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Speaker 1: Yeah, they talk better than they excited. Tell me about

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Speaker 1: These are.

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Speaker 2: The radio blogs on the Fred Show, well writing in

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Speaker 2: our diaries, except we say them aloud.

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Speaker 1: We call them blogs. Klin, Yes you're doing one.

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Speaker 3: Go Yes, thank you, dear blog.

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Speaker 4: So I'm in sort of a weird position with someone

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Speaker 4: in my life and I really don't know how to

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Speaker 4: handle it. For the first time ever, So one of

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Speaker 4: my friends, one of my closest best friends, who I've

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Speaker 4: been friends with her gosh, I've known her since high

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Speaker 4: school so for for a very long time, because I'm

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Speaker 4: not a spring chicken anymore, and she is. She makes

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Speaker 4: Fred look like Paris Hilton in the early two thousand

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Speaker 4: socialite like she is.

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Speaker 1: I was wondering which comparison we were, Well.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, not none, not her other things that she's done.

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Speaker 4: But she makes you look like you are outside extroverted,

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Speaker 4: like she is very much introverted. And not only that,

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Speaker 4: she like you actually respond on your phone unless you

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Speaker 4: turn us on, do not.

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Speaker 1: Disturb, which I still don't know how to do.

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Speaker 3: But yes, right, yeah, no, you're in your killing era.

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Speaker 3: You said, I'm protecting my peace, but she.

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Speaker 1: Is no statement that I dislike more than that. One.

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Speaker 3: I know it triggers you.

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Speaker 2: Drives me absolutely crazy, protecting your peace from whom maybe

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Speaker 2: you're the one causing the chaos.

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Speaker 1: You ever think about that? Anyway? Go ahead?

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Speaker 2: Sorry, The people who are protecting their piece are typically

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Speaker 2: the ones causing the problems. So I'm like, wait minute,

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Speaker 2: you're protecting your peace from your own behaviors. Stop stop

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Speaker 2: causing unrest, and then there'll be no peace to protect.

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Speaker 4: There's some therapy terms that like we've taken and lashed

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Speaker 4: onto and definitely overuse them in places where we don't

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Speaker 4: need to, and that can be very annoying, letting me right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's like it's like, oh, I can cause a

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Speaker 2: bunch of problems and then all I have to do

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Speaker 2: is go, I'm protecting my pee and then go hide

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Speaker 2: from all the problems I cause.

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Speaker 1: I'm setting boundaries. Kid.

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Speaker 3: Stand yet, I know there's a lot of what about.

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Speaker 1: Me protecting from your behavior?

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Speaker 4: Anyway, go ahead, Like in theory, we should protect our piece,

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Speaker 4: but it's just annoying when people say that. But yeah,

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Speaker 4: so she she very much is introverted, and I've always

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Speaker 4: accepted her for the way that she is. I feel

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Speaker 4: like I'm like an introvert whisper like a lot of

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Speaker 4: my friends. You know, I respect the way that she is,

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Speaker 4: but I don't always know if like it goes the

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Speaker 4: other way around, and she is so bad with her phone,

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Speaker 4: such as though that like the way that our friendship

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Speaker 4: has been set up for years is like she'll go

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Speaker 4: m ia for.

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Speaker 3: Months and months and months and then will.

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Speaker 4: Resurface if either of us need each other, or like

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Speaker 4: if someone reaches out and then she goes back down

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Speaker 4: on her Now I have her location. I know she's fine,

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Speaker 4: but I'm the closest one to her in the friend

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Speaker 4: group anyways. So there's been a lot of changes in

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Speaker 4: my life as of late, some good.

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Speaker 3: Some bad. Obviously, I've talked about the loss of.

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Speaker 4: My dog, some other things that you guys know about,

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Speaker 4: and she knows none of it.

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Speaker 3: She knows none. She doesn't know I lost my dog.

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Speaker 3: She doesn't know, you know, some private things I'm going through.

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Speaker 1: Speak right now.

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Speaker 4: She has no idea And it's not but yours. Hers

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Speaker 4: is not coming from like this is how she treats everyone.

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Speaker 4: This is not a change in behavior. It and and

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Speaker 4: if I reached out to her, she would be there.

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Speaker 3: But I am having.

