Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, welcome back, Welcome back
Speaker 1: to another episode of the Psychology of Your Twenties. New listeners,
Speaker 1: old listeners. It's so great to have you here, So
Speaker 1: great to have you here for this super exciting topic
Speaker 1: that I am so pumped to talk about today, and
Speaker 1: that is the psychology of New Year's resolutions. There was
Speaker 1: no better time to talk about this than now. Twenty
Speaker 1: twenty three is right around the corner. Maybe you're listening
Speaker 1: to this in the month of January. The new year
Speaker 1: has just started, and with that, many of us and
Speaker 1: to make some pretty big promises or goals for ourselves
Speaker 1: for the new year for twenty twenty three, which I
Speaker 1: think is honestly incredible, a great idea. I think that
Speaker 1: New Year's resolutions are a really kind of positive thing
Speaker 1: to reflect on and to set for ourselves as we
Speaker 1: enter into a new chapter. You know, they're all about
Speaker 1: self improvement and agency and growth, which I think also
Speaker 1: really embodies this show. So I'm a big fan and
Speaker 1: if you are setting New Year's resolutions this year, I
Speaker 1: want you to succeed. So today we are going to
Speaker 1: break down the history and also the psychology behind New
Speaker 1: Year's resolutions, why it is that we set them, to
Speaker 1: begin with, why they often fail, but also what we
Speaker 1: can learn from our failures and the failure of New
Speaker 1: Year's resolutions so that we can succeed, so that we
Speaker 1: can see our New Year's resolutions through. Essentially, what I
Speaker 1: really want to understand and explain in today's episode is
Speaker 1: what it is that determines the success of a New
Speaker 1: Year's resolution. There is so much fascinating research behind this,
Speaker 1: so many interesting concepts like Roman philosophy, self efficacy and
Speaker 1: self improvement theory, even a discussion of social norms, and
Speaker 1: so much more. So I am so excited to kind
Speaker 1: of jump into this first episode of the New Year series,
Speaker 1: perhaps the first episode of twenty twenty three. It's going
Speaker 1: to be an amazing year, and what a great way
Speaker 1: to kick it off with a discussion about New Year's resolutions.
Speaker 1: So let's get into it and learn all that there
Speaker 1: is to know about New Year's resolutions and hopefully learn
Speaker 1: how we can apply some of the theory some of
Speaker 1: the psychology to our own goals so that we can
Speaker 1: be successful at the end of the day. So, of course,
Speaker 1: as we always do at the beginning of each episode,
Speaker 1: we want to break down some of the history behind
Speaker 1: New Year's resolutions and get our basics down pat before
Speaker 1: jumping into the psychology and the explanations behind why this concept,
Speaker 1: this idea of making promises to ourselves at the beginning
Speaker 1: of the new year, why it even exists. So the
Speaker 1: origin of making New Year's resolutions, it rests with the Babylonians.
Speaker 1: For those of you who do not know who these
Speaker 1: people are, I didn't know who they were, but they
Speaker 1: were an ancient group of people who lived in present
Speaker 1: day Iraq from I think like two thousand to four
Speaker 1: hundred b c. And many historians trace the beginnings and
Speaker 1: the existence of New Year's resolutions back to this group.
Speaker 1: So these people would reportedly make promises to the gods
Speaker 1: in hopes that they would earn good favor in the
Speaker 1: coming year. So, for example, they might make a promise
Speaker 1: that they're going to have the most successful harvest they've
Speaker 1: ever seen, or be a really good partner or a
Speaker 1: really good husband or wife, and by succeeding in that
Speaker 1: by fulfilling that goal, that ambition, they almost demonstrated to
Speaker 1: the gods that they were true to their word, that
Speaker 1: they were had integrity, that they were good people, and
Speaker 1: as a result they would receive good favor good karma
Speaker 1: from these same gods. Although I don't think that we
Speaker 1: make our modern day resolutions to the gods per se,
Speaker 1: the new year is still and obviously a very important
Speaker 1: and somewhat spiritual time that represents so many things, but
Speaker 1: mostly new beginnings, the future, or a new chapter in
Speaker 1: our lives. Interestingly, this is I think a very common meaning.
