WEBVTT - Dean's Homecoming 0:00:00.600 --> 0:00:04.600 Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:11.000 and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everyone, thank you for 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:14.000 tuning into another episode of Help I Suck At Dating. 0:00:14.160 --> 0:00:17.280 It is your third favorite co host. He has finally returned. 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:21.200 Dean Ungler joined in studio by Jared and Vanessa back 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:24.560 in Montreal with a very special guest in studio, Dr 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:27.840 Hillary Lynn Gulture. Thank you so much for coming in today. 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:30.920 Hillary and we have a very fun episode. Obviously, we're 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:34.040 going to kind of recap my travels through South America 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:37.080 over the past three weeks. I've got a funny ish 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:40.120 dating story that we could share from which I don't 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.839 really normally do for my travels. We're gonna answer some questions, 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:46.560 We're gonna provide some answers. We're gonna obviously talk to 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:50.080 Hillary and get her expert opinion on all things, because 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:52.519 we're not experts. We are idiots at the end of 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:54.800 the day. So it's nice to have someone that actually 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:57.040 knows what they're talking about. And we're gonna discuss some 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:59.920 topical things as well of regarding like the duck Cheff 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:03.120 thing and um and some other things as well as 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:06.840 we see fits. So, Jared, what should we do to start? 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:09.800 First of all, how are your travels in South America? 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:13.480 What my big question is what makes you want to 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:18.400 travel alone so much lately? Um, my travels were fantastic. 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:20.640 Thank you for asking. So I just for the listeners 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:22.640 out there that I guess don't follow me on Instagram. 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:24.520 I was in South America for three weeks. I did 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:27.640 um Plantus Artists for five days, and then I did 0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:31.560 Patagonia for a week, Machu Picchu and Rainbow Mountain for 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:33.720 a week as well, And um, it was it was 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:35.800 my first trip where I got so I like camped 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:37.400 most of the nights, you know. That wasn't like staying 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:38.880 in a hotel. I stepped in a tent. I think 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:41.920 probably like eight nights of the sixteen knights that I 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:45.959 was gone, And um it was fun because obviously, like 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:48.480 I was like reconnecting with nature. I grew up in Colorado, 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:49.600 so it was nice to kind of get back into 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:52.000 the mountains and hike around. And um, I was like 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:53.920 talking to my brother the entire time and he was like, 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:56.360 I'm so jealous You're going to Patagonia. That's always been 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:57.840 like the top of my list. And it was amazing 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:00.160 and I've always heard even like like Leslie us to 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:02.919 rate unless he's been around the world, you know, nineteen times, 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:05.760 and she's always raped that Patagonia's her absolute favorite spot. 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:07.880 And so I've kind of always made it a gold 0:02:07.920 --> 0:02:09.840 mind to get down there. And it was incredible. Um 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:11.520 I met something. Did you end up messaging her by 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:14.400 the way, No, I did not. I figured I took 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:17.880 your advice and I figured, and I'm glad I didn't. 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:21.920 I'm glad I think. Um it was great. So the 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:24.320 first like four nights, I stayed in Buenos Aatres, which 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:26.280 is like obviously a big city by myself, and I 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:28.640 hated it. What I started to realize is that I'm 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:31.760 gonna move away from traveling to cities like that solely 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:33.400 when I'm alone, Like if I'm going with friends or something, 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:35.200 I'll go to cities. But I just like GE's so 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:36.960 bored in cities. I can't be that person that goes 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:38.920 to a bar by himself to like meet people, you know, 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:40.520 and I feel like that's so much, such a part 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:44.040 of the experience. And so when I was in my 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:47.000 first first like second day in Argentina and Buenisats, I 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:49.400 made a Tinder account. I was like, I'm just I'm 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:52.320 so bored. I don't know how to meet people organically, 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:53.800 like out in the street, So I'm just gonna make 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:56.840 it Tinder. And I made it Tinder. That's that's my 0:02:57.120 --> 0:03:00.000 that's that's my story. That's literally all I have. It's 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:04.200 that's my funny story from from from traveling. Yeah, but 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:06.880 did you meet anyone? So I made it Tinder. I 0:03:07.000 --> 0:03:09.760 picked my six most attractive pictures of myself. I made 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:17.160 a very clever and funny bio on the Tinder. I'm 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:20.359 trying to build up some drama here, some anticipation. I've 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:23.160 made it the best most attractive Tinder account ever been 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:26.359 seen to man. I even included my Instagram handles that 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:27.959 like people could look me up on Instagram and see 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:29.200 the have a little blue check mark, because I feel 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:34.320 like that's probably far, that's probably gotta go somewhere, and 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:36.840 I don't think. I like was swiping for like ten 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:39.920 or fifteen minutes, like in my Airbnb, like by myself, 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:42.400 and I just started to start getting bored and I 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.760 wasn't getting matches because I like, I had literally just 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:46.520 made it and I wasn't getting any matches right away, 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:48.040 and I was like, well, this is really discouraging, Like 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:50.720 no one even likes me. UM made it, I know, 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:52.000 and I just made it. And like I went out 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:53.200 for the day and I came back and I started 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:55.640 swiping again. I wasn't getting any matches again, and then 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:57.720 like eventually, like a few matches are trickling in, and 0:03:57.760 --> 0:03:59.920 they all tried speaking to me in Spanish, obviously, because 0:03:59.960 --> 0:04:02.040 I in South America and I can like speak a 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:04.680 little bit of Spanish, but I can't really speak it conversationally, 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:07.040 and so I would like try and put it into 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:09.680 Google's Translate and then like texted to them, and then 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:11.280 they would text me back in Spanish. I'd put that 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:13.280 in Google Translate, and then you know, like back and 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:15.280 forth and back and forth. And it got to this 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:17.080 point where I was like, what the hell am I doing, 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:19.640 Like this is the most ridiculous thing. I'm trying to 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:22.800 talk to girls in Spanish to, like I don't know, 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:25.000 just so I can like bide my time while I'm 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:27.839 walking through a city that I like don't necessarily know 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:29.320 what to be doing. And you know, so at the 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:30.480 end of the day, I didn't meet up with a 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:32.240 single person from Tinder, I only talked to like three 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:37.359 or four people. Okay, I agree, it's very boring. I 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:39.560 wish that there was something I wish. I wish I 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:41.120 met up with a girl like every single night on 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.680 Tinder and bos aires and like was dancing the entire time. 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:45.479 But no, that's not the case. It's just my point 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:49.719 is is I suck it Tinder? I guess it's really 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:55.480 like and now I'm engaged from a woman that I'm 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:59.560 not engaged, but I might be a father. The Tinder 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:04.480 is unactive, this act down. Yeah, I shut it down 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:08.120 the second I got my app So funny that you 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:09.720 mentioned that I was hanging out with Peter last night. 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:11.839 And Peter, I don't know if he wants this to 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:14.760 be shared, but he had created a riot. He had 0:05:14.880 --> 0:05:16.920 created a ryoc counts a while ago. See him on 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:18.680 a riot there you go. And so he was like, hey, 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:20.320 I got a buddy pass. You want my buddy pass? 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:22.240 And for the longest time, I'm like, I don't need 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:24.479 to go on Rio, and eventually I was just like, sure, 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:26.160 So I created a rio last night. I don't know 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.600 if I'm gonna get approved or not. You'll definitely get approved, 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:30.520 and all. Honestly, I hope they don't approve me. What's 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:32.160 your song going to be? I don't know. I don't 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:34.440 know how it works. You pick a song, like a 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:37.640 twenty second song, it should be something ridiculous, just random, 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:45.159 like uh the Children, other Manic Monday in his matchbox, 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.640 dirty or whatever. That you have a Riot account. I 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:51.000 thought you were gonna say, what is it is? Is 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:56.000 it match backs twenty? What is it twenty song on 0:05:56.080 --> 0:06:00.920 your Riot profile? How does it again? You have three? 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:03.960 If I was single right now, I would have absolutely 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:07.040 hitt on Riot. It's not swipe. It's just like a 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.520 click right at check mark. I think, uh yeah, I 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:12.720 I barely use it. I think I used it for 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:14.840 a day and I was like, not for me. It's 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:18.280 a lot of I find it a little superficial. It's 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:20.240 probably because you're the only person in Montreal with a 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:22.720 Riot account, just like Peter is the only person in 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:24.520 the entire state of Wisconsin with one as well. I 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:28.279 had a Riot and there was nobody within three miles 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:32.040 of me. I actually, that's so funny. So I did 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.520 see Peter's account and I'm like, I saw your account. 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:35.960 He's like, did you click? Yes? Or no, And I 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:37.960 was like, and then when I guess, I got out 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:40.880 of the app, so his profile just disappeared. But then 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:44.520 Nick's profile showed up. Oh what did you do? But 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:47.200 what are you nodding at? I was like, when you 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:49.000 were like, oh, he asked me if I liked him 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:50.919 or not? And I got out of the app, So 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:55.200 it must have just like changed, And now it's quite 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:58.240 all right. You didn't want to and I don't know. 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:01.400 And then Nick's popped up, and then what happened? Wait, 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:04.600 we'll describe us next profile because obviously you snooped. Remember 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:06.359 I just saw his name as picture, and I'm like, 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.600 I don't think it's like healthy for me to just 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:11.480 check his profile right now, So I'm like, let me 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:13.520 just click. That's fair, that's good, probably for the heart. 0:07:14.240 --> 0:07:17.560 It would have been funny if you guys matched, right, Oh, 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:21.400 if we would have matched, If I if I hearted him, 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:22.720 M I don't think you would have heard me. I mean, 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:23.960 I'm sure he wouldn't have, but it would just be 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.480 a funny situation. It would have been a fantastic situation. 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:28.040 Well yeah, so anyways, at the end of the day, 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:31.920 great three weeks in South America, UM, I highly recommend 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:35.200 getting down there if you have the chance to. Um, 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:38.040 I am going to. I mean, hopefully we can. What 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:39.480 kind of stinks is a lot of times like people 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:41.480 reach out to me on like Instagram or something like 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:42.680 that and they're like, oh, I wish you could share 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:45.600 more about your travels or something like that, and I know, like, 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:48.080 obviously this is a dating podcast, but like I need 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:49.720 to figure out a form where I can like start 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.480 sharing that type of stuff. I'm gonna start rivaling Leslie 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:55.120 with the blog, a travel blog. I think, you know, 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:57.600 it's probably not the best reason to do. That's the thing. 0:07:57.600 --> 0:07:59.320 I'm gonna go head to head. I'm gonna go head 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.360 to head and I'm gonna take her down. No, I'm 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:05.040 just kidding, UM, but I will. I think in the future, 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:08.360 why not just create trouble block for the people, for 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:10.760 the people that are interested in that kind of stuff. UM, 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.480 I am. I'm going to consider trying to start. I 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:14.720 know it's a lot of work, it's not easy, and 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:17.240 Work and I kind of have an aversion to each other. 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:19.160 I also think it would be better for you because 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:22.960 when you're lonely on these trips, sometimes creating a Tinder, 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:26.960 you could be yeah, there you go, Yeah, yeah, exactly right, 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.440 instead of editing pictures and watching Netflix yeah, or choosing 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:31.680 what song is going to be on my profile. So 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:33.800 we do have an expert in studio that's gonna talk 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:37.000 about all things relationships. Her name is Hillary, No, not Clinton, 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.640 a different Hillary. But before we jump into that, we 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:42.160 want to talk about a little thing that we've been 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:44.120 talking about in the podcast for a few weeks now 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:47.080 that we all love. You know it, we know it. 