball.
Speaker 5: No, It's like.
Speaker 6: It's like a sex swing, but for a plane. So
Speaker 6: you've backs, well, they let's it rock back and forth
Speaker 6: and do it, and then like not only that, it's
Speaker 6: surrounded by this thing called the volume, which is you know,
Speaker 6: it was created for the Mandalorian, which is like a
Speaker 6: almost one hundred and eighty degree screen that the camera
Speaker 6: sees is being real. And they've shot footage already of
Speaker 6: this plane's journey over Alaska. So it's like and they
Speaker 6: shot it. You know, you'd think if you're going over Alaska,
Speaker 6: you'd shoot like four cameras northeast, south and west. It's
Speaker 6: like they did eight cameras turn on their side, if
Speaker 6: that makes sense, so it had more information so you
Speaker 6: could actually the plane could fully dive, it could fully
Speaker 6: like rise up towards the sun. And like I remember
Speaker 6: day one, I was like, oh, I'm totally plainsick. This
Speaker 6: is awful, and this is the first day of like
Speaker 6: three months. I mean, it fully feels like you're in
Speaker 6: a plane because the plane's bumping along, and then you're
Speaker 6: watching the mountains go past you. And the good thing
Speaker 6: about that is it was very little acting required. You
Speaker 6: just kind of you know, yeah, you just feel like
Speaker 6: it's happening.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: How do you feel like about when you think about
Speaker 2: your career and all the kind of different moves that
Speaker 2: you've made since the very beginning. I know that you
Speaker 2: got that seventy show like on your first audition, right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: it was just.
Speaker 6: It happened in my first audition because they saw me
Speaker 6: in a high school play and told me to come audish.
Speaker 5: The short version of the.
Speaker 6: Story is I was in a high school play that
Speaker 6: was bad, but I it was so bad that we
Speaker 6: improvised a lot.
Speaker 5: And I think this girl who did the sets, her parents.
Speaker 6: Were these big TV producers and they said, when you
Speaker 6: go to USC next year, can we call you? And
Speaker 6: I was such a dick about it. I was like,
Speaker 6: I don't know what they even meant. So I was like, yeah,
Speaker 6: let's go to Spago, like, have your people call my people.
Speaker 5: And then they did actually.
Speaker 6: Call me, and and I guess they've been through every
Speaker 6: kid in Hollywood and everyone was too cool, and they
Speaker 6: wanted a real fucking nerd, like a real like right
Speaker 6: like fresh off the tree nerd. And that was my
Speaker 6: reality at that time. And then also I remember I
Speaker 6: knew nothing about Hollywood. They said, I mean the great
Speaker 6: story from that is she said, bring a head shot
Speaker 6: and a resume. And I was like, Okay, I know
Speaker 6: what a resume is because I worked at Dunkin Donuts
Speaker 6: and at sun Coast Video, But what is a headshot?
Speaker 6: And she was like, it's like a picture that goes
Speaker 6: with your resume, that so we know who you are.
Speaker 5: And I was like, got it.
Speaker 6: And when I came to the audition, it was like
Speaker 6: I bought a picture of me with my friends at
Speaker 6: six Flags, like.
Speaker 2: Of you working at dunkin Donuts. I was like, well,
Speaker 2: that sounds like it would be that would.
Speaker 5: Track my friends.
Speaker 6: It wasn't like the one on the roller coaster where
Speaker 6: you're like, you know whatever, but it was like us
Speaker 6: in the parking lot and they were like, what who
Speaker 6: is this kid?
Speaker 5: But they were really ballsy. They catch all those kids,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 6: I Ashton had never worked before and Laura had I
Speaker 6: had never worked. We all started work on the same day.
Speaker 6: It was crazy Wilmore didn't even speak.
Speaker 2: English really really, Oh that's so fun, I mean, and
Speaker 2: it's so fun to like go through that experience all
Speaker 2: of you together, you know, to kind of come up
Speaker 2: and learn all of that together, like in a class,
Speaker 2: because that's essentially what it ended up being, was kind
Speaker 2: of like an acting class for a lot of you.
Speaker 6: Yes, And what's great about sitcom is you when you're bad,
Speaker 6: which you know I was at the beginning, you get
Speaker 6: to come back the next week and do it again.
Speaker 6: And then to your point about doing things that are
Speaker 6: in different genres, you then you have the summer off
Speaker 6: and so the first thing I did was Traffic if
Speaker 6: you remember that movie, which is like totally totally the opposite.
Speaker 6: And then you get to still come back and do
Speaker 6: the show, so you have a real home base and
Speaker 6: you kind of it's like a trade school now that
Speaker 6: I think about it, you know, I know, it.
Speaker 4: Kind of sounds like one.
Speaker 2: So when you think back and look at like all
Speaker 2: of the different things you've done, like did you even
Speaker 2: want to be an actor when you were that age
Speaker 2: or did you just kind of fall into it?
Speaker 6: You know, someone just asking that question recently on this
Speaker 6: press stour, and I was like, they said, when did
Speaker 6: you start like enjoying it? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 6: it certainly not at the beginning, because I was so
Speaker 6: I mean, look, I liked acting in high school.
Speaker 5: That's why I did it.
Speaker 6: And I was tickled that I was going to be
Speaker 6: doing it in front of like millions of people.
Speaker 5: But I was also like terrified, that's bad.
Speaker 6: You know, you go the scene I just did, eleven
Speaker 6: million people are gonna watch that, like, and I've only
Speaker 6: been in a high school play.
Speaker 5: It was crazy.
Speaker 6: And then I certainly did't think, which is the truth,
Speaker 6: it would still be running today.
Speaker 5: I mean, it's like it was so much pressure.
Speaker 6: Somewhere around the second season, I like chilled out a
Speaker 6: little bit and started to kind of just enjoy myself
Speaker 6: and not be so nervous. And but I'm still you know,
Speaker 6: when I'm whenever I finally think I'm good, then I'll
Speaker 6: like really relax.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you still get nervous when you go on sets
Speaker 2: and it's like the first couple of days are you?
Speaker 4: Is that always a thing?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Don't you? I mean I think day one is
Speaker 5: always tough. I think for everybody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say I would say so. I mean,
Speaker 2: if you did it, there might be something wrong with you.
Speaker 4: Like you have to care.
Speaker 2: You have to care right and in order being nervous
Speaker 2: or being like you know, excited.
Speaker 5: So you're right, it's about caring.
Speaker 6: It's about carrying a lot and you want it to
Speaker 6: be great and you're not in your groove with the
Speaker 6: other it's really because it's a new group of people.
Speaker 6: Like when I went back to do the just the
Speaker 6: first episode of that nineties show and Laura Prepon, her
Speaker 6: friend was on it, and I wasn't nervous at all
Speaker 6: with her because she's like my homie.
Speaker 5: I've been working with her forever.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 4: Right, there's like two things happening.
