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Speaker 1: The Frend Show is on. It's stay or go. All right,

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Speaker 1: I've been here. Good morning, I even welcome to the program.

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: Thank Good morning? I'm going all right?

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Speaker 1: I mean, what's going on with your girlfriend? Little group

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Speaker 1: therapy here, let's let's hear about it, and then we're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk about you behind your back?

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Speaker 2: Great? Yeah, I know, exciting, right, aren't you glad you called?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Totally so all right, I'll be honest, nothing like crazy,

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Speaker 3: but I do think it's something that I just need

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Speaker 3: to get other people's advice on people that are like unbiased.

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Speaker 1: I don't know I'm biased. I mean, I'm I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: team Ivean. I think I haven't heard the story yet,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like I'm team Ivan. But go ahead, please,

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Speaker 1: we'll see.

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Speaker 3: Thanks. So my girlfriend I have been dating for about

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Speaker 3: five years now. We both met out of college, and

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Speaker 3: we both did the bartending things until we met. So

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Speaker 3: we're both bartending at this just as you know, cute

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Speaker 3: little bar or whatever. But when we were, you know,

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Speaker 3: like I said, fresh out of college, and I always

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Speaker 3: kind of assumed that we would move on to these things.

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Speaker 3: So since then, I've got a new job in finance,

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Speaker 3: you know, started like building up the savings and everything else.

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Speaker 3: And she has been five years now and she's still

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Speaker 3: working for the same same bar. I guess my question

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Speaker 3: is is, like, I'm I've kind of felt that there's

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Speaker 3: this like difference and like this resentment and this like

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Speaker 3: separation because I always thought that like that was just

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Speaker 3: a stepping stone job for us both. I mean that's

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Speaker 3: when we first got together. That's just what I assumed.

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Speaker 3: And she's still still working there, and I, yeah, am

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Speaker 3: I crazy for feeling that way?

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Speaker 1: Like, Okay, so you five years ago you met in

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Speaker 1: a bar working there, and you're thinking, Okay, you know,

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Speaker 1: this is what we're doing now until we can get

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Speaker 1: to the next step in our lives, which you have.

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Speaker 2: What have you moved on to do? What are you

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Speaker 2: doing now?

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Speaker 3: So I'm I'm just working in you know, making significantly

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Speaker 3: more money now.

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Speaker 1: So all right, And she's still doing that thing. And

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Speaker 1: so at the bar, that thing being serving people during

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Speaker 1: she's the bartender. So you've discussed this with her and

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Speaker 1: she's like, well, no, no, I'm happy, like it is what

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Speaker 1: it is. I make good money and I'm happy and

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Speaker 1: so be it exactly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And like you know, but we want to save

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Speaker 3: for vacations and we want to go and do fun

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Speaker 3: things and you know, kind of like start the next

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Speaker 3: phase of our life. And she's just still kind of

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Speaker 3: just content with.

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Speaker 2: What she does. Okay, but is she making good money?

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Speaker 1: Is my question, because here's the thing I was actually

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Speaker 1: just having this conversation with a professional.

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Speaker 2: Observer.

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Speaker 1: She's worked at a high end restaurant and she makes

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Speaker 1: a fair amount of money doing this, and she's good

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Speaker 1: at it, and she has regular customers. She would be

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Speaker 1: doing it for a long time, and it's a coveted

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Speaker 1: spot in a big time restaurant. I realize it's not

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Speaker 1: necessarily what you're talking about here, but she is making

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Speaker 1: good money, good enough money that she really can't afford

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Speaker 1: to leave it. She would like to leave it, she

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Speaker 1: would like to do something else, but she's making six

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Speaker 1: figures and she can't make six figures necessarily doing whatever

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Speaker 1: it is that she went to college for, whatever she's

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Speaker 1: trained to do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean she's not. She's definitely not not making

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Speaker 3: six figures. And it's I don't know, I mean, it's

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Speaker 3: more so she does like it, but it's just like

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Speaker 3: I said, I thought this was always kind of like

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Speaker 3: a like a time like a h a placeholder, yeah,

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Speaker 3: a placeholder job for some like bigger aspiration. And that's

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Speaker 3: the thing is like really it's not even so much

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Speaker 3: about the money aspect of it, like because I'm doing

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Speaker 3: pretty well now and like I just want her to

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Speaker 3: have like some goals and aspirations outside of this one

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Speaker 3: thing she's been doing all this time. Like I can't imagine.

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Speaker 3: I don't like just saying at that same job the

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Speaker 3: entire time.

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Speaker 2: So well, then I'm.

