Speaker 1: We live in two completely different worlds.
Speaker 2: Is that true, sir?
Speaker 1: Yes? Why will explain?
Speaker 2: You're gonna explain? Okay, because our way of understanding and
Speaker 2: interpreting things are not necessarily what they really are. Let's
Speaker 2: decipher how that works. Dead Ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and
Speaker 2: I'm Devoured, and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos.
Speaker 2: With our voice and reading each other publicly as a
Speaker 2: form of therapy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 3: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 3: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 3: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 3: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 3: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
Speaker 3: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 3: We thought that, say philos off to our whole new level.
Speaker 2: Dead ads starts right now.
Speaker 3: So all right, storytime, story time, and this story time
Speaker 3: takes me back to i'd say two thousand and fifteen,
Speaker 3: and I believe I told the story before, but I'm
Speaker 3: going to tell a story under different circumstances. This time
Speaker 3: it's about one of my former Prototype members. He was
Speaker 3: seventeen years old. He had been diagnosed with ADHD and
Speaker 3: put on medication. He had a sixty seven average, and
Speaker 3: he had joined Prototype as a member of Grand Street
Speaker 3: captains his football team. And while he was there, we
Speaker 3: were doing report card checks and I've seen his grades
Speaker 3: and I said, dude, there's no way I can let
Speaker 3: you be a part of this program with a sixty
Speaker 3: seven average. If you don't get your grades up, I'm
Speaker 3: going to have to, you know, just dismiss you from
Speaker 3: the program.
Speaker 1: So I spoke to his mom.
Speaker 3: His mom says, yeah, you know, I don't want to
Speaker 3: say the young man's name because he's an adult now,
Speaker 3: and you know, I don't want to expose him. But
Speaker 3: he says, mom said, yeah, he was diagnosed with ADHD,
Speaker 3: he's on medication. If he's not on his medication, he
Speaker 3: doesn't know how to sit down and focus. So I said,
Speaker 3: can you just do me a favor and try something
Speaker 3: that my brother and I tried with a couple of
Speaker 3: other kids.
Speaker 1: And she was like, what is that?
Speaker 3: I said, take him off the medication, because I've noticed
Speaker 3: that those kids that are on medication will sit still,
Speaker 3: but they get drowsy, and when you're on that medication,
Speaker 3: you can't retain information. So she said, cool, I said,
Speaker 3: I'm going to give him a regimen he has to
Speaker 3: do every single morning, starting with the active dynamic warm up.
Speaker 3: And he did that every morning, and then I told
Speaker 3: him when he gets to school at lunch, don't go
Speaker 3: to lunch with everybody else, go get a workout. In
Speaker 3: asked if you can go to the gym, if you
Speaker 3: could do some sprints. He graduated high school with a
Speaker 3: ninety average and went to college and no longer needs
Speaker 3: medication because of how perception became his reality. His mom,
Speaker 3: because of everything she was told or whatever she thought
Speaker 3: based on a perception, just figured my son is troubled.
Speaker 3: I got to put him on medication when reality is
Speaker 3: most kids, especially young men, struggle in school because they're
Speaker 3: over I.
Speaker 1: Forgot what the term is, but not over stimulated.
Speaker 3: When you go to puberty and you have to start
Speaker 3: running through the system, you have to be active. And
Speaker 3: the perception is that jacks are dumb, right, But most
Speaker 3: athletes do better scholastically in school from a younger age
Speaker 3: than kids who don't do sports. But the perception of
Speaker 3: athletes and that we're what dumb when the reality is
Speaker 3: athletes are smarter than the people who don't do sports.
Speaker 3: Her perception was if I just give my kid medication,
Speaker 3: he'll be better, when in reality, it was making and worse.
Speaker 3: And the reason why I wanted to tell that story
Speaker 3: is because a lot of people don't understand that your
Speaker 3: perception and what you think based on the information you
Speaker 3: received from these devices and stuff is not the reality.
Speaker 3: And I'm going to prove that to you guys today.
Speaker 2: Bring it on in now, all right, karaoke time.
Speaker 1: Karaoke time, and I'm a singer.
Speaker 3: Karaoke so on that we've sung before, but it's gonna
Speaker 3: have a completely different meaning this time.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool?
Speaker 1: You ready? Was that it was all a dream?
Speaker 3: I used to read Word Up magazine, Pepper and Heavy
Speaker 3: d Up in the hanging pictures on my wall every Saturday.
Speaker 3: Rappeitat mister Magic.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: The reason why I sing that song we sang it
Speaker 3: before when we were talking about dreaming, dreaming and dream chasing,
Speaker 3: doing all these things. I used to read Word Up magazine.
Speaker 3: So I'm Pepper and Heavy d up in the limousine.
Speaker 3: Biggie had an idea of what he wanted to be,
Speaker 3: and that was big. But his perception was and he
Speaker 3: was big, big, the notorious one. His perception was that
Speaker 3: he could only be big through hip hop, when if
Speaker 3: we really think about it, what we know now is
Speaker 3: that he could have done so many other things. And
Speaker 3: I wanted to just sing that song and speak to people.
Speaker 3: And it's gonna be a more serious topic for us today.
Speaker 3: And I really don't want to climb with this topic
Speaker 3: because I really want people to think when we sit
Speaker 3: down and discuss what we were about to discuss.
Speaker 1: Let's have a dream, baby, let's all dream together.
