1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,920 Speaker 1: We spent our lives following the rules, following the guidelines, 2 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 1: doing what was good, doing what was polite and right, 3 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:12,799 Speaker 1: even if we didn't feel aligned with ourselves, which naturally 4 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: leads to anger, to tension, to stress. Notice how the 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 1: suppression of anger develops tension and resentment. Hey, thank you 6 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: so much for listening and tuning in today. Thank you 7 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: for selecting this podcast and this episode to be here 8 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 1: with me on on purpose. I don't take you for granted. 9 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: I'm extremely grateful that you chose to be with me 10 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:47,839 Speaker 1: here today when you could have been anywhere in the 11 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: world right now. And I appreciate you. I genuinely do, 12 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,520 Speaker 1: and in my heart of hearts, I hope that one 13 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,639 Speaker 1: day I get to meet you, I get to give 14 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,639 Speaker 1: you a big hug, and we get to be at 15 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: a lie I have on purpose event. With the community 16 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: that we've built over the last few years, it is 17 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 1: mind blowing to me just how this community has doubled 18 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: in strength in just the last couple of years. And 19 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,679 Speaker 1: I know how many of you are sharing these episodes 20 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: talking about them, and I couldn't be more grateful. Now, 21 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: today's episode is an important one. For as long as 22 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: I've known. I've been fascinated by learning about personality types, 23 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: about psychology, and about human behavior. And before we dive in, 24 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 1: I want to talk a bit about why I think 25 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: it's important to know and understand your personality type, your psychology, 26 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:48,960 Speaker 1: and your nature and how it impacts your behavior, your actions, 27 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 1: your choices, and your decisions. And the reason I got 28 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: fascinated is because I realized I loved learning about myself. 29 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 1: How many of you love learning something about yourself. It's 30 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: one of the reasons why we love astrology, or why 31 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:09,519 Speaker 1: we love doing personality tests or any sort of fun 32 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: test that you see come up on social media where 33 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,680 Speaker 1: you're like, oh, let me learn what my weirdest guilty 34 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 1: pleasure is or whatever it may be. Because self awareness 35 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: is really fulfilling. Let me say that again. Self awareness 36 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: is really fulfilling. And when we get to know ourselves, 37 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: when we get to learn about ourselves, we're able to love, care, 38 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: and deeply understand ourselves all those things that we want 39 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,959 Speaker 1: someone else to do. This is something that we get 40 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: to do for ourselves. So let's dive into why it's important. 41 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: The first thing is that knowing your personality type is 42 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: important because it helps you understand why you think the 43 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: way you do, why you are the way you are. 44 00:02:55,560 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: You've developed certain traits through nature and nurture have led 45 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 1: to this psychophysical position that you currently have, and then 46 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 1: you start to be able to notice why you react 47 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: in a certain way, why you're triggered in a certain way, 48 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:16,840 Speaker 1: why you move in a certain way. So it's really 49 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 1: practical and powerful to get a deeper understanding of why 50 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: your mind works the way it works. The next reason 51 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 1: why it's really important to understand your personality type is 52 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: you can do the same for others. You start to 53 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: realize that everything's not that personal. You start to realize 54 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: that not everything is directed towards you, that not everything 55 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: that someone does or says is because it makes sense 56 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: to you. It may not make sense with your rationale 57 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: or your logic, but it makes sense to them because 58 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: if their wiring. The third reason is that you can 59 00:03:54,480 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: now change how you use your personality type. You can 60 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 1: focus in on your strengths. You can double down on 61 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: your superpowers. You can try to improve your weaknesses in 62 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 1: areas that they may be limiting you or holding you back. 63 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:16,360 Speaker 1: You now have availability and accessibility to a whole new 64 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: set of tools to transform your life. Learning about your 65 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 1: personality type makes you a better communicator because you now 66 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: know how to speak to someone in their personality language, 67 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: not yours. One of the biggest challenges in our communication 68 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: is we talk to people how we want to be 69 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,919 Speaker 1: spoken to, not how they want to be spoken to 70 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: based on their emotions and wiring. Learning about your personality 71 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,359 Speaker 1: types makes it easier to make better decisions because you 72 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 1: start recognizing which decisions are in an alignment with who 73 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: you are, which parallels are there to unleash your potential, 74 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 1: and learning about your personality type improves your emotional regulation. 