WEBVTT - When Roles Shift in Relationships 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.440 She couldn't She cleaned and cared for her children and 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:08.800 the man of the house, and of course she didn't 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:12.240 talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.680 She was a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:18.759 We're good mom's bad choices. 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.520 Who's single mom who said fuck the patriarchy? Shared all 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:23.600 their bad choices and sound out they were so bad. 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.600 After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:28.040 Sit back and enjoy the ride. 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:34.519 I can do it. Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:38.680 I'm America, and I'm Nila, your little titty committee leader, 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:42.800 and I'm here to tell you don't need big titties 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:46.880 to thrive. You can have sch medium or extra larger petite, 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:49.800 which you're like mine a small bee. Don't you dare 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.880 say triple A because they're not. And you can thrive 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:56.440 with these big old titties anywhere in a bathing suit 0:00:56.480 --> 0:01:01.840 in the snow at Disneyland and your while riding. One 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:04.000 of the things I used to have problems accepting is 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:07.080 when I was on top and I go like this, 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:11.280 it kind of looks like utters like a cat, so 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:13.959 I don't really remind myself not to do that, but 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:17.720 not anymore. Oh like you has always got a art 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:23.760 your back. Well, you just can't do this, okay, because 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:25.360 I don't look good like that. But that's not the point. 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:27.000 I love them and always I don't think. 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:29.000 I think all the men, all the men that have 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:33.120 seen your titties in that position, have not had that thought. 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:36.880 I think women generally are were in our heads. We're 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:39.320 not busy because your pussy's wrapped around their peace and 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.720 thinking about, oh my god, her tits look like utters. 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:44.720 You just gotta squeeze your life away and then they 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:46.240 won't remember shit. Yep, exactly. 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:49.880 Just key distract them, squeeze the life out of their 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:51.040 deck stores. 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:53.520 Wherever you're at right now, if you're listening to this 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:56.640 and your headphones at work or in the car, let's 0:01:56.680 --> 0:02:00.840 just take a collective good mom's squeeze of the person. 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:06.360 Squeeze gay squeeze, squeeze, geeze, squeez squeeze, squeze, squeeze, squeeze 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:11.880 an exhil, don't say good moms never did anything for you. Yes, 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:17.160 you're welcome, husband and boyfriend and digmatized nigga that you 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:18.000 found last week. 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:22.720 I had someone in my DM's yesterday asking about how 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:25.520 big my boobs were because she's getting a breast reduction 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:28.640 and she was curious what size I had, and she 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:31.880 has a J and I was like, god, damn, I. 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:33.920 Wasn't really a J though, because Victoria be lying. 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:34.960 I got to ae F. 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:37.200 But they but that's not an F, so they'd be 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:39.359 lying like Victoria's secret. No, but that was no. 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.680 I was an F like not Victoria's secret. Not this 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:43.680 when I had When I got frien, I was and 0:02:43.720 --> 0:02:45.600 I was breastfeeding, my tits were added. 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:50.320 Really, yeah, I do want to need to see footage? Yeah, 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.079 I show you actually when if you see my tits 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:55.360 when I was breastfeeding, that's actually the book. That's actually 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:57.480 the picture I'm going to present the doctor because they 0:02:57.520 --> 0:03:01.240 looked great and they were probably like a large seat. 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:04.680 In fact, I'm going to scroll through my photos just 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:07.360 so I can insert it here because it's very important 0:03:07.360 --> 0:03:09.720 to me. It's actually my best boob life is when 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:12.720 I was breastfeeding. Unfortunately, there's milk coming out, so it 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:14.880 wasn't like thriving like I would want it to if 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:19.360 they were real, fake, fake, real, but yeah, god, that's 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:22.200 like my one motivation to get pregnant again. Like, hey, Landa, 0:03:22.280 --> 0:03:24.800 look at these You never seen this before. 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:24.800 I know. 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:27.520 But the only thing about it is when they're that size, 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:30.640 like they're being used so much. Yeah, actually it's like 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:32.880 get the fuck away. It's like you're in like the 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:35.360 best hit, got the best hits of your life, and 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:36.920 they're doing neckless doing that. 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:39.280 I mean they're I mean they're doing they're doing that 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:42.640 fun for you. Really, that's true. And have you ever 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:45.040 when you're breastfeeding, were you ever like riding and then 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:47.720 like you're also like full and then they start to 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.080 go like like you could squirt. I didn't. I didn't 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:53.560 breastfeed long enough for that to happen. They would like 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:55.560 simultaneously just be especially in the shower. 0:03:55.560 --> 0:03:56.960 I don't think I was having sex too. I was like, 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:58.880 get the fun. I literally was. That was pretty much 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:00.880 my whole pregnancy up until maybe one year after I 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:01.240 had Iri. 