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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. When we're

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Speaker 1: faced with death, it really helps to put things in perspective.

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Speaker 1: When you think about if you had a week to live,

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Speaker 1: you would show up so much more differently in life.

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Speaker 1: The fear that you might have about that goal that

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Speaker 1: you want to pursue, that shit's out the window. You

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Speaker 1: probably won't even care because you realize that your time

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Speaker 1: is finite. Today's episode is sure to provides you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a

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Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 1: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 1: where black women can just be.

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Speaker 2: Our quote of to day, I don't have to be perfect.

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Speaker 2: All I have to do is show up and enjoy

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Speaker 2: the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey of my life. That

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Speaker 2: quote comes to us from Kerrie Washington, and I'll say

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Speaker 2: it one more time for the folks in the back.

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Speaker 2: I don't have to be perfect. All I have to

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Speaker 2: do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect and

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Speaker 2: beautiful journey of my life. Right, you know what's next?

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Speaker 1: What you're going to ask me? What I think about

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Speaker 1: that quote?

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Speaker 2: Yes? Girl, what you think about that quote? Well?

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Speaker 1: I think that it's a very simple but profound quote,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like it's something that some of us,

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Speaker 1: probably many of us, learn to lean into later in

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Speaker 1: life because I know for me, you know, I'm a

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Speaker 1: recovering perfectionist. I am in recovery, and I think that

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Speaker 1: hearing that and sitting with that quote and really believing

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Speaker 1: it is such a powerful thing because it kind of

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Speaker 1: takes the pressure off of you and just kind of

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Speaker 1: reminds us to just show up, do your best, live

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Speaker 1: learn the lessons. Hopefully you use those lessons and what

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Speaker 1: you've learned to improve your journey. But life is all

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Speaker 1: about lessons and learning, and you you don't learn or Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's all about lessons and learning. So that's what That's

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Speaker 1: what I would take away from that. What about you.

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Speaker 2: Don Yeah, I think that as I was listening to

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Speaker 2: what you were saying and then reflecting on like what

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Speaker 2: I was initially taking away from the quote, like, I

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Speaker 2: think what it is is you just live. Right that

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Speaker 2: as you live life, you learn that it is going

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Speaker 2: to be messy, and that's part of what makes it beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Right that the point of living is to experience things,

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Speaker 2: hopefully learn some lessons from those things, and hopefully enjoy

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Speaker 2: at least some of that process. Right. Like there, I

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Speaker 2: think there's a hope that folks understand that there are

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Speaker 2: painful things that we're all going to experience, and there's

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Speaker 2: also lots of joyous things that we can experience as well,

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Speaker 2: and then there are the things in between that we

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Speaker 2: that we're kind of like, it's not necessarily joyous, not

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Speaker 2: necessarily painful either, it's kind of like a hm, what

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Speaker 2: the hell kind of experience? Or I mean, I'm glad

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Speaker 2: that happened. It was cool.

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Speaker 1: I don't ever have.

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Speaker 2: To do it again. M h.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's a great segue and transition into our topic

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Speaker 1: and the game for today. So, lady, if you look

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Speaker 1: at the title, you can see that this episode is

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Speaker 1: called never Have I Ever? And we want to play

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Speaker 1: this game with you. Okay, So for those of you

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Speaker 1: that don't know, I'm going to just go ahead and

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Speaker 1: explain how to play the game, and then we want

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Speaker 1: you to engage with us. We're going to try to

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Speaker 1: like make this virtual connection, this digital connection real, so

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Speaker 1: you can play with us as you listen, and then

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Speaker 1: also tune into or follow us on Instagram and share

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Speaker 1: your results there. So how you play Never Have I Ever?

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Speaker 1: This is a classic game where we share things that

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Speaker 1: we've never done. Right, And so let's just say we're

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Speaker 1: all gonna have ten fingers up, So lady, go ahead

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Speaker 1: and put your hands up, right, we have ten fingers up,

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Speaker 1: And once Domini say something, I'm gonna give you an example.

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Speaker 1: I might say, lady, I never have I ever used

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Speaker 1: a fake ID? Right, And so if you have used

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Speaker 1: a fake ID before, you would put a finger down.

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Speaker 1: If you haven't you'll have ten fingers up. I would

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Speaker 1: keep ten fingers up because I have never used a

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Speaker 1: fake ID, even though I used to wish that I

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Speaker 1: had an opportunity to. But that's beside the point. So

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Speaker 1: that was our example. So dom, shall we start with

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Speaker 1: the real game now? Yeah, okay, let's dive into the

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Speaker 1: real game.

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Speaker 2: Also wait, wait, wait, okay, wait, back up, back up. Okay,

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Speaker 2: because the grules always get confusing, they do, the rules

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Speaker 2: always get confusing. Oh, let's repeat those rules one more

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Speaker 2: game for folks who are listening.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so here are the rules. We all have ten

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Speaker 1: fingers up. I'm gonna go first and say I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: state a prompt, and let's give an example. I will say,

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Speaker 1: never have I ever used a fake ID? So because

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Speaker 1: I've never done that, I'm gonna keep my ten fingers up. Right,

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Speaker 1: so I'm still in the game. Still got ten fingers up. Lady,

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Speaker 1: if you sitting over there like a girl, I used

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Speaker 1: to do that in high school all the time, You're

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Speaker 1: gonna put one finger down, so now you have nine

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Speaker 1: fingers up. So if you have actually done the thing,

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Speaker 1: because the goal is to try to get your friends

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Speaker 1: out when you're playing this game, right, so you try

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Speaker 1: to say things that you know they did that you've

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Speaker 1: never done. So that's how you play the game. What

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Speaker 1: we're gonna do is, Lady on our Instagram. Whenever you

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Speaker 1: tune into this episode, scroll down our Instagram. You're going

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Speaker 1: to see a post. It'll likely be a black square

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Speaker 1: with white text, and we'll say never have I ever

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Speaker 1: Go to that particular post on our Instagram and our

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Speaker 1: instagram is at her space podcast and let us know

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Speaker 1: the comments. How you scored in this game, what are

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Speaker 1: the things that you have done or haven't done? Share

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Speaker 1: with whatever you want to share in the comments, but

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Speaker 1: go engage with us there, all right, don you ready?

