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Speaker 1: Personally, if you've ever been in a relationship where to

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Speaker 1: the outside world everything looked perfect, but the reality was

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Speaker 1: not at all what it seemed.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not alone.

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Speaker 1: We're getting into those kind of relationships this week because

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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day comes with a lot more than just happiness

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Speaker 1: around love.

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Speaker 2: So here we go.

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Speaker 1: I'm here this week with Jenny Preme, and I'm really

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Speaker 1: excited because we're continuing the series all about love and

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Speaker 1: relationships and everything in between.

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Speaker 2: Jenny, thanks for joining me.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, thank you for having me. I'm so

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Speaker 3: excited to be here.

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Speaker 2: I'm excited that you're here.

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Speaker 1: And we have to go all the way to the

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Speaker 1: beginning to really understand your entire story to where you

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Speaker 1: are now and why you're talking to people about relationships

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Speaker 1: and why that matters and finding their best selves, because

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Speaker 1: that's a whole piece to this. But your story started

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Speaker 1: somewhere completely different, and that's where I would like to begin.

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Speaker 3: Oh boy, Yeah, let's go back to the beginning. Like

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Speaker 3: you said, I had this corporate job that I loved.

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Speaker 3: I worked in medical aesthetics. I was a corporate leader

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Speaker 3: for over twenty years, two decades. I always joke that

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Speaker 3: I because I worked in medical aesthetics. You can't tell

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Speaker 3: my age.

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Speaker 2: I can't look amazing.

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Speaker 3: But I traveled a lot for work, and I love

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Speaker 3: to travel for fun. So I was living my best

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Speaker 3: life work in my big fancy corporate job, with my

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Speaker 3: big salary, my fancy car, my fancy clothes, and thought

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Speaker 3: that was like everything that defined success for me at

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Speaker 3: the time. And I was introduced to the sky Chad,

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Speaker 3: and I was not interested.

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Speaker 1: Before you even continue this, I do know how this

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Speaker 1: story kind of goes. But his name's Chad, and honestly,

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Speaker 1: that tracks, so please continue.

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Speaker 3: That's preface. I named him check Okay, Okay, it's not

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Speaker 3: his real name, and I don't do it for protection

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Speaker 3: of him. I do it for protection of some other

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Speaker 3: people that we'll get to.

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Speaker 2: Okay, But he hated.

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Speaker 3: That name, so that's why I chose it.

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Speaker 2: But it sounds like he was a Chad, so let's

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Speaker 2: be clear. Yeah, okay, please, I didn't. He deserves the name.

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Speaker 3: You're right at tracks. So he was courting me, pursuing me,

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Speaker 3: and I was just not interested for two reasons. Number one,

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Speaker 3: because I just explained I had this great life and

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Speaker 3: why run a good thing? My single head and hanging

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Speaker 3: out with my friends in the meantime and my dogs.

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Speaker 3: At the time, I had two Pekinese Emelia and Sadie.

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Speaker 3: They were amazing and I eventually broke down. But the

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Speaker 3: other reason I didn't want to date him I was

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Speaker 3: not interested is he has two kids and I'd been

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Speaker 3: there before and I just didn't want to go down

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Speaker 3: that path. Clearly, he broke me down and I ended

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Speaker 3: up going out with him, and things moved very fast.

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Speaker 3: I tried to move slow, but things moved very fast.

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Speaker 3: Meet the kids. Obviously, I fell in love with him,

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Speaker 3: and then I fell in love two more times with

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Speaker 3: those kids. And things are moving along. They move in

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Speaker 3: when they go back and forth between our house and

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Speaker 3: their moms, and yeah, things are just continuing along. Life

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Speaker 3: is good.

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Speaker 2: You're happy. You're like, okay, this worked out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't realize that. I thought I could be

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Speaker 3: so happy and life is good until one day.

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Speaker 1: Wait, okay, and before we hit the one day? How

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Speaker 1: long before the one day came?

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Speaker 3: So it was just under a year and a half.

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Speaker 2: Okay, total, so year and a half.

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Speaker 1: Everything is great, your happy life is good mostly.

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Speaker 3: Mostly mostly, And we can backtrack some of that because

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Speaker 3: oftentimes the question I get is where they're red flags?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, hindsight's also always twenty twenty yes, so it's a

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Speaker 1: lot easier to see red flags after the fact than

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Speaker 1: there is dirt in the fact a lot of the time.

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Speaker 3: And I think too, like when I talked about the

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Speaker 3: relationship moving really fast in the beginning, some of the

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Speaker 3: instances of that were in the first month of dating.

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Speaker 3: Actually it might have been in the first couple of weeks.

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Speaker 3: He was like, I can't wait for you to meet

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Speaker 3: my kids. And my first instinct was, I'm not a mother.

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Speaker 3: I don't have my own children, but my first instinct

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Speaker 3: was if someone was hanging around my kids, I would

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Speaker 3: want to know who it is. And so my first

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Speaker 3: instinct was, what does their mom say? I would imagine

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Speaker 3: that there's some sort of an agreement, right that there's

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Speaker 3: a certain time frame, And oftentimes my girlfriends that are

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Speaker 3: dating new guys and they have kids and he has kids,

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Speaker 3: they'll be like, how long is appropriate? I think it's

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Speaker 3: different for every relationship based on the relationship with the

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Speaker 3: other parents, but set a timeline that feels comfortable for you.

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Speaker 3: And I have a friend that just went through this

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Speaker 3: and she was so glad to have those parameters in

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Speaker 3: place because then everything felt comfortable right when that time came.

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Speaker 3: So to me, in hindsight, that was a big red flag, right.

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Speaker 3: This was before I knew terms like love bombing and

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Speaker 3: future faking and mirroring, which is all of the manipulation

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Speaker 3: that was happening at the time. But I didn't realize

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Speaker 3: that's what was happening before we were even officially dating.

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Speaker 3: We hung out for a weekend at a cabin with

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Speaker 3: a group and he was like, what's your favorite candy?

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Speaker 3: And I was like, sour Patch kids, Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 3: sour Patch are my favorite candy too. We should totally

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Speaker 3: get married. Just ridiculous. You don't get married over having Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and that's probably not even his favorite candy, let's be clear.

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Speaker 3: So that was in hindsight, like the meeting the kids

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Speaker 3: really fast. And when I asked him too, I was like,

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Speaker 3: what does their mom say? And he was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: we just trust each other. And when I repeat that

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Speaker 3: right now, like it took everything in me to not

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Speaker 3: vomit the words out right. Like him saying the word

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Speaker 3: trust is just comical.

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Speaker 1: And it's funny because a lot of people will look

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Speaker 1: at relationships, especially from the outside, and be like, you

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Speaker 1: hear all these things, and you see all of this

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Speaker 1: about a person, how could you possibly just not leave.

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Speaker 1: I like to think that most people want to believe

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Speaker 1: inherently that people are good. I don't think we want

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Speaker 1: to believe that people are bad, especially not somebody that

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Speaker 1: we're starting to have feelings for and we have emotions about.

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Speaker 1: You want to believe that there's no possible way that

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Speaker 1: this person is the bad person, that maybe your gut

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Speaker 1: is pushing you to think right. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: a big conversation around particular situations like this too, where

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Speaker 1: you just there's so much more to just than you

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Speaker 1: seeing something and be like, yeah, okay, leave, That's not

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Speaker 1: actually how relationships work.

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Speaker 3: Especially with narcissistic abuse, it's so covert that it on

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Speaker 3: average takes people seven times to leave. I do a

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Speaker 3: lot of YouTube content covering narcissists, relationships and abuse because

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Speaker 3: it's so covert people don't realize how bad the It's

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Speaker 3: almost like microtraumas consistently that you're experiencing from the gas lighting,

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Speaker 3: from the psychological abuse, where you start to question yourself

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Speaker 3: and what reality really is because they are such manipulative,

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Speaker 3: pathological liars and create this different sense of reality. You

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Speaker 3: start to question, like you're constantly on shaky ground and

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Speaker 3: walking on eggshells, and you become like a shell of

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Speaker 3: yourself too. In all of that, meanwhile, you're projecting to

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Speaker 3: the outside world something completely different, that you've got it

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Speaker 3: all together, that everything's okay, everything's great. And so it's

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Speaker 3: this really confusing dichotomy really that people don't recognize what's

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Speaker 3: going on, and they also isolate you. All of your

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Speaker 3: friends are bad, all of your family is bad. So

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Speaker 3: then you have isolation on top of it, and you're

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Speaker 3: not talking to anybody about what's going on because you're embarrassed,

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Speaker 3: you're ashamed. And then when you do finally talk to people,

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Speaker 3: and they see this perfect image, right my house looked

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Speaker 3: like the white picket fence with the family and the

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Speaker 3: two kids and the dog, and from the outside everything

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Speaker 3: looked hunky dory. And so then when you start to say, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm experiencing this and this is exactly what happened one

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Speaker 3: of my very best friends, Like at the peak of everything,

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Speaker 3: I got shingles on my face, the scars I had

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Speaker 3: abnormal skin cancer lesions removed, and all my hair broke

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Speaker 3: off and fell out. So at the height of the stress,

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Speaker 3: I literally am sobbing, knowing in my bones, knowing in

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Speaker 3: my soul that something was wrong. I call my friend

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Speaker 3: and she's like, there's no way. There's absolutely no way.