Speaker 2: That's a fact. Let's dream and reality. How about that? Ooh,
Speaker 2: it's dream and reality. But the reality is we got
Speaker 2: bills to pay, so let's do that first, so we
Speaker 2: can actually come back and have the discussion. All right,
Speaker 2: So stick around, we'll be right back, all right. So
Speaker 2: we're coming back talking about perception versus reality. That story
Speaker 2: you gave about the young man is pretty interesting and
Speaker 2: it's so layered too, right, because you just think about
Speaker 2: the labels that they tried to put on children nowadays,
Speaker 2: and it's all really because there is the desire to
Speaker 2: place them on medications and label them and we as
Speaker 2: parents sometimes to just feel like we're doing the best
Speaker 2: to help our child. So let's listen to these health
Speaker 2: it's running the health professionals, these medical professionals that tell
Speaker 2: us that our children need one thing, when the reality
Speaker 2: of it is that there's other ways.
Speaker 3: There's always other ways, and even more so when it
Speaker 3: comes to perception and what people think. Right, I'm just
Speaker 3: going to give some I would say perception lays stereotypes
Speaker 3: about black men are just not true. Okay, that trouble
Speaker 3: and I have look these things up. For example, the
Speaker 3: perception is that black men do not desire black women,
Speaker 3: and when we get married, we don't marry black men
Speaker 3: and women, when in reality, the amount of black men
Speaker 3: who are married in America according to the Census, eighty
Speaker 3: percent of those men are married to black women.
Speaker 2: So what is it just the trends on social media
Speaker 2: that make us think otherwise? Because if you ask the
Speaker 2: random person, they'll say.
Speaker 1: That it's a desire because it's exactly this.
Speaker 3: Other people's perceptions of who you are become your reality
Speaker 3: when you allow them to infiltrate your mind.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Give you an example, A guy gets up on a podcast,
Speaker 3: fuck women, women ain't shit, women is bitches and no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: no da da. Even if he's dated one hundred women
Speaker 3: in his life, one hundred women is still less than
Speaker 3: a thousandth of a percent of the population. But his
Speaker 3: voice then gets other people to reiterate the same thing.
Speaker 3: It gets stuck in the eco chamber, and then that
Speaker 3: becomes a perception. That perception then becomes someone's reality if
Speaker 3: all they do is pick up their phone and listen
Speaker 3: to that same rhetoric all day, right.
Speaker 2: Because all that's going to do the phone's going to
Speaker 2: continue to push more of that rhetoric here, whereas in
Speaker 2: a sense, designing what your world looks like through the
Speaker 2: things that you consume algorithm.
Speaker 3: And this is the crazy part about AI, which is
Speaker 3: why I want to talk about perception and reality today.
Speaker 3: The algorithm makes it so that and I have to
Speaker 3: I want people to understand why the algorithm was created.
Speaker 3: Everything we do, right, what we watch, what we everything
Speaker 3: we'd watch read, doesn't matter what the medium is, whether
Speaker 3: it's your phone, your laptop, television, or theater.
Speaker 1: It's all based in marketing. They want to sell you something.
Speaker 3: So they give your attention, They get your attention through
Speaker 3: all forms of entertainment, and then they market to sell you.
Speaker 3: So what marketing geniuses have figured out is that if
Speaker 3: we can keep this person's attention by showing them everything
Speaker 3: that they want to see on their phone, and we
Speaker 3: have their attention, we can then slide in marketing ads
Speaker 3: and sell things to them. So if you look up
Speaker 3: something that says, for example, women ain't shit, they're going
Speaker 3: to send you another podcast that says women ain't shit
Speaker 3: and another podcast the same way. For example, this idea
Speaker 3: that because Kanye West said it, once he gets rich,
Speaker 3: you're gonna find you a white girl.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: The number of men that make over two hundred thousand
Speaker 3: dollars a year is less than two percent in America.
Speaker 3: The black men who make over two hundred thousand dollars
Speaker 3: a year, the number of black women they date outnumbers
Speaker 3: and marry outnumbers men who make less than them, which means,
Speaker 3: according to the Census, black men who make more money
Speaker 3: date and marry black women at a higher rate. But
Speaker 3: the perception is that when you get money, you date
Speaker 3: outside of your race. You see what I'm saying, and
Speaker 3: there's so many same thing what I told you about athletes.
Speaker 3: People think athletes are done, but athletes graduated a higher
Speaker 3: rate from college than people who are not athletes.
Speaker 1: Make that make sense?
Speaker 2: See, and I wouldn't have known that because I mean, so,
Speaker 2: how do we then, Okay, how do we then encourage
Speaker 2: people to I guess, investigate or do an introspective look
Speaker 2: to say, am I indeed living in what is reality
Speaker 2: for myself? Or am I living in the perception of
Speaker 2: what I believe my life is?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: How do we then decipher what that is or what
Speaker 2: it looks like or what the difference is.
Speaker 1: Put the fucking phone down.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 3: I heard a quote from Denzel He said, if you
Speaker 3: don't watch the news, you're uninformed.
Speaker 1: If you watch the news, you're misinformed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so do you know how you get affirmation?
Speaker 1: You get information? Live?
Speaker 3: Live, right, travel Like, if you really want to create
Speaker 3: a reality for yourself, travel the world on your own.
Speaker 1: Don't listen to what people say this place is.
Speaker 3: For example, when I was young, first movie I ever
Speaker 3: seen in my life ever Boys in the Hood.
Speaker 1: It was nineteen eighty nine. I was five years old.
Speaker 2: You watch Boyshood at five years I wasn't.
Speaker 1: Supposed to, but my parents, like my dad.
Speaker 3: My dad was with the Junior Layman and he was
Speaker 3: watching young men and it was like it was a
Speaker 3: cultural phenomenon at the time. So at five I watched
Speaker 3: Boys in the Hood. Then I watched Minister Society. My
Speaker 3: perception of what LA was was that I was afraid
Speaker 3: that if I get off the plane and go to LA.
Speaker 3: First of all my perceptions, I'm gonna get off the
Speaker 3: plane and be right in the middle of content, and
Speaker 3: if I have on red or blue, someone's gonna come
Speaker 3: by with a ouzi right and kill me. Right, that's
Speaker 3: my perception. So now when you go to LA for
Speaker 3: the first time, you're nervous. You're walking around looking for
Speaker 3: things that's gonna validate what you've already learned through your perception.
