WEBVTT - America Is Running Out of Friends 

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, everybody's Bill Courtney with an army of normal folks.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome into the shop. Hi, Alex Bell, welcome in.

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<v Speaker 2>One hundred and thirteen years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>Hold it, this is shop Talk number one thirteen. America

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<v Speaker 1>is running out of friends. I wonder what happened to

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<v Speaker 1>one hundred thirteen years ago. Alex Ford introduced the I

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<v Speaker 1>can't believe.

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<v Speaker 3>You didn't let me intro. You let me this is

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<v Speaker 3>this thing has a system. All right, Okay, I'm trying

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<v Speaker 3>to wrap it up. We got an interview to go to. Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>we'll go ahead. This is going to be a great

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<v Speaker 3>shop talk. Don't rush it, all right.

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<v Speaker 2>Ford introduce the moving assembly line.

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<v Speaker 4>Now, that's interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>That is interesting.

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<v Speaker 1>That changed not only automation but basically manufacturing in general

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<v Speaker 1>across the world.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, helped create the middle class, all kinds of things.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, everything, lots. Yeah, it's huge.

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<v Speaker 5>Umm oh, it dropped the Model T assembly line time.

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<v Speaker 5>It dropped from twelve hours to two hours and forty minutes.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I mean it's the thing you could make. You

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<v Speaker 1>could make five vehicles in the amount of it took

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<v Speaker 1>to make one. Yeah, it increased mass production. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>just think about what that meant to being able to

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<v Speaker 1>fight a war successfully, to being able to make munitions

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<v Speaker 1>and tanks and planes. Think about what that meant to

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<v Speaker 1>pharmaceuticals for our health. Think about what that meant to clothing,

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<v Speaker 1>Think about what that meant to food processing. I mean

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<v Speaker 1>it changed the world.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and re forwards the man I'm thinking of his line.

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<v Speaker 5>You can get the Model T in any color you want,

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<v Speaker 5>as long as it's black.

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<v Speaker 4>That's right.

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<v Speaker 1>You can have Madelty any color you want, as long

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<v Speaker 1>as it's flack, that's right. It's so favous a car

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<v Speaker 1>for the common man. It's where the aristocrat and the

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<v Speaker 1>high class wealthy, wealthy wealthy transferred to anybody can own

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<v Speaker 1>a car.

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<v Speaker 2>That's actually a guy in Oxford who drives around a

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<v Speaker 2>Model Tea.

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<v Speaker 4>Is it really met?

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<v Speaker 1>It was his name, Andry I forgot I should ask. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>go ahead, what else? Undred thirteen years?

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<v Speaker 5>That's we're gonna leave it at. Yeah, things are a

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<v Speaker 5>little political, and I don't want to go there.

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, not even one of them.

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<v Speaker 5>I mean, I'll mention it. Federal Reserve was created, but

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<v Speaker 5>that's not that political. And well, there's all kinds of

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<v Speaker 5>rabbitals you.

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<v Speaker 2>Can go down with that.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, I guess so.

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<v Speaker 5>But the sixteenth and seventeenth amendments, So the federal income tax, sixteenth, seventeenth,

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<v Speaker 5>the direction election of senators, the what direct election of senators?

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<v Speaker 1>Right, well, that changed lots of things, and the uh,

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<v Speaker 1>what's the first thing.

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<v Speaker 2>He said, federal income tax?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, I think we can all agree that one sucks.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean that's that political. Yeah, sure, all right, here

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<v Speaker 4>we go, all right, shop talking.

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<v Speaker 5>One of my dad's birthday is April fifteenth, is it?

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<v Speaker 5>So it's not only tac tax day. Lincoln was assassinated

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<v Speaker 5>and Titanic suck and his birthday.

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<v Speaker 2>It was birthday and my dad's you Lincoln.

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<v Speaker 1>Huh No, dad's Titanic sunk leacoln day.

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<v Speaker 4>And your dad was born, well he was dustined for

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<v Speaker 4>something special apparently. Okay with me. Yeah, that's a good point.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, everybody, When we get backshot talking number one thirteen,

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<v Speaker 1>America is running out of friends. All right, everybody, welcome

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<v Speaker 1>back shop Talk number one thirteen. America is running out

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<v Speaker 1>of friends. I'm going to read you an article by

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<v Speaker 1>Daniel A. Cox that's titled Men's social Circles are Shrinking,

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<v Speaker 1>and then we'll reflect on it. It was published on

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<v Speaker 1>June twenty nine, twenty twenty one, and thus some of

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<v Speaker 1>the COVID area references that you'll hear so understand it's

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<v Speaker 1>five years old, but it's still appropriate today. As Americans

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<v Speaker 1>venture back out to reclaim their social lives, a new

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<v Speaker 1>report reveals a profound change in the nature of American friendships.