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Speaker 3: He would have to be an absolute psychopath for this

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Speaker 3: to be going on. He was, he was and he

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Speaker 3: still is.

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Speaker 1: Yes, And I so want to dive down on because

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Speaker 1: that's it's such an important topic and you and I

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Speaker 1: both have experience with it and it will be important

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Speaker 1: for us to dive in. But before we get any

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Speaker 1: further that moment, let's share the behind this story, the

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Speaker 1: moment that everything changed and everything started to happen.

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Speaker 3: Like that feeling that me knowing it in my bones, knowing.

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Speaker 1: It, yeah, And what happened, what transpired that changed everything.

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Speaker 3: So this is where especially ladies that you know that

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Speaker 3: are listening, trusting your intuition and your gut, Like this

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Speaker 3: is something I've always had a really strong intuition, and

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Speaker 3: for that time period that I was with him, I

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Speaker 3: just kept ignoring it and anytime, and because he was

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Speaker 3: such a good gas slider, so I had come home

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Speaker 3: that weekend and I was on a work trip and

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Speaker 3: I couldn't get a hold of him, And meanwhile, I

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Speaker 3: had to actually think at that point, I was down

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Speaker 3: to one. So I had two elderly dogs at the time,

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Speaker 3: and so when I would travel for work, he was

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Speaker 3: responsible for caring for them.

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Speaker 1: Oh, and that is that brings a whole other level

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Speaker 1: of just this sickness in your gut, where like that

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Speaker 1: you and I are both massive animal lovers, and that

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Speaker 1: feeling where they are your everything and it's the person

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Speaker 1: you love is supposed to be responsible for taking care

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Speaker 1: of something that you love equally as much, but also

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Speaker 1: knowing at the same time that they're not capable of it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like psychologically and emotionally and financially abuse me all

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Speaker 3: you want someone that can neglect and abuse an animal

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Speaker 3: is reprehensible to me, Like I can't fathom. But it

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Speaker 3: turns out, yeah, he would leave my dogs like I

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Speaker 3: would be traveling and he would go stay in hotels

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Speaker 3: and just leave my animals.

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Speaker 1: For days, like for hours, like what was the not.

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Speaker 3: For days but overnight for long like twelve fourteen, sixteen

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Speaker 3: hours whatever.

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Speaker 1: Meanwhile, you're thinking he's caring for them and taking care

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Speaker 1: of them back home.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and so there was a time. So there's a

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Speaker 3: couple of things like when I go back, and I

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Speaker 3: was like, so here's actually let me give it to

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Speaker 3: you in a little bit of a different framework, right,

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Speaker 3: the shingles on my face. All of that actually happened

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Speaker 3: about a month before everything happened. So I'm traveling home

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Speaker 3: from a work trip in Birmingham, Alabama, and I'm coming

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Speaker 3: home and one of my friends text me and is like, Hey,

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Speaker 3: what time does your flight land? And I said nine

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Speaker 3: thirty seven pm? Why this is a Tuesday night? And

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Speaker 3: she's like, can we meet for a cocktail? And this

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Speaker 3: was not a Tuesday night ten pm kind of cocktail friendship.

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Speaker 3: And the kids were at our house that night, and

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Speaker 3: we didn't typically have Tuesdays, but that weekend we were

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Speaker 3: going to my nephew's wedding in Washington State, and so

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Speaker 3: because of that and because of our schedule, we wouldn't

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Speaker 3: have seen them for two weeks. And at that point

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Speaker 3: I had never not been away from them, or had

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Speaker 3: never been away from them for that long, and I

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Speaker 3: couldn't imagine it. So I had asked their mom. I

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Speaker 3: was like, would it be okay if we had them

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Speaker 3: on Tuesday instead so that we can see them, And

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Speaker 3: she of course agreed and was lovely. So they came.

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Speaker 3: They were there that night, and they were already they

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Speaker 3: would have already been in bed by the time I

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Speaker 3: got home anyway. So all day I'm like, man, she

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Speaker 3: needs to meet at ten pm for cocktails on a

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Speaker 3: Tuesday night? Yeah, what is going on with her?

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Speaker 2: Alarm bell ringing in your head?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? What is going on with her? That's so big?

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Speaker 3: Is everything? Okay? Is someone sick?

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Speaker 1: Is she?

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Speaker 3: Like? Is what's going on with her? And how do

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Speaker 3: I show up and be a good friend? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And then we were thinking about her, Yeah, not about

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Speaker 1: what could possibly be getting told to you in that moment.

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Speaker 3: No, okay, So I show up and she already has

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Speaker 3: like her drink empty, and it displays this arrangement of

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Speaker 3: evidence about Chad who's at home in my bed at

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Speaker 3: that moment. And she starts giving me dates, names, locations,

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Speaker 3: and she was like, how are you not losing it?

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Speaker 3: Like you you must be in shock, And I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I'm in shock. And I'm also not surprised because some

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Speaker 3: of the dates matched up to times when I questioned

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Speaker 3: things that had happened.

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Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, how did she have this information? Was she

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Speaker 1: connected to somebody that he was involved with? M wow,

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Speaker 1: and she was one of your friends.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so this wasn't like he.

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Speaker 1: Had gone out and done things complete stranger.

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Speaker 2: You didn't really have a connection. There was pieces to

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Speaker 2: this that everything was intertwined.

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Speaker 3: Oh there is. And here's the crazy thing to more

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Speaker 3: than like the book came out, and after the book

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Speaker 3: came out, like, there needs to be a version two.

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Speaker 3: I'm actually considering doing a second edition because there is

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Speaker 3: so much. I think I learned more worse stuff. Actually

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Speaker 3: after the book was published, when hundreds of women started

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Speaker 3: reaching out to me when he got posted in one

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Speaker 3: of those are we dating the same guy?

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Speaker 2: Groups?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so he was obviously cheating, That was obvious. Yes,

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Speaker 1: at that moment as it's getting laid in front of you,

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Speaker 1: was there other things that were happening?

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Speaker 2: Was it multiple people? Was it like, how was he doing?

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Speaker 1: What were you finding out? What was this evidence that

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Speaker 1: you were presented with? Oh?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he was on So at the time, like I said,

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Speaker 3: some of it gets a little blurred timeline. Now when

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Speaker 3: I found out what.

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Speaker 2: That's okay, I understand that when we.

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Speaker 3: Talk about the grandiosity of someone being a fraud, right

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Speaker 3: and like living a double life. He would perform chiropractic

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Speaker 3: treatments on people and he's not a doctor.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so he's not supposed to be doing that.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely not. If you are not a doctor, you should

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Speaker 3: not be practicing medicine.

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Speaker 2: What was his job?

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Speaker 3: What was he supposed to be? Personal trainer?

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Speaker 2: Okay? Okay?

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Speaker 3: He I would have a way that he would build

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Speaker 3: trust enough with people that they would allow him to

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Speaker 3: perform chiropractic adjustments on them. He gave a woman a stroke.

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Speaker 3: So when you talk about the dangerous levels of antics

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Speaker 3: and tactics that he will go to, he's a complete

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Speaker 3: financial fraud. He will take money from anybody and everybody.

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Speaker 3: I of course floated everything, and so this is when

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Speaker 3: I talk about my new unsubscribed content like this is.

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Speaker 3: I came up with it because it's what I wish

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Speaker 3: I needed or something I wish I had at the time.

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Speaker 3: I needed it so badly because I was completely overfunctioning.

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Speaker 3: I was running the household, I was traveling, doing my job.

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Speaker 3: I was doing the pickup and drop off at school,

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Speaker 3: packing lunches, doing the laundry, making sure the house was

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Speaker 3: clean and the lawn was mode, and doing the grocery

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Speaker 3: shopping and you name it, maintaining friendships, keeping a workout schedule,

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Speaker 3: and keep this whole thing. Because people like him, it's

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Speaker 3: all about their image, right. So I was a perfect

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Speaker 3: supply for him because it elevated his life. It made

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Speaker 3: his life look really pretty, yeah, really pretty, way better

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Speaker 3: than it was, which is exactly what he wanted. In

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Speaker 3: that time when everything was blowing up. I had recently

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Speaker 3: found out like he had no money in the bank,

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Speaker 3: and I was like, wait a minute, what because he

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Speaker 3: always would act like he had all this money. And again,

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Speaker 3: in hindsight, people like, give me a little grace here. Okay, yes,

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Speaker 3: financial conversation should have been happening long before that. But

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Speaker 3: at the same time, like things happened so fast, right,

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Speaker 3: and we became this instant family, and it's like you're

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Speaker 3: already in it. And I at that time it didn't

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Speaker 3: really matter, right, Like I made enough money and had

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Speaker 3: enough save to create a really great future for a

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Speaker 3: family of four, and so to me, it wasn't ever

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Speaker 3: really a consideration. Again, now, in hindsight, I would be

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Speaker 3: kicking me too. I get it. I get it.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 1: The one thing I love to reiterate is like, hindsight

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Speaker 1: is always twenty twenty. Yeah, when you have somebody who

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Speaker 1: is so good at manipulating your reality, it makes it

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Speaker 1: really difficult for you to figure out what's true and

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Speaker 1: what's false because they create an environment where it's difficult

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Speaker 1: to distinguish that on purpose, that's what they thrive in.

