Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two and I'm one of your hosts.
Speaker 1: It's Jana Kramer. And most of the time I'm on
Speaker 1: this podcast, I'm talking with celebrities or people that want
Speaker 1: to share their divorce stories. But I'm kind of excited
Speaker 1: because today my guest is none other than my husband,
Speaker 1: Alan Russell. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: So today we're going to dive into some questions maybe
Speaker 1: we haven't answered before, give our listeners a little more
Speaker 1: insight to who we are as a couple. You know,
Speaker 1: we share on my you know, wind down and adult
Speaker 1: education podcast that we do some things about our relationship,
Speaker 1: and I feel like we've opened up about, you know,
Speaker 1: certain things, whether it's parenting or our marriage.
Speaker 3: But we're going to get a little deeper so to give.
Speaker 1: People a little backstory that don't really know our relationship.
Speaker 1: Alan is from Alabama. He's got a beautiful Southern accent,
Speaker 1: right then, I do, yeah, yeah, he's he's from Glasgow, Scotland.
Speaker 1: And we have been together all right, beib how many
Speaker 1: years have we been together for? How many long, long,
Speaker 1: long years?
Speaker 2: Nearly three, Yeah.
Speaker 1: So we've been almost together for three We've been married
Speaker 1: for almost a year or year anniversaries coming up on
Speaker 1: July thirteenth, and we have a nineteen month old baby.
Speaker 4: This is technically our fourth years together because we met
Speaker 4: in twenty two three ago, twenty four together and there's
Speaker 4: twenty five, so we're in our fourth, fourth year of
Speaker 4: knowing each other.
Speaker 3: Can you do it like that?
Speaker 2: You can do it how you funny?
Speaker 3: How you make the numbers work for you, you.
Speaker 1: Know, one way if you want it to work the
Speaker 1: other way. You minus like, oh, we were just you know,
Speaker 1: a few short months manpulation.
Speaker 3: So when I was.
Speaker 1: Single, this basically how we met, because that's one of
Speaker 1: the things that people ask us all the time. So
Speaker 1: when I was when I was single, obviously I got
Speaker 1: a d M from Alan. He slid into my DMS
Speaker 1: very respectfully.
Speaker 2: It's just you always use the world slid.
Speaker 3: Well, what would you like to call it? Jump? You
Speaker 3: jumped in you.
Speaker 4: SLID's such like a creepy, horrible way of describe as
Speaker 4: I've mentioned manythings.
Speaker 3: Okay, how would you like to describe it?
Speaker 2: Then? Respectfully and politely.
Speaker 1: And entered that sounds that sounds I entered the premises.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I d M you Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And so so that was so that was that. A
Speaker 1: few thoughts starters though on this just in general about
Speaker 1: when we started dating. You know, because I have been married,
Speaker 1: so obviously you googled me. I mean you had to,
Speaker 1: that's it.
Speaker 4: I would not, but not like, not like any sort
Speaker 4: of I knew you were. I knew you were an
Speaker 4: actress in a single, but that was kind of that
Speaker 4: was kind of really I kind of left it that
Speaker 4: you knew I was a mom. You knew more than that,
Speaker 4: I know, mom. Yeah, I didn't. In no way did
Speaker 4: I had a deep dive into your career, your your
Speaker 4: writing career, your singing career, your past.
Speaker 2: Nothing like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I have a hard time believing
Speaker 1: that because just I mean, you flew from another country
Speaker 1: to meet me, and that was that's the little research
Speaker 1: you did.
Speaker 4: I'm not saying I did little research, but I didn't
Speaker 4: do a deep dive into because people's people's past as
Speaker 4: the past, isn't it.
Speaker 1: But I think your past tells a lot though about
Speaker 1: who that person is.
Speaker 2: It does it?
Speaker 4: Does it tells you the experiences they've had? Mm hmm,
Speaker 4: it doesn't. And I always said this to you from
Speaker 4: the very beginning. It tells me what your past was,
Speaker 4: but do does not define what your future is. And
Speaker 4: I've always said that to you, right. But I didn't
Speaker 4: have to do a deep dive because I knew that
Speaker 4: you're respected in your industry. You were clearly a really
Speaker 4: great mum. So it's not like there was I wasn't
Speaker 4: out there digging and searching for all things.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to get to know you.
