WEBVTT - Men Are Not On Pause During Menopause 0:00:12.080 --> 0:00:13.040 It's I Do Part two. 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:15.840 I'm Cheryl Burke, one of your celebrity mentors here on 0:00:15.880 --> 0:00:18.239 the podcast, and today I'm excited because I'm going to 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:20.680 chat with someone who has successfully found love again in 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:24.239 their chapter two. She's an award winning journalist, author of 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:27.280 How To Metopause, women's health advocate, and host of her 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:32.240 own podcast, The Tampson Show. Everyone, please welcome Tampson Fidel 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:33.400 to the podcast. 0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:36.000 Thank you. So you're in your I Do Part two. 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:40.000 I am, and I do think it's going well. 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:41.040 I like it. 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:41.440 I like it. 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:42.080 It's going well. 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:44.239 Let's go back to the I Do Part one first though, 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:45.879 So we did that one. 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:48.760 I'm also divorced, and I am. 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:51.720 I would say maybe heading that direction to that part 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.960 two part of things, but I'm not dating, nor do 0:00:55.000 --> 0:00:56.200 I have any interest, So I don't know if I'm 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:59.840 heading that direction. But right now I'm dating myself. How 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:04.360 so your first marriage, you guys worked together, you were matchmakers? 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:07.720 Say more yes, yeah, uh, there was there was a 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:08.399 lot to say. 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:12.880 Yeah, you know, I met my first husband and I 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:14.440 was at an age where I'm like, oh my gosh, 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:16.320 I have to I have to like hustle this up 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:18.800 and get married, like, you know, because then I thought 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:21.160 there was this real critical timeline. I kind of had 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:22.440 a hit and I was a little bit older than 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.640 the regular timeline, and so I met him and it 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:28.240 was just like kind of fast and furious, and now 0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:30.480 we call it maybe love bombing. But then I was like, 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:34.119 he must love me a lot. So we got together. 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:36.840 We had started a business. We had moved to New York. 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:39.559 I was at the time working as a news anchor, 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.560 and then he was working this business at matchmaking business 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:46.840 called the Love Consultants, and we were we were having 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:48.520 a great time. You know, we were setting people up, 0:01:48.560 --> 0:01:50.760 we were you know, socializing, we were it was. It 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:54.880 was wonderful for a while, and then you know, it 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:58.440 just I think you realize in some at some point 0:01:58.560 --> 0:02:02.760 like wow, I feel feel very lonely in this place. 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:05.880 And that's what happened to me. And I was like, 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:08.280 this is not working. And I'm scared now to admit that, 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:10.280 like this is not working, because now I have failed. 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:12.440 And so that was very worrisome to me for a 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:15.360 long time. Eventually it came to a place where, you know, 0:02:15.880 --> 0:02:19.480 divorce was the only option, and I went through that 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:22.200 and I thought to myself. I'm my gosh, I'm embarrassed. 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:24.280 I'm ashamed now I look back and I was like, 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:26.880 what was wrong with you? This didn't work out and 0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:29.880 it's okay. And it really took my father coming to 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:31.520 New York visiting me and we took a long walk 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:33.760 in the village one day and he was like, it's okay. 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:36.360 You don't always have to win and everything like, it's okay, 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:38.520 that's where it is right now. And I felt like 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:41.760 it gave me a little bit of grace and I 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:44.280 left that relationship and I was like, I'm never getting 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.720 married again. I'm never falling in love again. I never never, never. 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:52.120 And then you know, fast forward ten years later, and 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:54.880 so ten years to go. For ten years, I was 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:58.280 I went through the divorce separation. I was forty one, 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:02.239 so it was about it was forty actually was the separation. 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:05.360 So I started forty and I got married again at 0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:08.360 the age of fifty. And even then I was a 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:11.520 little like, oh, am I allowed to wear white? Am 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.640 I allowed to wear a pretty dress? Can I have 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:15.760 a big wedding? And then I was like, you know what, 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:19.400 I'm doing all those things and so it's been pretty amazing, 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:21.320 but I really did have that in my mind, like, 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:22.919 I'm never doing that again. 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.560 When you were single, was it like, oh I feel 0:03:26.600 --> 0:03:28.280 so lonely or were you thriving? 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:32.600 I did both, you know, I did both. So I 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:35.480 always had remembered my dad had said He's given me 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:37.360 a lot of these one liners that i'd lived by. 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:38.160 I love your dad. 