1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: Oh yes, gaze upon me and know me, for I 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: am the christ Child of podcasting. Yes, well, the sins 3 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:19,600 Speaker 1: of all podcasters. That's right. I will reborn, be reborn, 4 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,119 Speaker 1: and sit at the right hand of my father, the 5 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 1: pod Save America, guys, but John's John the Baptists. This 6 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,839 Speaker 1: is this is Behind the Bastards, the only podcast hosted 7 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: by the man that Vulture Magazine called the Jesus Christ 8 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 1: of podcasting. Look it up. Look it up. It's there, 9 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:46,160 Speaker 1: it up, it's there somewhere. Probably. Um, maybe if enough 10 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: people look it up and harass their reporters over email, 11 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: they'll have to report on it in a story, and 12 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,519 Speaker 1: then I can take an excerpt out of that article 13 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 1: and make it look like they called me that Jesus 14 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: Christ of podcasting, which would be worth it. Yeah. I 15 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,920 Speaker 1: mean that's how you play, you know, the beat the 16 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: media at their own game. If you get them to 17 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: quote other people's complaints, and then you take that complaint 18 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: you say, hey, we all learned a lot from Donald J. Trump. 19 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 1: Yes we did, Yes, we did. Can we not do 20 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,200 Speaker 1: this weird bit you're doing? So it's not a bit, 21 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: it's my life. It is my life. Um. Anyway, Matt 22 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: Lee was here. Hey, I'm back, Met Lee. So glad 23 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: to be here. Love being on this this pod, Love 24 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 1: talking to you guys. Love you know, just plugging my 25 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: podcasts and just begging your listeners to just check it out. 26 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: Not Yourself the Wire the only the World's Only The 27 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: Wire podcast, and pod Yourself a Gun the World's Only 28 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: the Sopranos podcast. Yeah, check out pod Yourself the Wire 29 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 1: and check out Yourself a Gun. Um, And I pause 30 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: for a second because I just saw the worst thing 31 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: I've ever seen on Twitter. Oh no, what is it? Uh? 32 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: Christi yamagucci main a k at wobble House on Twitter 33 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: who's a fan of our show posted a picture of 34 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: a decale on somebody's car that says messy buns and 35 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: loaded guns and then it's a picture of the American 36 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:25,079 Speaker 1: flag and then and then says raising lions not sheep. Yeah, 37 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: that's a that's a that's a person who was threatened 38 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 1: to murder a barista. That is the first city who 39 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: was pulled a firearm on a Starbucks with my friends here, beautiful. 40 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: That's a person who is unlawfully detained black people for 41 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: riding a bike and asked them whose bike is that? Yeah? 42 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: That that is a person who has pulled a glock 43 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:55,079 Speaker 1: on a FedEx driver who was not as white as they, uh, 44 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 1: speaking of which you know, who would have definitely pulled 45 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 1: a clock on a FedEx driver. Poleon the Third actually 46 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 1: probably not, that was not super a problem that he 47 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 1: had um, but he had a shot one in the mouth. 48 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 1: He would have showered in the mouth, I'll tell you 49 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: that much. This guy. One thing about this Napoleon guy 50 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: loves the mouth shooting, real mouth shooter. Napoleon the third 51 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: straight we can my favorite meme again, the shaking hands 52 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: meme with Napoleon the Third and suburban Americans shooting people 53 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 1: who absolutely shouldn't be shot, shooting innocent people in the 54 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 1: mouth in a panic and a panic. Yeah, yes, there's 55 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: there's another hand holding. It's a third one. It's just 56 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 1: the cops. Yeah. We can have a lot of debates 57 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: about gun control, but Napoleon the Third is definitely a 58 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 1: man whose gun needed more controlled, a little bit more. Bonapartes. 59 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: He has a right to bear arms, but not a 60 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 1: tear mouths. That's right, that's right. Anyway, Yeah, you're doing good. 61 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: So anyway, Uh, Napoleon the third um. In the space 62 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 1: of about a decade, the first ten years or so 63 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 1: he's in power, Napoleon the Third takes France from being 64 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,920 Speaker 1: one of the sick men of Europe it was seen 65 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,840 Speaker 1: as kind of an ailing power like the ottomans Uh 66 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,919 Speaker 1: and a pariah, and turns it into what is probably 67 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,480 Speaker 1: the dominant political and military force on the European continent. 68 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 1: Right after the Crimean War. He's got sort of what's 69 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: seen is like the largest, most cohesive and effective ground army. 70 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,039 Speaker 1: He's expanded like like over the course of the first 71 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: like decade and change of his reign, he doubles the 72 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 1: population of France by because he's conquered all of Indo China, 73 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,479 Speaker 1: He's conquered effectively now parts of Algeria, Western Africa. Like 74 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,920 Speaker 1: he he had something like like millions of people to 75 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: French dominion. I thought people just like the new Empire 76 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: so much that they were they were just fucking making 77 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 1: a lot more babies. Yeah, you know, Managa, way more 78 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 1: than for this guy, because Louis Napoleon horny motherfucker Napoleon 79 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 1: the TI. But first I did want to talk a 80 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 1: little bit about a fun fact I found about him, 81 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 1: about how he used his new found wealth and prestige 82 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 1: to laun his position over everyone else. Right, and that's 83 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 1: normal for emperors. You know that you wouldn't be an 84 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 1: emperor if you weren't going to do some of that. 85 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 1: But due to a quirk of metallurgy and history, he 86 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: wound up doing this in a very funny way. When 87 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,719 Speaker 1: the emperor would host other world leaders for lavish balls 88 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: and high society events, he would have his servants bring 89 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: out gold plate at dinnerware for them, right, you know. 90 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: And this was not to honor them. This was specifically 91 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 1: to contrast them too from him, because he had a 92 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: much nicer set of dinner ware, and all of his 93 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: plates and bowls and cups and spoons were made from 94 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: what was at the time one of the most valuable 95 00:05:51,760 --> 00:06:05,920 Speaker 1: materials on earth. Aluminum. Yeah, with it out is aluminum cups. 96 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 1: Enjoy your gold poppers. Yeah, I'm just gonna crack open 97 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:17,119 Speaker 1: this cold beer, this cold beer of precious aluminum. Watch 98 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: me crash it. I'm gonna crunch it right on my head, 99 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 1: shotgunning mead. So, the general public didn't start to become 100 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,480 Speaker 1: aware of aluminium till the end of the eighteen hundreds. Um. 101 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 1: The metal exists all throughout the earth, right, It's been 102 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: around forever, We've been using it forever. But due to 103 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: realities of geology, this silver from clay, as it was called, 104 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: was generally mixed up with other ship and we just 105 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,159 Speaker 1: didn't have the ability to like separate it and gather 106 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,160 Speaker 1: it in significant quantity. For an example of how valuable 107 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 1: aluminium was, during the reign of Louis Napoleon, the United 108 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,159 Speaker 1: States put a six pound aluminum cap on the top 109 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,119 Speaker 1: of the Washington Monument and this was like a big 110 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 1: flex This was the US being like, yeah, motherfucker's we 111 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: had six pounds of aluminum, bitches, would you got you 112 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,720 Speaker 1: got nothing? It was, We're gonna wrap this whole thing 113 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,880 Speaker 1: and foil It was the largest piece of the metal 114 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: ever used at that time. Most Napoleon actually granted a 115 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: scientist named Henri de Ville a massive public subsidy to 116 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: study how to gather larger quantities of aluminum. He ordered 117 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: military standards to be made from aluminum poles for his 118 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 1: troops to carry, because he was so enchanted by the 119 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: site of aluminum. None of this worked very well, but 120 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 1: that hardly mattered the Royal family wore aluminum jewelry. Um 121 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: Lewis's son had a baby rattle made of aluminum. It 122 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: was a wild time for what is today the most 123 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: boring metal on earth. They've got like he's giving us, 124 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: He's given us relatives like aluminum rings, throwing their gold 125 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: in the trash. This ship, it's got an aluminium aluminum 126 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: allum aluminium carriage that just keeps folding. God damn it. 127 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: Can we make this stronger? Napoleon the third was also 128 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: notorious for his his can we say oxmanship, his coxsmanship? Um, yeah, 129 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 1: he is. He's a he's a he's a he's a 130 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,920 Speaker 1: he's a funk guy. You know, he's a fun guy. 131 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: He's a funk guy. Now, his wife, who he married 132 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: shortly after taking power and is pretty controversial herself and sucks, 133 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 1: is the Impress Eugenie. Um. She is a huge prude. 134 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: Some biographers right that she hated sex. Um. So this 135 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 1: is going to be particularly a problem because Louis Napoleon 136 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 1: really likes sex. Another thing he does the way he 137 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,280 Speaker 1: threads this needle is by cheating on her constantly. Yeah 138 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: that makes sense, Yeah, yeah, it makes see where this 139 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: is going. You know, that's what he's gonna do so 140 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,200 Speaker 1: because things aren't working out great for Eugenie. Um and 141 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: because after a while this is not there's no romance 142 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: in their relationship, Louis Napoleon has to increasingly go further 143 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: afield in search of love. And this is where we 144 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 1: get the story of the Countess of Castiglion born Virginia 145 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: Elizabetta Luisa Carlotta Antonietta Teresa Maria Oldoini. Which is nobody 146 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: needs a name that long, you know, three in mambo 147 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 1: number five exactly, Yeah, this bitch is her own Mamo 148 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: number five. Her parents were Tuscan nobles who saw the 149 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: fact that she's hot as hell, right, Um, So they 150 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,439 Speaker 1: decide that since she's so gorgeous, they're going to solve like, 151 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 1: this is a problem. Right, you don't really want to 152 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,080 Speaker 1: have a daughter who's like famously beautiful when you're high society, 153 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 1: because like she's gonna get up to some stuff. So 154 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 1: the only thing her parents are just like, we gotta 155 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,599 Speaker 1: get we gotta deal with this hot daughter problem. We 156 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,079 Speaker 1: gotta marry her off as soon as we can. Um. 157 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: And so they hit her off at age seventeen to 158 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,679 Speaker 1: a nine year old. Um. This is not a happy union. 