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Speaker 1: That's how they survive, and they do it not just

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Speaker 1: personally but professionally. Which is also what you were seeing

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Speaker 1: and what you were experiencing is he wasn't just this

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Speaker 1: way as a person to you. He was like this

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Speaker 1: as a human being, which is even scarier right that

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Speaker 1: there's people like this out there in the world that

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Speaker 1: exists that could possibly break people's trust, who might not

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Speaker 1: even be just their partner, but somebody that they just

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Speaker 1: have in passing is part of their life.

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Speaker 2: It's really stickening on multitude of levels.

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Speaker 1: But I just want to reiterate that because it's really

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Speaker 1: hard for people who have never experienced an abusive partner,

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Speaker 1: a narcissistic partner, a toxic partner, to look at it

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Speaker 1: and say, why didn't you just leave or how did

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Speaker 1: you not pick up on this or how did you

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Speaker 1: x y Z, And it's just that's not how it

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Speaker 1: works at the.

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Speaker 2: End of the day. That's the plainest I can say,

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Speaker 2: is that's.

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Speaker 1: Not how it works.

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Speaker 3: I love how you said earlier. We want to see

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Speaker 3: the best in people, and so you don't want that

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Speaker 3: to be true. I didn't want that to be true

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Speaker 3: about him, especially if I take it in context outside

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Speaker 3: of just myself, because this wasn't just about myself at

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Speaker 3: that time either. It was about these children who I

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Speaker 3: adore and love, and I don't want that for them either.

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Speaker 3: But again, he portrays to be this amazing dad really

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Speaker 3: the other day, and the kids are to the point

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Speaker 3: where they see through a lot of it now, which

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Speaker 3: is great. I've never said one thing bad about him

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Speaker 3: to them ever, and it has been years. Yes, we

357
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Speaker 3: still have a relationship and we can get to that too,

358
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Speaker 3: which is so special. I've seen both of the kids

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Speaker 3: and their mom and I are super close friends. I've

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Speaker 3: seen them all in the lifelast couple of weeks.

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Speaker 2: Which I love.

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Speaker 3: By the way.

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Speaker 1: I love when two hurt women can bond together and

364
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Speaker 1: just form an alliance that is unbreakable.

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Speaker 2: And that's almost the reason.

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Speaker 1: Probably why he came into your life was because this

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Speaker 1: relationship is something that you needed with his ex partner

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Speaker 1: and the mom of the kids and the kids, which

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Speaker 1: is a lot easier to look at now and see

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Speaker 1: in your life and say that was probably why, But

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Speaker 1: when it's happening, that's not the same conversation.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think for me, one of the most rewarding,

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Speaker 3: validating parts about it was her understanding that he did

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Speaker 3: this to me finally made her realize that she wasn't

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Speaker 3: broken right, and so to see her over those first

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Speaker 3: couple of years really get her swear back. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 3: that was one of the most fulfilling parts of the

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Speaker 3: whole experience.

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Speaker 1: Because when you go through something like that, a lot

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Speaker 1: of the questions become how did I that to happen?

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Speaker 1: What's wrong with me that I had the environment for

382
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Speaker 1: that to exist? And everything that person taught you you

383
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Speaker 1: have to unlearn because they've taught you a certain way

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Speaker 1: of being.

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Speaker 2: And so I'd imagine both.

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Speaker 1: Of you were rewriting a lot of that after both

387
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Speaker 1: of your experiences, but you probably rewrote it.

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Speaker 2: You guys connected, and then.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot of lessons in learning for her

390
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Speaker 1: seeing it through you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and just to give an example of how much

392
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Speaker 3: we respect one another, I let her read the book

393
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Speaker 3: before it was published, so to make sure that she

394
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Speaker 3: was okay and comfortable with everything. There were a couple

395
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Speaker 3: of things that she was like that can't go in there,

396
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Speaker 3: not that I put in there, but we had conversations

397
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Speaker 3: about it beforehand, and I respect her that much to

398
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Speaker 3: honor that and still today. So now my last two books,

399
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 3: she is actually the editor.

400
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Speaker 1: Wow.

401
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Speaker 3: Yeah, So I love this. I know, it's just great.

402
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,399
Speaker 3: There's so much good has come from it. For what

403
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,920
Speaker 3: a shitty situation it was. So much good has come

404
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:02,239
Speaker 3: from it.

405
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Speaker 2: And let me just put it in a bow.

406
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Speaker 1: So he had he cheated multiple times, He was clearly

407
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Speaker 1: living a separate life, He was financially unstable, he was

408
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 1: a narcissist. Was there also, I'd assume emotional abuse part

409
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Speaker 1: of this?

410
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Speaker 2: Was there also physical abuse?

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Speaker 3: There was never any physical abuse, except for the fact

412
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Speaker 3: that what I like to point out is that the

413
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 3: countless people that he was sexually involved with and didn't

414
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:34,879
Speaker 3: use protection. So to me, I do think that's a

415
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:39,880
Speaker 3: form of physical abuse, putting my physical health at risk. Thankfully,

416
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 3: one of the first things I did was go down

417
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 3: to the clinic and get tested for everything under the sun.

418
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Speaker 3: And I feel very fortunate and grateful that I didn't

419
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Speaker 3: contract anything serious that was going to impact my life

420
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Speaker 3: or anything like that. He was also on a bunch

421
00:21:55,800 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 3: of like fetish sites and seeking arrangement and all of

422
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 3: these underground word around town was that he was in

423
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Speaker 3: some swingers groups.

424
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Speaker 2: And he really had his claws and everything.

425
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, little yeah, if it breathes, he's in.

426
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Speaker 1: Okay, You're ready for everything basically with what was coming

427
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 1: with him, And that is such an important conversation. I'm

428
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Speaker 1: also someone who has experienced cheating in every relationship I've

429
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Speaker 1: been in serious relationship up until my last two partners

430
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 1: and now my fiance. So I was very well experienced

431
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Speaker 1: in the world of being cheated on by somebody that

432
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Speaker 1: I was supposed to love. But in particularly what you

433
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 1: said that like hits home in something that we don't

434
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 1: talk about. There's all kinds of conversations about cheating and

435
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 1: obviously why it's wrong. And if I have to tell

436
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: you why cheating is wrong, it's not my story to

437
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 1: go down.

438
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Speaker 2: I'm not going to do that today.

439
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:57,960
Speaker 1: But why cheating is so unbelievably hurtful and should be

440
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,879
Speaker 1: looked as such. Is because of the jeopardy you're putting

441
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 1: somebody else's life in that they don't have a say in,

442
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,960
Speaker 1: And I don't think we talk about that enough when

443
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 1: it comes to cheating. It's more the emotional experience that

444
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: you go through, which is horrible. The heartbreak, the pain,

445
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: the betrayal, the lack of trust, all of that is

446
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:20,479
Speaker 1: so incredibly valid. But I very much remember being cheated

447
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: on and I had to go sit in a clinic

448
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 1: or go to my obgi in and get blood work

449
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,119
Speaker 1: and get things done because of a situation that I

450
00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:35,480
Speaker 1: didn't even ask for. And it was never my responsibility

451
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,160
Speaker 1: to begin with. I did everything right. I did everything

452
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 1: that a responsible adult and human being could possibly do,

453
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: and I even would have important conversations and I would

454
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:45,160
Speaker 1: do all the right things.

455
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 2: I checked every.

456
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: Single box, and I still was the one paying the

457
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 1: price for somebody else's decision that didn't involve me. It's

458
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 1: such an important part to that story that it doesn't

459
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,239
Speaker 1: get talked about because it's taboo if you will, to

460
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 1: speak on those things, But I appreciate you talking about

461
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: that side of it.

462
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 3: No, I think it's really important because I know so

463
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 3: many women that have found themselves in that situation where

464
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 3: they are humiliated. I felt so humiliated, and I think

465
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,879
Speaker 3: the way I opened the chapter in this book to

466
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 3: talk about it is here I find myself under these

467
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 3: beautiful fluorescent lights, the crinkly white paper, like we can

468
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 3: all picture ourselves in that position, your legs and stirrups,

469
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 3: and this stranger coming in to give you all this

470
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 3: testing again, something that you didn't ask for. So yeah,

471
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 3: I felt like my home had been violated. I felt

472
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 3: like my emotional psychological safety had been violated. I had

473
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 3: been financially violated, physically violated. You asked about like emotional abuse. Absolutely,

474
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 3: the gas lighting. When I had suspicions or weird things

475
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 3: going on, I was like, like, I had a security system,

476
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,919
Speaker 3: and the security system wasn't picking up that anyone was

477
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 3: in the house from like Friday morning until like Saturday.

478
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 3: And he was like, I can't help it if the

479
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 3: technology isn't working. I'm like, okay, so it was working

480
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,720
Speaker 3: up until that point and then started working again at

481
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:12,160
Speaker 3: that point. But you can't really argue with a narcissist

482
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 3: when they are gaslighting you like it just doesn't work.

483
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 3: And then same thing like when I addressed him, when

484
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 3: I knew in my bones, new in my soul, I

485
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,439
Speaker 3: had shingles on my face, which, by the way, I

486
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 3: think shingles is very misunderstood. So yes, it it shows itself.

