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Speaker 1: You can still make someone feel anxious even if you

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Speaker 1: love them, if you don't know how your actions and

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Speaker 1: words impact them. If you are not aware of how

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Speaker 1: your actions and behavior and your words make someone feel,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how much you love them, they can

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Speaker 1: still feel anxious and uncomfortable. Hey, everyone, welcome back to

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Speaker 1: you On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.

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Speaker 1: Thanks to each and every single one of you who

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Speaker 1: are just so dedicated and so committed to your growth.

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Speaker 1: It is unbelievable. If you're listening right now, I want

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Speaker 1: you to take a moment to just smile at yourself,

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Speaker 1: with yourself, to congratulate yourself for showing up, for turning up.

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Speaker 1: We're so hard on ourselves. But remember every time you're

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Speaker 1: committing to on Purpose, every time you're committing to your workouts,

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Speaker 1: every time you're commit to any form of personal growth,

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Speaker 1: whether you're reading, listening, learning, jumping, whatever you're up to walking, congratulations,

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Speaker 1: take a moment to really acknowledge yourself, to recognize yourself.

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Speaker 1: And I want to take a moment to recognize all

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Speaker 1: of you because you've all been listening every single day.

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Speaker 1: I know so many of you are listening to multiple

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Speaker 1: episodes per week, and we're seeing that in the reviews,

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Speaker 1: in the stats. It is unbelievable. And I could not

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Speaker 1: thank you more honestly for your support on purpose and

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Speaker 1: the next few months are exceptionally important, and I couldn't

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Speaker 1: thank you more. And I am so excited because the

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Speaker 1: guests that we have coming over the next few months

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Speaker 1: until the end of this year are just unbelievable. Unbelievable.

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Speaker 1: You have no idea what's coming your way, and I

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Speaker 1: can't tell you because I'm excited for you. Just keep

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Speaker 1: a lookout, make sure that you've subscribed to the podcast

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Speaker 1: on the app that you're listening on. Make sure that

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Speaker 1: turned notifications on my Instagram for j Y and JTI podcast.

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Speaker 1: I just don't want you to miss out. So today

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Speaker 1: this episode is a really special one as well, because

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Speaker 1: I really wanted to address our relationships. Now. We always

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Speaker 1: hear that our relationships are important. We know that, but

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Speaker 1: often it's really hard. How many times do you sit

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Speaker 1: at dinner with someone you love and you struggle to

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Speaker 1: have a meaningful conversation and you spend your time on

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Speaker 1: your phone, maybe in the car on the way back

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Speaker 1: in the evening, you wish you had more deeper connection.

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Speaker 1: Or how many of you turn on a show because

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Speaker 1: it's it's an easier way to spend time together than

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Speaker 1: starting an actual discussion. How many of you don't know

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Speaker 1: what to talk about? How many of you run out

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Speaker 1: of topics, maybe you run out of conversation ideas, especially

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Speaker 1: if you've been together for a while now, whether you're

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Speaker 1: talking about a business relationship, a romantic relationship, a family relationship,

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Speaker 1: or a friendship, these seven questions I'm going to introduce

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Speaker 1: you today are going to make a huge difference in

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Speaker 1: your life. And the reason they make a difference is

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Speaker 1: because they all allow you to create vulnerability, create connection,

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Speaker 1: and create intimacy. Especially as relationships deeper. We're not always

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Speaker 1: going to learn something new about someone. We may feel

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Speaker 1: there's nothing left to learn, but you can always learn

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Speaker 1: something new about them, even if it's by going deeper.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it's no longer about going wider, it's about going deeper,

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Speaker 1: and these questions allow that. So that's the intimacy part.

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Speaker 1: The second thing I said was vulnerability. We know that

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Speaker 1: relationships that have vulnerability actually bring people closer together. We

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Speaker 1: feel if we don't have arguments, if we avoid uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: conversations then will be closer. What you don't realize is

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Speaker 1: that avoiding a two our argument could create a two

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Speaker 1: week issue. A two our argument could save you from

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Speaker 1: two weeks of pain and issues. So these conversations may

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Speaker 1: be thought provoking and challenging and difficult in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: but they can actually help us. And the third thing

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Speaker 1: I mentioned was connection. A lot of the times when

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Speaker 1: we talk, we talk about ourselves, and we don't talk

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Speaker 1: about ourselves in relation to the person we have a

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Speaker 1: relationship with. And so you're not often talking about your relationship.

