1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: Hey lady, it is doctor Dom here. If you like 2 00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: this show and you want to make your own, let 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,400 Speaker 1: me tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a 4 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:13,200 Speaker 1: creation tool that allows you to record and edit your 5 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: podcast right from your phone or computer. You can add 6 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: songs from Spotify and create any type of content that 7 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: you are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, 9 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 1: and more. Download the free Anchor app or go to 10 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: anchor dot fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,400 Speaker 2: Hello there, and welcome to the Cultivating her Space podcast 12 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:42,959 Speaker 2: Live Herspace Chat on Spotify Green Room. I'm Terry Lomax, speaker, 13 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 2: author and brand strategist and one half of the Cultivating 14 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 2: her Space podcast, which has new episodes every single Friday 15 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 2: and bonus content for each episode on Patreon every Thursday night. 16 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 2: You can find us on most platforms or podcasts played, 17 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 2: and if you listen on Spotify, you can get our 18 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 2: exclusive after show in app every week. Now. If you'd 19 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 2: like to start your own podcast and you're interested in 20 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,240 Speaker 2: making multiple streams of income and you need a bit 21 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 2: more guidance, you can join me for my free podcasting 22 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 2: masterclass at podcast with Terry dot com Now, if you're 23 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,279 Speaker 2: tuning in live, be sure to click the area below, 24 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,039 Speaker 2: ask to speak, and drop a heart right now to 25 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 2: let us know that you are ready for the conversation. 26 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 2: And if you're catching the replay, you can join us 27 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 2: next Friday at one thirty pm Pacific time four thirty 28 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 2: pm Eastern time on green Room where you can converse 29 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 2: with us about whatever topic we're talking about. And today 30 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 2: we are talking about body image after life changes. A 31 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,040 Speaker 2: juicy conversation. So I'm going to pass it on over 32 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 2: to doctor Dom to lead us in with our intro 33 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 2: and quote of today. 34 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: All right, thank you, thank you for that beautiful welcome. 35 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: So I am doctor Dom, the other half of the 36 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 1: Cultivating her Space podcast, And if you are in the 37 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 1: California area and you are looking to begin your therapy journey, 38 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: know that I am a space where you can begin 39 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 1: that journey. You can reach out to me at doctor 40 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: Dominique Brusard dot com. That's d R D O M 41 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 1: I N I q U E B R O U 42 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:31,359 Speaker 1: S S A ar D dot com and schedule a 43 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: free fifteen minute consultation to see if I'm a good 44 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:38,920 Speaker 1: fit for you. And so we are going to jump 45 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: right into this conversation of how do we bring sexy 46 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: back when we are experiencing body image concerns after certain 47 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: life changes. So our quote of the day comes to 48 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: us from Selma Hyak. People often say that beauty is 49 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 1: in the eye of the beholder, and I say that 50 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you 51 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: are the beholder. See you already know that quote. 52 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 2: That quote. 53 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: I loved that quote, That that piece of it that's 54 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: acknowledging and recognizing that that I, the individual, am the 55 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: beholder of my own beauty. Yeah, I feel myself about 56 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: to go on a tangent and the soapap so I'm away, 57 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: I'm await. 58 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 2: What's what's your thoughts on the team? Honestly, I love 59 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 2: the quote. I think it is great. I think it's 60 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 2: liberating to know that, you know, in this world that 61 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 2: we live in where everything or a lot of things 62 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 2: are sort of plastered on social media and people are 63 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 2: providing an input where it is necessarily, you know, sought out, 64 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 2: but they're providing input on people's bodies and what things 65 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 2: look like and giving their feedback. I think it's really 66 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 2: liberating to know that really what our main focus should 67 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 2: be is how do I feel about my body? How 68 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 2: do I feel about myself? Right like, what do I 69 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,960 Speaker 2: think about me? Versus what do other people do? What 70 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,600 Speaker 2: are other people thinking about me? And so I think 71 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,159 Speaker 2: that is a liberating part. However, this is very fresh 72 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 2: for me, having just had a baby five months ago 73 