Speaker 2: That's true, though, Think about how many people we've met
Speaker 2: that are like y'all are from Brooklyn, like I thought
Speaker 2: Brooklyn was, And I'm like, okay, that's what I thought
Speaker 2: it was. It's still one of my top five favorite
Speaker 2: shows of all absolutely, But you're right, people will I
Speaker 2: remember when I used to do pageants back in the day, right.
Speaker 2: Everyone knows I'm a former pageant girl, and I would
Speaker 2: win the state title for New York. I would always
Speaker 2: represent Brooklyn, then win this title for New York. And
Speaker 2: then when I would go on to the national pageants,
Speaker 2: I'm again now competing against the girls from the other
Speaker 2: city states. So I'll get to competition and they'll meet
Speaker 2: me and they're just like, wow, you're so nice for
Speaker 2: someone from New York. And I'm like, well, what's that
Speaker 2: supposed to me? What do you mean someone from New York? Well,
Speaker 2: you know, like you know what you hear about New Yorkers,
Speaker 2: like you're just not that. And again perception versus reality
Speaker 2: that have you ever been to New York? Do you
Speaker 2: know that there's not like one type of person from
Speaker 2: New York. And of course this was like we were younger,
Speaker 2: we were like twelve, thirteen, fourteen. But it's just the
Speaker 2: idea that what Brooklyn or New York is supposed to
Speaker 2: be or look like, that one person can be that
Speaker 2: representative from that particular area. But that's any spiritype any culture,
Speaker 2: any every place, that's everything, and we all do.
Speaker 3: That, and to be honest, it's sick. No, just listen
Speaker 3: to this just listen to how crazy this is. Perception
Speaker 3: a way of understanding or interpreting things right, reality the
Speaker 3: state of things as they actually exist, rather than as
Speaker 3: they may be perceived or might be imagined.
Speaker 2: So perception gives way to it gives way to someone
Speaker 2: being subjective in a sense.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because that's just what.
Speaker 2: You're taking away from a situation.
Speaker 3: Your perception is someone else's opinion of what you see.
Speaker 3: That's perception. When you just listen to someone else's opinion
Speaker 3: of what you saw, then you live your whole life
Speaker 3: based on perceptions, and you can be easily fool that way,
Speaker 3: easily swayed. You know, being objective is actually living in
Speaker 3: that space and being open to what you actually see.
Speaker 3: I'm going to be objective. I'm not going to come
Speaker 3: in with any preconceived notions. Per psychology today, perception acts
Speaker 3: as a lens through which we view reality. Our perceptions
Speaker 3: influence how how we focus on, process, remember, interpret, understand, synthesize,
Speaker 3: decide about, and act on reality. And doing so, our
Speaker 3: tendency is to assume that how we perceive reality is
Speaker 3: an accurate representation of.
Speaker 1: What reality truly is. But it's not.
Speaker 3: The problem is that the lens through which we perceive
Speaker 3: is often warped in the first place by our genetic medispositions,
Speaker 3: past experiences, prior knowledge, emotions, preconceived notions, self interest, and
Speaker 3: cognitive distortions. You know what you can add to this, I'll.
Speaker 2: Goal rhythm and the comment section. But you see, But yeah, no, absolutely,
Speaker 2: I know, I absolutely see what it is.
Speaker 3: I'm begging anyone who listens to dead ass podcasts to
Speaker 3: just for a minute stop and ask yourself, do I
Speaker 3: really know the things that I say? Or am I
Speaker 3: just regurgitating someone else's opinion of what they claim they saw,
Speaker 3: because most of the time what you regurgitate is already
Speaker 3: a regurgitation of.
Speaker 2: Else nobody's lived. Well, oh my gosh, it is so true.
Speaker 2: You need to start fact checking stuff and being like,
Speaker 2: where exactly did this come from? Is this a source
Speaker 2: that I can trust? Does this even make sense? Another
Speaker 2: story perception versus reality That just came to mind That
Speaker 2: made me laugh when I mentioned the comment section. So
Speaker 2: y'all know, I just went to Saint Vincent, right, my
Speaker 2: dad's home country. Got to go there for the first
Speaker 2: time in twelve years, mainly because it just is so
Speaker 2: difficult to get to Saint Vincent. There's not many flights
Speaker 2: that get there. It's literally like two and three flights
Speaker 2: from Atlanta to get there, and we can't travel with
Speaker 2: the boys there. Also, there's not a lot of tourism there,
Speaker 2: so there's not a lot of hotels. So this is
Speaker 2: like a lot of reasons why I wasn't able to
Speaker 2: get to Saint Vincent till now. They just opened a
Speaker 2: new resort. It's been great. So I post a picture
Speaker 2: of myself wearing a Saint Vincent shirt.
Speaker 1: It was a wet t shows coming out of the water.
Speaker 1: Who took that picture? He did?
Speaker 2: Daddy did? Thank you. That was literally a picture of
Speaker 2: her trible is great. That was amazing. So yeah, took
Speaker 2: the picture, posted it or whatever, just showing love to
Speaker 2: Saint Vincent, because to be honest, I've been showing so
Speaker 2: much love to Jamaica because we're always there. It's more
Speaker 2: convenient to get to and there's a lot of Jamaican
Speaker 2: officials that are always in contact with me about ways
Speaker 2: that we can partner to do things. Saint Vincent not
Speaker 2: so much. I don't get the inkling that they really
Speaker 2: want to do much business when it comes to tourism,
Speaker 2: or at least from the people I've reached out to.
Speaker 2: So anyway, post the picture, the picture pretty much goes viral.