159 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: They have actually a famously disastrous marriage, and she basically 160 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: leaves him immediately to move to Paris and become the 161 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 1: mistress of the Emperor of France. This leads to a 162 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: lot of drama, particularly when she wore a dress covered 163 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:58,080 Speaker 1: in hearts with no corset. She's famous for this just 164 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: just just let them let him, like but letting it 165 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 1: hang um while. And she she goes like shows up 166 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:08,120 Speaker 1: at this fancy ball in this heartcover dress with no corset. Well, 167 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: she's on Lewis Napoleon's arm and Empress Eugenie is there. 168 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: She's like sitting in the ballroom as the emperor comes 169 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,199 Speaker 1: in with his chick on his arm, which is like, 170 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 1: you know, people expect an emperor to sleep around, but 171 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: that's still kind of like a little bit. She's not 172 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,640 Speaker 1: wearing a corset. She's breathing normal. She's breathing normal, not weason. Yeah, 173 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: Everyone's like this is yeah, So we don't know why 174 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: the two stopped dating, which happened in around eighteen sixty, 175 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: but they did break up suddenly. Now all of this 176 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 1: is mostly interesting because the Countess is widely considered to 177 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 1: be the first supermodel due to her habit of taking 178 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:50,440 Speaker 1: and publicizing lurid photos of herself, often wearing things that 179 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 1: were like considered pornographic in the day, so she would 180 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: put out pictures of herself and sandals visible. Yeah, she's 181 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:02,720 Speaker 1: showing off them toes little and she's she's got this 182 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 1: access to photographers in part because she's dating the emperor, 183 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: and as a result, if you look at the way 184 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,400 Speaker 1: she's posing, she kind of invents the selfie, like this 185 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 1: is the She's the first person who has the ability 186 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,439 Speaker 1: to do this, to like dress up in the morning 187 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 1: and be like, I look cute, I'm gonna take a picture, 188 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 1: I'm gonna send it out to everybody, right like she 189 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: she she has turned the world media into Instagram. She 190 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,680 Speaker 1: invented the duck face. Yeah, yeah, she kind of figured 191 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 1: all that out. So that's fun. Anyway, it's probably time 192 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 1: to stop talking about court life and get back to 193 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: everybody's favorite topic. Blood drenched imperialism. Yea, oh god, isn't 194 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,560 Speaker 1: it good? You just like to rub it all up 195 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: into yourself, get it all in your crevice. Is nice, 196 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: warm blanket of blood. Yeah, the bloodiest crevice in the 197 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: French Empire at this point in time, is Algeria. Now 198 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 1: in March of eighteen sixty four, again, in like eighteen 199 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 1: fifty eight, they had quote unquote pacified it. Right in 200 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 1: March of eighteen sixty four, tribesmen in the mountains of 201 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:00,440 Speaker 1: pacified Algeria launched yet another insurrection. Napoleon a third was 202 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: forced to send twenty more soldiers to the colony, just 203 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 1: as he was planning to take his first royal trip 204 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,160 Speaker 1: there to embark on a new phase of investments in 205 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 1: the area. All of this came at a bad time. 206 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: His brother in law, a valued adviser, had just died, 207 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,840 Speaker 1: and at age fifty seven, Louis Napoleon is himself in 208 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,840 Speaker 1: pretty poor shape. Um, I'm gonna give you a little 209 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 1: list of all the different ailments. This man has rheumatism, gout, hemorrhoids, 210 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 1: a terrible cough from decades of smoking, and a heart condition. 211 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 1: So he's just falling the funk apart. But he decides still, 212 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to fucking Algeria and I'm going to 213 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,680 Speaker 1: fix things up personally. And this troubled imperial possession that 214 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,199 Speaker 1: you know, my predecessors took on. Now, one of the 215 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 1: things that's interesting about him he's a liberal, right, he's 216 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: a monarchist, but he's a liberal, and as a liberal, 217 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,440 Speaker 1: he doesn't think that like he's not. He doesn't talk 218 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: about France's imperial possession the way that like you get 219 00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,040 Speaker 1: a lot of British Empire guys talking about. Um. He 220 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 1: talks about like he he talks about from this position 221 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:07,000 Speaker 1: of like we're going to you know, I want this 222 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: to be an Arab nation and we just want to 223 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 1: help them, you know, like we're here, We're here to 224 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 1: like fix things up for them. We're not trying to 225 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: take money out of them, and we're not trying to 226 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: We're just trying to make them a little bit better 227 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 1: so they can stand on their own. We're just trying 228 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 1: to spread democracy. Yeah, exactly, He's trying to spread democracy 229 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: in the Middle East. Um. Now, I want to read 230 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 1: a quote from the Shadow Emperor that kind of makes 231 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: it clear the way in which he saw himself here. 232 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: The Turks had governed Algeria as a province of the 233 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: Ottoman Empire until eighteen thirty and had done nothing for them, 234 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: according to Louis Napoleon's Lights. Apart from collecting taxes, the 235 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 1: Turks had let them run their own lives, leaving traditional 236 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 1: tribal affairs and customs unchanged. They had not encouraged them 237 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: to abandon tribal tribal life, acquire private property, or try 238 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 1: to produce agricultural surplus beyond their own tribal needs for 239 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 1: overseas sales. All of this was wrong in the eyes 240 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,200 Speaker 1: of Louis Napoleon Bonaparte. The Algerians needed guidance and entering 241 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 1: the modern world European civilization, everything had to change, but 242 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 1: it must be done patiently and respectfully. You must be 243 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 1: given equal rights, the same rights as the French population. 244 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: Such an idea, of course, had never even occurred to 245 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: the most enlightened Algerian Tribal councils popularly elected and chosen 246 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,200 Speaker 1: throughout the centuries, should now be disbanded, and along with 247 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: them tribal chiefs, dismantled the tribe and its administration, and 248 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: become like France, he insisted. And yet Louis Napoleon specifically 249 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: forbade the creation of cantonments or reservations. His knowledge of 250 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: the whole scale popular transportation and relocation of the American Indians, 251 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: he said, had cautioned him enough to not repeat that experiment, 252 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 1: and that's part I find that really interesting. Um, this 253 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 1: is part of what that's what he learned from us. Yeah, 254 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 1: don't don't do reservations now, absolutely end their way of 255 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: life and destroy their cultures so they can participate in 256 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: specifically so that they can participate in global capitalism. You know. 257 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: The problem is and again he sees this as like 258 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: the Ottomans being foolish. Now, the Ottomans knew how to 259 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: run an empire, which is that like, yeah, all we 260 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,040 Speaker 1: needed out of Algeria was Algiers as a training area, 261 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: and we don't really care what other people do as 262 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 1: long as they don't funk with trade and you know 263 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: what's easy just letting them lift their lives. Yeah, yeah, 264 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 1: we just collect a little bit of tax and fucking 265 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: move on. This goes reasonably well for the Ottomans, um, 266 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 1: but it's like it's going to be this fucking nightmare 267 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 1: for France. And it all comes out of this idea 268 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 1: that like, well, their their culture is a failure because 269 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 1: they're not part of the global capitalist system. They're not 270 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 1: producing a surplus to sell. Now, the Algerians would say, 271 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,640 Speaker 1: because we have enough food, Yeah, yeah, we don't. We 272 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 1: don't we don't really need this. What do we want 273 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 1: money for? We've got our own thing going on. We're okay, 274 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 1: we don't need money. We're doing what I can buy stuff. 275 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 1: What are you talking about? What? What do I need 276 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: global capitalism for? When there's a market right down the street. 277 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 1: I have grown animal skins and all the all the 278 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: things that I need, you know. Um, Napoleon the third 279 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: is like horrified by this and the fact that he 280 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: the fact that he like while he's trying to figure 281 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 1: out how do I dismantle and destroy this tribal structure, 282 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: the fact that he won't do reservations is part of 283 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: a fun trend in European history in the late eighteen hundreds. 284 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: We talked about this a little bit at the start 285 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,400 Speaker 1: of this series. Um, you know of Behind the Bastards 286 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 1: when we did Karl May, who is this German author 287 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: who wrote cowboy books that Hitler just loved. But there's 288 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,200 Speaker 1: this trend in in European culture in the late eighteen 289 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: hundreds where indigenous Americans are glorified and idolized in European 290 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 1: popular society, particularly in fiction. And there are a number 291 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,120 Speaker 1: of reasons for this. Some of it is just that like, yeah, man, 292 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 1: it's it's a real bad genocide that that was fucked up. 293 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: What was done, um, and what it was, you know, 294 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: it is still being done into that objectively tragic figures 295 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: exam objectively a tragic thing that happened. But a lot 296 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 1: of it also is that there's this growing anti American sentiment. Right. 