Speaker 1: It's applied across different cultures. The month of January is
Speaker 1: actually named after the god Janus, who was the god
Speaker 1: of new beginnings, So we can see that there is
Speaker 1: this reverence placed on the new year throughout many cultures
Speaker 1: and throughout many time periods. I think as humans we
Speaker 1: really crave the comfort of meaning and tradition, and the
Speaker 1: new year is able to bring both of these things
Speaker 1: and offer somewhat of a dedicated time for reflection and
Speaker 1: contemplation of what we want from this new period of
Speaker 1: our lives. And you know, it often involves a pretty
Speaker 1: big celebration as well, you know, fireworks, champagne and all
Speaker 1: of that. But more than that, I think it provides
Speaker 1: a dedicated time for looking back, feeling grateful, nostalgic, and
Speaker 1: perhaps also thinking about what it is about our lives
Speaker 1: that may be missing, something where we feel we may
Speaker 1: be lacking or dissatisfied, where we can improve, whilst also
Speaker 1: being hopeful for the future and invest it in the
Speaker 1: ways that we can better ourselves. We tend to set
Speaker 1: resolutions at this time of the year because the New
Speaker 1: Year in particular serves us this cyclical marker of time
Speaker 1: during which we can reevaluate and take inventory on our lives,
Speaker 1: and the drive for making resolutions is very much motivated
Speaker 1: by this punctuation in time, which activates our hopes and
Speaker 1: our expectations for what we want to achieve going forward.
Speaker 1: So this psychologist, her name is doctor Strongen. She had
Speaker 1: a really good explanation for this that I thought would
Speaker 1: be super relevant when we're talking about why it is
Speaker 1: that the new year really sparks this desire to change
Speaker 1: up our lives, and she says that the New Year
Speaker 1: what it does is gives us kind of a sense
Speaker 1: of renewal and It causes us to think about areas
Speaker 1: in our lives where we want to improve. And this
Speaker 1: kind of distinct start of a new chapter of a
Speaker 1: new year, you know, the clock kind of ticks over
Speaker 1: into a new calendar. It feels like a natural time
Speaker 1: to make this change. There is really no better time
Speaker 1: than the beginning of a new year. And I think
Speaker 1: this is the marvel and also the significance of a
Speaker 1: new year for making massive changes to our everyday lives
Speaker 1: and I guess our overall lifestyle. When we think of
Speaker 1: New Year's resolutions, I think a few typical categories or
Speaker 1: examples often come to mind, and there's actually been research
Speaker 1: on this on these very categories, these common categories that
Speaker 1: we see. So this woman, Kaitlin Woolley from Cornell, she
Speaker 1: did some research into New Year's resolutions and she wanted
Speaker 1: to find out what were the most common types of resolutions.
Speaker 1: I don't think this is a surprise to anyone, but
Speaker 1: the majority, overwhelmingly. I think it was as high as
Speaker 1: like fifty five fifty six percent of resolutions were health related,
Speaker 1: so wanting to exercise more, eat healthy, lose weight. Those
Speaker 1: were by far the most common New Year's resolutions. Reported.
Speaker 1: Then we have work related and financial related kind of
Speaker 1: resolutions at about thirty five percent, So a lot of
Speaker 1: people reported that they are going into the new year
Speaker 1: wanting to save money, get out of debt, get organized
Speaker 1: by a house, these kind of financial and work related
Speaker 1: ambitions that they have. And then we also have these
Speaker 1: social goals. These accounted for about five to ten percent overall.
Speaker 1: You know, goals like spending more time with family, making
Speaker 1: more friends, making time for romance, going on dates, meeting
Speaker 1: a partner. These were also a pretty big category of
Speaker 1: New Year's resolutions. I don't think I was surprised at
Speaker 1: all to hear how many resolutions or goals we make
Speaker 1: at the start of the new year have to do
Speaker 1: with our physical health and our physical appearance, mainly just
Speaker 1: because I think it is a huge source of just
Speaker 1: general insecurity for many of us, for many many people,
Speaker 1: and these goals can be super varied, but they're often
Speaker 1: focused on things like feeling better in our bodies, maybe
Speaker 1: being able to accomplish a certain physical feit like a
Speaker 1: half marathon. Sometimes they have a lot to do with
Speaker 1: our eating and our diet, but of course also on
Speaker 1: how we look. Fitness is obviously a part of this,
Speaker 1: but I definitely have a bit of a bone to
Speaker 1: pick with goals that are focused on weight loss, just
Speaker 1: because I actually think they're really hard to achieve, especially
Speaker 1: with the pressure and the hype of a new year.
Speaker 1: We get so excited about this. We imagine how we're
Speaker 1: going to look, you know, what it's going to feel like.