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,160 Speaker 2: and coping with the changes of my body. I am 74 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:42,600 Speaker 2: also very aware that I am a recovering perfectionist. I am. Historically, 75 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 2: I've been very hard on myself. I am a lot 76 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 2: gentler these days, but I have been harder on myself 77 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 2: and I also have high standards. And so with that 78 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 2: in mind, what I realize is that sometimes being the 79 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,479 Speaker 2: beholder can also put you in an interesting position because 80 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,839 Speaker 2: other people. I'm the kind of person where other people 81 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,560 Speaker 2: can give me a compliment about something, but if I 82 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 2: don't feel that way myself, if I don't feel that 83 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 2: way myself, then it's like that's cute, thank you for 84 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 2: the compliment, But I need to work on how I feel, 85 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. If I'm my worst critic, 86 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 2: then it's like, oh, it puts me in a very 87 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 2: interesting cycle. So I love the quote. I just think 88 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 2: that it means that we have to step our game 89 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,800 Speaker 2: up when it comes to the grace that we give 90 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 2: ourselves as well. 91 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:28,679 Speaker 3: Oh yes, great grace. Yeah that should be that should 92 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,520 Speaker 3: be a word of the year or something. Grace is 93 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:38,919 Speaker 3: so so important, and I think about, yeah, just how important, 94 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:45,839 Speaker 3: how valuable having grace can be and having compassion can. 95 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 1: Be around how we look at ourselves and because, like 96 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,799 Speaker 1: you said, like we are often our own worst critic, right, 97 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:01,039 Speaker 1: And what that means is, like, exactly the example that 98 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: you gave that someone else can be paying us a compliment. 99 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,719 Speaker 1: And depending on the space that we're in and usually 100 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: and you know, speaking specifically to this topic of after 101 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: we've had some type of life change, we are usually 102 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:21,840 Speaker 1: not in a space to hear and receive the compliments. 103 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 1: So when someone's giving us a compliment, all we can 104 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,479 Speaker 1: see is the negatives, right, the things that we still 105 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:36,239 Speaker 1: need to improve. So someone may say to a new mom, 106 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you look so great. You've lost all 107 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:45,320 Speaker 1: that baby weight right now, one I advise people not 108 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 1: to make comments like that, like specifically about the baby weight. Right. 109 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 1: You can say to the woman, you know, you look great, right, 110 00:06:54,480 --> 00:07:00,159 Speaker 1: leave it at that, exactly exactly. But and even as 111 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 1: the woman who may be receiving it. Even if they 112 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: leave it at that, you may still be sitting in 113 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: a space where you're not ready to receive it. Mm hmm. 114 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 1: You may be in a space where you don't believe it. 115 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: And so I think the you know, the thing that 116 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 1: we want to think about is is what do we 117 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: need to do to get back there right like, to 118 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: get to that space of being able to receive it. 119 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 2: And believe it. That's a good point, that's a really 120 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 2: good point. I do want to say down before we 121 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 2: dive into the gems, right lady, If you're tuning in, 122 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 2: this may be a trigger warning. So I just want 123 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 2: to put it out there because we're talking about body 124 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 2: image and I'm going to share some personal things and 125 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 2: I don't want it to influence where you are on 126 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 2: your journey if you're in a delicate space. So I 127 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 2: just want to put that out there. I do also 128 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 2: want to save you're tuning in live or you're catching 129 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,640 Speaker 2: the replay, go to our instagram right now and it 130 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:06,280 Speaker 2: drops some green hearts in or on our latest post. 131 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 2: Our instagram is at her space podcast. Because this is 132 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 2: a conversation that I think is really important for us 133 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 2: as women for sure, but okay, I want to have 134 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 2: a real conversation with you, like we want to get 135 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 2: real some real ass shiit. 136 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: Okay. 137 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 2: So here's my thing, because I'm right in the midst 138 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 2: of this right now. And I was talking to my 139 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 2: trainer about this the other day and he was like, 140 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 2: you know, sharing some things with me that were really helpful. 