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:40.640 He's pretty amazing. He's eighty five right now, and he's 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:43.000 just he's gone through so much. You know, he lost 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:46.360 my mother when they were you know, at a young age, 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:49.520 when he was young, and then he lost my stepmother 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:52.520 about three years ago. But to watch how he deals 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:56.080 with grief and then moves forward has just been an 0:03:56.200 --> 0:03:59.280 incredible part of my life. But he had said to me, 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:02.680 it's better to be alone than lonely with somebody, and 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.040 that was what was happening. I was lonely with somebody. 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:09.080 And so when I left that marriage, I had, you know, 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:11.320 some of those tough times. I was like, oh gosh, 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.960 this is awful. I feel like I failed. I'm never 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:17.560 going to meet anybody. Everybody's coupled up, everyone's having children, 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:20.680 and so I went through a lot of that struggle 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.279 for a long time, like why didn't it work for me. 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:27.920 And then I got to about my mid forties, forty 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:31.640 four a few years in of eating pizza with my 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:35.159 two chuhuahuas on the couch on Friday nights, and I 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:39.640 was like, I was so it was great. Where's on Netflix, guys? 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:42.400 I don't know what I was watching, but Blockbuster? 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:43.640 I remember Blockbuster. 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:47.400 I was probably renting a movie. But you know, I 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:49.160 got to a place where I'm like, Okay, I can 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:52.320 go out there and enjoy dating again or at least 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:54.839 have fun, but I'm never going to get married again. 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:57.080 And that's really what I thought, and I. 0:04:57.480 --> 0:05:00.440 Posted at yeah, I just getting married, it's just the 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.920 probably I should date, like this is my yeah. 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:06.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah but that's good. How long how long 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:07.760 since the divorced? Like? 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:08.040 How long? 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:11.559 So it's been almost three and a half of yours? 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:12.800 All right, Well that's good. 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:15.360 But like I've been, I was a serial dater prior 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:17.840 to my marriage, meaning like I wasn't single from age 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:22.000 thirteen till now forty or no since we separated, so 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:22.920 thirty seven. 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:27.360 Yeah, is this the first time that you've been Oh yeah, yeah, I. 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:29.680 Ghosted everyone like I'm no longer in Los Angeles like 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:32.440 it's me and my frenchie. Yeah, and when I have 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:37.960 at least well Netflix and my addiction to productivity. I'm 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:39.960 an addict as well. I've been sober for six years, 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:42.039 but like it is an addiction, you. 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:43.679 Know, just not makes of course. 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:45.120 But of course, going. 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:47.560 Back to your first marriage, how did do you believe 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:51.440 that working together was one of many issues? 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:55.360 Definitely one of one of many issues. Here's what I 0:05:55.400 --> 0:05:57.679 think the big issue was. I think that I didn't 0:05:57.720 --> 0:06:00.279 realize how important it was to not just have that 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.760 initial spark, but to also be able to want to 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:05.080 walk the world with somebody. And that's how I feel 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:06.640 about my husband now, Like I want to walk the 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:09.559 world with him and so whatever that means to anybody else, 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:11.760 but to me, it means like this, this is a 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:14.040 person I want by my side. And I think then 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:17.040 when I got married that first time, and we were grinding, 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:18.640 you know, we were like, oh my gosh, we got 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.080 our job and as as long as this works out 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.159 and that works out, and we did a reality show 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:26.000 together and we did a book together, and what defines 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:28.800 success in that relationship was very different than what I 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:31.760 have defined success now. But working together was hard. It 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:33.800 was hard to shut it off, you know, because we 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:35.279 did a lot of it out of the apartment in 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:37.120 New York, which we all know we're not a big apartment, 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:41.080 and that was difficult, you know, it was. And then 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:43.919 I also think what was difficult is I didn't know. 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:46.680 I knew my value system, but I didn't know what 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:49.000 was really important to me because I had worked so much, 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:51.160 like my hustle was always my job. I worked in 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:54.960 TV news for a very long time whole career, and 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:57.640 television news is, you know, twenty four to seven. You're 0:06:57.720 --> 0:06:59.880 kind of on and you're always worried about the next 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:02.400 job and the next job and the success of it all. 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:05.240 And that's what my focus was. And so when it 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:07.440 came time to you know, that I was getting married, 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:09.480 I was like, yeah, I think this is the right 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:11.400 person and we would have fun together and sounds good. 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:13.560 I just didn't realize all the other nuances that you 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:16.240 really have to pay attention to during that time. And 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:19.520 if I look now, I'm like, wow, I can't even 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:23.640 imagine Tamson today could ever ever gone into a marriage 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:27.080 like that. And so I didn't blame myself then, but 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:28.840 I was very aware of what I never wanted to 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:29.560 do again. 