Speaker 1: We don't understand the investment that it sometimes takes. And
Speaker 1: I've been seeing New Year's resolutions about weight loss everywhere
Speaker 1: all over my TikTok right now, and it's kind of
Speaker 1: what inspired me to do this episode because I began
Speaker 1: thinking about my own New Year's expectations or goals for
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, and I can honestly say, I think
Speaker 1: this is the first year that my New Year's resolutions
Speaker 1: are not focused on what I look like or you know,
Speaker 1: my body, which is like so shocking to me. I
Speaker 1: think that they have been focused on that for as
Speaker 1: long as I can remember. There's no shame if that
Speaker 1: is your New Year's resolution. You know, it's your body,
Speaker 1: it's your choice. As long as you're going into it
Speaker 1: with a healthy and sustainable mindset, go for it. It's
Speaker 1: honestly your life and if that's going to make you happier,
Speaker 1: that's fantastic that you have, you know, decided to focus
Speaker 1: on that for your health and as an element of
Speaker 1: your health for twenty twenty three. But I think there
Speaker 1: are other health goals as well that are perhaps more
Speaker 1: achievable and I would say more holistic. You know, maybe
Speaker 1: your New Year's resolution is to stop drinking or to
Speaker 1: drink less. That's one of mine next year. I really,
Speaker 1: I honestly do not have the time to be hungover
Speaker 1: as much as I was last year, and I just
Speaker 1: kind of want to cut back. So that's one of
Speaker 1: my news resolutions. Another one I see quite often is
Speaker 1: to like walk ten thousand steps a day. I think
Speaker 1: these are like that one in particular, that ten thousand
Speaker 1: step one is a lot more achievable than setting some
Speaker 1: obscure weight loss goal because it's achievable, it can be
Speaker 1: integrated into your life, and it affects so much more
Speaker 1: than just you know, the number on a scale. It
Speaker 1: affects the time we spent outdoors, it affects how we
Speaker 1: feel in our body, it affects our cardiovascular health. So
Speaker 1: I think it's a much more well rounded goal. Another
Speaker 1: big category that, obviously I'm a huge fan of is
Speaker 1: the mental health resolutions, the mental health goals. These are
Speaker 1: mainly focused on our emotional wellbeing and the things that
Speaker 1: we can do to shift our mindset and our mental perspective.
Speaker 1: You know, there are the normal ones, like going to therapy,
Speaker 1: trying to perhaps prioritize your boundaries and your space, but
Speaker 1: there are some others that I think are fantastic, like
Speaker 1: reducing your screen time. Our exposure to social media and
Speaker 1: to just the Internet and screens in general can have
Speaker 1: such a strange and nuanced effect on our mental health.
Speaker 1: So I think reducing screen time is such a fantastic
Speaker 1: goal if that is your priority, reading more, that's an
Speaker 1: amazing one, it's highly achievable. And another one I saw
Speaker 1: was to get at least twenty minutes of sun or
Speaker 1: outdoors time a day. That is such an amazing New
Speaker 1: Year's resolution. Honestly, it's so easy to integrate into our lives,
Speaker 1: especially if you live somewhere like Australia, where you know
Speaker 1: the weather is sometimes bad but in general most of
Speaker 1: the time bearable. And it also allows us to incorporate
Speaker 1: many of the health benefits of being in nature. So
Speaker 1: I think that if that is something you want to
Speaker 1: focus on, what an amazing goal. A couple others, just
Speaker 1: to briefly mention, we talked about financial goals, you know,
Speaker 1: saving for a particular reason, maybe you want to buy
Speaker 1: a house or go on a big trip. And then
Speaker 1: there are some other like niche goals and achievements like
Speaker 1: I don't know, wanting to climb everest, or to knit
Speaker 1: fifty mini jackets for your cats, start a business, start
Speaker 1: a podcast. That one sounds pretty familiar, and these kind
Speaker 1: of goals are often super unique and I would say
Speaker 1: not shared by many people, which at times, on one hand,
Speaker 1: I think can make it harder to form community, but
Speaker 1: it also makes it so much more worthwhile because fewer
Speaker 1: people have that goal and achieving it is going to
Speaker 1: be so much more sweet and such an amazing feeling.
Speaker 1: Obviously this is not an exhaustive list. I honestly think
Speaker 1: that any facet of our lives where we're perhaps not
Speaker 1: quite satisfied or fulfilled or would like to do better,
Speaker 1: can be made into a goal. And sometimes the significance
Speaker 1: of a new year, of a new leaf and new chapter,
Speaker 1: but also the explicit kind of start date and point
Speaker 1: from which to track our progress can be a huge
Speaker 1: enabler of our success. But let's now tackle the psychology
Speaker 1: behind how we can and create realistic years resolutions and
Speaker 1: almost offer a bit of an equation for success so
Speaker 1: that we can start twenty twenty three with the best
Speaker 1: versions of ourselves in mind. So we have explained some
Speaker 1: of the history, the categories, the traditions behind New Year's resolutions,
Speaker 1: But now to the psychology. What is it about the
Speaker 1: new year that causes us to have these elaborate and
Speaker 1: grand expectations for ourselves to set these resolutions. I think
Speaker 1: as humans we are naturally and innately very attuned to
Speaker 1: self improvement. It is very much part of our complexity
Speaker 1: and a unique aspect of our species that we have
Speaker 1: this capacity to consider the future and ourselves within it,
Speaker 1: and with that we tend to imagine versions of ourselves
Speaker 1: that do not yet exist, ones that might be better.