141 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 2: But the thing that I struggle with and the thing 142 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 2: that I'm working through is I find it oftentimes people 143 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,319 Speaker 2: try to It feels like people try to rush someone 144 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 2: through a process, and we don't let people sit. And really, 145 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 2: I don't want to say wallow or salt, but just 146 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,959 Speaker 2: be like, for me, I don't think it's a negative 147 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 2: thing for me to look at myself and say, one, 148 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 2: my body is different. Yes, I gave birth. I think 149 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 2: it's great to mention like, oh my gosh, I you 150 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 2: know had this human being that I held my body 151 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 2: for nearly ten months, and you know we're healthy. I 152 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:03,079 Speaker 2: got us here. Be grateful for what my body is done. 153 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 2: Also to be realistic, not necessarily negative, but to be 154 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,480 Speaker 2: realistic and say, wow, my body is different. I'm also 155 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,079 Speaker 2: not a huge fan of certain aspects of my new body. 156 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 2: I'm still getting used to it. I want to change 157 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 2: some things, and I think that's okay. And I think 158 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,719 Speaker 2: sometimes when people I don't know if people don't know 159 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 2: what to say, but I think sometimes if someone lets 160 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 2: another person know how they feel about their body, they're 161 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,679 Speaker 2: quick to offer a solution and they're quick to say, oh, 162 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 2: would you just give yourself grace? You just had this 163 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 2: baby and then and I get that, and I'm also like, yeah, 164 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,559 Speaker 2: that's great, but like, also, I like to feel good 165 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 2: in my body, Like I want to feel comfortable. I 166 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 2: tend to walk around the house nude, and I want 167 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 2: to be to feel comfortable walking around nude again and 168 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 2: looking at myself in the mirror and not being like, 169 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 2: oh the stretch marks, oh the wrinkle wrinkly tell me, like, 170 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 2: I it's my reality, right, And I think we deserve 171 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,440 Speaker 2: to be able to feel those feelings and not have 172 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 2: folks rush up and say, well, you got to move 173 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 2: past it, you got to get to the you got 174 00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 2: to get to the other side, you got to be grateful, 175 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 2: because I so like it kind of minimizes, you know, 176 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 2: or yeah, it kind of minimizes the experience that kind 177 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,560 Speaker 2: of invalidates it when these are real things that are 178 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 2: coming up. 179 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: You know, what do you think from your point? I 180 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 1: think that's beautiful. I think that's beautiful. I think the 181 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 1: best question that we can ask someone when we're not 182 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,199 Speaker 1: sure what to say is how can I support you 183 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:29,200 Speaker 1: in this? Like that is my go to question, even 184 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 1: if I do know what to say, that's still my 185 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 1: goal to question how can I support you in this? 186 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 1: Because what that does is that allows me to step 187 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:43,679 Speaker 1: back and hear what the other person needs, right, Because 188 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 1: they may say, like if I you know t as 189 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 1: you're saying, as you're sharing what you're experiencing, you might say, 190 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,560 Speaker 1: you know what, I just need to vent. I just 191 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:56,559 Speaker 1: need you to listen as a vent. So then I know, well, 192 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:59,439 Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep my mouth closed, keep my opinions to myself, 193 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: and listen, righty. And but it could be that you 194 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: might say, well, what suggestions do you have? Like I 195 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 1: don't I'm stuck, I don't I need some I need 196 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,960 Speaker 1: some assistance, right, And it doesn't mean that you're going 197 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: to listen to that assistance, like listen to the suggestions, 198 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,720 Speaker 1: but you're saying that you're open to hearing them. So 199 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: then now I have your permission to go all in 200 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:28,560 Speaker 1: with all of my suggestions. And you might not like them, 201 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,439 Speaker 1: but you ask for it, right, You ask for those suggestions, 202 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 1: so I'm giving them to you. So it's really about 203 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: trying to convey that you are truly there to support 204 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:47,839 Speaker 1: the other individual in what it is that they need. Yeah, 205 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,440 Speaker 1: and you know, and if it's if it's the if 206 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 1: you're the person who is seeking the support, then also 207 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: don't be afraid to communicate what you need. Right. So, 208 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,800 Speaker 1: you know, you're meeting up with a friend or talking 209 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 1: to a family member, and before you start the conversation, 210 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 1: you might say, Hey, I'm getting ready to open up 211 