Speaker 2: A you're like trying to make friends with people like
Speaker 2: the first day of school, right, and then B you're
Speaker 2: trying to be professional. You have to find allies that
Speaker 2: like people who are going to back you up. Like
Speaker 2: whenever I'm in a new environment, I'm like, Okay, who
Speaker 2: are my people? Who are the people that I'm going
Speaker 2: to be hanging out with?
Speaker 4: And then I can't.
Speaker 5: I can't imagine you nervous.
Speaker 6: It's like everyone who's listening right now, can I would
Speaker 6: play the guy who is nervous on the first day.
Speaker 5: The idea of you being nervous, when are you nervous?
Speaker 4: Well, I mean we're all nervous.
Speaker 5: I don't no, Chelsea, I'm talking about you like you
Speaker 5: are such a boller.
Speaker 2: I have definitely been nervous. I have definitely been nervous.
Speaker 6: When were you the most nervous in your in your
Speaker 6: professional career?
Speaker 2: Uh, I don't know, the most nervous. I mean I
Speaker 2: started to look at nerves as a good thing. And
Speaker 2: then when I started to understand that nerves mean that
Speaker 2: you care, then I welcome the nerves, and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden I never got nervous again.
Speaker 4: So it's a very strange like cycle.
Speaker 2: Like once you kind of acknowledge a negative feeling that
Speaker 2: you think or that you have labeled negative, I think
Speaker 2: then that can end up being a really good tool
Speaker 2: for you to understand it.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 2: So, but I have been nervous plenty of times where
Speaker 2: I was, like, you know, sweating before I had to
Speaker 2: walk out stage in front of thousands of.
Speaker 4: People, or had diarrhea, you know, because of my nerves.
Speaker 2: Also a good luck I always think that's good luck too,
Speaker 2: when they when you start doing stand up. Everyone's like,
Speaker 2: if you have to go to the bathroom before you
Speaker 2: go on stage, that's a good sign. I'm like, what
Speaker 2: what do you mean, go to the bathroom like number
Speaker 2: one or like no, number two. I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: this is the career that I've chosen. That's a good
Speaker 2: luck sign.
Speaker 6: What I feel the same way with acting. I know
Speaker 6: a take was great when I shit myself.
Speaker 4: You know, you know you're invested.
Speaker 5: I go cut and prints. You know that I and
Speaker 5: I have to take it one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well you're not alone. Ten one Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ten one is code everybody for going to the bathroom
Speaker 2: on a professional Hollywood set or an unprofessional one. Really,
Speaker 2: they have ten one and ten two. Ten two means
Speaker 2: you're going to do ten one.
Speaker 4: No, it's not. I just make that.
Speaker 5: I mean I didn't know that, but I'm gonna start
Speaker 5: using that.
Speaker 2: So back to the question that I keep trying to
Speaker 2: ask you that I never really get an answer to,
Speaker 2: or I'm not asking properly, is you know I talked
Speaker 2: to so many people, and so many people are really
Speaker 2: happy with the career choices that they've made, and so
Speaker 2: many people are happily surprised by their career choices and
Speaker 2: where they end up and some people. I was talking
Speaker 2: to Brookshields recently on an episode and she said something
Speaker 2: really powerful and really honest, and I haven't heard a
Speaker 2: lot of people say that. So it's a question that
Speaker 2: I'm going to start asking more people. Is when you
Speaker 2: think about the what ifs, the things that you didn't
Speaker 2: do that maybe you wished you had, or the regrets
Speaker 2: that you have, Like, do you ever see yourself in
Speaker 2: a different way like you would you see yourself having
Speaker 2: a different kind of career or are you so thrilled
Speaker 2: and grateful about the career that you do have, as
Speaker 2: unexpected as it may have been.
Speaker 6: Well, yeah, in a macro sense, I'm so glad I
Speaker 6: fell into acting because it's the coolest job ever.
Speaker 5: And I understand how, you know, I have a lot
Speaker 5: of friends.
Speaker 6: I went to boarding school, so I have a lot
Speaker 6: of very close friends from my high school experience and
Speaker 6: their jobs don't sound as much fun to me when
Speaker 6: we talk about but within Hollywood, yeah, I can see
Speaker 6: how people are bummed sometimes with the lane that they've
Speaker 6: been or they feel like they're in or they've been
Speaker 6: put in, or they can't get Yeah, yeah, and I
Speaker 6: remember thinking I had a real luxury, not just in
Speaker 6: like hitting the lottery and like getting the first thing
Speaker 6: I auditioned for it, but then also the show was
Speaker 6: you know, did so well, and it afforded me so
Speaker 6: many opportunities. I remember thinking towards the end a lot
Speaker 6: about what kind of career I wanted to have, And
Speaker 6: this is for me, exactly what I wanted to whatever
Speaker 6: chips I got from doing seventies, like, this is how
Speaker 6: I wanted to spend them. And you know, some people,
Speaker 6: especially some agents, might think like I made the wrong choice,
Speaker 6: because like the smartest thing to do, I think, if
Speaker 6: you want to make money in this career is kind
Speaker 6: of do the same thing over and over again because
Speaker 6: it becomes monetizable. But for me, what I wanted so
Speaker 6: badly once I got so especially because you wind up
Speaker 6: playing the same character for seven years straight. And there
Speaker 6: is something kind of great about that, but also something
Speaker 6: a little redundant about it is I wanted to be
Speaker 6: in big blockbusters and tiny, you know, shoestring independent budget films,
Speaker 6: and I wanted to play good guys, and I really
Speaker 6: wanted to play bad guys and be in comedies and
Speaker 6: being dramas. I want to have a passport to everywhere
Speaker 6: because I wanted to still be interested. Literally the age
Speaker 6: I am now like still really hungry and interested. I
Speaker 6: don't know if you've noticed, but I feel like a
Speaker 6: lot of people kind of around my age like start
Speaker 6: to like peel off and like not act as much
Speaker 6: or not enjoy it as much when they're doing it,
Speaker 6: or it feels like a factory to them or something.
Speaker 6: And I no one loves their career more than I do.
Speaker 5: I'm just so grateful.
Speaker 4: I love to hear that.
Speaker 5: Well, you know, this movie's the great examples.
Speaker 6: I think when they tested, no one knew until halfway
Speaker 6: through if I was a good guy or a bad guy,
Speaker 6: and that made me so happy that no one just
Speaker 6: assumed I was. That's literally why I was cast, because
Speaker 6: no one knew who I was going to be, and
Speaker 6: that made me thrill.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, you played the ultimate bad guy in
Speaker 2: Black Clansmen, and so you played David Duke, so that
Speaker 2: was very surprising to a lot of people because nobody
Speaker 2: expected that from you. And I think what you're saying
Speaker 2: is really true about like this movie, which is called
Speaker 2: Flight Risk.
Speaker 4: By the way, I don't think we've been mentioned the
Speaker 4: name of the movie.