Speaker 2: It's sidebar, thank y'all for the love, and then there
Speaker 2: were some comments, thank you, thank you for the love,
Speaker 2: thank you for getting them the love by taking the business.
Speaker 1: You're welcome.
Speaker 2: So then there was one or two people that said, like, oh,
Speaker 2: now it's convenient for her to be Vincenion. We thought
Speaker 2: she was just Jamaican and she never talked about being Vincention.
Speaker 2: That's your perception because you've sawn this, you've seen this
Speaker 2: picture for the first time. The reality is that I've
Speaker 2: always said and always big up the fact that I
Speaker 2: was fifty percent Jamaican and fifty percent Vincenon. If you
Speaker 2: even go back to the tour footage, the flag that
Speaker 2: I tied around my waist was half Jamaican and half Viscension.
Speaker 2: If you went to my profile, it's a Jamaican flag
Speaker 2: and a Vincension flag. So I've never professed to be one.
Speaker 2: More than we can ask a question reality.
Speaker 1: That's a question.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she said she only pigs up Saint Vincent when
Speaker 3: it is convenient. What is convenient about bigging up Saint Vincent,
Speaker 3: Like what did you gain in order for it to
Speaker 3: be like she only did it because did you win
Speaker 3: the Saint Vicent page where you won.
Speaker 1: One hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: I didn't get it convenience. I ended up on people's
Speaker 2: party flyers to get paid, No, and some people removed
Speaker 2: Someone actually sent me whe where someone removed the Saint
Speaker 2: Vincent from my chest and it was just a plain
Speaker 2: yellow shirt and they're promoting their cooler fit, you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. So I didn't get anything. There was nothing,
Speaker 2: like you said, convenient about me posting this picture of myself.
Speaker 2: I was just proud to be back in the Motherland.
Speaker 2: Bring some attention to Saint Vincent, Yes, because it's a
Speaker 2: place that many people don't even know about. There were
Speaker 2: people also saying, oh wow, I didn't even know about
Speaker 2: Saint Vincent and the Grenadines because you know, you typically
Speaker 2: hear about the more popular island, which is Jamaica, just
Speaker 2: because it's huge tourism. Bob Marley, Bustamante, every you know.
Speaker 2: So I see everybody came from there, right, Saint Vincent
Speaker 2: is not as much on the map, so For me,
Speaker 2: I was having a proud moment saying, yes, like, this
Speaker 2: is part of my heritage, this is half of who
Speaker 2: I am. I'm proud of my father's country, proud to
Speaker 2: be back finally, you know, finally have the means to
Speaker 2: get there. So yeah, that was just so funny. When
Speaker 2: I think of perception, this is what people are thinking. Oh,
Speaker 2: she's conveniently vincentioned. Now so people just stupid. You know,
Speaker 2: some people are just stupid, and not for nothing.
Speaker 3: Because of social media, you have to be very aware
Speaker 3: of perceptions. Because when we were growing up and I'm
Speaker 3: going to age myself, there was a standard in order
Speaker 3: to have a publication that the public could read. You know,
Speaker 3: you had to you had to go through in journalism.
Speaker 1: What is it called when you have to do it?
Speaker 3: Do journalism when you have like, for example, in order
Speaker 3: to post a publication, of course you have to fact check,
Speaker 3: you have to, but there was a standard. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: like even if you did an op ed piece, it
Speaker 3: was like the person we've spoken to about this op
Speaker 3: ed piece, of the person who's delivering this op ed
Speaker 3: piece experienced this right right, nowadays you can just say
Speaker 3: whatever you want without without anyone doing a fact check
Speaker 3: without anyone saying has this person even experienced what they're
Speaker 3: talking about? And then now it gets caught up in
Speaker 3: the ego chamber and there's millions of comments and it's
Speaker 3: being shared, and then that becomes the reality. There are
Speaker 3: so many things going on right now in the world.
Speaker 3: For example, we were told be careful going to Jamaica
Speaker 3: the Vows for the Vow's fortieth birthday. There's a lot
Speaker 3: going on. They're grabbing up tourists and that they they're
Speaker 3: kidnapping people. And then we reached out to the Consulate General,
Speaker 3: who's really Jamaican who goes to Jamaica every weekend.
Speaker 2: Almost on Jamaica literally.
Speaker 1: And we asked and we said, you know, is everything
Speaker 1: okay in Jamaica And she was.
Speaker 2: Just like, she laughed, yeah, She's like, you'll be fine.
Speaker 3: And then we were just like, you know, we heard.
Speaker 3: And then once again it makes you realize that a.
Speaker 1: Lot of the things that we we.
Speaker 3: Hear in the world today is fear mongering and it's
Speaker 3: just not based in truth. It's just based in sensational
Speaker 3: sensationalism and getting clicks. YEP, I need to have as
Speaker 3: many people's attention as possible, So I'm going to say
Speaker 3: the most outlandish thing so I can get people to
Speaker 3: follow it. And you know what happens when you do
Speaker 3: that enough people repeat it, that becomes other narratives even.
Speaker 2: Though it ain't true. That's why it's so important for
Speaker 2: Devaleni to for example, within our community. Devalen are huge
Speaker 2: on community. We were that way in Brooklyn and now
Speaker 2: that we're in Atlanta, this is our new community and
Speaker 2: we're trying to like put our pulse out in the community.
Speaker 2: Right So, there's two events that I was invited to recently,
Speaker 2: well both of us. I attended one because the val
Speaker 2: was filming and he and I intended one together and
Speaker 2: they were centered around One was Meant for Choice out
Speaker 2: here in Atlanta with Morehouse College and another with Morehouse
Speaker 2: College that the president attended. Yes, deval and I wanted
Speaker 2: to attend these events because we want to have a
Speaker 2: pulse in the community. They're going to be local EFFICI there, councilwomen, councilmen,
Speaker 2: people from Congress, like whoever is there making the decisions
Speaker 2: on the local level, because we know that that's where
Speaker 2: the impact is felt the most. That's where we want
Speaker 2: to be and in conversation with a couple young men
Speaker 2: there who are recent you know, morehouse graduates, who are
Speaker 2: just you know, moving and shaking in the political realm.