487
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 3: It rears its ugly head on your skin. So for me,

488
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 3: it happened on my forehead. But what it is, it's

489
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 3: actually a virus that attacks your nervous system.

490
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's been your body's in stress.

491
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 3: If I'm not mistaken, it is not normal. You should

492
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 3: not get shingles in your thirties. That is not normal.

493
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,679
Speaker 3: When I walked in to the doctor, she luckily it

494
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 3: was a friend of mine, and she got me in

495
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 3: really quick. When I explained what was going on and

496
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 3: she walked in, She's like, you have shingles on your face.

497
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 3: I'm so glad we caught it early because you could

498
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 3: have gone blind. Wow, if we didn't treat this and

499
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 3: get this under control. Now where this is, because what

500
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 3: happens then is it follows and I actually had a

501
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 3: second one starting. It follows the nerves and then you

502
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 3: start getting these lesions and it hurts. It's actually super painful.

503
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 3: So if you've ever if you've ever had your teeth

504
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 3: whitened with zoom whitening, okay, you can get like these.

505
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 3: Zingerly called them zingers like this, like the snappy, zingy

506
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 3: sensation in your nerves, and that's what happens with shingle.

507
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 3: So I was having that happen on my face while

508
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 3: I have this lesion, my eyes all swollen, like getting

509
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 3: heavy and whatever. Meanwhile, I had no idea that there

510
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 3: was potential for me to be going blind. So when

511
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 3: we talk about like physical being violated physically, my body

512
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,679
Speaker 3: was screaming at me, Ginny, something is wrong here, and

513
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 3: was like telling me. So that was the weekend when

514
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 3: I came home and I had confronted him because when

515
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 3: you said, what was it the beginning of the end.

516
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 3: I had this feeling when I was on a work

517
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 3: trip in Orlando. We had just gotten back from a

518
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 3: like nine day trip to Italy, which I know you're

519
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 3: gonna ask the question, did you pay for everything? Ginny?

520
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 3: Of course I did. Did we fly in Delta one?

521
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 3: Of course we did stay in lovely places? Yes, And

522
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,160
Speaker 3: people might be going, oh, shame on you, silly girl

523
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 3: again that's okay, I take that. But the other thing is,

524
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 3: when you go through something like this, it can really

525
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 3: jade you and you can have a chip on your shoulder.

526
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,919
Speaker 3: I refuse to do that. I refuse to do that.

527
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:35,160
Speaker 3: I still want to be a kind, generous person, especially

528
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 3: for people that are close to me and for everybody. Look,

529
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 3: I'm all about love, acceptance and kindness. But I refuse

530
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 3: to let him do that to me. And that's why

531
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 3: I wanted to almost go like the other direction. And

532
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 3: it really this experience actually softened me quite a lot.

533
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,360
Speaker 3: And it's not even that it probably softened me. It's

534
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 3: that I allowed myself to be vulnerable and let that

535
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 3: part of me show. So people that knew me before

536
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 3: and know me now like they've seen a very big evolution,

537
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 3: hopefully in good ways. I also am much more quick

538
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 3: to not tolerate though. Right when you're a yes person

539
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 3: and you don't have boundaries and then you start implementing them,

540
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 3: people might be like, oh man, she's like tough.

541
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 2: Now.

542
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 3: No, I'm actually way softer. But you can't pull one

543
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 3: over on me anymore.

544
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you get pushed in so many different directions,

545
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: something has to give, right, Yeah, especially what it sounds like.

546
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: You were this very strong independent You had an incredible career,

547
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,399
Speaker 1: you built a life for yourself, and so yeah, something

548
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 1: was going to have to give, something had to break

549
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 1: to bring you back together, especially after something like that.

550
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 3: Yeah. And so I'm in Orlando and I'm sitting on

551
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 3: the edge of the bed. It's a moment I'll never forget.

552
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 3: And I was texting with him and it was literally

553
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 3: like seven point thirty at home, and he was like, Oh,

554
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 3: I just I'm not I don't feel well. He sure

555
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 3: got sick a lot for a guy in the health

556
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 3: and wellness industry, always sick irony. And meanwhile, I'd be

557
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 3: away on a trip and he'd be like, oh, I'm

558
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 3: so sick because he'd have to do something to cover himself.

559
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 3: Because I became friends with all of his clients, and

560
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 3: so if he was canceling on all of his clients,

561
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 3: there had to be an excuse. Oh yeah, he was

562
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 3: sick canceled. Meanwhile, he'd be in Chicago with a woman

563
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 3: or and then and she'd be paying because he always

564
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 3: had credit card fraud. Oh yes, the stories. Oh Morgan,

565
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 3: So I'm in Orlando and he's texting me saying, I

566
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 3: just I'm too sick to even be a dad tonight

567
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 3: because it was a Thursday night or a Friday night,

568
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,479
Speaker 3: and that was our schedule, was like Thursdays to Sundays,

569
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 3: so that was always our schedule, which worked out great

570
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 3: for me because if I was traveling during the week

571
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 3: for work, then home with the kids for the weekend.

572
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 3: And I was texting him and he was like, I'm

573
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 3: just too sick. I'm going to bed now, Like it's

574
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 3: seven thirty. Even if you're sick, seven thirty is pretty crazy.

575
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 3: So what I found out after the fact was he

576
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 3: dropped the kids off at their mom's sisters because she

577
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 3: wasn't available and she had six kids, like a newborn,

578
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 3: and he just dumped them off there and then proceeded

579
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 3: to go to a hotel with a woman. And this

580
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 3: woman thought that she was in a relationship with him.

581
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 2: I'm sure a lot of them did.

582
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm sure.

583
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 2: There was quite a bit of that crossover.

584
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, while he's living in my house, so goes spends

585
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 3: the night with this woman, leaves my elderly dog, and

586
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 3: I was sitting on the edge of that bed and

587
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 3: literally it felt like a wave came crashing over me.

588
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 3: Something was wrong. It was like my intuition screaming at me.

589
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 3: That was the day I got shingles, went home, confronted him,

590
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: and this is where this was one of the most

591
00:30:54,840 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 3: epic gaslighting experiences, where I, oh, so he also popped

592
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 3: viagraa like candy, and so I for whatever reason, I

593
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: think I had recently suspected that he was cheating. And

594
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 3: I'm not proud of this. And I think this is

595
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 3: another thing too, like when you start behaving in ways

596
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 3: that are out of your character, that's an opportunity where

597
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,959
Speaker 3: you need to do some deep inner soul searching. And

598
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 3: I was doing things that were outside of my character,

599
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 3: that were outside of my behavior, like counting his Viagara pills. Yeah,

600
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 3: and when I left, he had this little foil pack

601
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 3: that had two in his nightstand and when I came

602
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 3: home they were gone. And so I asked him and

603
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 3: when he had an overnight bag in the trunk of

604
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 3: his car, like where were you? Where were we staying?

605
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 3: And he totally flipped it on me and said, had

606
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 3: I known that you had any trust issues in this relationship,

607
00:31:54,520 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 3: I would have never uprooted my children and their stability

608
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 3: to move them in here now, mind you, after he

609
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 3: moved out of my house. That was the sixth place

610
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 3: he had lived in five years.

611
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 2: The audacity to say that was your faulty. The audacity

612
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 2: is really it is all I want to say.

613
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 3: So I go to the restaurant, I get the stack

614
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 3: of evidence. I go home. I confront him, and I

615
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 3: was very strategic for whatever reason, like I was on

616
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 3: my a gay Morgan. Just the way I approached it was,

617
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm not giving him what I know.

618
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 3: I'm going to ask questions in a way to see

619
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 3: what I can get him to tell me without giving

620
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 3: him details, because I don't like me giving him the

621
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,479
Speaker 3: information that I know is going to take away all

622
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 3: my power. So I did. I went home and I

623
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 3: confronted him. And the weird thing is like a couple

624
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 3: of weird things. Actually, I was thinking about this today.

625
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 3: He always tells people that he doesn't wear underwear, which

626
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 3: I think is so creepy.

627
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: Yep, that's not the thing that should come up in

628
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 1: regular conversation.

629
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 3: Super weird. But he also slept naked, and when I

630
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 3: came home that night, he was fully clothed, And so

631
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 3: I wonder if he knew something was coming. It was

632
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 3: very interesting. So I came in and I just flipped

633
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 3: the lights on full blast.

634
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 2: You're like, I came in my name with a wrecking ball.

635
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 3: I did. I came in like Miley Cyrus, and I

636
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 3: just started asking him questions. I was like, how do

637
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 3: you know this person? And he was like, I used

638
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 3: to date blah blah blah. Meanwhile, he had just been

639
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 3: sleeping with her three weeks before or whatever, and he

640
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 3: basically again he's kept asking like he wouldn't answer anything.

641
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 3: He's like, do you believe it? And I was like,

642
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 3: I don't want to. He's like, but do you believe it?

643
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 3: And I was like, it was just talking in circles.

644
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 3: And we maybe talked for forty forty five minutes. And look,

645
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 3: it was late. It was getting to be like midnight

646
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 3: at that point. And he goes, I know this is more.