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<v Speaker 1>One of the most important changes revealed by May American

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<v Speaker 1>Perspectives survey is the decline of close friendships. In the

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<v Speaker 1>past three decades, American friendship groups have become smaller, and

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<v Speaker 1>the number of Americans without any close friends or any

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<v Speaker 1>close confidants has risen sharply. But these changes have not

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<v Speaker 1>affected Americans equally. Men appear to have suffered a far

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<v Speaker 1>steeper decline than women. Thirty years ago, a majority of

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<v Speaker 1>men fifty five percent reported having at least six close friends.

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<v Speaker 1>Today that number has been cut in half slightly more

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<v Speaker 1>than one in four. Twenty seven percent of men say

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<v Speaker 1>they have six or more close friends. Today, fifteen percent

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<v Speaker 1>of men have no friendships at all, a fivefold increase

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<v Speaker 1>since only nineteen ninety. Women have witnessed a friendship declined

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<v Speaker 1>to but it's been far less pronounced in nineteen ninety,

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<v Speaker 1>roughly four and ten forty one percent of women say

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<v Speaker 1>they add six or more close friends, compared to twenty

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<v Speaker 1>four percent Today. Ten percent of women report having no

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<v Speaker 1>close friends, and while having ten close friends might seem

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<v Speaker 1>let's call it unmanageable for some, the size of our

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<v Speaker 1>social circles appears to matter a great deal. Americans with

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<v Speaker 1>only one close friend are not any less lonely than

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<v Speaker 1>those with none, while those with a few are only

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<v Speaker 1>in marginally better shape. For Americans with three or fewer

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<v Speaker 1>close friends, loneliness and isolation are fairly common experiences. More

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<v Speaker 1>than half say they have felt that at least once

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<v Speaker 1>in the past seven days. In contrast, only one in

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<v Speaker 1>three Americans with ten or more close friends report feeling

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<v Speaker 1>lonely in the past seven days. This trend is particularly

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<v Speaker 1>concerning for young people. Boy this is where social media

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<v Speaker 1>comes into my mind. But anyway, as we note in

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<v Speaker 1>our recent report, young adults and singles are unique to

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<v Speaker 1>the extent that they rely on friends for emotional and

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<v Speaker 1>personal support. But young men today are far more reliant

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<v Speaker 1>on their parents than they are their friends. This is

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<v Speaker 1>a remarkable change in social support. Nineteen ninety, nearly half

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<v Speaker 1>forty five percent of young men reported that when facing

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<v Speaker 1>a personal problem, they would reach out to their first

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<v Speaker 1>to their best friends. Today, only twenty two percent One

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<v Speaker 1>in five of young men lean on their friends in

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<v Speaker 1>tough times. Thirty six percent say their first call is

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<v Speaker 1>to their parents. Unfortunately, this new survey is consistent with

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<v Speaker 1>a growing body of research. A major national survey of

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<v Speaker 1>Americans social networks conducted last year revealed that American social

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<v Speaker 1>circles were contracting. Nearly one in five Americans reporting having

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<v Speaker 1>no close social connections, a double digit increase from only

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<v Speaker 1>twenty thirteen, and young men are faring worse than most,

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<v Speaker 1>more than one in four twenty eight percent men under

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<v Speaker 1>the age of thirty reporting having no close social connections.

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<v Speaker 1>A survey conducted by the Associated Press recently found that

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<v Speaker 1>eighteen percent of the public had no more than one

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<v Speaker 1>person outside their immediate household they could turn to for help.

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<v Speaker 1>As the pandemic recedes, and it has receded, the American

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<v Speaker 1>economy is recovering. Most businesses will adapt, evolve, and ultimately thrive.

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<v Speaker 1>The future of American social life looks much bleaker. Our

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<v Speaker 1>social circles are smaller and friendship groups are depleted, the

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<v Speaker 1>social recovery will take much longer, or it may not

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<v Speaker 1>happen at all. That is sobering and it is also

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<v Speaker 1>sad as hell. And once again, it is why and

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<v Speaker 1>army and normal folks matters. It is why the social

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<v Speaker 1>clubs matter, is why getting involved matters, because your life

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<v Speaker 1>gets better when you have more people in it that

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<v Speaker 1>you can share with, celebrate with, suffer with, and rely on.

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<v Speaker 5>Actually, I was going to share with you another club

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<v Speaker 5>update along these lines. So the Memphis Club this last

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<v Speaker 5>weekend did one of the Alex's lemonade stands.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and they did at the Memphis Zoo, did they Yeah.

