WEBVTT - “I HATE BEING SOBER”

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Yeah, how are you?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm good. What is your name?

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<v Speaker 3>It's Rachel?

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<v Speaker 2>Rachel. How's life dude?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's good actually right now?

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<v Speaker 2>Well I'm happy to hear that. What'd you want to

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<v Speaker 2>talk about today?

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<v Speaker 3>Do you see any of my texts?

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<v Speaker 2>Nope?

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<v Speaker 3>Now okay, all right, So no, life's good. I've been

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<v Speaker 3>a drug addict since I'm thirteen, and I am your

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<v Speaker 3>age right now. I am extremely functional. I am super dedicated,

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<v Speaker 3>super passionate, can carry a job, but had lots of

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<v Speaker 3>trauma in life. So I don't know which way do

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<v Speaker 3>you want to take it.

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<v Speaker 2>How old do you think I am?

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<v Speaker 3>Like twenty six?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm twenty six, so I just.

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<v Speaker 3>I turned twenty five in May, so we're similar ages.

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<v Speaker 2>So are you still Are you still addicted to drugs?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 3>Absolutely?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you see a drug counselor person?

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<v Speaker 3>I used to, but my insurance they terminated my plan,

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<v Speaker 3>so I haven't recently, and I I so when I

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<v Speaker 3>stopped seeing them, everything kind of like kicked back into action.

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<v Speaker 3>But I'm not doing anything like heavy anymore. I haven't

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<v Speaker 3>done anything heavy since I was probably like twenty, I

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<v Speaker 3>mean three.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, you but you don't seem like you're doing this,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm just going to give this uh disclaimer real

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<v Speaker 2>drank h I am not a real therapist. I know

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<v Speaker 2>you know that, I know you listen to the podcasts,

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<v Speaker 2>and I know I know you know that, I know

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<v Speaker 2>I know, I know you know, I know you know.

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<v Speaker 2>But just putting that out there, I'm not a real therapist.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm happy to talk to you about my current drug

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<v Speaker 2>addiction as like a random dude on the internet, but

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<v Speaker 2>as long as I'm just establishing that context.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so I went to school to be a therapist,

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<v Speaker 3>so I understand, and I've listened to your podcast for

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<v Speaker 3>quite some time, so I totally understand where you're coming from. Honestly,

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<v Speaker 3>you could be a service.

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<v Speaker 2>But now that we've established that, we can get into

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<v Speaker 2>the fun part. What kind of drugs are you addicted to?

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<v Speaker 3>So right now it's just alcohol. I used to be

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<v Speaker 3>addicted to cocaine. I did acid every weekend for two

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<v Speaker 3>years while I was in high school. I did a

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<v Speaker 3>bunch of cocaine post high school. In college, dabbled in ketamine.

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<v Speaker 3>Nothing like. I didn't do math, I didn't do heroine.

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<v Speaker 3>I addicted to opioids from like fourteen to sixteen.

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<v Speaker 2>So right now, it's just you're just drinking a lot.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Yeah, I don't smoke weed because I get too anxious.

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<v Speaker 3>So right now it's really just go ahead.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you drunk right now?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Really?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, Well I'm not drunk. So my thing is

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<v Speaker 3>like I can drink and be super super functional. I

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<v Speaker 3>probably so when your podcast started, about thirty minutes into it,

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<v Speaker 3>I had like four shots of vodka. I think I

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<v Speaker 3>took three or four more.

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<v Speaker 2>Since you don't sound even slightly ineviated, That's that's.

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<v Speaker 3>What the issue is. I'm a very functional person. I

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<v Speaker 3>just get like more like lovey dovey and more like

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<v Speaker 3>into my emotions.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess so you you're seven shots deep right now,

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<v Speaker 2>if not more, Yeah, that's crazy. How long have you been?

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<v Speaker 2>Like do you drink every day?

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<v Speaker 3>So I went to a jizoq facility at one point

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<v Speaker 3>because I was like I can't do it anymore, and

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<v Speaker 3>I was like two months sober, and then since then, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>I've pretty much just been drinking every day. So that

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<v Speaker 3>was like in March.

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<v Speaker 2>So and you have this thing where you can just

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<v Speaker 2>take seven shots. That's I mean, I've literally I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>you sound like a stone cold souper after seven. That's crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>I've never encountered that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>No, I can drink half a bottle Latinos and someone

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<v Speaker 3>wouldn't know that I'm actually drunk. And so they asked

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<v Speaker 3>me about my day and they're like, oh, you remember that,

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm like what, No, And.

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<v Speaker 2>This doesn't does this affect your job or your relationships

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<v Speaker 2>or like, how does does this negatively affect your life?

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<v Speaker 3>No? None at all. Besides like maybe sometimes I'm linked

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<v Speaker 3>to work. Actually most of the time, I'm like five

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<v Speaker 3>ten minutes fleet to work. But no, I hold a job,

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<v Speaker 3>I hold my friendships, I hold a relationship. I carry

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<v Speaker 3>on with my life.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so you're you're in a relationship, you have a boyfriend.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I have a new boyfriend. It's only been like

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<v Speaker 3>maybe a month.

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<v Speaker 2>And what's your boyfriend think about all this?

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know. I haven't asked him. He's very aware

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<v Speaker 3>of it, but I have not asked him specifically what

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<v Speaker 3>he thinks about it.

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<v Speaker 2>In your twenty six years of or I guess thirteen

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<v Speaker 2>years of like drug addiction, has alcohol or any of

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<v Speaker 2>these stuff like has had Like I guess, clearly you've

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<v Speaker 2>been able to be functional, but like, has it taken

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<v Speaker 2>a toll on any any things in your life?

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<v Speaker 3>Not particularly, I mean, and maybe like when I was

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<v Speaker 3>in high school, I was like, I don't give a fuck,

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<v Speaker 3>and I had like a one point eight GPA. And

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<v Speaker 3>then my boyfriend went to a high end college, a

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<v Speaker 3>high end university, and I wanted to follow him there

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<v Speaker 3>boyfriend of the time. Uh So I got my shit together,

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<v Speaker 3>still drank, but got my shit together and got my

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<v Speaker 3>GPA up and got accepted into the college. And I

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<v Speaker 3>was with him my previous ex, for like six years,

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<v Speaker 3>and I graduated with a three point nine seven five.

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<v Speaker 3>So I would I didn't say it has maybe likes.

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<v Speaker 3>It's all physical effects. If if I'm being honest, how do.

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<v Speaker 2>You physically feel right now?

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<v Speaker 3>I get like chronic diarrhea right now, though right now

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<v Speaker 3>I feel great. But yeah, I have like my I

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<v Speaker 3>have like GI issues. I have like hangovers occasionally, not occasionally,

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<v Speaker 3>I would say, maybe like I wake up in the morning,

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<v Speaker 3>don't feel great. By by midday I feel fine. I

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<v Speaker 3>definitely I've I've gotten to the point where I'm so

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<v Speaker 3>drunk that I'm like, you know what, we could just

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<v Speaker 3>end this all. And I've tried to commit to that

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<v Speaker 3>a few times.

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<v Speaker 2>How recently, as that happens.

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<v Speaker 3>The last time, it's probably like, well, I also was

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<v Speaker 3>on shrooms, so so the last time I was drinking

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<v Speaker 3>and tried was probably like two years ago. But the

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<v Speaker 3>last time that I tried was maybe a year and

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<v Speaker 3>a half ago. But I was tripping really hard. I

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<v Speaker 3>didn't even drink. I was just tripping really hard.

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<v Speaker 2>And true, do you feel better now?

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<v Speaker 3>I mean currently right now? Yeah, I feel great where

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<v Speaker 3>I'm at, like having a partner that I'm really really into,

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<v Speaker 3>and I have a great job, and I have a

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<v Speaker 3>great apartment, and I pay my bills and I have

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<v Speaker 3>three beautiful kiddies.

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<v Speaker 2>So I guess, why do you keep drinking every day?

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<v Speaker 3>It's not even like like I mean, I go through

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<v Speaker 3>withdraw if I don't drink, But that's not why I

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<v Speaker 3>keep drinking. It's more of like it feels very freeing,

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<v Speaker 3>like I have no anxiety, my depression's gone, Like I

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<v Speaker 3>just feel like a great human being if I drink,

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<v Speaker 3>whether it's a small amount or a large amount, So it.

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<v Speaker 2>Just numbs your like your anxiety and your depression, and

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<v Speaker 2>you just keep keep it up so that you don't

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<v Speaker 2>have to deal with all that shit.

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<v Speaker 3>And I mean I have faced it. I've been sober.

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<v Speaker 3>I have faced it. I've gone through many months of

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<v Speaker 3>therapy and been put on medications and stuff, and I

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<v Speaker 3>still have felt never better if I drink.

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<v Speaker 2>And in the past thirteen years of dealing with this stuff,

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<v Speaker 2>you have been to rehab and you have talked to

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<v Speaker 2>counselors and therapists and whatnot. Right, Yes, what do they

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<v Speaker 2>what do they tell you? Like if you like, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>sure you've expressed this sentiment that you just expressed to me,

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<v Speaker 2>this idea of like, Okay, well, when I'm drunk, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't have to deal with my anxiety. I don't have

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<v Speaker 2>to deal with my depression all this time. When you

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<v Speaker 2>tell that to these people, what do they tell you?

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, that is like addiction, that you're just like

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<v Speaker 3>numbing out and stuff like that. But I, in my opinion,

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<v Speaker 3>I feel more. I'm able to express more when I

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<v Speaker 3>am drunk or high or tripping or anything. And I

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<v Speaker 3>think it comes down to me like numbing out my

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<v Speaker 3>emotions when I'm sober. And I mean, if you do

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<v Speaker 3>that for over a decade and numb yourself out because

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<v Speaker 3>of trauma and stuff. It feels great to just like

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<v Speaker 3>let loose for once and not be stuck in your head.

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<v Speaker 2>Sober sober you is stuck in your head?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, absolutely, overthinking constantly.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I can't fucking argue with that. I can't fucking

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<v Speaker 2>argue with that. I can't. Yes, you're gonna overthink, and

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<v Speaker 2>you're gonna you're gonna overthink and be more anxious when

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<v Speaker 2>you're sober than when you're drunk. Sure, that is a

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<v Speaker 2>thing I cannot argue with. And I guess so you're

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<v Speaker 2>trying to cheat the system because you went like, because,

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<v Speaker 2>all right, because because that's what it is. Right, It's like,

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<v Speaker 2>have you've heard that fucking idea that like alcohol is

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<v Speaker 2>borrowing your happiness from tomorrow? Right, you've heard that? And

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<v Speaker 2>so you were you were, you were like, oh, I

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<v Speaker 2>have this genius idea. If I just keep drinking, tomorrow

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<v Speaker 2>will never come and I'll never have to pay the

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<v Speaker 2>debt back. I'll just keep borrowing, just borrowing until I

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<v Speaker 2>until until I die, and then once I die, they

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<v Speaker 2>can't reap my my debt back. That was that's the idea, right,

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<v Speaker 2>Not really.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't I don't necessarily agree with the last part,

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<v Speaker 3>like I drink for the moment, not not to be like,

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<v Speaker 3>oh tomorrow will be better like it, I mean tars

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<v Speaker 3>and be worse regardless until you like start up again

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<v Speaker 3>or honestly, to be honest, I have great relationships with

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<v Speaker 3>all my coworkers, all my friends, and that also gives

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<v Speaker 3>me a release if I'm sober like I have. I'm

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<v Speaker 3>such a social person. I am fucking hilarious. Not to

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<v Speaker 3>get to my own goats, but I have so much

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<v Speaker 3>fun socializing with people that I can be sober like

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<v Speaker 3>post drinking and be very very happy and not in

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<v Speaker 3>my head.