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:50.679 It's Amazon fire TV. I gotta tell you so, after 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:53.200 traveling for three weeks, there were not many things that 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:55.640 I missed, but one of those things was definitely my 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:57.720 Amazon Fire TV. Do you do you stream a lot? 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:01.680 Do you watch a lot of TV? YouTube videos? Uh? Hbo, Netflix, 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:03.920 you name it, the whole caboodle. And the cool thing 0:09:03.920 --> 0:09:06.320 about Amazon fire TV is that you can watch all 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:09.280 of those pretty easily. You can watch what's your favorite 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:12.480 YouTube channel? Tea, my favorite YouTube channel? Yeah. I know, 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:15.560 it's an exhausting question. I've talked about this before. It's 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:18.439 called I can't remember the name of it, like kaiserks 0:09:18.480 --> 0:09:20.120 that or something. How much could you possibly love it 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:21.600 if you don't remember the name of it because it's 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:24.360 like some weird like Dutch word or something like that. 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:26.840 That's fair. It's in a nutshell. Basically, check it out YouTube. 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:28.960 I'll send you some videos. I would love that. I'm 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.280 a big watch Mojo guy because it gives ranks of 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:33.920 a lot of different pop culture references, but mainly focuses 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:35.760 on films. I've talked about it before. I don't really 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:38.080 care about pop cultural it's the best though. It's like 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:42.600 top ten um movies, uh with plot twist that did 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:44.840 not save a bad movie or something like that. It's cool, 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:46.800 it's cool. It's anything the least interesting thing I could 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:52.800 possibly think of anyway. But so you're, you know, watching YouTube, 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:54.320 like we've just been talked about, it's all about you. 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:56.240 Whatever your favorite channel is, you can watch it on 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:59.160 your big screen with fire TV. It's the ultimate x 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:02.600 of entertainment and relaxation. I've been been watching The Good Place. 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.240 I've talked about this with Ashley. Ashley's choice was The 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:07.760 Good Place, My Choices, Barry the Moment, Bill Hayter on 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.120 So Good Good Place. I finished season three just recently too. 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:13.240 It's fantastic. Oh I haven't gotten there. Yeah, I'm only 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:16.200 a season two. Another really cool thing about Amazon fire 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:18.120 tv is that if you connected to Alexa, all you 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:21.280 have to do is say Alexa open YouTube, Open YouTube, 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:24.040 and you're brought to your favorite YouTube channel. Uh. That's 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:26.079 so much better than watching on your laptop or when 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:28.120 I have to squat into my phone. And if it 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:30.599 wasn't enough, you can even listen to this podcast that 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:34.520 you're currently listening to right now on fire TV with 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:36.800 your I Heart Radio app. You can also listen to 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:38.600 any music they've got up there. I always say, if 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:41.000 you're listening to this podcast on your Amazon fire TV 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:44.199 right now, d ms on Instagram and we'll give you 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.439 a shout out or something. Yeah, because it's actually pretty 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.440 cool that somebody's listening to us on their TV. So 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:50.960 we've made it. We're stars. If you're not listening to 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:53.600 it on Amazon fire TV, what you should be doing 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.359 is buying an Amazon fire TV. So go to www 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:59.880 dot Amazon dot com Slash I Suck podcast again that 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:04.360 Amazon dot Com Slash I Suck podcast to order a 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:07.040 fire TV of your very own. They make great Christmas 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:09.439 grifts for your friends, for your family, for yourself, for 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:13.480 your dog, for your turtle, for your parrot, for your 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:17.280 pet snake, for your thrown away tonail, clipping your pet rat, 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:22.400 all the things Amazon dot com, slash, I suck podcasts, 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:24.880 grab a fire TV of your very own, or for 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:28.520 your friends or family or whoever or whatever it might be. Jared, 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:34.280 I think we should also talk about stamps. I love Love, 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.880 I love stamps, my favorite other Christmas stamps. When I 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:40.560 was a kid, we obviously sent out Christmas cards and 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:43.280 we would always buy the holiday edition of stamps at 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:46.839 the post office, whether it be like Santa Claus, Mrs Claus, 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:50.920 Frosty Rudolph right of course, and especially with the holiday 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:52.280 is coming up, you want to make sure you have 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:54.720 your stamps so that way you can mail all your gifts. 0:11:54.720 --> 0:11:57.480 And what's great about stamps dot com is you don't 0:11:57.520 --> 0:11:59.320 have to go to the post office to wait in 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:01.480 line to buy your stamps all that kind of stuff. 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:04.839 All you need to do is go to stamps dot com, 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:06.680 where you can access all the services of the post 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:08.800 office right from your desk. 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All you have to do 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:42.200 is click on the radio microphone at the top of 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:44.360 the homepage. When you go to stamps dot com and 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:49.959 type in d e A and stamps dot com entered Dean. 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:52.360 You get a discount. Go to stamps dot com right now, 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:55.800 get your stamps not even delivered right so you you're 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:58.200 basically it's like printing money almost. I know, I hate 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:00.840 going to the post office anyway, the stuff. I live 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:02.640 like a mile away from one, and I always am 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:04.400 dreading it when I have to go. There's always some 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:06.880 sort of way, and there's just I feel like it's 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:08.760 kind of like going to the d m V. Something's 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.880 always gonna go around. Have you done Christmas shopping yet? 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:15.000 Not as much as I should have. I've been going 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:17.319 back and forth because I'm flying back to a Rode 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:19.520 Island for the holidays, or whatever gifts I buy, I 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.240 have to pack with me. Yeah, that's tough. You can 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:24.240 just send ship to your house. Maybe I was going 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:28.080 to do that as well, but then I don't know, 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.320 like my parents gifts are going to be shipped to 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:32.520 their house. It's like, oh, I really spent a lot 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:35.840 of effort into this doing stamps dot Com. Though stamps 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.160 dot com you could ship them through Stamps. Well, obviously 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:39.839 I'm gonna if I do ship them to the house, 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:41.319 I'm gonna go on stamps dot com so don't have 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.360 to go to the post office print um put them 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:46.040 on there. This year, I'm really proud of myself. I 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:47.920 ordered a bunch of gifts before I even left for 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:50.840 South America. Came home to a bunch of just bad boxes. 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:52.360 Or I got some stuff from my sister for some 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:54.880 of my friends. You are well prepared, my friendly, proud 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:58.079 of myself, and you should be ordering some stamps to 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:00.480 send your parents back. I will get it right now. 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:02.520 I've been telling everybody that they should go to stance 0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:04.520 dot com right now. That's what I'm gonna do. I 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:07.240 have my phone out literally in my hand going to 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:11.560 stamps dot com slash dean um. So in studio, we 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:14.920 have the wonderful Hillary gold shar Am, I saying that 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:18.320 properly almost it's gold shirld s. Excuse me, Hilary. Well, 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:20.880 thank you so much for joining us today. Now you 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.520 are a psychologist, can you tell us a little bit 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:27.160 about yourself? Yeah, Well, I have a private practice in 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:31.200 Beverly Hills, and I would call myself a relationship expert 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:34.280 and kind of under that umbrella like a couple expert, 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:38.040 relationship with the self, relationship with families, relationship with friends, 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:43.160 just sort of all about understanding intimacy. And other specialties 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:50.000 include eating disorders, couples, trauma, anxiety, depression, that sort of thing. 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:53.320 And I tend to work with a celebrity client out, 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:56.400 so I have additional insight into what it's like to 0:14:56.440 --> 0:15:00.200 be in the public eye dealing with relationship type issues. Well, 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:02.000 your offices are in Bilvery Hills, so I'm sure you 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.680 work with a lot of celebrities over there, So I'm 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:08.640 curious what makes you a relationship expert? Like you said 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:11.480 that you you describe yourself as one, So what makes 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:14.680 you that? Yeah, I mean, I think the core of 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:20.080 most people's struggles and issues are around relationships. Relationship with 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:23.160 the self, relationship with the opposite sex, relationship with the family. 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:26.240 And as I got into the world of psychology, I 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:31.280 think that really became where most of my analysis and 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:34.120 profiling of people as I worked at them came from, 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:36.680 is trying to understand how they are in relationship to 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:41.000 other people. Well, I mean that's a good point too, 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:43.760 because I feel like humans by nature are just obviously 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:46.600 very relationship driven types of people. And it's funny too 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:48.680 because we think about it and it's like the only 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:50.760 really well, I mean, I guess I can't really speak 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:53.080 for everyone out there, but when I think about relationships, 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:56.240 I only think about relationships with the opposite sex that 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:58.280 I would be interested in romantically. Right. I never really 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:01.120 considered relationships as relationships with my self and relationships with 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:02.560 my friends and my family, because those are just the 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:06.440 kind of the constants, right, Um, And so so you 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:08.440 basically have people that approach you for all of those 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:10.280 types of things. Then, well, I think in my work 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:13.000 what I found is that inevitably, whatever issues that are 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.960 coming up with people and their intimate relationships are almost 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.640 always connected to our relationships with our family of origin, 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.480 stuff that happened we're growing up, stuff that happened throughout 0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:26.240 our lifetime with friends and family that impact kind of 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:28.800 help we move through the world and what relationship style 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:31.360 we adopt with the opposite sex. I think like, once 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:33.160 you hit a certain point in your life, you're most 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:37.640 focused on your opposite sex relationship or romantic partnership. But 0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:39.760 as you're trying to figure out like what you're doing 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:42.520 right and wrong and those relationships, that almost always touches 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:46.560 back to familial dynamics. So I think it's more about that. 