75 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 1: When you understand your personality typ you're able to better 76 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 1: emotionally remain stable and regulated through all the ups and 77 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 1: downs because you now recognize the patterns. Now, today, I'm 78 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 1: going to be looking at a specific book called the 79 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:21,600 Speaker 1: Essential Aniogram, and this is the Definitive Personality Test and 80 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 1: Self Discovery Guide by David Daniels, MD at the Stanford 81 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 1: University Medical School. I'm using the anagram in this book 82 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: because it simplifies it. It allows you to make it 83 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 1: clear for this episode, but hopefully it's a great introduction 84 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,280 Speaker 1: into the niagram for you. Now some of you may 85 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 1: be aware of the niag, some of you might not, 86 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,800 Speaker 1: and therefore I will start by first of all, just 87 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: defining what ani agram is. Now. The aniagram, of course, 88 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:54,159 Speaker 1: is a personality system that helps us understand our different 89 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 1: patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. And the book goes 90 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: on to say that anya is a Greek word for nine, 91 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: and gram means a figure or something written. Hence, the 92 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:09,679 Speaker 1: eneagram personality system is represented by a diagram of nine 93 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 1: pointed star within a circle. Each of these nine patterns 94 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 1: and nine points forms one of the personality types. Today 95 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 1: I will be giving you an overview of the different 96 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: personality types. And if you grab this book, there's a 97 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: test in it. There's lots of tests online as well 98 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: to help you figure out which is yours. I'm going 99 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 1: to leave that for you to do. But today I 100 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 1: want to talk about the different types and talk about 101 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:40,279 Speaker 1: how learning about this could change how you behave at work, 102 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,600 Speaker 1: in life, and your relationships. So let's dive straight in. 103 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:50,720 Speaker 1: The first personality type is the perfectionist. Now, a word 104 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,600 Speaker 1: of caution, when I walk through this, you're going to 105 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,600 Speaker 1: be listening going that's me, Oh, that's me as well. 106 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm like four of these. The truth 107 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 1: is we are all, of course a mixture and a 108 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 1: blend of many of these, but we have one predominating one. 109 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: At the same time, we have a certain sense of 110 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: intention that guides and is the underlying principle to all 111 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 1: of these. So sometimes you may have several similar behaviors, 112 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: but the reason for that behavior is what the personality 113 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: goes to. The reason goes to the root. So the 114 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: first one is the perfectionist. The perfectionist belief is that 115 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 1: we are all one and are perfect as we are. 116 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: People are not accepted for who they are. Their good 117 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: behavior is expected and taken for granted, their bad behavior 118 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: and impulses are judged negatively and punished. Based on that belief, 119 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 1: they have a strategy, which is I learn to gain 120 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: love and self regard by being good, responsible, and conscientious, 121 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: doing things the correct way, meeting my high internal standards 122 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 1: and following the rules. I suppressed anger and developed tension 123 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 1: and resentment. How many of us can align and identify 124 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 1: with this. We spent our lives following the rules, following 125 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: the guidelines, doing what was good, doing what was polite 126 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 1: and right, even if we didn't feel aligned with ourselves, 127 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 1: which naturally leads to anger, to tension, to stress. Notice 128 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: how the suppression of anger, the book goes on to say, 129 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: develops tension and resentment. And so because of this strategy 130 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:48,120 Speaker 1: a perfectionist, tension is on what is right, what is wrong, 131 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:52,120 Speaker 1: and what should be corrected, the rightness and wrongness of 132 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: other people's behavior compared to theirs self criticism and others 133 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: criticism of themselves, their blind spots and the gray zone 134 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: between black and white, and often to both urge and desire. 