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<v Speaker 2>So let me ask you this, do you want to

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<v Speaker 2>stop drinking?

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<v Speaker 3>I did for a while. Yeah, I went to.

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<v Speaker 2>Like yohalaha, you did stop drinking or you did want

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<v Speaker 2>to stop drinking.

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<v Speaker 3>I did want to and I did stop, Okay, and

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<v Speaker 3>now do your utility?

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<v Speaker 2>Now do you want to stop drinking? Like as you know?

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<v Speaker 3>So No, that's what the hard part is. I know

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<v Speaker 3>that like on a systemic level, like my body is

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<v Speaker 3>gonna like the chat had said, I saw one comment

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<v Speaker 3>like you're gonna die at forty five, like probably, and

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<v Speaker 3>that is my biggest fear, Like I don't want to

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<v Speaker 3>because it brings me so much joy and so much

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<v Speaker 3>release in my day to day life. But I know

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<v Speaker 3>that health wise is not okay, and that gives me

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<v Speaker 3>a lot of anxiety to think about that. You know,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna get like lymphoma or like mouth cancer or

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<v Speaker 3>you know, I'm just gonna have like.

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<v Speaker 2>Can I I'm gonna I'm gonna try my best here

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<v Speaker 2>with this.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>So, and I think I actually talked to somebody who

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<v Speaker 2>had a kind of similar issue, maybe like a year ago,

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<v Speaker 2>on this podcast.

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<v Speaker 3>But I probably already listened to it.

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<v Speaker 2>So okay, So a few things. Clearly, you you you

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<v Speaker 2>don't suffer from confidence issues, which is good. You like

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<v Speaker 2>you like yourself. You know that you're great at socializing.

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<v Speaker 2>You know that you're good at talking to people. You

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<v Speaker 2>know that you're good at your job. You know that

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<v Speaker 2>you're you know, attractive enough to hold down a relationship,

0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:22.640
<v Speaker 2>that you are emotionally available enough to hold down a relationship.

0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:28.040
<v Speaker 2>Like you don't you have a positive self image of yourself? Right?

0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:29.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:34.040
<v Speaker 2>Correct? And it's not even just like something that's in

0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:36.600
<v Speaker 2>your head. It's like proven you're holding down a relationship,

0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:38.959
<v Speaker 2>you're holding down a job. You're holding down friends, you're

0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:42.960
<v Speaker 2>doing all this stuff. Uh, do you believe that you

0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:46.320
<v Speaker 2>can do those things sober? That you can be this

0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:47.320
<v Speaker 2>person sober?

0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:52.680
<v Speaker 3>I do believe I could. But do I feel that

0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:56.440
<v Speaker 3>on like a cellular level when I'm sober. No, I

0:13:56.480 --> 0:14:00.200
<v Speaker 3>feel like I'm withdrawn and I'm not as exciting. And

0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:03.280
<v Speaker 3>I've been told wrong already from like friends who I

0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:08.640
<v Speaker 3>got sober with. But I probably could, but to me,

0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:15.440
<v Speaker 3>it's not as exciting, for whatever.

0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:20.920
<v Speaker 2>It's worth from me, I believe you can do all

0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:24.680
<v Speaker 2>of those things sober now. Of course, after like drinking

0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:27.120
<v Speaker 2>as much as you have, like you're gonna be going

0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:32.200
<v Speaker 2>through crazy withdraws and yeah, and look and look and look.

0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:35.280
<v Speaker 2>Maybe I know I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a scientist.

0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:37.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't I don't know. I'm not a medical person,

0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:41.480
<v Speaker 2>so I don't know the timeline of how long it

0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:43.840
<v Speaker 2>takes to get over with draws. But like, maybe if

0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:46.480
<v Speaker 2>you quit drinking, you'd experience and I mean, look, you

0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:47.920
<v Speaker 2>told me you quit drinking a while, so maybe you've

0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:51.800
<v Speaker 2>experienced already. Maybe when you quit drinking, you experience those

0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:55.720
<v Speaker 2>withdraws for however long. I don't know. I don't know

0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:57.280
<v Speaker 2>how long it takes for you to come up.

0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.040
<v Speaker 3>With it's like three to six days.

0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:00.920
<v Speaker 2>Three to six days, okay, So for the next three

0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:03.760
<v Speaker 2>to six days, maybe you're not all those things because

0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:05.840
<v Speaker 2>you're dealing with fucking withdrawals. But then once you get

0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:12.760
<v Speaker 2>over your hurdle, I fully believe you can be a confident, successful,

0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:16.920
<v Speaker 2>competent person doing all these things, being social, having a

0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:19.960
<v Speaker 2>good life, sober and get this.

0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:22.080
<v Speaker 3>So I've done that, I've done okay.

0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:23.760
<v Speaker 2>Okay, tell me what happened when you did that?

0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:28.360
<v Speaker 3>So I fell super so when I got sober, I

0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:30.480
<v Speaker 3>the counselor I was seeing, wanted to put me on

0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:34.000
<v Speaker 3>anti depresence and anti anxiety because I had no drive

0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.840
<v Speaker 3>to do anything. I would stay in bed. I didn't

0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:38.720
<v Speaker 3>want to socialize. I didn't want to like go on

0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:42.240
<v Speaker 3>tender and meet people. I didn't want to be adventurous.

0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:46.440
<v Speaker 3>Like it was very much not what I know me

0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:49.120
<v Speaker 3>as myself, But it like what I know me as

0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:51.200
<v Speaker 3>myself right now is who I was when I was

0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:55.520
<v Speaker 3>like a kid and sober. So I mean, maybe there's

0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:58.479
<v Speaker 3>a larger hump to get over. Whether it's like a couple.

0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:02.240
<v Speaker 2>Months, how long, how long were you sober for two

0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.360
<v Speaker 2>and a half months and during that two and a

0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:05.880
<v Speaker 2>half months you didn't feel like yourself?

0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:07.760
<v Speaker 3>No, not at all.

0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:16.080
<v Speaker 2>I want to believe. I I'm not a doctor, I'm

0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:20.680
<v Speaker 2>a man, but I'm a man in a gecko coster

0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:25.760
<v Speaker 2>who really wants to believe. There is some reason why,

0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.800
<v Speaker 2>when you are sober for those two months, you're not

0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:33.720
<v Speaker 2>feeling yourself and that reason is not because you're sober.

0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:37.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what that reason is. I also want

0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:42.840
<v Speaker 2>to believe. I also want to believe that you can

0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:44.920
<v Speaker 2>figure out what that reason is and then you can

0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:52.960
<v Speaker 2>solve it. Because here's the thing, even if your brain

0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:56.120
<v Speaker 2>is right, which I'm telling you I don't think it is,

0:16:56.880 --> 0:17:00.600
<v Speaker 2>even if you're even if your brain is right, that

0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:03.640
<v Speaker 2>the that the reason you're able to be socially confident

0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:05.479
<v Speaker 2>and and all and all these great things in your

0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:10.720
<v Speaker 2>life is because you're drunk. Whoop the fucking do You're

0:17:10.720 --> 0:17:12.720
<v Speaker 2>gonna be able to be those you're because you're gonna

0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:15.760
<v Speaker 2>be able to be those things for really not that

0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:19.800
<v Speaker 2>long because it's gonna kill you. So who cares if

0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:21.679
<v Speaker 2>it's the reason? Who? So? Who cares? If it's the

0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:25.199
<v Speaker 2>reason that you're all those things right, and it's and

0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:28.480
<v Speaker 2>it's and it's and it's the tougher journey for you

0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:32.160
<v Speaker 2>to get sober, figure out the reason why you feel

0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:35.640
<v Speaker 2>like sober you can't be all those things, overcome it,

0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:41.760
<v Speaker 2>and then try to lead a fruitful, long, sustainable life

0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:49.240
<v Speaker 2>as a confident, socially competent, motivated person who's sober. That's

0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:53.080
<v Speaker 2>gonna be a thousand times I'm not gonna like, dude, Yeah,

0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:56.720
<v Speaker 2>it's gonna be a thousand times more difficult than getting

0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:59.080
<v Speaker 2>drunk every day. It's the harder path. You don't want

0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:00.679
<v Speaker 2>to do the harder thing. You don't want to fucking

0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.639
<v Speaker 2>do the work because it's god damn hard, And of

0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:07.800
<v Speaker 2>course it's fuck it easier to get drunk all day.

0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:14.359
<v Speaker 2>But I just you know, it's I mean.

0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.560
<v Speaker 3>I've I've gone I've talked to I've talked you know,

0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:20.080
<v Speaker 3>it's definitely not sustainable, but like I've gone to therapist,

0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:22.480
<v Speaker 3>I've talked about the trauma that I've had in my

0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:25.560
<v Speaker 3>childhood and I've like worked through it and gone through

0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.600
<v Speaker 3>it and i still have this desire. And You're right,

0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:31.800
<v Speaker 3>it's the easier path, but I've taken the harder path,

0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:36.440
<v Speaker 3>maybe not for long enough, but I just have never

0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:40.760
<v Speaker 3>felt like myself in that longer past. I know what

0:18:40.840 --> 0:18:41.399
<v Speaker 3>I'm doing.

0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:43.760
<v Speaker 2>Go ahead, go ahead, No you go, If you finished,

0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:44.359
<v Speaker 2>then I'll tell you I.

0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:47.119
<v Speaker 3>Was going to say, I've uh So, I've gone that

0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:51.480
<v Speaker 3>longer pass for quite a while. I've tried it multiple times,

0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:55.720
<v Speaker 3>and there's just something about it that doesn't feel like

0:18:55.800 --> 0:19:00.440
<v Speaker 3>the authentic me. Like I feel very uh like the

0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:04.920
<v Speaker 3>child like essence in me comes out when I'm drinking

0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:07.439
<v Speaker 3>or when I'm drunk or when I'm on drugs, and

0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:10.919
<v Speaker 3>I'm like giggly and happy and open and friendly, and

0:19:10.960 --> 0:19:14.719
<v Speaker 3>then if I'm sober, I'm more like very like not monotone,

0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:18.440
<v Speaker 3>but like the world feels monotone. And I've again, I've

0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:21.720
<v Speaker 3>worked through that trauma. I've gone through it. I've admitted

0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:27.000
<v Speaker 3>it all and accepted it all. So maybe there's more

0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:29.320
<v Speaker 3>that I mean I haven't worked through.