297 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 1: Some of it's because of you know, the United States 298 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: doing Manifest Destiny ship, but a lot of it's also 299 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: just like you know, they're they're new on the scene, 300 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: and they're kind of like gross upstarts, right, So there's 301 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,080 Speaker 1: that asked act of it, and they to avoid like 302 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: all of the the hundreds of years of European conflicts, 303 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,920 Speaker 1: you know, they get to just be over there. Yeah. Um. 304 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,080 Speaker 1: And it's interesting because they while they there's this aspect 305 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:15,160 Speaker 1: of kind of idolization of Indigenous Americans, it doesn't come 306 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: with any real respect for their cultures, and in fact 307 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 1: is often based entirely on fantasy presentations of these cultures. 308 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 1: And it brings us back to Napoleon the Third Louis. 309 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 1: Napoleon was adamant that he wanted the Algerians to rule themselves, 310 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,760 Speaker 1: and he would claim that his administration was simply a 311 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,880 Speaker 1: way to help raise them up to a point where 312 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 1: they could exist as a modern nation. But in practice 313 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 1: this was an incredibly bloody process. See, people don't like 314 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,640 Speaker 1: having their way of life demolished by strangers at gunpoint. 315 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: So early in eighteen sixty four, a tribal chief massacred 316 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: four dozen French soldiers, and the Emperor's men responded by 317 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 1: burning villages and rendering a huge junk of the ore 318 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,360 Speaker 1: in province uninhabitable. Right, this is this is the process 319 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 1: of bringing them democracy. They killed some of our armed 320 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 1: men trying to destroy their try and so we must 321 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,760 Speaker 1: burn villages. Hey, the tree of liberty has gotta be, 322 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,439 Speaker 1: you know, watered by blood YadA, YadA, by the blood 323 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 1: of the people you're freeing, Yes, exactly. In his writings 324 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,119 Speaker 1: on the Colony, Louis sketched out grand dreams of democratic 325 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,200 Speaker 1: rights and institutions for Algerians patterned off the French system. 326 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 1: And a lot of this has to do with like, 327 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 1: I want this, you know, enlightened electorate, and I want 328 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,439 Speaker 1: this education system all this. But but most Algerians couldn't 329 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 1: read or write, right, um, because that's just not a 330 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,960 Speaker 1: part of their lives. A lot of their culture has 331 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,639 Speaker 1: passed on in an oral tradition, all that stuff. Um. 332 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: And as it happens, the system they already lived under 333 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 1: was super democratic. It was in fact more democratic than 334 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: either France or the United States at the time. Tribal councils. 335 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 1: All of each of these different tribes was kind of 336 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 1: governed by tribal councils that were made up of adult 337 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:53,439 Speaker 1: men who reached consensus on major decisions. Um. This was 338 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,440 Speaker 1: a stateless system. These are not nations, and it's you know, 339 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: not to say that it wasn't like again, it's all men, 340 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: but so is the United States actorate. So it is 341 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 1: the French electorate at this point. It's not like anybody's 342 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: good on that stuff. And it's it is consensus driven 343 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 1: rather than like we have these elections in one party 344 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: takes power. It's these councils representing all of the families 345 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: and the tribe figure out what to do and vote 346 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: kind of select representatives of the oldest, wisest men in 347 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,119 Speaker 1: order to help make calls about things like you know, 348 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,479 Speaker 1: when we go to fight against another tribe, or like 349 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,159 Speaker 1: if if somebody encroaches on our grazing lands, or what 350 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 1: to do if there's a drought, is Robert, they're not 351 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 1: wearing wigs. Yeah, they're not wearing wigs while they do it. 352 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,959 Speaker 1: It's not democratic, Like, I don't see how this is. 353 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 1: This seems worse because like, how are you going to 354 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: make democratic decisions without like old real fucking big gass 355 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 1: whigs exactly huge and weird, fucking massive wigs. This is 356 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 1: a again one of the things I find this interesting 357 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,080 Speaker 1: because this is a stateless system, and it was one 358 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:57,440 Speaker 1: that for a long time Algerians had been relatively peaceful 359 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 1: and avoided starving. Right the system like this, you can 360 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 1: you can call these things like primitive if you want, 361 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 1: like and people that the fucking French should do. But 362 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,160 Speaker 1: like this works for a lot of people for a 363 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 1: very long time and a pretty tough part of the 364 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:15,159 Speaker 1: world geographically, Algeria is a complicated place to stay alive 365 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: in um it works pretty well, uh, and by all accounts, 366 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 1: life was relatively decent there before the French took over. 367 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,639 Speaker 1: Napoleon's attempts to impose a different way on life, and 368 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: the people who had never seen themselves as part of 369 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 1: the same entity was always destined for failure. They didn't 370 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,920 Speaker 1: see themselves as Algerians because they weren't. They were just 371 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,640 Speaker 1: like some tribes living in an area they just get 372 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: someone just gave them labels, and they were just like, no, 373 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,000 Speaker 1: that's not I think this is another area where like 374 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,720 Speaker 1: the things he'd been reading about Native Americans had colored 375 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,200 Speaker 1: his opinion because he saw the Algerians as a race 376 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 1: in decline, which is definitely how the Europeans looked at 377 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,120 Speaker 1: Indigenous Americans, even though there was no evidence that they've 378 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,359 Speaker 1: been in any kind of trouble under the Ottomans, right, Um, 379 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:04,160 Speaker 1: they were not like having serious problems. It was again, 380 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: you know, this is not a perfect I'm not trying 381 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,640 Speaker 1: to paint this as like a fucking paradise, but like 382 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 1: there was no evidence that they were having any particular 383 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:15,119 Speaker 1: kind of issues. Um, but Napoleon's gonna fix all that. 384 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 1: He's gonna give them some serious goddamn problems and we're 385 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: gonna talk about that. But first, Matt, what you know 386 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:28,520 Speaker 1: what Napoleon would love, um me to use my soundboard 387 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 1: right now? That's right, baby? Sorry, No, what what would 388 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,160 Speaker 1: be like? You should get a soundboard from from Bill 389 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,040 Speaker 1: and Ted's excellent adventure Stick a Stick Napoleon Bonaparte on 390 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 1: and that shit too late for that. But hey, yeah, 391 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,440 Speaker 1: you just remember one of the classic lines from that movie, 392 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: all of which I have forgotten at this point. Yeah, 393 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: the guitar sound when they're excited, George, Yeah, that's right. 394 00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 1: Think about Keanu Reeves coming and then buy some products. 395 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:09,680 Speaker 1: That's the way it sounds. Baby. We're back and we're 396 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 1: just thinking about how it sounds when Kiana Reeves comes. 397 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,399 Speaker 1: Um like a normal person. Yeah, I think so. I 398 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:20,520 Speaker 1: think one day I'll meet him and I'll ask what 399 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,920 Speaker 1: it sounds like, what does it sound like when you come, 400 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: Kiana Reeves. I'm sure he'd answer. He seems cool. I'm 401 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: sure he would have an answer. I'm not sure he'd 402 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: appreciate that specific question appreciate it, but he would have 403 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:38,280 Speaker 1: something for it. So Napoleon the Third's whole goal is 404 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,679 Speaker 1: to take the Algerian people out of the place they 405 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,840 Speaker 1: had been living, out of the their ancestral homelands, to 406 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:49,199 Speaker 1: pub make so basically no one owned land in Algeria, right, 407 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: You had like, these is our hunting ground, this is 408 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 1: where we graze our sheep, and if a tribe comes in, 409 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,320 Speaker 1: maybe there will be a conflict over it, but it 410 00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: was not nobody. People didn't have like yeah, yeah. He 411 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,560 Speaker 1: basically is going to, over the course of his time 412 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,920 Speaker 1: in power, take away all of the lands owned by 413 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,199 Speaker 1: tribes because there's initially this sense of like, well, what 414 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,919 Speaker 1: if we give the tribes some land and some of 415 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: it becomes frances He's going to get rid of all 416 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,200 Speaker 1: of that over time because his goal is to force 417 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:17,240 Speaker 1: all of these people who are again perfectly happy being 418 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 1: living in the fucking hills and mountains and whatnot of 419 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 1: Algeria um and force them to move into modern cities 420 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 1: with wide French style boulevards, electric power, and parliamentary democracy. 421 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,439 Speaker 1: Now that will work out. It doesn't. There's a fucking insurrection, 422 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,240 Speaker 1: and the first thing Napoleon does when this insurrection happens 423 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,840 Speaker 1: is he appoints a new leader, and a non military leader, 424 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,880 Speaker 1: because he's like, well, maybe they kill those soldiers because 425 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 1: the military is being too aggressive. You know what I'll do. 426 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna put my best guy in charge of things. 427 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,720 Speaker 1: You know who that's gonna be, Greg Napoleon. Yeah, old 428 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 1: Prince Jerome, the guy who had fucking fled the field 429 00:23:54,560 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 1: in crimea old. It's Jeri Nipoli po. So he puts 430 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:08,359 Speaker 1: gutless Bonaparte in charge, replacing the old military leader of 431 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 1: the colony. And again the military their solution to problems 432 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 1: was massacring villages. So I'm not saying like he should 433 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 1: have let those guys stay in power. But but Prince 434 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 1: Jerome is like a high society liberal, and he brings 435 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: with him to Algiers a coterie of Parisian high society liberals. Um, 436 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,359 Speaker 1: and he's going to attempt to democratize Algeria. And I'm 437 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: gonna read again from the Shadow Whimper here quote the 438 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:38,240 Speaker 1: Brooding Plan. Plan that's his his other nickname. Personally knew 439 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,880 Speaker 1: nothing about Algeria, its history, or its people, and had 440 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 1: no plans to learn by touring the country or indeed 441 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 1: even to leaving the capital of Algiers. He was only 442 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:50,320 Speaker 1: interested in introducing his personal theoretical liberal reforms. But when, 443 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,920 Speaker 1: for instance, on February eighteen fifty nine, he announced from France, 444 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 1: where he had returned in December of eighteen fifty eight, 445 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,920 Speaker 1: but the natives would be free to sell or acquire land, 446 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,159 Speaker 1: including tribal land, all sides were up in arms. Strictly 447 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,119 Speaker 1: defined lands could no longer easily be confiscated by the state. 