Speaker 1: Because of this unique ability, we're able to set goals
Speaker 1: and objectives that lead to better versions of ourselves. That
Speaker 1: is the premise of New Year's resolutions. The idea, though
Speaker 1: of a New Year's resolution, it tends to rest on
Speaker 1: three fairly important psychological concepts. The first being personal development,
Speaker 1: the second being self efficacy, and finally the idea of
Speaker 1: social norms personal development. It's all about looking inward and
Speaker 1: focusing on the ways to better yourself. It's so obvious
Speaker 1: how that has a relationship to New Year's resolutions, but
Speaker 1: essentially this focus allows us to increase our self awareness,
Speaker 1: our self esteem, and to fulfill future aspirations that we
Speaker 1: may have for our lives. When we make a New
Speaker 1: Year's resolution, whatever it may be, we are channeling our
Speaker 1: personal development and our focus on personal growth, and kind
Speaker 1: of channeling that in a way that allows us to
Speaker 1: be productive and to live a more fulfilled than satisfying life.
Speaker 1: Without this ability or the skills to reflect inwards and upwards,
Speaker 1: we can remain fairly stagnant and unsatisfied with our lives,
Speaker 1: which is why the new year is such an important
Speaker 1: time to make certain promises to ourselves, because they are
Speaker 1: focused on improving our lives in order to enhance the
Speaker 1: overall quality. So even if we don't fully realize our goals,
Speaker 1: the very act I think of just reflecting on where
Speaker 1: we want to improve, where we want to be putting
Speaker 1: energy towards that is so valuable because not only does
Speaker 1: it mean that we have a sense of the future
Speaker 1: and a sense of meaning, but we also have a
Speaker 1: desire to be better, which is in itself a very
Speaker 1: inherently valuable idea to have. The second psychological concept that
Speaker 1: I think is perhaps even more important to consider in
Speaker 1: the context of New Year's resolutions is self efficacy. So
Speaker 1: self efficacy is at the very core, perhaps the central
Speaker 1: pillar to establishing goals for ourselves in the new year. Essentially,
Speaker 1: it refers to our belief in our capacity to execute
Speaker 1: the behaviors necessary to produce specific outcomes. So, just to
Speaker 1: break that down a little bit more, it essentially encompasses
Speaker 1: our confidence that our behavior and our actions will be
Speaker 1: able to exert an influence over our environment and over
Speaker 1: our future, so that we can achieve our goals. Without
Speaker 1: self efficacy, without this belief in our ability to alter
Speaker 1: our lives, the idea of a New Year's resolution, it
Speaker 1: literally wouldn't exist. It wouldn't be anything but wishful thinking.
Speaker 1: That is what distinguishes the New Year's resolution from just,
Speaker 1: you know, a fantasy. It's that acknowledgment that what we
Speaker 1: want for our lives will require our effort, and therefore
Speaker 1: this belief that our actions, our behaviors will actually have
Speaker 1: some influence over whether or not we achieve a certain goal.
Speaker 1: You know, without self efficacy, why would why would we
Speaker 1: even try? There's no point trying. I think virtually all
Speaker 1: people can identify some form of goal that they have. However,
Speaker 1: they think. Where we go wrong is that most of
Speaker 1: us don't always think about the fact that putting these
Speaker 1: plans into action isn't as simple as we think, and
Speaker 1: self efficacy is going to play a major role and
Speaker 1: how we approach this goal and how we approach this challenge.