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Speaker 1: You might be talking about your to do list, you

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Speaker 1: might be talking about your weekend plans, you might be

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Speaker 1: talking about your work plans, but you're not talking about

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Speaker 1: the relationship. And these seven questions are designed to help

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Speaker 1: you have healthier, more powerful, more productive conversations in your relationship. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm really excited to walk through these with you, So

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Speaker 1: make sure you have a notepad and pen, and if

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Speaker 1: you walking or driving or whatever it may be, remember

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Speaker 1: to share this episode with someone later. Take a screenshot

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Speaker 1: message it. I love all the posts on Instagram and

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Speaker 1: Twitter and Facebook that I've been seeing going up the

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Speaker 1: TikTok Oh my gosh, those of you sharing with the

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Speaker 1: audio on TikTok, thank you so much so. The first

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Speaker 1: question I want to introduce to you, This question is

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Speaker 1: what am I doing right that I should do more of?

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Speaker 1: What is it that I'm doing that you notice and appreciate.

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Speaker 1: What is it that I'm doing that you actually think

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Speaker 1: is good and you'd love for me to do it

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Speaker 1: more because it works. Notice how you could ask this

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Speaker 1: to a romantic partner or a work partner, whoever it

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Speaker 1: may be. A friend. What this allows for you is

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Speaker 1: that it boosts your own self esteem. You recognize that

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Speaker 1: the person you're sitting with does recognize your hard work,

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Speaker 1: your effort. They do recognize the energy you're putting into it,

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Speaker 1: They do recognize the amount of input you have. And often,

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Speaker 1: if that person doesn't have a natural way of reminding

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Speaker 1: you of this, you forget, and in your head you

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Speaker 1: build the narrative that they don't care, they don't notice me,

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Speaker 1: they don't appreciate me, they avoid me. It's really fascinating

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Speaker 1: to me to see that that we build up stories

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Speaker 1: in our head without actually checking in with the other person.

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Speaker 1: When you say to the other person, what am I

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Speaker 1: doing right that I should do more of They get

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Speaker 1: to tell you well. I love the way you send

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Speaker 1: emails in an organized way. I love that you message

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Speaker 1: me you love me in the morning. I love that

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Speaker 1: whenever I need you you always pick up. And all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden, you feel appreciated, You feel considered, you

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Speaker 1: feel heard, you feel seen. All of those things that

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Speaker 1: you didn't feel just a moment ago. You get a

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Speaker 1: chance to alleviate. You get a chance to recognize that

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Speaker 1: actually the person you think doesn't notice you notices you

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Speaker 1: more than you think they notice you. You with me,

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Speaker 1: and what it does for the other person is really special.

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Speaker 1: It gives them an opportunity to compliment you or share

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Speaker 1: gratitude with you. Often, what I find is that because

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Speaker 1: we haven't been trained in gratitude, because we haven't been

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Speaker 1: accustomed to learn how to give genuine compliments, we struggle.

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Speaker 1: And so often someone that you're with or someone that

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Speaker 1: you're working with, may not even know that you need that,

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Speaker 1: They may not know how to do it, They may

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Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable. I often have people I had a review

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Speaker 1: for the podcast the other day, thank you for everyone

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Speaker 1: leaving reviews. I read a review that just said jay

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be excited, but I just love

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Speaker 1: this podcast that I was thinking. But that's not overly excited.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate that. But people are scared of sharing compliments

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Speaker 1: and gratitude. Are you asking this question? What am I

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Speaker 1: doing right that I should do more of? Not only

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Speaker 1: do you get a chance to hear that this person

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Speaker 1: does care about you, they do notice you, you also

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Speaker 1: give them an opportunity to practice gratitude and complimenting, which

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Speaker 1: is healthy for their mental health and their well being. Now,

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Speaker 1: let's look at the awkward scenario where you ask this

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Speaker 1: question and the person has nothing to say. Right, Let's

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Speaker 1: say you ask this question and the person has nothing

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Speaker 1: to say. You're now recognizing that there is a bit

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Speaker 1: of a way to go. Whether that person isn't aware,

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Speaker 1: whether they really don't notice, whether they're not conscious. This

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Speaker 1: is an opportunity for you to recognize where you stand

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Speaker 1: with someone based on the quality of their response. The

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Speaker 1: response may be immediate, their response may be thoughtful. They

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Speaker 1: may pause for a while, and that's fine because that

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Speaker 1: shows a sign of a genuine answer. But if they say, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't think anything, I think everything's fine, don't get

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Speaker 1: angry at them, don't get mad at them, don't get

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Speaker 1: upset with them, say think about it, come back to

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Speaker 1: me when you've thought about it, and give them some time.