448 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,680 Speaker 1: The result the tribes would eventually break up, disintegrate, and disappear, 449 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,280 Speaker 1: as the totality of their tribes literally constituted Algeria. This 450 00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 1: meant the entire social structure protecting the members of each 451 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 1: tribeould no longer exist, resulting in a veritable das for 452 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,639 Speaker 1: a tribesmen. And today one of the big social problems 453 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,920 Speaker 1: France has is that there's this constant wave of people 454 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,200 Speaker 1: fleeing Algeria, which has caused a lot of particularly racist 455 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: in France. Racist in France had a lot of issues 456 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 1: with that. This is where that all starts, right, This 457 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,200 Speaker 1: is like why they come over to France because the 458 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:40,720 Speaker 1: French emperor destroys the entire social structure exactly, and suddenly 459 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,400 Speaker 1: people have like no where to be. Yeah, it turns 460 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,960 Speaker 1: out that's a bad idea. I just wanted them wear 461 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: wigs and have papers that say this my house. That's all. Yeah, 462 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 1: And then they came to France and all of the 463 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: racists were angry about it for forever um. So when 464 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,080 Speaker 1: this uprising starts in eighteen sixty four, it's clear that 465 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,639 Speaker 1: plant plant has failed. And when he visits Algeria. The 466 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: emperor brings with him an authoritarian regime to replace plan 467 00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: plants liberal one which was going to use terrible force 468 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,920 Speaker 1: to bring peace. He appoints a military officer, Patrice Diy McMahon, 469 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: who goes on a spree of massacres. Despite this, Algeria's 470 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,879 Speaker 1: vast size and diffuse population proved difficult to control. The population. 471 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,119 Speaker 1: Migrations caused by land reform policies and waves of refugees 472 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: from the fighting ran up against a horrible drought that 473 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,399 Speaker 1: hit in eighteen sixty seven and eighteen sixty eight, devastating 474 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,880 Speaker 1: local agriculture. Next came a series of earthquakes and then 475 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 1: cholera and typhoid epidemics. These disasters had all occurred in 476 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:43,440 Speaker 1: the past and had been handled by Algerians through mutual aid. Right, 477 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: These tribes had ways of This is the same thing 478 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 1: you see in India when the East India Company takes 479 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 1: over destroy all these different trading agreements within villages. Because 480 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:54,200 Speaker 1: people had always dealt with like bad times, and when 481 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,360 Speaker 1: one village doesn't produce enough food, other villages didn't tend 482 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,200 Speaker 1: to let them starve to death. Tribes and Alderia work 483 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,240 Speaker 1: the same way, right, we take care of each other 484 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 1: when things are really bad, because that's just better for everybody. 485 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 1: Napoleon the Third has destroyed all of these structures that 486 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,800 Speaker 1: used to protect people, that used to allow folks to 487 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,240 Speaker 1: deal with this kind of ship, in addition to killing 488 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,960 Speaker 1: a shipload of them. So the chaos of the upheaval 489 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,879 Speaker 1: of Napoleon meant that there was nothing in place to 490 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 1: protect these people. More than three hundred thousand Algerians die 491 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 1: in a four year period. This is from disease, along 492 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 1: with three d and fifty thousand who are killed by 493 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 1: the military and an ethnic cleansing. This amounts to one 494 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:34,919 Speaker 1: third of the Algerian population pre lowis Napoleon ship. Yeah, 495 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:40,239 Speaker 1: this is like pretty bad genocide. Um, so you know 496 00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:44,639 Speaker 1: that's uh. If you're wondering why Algeria has had a 497 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,359 Speaker 1: rough time of it in the last century or so, 498 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,359 Speaker 1: little history do it. Yeah, might be a little bit 499 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:56,080 Speaker 1: of history. There might might be a super might be 500 00:27:56,400 --> 00:28:05,080 Speaker 1: entirely Francis fault right broke the Yeah. Yeah, well now 501 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:08,199 Speaker 1: they are so at around the same time, while all 502 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 1: this is going on in Algeria, Louis Napoleon is fucking 503 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,639 Speaker 1: around in a weirdly similar way in a completely different 504 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 1: part of the world Mexico. Now, as I had said, 505 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,760 Speaker 1: he's spent years, most of the early eighteen sixties trying 506 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,440 Speaker 1: to convince Maximilian Habsburg to become the emperor of Mexico. 507 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:28,000 Speaker 1: They're talking about this for years now. Maximilian is an 508 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,240 Speaker 1: interesting dude. Again. He's the younger brother to Franz Joseph, 509 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 1: the Emperor of Austria Hungary, who Lewis had recently bested 510 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,200 Speaker 1: in a war, and max had kind of a fraud 511 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,400 Speaker 1: relationship with his brother. They were close as kids, but 512 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: as they get older, his brother thinks that he's gunning 513 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,640 Speaker 1: for the throne and so keeps trying to foist him 514 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 1: off on these do nothing jobs. Maximilian is kind of 515 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:51,600 Speaker 1: running Austrian Italy for a while before he gets overthrown 516 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 1: basically um, and he's when he's kind of running Austrian 517 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,520 Speaker 1: he's trying to be like this liberal right where he's like, well, 518 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:02,480 Speaker 1: maybe they'll like being ruled Austria if if I introduced 519 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,720 Speaker 1: reforms and like that never works because people don't like 520 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 1: to be ruled anyway. Like, no, but you can have 521 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: some speech, yeah, not against the Austrian. Yeah, anyway, it 522 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: doesn't work great. Uh he gets run out of town 523 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 1: on the fucking rails and yeah, Louis, uh you know, 524 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,400 Speaker 1: he's he's got this. His older brother kind of wants 525 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 1: him away. And so the fact, the idea, like the 526 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,719 Speaker 1: Franz Joseph, actually winds up backing Napoleon's plan to make 527 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 1: him the Emperor of Mexico for a while because sign 528 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 1: him across and well, in part because he can make 529 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 1: him sign a contract saying I give up my right 530 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: to inherit the Habsburg throne because you can't, you know, 531 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,400 Speaker 1: be the king of the Emperor of Mexico and be 532 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,040 Speaker 1: the emperor you know, in line for the Empire of 533 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 1: Austria Hungary. Arbitrary rules are arbitrary rules. Yeah. And Maximilian 534 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,240 Speaker 1: is a very similar kind of guy to plan Plan. 535 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:03,200 Speaker 1: He's this idealistic, night eve, arrogant liberal who wants to 536 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,920 Speaker 1: reform things and be seen as a reformer, but also 537 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,280 Speaker 1: wants to be the guy running things and wants it 538 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:11,000 Speaker 1: all to be done his way. Um, and he does. 539 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 1: He wants to reform Mexican society in what you might 540 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: call vaguely center left directions. Um, and doing this means, though, 541 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:21,440 Speaker 1: defeating the already pretty for the time left wing legitimate 542 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,959 Speaker 1: government of Mexico, which is a republic currently governed by 543 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,880 Speaker 1: the elected leader who was an indigenous Mexican man named 544 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 1: Benito Warez. Like he said, he's got indigenous ancestry, and 545 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 1: he's Warez is a fascinating, fascinating man, a tough son 546 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 1: of a bitch. Cool asked dude. He had been elected 547 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:47,120 Speaker 1: president after finishing a vicious civil war, um beating the Conservatives, 548 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 1: who sought an autocratic, dictatorial form of government different from 549 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,560 Speaker 1: war as his republic. So Maximilian, he wants kind of 550 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 1: a broadly similar social structure to what the Mexican Republicans 551 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,160 Speaker 1: are pushing. He just wants to run it. Which is 552 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 1: when it's not like he's it's not like Mexico would 553 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 1: had this like horrible dictatorship. They had just fought a 554 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,640 Speaker 1: war and a republic had been elected kind of along 555 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,480 Speaker 1: the lines that Maximilian thought was good. He just wanted 556 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 1: to kill them and do it himself. Yeah yeah, He's like, Okay, 557 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: but what you guys got this Mexican doing the job. 558 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:21,959 Speaker 1: This is the problem they come taking our look at 559 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:26,680 Speaker 1: my chin it's funny. This guy, this guy isn't even 560 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 1: in bread. What the fuck? People will make a Hapsburg 561 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 1: chin jokes at Edward Habsburg on Twitter and will always 562 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,800 Speaker 1: respond by, like, get another joke, guys. It's like, well, 563 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,280 Speaker 1: that's the joke. Because your family ruled the world while 564 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:42,600 Speaker 1: like constantly fucking each other and producing kids who like, 565 00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:47,240 Speaker 1: didn't like, couldn't functionally rule the countries they were born 566 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: to inherit, and it lent the millions of deaths, millions 567 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:54,680 Speaker 1: and millions of deaths. That's the joke, Edward. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 568 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,320 Speaker 1: that's that's what makes it funny. That's what another joke 569 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: about my genoidal, fucking bloodline. Fucking Habsburg's. God, you are 570 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:10,720 Speaker 1: never wrong in ship talking a Hapsburg always always go 571 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:16,840 Speaker 1: after Hapsburg's. So you know, you know who learned that lesson? Well, Gaffrolo, 572 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:28,719 Speaker 1: princep O. God, we love we love a Hapsburg dropping king. Um, 573 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:35,040 Speaker 1: we we love a good dead Fralls joke. Yeah, good stuff. 