Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everyone, thank you for
Speaker 1: tuning into another episode of Help I Suck At Dating.
Speaker 1: It is your third favorite co host. He has finally returned.
Speaker 1: Dean Ungler joined in studio by Jared and Vanessa back
Speaker 1: in Montreal with a very special guest in studio, Dr
Speaker 1: Hillary Lynn Gulture. Thank you so much for coming in today.
Speaker 1: Hillary and we have a very fun episode. Obviously, we're
Speaker 1: going to kind of recap my travels through South America
Speaker 1: over the past three weeks. I've got a funny ish
Speaker 1: dating story that we could share from which I don't
Speaker 1: really normally do for my travels. We're gonna answer some questions,
Speaker 1: We're gonna provide some answers. We're gonna obviously talk to
Speaker 1: Hillary and get her expert opinion on all things, because
Speaker 1: we're not experts. We are idiots at the end of
Speaker 1: the day. So it's nice to have someone that actually
Speaker 1: knows what they're talking about. And we're gonna discuss some
Speaker 1: topical things as well of regarding like the duck Cheff
Speaker 1: thing and um and some other things as well as
Speaker 1: we see fits. So, Jared, what should we do to start?
Speaker 1: First of all, how are your travels in South America?
Speaker 1: What my big question is what makes you want to
Speaker 1: travel alone so much lately? Um, my travels were fantastic.
Speaker 1: Thank you for asking. So I just for the listeners
Speaker 1: out there that I guess don't follow me on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I was in South America for three weeks. I did
Speaker 1: um Plantus Artists for five days, and then I did
Speaker 1: Patagonia for a week, Machu Picchu and Rainbow Mountain for
Speaker 1: a week as well, And um, it was it was
Speaker 1: my first trip where I got so I like camped
Speaker 1: most of the nights, you know. That wasn't like staying
Speaker 1: in a hotel. I stepped in a tent. I think
Speaker 1: probably like eight nights of the sixteen knights that I
Speaker 1: was gone, And um it was fun because obviously, like
Speaker 1: I was like reconnecting with nature. I grew up in Colorado,
Speaker 1: so it was nice to kind of get back into
Speaker 1: the mountains and hike around. And um, I was like
Speaker 1: talking to my brother the entire time and he was like,
Speaker 1: I'm so jealous You're going to Patagonia. That's always been
Speaker 1: like the top of my list. And it was amazing
Speaker 1: and I've always heard even like like Leslie us to
Speaker 1: rate unless he's been around the world, you know, nineteen times,
Speaker 1: and she's always raped that Patagonia's her absolute favorite spot.
Speaker 1: And so I've kind of always made it a gold
Speaker 1: mind to get down there. And it was incredible. Um
Speaker 1: I met something. Did you end up messaging her by
Speaker 1: the way, No, I did not. I figured I took
Speaker 1: your advice and I figured, and I'm glad I didn't.
Speaker 1: I'm glad I think. Um it was great. So the
Speaker 1: first like four nights, I stayed in Buenos Aatres, which
Speaker 1: is like obviously a big city by myself, and I
Speaker 1: hated it. What I started to realize is that I'm
Speaker 1: gonna move away from traveling to cities like that solely
Speaker 1: when I'm alone, Like if I'm going with friends or something,
Speaker 1: I'll go to cities. But I just like GE's so
Speaker 1: bored in cities. I can't be that person that goes
Speaker 1: to a bar by himself to like meet people, you know,
Speaker 1: and I feel like that's so much, such a part
Speaker 1: of the experience. And so when I was in my
Speaker 1: first first like second day in Argentina and Buenisats, I
Speaker 1: made a Tinder account. I was like, I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: so bored. I don't know how to meet people organically,
Speaker 1: like out in the street, So I'm just gonna make
Speaker 1: it Tinder. And I made it Tinder. That's that's my
Speaker 1: that's that's my story. That's literally all I have. It's
Speaker 1: that's my funny story from from from traveling. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: did you meet anyone? So I made it Tinder. I
Speaker 1: picked my six most attractive pictures of myself. I made
Speaker 1: a very clever and funny bio on the Tinder. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to build up some drama here, some anticipation. I've
Speaker 1: made it the best most attractive Tinder account ever been
Speaker 1: seen to man. I even included my Instagram handles that
Speaker 1: like people could look me up on Instagram and see
Speaker 1: the have a little blue check mark, because I feel
Speaker 1: like that's probably far, that's probably gotta go somewhere, and
