WEBVTT - Dear Banya: Type A- 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:05.000 Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:13.320 Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in scrub. 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:17.560 Dub Dum. 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:24.000 And we have a Dear Bonya episode. 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:24.640 Yes we do. 0:00:24.760 --> 0:00:25.680 Wait before we. 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:28.800 Get into that. The people were asking the food that 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:33.280 you had in Chicago. Oh wow, if there were any standouts? 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:35.720 And I like a Chicago dog off the street. 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:41.160 Yeah. Yes, I tried to eat as much Chicago food 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:43.320 as I could when we were there in the Serning 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:46.640 Metropolitan Areas had I had a Chicago dog from Devil 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:49.680 Dogs that I did not like. I did not like it. 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:51.000 Why too much junk on it? 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:54.560 Too much junk and whatever. There was some kind of 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.440 seasoning or relish. It tasted like minnestrone soup. 0:00:58.360 --> 0:00:58.880 Nothing like that. 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:01.160 Was it recommended to you that it was? 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:05.040 That came. I asked scrubbers for advice, and Devil Dogs 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:06.520 came up a lot and they led me astray. 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:08.080 I think it a celery salt. They put on a 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:09.000 Chicago dog. 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:10.080 That would do it. 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:10.720 That's it. 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:12.560 I was not happy with that Chicago dog. I had 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:14.920 two pizzas. I went to Luma Hotti's and I went 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:16.080 to Pea Quads. 0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:17.399 Man, I love Chicago pizza. 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:20.560 Oh my god, I loved it. I had pea quads. 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:23.200 That's the one they went to in the Bear. Sam 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:24.679 and I went to the same location they went to 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:25.440 in the Bear. 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:27.080 In the bedroom where they went and got it for 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:28.840 the celebrating anniversary or something. 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:30.640 Yeah, that was good salmon. I went and got in 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:32.280 order to go, and then we satted a close down 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:35.640 cafe outdoor seating and had some pizza. It was delicious. 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:36.559 You love pizza. 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:39.880 Let me tell you, I'm gonna have something this weekend 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:41.280 for it. 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:45.640 Popcorn I did. I did have Garrets popcorn I got 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:47.760 at the airport and it was delicious. I was eating 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:49.760 it yesterday to get the Chicago style I did. I 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:53.559 got Garrett's mix. It's half caramel corn, half cheddar cheese, which. 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:56.240 You wouldn't think would go together, but man, oh man. 0:01:57.680 --> 0:02:00.000 Does something about that makes sense. 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:02.880 Works it rules. I bought it from the airport and 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:05.560 the total price came out to six dollars and sixty 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:08.960 six cents, and I got superstitious about that, so I 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:12.280 did not open it on the plane. Wow, I thought 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.160 that would be summoning the devil to our flight. So 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:15.120 I wait until I got home. 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:16.240 I'm gonna say I respect that. 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:18.520 Yeah, but it was delicious. I think if you're going 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:20.480 to Chicago, you gotta go to Peaquad's. That's that was 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:23.160 the standout by far of all those places that I went. 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:25.480 I am so impressed with Easton's. 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:27.040 Like, I know, I talk about this all this time 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:30.440 all the time, but his lack of sleep slash stamina 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:33.320 to go see and experience things while. 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:34.320 On those short trips. 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.280 It's like, I admire it so much because I will 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:38.160 never be that person. 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:41.320 But I'm like, barely what because we drink? 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:47.680 I don't drink that much? Oh really Yeah, no, I 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:48.919 think I'm just lazy. 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:51.040 I'm like, god, this is sureka moment, I'm like, it's 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:53.320 because he doesn't drink, so he's never hung over. 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:55.880 This one was rough because I stayed out really late 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:57.080 and then I got up early and I did not 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:59.320 eat like the pickle on my Chicago dog I think 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:01.519 was the only vegetab like the whole time I was there, 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:04.240 So that was I was pushing it. But uh, but 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:06.040 I had a lot of fun and uh and I 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:07.920 did my work. I did a great job of my 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:09.560 work and uh, and I got to see a bunch 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:11.560 of coolteff and hung out with a good friend of mine. 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.320 I went to some tiki bars while I was there too. 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:15.120 That was a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah, I made 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:15.600 a good time. 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:16.919 You saw that. You saw the sites. 