Speaker 2: I think you allow yourself a lot more opportunities when
Speaker 2: you're creatively conscious about the decisions you're making. And I
Speaker 2: think what you said about being on that seventies show
Speaker 2: for seven years, you know, seven years is a true
Speaker 2: itch Moment's why it's called the seven Years. I did
Speaker 2: Chelsea Lately for seven years, and I had to itch
Speaker 2: my way out. I was like, I can't take this
Speaker 2: again for another year. And seven years is like the
Speaker 2: amount of time I think Trevor Noah did the Daily Show.
Speaker 2: I think seven years is a very seminal kind of
Speaker 2: framework of time where you are kind of like, okay,
Speaker 2: I've got this.
Speaker 5: I actually did the math.
Speaker 6: I think if you this is a while ago, so
Speaker 6: I'm a little fuzzy on it, but I think that
Speaker 6: is ten thousand hours.
Speaker 4: Oh really, really seven years is ten thousand hours?
Speaker 1: Yeah, of like a workday of like.
Speaker 6: Oh, if you do work days and you do it,
Speaker 6: I was like really trying to do with a friend
Speaker 6: of mine.
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, I think that's why that itch happens.
Speaker 6: It's not just like you're also I think there's some back,
Speaker 6: like after seven years all your cells except for a couple,
Speaker 6: like stem cells have regenerated and you're literally an entirely
Speaker 6: different human. But I also think maybe you've kind of
Speaker 6: mastered something and it's like you rite more of it.
Speaker 5: But it's like, to.
Speaker 6: Me, the thing that keeps like, I'm more interested in
Speaker 6: acting now and like techniques and trying things than I
Speaker 6: was when I started. And I think the only reason
Speaker 6: that's true is because the next project I did after this.
Speaker 5: It's this Glenn Powell movie. But I'm like, I'm insane
Speaker 5: in it.
Speaker 2: You play his lover, you play Glenn Powell's lovers.
Speaker 6: He wishes, he wishes no, i mean, you know, words
Speaker 6: out on him.
Speaker 5: But he's really great.
Speaker 6: But then the next thing, I'm a total good guy
Speaker 6: and I'm totally earnest. It's just it's just different muscles
Speaker 6: each time, and I just I'm still in love with it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're normal, You're not eccentric.
Speaker 2: You're not like a weirdo or somebody who takes themselves
Speaker 2: really seriously.
Speaker 4: I mean I mean that as a compliment.
Speaker 2: It makes you much more attractive when you know actors
Speaker 2: who take themselves very seriously.
Speaker 4: It's a little bit of a.
Speaker 2: Hard pill to swallow for someone, you know, for someone
Speaker 2: like me. I shouldn't speak for all women, but I
Speaker 2: find it.
Speaker 5: I think the Academy feels differently about that, but I agree,
Speaker 5: right exactly.
Speaker 4: And you've managed to have a normal, healthy marriage and children.
Speaker 4: How many children do you have?
Speaker 2: Two?
Speaker 4: Or three?
Speaker 5: Three?
Speaker 4: Three? What are their ages?
Speaker 5: We got a two year old, we got a four
Speaker 5: year old, and we got a seven year old. And
Speaker 5: it's a it's a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a lot at those ages. Good for
Speaker 2: you and good for your wife. I'm sure that she.
Speaker 5: Is doing most of it. Yes, you're right, I'm sure.
Speaker 2: That she's doing all of it. It is it's so
Speaker 2: crazy to think about people who have children to raise,
Speaker 2: you know, especially as a single woman. Like when I
Speaker 2: think when I hear about people having three children, I'm
Speaker 2: just like, how is that fucking possible? And I talk
Speaker 2: about this all the time because I cannot wrap my
Speaker 2: head around how you can take care of so many
Speaker 2: people's lives every day.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm sure we're screwing it all up every day.
Speaker 6: But you know, she truly, I know this is the
Speaker 6: part where everyone gets corny talking about their partner.
Speaker 5: But like my wife's amazing.
Speaker 6: And once or twice I've had dreams where she's like
Speaker 6: died or something, and the nightmare is not just that
Speaker 6: she died, but like my kids would be like and.
Speaker 5: Who are you?
Speaker 6: Like, like you terrible? Like your wife's you know, like
Speaker 6: a mom was great, Like you're just awful. So we
Speaker 6: just got to she got to hang in there for
Speaker 6: another couple of years.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just a couple.
Speaker 1: But your wife actually, like is so cool.
Speaker 3: When we were researching this episode, She's a social justice warrior.
Speaker 3: She's outspoken, and I mean like she's a very cool woman.
Speaker 6: She is a professor of child development and a child
Speaker 6: abuse neglect and and she yes, she is very involved politically,
Speaker 6: and she's like I hesitate to talk about her so
Speaker 6: much on these because I feel like I start getting
Speaker 6: into like my wedding vows and then like I'm like,
Speaker 6: how much is too much? But I'm really amazed by
Speaker 6: her all the time, and like you know that thing
Speaker 6: where you don't want to be the smartest person in
Speaker 6: the room, you know, you go, this is probably bad
Speaker 6: because I'm like the smartest person here.
Speaker 5: I never have that problem.
Speaker 4: Do you feel like you're delivering?
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure you're going to make a joke
Speaker 2: about not delivering as a father or a husband, But
Speaker 2: how do you judge yourself in a totally serious way
Speaker 2: about your parenting and your husband?
Speaker 4: I wanted to husbandry, but that's not accurate about your
Speaker 4: husbanding your husbanding.
Speaker 6: Yes, well, of course you'd have to ask my kids
Speaker 6: or my wife. But I would say perfect husband in
Speaker 6: every way and perfect dad.
Speaker 5: Yeah I didn't.
Speaker 4: Wow, that's ten out of ten.
Speaker 5: Look, yeah, I can't believe. I thought about it and
Speaker 5: I went yeaheah.
Speaker 6: No, It's like I now realize, like all the cliches
Speaker 6: are true, but the act of being a dad and
Speaker 6: a husband, you know, being in a family and all
Speaker 6: the craziness, is like you're going to fail. It's almost
Speaker 6: like you're talking about being nervous the first day of work.
Speaker 6: It's like you care so much about something that you're
Speaker 6: going to mess up and you just have to keep going,
Speaker 6: even if you're not the best at it, because I
Speaker 6: don't think anyone's like the best.
Speaker 4: No, I mean, how could you be. I mean it's
Speaker 4: like you're not.
Speaker 2: You don't know what you're doing unless you have like
Speaker 2: fifteen children, and by that point you can't be killing
Speaker 2: it anyway, because that's really fucking exhausted and old.
Speaker 5: That's right.
Speaker 6: If you have fifteen kids and you send your kids
Speaker 6: to boarding school at five and then like by the
Speaker 6: fifth kid, you'd be like, Okay, I got this.
Speaker 5: But it's just you're learning and trying.
Speaker 6: And you know, my folks were amazing and they're still together.
Speaker 5: They live out here, and I'm like, wow, that's cool.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we just went to their fiftieth wedding anniversary and
Speaker 6: I like, I can't complain.
Speaker 5: They were unbelievable.