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:48.360 I'm sure people come to my office and want to 0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:50.200 talk about the relationship with their mother or the brother 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:52.960 or their best friends of their sibling, but more from 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:55.200 the not as couple of stuff. But it always ends 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.880 up sort of relating back to old relationship style. So 0:16:57.920 --> 0:16:59.920 if you were to do like a higher higher our 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.880 goal rank of relationships, one that bleeds into the next, right, 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:04.840 it all kind of starts with the familial what and 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:06.320 then it goes into self and then it could be 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:09.000 into romantic relationships or how how do you think you 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.000 would kind of go about Yeah, that's a that's a 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:12.840 great question. I mean I think at the like the 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:16.480 top of the foundation or whatever it is, philosophical hierarchy 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.199 would be like the mom you know would be like 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:23.160 mom would be your matriarch of the family. I mean 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:25.520 mom and dad are so important, but mom and the 0:17:25.520 --> 0:17:28.280 relationship that you have with your mom so informed how 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:30.720 you view yourself, how you move through the world. And 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:32.760 then yes, I think underneath is you start to discover, 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:34.879 like who you are outside of your relationship with your 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:38.120 parents and your siblings and your extended family, and then 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:40.160 figuring out how you relate to other people, like first 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:42.639 with friends and like middle school in high school, and 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:47.000 then the opposite sex and how i'd um, how I 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:50.080 think about when you when you present that. Yeah, um, 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:51.920 I have a question. So, first of all, you sound 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:55.080 like a guardian angel because you don't only work with couples, 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:58.680 which also work with families who cope with postpartum depression 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:02.000 and parenting and all that, which is wonderful, and I 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:04.720 feel like we're finally getting to an age where people 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:06.520 are a lot more open to it. I'm from the 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.000 East Coast, so I feel like I've had a discussion 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:11.480 with someone recently and I was talking about the importance 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:13.960 of going to therapy, and like in my culture and 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:18.160 the Italian culture, it's deemed, um, like you're a weak 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:20.080 person if you're going to therapy and if you need 0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:22.600 help from an outside source other than your family. And 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:24.199 I want to be able to help people understand the 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:27.320 importance of it. I only started there once, um I 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:30.240 was on the Bachelor, and within the last three years, 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:33.600 I feel like I've drastically changed and I've seen I've 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:38.280 come to understand the world romantically, the romantic, my romantic relationships, 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:41.639 my relationship with myself in a very different light. And 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:44.480 it's people, thanks to you, that have helped me get 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:45.879 to that point. So first of all, I just want 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:48.320 to say thank you and anyone that's listening, if you 0:18:48.400 --> 0:18:54.600 do need to seek help, I support it and I'm 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:56.840 a big advocate for that. Now I want to ask 0:18:56.880 --> 0:19:01.159 you if you know, like sometimes I go through different 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:03.560 situations in life, whether that's like with work or personal 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.760 or romantic relationships. And I heard that there's a point 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:09.840 in time I think from like age zero to five 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:11.680 or I don't know what if there's an age gap. 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:14.840 Things that have happened to you when you're younger kind 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:18.560 of reappear later on in life, but you don't know 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:21.040 where it stems from. But they say like between the 0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:23.560 ages of am I don't know if I'm making any sense, 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.120 Like there's like a certain age where if you've had 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:31.080 trauma that might reappear later on in life. Yeah, I mean, 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.680 I don't know if there's empirical evidence that sort of 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:38.119 brackets out certain ages per se, But certainly there is 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:42.000 lots of anecdotal and empirical evidence that talks about if 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:46.000 there's trauma in childhood. I don't know, maybe ten and under. 0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:49.520 It certainly informs how we relate to the world, how 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:52.920 we view ourselves, and oftentimes, if those things don't get addressed, 0:19:53.119 --> 0:19:56.639 will repeat them in our relationships more often than not. 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:59.800 So if we were abandoned by a parent through a 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:04.040 worse or death, or father left his family or something, 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:06.600 then maybe we end up on the receiving end of 0:20:06.600 --> 0:20:09.720 being abandoned a lot in relationships, choosing people who can't 0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:12.760 be emotionally available, or maybe we do the abandoning sort 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:15.639 of thing. So patterns can keep repeating themselves unless we 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:21.520 do I see Dean pointingum guilty right and unlet if 0:20:21.560 --> 0:20:23.919 it goes unaddressed and we don't think about it in 0:20:23.920 --> 0:20:26.639 a super conscious way. Then it ends up showing up 0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:29.560 somehow in our life. Symptoms show up, whatever those symptoms are. 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:32.920 On to your point, Vanessa, oftentimes the symptom, so to speak, 0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:37.600 ends up being a pattern in relationships. One thing one 0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:41.040 sorry to interrupt, it's just before we kind of expand 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:43.159 on that topic. One thing that I really dislike. One 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:47.320 of my biggest pet peeves is when people, like for me, 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:50.160 for instance, is when people that I've never met before, 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:52.560 nor do I know, nor will I ever meet, are 0:20:52.600 --> 0:20:55.199 constantly saying, ah, he needs therapy, he should go to therapy. 0:20:55.240 --> 0:20:58.080 I hope that boy gets therapy. That stuff really pisces 0:20:58.080 --> 0:20:59.919 me off. Why because it's like, who the hell are 0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:01.879 you to tell someone else that they need to go 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:04.359 to therapy, right, Like, obviously it's always good to know 0:21:04.400 --> 0:21:08.040 that therapy is an outlet for someone, but other people 0:21:08.080 --> 0:21:09.840 that don't know you have no place telling you what 0:21:09.920 --> 0:21:12.000 you do and don't need, And that stuff really just 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:14.240 really makes me so angry. Of course, that's in any 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:16.679 avenue of life, whether people tell you like, oh, you 0:21:16.760 --> 0:21:18.520 need to be on this or you need to do this, 0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:20.240 and I think therapy is just an outlet for that 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:22.520 I think. Don't get me wrong, like the therapy. When 0:21:22.520 --> 0:21:25.400 I go to therapy, I under I see myself benefiting 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:28.000 from it. But I don't want other people to be 0:21:28.040 --> 0:21:30.959 telling other people that what they need, and if that 0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:33.119 thing is therapy, it just doesn't make sense, Like they 0:21:33.160 --> 0:21:35.239 don't really necessarily have a place to like step in 0:21:35.520 --> 0:21:37.960 and be like you need this because your your life 0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:41.760 so left up, sorry bleeped up, you need this, sure, 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:44.160 but I think I just wanted to distinguish this. You're 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:46.520 not saying that people shouldn't advocate other people going to therapy. 0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:48.520 Like for example, like if I was talking to a 0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:51.960 friend and I thought that they needed help, it's my job, 0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.240 it's a friend could be like suggested. But what you're 0:21:54.240 --> 0:21:56.840 saying is that somebody that has no idea who you are, 0:21:56.960 --> 0:21:58.959 what you're about, should not make a judgment on you 0:21:59.000 --> 0:22:01.040 within first five it's a meeting you, right, So what 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:03.920 they'll say is like they'll what they'll see something bad happen, 0:22:04.000 --> 0:22:06.240 and then their retort will be like, oh, go to therapy, 0:22:06.320 --> 0:22:08.440 like like it's just it's it's I just feel like 0:22:09.040 --> 0:22:10.760 they put it as like a band aid for something 0:22:10.840 --> 0:22:13.159 and they think like it's just it's it's frustrating to 0:22:13.200 --> 0:22:16.359 me anyway. Sorry. Um well, also, I mean therapy. Obviously 0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:20.280 I'm a huge fan of therapy, but therapy is not 0:22:20.320 --> 0:22:22.840 the only way that people can deal with personal issues, 0:22:22.840 --> 0:22:24.720 Like it has to resonate and be at a point 0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:26.879 in your elector it feels like, yes, that's an outlet 0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:29.240 I want to pursue. And there's a difference between a 0:22:29.280 --> 0:22:31.400 carrying others saying like, oh, I wonder if this could 0:22:31.400 --> 0:22:34.000 be a solution or something helpful for you, when someone 0:22:34.119 --> 0:22:37.120 saying like I see something about your life that feels chaotic. 0:22:37.760 --> 0:22:39.920 Don't help yourself and my personal experience. So I've done 0:22:39.960 --> 0:22:42.120 three separate stints in therapy right when I was younger. 0:22:42.160 --> 0:22:44.360 When I was ten, I did it, When I was fifteen, 0:22:44.400 --> 0:22:46.160 I did it, and then when I'm twenty seven I've 0:22:46.160 --> 0:22:48.159 done it as well. And those first two times I 0:22:48.200 --> 0:22:50.119 got nothing out of it because I was being essentially 0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:51.960 urged or forced to go to therapy. And I don't 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:53.640 think you really will get anything out of therapy until 0:22:53.680 --> 0:22:55.440 you make the conscious decision for yourself to be like, 0:22:55.440 --> 0:22:56.800 all right, I'm gonna go and do this and work 0:22:56.800 --> 0:22:59.159 on myself. Right, So until I was like, I'm going 0:22:59.200 --> 0:23:00.720 to go do this because as I want to do 0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:03.240 it because I want to better myself, and whatever avenue 0:23:03.240 --> 0:23:04.960 it is that I want to better myself in, then 0:23:05.080 --> 0:23:06.560 that's when you start to see the results, right, And 0:23:06.560 --> 0:23:09.720 so people are like not necessarily making you or unless 0:23:09.720 --> 0:23:11.680 you're willing and receptive to the idea of it, I 0:23:11.720 --> 0:23:13.560 don't think you're going to get as much out of it. Obviously, 0:23:13.680 --> 0:23:15.359 correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you're 0:23:15.400 --> 0:23:16.840 gonna get as much out of it otherwise. Well, that's 0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:18.720 interesting because I have a little bit of a different 0:23:18.720 --> 0:23:21.720 experience because I was probably in my like early twenties 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:24.000 when I was going through this really bad breakup and 0:23:24.040 --> 0:23:26.159 I blamed a lot of it on myself, which was 0:23:26.680 --> 0:23:28.119 in the right because it was a lot of my 0:23:28.200 --> 0:23:30.600 fault and went through kind of a dark period. And 0:23:30.600 --> 0:23:33.160 it was somebody else that suggested, hey, listen, you should 0:23:33.560 --> 0:23:35.600 maybe just go talk to someone, and they suggested me 0:23:35.640 --> 0:23:37.200 to a therapist, and I was really uneasy about it 0:23:37.200 --> 0:23:38.600 because I didn't want to go to therapy. I didn't 0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:41.000 even want to talk about it. Because it's very similar 0:23:41.000 --> 0:23:42.920 to Vanessa said, in my own head, in the way 0:23:42.960 --> 0:23:45.760 I was brought up, it was a sign of weakness 0:23:45.800 --> 0:23:48.040 to a sense. But then I ended up going and 0:23:48.040 --> 0:23:49.480 I ended up really enjoying it, and I I went to 0:23:49.520 --> 0:23:51.399 therapy for about a year and a half weekly and 0:23:51.440 --> 0:23:53.159 be able to just talk about anything, not even just 0:23:53.200 --> 0:23:55.200 about the relationship with the dark period I was going through, 0:23:55.280 --> 0:23:57.560 but just everything in my life, anything I wanted event about. 0:23:57.600 --> 0:23:59.640 So it was interesting because I had a different perspective 0:23:59.640 --> 0:24:01.800 because I make the conscious decision on my own to go. 0:24:02.080 --> 0:24:04.000 It was somebody else that said you should probably do 0:24:04.040 --> 0:24:05.480 this and it might make you feel better, and it 0:24:05.480 --> 0:24:07.560 did make me feel better, someone that was close to you, 0:24:07.840 --> 0:24:10.840 obviously family member. So that's but I think the difference 0:24:10.920 --> 0:24:12.600 is what you're saying, Dean, and I think you're a 0:24:12.600 --> 0:24:14.760 little bit jaded by the your experience you have on 0:24:14.840 --> 0:24:17.800 reality TV, which is people on social media or people 0:24:17.840 --> 0:24:20.000 coming up to you in everyday life who have no 0:24:20.040 --> 0:24:22.600 idea who you are, thinking they know who you are 0:24:22.760 --> 0:24:25.080 because you're on a television show and suggesting things that 0:24:25.080 --> 0:24:28.040 they shouldn't suggest, and maybe they're right. That's the thing too, 0:24:28.040 --> 0:24:29.439 It's like they could be right, but it's still just 0:24:29.520 --> 0:24:31.360 like frustrating, you know what I mean. Yeah, But it's 0:24:31.400 --> 0:24:34.159 one thing to impose what someone else thinks that they 0:24:34.200 --> 0:24:36.840 should be doing and put that onto someone else, and 0:24:37.240 --> 0:24:39.639 it's another thing to advocate, like Jared was saying, and 0:24:39.840 --> 0:24:42.480 suggest it. Say hey, I've done it. I think it's great. 0:24:42.880 --> 0:24:46.040 And I opened up about my experiences UM on and 0:24:46.119 --> 0:24:49.520 off the show. I and I talked. I openly talk 0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:51.439 about Hillary and this is what I want to talk 0:24:51.480 --> 0:24:54.879 about with you as well. I openly talk about having 0:24:54.920 --> 0:24:58.520 done couples therapy with Nick while we were together UM, 0:24:58.960 --> 0:25:00.720 and I think it was important for us to also 0:25:00.800 --> 0:25:04.560 stick stick with the same therapist, UM, who obviously was 0:25:04.640 --> 0:25:07.199 part of the franchise, So she was there from the 0:25:07.240 --> 0:25:10.399 beginning of our relationship until the end of it, and 0:25:10.480 --> 0:25:12.440 she saw the progress and she saw, you know, things 0:25:12.480 --> 0:25:15.320 that we needed to both work on, and so ever 0:25:15.400 --> 0:25:18.280 since then, I haven't been I've been dating. I haven't 0:25:18.320 --> 0:25:21.720 had a serious relationship since the ending of my engagement 0:25:21.720 --> 0:25:24.719 with Nick. Very much open to it. I'm trying everything 0:25:24.720 --> 0:25:27.480 that I can to get there, but it's dating nowadays, 0:25:27.520 --> 0:25:33.879 is anyway. So I wanted to ask, do you suggest 0:25:34.400 --> 0:25:39.560 couples therapy? UM? For all couples, or do you think 0:25:39.560 --> 0:25:43.399 a couples therapy should be UM something couples should look 0:25:43.480 --> 0:25:46.240 into when and if it arises at a certain point. 0:25:46.240 --> 0:25:48.679 Should it be a preventative or should it be something 0:25:48.760 --> 0:25:51.720 kind of like we exercise every day to be physically well, 0:25:51.960 --> 0:25:58.320 so should we exercise our mental well being as a couple. Yeah, 0:25:58.359 --> 0:26:01.000 it's a good question. I mean, I think it's hard 0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:04.479 to imagine a scenario where a couple can be together 0:26:04.560 --> 0:26:06.880 and have a life together and not have stuff come up, 0:26:07.400 --> 0:26:10.600 and so whatever that is, and at whatever period of time, 0:26:10.640 --> 0:26:12.919 I think it makes sense to to go to someone, 0:26:12.960 --> 0:26:15.320 whether or not it's a therapist or like a trusted 0:26:15.359 --> 0:26:17.840 other or a pastor, or like a book or something, 0:26:17.880 --> 0:26:20.959 but some resource to help you start thinking about your 0:26:20.960 --> 0:26:24.760 communication style, your relationship style, and how you deal with conflict, 0:26:24.800 --> 0:26:29.119 and how you deal with creating connection and intimacy with 0:26:29.160 --> 0:26:32.480 each other. And I would absolutely recommend doing it in 0:26:32.520 --> 0:26:36.600 a preventative fashion versus just on UM, either an ad 0:26:36.600 --> 0:26:39.200 hoc basis or when there's a crisis, because when you're 0:26:39.240 --> 0:26:41.760 trying to like sort of bury you're buried inside of 0:26:41.800 --> 0:26:44.040 crisis or something, trying to get yourself out of it 0:26:44.520 --> 0:26:47.400 for the first time. In therapy, it can be much 0:26:47.440 --> 0:26:50.000 more challenging than having like a language between you two 0:26:50.080 --> 0:26:52.119 already in terms of how you deal with how you 0:26:52.160 --> 0:26:56.560 communicate and such. So, how did someone go to find 0:26:56.720 --> 0:26:59.800 a therapist I've had. I've been to one therapist and 0:26:59.800 --> 0:27:02.840 it was someone from off off of the Bachelord franchise, 0:27:03.359 --> 0:27:06.120 and after that I didn't feel like I I went 0:27:06.160 --> 0:27:08.359 to go see her and she's like, oh, there's a 0:27:08.400 --> 0:27:10.000 bright light that I fell in love with the first 0:27:10.000 --> 0:27:12.400 time I met. So it was nice to just get 0:27:12.400 --> 0:27:14.399 back to the place that I was at when I 0:27:14.440 --> 0:27:17.320 first met this therapist and then after that. Um, I 0:27:17.359 --> 0:27:19.680 mean I have friends who are therapists who don't charge me, 0:27:19.760 --> 0:27:23.399 which I love. But I so someone who is looking 0:27:23.440 --> 0:27:26.640 for a therapist, how do they even research that? Yeah, 0:27:26.680 --> 0:27:28.720 I'm so glad you asked that question, because it actually 0:27:28.800 --> 0:27:32.480 is a kind of challenging process. I mean, depending on 0:27:32.520 --> 0:27:35.560 your financial situation. If you have insurance, you can contact 0:27:35.560 --> 0:27:37.600 your insurance company and get a list of providers are 0:27:37.600 --> 0:27:40.320 in your network if that's something that you have to 0:27:40.359 --> 0:27:44.200 have happened. If finances aren't an issue, using the Internet 0:27:44.240 --> 0:27:47.080 to google like therapists in your area is a good way. 0:27:47.440 --> 0:27:51.800 There's certain um websites like psychology today find a therapist 0:27:51.880 --> 0:27:55.680 dot com that you can um google therapist in your 0:27:55.720 --> 0:27:58.560 