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Speaker 1: Let them maybe sit with it for a week. Let

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Speaker 1: them really sit with that, because they may give you

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Speaker 1: a really thoughtful response. So that's question number one. The

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Speaker 1: second question is what should I do less of? See,

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Speaker 1: you just asked for something that created a compliment or gratitude.

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Speaker 1: Now you want to ask for feedback. Do it in

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Speaker 1: this order? What is it that I do that I

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Speaker 1: should do less of? Is there something that I do

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Speaker 1: right now that you'd like me to do a little

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Speaker 1: less of? This is really powerful. You're asking for feedback

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Speaker 1: without saying do you have feedback for me? You're actually

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Speaker 1: asking for a chance to improve. You're asking for a

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Speaker 1: chance to allow that person to share. If you really

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Speaker 1: love them, if you really care about them, and you

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Speaker 1: believe they care about you, isn't it healthy for them

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Speaker 1: to say, Hey, I feel like every time I get home,

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Speaker 1: you're always asking me about my day, and I get

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Speaker 1: really tired to answer that. Then I'd love to answer

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Speaker 1: that a bit later, or you always ask me really

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Speaker 1: important questions while I'm on my phone. And please, next time,

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Speaker 1: just say to me, hey, can you just please not

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Speaker 1: be on your phone while I ask you this? And

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Speaker 1: I'll give you more attention. Right, So, there's so many

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Speaker 1: ways of using this as an opportunity to create a

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Speaker 1: healthier and more powerful connection. We rarely ask for feedback

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Speaker 1: in relationships because what happens in relationships is we think

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Speaker 1: the other person should know. We think the other person

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Speaker 1: should read our mind. We think that the other persion

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Speaker 1: should already be aware, or we don't give it because

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Speaker 1: we're scared. We're scared, and therefore, when you ask someone,

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Speaker 1: you're opening up a safe space. But you've got to

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Speaker 1: be ready to ask in Why will you be ready

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Speaker 1: because you'll understand that no matter what they say is

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Speaker 1: not personal to you. It's about a pattern, a trait,

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Speaker 1: a habit, but it's not about you. Now you'll say, well, Jay,

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Speaker 1: what do you mean? Of course it's about me. If

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Speaker 1: they're telling me that I need to be less distracted

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Speaker 1: when I'm on my phone, how is that not about me?

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Speaker 1: You're not a distracted person. You're a person who has distractions.

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Speaker 1: So making time and now being able to be present

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Speaker 1: is actually helping you too. Stress anxiety, overwhelm, burnout. What

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Speaker 1: do all of these have in common? A lack of

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Speaker 1: perceived control over your time, thoughts, and tasks. But what

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Speaker 1: if I told you fixing all of these problems is

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Speaker 1: as simple as fixing your mindset towards them. I know,

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Speaker 1: not simple at all. Everyone's busy, everyone's stress, but we

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Speaker 1: could all use more calm in our lives, and learning

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Speaker 1: to stay grounded and grateful is truly a daily practice.

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Speaker 1: That's why I've partnered with Calm dot com to bring

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Speaker 1: you the Daily J. If you've ever wanted to meditate

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Speaker 1: with me and take back control over your busy mind,

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Speaker 1: join me on the car map for the Daily J,

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Speaker 1: a daily guided meditation where I'll help you find calm

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Speaker 1: in the chaos, plant beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant

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Speaker 1: life and simple steps for positive actions to get you

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Speaker 1: closer to the life of your dreams. Meditate with me

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Speaker 1: by going to Calm dot com forward slash Jay to

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Speaker 1: get forty percent off a Calm Premium membership that's only

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Speaker 1: forty two dollars for the whole year for daily guided meditations.