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Speaker 2: I'm ready?

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, go First, never have I ever gone skydiving? Okay?

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Speaker 2: I mean okay, so neither of us have done that.

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Speaker 1: Question though, would you would you go skydie?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Okay, where'd you go? I said that I would, But

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Speaker 1: now that I have a little one, I'm a little

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Speaker 1: bit more hesitant and okay, so my answer is like

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Speaker 1: a maybe, but probably not at this point. What about you?

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Speaker 2: Mine is the firm No, I have a fear of falling. Yeah, nah,

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Speaker 2: that's not that just not happening, it's not today, okay, Okay,

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Speaker 2: all right, So our next one. Never have I ever

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Speaker 2: beene an entire series in one day.

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Speaker 1: I have done that. So I'm going to put a

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Speaker 1: finger down. You've done that one, too, Don, I have to.

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Speaker 2: I was trying to think of what it was that

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Speaker 2: I did, which series it was, and it's not coming

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Speaker 2: to me right now, but I know that I've done

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Speaker 2: that because I made a big deal about it, and

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Speaker 2: now I can't remember what the show was, and I

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Speaker 2: feel pretty quick what was yours?

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Speaker 1: Why was mostly I feel like most of us did

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Speaker 1: that during the pandemic anyway, right, like what were we doing?

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Speaker 1: So there was this one presidential show. I can't remember

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Speaker 1: what it was called, but I was like on that.

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Speaker 1: So yes, I definitely binged a series an entire day.

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Speaker 1: I can't remember break their name up it. But Lady, Also,

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Speaker 1: one thing I want to note Dom as we say these,

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Speaker 1: Dom and I may have done these things. We were

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Speaker 1: just trying to think of a list of pomps that

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Speaker 1: we could use. So even though Don put a finger down,

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Speaker 1: we're just kind of playing to play along with you, lady. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So Dom and I have nine fingers up right now,

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Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's Terry here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 1: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 1: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 1: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 1: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 1: about this.

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Speaker 2: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 2: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your

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Speaker 2: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine

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Speaker 2: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can

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Speaker 2: connect with like minded black women like you and share

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Speaker 2: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 2: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 2: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 2: your day and week, you are conversing with us about

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Speaker 2: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and

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Speaker 2: or personal wins. How does that sound?

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Speaker 1: Hopefully this is up your alley, lady, because we are

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Speaker 1: taking things to the next level this year, and we're

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Speaker 1: doubling down on investing in our community. That means you.

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Speaker 1: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

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Speaker 1: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

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Speaker 1: push our culture and movement forward. We launch this podcast

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Speaker 1: in twenty nineteen, and to date we have not missed

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Speaker 1: a week. We've been great stewards of our platform, all

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Speaker 1: while working full time and navigating our own ups and downs.

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Speaker 1: We release fresh new content every single Friday like clockwork,

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Speaker 1: and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that

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Speaker 1: can really help you up level your life. So if

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Speaker 1: you love our mission or you've gotten value from us,

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Speaker 1: we invite you to give back and help us push

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Speaker 1: this community effort forward. Visit herspacepodcast dot com and click Patreon.

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Speaker 1: You can learn more about our goals and exclusive offerings

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Speaker 1: on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you to join

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Speaker 1: the Sister Frontier so that you can get someone on

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Speaker 1: one time with us. We also have an option for

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Speaker 1: you to donate on a one time basis if that

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Speaker 1: meets your needs. Again Herspace podcast dot com and you

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Speaker 1: can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

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Speaker 1: we'll hop right back into the conversation. All right, so

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Speaker 1: I'm ready for the next one. Never have I ever

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Speaker 1: ghosted someone. I have ghosted someone I have it was

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Speaker 1: for a good reason, all right, what's the story, what's

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Speaker 1: the story behind it?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: And go someone down? What was the reasoning?

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Speaker 2: All right, I've ghosted multiple people. That's why. That's why

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Speaker 2: I had a thigh, because I've ghosted multiple people. And

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Speaker 2: if you listen to Our Lady, you listened to our

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Speaker 2: episode on ghosting, and like the criteria that we kind

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Speaker 2: of list for when it's okay to engage in what

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Speaker 2: is technically considered ghosting. I would say the instances in

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Speaker 2: which I have ghosted someone, it was low stakes. We

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Speaker 2: may have engaged a couple of times, probably didn't even

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Speaker 2: meet up in person yet, and I was like, I

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Speaker 2: don't feel the need to continue this engagement.

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Speaker 1: I feel that, I would say and down. In our

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Speaker 1: episode we talked about ghosting. I'm not a fan of ghosting,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like sometimes when someone has some toxic traits,

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Speaker 1: like I definitely had to go someone because they were

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Speaker 1: giving off like narcissistic vibes and I felt like closure

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Speaker 1: would not be possible because they tried to drag me

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Speaker 1: back into the relationship. So I definitely have ghosted when

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Speaker 1: the vibe is just wrong or to protect my peace.

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Speaker 1: So m a fingers up.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Our next one never have I ever

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Speaker 2: gotten a speeding ticket? I mean, I would like to

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Speaker 2: know the person who has never ever gotten a speeding

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Speaker 2: ticket in likee he real, if you've been driving more

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Speaker 2: than five years? Okay, yeah, all I will say my experience. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so yeah, that's from supposed to be sharing my experience, right,

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Speaker 2: Like all of my tickets I got in my twenties,

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Speaker 2: and the majority of that's not to say that I

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Speaker 2: don't speed. Now another majority the majority of my tickets,

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Speaker 2: it was because of the type of car that I had. Honestly,

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Speaker 2: I think it was a book car. So it was

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Speaker 2: a Honda Accord. I used to call it my spaceship

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Speaker 2: car because it was silver and there was two door

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Speaker 2: coup and the particular highway where I got yet, well

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Speaker 2: no it wasn't. It wasn't. There was one highway where

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Speaker 2: I got stopped twice. Actually it was two highways where

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Speaker 2: I got stopped twice. A couple of times I actually

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Speaker 2: got tickets, and it was all in that one car,

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Speaker 2: my first car, I got a couple of speeding tickets in.