area and their specialties will come up as well. I 0:27:58.600 --> 0:28:03.000 would highly recommend to interviewing at least two, probably three 0:28:03.119 --> 0:28:05.960 therapists to find someone that really resonates with you. I 0:28:06.000 --> 0:28:08.320 think when you're in a vulnerable position and you go 0:28:08.359 --> 0:28:09.960 see a therapist that sort of feels like, oh, the 0:28:09.960 --> 0:28:13.240 first one should be right, because like I'm broken and 0:28:13.840 --> 0:28:16.280 I should make this work kind of thing. But it's 0:28:16.280 --> 0:28:19.520 it's it's got to be like an organic, comfortable connection, 0:28:19.680 --> 0:28:22.240 and you should advocate for yourself that you find that 0:28:22.320 --> 0:28:24.400 and that when you say interview, what do you mean 0:28:24.600 --> 0:28:26.600 you're gonna go sit down and meet them and not 0:28:26.640 --> 0:28:29.000 necessarily have a session with them, but just kind of 0:28:29.080 --> 0:28:32.119 have a conversation. No, I mean have a session. I 0:28:32.119 --> 0:28:34.679 mean some therapists will do like a free consult on 0:28:34.680 --> 0:28:38.120 the phone or even a free in person session. Most 0:28:38.160 --> 0:28:40.760 will charge like a regular session, but I sort of 0:28:40.840 --> 0:28:43.160 mean in the sense of having like what would what 0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:45.640 would be a regular session, but in your mind thinking 0:28:45.680 --> 0:28:48.360 about like does this feel comfortable asking them questions about 0:28:48.400 --> 0:28:51.200 how they work, um, how they're going to help you 0:28:51.240 --> 0:28:54.160 form goals? What kind of time frame do they imagine 0:28:54.480 --> 0:28:56.880 that you would be working with them to address the 0:28:56.920 --> 0:28:58.880 issues that you're looking to address, that sort of thing 0:28:59.000 --> 0:29:03.479 like like feeling um uh empowered to ask this kind 0:29:03.480 --> 0:29:06.400 of questions. Yea. So Hillar, you talking about the hierarchy 0:29:06.400 --> 0:29:08.360 of relationships, and you said that probably at the top 0:29:08.400 --> 0:29:10.959 is the relationship with your parents, and so for me, 0:29:11.000 --> 0:29:13.240 I guess my question is why do people put such 0:29:13.240 --> 0:29:18.080 an emphasis on the relationship with a significant other over 0:29:18.160 --> 0:29:21.160 everything in life? I feel, why would that? Why do 0:29:21.200 --> 0:29:23.480 people put such an emphasis on like finding the one 0:29:23.560 --> 0:29:26.040 or finding love when even you just said, probably the 0:29:26.080 --> 0:29:28.520 most important relationship is with your parents, or your family 0:29:28.640 --> 0:29:30.880 or the environment you grew up in. Well, in my mind, 0:29:30.880 --> 0:29:32.760 I was thinking about the hierarchy in terms of like 0:29:33.520 --> 0:29:36.640 a formative hierarchy, right, like what forms who we are 0:29:36.960 --> 0:29:39.760 and how we kind of interact with other people. So 0:29:39.840 --> 0:29:42.360 once we become adults, for sure all of us have 0:29:42.560 --> 0:29:45.760 the romantic relationship is our primary relationship. And that's appropriate. 0:29:45.800 --> 0:29:48.160 I mean that that makes sense. But the way that 0:29:48.200 --> 0:29:50.280 we as long as it's not with one of your parents, 0:29:50.400 --> 0:29:54.960 right then we have another, then you definitely want to 0:29:54.960 --> 0:30:01.280 head into their vage. But I think the at least 0:30:01.280 --> 0:30:04.440 people that come into my office and most anecdotal conversations 0:30:04.480 --> 0:30:07.400 I have with friends and UM, other colleagues and such, 0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:10.640 when we're looking at how we show up in relationships, 0:30:10.680 --> 0:30:13.400 it almost always can be tracked back to our relationship 0:30:13.440 --> 0:30:16.880 within our family, UM, the position that we took our 0:30:16.920 --> 0:30:20.400 relationship in terms of how our parents communicated their love, 0:30:20.480 --> 0:30:22.840 how they didn't um, what their love love language was, 0:30:22.880 --> 0:30:25.280 what ours is, and so it always informs how we 0:30:25.320 --> 0:30:29.240 show up in romantic relationships. But but as you get 0:30:29.480 --> 0:30:31.800 become an adult, you're a romantic relationship is certainly your 0:30:31.800 --> 0:30:35.160 primary relationship and where we put all of our vulnerability, 0:30:35.240 --> 0:30:37.200 all of our hopes, all of our wishes, all of 0:30:37.200 --> 0:30:39.480 our dreams inappropriately. So do you do you think that 0:30:39.520 --> 0:30:42.960 it's uh like a birds of flather birds of feather mentality? Where? 0:30:42.960 --> 0:30:44.560 Because I was thinking about this actually not too maybe 0:30:44.600 --> 0:30:47.200 like a week or two ago, about how like do 0:30:47.240 --> 0:30:49.560 you think that someone that's from a broken home is 0:30:49.600 --> 0:30:52.080 better off with someone from a very well structured and 0:30:52.240 --> 0:30:54.560 like proper home, or do you think like two broken 0:30:54.560 --> 0:30:57.960 homes people's work together better, you know what I'm I'm saying. Yeah, 0:30:58.000 --> 0:31:00.280 I don't know what you're saying. You know, I gets 0:31:00.320 --> 0:31:03.240 all about if I don't think we should stop the 0:31:03.280 --> 0:31:06.520 analysis there. I think, like the broken home people, it 0:31:06.600 --> 0:31:08.959 depends on what their journey has been, if they've been 0:31:09.000 --> 0:31:12.320 able to seek assistance and help in growing and working 0:31:12.320 --> 0:31:15.040 through some of their issues, and they're able to be 0:31:15.720 --> 0:31:18.960 more insightful and community communicative and evolved as a result, 0:31:19.040 --> 0:31:22.720 than maybe they can be paired with either one depending 0:31:22.760 --> 0:31:25.240 on their evolution, you know, I think I think it's 0:31:25.280 --> 0:31:28.760 more about how people have evolved and how they're able 0:31:28.800 --> 0:31:32.160 to kind of take their experiences and um work them 0:31:32.160 --> 0:31:35.480 into how they how they interact with the world around 0:31:35.480 --> 0:31:38.240 them and people, then whether or not they were from 0:31:38.280 --> 0:31:40.120 a broken home to begin with, because well, so my 0:31:40.160 --> 0:31:42.960 personal experience, I've dated both, I've come from a broken home, 0:31:43.120 --> 0:31:45.560 you know, like Blave had my experience, my troubled past 0:31:45.720 --> 0:31:47.800 with my family and all that kind of stuff. Um, 0:31:47.840 --> 0:31:51.080 and I've dated girls. One girl comes to mind who 0:31:51.080 --> 0:31:53.760 has a very strong family unit, like her mom and dada, 0:31:53.760 --> 0:31:55.680 her best friend, all that kind of stuff. And I 0:31:55.680 --> 0:31:56.960 loved it, and I was like, this is great. It 0:31:57.040 --> 0:31:59.640 is exactly what you know a childhood dreamed to have 0:32:00.000 --> 0:32:01.920 throughout their entire life. But then at the same time, 0:32:01.920 --> 0:32:03.000 on the flip side of it, I was like, well, 0:32:03.000 --> 0:32:05.040 then it makes it hard for you to understand my 0:32:05.120 --> 0:32:07.040 perspective on a lot of things because you've never had 0:32:07.040 --> 0:32:09.040 to struggle the same way that I've had. And then 0:32:09.040 --> 0:32:12.120 I did another girl who had a very difficult upbringing, 0:32:12.440 --> 0:32:15.400 and we could relate on our traumatic childhood that type 0:32:15.400 --> 0:32:17.160 of stuff. But then on the other side of it, 0:32:17.160 --> 0:32:19.560 it was like, oh, well, now neither of us know 0:32:19.640 --> 0:32:22.600 how to form a like a successful family moving forward 0:32:22.600 --> 0:32:24.440 because we've never really experienced it for ourselves, you know 0:32:24.480 --> 0:32:26.440 what I mean. So there's it's like a weird way 0:32:26.480 --> 0:32:28.520 you can kind of argue both sides of each side 0:32:28.520 --> 0:32:31.000 of it. Yes, from someone who just experienced it. As 0:32:31.040 --> 0:32:33.600 you talked about what did you find was beneficial? Neither 0:32:33.640 --> 0:32:37.160 of them were beneficial. Well, I think that's but I 0:32:37.160 --> 0:32:38.920 think that's right you were. You reminded me of There's 0:32:39.040 --> 0:32:41.720 like a concept in psychology called the wounded kids collusion, 0:32:42.200 --> 0:32:44.120 and if you think of those words, it's like two 0:32:44.200 --> 0:32:46.920 wounded kids who come together as adults and like try 0:32:46.960 --> 0:32:49.680 to make it work. And that's like a difficult pairing 0:32:49.800 --> 0:32:54.120 because if neither has evolved like a more sophisticated way 0:32:54.160 --> 0:32:56.760 of dealing with their emotions and shaping themselves into a 0:32:56.760 --> 0:32:58.920 more productive adults, you just have like two wounded kids, 0:32:58.920 --> 0:33:01.320 like kind of floundering. You know, some maybe you've had 0:33:01.320 --> 0:33:03.040 those experiences or if I was like, yeah, this doesn't 0:33:03.040 --> 0:33:05.080 really work. But having said that, you're right, if it's 0:33:05.120 --> 0:33:08.520 such a stark contrast that you're with someone who hasn't 0:33:08.560 --> 0:33:10.360 had to struggle in that way at all, then you 0:33:10.440 --> 0:33:12.920 might feel sort of vulnerable and not heard or understood, 0:33:13.400 --> 0:33:16.280 and so hopefully that there's a middle ground. You know 0:33:16.320 --> 0:33:19.440 that somehow, some way, no matter the origin of the 0:33:19.440 --> 0:33:21.720 person that you're with, that they've had their own struggles 0:33:21.800 --> 0:33:24.560 and evolution that lets them be able to relate right 0:33:24.640 --> 0:33:26.080 to kind of bring you to the same level on 0:33:26.120 --> 0:33:29.800 certain things. M Dean, I remember, I remember you opening 0:33:29.840 --> 0:33:32.440 up to me about that conversation about the specific person 0:33:32.560 --> 0:33:34.760 that you dated. Um. I think we were about to 0:33:34.760 --> 0:33:37.719 like whole food or whatever to eat, and you had 0:33:37.840 --> 0:33:40.760 mentioned that you felt like that person was kind of 0:33:40.760 --> 0:33:43.320 shouting in your in your face that they came from 0:33:43.360 --> 0:33:46.280 a picture perfect family. I guess my question to you is, 0:33:46.320 --> 0:33:49.560 do you was it something that you felt that person 0:33:49.640 --> 0:33:56.200 was doing or was it your I don't know, for 0:33:56.320 --> 0:33:59.200 lack of a better word, insecurities. Well, I don't think. 0:33:59.280 --> 0:34:01.360 I don't think it wasn't penstional on their part. I 0:34:01.400 --> 0:34:02.800 think that it was just kind of the only thing 0:34:02.800 --> 0:34:05.840 that they knew, and especially coming from like certain parts 0:34:05.880 --> 0:34:09.920 of America, like certain different areas value family much more 0:34:10.000 --> 0:34:13.880 much differently. Whatever it is, um, And I mean, I 0:34:13.920 --> 0:34:15.560 don't know. You know, when you enter into a relationship 0:34:15.600 --> 0:34:18.040 and people kind of want to project their own values 0:34:18.120 --> 0:34:20.480 onto you because then they want you to kind of 0:34:20.520 --> 0:34:22.680 adopt them and share those types of ideals and beliefs 0:34:22.719 --> 0:34:24.560 as well. Um, I don't think. I don't think it 0:34:24.600 --> 0:34:26.520 was intentional to to your question. I think it was 0:34:26.560 --> 0:34:29.239 just a matter of like, this is how this is 0:34:29.239 --> 0:34:31.560 how I've experienced life. I've lived it, and this is 0:34:31.560 --> 0:34:34.920 how I plan on continuing to live it. And you 0:34:35.120 --> 0:34:36.640 have to get it now, like either get it or 0:34:36.640 --> 0:34:38.000 you don't get this sort of thing. And when you 0:34:38.000 --> 0:34:40.200 don't get it, it's going to be like frustrating. Like 0:34:40.440 --> 0:34:44.359 I don't know it was. It was obviously not meant 0:34:44.400 --> 0:34:47.120 to be not meant to be. But it's not like 0:34:47.200 --> 0:34:50.680 I've experienced everything every one of my clients has experienced, Right, 0:34:50.719 --> 0:34:53.040 It's not that a woman that you ultimately fall in 0:34:53.120 --> 0:34:55.960 love with has to come from home. They just have 0:34:56.040 --> 0:35:00.000 to have like the skill set of support and empathy, 0:35:00.120 --> 0:35:03.680 in compassion and like able to hold vulnerability and be 0:35:03.760 --> 0:35:06.640 vulnerable themselves. Right to be it sounds like a match 0:35:06.680 --> 0:35:08.960 for you. It sounds like this person was like holding 0:35:08.960 --> 0:35:12.480 a space for some vision of perfection or not wanting 0:35:12.520 --> 0:35:15.040 to let some of those I don't know, flaws or 0:35:15.480 --> 0:35:18.080 messiness and in fairness, that relationship had a lot of 0:35:18.120 --> 0:35:21.279 other flaws working with it as well, but but that 0:35:21.320 --> 0:35:23.520 was definitely one of them. It was it was like 0:35:23.560 --> 0:35:26.120 a feeling of constant inadequacy, you know where it's like, oh, 0:35:26.120 --> 0:35:29.160 I'll never be able to give you what you have 0:35:29.760 --> 0:35:32.160 in your like I don't know. Growing up. Yeah, I 0:35:32.440 --> 0:35:35.719 think it makes me sad hearing that guns. I think 0:35:35.760 --> 0:35:37.600 I was kind of that person before the show. I 0:35:37.640 --> 0:35:42.640 come from a very strong Italian background with like big traditions, 0:35:43.000 --> 0:35:45.200 and for me, I was never really attracted to the 0:35:45.280 --> 0:35:47.799 Italian guy. I was attracted to people who came from 0:35:47.840 --> 0:35:51.640 different cultural backgrounds or religious backgrounds, but we didn't have 0:35:51.680 --> 0:35:55.920 the same I guess um level of understanding when it 0:35:56.040 --> 0:35:59.359 came to our values and our traditions and stuff. And 0:35:59.400 --> 0:36:02.640 I've been hold a few times once or twice that 0:36:04.239 --> 0:36:07.200 the men felt inadequate, and I think it's because I 0:36:07.400 --> 0:36:11.880 unintentionally impose my values and my traditions onto them without 0:36:11.880 --> 0:36:15.600 realizing I was doing that. And looking back, I think 0:36:15.600 --> 0:36:17.920 it's thanks to the show, thanks to being on The Bachelor, 0:36:18.000 --> 0:36:22.600 that it's allowed me to understand where and why I 0:36:22.640 --> 0:36:26.400 was doing that, and I think it came from impose 0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:30.759 values from my cultural um, from my family, thinking that's 0:36:30.800 --> 0:36:33.520 exactly what I wanted, but in retrospect that I don't 0:36:33.560 --> 0:36:35.880 want exactly the type of lifestyle that they have. I 0:36:35.920 --> 0:36:38.080 want the family, I want the husband. I want a 0:36:38.120 --> 0:36:42.000 loving and and happy household, but not in the same 0:36:42.040 --> 0:36:44.480 way that they got it. And it's only now that 0:36:44.520 --> 0:36:47.080 I'm starting to realize that. At thirty one before when 0:36:47.080 --> 0:36:48.640 I said, before we jump into our spot, I have 0:36:48.640 --> 0:36:50.920 a question for you, and everyone is well, Hill love 0:36:50.960 --> 0:36:53.640 to hear your opinion as well. Let's say you're dating 0:36:53.680 --> 0:36:59.440 someone and your parents hate this person. It's a strong word, 0:36:59.440 --> 0:37:01.759 but just like, like, you love this person, but they 0:37:01.800 --> 0:37:04.000 strongly like dislike, maybe don't agree with a lot of 0:37:04.000 --> 0:37:06.480 their own core values, but you love him like you 0:37:06.520 --> 0:37:09.239 know him obviously better than your parents would. Would you 0:37:09.360 --> 0:37:15.560 still be keen on the relationship or no. I've never 0:37:15.640 --> 0:37:18.680 dated someone that my family outright said they didn't like. 0:37:18.800 --> 0:37:21.160 They only mentioned it after we broke up, so they 0:37:21.320 --> 0:37:25.480 never imposed their opinions. They've never imposed their opinions on 0:37:26.200 --> 0:37:32.799 my relationship. But I think if they were really keen 0:37:33.000 --> 0:37:37.040 on not seeing a future, I don't think I'd be 0:37:37.040 --> 0:37:39.280 able to date them. I'm so close to my family 0:37:39.280 --> 0:37:41.839 and I really value their opinions. Um. And they're not 0:37:41.960 --> 0:37:45.880 judgmental at all, Like my family is the most easy going. Uh, 0:37:45.960 --> 0:37:51.000 they're super accepting. UM. So if there's not, I don't 0:37:51.040 --> 0:37:53.680 think I'd be able to do it. Hillary, what do 0:37:53.680 --> 0:37:57.160 you think? That's a tough question. I mean there could 0:37:57.200 --> 0:37:59.600 be another number of different scenarios that could present themselves 0:37:59.600 --> 0:38:04.399 on long as the family is coming from well intentioned 0:38:04.440 --> 0:38:08.560 place and it isn't related to dynamics that aren't healthy, 0:38:08.719 --> 0:38:13.439 like over a protective mom or um. You know, Dad 0:38:13.480 --> 0:38:16.680 who doesn't want another man's energy in his world? Right, 0:38:17.000 --> 0:38:21.160 if it isn't coming from a from an unrecognized, unexplored 0:38:21.239 --> 0:38:23.920 place of the parents that are imposing like their stuff 0:38:23.960 --> 0:38:27.200 on their kids. I mean, it could be really complicated. Um, 0:38:27.400 --> 0:38:31.920 I think it's fine. It's it's it's expected that most 0:38:32.120 --> 0:38:34.919 kids would pay attention to what their adult children would 0:38:34.920 --> 0:38:37.239 pay attention to what their parents thought. But I think 0:38:37.320 --> 0:38:41.040 ultimately it's really important for a grown adult to make 0:38:41.040 --> 0:38:44.520 their own decisions. And even if it's a mistake in 0:38:44.760 --> 0:38:47.640 judgment that you experience, you learn from it and you 0:38:47.680 --> 0:38:49.879 can recover from it. And even if it means taking 0:38:49.920 --> 0:38:53.680 a stance sort of quote agains to your parents. Um 0:38:53.719 --> 0:38:57.200 that that's all part of individuating from your family. So 0:38:57.320 --> 0:38:59.080 I don't know. I mean, I think it could go 0:38:59.200 --> 0:39:02.600 both ways. Also think if we put unhealthy habits aside, 0:39:02.719 --> 0:39:06.000 like you talked about overprotective mother or things like that. 0:39:06.280 --> 0:39:09.040 Maybe it depends on your stage in life. For example, 0:39:09.120 --> 0:39:12.239 if you're a teenager and your parents are disliking the 0:39:12.280 --> 0:39:15.960 person you're dating, I think that's a different statement than 0:39:16.000 --> 0:39:17.960 it would be if they dislike the person when you're thirty, 0:39:18.400 --> 0:39:21.880 absolutely because it's a teenager. Like for example, if you 0:39:21.880 --> 0:39:24.440 have a daughter and there's a teenage boy, and I 0:39:24.520 --> 0:39:26.960 might be very overprotective if I'm lucky enough to have 0:39:27.040 --> 0:39:30.120 kids one day, um, And so I can understand a 0:39:30.200 --> 0:39:34.120 parent coming from that aspect and being a little playful. Um. 0:39:34.200 --> 0:39:36.279 But if you're thirty and your parents don't like you, 0:39:36.320 --> 0:39:39.959 and your parents would never displayed any type of over 0:39:40.000 --> 0:39:45.439 protection or you know, hindering on your relationships, um, then 0:39:45.480 --> 0:39:47.480 that might be some red flags. Yeah. I I have 0:39:47.560 --> 0:39:50.480 two boys who are four and eight months old, but 0:39:51.560 --> 0:39:55.360 i have eighteen years to influence them, and I'm taking 0:39:55.400 --> 0:39:57.560 every moment I can. So I totally agree with you, Jared. 0:39:58.040 --> 0:40:02.120 You know, during those eighteen years, giving your opinion, direction, um, 0:40:02.160 --> 0:40:05.920 setting boundaries, etcetera. Like, do them all because you're you 0:40:05.960 --> 0:40:08.680 want them to internalize your wise voice during that time. 0:40:08.680 --> 0:40:10.560 And then after eighteen it's like, well and then you 0:40:10.640 --> 0:40:13.200 let them enter the west. That's one of the pros 0:40:13.200 --> 0:40:14.680 and not having parents is you don't have to worry 0:40:14.680 --> 0:40:17.960 about their opinions of your significant on there. So there 0:40:18.000 --> 0:40:23.759 we go. I have been, I have been. I have 0:40:23.880 --> 0:40:25.440 been a few times in my life. When I was 0:40:25.440 --> 0:40:27.520 in high school, I was dating my girlfriend at the time, 0:40:27.600 --> 0:40:29.640 who actually was a guest on this podcast that my 0:40:29.680 --> 0:40:32.360 first love of my life. Her parents were divorced, so 0:40:32.400 --> 0:40:34.840 she lived with her mom, and her mom like loved 0:40:34.880 --> 0:40:36.960 me but also hated me at the same time because 0:40:37.040 --> 0:40:39.640 I was not encouraging but like her and I would 0:40:39.680 --> 0:40:41.560 like rebel together, you know what I mean. So like 0:40:41.880 --> 0:40:45.160 she saw me as like the catalyst to her daughter's rebellion. 