647
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 3: I know that this is important, but I need to

648
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 3: get some sleep, and he literally just went out and

649
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 3: slept on couch and then ushered the kids. So like

650
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 3: the thing one of the things that really pisses me

651
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 3: off that he robbed me of was that last morning

652
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 3: with the kids. His mornings were our special time. Oh

653
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,839
Speaker 3: my God, they were so sweet in the mornings and

654
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 3: just like waking them up and feeding them breakfast and

655
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 3: bringing them to school. That was always my most precious

656
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,359
Speaker 3: time with them. And he woke them up at five

657
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 3: point fifteen in the morning, an ungodly hour, quietly rushes

658
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 3: them out of the house, and I don't know, took

659
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:34,319
Speaker 3: them to breakfast in school. So at that point I

660
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 3: still hadn't made a decision. I'm a very evidence based

661
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 3: decision maker. So the next morning, I'm looking through the

662
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 3: stacks of paper and I was like, Okay, if I can,

663
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 3: if I can validate one of these things in here,

664
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:54,320
Speaker 3: it's probably all true.

665
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, because where there's smoke, their spire yes every time.

666
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 3: So I literally just ran animally. One of the things

667
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 3: on there was it didn't say the date, but it

668
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 3: was one of the women that had come forward and

669
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 3: said I was with him. We recently went to a

670
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 3: Crown Plaza hotel. And I was like, oh, wow, he

671
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 3: really treated you.

672
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 1: To, Like I'm over here paying for things, so do

673
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 1: I treat you to that? Yeah, that's going to be

674
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 1: an issue as well, exactly.

675
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 3: So I just I looked up and I was like, Okay,

676
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 3: there's three Crown Plaza hotels in the Twin Cities, and

677
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 3: the first one I picked up and I called and

678
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 3: I was like, Hi, this is missus Sewens. I just

679
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 3: pretended to be his wife and I said I was looking.

680
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 3: I just needed a receipt for our recent stay and

681
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 3: gave the date and they said, hey, hold, please let

682
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,280
Speaker 3: me see if I can find that. And that moment,

683
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:45,879
Speaker 3: I'm just sitting on the edge of my bed. I'm

684
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 3: actually sweating thinking being able to put myself back in

685
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 3: that situation. When they come back on the line, whatever

686
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 3: they're about to say is going to completely change the

687
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 3: trajectory of my life.

688
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 2: It was that moment you're at, the pivotal moment changed.

689
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:02,759
Speaker 3: And they came back on and they said, we've got

690
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 3: that receipt right here, where would you like me to

691
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 3: send it? And that was the moment it was over

692
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 3: because he denied that, and so all I did was

693
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 3: send him the screenshot and I said that was a

694
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 3: Wednesday morning. I said, you're gonna be out of my

695
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 3: house this weekend, and I never so like. One of

696
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 3: the things Morgan is you were talking about losing your

697
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 3: sense of self and like through these kind of situations

698
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 3: and that was my home and I welcomed him and

699
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 3: his children into it, and I just everything felt so

700
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 3: about it, and that was like the first thing I

701
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 3: felt like I could do was take my space back.

702
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 3: So I vowed to never let him in, never let

703
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 3: him back in my home. So I literally, me and

704
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,360
Speaker 3: two friends we packed up everything and put it in

705
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,840
Speaker 3: my garage and let him retrieve it from there. And

706
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 3: even up until the very last moment, he was trying

707
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 3: to assert control. Even up until the very last moment,

708
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,520
Speaker 3: he was like, I'm coming down the street. You can

709
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 3: open the garage door now. And I was like, I

710
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 3: will open my garage door when I am good and ready.

711
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 3: Uh huh.

712
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 1: That's funny you say that, because when the partner that

713
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 1: was really bad, he refused to come and pick up

714
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 1: his things from my place. And I had enough because

715
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: I just wanted to move forward. I was ready to

716
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 1: move forward with my life and he had done so

717
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: much damage that I just needed space and time to heal.

718
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 1: And it was my face much like you're saying, and

719
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 1: he wouldn't come and get it. So one of my

720
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: girlfriends came over. We packed it up in the car,

721
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: and I had texted his parents, and I was like,

722
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 1: give me the address of where he's staying, because you

723
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 1: guys know he was supposed to have been out of

724
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 1: here by now, and they sent it to me.

725
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 2: We shout up to there, drop it.

726
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 1: All off on the front porch and said, Okay, here

727
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: you go.

728
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 2: Now I get to start over. Yeah.

729
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 3: I love that. So same thing, like very similar along

730
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:50,320
Speaker 3: those same lines. He kept trying to say the parameters

731
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 3: that I was giving him didn't work, and I was like,

732
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 3: you don't have any plans this weekend. We were supposed

733
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 3: to be in Washington for my nephew's wedding, which again,

734
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 3: never forgive you for that nephew's wedding, Like it literally

735
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 3: still makes me cry because he is so special to me.

736
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 3: And I like, again, that's something that he robbed me of.

737
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,800
Speaker 3: And so he kept on saying none of the times

738
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 3: that I were giving him work, So he was trying

739
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,800
Speaker 3: to control even the time of coming and getting his stuff.

740
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 3: And he said, look, here's the deal. You can either

741
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 3: come between twelve and four on Saturday or twelve and

742
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,440
Speaker 3: four on Sunday. If you can't make any of my

743
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 3: generous parameters work, I'll arrange ib everything set out on

744
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 3: the curb and then you can get it at your

745
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 3: own convenience. And suddenly he was able to make one

746
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:34,840
Speaker 3: of those times.

747
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: Slorce he was, of course he was. And you know what,

748
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,240
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you for standing your ground, because

749
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: that's what it is. It's really like that revelation you

750
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 1: get when it's finally over and you have your power back.

751
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 1: It's not there completely, but it's there, and it's like

752
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: within your grasp and you're like, oh no, I've been blind.

753
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,320
Speaker 2: For so long. You're not holding anything over me anymore.

754
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:00,280
Speaker 1: This is not That was the last straw, and because

755
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,399
Speaker 1: you took the last straw, I'm done, Like you get

756
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 1: nothing anymore. And so I'm so proud of you that

757
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: you were able to do that. And I know we

758
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 1: could probably sit here and share horror stories all day long, sadly,

759
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 1: but I do want to talk about some other things

760
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 1: before we move to this new part of your life

761
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 1: where you have a new book. And by the way,

762
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:18,720
Speaker 1: I'm assuming this book that I have on my hand, you're.

763
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,280
Speaker 2: My favorite, is about this story.

764
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like this whole life and the double life

765
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: that he led and the really horrible person that he

766
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 1: was so you're my favorite is that book, but your

767
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: other book, well, we're going to get into. But the

768
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 1: last piece that all end this part on is talking

769
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: about one of the things that you mentioned in all

770
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 1: of that was when you started to realize you weren't yourself.

771
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,880
Speaker 1: And I think that's also a really important piece to

772
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: this puzzle, especially for anybody who's in a relationship and

773
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 1: maybe they're trying to figure out us. This is the

774
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 1: one if pieces are right, if they're the right partner,

775
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:58,160
Speaker 1: et cetera. And there's so much to this because if

776
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 1: you're with the wrong person, you will become the wrong person.

777
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 2: And you experienced it. I experienced it. We're not alone

778
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:06,919
Speaker 2: in that.

779
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 1: I don't know how many horror stories I see online

780
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 1: of girls talking about the things they've had to do,

781
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 1: the limits they've had to go to find out what

782
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 1: their partner was up to, whether it was cheating, whether

783
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,960
Speaker 1: it was doing something behind their back.

784
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 2: Who knows. The list could go on.

785
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: But that's not an unusual thing to feel, is out

786
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 1: of body experience, I'm the wrong person.

787
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 2: So I do want us to talk about that a little.

788
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 1: Bit more because it's just not something we address all

789
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 1: that often. It's one of those things that carries a

790
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:40,919
Speaker 1: lot of shame, unfortunately, because we hate the idea that

791
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: there was ever a moment in a relationship where we

792
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 1: weren't ourselves.

793
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 2: But truthfully, when you are in any.

794
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 1: Version of our relationship that is bad for you, toxic

795
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 1: or a narcissist or abusive, you are inherently going to

796
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,760
Speaker 1: become the person you don't want to become.

797
00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 2: It's a part of that relationship, that experience.

798
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 1: So I don't know if you have anything to add

799
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 1: on that whole part of that topic.

800
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 3: But I have days of things to add to that.

801
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 3: I actually want to bring it back to something you

802
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 3: said earlier of like when you go through an experience

803
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 3: like this, the questions that you start to ask yourself.

804
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 3: Fortunately for me, and I don't know why, I never

805
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 3: asked myself the question what's wrong with me? I never

806
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 3: internalized and felt like his actions were my fault.

807
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 2: I love that. I'm glad that you didn't.

808
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 3: However, I did ask a lot of questions of how

809
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 3: and why did I allow this in my life? What

810
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 3: are my behaviors that are contributing to this? And so

811
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 3: I did take that hard step in turn, the lens

812
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 3: in word and did the deep thinking or like the

813
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 3: deep digging to figure out where all this was coming from.

814
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,280
Speaker 3: And it was very rooted in my family of origin,

815
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 3: where I experienced narcissistic abuse my entire life. So these

816
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 3: types of behaviors and patterns were familiar to me, and

817
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 3: there's comfort and familiarity even if it's not healthy, and

818
00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 3: that was where I started to So I have done

819
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 3: a lot of house cleaning in terms of who I

820
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 3: let in my circle, and there's been a lot of

821
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 3: people kicked out of my house. And that's because I

822
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 3: always like to use the analogy of the game whacka mole.