0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:33.640
<v Speaker 2>But can I can I admit something to you?

0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:34.640
<v Speaker 1>Yes?

0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:35.880
<v Speaker 3>I would love to for you to do that.

0:19:36.080 --> 0:19:40.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm probably on like four hundred milligrams of caffeine right now,

0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:45.719
<v Speaker 2>and it's and it's I it's when it's ironic because

0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:49.040
<v Speaker 2>I think a little part of me thinks I wouldn't

0:19:49.080 --> 0:19:53.000
<v Speaker 2>have been able to confidently have this conversation with you

0:19:53.560 --> 0:19:56.400
<v Speaker 2>as well as I could if I were not on

0:19:56.520 --> 0:20:00.000
<v Speaker 2>four hundred milligrams of caffeine. And so there's a it's

0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:03.240
<v Speaker 2>I just noticed that, and I was like, there's I

0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:04.960
<v Speaker 2>think a little bit of a parallel.

0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:09.320
<v Speaker 3>Between can emit something? Can I omit something to you?

0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.159
<v Speaker 3>That I realized this morning. So I was listening to

0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:17.879
<v Speaker 3>the podcast with the man who was talking about time

0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:21.440
<v Speaker 3>travel and how no one understands him and he got

0:20:21.480 --> 0:20:25.320
<v Speaker 3>sent to a mental hospital. I think it was like

0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:25.840
<v Speaker 3>last year.

0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:28.520
<v Speaker 2>Yes, there was a there was a there was a

0:20:28.760 --> 0:20:30.520
<v Speaker 2>just a I guess give. Yeah, there was a guy

0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:34.640
<v Speaker 2>who like thought he was being stalked by time travelers. Yeah,

0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:39.640
<v Speaker 2>and he went to all these like mental facilities and

0:20:39.680 --> 0:20:41.760
<v Speaker 2>nobody believed him that he was being stocked.

0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:46.840
<v Speaker 3>He went to one mental health facility. He messaged the FBI,

0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:47.840
<v Speaker 3>it's that.

0:20:47.760 --> 0:20:50.040
<v Speaker 2>One, okay, And and and I know, yeah, I know

0:20:50.080 --> 0:20:51.919
<v Speaker 2>what you're talking about. Tell me how this relates to you.

0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:55.840
<v Speaker 3>So as he was speaking about it and he's saying

0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:58.879
<v Speaker 3>that no one believes him, it really hit me hard. So,

0:20:59.040 --> 0:21:00.560
<v Speaker 3>like I went to school to be a therapist and

0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:03.560
<v Speaker 3>you have to always validate people's feelings. It hit me

0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:07.040
<v Speaker 3>really hard that in his entire life, even you, but

0:21:07.160 --> 0:21:10.240
<v Speaker 3>I mean, you're here to get him out, no one

0:21:10.320 --> 0:21:12.679
<v Speaker 3>believes him, and he believes it to be his truth

0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:18.600
<v Speaker 3>because like he that is what he experienced. But what

0:21:18.800 --> 0:21:21.000
<v Speaker 3>really got me at the end, which was like a

0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:24.639
<v Speaker 3>synchronicity type thing because I was like, really really into

0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:28.200
<v Speaker 3>that that podcast, is that he was like, Oh, I'm

0:21:28.200 --> 0:21:30.280
<v Speaker 3>going to school to be at that tech and I

0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:33.000
<v Speaker 3>want to work with cats and that's exactly what I do.

0:21:33.080 --> 0:21:37.280
<v Speaker 3>And I was like, oh, time war Like, this just

0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:38.919
<v Speaker 3>hit me real hard this morning.

0:21:39.359 --> 0:21:44.320
<v Speaker 2>So you so so so for you, the idea that

0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:49.240
<v Speaker 2>you need alcohol to be a competent human being is

0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:52.040
<v Speaker 2>the same as the idea that this man is being

0:21:52.080 --> 0:21:53.520
<v Speaker 2>stalked by time travelers.

0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:55.439
<v Speaker 3>You know, they don't relate.

0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:56.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't.

0:21:57.080 --> 0:21:58.960
<v Speaker 2>I feel like that's is that? Is that not the

0:21:58.960 --> 0:22:00.480
<v Speaker 2>parallel that you're getting out right now?

0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:04.320
<v Speaker 3>So maybe no, you said something random, So I felt

0:22:04.359 --> 0:22:06.880
<v Speaker 3>like I needed to say something random, and that's been

0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:08.919
<v Speaker 3>on my mind, and that's been something like if I

0:22:08.920 --> 0:22:11.080
<v Speaker 3>ever caught your attention to be able.

0:22:10.960 --> 0:22:11.560
<v Speaker 2>To say.

0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:17.160
<v Speaker 3>But maybe I just thought it was funny, like he's

0:22:17.240 --> 0:22:20.720
<v Speaker 3>pursuing the same job that I've been working for four years,

0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:27.159
<v Speaker 3>and I believe him on a therapeutic level. And I

0:22:27.160 --> 0:22:29.000
<v Speaker 3>guess that's that's really it.

0:22:29.760 --> 0:22:44.240
<v Speaker 2>Well, I mean, what's your name again, Rachel? Well, uh,

0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:46.120
<v Speaker 2>do you think you're going to try to quit?

0:22:49.359 --> 0:22:53.040
<v Speaker 3>Not anytime soon? I don't think so. I don't. But

0:22:53.080 --> 0:22:54.960
<v Speaker 3>I also don't want to hit rock bottom again where

0:22:55.000 --> 0:22:57.399
<v Speaker 3>I have to go like a detox facility, because that

0:22:57.600 --> 0:23:00.280
<v Speaker 3>was the most traumatic experience I've ever had.

0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:06.439
<v Speaker 2>Look, I I just I know it's easy as the

0:23:06.480 --> 0:23:10.760
<v Speaker 2>guy who doesn't have to cash this check, but I believe.

0:23:10.960 --> 0:23:12.320
<v Speaker 2>I know it's easy to say, is the guy who

0:23:12.359 --> 0:23:16.200
<v Speaker 2>doesn't have to cash this check, But I believe that

0:23:16.280 --> 0:23:20.480
<v Speaker 2>you can be a competent human being without being you know,

0:23:20.560 --> 0:23:24.000
<v Speaker 2>without taking seven shots of vodka every day. That's all

0:23:24.040 --> 0:23:27.040
<v Speaker 2>I can really, that's all. I'm sure. I'm sure you

0:23:27.080 --> 0:23:31.080
<v Speaker 2>take more. I'm sure you take more. I for That's

0:23:31.119 --> 0:23:33.800
<v Speaker 2>all I can really give you. I hope it's worth something.

0:23:34.600 --> 0:23:36.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, no, it's worth something, I hear you out. But

0:23:37.160 --> 0:23:39.800
<v Speaker 3>it's it's like you have, like you have to want

0:23:39.800 --> 0:23:42.399
<v Speaker 3>it yourself, and like maybe I'll get there at some point,

0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:45.680
<v Speaker 3>but it's hard to really get there when it makes

0:23:45.680 --> 0:23:48.320
<v Speaker 3>you feel so good and you're not you're not seeing

0:23:48.440 --> 0:23:50.240
<v Speaker 3>immediate health effects.

0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:53.320
<v Speaker 2>Rachel, is there anything else you want to say to

0:23:53.320 --> 0:23:54.639
<v Speaker 2>the people of the computer before you go?

0:23:55.200 --> 0:23:55.520
<v Speaker 1>Hmmm?

0:23:56.000 --> 0:23:57.800
<v Speaker 3>I thought about this one, and I forget what I

0:23:57.840 --> 0:24:03.480
<v Speaker 3>wanted to say, but I guess get me out and

0:24:03.520 --> 0:24:05.040
<v Speaker 3>pussy his life.

0:24:05.520 --> 0:24:06.399
<v Speaker 2>Have a good night, Rachel.

0:24:07.600 --> 0:24:07.919
<v Speaker 3>Bye.

0:24:10.280 --> 0:24:10.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:24:10.520 --> 0:24:12.719
<v Speaker 2>I mean I'm a hypocrite because there's no way I'm

0:24:12.800 --> 0:24:19.760
<v Speaker 2>quitting the caffeine. Hell, what is your name, sir?

0:24:22.040 --> 0:24:23.560
<v Speaker 4>Let's go by John?

0:24:23.800 --> 0:24:28.199
<v Speaker 2>So John, what was it you wanted to talk about today? Well?

0:24:28.640 --> 0:24:30.119
<v Speaker 4>Did you see my text?

0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:36.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm assuming yes, it says Hi, my name is John. Yeah,

0:24:36.119 --> 0:24:38.280
<v Speaker 2>and I want to talk about by the way, there's

0:24:38.680 --> 0:24:41.280
<v Speaker 2>everyone in the world's name to that, but whatever, my

0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:44.520
<v Speaker 2>name is John, and I want to talk about my

0:24:44.640 --> 0:24:51.840
<v Speaker 2>OnlyFans donation problem? Yeah, okay, sorry? What?

0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:51.560
<v Speaker 3>What?

0:24:52.119 --> 0:24:55.159
<v Speaker 2>What is? What is the problem? In your own words?

0:24:55.640 --> 0:25:00.560
<v Speaker 4>So, I probably spent close to two thousand dollars in

0:25:00.600 --> 0:25:06.520
<v Speaker 4>the last month or so. M M, only fans, I'd say,

0:25:06.640 --> 0:25:07.280
<v Speaker 4>is a lot of money?

0:25:09.680 --> 0:25:13.399
<v Speaker 2>Is that through like or like with like messaging people?

0:25:14.160 --> 0:25:14.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:25:14.600 --> 0:25:15.560
<v Speaker 4>Donations?

0:25:16.240 --> 0:25:19.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, what why what do you what do you think

0:25:19.160 --> 0:25:23.320
<v Speaker 2>is compelling you to to spend that much money?

0:25:24.640 --> 0:25:28.560
<v Speaker 4>So there's one specific woman who has gotten all of

0:25:28.600 --> 0:25:34.200
<v Speaker 4>that money. Who she made it sound like she wanted

0:25:34.200 --> 0:25:35.840
<v Speaker 4>a legitimate relationship with me.

0:25:36.560 --> 0:25:36.920
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

0:25:38.000 --> 0:25:41.040
<v Speaker 4>But the problem is I live in Seattle and she

0:25:41.119 --> 0:25:42.000
<v Speaker 4>lives in Boston.