Speaker 2: We said to them that it's important for us to
Speaker 2: not just be up there taking photos and you know,
Speaker 2: saying that we were at this event because it was
Speaker 2: for social media. We actually didn't take any pictures at
Speaker 2: one of the events. One event I got some you know,
Speaker 2: photo and video from because I made a speech, But
Speaker 2: other than that, that wasn't the moment for us. What
Speaker 2: we could have done was taking all these pictures and
Speaker 2: shaking hand with the president and this, that and the
Speaker 2: third to post. But the reality is that was not
Speaker 2: important for us. The perception of why we were there
Speaker 2: and what we were doing, and the possibility that people
Speaker 2: would create a narrative around our photo with you know,
Speaker 2: the president or being that event was actually would have
Speaker 2: been I guess altered a bit because the reality of
Speaker 2: why we were there was to make those connections.
Speaker 3: And we were deliberate about that because we understand that
Speaker 3: there are two worlds. That's what's part of my sound
Speaker 3: by earlier. There are two worlds we believe in and
Speaker 3: we live in. And I feel people should understand that
Speaker 3: there is the perception of what's happening and then there's
Speaker 3: really what's happening. And you have to be very careful
Speaker 3: to figure on how you're going to figure out what's
Speaker 3: really happening. And for me, the only way you can
Speaker 3: figure out what's really happening, like Kaden just spoken, is
Speaker 3: to be there roots go.
Speaker 1: Down and figure out what's going on.
Speaker 3: You can't just listen to someone report to you because
Speaker 3: even if you think about the news right, they only
Speaker 3: tell us what they want us to know. And all
Speaker 3: of these news I would say broadcast, whether CNN, MSNBC, FOTS,
Speaker 3: I watch all of them.
Speaker 1: And the reason why I watch all of them is
Speaker 1: because I.
Speaker 3: Want to see what form of mix they're going to
Speaker 3: present the world to us in today. But then watching
Speaker 3: it for the past ten years and specifically since COVID,
Speaker 3: I was like, I got to stop watching and start existing.
Speaker 3: And that's in part two when you know you and
Speaker 3: I well. I made the post a couple of weeks
Speaker 3: ago about not doing social media as much because I
Speaker 3: also realize that when you engage in social media, you
Speaker 3: become part of the sensationalism and as pure as your
Speaker 3: heart may be. People can take whatever content you have,
Speaker 3: put a spin on it, create a narrative, and then
Speaker 3: create a perception. And it's difficult for me now with
Speaker 3: the kids because the kids are like extensions of us.
Speaker 1: You can create whatever you want to create about me.
Speaker 3: I can deal with it. You can create whatever you
Speaker 3: want to create about my wife as long as I'm
Speaker 3: not if I don't know about it, because then I
Speaker 3: might come after you. But I know that she's mature
Speaker 3: enough to handle. But now handle what's happening now. But
Speaker 3: when it comes to my children, I can't let the
Speaker 3: world create a perception of what my children are doing
Speaker 3: or who they are and just include them in that,
Speaker 3: and then when they get older they look at us
Speaker 3: like that I didn't want to partake in any of this, right.
Speaker 3: So a lot of that is just also realizing that
Speaker 3: it's okay to take things away from the perception tank.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, I mean, And that's the part and
Speaker 2: part why we've just been pulling back more in general.
Speaker 2: You know, because for example, we have our Patreon, which
Speaker 2: shout out to our patreon gang. You guys are very
Speaker 2: deliberate about the way you support us, and we appreciate that,
Speaker 2: and that's where we give the exclusive access to our
Speaker 2: family and things like that. But it's becoming even more
Speaker 2: scary with the AI and not knowing what's true from
Speaker 2: what's false, photo shopping like it's just a mess. And
Speaker 2: that's in part two. I when Devlop made a post
Speaker 2: recently about just like it's been real on social media
Speaker 2: and people got alarmed and nervous, like what's going on
Speaker 2: over there? It really was just him saying, yo, like
Speaker 2: this is a lot and there's things that I want
Speaker 2: to do in real life. Yes, with my family, with
Speaker 2: my career that does not evolve social media.
Speaker 3: But that's also perception versus reality too, right, because my
Speaker 3: mind wasn't even going there. And even Josh hit me
Speaker 3: up and was just like, yo, you know, if I
Speaker 3: didn't know you, I would you know, I would have to.
Speaker 3: And then I had to realize them even the words
Speaker 3: that I put out were perceived a certain way and
Speaker 3: they didn't really deliver what I wanted them to deliver.
Speaker 1: So I have to be careful with even and that
Speaker 1: to me is scary.
Speaker 3: I can't say how I feel because I have to
Speaker 3: be afraid about how people are going to perceive it.
Speaker 1: That's scary.
Speaker 3: I'm saying how I feel because and in the post,
Speaker 3: I can't remember the exact words, but I believe the
Speaker 3: words were, the more you learn about the world, it
Speaker 3: would either harden your heart yes, something that you knowing
Speaker 3: hardening your heart yes. Or you will learn to open
Speaker 3: your mind.
Speaker 2: You said, if the world doesn't open your mind, it
Speaker 2: will harden your heart.