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:20.320 I saw all the sites. I saw the bridge where 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:22.720 the Dave Matthews band had the incident. If you don't 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:24.000 know what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna say it 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:26.240 on the look it up. They had an issue with 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:31.160 the the septic tank on their tour bus. Oh not 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:34.400 familiar with that, Well, look at Dave Matthews band the incident. 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:36.120 I saw the site of that happening. I went to 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:38.040 the rock and roll McDonald's. I saw all the sites 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:39.200 Chicago had to offer. 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:41.280 It's like he was there longer than we were, but 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:42.000 he wasn't you know. 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:47.840 Yeah that the bus had to empty that thing and 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:50.000 they added it in the wrong place and there was 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:53.600 a sight seeing bod underneath where they have did. 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:59.200 It, and people got then, oh my god, I bridge. 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:00.880 There are plenty of lawsuits involved. 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:02.640 Oh yeah, yeah it was it was a tour bus 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:04.680 driver that made the mistake. 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:05.720 I have like chills. 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:10.480 We were getting on our flight back from uh Chicago, 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:15.080 and Tanya opted out of getting snacks because she was anticipating, 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:16.719 you know, having something on the plane. And so I 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:22.520 had all my snacks, guardettos, nerd clusters, cheese and cracker, 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:25.240 little tarcutery situation. 0:04:24.839 --> 0:04:25.800 Snack pack. 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:30.320 Creases, peanut butter cups, cookie dough bites. 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:32.320 Yeah, cookie dough bites. I just had a collection. 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.159 You know, guess who had her paws and everything the 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:36.320 whole flight home. 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:41.560 In my defense, I got really nauseous when I got 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:43.000 on the flight for some reason, Like I was feeling 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:44.640 really nauseous, so I was like, I really do need 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:45.520 one of those crackers. 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:48.039 Yeah, So I was giving her crackers and cheese, trying 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:50.960 to settle her stomach, and then she just kept going. 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.080 Yeah, I didn't need to go for the nerds clusters, 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:54.000 but I but I did. 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:56.160 I did go for the nerds clusters. 0:04:57.360 --> 0:04:57.760 That was fun. 0:04:57.800 --> 0:04:57.960 Though. 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:00.200 I enjoy when you eat my like I enjoy when 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:02.359 you eat the food with me, because I love that 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:04.760 you enjoy it, even though you try to pretend that 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:05.279 you don't. 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:06.720 It's so satisfied. 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:13.240 Kale chip, Yeah, yeah. 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:14.520 But you sure finished the bag. When I was going 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:16.120 to try and throw them away, I was like are 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:17.719 you done? And you're like, are there more in there? 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:18.720 Yeah? 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:22.640 A nerds clustered let me tell you, but let me 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:25.320 I forgot to mention the other day because I was 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:28.080 in my bubble about Chris Martin. 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.680 I am so obsessed with Chris Martin. It does not. 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:36.920 Every experience have had with that man has been life altering. 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:38.400 Tell me about it. 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:40.520 He's so kind, he looks you in the eye, he 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:44.640 remembers your name. He's so humble, he has no ego. 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.160 And I saw him at the festival. I didn't like 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:49.200 to see him in person. I saw him perform, but 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:52.760 like it was so otherworldly, Like he makes you feel 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:55.080 like you're the only person in the audience. And he's 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:57.840 so calm and cool and collected, and I just love 0:05:57.920 --> 0:05:59.279 him like I love him. 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:01.760 It's like, oh, my bucket, let's just see a cold 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:02.720 Play concert. 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:04.000 I've never been. 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:07.120 I saw them perform at the halftime in the super 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:08.560 Bowl when and went with Amy. 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:15.040 Okay, oh my gosh, I'll never Okay, Like a cold 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:19.320 Play concert is a different It is like singing sky 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:21.159 full of Stars with like all. 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:23.320 Yeah, but yeah, let's want to come to New York 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:25.200 this weekend. I think he's going to be a global citizen. 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:33.480 I'm okay, thank you, Okay, we do have Dear Bonya. 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:38.200 So I think they're all they're not all anonymous today. 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:39.719 No they're not. But here's the thing, and this is, 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:42.200 by the way, if you are a more praise for 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:46.960 our producer, Sam, if you're a young aspiring podcast producer 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:49.840 out there, write this down. So last time we did 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:52.359 Dear Bonia, we're trying to figure out which ones to do, 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:54.400 you know, we're looking ahead. Look, that's interesting. That's the thing. 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:55.640 We're like, Oh, which one do you want to they're 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:57.960 all anonymous? Do you want to the one this anonymous? 