574 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:40,320 Speaker 1: So um. Anyway, Maximilian he has all these political theories 575 00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 1: that he wants to test out. He's thinking about, if 576 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,240 Speaker 1: you like again and I really do the book The 577 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 1: Last Emperor of Mexico by Edward Shawk Cross fucking good book, 578 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,160 Speaker 1: incredibly readable. I had I finished it in just a 579 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 1: couple of days because I couldn't put the thing down. 580 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:56,320 Speaker 1: Really really well written book. Um. It's one of the 581 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,320 Speaker 1: points that he makes is that, or at least the 582 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,520 Speaker 1: way in which I inter britten Maximilian as being based 583 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 1: on the way he portrays him in the book, is 584 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,000 Speaker 1: a guy who has all these little fun theories about 585 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,560 Speaker 1: how he might want to run a country, and he 586 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,760 Speaker 1: almost approaches being the Emperor of Mexico is like playing 587 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,040 Speaker 1: a game of civilization. He's excited to try a new 588 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,680 Speaker 1: thing out in his game. Um, but he does. He 589 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,000 Speaker 1: makes a He draws a hard line with Louis Napoleon, 590 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: which is that he won't agree to go to Mexico 591 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 1: and try to be the emperor unless the Mexican people 592 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:28,600 Speaker 1: themselves acclaim their desire to be governed by him. Now, 593 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,520 Speaker 1: this was never going to happen. From one thing, Mexico 594 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,200 Speaker 1: is very large and most of the people living there 595 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:39,520 Speaker 1: have absolutely no connection to like centralized Yeah, exactly, Like 596 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 1: go to somebody in the fucking Chihuahbo and be like, hey, 597 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,600 Speaker 1: do you want a Hapsburg emper? Like dude, what the 598 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 1: funk man? I like, I got stuff going on? Um, 599 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 1: what are you talking about there? The idea that these 600 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,040 Speaker 1: guys would be able to rule a land mask based 601 00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,880 Speaker 1: on borders that they just kind of invented is it's great, 602 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,560 Speaker 1: To be honest, It's never worked out well for the 603 00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,400 Speaker 1: Mexican government. Someone has ever been good at governing Mexico. 604 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:13,480 Speaker 1: No one can figure it out. Yeah. Um, So basically 605 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,840 Speaker 1: what happens is that Napoleon the Third works with achadra 606 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 1: of defeated conservative Mexican officers to trick Max into thinking 607 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,400 Speaker 1: that his reign is supported, and then he sends a 608 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:26,040 Speaker 1: French army into Mexico to conquer it from the legitimate government. Now, 609 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,840 Speaker 1: this first army gets its ass kicked because Benito Airez 610 00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:34,880 Speaker 1: pretty good military commander. But also again, the Mexican state 611 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,640 Speaker 1: has just finished several civil wars. It's battered. They don't 612 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:42,440 Speaker 1: have a super functional military compared to the French military, 613 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,200 Speaker 1: which a lot of people will say is the best 614 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:45,799 Speaker 1: in the world in this period of time, or at 615 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:49,120 Speaker 1: least one of them. So Louis Napoleon sends a much 616 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,400 Speaker 1: larger army next, which succeeds in smashing all resistance and 617 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:56,360 Speaker 1: conquering Mexico. But it conquers Mexico the same way the 618 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 1: US conquers Afghanistan. They conquer a bunch of cities leading 619 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:04,040 Speaker 1: to the capital and kind of control the roads, right, 620 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,759 Speaker 1: But that's all they have because they only send like 621 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,400 Speaker 1: fifty men I think at the height, which is again 622 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:15,640 Speaker 1: Mexico is quite big, yeah, a big place, sizeable, sizable nation. 623 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 1: So they're able to and the French can beat because 624 00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,280 Speaker 1: they've got a modern army, modern guns. The Mexican military 625 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 1: doesn't really have a lot of that stuff. They can 626 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,120 Speaker 1: beat any field army that will raise itself against their 627 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,160 Speaker 1: main force, but that main force can only be in 628 00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:33,919 Speaker 1: like one area at a time, and they can't with 629 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,719 Speaker 1: splitting the army up. Number one, sometimes you're gonna lose 630 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 1: groups of the army, right because you can beat a 631 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,320 Speaker 1: hundred French soldiers or something. And then the other problem 632 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,360 Speaker 1: is that, like you can't hold anything but the cities 633 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 1: in the roads. Now, they do try to build up 634 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:48,320 Speaker 1: a Mexican army like an imperial army. There's an imperial 635 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:53,120 Speaker 1: Mexican army. It is of debatable competence. Again, think of Afghanistan. 636 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:57,799 Speaker 1: This is actually very similar to fucking Afghanistan um and 637 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:02,160 Speaker 1: it costs very quickly. Skyrocket. Now, Napoleon the Third, basically 638 00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:05,160 Speaker 1: his business plan here had been, will conquer Mexico, will 639 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,600 Speaker 1: stick this guy on the throne. You know, pretty soon 640 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:09,880 Speaker 1: he'll be able to He'll just take over the Mexican 641 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 1: army and they'll keep the peace, and then France will 642 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,560 Speaker 1: get to basically to get its pick of all of 643 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,799 Speaker 1: the resources in Mexico, get all that silver. There's a 644 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,680 Speaker 1: lot of good ship in Mexico, and it's like this 645 00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:23,920 Speaker 1: will be this will work out a couple of years 646 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,000 Speaker 1: of costs and then it'll be worth it. He is 647 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:30,319 Speaker 1: as good a businessman as Elon Musk. Yes, that's how 648 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:34,640 Speaker 1: this ship works. Dollars is going to go now everyone 649 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: gets a blue check mark. The Mexican people here are Twitter, 650 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:39,959 Speaker 1: and they're about to do what Twitter did when Musk 651 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,920 Speaker 1: took over, which is start a massive grassroots rebellion against 652 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:50,839 Speaker 1: the empire. Just has fake accounts saying they're Habsburg. Just 653 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:57,000 Speaker 1: a shipload of Habsburg accounts. Um So, Maximilian enjoys fairly 654 00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,600 Speaker 1: little popular support. He is handicapped by the fact that, 655 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,560 Speaker 1: again he's a liberal so he keeps pushing through these 656 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: liberal reforms and announcing these very liberal laws, but his 657 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:10,439 Speaker 1: entire base of support are like ghoulish right wingers. So 658 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,240 Speaker 1: the people who he is trusting to back him hate 659 00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,600 Speaker 1: the way he wants to run the country. And when 660 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:20,560 Speaker 1: he does things that like Benito Uarez's supporters probably would 661 00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:24,120 Speaker 1: have liked in a different circumstance, his primary backers desert 662 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,680 Speaker 1: him um. And so he has to like crack down 663 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,440 Speaker 1: on the people of Mexico in order to like get 664 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,000 Speaker 1: their support back, which fuels the rebellion. It's just a 665 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:37,560 Speaker 1: doomed situation. Threading an un Yeah, it's not even a needle. 666 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:40,480 Speaker 1: He's just like sticking a string into a solid nail. 667 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you go through? Can't get anything through this 668 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:49,000 Speaker 1: fucking needle. This is bullshit. This shouldn't be as hard. 669 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:51,840 Speaker 1: So the fucor he reaches its peak under what becomes 670 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,719 Speaker 1: called the Black Decree or Bondo Negro of eighteen sixty five, 671 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,400 Speaker 1: and which all captured Republican soldiers are to be executed 672 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:05,479 Speaker 1: without aisle um. Now do you think this lowers the tensions? Yeah? 673 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:10,160 Speaker 1: I think it definitely just completely equalizes that everyone's like oh, man, funk, 674 00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,400 Speaker 1: I guess we won't do this no more. So what 675 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,080 Speaker 1: happens that, what this actually results in is the Republicans 676 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:18,000 Speaker 1: are like, well, then whenever we capture French soldiers and 677 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,279 Speaker 1: Mexican imperial soldiers or government officials, we will kill them 678 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: without trial. And of course this leads to the slaughter 679 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,759 Speaker 1: of thousands and thousands and thousands of people, just nightmarish 680 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,880 Speaker 1: blood letting. When max had headed over to take command 681 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 1: of the government, Louis Napoleon had promised him that all 682 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,719 Speaker 1: the resources of the French state would be dedicated to 683 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:39,280 Speaker 1: seeing the success of his imperial project. But costs quickly 684 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 1: outstripped what Louis had been willing to pay, and since 685 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:45,960 Speaker 1: the Imperial government didn't control much actual territory, exploiting Mexican 686 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:50,439 Speaker 1: resources for Frenche profit proved impossible. In eighteen sixty six, 687 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,919 Speaker 1: all of this came to a head for several reasons. One, 688 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,280 Speaker 1: the US Civil War ended. The reason why Louis Napoleon 689 00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,680 Speaker 1: had timed sending Maximilian over there was that the US 690 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:00,440 Speaker 1: was fighting a civil war, and he was like, this 691 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,279 Speaker 1: will keep occupied for a while, they won't be able 692 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,040 Speaker 1: to get involved. His plan was to make a firebreak 693 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,319 Speaker 1: for US power. Right while they're busy fighting themselves. I 694 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:13,080 Speaker 1: will establish control over Mexico using Maximilian and then by 695 00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:14,759 Speaker 1: the time they finished, this will just be done and 696 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,000 Speaker 1: they won't be able to stop it. Um. Now, so 697 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,319 Speaker 1: the US Civil War ends, um. And you know, now 698 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,760 Speaker 1: the US is no longer distracted. The Union starts sending 699 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:28,279 Speaker 1: weapons across the river to Benito Uarez because we're like, well, 700 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,840 Speaker 1: we don't really like this at all, um uh. And 701 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,400 Speaker 1: there are constant worries, it's legitimate worried that the Americans 702 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:38,360 Speaker 1: might just invade and attack the French army in Mexico. Um, 703 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,359 Speaker 1: which we could have done, and it would have been 704 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,960 Speaker 1: the only time US troops centered Mexico for a reason 705 00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:47,759 Speaker 1: that wasn't fucked up. Yeah, we almost invaded Mexico for 706 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:52,279 Speaker 1: a good reason. Don't worry. We didn't. We didn't. We 707 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:56,920 Speaker 1: continued our streak of only fucking over Mexico, a proud 708 00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:02,120 Speaker 1: and time honored American American fucking with Mexico, stealing land 709 00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:06,640 Speaker 1: and destroying entire political structures. This is kind of the 710 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:12,719 Speaker 1: one time in which we were almost nice to Mexico. Man. Uh. 711 00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:15,600 Speaker 1: And we will talk about what happens next. But first, 712 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,600 Speaker 1: you know who is nice to Mexico Me, that's right, 713 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:23,000 Speaker 1: Matt leeb Our primary sponsor. Why do you don't know this? 714 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,239 Speaker 1: This whole podcast is paid for by Matt leeb He 715 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:30,000 Speaker 1: just keeps getting credit cards. I just listen. I am 716 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:33,000 Speaker 1: in a lot of debt right now. But is people. 717 00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,239 Speaker 1: People can get their bastards content. I'm willing to pay 718 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:41,920 Speaker 1: so by my product, Matt leeby mean, just send him 719 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:45,520 Speaker 1: money so he can he can keep financing this debt. Hell, 720 00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:56,960 Speaker 1: we're back. So at the same time that his Maximilian's 721 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,640 Speaker 1: Mexican Empire is collapsing, ship in Europe starts to go wrong, 722 00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:04,920 Speaker 1: with the Prussian otto von Bismarck launching a war against Austria. 