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Speaker 1: Experience the Daily J only on Calm. Question number three,

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Speaker 1: what do I do that makes you feel confident. This

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Speaker 1: is a wonderful question to ask someone. When you have

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Speaker 1: trust in a business, when you have trust in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: that person makes you feel confident. If you think about

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Speaker 1: the relationships that we don't like in our life, and

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Speaker 1: if we think about a relationship that we're struggling with,

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Speaker 1: it's because that person doesn't make us feel confident. In

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Speaker 1: a dating relationship, if someone makes you feel insecure, you

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Speaker 1: don't know if you trust them. In a business relationship,

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Speaker 1: if you can't count on someone, if someone isn't reliable,

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Speaker 1: that means you don't have confidence in them, you don't

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Speaker 1: trust them. And ultimately, if you can't expect that a

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Speaker 1: fund will be there when you need them, you don't

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Speaker 1: have confidence in them. So when you say what do

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Speaker 1: I do that makes you feel confident, you get a

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Speaker 1: chance to see the level of trust you have in

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Speaker 1: a relationship. So if you say what do I do

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Speaker 1: that makes you feel confident and they say, well, you

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Speaker 1: always compliment me, You're always noticing the good in me.

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Speaker 1: That's beautiful. They recognize that if you say what do

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Speaker 1: I do that makes you feel confident and they say, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, from a work perspective, I always feel organized

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Speaker 1: because I know you're on top of my schedule. This

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Speaker 1: allows you to repeat that habit, and it allows that

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Speaker 1: person to acknowledge that you make them feel confident. It

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Speaker 1: deepens trust, It deepens your bond and relationships in ways

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Speaker 1: that you can't imagine. So that's question number three, and

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Speaker 1: really it's for your repetition. It's so that you can

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Speaker 1: repeat that action to build confidence, to build trust in

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Speaker 1: that relationship. How many of you want to be in

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Speaker 1: relationships that are trusting, that are building confidence. Question number

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Speaker 1: four is what do I do that makes you anxious?

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Speaker 1: What do I do that I might not even be

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Speaker 1: aware of that makes you anxious? What do I do

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Speaker 1: that makes you feel uncomfortable that I might not even

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Speaker 1: be aware of. I might actually be thinking I'm helping.

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Speaker 1: I realized. With me and Radi, I would always ask

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Speaker 1: her a question. I'd always say to well, let's go

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Speaker 1: through your work schedule, like how are you feeling about

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Speaker 1: what's coming up this week? And she'd always be like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about that, And she later

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Speaker 1: on when I asked her this question, told me, hey,

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Speaker 1: I feel anxious when you talk to me about work

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Speaker 1: on the weekends. Because I just want to switch up

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Speaker 1: from everything. And I was like, wow, that's so interest

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Speaker 1: because I always thought I was helping you plan. And

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Speaker 1: we judge ourselves by our intention, not by the effect

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Speaker 1: of how it makes that person feel. But how that

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Speaker 1: person feels is more important than our intentions. So when

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Speaker 1: I ask Rady, hey, let's talk about your work schedule,

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Speaker 1: I have great intentions. I love her and I want

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Speaker 1: to help her. But if my intention is that but

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Speaker 1: it makes her feel uncomfortable, then I need to change that.

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Speaker 1: So what do I do that makes you feel anxious?

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Speaker 1: What do I do that makes you feel uncomfortable? Is

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Speaker 1: a great question to allow the other person to be

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Speaker 1: vulnerable with you and for you to gain awareness. And

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Speaker 1: I think for so many people we don't want to

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Speaker 1: ask this question because we want to think we do

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Speaker 1: everything right and we think that our intention is right. Therefore,

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Speaker 1: when we're not worried about well, we're like, well, what

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Speaker 1: could I do to make them feel anxious? Because I

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Speaker 1: love them, I care about them. You can still make

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Speaker 1: someone feel anxious even if you care about them, if

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Speaker 1: you've not understood how they receive it. Let me repeat that,

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Speaker 1: you can still make someone feel anxious even if you

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Speaker 1: love them, if you don't know how your actions and

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Speaker 1: words impact them, If you are not aware of how

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Speaker 1: your actions and behavior and your words make someone feel,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how much you love them, they can

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Speaker 1: still feel anxious and uncomfortable. I once said to someone

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Speaker 1: on my team, what do I do that makes you

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Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable? What do I do that makes you feel anxious?