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:03.280 I didn't really I didn't. I wasn't really second. 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:04.960 I don't even remember. I actually I don't remember any 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:07.760 I don't really don't remember. I actually can't even remember. 0:04:07.840 --> 0:04:10.440 There's like a big part of I think the early 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:14.440 days of motherhood that I literally don't have a don't 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:16.359 have recklee. Maybe it'll come back later. Maybe if I 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:17.000 do AMDR. 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:19.760 Let me tell you why. Why Because it was traumatized. 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:21.960 I know, because you were traumat I know that's why 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:23.120 I don't remember either. 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:25.160 Maybe I could do AMDR and then it'll come back. 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:27.800 You don't want to, I mean, there's gotta be there's 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:29.560 some good ship that happened, for sure. 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:32.880 I think I blocked out, like all of my pregnancy. 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:35.640 I can't remember, like really shit except I think I 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:39.680 found my baby daddy and bumble and amongst other things. 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.440 I remember my pregnancy. It's after the pregnancy that I 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:43.320 don't remember anything. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:45.640 I remember after a little bit, but like that full 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.640 two years, like the pregnancy in that first year were 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:50.600 a little bit like a blur because I was probably 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:52.080 like very miserable and said. 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:54.640 There's a lot going on. You're literally walking into like 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:57.880 a rite of passage that no one can there's nothing 0:04:57.880 --> 0:04:58.760 that can prepare you. 0:04:58.839 --> 0:04:59.880 Literally, I don't care. 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:03.080 You've got mom, friends, lots of sisters, siblings, whatever the 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:05.800 fuck you thought you knew, you don't until you go 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.279 through this. Because your hormones also you're like literally not 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:11.000 in control anymore. You're out of control your bache, you're crazy. 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:14.760 You're basically like a host takes over your body. It's 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.960 like a zombie apocalypse because like your hormones take over. 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:20.039 It's not even you anymore. Good luck. 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:24.920 So for those that are thinking about having a baby, congratulation. 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:28.320 It's actually truly like a zombie because the baby, you 0:05:28.360 --> 0:05:31.160 are a host. You're like your hormones stake over your personality. 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.719 The baby takes over your actual nutrients in your body, 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:36.000 and you like go elsewhere that we don't really know 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:38.400 yet where you go. But maybe this. 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:40.520 Maybe we're like stuck in another dimension, like. 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.320 We're like resting. Maybe we're resting to rest because we 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:44.720 know it's like we want to have to stay up 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:49.160 along a lot of hours. Do you hear that this 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:51.279 is your only way to rest. You won't remember and 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.000 you won't feel rested at all, But it'll be great. 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:58.440 Maybe in our second pregnancies it will be different and 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:00.160 we'll have a memory. 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:03.880 Well, because we're more self aware now, but also we forgot. 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:06.599 I'm kind of scared because I know more, and because 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:08.960 I know more, you know more. 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:10.000 But also we forgot. 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:13.040 I forgot, But then, like I know so much information. 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:14.760 Our bodies are different. What if we have a totally 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:17.400 different reaction our bodies like some other wild shit. 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:21.400 That's my biggest fear. It's ten years later, Like I'm 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:24.640 primarily concerned about chin hair growth. 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:26.279 I already have that problem. 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:26.599 I do. 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:29.880 That's why I'm already have that problem with Actually I 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.240 forgot to pluck that chin hair this morning that I 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:32.640 saw on the. 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:37.840 Like triples, and then I'll die. Maybe, So that's not. 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:40.320 Gonna die die. I guess to another dimension. 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:42.440 I'm gonna get electrolysis. 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:43.400 I got electrons. 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:44.160 Did it work? Though? 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:45.840 I got electrolysis while I was pregnant. I don't know 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:47.000 if I was supposed to do that, but I did it. 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:51.719 Not well, it worked, yeah, because I was getting I 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:55.000 told you I grew a beard on my neck, a 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:59.080 little patch, a little circa may right here, like between 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:02.440 ten and fifteen. Really it was substantial, really. 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:04.720 Like enough that I was like, were you visibly pregnant? 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:05.919 Did the lady know you're pregnant? 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:06.479 Yeah? 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:16.280 Oh okay, oh okay, I mean I respine, Yeah, yeah, 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:16.880 she's fine. 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:18.120 I was supposed to shave it. 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:20.440 No, no, no, I don't know what you're suppsed to do. 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:22.360 I would do the same thing. I would risk it all. 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.360 I mean, we've done it. People have done worse things. 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:26.160 People smoke crack. 