Speaker 3: It's been real, right, So in my thought process, this
Speaker 3: is literally what I was thinking when I when I
Speaker 3: write this, if you don't learn about the world in
Speaker 3: a way where it's going to empower your mind, right,
Speaker 3: all it's going to do is make you dark, because
Speaker 3: you're going to not like everybody or like everything. And
Speaker 3: then it was just like, yo, it's been real, Like
Speaker 3: I just don't want to be on social media all
Speaker 3: the time doing this. I didn't think that people were
Speaker 3: going to perceive it as me talking about taking my
Speaker 3: own life. But then I also have to realize that
Speaker 3: that's other people's perceptions of what people do and.
Speaker 1: When you space, which is scary. Which is scary.
Speaker 3: And I apologize afterwards because I also understand that I
Speaker 3: can't control how people perceive things. So for me to
Speaker 3: say something and expect them to understand why it's coming from.
Speaker 3: It's unfair to me, but it's also unfair to them
Speaker 3: because some people have lost people that way.
Speaker 2: No, for sure, at this day and age, we err
Speaker 2: on the side of caution if people are going to ask,
Speaker 2: are you okay? Because why we're bringing genetic predispositions, We're
Speaker 2: bringing past experiences, prior knowledge, emotions, preconceived notions, self interest, hurt, pain,
Speaker 2: all of that is coming along with a comment or
Speaker 2: a caption or a post man. It really makes you think.
Speaker 1: I hope it makes you, guys think.
Speaker 3: At this point, we're going to take a quick break
Speaker 3: get into some ads. But while we get into these ads,
Speaker 3: I want you guys to really think about what we're
Speaker 3: talking about and how much of your life do you
Speaker 3: feel like or just preconceived notions of other people's opinions
Speaker 3: or really things that you've lived through absolutely And if
Speaker 3: you can't say that you live through all these things
Speaker 3: that you believe, you need to talk a question and
Speaker 3: where you get your.
Speaker 2: Information putent toes down. But in the real world. Thanks,
Speaker 2: all right, y'all will be back.
Speaker 1: All right, We're back, all right.
Speaker 2: Listen a lot of time. Let's dive right in. Hi,
Speaker 2: Kadein and Deval. I've been following you guys since Facebook
Speaker 2: days and love you both. Thank you, Love you bad Girl.
Speaker 2: I've been also sharing your content with my husband and
Speaker 2: he enjoys you too as well. We also have our
Speaker 2: copy of We Over Me and we have enjoyed it
Speaker 2: so far. My husband and I will be twenty nine
Speaker 2: and thirty this year, and we've been together for twelve
Speaker 2: years and married for two of those years. We, like
Speaker 2: you guys, had a honeymoon baby, and our son will
Speaker 2: be two at the end of this year. I'm expecting
Speaker 2: again and doing July, so our boys will be twenty
Speaker 2: months apart. I know you both, as you both know, pregnancy,
Speaker 2: postpart and breastfeeding, et cetera is hard, especially back to
Speaker 2: back like this, and I would like to be done
Speaker 2: having children after this one. I've talked to my husband
Speaker 2: a few times about this, and he says he is
Speaker 2: happy with two boys, but is not interested in getting
Speaker 2: a vasectomy or me getting my tubes tied. I'm also
Speaker 2: not interested in birth control because I feel like it's
Speaker 2: my responsibility to take on that decision because I can't
Speaker 2: trust that. I can't trust his pullout game, which we
Speaker 2: all know isn't the best method anyway. We also would
Speaker 2: want to be in a marriage that strictly uses protection
Speaker 2: until I hit menopause at all times, which he said
Speaker 2: he would think about getting a vasectomy, but wants time
Speaker 2: to think it over. Okay, Oh no, sorry, by that,
Speaker 2: I jumped ahead until menopause, which we know aren't one
Speaker 2: hundred percent effective either. During our last discussion, he said
Speaker 2: that he would think about getting a vasectomy, but wants
Speaker 2: time to think it over. I can't understand how men
Speaker 2: feel a way about vasectomies, but I also don't think
Speaker 2: it's fair for me to take birth control extra hormones.
Speaker 2: Plus I've never been on it, so I have no
Speaker 2: clue which one will work best for my body or
Speaker 2: the side effects that I may experience. I know this
Speaker 2: will take some time, but I'm really hoping that he
Speaker 2: will agree to the vasectomy instead.
Speaker 3: This is a perfect question based on what we're talking about,
Speaker 3: perception versus huh.
Speaker 2: I'm literally thinking the same thing, Deval. I know you
Speaker 2: have shared that Kadeine didn't make you get a vasectomy.
Speaker 2: You chose to any advice or tuggestions that you too
Speaker 2: can give to help. That will be greatly appreciated. Also
Speaker 2: advice on the snapback trying to take care of two
Speaker 2: under Tukadeen because I'm trying to look like you after
Speaker 2: these two hole boys. Thank you both. PS. Next year
Speaker 2: we will not be pregnant and we'll make it to
Speaker 2: it as live show. That's awesome. Perception versus real.
Speaker 1: Perception versus reality. This is perception.
Speaker 3: Once you get a vasecting me, it's going to hurt
Speaker 3: so bad that for the next three months you won't
Speaker 3: be able to do anything. And I ran on a Monday.
Speaker 3: I got my versector me on a Thursday. I ran
Speaker 3: on a Monday, I had to matter of fact, I
Speaker 3: got my visected me on a Thursday. I had to
Speaker 3: carry Cairo to the literally carry him to the emergency
Speaker 3: on Friday.
Speaker 1: On Friday. So this idea that you like everything's going
Speaker 1: to go wrong and.
Speaker 3: That's a fallacy, that's not true perception perception, Then that'll
Speaker 3: be watery.
Speaker 1: Then that'll be watering. That was a perception I had
Speaker 1: heard about. That is a fallacy.
Speaker 2: That's a fallacy I can attest to that one.
Speaker 1: That's another still creamy, she enjoys it.
Speaker 3: Perception once you get a vasected me, your sex drive drop, Fallacy.