823
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 3: It's like the most toxic person and you hammer them

824
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,759
Speaker 3: down and then oh, someone else pops up and know

825
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 3: they're the most difficult relationship in your life. So it

826
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 3: became a game of whack a mole for a little

827
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 3: bit for me until I feel like I won. I

828
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 3: feel like I conquered the game. I'm in a really

829
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 3: good place now where my long term like I spent

830
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 3: yesterday with a friend fifteen years right, I have so

831
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 3: many long term relationships that when you get rid of

832
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 3: all the toxicity, those relationships really start to lengthen or

833
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 3: to deepen, they strengthen. That's what I was trying to say.

834
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 3: They strengthen and they deepen, they really start to flourish.

835
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 3: And then when that's what you have going on, then

836
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 3: I think you start to attract more like that. So

837
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,439
Speaker 3: that warmness. And for me, a lot of times people

838
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,399
Speaker 3: ask the question, They're like, wait, you're such a strong woman.

839
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 3: You probably got this too, Like how could something like

840
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 3: that happen to you? Like you're so strong. No, that's

841
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 3: actually the perfect target for them because it's a bigger

842
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 3: conquer and it's unsuspecting and you actually are empathetic. And

843
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 3: to me, I always say, and this is why I

844
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 3: did my Tedex talk on this is I wasn't actually strong.

845
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 3: I think I'm strong now. I was tough then, and eventually,

846
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 3: even tough things break, and so that, yeah, I think

847
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 3: that's a really big differentiator. And so that strength comes

848
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 3: from knowing and loving yourself.

849
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: And as a hard relationship to have, it's the one

850
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 1: relationship that we going to spend our whole life trying

851
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: to understand and continue.

852
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:41,879
Speaker 2: To grow and evolve. So I really love that saying.

853
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 1: Talking about unsubscribed, which is really where you're at in

854
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: your life. Now, so this whole situation happens to you.

855
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: It's horrible, but you obviously found a way through it,

856
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: and there was some kind of reason, if you will,

857
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 1: that came out of it, and it was for you

858
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 1: to be able to talk about it help other people.

859
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,879
Speaker 1: So now this chapter of your life where you're helping

860
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 1: other people talk to me about that.

861
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 2: Where are we at now?

862
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so interesting because it was never something that

863
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 3: I envisioned for myself. But one day I was walking

864
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 3: through my office and it was just me and Francine.

865
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 3: I said it outlawed to nobody except for me and her,

866
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 3: this is my last corporate job. And at that time

867
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,439
Speaker 3: I had no idea what that looked like. I hadn't

868
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 3: even published Your My Favorite yet. That didn't come out

869
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:29,800
Speaker 3: for about six months, nine months after that time point,

870
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 3: and even then I was still in my corporate job

871
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,239
Speaker 3: when You're My Favorite came out, and I luckily had

872
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 3: a really supportive boss, like we're still great friends at

873
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 3: the time she flew out for the book launch and

874
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:43,920
Speaker 3: in that industry like that was I'm so happy that

875
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 3: I had that job at that time because I was

876
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:50,920
Speaker 3: so terrified to tell her because they didn't accept people

877
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 3: that had other interests. And then I started my podcast.

878
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:56,479
Speaker 3: I was like okay, and then I started to build

879
00:44:56,520 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 3: a plan for when I left, but I hired a

880
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 3: business coach. I hired a speaking coach and started to

881
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,879
Speaker 3: build my keynote with the intention of man because when

882
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 3: people started reading the book, the validation they were getting,

883
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 3: even if their story was really different or very similar,

884
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 3: people could find the through line of experiencing something horrible

885
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 3: and then finding the good right transforming your life in

886
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 3: some capacity. So I was like, okay, I think I

887
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,760
Speaker 3: can definitely do something with this because I spoke publicly

888
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 3: for years, like that was my job in my different

889
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 3: types of roles, So that part I was like, Okay,

890
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 3: I can get in front of a group and speak,

891
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 3: but what is the meaning? What do I want them

892
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 3: to walk away with? And now it's evolved into unsubscribed.

893
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 3: Of course, I still share the story of Chad and

894
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 3: the kids. People always love that. They're like, they're still

895
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:42,839
Speaker 3: in your life. I'm like, yes, that's the one thing

896
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 3: I told them the first time I sat down with

897
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 3: them is that I'm never going anywhere. And trust me,

898
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 3: Chad has tried, he has tried to turn them against

899
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 3: me ineffectively, and I think my whole thing is all

900
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 3: I can do is keep showing them up and showing

901
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 3: them that I care, that I'm here for them, that

902
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 3: I love them, and who I am right, And so

903
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:03,719
Speaker 3: it's always really important with their mom and me to

904
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:07,840
Speaker 3: always never speak badly about him. Truth will show itself.

905
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 3: So with all of that, that's always going to be

906
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 3: part of the story. But it's really evolved into this

907
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 3: whole concept of unsubscribe. So my news book is called

908
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 3: Unsubscribe Why letting go is a secret to getting ahead?

909
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:21,359
Speaker 3: And yes, it stems from that story, but so many

910
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:25,280
Speaker 3: other aspects in our lives, like high achievers, high performing people.

911
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 3: We feel like hustle culture. Right, it's this hustle culture

912
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:32,840
Speaker 3: and doing more is better, that's the way to get ahead.

913
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 3: And so no, everyone's busy, but people aren't actually being

914
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 3: productive because we're too busy focusing on and doing the

915
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 3: wrong things. So the idea is to do less but

916
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,760
Speaker 3: with intention. So when we stop doing all this stuff

917
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 3: that doesn't actually matter, that's not really important, we can

918
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 3: actually focus on what truly matters. And that's so it's

919
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 3: built on four pillars. I speak at associations, corporations, conferences,

920
00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 3: leadership events, and it's just resonating across all different types

921
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 3: of people, teams, organizations, individuals, and it's so fulfilling and

922
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:11,800
Speaker 3: rewarding because it's a real life application that was born

923
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 3: from my experience but has nothing to do with it

924
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:15,479
Speaker 3: as well.

925
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 1: So do you feel like you're in this place of

926
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:22,720
Speaker 1: your life now where you've accomplished this what you're teaching,

927
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 1: doing less and experiencing more and having more to your

928
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:28,760
Speaker 1: life that you didn't have before.

929
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 3: Absolutely, Like when I was surrounded around narcissists, you have

930
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,800
Speaker 3: to keep in mind that they are all about image,

931
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 3: they're all about things. I actually learned that a family

932
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:42,239
Speaker 3: member of mine who is very abusive to me, always

933
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 3: portrayed that they had all these things, the big fancy

934
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 3: boat and all these properties and fancy cars. And someone

935
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 3: told me they were like, you've actually made way more

936
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,080
Speaker 3: money than him for years and he has no money

937
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 3: in the bank, right, And so it's all about like

938
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 3: their image and production, And it's easy to get caught

939
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 3: up in that, right And so look, I wish I

940
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:05,480
Speaker 3: didn't like nice things as much as I do. However,

941
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 3: I have really shifted and One of the things I

942
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 3: talk about in the book is one major swap. That's

943
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,840
Speaker 3: one of the pillars that I made is things for experiences.

944
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 3: So I value different things. I value so much my

945
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 3: slow mornings to not have to get up and get

946
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 3: on a seven am conference call that could have been

947
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 3: an email.

948
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 2: Tell me what that's like.

949
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:33,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, by experience often I understand, yes, and I

950
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 1: totally feel that, and it is. It's a truer way

951
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 1: of living, truly, to focus on things that are we're

952
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 1: more deeply connected with and we feel more passionate about it.

953
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 1: And that's hard, right. We live in a very hard working,

954
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 1: driven society that believes output is everything, and your wealth

955
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 1: is everything, and who you are and what your net

956
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 1: worth is what matters, and gosh, I just there's so

957
00:48:57,760 --> 00:48:59,479
Speaker 1: many times around like I think we have it all wrong.

958
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:01,280
Speaker 2: That's just not actually what matters.

959
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,319
Speaker 1: It's great and it sucks because it's what you need

960
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 1: to survive and to live, but at the end of

961
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:08,600
Speaker 1: the day, it's not what this is about. You're not

962
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: going to bed with your piles and money, or your things,

963
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 1: or your name brands or the labels that are sitting there.

964
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 1: You're going to bed either with you and the relationship

965
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 1: you have with yourself or hopefully with a partner at

966
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 1: one point or another, and that matters. That's what matters,

967
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:24,760
Speaker 1: those relationships that exist within your life.

968
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, how you feel about yourself and who you surround

969
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 3: yourself with and what you're doing to spend what you're

970
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 3: spending your time and energy on.

971
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 1: I love this, okay, So unsubscribed is in this now?

972
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: And you mentioned having the relationship with the kids, the

973
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,359
Speaker 1: ex wife, the like.

974
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:45,520
Speaker 2: Where are you now? Where is your life with love now?

975
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 3: Too?

976
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 2: Because I feel like that's a big piece to all

977
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:47,799
Speaker 2: of it.

