1 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, I am Dramas and this is the Street 2 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 1: Stoic Podcast, bring to your daily dose of Tomlins Stoic 3 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,400 Speaker 1: philosophy remix for the hip hop generation. We are combined 4 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 1: in ancient philosophy with lyrics are quotes from some of 5 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 1: the greatest who ever grace a microphone. Now, with that 6 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: in mind, let's get things started with your daily shot 7 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 1: of inspiration. Now today we are going to be covering 8 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 1: the stoic idea of focusing on what you can control. 9 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 1: And I was just going through a bunch of like 10 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: I don't know some of my favorite artists and records 11 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 1: and things like that while I was driving the other day, 12 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 1: and a couple of records have spoken to me that 13 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,640 Speaker 1: you'll be hearing kind of this week, a final week 14 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 1: of this season of season two, and. 15 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 2: One of the songs was from Gez. 16 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: The track is called these Things Happened Too, and the 17 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,240 Speaker 1: lyric that I pulled from it he says, X is 18 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: X me out. We ain't feeling the same. One of 19 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: them on national television dragging my name. Wish you could 20 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: have handled it up. I can't complain because you don't 21 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: get to choose how people react. 22 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:32,119 Speaker 2: To being in pain, And I love that last line. 23 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 1: You don't get to choose how people react to being 24 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,760 Speaker 1: in pain, And this is like the ultimate form of 25 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: acceptance that, no matter how frustrating it is. Right, he's 26 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,559 Speaker 1: talking about his ex dragging him on national television telling 27 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,679 Speaker 1: a side of the story that he doesn't agree with. Right, 28 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: And it's frustrating. But at the end of the day, 29 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: you can either allow yourself to get worked up by 30 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: this experience, get worked up by this person sharing their story, 31 00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: or just accept that you're not going to be viewed 32 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: in the same. 33 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 2: Light that you view yourself. Right, They're going to have 34 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 2: their own side of the story. 35 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: You have no control how others will handle a particular 36 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 1: situation or how they're going to express their own pain. 37 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: As he mentions, right, all of that is outside of 38 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,959 Speaker 1: your control. And this leads to a few quotes that 39 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: I pulled from from Epictet as one of the stokes 40 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: that I think. 41 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 2: Is really important to kind of harp on. 42 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 1: When we talk about this idea of allowing others to 43 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: just be and a few quotes that Epicteta says on 44 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,360 Speaker 1: this topic. He says, the more you seek to control 45 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 1: external events, the less control you will have over your 46 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,520 Speaker 1: own life. And Epitis also goes on to say you 47 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 1: have control over your own thoughts and actions, but not 48 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: over the thoughts and actions of others. And I think 49 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: this is obviously easier said than done, especially when we're 50 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 1: talking about something like a breakup or whatever, bad business deal, 51 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 1: whatever it might be like, and somebody has their own 52 00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,639 Speaker 1: sort of side of the story. 53 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 2: Right, say, there's three sides to every story. 54 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: Your side, their side, and somewhere in the middle is 55 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: the truth we all are going to have. Our experience 56 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: is colored by the lens which we see the world through. Right, 57 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: our own life experience is and neevitbly going to have 58 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,680 Speaker 1: its effect on how we view situations throughout the course 59 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: of our lives, right, how we remember them, how we 60 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 1: judge them, you know. And the last thing that I 61 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 1: think to kind of put a period on this idea 62 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: of really just focusing on the things that you do 63 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: have power over, Epicitetis says, when you control your thoughts, 64 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 1: you control your destiny. When you are in control of 65 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: your thoughts and your emotions and you're not fighting losing 66 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: battles like the ones that come with trying to sit 67 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: there and change the minds of other people and get 68 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: inside their mind and predict what they're thinking, and this, 69 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 1: that and the third. Right, when you're able to stay 70 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: disciplined in what you actually control, that's when you hold 71 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: life in the palm of your hands. 72 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 2: Right. 73 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 1: Everything else is yourinquishing your power at the end of 74 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: the day, you know, and I get it. It's easier 75 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: said than done, right. I mean, I went through a breakup, 76 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 1: you know this this last year, right, and I've found 77 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: myself getting mad at that other person, right for maybe 78 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: the slander that they're talking, or even just sort of 79 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: thinking to myself how negatively I must be spoken about 80 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: in their household, to their loved ones, to their friends, 81 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,520 Speaker 1: and all these things, right, and me thinking to myself, 82 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,479 Speaker 1: just how untrue many of the stories and the narrative 83 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: that is being portrayed about me might be. But is 84 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 1: that really worth my time and energy. That's for them 85 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: to do. It's not in my control. It's not my 86 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,839 Speaker 1: job to control how they think, right, And it's impossible 87 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 1: for me to do so. And more so, what I've 88 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: been trying to practice is having empathy for them because 89 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,719 Speaker 1: they're dealing with pain, the pain of this situation. 90 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,039 Speaker 2: The best way they know how. 91 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: Maybe it's hurtful, maybe it is vengeful in ways, right, 92 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 1: and I'm allowed to be, you know, a bit upset 93 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 1: about that aspect of it. But again, this is just 94 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,479 Speaker 1: somebody in pain dealing with it the way that they 95 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,600 Speaker 1: see fit, the only way that they currently know how, 96 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,080 Speaker 1: and that's not for me to correct. 