Speaker 6: But even places where they might feel like they weren't great,
Speaker 6: you go as long as you care a lot and
Speaker 6: you're trying your hardest.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, I think you can see that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true. Okay, I not. Now, we're going to
Speaker 4: take a break and we'll be right back with Choe
Speaker 4: for Grace. And we're back with Choe for Grace.
Speaker 5: We are back.
Speaker 1: We have some good questions for you today. I think
Speaker 1: I think this is gonna be a fun time.
Speaker 3: We'll start with a caller. Actually, we got to get her.
Speaker 3: She's stepped out of class, so she's gonna be here
Speaker 3: with us.
Speaker 4: Is it a step class?
Speaker 8: Okay?
Speaker 1: So this is Anna. She's thirty two.
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, please help me be sexy again. My husband
Speaker 3: and I have been married for five years and together
Speaker 3: for nine. We've always had great raw sex. In fact,
Speaker 3: the first time we ever hooked up, I was supposed
Speaker 3: to be a one night stand.
Speaker 1: But here we are all these years.
Speaker 4: Later, because you were so good in bed, look at
Speaker 4: you now and.
Speaker 1: So smart continuing education.
Speaker 3: Currently, we have a healthy sex life around once or
Speaker 3: twice a week. I also give a courtesy thanks for
Speaker 3: paying the rent blow job at least once every month,
Speaker 3: since I don't contribute.
Speaker 1: Here's the issue.
Speaker 5: There's no issue already.
Speaker 3: Here's the issue. I've become so casual with my partner
Speaker 3: during sex. I sometimes get sidetracked while mid Deed and
Speaker 3: I say dumb jokes, talk about things in our day,
Speaker 3: or when I try to be sexy, I straight up
Speaker 3: cannot take myself seriously and end up laughing hysterically.
Speaker 1: My husband knows I'm goofy and weird.
Speaker 3: However, he has mentioned to me multiple times after sex
Speaker 3: that although he thinks I'm adorable and awkward, that he
Speaker 3: wishes I would be a little sexier sometimes. For this,
Speaker 3: I can't blame him. I find that if I'm buzzed,
Speaker 3: I'm able to get out of my head and be
Speaker 3: more present. If I'm sober, I get super awkward and
Speaker 3: cannot shut the hell up. Do you have any helpful
Speaker 3: advice for me to be a little more sexy and
Speaker 3: a little less awkward. I'm annoying myself with all the
Speaker 3: terrible jokes and things I say in bed. Will take
Speaker 3: any help I can get.
Speaker 4: Anna, Hi, Anna, Hi, how are you hi?
Speaker 2: We have sex therapist jo for Grace here today to
Speaker 2: help you with all of your problems.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
Speaker 8: I hope you can fix everything.
Speaker 7: I don't know if I need a gig or something.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think you just need I just think
Speaker 2: you've probably been with the same person for a long
Speaker 2: time and you're kind of like really comfortable with him,
Speaker 2: and you probably just need to kind of take a
Speaker 2: couple steps back and actually get to know your body,
Speaker 2: and not in that corny, gross way, actually like get
Speaker 2: to know your body.
Speaker 4: You've changed.
Speaker 2: We were just talking about how you change every seven years,
Speaker 2: and that's true. You get a seven year itch, your
Speaker 2: body changes your all yourselves pretty much die after seven
Speaker 2: years and you have a regrowth, so like that warrants
Speaker 2: a regrowth in all areas of your life. And if
Speaker 2: you're feeling kind of like nervous or silly around the
Speaker 2: person that loves you the most or then and that
Speaker 2: you love the most and that you do want to
Speaker 2: have sex with, that just sounds like you're kind of
Speaker 2: in a little bit of a rut and that you
Speaker 2: can easily get yourself out of with some like positive
Speaker 2: self talk, some a little bit more like, you know,
Speaker 2: sexiness that's natural and not forced, because that is awkward.
Speaker 4: Who wants to be like forced into sexiness?
Speaker 2: Like I think the sexiest thing is when two people
Speaker 2: can be just completely natural together and no one has
Speaker 2: to act sexy at all.
Speaker 4: You just kind of happens, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: You have natural chemistry that just kind of sounds like
Speaker 2: it needs to be reignited.
Speaker 4: How long have you guys been together?
Speaker 8: Almost ten years? Actually?
Speaker 2: Okay, well there you go. That's exactly right. This has
Speaker 2: probably been going on for exactly three years.
Speaker 9: Yeah, And I typically like we have a lot of
Speaker 9: mourning sex because I at nighttime, I am a lossul
Speaker 9: like I'm tired, I do not feel like moving, so
Speaker 9: I'm very much a morning person sex person, and I
Speaker 9: think that a lot of the times too, Like I'm
Speaker 9: going through a checklist of like what I'm doing in
Speaker 9: the day, and I like, yeah, like I'm in my
Speaker 9: thirties now, I just don't feel like my young self
Speaker 9: like when we first met, like we had a lot
Speaker 9: of yeah, like spontaneous sex like you're saying, so now
Speaker 9: it's like scheduled sex, and it's like, okay, Like my
Speaker 9: husband works twenty four hour shifts, so we like have
Speaker 9: really off schedules. So I'm like, Okay, I'm going to
Speaker 9: see you in this window, so like let's try to
Speaker 9: do it then. And I think that as an adult,
Speaker 9: it just doesn't get very it's not really fun anymore,
Speaker 9: Like it's I don't know, Yeah, we don't have a
Speaker 9: lot of yeah, spontaneity anymore.
Speaker 4: I think I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't wantn't worry so much about the spontaneity as
Speaker 2: I would worry about being present. Like you just need
Speaker 2: to work on being present while you're having sex with
Speaker 2: your husband and that will yield its own like benefits. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's you know, you're in your head, you're thinking about
Speaker 2: your day and there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 4: That's what lots of people are doing during sex.
Speaker 2: But you just have to like refocus your energy, like
Speaker 2: take some time every day to either write down, like
Speaker 2: you know, stuff in a journal, either meditate something that's
Speaker 2: just gonna force you to be pressed for five to
Speaker 2: ten minutes each day and then habituate that and like
Speaker 2: that becomes your habit and that way you can kind
Speaker 2: of connect more during sex, you.
Speaker 4: Know what I mean. Like, this isn't a huge terrible issue.
Speaker 2: It's just like a little bump in the road, and
Speaker 2: once you get past it, you're gonna be like, oh, wow,
Speaker 2: this is cool.
Speaker 4: Like what else can I tackle?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 8: No, definitely agree.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know if this will help. You know,
Speaker 6: I've been married. I've been with my wife almost the
Speaker 6: same amount of time. But and this is just coming
Speaker 6: from an actor, right, So don't take this from a
Speaker 6: sexual icon.
Speaker 5: This is yah from an actor.