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:00.720 You wanted the other one? The anonymous? On page six, Sam, 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:03.960 without being asked, thanks to herself. Oh, they're having trouble 0:07:04.080 --> 0:07:06.480 describing which ones they're talking about. I'm going to give 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:09.120 each one a title, and now they'll be able to 0:07:09.120 --> 0:07:12.360 refer to them. And specifically, let's give it up for Sam. 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:14.600 Who did you ask her to do that? She said 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:16.240 that on her own. She saw a need and she 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.360 filled it. Yeah, that's what a good producer does. 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:20.800 Yeah, honestly, thank you guys, love you. 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:25.240 Ah. You want to start with the one title new 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:26.040 husband's life. 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.400 Yeah, it feels like a new book. 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:32.160 Yeah. I married my husband in April after three years 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:34.240 of dating, and everything seemed to be going well. Recently, 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:35.880 I found out that a friend of ours, who I 0:07:35.920 --> 0:07:38.760 thought didn't like me, has a history with my husband. 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:41.720 My husband confessed that, yes, he and the friend they 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:43.600 hooked up a few months before we met, and he 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:46.760 told our friends not to tell me about it. I 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:49.840 feel betrayed because he let me be belittled and withheld 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:53.040 this information despite our openness about past flings. This is 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:55.920 the second time he's hitting something from his past with 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:58.480 another girl, and I'm struggling with how to trust him 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:00.520 now as a twenty six year old newly what I 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:04.160 feel hurt, confused, and unsure about what to do next. 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:08.880 Here's the thing. I don't like. 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:14.880 Something like this not being shared or disclosed up front, 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.360 and I understand that if he's immature and doesn't have 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:23.960 the emotional maturity to come forth about that, then he's thinking, 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:26.520 I'm going to this doesn't matter to me because it's 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:28.840 in the past, and I don't think it's a big deal, 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:30.480 so I don't want to tell her. I think he 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:32.560 just thinks that I don't want her to get so 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:33.719 angry at me that. 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:35.040 It causes a huge fight. 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:38.720 But what he's done is now he's betrayed your trust, 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:40.840 and it does feel it is going to turn into 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:44.760 a big fight because he omitted the truth out of 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:48.640 potentially trying to save himself from having to get into 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:49.839 an argument with you about it. 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:54.600 I'm gonna be honest, None of this bothers me, aside 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.760 from the fact that he told his friends not to 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:01.520 tell you about it. That to me is the problem. 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:03.680 The fact that he's hooked up with people before he 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:05.760 met you, Like, to me, it's. 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:08.240 Like, don't like I don't want someone they both know. 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:10.920 Right, But like, I'm just like, that's in his past 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:13.520 is before he met you. Don't go in the past. 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:16.839 You're his present and his future. It's like, what's in 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:19.440 the past is in the past. But what I don't 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:23.600 like is that he intentionally told his friends not to 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:26.000 tell you about it, which to me means he's hiding it, 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:26.959 which I don't like. 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:30.120 Right, And I think that's just I think it's just 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:33.959 emotional immaturity of being like, I'm scared. I don't want 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:35.480 to own up to it. I told him I don't 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:37.800 want to it to turn into something. And so now 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:40.840 he's coming across as untrustful and omitting the truth. 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:42.800 Well, I think you can communicate that and say, look, 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:44.880 I know you did nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:48.679 you hooking up with Sarah. But what really bothers me 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:50.760 is that you were telling people not to tell me, 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.559 and it's just making me question. I don't like that, 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:55.720 and so that's the feeling that's coming up for me. 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:57.480 And leave it at that. 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:01.080 Yeah, and he wouldn't want you don't don't about this. 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:04.120 You know that is a weird thing. But Becca's exactly right. 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:06.840 Guys are dumb. You can add this to the many 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:09.440 many questions we've answered on the show that I answer 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.520 with guys are dumb. Guy, he's just trying to avoid conflict. 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.520 And I've been this guy before and stupid. But he'll 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:19.000 figure it out. Don't worry about it, No nothing, don't 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:21.680 worry about it. Don't feel like your marriage is in trouble. 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:23.800 You guys can get through this. You're gonna be honest 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:25.720 with him. He's going to figure out that this was 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:28.319 not worth it. He made a mistake here, and you're 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:30.800 going to get through this together. And he will mature. 