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Speaker 2: But that particular car was where I got the speeding

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Speaker 2: tickets because it looked like a car that would go fast.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So you can't push it to the limit.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna push you.

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you said that. I'm glad you

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Speaker 1: said in your twenties because now that I think about it,

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Speaker 1: I think all my tickets, all my speeding tickets, all

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Speaker 1: of them. I only had a couple. They were in

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Speaker 1: my twenties too, and I was in college, probably driving

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Speaker 1: on but it was it seventy six. I think it

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Speaker 1: was seventy six in Philly, seventy six or ninety five.

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Speaker 1: This speeding, and I feel like the older I've gotten

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Speaker 1: one again having a child, I drive different in general,

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Speaker 1: like because my daughter's in the car, but even when

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Speaker 1: she's not, I'm a lot more relaxed driving now, like

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Speaker 1: I'm not trying to rush to get anywhere. I've been

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Speaker 1: in accidents, not something not my fault, and so now

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Speaker 1: I think I'm just more particular. So yeah, speeding ticket, Okay,

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Speaker 1: is it my turn? It's your turn? Never have I

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Speaker 1: ever rode a motorcycle? Were you driving the motorcycle or

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Speaker 1: were you on the back of the motorcycle? What is

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Speaker 1: the story? What's t.

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Speaker 2: All right? So this story is not that exciting because

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Speaker 2: I am not that adventurous for real in life first

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Speaker 2: and you know, lady, as you're listening, like that is

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Speaker 2: how this game is played, right that, Like there you

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Speaker 2: learn about your friends and there are some things that

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Speaker 2: feel more exciting than others. Right. So this particular story,

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Speaker 2: I was in brad school and we were at a

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Speaker 2: party and we were a bunch of us were, you know,

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Speaker 2: hanging out, and it was oh, I've never been on

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Speaker 2: a motorcycle. And one of my classmates had a motorcycle

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Speaker 2: and he was like, well, let's go. And I was like, well,

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Speaker 2: I risk averse. I don't know about this, and I

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Speaker 2: from the back. We rode around the parking lot. I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, it was fun. But I'm

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Speaker 2: not ready to be on the highway. But this was fun.

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Speaker 2: And that's the extent of my motorcycle experience. Okay, not

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Speaker 2: fun about you.

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Speaker 1: I've never done it. I've never written on a motorcycle.

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Speaker 1: But it does be on the freeway with a motorcycle.

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Speaker 1: That sounds fun. It does sound scary, but it sounds

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Speaker 1: like a vibe.

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Speaker 2: Yes, all right, our next one, this one is a

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Speaker 2: little bit more personal, and so lady, you know, again,

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Speaker 2: the fun in this game is that you can make

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Speaker 2: it what you want. You can ask questions that are

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Speaker 2: like very seemingly mundane. You can ask questions that are

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Speaker 2: like deep and philosophical, or you can ask the juicy

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Speaker 2: raget questions. And this one is a juicy one. Never

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Speaker 2: have I ever given head in a moving vehicle?

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Speaker 1: You don't have a Oh okay, so I have given

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Speaker 1: head in a vehicle. Road has a is a thing?

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Speaker 1: But hold of tom. But wait, like making this space,

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Speaker 1: are you just waiting for the story. Okay, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you. Let me tell you, and y'all this is

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Speaker 1: a judge free space. Were grown, Okay, so don't be

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Speaker 1: over to judge and we grown. And y'all know how

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Speaker 1: if you listen to the podcast, you know I'll be

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Speaker 1: I'll be with the freak sometimes, Okay, I'll be with

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Speaker 1: the free shiit sometimes. So, girl, this happened a couple

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Speaker 1: of times actually, and I mean I don't want to

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Speaker 1: give too many details, but what I'll say is it

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Speaker 1: was a bye A time was had and the vehicle

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Speaker 1: was moving, and the vehicle stopped at some points. And also, girl,

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Speaker 1: I will say, and then we're going to change the subject.

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Speaker 1: I'm not only given head and a moving vehicle. But

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Speaker 1: I've also received head and moving vehicle when I was driving.

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Speaker 1: All right, so.

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Speaker 2: Let's open. Okay, you subscribe on Patreon to get the

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Speaker 2: tea on that.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I will give you the details in the after show.

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Speaker 1: So lady, head on over to her Space podcast dot

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Speaker 1: com and click on Patreon and become a patron so

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Speaker 1: you can watch the after show after this. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: the next one is never have I ever dined and dashed?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I've witnessed people dying dah, I've witnessed people do it.

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Speaker 1: I try not to be judgmental, but I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm older now and because I'm also a business owner,

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Speaker 1: I just have a different perspective on this. So I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, but I understand as well that people are

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Speaker 1: in different places and stages in their lives, and so

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Speaker 1: you never know what someone's situation is and if your

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Speaker 1: basic needs, then I met people going to do it

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Speaker 1: that I do, So I'm back. I'm just next.

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Speaker 2: I have people that are doing it out there because

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Speaker 2: they're basic needs urned being met, Like I see people

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Speaker 2: stealing in the grocery store like and and but then

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Speaker 2: I also see people that dining I have seen. I

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Speaker 2: haven't seen it recently, but I have seen where people

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Speaker 2: dining dash for fun, like like they've made a game.

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Speaker 2: They made a game out of it.

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Speaker 1: I've seen that all right. The way karma is set up,

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Speaker 1: I ain't fulling with it when you when you have

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Speaker 1: I'm not ready that one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yep, okay, our next one. Never have I ever

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Speaker 2: run out of gas while driving?