Speaker 6: But I one time I was on the set of
Speaker 6: a film, okay, and I had to start yelling in
Speaker 6: the middle of this scene. And I'm not really a
Speaker 6: yeller in real life. I just don't like yelling at people,
Speaker 6: and it felt a little stupid to just start screaming,
Speaker 6: and I was like, I don't want to just like
Speaker 6: start yelling. And the guy was like, just just yell
Speaker 6: at that part. And I was like, but I you know,
Speaker 6: why would I start yelling? And he told me this
Speaker 6: great quote which he said, this is the director, but
Speaker 6: he said, as an actor, I'm a Catholic.
Speaker 5: What does that mean?
Speaker 6: He said, I just believe one hundred percent no matter what.
Speaker 6: And what he meant was start yelling first, and then
Speaker 6: you'll be yelling, and then you'll you'll be yelling and
Speaker 6: you'll start it'll start to feel real, and it's right,
Speaker 6: He's right. I just started yelling. It felt like really
Speaker 6: stupid and fake. And then the next take I was
Speaker 6: like it just it just felt more, you know, like
Speaker 6: I was more into it. So I don't know if
Speaker 6: that helps, but it's.
Speaker 9: Like till I make it, Yeah, you.
Speaker 6: Take it a little bit, you know, to get into
Speaker 6: the role sometimes, and I guess some of it, I mean,
Speaker 6: it shouldn't all be acting.
Speaker 5: But some of it is a little bit of a
Speaker 5: you're playing a role, you know.
Speaker 8: No, I agree, Okay.
Speaker 3: I read a while back that like some people are
Speaker 3: when they're in like a sexual mode, they go into
Speaker 3: sort of this non verbal part of their brain. And
Speaker 3: some people like don't like talking, they don't want to
Speaker 3: be talk to. Some people want to talk a lot,
Speaker 3: and I think, you know, you got to have fun sometimes.
Speaker 3: But some thing that this article said to try was
Speaker 3: like try daring yourself to like not talk the whole time,
Speaker 3: or like not talk once you get into like the
Speaker 3: steamy part and like just focus on the sensations in
Speaker 3: your body. And it's like kind of revolutionary, Like you
Speaker 3: don't have to do that every time, but if you're
Speaker 3: like I'm gonna be sexy today, you know, maybe that's
Speaker 3: something to try.
Speaker 5: And try maybe singing singing the whole time.
Speaker 4: I mean, no talking thought, But I think that's a good.
Speaker 2: That's a good, like just don't say anything, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, really just try to just zip it
Speaker 2: and see what comes out of that. That might be
Speaker 2: a much more enjoyable experience for yourself.
Speaker 4: As well, I think.
Speaker 8: So.
Speaker 9: I think that's a lot of it is that I
Speaker 9: just can't shut up.
Speaker 2: So and I think women also want men to know, Okay,
Speaker 2: yes we like this, you're doing a good job.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like ego stroking that that the whole
Speaker 2: kind of talking in bed a lot is to kind
Speaker 2: of keep them going and like let them know. But
Speaker 2: it's also nice to not do any of that, Like
Speaker 2: you don't have to do that. You don't have to
Speaker 2: perform for him. You're already having like sex together, so
Speaker 2: you don't have to like put on a show. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I would try to be silent for a few times
Speaker 2: and see how that makes you feel afterward.
Speaker 9: I like that ideao a lot because I do think
Speaker 9: it is performative and like, as a female, you're right,
Speaker 9: like you just really want to validate your partner, and
Speaker 9: that's part of trying to get them come along like
Speaker 9: that they're that you're making sure they're enjoying it. But yeah,
Speaker 9: especially with someone that I've been with for so long,
Speaker 9: like he knows that I'm with him, Like there's nothing
Speaker 9: more I can really do at this point.
Speaker 7: So I think I think being quiet is a good thing, actually.
Speaker 3: Quiet and mindful, like really like focus why and present.
Speaker 4: Let's those two things first.
Speaker 8: Okay, I like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 2: What's having sex with a guy? And I looked up
Speaker 2: what was I doing to him? Maybe I was going
Speaker 2: down on him, but that doesn't really sound like me. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I looked up and he was taking a sip of
Speaker 2: a beer and I remember going, well, excuse me, what
Speaker 2: are you doing?
Speaker 4: And he's like, oh my god, I can't believe you
Speaker 4: caught that.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I was going down on him because obviously,
Speaker 2: and he and I'm like, I was just about to
Speaker 2: give you the greatest blow job.
Speaker 4: He's like, I know, that's why I took a sip
Speaker 4: of the beer. This was gonna be so exciting.
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, but you ruined it. Can't just be
Speaker 2: fucking drinking beer while I'm blowing you. Anyway, that was
Speaker 2: the last time I gave a blowjob. But it sounds
Speaker 2: like you're pretty consistent.
Speaker 4: With those two.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think that's why he married me.
Speaker 1: So okay, doing a great job on uh yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well thanks for calling in on a good luck
Speaker 2: with everything, and.
Speaker 4: I'm sure you'll be fine.
Speaker 9: Okay, thank you so much, report back, Okay, we'll do bye.
Speaker 4: I Well, that was uplifting, guys.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I like when people have I like when people.
Speaker 2: Have minor problems, you know what I mean that are
Speaker 2: easily fixable, so fensible, yeah, easily tended to Yes.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, our next question. This is just an email.
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea. I'm a divorced mom to an eight year
Speaker 3: old boy and a four year old girl. The kid's
Speaker 3: dad is still in the picture and has them every
Speaker 3: other weekend, but I'm the price.
Speaker 1: I'm very parent and breadwinter.
Speaker 3: I'm also an older mom, and I had my youngest
Speaker 3: at forty one, so I'm forty five now. I love
Speaker 3: being a mom, and my divorce is the best thing
Speaker 3: my ex and I ever did for our kids. My
Speaker 3: biggest problem is major anxiety about dying and leaving my kids,
Speaker 3: especially when they're still so young. At least a few
Speaker 3: times a year, I find something physical to freak out
Speaker 3: about and go down the path of seeing doctors and
Speaker 3: getting tested for all sorts of things. So far, I've
Speaker 3: been cleared, but I'm recently having some pain and I
Speaker 3: comment by an X raytech has me reeling that I
Speaker 3: might have bone cancer and I'll be dead while they
Speaker 3: still need me. Again, I don't have a diagnosis, and
Speaker 3: that one is extremely rare. Hearing stories about others losing
Speaker 3: their moms makes my fear even greater. It seems like
Speaker 3: such an intense trauma that follows people throughout their lives. Ideally,
Speaker 3: I'd love someone to tell me I'm not going to
Speaker 3: die until they're much older. But really what I want
Speaker 3: to know is that they will be okay if I do.
Speaker 3: I have general anxiety and I'm being treated by a
Speaker 3: doctor and see a therapist, so I'm not in danger,
Speaker 3: but these thoughts are all consuming anytime something comes up
Speaker 3: with my health.
Speaker 1: Thanks be God.
Speaker 5: Wow, I'm kind of regretting bringing up that whole thing
Speaker 5: about my wife.
Speaker 2: Well your wife, well, actually, yeah, yeah, exactly the right
Speaker 2: question there.