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.680 And are you do you? Are you therapy or did you? 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:33.240 Or do a lot? 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:36.720 So therapy was a big part of it, taking care 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:39.880 of that mental part and really understanding here's what I 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:41.960 needed to understand in therapy, why did I do that? Like? 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:42.480 Why did I? 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:42.840 Why? 0:07:43.280 --> 0:07:44.880 Why did I put up with that for so long? 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.120 So you know, I was in a relationship that really 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:53.840 had become abusive and there were pink flags and not 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:56.840 quite read yet and I would look around, I'd be like, Okay, 0:07:56.880 --> 0:07:59.160 this is a problem, but maybe there's a reason for it, 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.760 and this is probably a problem, but we can talk 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:04.400 that one away. And I and now going back and 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:07.040 looking at it, I was like, wow, why did you 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:09.680 talk yourself into that? Not out of it, into it? 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:10.560 You're not alone? 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:12.880 Yeah, and I did that, And that was what I 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:16.000 had to grapple with in therapy, like why did I 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.040 talk myself into something that probably at the core I 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:21.080 knew was inherently wrong for me? 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.280 Yeah, thanks for being so vulnerable. 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:29.040 I can totally relate, and yeah, I will be in 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:32.040 forever therapy. I was in therapy since I was born 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.280 till I die, Like it's just so helpful for me 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:37.720 just to put a language to it my feelings, because 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:40.640 it's really like you, you know, I'm addicted to work and 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:45.080 it's just another uh form of a drug. Yeah, that's 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:48.800 just more h I guess accepted in society today. 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:52.439 Rights, it's cheered on, it's revered in some cases. 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:55.400 Are kidding given And if you go on vacation, you're. 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:58.080 Just lazy, like yeah, out for a little while. 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:01.240 So selfish, Yeah, so selfish. 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:03.920 You really need that time, you're You're right, But I 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.920 really do the therapy change everything for me. I had 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:10.240 an eating disorder when I was younger, and I started 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:14.000 therapy in my mid twenties, and so that was always 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:17.800 something that really helped me through obviously really difficult places. 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:19.800 But now it's not an on off. Now it's an 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:22.880 on and that's what I do. It's not a question 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:25.360 of should I or shouldn't I. It's that's a part 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:27.800 of my life and I don't think about it. I 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:30.800 just do it. Yeah, And it's it's having a language 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:34.720 to things is important, having an understanding of it at 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:37.040 the core, because it's not just that one thing. It 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:38.800 relates to some of the other areas of your life, 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:41.880 and so you're able to deal with things, I think 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:45.600 in a different way, proactively just being aware of it, 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:46.719 just awareness. 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:49.240 And sometimes it's like the AA program. It's like one 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:52.000 step at a time, one minute, one sometimes one minute, 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:53.160 sometimes a one day. 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:56.480 It just depends on the day. It's a daily practice. 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:58.440 It is, and it's it's what my father told me 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:00.560 about grief. I said, how did you you deal with this? 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.000 Like you've dealt with so much? And he said, it's 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:06.840 one day at a time. It like that is it. 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:08.880 It's not what happens in a week and what happens 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:10.480 in a month and what happens in a year, and 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:11.160 why aren't we here? 0:10:11.160 --> 0:10:13.040 All we have is now, right, That's what. 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:15.520 We have and I and I think it's a precious 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:17.640 lesson that a lot of us are learning. I think 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:21.320 that I also think we have to be appreciative for 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:21.800 this day. 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:22.000 You know. 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:24.920 I'm sure you're the same way. I was like, someday 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:28.240 I'll go on vacation someday, all someday, someday, someday all. 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:30.040 And I was like, oh, this is someday. 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:31.120 This is your day. 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:34.080 We're in someday right now, and we have to remember that. 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.720 And if we don't remember somebody needs to be around 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:37.880 us that reminds. 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:40.920 Us for sure, for sure. I mean it just like that, 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:44.040 you know, just like just like that. Wow. 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:48.400 Okay, So now moving into first of all, congratulations on 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:50.199 your book, and I'm halfway through it, as I told 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:54.640 you prior to this interview, and your Good Morning America 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:55.559 interview is amazing. 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:57.360 Is it weird to be on the other side now? 