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:33.120 If you're twenty seven, I'm going to guess he's similar. 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:34.840 I maintain guy who do not grow up until they 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:37.400 are at least thirty three, so it's gonna be okay. 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:40.480 But yes, he just wanted to avoid conflict because that's 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.440 a huge goal for guys. We want quiet, we want 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:45.600 no conflict, and that's all he was trying to do. 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:48.600 Did he handle it, well, no, but he'll figure that out. 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:49.800 Yeah, you live and you learn. 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:51.480 Yeah. 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:54.240 It's also like him needing to trust you that you 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:58.840 can handle that information. Yeah, Like it's like proving to 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:00.800 each other that you can trust each other and get 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:03.000 through things. If he had just it's like he didn't 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:05.520 trust that she could handle the fact that he dated 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:06.480 someone that they both. 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:09.040 Know, right, Like maybe your reaction would be like yeah, 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:09.880 because it blowed. 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.240 So there's been things where like Haley was like, oh, 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:13.719 I didn't think it was important. I didn't want you 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:15.280 to get upset, and I'm like, well, I feel more 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:17.680 upset because you didn't tell me. But she was like, 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:20.560 I didn't trust that you would be able to hand 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:24.080 handle it. So that that's a little something we've worked 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:24.680 on in therapy. 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:30.120 So can we take a break next, Yeah, let's take 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:30.520 a break. 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:51.480 Did you catch that. 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:54.360 From losing to us? 0:11:56.120 --> 0:11:56.400 All right? 0:11:56.760 --> 0:12:00.480 It takes you like multiple days to recoup? Clearly, no, 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:02.040 Like this is like scientific. 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:04.760 Yeah yeah, my body biological. 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:06.920 It's the deficit you're running correct. 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:08.960 Yeah, well, you're gonna be asleep. I have a good 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:10.920 feeling about like eight eight pm tonight. 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:12.240 It's gonna be decadent. 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:13.920 All right. 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:17.520 We have an email from Cassidy and the title is 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:19.640 newly Single. 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:23.080 I started listening to scrubbing in after the second People's 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:25.120 choice whin that's funny, she shared about the first one. 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:29.320 She's like, I don't know, yeah, that she was in 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:32.240 and I've never looked back. I absolutely love all four 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:34.320 of you, and I personally identifires more of a mark. 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:36.720 Oh well, thank you very much, thank you for keeping 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:39.559 me company while I get ready. I'm newly single, twenty 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:42.640 seven year old female after a ten year relationship and 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:44.600 a one and a half year relationship that I thought 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:47.280 was it. I am ready to be on the dating 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:49.480 scene and have been on two so far. I just 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:52.400 downloaded Hinge and have no idea what the expectations are. 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:54.880 I get mixed reviews about whether people truly use it 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:57.679 to go on dates and find people. Also, safety feels 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:00.240 like a big concern meeting in public. Being sure, I 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:02.720 get friends my location, but at what point is it 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:04.640 expected that we're going to end up watching a movie 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.840 at someone's place? Looking for dating tips here. I've got 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:10.120 the similar mindset as Tanya. This is a numbers game, 0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:11.920 and I love getting to know people, But what are 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:17.040 the expectations out there? Help? Tanya? You met your fiance 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:17.840 on Hinge? 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:19.079 I did, so what do you. 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:19.720 Have to say to young? 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:20.640 But I didn't. 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:25.920 I never felt any sort of expectation to go back 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:30.000 to someone's house early on, Like I never even if 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:33.080 it was maybe expected or but like I never felt 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:35.160 I never took on that expectation because I just did 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:37.560 it when I was comfortable. So I want to say 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:42.000 for the first uh with Robbie, it was different because 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:44.600 I felt very like my vagina told me early on, 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:48.679 like something's different here. But I don't think like we 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:51.400 went to We didn't. He didn't come over until like 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:53.920 maybe the third or fourth date. So I feel like 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:55.480 if it's a first or second date, I feel like 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:58.480 there's zero expectation there to go back to someone's house. 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:03.600 No, Yeah, I mean no, I think that's just the 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:07.880 comfort level that you have to feel with your intuition. 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:11.199 Like I don't think there. I would probably. 