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<v Speaker 5>They raised around eight hundred dollars, So the Zoo let

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<v Speaker 5>them set up a stand right in front of the

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<v Speaker 5>answer Itch.

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<v Speaker 2>Was pretty cool.

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<v Speaker 4>That's nice.

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<v Speaker 5>Bolidia was in the hospital with one of her kids

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<v Speaker 5>and Mike Hume stepped up and took care of a

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<v Speaker 5>lot of it. And obviously the other Army members showed

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<v Speaker 5>up and actually helped that day.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I we used bill.

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<v Speaker 5>This tribe of people, I mean, they're living it out

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<v Speaker 5>right there. Yeah, Mike, you know, as you know posted

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<v Speaker 5>one of the potlucks at his house. But it gives

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<v Speaker 5>people an opportunity to engage with each other and build

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<v Speaker 5>these relationships, and they have a relationship now that they

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<v Speaker 5>didn't have, you know, before the club.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I have a very good friend named Matt Cunningham.

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<v Speaker 1>When Lisa and I had small children, we moved into

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<v Speaker 1>a neighborhood out in Carterville, which is a suburb of Memphis.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone and he was one of the first people I met.

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<v Speaker 1>And he has two girls, and we had four kids

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<v Speaker 1>and they were all the same age. And then we

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<v Speaker 1>just became family friends, went on a couple of trips together,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe three actually, But as the kids have gotten married

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<v Speaker 1>and moved on, and Lisa and I have moved twenty

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<v Speaker 1>five miles away from that neighborhood and all a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of times those kind of friendships, while they're still if

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<v Speaker 1>you were bumping to somebody, you know, it's renewed. There's

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<v Speaker 1>no animosity at all, no animus. But you know, those

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<v Speaker 1>kind of friendships end up evolving into other friendships and

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<v Speaker 1>just become old friends. Right. Matt has not let that happen.

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<v Speaker 1>He always tacts, he always emails, He's always saying, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>let's go play golf. He works at maintaining my friendship.

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<v Speaker 1>And when I'm overwhelmed with everything I have going on,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm really just so thankful just to see a text

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<v Speaker 1>to him from him that says, hey man, we have

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<v Speaker 1>to go get a beer, we have to go catch up,

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<v Speaker 1>we have to go play golf.

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<v Speaker 4>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>He doesn't say, because you know we're friends, and you

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<v Speaker 1>know you're supposed to stay in country. If he didn't

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<v Speaker 1>say that, he doesn't put that on me. He just says,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, he's just kind of he works. He has

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<v Speaker 1>worked for fifteen years at maintaining that friendship, not because

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<v Speaker 1>he wants anything from me, but just because he cares,

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<v Speaker 1>because he's a good friend. And I'm going to tell

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<v Speaker 1>you something, if they hit the today, he would be

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<v Speaker 1>one of the people I called because I know his heart.

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<v Speaker 1>I know as a friend, and I do have some

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<v Speaker 1>other friends like that. And I think, how as I'm

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<v Speaker 1>reading this, I was thinking who's my friends in my brain?

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm thinking, against the backdrop of these data, how

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<v Speaker 1>I guess fortunate I am that I do have probably

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<v Speaker 1>eight to ten of those type of friends, And how

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<v Speaker 1>lonely it must be if you don't.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and the other type. We should actually do a

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<v Speaker 5>shop talk on this. Arthur Brooks has been kind of

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<v Speaker 5>making the point recently, like so many of us have

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<v Speaker 5>these business relationships with people that aren't like really friends,

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<v Speaker 5>Like we need to go and make friends that can't

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<v Speaker 5>do anything for us.

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<v Speaker 4>That's right.

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<v Speaker 1>Business relationships can be friends, but oftentimes those are associates.

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<v Speaker 1>Those are you know, friends supposed to go spend. Friendships

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<v Speaker 1>should have nothing to do with money or how somebody

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<v Speaker 1>can help you advance or whatever. It's just if you

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<v Speaker 1>interact with that you share common goals with. But most importantly,

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<v Speaker 1>but we can share your problems with and your success

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<v Speaker 1>is with that will legitimately be happy for you. Zig

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<v Speaker 1>Ziggler said this.