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:31.040 I just got electrolysis. I fun fact, fun bag. 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.200 If we're really gonna like way the go on the 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:38.400 spectrum of irresponsible good mom, good mom's bad choices, I'm 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:39.920 gonna lean more towards the good mom. 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.400 I once watch the documentary about the crack era, and 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:47.000 what I collected from the whole thing was scientists were 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:50.760 really surprised that after the crack epidemic that a lot 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:53.679 of the babies that were products of like crack moms, 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:56.680 they were affected, but not as affected as they thought 0:07:56.680 --> 0:08:00.200 they were going to be. So if you're crack, but 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:05.280 you're fine, razzle dazzle all extra sprinkle like like quite 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:09.120 literally and it might be genius, You're welcome. And in 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:11.960 the sixties they were telling women to drink martinis and 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:15.400 smoke cigarettes while they were pregnant. So the point is 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:17.320 we don't really know electrolysis is problem. 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:19.200 A lot of people from the sixties are fucked up. 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:21.320 It's not because they are drinking. 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:24.120 All the people that are in power now around that time. 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:27.560 Because he's fifties. Those guys are a little it's because 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:30.440 their moms didn't hug them. That's the real issue. It's 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:33.839 not the martinis and the hug marbles, the hugs. The hugs. 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:35.360 Yeah, you gotta hug your kids important. 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:42.880 Well, I'm glad that sorry, we just will. I'm glad 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:44.599 that we we've recovered that. 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.560 Yeah, and that we've we got hugs and we're giving 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:50.080 our children hugs. And then I did not smoke crack 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:51.000 while I was pregnant. 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:54.080 I did not electrolysis, which was I lady did some 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:56.640 other things before I knew I was pregnant. It wasn't 0:08:56.640 --> 0:09:00.079 smoking crack, though, but there was some other things that 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:08.400 Luda's fine. She was great. She's wonderful, intelligent, funny. The 0:09:08.440 --> 0:09:10.400 other things might have made gave her a sense of humor. 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:14.800 We makes. It gives you the giggles. It will give 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:23.200 your baby the giggles too. Oh God, don't endorse anything 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:26.480 that we say, because we are not all for entertainment purposes. 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:31.840 I didn't do any of these things. We were twenty six. 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:33.480 What we're supposed to do, who knows? 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:35.559 Like we're children, We were children having children. 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:39.160 You know, you couldn't tell me I wasn't grown though. 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:40.920 Oh no, not at all. 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:43.480 It's like, I'm a grown woman. I am twenty six 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:46.640 years old, mom, and I'm gonna have this baby, you know. 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:48.320 I was sitting with my mom yesterday and I was 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:50.800 telling her, like, some some stuff that's going on with 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:52.319 my little sister who's nineteen. 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:54.520 Did you ever respond to that text message? 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:57.600 I did after I calmed down, and it went, well, 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:00.120 I'm glad that I was able to be a big sister. 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:05.800 Not a bitch. That's good for you, because I was thinking, wow, yeah, yeah. 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:09.880 It took me an hour but and a few rewrites 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:12.480 of the text message. But I was telling my mom 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.360 about what was happening, and when I left her, I 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:17.920 was thinking because I was like, she's a child, like 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:19.800 she's a child, and my Mom's like, well, she's not 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:22.520 really a child, like she's nineteen, she's a teenager. And 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:24.800 then I was thinking about my mom listening to her 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:27.920 daughter tell her this, and I'm obviously I'm not nineteen, 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:29.920 but I'm still a child in my mom's eyes, and 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:31.200 just like her thinking. 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:33.800 The crazy part is will always be children. 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:33.800 I know. 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:35.640 And then I was but I was just thinking about 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:37.600 I retelling me this, and I was just like, Wow, 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:38.440 it just keeps going. 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:38.679 Huh. 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:41.640 I just like we always think we're grown. We just 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:42.720 always think we're grown. 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:44.960 And we're not. Let's just accept the fact that we'll 0:10:45.000 --> 0:10:47.360 never be grown, We'll never be fully grown, We're always 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:50.040 we're always growing. I talked to my mom this morning, 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:53.160 and we literally speak different languages. I don't know if 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:56.840 my communication language is just off from the world, but 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.800 like we're like having the same conversation but like clashing 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.360 it not. And I'm like agreeing, but we're still arguing, 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.520 and I'm like, what the fuck is happening right now? 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:06.760 She's like, I listened to your episode for the one 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:09.560 episode for the first time ever. I was like, oh really, really, 0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:12.720 which one was the Moms Heal the World? Oh? God, 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:14.600 of course, okay, And I was like, I don't think 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:17.720 that was too bad, but yeah, my mom has not 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:20.720 listened to my entire podcast in seven and a half years, 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:22.480 nor has she read my book. And then she told 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:24.280 me she to end to dive into the book this weekend. 