Speaker 1: I think girls definitely do a more of a deep dive,
Speaker 1: although it was a little harder to deep dive yours
Speaker 1: because you had a private Instagram. Things were a little
Speaker 1: bit more tight liped on your side. Yeah, I knew
Speaker 1: you kicked the ball around because you were a professional athlete,
Speaker 1: professional soccer player, sorry, football player, and then you were
Speaker 1: coaching when I met you. Yeah, so when you found
Speaker 1: out because I mean obviously when then you did on
Speaker 1: your search. I mean it's right there on the Google page.
Speaker 1: How many times I've been married, like you have to
Speaker 1: have been? Like, uh, I would? I mean I judged
Speaker 1: my past all the time. No I used to, I
Speaker 1: don't anymore, but I mean on paper, it looks being terrible.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm also it looks terrible but you can tell
Speaker 4: the you made chessy decisions when it wasn't because like
Speaker 4: I think like one of your monitors was like a
Speaker 4: week or somebody even though, yeah, so you can see that, Okay,
Speaker 4: it might like married four times, but when you actually
Speaker 4: look at it, it's like, Okay.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 4: One of them was probably a real long term profile
Speaker 4: marriage and the rest of them were maybe just decisions
Speaker 4: that weren't wise when you were when you were younger,
Speaker 4: which everyone does.
Speaker 3: M So it wasn't a turn off, No.
Speaker 4: Not so all I've ever made you feel like it,
Speaker 4: like it was a ton of things.
Speaker 2: I told you I would never judge you on your past.
Speaker 3: No, and I love that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think one of the reasons why I
Speaker 1: it was hard and it was hard for me to
Speaker 1: date post because I'll never forget a date that I
Speaker 1: was on when someone brought that up and said, my
Speaker 1: sister doesn't want me to date you because of how
Speaker 1: many times you've been married, and so immediately it was like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's a shame around that, like it's you know, this
Speaker 1: is bad, and no one will then will want to
Speaker 1: date me, And so.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I think i've And again it goes
Speaker 4: back to things that I've always said to you, right,
Speaker 4: And I've always wanted you feel like I would never
Speaker 4: shame you because you because it's shameful things that I've
Speaker 4: done in my past. And then maybe not it's public
Speaker 4: because as things has maybe happened to you. But I
Speaker 4: would never want to be judged or shamed or that
Speaker 4: to be called out just because I've made prap decisions
Speaker 4: in my past. Everyone makes them. You've made pretty poor
Speaker 4: ones with your marriage either, but I've made pretty poor
Speaker 4: ones when in certain phases of my life through anger
Speaker 4: or or too much to drink or whatever whatever it
Speaker 4: may be, that that's at that stage. And I would
Speaker 4: never want you to feel shamed, and I would never
Speaker 4: judge you, which is why I've never done that. I
Speaker 4: don't think I've ever once brought up the fact that
Speaker 4: you are married four times, even in an argument or.
Speaker 1: No, well, because it's so to me. I mean it's
Speaker 1: kind of I don't say, irrelevant, but it's been dealt with, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: were you nervous about dating a woman with baggage?
Speaker 4: The fine baggage like everyone befoty years old, bit everyone's
Speaker 4: got baggage.
Speaker 1: I mean, I would say with you know, you're right,
Speaker 1: like what I feel like once you once, if you're
Speaker 1: dating in your mid thirties, someone's either most likely been
Speaker 1: married or kids, got kids, or has been through something
Speaker 1: in their life that has shaped them, has.
Speaker 2: Abused, has been abused, has.
Speaker 1: Those Yeah, and so I actually don't like the word baggage.
Speaker 4: No poof if you know it sounds like a damaged well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's where I don't like it. It's like
Speaker 1: we've all been through things and it's kind of it's
Speaker 1: very it's a very shaming word to put on someone.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, what's your baggage? You have kids, baggage, that's life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's actually beautiful. You're a mom and you're a father.