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Speaker 1: They said, Jay, you are always onto the next, You're

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Speaker 1: always changing, You're always iterating, and that makes me feel

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable because I don't feel like what I've done is

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Speaker 1: good enough. And I thought, wow, this is amazing, Like

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Speaker 1: because I would compliment, I would congratulate, but still that

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Speaker 1: wasn't enough. And they said, well, sometimes I just need

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Speaker 1: to feel like reminded again that we did get someone.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, thank you so much for that, Like,

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Speaker 1: thank you for giving me that feedback. So when you

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Speaker 1: ask someone for this, you get so many wonderful, profound responses.

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Speaker 1: I want you to really test this out. The reason

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Speaker 1: I'm doing this episode instead of just giving you principles,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to give you questions because I want you

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Speaker 1: to try these out. I want you to test them out.

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Speaker 1: I want to give you real tools on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: not just ideas or concepts, but tools that you can

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Speaker 1: practice with someone you work with, someone you love, someone

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Speaker 1: you have a deep friendship with, whoever it may be.

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Speaker 1: Because I want you to get this clarity in your relationship.

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Speaker 1: See relationships deepen when there's clarity. We always say, oh,

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Speaker 1: the importance behind the relationship is communication, But the key

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Speaker 1: to good communication is clarity. And you only get clarity

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Speaker 1: when you ask great questions. Okay, Question number five is

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Speaker 1: what is your love language? We all know the book

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Speaker 1: Love Languages that Gary Chapman made to five love languages.

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Speaker 1: If you don't know it, it's an awesome theory. The

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Speaker 1: idea of you all like to receive love in different ways,

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Speaker 1: but we often give love in the way we want

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Speaker 1: to receive it, not in the way someone else wants

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Speaker 1: to receive it. So the five love languages are words

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Speaker 1: of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, and acts

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Speaker 1: of service. So words of affirmation is people in our

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Speaker 1: lives who like to be reminded through words that they

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Speaker 1: have achieved something, that they are worthy, that they are loved. Right.

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Speaker 1: The idea that we need a love note, we need

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Speaker 1: a text. We need encouragement, words of affirmation. You know

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Speaker 1: people in your life and we all need all of these,

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Speaker 1: but we need them in an order. Second is physical touch,

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Speaker 1: holding hands, hugs, morning cuddles. Right. Whatever it may be

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Speaker 1: physical touch, it could also be a gentle hand just

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Speaker 1: to say yeah, I'm here with you, I'm here for you. Right,

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Speaker 1: It's all nonverbal. It's party language based. Receiving gifts, I mean,

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Speaker 1: this was a big one for me. For a long

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Speaker 1: long time. I love receiving gifts and giving gifts, but

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Speaker 1: I realized they're not everyone in my life needs gifts

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Speaker 1: and the way I do. So I love receiving gifts,

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Speaker 1: like absolutely love personalized gifts, and I love giving people

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Speaker 1: personalized gifts. And I start to realize that people didn't

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Speaker 1: respond to gifts in the way I did. So some

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Speaker 1: people when they got gifts from me, no matter how

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Speaker 1: amazing they were, they were like, yeah, that's great, thank you,

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Speaker 1: But really they wanted the next one quality time. They

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Speaker 1: wanted quality time. And this is the thing about love languages.

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Speaker 1: You can't buy someone over with words of affirmation if

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Speaker 1: really they're what they want is quality time. You can't

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Speaker 1: replace physical touch with a gift. And then the last

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Speaker 1: fifth one is acts of service. People want support, people

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Speaker 1: want to help when you go out of your way.

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Speaker 1: I had one friend who wants acts of service, and

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Speaker 1: so nothing else is considered as important as an act

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Speaker 1: of service. She feels you can't be a friend if

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Speaker 1: there hasn't been an act of service. Asking your partner

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Speaker 1: what their love language is is a really useful skill,

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Speaker 1: a really powerful skill, because it gives that opportunity. It

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Speaker 1: gives that ability for someone to tell you how they

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Speaker 1: want to be loved now when it's their birthday. If

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Speaker 1: what they want is words of affirmation, you might write

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Speaker 1: them a poem. You might write them the longest card ever.

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Speaker 1: You might write them a secret clue that leads to

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Speaker 1: all these different things that they learn about themselves. If

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Speaker 1: someone wants acts of service, you may make them breakfast

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Speaker 1: in bed instead of buying them a gift. And often

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Speaker 1: you're like, well, I just brought you an amazing gift.