135 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: They put all their energy into getting things right, issues 136 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: about integrity, and they do everything they can to avoid 137 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 1: making mistakes. Notice how this goes beyond just being a 138 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: perfectionist in a task. It becomes a way of life 139 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 1: where all you focus on is on being right, getting 140 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 1: things right, and doing things right. Now, we all know 141 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 1: that things are not that black and white. We know 142 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: things are not that clear. So what does that lead to? 143 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:43,560 Speaker 1: It leads to stress, And what causes you stress is 144 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 1: not being able to quiet the internal critic and the 145 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:53,079 Speaker 1: associated anxiety and worried. You feel overburdened by a sense 146 00:09:53,080 --> 00:10:00,200 Speaker 1: of personal responsibility and conscientiousness, and you start recognizing that 147 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:06,319 Speaker 1: a lot of that anger and defensiveness develops. Now, of course, 148 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: there are strengths to this type as well, the strengths 149 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:15,080 Speaker 1: and integrity concerned for improvement, putting forth a lot of effort, idealism, 150 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: self reliance, keeping of higher standards, self restraint. These are 151 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: all qualities that David Daniels points out as the strength 152 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: of the perfectionist, and their communication style is being precise, clear, direct, 153 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 1: all positive things. Now, notice how the balance of this. 154 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: When someone is in balance as a perfectionist, they can 155 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 1: be highly powerful and impactful in society. I mean, most 156 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 1: of us would say we need more people like this, 157 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,679 Speaker 1: but when the balance is tipped, when we're not sure 158 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: what is right and wrong, this can also be very harmful. So, 159 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: as always on this podcast, what I want to focus on, 160 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 1: and the book does this beautifully, is how does this 161 00:10:56,320 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: type focus on personal development? Observing the way you constantly 162 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 1: monitor good and bad, Appreciating that there is more than 163 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 1: one right way and that others wrong ways may simply 164 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: be individual differences. Accepting imperfections in myself and others is 165 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: what we need to focus on, Practicing forgiveness for ourselves 166 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: and for others, and even on a deep level, questioning 167 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,520 Speaker 1: and refining the rules we live by. Do we really 168 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 1: understand them? Are we fighting for right? Or do we 169 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: deeply understand the rules? These are the pathways to personal 170 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 1: development for this type, and what ends up hindering your 171 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 1: personal development is that inner critic all over again, that 172 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 1: doesn't let you accept yourself and doesn't let you accept others. 173 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: It's constantly worrying about getting everything perfect and getting everything right. Now, 174 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 1: raise your hand if you feel this is you. Raise 175 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 1: your hand if you're you're constantly governed by right and wrong, 176 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,680 Speaker 1: not just do you think about it. Sometimes this is 177 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:10,320 Speaker 1: your mode of living, and take a second to be 178 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:14,839 Speaker 1: kinder to yourself, take a second to be conscious with yourself. 179 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 1: Take a moment to forgive yourself and recognize that this 180 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,560 Speaker 1: is something you want to work on. You're not going 181 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 1: to be hard on yourself. You're not going to strengthen 182 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 1: that inner critic. And the way others can support your 183 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:32,559 Speaker 1: development is by encouraging you to go easy on yourself 184 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 1: and to make time for yourself, providing you with a 185 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 1: non judgmental viewpoint because that's what you struggle with. So 186 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,839 Speaker 1: you can literally tell your friends, hey, could you remind 187 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: me to take it easier on myself. Could you remind 188 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 1: me to not judge myself as strongly? This is type one. 189 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 1: How many of you enjoying the sessions so far? I 190 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:54,440 Speaker 1: hope you are. I hope you're feeling that sense of reflection. 