Speaker 1: You know, people with stronger self efficacy, they often recover
Speaker 1: really quickly from setbacks. They make a plan, they view
Speaker 1: problems as something to be mastered, and they really are
Speaker 1: a lot more invested in their goals and they're invested
Speaker 1: in the activities that they are required to do to
Speaker 1: achieve these goals. In contrast, we see people who have
Speaker 1: lower or weaker self efficacy tend to really avoid some
Speaker 1: of the challenging tasks and behaviors that are required. They
Speaker 1: focus a lot on the potential of failure and on
Speaker 1: the negative outcomes, and they quickly lose confidence in their
Speaker 1: personal abilities. Right like they don't feel confident that they
Speaker 1: have the agency, they have the strength, they have the
Speaker 1: skills necessary to achieve their goal. Obviously, if you have
Speaker 1: set an ambitious New Year's resolution, whatever it may be,
Speaker 1: a strong sense of self efficacy is going to be
Speaker 1: a great asset to achieving this goal. And importantly, self
Speaker 1: efficacy it's not something you're born with, right, It's actually
Speaker 1: something that you can develop and train within yourself. And
Speaker 1: there are a few ways to do that. Firstly, by
Speaker 1: celebrating your successes, by really consciously recognizing instances in which
Speaker 1: you have been able to influence your destiny or change
Speaker 1: an outcome, modeling and observing the behaviors and stories of others,
Speaker 1: having those positive role models or mentors to kind of
Speaker 1: show you that this is possible. And another way is
Speaker 1: to seek out positive feedback and positive affirmations. Obviously, when
Speaker 1: you hear positive feedback from others, that can really help
Speaker 1: improve your sense of self efficacy, and not only that,
Speaker 1: but your sense that you are actually achieving your goal,
Speaker 1: that it is recognizable from the perspective of other people.
Speaker 1: You know, if your therapist tells you that you're doing
Speaker 1: a really good job at prioritizing your mental health. That's
Speaker 1: setting boundaries. That's going to be so encouraging and it's
Speaker 1: going to make you want to keep going. But in contrast,
Speaker 1: and on the other hand, negative feedback negative comments can
Speaker 1: also have a pretty powerful undermining effect. So be conscious
Speaker 1: about who you share your goals and ambitions with. I
Speaker 1: don't think there is anything more demoralizing than someone telling
Speaker 1: you that what you're doing is not worth it, or
Speaker 1: that you're going to fail. It's such a terrible, terrible feeling.
Speaker 1: So if you want to succeed, you have to create
Speaker 1: a supportive environment that contains people who really believe in
Speaker 1: your abilities and they believe in your success. Finally, making
Speaker 1: a New Year's resolution, it's somewhat of a social norm
Speaker 1: these days, right, like a social norm being these kind
Speaker 1: of informal rules or expectations that we have. It's very
Speaker 1: much influenced by what we see other people doing. It
Speaker 1: gets to December early January and people start talking about
Speaker 1: their New Year's resolutions, and we feel like we should
Speaker 1: probably have a few of our own. This is not
Speaker 1: a bad thing at all. In fact, I think it's
Speaker 1: one of the more positive social norms that we've discussed
Speaker 1: on the show, because, as we said, the primary reason
Speaker 1: for setting this kind of goal at the start of
Speaker 1: the year is for self growth, So as long as
Speaker 1: we're not harming anyone, they seem to be overall a
Speaker 1: pretty positive thing. Well at least that's what we think
Speaker 1: is the case. But it might actually be that New
Speaker 1: Year's resolutions are neither positive or negative, especially when we
Speaker 1: consider how many of us and how many of our
Speaker 1: resolutions end up failing. And that is what I want
Speaker 1: to discuss next. Why is it that so many of
Speaker 1: our ambitions for the new year end up being forgotten
Speaker 1: by the second or third week of January. Every year,
Speaker 1: in early January, millions and millions of us resolve to
Speaker 1: change something about our lives, change something about our behavior,
Speaker 1: whether it is to get really fit, to eat better,
Speaker 1: to save money, spend more time with our friends, whatever
Speaker 1: it is, there is no denying that most of us
Speaker 1: have something in mind that we want to change in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three. Here is the sad reality though for
Speaker 1: most of us, these New Year's resolutions are going to
Speaker 1: fall by the wayside within a few weeks. The best
Speaker 1: example I think of this of the early failure of
Speaker 1: many resolutions is thinking about how busy your gym is
Speaker 1: in the first weeks of January, yet by February they're
Speaker 1: normally back to usual. That's because we often get wrapped
Speaker 1: up in the excitement of setting the resolution, of imagining
Speaker 1: the outcome without realizing how much commitment it can take.
Speaker 1: The easiest step to making a year's resolution is telling
Speaker 1: yourself that you're going to do it. Is making that
Speaker 1: promise and imagining the success, imagining your future body, or
Speaker 1: your future financial situation, or your amazing life, especially in
Speaker 1: that moment before we actually have to do some of
Speaker 1: the work. It is very easy to fantasize, but for
Speaker 1: anyone who's actually set a new year's resolution, it's a
Speaker 1: lot harder to actually achieve that goal because it requires
Speaker 1: often a lot of tedious and persistent work. I don't
Speaker 1: really think it's even a goal right if it's easy
Speaker 1: to achieve. That's part of the allure of New Year's
Speaker 1: resolutions is that they are really large and grand and significant,
Speaker 1: and they require that significance of the new year in
Speaker 1: order to begin. There are quite a few reasons they
Speaker 1: want to discuss as to why it's so difficult to
Speaker 1: stick to our new year's resolutions, and many of these
Speaker 1: explanations have some pretty fascinating psychology attached. Firstly, a large
Speaker 1: amount of our daily behaviors tend to be motivated by
Speaker 1: what we see as unconscious and automatic habits that have
Speaker 1: in many ways been ingrained in us since our childhood,
Speaker 1: since our teenage years. We unconsciously reach for the same
Speaker 1: types of food, we wake up at the same time,
Speaker 1: we see this same people, We use the same forms
Speaker 1: of transport because these actions and these behaviors have become
Speaker 1: so habitual, and it makes it really difficult to change.