0:25:49.800 --> 0:25:52.920
<v Speaker 2>Is that the problem?

0:25:53.160 --> 0:25:53.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:25:54.320 --> 0:25:56.080
<v Speaker 3>One of them?

0:25:56.160 --> 0:25:57.879
<v Speaker 2>Okay, what are the other ones?

0:25:59.240 --> 0:26:06.000
<v Speaker 4>Is the fact that gave her all the money?

0:26:06.160 --> 0:26:07.879
<v Speaker 2>So are do you still talk? Do you? Or do

0:26:07.960 --> 0:26:10.560
<v Speaker 2>you still do you still give her money?

0:26:11.400 --> 0:26:14.240
<v Speaker 4>I have stopped giving her money as of last week

0:26:15.359 --> 0:26:19.440
<v Speaker 4>m hm, And I still talk to her on a

0:26:19.480 --> 0:26:21.720
<v Speaker 4>daily basis, that's sure earlier today.

0:26:23.560 --> 0:26:27.280
<v Speaker 2>But so you're still you're still talking with her without

0:26:27.359 --> 0:26:29.240
<v Speaker 2>giving her money.

0:26:29.520 --> 0:26:32.159
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, Which is why I started giving her money in

0:26:32.160 --> 0:26:34.840
<v Speaker 4>the first place, is because she seemed like a real person,

0:26:35.680 --> 0:26:37.240
<v Speaker 4>because she was kind of on and off with the

0:26:37.280 --> 0:26:38.160
<v Speaker 4>money at first.

0:26:39.400 --> 0:26:41.479
<v Speaker 2>Okay, And so now you're talking to her, is she

0:26:41.800 --> 0:26:44.080
<v Speaker 2>you're talking to her? Is she asking you for money?

0:26:45.240 --> 0:26:48.919
<v Speaker 4>It's it'll be normal chats throughout the day, and then

0:26:48.960 --> 0:26:50.560
<v Speaker 4>we'll get to the end of the night and it'll

0:26:50.600 --> 0:26:53.440
<v Speaker 4>be hey to tip this much and we can keep

0:26:53.440 --> 0:26:58.560
<v Speaker 4>going type thing and just it escalated quickly from that.

0:27:00.440 --> 0:27:02.479
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so you you're talking to her throughout the day

0:27:02.520 --> 0:27:04.240
<v Speaker 2>and then at the end she's asking you for for

0:27:04.320 --> 0:27:14.359
<v Speaker 2>it's it? Yeah, what why do you think you keep

0:27:14.400 --> 0:27:15.960
<v Speaker 2>talking to this lady.

0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:20.720
<v Speaker 4>As I have nobody else to really talk to you?

0:27:20.800 --> 0:27:24.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh? Yeah? Yeah? How long have you? How long have

0:27:24.359 --> 0:27:25.919
<v Speaker 2>you had no one else to talk to?

0:27:26.960 --> 0:27:27.120
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:27:27.640 --> 0:27:32.440
<v Speaker 4>In years? Probably ever since in high school.

0:27:32.440 --> 0:27:33.120
<v Speaker 1>Really, I've just.

0:27:34.560 --> 0:27:36.640
<v Speaker 4>Hang out with my friends and that's all I really

0:27:36.640 --> 0:27:38.640
<v Speaker 4>hang out with their, mainly on discord.

0:27:40.320 --> 0:27:45.879
<v Speaker 2>Okay. Yeah, loveliness is a fucking bitch, and it'll cause

0:27:45.920 --> 0:27:49.760
<v Speaker 2>you to do things like spend two thousand dollars messaging

0:27:49.800 --> 0:27:54.200
<v Speaker 2>only fans. Gross. Uh yeah, So so don't don't beat

0:27:54.240 --> 0:28:00.000
<v Speaker 2>yourself up too badly because you're battling quite a power

0:28:00.080 --> 0:28:08.359
<v Speaker 2>orful force. My friend and I I don't I don't

0:28:08.400 --> 0:28:12.200
<v Speaker 2>know how the best way to handle lone and is

0:28:12.280 --> 0:28:13.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean you have your friends.

0:28:13.359 --> 0:28:20.160
<v Speaker 4>Right, yeah, dude, I mean talk to them most nights.

0:28:21.480 --> 0:28:26.000
<v Speaker 2>Do you attempt to like or do you download dating apps?

0:28:26.040 --> 0:28:28.000
<v Speaker 2>Do you put yourself out there in any way to

0:28:28.160 --> 0:28:29.240
<v Speaker 2>like meet real women?

0:28:30.720 --> 0:28:30.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:28:31.000 --> 0:28:33.439
<v Speaker 4>No, I have all of the apps. I've been on

0:28:33.480 --> 0:28:34.880
<v Speaker 4>them for years now.

0:28:34.880 --> 0:28:40.520
<v Speaker 2>Also, okay, and when you go on uh dates, how

0:28:40.640 --> 0:28:41.320
<v Speaker 2>how does that go?

0:28:42.960 --> 0:28:43.200
<v Speaker 3>Well?

0:28:43.240 --> 0:28:48.040
<v Speaker 4>I've only managed to pull off one date, okay, and

0:28:48.160 --> 0:28:51.880
<v Speaker 4>that one date ended up being with a very autistic

0:28:51.960 --> 0:28:57.000
<v Speaker 4>woman okay, And it kind of kind of set me

0:28:57.040 --> 0:29:00.360
<v Speaker 4>off of the whole dating app idea immediately, just from

0:29:00.360 --> 0:29:00.800
<v Speaker 4>that one.

0:29:01.440 --> 0:29:03.480
<v Speaker 2>Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

0:29:04.080 --> 0:29:13.120
<v Speaker 4>Why you didn't tell me at first? Mainly, and so

0:29:13.800 --> 0:29:18.640
<v Speaker 4>the it just was a surprise. I was not expecting it,

0:29:18.760 --> 0:29:20.000
<v Speaker 4>and it was a very.

0:29:19.880 --> 0:29:22.760
<v Speaker 2>Awkward date that she was autistic?

0:29:23.680 --> 0:29:26.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was very.

0:29:26.640 --> 0:29:28.880
<v Speaker 2>Why Why was that?

0:29:29.720 --> 0:29:29.800
<v Speaker 3>Like?

0:29:30.120 --> 0:29:36.640
<v Speaker 2>Why is that a problem? I mean, like why did

0:29:36.680 --> 0:29:40.959
<v Speaker 2>why is? Why is her being autistic make you not

0:29:41.000 --> 0:29:43.320
<v Speaker 2>want to go on a date with another person?

0:29:44.600 --> 0:29:46.320
<v Speaker 4>It's not that I don't want to go on another date,

0:29:46.360 --> 0:29:50.680
<v Speaker 4>It's that I don't It's I've tried to go on

0:29:50.680 --> 0:29:53.640
<v Speaker 4>another date. I've It's just the one day that I

0:29:53.680 --> 0:29:56.280
<v Speaker 4>did get to go through ended up being very awkward

0:29:56.280 --> 0:29:56.480
<v Speaker 4>for me.

0:29:57.320 --> 0:29:57.840
<v Speaker 2>Okay.

0:29:58.120 --> 0:30:00.840
<v Speaker 4>So I haven't had any other dates come up since then.

0:30:01.360 --> 0:30:03.840
<v Speaker 2>Did that turn you? Did that turn you off of

0:30:03.880 --> 0:30:07.200
<v Speaker 2>the idea of pursuing further dates?

0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:09.360
<v Speaker 4>It turned me off of the idea of using the

0:30:09.440 --> 0:30:13.080
<v Speaker 4>apps mainly, just.

0:30:13.640 --> 0:30:15.960
<v Speaker 2>Just just because you had a one date that was

0:30:16.040 --> 0:30:22.320
<v Speaker 2>kind of awkward. Yeah, okay, what what what? What? What

0:30:23.040 --> 0:30:25.840
<v Speaker 2>ways of trying to meet people in person have you pursued?

0:30:27.880 --> 0:30:32.480
<v Speaker 4>Uh? Not a lot, honestly. I mean I'll go out

0:30:32.600 --> 0:30:35.720
<v Speaker 4>sometimes with friends, but I don't chat much because I'm

0:30:35.720 --> 0:30:37.680
<v Speaker 4>with my friends.

0:30:39.080 --> 0:30:47.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I again, loneliness is a really difficult thing to

0:30:47.360 --> 0:30:51.880
<v Speaker 2>deal with, you know, but you got, but you got

0:30:52.080 --> 0:30:55.720
<v Speaker 2>you gotta put yourself out there. You know that you

0:30:56.280 --> 0:31:00.480
<v Speaker 2>you just gotta, you know, and look, if you're if

0:31:00.520 --> 0:31:06.800
<v Speaker 2>you're sending money to OnlyFans girls simult while you're trying

0:31:06.840 --> 0:31:10.040
<v Speaker 2>to fucking but you gotta be at least. I mean,

0:31:10.160 --> 0:31:14.040
<v Speaker 2>it's it's it's, uh like, trying to date is fucking

0:31:14.120 --> 0:31:18.160
<v Speaker 2>like it sucks. But I mean what else are you

0:31:18.200 --> 0:31:20.520
<v Speaker 2>gonna do? Like, you got to put yourself out there

0:31:21.160 --> 0:31:22.880
<v Speaker 2>if you want to find someone, you know.

0:31:23.800 --> 0:31:27.960
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I get it.

0:31:28.160 --> 0:31:31.880
<v Speaker 2>And don't and don't and don't don't let one uh

0:31:33.000 --> 0:31:36.440
<v Speaker 2>experience of that. What don't let one date that you

0:31:36.440 --> 0:31:39.040
<v Speaker 2>didn't have fun on, you know, prevent you from ever

0:31:39.160 --> 0:31:42.560
<v Speaker 2>fucking going on other dates.

0:31:44.640 --> 0:31:49.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's that's a good point. Yeah, It's just I'm

0:31:49.440 --> 0:31:55.480
<v Speaker 4>very hard on myself. I guess.

0:31:55.800 --> 0:31:59.720
<v Speaker 2>Why why?

0:32:00.800 --> 0:32:06.600
<v Speaker 4>I guess I'm just insecure. I don't know, lots of issues.

0:32:07.840 --> 0:32:19.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Insecurity is a bitch. Yeah, Loneliness

0:32:20.000 --> 0:32:29.440
<v Speaker 2>is a bitch. I don't know, man, I don't know. Like,

0:32:29.560 --> 0:32:30.640
<v Speaker 2>are your friends helpful?

0:32:33.160 --> 0:32:35.680
<v Speaker 4>One of them is, the other one is not so much.

0:32:37.640 --> 0:32:38.000
<v Speaker 2>Why.

0:32:39.280 --> 0:32:41.880
<v Speaker 4>I work with one of my best friends, which is

0:32:41.920 --> 0:32:44.560
<v Speaker 4>the one who's helpful, so I get to talk to

0:32:44.600 --> 0:32:45.840
<v Speaker 4>him most days.