Speaker 4: Previous is you have previous marriages like either therefore you
Speaker 4: learn from them and you become better. I think baggage
Speaker 4: just another world for You've you've lived life a little
Speaker 4: bit and you've experienced life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think baggage is such just sounds so negative.
Speaker 4: Okay, So I'll get a question for you. With me
Speaker 4: being a professional athlete and then being a professional coach
Speaker 4: and being involved in the professional sport world, that gets
Speaker 4: that gets a certain reputation like I remember dating some
Speaker 4: people and they're like, well, my friends have told me
Speaker 4: not today because you've been a professional football and you're
Speaker 4: a professional coach. Because so there's a stigma attacks to
Speaker 4: professional athletes, some justified and some not. Yeah, was that
Speaker 4: the reason?
Speaker 3: I don't think you're gonna like my answer. You're actually
Speaker 3: gonna hate my answer.
Speaker 2: Either raise the flag or it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Well, but the answer is is the I've never dated
Speaker 1: a soccer player as an athlete.
Speaker 3: Okay, I've dated all the other ones, but every day
Speaker 3: you so I didn't know about the soccer wor like
Speaker 3: I know, like he's.
Speaker 4: A professional athlete. They have, they have reputations, right.
Speaker 1: And you know some are some they say are worse
Speaker 1: than others.
Speaker 3: Like, but I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think it comes down to the sports that
Speaker 1: they play, even though some people will say otherwise, It
Speaker 1: all comes down back to the person. But yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: I mean there's the stigma for a reason. There's there's
Speaker 1: the stats for a reason. Looked at the starts, Well
Speaker 1: that's just there, like professional athletes cheating, Like there's you know,
Speaker 1: what's the stat and that it's a lot higher than
Speaker 1: someone that's a teacher.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, So yeah, okay.
Speaker 3: You weren't.
Speaker 1: I think what was helpful is that you weren't an
Speaker 1: active player at the time. I think if you were
Speaker 1: a player still, it would have maybe swayed my flag
Speaker 1: to being more cautious. I think since you're out of
Speaker 1: that world, in that arena, then it didn't make me
Speaker 1: feel as nervous about it. But you know the coaching aspect,
Speaker 1: there are you know, players in that too.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, yeah.
Speaker 1: So again I think it just goes back to and
Speaker 1: you could say the same thing about actresses, right, you know,
Speaker 1: with being with people and actresses and dating co stars.
Speaker 1: I mean it's that's possibly a flag somewhere thrown around
Speaker 1: in there too, But I think it just goes back
Speaker 1: to the person. I think there are some incredible, I know,
Speaker 1: some very incredible athletes that you know, are married, that
Speaker 1: are good men, that are you know, good Christian men,
Speaker 1: that are family men. So it's like it's not fair
Speaker 1: to put that stigma on every athlete that they're going
Speaker 1: to cheat for I agree, So no, I don't think
Speaker 1: I think it helped that you weren't playing though.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay when we first met, yep, were you thinking
Speaker 4: marriage or was it or was it that?
Speaker 2: Even?
Speaker 1: I mean for for me, I I'm not. I've never
Speaker 1: been one to like to date to just date. So
Speaker 1: it's like, all right, if I want to date it
Speaker 1: and then see if there's am I gonna What is
Speaker 1: the point of of just dating to date? I mean,
Speaker 1: actually see the point? And I did for a minute there,
Speaker 1: just to see what I wanted, because I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what I like because I'm always
Speaker 1: constantly asking other people do you think they're cool? Do
Speaker 1: you think they're cute? Do you think they're this? And
Speaker 1: I'm like I never and then I would maybe start
Speaker 1: stay dating with the person because I'm like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: they think he's cute or they think he's X, Y
Speaker 1: and Z. Like I never went with my own opinion
Speaker 1: or gut with things. So with us at that stage
Speaker 1: in my life, especially having you know, the two kids
Speaker 1: and stuff, I was always like, yeah, I want you know,
Speaker 1: I wanted to get married again. I know it sounds crazy,
Speaker 1: but I am the like hopeless romantic with I got
Speaker 1: it wrong one two couple times, and I still believe
Speaker 1: that my the right one was out there. And I
Speaker 1: know you were too, because when we had our first
Speaker 1: few dates, which, by the way, this could this could
Speaker 1: look a little love bomby, but it wasn't because I
Speaker 1: think we're on the same page. But like you sent
Speaker 1: me when you were flying back to England, you sent
Speaker 1: a picture of a ring. But like anybody else, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, oh girl, they are love bombing you run.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it was like we just knew, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1: But yeah, anybody else i'd be like, that is a
Speaker 1: massive red flag.