978
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:52,359
Speaker 3: So I don't actively pursue dating. I'm not against love

979
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,399
Speaker 3: that which is really interesting. So the kids, I never

980
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 3: reveal their names, genders or ages. So again remember I

981
00:49:57,719 --> 00:50:00,880
Speaker 3: said I named him Chad. It was out of protection

982
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 3: for them, to protect their identities. But they are older

983
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 3: and so they're a little bit more open to stuff now.

984
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 3: But the oldest we had dinner. We always do something

985
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,279
Speaker 3: for their birthdays, one on one. But like we go

986
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,879
Speaker 3: on family trips together, the four of us. We spend

987
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,399
Speaker 3: Christmas together, the four of us, like we really call

988
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 3: ourselves a little modern family. But the oldest asked me,

989
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 3: do you believe in love? Do you like they've seen

990
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 3: the damage that their father does to women, right, including myself.

991
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:34,400
Speaker 3: His most recent relationship blew up. He moved to Texas.

992
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 3: He now dates girls that are twice as close to

993
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:40,759
Speaker 3: his kids' ages as they are to his. He moved

994
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 3: to Texas, became a cowboy because he doesn't so. One

995
00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:46,120
Speaker 3: thing with narciss is they don't have a real identity,

996
00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:49,719
Speaker 3: and so it's always like morphine. And now he's saying that, oh,

997
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 3: she cheated on him, and.

998
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:56,280
Speaker 1: Sarma does tend to find a way to repay.

999
00:50:56,480 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 3: He's lying, right, that didn't happen.

1000
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 2: You're telling me, I get hope that pause. I love

1001
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:02,799
Speaker 2: when Karma figures it out. I really do.

1002
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,239
Speaker 3: No. Literally, he already before he had even moved back

1003
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:08,879
Speaker 3: to Minnesota, he had already gotten himself in that are

1004
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:12,240
Speaker 3: we dating the same guy group? Again? Look, it helps

1005
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 3: my book sales selfishly find it. But I don't want

1006
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 3: him to keep doing damage to these women. It's like, dude,

1007
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,760
Speaker 3: you have been outed, but he just he can't help himself,

1008
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 3: like the same. He's living in his mom's basement in

1009
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 3: a suburb forty five. He's almost fifty years old and

1010
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 3: like living in his mom's basement forty five minutes outside

1011
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 3: of Minneapolis. He doesn't have a job, but like on

1012
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:39,800
Speaker 3: his dating profiles, he says he's a medical device sales

1013
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 3: rep that is net worth is a million dollars, that

1014
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:45,839
Speaker 3: he has a graduate degree that he doesn't have. So

1015
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 3: like when I said, he's a fraud in every way,

1016
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 3: it just continues, Oh God, anyway to go back to

1017
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 3: actually answer your question, I go out off all these

1018
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 3: little dietribes.

1019
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 2: No, it's okay. We needed the update on everything that's

1020
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:56,960
Speaker 2: part of this, right.

1021
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 1: I like, it's like we got the whole story, but

1022
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: we didn't get the series finale, and I meet the

1023
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 1: series finale.

1024
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:04,839
Speaker 3: But when the oldest asked me, do you still believe

1025
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 3: in love? Do you believe two people can be happy

1026
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:08,919
Speaker 3: in a relationship? I said, of course, And I wish

1027
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 3: I would have had It really caught me off guard,

1028
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 3: but I thought it was a really thoughtful question because

1029
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 3: I also don't want to ruin that for them, so

1030
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 3: I am absolutely open to it. It would have to

1031
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,360
Speaker 3: be somebody that would bring a tremendous amount of value

1032
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 3: to my life, and I would have to bring a

1033
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 3: tremendous amount of value to their life as well. So

1034
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,360
Speaker 3: it's just a different way that I look at it.

1035
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 3: So I'm not seeking it, but I am open to

1036
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 3: it if it were to happen.

1037
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 1: I think that's a great place to be, honestly, when

1038
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:40,680
Speaker 1: you go through something so much that you experience for

1039
00:52:40,719 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 1: a long time healing in that process, Like you heal

1040
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 1: afterwards yourself, and you heal in different relationships, and you

1041
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 1: obviously healed that relationship with those kids and now you

1042
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 1: have a friendship with the ex wife, But there's obviously

1043
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:59,239
Speaker 1: also healing that comes when you do enter another partnership

1044
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:03,959
Speaker 1: and you have another level to this, right And unfortunately,

1045
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,719
Speaker 1: like the healing never truly ends, it's just always there.

1046
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 1: It's part of the journey once you've been through something

1047
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:13,120
Speaker 1: like that. And I wish I could say that, like you,

1048
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: you finally get to the point and I'm in my

1049
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:17,840
Speaker 1: happily ever after right now and I found an incredible partner,

1050
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:21,359
Speaker 1: But I couldn't tell you, honestly, that's when it all ends.

1051
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 2: That the healing stops there. It continues.

1052
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 1: And so it's a loaded question in asking you that

1053
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:29,280
Speaker 1: I'm well aware, but it's also one that I always

1054
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 1: hope for everybody too, just whatever your happy ending is

1055
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 1: to you, there could be none, and I'd be like, yeah,

1056
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 1: let's go there. But I hope for everyone to find

1057
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:39,360
Speaker 1: their happy ending after something like this happens, because you

1058
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 1: deserve it. You're sweet, You've created a life for yourself,

1059
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 1: and whatever you want, whatever you want the outcome to be,

1060
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 1: you should get to have.

1061
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:47,799
Speaker 2: At this point.

1062
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 1: There there should be a reward for you at the

1063
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:53,719
Speaker 1: end of the rocky road that happens. So I'm excited

1064
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 1: to see what your next chapter. Maybe the reward is

1065
00:53:56,719 --> 00:53:58,560
Speaker 1: in the book that you just released and there's more

1066
00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:00,880
Speaker 1: to come from. That's also cool too.

1067
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 3: And that's really great, Like I'm genuinely happy. Like I

1068
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:07,320
Speaker 3: have some girlfriends that they'll say they're happy being single

1069
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:09,120
Speaker 3: and that they're happy with their life, but yet they

1070
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 3: really struggle with being lonely or feeling experiencing loneliness. I

1071
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 3: don't have that. I really am truly happy because I've

1072
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 3: gotten to a place with myself and I do think

1073
00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:20,879
Speaker 3: I had to develop. And I love how you said

1074
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:23,080
Speaker 3: you're never like, oh I did the steps and now

1075
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 3: I'm healed, or oh I did the steps and now

1076
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 3: I've grown period, You're always growing, You're always healing. And

1077
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,480
Speaker 3: one of the things that I do share, although briefly,

1078
00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 3: my dad passed away five years ago on Valentine's Day,

1079
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 3: So this being about love and relationships, right, Like, it's

1080
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 3: not just about romantic relationships. Had I not gone through

1081
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:47,760
Speaker 3: this and done the work, I'm going to get emotional

1082
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:50,799
Speaker 3: and done the work on myself, I don't know that

1083
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 3: I would have survived losing my dad.

1084
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy to think about and connect those dots, Yeah,

1085
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 1: because realize that it helped you in such a breathing

1086
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 1: time of your life.

1087
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,680
Speaker 3: And my sister's actually the one that called it out.

1088
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 3: So he was her stepdad. I was his only biological daughter,

1089
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 3: and I was the favorite, like literally at his funeral.

1090
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,200
Speaker 3: I don't know how, somehow I managed to get through

1091
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 3: a eulogy and I was like Daddy's little princess apple

1092
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 3: of his I the favorite dog, and nobody can argue

1093
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:21,160
Speaker 3: with it. And he even told me is yeah, you're

1094
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:23,840
Speaker 3: my favorite because we just had such a special bond

1095
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 3: and he was my guy. And my sister was the

1096
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:28,040
Speaker 3: one that called out. She said, I actually think that

1097
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 3: the tools that you used and developed to get through

1098
00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 3: what you went through. Helped you get through losing dad,

1099
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:36,799
Speaker 3: because I still don't know how. I barely did it

1100
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:42,600
Speaker 3: because it was super traumatic. But I definitely have built

1101
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 3: a lot of coping mechanisms and have developed some tools

1102
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 3: to help me get through difficult times.

1103
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:51,839
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, nothing prepares you for that. We know that's

1104
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 1: the end of our story, but nothing will ever prepare

1105
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:57,359
Speaker 1: you for it to the full degree. But to have

1106
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 1: the tools is certainly helpful at least to help you

1107
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:03,800
Speaker 1: along the way. And it is This is the month

1108
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:06,200
Speaker 1: of Love for a lot of reasons. To me, a

1109
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:07,719
Speaker 1: lot of what I talk about is love is all

1110
00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:09,879
Speaker 1: around us. It's not just in the ways that we think.

1111
00:56:09,920 --> 00:56:13,760
Speaker 1: It's not just romantic. It's friendships, it's partnerships, it's family,

1112
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,960
Speaker 1: it's pets, it's kids, it's you name it, like it

1113
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,680
Speaker 1: can be in hobbies that love exist everywhere. And to

1114
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:22,759
Speaker 1: talk about your dad too, do you want to share

1115
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:25,360
Speaker 1: your favorite memory with him? Because I love hearing that

1116
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 1: stuff when people share they have a special bond with somebody.

1117
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:30,800
Speaker 3: So many it's like my dad would say, People are like,

1118
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 3: oh God, that's so harsh, GENU when you say that.