0:40:45.719 --> 0:40:48.400 And then even in my adult life, UM, I was 0:40:48.480 --> 0:40:51.399 dating a girl. This is post bachelor in Paradise, which 0:40:51.400 --> 0:40:53.680 obviously I get a bad rep for that for for 0:40:53.840 --> 0:40:56.839 I mean rightfully, so I do, um, and I think 0:40:56.880 --> 0:40:58.680 the girl who I was dating at the time, her 0:40:58.680 --> 0:41:01.560 parents had seen bad certain paradise, and so she was 0:41:01.680 --> 0:41:03.879 ashamed to tell her parents that her and I were 0:41:03.960 --> 0:41:06.760 dating going on dates because of that, because she knew 0:41:07.040 --> 0:41:09.160 that her parents been a very sour taste in their 0:41:09.160 --> 0:41:10.959 math about me. So that's kind of why I asked. Yeah, 0:41:11.080 --> 0:41:13.600 the healthiest adult version of that scenario is that a 0:41:13.680 --> 0:41:15.759 parent can communicate to their adult kids like, hey, I 0:41:15.800 --> 0:41:18.080 have these concerns. I love you, I'm here for you, 0:41:18.120 --> 0:41:20.919 I support you no matter what you'resis. It all comes 0:41:20.960 --> 0:41:24.160 from a place of love, right, that's right, I mean right, 0:41:24.280 --> 0:41:28.279 And we hope so and how it gets communicated can vary, 0:41:28.440 --> 0:41:30.719 but I mean as I said, I think parents being 0:41:30.760 --> 0:41:33.200 able to give their opinion and kids taking in with them, 0:41:33.239 --> 0:41:36.279 stepping back and allowing their adult children to make their 0:41:36.280 --> 0:41:38.160 own choices and mistakes and being there for them is 0:41:38.239 --> 0:41:40.399 It's sort of the best we could hope for. Well, 0:41:40.440 --> 0:41:43.000 before we jump into our next bit, I would love 0:41:43.000 --> 0:41:45.040 to tell you guys about two of our favorite things 0:41:45.040 --> 0:41:48.239 in the entire world. Yes, which your two favorite things 0:41:48.280 --> 0:41:50.600 in the world are me and Venus are right? Well, 0:41:51.320 --> 0:41:54.600 my third and fourth favorite thing using this world, Thrive Market, 0:41:54.719 --> 0:41:57.160 might be one of them. To be honest, th Market, 0:41:57.200 --> 0:41:59.120 how do it possibly forget about? I don't know if 0:41:59.120 --> 0:42:02.040 you guys have forgotten about drive Market or not, but 0:42:02.080 --> 0:42:04.600 what it is is a revolutionary online market place on 0:42:04.600 --> 0:42:07.080 a mission to make healthy living easy and affordable for everyone. 0:42:07.120 --> 0:42:10.400 It's literally whole foods, but way, way, way more affordable. 0:42:10.560 --> 0:42:12.759 You guys have heard his talk about thrive Market all 0:42:12.800 --> 0:42:14.840 the time on the podcast. It's because we love it 0:42:14.880 --> 0:42:16.800 because none of us want to go to the grocery store, 0:42:17.000 --> 0:42:19.280 so it makes it really easy for have our groceries 0:42:19.320 --> 0:42:22.120 delivered right to our door. You can filter through the 0:42:22.160 --> 0:42:26.440 catalog by your dietary preferences, whether you're paleo, gluten free, vegan, 0:42:26.920 --> 0:42:30.560 anything above. This is why I'm obsessed with Thrive Market 0:42:30.560 --> 0:42:32.719 because you can get all the goodies. I currently am 0:42:32.719 --> 0:42:35.200 obsessed with the garlic ale and mayo made with the 0:42:35.239 --> 0:42:38.960 avocado oil. You guys about that delicious, It's scrumpted. It's 0:42:38.960 --> 0:42:42.960 not a lot of people like mayonnaise. I'm a mayonnaise. 0:42:42.160 --> 0:42:45.040 If I have a turkey sandwich, I want turkey cheese, 0:42:45.120 --> 0:42:52.600 lettuce on a white sub with extra garlic, a oli mayo, 0:42:52.719 --> 0:42:54.439 and then Deana, I know you love the almond butter 0:42:54.560 --> 0:42:57.360 well so after. I've never really been a big wine drinker, 0:42:57.360 --> 0:42:59.840 but after South America in the mallbeck in Argentina, I 0:43:00.000 --> 0:43:01.160 sart to get into it. And one of the best 0:43:01.160 --> 0:43:02.960 things about the Thrive market is that they actually have 0:43:03.040 --> 0:43:05.600 the best wine as well. The ones are unique because 0:43:05.600 --> 0:43:07.640 they look for wines that are lower and sulfur spectrum 0:43:07.640 --> 0:43:10.240 and wines that don't have any extra additives or flavoring, 0:43:10.520 --> 0:43:13.640 which from someone that already hates the additives and extras 0:43:13.680 --> 0:43:16.160 of life, it's nice to find a market that is 0:43:16.200 --> 0:43:18.759 willing to provide stuff that that kind of limits that 0:43:18.800 --> 0:43:20.719 kind of stuff as well. So you guys are talking 0:43:20.719 --> 0:43:22.440 about food and stuff, but if you go on the website, 0:43:22.440 --> 0:43:24.160 there's a bunch of other products too, Like right now 0:43:24.160 --> 0:43:26.960 I'm taking magnesium pills from one of my favorite companies. 0:43:27.000 --> 0:43:29.440 I don't know if I'm pronouncing your right, Soul Solering. 0:43:29.520 --> 0:43:31.320 It's like this white bottle if you go in the 0:43:31.360 --> 0:43:35.960 shop mineral section. UM there's also as an Italian, I'm like, 0:43:36.239 --> 0:43:39.080 I actually just made myself a tomato sauce right now 0:43:39.120 --> 0:43:41.719 to eat past our Affirm done this episode. And there's 0:43:41.760 --> 0:43:45.359 this dice organic dice tomato. And then I've tried from 0:43:45.400 --> 0:43:47.800 Thrive Market. It's non GMO, it's it's b p A 0:43:47.920 --> 0:43:50.879 free and what I love especially what I love about 0:43:50.880 --> 0:43:55.160 it it's sourced direct from the farmers, so it's basically 0:43:55.200 --> 0:43:57.600 you know what you're getting. It's it's super healthy. And 0:43:57.600 --> 0:44:00.719 then one of my um unlike my friend came over 0:44:00.760 --> 0:44:03.920 and they were cleaning my house with with windecks. I'm like, oh, 0:44:03.960 --> 0:44:05.959 there's so many chemicals in windecks. I don't like that stuff. 0:44:05.960 --> 0:44:08.560 So if you go on Thrive Market and you click 0:44:08.719 --> 0:44:13.760 on home and you click on household cleaners, I actually 0:44:13.800 --> 0:44:16.800 bought this product called Lavender cleaning vinegar from Aunt Fanny's 0:44:16.800 --> 0:44:19.200 and it's a non toxic product. And I have my nephews. 0:44:19.280 --> 0:44:21.279 My nephew comes coming over and I have a bunch 0:44:21.280 --> 0:44:22.640 of kids come over, so I want to make sure 0:44:22.680 --> 0:44:26.600 that my house is non toxic for whenever I have 0:44:26.640 --> 0:44:29.360 little kids running around. So it's great not only for food. 0:44:29.560 --> 0:44:31.840 I have the same products to the lavender. It's like 0:44:31.840 --> 0:44:34.320 a it's it's like a windex it's it's a table cleaner. 0:44:34.400 --> 0:44:36.480 That's what I use it for. No toxic. Yeah, it's 0:44:36.520 --> 0:44:38.920 non toxic, which is a great thing. And guys Thrive Market, 0:44:39.160 --> 0:44:42.000 like Vanessa and Dean just said, it's not just food, 0:44:42.160 --> 0:44:44.480 but it has wine in there. It has cleaning products, 0:44:44.840 --> 0:44:48.200 beauty products. I've gotten shampoo from Thrive, I've gotten body 0:44:48.239 --> 0:44:51.480 washed from Thrive. I've gotten face washed from Thrive. Dean, 0:44:51.560 --> 0:44:55.520 you know all about that stuff. All their packaging boxes 0:44:55.560 --> 0:45:00.000 and inserts are made from recycled paper and are recyclable. Obviously, 0:45:00.200 --> 0:45:04.320 they're zero waste. They're the first company in the country 0:45:04.200 --> 0:45:07.480 may go zero waste, which is really incredible. Guys, Thrive 0:45:07.520 --> 0:45:10.800 Markets prices they're already up to fift off compared to 0:45:10.840 --> 0:45:14.200 any other market you go to, and now they're giving you, 0:45:14.200 --> 0:45:18.879 guys are listeners in extra off your first order and 0:45:19.360 --> 0:45:21.080 a free thirty day trial. All you have to do 0:45:21.600 --> 0:45:27.680 is go to Thrive market dot com slash Dean market 0:45:27.719 --> 0:45:32.239 dot com slash Dean d e An. I love it 0:45:32.280 --> 0:45:35.160 when our ads there, when our sponsors use my name, 0:45:35.280 --> 0:45:37.279 it's always Dean. We were talking about this last week, 0:45:37.360 --> 0:45:40.000 Vanessa and I were we we came to the realization 0:45:40.200 --> 0:45:42.640 that the reason it's Dean is because it's the shortest 0:45:42.560 --> 0:45:45.680 and it's easy. Yeah. Sure, whatever makes you guys sleep 0:45:45.680 --> 0:45:48.879 at night helps me sleep. Anyways, that to Rep Pete 0:45:48.960 --> 0:45:51.960 Jared's stateman, just now, Thrive markets prices are already up 0:45:51.960 --> 0:45:53.840 to half off, and you can go to Thrive market 0:45:53.920 --> 0:45:57.600 dot com slash Dean for an extra off your order, plus, 0:45:57.640 --> 0:46:00.799 as Jared alluded to, three thirty day trial. I have 0:46:00.840 --> 0:46:03.200 to do is about a Thrive market dot com slash Dean. 0:46:03.239 --> 0:46:05.560 So skip the holiday lines in the market and get 0:46:05.600 --> 0:46:08.759 Thrive delivered straight to your door. Vanessa, I know there's 0:46:08.920 --> 0:46:11.319 one more spot you wanted to talk about. There's one 0:46:11.360 --> 0:46:14.120 more spot, and since Hillary is in studio today, I 0:46:14.120 --> 0:46:16.799 actually wanted to have her um chime in on this. 0:46:17.000 --> 0:46:19.400 So last week you weren't in studio, Jared and I 0:46:19.440 --> 0:46:21.480 were talking about was it last week I was talking 0:46:21.480 --> 0:46:25.200 about granny panties? Vanessa, you talk about granny panties every week, 0:46:27.360 --> 0:46:28.800 So anyways, I think it was last week. I was 0:46:28.840 --> 0:46:30.560 talking about how like, I'm really not cute when I 0:46:30.600 --> 0:46:33.520 go to bed, and um, so Hillary, I want to 0:46:33.560 --> 0:46:35.160 have I I want to know what your take is 0:46:35.200 --> 0:46:36.600 on like being cute when you go to bed and 0:46:36.719 --> 0:46:38.400 like being sexy and stuff. So you guys heard me 0:46:38.400 --> 0:46:40.640 talk about how much I love my granny panties. But 0:46:40.719 --> 0:46:43.840 since now we're talking, you know, you guys kind of 0:46:43.880 --> 0:46:46.919 made fun of me um about the underwear that I wear. 0:46:47.320 --> 0:46:49.040 I've been trying to up my game a little bit. 0:46:49.120 --> 0:46:52.040 I've I've spoke about this before, Dean. It has actually 0:46:52.120 --> 0:46:55.080 tried my brawl when it came in studio. So there's 0:46:55.080 --> 0:46:58.160 no better way. Yeah, there's no better way to do 0:46:58.200 --> 0:47:02.279 this than go to third Love. It's actually amazing. So 0:47:02.719 --> 0:47:05.120 what's crazy when you think about it? When we go 0:47:05.200 --> 0:47:07.640 shoe shopping, you go for like a I'm a six 0:47:07.640 --> 0:47:09.359 and a half, so I'm obviously a half size when 0:47:09.360 --> 0:47:11.680 it comes to shoes. But I didn't know that I 0:47:11.719 --> 0:47:14.160 was actually a half size cup in bra. So I'm 0:47:14.160 --> 0:47:15.719 actually I'm not gonna say what cup size I am, 0:47:15.920 --> 0:47:19.160 but I'm and a half. So that's what's amazing about 0:47:19.760 --> 0:47:22.120 Third Love. So you go online, it's really simple. All 0:47:22.160 --> 0:47:25.279 you have to do is UM click on their fit 0:47:25.360 --> 0:47:27.600 finder quiz, answer a few simple questions to find a 0:47:27.600 --> 0:47:31.799 perfect fit. They have seventy sizes, including their signature half 0:47:31.800 --> 0:47:34.560 cup sizes, which is amazing. UM. And what's great about 0:47:34.560 --> 0:47:37.120 them is they're using millions of real women's measurements. So 0:47:37.239 --> 0:47:40.680 Third Love designs it's braws with breast size and shape 0:47:40.680 --> 0:47:43.279 and mind for an impeccable fit an incredible feel. I'm 0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:47.439 actually wearing right now. They're UM classic strapless braw and black, 0:47:47.480 --> 0:47:49.279 which I find in the winter time because I get 0:47:49.280 --> 0:47:51.600 like kind of pale. It's nice to go with darker colors. 0:47:51.640 --> 0:47:53.120 So I have like one and plum was like a 0:47:53.200 --> 0:47:56.279 darker purple and this one I'm wearing UM in black. 0:47:56.320 --> 0:47:59.360 I'm wearing in black. So they have a new cotton collection, 0:47:59.400 --> 0:48:02.520 which I'm obsessed with. I find cotton to be very 0:48:02.600 --> 0:48:06.840 cute and sexy. Right, guys, cotton could be one of 0:48:06.880 --> 0:48:08.680 my favorite fabric And I love the way you say 0:48:08.719 --> 0:48:13.920 coton cotton. Yeah, cotton. I really pronounced those teas. So 0:48:13.960 --> 0:48:16.520 they have a new cotton collection that I'm actually currently wearing, 0:48:16.560 --> 0:48:20.160 and they're actually really comfortable. The underwears, they're super comfortable. 0:48:20.160 --> 0:48:22.880 They don't look like granny panties. Um, so you know 0:48:23.120 --> 0:48:25.760 I'll be my game. Third Love knows there's a perfect 0:48:25.800 --> 0:48:28.480 rough for everyone. Like I said, right now, wearing their 0:48:28.520 --> 0:48:31.040 straps brocks, I'm showing a little bit of shoulder. So 0:48:31.239 --> 0:48:35.719 they're offering our listeners percent off your first order and 0:48:35.800 --> 0:48:38.000 all you have to do is go to third love 0:48:38.160 --> 0:48:45.319 dot com slash not Dean slash Vanessa's right, I got 0:48:45.360 --> 0:48:48.160 this one. V A n E s s A to 0:48:48.239 --> 0:48:51.400 go to third love dot com slash Vanessa v A 0:48:51.600 --> 0:48:54.440 n E s s A to find your perfect fitting 0:48:54.440 --> 0:48:57.200 bra and get fifteen percent off your first purchase. You're 0:48:57.239 --> 0:49:00.799 gonna love it. There's no granny panties. Let me know 0:49:00.840 --> 0:49:02.880 how you want to know what's funny. I'm looking at 0:49:02.880 --> 0:49:04.160 this year right now and it says you can get 0:49:04.280 --> 0:49:07.120 their cotton underwear, and I looked at it very quickly 0:49:07.160 --> 0:49:08.560 and I said, I thought it said you can get 0:49:08.560 --> 0:49:15.600 their Colton underwear Colton on sale January seven nationwide. I'm 0:49:15.600 --> 0:49:18.839 sure I love it. So yeah, check it out there 0:49:18.880 --> 0:49:22.120 love dot com, slash Vanessa and get your and a 0:49:22.200 --> 0:49:25.799 half sized bras delivered straight to your house. Perfect. Um. So, 0:49:25.840 --> 0:49:28.000 we have some Facebook questions that I'd love to talk 0:49:28.000 --> 0:49:30.319 about with Hillary, Hillary, if you're open to the idea 0:49:30.320 --> 0:49:31.879 of answering some of these questions with us, Yeah, what's 0:49:31.880 --> 0:49:33.680 your schedule looking like, Hill, Let's do it. I'll hang 0:49:33.680 --> 0:49:35.840 out with you guys. Perfect. Perfect. And again, if you 0:49:35.880 --> 0:49:37.840 guys haven't joined the Facebook group, it is help I 0:49:37.880 --> 0:49:41.720 Suck a dating podcast Facebook group. Join it today. Lots 0:49:41.719 --> 0:49:45.160 of connections and friendships and questions being answered in that 0:49:45.239 --> 0:49:48.840 little form. So the first one comes from I'm assuming 0:49:48.880 --> 0:49:54.880 this is Miranda and it's a typo? Or is it Miranda? Moranda? Mirandaah, 0:49:54.880 --> 0:49:57.240 that's a beautiful name. She said. This year, I feel 0:49:57.280 --> 0:50:00.280 like I've tried so many times to be happy being angle, 0:50:00.360 --> 0:50:03.200 but have been struggling. How do I not How do 0:50:03.239 --> 0:50:05.880 I not let finding a relationship be the factor that 0:50:05.920 --> 0:50:09.840 determines my happiness? What would you say for that? Hillary? Oh, 0:50:09.920 --> 0:50:15.879 that's such a ubiquitous quest and journey for i'd say 0:50:15.880 --> 0:50:20.120 women more than men that you know, I think that 0:50:20.880 --> 0:50:22.600 I don't know. I don't want to sound like overly 0:50:22.640 --> 0:50:25.400 stereotypical in terms of UM women in men's roles, but 0:50:25.480 --> 0:50:28.279 I do think we're all friends. I think there's just 0:50:28.360 --> 0:50:32.600 more of a primitive pull for women to settle down 0:50:33.120 --> 0:50:38.000 and um nest and to um secure a scenario where 0:50:38.040 --> 0:50:42.160 that can have children and um to just be more 0:50:42.400 --> 0:50:45.360 future focused because of those I mean really sort of 0:50:45.360 --> 0:50:50.759 primitive urges UM and I think most women at a 0:50:50.800 --> 0:50:54.000 certain age, like in their mid to late twenties, if 0:50:54.080 --> 0:50:57.160 still single, start to worry about what that means. There's 0:50:57.200 --> 0:51:01.640 cultural pressures, there's familial pressures, and there's internal pressures. Will 0:51:01.680 --> 0:51:03.680 this ever happen for me? When will it be in 0:51:03.680 --> 0:51:05.520 time for me to have kids? That sort of thing. 0:51:05.600 --> 0:51:09.319 So there's like a reality component to this quest, this 0:51:09.480 --> 0:51:12.560 pressure of this like problem mma that a lot of 0:51:12.560 --> 0:51:16.879 single women face. And there's no perfect answer, but there's 0:51:16.920 --> 0:51:19.000 like a set of things that I think most people 0:51:19.040 --> 0:51:21.520 should do if they're single. I mean, first of all, 0:51:21.600 --> 0:51:24.400 self compassion is really important. It is totally normal and 0:51:24.440 --> 0:51:26.839 appropriate to want to have a relationship, and I want 0:51:26.840 --> 0:51:28.400 to have those things for yourself and to have a 0:51:28.440 --> 0:51:31.399 portion of your heart and life and mind thinking about that. 0:51:31.800 --> 0:51:33.800 So I think, just like trying to have an ease, 0:51:33.880 --> 0:51:36.120 that that's one of the things that you want, and 0:51:36.360 --> 0:51:38.520 um that that's going to be part of someone's like 0:51:38.640 --> 0:51:42.319 quest and hope, Um until that happens is okay. But 0:51:42.400 --> 0:51:44.399 I think on the journey sort of trying to figure 0:51:44.400 --> 0:51:47.000 out a way to have grace and emotional containment is 0:51:47.040 --> 0:51:49.560 really important. And I mean, some of these things we've 0:51:49.600 --> 0:51:53.000 all heard before, um, but part of that is because 0:51:53.239 --> 0:51:56.439 they're they're tried and true. It's really important to try 0:51:56.440 --> 0:51:59.000 to build other aspects of your life that are meaningful 0:51:59.040 --> 0:52:05.200 to you, whatever that means, whether it's professional stuff, friendship stuff, hobbies, pursuing, 0:52:05.239 --> 0:52:07.759 I mean doing You just went on a three week adventure, 0:52:09.320 --> 0:52:12.160 the third or fourth of mine, But I like, I'm 0:52:12.160 --> 0:52:14.120 sure it had it's ups and downs, right that some 0:52:14.200 --> 0:52:17.480 of it was probably amazing and wonderful and built up 0:52:17.560 --> 0:52:19.879 huge parts of yourself and I'm sure someone's were lonely 0:52:19.960 --> 0:52:23.479 when you did end up on Tinder? Yeah, do you guys, 0:52:23.680 --> 0:52:26.319 do you guys know who Kiana Reeves is by any chance. Yeah, 0:52:27.400 --> 0:52:30.200 huge Kiano fans, So I'm actually I'm I'm a big 0:52:30.280 --> 0:52:32.560 Kiana fan as well. And he's got some pretty fun quotes, 0:52:32.680 --> 0:52:35.840 like interesting quotes, like thought provoking quotes that he's shared 0:52:35.840 --> 0:52:37.759 with the world. I was scrolling through and I saw 0:52:37.760 --> 0:52:39.680 this one the other day that's actually perfect for this topic. 0:52:40.520 --> 0:52:42.600 He says. Someone told me the other day that he 0:52:42.640 --> 0:52:45.040 felt bad for single people because they're lonely all the time, 0:52:45.320 --> 0:52:48.120 and Kiana told him it's not true. I'm single. I 0:52:48.120 --> 0:52:50.360 don't feel lonely. I take myself out to dinner, I 0:52:50.400 --> 0:52:52.879 buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once 0:52:52.920 --> 0:52:54.800 you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes 0:52:54.840 --> 0:52:57.680 an option and not a necessity. Okay, And I love that. 0:52:57.920 --> 0:53:00.400 I get him because the biological problem when in and 0:53:01.200 --> 0:53:05.160 I hate that. Hate that because he's Kiana Reeves. Of 0:53:05.160 --> 0:53:07.600 course he can take himself out when you're finding over 0:53:07.760 --> 0:53:10.399 a million times like you have to understand that. It's 0:53:10.400 --> 0:53:13.560 just Kiana Reeves is allowed to say that because he could. 