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Speaker 1: Why aren't you happy? And they're like, but I'm really

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Speaker 1: looking for acts of service. So asking someone what their

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Speaker 1: love languages helps you love them better. And that could

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Speaker 1: be a work colleague and be a friend. It could

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Speaker 1: be anyone in your life. The sixth question, which is

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Speaker 1: stuff that I'm really working on right now that I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to share with you in my next book,

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Speaker 1: is what's your fight style? Do you run away and

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Speaker 1: need to be alone? Do you want to talk it out?

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Speaker 1: Or are you someone that needs to scream and shout?

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Speaker 1: Like do I need to get used to that? Do

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Speaker 1: I need to be aware of that? What I love

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Speaker 1: about these questions is you also get to open up

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Speaker 1: about your answers. When you've asked a question, you get

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Speaker 1: to then share with the other person how you feel,

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Speaker 1: what you're going through, what you're experiencing as well. So

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Speaker 1: fight styles now, I know, like Rady, she needs to

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Speaker 1: sit and reflect and I want to talk it out.

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Speaker 1: We're both not shoudy people, were not overly aggravated people.

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Speaker 1: But in the beginning I would be like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: if you don't want to talk about it, that means

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Speaker 1: you don't care about it, and she'd be like, I

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Speaker 1: do care about it, but I need to think about it.

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Speaker 1: And then I'd be like, all right, well, let's meet

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Speaker 1: in the middle. When do we talk about this. Let's

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Speaker 1: set a time so that we do get there. A

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Speaker 1: lot of this requires cooperation. But if we don't have

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Speaker 1: the basic cooperation, chances are we don't really have a

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Speaker 1: strong relationship. And that's painful to understand. But it's true

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Speaker 1: that a relationship requires a lot of collaboration and cooperations.

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Speaker 1: So if we're not collaborating and cooperating on this makes

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Speaker 1: it really tough. So truthfully, understanding each other's fight style

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Speaker 1: saves you a lot of energy in time. If you

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Speaker 1: never ask that question, you left guessing, wishing, waiting, hoping.

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Speaker 1: So many different things that are going on right, so

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Speaker 1: many different things. Now. The seventh question is, and this

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Speaker 1: is the toughest one, the hardest one, is this relationship

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Speaker 1: going in the direction you want it to go? If not,

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Speaker 1: what is the direction? And shall we both commit to that?

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Speaker 1: Can we both commit to that? This is one of

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Speaker 1: those questions that you wait to ask when you feel

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Speaker 1: really confident in a relationship. I just spent the last

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Speaker 1: couple of days with my business partner behind all of

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Speaker 1: our incredible programs. If you're not a Genius member, makes

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Speaker 1: you check out jus dot com. Big shout out to

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Speaker 1: all our Genius members listening to our coaching certification, our

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Speaker 1: accredited coaches, our life coaches jcaching dot com. My friend

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Speaker 1: and business partner who helped develop these things with me.

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Speaker 1: We just spent four days together in We hadn't seen

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Speaker 1: each other during the pandemic because he lives in London

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Speaker 1: and I live in la and we were asking this question,

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Speaker 1: are we going in the direction we want to go in?

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Speaker 1: And we've realized that without asking that question, we were

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Speaker 1: moving on default. Things were progressing, we were doing great work,

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Speaker 1: but we couldn't identify the direction we wanted to go in.

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Speaker 1: And now that we've done that over four days, I

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Speaker 1: can't wait for what's coming to you. Like you, I

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Speaker 1: cannot express to you how excited I am about all

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Speaker 1: the amazing updates we have coming your way about what's

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Speaker 1: happening in our world and ecosystem. And that came from

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Speaker 1: asking that question, is this going in the right direction?

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Speaker 1: What can we do to get it in the right direction?

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Speaker 1: We know we believe in each other, we know we're connected,

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Speaker 1: but what do we need to do? These are the

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Speaker 1: seven questions to ask to deepen any relationship and improve vulnerability, intimacy,

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Speaker 1: and connection. Thank you so much for listening. I hope

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Speaker 1: you test these out. Test one of them out. This week.

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Speaker 1: Test one out every day, give it a go in

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Speaker 1: different relationships and watch how your life changes. Thanks for listening.

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Speaker 1: I'll be back next week with two extra exciting episodes.

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Speaker 1: Of course, you can listen every day. We've got an

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Speaker 1: amazing library. I'll see you soon. Thanks everyone,