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:26.800 She's like, what she been saying about me over yet? 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:28.959 Now that I did you say anything? Did you say 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:30.320 anything on the episode about her. 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:31.920 No, I don't. I mean I think I said some things, 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:33.439 but I don't think. I think I actually said she's 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:35.280 been doing a lot better, and yeah you did. Yeah, 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:37.480 So that's probably why she's like, let me read the 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:40.319 book now. But today she was like, she'd asked me 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:42.480 to take her to her colonoscopy and I said yes, 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:44.080 and then I was like, what time is it, Like 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:45.920 where is it at and she's like, yeah, well if 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:47.640 you take me, yeah, well you need to remember, and 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.840 I'm like, I, okay, yes, I wrote it down. It's 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:54.599 in my calendar. Okay. Yes. She's like, why are you 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:56.480 talking to me like that. I was like, because I 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:59.040 feel like I keep saying okay, yes, I'm doing it, 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:01.559 and there's still She's like, I just feel like I 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:03.280 was just like I just had to let it go. 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.480 And I was just like, uh huh, yeah, I took 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:07.480 Lenda to school today. 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:13.240 Moms, mom's moms and moms moms. We just want our point, 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:15.000 We need to get our point out. We need to 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:17.400 make sure that you know all the details. Twelve times 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:19.240 we're all because we're still in mom mode. And also 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.200 maybe she's nervous too, so she's just like saying stuff 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:25.920 to say stuff and wants you to be in the 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:27.840 know of everything that's going on because this is a 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:28.600 medical procedure. 0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:30.719 Then she's like, I could just drive myself home. I'm like, 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.640 I think the point is that I drive you home. 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:35.480 She's like, you just have to show up and tell 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:37.040 them that you're taking me home. I've done it before. 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:38.960 I was like, over, the point is that, That's what 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:40.360 I said? Why would I go all the way there 0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:42.200 to do that? I said, you wait. 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:43.719 Thirty minutes, go get a couple of coffee and come 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:44.959 bring your drug ass home. 0:12:45.040 --> 0:12:46.920 That's what I said. I said, just uber and I'll 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:49.760 be there to pick you up. Well, yeah, I don't know. 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:55.599 I know anyway, moms never get less stressful or frustra. 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:56.960 It's because she wanted you to take her and the 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:59.320 fact that she had to uber there was a disruption 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:01.800 and the flow of how she envisioned it going. Because 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:03.560 that's also a mom thing too, like if it's not 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:06.120 going exactly how they envisioned it going. 0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:08.400 Apparently she envisioned it me just showing up and saying 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:10.560 hi and leaving and getting back in my own car 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:13.760 and letting her drive off, fucking off amnesia or whatever 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:17.640 the fuck. I don't fucking know what she envisioned. 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:26.160 Not amnesia, amnesia, all theses fetitious. Yeah, you know, like 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:28.840 much like we said on last week's episode, you know, 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:31.160 mothers us our mothers. 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:34.280 We're just girls. We're just the girls, you know. And 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.440 sometimes you don't get the girl that you would necessarily 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:40.319 like hang out with. Yeah you in fact, sometimes you 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:41.680 get the girl you wouldn't hang out. So then you 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:45.640 have to really figure it out. I'm really trying to, like, Okay, 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:48.520 let's figure this out, to figure out this communications. 0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:51.800 So you're in this lifelong relationship with someone, so there's 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:55.280 gonna be a lot of phases in which, like you 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:58.559 guys are not on the same page in your personalities. 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:00.280 And then like later on and lift, I just like 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:03.360 see how like my relationship with my mom has evolved 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:05.600 over the years, and how like we had so much 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:08.040 turmoil at one point in my life, and then like 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.560 how motherhood birthed us into another version of our relationship 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:15.079 and our personalities and her life, her life changing as 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.319 she's aging, you know what I mean, And like now 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.000 we're in a different season of our relationship where like 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.680 I do appreciate my mom more than I did before. 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.480 I also see like the girl in her, you know. 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:31.920 So it's like it's just never ending. The longest relationship ever. 