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 1: and share some things, but right right now, what I 212 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:16,560 Speaker 1: need from you is for you to just listen. I 213 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 1: just need a listening ear right now. Right. So just 214 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:26,199 Speaker 1: being also being willing to communicate upfront what your needs are, 215 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,679 Speaker 1: particularly if you know how the other person is. Right, 216 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: Like I think about my relationship with my sisters, like 217 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: they know that I'm gonna come in with advice like 218 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 1: that's big sister, you know, And I will admit that 219 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 1: I am truly working on trying to be better about 220 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:50,079 Speaker 1: asking them practicing what I preach, right and asking them. 221 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 1: How can I support them before I start jumping in 222 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 1: with my suggestions. But they know if they're coming to me, 223 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,960 Speaker 1: they know how, they know what's how is generally going 224 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:02,480 Speaker 1: to go down. 225 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. I love that feedback. And I 226 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 2: will say it makes me think about, you know, your 227 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 2: relationship with for you know, perhaps your partner or family 228 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 2: members even and thinking about you know, I know I 229 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 2: have a cousin and we're very playful, Like we have 230 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 2: some very I would say dark humor, and we kind 231 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 2: of we joke around. We just have an interesting sense 232 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:25,800 Speaker 2: of a human world, will kind of come for each 233 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 2: other in playful ways. And I know that with me 234 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,560 Speaker 2: being vulnerable in certain areas right now, that might be 235 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 2: a boundary that I set with him, Like, hey cause 236 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,400 Speaker 2: I'm I feeling no jokes about you know, my body 237 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 2: or certain aspects of how my body has changed. That's 238 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 2: just a little sensitive for me right now. So I 239 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 2: think letting the folks know as well, if it's your partner, 240 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 2: your cousin, family, whoever it might be, I think that 241 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,760 Speaker 2: can be helpful. I do have some tips down that 242 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 2: I am working through that I think could be helpful 243 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 2: for folks. I don't know if we're going to dive 244 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 2: into the gyms just yet, because I know that you 245 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 2: may want to share some of the things that you've 246 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 2: experienced that are a little different, not necessarily childbirth, but 247 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 2: just coping with a changing body, right, right. 248 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: So you know, I think one of the things that 249 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,679 Speaker 1: we strive to do in cultivating her space is make 250 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,679 Speaker 1: sure that we are able to address the multitude of 251 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 1: situations that folks might be going through. And so we 252 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,240 Speaker 1: know that there are a lot of women who have 253 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:21,920 Speaker 1: had babies, but that's not the only body change that 254 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 1: we can go through. So I think about our listeners 255 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: who may be over forty and how your body changes. 256 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: I mean, no matter what age you are, your body 257 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 1: is changing, right. But thinking about like I think about 258 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: women who are like seventy plus right, like, for instance, 259 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: like my grandmother, right, and thinking about how she moves 260 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:53,200 Speaker 1: around now is not how she moved around at fifty 261 00:14:54,080 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: at twenty five, you know, And so recognizing that as 262 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: we get older, our movements, our range of motion, our 263 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:14,680 Speaker 1: skin looks the elasticity of our skin looks different. Right, 264 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 1: it may take a little bit longer to get out 265 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: of bed in the morning, right, or to get up 266 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 1: off the couch when you're ready to like you're getting 267 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: ready to go into the kitchen, right, or get up 268 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 1: and go to the bathroom, Like all of those things 269 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 1: feel different. Then there's also those of us who have 270 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: had surgery, right, So whether it's I mean personally, I've 271 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: had surgery to remove fibroids and so it was like 272 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: a C section cut and how and my skin keloids 273 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 1: and so me having to process how my body looked 274 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 1: different in that regard, right, And like you mentioned like 275 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: walking around nude and like just looking and just noticing, 276 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: like what keloids do to your skin. Right, Thinking about 277 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:12,960 Speaker 1: women who may have had breast cancer and have had 278 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:17,200 Speaker 1: to have a lumpectomy or am astectomy and what that does, 279 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,640 Speaker 1: Like thinking about what your body looked like before that procedure, 280 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 1: what your body looks like. 281 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 2: After that procedure. 