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Speaker 1: One time? One time in college, I was driving and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, let me just I'm I'm almost

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00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,040
Speaker 1: want you. Let me just see if I can make

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Speaker 1: it down ninety five and just make it home. I

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Speaker 1: didn't get home. I was so embarrassed. I was, you

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Speaker 1: find out a gas on the freeway. Now you have

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Speaker 1: to wait for TRIPA A to come and to your

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Speaker 1: ass to a gas s istion. Very embarrassing. Don't recommend.

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Speaker 1: So that was it. That's down. Yeah, and I could

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Speaker 1: have avoided it, but I was just like, let me

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Speaker 1: just see. Let me see how how far can I

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Speaker 1: go when it goes on E until it goes out

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Speaker 1: so I know for next time. No, there was no

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Speaker 1: reason to do our question.

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Speaker 2: The limits, which is what we do twenties. Then our

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Speaker 2: decision making and especially in the twenties. Yes, limits, no

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Speaker 2: judgement girls out there. That's part of what being living

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Speaker 2: in your twenties is. That's part of some of the

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Speaker 2: things that happen. We need to do an episode on

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Speaker 2: the things we do in our twenties that we don't

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Speaker 2: do now, okay, on to the next one. Never have

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Speaker 2: I ever kissed more than one person in less than

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Speaker 2: twenty four hours.

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Speaker 1: So if you're not watching us on Patreon, both of

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Speaker 1: our fingers went down. So right now I'm at four

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Speaker 1: fingers downs at five fingers. Go ahead. Don you want

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Speaker 1: to tell your story first?

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Speaker 2: You know what I will say. To get the full deeps,

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Speaker 2: you need to check out the after show. But what

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Speaker 2: I will say for our listeners is, as a single woman,

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Speaker 2: when I was on vacation one time some years ago,

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Speaker 2: things happened. You know, when you were grown, when you

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Speaker 2: were single, when situations are consensual. Mm hmm, you live life.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well live what about you, girl, girl? I don't

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Speaker 1: even know where to begin. Just I just I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know. I don't know where to begin down.

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Speaker 1: There's so many things in my mind right now. And

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Speaker 1: I also have to remember that people listen to this

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Speaker 1: podcast and we be talking and I'd be like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: it's just being Don talking, and then Lady, I'll see

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00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 1: y'all or see comments. It's like, oh, I'm like, oh shit,

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Speaker 1: somebody listen. People listen. So I'm just going to say

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Speaker 1: I did it. A time was had, and then let's

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Speaker 1: move on to the next time.

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Speaker 2: Catch the tea in the after show.

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Speaker 1: Every in the after show. The final one is lady,

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Speaker 1: never have I ever gone on a solo vacation? A Don.

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Speaker 1: Before you answer, I do want to say We've talked

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Speaker 1: about this before offline, and I have traveled solo. I've

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Speaker 1: traveled by myself, but usually it's like a work thing

387
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Speaker 1: and I may like lounge around a little bit.

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Speaker 2: I have not.

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Speaker 1: Traveled specifically for a solo vacation. I don't think, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking the islands and stuff like you be doing, girl.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so well, I will say I have not traveled

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Speaker 2: out of the country solo. That is on my list

393
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Speaker 2: of things to do that it is on a bucket

394
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Speaker 2: list item. But I did recently take a vacation, a

395
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Speaker 2: beach vacation. I was still within the company's US for

396
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Speaker 2: my safety. Locations will not be disclosed. Because I will

397
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Speaker 2: probably go back there again. And I had a good time.

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Speaker 2: It was the vacation that I needed. I did it safely.

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Speaker 2: And Lady, if you want to get some of my

400
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Speaker 2: travel hats, go listen to our episode where we talk

401
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Speaker 2: about all of the things that make traveling a lot easier.

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Speaker 1: Ay now, Lady Doma, I actually we didn't plan this,

403
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 1: but we both have four fingers left at the end

404
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,360
Speaker 1: of this game. Let us know in the comments on

405
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Speaker 1: Instagram at herspace podcast, go to the post it says,

406
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Speaker 1: never have I ever go Let us know how many

407
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Speaker 1: fingers you had of after this game if you played

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Speaker 1: along with us. And now I'm going to transition into

409
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Speaker 1: some lessons, lady. So one of the things I want

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Speaker 1: to say, dom is that there was a time in

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Speaker 1: my life when I was younger, when I was very

412
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Speaker 1: I was a lot more judgmental. I was also very religious.

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Speaker 1: It was a very different version of terry than you

414
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Speaker 1: know than we see now. And I used to say

415
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Speaker 1: a lot of times, this is before I start having sex,

416
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Speaker 1: because I was a late bloomer when it came to sex,

417
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Speaker 1: and I'll oh, I never do that, I never do this.

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Speaker 1: And I was such in some ways I guess I

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Speaker 1: was approved. I wasn't actually doing the things, but I

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Speaker 1: would say I would never do things and then show you, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I started living life, girl, and I woke up one day.

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Speaker 1: It felt like I woke up one day and I

423
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Speaker 1: was just like, girl, you said you would never do this, this,

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Speaker 1: and this, and you'd have did all of them and

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Speaker 1: you'd have kind of liked them a little bit too,

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Speaker 1: or whatever it might have been. And so now I'm

427
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Speaker 1: in a place where I do my best not to

428
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Speaker 1: say never, because you really never know. You never know

429
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Speaker 1: what predicament in life may have you doing things that

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Speaker 1: you never thought you would do, and not to say

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Speaker 1: that they have to be these, you know, grotesque things

432
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 1: that you're doing, Like just be open minded, like try

433
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,399
Speaker 1: not to be judgmental and know that everyone has a

434
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 1: different journey. So if someone else is listening to the

435
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: podcasting like girl, I Adine gave RoadHead or I received RoadHead,

436
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 1: we're not judging nobody's journey, like everyone has their own journey.

437
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 1: And so I try my best to never say never.

438
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: If not just said it so down, what is your

439
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: perspective on the notion of like never, I've never done

440
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: or I'll never do this.