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:01.959 It's so funny. You ask me that the teleprompter had 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:03.640 like something about a fire in it. 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:04.520 Were you about to read it? 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:06.880 I was like, Oh my gosh, should I be doing 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.440 something like? I think? I got like this feeling of 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.800 like I think, does anybody you want me to take this? 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:13.680 And I was like, oh no, no, You're here for your 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:16.320 menopause book, not for the breaking news fire. But it's 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:19.440 such an automatic, you know, reaction to things. 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:21.600 So many of your older colleagues interviewed you. 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:23.959 Yeah, yes, two of them did. I actually went back 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:28.920 to my old station where the first incident happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:11:29.720 --> 0:11:32.199 So I worked at a television station in New York 0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:36.720 City WPIX for about fifteen years, and one night in 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:39.000 twenty nineteen, I was anchoring the news like I did 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:41.520 every other night, and it was the ten o'clock newscast. 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:43.280 It was live. All of a sudden, I got what 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:45.440 I now understood to be a hot flash, and then 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:48.319 I didn't know. I didn't have the language, heart racing 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:50.080 out of control, felt like I was going to fall 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:52.600 over the lights, making it even worse to hear my 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:55.200 heartbeat like in my ear, and I said, I gotta 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:57.720 get off the sets. I was let off the set. 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:00.360 A coworker realized what was going on, and I just 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.200 went down to the bathroom floor in the lady's room, 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:04.880 and I got up like fifteen minutes later. One of 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.920 my coworkers was putting like little packs on my head 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:10.120 of cold water. It was two guys, you know, because 0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:11.720 it was mostly guys at night. So they're like, can 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:14.040 we come into the bathroom and help you? And I'm like, yeah, 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:18.720 I'm so embarrassed. So anyway, so fast forward. So that happened, 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:20.760 and that's how I realized I was in menopause, because 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:23.760 I wound up going to a doctor doing some blood work, 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:27.320 not knowing it was menopause. I was like, is it anxiety? 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.600 I was given antidepressants. It was all these things, And 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:32.240 it turns out I got them a note of my 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.600 patient portal that said in menopause, any questions and that 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.320 was it. That was in my patient portal forwards that 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:41.600 started me on this journey. So I went back to 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:43.920 the television. I left my job about a year and 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:47.200 a half ago to full time advocate for women and 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:50.480 women's health work on a documentary that was released about 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:54.120 six months ago on PBS called The M Factor, Shredding 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.800 the Silence on Menopause. It's not been seen in over 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:00.079 forty two countries, and so I know the need. I 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:02.440 always knew the need was there. Once I started on 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.200 this journey, I had no idea what that would bring me, 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:09.400 you know, seeing women be helped. And so I wound 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:12.000 up going back to the television station where that happened 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.760 earlier this week, and it was I don't know, it 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:15.160 was just. 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:17.040 I feel right though it did. 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:20.199 It felt so right, thank you, It felt like wow, 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:22.240 I because I was so scared when I stepped away 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:25.240 from my job. My job was everything. I get it, 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:28.360 and I was afraid that I would be irrelevant and 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.880 that I'd work so hard. What am I doing? And 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:33.760 I'm afraid? And I just had a lot of a 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:35.360 lot of fear, you know, wrapped up in like my 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:39.000 identity with that sure and so yeah, I went in 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:42.439 and it was like that appearance for me. It was 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:44.520 great for you know whatever to talk about it, but 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:46.400 it was for me it was reassuring that like I 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:49.240 made the right decision. It really it told me it 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:51.679 was all okay, wow, yeah I can. 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:54.440 I'm like have chills because it's the same thing when 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:55.960 you know, I was on Dancing with the Stars for 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:56.720 so many years. 0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:59.480 It's like, yeah, I know you yeah, now what. 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:02.280 It's a very scary thing, but you know it's had 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:05.880 to be done even if there is like now what, 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:09.320 and maybe I don't have the exact answer, but it's like, 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:10.440 that's okay. 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:13.080 I didn't you know, I didn't know exactly what I 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.800 was going to do. All I knew you didn't set up. 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:18.280 I mean, I knew I was working on the documentary, 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:20.280 but we had gotten so many no's. We had no 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:23.400 idea where it was going to be going to yourself. 