Speaker 1: And over time, these repetitive ways of behaving tend to
Speaker 1: become very much automatically queued by the situations that we're in,
Speaker 1: and they're completely independent from our deliberate thought processes. So
Speaker 1: much of what we do on a day to day
Speaker 1: basis we do without thinking. When we set a news resolution, though,
Speaker 1: that is a very deliberate, a very conscious action, a
Speaker 1: very conscious thought, and it can be really difficult to
Speaker 1: integrate this conscious and deliberate thing we want to achieve
Speaker 1: into our daily lives, and into our daily lives that
Speaker 1: are filled with automatic behaviors and unconscious habits because they
Speaker 1: are so hard to integrate. And because a lot of
Speaker 1: our resolutions often require almost rewriting or rewiring our automatic behaviors,
Speaker 1: it takes a lot of conscious energy to uphold these resolutions,
Speaker 1: which is why they often fail. This explains why achieving
Speaker 1: our New Year's resolutions it's not just about pure determination.
Speaker 1: It's not just about how much you want it. The
Speaker 1: act of achieving any goal requires a lot of intense,
Speaker 1: concentrated energy, and more than that, it requires rewriting unconscious
Speaker 1: behaviors you've probably followed for years and years and years.
Speaker 1: Often we don't really map out or think about what
Speaker 1: it's going to take to accomplish a goal, and instead
Speaker 1: we rely very much so on that excitement of the
Speaker 1: new year as the thing that's going to push us
Speaker 1: to accomplish this goal. This buzz, this excitement, this expectation,
Speaker 1: and then that buzz wears off, or maybe you realize
Speaker 1: that actually you set a few unrealistic expectations for yourself.
Speaker 1: For example, you know, if you've decided that twenty twenty
Speaker 1: three you're going to run a marathon, and you've bought
Speaker 1: tickets for a race in April, it's highly unlikely that
Speaker 1: you're going to do that. You really set yourself up
Speaker 1: to fail because you haven't been honest or realistic with yourself.
Speaker 1: The cycle of making and subsequently breaking resolutions, it boils
Speaker 1: down to one core issue or concept, and that is honesty.
Speaker 1: Being honest with yourself about what it is you want,
Speaker 1: why you want to achieve it, and how achievable it is.
Speaker 1: So before you set your alution for twenty twenty three,
Speaker 1: it's really important to ask yourself some of those core
Speaker 1: questions and be honest with yourself in answering them. Why
Speaker 1: is it that this goal is important to you and
Speaker 1: how do you imagine it's going to make your life better?
Speaker 1: Really really think about that. Is the outcome of your resolution?
Speaker 1: Is it going to be enough to motivate you to
Speaker 1: do the things that you need to do, and is
Speaker 1: that final end goal something that is achievable? Honestly, It's
Speaker 1: also important to reflect on the times when you've tried
Speaker 1: in the past to achieve this thing or to pursue
Speaker 1: this change and what went wrong. You know, maybe last
Speaker 1: year you wanted to wake up at seven am every day,
Speaker 1: but you didn't think about the fact that you work
Speaker 1: a nine to five, or that a lot of your
Speaker 1: socializing happens in the evening. So think about why you failed.
Speaker 1: Think about what it wo was about your environment, about
Speaker 1: your surroundings that made it difficult to accomplish this goal.
Speaker 1: We often, you know, set lofty goals for the future
Speaker 1: without seriously and honestly assessing why we've probably struggled in
Speaker 1: the past, and without examining where we are resistant to change.