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Speaker 1: Something similar to what my my family went through with

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Speaker 1: my sister and her husband now is that they met

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Speaker 1: in the ball It's basically the same story, and it

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Speaker 1: wasn't necessarily about the money, and it wasn't even about

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Speaker 1: the job. It was about the lifestyle. And everybody agreed

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Speaker 1: on that, including him, by the way. That it was

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Speaker 1: like this dude worked in a dive bar and he

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Speaker 1: made good money and whatever paid, you know, contributed and

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Speaker 1: all the rest of it. But like he went to

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Speaker 1: work at five pm and came home at four in

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Speaker 1: the morning, and it wasn't that he was up to anything.

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Speaker 1: But that wasn't really sustainable for them, you know, they

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Speaker 1: didn't spend as much time together unless they were working together.

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Speaker 1: You know, that wasn't really the life that she envisioned

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Speaker 1: for them together, having a family and whatever. So he

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Speaker 1: went and got you know, accredited in doing some computer

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Speaker 1: programming stuff, and now he has a nine to five.

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Speaker 1: I think he loves and he's excelling and doing great.

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Speaker 1: But that was up to him, that was his decision

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Speaker 1: to make. It required a little coaxing, but I think

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Speaker 1: he's happy with what he decided to do. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think what it comes down to is, I mean,

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Speaker 1: do you do you love her any less? Do you

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Speaker 1: see any less of a future with her simply because

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Speaker 1: that's the she wants to do.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's kind of yeah, it's kind of a dilemma

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Speaker 3: because you know, we're five years now, Like people are

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Speaker 3: definitely asking about proposal and everything else, and I gotta

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Speaker 3: say that, like, I don't know, I'm a little turned

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Speaker 3: off at the fact that she doesn't want to do

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Speaker 3: anything else or like, you know, find the next phase

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Speaker 3: of her life. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: So Ivan, you would you would like her to have

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Speaker 1: a job like yours, like that you would think differently

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Speaker 1: of her if she went to sort of a more

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Speaker 1: traditional job rather than the one that she's doing.

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Speaker 3: And honestly, like it doesn't even have to be bad,

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Speaker 3: it just needs to be something new, so like, you know,

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Speaker 3: kind of break the mold. And I don't know, it

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Speaker 3: just feels like we're just like stuck in this like

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Speaker 3: mindless loop of the same thing every you know. So, yeah,

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Speaker 3: something something different, something.

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Speaker 1: Okay, All right, Well let me take some phone calls

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Speaker 1: on this and to see what people have to say.

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Speaker 1: But I wish you luck Ivan, Thanks eight five one

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Speaker 1: three five. So this dude's girlfriend is pretty contempt being

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Speaker 1: a bartender, and he thought that was just a phase,

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Speaker 1: and she doesn't seem to want to move on from that,

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Speaker 1: and he's wondering, look, is this something. Is this, you know,

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Speaker 1: indicative of ambition or is she just too comfortable? Or

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Speaker 1: does she want to challenge herself? I mean, I'm being

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Speaker 1: nice about it. It could also just be he doesn't

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Speaker 1: want a date a career bartender, which it sounds like

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Speaker 1: that has more to do with it than anything.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, someone takes that and they're basically asking is he

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Speaker 4: more concerned about the title of her job, which I

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Speaker 4: think some people for some reason think bartender is I

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Speaker 4: don't know, but beneath them or something, you know what

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Speaker 4: I mean.

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Speaker 2: Is that service industry or a server.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, those people make a lot of money, and

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Speaker 4: we need bartender and we need you, honey, we need you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean I don't know. I guess I

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Speaker 1: also don't know about her background. I mean, how much

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Speaker 1: is she spent on college? Did she spend on college?

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Speaker 1: As that matter? Is she These are all things I

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Speaker 1: probably should have asked it, But you know, does she

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Speaker 1: have ambition? She's just afraid to take this step?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 1: But I think he's calling us because maybe a lot

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Speaker 1: of those things are unknown. It's like she just is

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Speaker 1: just gonna keep doing this and doesn't seem to want

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Speaker 1: to make any adjustment, and it's bothering him.

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Speaker 2: She got a job, She's got a job for five

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Speaker 2: years now, that's a solid job.

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Speaker 1: Why if she's happy there, if she's content, if she

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Speaker 1: likes a job, why would you make her leave just

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Speaker 1: because she's a bartender?

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Speaker 2: And that's not up to your standards anymore.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this guy's just assuming that she wants to

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Speaker 1: do something else with her life. Why why would you

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Speaker 1: do that if she does and she's not doing it?