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.720 I did convest in myself with it for you, with 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:29.080 the group of women I was working with you and yeah, 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.120 and then we had some people come, you know, come 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:33.400 after and help with some different parts of the doc 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:35.520 But yeah, we put our own money into it. We 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.640 were told there was no interest in a in a 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:41.280 documentary about menopause, and there was. It was a niche audience. 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.600 One billion women by the way, or a menopause as 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:47.440 of this year, so not to niche. And yeah, no, 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:49.560 I really didn't know where the path was going to go. 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:51.800 So and even if you do, I think it's scary. 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.320 Like I don't ever think that we walk away from 0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:59.000 something that it is the only thing forever. Nothing is forever, 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:01.320 and we think it is when we're young, you know, 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:03.440 we think it is. And so I think that that's 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:06.000 a lesson I've learned. And I've had to learn how 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:09.640 to like be okay with you know, that movement, the unknown, 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:12.560 to keep up at night. It's really scary. I can 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:14.800 keep you up a lot of nights. And so even 0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:16.960 after I left, I was like, what the hell did 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:20.880 I do? But now I know, like every woman I meet, 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:23.760 every woman I talk to, every screening, I see every 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.200 everybody that comes up and says like, look, I found 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:28.240 a doctor. I walked away from the doctor that didn't 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:30.520 help me. It helped me save my marriage. It helped 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:34.520 every single one. I'm like there, there's the sign, there's 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:38.960 the moment, there's the movement of women helping each other 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:42.440 and helping each other, and so I like, really like 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:45.200 not just that, not just like the hashtag, now like 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:47.640 really sitting in a room with one hundred women or 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:51.840 five women, you know, it's like it's like I never 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:54.680 understood really what grass movements? You know, I understood them, 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:56.840 I understood, but I never was part of anything like that. 0:15:57.240 --> 0:16:00.600 And and now I understand how that happens because there's 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:05.239 such a need and an anger and an engagement and 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:06.600 an action has to be taken. 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:19.400 Also, I think we're just so in a way built 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:22.160 and it could be generational obviously that asking for help 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:24.760 for me at least from you know, I was raised 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:29.920 by a very i would say Filipino mother started her 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:33.960 own company, you know, rags to riches story, and she 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.840 never asked for help, you know. And when you are 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:41.600 kind of observing hustle culture right in front of your 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.080 eyes from when you're a little girl, that's all you know, 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:44.640 you know. 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:48.600 That's that's that defines success. Yeah, So to undo all 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:51.560 those things, that's what's hard. It's very hard. 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:52.080 Training. 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:56.880 Rewiring, Yeah, it's a rewiring and it's also being able 0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:59.040 to say like, this is how I'm going to do it, 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:02.160 and this is everything is very different. The world is 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:05.320 different now, right how what we're able to do someplace else? 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:06.800 Like used to be how to live in New York 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.239 or LA and that was it, right, That's not what 0:17:09.240 --> 0:17:12.359 it's like anymore. And so there's there's ways and different 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:16.080 definitions of success. And look to me right now, success 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:18.879 is a balance in my life. It's an understanding of 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:22.280 what is important to get me up every morning. I 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:25.399 loved my job, but I wouldn't say that I sprung 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:27.320 out of bed every day and couldn't wait to go, 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.120 you know, and hated to go to sleep at night. 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:34.000 I would say that now I have. I've just realized 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:36.520 that untapped, like whatever it was inside of me that 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:39.400 I could never quite feel, you know, I couldn't feel 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:41.159 like I loved what I was doing. People on the 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:43.600 outside loved what I was doing. They they were like, 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:46.480 are you crazy? You work so hard to get this job? 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.840 Why would you leave this this? It was very hard, 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:53.720 you know, it's I'm sure you know it's it's but wow, 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:54.720 do I realize are you. 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:56.520 Are? 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:56.760 Just? 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:00.600 And I sometimes it felt like that you know, and 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:03.600 I do think it's also this time in our lives 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:06.119 as women when we look at this as forty and 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:09.199 fifty and sixty, and we have been ingrained that like 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.760 at this age, you know, oh boy, you know your 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.440 your best years are behind you. And that's just bullshit, 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:17.600 like that is not that is not it is not 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:18.480