441
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 4: Or.

442
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 2: You know, I learned years ago to stop saying that

443
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 2: I would never do something, because the universe, God, your whatever,

444
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 2: your higher power that you believe in is has a

445
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 2: way of showing you that you will. And so for me,

446
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 2: I have learned to say, I hope I never experienced X, Y,

447
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 2: and Z if it's something that I truly don't want

448
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 2: to experience in life, like skydiving, that ain't my thing.

449
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 2: But if there are other things in life that I'm like,

450
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 2: I don't know where life will take me, you know,

451
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 2: in that regard, I'm not gonna say I'm never gonna

452
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 2: do it, because because even with like even with skydiving,

453
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:21,160
Speaker 2: even though I know that is not in my cards today,

454
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 2: it's not in my cards. And so I've learned that

455
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 2: life has a way of showing you what you need

456
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 2: to experience.

457
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:40,679
Speaker 1: Ooh that part, Okay, Life has a way of showing

458
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 1: you what you need to experience. Yeah, I've definitely been

459
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 1: there before. God damn. Well, that's a good segway down

460
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: into lesson number one. And I guess you could kind

461
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 1: of look at these, lady, as I would say, powerful

462
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 1: insights for decision making, right so when you think about

463
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 1: decision making, when you think about new experience, things that

464
00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: you have done or have and done, kind of keep

465
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 1: this to mind. And so the first one is to

466
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 1: embrace new experiences. This is something my grandfather used to

467
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 1: tell me growing up. He would always encourage me to

468
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: doing embrace new experiences. I didn't understand it when I

469
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:13,360
Speaker 1: was younger, but now I definitely understand it. And it's

470
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 1: something that I have actively infused into my brand on

471
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: my blog that I used to have. I used to

472
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 1: have a new experience diary, and when I was living

473
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: in New York City, I would document new experiences because

474
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 1: I think that new experiences they help us to enrich

475
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,119
Speaker 1: our life. You know, it helps to expose us to

476
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: things that interest that we might have that we never

477
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 1: knew that we had, or things that we I don't know,

478
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: business ideas, you can make new friendships. I think new

479
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 1: experiences are should always be embraced for the most part.

480
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 2: For the most part, yeah, yeah, you know, I think

481
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 2: within that it's recognizing, like the new experiences, asking yourself

482
00:27:56,359 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 2: that they align with your value, right, and if it's

483
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 2: something that aligns with your values, then go for it.

484
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 2: You try it, once. If you don't like it, you

485
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:14,479
Speaker 2: never have to do it again. If you find that

486
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,640
Speaker 2: you do like it, now you have a new experience

487
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 2: and something that you might want to try again or

488
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 2: that you might want to introduce to other people in

489
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 2: your life. And if nothing else, if nothing else, it

490
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 2: makes for a.

491
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,639
Speaker 1: Fun story, exactly.

492
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 2: And I can't think of a new experience because I

493
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 2: know about that.

494
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay, what about you? I would probably say,

495
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: I think we talked about this on the show recently,

496
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 1: but I would say, find Trapez in the self driving

497
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,719
Speaker 1: car in San Francisco. Those are two new experiences. Probably

498
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 1: won't do the self driving car anytime soon because I'm

499
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 1: like that just it kind of freaks me out. I'm

500
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 1: going to be a late adopter to that. But I

501
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,080
Speaker 1: think that you know, I've heard that magic hap and

502
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: when we get outside of our comfort zone, and so

503
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 1: a lot of times it's just really important to just

504
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: try a thing because a lot of time, you like,

505
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: I think about kids right when they're eating. It's like

506
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: I tell my daughter, don't say you don't like it

507
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: before you try it. You have to try this new

508
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 1: food first, and if you don't like it, then Okay,

509
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: I'll take it off the plate, but you have to

510
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: at least try it to know that you don't like it. Right,

511
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, right.

512
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 2: Oh the solo travel that was the new thing that

513
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 2: I had tried recently.

514
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 1: Because you go and it was good.

515
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 2: It was a good experience and it was good and

516
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 2: I would definitely do it again.

517
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 1: A highly recommend I love.

518
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 2: It, yes and out of ten recommend So our next

519
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 2: insight is learning from missed opportunities. So if there's something

520
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 2: that you didn't do, reflect on why you didn't do it. Right.

521
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,959
Speaker 2: For me, one of the things that I think about

522
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 2: is I don't want to live a life life of

523
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 2: like with lots of regret, right, And I think that

524
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 2: I at this point in life, I don't regret anything

525
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 2: that I've done, And in this moment, I can't think

526
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 2: of anything that I haven't done yet that I decided

527
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 2: not to do that I regret deciding not to do,

528
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 2: because there are things that I've been clear I'm not

529
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 2: doing and it's because they don't align with my values. Right.

530
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 2: But when you think about the thing the missed opportunities,

531
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 2: like ask and it's a missed opportunity because maybe you

532
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 2: didn't do it out of fear. Maybe there was a

533
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 2: lack of opportunity to do it, a lack of support

534
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 2: or lack of resources to make it happen, or maybe

535
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 2: there's something else entirely, but I think it's important. It's

536
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 2: often important for us to step back and reflect on things,

537
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 2: on the decisions that we make, and we can learn

538
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 2: from that. Right, So, like we chose not to do something,

539
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 2: and like maybe we chose not to take a particular

540
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 2: vacation with friends, Why did you choose not to do it?

541
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 2: And what can you learn from that decision in not

542
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 2: doing it? In missing that opportunity?