1119
00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 3: But I always say, because my dad died on Valentine's

1120
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,120
Speaker 3: Day of a heart attack, and he even would have

1121
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:40,799
Speaker 3: been like, Okay, I know that's pretty cliche, right, So

1122
00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 3: I actually do honor my dad a lot. I made

1123
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,360
Speaker 3: the mistake once of speaking on Valentine's Day and I

1124
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 3: cried on stage, and honestly, people loved it though. They

1125
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:50,799
Speaker 3: were like, wow, that really made you human and that

1126
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:53,600
Speaker 3: showed So I do share a lot of my dad's dadisms.

1127
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:55,800
Speaker 3: That's what I call them, like not to be confused

1128
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 3: with a dad joke, even though they are both well intended,

1129
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:03,920
Speaker 3: poorly timed. Deadisms are designed to be little life lessons, right.

1130
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 3: And I actually almost brought this up earlier when you

1131
00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:08,520
Speaker 3: said we want to see the good in people. So

1132
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,440
Speaker 3: my dad, when I was little, he'd always teld me, Jinny,

1133
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:13,839
Speaker 3: you live life through rose colored glasses, and I never

1134
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 3: really knew what it meant, and I was always insulted

1135
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 3: by it. But now I'm like, oh, I always want

1136
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 3: to see the good in people, and I always want

1137
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 3: to see the good in things, And again, I don't

1138
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 3: want that to be jaded. I will still want to

1139
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 3: see the good in humanity and the good in people.

1140
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:34,440
Speaker 3: Even though I was so badly wronged by one person.

1141
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 3: And that's what I wish I would have conveyed to

1142
00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 3: the oldest is I don't believe that everyone is like

1143
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 3: your dad, like I don't believe that everybody treats people

1144
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:44,440
Speaker 3: like that. I think this is a really one off situation.

1145
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 3: That's what I like to think. And then the other one,

1146
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 3: the one that I use most famously of his and

1147
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 3: his most famous is you are the architect of your

1148
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 3: own destiny. So we don't always have control over what happens,

1149
00:57:56,800 --> 00:58:00,440
Speaker 3: but we have control over how we respond. Leave you

1150
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,200
Speaker 3: with one little thing from my dad.

1151
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:04,400
Speaker 1: Which, by the way, have you listened to the song

1152
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 1: The Architect from Casey Musgraves, No, you need to, Okay,

1153
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 1: If that's one of his big things that really resonated

1154
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 1: with you, just maybe listen to it in a place

1155
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 1: where you're like by yourself in case because it's a

1156
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 1: really beautiful song in general. But if there's a tie

1157
00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: to that, it might bring some emotions to it.

1158
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 2: But it's a beautiful song, Okay.

1159
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:27,520
Speaker 3: Interesting that you bring up music because my dad loved music,

1160
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:31,360
Speaker 3: and after he passed away, one of the songs I

1161
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 3: played at his funeral. He loved the oldies, and so

1162
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 3: when I got to the funeral home, I asked the

1163
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 3: funeral director. I was like, can we get rid of

1164
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 3: this bad funeral music? I made a playlist. He's like,

1165
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:43,040
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, thank you. We love when people do that.

1166
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 3: So I had a whole oldies playlist. It's still on Spotify.

1167
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:48,959
Speaker 3: But one of the songs I played because my dad

1168
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 3: had a degenerative spine disease. He had to have a

1169
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,720
Speaker 3: really massive spine surgery, had fourteen inch rods put in

1170
00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:57,840
Speaker 3: his back, and he had rumachard arthritis. So towards the

1171
00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 3: end of his life he loved to do things like fishing, golfing.

1172
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 3: He couldn't sometimes it was hard for him to walk

1173
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:06,000
Speaker 3: or even stand, so I asked everybody to stand by me.

1174
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 3: And after he passed away, I started hearing that song everywhere,

1175
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 3: like obscure places, on patios, a trio in Paris, at brunch,

1176
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:19,920
Speaker 3: like again, at a patio, a live outdoor musician in

1177
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 3: the Hampton's, at a winery, like everywhere. And so I

1178
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 3: love that you brought up music because that he made

1179
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:29,439
Speaker 3: me have such a love for music. So I will

1180
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 3: be listening to that song. But then just last just

1181
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 3: over a year ago, I had gotten in my possession

1182
00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 3: some letters. He lived in Alaska. He worked on the

1183
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,200
Speaker 3: pipeline when I was little, so he would travel back

1184
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 3: and forth, and he had sent home all these letters.

1185
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:46,840
Speaker 3: There's a whole bunch of them, and I wanted to

1186
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:51,080
Speaker 3: get a tattoo to honor him, and there was this

1187
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:54,280
Speaker 3: one that had just perfectly in his writing I love you,

1188
00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:57,840
Speaker 3: So I kind of get to carry this around with

1189
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 3: me all the time. Love that tie into the love theme.

1190
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:05,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's perfect, and that's like how you get

1191
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 1: to carry him with you always. But he was definitely

1192
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 1: playing those songs for you. I have a feeling, if

1193
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 1: I had to guess. And it's also funny because Remy

1194
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:14,920
Speaker 1: jumped up right at the perfect time. To Remy is

1195
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:17,280
Speaker 1: a therapy dog in good fashion. She knew when you

1196
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 1: needed her. Yeah, and this will be how we end.

1197
01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 1: It's perfect because you talk about dadisms and how he

1198
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 1: helped you really in just going through your life, and

1199
01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 1: your guys was bond together. But we do always end

1200
01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:32,640
Speaker 1: the podcast with a piece of advice or maybe it's motivation,

1201
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 1: inspiration or something that we didn't get to that's like

1202
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,280
Speaker 1: heavy on your heart. So it feels like a really

1203
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:39,960
Speaker 1: good transition right here, and it can continue with more

1204
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:42,400
Speaker 1: dadisms or something. Maybe that is a little mix of

1205
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 1: both of you, guys.

1206
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,680
Speaker 3: Man, Normally I would use your the architect of your

1207
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:49,640
Speaker 3: own destiny to answer that question. So now you're gonna

1208
01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 3: make me pull in a third datism. I don't know

1209
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:53,360
Speaker 3: if I've ever done three.

1210
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,120
Speaker 2: And it can tell be yours or it can be

1211
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 2: like so off subject. It's really just more of a

1212
01:00:56,960 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 2: place to let you go.

1213
01:00:58,160 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 1: No.

1214
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,080
Speaker 3: I think this is because this really tie into advice.

1215
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 3: So he always said not too bad for a little short,

1216
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:05,760
Speaker 3: old fat guy, like when he would because he was

1217
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 3: a really good golfer, he was a really good bowler,

1218
01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 3: and he ended up very thin towards the end, so

1219
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 3: that's kind of ironic. But he would always say, I'm

1220
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:16,919
Speaker 3: just doing the best I can with the tools I got,

1221
01:01:17,480 --> 01:01:20,920
Speaker 3: So give yourself that grace today, right, do the best

1222
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:24,720
Speaker 3: you can with the tools you have today, and that's

1223
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 3: all you need. I think a really fun one doing

1224
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 3: the best I can with the tools I got. That's

1225
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 3: how Dad would have said it. But I think it

1226
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:33,360
Speaker 3: is an important thing. Right. We don't have to have

1227
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:37,040
Speaker 3: everything figured out right now today, but just sit where

1228
01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:40,560
Speaker 3: you are and have some gratitude for the tools that

1229
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 3: you have and where you are today, and then figure

1230
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:43,960
Speaker 3: out where you want that to take you.

1231
01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:45,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh gosh, I love that.

1232
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a really good one. I would have loved

1233
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:51,560
Speaker 1: your dad. He sounds incredible the best. And Jenny, just

1234
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:53,840
Speaker 1: thank you for being here. Thanks for being vulnerable to

1235
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 1: Cherrys or I know you wrote it in a book,

1236
01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:56,800
Speaker 1: but it's different to talk about.

1237
01:01:56,640 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 2: It and relive those moments when you know.

1238
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:00,560
Speaker 1: They happened and it was the dark time of your

1239
01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:02,840
Speaker 1: life at the time, but to share it and be

1240
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 1: vulnerable enough to talk to people, especially in the month

1241
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 1: of Valentine's Day where there is so much love and

1242
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:09,280
Speaker 1: things around us.

1243
01:02:09,320 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 2: So I really appreciate it. And you've been here.

1244
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:11,960
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1245
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:13,760
Speaker 2: As you just heard.

1246
01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:16,560
Speaker 1: Jenny Prime is an awesome speaker and author. You can

1247
01:02:16,560 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 1: find her social media or any of her books linked

1248
01:02:18,960 --> 01:02:21,160
Speaker 1: in the show notes. For those of you who related

1249
01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 1: to this episode, I hope you have found your way

1250
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:26,560
Speaker 1: out safely and now peacefully, or are planning your revenge

1251
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:30,000
Speaker 1: as we speak. Just kidding, kind of not really. Next week,

1252
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:33,120
Speaker 1: I have a Matchmaker on to conclude our February Love Series,

1253
01:02:33,160 --> 01:02:35,640
Speaker 1: So get subscribed so you don't miss it. I love

1254
01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:36,919
Speaker 1: you All Chat next week