Speaker 1: I've been on her more than ever in the last
Speaker 1: year and a half. You can ask her, Chad, and
Speaker 1: not for nothing.
Speaker 3: She's been on me more than ever because she's not
Speaker 3: on birth control, so her hormones ain't fucking up her
Speaker 3: sex drive.
Speaker 2: Reality, the hormones fuck your sex drive up, and all
Speaker 2: of those side effects are indeed side ect side effects.
Speaker 2: That's a reality reality for sure. Perception. There's such thing
Speaker 2: as a snapback. There's no such thing as a snap back.
Speaker 2: There's a gradual get back, which I did over time,
Speaker 2: because you need to give your body a year or
Speaker 2: two after be able to really get back to your
Speaker 2: baseline nine months minimum, but at least a year a
Speaker 2: year and change to get back to that baseline of hormones,
Speaker 2: whatever that looks like for each woman. So that's indeed
Speaker 2: the whole snapback culture.
Speaker 3: Perception and reality perception perception. Once you get a resected me,
Speaker 3: a testostae drops and you won't be able to be
Speaker 3: as strong a workout, Fallacy. I lift more now, I
Speaker 3: run more now, my knees feel better. I'm probably stronger
Speaker 3: now than I was in my mid thirties, not as
Speaker 3: strong as I was in my twenties. In my twenties,
Speaker 3: I was lifting to be a professional football player. But
Speaker 3: I can tell you this right now, and this is
Speaker 3: the last perception reality thing. Perception is you get to
Speaker 3: afseect me, your life is over reality. I gotta assect me,
Speaker 3: and my sex life has been better.
Speaker 1: Than it ever was.
Speaker 3: We not worried about getting reality, were not worried about
Speaker 3: getting pregnant.
Speaker 1: Kadeen is not on birth control. I don't even know,
Speaker 1: Like there's no.
Speaker 3: To me, there's been no negatives, no, Like I have
Speaker 3: not had one other than the fact that I can't
Speaker 3: have any more children unless I get it reversed. That
Speaker 3: would have to be the only negative. I have no
Speaker 3: negatives from having to reseect me.
Speaker 2: For sure. If you know, unequivocally, without a doubt that
Speaker 2: you won't want any more children, I would definitely recommend it.
Speaker 2: And I've asked about several times again, like do you
Speaker 2: have any regrets about it? You know, do you feel
Speaker 2: any differently about it? Because that was a decision, yes,
Speaker 2: that he made on his own, but it was also
Speaker 2: to speaking to people who actually did the procedure and
Speaker 2: not speaking to people who have just heard things about vasectomy.
Speaker 2: It's speaking to actual people.
Speaker 1: You know. What's funny.
Speaker 3: All of the people who have made comments because remember
Speaker 3: we did the vasectomy video and there was a bunch
Speaker 3: of dudes over there good luck with this, and no, no,
Speaker 3: no, no no, all of these men who have opinions don't
Speaker 3: have vaseectomies. So what the fuck are.
Speaker 2: You talking about.
Speaker 1: You haven't experienced.
Speaker 3: All you're doing is regurgitating things that you heard from
Speaker 3: other people who claim they've heard it. All of the
Speaker 3: guys who I know who have vasectomies. Because here's another truth.
Speaker 3: There is a baseline of men, a large portion of
Speaker 3: men who after getting married and having children have had vasectomies.
Speaker 3: Because remember when I started speaking to the dads around here,
Speaker 3: there were six dads coaching football. I was the fifth
Speaker 3: one to get a vasectomy. So this idea that getting
Speaker 3: of aseectomy is like an anomaly and no one does
Speaker 3: it is not.
Speaker 1: So it's false.
Speaker 3: A lot of men are protecting their wives and protecting
Speaker 3: them your own self interest, but having a pasectomy, yo,
Speaker 3: real talk, Kadeen. At this point, I'm like, yo, babe,
Speaker 3: I'm hard.
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 3: She was like, let's go, she's not worried about getting pregnant.
Speaker 3: It's like our suck. Life has changed. And I didn't
Speaker 3: realize at that point how much went into a woman
Speaker 3: every time she laid down with the guy she has
Speaker 3: in the back of her mind.
Speaker 1: Absolutely I'm like, get pregnant. I never thought.
Speaker 2: About it, or just not being in the mood and
Speaker 2: having issued. We spoken about all of that over the
Speaker 2: prior seasons because I had the IU d N. It
Speaker 2: was supposed to be non hormonal, but it was still
Speaker 2: messing with my hormones. My period was coming every three weeks.
Speaker 2: It was ridiculously heavy, like I'm not anemic, Like there
Speaker 2: was just so much, gosh many things. That was the
Speaker 2: reality of what we were experiencing.
Speaker 3: I'm I'm not gonna go on on a press tour
Speaker 3: about the second me, but that shit has changed our
Speaker 3: life for the better.
Speaker 2: It really has.
Speaker 3: And you know, if he's listening right now, my dude,
Speaker 3: just just look at me. I don't look any smaller.
Speaker 3: I've gained musculature, I've changed my dit I've done everything
Speaker 3: to change my die. But after this bessecting me has
Speaker 3: really been good for me. And then if y'all don't
Speaker 3: want to have any more kids. My g really think
Speaker 3: about it, consider it. I did have regretted me. Remember
Speaker 3: after it was like, damn, I can't have any more kids.
Speaker 3: So make sure that you are in the space. And
Speaker 3: after two years and now we have four and the
Speaker 3: coders in that terrible two phase, I have no regrets
Speaker 3: about having no more kids because if we had like
Speaker 3: another child, like a one year old right now, I'd
Speaker 3: be straight. I'd be pulling my fucking hair outs because
Speaker 3: there's no way.
Speaker 2: There's no way. Yeah, there's no way.