282 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:30,120 Speaker 1: Bariatric surgery, right, what your body you know again, thinking 283 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: about what your body looks like going into that, why 284 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 1: you are having bariatric surgery, and then what happens to 285 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 1: your body, what your body looks like after that surgery, 286 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 1: like immediately after and then the months that followed, because 287 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: there's going to be continuous changes, right, and then plastic surgery, right, 288 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: like we all and plastic surgery is slightly different in 289 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: the sense that could be slightly different in the sense 290 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:04,639 Speaker 1: that that's more of an elective surgery that we choose 291 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:10,000 Speaker 1: to have, right, and so thinking about any type of 292 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 1: change that we've had or I don't want to also 293 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:21,159 Speaker 1: forget folks who have maybe been in an accident and 294 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 1: have had to have various limbs removed, right, Yeah, how 295 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:36,439 Speaker 1: all of those things can be to varying degrees changes 296 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: in our body and the way that we look and 297 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:44,360 Speaker 1: so thus will change how we see ourselves. 298 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 2: Absolutely, don thank you so much for sharing that. I 299 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 2: think those were amazing examples that you know, lady, if 300 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 2: you're listening, I'm sure there's something that you may either 301 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,440 Speaker 2: relate to personally or you may know someone that does 302 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,679 Speaker 2: relate to some of the examples that Doma share. And 303 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,919 Speaker 2: so thank you Don for kind of covering pretty much 304 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 2: the gamut there as far as the different experiences. And 305 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,280 Speaker 2: when you say plastic surgery, I also thought of like 306 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 2: a box surgery, right, like, maybe you get surgery and 307 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,679 Speaker 2: maybe it didn't come out the way that you wanted, 308 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 2: or maybe it's just there's like some type of you know, 309 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,719 Speaker 2: I don't know mishap now as far as the tools 310 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 2: that I've been using currently, and then we're going to 311 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,240 Speaker 2: jump into the gyms for you, lady, the tools, do 312 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 2: you know. I've said it on the podcast many times, 313 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 2: and I would say, this is a healthy interest that 314 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 2: I have, But death is very motivating to me. I 315 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,919 Speaker 2: think about death often just because it's something that, you know, 316 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 2: people died a lot when I was younger, and I 317 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 2: went to a lot of funerals. It's just my thing, y'all. 318 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 2: That's just my quirk, right. I love to talk about 319 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,199 Speaker 2: it and all that. So I bring it up because 320 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 2: oftentimes I think death is such an extreme that when 321 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,679 Speaker 2: I think about what I'm going through right now, Like literally, 322 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,119 Speaker 2: I thought about this the other day. But if I 323 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,639 Speaker 2: was on my deathbed tomorrow and I'm like, I know 324 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,639 Speaker 2: that I'm about to leave this earth, I would not 325 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 2: give a fuck about a stretch mark or about a 326 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 2: tell me like literally, that literally does not matter at 327 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 2: all compared to me being you just be present and 328 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 2: healthy and me being able to give value to the 329 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,439 Speaker 2: world and be here with my friends and family and 330 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,680 Speaker 2: live like I would not care. I would be begging 331 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:18,280 Speaker 2: for this beautiful, healthy body to help me stay here 332 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 2: versus me leaving this earth right because I'm gonna live. 333 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 2: I like living, Okay, So that's the first thing, right, 334 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,440 Speaker 2: So that's just my thing. The second time I would 335 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,120 Speaker 2: say is looking in the mirror and having private parties, 336 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,879 Speaker 2: which we've talked about hashtag India I read where if 337 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 2: you just yet, My ritual is when I take a 338 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,880 Speaker 2: shower when I'm able to because my baby sometimes doesn't 339 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,879 Speaker 2: let me, I will try to lotion and oil my 340 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 2: body and I'm looking at it. I'm taking in the 341 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 2: newness and I'm like, Okay, this is what we're working with. Okay. 342 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,160 Speaker 2: I'm also sort of saying like affirmations and being grateful 343 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,399 Speaker 2: for the body. So that kind of takes me to 344 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,280 Speaker 2: the next one of gratitude where it's like, Okay, yes, 345 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 2: things are different. I'm acknowledging where they are right now 346 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:59,879 Speaker 2: and how I feel. And I'm also super grateful to 347 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 2: I can get up and go to the bathroom by myself. 