0:32:49.960 --> 0:32:51.640
<v Speaker 2>You ever talked to a real therapist about this?

0:32:53.120 --> 0:32:53.239
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:32:53.320 --> 0:32:53.640
<v Speaker 3>I have not.

0:32:56.760 --> 0:32:58.200
<v Speaker 2>Do you think it would be beneficial to.

0:32:59.760 --> 0:33:02.600
<v Speaker 4>I feel like it would, But at the same time,

0:33:02.760 --> 0:33:06.480
<v Speaker 4>I'm reluctant to see a therapist just because I also

0:33:06.520 --> 0:33:07.680
<v Speaker 4>have that thought in the back of my head that

0:33:07.720 --> 0:33:08.800
<v Speaker 4>it would just be a waste of time.

0:33:14.080 --> 0:33:21.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah, Look man again, Uh, as somebody who has

0:33:21.520 --> 0:33:26.719
<v Speaker 2>absolutely struggled with uh, loneliness and insecurity, it's a fucking bitch, dude.

0:33:27.280 --> 0:33:33.360
<v Speaker 2>Uh yeah, it's a bitch. And I and and that's

0:33:33.440 --> 0:33:35.960
<v Speaker 2>again the conclusion that I think I've come to and

0:33:36.000 --> 0:33:38.200
<v Speaker 2>I and I think about this a lot. I swear

0:33:38.200 --> 0:33:42.400
<v Speaker 2>on my life, it's that you just got to put

0:33:42.440 --> 0:33:45.720
<v Speaker 2>yourself out there. That's all. That's all I that's all

0:33:45.760 --> 0:33:48.640
<v Speaker 2>you can do. Bro is just ham hammer hammer away.

0:33:49.760 --> 0:33:53.880
<v Speaker 2>Put yourself out there to try to find someone and

0:33:53.880 --> 0:33:59.000
<v Speaker 2>and not be uh let whatever negative experiences you've had,

0:33:59.160 --> 0:34:02.600
<v Speaker 2>for whatever reason prevent you from doing that. And that's

0:34:02.640 --> 0:34:05.040
<v Speaker 2>that's I think the best conclusion that I've come to

0:34:05.800 --> 0:34:08.240
<v Speaker 2>on on dealing with this ship.

0:34:09.480 --> 0:34:14.279
<v Speaker 4>Okay, do you have any suggestions for how I might

0:34:14.360 --> 0:34:16.879
<v Speaker 4>be able to put myself out there? Because I don't

0:34:16.920 --> 0:34:19.280
<v Speaker 4>really have much of a social life outside of playing

0:34:19.280 --> 0:34:20.040
<v Speaker 4>games on Discord.

0:34:21.120 --> 0:34:25.080
<v Speaker 2>Sure ways for you to put yourself out there? I mean,

0:34:25.080 --> 0:34:26.879
<v Speaker 2>you went on you gotta date. You got at least

0:34:26.880 --> 0:34:29.960
<v Speaker 2>one date from the dating apps, which means that you

0:34:30.000 --> 0:34:32.799
<v Speaker 2>can probably find other girls on dating apps that will

0:34:32.840 --> 0:34:38.000
<v Speaker 2>go out with you. Be careful. Dating apps are are

0:34:38.280 --> 0:34:47.160
<v Speaker 2>can be like very depressing and heightened insecurity natural. Yeah,

0:34:47.200 --> 0:34:51.640
<v Speaker 2>I know, I get that. I get that, but I

0:34:51.640 --> 0:34:57.799
<v Speaker 2>would give it another shot. But tread tread lightly because yeah,

0:34:58.200 --> 0:35:01.160
<v Speaker 2>it'll just you'll there's there's many ways that dating apps

0:35:01.160 --> 0:35:04.200
<v Speaker 2>can just make you feel like a piece of ship. Yeah,

0:35:04.880 --> 0:35:16.080
<v Speaker 2>so there's that. Mmm, I guess where.

0:35:16.000 --> 0:35:16.360
<v Speaker 3>Where do you?

0:35:16.400 --> 0:35:17.080
<v Speaker 2>Where do you live?

0:35:19.280 --> 0:35:20.280
<v Speaker 4>Seattle area?

0:35:21.360 --> 0:35:25.239
<v Speaker 2>Okay? Look up, fucking bullshit going on in Seattle. You

0:35:25.480 --> 0:35:28.960
<v Speaker 2>must have things you like doing. You play video games,

0:35:29.160 --> 0:35:33.960
<v Speaker 2>look up a fucking video game tournament, you get high,

0:35:34.040 --> 0:35:38.920
<v Speaker 2>look up a weed thing. You know, there's things, there's stuff.

0:35:39.200 --> 0:35:42.840
<v Speaker 2>Go outside, there will be things and stuff, things and stuff.

0:35:43.320 --> 0:35:46.239
<v Speaker 2>You gotta give it a shot. I I gotta you

0:35:46.239 --> 0:35:49.640
<v Speaker 2>know what things. You might be being facetious, but things

0:35:49.640 --> 0:35:51.400
<v Speaker 2>and stuff is the answer. No.

0:35:51.520 --> 0:35:54.160
<v Speaker 4>I totally understand then. I mean I've been watching your

0:35:54.160 --> 0:35:57.719
<v Speaker 4>podcast for two years probably now, so I mean I

0:35:57.800 --> 0:36:00.480
<v Speaker 4>try to take everything you say the hard, but it's

0:36:00.520 --> 0:36:01.600
<v Speaker 4>just difficult to apply it.

0:36:02.440 --> 0:36:06.760
<v Speaker 2>Uh. I don't know what else. I fucking that scares

0:36:06.840 --> 0:36:08.480
<v Speaker 2>me that you just said you try to take everything

0:36:08.560 --> 0:36:11.919
<v Speaker 2>I say to heart. That that that makes me uncomfortable.

0:36:12.080 --> 0:36:18.239
<v Speaker 2>But well, John, is there anything else you want to

0:36:18.239 --> 0:36:20.000
<v Speaker 2>say to the people of the computer before we go?

0:36:22.800 --> 0:36:25.680
<v Speaker 4>Just do your best and stay positive.

0:36:27.160 --> 0:36:31.680
<v Speaker 2>I take care John, good luck. Life's fucking crazy, dude.

0:36:31.680 --> 0:36:34.240
<v Speaker 2>Life's a bitch. Life's a bitch, and it's fucking crazy.

0:36:34.600 --> 0:36:37.080
<v Speaker 2>He's got to deal with it being fucking crazy sometimes.

0:36:37.080 --> 0:36:37.239
<v Speaker 3>Man.

0:36:37.320 --> 0:36:40.919
<v Speaker 2>I I that's the absolutely, that's that's that's that's all.

0:36:40.960 --> 0:36:44.600
<v Speaker 2>That's all I can can think. That's all I can think.

0:36:44.800 --> 0:36:46.160
<v Speaker 2>All right, take care of John.

0:36:46.640 --> 0:36:47.600
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, goodbye?

0:36:49.040 --> 0:36:51.040
<v Speaker 2>That's all I got, dude, That's all I got. Man,

0:36:51.080 --> 0:36:54.160
<v Speaker 2>Life's fucking crazy. That's I don't have any other conclusion

0:36:54.160 --> 0:36:58.720
<v Speaker 2>about I've spoken to a billion people, and I've thought

0:36:58.760 --> 0:37:02.839
<v Speaker 2>a trillion thoughts, and the closest conclusion I can come

0:37:02.880 --> 0:37:05.319
<v Speaker 2>to from any and all of that data is that

0:37:05.360 --> 0:37:15.440
<v Speaker 2>life is fucking crazy. Aw from Doug, Hello, Hallock, Doug

0:37:15.480 --> 0:37:15.920
<v Speaker 2>Haw's it going?

0:37:16.000 --> 0:37:18.960
<v Speaker 1>Hello? Let's go all right?

0:37:20.280 --> 0:37:22.040
<v Speaker 2>Where are you call him? From the Great Nation of

0:37:22.080 --> 0:37:26.600
<v Speaker 2>England's England's guy? What's going on over there? What are

0:37:26.600 --> 0:37:27.840
<v Speaker 2>you guys doing today?

0:37:30.000 --> 0:37:32.719
<v Speaker 1>Not a lot was working earlier, walking around the lake.

0:37:32.760 --> 0:37:35.960
<v Speaker 2>In a minute, Let's see, it's about seven thirty pm

0:37:36.080 --> 0:37:38.200
<v Speaker 2>here in New York as I'm recording, so it's like

0:37:38.320 --> 0:37:40.319
<v Speaker 2>three o'clock in the fucking morning for you.

0:37:41.960 --> 0:37:43.840
<v Speaker 1>Not quite just go on midnight.

0:37:45.400 --> 0:37:49.080
<v Speaker 2>Oh really, that's actually not that bad of a time difference. Yeah,

0:37:49.960 --> 0:37:51.040
<v Speaker 2>what are you doing up so late?

0:37:53.480 --> 0:37:57.640
<v Speaker 1>Listen to you? Very nice?

0:37:58.160 --> 0:37:58.640
<v Speaker 2>Well, Doug.

0:37:59.520 --> 0:38:02.280
<v Speaker 1>Very different over the phone then on the stream.

0:38:02.920 --> 0:38:07.160
<v Speaker 2>Why do people keep saying that. I don't know why,

0:38:07.400 --> 0:38:10.120
<v Speaker 2>but well it sounds like well, the reason why it

0:38:10.120 --> 0:38:12.719
<v Speaker 2>sounds different over the phone is because it's phone. When

0:38:12.760 --> 0:38:15.279
<v Speaker 2>you when I talk to somebody of the phone. It

0:38:15.320 --> 0:38:20.439
<v Speaker 2>sounds phony, like not not the word phony. I didn't

0:38:20.440 --> 0:38:23.680
<v Speaker 2>even mean this. I literally didn't even mean to make

0:38:23.719 --> 0:38:26.440
<v Speaker 2>a stupid pun. I like it's it sounds like I

0:38:26.560 --> 0:38:29.520
<v Speaker 2>like a you know, like it like your voice sounds

0:38:29.520 --> 0:38:32.439
<v Speaker 2>different recording it through a phone than it would if

0:38:32.440 --> 0:38:35.520
<v Speaker 2>we were just speaking on none of the Who gives

0:38:35.520 --> 0:38:37.400
<v Speaker 2>a ship? Doug? What's up? What do you want to

0:38:37.400 --> 0:38:39.280
<v Speaker 2>talk about today?

0:38:39.640 --> 0:38:42.439
<v Speaker 1>Uh? I don't know. I got a few things because

0:38:42.440 --> 0:38:43.440
<v Speaker 1>you could talk about.