Speaker 1: That cycle of that, you know, that psycle of excitement
Speaker 1: and resolve and then failure continues to repeat. It's also
Speaker 1: really important to be honest about what else is going
Speaker 1: to have to change in your life to meet your
Speaker 1: goal and to meet your resolution. We often think about
Speaker 1: our New Year's resolutions as a pretty isolated desire or
Speaker 1: an isolated dream, without recognizing the lifestyle change that they
Speaker 1: are going to require. The one I always think of
Speaker 1: is the new Year's resolution to quit drinking. And that's
Speaker 1: one of mine for this year, quitting you know, to
Speaker 1: quit drinking, quitting alcohol. It sounds simple enough, right you know,
Speaker 1: you just say no, you just don't drink. And when
Speaker 1: you think about it on an individual basis, when you're
Speaker 1: home by yourself, it sounds pretty achievable, right, Like, it
Speaker 1: sounds fairly simple, but then you have to think about
Speaker 1: it in terms of the other contexts in our lives
Speaker 1: in which alcohol is present and how much it tends
Speaker 1: to dominate social occasions and celebrations. Are you going to
Speaker 1: be okay with not drinking during these times or maybe
Speaker 1: missing out because of this choice? And are you going
Speaker 1: to be able to make the changes to your overall
Speaker 1: lifestyle to enact this goal. By asking ourselves these questions
Speaker 1: and also answering them honestly, we're actually setting ourselves up
Speaker 1: for success because we can alter our resolutions and be
Speaker 1: more realistic from the get go, and therefore more likely
Speaker 1: to succeed. There are, of course, some other reasons why
Speaker 1: we typically fail our news for sos. Just to list
Speaker 1: off a couple, Sometimes we just lack accountability. You know,
Speaker 1: it's very easy to fail if the only person you're
Speaker 1: going to disappoint is yourself. Sometimes our goal doesn't allow
Speaker 1: for small wins, so we give up because we don't
Speaker 1: see any progress. Maybe it is a lack of planning,
Speaker 1: or the stakes are just too low, And sometimes it's
Speaker 1: just about self doubt and not believing that we're able
Speaker 1: to do them. We're not able to achieve what we
Speaker 1: set our minds to With all of that in mind,
Speaker 1: I really want to turn to our final point for
Speaker 1: this episode, and perhaps the most significant, how can we
Speaker 1: actually be successful with all of this information and knowledge
Speaker 1: in mind? What can we learn from our failures so
Speaker 1: that we can see through our resolutions we can make
Speaker 1: the change that we want to in our lives. Luckily
Speaker 1: for us, there is quite a lot of research on this,
Speaker 1: and so I've gathered a few tips for us to
Speaker 1: all share and to hopefully learn from. Firstly, start small.
Speaker 1: Creating smaller goals that are practical and don't restrict you
Speaker 1: too much is going to be so much more achievable
Speaker 1: because those goals and the actions required to meet them
Speaker 1: are not going to disrupt your life as much. Think
Speaker 1: about all of those automatic behaviors that we were talking
Speaker 1: about before. Undermining them and rewriting them takes a lot
Speaker 1: of effort. But if we start out small, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe by initially trying to exercise just for five minutes
Speaker 1: out of the day, of just trying to replace certain
Speaker 1: foods that are making us feel unwell, it's a lot
Speaker 1: easier to integrate into our lives rather than trying to
Speaker 1: completely shift our lifestyle overnight. These resolutions are also be
Speaker 1: easier for you to stick to because you're not going
Speaker 1: to feel like you're missing out, and you'll still be
Speaker 1: able to move closer to your big goal. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: think we get so excited and we are so impatient
Speaker 1: that we just rush to the finish line, and what
Speaker 1: ends up happening is that it's a not very sustainable
Speaker 1: and we just end up failing because any kind of
Speaker 1: massive life change is going to take so much energy.
Speaker 1: Similar to this is ensuring that your goals are clearly defined.
Speaker 1: I think often we set these very big, sweeping goals
Speaker 1: and we make these big statements like I want to
Speaker 1: be healthier, or I want to make new friends, or
Speaker 1: I want to be more successful. But unfortunately those goals,
Speaker 1: as amazing as they sound, they're not very clear, and
Speaker 1: it's hard to hold yourself accountable if you don't really
Speaker 1: have a vision or an idea of success in mind.
Speaker 1: So making sure that you know exactly what it is
Speaker 1: you're working for you create a resolution so that you
Speaker 1: can actionably see when you're getting closer to the end
Speaker 1: outcome is going to really help you. In a similar
Speaker 1: Vein to both of those things, I think also limiting
Speaker 1: yourself to a few resolutions, maybe just one, is also
Speaker 1: going to be really really helpful and really enable your success.