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Speaker 4: A hard time because I'm in this era of my

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Speaker 4: life where I'm like, I feel like I'm always the

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Speaker 4: one reaching out, understanding, like maneuvering myself such as though

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Speaker 4: to make others comfortable, and and I'm like, okay, well,

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Speaker 4: this is the time where I really like need someone

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Speaker 4: maybe to check on me, you know, And I don't

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Speaker 4: usually feel that way. So I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 4: And I will be back in Michigan, where we're both from.

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Speaker 4: She lives near me, and I just don't know, like,

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Speaker 4: am I going to reach out and say, hey, here's

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Speaker 4: a list of things that I've gone through since, like

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Speaker 4: we haven't spoken, could you be there for me?

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Speaker 3: It just makes me feel weird. Yeah, but I also.

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Speaker 4: Don't like how much can we be Like Okay, I'm

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Speaker 4: just bad at my phone. I'm just bad at communication.

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Speaker 4: Like it's a level to where my other friends are

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Speaker 4: like asking me.

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Speaker 3: Like if she's okay, and I'm like, she is.

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Speaker 4: Like I see her little sim that I watch, like

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Speaker 4: she's home, she moves, she's alive, she's good.

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Speaker 3: But I'm just like I don't know how to move forward.

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Speaker 1: Because I could relate to what you're saying. I can

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Speaker 1: relate to what you're saying.

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Speaker 2: I hopefully I'm a little better than her, but I

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Speaker 2: know that there are a number of friendships in my

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Speaker 2: life where people don't. They would argue that they've put

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Speaker 2: more into it than I have, and I think what

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Speaker 2: they're taking for granted is the fact that I communicate

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Speaker 2: differently than they do.

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Speaker 1: I show love differently than they do.

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Speaker 2: And what happens is these people tend to want what

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Speaker 2: they're giving, and then when they're not getting it, their

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Speaker 2: vocal about it, and then that just causes me to

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Speaker 2: retreat because it's like, wait a minute, so you're telling

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Speaker 2: me I'm not good enough because I'm not doing it

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Speaker 2: your way, And so then I just do nothing, and

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Speaker 2: I wind up with fewer friends that way, honestly, because

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Speaker 2: people and the way that I justified, at least what

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Speaker 2: I feel is you're not accepting me for me. And

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Speaker 2: maybe that's an excuse. I'm not saying your friend is

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Speaker 2: doing that. But I can relate to the thing where

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Speaker 2: I would be there for a lot of people if

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Speaker 2: they call me right now at the drop of a hat.

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Speaker 2: But yet I'm not always the one calling and initiating

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Speaker 2: over and over and over how are you, what's going

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Speaker 2: on with you?

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Speaker 1: What's your stuff?

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Speaker 2: But I also think that I have quote unquote friends

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Speaker 2: out there who claim that I'm not pulling my weight

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Speaker 2: in the friendship, but they haven't asked a single thing

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Speaker 2: about me in years. They have no idea what's going

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Speaker 2: on with me and how that might justify where I'm

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Speaker 2: at or my distance because they never bothered to ask,

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Speaker 2: because it's always about them, and those aren't real friendships.

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Speaker 2: And so you know, like I can think of a

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Speaker 2: few people right now who are probably think I'm not

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Speaker 2: a good friend or a good guy. It's one, I'm

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Speaker 2: a serious introvert, which I don't think people realize. And

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Speaker 2: second of all, no, I'm tired of making it all.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of constantly engaging you and playing by your rules.

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Speaker 2: So I don't want to do it anymore. The next

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Speaker 2: time you think he's not a good friend, ask yourself,

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Speaker 2: when's the last time you engaged. I have a couple

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Speaker 2: of friends who have no idea what's been going on

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Speaker 2: in my life or in our other friends' lives. Serious stuff, breakups, cancer,

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Speaker 2: you know, mental health issues. But yet I think they're

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Speaker 2: probably sitting there going those guys, aren't my friend? Well,

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Speaker 2: when's the last time you asked? And so I think

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Speaker 2: I understand what you're saying. I see both sides. It's

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Speaker 2: hard because I don't mean anything by it. No, but

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Speaker 2: I also am who I am, and I don't know

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Speaker 2: that I can change permanently for other people. So it

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Speaker 2: doesn't sound like your friend's a bad friend. Oh No,

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Speaker 2: she's an amazing for me. It sounds like you could

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Speaker 2: use a little more for right now, and maybe that's

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Speaker 2: what you have to do. Maybe you have to call

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Speaker 2: her and say, hey, look I got like one I

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Speaker 2: could really use you right now.