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Speaker 1: Because she's just setting her ways. That's one thing. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that's a reason to leave somebody, but

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Speaker 1: I mean.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it's about the job.

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Speaker 4: But I could understand if someone doesn't have any other

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Speaker 4: goals or aspirations in their life at all, Like if

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Speaker 4: they're like, I'm good, I'm gonna rock with the way

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Speaker 4: things are all around forever, you know, whether it be

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Speaker 4: like Okay, I want to say the same job, but I,

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Speaker 4: you know, in ten years, want to take this trip,

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Speaker 4: or I want to save for this, or I want

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Speaker 4: to you know, go back to school for I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I just feel like, okay, I'm just gonna leave everything

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Speaker 4: the exact same.

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Speaker 2: That might turn me off a little bit.

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Speaker 4: I don't care if you're a bartender, but you want

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Speaker 4: to do charity work?

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Speaker 2: Do you want to like good point?

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Speaker 5: You know?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well that was my issue too with my brother

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Speaker 1: in law. He knows this, I can say it, and

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Speaker 1: he has a different perspective now, but I believe at

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Speaker 1: one point he told my grandfather, hey man, I'm just

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Speaker 1: trying to get by, like that was his mentality. I

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Speaker 1: just want to get by, like I just want to

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Speaker 1: I want to go to work. I want to pay

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Speaker 1: my bills. I just want to get by. And I

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Speaker 1: think that that was concerning for my grandfather because it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I wish that you had this higher aspiration that you

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Speaker 1: were chasing after, even if you don't accomplish it. I'd

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Speaker 1: rather see you working towards something larger than yourself, or

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Speaker 1: a goal that you have for yourself, or to challenge

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Speaker 1: yourself in some way. That was kind of his point.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't don't bartender. I don't like it, because I mean,

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Speaker 1: who cares? But I also think, you know, more than

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Speaker 1: likely that's a job that will be there forever, and

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Speaker 1: it might be a fulfilling job and a well paying job.

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Speaker 2: But you know, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I agree with you you like, maybe be a bartender,

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Speaker 1: but then like you want to be the world's greatest

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Speaker 1: I don't know whatever, Like do you have any sort

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Speaker 1: of side aspiration or project or or interest or hobby

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Speaker 1: or anything. And I think if the answers no, then

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Speaker 1: I can see why that, you know, that's not that exciting,

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Speaker 1: especially if you're working towards something you know larger in

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Speaker 1: your life and career.

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Speaker 2: Julio, Hi, good morning.

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Speaker 1: Hi, good morningser, Sir Jesus, very respectful, Julia, what do

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Speaker 1: you think, Well, I.

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Speaker 6: Think the boyfriend's into finance and she loves that bartending.

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Speaker 2: Why not open their own bar.

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Speaker 6: That way, she's in the scene of the bar and

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Speaker 6: he could do the financing for her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess.

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Speaker 1: By the way I've heard, the opening a bar is

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Speaker 1: like the least fun thing that you ever. I know

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Speaker 1: several decided that they should have a bar, and they do.

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Speaker 1: They regret that.

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Speaker 6: In my opinion, it is stressful. Don't get me wrong.

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Speaker 3: I've worked with.

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Speaker 6: Bars because I do private security for bars and nightclubs,

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Speaker 6: and it is a headache. But it is good money

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Speaker 6: because at the end of the night, when I see

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Speaker 6: those bartenders counting their tips and money in total, they

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Speaker 6: made from three thousand, two teny twelve thousand dollars on

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Speaker 6: the weekend a night.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm in the wrong business. Actually, yeah, I think.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going to job bartending. Julio, thank you man,

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Speaker 1: have a good day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah you too.

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Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, that was the conversation conversation I was

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Speaker 1: having with this woman. I think she's in her early fifties,

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Speaker 1: and she'd been doing this her whole career and I

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Speaker 1: can't afford to leave the industry.

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Speaker 2: I can't.

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Speaker 1: I can't, Like there's nothing else that pays me like this,

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Speaker 1: And I don't think she wants to do it. But

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Speaker 1: you know, who's to say that you can't have a

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Speaker 1: side hustle or that you can't I don't know, pursue

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Speaker 1: something on the side. It sounds like maybe she's not

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Speaker 1: into that idea. Hey, Jennifer, how you doing?

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Speaker 7: Hey guys, good morning.

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Speaker 2: Hi Jennifer. What do you think?

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Speaker 1: So this dude's calling us because he's his girlfriend of

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Speaker 1: five years. They were bartending together, she's still bartending. He's

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Speaker 1: moved on to more of a traditional career, and she

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Speaker 1: doesn't seem to have any interest or aspiration and doing

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Speaker 1: anything else.