Speaker 3: And that when it was evident to me, I.
Speaker 2: Think, and I think that's one of the things.
Speaker 4: Have been married before and being through the dacing side
Speaker 4: of it and being through these experiences. Now we're in
Speaker 4: my foot as you know you don't want and you
Speaker 4: know what you want. Yeah, so therefore your decision making
Speaker 4: becomes a lot clearer, a lot easier. I say, it's
Speaker 4: always right, but you know what you want. And then
Speaker 4: that comes along then like I knew straight away that
Speaker 4: we'd get married.
Speaker 3: When we had sex, Who did you tell?
Speaker 2: Hm?
Speaker 3: Who did you.
Speaker 2: Call my brother?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: Well I didn't call him and say, oh, we had sex.
Speaker 4: We spoke the next day and he asked about what
Speaker 4: had been how things had been gone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So what you mean then what you said?
Speaker 2: What if city on my I phone phoned my mom,
Speaker 2: I phone my dad?
Speaker 1: Well that's even grosser. But I'm just like, like, not
Speaker 1: a friend. You didn't phone a friend?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, usable like my best friend.
Speaker 3: That's true. Did you tell me? How down? Alan?
Speaker 4: It's not like like my brother is like I speak
Speaker 4: to him mostly like he's my uh huh okay?
Speaker 3: And but who did you tell my best friends? Almost
Speaker 3: the difference, it's just way different?
Speaker 2: Is your best friends friends?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Queendom. What did you say though with your brother? Because
Speaker 1: it was cute? I mean I know what you said,
Speaker 1: but you know what I said?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What did I say?
Speaker 3: You say like I'm screwed or something?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Basically for people who are dating long distance in their
Speaker 1: chapter two or three like we did, how do you
Speaker 1: suggest people keep it spicy when they're far apart?
Speaker 2: We spens for that long.
Speaker 1: October November December January February, five months long distance.
Speaker 3: But we weren't like that. We've seen each other sexy
Speaker 3: kind of person.
Speaker 2: No, it's quite cheap, but I mean there's times we've
Speaker 2: done it. Have we that sex? No? I think the
Speaker 2: forre sex.
Speaker 3: I don't have we were done.
Speaker 2: That things will have been kind of played with that
Speaker 2: a little bit.
Speaker 3: But like no situation.
Speaker 2: Right, but with never no.
Speaker 1: I think the spiciest thing is just communicating how old
Speaker 1: do I sound? But like sending cute picks and a
Speaker 1: little flirty picks. I think that keeps it spicy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think it's also good to be honest
Speaker 4: and how much that you mess someone like yeah, like
Speaker 4: I was craving you when you were in there, I was,
Speaker 4: I really missed you, so it was important that I
Speaker 4: told you that.
Speaker 1: What did family members anything they say after we met
Speaker 1: them for the first time.
Speaker 4: My mom loved you, my dad loved you, my brother
Speaker 4: loved you, my son loved you.
Speaker 2: So that was there was zero negativity.
Speaker 3: My family just couldn't understand you. But I loved you
Speaker 3: when you and I met.
Speaker 1: I already had a podcast where I talk about, you know,
Speaker 1: my relationship history. Part of you know, being in my
Speaker 1: life is also about sharing that aspect and being open.
Speaker 1: You know, what did you think about that early on?
Speaker 1: And then do you think about that today?
Speaker 2: Very good question.