Speaker 1: I don't think. I like was swiping for like ten
Speaker 1: or fifteen minutes, like in my Airbnb, like by myself,
Speaker 1: and I just started to start getting bored and I
Speaker 1: wasn't getting matches because I like, I had literally just
Speaker 1: made it and I wasn't getting any matches right away,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, this is really discouraging, Like
Speaker 1: no one even likes me. UM made it, I know,
Speaker 1: and I just made it. And like I went out
Speaker 1: for the day and I came back and I started
Speaker 1: swiping again. I wasn't getting any matches again, and then
Speaker 1: like eventually, like a few matches are trickling in, and
Speaker 1: they all tried speaking to me in Spanish, obviously, because
Speaker 1: I in South America and I can like speak a
Speaker 1: little bit of Spanish, but I can't really speak it conversationally,
Speaker 1: and so I would like try and put it into
Speaker 1: Google's Translate and then like texted to them, and then
Speaker 1: they would text me back in Spanish. I'd put that
Speaker 1: in Google Translate, and then you know, like back and
Speaker 1: forth and back and forth. And it got to this
Speaker 1: point where I was like, what the hell am I doing,
Speaker 1: Like this is the most ridiculous thing. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: talk to girls in Spanish to, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: just so I can like bide my time while I'm
Speaker 1: walking through a city that I like don't necessarily know
Speaker 1: what to be doing. And you know, so at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, I didn't meet up with a
Speaker 1: single person from Tinder, I only talked to like three
Speaker 1: or four people. Okay, I agree, it's very boring. I
Speaker 1: wish that there was something I wish. I wish I
Speaker 1: met up with a girl like every single night on
Speaker 1: Tinder and bos aires and like was dancing the entire time.
Speaker 1: But no, that's not the case. It's just my point
Speaker 1: is is I suck it Tinder? I guess it's really
Speaker 1: like and now I'm engaged from a woman that I'm
Speaker 1: not engaged, but I might be a father. The Tinder
Speaker 1: is unactive, this act down. Yeah, I shut it down
Speaker 1: the second I got my app So funny that you
Speaker 1: mentioned that I was hanging out with Peter last night.
Speaker 1: And Peter, I don't know if he wants this to
Speaker 1: be shared, but he had created a riot. He had
Speaker 1: created a ryoc counts a while ago. See him on
Speaker 1: a riot there you go. And so he was like, hey,
Speaker 1: I got a buddy pass. You want my buddy pass?
Speaker 1: And for the longest time, I'm like, I don't need
Speaker 1: to go on Rio, and eventually I was just like, sure,
Speaker 1: So I created a rio last night. I don't know
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna get approved or not. You'll definitely get approved,
Speaker 1: and all. Honestly, I hope they don't approve me. What's
Speaker 1: your song going to be? I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know how it works. You pick a song, like a
Speaker 1: twenty second song, it should be something ridiculous, just random,
Speaker 1: like uh the Children, other Manic Monday in his matchbox,
Speaker 1: dirty or whatever. That you have a Riot account. I
Speaker 1: thought you were gonna say, what is it is? Is
Speaker 1: it match backs twenty? What is it twenty song on
Speaker 1: your Riot profile? How does it again? You have three?
Speaker 1: If I was single right now, I would have absolutely
Speaker 1: hitt on Riot. It's not swipe. It's just like a
Speaker 1: click right at check mark. I think, uh yeah, I
Speaker 1: I barely use it. I think I used it for
Speaker 1: a day and I was like, not for me. It's
Speaker 1: a lot of I find it a little superficial. It's
Speaker 1: probably because you're the only person in Montreal with a
Speaker 1: Riot account, just like Peter is the only person in
Speaker 1: the entire state of Wisconsin with one as well. I
Speaker 1: had a Riot and there was nobody within three miles
Speaker 1: of me. I actually, that's so funny. So I did
Speaker 1: see Peter's account and I'm like, I saw your account.
Speaker 1: He's like, did you click? Yes? Or no, And I
Speaker 1: was like, and then when I guess, I got out
Speaker 1: of the app, so his profile just disappeared. But then
Speaker 1: Nick's profile showed up. Oh what did you do? But
Speaker 1: what are you nodding at? I was like, when you
Speaker 1: were like, oh, he asked me if I liked him
Speaker 1: or not? And I got out of the app, So
Speaker 1: it must have just like changed, And now it's quite
Speaker 1: all right. You didn't want to and I don't know.