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Speaker 2: It's bothering him.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, no, I was listening to Ivan, So I just think,

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Speaker 7: you know, after five years you're together, you're probably sharing,

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Speaker 7: like you guys said, your goals, your aspirations, what you

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Speaker 7: want to get done. I think you can do all

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Speaker 7: those things and she can remain bartending if she's happy,

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Speaker 7: let her be. If it's something that he's hung up on,

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Speaker 7: that's going to be his issue.

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Speaker 3: But kind of like what was said.

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Speaker 7: I know people who would rather bartend kind of have

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Speaker 7: work less hours, make more money, then go work in

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Speaker 7: an office.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and this sounds like more of a status thing

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Speaker 1: to me. But at the same time, I mean, in

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Speaker 1: this case, it's like if this dude's working I don't know,

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Speaker 1: eight to six and she's working and making this up,

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Speaker 1: you know, like like a lot of bartend's working in

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Speaker 1: the evening or at night, chance he'd never see her.

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Speaker 1: So you know, he could make that point and be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: this schedule is not exactly working, like, well, at least

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Speaker 1: wants you bartend in the same hours that I'm working,

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Speaker 1: But then she probably wouldn't make as much money, So

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, there's that it's the lifestyle. You

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Speaker 1: could make that point. But he didn't make that point.

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Speaker 1: He didn't call up here and say I never get

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Speaker 1: to see my girlfriend because she's bartending.

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Speaker 2: He made it sound like I.

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Speaker 1: Never you know, my girlfriend has no further aspiration than

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Speaker 1: to be a bartender, and that's that good enough for me.

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Speaker 2: That's basically what I heard him say.

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Speaker 7: That's kind of what I was waiting for, Like the

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Speaker 7: time difference I could understand, and then it'd be like, Okay, cool,

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Speaker 7: I'll do it on the weekend and you know, well,

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Speaker 7: let's pivot. But if she's happy, do you go get

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Speaker 7: a hobby?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 7: Well if you're bothered.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 7: I just kind of feel like there's there's so many

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Speaker 7: with the uncertainty.

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Speaker 1: Of the world too.

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Speaker 7: I don't know. Well, you guys, she's making good money.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I agree, Thank you, Jennifer. Have a

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Speaker 2: good day, you guys can And there could be more.

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Speaker 1: There could be more here too that he's not telling us.

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Speaker 1: But like, if I don't know, maybe she is hesitant

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Speaker 1: to move on because it's a risk. And it's like,

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Speaker 1: is he offering to supplement? Is he saying, hey, take

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Speaker 1: that risk, Like, go do that thing you've always wanted

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Speaker 1: to do, and I'll back you because I have a

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Speaker 1: secure job. You can always go back to the bartending.

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's a lot of things here that he

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Speaker 1: hasn't said, or is she simply just doesn't care? And

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Speaker 1: I can see how that. I can see how that

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Speaker 1: could be unattractive. If someone's doing something and they're you

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Speaker 1: believe they're capable of more, they have bigger dreams or

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Speaker 1: bigger aspirations and they're just not doing it because they're comfortable.

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Speaker 1: But then again, are you, as her partner encouraging her

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Speaker 1: and supporting her and enabling her to do those things

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Speaker 1: or are you just complaining?

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Speaker 2: It would be my question.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't care about the job, but I want

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Speaker 4: to watch you grow as a person and evolve.

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Speaker 1: I agree with that now that I agree with And

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Speaker 1: that's why I'm saying, like, if it's just I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I don't, I don't I don't want to take that risk.

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Speaker 1: Then are you are you reaching your full potential? And

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Speaker 1: then how are you as her partner helping her to

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Speaker 1: accomplish that? And maybe he's not doing anything Adriana high.

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Speaker 2: The morning, Hey, good morning, stare Go. What do you think.

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Speaker 5: I think that he should say? But he's afraid because

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Speaker 5: to me it sounds he said about being engaged, and

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Speaker 5: that was the key word that I heard, is he

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Speaker 5: doesn't want to be financially responsible for the both of

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Speaker 5: them in the future. So if she does decide to

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Speaker 5: quit and have kids and she doesn't have the nine

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Speaker 5: to five and the PTO build up, that's what it

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Speaker 5: sounds like to me.

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Speaker 3: He's like, he's seen.

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Speaker 5: All these people grow because he's a businessman now, you know,

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Speaker 5: and there's two totally different personalities that they're emerging into.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess that's true. I mean I guess it's

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Speaker 1: not like necessarily you know, jobs where you have retirement

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Speaker 1: and to your point, I don't know vacation time. I

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Speaker 1: mean maybe she has that stuff, but a lot of

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Speaker 1: bartenders may not. Insurance and a lot of other things

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Speaker 1: that I don't know if she's a corporate bartender or what.