97 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 2: And that's what we have to sort of keep in mind. 98 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: As frustrating, as angry as other people may make us, 99 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 1: we can't change the minds of others. We can't read 100 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 1: their minds. And any time we spend investing in trying 101 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: to do so, is us really short changing ourselves on 102 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 1: all that we could be doing to progress our lives 103 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: and create the life that we want to see. Right now, 104 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 1: we've heard from Geasy, we have heard from Epictitis on 105 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: this idea of focusing on what you can control. You've 106 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: heard some of my own story as well. Now let's 107 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 1: talk about how you can make it your mantra for today. 108 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 1: But first let's take a quick break and then we'll 109 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 1: be friendlin. So today we are talking about the stoic 110 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,359 Speaker 1: idea of focusing on what you can control, and we 111 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:01,920 Speaker 1: have heard the words of g Easy, We've heard for 112 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 1: one of the Stokes epetetis, you've heard for myself. Now 113 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 1: let's talk about how you can make it your mantra 114 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:11,839 Speaker 1: for today, right. And I think the keyword that comes 115 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,919 Speaker 1: to mind in a lot of scenario is that I 116 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: think we overcomplicate. 117 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:17,480 Speaker 2: Is just acceptance. Right. 118 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 1: You're not always going to be the good guy in 119 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:25,039 Speaker 1: everybody's story, right, and that's not your job to try 120 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: to be. 121 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 2: You can't control that, right. 122 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,920 Speaker 1: Somebody is always going to have some sort of narrative 123 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: based upon the way that they see the world. 124 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 2: And you can exhaust yourself. 125 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,679 Speaker 1: You can waste all your time and energy trying to 126 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 1: fight this uphill battle of convincing them to see things 127 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: a different way. But at the end of the day, 128 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,159 Speaker 1: it's not up to you if they do or don't. 129 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: So why even give it any more energy than it 130 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: is necessary? And I think so many of us kind 131 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,920 Speaker 1: of fall into this trap, right, because none of us 132 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 1: want to be the bad guy. 133 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 2: None of us want to be the jerk. You know. 134 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: We want to be spoken about the way we see ourselves, right. 135 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: We want to have what we believe are the facts, 136 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,840 Speaker 1: you know out there in present. When a narrative is 137 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: being spoken about. But again, all of that is beyond 138 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 1: our control. At the end of the day, you. 139 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 2: Just have to accept it. 140 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: And you trying to put energy towards having somebody see 141 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: things a certain way, or getting them back or holding 142 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 1: them accountable, whatever it is, that's only slowing down your 143 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 1: own healing journey, right, That's slowing you down from moving 144 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: forward with your life and getting to experience the next 145 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 1: potential relationship or getting to just experience this new chapter 146 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 1: of your life, right, getting to experience growth. You're only 147 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: slowing yourself down by trying to control things that are 148 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: well beyond our control. Right now, a recap all we've 149 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: been talking about today. I mean, you have a gezy 150 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: kind of really giving this personal experience about an X 151 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: going on national television and airing him out essentially right, 152 00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,200 Speaker 1: and he doesn't. 153 00:07:58,960 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 2: Agree with what she said. 154 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: That seems like the worst case scenario I can think of, right, like, 155 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 1: literally makes my stomach turn. But even with this sort 156 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 1: of very exaggerated version of you know, somebody bad mouthing you, 157 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 1: he still arrives to the point of saying, I can't 158 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 1: complain because you don't get to choose how people react 159 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: to being in pain, and he's absolutely right, and trust me, 160 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 1: on a personal level, I know that this is incredibly difficult. 161 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 1: People say hurtful things, They go through extremes to get 162 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: back at you because they feel like they have been 163 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 1: you know, wronged in some sort of way. But again, 164 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 1: in the grand scheme of it, which is sort of 165 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 1: what we always are trying to talk about being far 166 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 1: more intentional with our lives. 167 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 2: We have to pick and choose our battles. And I'm not. 168 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: In control of why this person views our relationship the 169 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 1: way they do, why they're choosing to take the actions 170 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,719 Speaker 1: they are, why they're choosing to say the things that 171 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 1: they're saying. Right, I can't sit there and you know, 172 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 1: defend myself every time they badmouth me to somebody. Right, 173 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,080 Speaker 1: I have to just accept the fact that I might 174 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,320 Speaker 1: be the villain in this person's story, and that's okay. 175 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: I have to move on with my life and continue 176 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,560 Speaker 1: to write my own story because that's the only thing 177 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 1: that I'm in control of. And again, as we talk 178 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,079 Speaker 1: about and for the last time this season, drive home, 179 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: focusing on what you're actually in control of and letting 180 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 1: go of anything else. 181 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 2: Now, thank you so much. 182 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,200 Speaker 1: Checking out the Street Stoic Podcast your best to apply 183 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: these concepts into your everyday life and. 184 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: I'll catch you next time. 185 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 1: The Street Stoke Podcast is a production of Iheart's Michael 186 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: Thura podcast Network