Speaker 1: It's really tempting to do these big to do lists
Speaker 1: and to have all these really insane expectations for what
Speaker 1: we're capable of doing. Maybe you're someone who can handle
Speaker 1: that amount of pressure and that many things on your mind,
Speaker 1: but most of us can't really focus on a huge
Speaker 1: list at once. It's better to break it down into
Speaker 1: maybe just one or one or two goals that we
Speaker 1: really want to achieve, and that way when not as
Speaker 1: easily overwhelmed and as frustrated, and we can integrate those
Speaker 1: goals into our life a bit better. If we've decided,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to exercise more, and then I
Speaker 1: want to eat better, and then I want to be
Speaker 1: more sustainable, and I want to spend money better, that
Speaker 1: is a lot. That is a lot, So maybe try
Speaker 1: and find a goal that links all of them. Like
Speaker 1: walking to work that is sustainable. It's a great exercise,
Speaker 1: and it saves you money because you don't have to
Speaker 1: pay for petrol or pay for transport. Another few tips
Speaker 1: that I kind of gathered was to be realistic. I
Speaker 1: think we've talked about that already find community and with
Speaker 1: that accountability. If your goal is shared, you're able to
Speaker 1: relate to others who are going through similar things or
Speaker 1: facing similar setbacks. And also you feel accountable and you're
Speaker 1: excited to pursue the goal because you have community surrounding it.
Speaker 1: Find a way to track your progress and see the
Speaker 1: small wins. When we set a big goal and it's
Speaker 1: in the future and it's going to take a lot
Speaker 1: for us to get there, we can become disheartened quite
Speaker 1: easily because we don't see any output from our efforts.
Speaker 1: So find a way to track your progress or to
Speaker 1: give yourself some small wins to motivate you along the way.
Speaker 1: One way that I do this is I create kind
Speaker 1: of like a visual vision board or a resource to
Speaker 1: think about what I want to achieve and why. And
Speaker 1: it helps me keep focused and really visualize the outcome
Speaker 1: that I want and why I want it. It's been
Speaker 1: so helpful. I do this at the start of most years,
Speaker 1: where I create like a bit of a collage about
Speaker 1: where I see my year going. It's firstly a really
Speaker 1: great way to reflect and see what it is that
Speaker 1: I've realized about that, but it also makes it really
Speaker 1: clear to me about what it is I'm working towards,
Speaker 1: and I don't lose sight in all the chaos of
Speaker 1: our day to day lives. Finally, it's so important to
Speaker 1: be mindful, take responsibility for your actions, and to stay committed,
Speaker 1: but also not get too wrapped up in one goal, right.
Speaker 1: You want your life to be enjoyable, and often if
Speaker 1: you put all your eggs in one basket, if you're
Speaker 1: too dedicated, if you go about it really intensely, you're
Speaker 1: not going to be successful because you're just going to
Speaker 1: be exhausted and you're going to lose motivation really really fast.
Speaker 1: So start with a picture of your future self in mind.
Speaker 1: Make that image big and bright, Imagine what it feels like,
Speaker 1: Imagine how you feel, and hold that really deeply. Hold
Speaker 1: on to it as a daily reminder for what you
Speaker 1: are working for and why you're working towards. That change
Speaker 1: your phone background or something about your environment that reminds
Speaker 1: you of your goal every day. I saw this really
Speaker 1: interesting quote. I think it's a great thing to share
Speaker 1: to end up to you. To wrap up this episode,
Speaker 1: winners and losers have the same goals. It's all about
Speaker 1: who is most consistent. You're allowed to have setbacks, you're
Speaker 1: allowed to have failures, but if you keep working out
Speaker 1: it day by day, you just aim to be one
Speaker 1: percent better every day. It's going to be achievable, and
Speaker 1: I wish you the best of luck. I hope that
Speaker 1: you're successful. How amazing to be setting new Year's resolutions.
Speaker 1: I am so excited for the new year and all
Speaker 1: that's going to come with it. It's going to be
Speaker 1: a big year for the podcast and I cannot thank
Speaker 1: you enough for supporting me throughout twenty twenty two. So
Speaker 1: thank you to all the new listeners, to everyone who's shared,
Speaker 1: to everyone who's messaged me and followed me. I am
Speaker 1: so grateful and I cannot wait to push this even
Speaker 1: further and do so many amazing things in the new year.
Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this episode, if you think that other
Speaker 1: people would enjoy it as well, please feel free to
Speaker 1: leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts. It really helps the show to
Speaker 1: grow and to reach new people, So if you feel
Speaker 1: called to do so, it makes a huge difference. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I would love I'd be very grateful if you would
Speaker 1: do that. And if you're interested in seeing more of
Speaker 1: my content, please follow our Instagram at that Psychology Podcast.
Speaker 1: Often I let listeners of the show decide the episodes
Speaker 1: that I publish for the week, So if that is
Speaker 1: something you are interested in, please give us a follow
Speaker 1: and participate in the community that way. Thank you again
Speaker 1: for listening. Good luck. If you've said a New Year's resolution,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you're going to do amazing and I will
Speaker 1: see you next week for a new episode.