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:35.000 It's a fucking longest relationship ever. It's longer than the 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:37.560 one you'll have with your kid. Maybe maybe around the 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.960 same time actually, but like because she's no, maybe it's 0:14:41.040 --> 0:14:44.000 longer than you'll have with your kid, right, yeah, she's right, 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:46.080 because I don't know, I'm just thinking, like how long 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:47.720 how I don't know, it turns on when you have 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:49.600 your kid, if you're a teen mom or something, but 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.200 it's it's the longest relationship and it's your first relationship, 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:56.320 and so it's like, I don't know, I think the 0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:59.640 we the hope is that you're like always in in 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.680 this symbiotic relationship with your mother. But that's just not 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:05.040 the fucking truth. And that's just not the that's not 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:09.320 the reality of relationships in general, whether that's with your 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:12.360 partner that you're in love with, whether that's your child, 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:15.040 whether that's your mother, it's just not you. 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:22.040 Know, relationships might just very well just like be the 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:27.560 obstacle that like relationships are the obstacle that will eventually 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:32.040 catapult you constantly to the next level because you're never 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:35.920 gonna be triggered unless you are in relation with other humans, 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:39.200 because you can't really be triggered by yourself. I mean 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:42.560 you can, but you're gonna likely oh so much you can, yeah, so, 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:44.640 And like even if you're a loner, if you isolate, 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:46.480 you're gonna be triggered by the bitch at the restaurant 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.200 or the motherfucker at the gas station, because God's gonna 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:50.680 be like, oh, bitch, you think you got it away 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:55.080 from this. No, all close relationships, especially I'm realizing now, 0:15:56.160 --> 0:15:58.880 like in a relationship where I live with my partner, 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:01.680 I'm like, oh, this is the like this is the 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:05.400 outside of my parents and like roommates that I've had. 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:07.800 This is the only motherfucker that I have to live 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:11.440 this closely with. And it's like it's it brings up 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:13.920 a lot of shit because we haven't I haven't been 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:16.440 lived in the house with someone in so long since childhood, 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:18.960 and now I'm here as an adult and I'm like, 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:22.680 you're getting out of my nerves and I there's nowhere 0:16:22.680 --> 0:16:24.680 to go. I have to deal with it. So I 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:30.480 realized that, like, yeah, relationships are literally like God's hoops 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:32.880 that you have to jump through in life so that 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:34.480 you can get to the next dimension hopefully. 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:40.800 Maybe Yeah, they're mirrors for sure. I like I've been 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:43.560 thinking about like how long I've lived alone by myself, 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:50.560 which has been over seven years. And you know, me 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:53.440 and shakem have you know, talked about moving in together 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:56.040 on and off like throughout our relationship. 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:57.040 Early on, very. 0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:59.800 Early, like I had this like extreme want for him 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:01.920 to move We're on mushrooms and I was like, you 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:04.560 need to move in. I know, I I know, I 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:05.359 know you're not talking. 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:10.320 I know it. And he was like, you know, of course. 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:14.960 He's a reasonable smart person in relationship. But but lately 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:18.119 I've been like just thinking about like what that dynamic 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:20.679 it like would feel like for me to not be 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:25.520 able to like escape and and like but like knowing 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:29.960 that at some point like that's the goal, that's the goal, 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:33.000 you know, but like also feeling my like fear and 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:35.560 like sometimes it's not present at all, and I'm like, yeah, 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:37.399 let's do it, fuck it, and other times I'm like, 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:42.280 oh my god, like what And so I was I 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:43.680 was thinking about you, and I was just thinking about 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:45.480 like all of us, all of our friends that have 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:48.320 been in relationships where like they're living with their partners 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:51.240 or like people are in seasons of separation and divorces, 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:53.639 and like I'm feeling what that feels like too, like 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:56.320 the emptiness of what that feels and like like the 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:58.440 scariness of what that feels like. And then you graduate 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:01.560 into like the empowerment in that place and just just 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:05.720 how that is such an important decision, both sides of it, 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:11.679 and like how living with someone is like I don't know, 0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:14.120 it's like an initiation, right. 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:18.920 Yeah, it's an initiation. And also like there's a mourning. 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:22.920 Like Orlando just recently went back to like the workforce, 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:27.520 like the real workforce, and I've been like, you know, 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:31.359 home alone more and like I'm like, oh yeah, like 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:35.360 this is what it feels like to be alone and like, oh, like, oh, 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:37.879 like getting back into that groove and there's a morning 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:40.760 of that. Like there was a time where when Luna 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:42.880 would leave, I'd just be alone, you know what I mean. 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:44.760 And then there was a time where and prior to that, 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:46.680 I was with her dad and that was fucking miserable, 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:48.359