191 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 1: You may even have a type point in your life 192 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,200 Speaker 1: and now you're feeling better equipped to deal with This 193 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: book is fantastic. David Daniels The Essential Aneagram. I've had 194 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: it for a ton of time. It beautifully gives you 195 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,200 Speaker 1: an intro into the aneagram, which you can then dive 196 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 1: into deeper. Number two is the giver. How many of 197 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 1: you are already thinking you're the giver? Their belief is 198 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 1: to get you must give. To be loved, you must 199 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: be needed. Their adaptive strategy is I learned to get 200 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 1: my personal needs fulfilled by being needed and by giving 201 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: others what I felt they needed and wanted, and I 202 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,719 Speaker 1: expected that they would then do the same for me. 203 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:45,719 Speaker 1: I developed feelings of pride in being indispensable. Wow, how 204 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: many of you know a family member that has lived 205 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 1: this way as a giver? How many of you know 206 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 1: someone that gets their sense of value and self worth 207 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: and self belief because they give they want to feel needed, 208 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 1: they to feel useful. They may get territorial about certain things. 209 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 1: So because of this strategy, their attention is on the 210 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 1: needs and wants of others, especially if people they care 211 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: about and would like to have more care about them. 212 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 1: This obviously creates so many challenges. People can't always reciprocate 213 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:21,920 Speaker 1: in the same way, people can't always give back in 214 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: the same way, and this person ends up putting their 215 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:29,240 Speaker 1: energy into sensing the emotional needs of others and doing 216 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: what pleases them, feeling good about being able to meet 217 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 1: others needs so well, and that's massively difficult, whether it's 218 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 1: romantic relationship, family, or friendships. And they're trying to avoid 219 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: disappointing others. They're trying to avoid feeling unappreciated, so they 220 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: bend and they shift, and they break whatever it takes 221 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:57,480 Speaker 1: to feel needed. Now, the strengths is being giving and helpful, 222 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:04,360 Speaker 1: being generous. At the core, they are supportive, appreciative, and 223 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 1: you may think, wow, this person is amazing because they 224 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 1: love and care about me so much, not recognizing that 225 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: they may want the same bag. Their communication style is friendly, expressive, 226 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: but they can often tell you how they truly feel 227 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: as well, now let's really talk about how to gain 228 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 1: personal development in this regard, because we know we can 229 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: already understand that there's stress and challenges that come with 230 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: this approach, and sometimes they can have intense or sudden 231 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 1: emotional outbursts saying that they don't feel re separcated, where 232 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 1: it's saying that they don't feel loved, saying that they 233 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 1: don't feel taken care of. So this person needs to 234 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:48,440 Speaker 1: realize that being loved does not depend on changing yourself 235 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 1: for others. Gaining clarity about who the real meat is 236 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: and about my own wants and needs, this is the 237 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 1: key part. It's recognizing, well, what do I need, what 238 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,560 Speaker 1: do I want? And how can I give that to myself? 239 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 1: If I'm such a giver, let me give to myself first, 240 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: and let me not give to expect. Let me form 241 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 1: relationships where there is natural reciprocity. Let me form relationships 242 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: where I'm happy to maintain boundaries. And of course this 243 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: would have to be a big focus area for this 244 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 1: individual as well. Now I'm sharing the challenges because I 245 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: think we all relate to the challenges more. But we 246 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: have to realize this is also a beautiful mindset. If 247 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 1: you have the ability to give. If you have the 248 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 1: ability to love, that is one of the most beautiful gifts. 249 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: But when we give to get, when we love to 250 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 1: be loved back, that often feels empty and uncertain. So 251 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 1: I want you to think about how you can give 252 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 1: more credit to yourself, give more love to yourself, and 253 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: at the same time, whenever you feel selfish, accepting that 254 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,040 Speaker 1: you can only give to others if you give to 255 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: yourself first, learning to set healthier boundaries and barriers can 256 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 1: be really, really protective. So that is type two. And 257 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,399 Speaker 1: if you're a type two or you know someone in 258 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,440 Speaker 1: your life that's a type two. The way to get 259 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:17,480 Speaker 1: support from others is appreciating my independent self instead of 260 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 1: being seduced by or dependent on the help I give, 261 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 1: paying attention to my real needs and asking about them. 262 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:25,880 