Speaker 6: I meant it a little more lighthearted, So sorry, what's
Speaker 6: the what's the.
Speaker 1: B as the as the person?
Speaker 2: I think you actually just have to make a decision
Speaker 2: in life whether or you are going to live in
Speaker 2: fear or you are going to be present. And when
Speaker 2: you're living in fear, and then any single thing can
Speaker 2: trigger you, and it's not the easiest place to arrive at,
Speaker 2: per se if you are a fearful person, to become
Speaker 2: unfearful and to start to trust the universe, to trust
Speaker 2: your health, to trust the world that everything's going to
Speaker 2: work out in your favor, because that's kind of an
Speaker 2: empty thought too. But not once you get on that train.
Speaker 2: Once you get on that train, you're like, Okay, what
Speaker 2: if I do have this, what are the steps that
Speaker 2: I will have to take with this? Like, you're not
Speaker 2: even there yet. You're starting to think about things before
Speaker 2: they happen, which I think can actually bring negativity into
Speaker 2: your life. Rather than pushing it out of your life
Speaker 2: and keeping it out of your life, you want to
Speaker 2: bring in positivity. So you have to get up every
Speaker 2: morning and start like giving some affirmations like to yourself
Speaker 2: that you're healthy, that you're a great mother, that you're
Speaker 2: taking care of your children, that you're safe, that your
Speaker 2: family is safe, and keep reinforcing that kind of stuff
Speaker 2: every morning into your psyche so that you can go
Speaker 2: throughout your day living in the moment that you're in
Speaker 2: without being paranoid about.
Speaker 4: What or might could or could not happen.
Speaker 2: Because we could all choose to do that, But what
Speaker 2: are you going to get out of that in your life?
Speaker 4: You're not going to have the life that you need.
Speaker 2: And I know it's not something that you can just light,
Speaker 2: that you can turn an on and off, but there
Speaker 2: is work that you can do with positive affirmations, with
Speaker 2: reading about books like letting Go or let Them with
Speaker 2: Mel Robbins reading things that are going to make you
Speaker 2: understand that it is more powerful to be positive and
Speaker 2: that you attract more positive energy when you're in that
Speaker 2: headspace rather than living in a fearful head space. Because Okay,
Speaker 2: so you pass away, that's the worst possible case scenario.
Speaker 2: Your your kids are going to survive and they're going
Speaker 2: to be raised and they're going to live.
Speaker 4: So then what so you play that all out.
Speaker 2: They'll be devastated, they'll be sad that their mom is gone,
Speaker 2: and they'll grow up and then they'll have their families
Speaker 2: of their own. So it does there's no payoff to
Speaker 2: you being so fearful. There's no great payoff. It's only
Speaker 2: taking away from your life. So I would really just
Speaker 2: start talking to yourself in a different way.
Speaker 3: And Tifer, is this like a fear that every parent has?
Speaker 3: Like I feel like that's something that I hear and
Speaker 3: I wonder if.
Speaker 6: That's Yeah, my wife, I think she would if she
Speaker 6: was here, agree with me that since she's had kids.
Speaker 6: You know, it's like she makes me check the locks
Speaker 6: on the doors more at night, and she makes me
Speaker 6: go in and check on the kids. You know, some
Speaker 6: of it's like I think she would say even not rational,
Speaker 6: but it's like I would tell be maybe that's a
Speaker 6: really great sign that she's a great mom because she
Speaker 6: cares so much about her kids and about their experience.
Speaker 5: And my agree with everything you just said, Chelsea.
Speaker 6: It's kind of maybe she should sit in a place
Speaker 6: of a little more gratitude. You know, it's almost like
Speaker 6: going against gratitude to worry about it too, where it's
Speaker 6: taking away from your relationship with your kids. But I
Speaker 6: do think it's a natural instinct to once you have kids,
Speaker 6: be like irrationally caring about what their experience is going
Speaker 6: to be.
Speaker 5: So it's ultimately, I think a good thing.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And to go back to what Chelsea was saying, it's
Speaker 3: like what you focus on expands. So if you can
Speaker 3: take these thoughts that are going to come up, like
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, what if I get sick? Oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: what if I die, and you tell yourself, like, you
Speaker 3: know what, I'm going to focus on the positive version
Speaker 3: of that, like what if I stay healthy? What if
Speaker 3: I'm ninety five and I have great grand kids when
Speaker 3: I die? Then giving yourself some affirmations of like I'm
Speaker 3: living healthily I'm going to do great, like flip the switch,
Speaker 3: because our brains are plastic, and if you start doing that,
Speaker 3: it'll start to become automatic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for every negative thought, there's an opposing opposite thought
Speaker 2: that you can implant into your head and say, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm worried about dying. I'm actually going to live until
Speaker 2: I'm ninety five. Just like Captain said, like match the
Speaker 2: opposite thought to every negative thought you have and start
Speaker 2: repeating those thoughts in your head, and I guarantee you
Speaker 2: you'll feel a difference right away, probably in days.
Speaker 4: But it's a practice you have to keep doing.
Speaker 2: And I think what happens to many of us is
Speaker 2: when we start to improve our lives with spiritually or
Speaker 2: we want to be more connected and more present and
Speaker 2: with everything we do, when things are going well, we
Speaker 2: forget to practice all the stuff that made us.
Speaker 4: You know, kind of wake up in the first place.
Speaker 2: So the important thing is when things are going well,
Speaker 2: to continue to give yourself these affirmations every morning, to
Speaker 2: continue to do meditation or counseling or whatever work is
Speaker 2: going to bring you towards being the best version of yourself,
Speaker 2: and doing that work even when things are going really well.
Speaker 3: Well, our next question, and this actually is from Laura.
Speaker 4: Laura prepond perfect. We both are. We're just talking about her.
Speaker 3: Damn different Laura, But she says, Dear Chelsea, my mom
Speaker 3: and dad are retired and they've gotten into the luxury
Speaker 3: travel game. Over the past couple of years, they've taken
Speaker 3: some super long lux trips, including a whole month in
Speaker 3: Africa that included multiple safaris.
Speaker 4: Sounds like somebody's jealous.
Speaker 3: My dad texts me starting when they leave for the
Speaker 3: airport and sends constant photos and daily recaps, exhaustive ones
Speaker 3: of their excursions. He copies and pastes these messages to
Speaker 3: his brothers, friends and others. It is, to put it mildly,
Speaker 3: a bit much. These texts never ask how I'm doing,
Speaker 3: if I'm okay, or what my family's up to.
Speaker 1: I literally never respond.
Speaker 3: The last time they were away, he said he was
Speaker 3: waiting for the rental car to go home, and then
Speaker 3: he never bothered to tell me they got back safely,
Speaker 3: and I was worried. Is there a way to tell
Speaker 3: him to knock it off? I'm exasperated, especially because he
Speaker 3: cannot read the room and doesn't bother to consider whether
Speaker 3: I even want these excessive updates. I don't text every
Speaker 3: day when we're in the same country, and his behavior
Speaker 3: just really bothers me.