348 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 2: I'm super grateful. You know that I'm healthy, I can 349 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 2: walk up and down the stairs like I'm super I 350 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 2: have a lot to be grateful for, even though I'm 351 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,720 Speaker 2: in transition and things are a little different. I'm super 352 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,520 Speaker 2: grateful ready for the next one. 353 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,679 Speaker 1: Yep. The next one is. 354 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:23,120 Speaker 2: Accepting the newness, so realizing that, okay, like my tummy 355 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 2: is not going to look like I saw a picture 356 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:28,359 Speaker 2: of me in a bikini from college and I was 357 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,639 Speaker 2: just like fancist, you was looking real good. To tell me, 358 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 2: probably not gonna look like this ever again, and it's okay. 359 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,360 Speaker 2: But accepting that reality because I can be so unrealistic 360 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 2: sometimes and so accepting the boo your skin elasticity and 361 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,640 Speaker 2: all that it's probably not gonna be the same, like 362 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,280 Speaker 2: it's not and it's okay, ye that it's not. But 363 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,679 Speaker 2: you have to like greathe the old thing and accept 364 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 2: that this is going to be the new thing. So 365 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 2: you can look at your options. Do I want to 366 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 2: get surgery? Do I want to work out? Do I 367 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,479 Speaker 2: want to do this? Look at your options and think 368 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 2: about what's best for you, right, But acceptance is key. 369 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 2: And then the last one, This is something that I have. 370 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,440 Speaker 2: It's a mantra that I've said in life in regards 371 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,240 Speaker 2: to different arenas of life. It's something that my trainer 372 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 2: made me think about again. And I was just like 373 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 2: you're right, and it's basically being happy with what you 374 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:23,040 Speaker 2: have as you manifest what you want. Yes, you know, yes, 375 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 2: because oftentimes if we're not happy as we're in transition, 376 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 2: once we get what we want, we're still not going 377 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,280 Speaker 2: to be happy. So really just being happy now and 378 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,360 Speaker 2: not letting that define us. So that was a lot, 379 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 2: But I know you have some gems that you want 380 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 2: to add. Tone I think. 381 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: You covered like the major gems, right, and I think 382 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 1: that the gems that you shared your the tips that 383 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:48,640 Speaker 1: you provided, the things that you're working on are applicable 384 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 1: no matter what issue or what events is causing you 385 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,880 Speaker 1: to experience body image concerns. Right. So the only two 386 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,880 Speaker 1: things that I would add to that is one, consider 387 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:11,440 Speaker 1: changing your wardrobe. So as part of accepting your new body, 388 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,120 Speaker 1: that may mean that things might either be too small 389 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:20,880 Speaker 1: or too big, or don't flatter you in the way 390 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:27,159 Speaker 1: that they used to. So find a wardrobe that compliments 391 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:32,280 Speaker 1: your current body, right. And we have an episode, we 392 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,879 Speaker 1: have a podcast episode coming up soon where we talk 393 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: about finding a wardrobe for you. And then the final 394 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:48,879 Speaker 1: tip that I would add is seeking professional help. So 395 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 1: because I know that sometimes our body image issues can 396 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:57,880 Speaker 1: lead to us engaging in self harm behaviors which could 397 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 1: include disorder eating patterns, and so I would encourage you 398 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 1: to seek professional help. So whether that's your therapist, a 399 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 1: personal trainer, a dietitian, your general physician, whoever it is, 400 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 1: to help you navigate that space that you are currently in. 401 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 2: Those are so beautiful. Thank you so much, John for sharing. 402 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,879 Speaker 2: And I will say, although our audiences women, men also 403 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 2: struggle with these things as well, So it's important to also, 404 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:35,919 Speaker 2: you know, have this conversation with the men in your 405 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 2: lives as well, because this is an important topic when 406 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,040 Speaker 2: it comes to body image and you know how we 407 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 2: take care of ourselves. So thank you so much for 408 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 2: tuning in. This was a good conversation. I'm looking forward 409 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,959 Speaker 2: to hearing your feedback, so make sure you visit us 410 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:51,159 Speaker 2: on Instagram at her space podcast, drop some green hearts 411 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 2: and green circles and let us know what you think.