0:38:44.360 --> 0:38:47.200
<v Speaker 2>Uh, pick pick your favorite one and we'll talk about.

0:38:47.000 --> 0:38:52.200
<v Speaker 1>That poor relationship with my with my family. I suppose

0:38:52.239 --> 0:38:53.759
<v Speaker 1>to be a good one.

0:38:54.440 --> 0:38:58.880
<v Speaker 2>Okay, go ahead.

0:38:58.880 --> 0:39:03.720
<v Speaker 1>And so I always saw a class myself as being

0:39:03.880 --> 0:39:13.000
<v Speaker 1>estranged from my parents. I suppose have spoke with my

0:39:14.200 --> 0:39:18.480
<v Speaker 1>twenty nine. Okay, so I haven't spoken with my mum

0:39:18.719 --> 0:39:24.160
<v Speaker 1>in probably two three years, Like since you've had like

0:39:24.200 --> 0:39:31.319
<v Speaker 1>a real conversation mm hmm. Father, not so much bad

0:39:31.360 --> 0:39:34.600
<v Speaker 1>blood there, but just not having never really had that

0:39:35.239 --> 0:39:39.200
<v Speaker 1>great relationship with them.

0:39:39.440 --> 0:39:42.640
<v Speaker 2>Uh you did you? Did you estrange yourself from your

0:39:42.680 --> 0:39:44.120
<v Speaker 2>parents for a particular reason?

0:39:45.880 --> 0:39:48.720
<v Speaker 1>Uh? Yeah, mother definitely?

0:39:50.360 --> 0:39:54.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what's up if you want to talk about it? Uh?

0:39:55.800 --> 0:40:00.520
<v Speaker 1>Her her husband, My like air quote stepfather and classm

0:40:00.520 --> 0:40:04.800
<v Speaker 1>as being a father sort of quite abusive. Over the

0:40:04.840 --> 0:40:07.440
<v Speaker 1>younger years of my life, sort of got older and

0:40:07.520 --> 0:40:14.439
<v Speaker 1>older realized how fucked up was kind of thing, say,

0:40:14.480 --> 0:40:18.440
<v Speaker 1>like when I was about sixteen seventeen, I sort of

0:40:18.480 --> 0:40:22.239
<v Speaker 1>moved out the house, sat of my own will, had

0:40:22.280 --> 0:40:26.319
<v Speaker 1>my mum somewhat guilt tripped me into coming back under

0:40:26.360 --> 0:40:29.920
<v Speaker 1>the guise that she was going to leave them when

0:40:30.840 --> 0:40:34.080
<v Speaker 1>my step siblings got to the age where she wouldn't

0:40:34.080 --> 0:40:37.120
<v Speaker 1>have to deal with I would you call it like

0:40:38.239 --> 0:40:44.320
<v Speaker 1>split custody, But then that obviously never happened, and then

0:40:44.960 --> 0:40:48.440
<v Speaker 1>tried to like gaslight me into it. It was never

0:40:48.480 --> 0:40:50.360
<v Speaker 1>so bad, if that makes sense.

0:40:52.160 --> 0:41:01.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, sure, So I guess what when when did you

0:41:01.120 --> 0:41:02.800
<v Speaker 2>kind of when did you kind of draw the line

0:41:02.840 --> 0:41:06.000
<v Speaker 2>and you were like, fuck this, I'm not gonna gonna

0:41:06.200 --> 0:41:08.360
<v Speaker 2>be around with this, this is anymore.

0:41:09.920 --> 0:41:12.960
<v Speaker 1>I I'd probably say sort of around twenty one was

0:41:13.000 --> 0:41:15.960
<v Speaker 1>when I kind of knew to myself and I was

0:41:15.960 --> 0:41:18.600
<v Speaker 1>still living with them at the time, but there was

0:41:18.640 --> 0:41:21.719
<v Speaker 1>just like zero communication. It was just living there. If

0:41:21.760 --> 0:41:25.040
<v Speaker 1>I can't afford to this somewhere else, so at that point,

0:41:25.120 --> 0:41:29.280
<v Speaker 1>or I can't consistently to sort of like live elsewhere.

0:41:31.560 --> 0:41:33.920
<v Speaker 2>So you were you're mainly pissed off at your mom

0:41:34.320 --> 0:41:40.080
<v Speaker 2>because she is still together with your stepdad even though

0:41:40.120 --> 0:41:41.279
<v Speaker 2>your stepdad was being an.

0:41:41.160 --> 0:41:45.960
<v Speaker 1>Asshole kindly, Yeah.

0:41:45.480 --> 0:41:46.879
<v Speaker 2>Okay, is there anything more to it?

0:41:49.640 --> 0:41:55.480
<v Speaker 1>Uh? I wouldn't say so, to be honest, it sounds

0:41:55.480 --> 0:41:59.719
<v Speaker 1>a little stupid sort of saying it or hearing it

0:41:59.760 --> 0:42:00.520
<v Speaker 1>from someone else.

0:42:00.680 --> 0:42:04.520
<v Speaker 2>But why do you think it? Tell me? What? Tell

0:42:04.520 --> 0:42:05.840
<v Speaker 2>me why you think it sounds stupid?

0:42:07.960 --> 0:42:13.320
<v Speaker 1>I always just sounds like I'm being petty, But I wouldn't.

0:42:13.920 --> 0:42:16.279
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. It's like almost sounds petty coming from you.

0:42:16.640 --> 0:42:21.440
<v Speaker 1>In my head, it's I guess, my my trauma, but

0:42:21.520 --> 0:42:26.080
<v Speaker 1>my lived experienced trauma. I guess if that makes any

0:42:26.160 --> 0:42:27.840
<v Speaker 1>kind of sense that it doesn't really to me.

0:42:28.239 --> 0:42:33.960
<v Speaker 2>But so I don't think it's petty. I think that,

0:42:35.360 --> 0:42:37.800
<v Speaker 2>I mean you get to decide, You get to decide.

0:42:39.120 --> 0:42:42.680
<v Speaker 2>I think the answer to that, you know what I mean,

0:42:43.360 --> 0:42:47.000
<v Speaker 2>like you get to decide the whole I think the

0:42:47.040 --> 0:42:52.040
<v Speaker 2>whole idea of like, am I overreacting by with this?

0:42:52.760 --> 0:42:58.240
<v Speaker 2>It's like it's like up to you, like maybe you haven't.

0:42:59.040 --> 0:43:02.279
<v Speaker 2>Maybe there's something where like you haven't realized that it's

0:43:02.360 --> 0:43:06.520
<v Speaker 2>up to you, And like, if you really I'm not

0:43:06.520 --> 0:43:08.239
<v Speaker 2>trying to steer you in a way. I have no

0:43:08.320 --> 0:43:10.279
<v Speaker 2>horse in the race. But if you want to look

0:43:10.320 --> 0:43:15.880
<v Speaker 2>at it and go, Okay, well, I can still probably

0:43:16.400 --> 0:43:20.880
<v Speaker 2>find common ground with my mom and a reason to

0:43:21.360 --> 0:43:23.560
<v Speaker 2>still have my mom and my life despite all of

0:43:23.560 --> 0:43:27.680
<v Speaker 2>these things. And and I'm gonna make that decision. That's

0:43:27.719 --> 0:43:30.120
<v Speaker 2>your decision to make. And if you want to look

0:43:30.160 --> 0:43:32.120
<v Speaker 2>at this and go, you know what, no, she this

0:43:32.200 --> 0:43:36.560
<v Speaker 2>has kind of been an unacceptable thing and a boundary,

0:43:36.840 --> 0:43:38.200
<v Speaker 2>then that's your decision to make.

0:43:38.719 --> 0:43:41.279
<v Speaker 3>But the.

0:43:43.760 --> 0:43:46.400
<v Speaker 2>Like, why does it sound petty when you hear it

0:43:46.480 --> 0:43:50.720
<v Speaker 2>back from someone else? I don't know, Maybe maybe you

0:43:50.719 --> 0:43:55.800
<v Speaker 2>you could like think about it more and and really

0:43:56.120 --> 0:43:59.080
<v Speaker 2>kind of think think about it long. I guess I

0:43:59.080 --> 0:44:03.759
<v Speaker 2>would think about it long enough that when you make

0:44:03.800 --> 0:44:06.799
<v Speaker 2>your decision, you can say to yourself, you know what,

0:44:06.880 --> 0:44:09.760
<v Speaker 2>I've thought about this from all angles. I've really taken

0:44:09.880 --> 0:44:12.680
<v Speaker 2>how I feel into consideration. I've really taken the events

0:44:13.000 --> 0:44:16.880
<v Speaker 2>into consideration, and I've made an informed decision as to

0:44:16.920 --> 0:44:19.319
<v Speaker 2>what I want to do next, you know, with all

0:44:19.360 --> 0:44:22.879
<v Speaker 2>this information, And there's some comfort in that, and I'm

0:44:22.880 --> 0:44:25.759
<v Speaker 2>sure you've done, and also you can continue to reevaluate

0:44:25.760 --> 0:44:28.040
<v Speaker 2>that decision as you go. Does any Does that fucking

0:44:28.160 --> 0:44:28.720
<v Speaker 2>make sense?

0:44:29.239 --> 0:44:32.240
<v Speaker 1>I guess where it's like, I guess it sounds petty

0:44:32.719 --> 0:44:35.880
<v Speaker 1>coming from you because I'm only hearing that half the story,

0:44:35.960 --> 0:44:39.760
<v Speaker 1>or like im in half like a faction of it,

0:44:39.840 --> 0:44:45.040
<v Speaker 1>If that makes sense. I'm not sure sure.

0:44:45.480 --> 0:44:48.800
<v Speaker 2>By the way, I'm not trying to make it sound petty.

0:44:49.080 --> 0:44:51.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, I'm not saying you are. That was just

0:44:52.480 --> 0:44:53.840
<v Speaker 1>the first word I can think in my head to

0:44:53.840 --> 0:44:56.200
<v Speaker 1>describe sort of how I felt when hearing it coming

0:44:56.200 --> 0:44:58.440
<v Speaker 1>from you, rather than in my own brain.

0:44:59.600 --> 0:45:04.680
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So, like, do you, like, do you feel confident

0:45:04.719 --> 0:45:07.200
<v Speaker 2>in your decision to not have your mom in your life?

0:45:07.920 --> 0:45:12.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, i'd say so, but i'd more or less sort

0:45:12.400 --> 0:45:14.520
<v Speaker 1>of accepted that the next time I would see her

0:45:15.320 --> 0:45:19.600
<v Speaker 1>would either be at my sister's wedding or when my grandpa,

0:45:20.000 --> 0:45:21.520
<v Speaker 1>when one of my grandparents passed away.

0:45:22.760 --> 0:45:24.000
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so like.