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:14.120 You know, if you're on a date, if you're feeling 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.319 a little if that's something that makes you feel anxious, 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:19.320 I would like really make sure you get to experience 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.040 being out with them and seeing how they treat the waiters, 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:24.440 like just paying attention to certain little details, you know, 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:26.520 and make sure that if you have them back at 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.880 your house, someone knows that someone's coming over, just like 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:31.200 be cautious. 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:33.000 That's the other thing too, because I feel like when 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:35.560 you met Haley, like you you guys had mutual friends, 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:38.440 so it's like you knew that she wasn't like a psycho, 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:39.920 do you know what I mean? Right, when you meet 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:42.440 someone on the dating app and you don't have mutual friends, like, 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:43.920 that's the scary thing because it's. 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:44.840 Like there's nobody to vouch for them. 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:47.320 You have no idea, like you don't know, right, So 0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:49.640 that's where it's like, Yeah, tell your friends where you're going, 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:52.280 tell them if they're coming over, Like I always put 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:53.120 everybody on alert. 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:55.800 And I do think if you're in a tell there's 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:58.520 got to be someone that knows that person. Like, I 0:14:58.560 --> 0:14:59.840 just feel like if you're if you live in this 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.160 same city as someone. I mean, obviously there's big cities, 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:02.760 but even in. 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:04.400 LA there's people who know each other. 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.280 If you, you know, go on Facebook or Instagram and 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.080 see who's fat, if there's any mutuals. 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:12.480 Yeah, cast out of why men ask everybody that you 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:13.040 know if they know this. 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:15.160 Not everyone, but if you see, like, oh, someone that 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.920 I feel comfortable asking information about follows this person, like 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:21.200 what do they know about them? You know, that's always 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:23.720 a good way. But also just trust your gut and 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.160 I think that's valid. And I think you're very being 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.680 very smart in how you're handling this because you're right, 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:32.720 you don't know what people's intentions are. I think some 0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:34.880 people use the app for like hookups. I think some 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:37.880 people use it to find their future partner. I think 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:41.200 it just depends on you know who you connect with. 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:44.000 I would share my location with everybody that would accept it, 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:47.680 and tell everybody when you're going out on a date 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:49.640 and where you're going personally. 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:53.760 No, I think that's just being smart about it, like 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:56.080 letting people know where you are and who you're with 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:57.760 and if they come over to your house or you 0:15:57.800 --> 0:15:59.800 go to their house, send send them. 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:03.400 So I'm not gonna go down this dark path. But 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:07.760 I just heard a very scary story, so. 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:11.320 I'll leave it there. Wow dexter vibes. 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:14.440 Oh yeah, well, I'm not helping Cassidy at all. 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:16.040 No, That's what I'm saying. You had to be very 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:16.480 the girl. 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.680 The girl was fine because she had a gut feeling 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:21.560 about this guy, so she made him sleep on the couch. 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:25.040 Oh my gosh, that's so scary. 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:26.880 And he was banging on her door in the middle 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:29.200 of the night, like saying something that was like loud, 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:30.240 Can I sleep in your room? 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.080 And she was like, no, she didn't. She didn't open it. 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:34.760 She called the cops. The cops came and he had 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:35.720 the history. 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.760 Wow, ladies, please be careful there. 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:43.080 Be careful and follow your gut and your intuition. 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:46.680 Yeah, all right, Where were going next? Becca? What strikes 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:47.200 your fancy? 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:48.280 Oh? 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:49.360 What strikes my fans? 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:51.600 Yeah? We talked about the drinking one. Do you want to 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:52.000 do that one? 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:53.200 Yeah? 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:56.400 Uh, I know, Anonymous, I know that you both enjoyed 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:59.120 drinking every now and again. But I find myself struggling 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:01.520 to drink and moderate. It seems that I either don't 0:17:01.560 --> 0:17:03.920 drink at all and I'm happy, or I get drunk. 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:06.600 How do you learn to drink in moderation. I've graduated 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:09.040 from college, but I think I'm still in the college mindset. 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:10.320 Any advice is helpful. 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:13.200 I could do some help myself. So I just really 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:15.600 wanted advice from you. 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:20.159