Speaker 1: So if you have a friend who's always bending over 263 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 1: backwards for you, reach out to them and ask them 264 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 1: to take care of themselves next time they offer to 265 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,920 Speaker 1: go above and beyond for you, help them help themselves 266 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,440 Speaker 1: or go above and beyond for them, but be clear 267 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: about the expectation you're setting as well. That is type 268 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 1: number two. We've been getting so many amazing reviews for 269 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: The Daily Jy, my new daily guided meditation series on 270 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 1: the car Map. You might have heard a couple of 271 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: snippets on the podcast for a few weeks, so in 272 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 1: case you haven't had the chance to check it out, 273 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,359 Speaker 1: I just wanted to share this review from Caitlin, an 274 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 1: elementary school teacher from New Jersey. He's what she had 275 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,960 Speaker 1: to say. I have over nine years of experience in 276 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,639 Speaker 1: the American public school education system, including teaching throughout the pandemic. 277 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: Over the past two years, I have seen extreme cases 278 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,399 Speaker 1: of anxiety and my students like never before. Many of 279 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,120 Speaker 1: these children have never experienced these feelings before, and most 280 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 1: are not even sure of what they are feeling. My 281 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 1: school district has spent a great deal of time focusing 282 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,679 Speaker 1: on social emotional learning sel through this school year. We 283 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 1: try to teach coping skills and focus on teaching kids 284 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,200 Speaker 1: how to deal with their feelings and become the best 285 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,399 Speaker 1: version of themselves. As someone who has also been experiencing 286 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 1: the many anxieties of the world today, I have recently 287 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,320 Speaker 1: downloaded the car Map thanks to my mom. My mom 288 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,199 Speaker 1: and I are big fans of yours, and once she 289 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 1: heard that you will have seven minutes of Daily Jay 290 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 1: each day. She encouraged me in doing this. Your meaningful 291 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 1: ideas and meditation have quickly become part of my daily routine, 292 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,440 Speaker 1: so much that I've begun incorporating some of them into 293 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 1: my sel morning meetings with my third graders. If you've 294 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: ever wanted to meditate with me, join me on the 295 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,679 Speaker 1: carm app for the Daily Jay, a daily guided meditation 296 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 1: where I'll help you find calm in the chaos, plant 297 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:14,240 Speaker 1: beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant life, and simple steps 298 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 1: for positive actions to get you closer to the life 299 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: of your dreams. Meditate with me by going to calm 300 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: dot com forward slash jay to get forty percent off 301 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,399 Speaker 1: a Calm Premium membership that's only forty two dollars for 302 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,439 Speaker 1: the whole year for a daily guided meditation experience the 303 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 1: Daily j only on calm okay. The third type is 304 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:41,439 Speaker 1: known as the performer. They believe that everything works and 305 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 1: gets done naturally according to universal laws, and they feel 306 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:50,919 Speaker 1: that they've learned to get love and approval by achieving success, 307 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 1: by working hard to be the best, and by maintaining 308 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: a good image. They believe they developed a self driving, 309 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:04,399 Speaker 1: go ahead energy that mast their own true feelings and 310 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 1: their way of operating is all the things that have 311 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,920 Speaker 1: to be done, task goals and future achievements. The most 312 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: efficient solutions how to be the best and getting things 313 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 1: done quickly and efficiently, staying active and busy, competing, achieving 314 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:23,640 Speaker 1: recognition and credit for accomplishments, adjusting to whatever is required 315 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: for success, promoting themselves looking good. They do everything they 316 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,640 Speaker 1: can to avoid failing to achieve their goals, being overshadowed 317 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 1: by others, losing face, experiencing uncomfortable feelings. And their strengths 318 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:41,399 Speaker 1: are being personable, enthusiastic, leadership, self assurance. Again, as you 319 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: can see, all of these personality types have lots of 320 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:49,159 Speaker 1: positive traits, But the thing that we don't recognize is 321 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 1: that if we're not aware of the narrative that we've 322 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 1: built or the story that we've built, often we can 323 00:20:55,880 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 1: end up feeling worse even when we understand and it's 324 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: about ourselves. Their communication style is direct, topic focused, fast paced, 325 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,640 Speaker 1: and confident. Now what causes them stress is the pressure 326 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 1: that comes from basing how good they feel about themselves 327 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:17,560 Speaker 1: on how much they get done and on status, prestige 328 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 1: and power. Not knowing their real feelings and values. So 329 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,280 Speaker 1: if you're one of these people and you want to 330 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,879 Speaker 1: be on top, knowing your true feelings and values and 331 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 1: working towards your values, engaging that work ethic to something 332 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: you really care about. Directing that towards your purpose is 333 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,479 Speaker 1: what purifies this personality type and makes you feel healthy. 