723 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,719 Speaker 1: Uh Napoleon in a secret meeting with Bismarck, agrees not 724 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,040 Speaker 1: to defend Austria's France Joseph, and part of it was like, 725 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,040 Speaker 1: so Bismarck is like, hey, man, I gotta go to 726 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,160 Speaker 1: war with Austria. You don't really like this guy, you 727 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:17,759 Speaker 1: fought him an a war. Just let me do it once. 728 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:19,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna take some ship, and you know what, you'll 729 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,000 Speaker 1: get some territory. Right. So this territory it's kind of 730 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,000 Speaker 1: like on the border of like Italy and France and 731 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,680 Speaker 1: all this stuff we'll get. You'll get some of that 732 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,120 Speaker 1: you know will work out great for you all. You know, 733 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,160 Speaker 1: you just gotta let me deal with him and I'll 734 00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,640 Speaker 1: give it to you. Like trust me. You know it'll 735 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:36,839 Speaker 1: be good. Trust me. I'm Otto von Bismarck, most trustworthy 736 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:43,239 Speaker 1: man in Europe. So Bismarck, like Napoleon, decides to do 737 00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,239 Speaker 1: this because number one, I'm gonna get some land out 738 00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:47,279 Speaker 1: of it. That'll be good. At number two, this is 739 00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,960 Speaker 1: gonna be years. Right, Austrian Germany fight at each other. 740 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 1: They're basically equal, you know they'll be They'll be locked 741 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:54,480 Speaker 1: into this brutal it will weaken both of them and 742 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,399 Speaker 1: then France will be even stronger. There's no way those 743 00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:01,120 Speaker 1: will get done quickly. Seven weeks it is. It is 744 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:05,239 Speaker 1: over almost immediately because what Otto von Bismarck has done 745 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,480 Speaker 1: is invent Germany. And if you know one thing about Germany, 746 00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:12,880 Speaker 1: pretty good at war, pretty good at war in Western Europe, 747 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:16,560 Speaker 1: like the way ours is baseball. There's is doing war. Yeah, 748 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,560 Speaker 1: in Western year once they go east, it gets a 749 00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:23,560 Speaker 1: lot messier for them solid and Western Europe. So, as 750 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:26,799 Speaker 1: you said, they basically win this war against Prussia immediately 751 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:29,920 Speaker 1: um and then as soon as they do, Napoleon's like, so, 752 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,120 Speaker 1: how about that territory that you guys said I could 753 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,680 Speaker 1: get and the fucking Bismark's like, what was that? What 754 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:40,600 Speaker 1: was that all? You didn't I said psych afterwards and 755 00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,960 Speaker 1: going into this prior to the start of that war 756 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,840 Speaker 1: with Austria, the kind of assumption everyone else would have 757 00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,000 Speaker 1: made is that, like France was the premier land power 758 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,360 Speaker 1: in Europe. But part of what Napoleon the Third and 759 00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,359 Speaker 1: everyone else realized when he when Prussia goes to war 760 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,960 Speaker 1: with Austria is that like they got like seven thousand 761 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,600 Speaker 1: guys they can call up and they're like, they're pretty 762 00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:04,680 Speaker 1: good at this. This is actually a very frightening situation. 763 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:08,120 Speaker 1: I've just realized. And tens of thousands of my best 764 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:13,600 Speaker 1: soldiers are in Mexico. Yeah oops, yes, uh fuck. I 765 00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,279 Speaker 1: didn't realize that you guys would get like really good 766 00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:21,480 Speaker 1: at this. This has all gone terribly for me. So 767 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:25,120 Speaker 1: so he uh, Napoleon, Louis Napoleon is suddenly much less 768 00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:28,719 Speaker 1: interested pouring men and resources into Mexico. He begins pressuring 769 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:32,760 Speaker 1: Maximilian to abdicate, but max doesn't want to leave his empire. 770 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,480 Speaker 1: He's dedicated to it and the brave men fighting for him. 771 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,600 Speaker 1: He's very delusional, is what's actually in Spanish and everything? 772 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:43,480 Speaker 1: Like leave now? I have a castle and everything. Yeahcienda 773 00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:47,520 Speaker 1: and Spaniel. Yeah, I don't understand why I have to 774 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,480 Speaker 1: leave now? People love me. It is very funny because 775 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,359 Speaker 1: he like tries to eat a Mexican meal as soon 776 00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:57,120 Speaker 1: as he arrives, and he gets sick because it's too hot, Like, man, 777 00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,520 Speaker 1: you can't eat fucking chilies. And you think you're going 778 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:09,520 Speaker 1: to be the Emperor of Mexico. My god. Yeah, yeah, 779 00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,680 Speaker 1: so Louis Napoleon, Yeah, it's about to abandon him. I'm 780 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:14,920 Speaker 1: gonna quote from the Emperor of Mexico, the last Emperor 781 00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:17,959 Speaker 1: of Mexico again here. In August, Napoleon the Third tried 782 00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,120 Speaker 1: to claim the territories that Bismarck had promised, but the 783 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:23,200 Speaker 1: Prussian Chancellor responded with a diplomatic equivalent of laughing in 784 00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:25,919 Speaker 1: the French Emperor's faces, pointing out that the Prussian army 785 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,600 Speaker 1: was already mobilized. Now it was war, not only on 786 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,480 Speaker 1: the other side of the Atlantic that Napoleon the Third 787 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,479 Speaker 1: had to worry about now. But across the Rhine, where 788 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:36,360 Speaker 1: Bismarck marshaled the forces of German nationalism behind a militaristic regime, 789 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,160 Speaker 1: France was in an was in a state of feverish crisis, 790 00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,600 Speaker 1: and attacks on Napoleon the third policy towards Prussia were rife. 791 00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,400 Speaker 1: Even Napoleon the Third's wife, Eugenie, berated him for being 792 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,600 Speaker 1: outwitted by Bismarck. The last thing the French emperor wanted 793 00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,840 Speaker 1: was an unpleasant reminder of another unpopular foreign policy disaster. 794 00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:54,920 Speaker 1: He tried to delay meeting with Carlotta, pleading illness. He 795 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,279 Speaker 1: urged her to visit her brother in Brussels first, but 796 00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,000 Speaker 1: Carlotta had already telegrammed the courts at Brussels in Vienna 797 00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,200 Speaker 1: informing them that she would not be visiting because of 798 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,800 Speaker 1: the refusal to send more volunteers. Ignoring the French empruce excuses, 799 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:10,120 Speaker 1: she proceeded to Paris. So Napoleon the Third has Eugenie 800 00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:12,360 Speaker 1: try to stop Carlotta from meeting with him, but she 801 00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,000 Speaker 1: will not be dissuaded, and she eventually gets her audience 802 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,480 Speaker 1: with Napoleon the third, and she's been over in Mexico 803 00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,000 Speaker 1: for a while, and while she's been over, things have 804 00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:22,359 Speaker 1: gone a lot worse for him, and he's gotten sick 805 00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,920 Speaker 1: and old. So she she sees this guy that all 806 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,240 Speaker 1: of her and her husband's hopes layon continued French support. 807 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:32,440 Speaker 1: They cannot hold onto their empire without France. She suddenly 808 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:36,640 Speaker 1: realizes that he's he's fucked like he's he's old and broken, 809 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:40,080 Speaker 1: and she loses her mind. She spends like the rest 810 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,960 Speaker 1: of her husband's reigned, locked into castle and completely out 811 00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:46,600 Speaker 1: of her mind. Um. She had been so invested in 812 00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,640 Speaker 1: the idea of being the Empress um and as soon 813 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:52,320 Speaker 1: as it becomes clear weird doomed, she just she can't 814 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:58,480 Speaker 1: function anymore. It's very funny like her and fuck him um. Maximilian, meanwhile, 815 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,760 Speaker 1: being equally deranged, tries to continue the fight as French 816 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,200 Speaker 1: troops began to withdraw. And I will give him credit 817 00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:06,799 Speaker 1: for this. Unlike plant Plant, he kind of ends on 818 00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,440 Speaker 1: a courageous note. Like. He leads his army into a 819 00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:13,480 Speaker 1: disastrous battle where they're under siege in this city for weeks. Um. 820 00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,680 Speaker 1: They win a couple of like battles where they like 821 00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:18,320 Speaker 1: push out against the Mexican army and he like stays 822 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:21,520 Speaker 1: there until the bitter end in this really nasty situation. 823 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,160 Speaker 1: So there's a degree of at least physical courage he 824 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:28,360 Speaker 1: has while still being completely deranged. Um, he gets captured 825 00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:31,600 Speaker 1: and executed. They fucking shoot his ass, they firing squad, 826 00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:35,160 Speaker 1: and they Benito Warez again. The whole world, all of 827 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,960 Speaker 1: the governments of the world start like begging. Mexico starts 828 00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,239 Speaker 1: sending people to Benito Ware's saying, please, don't kill him. 829 00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:43,200 Speaker 1: Don't kill him. He's a habsburg. You know. The American 830 00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:46,000 Speaker 1: presidents like, guy, don't do this, don't do this. But 831 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:50,279 Speaker 1: Benito Warez, being Radish ship is like, look, man, he 832 00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:53,800 Speaker 1: was the emperor, he passed the Black Decree. All captured 833 00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,319 Speaker 1: soldiers get executed. I'm not going to hold him do 834 00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:58,440 Speaker 1: a different standard than the tens of thousands of men 835 00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:02,600 Speaker 1: he had killed. Like fuck him. The NATO RS kind 836 00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:09,920 Speaker 1: of sick um, the goat um. Maximilian died cursing Napoleon 837 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,280 Speaker 1: the Third for failing to come to his aid. Very funny. 838 00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,560 Speaker 1: The second French intervention in Mexico lasted five and a 839 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:20,120 Speaker 1: half years and caused as many as seventy thousand deaths, 840 00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,160 Speaker 1: all of which happened at the instigation of Napoleon the Third. 841 00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:27,839 Speaker 1: So by eighteen seventy Louis Napoleon is a sick man 842 00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:30,799 Speaker 1: and steep decline. France is still powerful and in fact 843 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,880 Speaker 1: wealthier than ever, but it's military is geared towards the 844 00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,440 Speaker 1: kind of colonial wars they've been fighting in Mexico. Think 845 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:39,239 Speaker 1: about how the US military specialized for Iraq and Afghanistan. 846 00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:42,440 Speaker 1: It's it's a small, professional force capable of besting insurgents 847 00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:46,240 Speaker 1: and holding cities. The problem was Russia. Prussia had focused 848 00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,799 Speaker 1: on becoming a land power with a massive base. Of 849 00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:52,920 Speaker 1: the French military. On paper, they can maybe get four 850 00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,000 Speaker 1: thousand troops together, and that's gonna be hard for them. 851 00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:58,319 Speaker 1: It's gonna take them some time to get everybody. Like 852 00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,880 Speaker 1: in the same place, the Prussian military can in the 853 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,680 Speaker 1: space like a week or two, have seven hundred thousand 854 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,920 Speaker 1: men armed in marching like they are very very good 855 00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:10,120 Speaker 1: at this. Figure it out, this war thing. They figured 856 00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,680 Speaker 1: out this war thing, and otto On Bismarck makes it 857 00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,920 Speaker 1: his goals during the late eighteen sixties, I'm want to 858 00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,960 Speaker 1: have a war with France. Number one, we lost a 859 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:22,080 Speaker 1: couple against Napoleon and that still rankles us. And number two, 860 00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:25,240 Speaker 1: I want some of this territory that's like currently France, 861 00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:27,000 Speaker 1: but that's right on the edge of Germany. I want 862 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,280 Speaker 1: to take that ship and I'm gonna make a Germany. 