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<v Speaker 2>Go back and listen to our shop talk on zig Ziggler.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, go back, he said this. He said, outside your

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<v Speaker 1>closest group of friends, with everybody in the world. Share

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<v Speaker 1>your give up goals with everyone, and share your go

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<v Speaker 1>up goals with no one. And what that means is

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<v Speaker 1>use the human condition to help yourself. If you share

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<v Speaker 1>your give up goals with everyone, I'm going to quit drinking,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to stop coffee, I'm going to give up sweets.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to quit smoking. Whatever you're going to give up,

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<v Speaker 1>share them with everyone. Because here's why. The minute those

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<v Speaker 1>people see you eat a sweet or have a beer

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<v Speaker 1>or whatever it is you're trying to give up, their

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<v Speaker 1>human condition will come out and they will be very

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<v Speaker 1>quick to remind you, Oh, I thought you were going

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<v Speaker 1>to quit. You know that's not a friend, right, A

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<v Speaker 1>friend would be supportive. And then he said, share your

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<v Speaker 1>go up goals with nobody. If you want to get

0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:17.600
<v Speaker 1>ahead in your business, if you want to get the

0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:19.880
<v Speaker 1>next promotion, if you want to make more money, if

0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:23.360
<v Speaker 1>those your goals, don't share them with anyone outside of

0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:26.200
<v Speaker 1>your family and you're very tight close circle. Because here's

0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:29.280
<v Speaker 1>the thing. Other people will be jealous and other people

0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:32.559
<v Speaker 1>might do in your business, might do what they can

0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:34.360
<v Speaker 1>do to keep you from getting there because that's what

0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:35.719
<v Speaker 1>they also want.

0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:37.880
<v Speaker 2>So I remind you that they have not reached it.

0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.600
<v Speaker 1>Or remind you, or they step on your mind. So

0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:42.920
<v Speaker 1>you share your give up goals that they and you

0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:45.320
<v Speaker 1>share your go up goals with no one outside of

0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:50.160
<v Speaker 1>your close circle friend. So here's a good barometer. If

0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.640
<v Speaker 1>someone is worthy of knowing your go up goals and

0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:54.880
<v Speaker 1>would support you in it, they're probably worthy of being

0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:58.760
<v Speaker 1>your friend. If there's someone who might not aid in that, well,

0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:01.520
<v Speaker 1>then that's an associate. Yeah, A good way to think

0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:01.959
<v Speaker 1>about it.

0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:03.760
<v Speaker 5>I think my final thing and then we should wrap.

0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.080
<v Speaker 5>But uh, I was thinking about this the other day

0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:07.880
<v Speaker 5>and I thought about it when you were talking. Bob

0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:11.760
<v Speaker 5>Mozakowski had a really good line, and he's like, when

0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:14.360
<v Speaker 5>you do some good with somebody, and you're talking about

0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:16.280
<v Speaker 5>the West Side Little League, You've built the largest inner

0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:18.840
<v Speaker 5>city little league in the country. He's like in Chicago. Yeah,

0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.480
<v Speaker 5>and he's like, when you see them again, just out

0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:23.600
<v Speaker 5>in public, it's a different kind of handshake. Yeah, and

0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:24.920
<v Speaker 5>often it's a different kind of hug.

0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:26.560
<v Speaker 4>Really, like, we that's interesting.

0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:27.640
<v Speaker 2>We did some good together.

0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:30.760
<v Speaker 5>It's not just somebody you saw like, we actually did

0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:32.400
<v Speaker 5>some like and I feel the same thing with people

0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:34.280
<v Speaker 5>we do the bed building with, Like, we did some

0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:36.720
<v Speaker 5>good together, and it's a different type of relationship.

0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.200
<v Speaker 1>Bob is one of the most unique human beings on

0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:41.080
<v Speaker 1>the face of the planet.

0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:42.920
<v Speaker 2>If you haven't heard the episode, you got to listen.

0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:43.720
<v Speaker 4>Oh my gosh.

0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:45.800
<v Speaker 1>If there is an episode you if you want to

0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.640
<v Speaker 1>laugh and be inspired, go back and listen.

0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:51.440
<v Speaker 4>To that episode. He's hilarious. Okay, guys, we got to go.

0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:52.360
<v Speaker 4>So here's the deal.

0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:55.640
<v Speaker 1>If you liked this episode, for gosh sakes, share it

0:14:55.640 --> 0:15:00.560
<v Speaker 1>with somebody, Share it with your friends on social, subscribe

0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.080
<v Speaker 1>to the podcast, rate it, review it. Join the Army

0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.880
<v Speaker 1>at Normalfolks dot org. Join or start one of our

0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:12.040
<v Speaker 1>local service clubs. Go to our website and take the

0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:15.800
<v Speaker 1>ten level challenge and buy some merch Do any of this,

0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:18.160
<v Speaker 1>Do any of this stuff that will help us grow

0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:19.280
<v Speaker 1>an army and normal folks.

0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:22.560
<v Speaker 4>I'm Bill Courtney. Until next time. Do it you can