334 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: Other ideas for personal development are moderating your pace by 335 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 1: practicing patients and allowing things to be as they are, 336 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:56,639 Speaker 1: welcoming their emotions, asking yourself what really matters, practicing looking 337 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 1: inward for your own identity apart from sess and the 338 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 1: expectation of others, setting limits and boundaries on work, allowing 339 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: yourself to listen and be receptive. Notice how there is 340 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,400 Speaker 1: a way forward in each of these to have a 341 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: great relationship with yourself. And what ends up happening is 342 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 1: that because we are unaware of this, we push it 343 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,760 Speaker 1: aside and we don't give it the energy and the 344 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 1: focus that it truly needs. Type four is the romantic. Now, 345 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 1: this isn't about relationships. This is just how they think 346 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 1: about life, a romantic view of life. So their belief 347 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 1: is people experience a painful loss of their original connections, 348 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,639 Speaker 1: leaving them feeling abandoned and feeling that they are missing 349 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 1: something important. They learn to keep searching for an ideal 350 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:49,119 Speaker 1: love or perfect circumstance to make them feel loved, whole 351 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 1: and complete again. They developed feelings of longing and envy 352 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,520 Speaker 1: for what is missing, so they end up putting their 353 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 1: energy into a range of intense feelings associated with what 354 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 1: seems to be missing or lacking in life, finding love, meaning, 355 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:11,560 Speaker 1: and fulfillment through self expression and deep connection, endeavoring to 356 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:16,760 Speaker 1: be a unique individual. Their strengths are sensitivity, a creative orientation. 357 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,960 Speaker 1: We see a lot of musicians in this field, a 358 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 1: lot of poets, a lot of artists. They have a 359 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,639 Speaker 1: capacity to empathize with suffering. How many times have you 360 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 1: listened to a musician or an artist, or a friend 361 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,639 Speaker 1: who plays an instrument and you just think they understand me, 362 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: They know how I feel. This person has emotional depth, 363 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:41,679 Speaker 1: authenticity and introspection. It's why so often we feel so 364 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:49,240 Speaker 1: understood by musicians, but why they don't feel understood. They 365 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:54,639 Speaker 1: communicate through expressive feelings, often personal and self focused. They 366 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 1: can be self absorbed, They can be dramatic at times, 367 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: and what causes them stress is people and experiences not 368 00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:07,119 Speaker 1: living up to their romantic ideals or their desire for intensity. 369 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,359 Speaker 1: They can envy what others have that they do not have, 370 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,680 Speaker 1: or what they are that they are not. Now, how 371 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,000 Speaker 1: does this person move forward focusing on what is positive 372 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,679 Speaker 1: in life right now rather than what is missing, maintaining 373 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 1: a consistent course of action despite fluctuating and intense feelings, 374 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 1: cultivating happiness in others in order to become less self absorbed, 375 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:36,159 Speaker 1: delaying reactive action until intense emotions begin to subside. And 376 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,120 Speaker 1: if you know someone like this, encourage them to keep 377 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:43,159 Speaker 1: their attention on what is positive in the present. Okay, 378 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,880 Speaker 1: so personality five, there's nine altogether. We may or may 379 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,719 Speaker 1: not get through all of them today. I may need 380 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: a part two That step five is the observer. Now, 381 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,919 Speaker 1: the observer has learned to protect themselves from intrusive demands 382 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 1: and being drained of their resources by becoming private and 383 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:08,200 Speaker 1: self sufficient. They do this by limiting their desires and wants, 384 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,439 Speaker 1: and by accumulating a lot of knowledge. They developed a 385 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,359 Speaker 1: sense of avarice, but only for things they could not 386 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 1: do without. Now, this person puts their