863 00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:33,800 Speaker 1: So Bismarck starts jinking and pushing to like make it 864 00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,799 Speaker 1: kind of find a way in which to justify having 865 00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:39,800 Speaker 1: a war with He needs a pretext. He needs a pretext, 866 00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,600 Speaker 1: and specifically he wants France to start the war. Right, 867 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,480 Speaker 1: that's the thing that he wants most. So In eighteen 868 00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,560 Speaker 1: sixty seven, the same year Maximilian gets shot to death 869 00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:54,760 Speaker 1: in Mexico, Prussia forms the North German Confederation, the immediate 870 00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:58,160 Speaker 1: precursor to the nation of Germany. Now everything comes to 871 00:48:58,200 --> 00:48:59,840 Speaker 1: a head over the question of who will be the 872 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,879 Speaker 1: next King of Spain. For a brief period of time, 873 00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,160 Speaker 1: the King of Prussia. Who's who Bismarck works for the 874 00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:06,960 Speaker 1: King of Prussia. Right, Germany is not a thing yet 875 00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,640 Speaker 1: the thing that Germany becomes a thing based around the 876 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,279 Speaker 1: scaffolding of Prussia. Um or is scaffold it around the 877 00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:16,239 Speaker 1: core that is Prussia. The Prussian king puts forward a 878 00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:19,080 Speaker 1: German prince to be the King of Spain, and it's like, hey, 879 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,480 Speaker 1: maybe this guy could do it. And the Emperor of 880 00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:23,920 Speaker 1: France is terrified by this, right Louis Napoleon is like, well, 881 00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:26,000 Speaker 1: if that happens, then France is going to be surrounded 882 00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:28,960 Speaker 1: on both sides by states led by German emperors. I'm 883 00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:31,120 Speaker 1: not going to let that happen. And the Prussian king, 884 00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:34,960 Speaker 1: who also doesn't really want war, Bismarck, is orchestrating this 885 00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,280 Speaker 1: is like okay, hey, hey, you know, just an idea, 886 00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:41,839 Speaker 1: just an idea, just psioned out. You know, there are 887 00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:47,560 Speaker 1: no bad suggestions. So this this gets this gets rescinded, 888 00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:49,880 Speaker 1: which should have been a big win for Napoleon the 889 00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:53,280 Speaker 1: Third um but he's still really worried that the Prussians 890 00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:55,160 Speaker 1: are going to try something, so he sends out his 891 00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,879 Speaker 1: foreign minister, and this guy, Count Benedetti, is the same 892 00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:01,760 Speaker 1: as everyone else. Napoleon the Third picks for a job 893 00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,760 Speaker 1: shit eatingly incompetent. Right, if we know one thing about 894 00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:10,279 Speaker 1: the man, he he is not good at pickings people. Yeah, 895 00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:12,520 Speaker 1: it's just it's just all of his drinking buddies and 896 00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:16,279 Speaker 1: it's just like, hey, better, dummy, you do it. He's like, yeah, 897 00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,840 Speaker 1: you get in there, Benny, Yeah you got it. You 898 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:24,759 Speaker 1: got it, Benny, you got it out Yeah. So um 899 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,480 Speaker 1: he had. He sends Count Benedetti over to the King 900 00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:29,680 Speaker 1: of Prussia, who's like at a fucking bath, you know, 901 00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:32,680 Speaker 1: he's doing like a big spad um to ask him 902 00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:34,840 Speaker 1: to promise not ever to put a German prince on 903 00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:38,040 Speaker 1: the throne, and the conversation goes pretty well. Obviously, the 904 00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,040 Speaker 1: King of Prussia doesn't want to war with France over this, 905 00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,080 Speaker 1: but outivon Bismarck decides to do a little bit of 906 00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:46,240 Speaker 1: fake news and spin this up as a diplomatic incident 907 00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:48,719 Speaker 1: in which the French ambassador had been kicked out of 908 00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:52,080 Speaker 1: the King's presence, never allowed, never to be allowed back again. 909 00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:54,360 Speaker 1: This was not true, but Bismark knows, like all the 910 00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,360 Speaker 1: matters is getting this bad news out there. Quote. By 911 00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,200 Speaker 1: July fourteenth, the news is on the newspaper's desk all 912 00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:02,120 Speaker 1: over Europe. As soon as the news of this supposed 913 00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:05,160 Speaker 1: diplomatic incident is published, the streets of the French capital 914 00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:08,120 Speaker 1: are taken over by demonstrations against the Germans. The windows 915 00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:11,600 Speaker 1: of the Prussian embassy are smashed by rioters. Meanwhile, in Germany, 916 00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,520 Speaker 1: Bismarck fans the flames of nationalism by distributing for free 917 00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,640 Speaker 1: copies of newspaper of copies of newspapers with his own 918 00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:19,200 Speaker 1: version of the event, in order to make it look 919 00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:22,239 Speaker 1: like Benedetti was pestering the king with haughty demands. By 920 00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:24,840 Speaker 1: the fifteenth of July, the French government is in turmoil 921 00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,480 Speaker 1: and must compose with the allies clamoring for war and 922 00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:30,120 Speaker 1: the suspicion of the opposition. There was a last attempt 923 00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,000 Speaker 1: to ask clarifications from the Count Benedetti, but the telegram 924 00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,319 Speaker 1: law arrives too late, and the careful examination of the 925 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:39,040 Speaker 1: diplomatic papers asked for by the opposition is refused. And 926 00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:42,600 Speaker 1: so basically there's this, you know, Bismarck puts out this 927 00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:46,440 Speaker 1: fake news that you know, they they insulted our, our 928 00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:49,759 Speaker 1: national honor. Yeah, and this is called the m's dispatch. 929 00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:54,799 Speaker 1: Um this like this, this like diplomatic cable that goes 930 00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:59,960 Speaker 1: out that like Bismarck, uh fucking fox with real confidence 931 00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:04,680 Speaker 1: to be like, I'm gonna make this country clamor for 932 00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:07,720 Speaker 1: war with us. And it it works. The French people 933 00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:11,880 Speaker 1: do and Louis Napoleon. He is old, and he is sick, 934 00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:13,880 Speaker 1: and he does not think this is a good idea. 935 00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:17,120 Speaker 1: But all of these generals, the same ones who'd convinced him, 936 00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:19,320 Speaker 1: you know, to invade into China, say it's a good idea. 937 00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,400 Speaker 1: And most importantly, his wife Eugenie is like, if you 938 00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:25,040 Speaker 1: don't do this, you're fucking coward. This is how I come. Yeah, 939 00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:26,719 Speaker 1: this is I don't want to fuck you, but I 940 00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:29,279 Speaker 1: want you to go to war against fucking Prussia. I 941 00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:31,480 Speaker 1: don't have sex. This is how I do it. They 942 00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,160 Speaker 1: have a son. At this point, she's like, your son 943 00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,400 Speaker 1: will have nothing to inherit if you don't go to 944 00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:38,319 Speaker 1: war against Germany. Right now, you know what, what what 945 00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,200 Speaker 1: kind of example are you putting for your son if 946 00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:42,839 Speaker 1: you don't start a pointless war against the new great 947 00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:47,560 Speaker 1: land power in Europe. Um. So, Louis Napoleon, being fundamentally 948 00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:55,120 Speaker 1: a coward in a lot of ways, declares war on Germany. Smart. Um, 949 00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:58,480 Speaker 1: this goes pretty bad. So for one thing, on paper, 950 00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:01,720 Speaker 1: he's supposed people to get about four thousand dudes together, which, 951 00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,480 Speaker 1: even though the Prussians outnumber that, you're on the defense. 952 00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:07,000 Speaker 1: You've got castles and fortresses. You can. You can win 953 00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:09,359 Speaker 1: a war, a defensive war that way, especially if it's 954 00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,239 Speaker 1: just kind of your first wave. But he actually has 955 00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:12,920 Speaker 1: trouble getting more than like a quarter of a million 956 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:17,880 Speaker 1: dudes together. The other problem is that, so you know 957 00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:21,160 Speaker 1: how he forgot to bring artillery to the Crimean war. Yeah, yeah, 958 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:26,680 Speaker 1: I remember that, never learns that lesson. So the artillery 959 00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,680 Speaker 1: that the French bring into the Franco Prussian War is 960 00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:32,440 Speaker 1: the same artillery in some case literally the same guns 961 00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:37,560 Speaker 1: that Napoleon had brought into battle in eighteen twelve. Yeah. Meanwhile, 962 00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:45,280 Speaker 1: the Prussians have have breech loading steel cannons with modern artillery. Yeah, 963 00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:49,280 Speaker 1: they got the shelves and stuff. They're not just firing balls, 964 00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:54,120 Speaker 1: but they're shooting heavy balls real fast. Basically, the French 965 00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:58,360 Speaker 1: cannons are like hucking a Mazda Miata like pretty fast, 966 00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:03,239 Speaker 1: and the German can and their actual canons um. The 967 00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:06,799 Speaker 1: other thing that's so the French aren't entirely like it's 968 00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:10,560 Speaker 1: not like they're entirely like, uh, behind the curve militarily, 969 00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:14,040 Speaker 1: they've just been optimizing for these little, these little brush 970 00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:16,200 Speaker 1: fire wars. So one thing they have on their side 971 00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:19,560 Speaker 1: the French regular forces. These colonial troops have the best 972 00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:21,840 Speaker 1: rifle in the world at the time. Just the Germans 973 00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:24,239 Speaker 1: are astonished and how well this fucking gun works. It's 974 00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:27,800 Speaker 1: a great, great infantry rifle. Very few of their soldiers 975 00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:30,440 Speaker 1: actually have it, right, the actual territorial French army just 976 00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,000 Speaker 1: has old as musket. So anyway, he goes and he 977 00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,200 Speaker 1: goes with this army to command in the field because 978 00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:39,120 Speaker 1: again you Jenny like basically tells him that he's a 979 00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:42,600 Speaker 1: fucking cuck if he doesn't go in the battle. And 980 00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:44,960 Speaker 1: he is. He is, he is dying of him a 981 00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:51,719 Speaker 1: roids rights. He can't sit, he can't stand, certainly he 982 00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:55,440 Speaker 1: can command the field. He can barely move. He's got 983 00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,799 Speaker 1: his like teenage boy with him. Um. And they have 984 00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:02,400 Speaker 1: they have this one little battle where like um, they 985 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:06,319 Speaker 1: move into Prussian territory and like kill sixty guys and 986 00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,000 Speaker 1: his he has he gets his air close enough that 987 00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,399 Speaker 1: like a bullet whizzes over his head. He's like, there 988 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:14,879 Speaker 1: you go, you did it. You've been blooded in combat. Um. 989 00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:16,960 Speaker 1: And then they then they try to do a battle 990 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:18,719 Speaker 1: in a place called Sedan. And this is not a 991 00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:23,360 