Speaker 4: It wasn't something that I'm used to, like being a
Speaker 4: professional coach, I'm used to keeping things as private as
Speaker 4: possible because it normally will come back and bite you
Speaker 4: in the ass in the professional world. So I remember
Speaker 4: the first time we went on the I went on
Speaker 4: the podcast and the producer I think kind of prodide
Speaker 4: a little bit, remember, and I didn't like it.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, I found that it was way out.
Speaker 4: Of my my remit and what I normally.
Speaker 2: Do on a daily basis of how I apply myself.
Speaker 2: So I found it. I found it quite tough.
Speaker 4: But I've grown I know there's listen, there's a business aspect,
Speaker 4: there's there's so many different aspects to it that it
Speaker 4: has a lot of intelligence, and there's a lot of
Speaker 4: reasons why it's good to be less private on things.
Speaker 4: So I think I've grown to I've grown to almost
Speaker 4: normalize it over the last two and a half years,
Speaker 4: three years and see the benefits. It will not always
Speaker 4: be beneficial. It will have its downfalls, it's at some points,
Speaker 4: But early on it was it was tough because I'm like,
Speaker 4: like you would ask things, I'm like, I don't want
Speaker 4: to talk about that. I don't feel that's right speak
Speaker 4: about that. That doesn't sit well with me, or and
Speaker 4: you could probably see it in my face whereas I'm
Speaker 4: probably still a little bit like that because my default
Speaker 4: was always to go private. But I think I've become
Speaker 4: better at opening up and seeing because a lot of
Speaker 4: the stuff that you do that is private stuff helps people.
Speaker 4: I'm not saying anything that comes out of my mouth
Speaker 4: is going to help anyone on that level, but yeah,
Speaker 4: I've got better at recognizing that those benefits to sharing
Speaker 4: your experiences and not keeping them locked up.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think there was a part in our
Speaker 1: relationship early on where I would post something or say
Speaker 1: something and you'd be like, why did you say that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it wouldn't have even been about us. It was
Speaker 1: like my my past or my past relationships, Like why
Speaker 1: did you say that?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 1: I was like, because it's this is my life, Like
Speaker 1: I I want to help other people. I want to
Speaker 1: share these things in hopes and efforts to help other
Speaker 1: people if they're going through a parenting or cheating or
Speaker 1: trauma or DV or any any of those aspects. And
Speaker 1: I think that was and I was like, please, like,
Speaker 1: don't make me feel like what I'm sharing is or
Speaker 1: that I that I need to like stop that, because
Speaker 1: I was like that that was the piece for me.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is this is my life too,
Speaker 1: and this is how I've chosen to live it. I
Speaker 1: think I went through this to them be able to
Speaker 1: share it and help people, right, And I think you've
Speaker 1: definitely gotten better with You've never you haven't said that
Speaker 1: to me in a long time about anything that I'm
Speaker 1: most say yeah, yeah, And then I know our boundaries
Speaker 1: of what we share, like on our adult education podcast,
Speaker 1: and you know all that, so I know, and it's
Speaker 1: it's important not to and it's important to respect your
Speaker 1: boundaries around it too and meet in the middle and
Speaker 1: be like, all right, I got to Instagram. This is
Speaker 1: a part of this world that I've created that I
Speaker 1: you know, I do enjoy showing my family in you
Speaker 1: and I mean people were obsessed with the stuff with
Speaker 1: you and Jolie the other day and seeing y'all's relationship,
Speaker 1: and you know, I think that's important to weave in.
Speaker 1: Like who wants to watch someone's page that's just ad
Speaker 1: ad ad ad ad. It's like no one would come
Speaker 1: to the page. It's like you have to you have
Speaker 1: to bring people in share life with them to then
Speaker 1: you know, you can't just be selling stuff.
Speaker 3: Twenty four to.
Speaker 2: Seven Absolutely not, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I'm glad you came full circle on that one. Wait,
Speaker 1: I have so many questions that we still need to
Speaker 1: to get through, and then I kind of want to know.
Speaker 1: So how about we take a break and then come
Speaker 1: back for another episode.
Speaker 3: Sweet