0:53:13.760 --> 0:53:17.239 He has the opportunity to surround himself with whoever he wants, 0:53:17.239 --> 0:53:20.239 whenever he wants. He said, he takes himself out. He 0:53:20.280 --> 0:53:22.359 takes himself out on a date, so women could do that. 0:53:22.560 --> 0:53:24.560 Because I bet he takes himself out on a date 0:53:24.600 --> 0:53:27.200 because he's tired of being around people. I think it's 0:53:27.200 --> 0:53:31.640 an option for him. Where I disagree. I completely disagree 0:53:31.640 --> 0:53:33.839 with that comment. I believe that people take himself out 0:53:33.880 --> 0:53:35.959 to dinner a lot of times in everyday world because 0:53:36.000 --> 0:53:38.520 it's a necessity, not because it's a choice of their own. 0:53:38.600 --> 0:53:39.920 I think the point that he's trying to make it 0:53:40.000 --> 0:53:42.920 once you love yourself, you don't necessarily need the company 0:53:42.960 --> 0:53:46.080 of other people. I completely agree. And yet society today 0:53:46.120 --> 0:53:49.239 puts a premium on being in a relationship. Why is that? 0:53:49.440 --> 0:53:51.680 Why why do we live in such a society where like, 0:53:51.719 --> 0:53:55.040 the most important thing is marriage, family, kids, And yet 0:53:55.080 --> 0:53:57.080 we also say, on the other hand, well, the most 0:53:57.120 --> 0:53:59.279 important thing is loving yourself. Because I think it's like 0:53:59.360 --> 0:54:01.279 one thing, it's one thing that we can't control. We 0:54:01.320 --> 0:54:04.520 can control our career, we can control like what, uh, 0:54:04.560 --> 0:54:06.080 you know, how much weight we want to gain, how 0:54:06.160 --> 0:54:08.000 much weight we want to lose, or what we want 0:54:08.000 --> 0:54:10.120 to eat, But we can't control whether or not someone 0:54:10.160 --> 0:54:11.839 will love us. We can't control whether or not we're 0:54:11.840 --> 0:54:14.000 going to find someone or whether or not we're going 0:54:14.040 --> 0:54:16.200 to have that family. So I guess it's a sense 0:54:16.280 --> 0:54:18.920 of it being up in the air. At least that's 0:54:19.000 --> 0:54:21.120 that's what it is for me. Like I want to 0:54:21.160 --> 0:54:22.879 have a family, I want to have kids, I want 0:54:22.880 --> 0:54:24.719 to have a husband. Is it going to happen? I 0:54:24.760 --> 0:54:28.600 sure hope so. But I've learned, as i've now I'm 0:54:28.640 --> 0:54:30.960 thirty one, i've been single for the last two and 0:54:30.960 --> 0:54:33.839 a half years, I've learned to really just enjoy my 0:54:33.880 --> 0:54:36.520 own company. And I guess that's why I could relate 0:54:36.560 --> 0:54:39.160 to Kiano's um quote, like, yeah, I take myself out. 0:54:39.200 --> 0:54:41.520 I take pride and making my own money. I take 0:54:41.520 --> 0:54:43.600 pride in paying my own rent. I've never had a 0:54:43.680 --> 0:54:46.480 dollar given to me. I've been working since I was fourteen. 0:54:46.560 --> 0:54:49.400 So I take pride in being being able to be 0:54:49.480 --> 0:54:52.520 financially stable on my own, emotionally stable on my own, 0:54:52.640 --> 0:54:57.080 in order to allow that perfect person and perfect meaning, 0:54:57.160 --> 0:55:00.000 that person that's perfect for me to enter my life 0:55:00.160 --> 0:55:04.680 and just add value to it without having to You know, yes, 0:55:04.760 --> 0:55:06.960 of course, that you're absolutely right. You should take pride 0:55:06.960 --> 0:55:09.000 in yourself and you should have self love. What I'm 0:55:09.000 --> 0:55:11.839 saying for this particular quote is he was responding to 0:55:11.880 --> 0:55:14.600 someone saying, oh, I feel bad for people being single, 0:55:14.920 --> 0:55:17.080 especially around the holidays, and he's like, well, I don't 0:55:17.080 --> 0:55:19.160 I take myself out to dinner. I do stuff by myself, 0:55:19.360 --> 0:55:21.759 and that's that's awesome, Kiano, And I love you as 0:55:21.760 --> 0:55:23.880 an actor, and I've listened to a lot of interviews 0:55:23.880 --> 0:55:26.000 with Canaries and I'm a huge fan of his. But 0:55:26.080 --> 0:55:28.080 I think it's just I mean, I don't blame him 0:55:28.080 --> 0:55:29.800 for saying and of course he can say whatever he wants, 0:55:29.840 --> 0:55:32.920 but in terms of this conversation, I just I disagree 0:55:32.960 --> 0:55:35.239 with him. I think there's two truths in there. I mean, 0:55:35.840 --> 0:55:38.120 as a celebrity, there's a certain kind of buffer in 0:55:38.160 --> 0:55:41.640 the world that there they received that other people don't. 0:55:41.640 --> 0:55:43.440 I think it's probably true that Kanna reeves going out 0:55:43.440 --> 0:55:45.520 to dinner. It's different than like someone in Kansas going 0:55:45.520 --> 0:55:47.840 out to dinner by themselves in terms of the attention 0:55:47.880 --> 0:55:50.879 they're going to get or feeling admired or seen or validated, right, 0:55:50.880 --> 0:55:52.719 I mean, it's just different. So I think that's what 0:55:52.760 --> 0:55:55.480 you're speaking to Joe, and I agree, But I also 0:55:55.560 --> 0:55:57.640 think that he got to a kernel of truth that 0:55:57.680 --> 0:56:01.120 we're trying to get at, which is that ultimately, no 0:56:01.160 --> 0:56:03.279 matter who you are, when you go to bed at night, 0:56:03.360 --> 0:56:07.120 you're still like in whatever pajamas, whether they're branny panties 0:56:07.800 --> 0:56:10.560 or not, but in your pajamas, going to bed by yourself. 0:56:10.640 --> 0:56:12.640 Even if you are Piana Reeves and you have to 0:56:12.680 --> 0:56:14.520 have and if you're single, you have to figure out 0:56:14.560 --> 0:56:16.400 what your relationship is going to be with that, with 0:56:16.480 --> 0:56:19.360 being alone, and sometimes it can be really sad and lonely. 0:56:19.400 --> 0:56:21.160 And sometimes you can work yourself to a place that 0:56:21.239 --> 0:56:23.920 Kiana has arrived at and then others arrived at right 0:56:23.920 --> 0:56:25.840 where you're like, you know what nationa that you were 0:56:25.880 --> 0:56:28.280 talking about, where it's like I want these things for myself, 0:56:28.320 --> 0:56:30.200 a husband and family and all those things, but like 0:56:30.640 --> 0:56:35.279 I I'm like cobbling together a life that feels full, 0:56:35.320 --> 0:56:39.239 you know, and that feels hopeful and that feels resonant 0:56:39.320 --> 0:56:41.640 to me. I guess for me. And maybe it's just 0:56:41.680 --> 0:56:43.920 not the Kiano Reeves quote. Maybe you just spark something 0:56:43.920 --> 0:56:45.880 in make I love the vigor and passion that you 0:56:45.880 --> 0:56:48.439 have delivering this though, I guess I'm I I'm It's 0:56:48.480 --> 0:56:51.200 just life is very confusing a lot of the times, 0:56:51.239 --> 0:56:54.720 and I guess I get confused about like deeming what's 0:56:54.719 --> 0:56:59.399 important and what's not important. And we live in we well, 0:56:59.440 --> 0:57:01.320 I just feel we live in a world that puts 0:57:01.400 --> 0:57:04.759 such an emphasis. And I'm very lucky. I'm engaged, I'm 0:57:04.800 --> 0:57:08.719 in love with my my fiance. We are I'm I'm 0:57:08.760 --> 0:57:11.840 a very lucky man because of that, And I understand 0:57:11.840 --> 0:57:14.080 that a lot of people are not in that similar situation. 0:57:14.400 --> 0:57:16.240 And so it's just hard because I think I hear 0:57:16.280 --> 0:57:19.520 all the time, like how people have so many regrets 0:57:19.520 --> 0:57:22.120 of like, you know, missing out on the one, or 0:57:22.240 --> 0:57:25.200 like you know, I should have done more with that relationship, 0:57:25.360 --> 0:57:29.120 or like they die alone. Right, Everybody says I'm terrified 0:57:29.160 --> 0:57:31.480 of dying alone, right they staying out with their left hand. 0:57:31.520 --> 0:57:33.880 I'm terrified of dying alone. At the same time, I 0:57:33.960 --> 0:57:36.919 just have to love myself and and and that will 0:57:36.960 --> 0:57:39.800 complete my life. So it's like which one is it? 0:57:40.000 --> 0:57:42.600 But the thing is if you when you die alone, 0:57:42.760 --> 0:57:46.360 you're still going to go to wherever you go alone, right, Well, 0:57:46.360 --> 0:57:47.880 I mean it depends on your belief. I'm just saying, 0:57:47.880 --> 0:57:49.720 whether you die alone or with someone by your side, 0:57:49.760 --> 0:57:56.560 the fact is you're still dead. I think it's a 0:57:56.640 --> 0:57:58.880 very neolistic approach to that to life. I get it, 0:57:58.920 --> 0:58:00.520 but it's true. I think just a lot of people 0:58:00.520 --> 0:58:04.040 would want their person with them, you know, as hopefully 0:58:04.120 --> 0:58:07.040 they die in peace. This is what I actually I 0:58:07.080 --> 0:58:09.120 think what your bring up is really important. I think 0:58:09.120 --> 0:58:13.560 there is an existential truth to people wanting to be 0:58:13.720 --> 0:58:16.560 with other people, to wanting to connect and not be alone. 0:58:16.600 --> 0:58:19.360 I think there's just an existential truth to that. And 0:58:19.400 --> 0:58:22.080 since it's not always possible for whatever reason, right, not 0:58:22.200 --> 0:58:24.800 everyone is is lucky to find their person either ever 0:58:24.920 --> 0:58:26.520 or at a certain stage in life where it feels 0:58:26.560 --> 0:58:30.120 particularly important, or something happens and gets six sick and dies, 0:58:30.200 --> 0:58:32.520 or the dynamic changes in the divorce happens. But I 0:58:32.600 --> 0:58:34.760 think there's this reality that we all feel that no 0:58:34.800 --> 0:58:37.760 one wants to be alone alone. It's an existential truth 0:58:37.800 --> 0:58:41.320 to being human, and so I think it's like trying 0:58:41.360 --> 0:58:44.320 to live with that existential truth and also the reality 0:58:44.400 --> 0:58:47.000 being in the world sometimes you are alone. So if 0:58:47.000 --> 0:58:49.080 you're alone, what do you do? You know, you try 0:58:49.120 --> 0:58:51.760 to love yourself. You try to fill your life in 0:58:51.800 --> 0:58:55.760 ways that feel full. You try to put together experiences 0:58:55.800 --> 0:58:57.320 that make you feel less lonely. You know what it 0:58:57.360 --> 0:59:00.240 means I think like they they coexist, like they're both true. 0:59:00.280 --> 0:59:01.720 That like, I don't want to be alone, but if 0:59:01.760 --> 0:59:04.760 I'm alone, I'm going to do it in the most graceful, 0:59:04.880 --> 0:59:08.080 full way that I can. Kind of thing. Let's say 0:59:08.360 --> 0:59:11.600 I think that help, it does help you. We're going 0:59:11.640 --> 0:59:13.720 to say something, Yeah, Hillary, I think you brought up 0:59:13.720 --> 0:59:16.280 a good point, the word connection. I think that's what 0:59:16.320 --> 0:59:18.640 we're all searching for, whether that's in a relationship or 0:59:18.640 --> 0:59:21.280 in a friendship, or anywhere in life you want to 0:59:21.360 --> 0:59:25.200 form connections, and the ending of any kind of connection 0:59:25.600 --> 0:59:27.320 is a hurtful one, whether that's the ending of a 0:59:27.320 --> 0:59:31.840 friendship or an ending of a relationship. Um, that's that's 0:59:31.840 --> 0:59:34.480 what I think that we're all searching for. Is connection. 0:59:34.520 --> 0:59:36.240 Can we move on to the next question, though, because 0:59:36.240 --> 0:59:39.480 I want to I want to talk. Yeah, did you 0:59:39.480 --> 0:59:41.440 want to say something? I was just gonna say. I 0:59:41.440 --> 0:59:43.400 was going to prepare a hypothetical picture for us, but 0:59:43.400 --> 0:59:44.760 I think that would probably take too long for us 0:59:44.800 --> 0:59:47.520 to discuss in a brief I was gonna say, imagine 0:59:47.560 --> 0:59:49.680 we live a life from zero to eighteen and complete 0:59:49.680 --> 0:59:51.600 solitude where we don't spend time with anyone else other 0:59:51.600 --> 0:59:53.920 than ourselves, and then come eighteen years old, we're allowed 0:59:53.960 --> 0:59:56.080 to roam the world truly as we as we want. 0:59:56.760 --> 0:59:58.760 Then do you think hang out with other people takes 0:59:58.760 --> 1:00:01.440 the same effect as it does now? No, because you're 1:00:01.480 --> 1:00:03.560 you're you've spent eighteen years of your life by yourself, 1:00:03.600 --> 1:00:05.880 So it's like then then that's when it's a necessity 1:00:06.000 --> 1:00:08.280 versus an option, in my opinion. And it's just like 1:00:08.280 --> 1:00:09.640 it's a weird thing to think of us because we're 1:00:09.640 --> 1:00:11.840 bred to be social creatures and then the fact that 1:00:11.880 --> 1:00:14.200 we're not social creatures for you know, short amounts of 1:00:14.240 --> 1:00:16.160 time in our life, then we begin to get depressed 1:00:16.160 --> 1:00:17.840 and upset with ourselves. I don't know, just so it 1:00:17.880 --> 1:00:19.800 was just a weird way though. No, I agree, it's 1:00:19.960 --> 1:00:23.640 very going back to birds of a prey almost where 1:00:23.680 --> 1:00:25.600 you're brought up in a certain environment, brought up into 1:00:25.640 --> 1:00:27.840 certain society. Birds of a feather, birds of a feather, 1:00:27.880 --> 1:00:30.720 excuse me, birds of prey. That's a d c. Most 1:00:30.800 --> 1:00:33.560 living things are, though, I mean even animals, you know, 1:00:33.720 --> 1:00:37.720 seek to be with each other, connect lions and Nepal 1:00:37.840 --> 1:00:39.439 or something that. But that's I'm gonna read this question 1:00:39.480 --> 1:00:41.720 for you, Okay, Then you can answer it. Yeah, okay, 1:00:41.760 --> 1:00:44.480 So this question is from Collins. Collins says, my significant 1:00:44.520 --> 1:00:46.320 other and I have been dating for a year. Since 1:00:46.360 --> 1:00:48.960 being together, we put on weight, but we have more 1:00:49.000 --> 1:00:51.040 sex and we are far more intimate with each other. 1:00:51.160 --> 1:00:53.360 Now why I feel like we have more time now 1:00:53.400 --> 1:00:55.439 to have sex? But why are we like teenagers again? 1:00:55.600 --> 1:00:57.520 I made getting back into shape of goal. Will I 1:00:57.600 --> 1:00:59.560 lose my sex life to get back into shape? And 1:00:59.600 --> 1:01:03.120 that's the that you wanted? Yeah? Well, because I'm my 1:01:03.280 --> 1:01:05.920 thirties now, and Hillary correct me if I'm wrong, but 1:01:05.960 --> 1:01:08.640 I feel like I'm in my sexual prime women coming 1:01:08.640 --> 1:01:13.680 to it later? Right? Absolutely? This is it peak? I mean, 1:01:13.800 --> 1:01:19.520 I'm I'm thirties. I'm sorry, thirties you peak yea sexually 1:01:21.360 --> 1:01:25.000 not thirty but the decade of right, right? So I 1:01:25.080 --> 1:01:28.440 feel like I don't know, maybe men peak all the time, 1:01:28.640 --> 1:01:32.120 so they're always like ready to go, and women when 1:01:32.200 --> 1:01:34.240 they hit their thirties are like, oh yeah, I'm like 1:01:34.360 --> 1:01:36.120 on the same level as you are. Now do you 1:01:36.200 --> 1:01:39.000 think that has anything? Is that true? Anything? Are peaking 1:01:39.000 --> 1:01:41.640 all the time now? Probably between like what sixteen and 1:01:41.720 --> 1:01:45.760 thirty two or something like that, right, I mean sixteen 1:01:45.800 --> 1:01:47.840 and thirty two. I mean, these are like pretty gross 1:01:47.960 --> 1:01:53.400 like generalizations, but right, but sure, yeah, I love that answer. 1:01:53.800 --> 1:01:56.200 So T T l DR for the listeners, this, this 1:01:56.400 --> 1:01:58.920 person and her significant other are having more sex after 1:01:59.000 --> 1:02:01.480 putting on more weight. And so Vanessa, you think it's 1:02:01.480 --> 1:02:03.120 just an age thing. I think she's more alluding to 1:02:03.160 --> 1:02:05.760 the fact of why are they having more sex if 1:02:05.840 --> 1:02:09.640 they h I guess think that they're less physically attractive, 1:02:10.280 --> 1:02:13.000 because I think it's I think it's also the idea 1:02:13.480 --> 1:02:16.560 of just being able to be free. I think when 1:02:16.560 --> 1:02:19.960 you get comfortable with your own body, you're able to 1:02:20.080 --> 1:02:24.400 just be free in rom and and not second guess 1:02:24.400 --> 1:02:26.600 certain things that you may want to try or do 1:02:27.000 --> 1:02:28.480 or act or what do you think you may look like. 1:02:29.320 --> 1:02:31.880 So maybe they both reached a point where they're comfortable 1:02:32.040 --> 1:02:36.440 being it's like, screw it, let's screw Yeah. Literally, it's 1:02:36.480 --> 1:02:38.880 weird for me because I noticed my sex drive depleting 1:02:38.920 --> 1:02:41.160 when I don't go to the gym, like I've been 1:02:41.160 --> 1:02:42.680 in the gym in like two months, and I'm just like, 1:02:43.360 --> 1:02:45.400 that's fine, I don't necessarily need to be going out 1:02:45.440 --> 1:02:47.320 and having sex anyways. But then I go to the 1:02:47.360 --> 1:02:48.960 gym and I work out like really hard because I'm 1:02:48.960 --> 1:02:51.400 like see myself getting like, you know, soft around the 1:02:51.440 --> 1:02:53.560 corners and like out of shape. And I start working 1:02:53.560 --> 1:02:55.280 out more and I like feel myself like tightening up 1:02:55.280 --> 1:02:56.800 a little bit, and I'm like, oh, this is great. 1:02:56.880 --> 1:02:59.320 My sex drive is back. And it's just it's because 1:02:59.320 --> 1:03:01.440 your sex drive backwards because you feel good and you 1:03:01.480 --> 1:03:03.040 want to have sex. Yeah, exactly, that's what it is. 1:03:03.040 --> 1:03:04.600 Because I feel a lot better, Like when I sit 1:03:04.640 --> 1:03:06.280 in a chair, I don't feel my fat rolls roll 1:03:06.320 --> 1:03:08.120 over each other, you know what I mean. But you 1:03:08.200 --> 1:03:10.120 know what, I don't know. I feel like most women. 1:03:10.440 --> 1:03:13.240 Maybe I'm speaking for myself. I want a guy who's 1:03:13.280 --> 1:03:16.880 not like horror like. I don't know. I don't want 1:03:16.960 --> 1:03:19.080 like a six pack. I want something I can cuddle 1:03:19.160 --> 1:03:23.040 with and not a guy like that's too much in 1:03:23.120 --> 1:03:26.760 the gym for me. Someone's way were into himself than 1:03:26.800 --> 1:03:28.720 they ever will be. In the relationship with Vanessa, Peter, 1:03:29.320 --> 1:03:34.360 Peter is pretty cut. I never dated Peter. Alex is 1:03:34.400 --> 1:03:38.360 pretty cut to Nick is pretty cut too. Yeah, all 1:03:38.400 --> 1:03:43.920 of these boys are pretty buff. Alex Alex, Yeah, why 1:03:43.960 --> 1:03:45.760 did you bring Alex into that conversation? I don't know. 1:03:45.800 --> 1:03:47.000 I was just talking him on the phone the other 1:03:47.080 --> 1:03:48.800 day and Vanessa's name comes up, as it always does 1:03:48.880 --> 1:03:53.240 with him, So he's probably listening to this episode, Alex, 1:03:53.280 --> 1:03:55.640 I love you. Wait Vanessa, Alex, if you if you 1:03:55.720 --> 1:03:59.160 and Alex talked, Yeah, they dated for a couple of weeks, right, 1:04:00.160 --> 1:04:02.120 we did in date for a couple of weeks. We 1:04:02.480 --> 1:04:05.360 hung out in l A with my roommate and one 1:04:05.440 --> 1:04:09.040 of his friends and who else was there? Christina was there, 1:04:09.800 --> 1:04:13.400 and Iggy was there, And then we went to like 1:04:13.760 --> 1:04:16.480 a department store and we just decided the guys decided 1:04:16.560 --> 1:04:19.040 to pick out these outrageous outfits and they put us 1:04:19.080 --> 1:04:21.120 in these crazy as outfits because you know how Alex 1:04:21.240 --> 1:04:24.560 is with his crazy outfits. That's all we did. But 1:04:24.720 --> 1:04:27.400 now he's just so many. He's such a great energy, 1:04:27.560 --> 1:04:30.400 he's so positive, he's so I love Alex. He's fun 1:04:30.480 --> 1:04:33.120 to hang out with. Yeah. Anyways, what the point that 1:04:33.120 --> 1:04:34.520 I was trying to make is they're all very very 1:04:34.680 --> 1:04:39.720 very buff. Alex Alex's body is like, yeah, Alex would 1:04:39.720 --> 1:04:41.160 be on the top. What do you think about that? 1:04:42.120 --> 1:04:46.120 You're very very fit about the Thanks? Um, thank you? 1:04:46.560 --> 1:04:50.080 I Well back to your Facebook or the Facebook question. 