0:45:25.880 --> 0:45:29.560
<v Speaker 1>Not so much dead set, but that was sort of

0:45:33.440 --> 0:45:36.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm not sure exactly how to put it, by a

0:45:36.160 --> 0:45:38.959
<v Speaker 1>sort of like mentally preparing myself for that point because

0:45:38.960 --> 0:45:43.040
<v Speaker 1>I know, like that's something I couldn't avoid if that

0:45:43.120 --> 0:45:46.279
<v Speaker 1>makes sense, Like now I don't need to see them,

0:45:46.440 --> 0:45:50.280
<v Speaker 1>I know, avoid them like all costs. See them, see them,

0:45:50.480 --> 0:45:53.200
<v Speaker 1>see them in like the garage. I'll turn around, walk out,

0:45:53.239 --> 0:45:55.799
<v Speaker 1>come back there twenty minutes later kind of thing.

0:46:01.840 --> 0:46:04.520
<v Speaker 2>Hm. Well, I look, man, I think if that's the

0:46:04.560 --> 0:46:08.560
<v Speaker 2>decision that you made and you're coughing on that decision, uh,

0:46:08.680 --> 0:46:10.520
<v Speaker 2>then I don't know. I wouldn't. I wouldn't think that.

0:46:10.560 --> 0:46:12.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't think that that's petty at all. Maybe I

0:46:12.480 --> 0:46:15.040
<v Speaker 2>guess it sounds petty again because you heard me say

0:46:15.080 --> 0:46:17.480
<v Speaker 2>it from a place with no context, and you have

0:46:17.719 --> 0:46:20.520
<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent of the context. But yeah, you made

0:46:20.520 --> 0:46:22.640
<v Speaker 2>you made your decision with one hundred percent of the context.

0:46:22.640 --> 0:46:25.759
<v Speaker 2>So I think I think you're I think you're good.

0:46:27.239 --> 0:46:32.440
<v Speaker 1>Okay, that's somewhat relieving to hear. I think a lot

0:46:32.440 --> 0:46:33.960
<v Speaker 1>of people like to have spoken to him about this.

0:46:35.160 --> 0:46:37.880
<v Speaker 1>Some of them completely get it, where they've known my

0:46:37.920 --> 0:46:40.640
<v Speaker 1>stepdad for like not a long with me, but for

0:46:40.680 --> 0:46:44.919
<v Speaker 1>like ten plus years. No, he's an absolute jackass, right.

0:46:45.960 --> 0:46:48.440
<v Speaker 1>But then there's like the people that don't have much context, like, well,

0:46:48.600 --> 0:46:51.359
<v Speaker 1>it's your mum, man, Like you can't hate your mum.

0:46:52.560 --> 0:46:54.239
<v Speaker 2>Hey, can I ask you for advice while I have

0:46:54.280 --> 0:46:57.640
<v Speaker 2>you on the phone? Sure, there's a complete a right?

0:46:57.640 --> 0:46:59.239
<v Speaker 2>Can we can I change the subject? Or do is

0:46:59.239 --> 0:47:01.040
<v Speaker 2>there still more stuff about this you want to talk about?

0:47:02.040 --> 0:47:03.000
<v Speaker 2>That's a question?

0:47:03.600 --> 0:47:05.040
<v Speaker 1>No, that general question going cheap?

0:47:05.680 --> 0:47:06.160
<v Speaker 2>Okay?

0:47:06.760 --> 0:47:06.840
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:47:06.960 --> 0:47:07.360
<v Speaker 2>You sure?

0:47:08.160 --> 0:47:09.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Yeah, I'm sure.

0:47:09.360 --> 0:47:15.040
<v Speaker 2>Okay, all right, So I'm doing my live show in

0:47:15.040 --> 0:47:18.719
<v Speaker 2>in in the UK and like London in November.

0:47:18.719 --> 0:47:21.840
<v Speaker 1>And oh my god, I didn't know. That's amazing.

0:47:22.239 --> 0:47:24.000
<v Speaker 2>Fuck and damn, I don't know how to talk about

0:47:24.000 --> 0:47:25.840
<v Speaker 2>this without giving like a little bit of a spoiler.

0:47:26.719 --> 0:47:30.799
<v Speaker 2>Uh ship, all right, I'll just say this. Do you

0:47:30.840 --> 0:47:32.840
<v Speaker 2>guys have Reese's cups over there?

0:47:34.120 --> 0:47:34.520
<v Speaker 1>We do?

0:47:35.200 --> 0:47:35.960
<v Speaker 2>All right? Thank god?

0:47:36.280 --> 0:47:37.319
<v Speaker 1>Fucking amazing.

0:47:39.880 --> 0:47:42.279
<v Speaker 2>That's so relieving. Do you guys have a lot of

0:47:42.320 --> 0:47:43.280
<v Speaker 2>like American candy?

0:47:45.719 --> 0:47:48.719
<v Speaker 1>Yes? You have to go to the right place all right.

0:47:48.760 --> 0:47:50.400
<v Speaker 1>Here it's like a big soup market. I probably have

0:47:50.520 --> 0:47:52.400
<v Speaker 1>like an American food section.

0:47:53.760 --> 0:47:55.879
<v Speaker 2>All right, okay, good good, all right, I'm gonna I'm

0:47:55.880 --> 0:47:58.440
<v Speaker 2>not gonna say anything else, but that's that's you know,

0:47:58.440 --> 0:48:00.839
<v Speaker 2>how you know earlier you just said that you're relieved,

0:48:01.120 --> 0:48:03.640
<v Speaker 2>Like I feel relieved by by you saying that as well.

0:48:04.360 --> 0:48:06.799
<v Speaker 1>That's good. I hope it makes your trip to the

0:48:06.880 --> 0:48:11.399
<v Speaker 1>UK more enjoyable knowing you've got those home comforts here

0:48:11.440 --> 0:48:12.120
<v Speaker 1>for you as well.

0:48:13.000 --> 0:48:14.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah yeah.

0:48:15.360 --> 0:48:18.160
<v Speaker 1>Are the tickets available already for your show in London?

0:48:18.800 --> 0:48:23.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Yeah, I'm doing the Clapham Grand which sounds very Londony.

0:48:23.760 --> 0:48:24.399
<v Speaker 2>Have you been there?

0:48:24.480 --> 0:48:25.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I have not.

0:48:26.520 --> 0:48:30.440
<v Speaker 2>Okay, it sounds like sounds like a place where it

0:48:30.480 --> 0:48:35.479
<v Speaker 2>sounds like a place where they have a fucking British ship.

0:48:35.640 --> 0:48:39.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't I should stop talking, Doug. I've enjoyed. I've

0:48:39.280 --> 0:48:41.720
<v Speaker 2>enjoyed talking you. Is there anything else that you wanted

0:48:41.760 --> 0:48:42.839
<v Speaker 2>to talk about before we go?

0:48:46.480 --> 0:48:47.960
<v Speaker 1>There is something else you could talk about, but it's

0:48:47.960 --> 0:48:50.360
<v Speaker 1>not something I'd necessarily want to end up on a

0:48:50.440 --> 0:48:52.520
<v Speaker 1>real somewhere, if that makes sense.

0:48:53.760 --> 0:48:56.400
<v Speaker 2>Okay. I mean this is a public Whatever you say,

0:48:56.480 --> 0:48:59.319
<v Speaker 2>I am going to put into a podcast that will

0:48:59.320 --> 0:49:01.760
<v Speaker 2>be listened to thousand people.

0:49:02.360 --> 0:49:06.560
<v Speaker 1>Podcast is all cool. It's not as out there, if

0:49:06.600 --> 0:49:07.320
<v Speaker 1>that makes sense.

0:49:08.280 --> 0:49:11.439
<v Speaker 2>Okay. I mean, is it quick if you If it's quick,

0:49:11.440 --> 0:49:12.399
<v Speaker 2>we can do a quick thing.

0:49:13.360 --> 0:49:16.359
<v Speaker 1>Uh quick enough? All right?

0:49:17.360 --> 0:49:17.480
<v Speaker 2>Uh?

0:49:17.520 --> 0:49:20.520
<v Speaker 1>It's like about a year ago, I was a victim

0:49:20.560 --> 0:49:30.720
<v Speaker 1>to a sextortion scam, which was quite a headspin, I must.

0:49:30.560 --> 0:49:36.160
<v Speaker 2>Say, WHOA what happens? Uh?

0:49:36.280 --> 0:49:40.759
<v Speaker 1>So, you know, yeah, matches someone on an app new

0:49:40.800 --> 0:49:43.680
<v Speaker 1>from that app to somewhere else. Things get a little

0:49:43.680 --> 0:49:47.439
<v Speaker 1>bit frisky sent well, at the time, I'm asily thinking

0:49:47.440 --> 0:49:51.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm sending pictures to someone else, to someone else, it's

0:49:51.160 --> 0:49:52.640
<v Speaker 1>not the person that I think I'm sending them to.

0:49:53.360 --> 0:49:54.160
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmmm, and.

0:50:01.840 --> 0:50:05.120
<v Speaker 1>So like at certain point they wanted to do like

0:50:05.120 --> 0:50:09.160
<v Speaker 1>a video call. Wasn't really quite down for that, but

0:50:09.200 --> 0:50:10.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, I didn't want to quite lose the fire.

0:50:12.200 --> 0:50:14.839
<v Speaker 1>About a few seconds into that call, they got hung

0:50:14.920 --> 0:50:18.480
<v Speaker 1>up and then started then sending pictures of I sent

0:50:18.560 --> 0:50:21.000
<v Speaker 1>to them back to me, and then screenshots of them

0:50:21.040 --> 0:50:24.960
<v Speaker 1>going to send them to like people from your Instagram

0:50:25.000 --> 0:50:25.719
<v Speaker 1>micro friends list.

0:50:26.520 --> 0:50:29.600
<v Speaker 2>Ah, what happened? Did she end up sending it or

0:50:29.719 --> 0:50:31.920
<v Speaker 2>I guess it's not a lady, did you? Did they

0:50:31.960 --> 0:50:34.840
<v Speaker 2>end up sending the photos to your friends and stuff?

0:50:36.480 --> 0:50:40.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? So they sent it to like six people from

0:50:40.080 --> 0:50:42.799
<v Speaker 1>the list. One of them was a guy I went

0:50:42.800 --> 0:50:47.239
<v Speaker 1>to UNI with and they hoped so at the time,

0:50:48.560 --> 0:50:53.360
<v Speaker 1>in the space of time from a sext in them

0:50:53.480 --> 0:50:56.879
<v Speaker 1>telling me that they're blackmailing me. Then my friend from

0:50:57.040 --> 0:50:58.960
<v Speaker 1>UNI messaging me saying, dude, I've just been sending this.

0:50:59.080 --> 0:51:02.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, Like, I hope you're good. My dick was

0:51:02.360 --> 0:51:05.240
<v Speaker 1>still hard, and like seeing that time it happened that fast.