energy into retracting 387 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,199 Speaker 1: in order to observe learning all there is to know 388 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:26,600 Speaker 1: about a subject, thinking and analyzing in advance, dampening and 389 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:32,639 Speaker 1: reducing feelings, remaining self contained to conserve energy, maintaining sufficient 390 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:40,960 Speaker 1: privacy boundaries and limits, and their strengths a scholarliness, being knowledgeable, thoughtfulness, 391 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 1: calmness and crisis, being respectful, keeping confidences, dependability, appreciation of simplicity. Now, 392 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 1: what causes this person's stress is failing to maintain sufficient 393 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:57,680 Speaker 1: privacy boundaries and limits. And the way this person can 394 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 1: move forward is allowing them to experience feelings instead of 395 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,760 Speaker 1: detaching and retracting into their mind. Notice how so many 396 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 1: of us are hiding our feelings for different reasons. So 397 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,399 Speaker 1: so far, we've gone through nearly five personality types. Notice 398 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,920 Speaker 1: how some are hiding their feelings because they're focused on success. 399 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: Others are hiding their feelings because they're focused on knowledge. 400 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,840 Speaker 1: So we start realizing that we're all hiding our feelings, 401 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,679 Speaker 1: but we're hiding them for different reasons. And when we 402 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,239 Speaker 1: become aware of their underlying reason, that's when we can 403 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,760 Speaker 1: truly make shifts. Another thing for their personal development is 404 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:38,679 Speaker 1: taking action in the realization that they have ample energy 405 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,320 Speaker 1: and support to carry it off. Finding ways to engage 406 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:48,160 Speaker 1: in conversation, to express themselves and to reveal personal matters. Hence, 407 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 1: a lot of observers need therapy or coaching in order 408 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,840 Speaker 1: to create that safe space, to be more vulnerable, to 409 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,720 Speaker 1: be more honest, and to be more open. Okay. Number 410 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 1: six is known as the loyal skeptic. Now, this one 411 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 1: has developed one of two strategies to seek security and 412 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:14,520 Speaker 1: certainty phobic or accommodating stance. While I became doubting, vigilant 413 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,919 Speaker 1: and questioning, I also learned to obey authority and to 414 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 1: avoid perceived threats and hazards or counterphobic or challenging stance. 415 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,200 Speaker 1: While I became doubting, vigilant and questioning, I also learned 416 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 1: to defy authority and to battle perceived threats and hazards. 417 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,639 Speaker 1: This person puts their energy into doubting, testing, looking for 418 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:40,080 Speaker 1: double messages, fingering things out through logical analysis, playing the 419 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,280 Speaker 1: devil's advocate. We all have that one friend who says, 420 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: I just want to play Devil's advocate here right, gaining 421 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,960 Speaker 1: security by obtaining the good will of others. Their strengths 422 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 1: include trustworthiness, loyalty, thoughtfulness, questioning. It can be a really 423 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 1: powerful skill, but sometimes of course, it can become stressful 424 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,679 Speaker 1: if they put pressure on themselves in their efforts to 425 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 1: deal with uncertainty insecurity. They struggle with feeling that lack 426 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 1: and what makes them angry is untrustworthiness betrayal. Now, how 427 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: did these people move forward with their personal development? Being 428 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: and acting as my own authority? Reclaiming faith in myself, others, 429 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 1: and the universe, Accepting that some uncertainty and insecurity is 430 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,879 Speaker 1: a natural part of life, checking out my fears and 431 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 1: concerns with others, Recognizing that staying busy is a way 432 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 1: to reduce awareness of anxiety, and recognizing that both fight 433 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: and flight are reactions to fear. So today we've covered 434 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 1: six of the Enneagram personality types, and there are nine 435 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,360 Speaker 1: in total. I would definitely do a part two. If 436 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 1: you like this episode, make sure you let me know 437 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,800 Speaker 1: in the reviews, make sure you tag me on Instagram, 438 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,160 Speaker 1: and let me know that you want a part two 439 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 1: of this to go over the other three. Remember, I 440 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: was reading from David Daniel's book The Essential Niagram. It's 441 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 1: a short book, really simple, and I really wanted to 442 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 1: focus on it today because I think it covers so 443 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:15,560 Speaker 1: much ground in such simplicity. I really hope this episode 444 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 1: helped you today. I'm so grateful to each and every 445 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 1: one of you for listening. I can't wait for part 446 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:31,520 Speaker 1: two and I'll see you soon. Thanks for listening, everyone,