1:04:50.640 --> 1:04:54.120 I am thinking that maybe the sex has like open 1:04:54.240 --> 1:04:57.439 up because there's like there is like a letting go judgment, yeah, 1:04:57.680 --> 1:05:00.320 or there's like a letting go like um, like a 1:05:00.440 --> 1:05:03.280 vulnerability that maybe comes up with like letting go, I'm 1:05:03.320 --> 1:05:05.200 just being who I am, I'm not even in my 1:05:05.320 --> 1:05:09.000 best self, and that there's some energy to that that's 1:05:09.040 --> 1:05:12.000 both vulnerable and kind of a turn on um and 1:05:12.760 --> 1:05:15.160 and that's what you want to retain while retaining like 1:05:15.320 --> 1:05:17.400 your health and fitness, you know what I mean. I 1:05:17.440 --> 1:05:19.680 mean maybe overall like go back to the gym and 1:05:20.000 --> 1:05:22.280 feel good or get healthy or something, but retaining like 1:05:22.360 --> 1:05:25.160 that vulnerability and that letting go because I have a 1:05:25.200 --> 1:05:27.240 feeling like that's what opened the door for them, is 1:05:27.280 --> 1:05:30.000 that they're sort of like together or like not our 1:05:30.040 --> 1:05:32.080 best selves are kind of being vulnerable, we're kind of 1:05:32.120 --> 1:05:33.760 letting go. We're kind of being like a little naughty 1:05:33.760 --> 1:05:36.120 by not taking care of ourselves. But you can retain 1:05:36.200 --> 1:05:39.280 that energy and potentially and still be fit. Maybe maybe 1:05:39.400 --> 1:05:43.320 that's more hot and heavy because they're almost borderline recognized unrecognizable, 1:05:43.600 --> 1:05:46.200 and so it's like they're having an affair. It's like 1:05:46.360 --> 1:05:51.320 role play. Oh, speaking of role play, someone did ask elliot, 1:05:51.640 --> 1:05:53.640 what about um sex toys and a role play for 1:05:53.720 --> 1:05:56.600 a dean? How do you feel about that? I'm I'm 1:05:56.640 --> 1:05:59.720 a hard pass all that stuff because you don't want 1:05:59.720 --> 1:06:01.600 to talk about it or hard past. I'll talk. I mean, 1:06:01.640 --> 1:06:03.480 I'll talk about me not doing it because I just 1:06:03.600 --> 1:06:07.040 I'm I'm a prude. You are not a prude. You 1:06:07.960 --> 1:06:11.680 You're not a rude, elaborate I'm not a prude. You 1:06:11.800 --> 1:06:14.560 dated two women at once. That doesn't make me not 1:06:14.720 --> 1:06:18.840 adroom and I wasn't. I wasn't sleeping with both of 1:06:18.880 --> 1:06:21.959 them at the same time. Excuse me, Oh, I didn't 1:06:22.000 --> 1:06:24.920 know that. Okay, I'm glad we clarify that. But that 1:06:25.000 --> 1:06:26.680 just what everyone expects is that I was sleeping up 1:06:26.680 --> 1:06:28.360 both of them the whole time. Now, I guess that's 1:06:28.440 --> 1:06:30.120 what I don't know. There's that, and there's a mix 1:06:30.160 --> 1:06:34.280 of like emotionally, you know, I don't know. Okay, I 1:06:34.400 --> 1:06:36.880 forget about that. Back to role play. You're you've never 1:06:37.040 --> 1:06:40.120 role played before, not that I know of. Should we 1:06:41.040 --> 1:06:43.800 we can? We can tackle Listen a second before we 1:06:43.840 --> 1:06:45.440 get into our next segment. We do want to talk 1:06:45.480 --> 1:06:48.160 about something that means a lot to this podcast. You 1:06:48.200 --> 1:06:50.200 guys have heard us talk about it before, and that 1:06:50.440 --> 1:06:53.840 is twenty three and me, Vanessadine, have even one of 1:06:53.880 --> 1:06:56.120 you guys done twenty three? Mate, Jerry, of course, So 1:06:56.240 --> 1:06:59.000 what was your biggest revel? I'm a hundred percent European. 1:06:59.080 --> 1:07:02.400 I'm the most boring man in the world, Vanessa. Okay, 1:07:02.480 --> 1:07:04.480 so I spoke about how I thought I mailed my 1:07:04.880 --> 1:07:08.160 my my box in. It's still on my counter, and 1:07:08.280 --> 1:07:10.280 all I have to say is it's really easy to use. 1:07:10.320 --> 1:07:12.840 So all you have to do you have to I 1:07:12.960 --> 1:07:14.400 want to ask you guys this, did you guys go 1:07:14.560 --> 1:07:16.439 up into the line with the bubbles of your spit 1:07:16.600 --> 1:07:18.320 or did you go pass the line with the bubbles 1:07:18.360 --> 1:07:20.760 of your spits up to the line. I I listened 1:07:20.760 --> 1:07:24.080 to instructions, but with the bubbles through, the bubbles count? No, 1:07:24.160 --> 1:07:27.080 bubbles don't count. Bubbles don't count. Okay, So I went 1:07:27.120 --> 1:07:29.320 above the line with my bubbles anyway. So it's really easy. 1:07:29.320 --> 1:07:31.240 All you gotta do is like accumulate a bunch of spit, 1:07:31.280 --> 1:07:33.840 spin on the tube, close it, and then they provide 1:07:33.880 --> 1:07:36.600 you this little package that you you um you put 1:07:36.680 --> 1:07:38.360 it in, you close the box, and you mail it 1:07:38.840 --> 1:07:41.160 back to them. So I haven't mailed it yet, so 1:07:41.200 --> 1:07:43.760 I'm waiting. Obviously, I have to wait for my results, 1:07:43.840 --> 1:07:45.840 and I take it takes how long, I think a 1:07:45.880 --> 1:07:47.240 couple of weeks, couple of weeks, a couple of weeks 1:07:47.280 --> 1:07:49.600 and to get your back. It really is the coolest 1:07:49.600 --> 1:07:52.200 thing and it makes a great gift for everyone you 1:07:52.320 --> 1:07:55.440 love during the holidays. There's been there's never really been 1:07:55.440 --> 1:07:57.320 a better way to give the gift to Janet Discovery 1:07:57.560 --> 1:08:00.560 to whether it be your family members, your sibling, his parents, 1:08:00.640 --> 1:08:03.040 on his grandparents, your uncle that you never talked to, 1:08:03.120 --> 1:08:04.840 if you wanted to give him a gift, give him 1:08:04.880 --> 1:08:07.560 twenty three and Me and guess what, guys now through December. 1:08:08.480 --> 1:08:12.080 You guys know December is Christmas Day. The twenty three 1:08:12.480 --> 1:08:16.000 DNA kits are on sale. They're super easy to do. 1:08:16.120 --> 1:08:18.040 We talked about Vanessa was just talking about how you 1:08:18.120 --> 1:08:20.120 just spit into the two provided. I know sounds a 1:08:20.160 --> 1:08:23.360 little gross, but it's effective. Um you register your sample 1:08:23.439 --> 1:08:26.639 to personal to your personal twenty three and Me account 1:08:26.680 --> 1:08:31.680 and in a few weeks you receive your personalized online reports. UM. 1:08:32.120 --> 1:08:34.960 So they come with an ancestry composition report and with 1:08:35.040 --> 1:08:37.920 twenty three and me's ancestry. With that report, you can 1:08:38.000 --> 1:08:40.360 explore where your DNA is from out of a hundred 1:08:40.360 --> 1:08:42.840 and fifty regions worldwide. I don't know if you guys 1:08:43.040 --> 1:08:45.920 have ever been falling asleep where your body just completely twitches. 1:08:46.360 --> 1:08:49.000 This it happens to me sometimes. Ashley is far more 1:08:49.160 --> 1:08:51.479 of one of your shakers. Is that what it called 1:08:51.760 --> 1:08:55.280 her legs shakes? What is that? What is that called? 1:08:55.400 --> 1:09:00.439 I've always thought it was like your muscles being like going, yeah, Well, 1:09:00.600 --> 1:09:02.360 the cool thing about twenty three and me not only 1:09:02.439 --> 1:09:04.439 does it provide gen X, but you can find out 1:09:04.560 --> 1:09:06.680 stuff like that, like why does your like twitch or 1:09:06.760 --> 1:09:08.760 things of that nature. You can learn how your genes 1:09:08.800 --> 1:09:11.720 play a role in your well being, your lifestyle choice. 1:09:11.760 --> 1:09:13.960 You wonder what I've always wondered, is there's like like 1:09:14.120 --> 1:09:16.559 muscle builders, right, I wonder if there's a specific gene 1:09:16.840 --> 1:09:19.559 for muscle builders that they all kind of have in common. Well, 1:09:19.640 --> 1:09:20.960 you buy because you haven't been in the gym and 1:09:21.040 --> 1:09:22.640 wine and you're like, I'm confused. I'm just curious, like 1:09:22.680 --> 1:09:25.160 if they're all soap buff I wonder if there's something 1:09:25.200 --> 1:09:27.400 specific about their genetic makeup that allows them to be 1:09:27.520 --> 1:09:29.439 that ripped. Well, the cool thing about twenty three and 1:09:29.520 --> 1:09:31.160 Me is that it will tell you that as well. 1:09:31.280 --> 1:09:33.280 And like I said earlier, now through December twenty five, 1:09:33.360 --> 1:09:36.720 you'll get off any twenty three and Me kit. You 1:09:36.840 --> 1:09:38.679 do is order your d n A kit at twenty 1:09:38.720 --> 1:09:42.040 three and me dot com slash d. That's the number 1:09:42.120 --> 1:09:46.360 two three A and D me dot com slash D 1:09:46.720 --> 1:09:53.400 spelled d e A n ready not being together ready 1:09:53.439 --> 1:09:59.280 one two three d e A twenty three and me 1:09:59.439 --> 1:10:03.640 dot COM's asked Dean, you will get off your kit 1:10:04.080 --> 1:10:07.120 from now to December. And they have different versions of 1:10:07.160 --> 1:10:09.680 the kid too. You can do uh the Genetic kit 1:10:09.760 --> 1:10:11.479 and then you can do the Genetic in health Risks 1:10:11.600 --> 1:10:14.200 kid as well. So off it is actually a really 1:10:14.240 --> 1:10:16.599 good deal because it's I mean, that's you know, that's 1:10:16.640 --> 1:10:18.120 going to save you like a thirty plus dollars. So 1:10:18.439 --> 1:10:22.840 check it out dot com slash Dean. We want to 1:10:22.880 --> 1:10:25.000 talk to Stephanie Pratt who was on the line. Let's 1:10:25.000 --> 1:10:29.000 talk about her new podcast, prat cast on I Heart Radio. Stephanie, 1:10:29.040 --> 1:10:35.760 are you're there, Oh my god, Stephanie, how the heck 1:10:35.800 --> 1:10:39.599 are you tell us about this new podcast? Years I'm well, 1:10:40.400 --> 1:10:42.800 it's kind of similar to yours, because I'm really glad 1:10:42.800 --> 1:10:48.200 at dating as well. It'll cover you know, dating, shopping, 1:10:48.800 --> 1:10:52.560 how basically anything people want to talk about, you know, 1:10:52.840 --> 1:10:55.760 what you've got for Christmas? Totally like the basic any 1:10:55.840 --> 1:10:58.960 kind of costips, what's going on in the tabloids. So 1:10:59.120 --> 1:11:02.000 for the listeners out there, Stephanie and I went to 1:11:02.160 --> 1:11:04.040 a football game together last night, and I asked her 1:11:04.080 --> 1:11:07.160 on a date at least half a dozen times, rebuked 1:11:07.280 --> 1:11:11.080 every single advance that I that I had. Okay, let 1:11:11.160 --> 1:11:15.400 me just explain how he asked me out. Okay, he 1:11:15.840 --> 1:11:19.639 was on his phone talking to people on Instagram, drest 1:11:19.680 --> 1:11:23.200 messages and he'd look up to see the score and 1:11:23.320 --> 1:11:25.720 then look at me because I was to the right 1:11:25.800 --> 1:11:26.880 of him, and he'd like, do you want to go 1:11:26.920 --> 1:11:31.960 on to date? That's not how it was at all. 1:11:32.280 --> 1:11:37.280 Oh my god, dear leader right there yet. Ye. Anyways, 1:11:37.600 --> 1:11:40.519 So Stephanie, when does your when does your podcast come out? 1:11:40.640 --> 1:11:45.000 Is it? First episode drops win on January seven, and 1:11:45.080 --> 1:11:48.280 then so The Hills will start airing in the spring. 1:11:48.520 --> 1:11:52.639 And when that's that's going, I'll have Hills cast members 1:11:52.720 --> 1:11:55.240 on it and we'll be talking about every episode because 1:11:55.240 --> 1:11:58.719 it's a Hills reboot, right, Yeah, so tell us because 1:11:58.720 --> 1:12:00.280 you have an involvement with The Hills, you to be 1:12:00.680 --> 1:12:02.200 a cast member as well, and you're going to be 1:12:02.280 --> 1:12:05.600 part of the reboot. Yeah, so fill the listeners in 1:12:05.640 --> 1:12:09.840 a little bit about the journey with that. I've gosh, well, 1:12:10.360 --> 1:12:13.320 it's been like eight years, seven years, and we've all 1:12:13.400 --> 1:12:18.880 been together and yes, things have changed, but things haven't 1:12:18.960 --> 1:12:22.000 changed at all. Everyone keeps asked me, is it right? 1:12:22.360 --> 1:12:25.880 Drama is the last one? Absolutely, there's way more drama 1:12:26.000 --> 1:12:29.320 because you know, people are married, they have kids, like 1:12:29.439 --> 1:12:32.120 the Sticks a lot higher. So it's going to be 1:12:32.560 --> 1:12:37.360 a freaking great series. Sounds freaking great. But here's the thing. 1:12:37.400 --> 1:12:39.519 I'm not entirely sold on the podcast. Is there like 1:12:39.600 --> 1:12:41.160 a teaser that you have out there that I could 1:12:41.200 --> 1:12:44.120 listen to? Um, you didn't already know? Do you not 1:12:44.240 --> 1:12:50.360 follow me on Instagram? Wait? Looking at your Instagram? Now? 1:12:50.600 --> 1:12:54.240 Is it with Wells? It is my co host Wells 1:12:54.240 --> 1:12:58.040 at him he likes saved the show. Um, he's awesome. 1:12:58.360 --> 1:13:01.920 The teaser that's actually out now you can find it 1:13:02.080 --> 1:13:06.200 on my Instagram art official stuff Pratt or on I 1:13:06.360 --> 1:13:10.360 Heart Radio. Um, it's so funny because I actually meet 1:13:10.560 --> 1:13:15.599 well on the podcast, so I had no idea who 1:13:15.600 --> 1:13:17.639 you were that they can lend in the past five years, 1:13:18.240 --> 1:13:21.160 so it's it's quite joked, but he was a Hills 1:13:21.200 --> 1:13:23.559 fast they kind of knew who I was. Great Well, 1:13:23.600 --> 1:13:25.839 So it's you and Wells co hosting the Hills podcast. 1:13:25.960 --> 1:13:28.400 It airs January seven. You said there is a teaser 1:13:28.520 --> 1:13:30.120 on the I Heart radio app or wherever you listen 1:13:30.120 --> 1:13:33.439 to podcasts. I think is what you said. Yeah, yes, perfect, 1:13:33.560 --> 1:13:36.760 So for our listeners go check it out. It's called Prattcast. 1:13:37.360 --> 1:13:41.760 Episode one drops January seven. Um, and like I said, 1:13:41.760 --> 1:13:43.880 Stephanie and I are probably gonna start dating here pretty soon. 1:13:43.920 --> 1:13:46.559 Maybe fill you on that whole situation. Are you going 1:13:46.640 --> 1:13:49.320 to be on the Hills Dean? Yeah, well, I mean 1:13:49.360 --> 1:13:51.080 if I'm Stephanie's love interest, I don't think I have 1:13:51.120 --> 1:13:54.839 a choice but to be on the Hills. Like the story. Already, 1:13:54.920 --> 1:13:56.240 steph and I are already going to Hong Kong for 1:13:56.320 --> 1:13:59.200 New Year's It's going to be a blast. Um, you 1:13:59.280 --> 1:14:03.639 did buy me you last night? Yeah, let me finish 1:14:03.680 --> 1:14:07.040 your hot dog. I gave you money. That's good. I 1:14:07.120 --> 1:14:09.439 gave you money. You didn't take it, so it wasn't 1:14:09.880 --> 1:14:13.680 really a state, you mean your first date last night. 1:14:13.720 --> 1:14:15.320 I tried to give you the cash back, but you 1:14:15.439 --> 1:14:17.800 literally left it in the car. I know. I wanted to, 1:14:17.920 --> 1:14:21.040 you know, make sure you knew it was in a date. Uh. Yeah, 1:14:21.240 --> 1:14:23.840 well we'll work up to it before January seven. That's 1:14:23.960 --> 1:14:26.760 that's we'll figure it out. Plenty of times, plenty of time. 1:14:26.840 --> 1:14:28.640 All right, everyone, I'm going to need full access to 1:14:28.640 --> 1:14:31.559 your Instagram. I don't know, but I'm sure Dean will 1:14:31.560 --> 1:14:35.080 be all over you. Thank you so much for calling in. 1:14:35.760 --> 1:14:38.320 We're excited to listen to Pratt Cast come January seven 1:14:38.479 --> 1:14:40.880 on I Heart Radio. Um, if you want to check 1:14:40.920 --> 1:14:43.120 out the teaser B shirt to jump on the app 1:14:43.160 --> 1:14:45.599 and give it a listen well as obviously it is fantastic. Stephanie, 1:14:45.600 --> 1:14:48.360 you're great too. Um. We look forward to hearing more 1:14:48.439 --> 1:14:51.599 from you. Thanks so much. In Hong Kong. Yeah, I'll 1:14:51.600 --> 1:14:57.120 see you there. Thank you, step Any bye bye. Did 1:14:57.200 --> 1:14:58.880 she say see you in Hong Kong. Yeah, we're going 1:14:58.920 --> 1:15:02.160 out there for New Year's with each other. As a joke. 1:15:02.240 --> 1:15:04.639 Obviously she's going there for New Years. I invited myself 1:15:05.080 --> 1:15:08.920 and Dean will definitely be in Hong Kong for New Year. Um, Vanessa, 1:15:09.000 --> 1:15:11.040 you were just telling us about how you like to 1:15:11.120 --> 1:15:12.920 use sex toys in the bathroom before we got into 1:15:13.000 --> 1:15:14.840 those whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't say sex starts to 1:15:14.880 --> 1:15:17.719 talk about. I did not. I did not say sex toys. 1:15:17.760 --> 1:15:21.519 I said, I'm very open. If I'm comfortable with someone, Uh, 1:15:21.640 --> 1:15:24.320 then yeah, I want to be open to explore, and 1:15:24.439 --> 1:15:27.080 it has to be a safe um, a safe space, 1:15:27.240 --> 1:15:32.960 and there has to be consent. And I'm very surprised that. Yeah, 1:15:33.080 --> 1:15:36.639 consent is very important. So I'm surprised Dean. You keep 1:15:36.680 --> 1:15:38.680 saying you're a prude, and the thing is with you, 1:15:39.000 --> 1:15:41.920 you like to put yourself down. Well, I don't think. 1:15:43.920 --> 1:15:45.600 I don't think one is better than the other. I 1:15:46.280 --> 1:15:50.360 just I don't know. Um, how do I say this? 1:15:50.680 --> 1:15:51.880 I feel like you need to bring one of your 1:15:51.920 --> 1:15:53.840 ex girlfriends on the podcast so I can actually enter, 1:15:54.120 --> 1:15:58.200 I can actually call of you. Who would you be calling? 1:15:59.080 --> 1:16:01.160 I guarantee all my ex girlfriends would say that I 1:16:01.320 --> 1:16:06.400 was horrible in bad not even I think once listen, 1:16:06.560 --> 1:16:09.639 I think, once you love someone and you're really into 1:16:10.840 --> 1:16:13.040 you know, you have like really great sexual chemistry and 1:16:13.120 --> 1:16:18.240 you love each other. No matter the size, it's going 1:16:18.320 --> 1:16:22.320 to be great sex. Yeah. The thing with guystally need 1:16:22.400 --> 1:16:23.960 to bring it toys and stuff. Well, I think there's 1:16:23.960 --> 1:16:26.599 a difference between sex and making the thing with sex 1:16:26.680 --> 1:16:29.200 with guys more or less is going to be the 1:16:29.280 --> 1:16:37.280 same from person to person these two about that question, 1:16:37.560 --> 1:16:40.400 I'm just saying the variant, the variants in sex from 1:16:40.720 --> 1:16:43.200 from girl to girl for a guy is different than 1:16:43.280 --> 1:16:45.160 guys a guy for a girl. Why is that? I 1:16:45.280 --> 1:16:49.720 think in my obviously have you had sex with both 1:16:49.760 --> 1:16:51.519 a man and a female. No, but I would imagine 1:16:51.560 --> 1:16:54.040 a the composition of a penis is much different from 1:16:54.080 --> 1:16:55.960 guy to guy than the composition of a vagina from 1:16:56.000 --> 1:16:58.640 girl to girl. I think men just sometimes need to 1:16:58.720 --> 1:17:04.360 get off. So let me have a look right now, 1:17:04.840 --> 1:17:09.720 I'm confused. You're saying that an orgasm, you're talking about orgasm. Well, 1:17:09.760 --> 1:17:11.800 know what I'm saying is no, he's talking about the 1:17:11.840 --> 1:17:14.559 actual physical act of sex, right. Well, I mean it's 1:17:14.640 --> 1:17:17.280 kind of all encompassing. Yeah, yes, but not just the 1:17:17.439 --> 1:17:21.120 orgasm part. I mean, do you think that women have different, 1:17:21.240 --> 1:17:25.240 like far different experiences with different men. Saying nine percent 1:17:25.240 --> 1:17:26.280 of the time a guy is going to have an 1:17:26.320 --> 1:17:28.680 orgasm in sex and what sixty percent of the time 1:17:28.680 --> 1:17:29.960 a girl is going to have an orgasm in sex. 1:17:30.200 --> 1:17:32.360 You're talking about orgasms, Well, I'm talking about everything. I'm 1:17:32.400 --> 1:17:36.360 talking about the actual physical structure of a penis versus vagina. 1:17:37.120 --> 1:17:42.479 I think it's also the mental like very confused, Hillary, Hillary, 1:17:42.960 --> 1:17:48.719 You've got a lot of the three children just playing 1:17:48.760 --> 1:17:52.519 around and saying whatever comes to our heads. Um. I 1:17:52.640 --> 1:17:56.679 think the way that men and women typically conceptualize sexual 1:17:56.720 --> 1:18:00.720 experiences is different, like even your paradigm, I'm of like 1:18:00.880 --> 1:18:05.000 the difference between penises and vaginas. Probably women are not 1:18:05.040 --> 1:18:06.160 going to think of it that way. They're going to 1:18:06.240 --> 1:18:08.960 think of like the holistic experience, you know, like what 1:18:09.120 --> 1:18:11.200 the mental connection is, what the fore play was like, 1:18:11.400 --> 1:18:14.720 what the touching and gazing um was like, and what 1:18:15.080 --> 1:18:17.479 the parts felt like, and what the orgasm felt like. 1:18:17.560 --> 1:18:19.000 But that they're going to look at all of it 1:18:19.160 --> 1:18:22.280 as opposed to just, um, the feel of the parts. 