543
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: I think that's that's powerful. Down I think that I

544
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: was thinking about an experience and I could use it

545
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: as an example, but I think that understanding the reasons

546
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 1: why behind the oh I've never done that, it can

547
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 1: provide us with insight and help us overcome barriers in

548
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: the future as well. And one of the examples that

549
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: comes to mind for me, it's an example that actually

550
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 1: changed my life. It's a missed opportunity where I was like,

551
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 1: oh no, no, we got to stop this. And so

552
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: years ago, when I was in grad school, I had

553
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: an opportunity to do to speak at this conference. Long

554
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 1: story short, I was too afraid. This was in the

555
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: very beginning of my speaking journey and I hadn't really

556
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: been on stage a lot, and I was just so nervous,

557
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 1: and so I backed out of it. And then when

558
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 1: I ended up going to the conference as an attendee

559
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 1: sitting in the audience, I changed my mind. I saw

560
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: other people doing it and I was like, damn, I

561
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 1: want to go up there and do that. But it

562
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: was too late. They said that they were already booked

563
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 1: out and they didn't have an opportunity to add anyone

564
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: else to the stage, and so I was so bummed

565
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: out by it. And from that experience, I was like,

566
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: you know what, I will feel the fear and do

567
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 1: it anyway. So anytime that there's an opportunity for me

568
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 1: to do something, even if I get scared I might

569
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: saw me up. I'm gonna do it and I'll figure

570
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 1: out how I'm gonna show up for it later, but

571
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to commit to it. So, Lady, I think

572
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 1: that's something we could definitely keep in mind when it

573
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 1: comes to life, because, like you said, Dom, nobody want

574
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 1: to live with the regrets, and I often you know,

575
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 1: think about me being on my deathbed, and that's very

576
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 1: motivating for me because if I get scared, I'm like,

577
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: all right, what will I think about this if I'm

578
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 1: on my deathbed like tomorrow, Because it helps me to

579
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: put things in perspective. And usually I'm like, you know what,

580
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 1: I would have wished that I would have done it.

581
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 1: So now we're going to move on to I think

582
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 1: this is number three, Yeah, number three value of shared experiences.

583
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 2: Hm.

584
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 1: Well, I will say that sharing these never have I

585
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: ever experiences with you dom it definitely fosters connection and understanding.

586
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: And I think it's always nice too when you can

587
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 1: just talk to someone and you realize that you have similarities,

588
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 1: or you get to hear some juicy tea and some

589
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 1: stories and you're like, oh, dear, well, well who went it? Like,

590
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 1: give you the details? What's t like? You get to

591
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 1: just connect on a deeper level. So I love that.

592
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 1: I think it can be surprising to see how much

593
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: you have in common with others, and it can also

594
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: build deeper connections. I remember, oh I was talking to

595
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 1: I was talking to a colleague actually, and this was

596
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:52,479
Speaker 1: like a while back. I was talking to a colleague

597
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: and I shared something about the podcast and I was like, oh, yeah,

598
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: you know, on our podcast we talk about everything from

599
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 1: five ho us and fake friends, we've had, ministers and sorrows,

600
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 1: Like I just talk about the people we've had on child.

601
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 1: When I get to telling people the topics we talk about,

602
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,799
Speaker 1: they will tell me all kinds of things. And I've

603
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 1: had people tell me that they do they do like

604
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 1: a drag race, like I had one, and this is

605
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 1: like in a professional setting. Someone was like, yeah, you

606
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,880
Speaker 1: do this drag show, you should come through or this one.

607
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,880
Speaker 1: This other person was like, yeah, me and my partner

608
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: are swingers. And I'm just like, y'all just opening up

609
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 1: the flood. It's telling me all your stuff. But it

610
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 1: was because I was open and vulnerable and I'm like, hey,

611
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: these are the topics that I talk about on my show,

612
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 1: and they felt like it was a safe space. So

613
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 1: it's a really nice way to connect with people.

614
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,319
Speaker 2: Yes, And I love that. And I think you know,

615
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 2: the questions, like I mentioned earlier, the questions that we asked, like,

616
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 2: we had a range, and if you are trying to

617
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 2: you can use this in a variety of settings to

618
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 2: kind of deepen the connection with other folks. Right, So

619
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 2: I think about keeping it like you can tailor it

620
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 2: to a work setting, right, and you can think of

621
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 2: some things and you keep it simple with ten questions

622
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 2: and it could be questions real like you keep it

623
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 2: related to the job. And so maybe one of the

624
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 2: things is never have I ever given a presentation to

625
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:28,360
Speaker 2: more than fifty people? And then that's an opportunity for

626
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 2: someone who hasn't to maybe learn from someone who has,

627
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 2: like you can now like you know, you're learning about

628
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 2: each other's experiences and perhaps you're seeing other people's strengths

629
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 2: and weaknesses or growth edges, and it can help foster

630
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 2: deeper connection. And that's the work environment, right, So of

631
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:53,240
Speaker 2: course we're keeping it very gen rated.

632
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, we can go all the way to the ratchet

633
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 3: of the ratchet and you can be hanging out with

634
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 3: friends because I mean, if we're keeping it uh, and

635
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 3: we're being really real.

636
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 2: And honest place, I used to play a game in

637
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 2: college and grad school and we made drink drink, so

638
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:21,919
Speaker 2: the questions really were like more spicy, uh, and we

639
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 2: were really trying to find out what were people doing.

640
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 2: And but then also if it's in a space that

641
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 2: you feel safe and comfortable. Usually that led to questions

642
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 2: of well, I've never done that, how does that work?

643
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 2: What was it like for you? Right? Even the spicy

644
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 2: stuff you know informal sex education?

645
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 5: Okay, and so if that takes us to our fourth insight,

646
00:36:54,600 --> 00:37:02,240
Speaker 5: which is growth through challenges and so sharing me's experiences again,

647
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 5: whether it's on the.

648
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 2: Fight the bat or it's in the work setting, sharingys

649
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 2: never have I ever allowed you to talk through when

650
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 2: you've experienced personal growth by trying something that you thought

651
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 2: you'd never do, or again learning from someone else who's

652
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 2: done something that you're like, I don't think I could

653
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 2: ever do that, but oh my gosh, you did it?