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Speaker 1: But like you know, she might make a lot of

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Speaker 1: money cash or whatever. But you're right, like, where's the

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Speaker 1: security is she's I don't know. There's a lot of

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Speaker 1: variables here, But the vibe I was getting from Ivan

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Speaker 1: was it's like do better. And I don't know that

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Speaker 1: she necessarily is doing poorly for herself, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. But to Calen's point, if she's capable of

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Speaker 1: what maybe she has an art degree or she has

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Speaker 1: a she could be teaching, or she could be doing

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Speaker 1: you know, starting a business, and she's just not doing

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Speaker 1: it because it's like I don't want to take the risk.

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Speaker 1: I'll just go to work every day and do my thing.

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Speaker 1: And I can see how that I can I can

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Speaker 1: see how that would be unattractive at a certain point,

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Speaker 1: like come on, let's do it, let's let's do more.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it's true.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Adria, thank you, have a good day, Tony.

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Speaker 1: Tony, you say stay.

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Speaker 8: I say stay, But it really depends. You know, life

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Speaker 8: is short, and you know you got to find your

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Speaker 8: passion really quickly. So my dad was an artist, a painter,

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Speaker 8: but she just like it is now, it was hard

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Speaker 8: to find work and art. So he began working for

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Speaker 8: a bank, moved up really high in the bank, and

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Speaker 8: after thirty six years, he hated every day that he

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Speaker 8: worked at the banks, and he wished he would have

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Speaker 8: stuck to art.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, I was running.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, are you are you running a marathon currently?

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Speaker 1: Or like what's going on?

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Speaker 5: Man?

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Speaker 1: But that's amazing because when I run, I can't speak.

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Speaker 1: So that's good that you're able to do both.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Yes, you know he need to find her passion,

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Speaker 2: he wishes with the other thing.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean, if she really loves spartending, whether she's

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Speaker 8: making good money or not, that's the that's the thing.

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Speaker 8: She said stay, and you know he needs to be

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Speaker 8: supportive and happy with that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Tony Man like deep breaths and it's like the fibrillator,

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Speaker 1: like raise your hand if you need help or you know.

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Speaker 8: It was it was that last sprint when you guys

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Speaker 8: picked up.

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Speaker 2: So sorry for you. Look at this guy. I'm just like.

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Speaker 4: That.

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Speaker 2: Tony wraps it up to Tony's Chelsea keep the heart

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Speaker 2: beat him.

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Speaker 6: Yes, Hi, how are you hey?

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Speaker 2: Good morning.

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Speaker 1: So you are a former bartender, so what's your perspective.

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Speaker 9: My perspective is I can honestly agree with him. If

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Speaker 9: they're sitting there trying to make light plans right now.

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Speaker 9: They want to go out and do things.

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Speaker 2: They want to go on.

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Speaker 3: Vacations and stuff like that.

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Speaker 9: Bartending isn't really a job where the income is always consistent.

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Speaker 3: It's supply and demand.

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Speaker 9: It's not like a nine to five where you go

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Speaker 9: in and you have a set income and you know

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Speaker 9: how much you're making and you can sit there and

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Speaker 9: make plans with your partner about going and doing these things.

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Speaker 9: Because if the money's not there, the money's not there

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Speaker 9: and you end up not being able to do those things.

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Speaker 3: So it's really hard.

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Speaker 9: I mean, yes, you get the freedom of your own

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Speaker 9: schedule and everything. That's why I always suggest the people.

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Speaker 8: Delivery share food to.

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Speaker 3: Be specific, not to be with people.

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Speaker 9: But I do delivery share on the side now instead

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Speaker 9: of bartending for my.

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Speaker 3: Extra because it's just so much easier and so much

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Speaker 3: more on demand.

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Speaker 9: But yeah, you and doing bartending isn't it's the money's

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Speaker 9: not there sometimes and it's really hard to make those.

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Speaker 1: Okay, fair enough, thank you, Chelsea, have a good day.

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Speaker 1: I will say, for all the hard time that you know, Colin,

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Speaker 1: my brother in law got for being a bartender. My

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Speaker 1: mom certainly has him making margarita's and shots. All of that,

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Speaker 1: I mean comes in very handy. It's a great part

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Speaker 1: of it. He's very good at it, I will say.

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Speaker 2: So.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Mom, remember when you complained about this. Now

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Speaker 1: you're like placing orders.