Speaker 4: Thanks, Laura, that's really funny, Laura. I totally feel you.
Speaker 2: There's nothing more annoying than a long update all the
Speaker 2: time about something you don't give a shit about. You're like,
Speaker 2: you should just you should send him the definition of
Speaker 2: a narcissist, or send him the definition of what it's
Speaker 2: like when someone constantly talks about themselves and never asks
Speaker 2: you questions about you and be like, does this sound
Speaker 2: like anyone you know? I would do something like that
Speaker 2: to someone when they are that clueless, But it won't
Speaker 2: make a difference because he's an older guy and he's
Speaker 2: stuck in his ways, and he probably thinks, you know,
Speaker 2: he's sharing all of this wonderful magic with everybody. You know,
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, look, but I'm totally with you.
Speaker 4: It's fucking annoying.
Speaker 5: It's boomers. It's boomers, Laura. What that generation imagine being
Speaker 5: in that generation?
Speaker 8: You?
Speaker 5: I mean, of course they're spoiled.
Speaker 6: They got to have Christmas Morning as a kid in
Speaker 6: the fifties, right then they got to have their teenage
Speaker 6: years in the sixties, he's just like Woodstock.
Speaker 5: And like, you know, like the whole you know, question everything.
Speaker 6: Then they got to like be like having like mating
Speaker 6: and having kids in the eighties and it's like, you know,
Speaker 6: like it's everyone's getting the best Christmas, but their kids
Speaker 6: are getting the best Christmas presents because the you know,
Speaker 6: it's like a boom for our country. And then right
Speaker 6: at the end, now they're like, oh, sorry, we used
Speaker 6: up every natural resource peace.
Speaker 5: Crowd.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, actually none of the.
Speaker 6: Yeah exactly, We're gonna go to Africa and shoot the
Speaker 6: last couple.
Speaker 5: Of you know, these species, and then we're gonna and
Speaker 5: then I'm gonna die.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: You can't even leave the group chat because he's like
Speaker 3: individually sending these to everybody.
Speaker 7: Right, I've thought I almost responded with just the word unsubscribe.
Speaker 9: But I didn't.
Speaker 8: I didn't have the nerve.
Speaker 7: I really I typed it out once and I was like,
Speaker 7: this would be a problem.
Speaker 2: Have you and you've never said anything to him or
Speaker 2: your mother? Have you said anything to your mom?
Speaker 8: So they share a cell phone?
Speaker 4: Oh that's how that's are they want to Oh.
Speaker 8: It's so annoying.
Speaker 7: I never know who's texting me. I don't even know
Speaker 7: how much that bothers me. Sometimes they'll sign it like
Speaker 7: love your dad, but other times they don't.
Speaker 8: It's really weird.
Speaker 3: I feel like this might be a moment to like
Speaker 3: introduce your parents to the joys and curses of social media.
Speaker 1: Like here's where you can put all your updates and people.
Speaker 5: Can their social media.
Speaker 4: That's not I know.
Speaker 7: The thing is they they seem to treat it like Facebook.
Speaker 7: And then my dad after they get home, he will
Speaker 7: put all the same stuff that he texts me up
Speaker 7: on Facebook. And I've had like my best friend from childhood.
Speaker 7: It's like, I love it that your dad does that.
Speaker 7: And I'm like, oh my god, you're the one who
Speaker 7: reads it.
Speaker 4: But that's a perfect example.
Speaker 2: You can say, Dad, are you you're texting me the
Speaker 2: same stuff that you put on Facebook?
Speaker 4: Like I can just see it on Facebook.
Speaker 2: You don't have to waste your time texting everybody.
Speaker 4: Everybody's looking. I mean, that's a nicer way to say.
Speaker 4: It's true.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you want to be nice about it,
Speaker 2: I would just immediately I would. I would be very
Speaker 2: honest about it, because I find it completely intolerable when
Speaker 2: people act like that you know, especially when you're his
Speaker 2: kid and he's not even fucking asking about you.
Speaker 4: It's like, hello, I have a family.
Speaker 8: It's so ostentatious.
Speaker 7: I just I've muted the thread, I've done all the
Speaker 7: things I try to like not even look at it.
Speaker 7: But the last time, when when I didn't even know
Speaker 7: they were home from Africa, I kind of lost.
Speaker 3: It's like, why am I even looking at this, like
Speaker 3: with yeah, they don't even care.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I don't know if there's anything to
Speaker 2: do for that, Like I don't even know what the
Speaker 2: point is because they can't hear you. You know, people
Speaker 2: that age are like so ingrained in what they think
Speaker 2: is appropriate, and that the gifts they're bestowing on all
Speaker 2: of us by sharing their travels and and.
Speaker 4: So I don't know, and you seem nice.
Speaker 2: So it's going to be like a difficult, a difficult interaction,
Speaker 2: but there are do I.
Speaker 6: Got to do yourself favorite spend you know, play the
Speaker 6: long game and spend your inheritance on a one your
Speaker 6: full trip to Africa.
Speaker 2: Or you can tell them that they've they've posted so
Speaker 2: much about Africa that they've actually turned you off of Africa.
Speaker 8: Yeah, now, I don't even have to go.
Speaker 4: That's right, that's right, we solved it. Yeah, do you
Speaker 4: have siblings?
Speaker 8: Yeah, I have a sister.
Speaker 4: Oh so do you guys commiserate together about it?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 7: I asked her once if the sharing a cell phone
Speaker 7: thing bothered her, and it didn't.
Speaker 2: Just sounds like you need to get a new family
Speaker 2: or rent a family.
Speaker 8: I kind of do. Yeah. Do you know any nice parents?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I do.
Speaker 4: Actually, I know. I love old people, so I love
Speaker 4: a lot.
Speaker 2: I'm friends with a lot of my friend's parents, and
Speaker 2: I will be on the lookout for you.
Speaker 4: Absolutely.
Speaker 8: You can shoot number yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Are you married?
Speaker 8: Yeah? Okay, Well attacks are great.
Speaker 4: Great, great, go with them, go with God.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Like, if you are going to say anything like just
Speaker 3: take a teasing tony, be like, oh my god, mom
Speaker 3: and dad, like you gotta stop doing this. It's so
Speaker 3: but like tease them about it. Like I had to
Speaker 3: have a whole conversation with my mom about like you
Speaker 3: can't just text me call me period because then I
Speaker 3: think someone is dead, And took to tell her like
Speaker 3: ten times, but she finally got it.
Speaker 1: Now she says, call me period. Nothing bad. So it's
Speaker 1: an improvement.
Speaker 8: That's phenomenal.
Speaker 2: I also think you should focus on the fact that
Speaker 2: you have a great set of in laws.
Speaker 4: You just said.
Speaker 2: Not many people can say that you can't have awesome
Speaker 2: parents and awesome in laws like so, I think you
Speaker 2: should just count your blessings and focus on where the
Speaker 2: gratitude should come in.