654
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 2: Tell me more? Right, and so, and I think it

655
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 2: also gives you an opportunity to think about, Okay, well,

656
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 2: maybe if I'm sitting in this space and all of

657
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 2: my friends it's six friends, and all five of them

658
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 2: have been on the Stow vacation again going to the

659
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:10,400
Speaker 2: going back to the other question of what am I

660
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:15,319
Speaker 2: what's holding me back? Right? And I can learn from

661
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:19,960
Speaker 2: their experiences and then use it as an opportunity to

662
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 2: try something new. Or maybe I'm the one person out

663
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 2: of the six who took a solo vacation, and I

664
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 2: can share my experience with the others so that they

665
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 2: can learn and challenge themselves.

666
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 1: I like that angle domin I think that when it

667
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:40,800
Speaker 1: comes to decision making in general, I try to think

668
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 1: and ask myself like, is this can this help me grow? Right?

669
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 1: Can this help me grow? Can this help me evolve?

670
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 1: Can it get me closer to a goal? And a

671
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 1: lot of times when we challenge ourselves to try new things,

672
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 1: it can give us more confidence as well, because I

673
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 1: know there are so many situations where I was like, damn,

674
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 1: I don't know about that. I'm a little nervous. I

675
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 1: don't know if I should make that decision, even though

676
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: I might be aligned with my personal goal or it

677
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,239
Speaker 1: might help me, you know, just connect with people that

678
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: I want to connect with. And then I'm like, you

679
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 1: know what, I'm nervous. I'm afraid. Like I said earlier, right,

680
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 1: I'm a field to fear and do it anyway. And

681
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 1: then you end up realizing that, you know what, I

682
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,560
Speaker 1: have more confidence. I did this thing, so I can

683
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: move on to a a bigger challenge or a bigger opportunity.

684
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: So I think that's something else to keep in mind.

685
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: Where we're thinking about decision making, or we're thinking about

686
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 1: even you know, potentially playing a game like this, like

687
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 1: with colleagues or even friends. So that takes us on

688
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 1: to number five, which is appreciate individual journeys.

689
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 2: Right.

690
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 1: So as we saw today, the list of never have

691
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 1: I ever can be different for everyone, right, And I

692
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: think it's just all about appreciating and respecting each person's

693
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 1: journey when it comes to like playing a game that's

694
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 1: silly and fun like this, or again, going back to

695
00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,719
Speaker 1: decision making, I think about, you know, just how conversations

696
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: with girlfriends and even homeboys, and you hear people's stories, right,

697
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 1: they talk about their journey, their trauma, their experiences. And

698
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 1: I know I said earlier, when I was younger, I

699
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 1: used to be pretty judgmental, But I think the older

700
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,280
Speaker 1: I've gotten, I'm more open minded. And I'm also just realizing.

701
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: I think life can humble you at times too, especially

702
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: when you're a judgmental person. You start again doing things

703
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 1: that you're like. I never would have thought i'd i'd

704
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,800
Speaker 1: be in this predicatment. I never thought that I'd tolerate

705
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,760
Speaker 1: this in a relationship. I never thought that I found

706
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: myself doing this, and somebody else did it and I

707
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 1: was judging them, and now I'm doing it right. And

708
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:36,240
Speaker 1: so I think that when you have experienced enough life

709
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 1: like some of us have, it allows you to have

710
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,359
Speaker 1: empathy compassion, but also to be like, you know what,

711
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,800
Speaker 1: I may not understand your story. I may not understand

712
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 1: how you got there. I may not think that i'd

713
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 1: make that decision, but guess what, I wasn't in your shoes.

714
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 1: And so I'm going to respect where you are, what

715
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 1: decision you made, and if it's a friend, like, see

716
00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: how I can support you.

717
00:40:58,719 --> 00:40:58,879
Speaker 5: Right.

718
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: So I think that that's just a reminder for me,

719
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 1: like appreciating individual journeys, because you really never know what

720
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: mindset someone's in, where they they're struggling with in life

721
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:13,359
Speaker 1: to make the decisions that they've made.

722
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you it helps you learn about people

723
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,880
Speaker 2: on a deeper level, right, depending on the questions that

724
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 2: you ask, and it gives you some It really gives

725
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 2: you insight into what people have been experiencing if you

726
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 2: ask the right questions, right, and at least for me,

727
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,279
Speaker 2: and maybe maybe that's just me in my in my

728
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:50,279
Speaker 2: therapist mind of oh that makes sense now, why they

729
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 2: show up in this way because they went through X, Y,

730
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 2: and Z, right, and not that I didn't have compassion before,

731
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 2: but it gives another layer of context to why they

732
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:11,880
Speaker 2: might be behaving in a particular way. And I think,

733
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 2: while I don't need to have I don't need to

734
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 2: know that particular situation to still show up with compassion

735
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 2: and love and grace and understanding. It adds to the

736
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:34,919
Speaker 2: deepening of the friendship when we're able to share stories

737
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 2: about things that we've experienced in life, and it allows

738
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 2: us to appreciate, like you said, like how unique each

739
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 2: one of us really is, Like oh you, oh shit,

740
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 2: you went through that, Like I don't know how I

741
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 2: would have what I would have done if I had

742
00:42:54,640 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 2: to navigate that, like or damn that was dope, Like

743
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 2: you did that? Like tell me more? Like so you

744
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 2: it really gives you an opportunity to dig deeper in

745
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 2: a level that feels different than asking like direct questions,

746
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 2: Like it doesn't feel like it feels more fun, more

747
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 2: low state than asking direct questions one on one. And

748
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 2: so then that takes us to our final insight, reflecting

749
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:44,359
Speaker 2: on the past, planning for the future. So we did

750
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 2: ten questions, right, it allowed me to take a moment

751
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 2: to pause, to look back at things that I have

752
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 2: that I have done, Like there were six of the

753
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:59,879
Speaker 2: ten things that I've done. For those things I've never

754
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:05,959
Speaker 2: don done Those four things I don't think I want

755
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 2: to do. Will I experience them in life? Only time

756
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 2: will tell. But the ones that we talked about today,

757
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:23,879
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to experience right now, right, But there

758
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 2: are lots of questions that you can use and that

759
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:33,359
Speaker 2: never have I ever, And some of them, hopefully maybe

760
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 2: things that allow you to pause and say, huh, I've

761
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 2: never done that, maybe to add that to my bucket

762
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:43,360
Speaker 2: list of things to do in life.