Speaker 1: We didn't have no I don't have no energy for it.
Speaker 2: Everything happened as the shit. We have no capacity or
Speaker 2: energy for anything else living. We got a damn plant,
Speaker 2: were trying to keep alive every dayn't have dead listen. Okay,
Speaker 2: all right, good luck to y'all, And if you want
Speaker 2: to be featured as a listener letter write in. Y'all
Speaker 2: email us. Triple cannot wait to get your email with
Speaker 2: your story. Dead ass Advice at gmail dot com is
Speaker 2: where you send it.
Speaker 3: That's D E A D A S. S adv I
Speaker 3: CE at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time. We're talking perception versus
Speaker 2: reality and how we are literally fed our worlds.
Speaker 1: Moment of truth this is I have a simple moment
Speaker 1: of truth.
Speaker 3: There really is a matrix, really is, but a lot
Speaker 3: of us exist in the matrix. Every day when we
Speaker 3: wake up in the first thing we do is go
Speaker 3: on Instagram or YouTube or TikTok a right. Unplug yourself
Speaker 3: from the matrix. Get out here and travel the world,
Speaker 3: actually see things. Don't go on there to see what
Speaker 3: the pyramids look like on your phone. Go to egyptancy
Speaker 3: the pyramids, you know. Don't don't listen to someone else's
Speaker 3: opinion about that movie. Go watch the movie. You know
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. Don't don't listen to someone's opinion about
Speaker 3: who you should vote for. Go listen to these people
Speaker 3: speak at events and figure out if this candidate is
Speaker 3: the right candidate for me.
Speaker 1: Let's get out of the matrix. Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 2: I love that. Get out of the matrix. Let's point
Speaker 2: out let's be the hashtag for me. It's pretty simple
Speaker 2: as well too. I want to encourage people to, for
Speaker 2: lack of a better I guess terminology, put your feet
Speaker 2: back in the soil, like of where you want to
Speaker 2: be connect again. I know that things got really weird,
Speaker 2: especially after the whole pandemic COVID and all that, but like,
Speaker 2: just reconnect with people. I feel like we are in
Speaker 2: a curated space where we think that everything that exists
Speaker 2: is what is the be, all that ends all right.
Speaker 2: But when you when you travel, when you are cultured,
Speaker 2: when you get out there and you start to see
Speaker 2: different parts of the world, realize how minuscule your life is.
Speaker 2: You realize how minuscule your surroundings and your immediate curated
Speaker 2: life is. There's so much more going on. We went
Speaker 2: to Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, and we went back
Speaker 2: to where my father is from. Like literally we got
Speaker 2: off the resort. We went back into actual Saint Vincent
Speaker 2: and traveled a bit and we saw some things, and
Speaker 2: we went to my family's lands. Yes, shout outs to
Speaker 2: rich Than Park, Mesopotamia area. We were all up in there.
Speaker 2: And we went back to my family's land and the
Speaker 2: Valini stood there and we just looked around. Beauty, okay,
Speaker 2: just beauty in nature, untouched untouched nature. Just literally sparkling
Speaker 2: water coming out of the mountain.
Speaker 3: No, literally like literally sparkling water, yes, kind of.
Speaker 1: The mountains and running through a street that you can
Speaker 1: just it was.
Speaker 2: Just beautiful, and you just realize how small your world is,
Speaker 2: and it gets even smaller when you're just consuming from devices.
Speaker 3: We also learned a lot about who your father is,
Speaker 3: because as kids, we learned about our parents through what
Speaker 3: they say. Yeah, and everyone else's perspective of who they are.
Speaker 1: So it's all perception.
Speaker 3: Going back and seeing how your father was raised, I understand, yes,
Speaker 3: why that man takes your shoes off and goes and
Speaker 3: all he cares about is his garden in the back.
Speaker 1: That's because insane gardening is.
Speaker 3: Life, yes, far I mean live off of the grounds
Speaker 3: in which they live, like they they grow everything you see,
Speaker 3: They've grown it, the animals, they've raised them.
Speaker 1: That's why your father's so one with the nature.
Speaker 2: And absolutely so my perception is like, oh Dad, you're
Speaker 2: stuck in like the nineteen seventies in Saint Vincent, When
Speaker 2: the reality is is that is how he was grown
Speaker 2: and that is what Saint Vincent is. Literally all about
Speaker 2: the nature, the beauty, And I can understand why maybe
Speaker 2: as a as an island, as a country, they're not
Speaker 2: as interested in tourism per se. No you know, yes,
Speaker 2: it'll bring in dollars, but think about all of the
Speaker 2: nature and the beauty of the island that may have
Speaker 2: to be interfered with in order to make certain places
Speaker 2: accessible for tourism. So I have a respect for Saint
Speaker 2: Vincent if they're just like, y'all, we like our little
Speaker 2: country and what we're doing over here, because the reality is,
Speaker 2: y'all gonna come in here and fuck up what we
Speaker 2: got going on, and it's not worth it.
Speaker 1: Things are good for money. Some things are good for money,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: But it's like, if I enjoy living on the planet
Speaker 3: and living on the earth, I don't need to make
Speaker 3: a good jillions of dollars to enjoy my life. So
Speaker 3: every island is not open to tourism because every island
Speaker 3: doesn't want to pretty much destroy what it is that
Speaker 3: the island is supposed to be about.
Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely all right, y'all, thank you so much. For
Speaker 2: those who are Patreon gang, you can find exclusive dead
Speaker 2: Ass podcast content there, more family content, exclusive videos, and
Speaker 2: you can find us on social media at dead Ass
Speaker 2: the Podcast. You can find me at Kadine I Am.
Speaker 3: And I Am Deval and if you're listening on Apple podcasts.
Speaker 3: Be sure to rate, review and subscribe.
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