Speaker 8: You know what. That's fantastic advice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if they end, if you do want to
Speaker 2: bring it up to your parents, you could be like,
Speaker 2: just so you know, you're pushing me closer to my
Speaker 2: in laws.
Speaker 4: That'll get them to stop.
Speaker 8: Oh it would, it would for sure.
Speaker 4: But anyway, thanks for calling in.
Speaker 8: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Bye, bye, Okay, well, I'll be right back with Chuff
Speaker 2: for Grace. We're back with Hope for We're back with
Speaker 2: Toprah Grace.
Speaker 4: We're back with Toe for Grace.
Speaker 5: Tell for Grace.
Speaker 4: I could say it three times.
Speaker 2: Who is promoting his movie Flight Risk? You guys, I
Speaker 2: just want to make sure that we get that name
Speaker 2: out there. Where can people watch Flight Risk tofer.
Speaker 5: In the movie theaters. It's one of those ones that
Speaker 5: went to the movie theaters.
Speaker 4: Back to the movie theaters, all these theaters, movies and theaters. Again,
Speaker 4: it's very exciting time to be alive.
Speaker 1: It definitely is. Yeah, well do we have time for
Speaker 1: a quickie? Like a two minute?
Speaker 4: Sure? In our way out?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, My lovely boyfriend of two years is on
Speaker 3: Tinder from time to time, and he says he's not
Speaker 3: doing much on there, not meeting anyone. We are together
Speaker 3: all the time at his place. He cooks for me,
Speaker 3: he fixed the roof, clean my gutters. My friends think
Speaker 3: he's great. We get on really well. We're both divorced
Speaker 3: with kids. I've never met his ten year old son.
Speaker 3: Our sex life is great. Why is he sabotaging things?
Speaker 3: He has no friends at all, and he's a bit
Speaker 3: of a loner who watches a lot of TV, scrolling,
Speaker 3: et cetera. He has a screen problem. Am I minimizing
Speaker 3: what he's doing. I found he's on there twice now,
Speaker 3: and one time he told me he was a bit
Speaker 3: drunk and looked on it. I can't talk to friends
Speaker 3: about it, really because the two male friends I have
Speaker 3: told have said dump him straight away.
Speaker 1: No one's perfect.
Speaker 3: But now I'm finding myself wondering if he's on there
Speaker 3: behind my back either I forgive him after he said
Speaker 3: sorry and move on done this three times now, or
Speaker 3: I go on there myself and find someone new.
Speaker 1: I really like him.
Speaker 3: Though he's really hot, he's just a bit introverted, right, Teresa.
Speaker 2: Teresa Sofer, can you just handle this as from a
Speaker 2: male perspective please?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I feel bad because she said she talked to
Speaker 6: two guys and they said, immediately dump. I mean, like,
Speaker 6: I'm gonna have the same reaction. It's your boyfriend, she said.
Speaker 3: Of two years Yeah, two ten year old child ship
Speaker 3: has never met all right.
Speaker 2: When you can't tell people things because they're going to
Speaker 2: tell you to dump your boyfriend, your answer is to
Speaker 2: dump your boyfriend. When you start withholding information because the
Speaker 2: advice that you're going to get is to dump your boyfriend,
Speaker 2: then it is time to dump your boyfriend.
Speaker 6: I when I first got with my wife, she had
Speaker 6: like a lot of friends, but she had two or
Speaker 6: three friends who were in these relationships. And yeah, that
Speaker 6: became my job too. I mean it was a self
Speaker 6: appointed job. My wife didn't ask me to do this,
Speaker 6: but I was like, what.
Speaker 5: Are you doing?
Speaker 6: Like he's like, I don't know, he threw a lamp
Speaker 6: in my head. But also he's like the nicest guy
Speaker 6: and I was like, whoaa whoa, Like, you got it,
Speaker 6: it's over.
Speaker 5: And one of them I did.
Speaker 6: I was so harsh with I think she caught me
Speaker 6: in like a bad mood or something, and I was like, look,
Speaker 6: you're an idiot, like you decide how you want your
Speaker 6: life to go. I was so harsh about it, but
Speaker 6: I was like, to stay with him, it'snna be a
Speaker 6: bad life.
Speaker 5: Dump him, you'll meet someone else, it'll be a good life. Whatever.
Speaker 5: And I just left the room. But she did.
Speaker 6: She dumped the guy, and like you know, three weeks
Speaker 6: later she met her husband there together now they have
Speaker 6: the most amazing life.
Speaker 5: But I get it.
Speaker 6: It can be so tough to get out of something
Speaker 6: for fear of like you know, no one's gonna like me.
Speaker 6: You know, this is the only person who like whatever
Speaker 6: the fear is. But I think better better to be alone.
Speaker 6: And the odds are you're gonna meet someone, they're.
Speaker 4: Kind of meet somebody. You're going to be another person.
Speaker 4: Don't make excuses like he's nice, fixes my drains or
Speaker 4: whatever the fuck he does. Who gives a shit?
Speaker 2: Go you decide, like what standards you are going to
Speaker 2: adhere to and what standards people need to meet to
Speaker 2: be in your life, and you are lowering them by
Speaker 2: allowing some guy who's on fucking Tinder while he's in
Speaker 2: a two year relationship. I mean, that doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2: So you're lowering your standards for him.
Speaker 5: Wait, your standards should be Riah at the very least.
Speaker 2: Exactly On that note, we're gonna go because I think
Speaker 2: that's where we leave it.
Speaker 4: Thank you for actually Thank you Toper.
Speaker 5: For actually tender. I mean that should tell you everything, right.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, seriously, gosh, I mean, some people just
Speaker 2: stay with people because they have nothing. It's like we
Speaker 2: need a self esteem injection.
Speaker 4: People. Let's go.
Speaker 2: Okay, So if it was a pleasure speaking with you,
Speaker 2: you're so charming, I'm very excited for you.
Speaker 5: ID to say, I just think you're the best.
Speaker 6: I didn't want to do this up top so that
Speaker 6: only the people who listen the whole episode will listen
Speaker 6: to this. But I've been in Hollywood for a while now, there,
Speaker 6: I mean, you know as well as I do. There's
Speaker 6: so few authentic cool people, and you've always been one
Speaker 6: of them. I've known you for a while now. You've
Speaker 6: always been so cool, and I just I think you're
Speaker 6: the best.
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you. That's such a nice compliment. I really
Speaker 2: I appreciate hearing that so much to fer likewise, but you.
Speaker 5: Don't have to give it back to me. But I
Speaker 5: truly I feel well.
Speaker 4: That was the polite thing to do, so I did right.
Speaker 6: So now you're undoing the authentic copy. No, I'm saying
Speaker 6: that I'm cool, which I know is I.
Speaker 4: Meant it and then I said it and now I
Speaker 4: regret it.
Speaker 5: Well, anyway, it's good. I hope to see you more.
Speaker 4: Okay, I hope so too. I hope I buy a
Speaker 4: bitch to you soon. Take care, see you guys. Thanks, okay, bye. Thanks.
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad dickerd executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 3: com