1:18:22.840 --> 1:18:25.360 And I think that men may be more likely to 1:18:25.439 --> 1:18:28.800 sort of have that more less more detached, more like 1:18:29.280 --> 1:18:32.560 a quantitative analysis. Well that's kind of always been my 1:18:32.800 --> 1:18:35.160 my not m O. But I've always been more of 1:18:35.160 --> 1:18:39.439 a numbers guy than a more logic as an emotional guy, 1:18:39.720 --> 1:18:42.599 you know what I mean? Men might be that women 1:18:42.640 --> 1:18:44.400 are less likely to sort of be like, oh, well, 1:18:45.040 --> 1:18:48.160 this boyfriend had a bigger part, and so I prefer 1:18:48.280 --> 1:18:51.240 to that sex versus like their approach to sex was 1:18:51.280 --> 1:18:55.000 more essential and sexy, and our kinds of connection was amazing. 1:18:55.160 --> 1:18:58.800 And so it's the whole that resonates, like as you 1:18:58.840 --> 1:19:02.560 look at your historical ask versus like the those specific 1:19:03.479 --> 1:19:11.519 data You're welcome, You're welcome. I'm processing a lot right now, 1:19:11.640 --> 1:19:14.400 so I don't think we should probably end here and 1:19:14.560 --> 1:19:16.720 go our separate ways and try to process what we 1:19:16.800 --> 1:19:21.000 all just learned. Here's our homework work. Our homeworkis. We're 1:19:21.000 --> 1:19:22.240 all going to go home and I have as much 1:19:22.280 --> 1:19:27.800 sex as possible, come back next year and discuss our findings. Yeah, 1:19:27.800 --> 1:19:31.479 this is our last podcast of the year. Yeah I will. 1:19:31.479 --> 1:19:32.920 I'll be sure to let every all, let the world 1:19:32.960 --> 1:19:34.640 know how it's working out for me. The thing with 1:19:34.760 --> 1:19:36.720 that it was, I almost didn't want to make one 1:19:36.840 --> 1:19:41.320 because why why. It's not like it's gonna sound kind 1:19:41.360 --> 1:19:43.240 of vain. But it's not like I necessarily need help 1:19:43.360 --> 1:19:47.519 meeting people. I don't necessarily think that I'm ready to 1:19:47.680 --> 1:19:49.839 be in a relationship, and so I'm kind of almost 1:19:50.200 --> 1:19:52.160 just leading people on by even being on the app 1:19:52.200 --> 1:19:55.439 in the first place. I feel like people I don't know, 1:19:55.479 --> 1:19:59.360 I never say ryah, I think you're fine. Yeah, yeah, 1:19:59.400 --> 1:20:01.000 I mean you're good and as long as you're honest 1:20:01.040 --> 1:20:03.040 with everybody you meet, saying hey, you know, I kind 1:20:03.040 --> 1:20:04.640 of went on the app, and I'm not sure what 1:20:04.760 --> 1:20:06.840 I'm looking for, but I just wanted to meet some people. 1:20:07.080 --> 1:20:08.880 I guess I don't want to use it as a 1:20:08.920 --> 1:20:12.000 hook up accelerator, Like that's not really what I'm interested in. Um, 1:20:12.400 --> 1:20:13.800 so I don't know, what are you interested in. I 1:20:13.840 --> 1:20:15.840 don't know. I don't know. I'm not ready for a relationship. 1:20:15.880 --> 1:20:17.120 And you know, you don't want to hook up, you 1:20:17.160 --> 1:20:18.920 want to find friends. I don't know. That's what it's like. 1:20:19.040 --> 1:20:21.519 Someone said it's a great networking tool, so I was like, yeah, 1:20:21.600 --> 1:20:24.040 but there is a social aspect. There's like a social 1:20:24.120 --> 1:20:26.320 and then I don't know what the titles are. There's 1:20:26.320 --> 1:20:29.599 like two profiles that you can create the social Yeah, 1:20:29.920 --> 1:20:32.679 when I'll have a great song play, yes, Um, okay, 1:20:32.680 --> 1:20:36.040 well let's jump into Well Hillary wanted to I think, uh, 1:20:36.600 --> 1:20:41.200 I don't know what the hell are you doing thinking up? 1:20:47.080 --> 1:20:59.519 All right? So let's read Yeah, so just um, anyways, 1:20:59.680 --> 1:21:03.840 that'll do it for what do I want it? Just Hillary? 1:21:04.080 --> 1:21:06.200 Let's just do wrap up? Hillary? Anyways, Hillary, thank you 1:21:06.240 --> 1:21:08.840 so much for joining us in studio today. It's always 1:21:08.880 --> 1:21:10.800 great to have an expert's opinion, especially on a lot 1:21:10.840 --> 1:21:13.240 of the things that we don't know what we're talking about, 1:21:14.160 --> 1:21:17.320 which was my plug pretty much everything. Um. We would 1:21:17.320 --> 1:21:18.960 love to have you back at a later date, and 1:21:19.040 --> 1:21:21.800 obviously we can kind of discuss. I love having people back, 1:21:21.960 --> 1:21:25.280 especially professionals like you, because, uh, you can critique us 1:21:25.800 --> 1:21:27.880 now versus then you know what I mean, and so 1:21:28.000 --> 1:21:30.560 it'll be interesting to kind of hear how our perspectives 1:21:30.560 --> 1:21:33.160 has changed. Gauge the growth, gauge the growth exactly. It's 1:21:33.160 --> 1:21:35.120 always very fun, Um Hillary, do you want to plug 1:21:35.160 --> 1:21:37.720 anything that you're working on? Just you can find me 1:21:38.080 --> 1:21:42.000 um at dr Hillary gulture dot com. It's h I 1:21:42.160 --> 1:21:44.280 L l A R Y g O L D s 1:21:44.479 --> 1:21:46.679 h e R dot com to find out more about 1:21:46.720 --> 1:21:49.559 me and locate my practice perfect and that's in Beverly Hills. 1:21:49.560 --> 1:21:51.800 You said, yes, wonderful. I'm sure we'll see you on TV. 1:21:51.920 --> 1:21:54.599 I feel like I I watched your your Real about 1:21:54.680 --> 1:21:57.040 you on all the new news channels and you were fantastic. 1:21:57.160 --> 1:21:59.200 So I'm excited. Thank you. So we'll keep an eye 1:21:59.200 --> 1:22:00.720 out for you. Hill. Thank you so much for coming 1:22:00.760 --> 1:22:07.519 in again. I don't know why it's called Dr Hill ladies, 1:22:07.560 --> 1:22:11.960 and okay, I layed myself to one per episode and 1:22:12.000 --> 1:22:15.040 step Alred took the cake from that. So um, thank 1:22:15.040 --> 1:22:16.879 you again so much for coming in. We really appreciate 1:22:16.920 --> 1:22:18.559 it and we look forward to hearing from you again soon. 1:22:21.040 --> 1:22:22.880 All right, well that'll do it for this week's episode 1:22:22.920 --> 1:22:25.160 of Help I Suck at Dating. Thank you so much 1:22:25.240 --> 1:22:28.760 for making my return so special. Jan anytime you come 1:22:28.800 --> 1:22:31.080 back into the studio, it's a special day. We missed you, 1:22:32.040 --> 1:22:35.080 missed you. I missed you. Mark couldn't give let's of 1:22:35.160 --> 1:22:37.760 a crap about you. But that's Mark's problem. Don't worry 1:22:37.800 --> 1:22:40.679 about him. Good time, good to be back, good times. 1:22:40.760 --> 1:22:47.360 But big thank you too, obviously. Hillary Goscher, yep, Goulcher, Goulcher, 1:22:47.479 --> 1:22:50.839 gol Scher like kosher, but Culcher kosher, but Golscher, Hillary Goscher. 1:22:51.400 --> 1:22:53.519 She was incredible. We definitely want her back on the podcast. 1:22:53.680 --> 1:22:56.800 A big thank you to Amazon fire TV once again. 1:22:57.080 --> 1:23:00.679 You can head to www dot Amazon dot um slash 1:23:00.960 --> 1:23:03.760 I Suck podcast to order a fire TV of your 1:23:03.880 --> 1:23:07.200 very own. Um. Be sure to check out stamps dot 1:23:07.280 --> 1:23:10.120 com and use codein for a special four week trial 1:23:10.240 --> 1:23:12.400 to get those stamps printed and get your holiday gifts 1:23:12.439 --> 1:23:15.360 sent out. Big thank you to Thrive Market. You can 1:23:15.400 --> 1:23:19.360 take an extra off your first order and a free 1:23:19.439 --> 1:23:21.680 thirty day trial. All you have to do is go 1:23:21.800 --> 1:23:26.240 to thrive market dot com slash Dan d e An 1:23:26.360 --> 1:23:28.360 in case you haven't learned how to spell it by now, 1:23:28.560 --> 1:23:30.120 Van that's I'll jump in for on this one for you. 1:23:30.280 --> 1:23:33.080 Be sure to check out third Love and get your 1:23:33.600 --> 1:23:36.720 cup size and a half figured out third Love dot 1:23:36.800 --> 1:23:39.879 com slash Vanessa. And a big thank you to twenty 1:23:40.000 --> 1:23:43.080 three and Me. You can get off any twenty three 1:23:43.160 --> 1:23:44.920 Mean kit. All you do is order your d n 1:23:44.960 --> 1:23:50.080 A kit at three and me dot com Slashdan And 1:23:50.360 --> 1:23:52.800 one more big thank you you guys saw that we 1:23:52.880 --> 1:23:55.400 were at jingle Ball in l A a couple of 1:23:55.400 --> 1:23:57.680 weeks ago. They gave us some really cool gifts that 1:23:57.840 --> 1:24:00.400 Dean has a bag in front of them, so I'm 1:24:00.439 --> 1:24:01.680 sadly it was not a jingle ball. But I do 1:24:01.760 --> 1:24:03.120 have a bag full of a bunch of good you're 1:24:03.160 --> 1:24:06.360 watching a ball. I was not. Was my heart radio? 1:24:06.400 --> 1:24:08.320 That's what I'm thinking of. It's right. I got some 1:24:08.479 --> 1:24:11.920 nice warm socks. I got some shampoo and conditioner heat 1:24:12.000 --> 1:24:15.559 holders socks I've ever felt in my life. What else 1:24:15.600 --> 1:24:17.519 do we go? They look pretty comfortable. We have a 1:24:17.800 --> 1:24:20.599 shampoo and conditioner Eastern. You say that you use those 1:24:20.640 --> 1:24:22.479 every day. Well, this is Kristen s She has this 1:24:22.560 --> 1:24:24.720 new line at Target and um I have been using 1:24:24.760 --> 1:24:27.680 these for months and my hair, I'm told, smells really nice. 1:24:27.720 --> 1:24:31.920 It's very soft and voluminous. It looks word of the day. 1:24:32.280 --> 1:24:35.799 My curls are like twisted ebony. Thanks to you, to Kristen. Twisted. 1:24:36.760 --> 1:24:38.720 Easton's not even reading this off of a sheet. He 1:24:38.880 --> 1:24:40.920 literally is thinking of these adjectives off the top of 1:24:41.000 --> 1:24:44.120 his head. That's fantastic, Eastan. That brings me another question. 1:24:44.160 --> 1:24:46.439 Do you wash your hair every day? Every day? Every day? 1:24:46.640 --> 1:24:49.000 Every day? It's horrible for you, but keep doing that, man, 1:24:49.160 --> 1:24:50.880 keep killing your hair day in the day out. We 1:24:50.960 --> 1:24:53.479 got this pretty cool phone case for an excess and 1:24:53.600 --> 1:24:58.880 an X. It's spigin sp Spigan. I like it. It's 1:24:58.920 --> 1:25:00.880 pretty sturdy. I'm holding my hands right now, I'm gonna 1:25:00.880 --> 1:25:04.840 start using. I'm currently holding some extreme lash mascara hourglass. 1:25:04.920 --> 1:25:08.560 Seems pretty nice. Really a lot of great makeup and 1:25:09.080 --> 1:25:12.760 and hell, you know, skincare accessories. Anyways, big thank you 1:25:12.840 --> 1:25:15.920 to all of these great products for being there for 1:25:16.000 --> 1:25:18.120 jingle Ball. I'm bummed I missed it. Were you were there? Right? 1:25:18.560 --> 1:25:21.160 I was there? You were traveling, weren't you? I was traveling? Yeah, 1:25:21.240 --> 1:25:25.960 that's why did we ever talk about your Yeah? I 1:25:26.000 --> 1:25:27.439 talked a little bit about it. You missed it? But 1:25:27.560 --> 1:25:30.360 post or pre like, did you post? I talked a 1:25:30.400 --> 1:25:32.800 little bit about it last week. Unfortunately missed out on 1:25:32.880 --> 1:25:35.360 that one. I mean it was cool quick synopsis. It 1:25:35.479 --> 1:25:37.519 was just I I was on stage with my shirt 1:25:37.560 --> 1:25:40.240 off for like three minutes if that. Um, So it 1:25:40.360 --> 1:25:42.600 was very quick, painless, easy, and the show itself was 1:25:42.600 --> 1:25:45.840 actually awesome because we were so Tanner and Jade came 1:25:45.920 --> 1:25:48.160 with us, Nick was with us, and it was just 1:25:48.439 --> 1:25:50.360 it was so over the top and ridiculous that the 1:25:50.479 --> 1:25:53.000 and and the cool thing was the Chippendale dancers themselves 1:25:53.080 --> 1:25:55.719 had so much fun with it that it was just fun, 1:25:56.200 --> 1:25:59.000 you know, like you could go as a man who's 1:25:59.000 --> 1:26:01.040 attracted to the opposite sex and still have a great 1:26:01.080 --> 1:26:05.640 time because everybody's just laughing and making fun of themselves 1:26:06.040 --> 1:26:09.439 and the women are going crazy. It was cool, and 1:26:09.600 --> 1:26:11.880 so I was nervous for like two weeks before then 1:26:11.880 --> 1:26:13.840 I didn't really eat. I I ate, but I tried 1:26:13.920 --> 1:26:15.599 to eat as healthy as possible. And then for two 1:26:15.640 --> 1:26:18.439 days before I like, faster, I've got my first spray tan. 1:26:19.080 --> 1:26:21.720 And then it was cool, good, thanks buddy. People were 1:26:21.760 --> 1:26:25.760 giving about my my hair chest which is my chest hair? 1:26:25.920 --> 1:26:27.320 Come on now, I mean, I'm not gonna shave it 1:26:27.400 --> 1:26:28.800 for one show in shipp of Dales, and I am 1:26:28.920 --> 1:26:31.200 very proud to be a hairy man. But it was 1:26:31.240 --> 1:26:33.240 funny in the green room when I was waiting because 1:26:33.240 --> 1:26:35.000 I went on stage early to do this game, and 1:26:35.040 --> 1:26:36.960 then they put me back in the green room before 1:26:37.000 --> 1:26:39.040 I did the big finale with my shirt off, and 1:26:39.080 --> 1:26:41.080 they had weights in there, so like for twenty minutes 1:26:41.120 --> 1:26:42.640 in the green room where I haven't eaten in like 1:26:42.760 --> 1:26:45.240 sixteen hours, I'm pumping weights. I I felt like I 1:26:45.240 --> 1:26:47.840 almost passed out, but I was like, okay, just look 1:26:47.880 --> 1:26:49.920 as good as you possibly can get on stage. To 1:26:49.960 --> 1:26:53.840 do it, get off straight to shake chift. It was fun, 1:26:53.960 --> 1:26:57.200 it was great, it was totally and now I can. 1:26:57.520 --> 1:26:59.360 I can on my deathbed. You know, I think of 1:26:59.400 --> 1:27:00.720 all the cool thing as I've done, and one of 1:27:00.760 --> 1:27:03.680 those things will now be Hey, you were in as 1:27:03.720 --> 1:27:05.840 a great grandfather. You can tell your kids about one 1:27:05.840 --> 1:27:07.479 time you danced the shirtless on stage. I know I 1:27:07.520 --> 1:27:09.120 could be like, hey, guys, I was cool. I'm a 1:27:09.160 --> 1:27:11.720 cool grandpa. I was in tip of Dale's. Anyways, thank 1:27:11.720 --> 1:27:13.479 you so much again for listening to this week's episode 1:27:13.520 --> 1:27:15.519 of Help I Suck at Dating? Big, big thank you 1:27:15.520 --> 1:27:17.960 to our sponsors. Big thank you as always to Jared Easton, 1:27:18.040 --> 1:27:21.720 Vanessa and Hillary. I love all of you. Um. This 1:27:21.800 --> 1:27:23.000 is the last one of the years. This is the 1:27:23.080 --> 1:27:25.240 last episode Who does an eighteen. We actually made it 1:27:25.320 --> 1:27:28.679 through our first full calendar year. Wow. After this episode, 1:27:29.560 --> 1:27:31.120 I wasn't able to do it alone. Big thank you 1:27:31.160 --> 1:27:35.000 to Jared and Vanessa once more, UM, and we'll see 1:27:35.000 --> 1:27:36.560 you next ye two thousand nineteen coming in hot. What 1:27:36.560 --> 1:27:38.320 are you doing for New Years? I'm not sure yet 1:27:38.520 --> 1:27:39.920 either are going to be in Rhode Island or New 1:27:40.000 --> 1:27:42.800 York staying in East Pardian big time we might go 1:27:42.880 --> 1:27:45.360 to the ball Drop. Who's your nearest is going to be? 1:27:46.400 --> 1:27:50.639 What do you do you mind? Actually a funny story. 1:27:50.720 --> 1:27:53.840 This will be Ashley's first kiss on New Year's Eve 1:27:54.240 --> 1:27:58.120 ever ever. So I'm a very lucky man because I'm 1:27:58.160 --> 1:27:59.640 I'm it's pretty cool that I get to give her 1:27:59.720 --> 1:28:02.040 that nice That'll be awesome. Yeah, it'll be fun. And 1:28:02.200 --> 1:28:04.320 we're debating going to New York to maybe go see 1:28:04.320 --> 1:28:07.439 the ball Drop. I've never been. It's they're like over 1:28:07.479 --> 1:28:11.000 a million people. That's so I'm a little nervous about that. 1:28:11.080 --> 1:28:13.679 But hopefully we can maybe wheel and deal some things. 1:28:13.760 --> 1:28:16.040 So yeah, because the celebrities, of course, you should be 1:28:16.080 --> 1:28:19.400 able to celebrities a New Year's if nobody gets a 1:28:19.479 --> 1:28:21.520 rats asked about us, I'm going to be in Australia, 1:28:22.200 --> 1:28:24.280 not at the ball Drop. But so you're not going 1:28:24.320 --> 1:28:26.320 to be in Hong Kong. Oh, that was kind of 1:28:26.400 --> 1:28:28.519 just a joke. I was hoping there was. It was 1:28:28.560 --> 1:28:30.400 a joke with a sliver. It's definitely hit me up. 1:28:30.400 --> 1:28:31.639 I was like, hey, Dan, I got you a ticket 1:28:31.680 --> 1:28:34.439 to Hong Kong. I would go, but I just you know, 1:28:34.640 --> 1:28:37.080 but you already have a trick in to Australia. I'm 1:28:37.160 --> 1:28:39.120 working on getting a ticket to Australia. Why would you 1:28:39.120 --> 1:28:41.040 go to Australia. I have some friends out there, I've 1:28:41.040 --> 1:28:42.479 always wanted to go, and it seems like a good time. 1:28:42.479 --> 1:28:44.680 I'm getting my Scooba certification this weekend to start, I'm 1:28:44.680 --> 1:28:47.160 going to Scoopa a great barrier reef right, self containing 1:28:47.600 --> 1:28:51.080 breathing AD. That's that the acronym stands for. But yeah, 1:28:51.160 --> 1:28:52.880 maybe you know, if Deephanitely I met, like maybe a 1:28:52.920 --> 1:28:55.400 couple of days before, like sooner than maybe I'll be 1:28:55.400 --> 1:28:56.560 going to Hong Kong. But I've only known her for 1:28:56.640 --> 1:28:58.720 twenty four hour or so. It's still totally worth it. 1:28:58.840 --> 1:29:01.200 Are you going to sit? Yeah, That's where I'm gonna 1:29:01.200 --> 1:29:02.200 be most of the time, and I'm gonna like camp 1:29:02.280 --> 1:29:03.600 on the beach and stuff like that. Don't they have 1:29:03.640 --> 1:29:05.880 like a pretty extravagant New Year's Eve? Yeah, I've heard 1:29:05.920 --> 1:29:07.920 there's the Opera House that has like a pretty great 1:29:08.000 --> 1:29:11.240 yeah firework show. I feel like anytime I'm watching rock 1:29:11.320 --> 1:29:14.240 and Eves, which I do, I I love it. I'm 1:29:14.320 --> 1:29:16.559 one of the few that I love New Year's Eve. 1:29:16.640 --> 1:29:19.240 I love staying in I love ordering Chinese food, I 1:29:19.320 --> 1:29:22.000 love I'm my friends over um. And then we watched 1:29:22.040 --> 1:29:24.560 the New Year's Rock and Eve with Seacrest, which is 1:29:24.600 --> 1:29:27.040 quite funny because obviously he works here. Yeah, and so 1:29:27.200 --> 1:29:30.759 and Jen McCarthy. I love it so but every time anyway, 1:29:30.800 --> 1:29:34.160 long story short, I see Sydney, Australia, I see New York, 1:29:34.560 --> 1:29:38.759 and then I think those I see Tokyo, Vegas, Vegas, 1:29:39.120 --> 1:29:41.519 l DOESLA have a pig show? There? There's a West 1:29:41.560 --> 1:29:43.559 Coast show. Actually might be Vegas. Have to double check, 1:29:43.560 --> 1:29:45.840 but I think it's essentially action on ABC at eight 1:29:45.920 --> 1:29:48.519 seven Central. Yes, of course you can all right, well 1:29:48.560 --> 1:29:50.280 that I'll do it again like this is the longest 1:29:50.280 --> 1:29:53.800 sign off in Uh, this was great this. I love 1:29:53.840 --> 1:29:56.160 this part too. UM. Thank you once again for making 1:29:56.240 --> 1:29:58.560 this podcast a thing in two eighteen. Were excited to 1:29:58.600 --> 1:30:02.160 bring us some more fun content in two nineteen. Uh yeah, 1:30:02.200 --> 1:30:03.840 The biggest thank you of all goes to you guys, 1:30:03.880 --> 1:30:05.880 because if you guys weren't listening to this podcast right now, 1:30:06.320 --> 1:30:08.000 Dean and I would be on the street, living on 1:30:08.080 --> 1:30:11.240 the street against our will, because I think, you know, 1:30:11.280 --> 1:30:12.680 maybe at one point in my life I will live 1:30:12.680 --> 1:30:14.600 on the street willfully. Yes, I've talked about this in 1:30:14.640 --> 1:30:16.640 the past. I want to move into a van and 1:30:16.760 --> 1:30:18.439 live in a van for maybe like a year, to 1:30:18.560 --> 1:30:20.479 be homeless and just travel around. So we'll see how 1:30:20.520 --> 1:30:26.200 that goes. But we'll see how it goes. And thank 1:30:26.200 --> 1:30:28.160 you so much again for listening help I Suck at Dating. 1:30:28.200 --> 1:30:31.720 I'm Dean. That's Jared Easton and Vanessa. We will see 1:30:31.760 --> 1:30:36.080 you come January seven for for our first episode nine 1:30:36.080 --> 1:30:39.320 team see you guys were hopefully we suck a little less, 1:30:39.360 --> 1:30:42.040 a lot less, a lot less a new year. Follow 1:30:42.160 --> 1:30:45.080 help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared 1:30:45.240 --> 1:30:48.000 on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast. 1:30:57.080 --> 1:30:57.400 That was like