Speaker 1: military history podcast, but it doesn't go well. Um. In short, 992 00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:28,200 Speaker 1: they get their asses absolutely handed to them. Um. For 993 00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:32,000 Speaker 1: all of military history since the age of Hannibal, one 994 00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:34,880 Speaker 1: of the things that like generals will talked about is 995 00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,040 Speaker 1: is doing a can i. Right. Can I is this 996 00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:40,160 Speaker 1: famous battle where there's this hundred thousand man Roman army 997 00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:43,200 Speaker 1: and Hannibal surrounds it completely and then just spends a 998 00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:46,200 Speaker 1: day butchering everyone slowly to death inside. It's one of 999 00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:49,120 Speaker 1: the most famous victories and all of military history. The 1000 00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:52,120 Speaker 1: Germans do a can i at Sedan. They surround the 1001 00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:55,799 Speaker 1: entire French military and kill quite a few of them. 1002 00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:59,360 Speaker 1: And this is actually kind of one of the last 1003 00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,759 Speaker 1: acts of roism of Louis Napoleon. The maybe the only one, 1004 00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:04,799 Speaker 1: I guess would probably be to say is that his 1005 00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:06,759 Speaker 1: generals are like, no, no, no, We've got a fight 1006 00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:09,600 Speaker 1: until relief comes. We've got to keep it going. He 1007 00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:11,800 Speaker 1: looks out at what's happening. It's like, there's ninety thousand 1008 00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:14,640 Speaker 1: men here and the Prussians will kill them all. Like, 1009 00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,600 Speaker 1: if we keep fighting, they will kill everyone here unless 1010 00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:21,879 Speaker 1: I personally surrender. Um. Now, this isn't the first thing 1011 00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:24,879 Speaker 1: he does. In fact, he attempts to get himself killed 1012 00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:28,279 Speaker 1: by Prussian fire multiple times before he does this. He does, 1013 00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:34,560 Speaker 1: he does go for suicide again, that is our boy, um, 1014 00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:38,360 Speaker 1: and he cannot kill himself. He does get his his 1015 00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:40,640 Speaker 1: aid to camp gets killed and like two of them 1016 00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:42,840 Speaker 1: get wounded when he just kind of like stands in 1017 00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:44,839 Speaker 1: front of these Prussians guns. But he doesn't get hurt 1018 00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:48,880 Speaker 1: at all. So he tries to kill himself. He accidentally 1019 00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:55,480 Speaker 1: he shoots another French soldier right in the fucking throat. Uh. 1020 00:56:55,920 --> 00:57:01,880 Speaker 1: Very funny. Um. So yeah, he eventually uh goes to 1021 00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:05,000 Speaker 1: the Germans and it's like, hey, you know the Emperor 1022 00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:07,120 Speaker 1: of France and they're like yeah, and he's like he's 1023 00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:10,200 Speaker 1: me and they're like seriously, they have no idea that 1024 00:57:10,239 --> 00:57:12,000 Speaker 1: he's there. They don't know that he So this is 1025 00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:17,919 Speaker 1: a real dub for the Germans. And he like when 1026 00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:21,680 Speaker 1: he surrenders the like basically one of the conditions he 1027 00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,240 Speaker 1: doesn't is that he is surrendering his army. He's not 1028 00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:27,800 Speaker 1: surrendering for the nation of France. And very quickly after that, 1029 00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:30,760 Speaker 1: the French respond by having a revolution while they're fighting 1030 00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:33,880 Speaker 1: and losing this war, um, and he is no longer 1031 00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:37,480 Speaker 1: the Emperor of France. Um. He spends some time in 1032 00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:40,240 Speaker 1: in custody of the Prussians. They lock him up, but 1033 00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:43,720 Speaker 1: like rich guy style, you know, he's he's in like 1034 00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:47,600 Speaker 1: some sort of castle. Yeah, nice, nice prison. He's writing stuff. 1035 00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,320 Speaker 1: He's fucking you know, he's living his worst life. Yeah, 1036 00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:53,520 Speaker 1: he's living his worth worst life. His his family has 1037 00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:55,320 Speaker 1: to deal with the fact that they are no longer 1038 00:57:55,840 --> 00:58:00,760 Speaker 1: running France. France kind of falls apart. The Germans lay 1039 00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:05,600 Speaker 1: siege to Paris. People are eating rats. It is ugly 1040 00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:08,640 Speaker 1: and it does not leave the people of France very 1041 00:58:08,680 --> 00:58:13,000 Speaker 1: well induced towards Napoleon the Third, although he never gives 1042 00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:17,880 Speaker 1: up hope of proclaiming another empire like he because he 1043 00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:20,240 Speaker 1: flat He goes back to exile in England, and he 1044 00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:22,520 Speaker 1: spends the last couple of his years he is actively 1045 00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:25,400 Speaker 1: working on another plan to return the France and take 1046 00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:30,040 Speaker 1: over the monarchy yet again. But then he dies in 1047 00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:34,120 Speaker 1: eighteen seventy three, just before he can try his fourth 1048 00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:39,000 Speaker 1: coup attempt um. That would have been Honestly, I think 1049 00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:41,440 Speaker 1: I think that time he'd have gotten it right. I 1050 00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:43,520 Speaker 1: think he would have gotten it right that time. I 1051 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:48,640 Speaker 1: think it would have worked out everything that one of 1052 00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:50,959 Speaker 1: the sad things because he gets like attacked a lot 1053 00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:54,560 Speaker 1: by the French and by like even particularly conservatives in France. 1054 00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:59,440 Speaker 1: For um surrendering at Sedan. His last words are we 1055 00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:02,880 Speaker 1: weren't cow words at Saddan, were we? Which is like, no, dude, 1056 00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:05,600 Speaker 1: that was like the only thing you did that, the 1057 00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,200 Speaker 1: only thing you did that was actually putting other people's 1058 00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:11,280 Speaker 1: lives before you your own. Yeah, that was like the 1059 00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:14,720 Speaker 1: first time like that empathy bone that your dad tried 1060 00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:19,080 Speaker 1: desperately to instill into you really really gave everything he 1061 00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:23,560 Speaker 1: could still being an absent father. Uh to push it 1062 00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:27,080 Speaker 1: to you, I mean you know, hey, at the at 1063 00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:30,479 Speaker 1: that time, that was that's the best kind of father 1064 00:59:30,560 --> 00:59:33,080 Speaker 1: and you can have. This is he is. Louis Bonaparte 1065 00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:35,320 Speaker 1: is the best father we've talked about on this show. 1066 00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:40,520 Speaker 1: Saying that, yes, just based on those like letters alone, 1067 00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,200 Speaker 1: you're just like, oh, yeah, you know, he's sure. He 1068 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,560 Speaker 1: wasn't there and was like I don't love you and 1069 00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:48,920 Speaker 1: I think you're dumb and to his face and uh, 1070 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:51,520 Speaker 1: you know, I think, what did he say, read your book? 1071 00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:55,080 Speaker 1: Hated it, hated it, hated it? Stupid book? How dare 1072 00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:59,000 Speaker 1: you think you could write this? Still? Best dad, best 1073 00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:02,720 Speaker 1: best dads so far on the show. Yeah, well, Matt, 1074 01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:06,280 Speaker 1: that's the podcast. Well that is a that is a 1075 01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:10,360 Speaker 1: wonderful story of a great, great failed son and uh, 1076 01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:14,160 Speaker 1: the failest of sons, the failest of sons. I mean, 1077 01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:16,880 Speaker 1: you've got to hand it to him. He was able 1078 01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:21,760 Speaker 1: to actually achieve just enough to fail spectacularly. You know, 1079 01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:27,160 Speaker 1: getting captured is just chef's kiss. Yeah. That's a beautiful 1080 01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:32,200 Speaker 1: way to end your empire, being captured and giving everyone Germany. 1081 01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:37,040 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, inventing modern Germany. Yeah yeah, 1082 01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:40,720 Speaker 1: that's uh, hey, how's that going to go for the future? Thin? 1083 01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:45,000 Speaker 1: You know. I actually stopped reading my German history textbook 1084 01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:49,440 Speaker 1: in August first, nineteen fourteen, but it's going well yeah, 1085 01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:52,560 Speaker 1: so good. Yeah. I would love to meet whoever the 1086 01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:55,480 Speaker 1: current Kaiser is over there. Yeah. I'm sure he's cool 1087 01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:59,320 Speaker 1: and has been in power and stability and peace. That 1088 01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:05,960 Speaker 1: sounds like Germany. I probably know. God, you know, this 1089 01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:09,720 Speaker 1: was a fun one. It wasn't about Nazis, but it 1090 01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:14,080 Speaker 1: was about proto fascism. Yeah. I love that. It is cool. 1091 01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:18,480 Speaker 1: It's cool and good. Can people find you anywhere? You 1092 01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:24,080 Speaker 1: can find me on the world's only the wire rewatch podcast, 1093 01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:27,520 Speaker 1: Pod Yourself the Wire or the World's Only Sopranos podcast, 1094 01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:31,760 Speaker 1: Pod Yourself a Gun and once again, Um, we're doing 1095 01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:35,320 Speaker 1: a live show at s F Sketch Fest Saturday, janu 1096 01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:39,640 Speaker 1: pm over at the Piano Fight Theater. Go to s 1097 01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:42,800 Speaker 1: F sketch Fest dot com and please buy tickets because 1098 01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:45,560 Speaker 1: it would be embarrassing if no one came. It would 1099 01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:49,240 Speaker 1: be embarrassing. Go go there, go now, find Matt Leeb 1100 01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:52,040 Speaker 1: at s F Sketch Fest. You can see me in person. 1101 01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:55,920 Speaker 1: You can assassinate me. Ya, sell your possessions, fly to 1102 01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:58,680 Speaker 1: San Francisco live on the streets in the weeks leading 1103 01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:02,480 Speaker 1: up to the event. You know should and then murder 1104 01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:07,400 Speaker 1: him murder me please and uh and also yeah, give 1105 01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:10,920 Speaker 1: us five stars a review. That's really all I want. Um, 1106 01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:13,680 Speaker 1: you know, there's enough listeners out there on this podcast 1107 01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:15,840 Speaker 1: that I should be able to break a thousand. Come 1108 01:02:16,480 --> 01:02:20,320 Speaker 1: there we go? All right, Yeah, that's those are my plugs. Guys. 1109 01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:23,880 Speaker 1: I love you. I love you too. I love you 1110 01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:27,800 Speaker 1: more than my my five week old daughter. Yeah. I 1111 01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:31,560 Speaker 1: don't think that's true, but I want you to think 1112 01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:37,760 Speaker 1: it's true. There you go, gaslight me, gas light me. Daddy. 1113 01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:42,280 Speaker 1: We have a Behind the Bastard's live stream event coming 1114 01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:45,800 Speaker 1: up with Margaret Kiljoy on December eight at six pm Pacific. 1115 01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:49,320 Speaker 1: You can get tickets moment house dot com, slash bTB, 1116 01:02:50,400 --> 01:02:56,720 Speaker 1: Heroic eroticick it out. I'll be there watching on the 1117 01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:59,720 Speaker 1: live stream. You don't you don't have to do that. 1118 01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:02,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna and I'm going to be in the comments 1119 01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:06,360 Speaker 1: section going kill me, kill me, do it, and no 1120 01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:08,560 Speaker 1: one will be able to do it. I'm like Napoleon 1121 01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:16,520 Speaker 1: the Third in that way, and we are dumb boomsaka 1122 01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:21,360 Speaker 1: Behind the Bastards is a production of cool Zone Media. 1123 01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:24,320 Speaker 1: For more from cool Zone Media, visit our website cool 1124 01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:27,360 Speaker 1: zone media dot com, or check us out on the 1125 01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:30,120 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get 1126 01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:30,880 Speaker 1: your podcasts.