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Speaker 1: And it sounds like she'd be there.

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Speaker 3: She totally would, and she she works in mental health.

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Speaker 3: Feel like it's not about that.

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Speaker 4: She also is like not on social so like that's

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Speaker 4: another layer of like my other friends know, like I

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Speaker 4: lost my dog, Like I didn't reach out like they

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Speaker 4: they saw it, you know, or they spoke to So

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Speaker 4: it's it's just this whole weird thing because I am

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Speaker 4: very much and I'm not keeping score. I accept her

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Speaker 4: for who she is, but I have a really hard

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Speaker 4: time calling. I appreciate that, you know, I get it.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes you're too good about that really.

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Speaker 1: I know. I think sometimes you accept too much.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah, no, you're right, You're right, I'm back

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Speaker 4: in therapy.

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Speaker 3: Don't worry about me. But yeah, so I don't. I

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Speaker 3: don't know. It's just a weird thing.

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Speaker 4: And I also have a really hard time calling and going, hey,

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Speaker 4: this is what's happening, and I need you, like I

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Speaker 4: have never uttered.

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Speaker 3: Those words in my entire life. So I don't know.

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Speaker 3: It's just a weird. It's a weird thing.

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Speaker 4: To navigate, and it's almost like, is she gonna check in?

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Speaker 3: Am I going to check in? So I don't really

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Speaker 3: know how to proceed.

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Speaker 2: I can relate to your friend at least, yeah, and

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Speaker 2: I can relate to you being frustrated by it. I

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Speaker 2: just think sometimes people need to be met where they are,

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Speaker 2: especially if they're good people and they mean, well, oh.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm not I wouldn't say frustrated.

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Speaker 4: I think it just feels weird that she is truly

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Speaker 4: one of the closest people to me in my entire

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Speaker 4: life and she doesn't know about these major things that,

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Speaker 4: like you guys know, are going out in my life.

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Speaker 4: So it's just it's a weird feeling because like I know,

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Speaker 4: she would care if she knew, but she just doesn't.

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Speaker 5: Know, So I don't know, give it one last shot

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Speaker 5: of you like kind of expressing that to her, you know,

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Speaker 5: and reaching out. Because I had this situation with my

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Speaker 5: best friend over the last year and he went through

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Speaker 5: a career change.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and he.

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Speaker 3: Totally disappeared from my life.

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Speaker 5: He would be with us Thanksgiving, he missed my engagement,

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Speaker 5: like and for a while I was like, oh, well,

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Speaker 5: I'm giving it back that energy, Like he's not put

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Speaker 5: an effort. I'm not. But sometimes you just got to

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Speaker 5: give people a little grace, of course, because you know,

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Speaker 5: everyone's going through their own bad that we may not

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Speaker 5: know about. So I would say, when you go home,

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Speaker 5: maybe just hit her with a text and kind of

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Speaker 5: lay it out like this is you know what our

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Speaker 5: friendship feels like right now, and I don't like it,

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Speaker 5: and maybe, you know, give her the opportunity to change it,

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Speaker 5: and hopefully she will.

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Speaker 1: She sounds like she will.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I mean like she literally disappears and then

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Speaker 4: she resurfaces on my birthday, wish.

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Speaker 3: Me, sends me a gift, and then we go back.

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Speaker 4: Disappear again, and it's like, so, yeah, I can reach out.

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Speaker 3: But then it's hard.

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Speaker 4: I have other people like Fred reminding me, like by

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Speaker 4: the way you do sometimes like accept too much, and

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Speaker 4: so then I'm like, I'm trying to decide how to

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Speaker 4: take care of myself.

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Speaker 3: Too, and I don't really know how.

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Speaker 5: But not being on social that plays a major part

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Speaker 5: in missing out on stuff. Unfortunately, I keep up with

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Speaker 5: a lot of my friendships through social media. You know,

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Speaker 5: I don't know what's going on because of that, which

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Speaker 5: is lazy, but it's not you know, right, It's the

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Speaker 5: way we communicate sometimes.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's a whole little like pretzel in my brain.