0:51:07.960 --> 0:51:10.919
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it happened so fast. Your dick was still hard

0:51:10.960 --> 0:51:13.920
<v Speaker 2>by the time he said. No, that's that's here's the thing.

0:51:13.960 --> 0:51:17.120
<v Speaker 2>Here's the thing that's super fucked up. That's super fucked up.

0:51:17.520 --> 0:51:22.879
<v Speaker 2>The only real thing like that that's super fucked up.

0:51:23.040 --> 0:51:26.240
<v Speaker 2>The only thing you can really do is be like

0:51:26.239 --> 0:51:30.439
<v Speaker 2>like if you really just gotta be like, yep, that's

0:51:30.480 --> 0:51:34.120
<v Speaker 2>my dick, you know what I mean. But you just

0:51:34.120 --> 0:51:36.239
<v Speaker 2>gotta You're like, like if your friend is like, bro

0:51:36.360 --> 0:51:39.680
<v Speaker 2>this like bought account, is sending me pictures of your dick,

0:51:39.719 --> 0:51:42.000
<v Speaker 2>you just gotta be like, Yep, that's my dick and

0:51:42.080 --> 0:51:47.280
<v Speaker 2>balls that's yeah, I am a human man with a penis,

0:51:47.640 --> 0:51:49.000
<v Speaker 2>and yes, that is a picture of it.

0:51:50.480 --> 0:51:52.439
<v Speaker 1>They awkward have my friends time I had a nice cock?

0:51:52.480 --> 0:51:53.359
<v Speaker 1>Though I can't lie.

0:51:54.080 --> 0:51:57.560
<v Speaker 2>Your friend told you had a nice cock. Yeah, all right,

0:51:57.719 --> 0:51:59.880
<v Speaker 2>so and all I guess it all worked out in

0:51:59.920 --> 0:52:04.520
<v Speaker 2>the end. What yeah, did she did she did she

0:52:04.560 --> 0:52:07.040
<v Speaker 2>send it to your mom? I mean, what's that though? Right?

0:52:07.160 --> 0:52:10.279
<v Speaker 2>Like like your mom's senior cock. All right, your mom

0:52:10.719 --> 0:52:13.480
<v Speaker 2>and your mom literally invented your cock, So what who

0:52:13.560 --> 0:52:15.560
<v Speaker 2>gives a ship exactly?

0:52:16.880 --> 0:52:19.839
<v Speaker 1>But I like somewhat convinced them that I was going

0:52:19.840 --> 0:52:22.799
<v Speaker 1>to pay them. At the end of the month, they

0:52:22.840 --> 0:52:25.719
<v Speaker 1>deleted the messages, so like, to my knowledge, the six

0:52:25.800 --> 0:52:28.040
<v Speaker 1>people they sent it to, that guy was the only

0:52:28.080 --> 0:52:33.040
<v Speaker 1>one that like opened the message Of.

0:52:32.960 --> 0:52:35.000
<v Speaker 2>The six people they sent to, was there anyone where

0:52:35.040 --> 0:52:36.759
<v Speaker 2>you were like, I really don't want that person to

0:52:36.800 --> 0:52:37.919
<v Speaker 2>see this picture of my dick?

0:52:39.200 --> 0:52:42.960
<v Speaker 1>Uh? Yes, It was more I didn't want them to

0:52:43.760 --> 0:52:46.400
<v Speaker 1>talk about it to one of their friends, which I

0:52:46.480 --> 0:52:49.600
<v Speaker 1>was like very interested in, not at the time but

0:52:49.640 --> 0:52:52.040
<v Speaker 1>in the past. And it was more that should just

0:52:52.040 --> 0:52:53.360
<v Speaker 1>be like really fucking awkward.

0:52:54.800 --> 0:52:57.400
<v Speaker 2>Uh, you like I had hooked up with this parson.

0:52:58.960 --> 0:53:01.640
<v Speaker 1>I hadn't hooked up, but like talk for quite a

0:53:01.719 --> 0:53:04.640
<v Speaker 1>while and been like on and off, like talking blah

0:53:04.640 --> 0:53:08.200
<v Speaker 1>blah blah, but nothing like it actually happened. Rather not

0:53:08.840 --> 0:53:12.360
<v Speaker 1>that's the instance of seeing my dick being they're like

0:53:12.480 --> 0:53:19.280
<v Speaker 1>gay best friend, Like, hey, check out.

0:53:16.880 --> 0:53:20.600
<v Speaker 2>Now what if what if the extortionists ended up sending

0:53:20.640 --> 0:53:23.440
<v Speaker 2>this person a picture of your dick and then they

0:53:23.520 --> 0:53:25.600
<v Speaker 2>messaged you and they were like, hey, I got a

0:53:25.600 --> 0:53:29.359
<v Speaker 2>picture of your dick from this random account on Instagram.

0:53:30.080 --> 0:53:33.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry that happened to you. But then in parentheses

0:53:33.560 --> 0:53:36.080
<v Speaker 2>they were like, but also it's a nice dick if

0:53:36.120 --> 0:53:37.360
<v Speaker 2>you ever want to hang out.

0:53:38.320 --> 0:53:40.840
<v Speaker 1>I mean, that would have been a nice silver lining.

0:53:42.520 --> 0:53:53.840
<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, did you ever pay this person? No?

0:53:55.239 --> 0:53:57.160
<v Speaker 1>So now, so I like delete all my social media

0:53:57.200 --> 0:53:59.759
<v Speaker 1>and like any way they could contact me before the

0:53:59.840 --> 0:54:01.680
<v Speaker 1>day I told them I was going to pay. And

0:54:01.719 --> 0:54:03.879
<v Speaker 1>then because they can have no again hold of you,

0:54:04.400 --> 0:54:06.560
<v Speaker 1>they just move on to someone else because we've obviously

0:54:06.560 --> 0:54:07.200
<v Speaker 1>want to make money.

0:54:07.880 --> 0:54:08.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that makes sense.

0:54:08.800 --> 0:54:11.600
<v Speaker 1>And then to my knowledge, it didn't get sent to

0:54:11.600 --> 0:54:14.759
<v Speaker 1>anyone else, but like spoke to people that I thought

0:54:14.760 --> 0:54:16.680
<v Speaker 1>it could get sent to from the list they had.

0:54:17.200 --> 0:54:18.920
<v Speaker 1>I was like, hey, you might get said a picture

0:54:18.920 --> 0:54:21.319
<v Speaker 1>of my dick A bit awkward. Could you let me

0:54:21.360 --> 0:54:25.000
<v Speaker 1>know so I know it's happening. And so it didn't happen,

0:54:26.000 --> 0:54:31.799
<v Speaker 1>but I guess me somewhat self exposing it did make

0:54:31.840 --> 0:54:33.040
<v Speaker 1>it happen almost.

0:54:34.280 --> 0:54:36.040
<v Speaker 2>Well hold on, well, hold on, when you say self exposed,

0:54:36.080 --> 0:54:38.239
<v Speaker 2>you did you you didn't go to your friends and

0:54:38.239 --> 0:54:40.360
<v Speaker 2>you were like, hey, you might get sent a picture

0:54:40.360 --> 0:54:43.080
<v Speaker 2>of my dick, and just in case if you do,

0:54:43.239 --> 0:54:44.960
<v Speaker 2>here's what that picture might look like.

0:54:46.800 --> 0:54:47.640
<v Speaker 4>Uh.

0:54:47.840 --> 0:54:49.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I did a little bit for some people.

0:54:51.480 --> 0:54:53.800
<v Speaker 2>I was, I was just joking. Did you really do that?

0:54:55.760 --> 0:54:59.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Obviously obviously like self censors. You know, like some.

0:55:01.239 --> 0:55:04.720
<v Speaker 2>You said you preemptively sent a bunch of your friends

0:55:04.760 --> 0:55:06.439
<v Speaker 2>a picture of your blurry dick.

0:55:07.160 --> 0:55:10.320
<v Speaker 1>No no, no, not sent like showed him in personal.

0:55:10.320 --> 0:55:12.359
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if if that makes it any better

0:55:12.400 --> 0:55:13.319
<v Speaker 1>really worse.

0:55:15.400 --> 0:55:19.080
<v Speaker 2>I guess, sir, Yeah, I guess that's a strategy. I respect.

0:55:19.120 --> 0:55:23.720
<v Speaker 2>I respect that. I respect that. I respect that. Doug

0:55:24.320 --> 0:55:27.480
<v Speaker 2>is good talking to you, sir. Thanks for sharing your stories,

0:55:27.480 --> 0:55:32.200
<v Speaker 2>Thanks for sharing your accent, Thanks for letting us know

0:55:32.280 --> 0:55:34.640
<v Speaker 2>what's going on across the pond. Is there anything else

0:55:34.680 --> 0:55:36.120
<v Speaker 2>you want to say to the people of the computer

0:55:36.200 --> 0:55:36.759
<v Speaker 2>before we go.

0:55:39.440 --> 0:55:41.959
<v Speaker 1>I've heard a lot of people, like callers in say

0:55:41.960 --> 0:55:45.120
<v Speaker 1>that they're going to study cybersecurity. I don't know if

0:55:45.160 --> 0:55:46.719
<v Speaker 1>you'd like noticed that trend as well.

0:55:46.880 --> 0:55:47.520
<v Speaker 2>Not at all.

0:55:51.440 --> 0:55:53.920
<v Speaker 1>It podcasts all the time at work, and like all

0:55:53.960 --> 0:55:56.719
<v Speaker 1>the time I hear like cybersecurity, Like if we have

0:55:56.760 --> 0:55:58.480
<v Speaker 1>a couple of you have a couple of shows listen

0:55:58.520 --> 0:56:02.160
<v Speaker 1>out for it. But it's like a recommendation to those

0:56:02.360 --> 0:56:05.719
<v Speaker 1>those people try to get internship's like while you're at UNI.

0:56:05.960 --> 0:56:09.080
<v Speaker 1>It's really tough job market when you're a graduate.

0:56:10.520 --> 0:56:15.640
<v Speaker 2>All right, all right, take care, sir. You see I

0:56:15.719 --> 0:56:17.480
<v Speaker 2>was talking to See I do kind of like that.

0:56:17.600 --> 0:56:22.040
<v Speaker 2>This guy's origin story is that, you know, this whole

0:56:22.040 --> 0:56:25.400
<v Speaker 2>thing happened with him with the dig pic thing, and

0:56:25.440 --> 0:56:29.480
<v Speaker 2>so he decides to dedicate his life to cybersecurity and

0:56:29.680 --> 0:56:32.839
<v Speaker 2>goes on the line taking your phone calls every night,

0:56:33.239 --> 0:56:34.600
<v Speaker 2>every beacon, goes.

0:56:34.360 --> 0:56:38.000
<v Speaker 3>To just teaching you loud in the mid of your life.

0:56:37.760 --> 0:56:39.880
<v Speaker 2>And he's not really an expert.