763
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,399
Speaker 1: Now, I'm you funny, you haven't revisited the list, Like, wait,

764
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:48,880
Speaker 1: what you said you want? You're not trying to do

765
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 1: You ain't trying to do this. But when it comes

766
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 1: to reflecting on the past and planning for the future,

767
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 1: I think that you know, lady, this is yes, we

768
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 1: played the fun game. Never have I ever? But when

769
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: I think about that's just the idea of a bucket list, right,

770
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,959
Speaker 1: that is really exciting to me. I love the idea

771
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: of a bucket list, right, things that you want to

772
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:10,319
Speaker 1: do before you kick the bucket or before you, you know,

773
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 1: transition out of this realm. And if you've listened to

774
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: the podcast before, Domin knows this very well. But I

775
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 1: am very energized and very interested in the topic of death,

776
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 1: and I think it can be very inspiring because at

777
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: the end of the day, when we're faced with death,

778
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: it really helps to put things in perspective. I mean,

779
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,439
Speaker 1: when you think about if you had a week to live,

780
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:32,880
Speaker 1: you would show up so much more differently in life,

781
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 1: you know, like the fear that you might have about

782
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:37,799
Speaker 1: that goal that you want to pursue, that shit's out

783
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 1: the window. Like you probably won't even care because you

784
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 1: realize that your time is finite. Right, And so I

785
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:49,919
Speaker 1: think about just reflecting on things that you've never done, right,

786
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 1: making a list of things that you want to try

787
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 1: in the future. And Lady, if you've been waiting for

788
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,320
Speaker 1: a sign in your life on whether you pursue a

789
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 1: goal or you know, write your book or start your business,

790
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 1: go back to school, or start a podcast, whatever it

791
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: might be, this might be that sign, right, like, go

792
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 1: do that thing because life is so precious, right, Life

793
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: is so precious. And I know for myself there are

794
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 1: several things I've said over the past few years, Oh,

795
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 1: I want to try this, I want to try boxing,

796
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 1: I want to try this experience. I want to go

797
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 1: to the gun range regularly, whatever it might be. And

798
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: I know myself, if I don't have it written down

799
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 1: and I don't have a plan of action to pursue it,

800
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 1: it ain't gonna happen. If it is on my calendar,

801
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 1: it ain't gonna happen. So for me, I think this

802
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: episode and this reflection is prompting me to go write

803
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 1: those things down to actually make them actionable, versus me

804
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 1: just thinking about it. You're like, oh, I'm going to

805
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 1: go do that one day, Like, go write it down.

806
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 1: Go do that thing, lady. So we encourage you to

807
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 1: do that, and also take a look at our Instagram

808
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,359
Speaker 1: at her Space podcast and let us know in the

809
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 1: comments of the never have I ever post what you

810
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: scored on the game that we played, and also any

811
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 1: feedback that you have about the episode and girl, any

812
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: topics that you want to cover. We're always open for feedback,

813
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 1: anything else we should cover down before we jump into

814
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 1: the after show and start telling more to Juict and

815
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,920
Speaker 1: diving more into the ou Blatchett version of never have

816
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 1: I ever.

817
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 2: Well, let's run through the never have I ever and

818
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:23,399
Speaker 2: then the sixth insight real quick, I never have I ever?

819
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 2: Never have I ever? Gone skydiving, binged an entire series

820
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:40,399
Speaker 2: in one day, ghosted someone, gotten the speeding ticket, rode

821
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 2: a motorcycle, giving head in a moving vehicle, dined and dashed,

822
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 2: run out of gas while driving, pissed more than one

823
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 2: person in less than twenty four hours, and gone on

824
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 2: a solo vacation. All right, our sixth lessons embrace new experiences,

825
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 2: learn from this opportunities, value shared experiences, experiencing growth through challenges,

826
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 2: appreciate individual journeys, and reflect on the path and plan

827
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:30,880
Speaker 2: for the future.

828
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 1: All right, lady, thank you for tuning in. Domini are

829
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: going to go and record the after show. If you

830
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 1: want to see the video for this episode and tune

831
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:41,760
Speaker 1: into the after show, head on over to Herspace podcast

832
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:45,760
Speaker 1: dot com click on Patreon. Lady, we are a black owned,

833
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 1: black founded, and black funded business. Okay, two black women

834
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:53,239
Speaker 1: starting this, I want to say grassroots podcasts. Okay, we

835
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,359
Speaker 1: did it for the culture, so come support us later.

836
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: You pay for Netflix and your coffee and all those

837
00:48:57,760 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 1: other I don't know what do they call it? Expended

838
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 1: luxury each money luxury each money. Okay, it's been a

839
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 1: long day. I'm trying to get out words together, but

840
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 1: come support us. We would love to see you in

841
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 1: the Patreon world. So we're going to go record the

842
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: after show Doucey.

843
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 4: Hey lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

844
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:20,839
Speaker 4: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

845
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 4: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

846
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:31,360
Speaker 4: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

847
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 4: That's d R D O M I N I q

848
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 4: U E B R O U S S A r

849
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:46,399
Speaker 4: D dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation.

850
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:51,280
Speaker 4: I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for joining

851
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:56,240
Speaker 4: us today. Please note that our show may contain conversations

852
00:49:56,320 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 4: about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health, but

853
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 4: is by no means meant to be a substitute for

854
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:09,280
Speaker 4: an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider.

855
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,799
Speaker 4: If you are someone you know is in need of

856
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 4: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls

857
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 4: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

858
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

859
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:27,319
Speaker 1: the conversation going. Visit our website at herspace podcast dot

860
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 1: com and be sure to click the Patreon link to

861
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:33,959
Speaker 1: get access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show.

862
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Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me. The universe

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Speaker 1: is conspiring for my success. I trust the process and

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Speaker 1: surrender to the flow.