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Speaker 4: But I still love her and we're gonna be okay.

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Speaker 4: It's just weird. I'm like, hello, like, hey, here's a

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Speaker 4: list of things that are gonna shock you.

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Speaker 2: Girl.

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Speaker 3: Girl, Yeah, she is gonna.

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Speaker 5: Be sad when she and we all should do a

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Speaker 5: better job of being good friends to people. Like I'm

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Speaker 5: in that era right now where I'm actually checking on people,

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Speaker 5: which I never do because I always like I'm bothering somebody.

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Speaker 5: So now I'm like, oh, you have to get better

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Speaker 5: at communicating with people that you actually love and like,

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Speaker 5: because you know, you're just living life and you're thinking

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Speaker 5: that they don't want to hear from you, or they're

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Speaker 5: too busy to hear from you, when they're kind of

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Speaker 5: waiting to hear from you.

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Speaker 1: So I would say, give her that chance to make

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Speaker 1: it right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe I'll pop over when I'm back there.

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Speaker 2: As a real life introvert, which I think surprises people.

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Speaker 2: Because of this job. There are people I could show

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Speaker 2: up for more. I could try harder, and I think

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Speaker 2: the part of the reason I don't is because I

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Speaker 2: don't necessarily think that those people have accepted me fully

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Speaker 2: for me. They want they want me to be like them,

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Speaker 2: and they want makes important.

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Speaker 1: They want me to know.

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Speaker 2: And do things the way that they want me to

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Speaker 2: do them, and I could do a better job of that,

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Speaker 2: but I just wander back into a corner, backed into

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Speaker 2: a corner, because it's like, all I feel is that

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Speaker 2: you're telling me how I'm inadequate to you by being myself.

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Speaker 2: This is like a really deep conversation that no one

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Speaker 2: asks for on a Friday, but uh, and so then

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Speaker 2: it just pushes me into a place where I just

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Speaker 2: hide because I don't feel like I'm being accepted for

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Speaker 2: me or being considered, you know, from my side of

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Speaker 2: the street, Like you know, wait a minute, that's I

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Speaker 2: don't feel like I get the benefit of the doubt

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Speaker 2: very often from people. I feel like I'm the villain

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Speaker 2: in a lot of people's stories. I feel like and

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Speaker 2: it's because I don't have a lot to It's because

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Speaker 2: I'm not very communicative and I really am not confrontational.

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Speaker 2: But the number of people in my life that I've

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Speaker 2: had to sort of unfortunately usher out, there's one common factor.

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Speaker 1: It's that.

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Speaker 2: I can't remember the last time you inquired about what's

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Speaker 2: up with me or why maybe a change in behavior occurred.

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Speaker 2: Let's say I am acting strangers you're different to you.

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Speaker 2: Then maybe the first question, if you really gave it damn,

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Speaker 2: would be why are you acting it? Like are you good?

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Speaker 2: Like we can deal with the other thing, but like

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Speaker 2: are you okay? And the answer, by the way, in

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Speaker 2: the last eighteen months, at times there's been no.

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Speaker 1: But but you don't know.

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Speaker 2: That because you haven't asked about me in years, because

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Speaker 2: you don't care, because all you care about is how

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Speaker 2: it affects you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, accepting people for how they are is like a

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Speaker 4: big thing. And like I said, a ton of my

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Speaker 4: friends are introverts, and I know that that I just

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Speaker 4: had to like learn, like you just handle things differently,

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Speaker 4: and that's okay, But I do think both parties need

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Speaker 4: to like try to figure out that special sauce.

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Speaker 2: Do you think she's a good friend and she's just

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Speaker 2: someone who communicates very differently than you do, then I

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Speaker 2: think it is fully within your within you not right,

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Speaker 2: but it would fully be within appropriate for you to

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Speaker 2: reach out and say I need you now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she'd be there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's hard for me, but I will try keep

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Speaker 3: me number.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, two introverts communicate, we do. We actually telepathically.

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Speaker 2: I'll communicate with her without using words. We know each

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Speaker 2: other's language.

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Speaker 3: You got to show up at her house then