Speaker 1: And then Nick's popped up, and then what happened? Wait,
Speaker 1: we'll describe us next profile because obviously you snooped. Remember
Speaker 1: I just saw his name as picture, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's like healthy for me to just
Speaker 1: check his profile right now, So I'm like, let me
Speaker 1: just click. That's fair, that's good, probably for the heart.
Speaker 1: It would have been funny if you guys matched, right, Oh,
Speaker 1: if we would have matched, If I if I hearted him,
Speaker 1: M I don't think you would have heard me. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sure he wouldn't have, but it would just be
Speaker 1: a funny situation. It would have been a fantastic situation.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, so anyways, at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: great three weeks in South America, UM, I highly recommend
Speaker 1: getting down there if you have the chance to. Um,
Speaker 1: I am going to. I mean, hopefully we can. What
Speaker 1: kind of stinks is a lot of times like people
Speaker 1: reach out to me on like Instagram or something like
Speaker 1: that and they're like, oh, I wish you could share
Speaker 1: more about your travels or something like that, and I know, like,
Speaker 1: obviously this is a dating podcast, but like I need
Speaker 1: to figure out a form where I can like start
Speaker 1: sharing that type of stuff. I'm gonna start rivaling Leslie
Speaker 1: with the blog, a travel blog. I think, you know,
Speaker 1: it's probably not the best reason to do. That's the thing.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go head to head. I'm gonna go head
Speaker 1: to head and I'm gonna take her down. No, I'm
Speaker 1: just kidding, UM, but I will. I think in the future,
Speaker 1: why not just create trouble block for the people, for
Speaker 1: the people that are interested in that kind of stuff. UM,
Speaker 1: I am. I'm going to consider trying to start. I
Speaker 1: know it's a lot of work, it's not easy, and
Speaker 1: Work and I kind of have an aversion to each other.
Speaker 1: I also think it would be better for you because
Speaker 1: when you're lonely on these trips, sometimes creating a Tinder,
Speaker 1: you could be yeah, there you go, Yeah, yeah, exactly right,
Speaker 1: instead of editing pictures and watching Netflix yeah, or choosing
Speaker 1: what song is going to be on my profile. So
Speaker 1: we do have an expert in studio that's gonna talk
Speaker 1: about all things relationships. Her name is Hillary, No, not Clinton,
Speaker 1: a different Hillary. But before we jump into that, we
Speaker 1: want to talk about a little thing that we've been
Speaker 1: talking about in the podcast for a few weeks now
Speaker 1: that we all love. You know it, we know it.
Speaker 1: It's Amazon fire TV. I gotta tell you so, after
Speaker 1: traveling for three weeks, there were not many things that
Speaker 1: I missed, but one of those things was definitely my
Speaker 1: Amazon Fire TV. Do you do you stream a lot?
Speaker 1: Do you watch a lot of TV? YouTube videos? Uh? Hbo, Netflix,
Speaker 1: you name it, the whole caboodle. And the cool thing
Speaker 1: about Amazon fire TV is that you can watch all
Speaker 1: of those pretty easily. You can watch what's your favorite
Speaker 1: YouTube channel? Tea, my favorite YouTube channel? Yeah. I know,
Speaker 1: it's an exhausting question. I've talked about this before. It's
Speaker 1: called I can't remember the name of it, like kaiserks
Speaker 1: that or something. How much could you possibly love it
Speaker 1: if you don't remember the name of it because it's
Speaker 1: like some weird like Dutch word or something like that.
Speaker 1: That's fair. It's in a nutshell. Basically, check it out YouTube.
Speaker 1: I'll send you some videos. I would love that. I'm
Speaker 1: a big watch Mojo guy because it gives ranks of
Speaker 1: a lot of different pop culture references, but mainly focuses
Speaker 1: on films. I've talked about it before. I don't really
Speaker 1: care about pop cultural it's the best though. It's like
Speaker 1: top ten um movies, uh with plot twist that did
Speaker 1: not save a bad movie or something like that. It's cool,
Speaker 1: it's cool. It's anything the least interesting thing I could
Speaker 1: possibly think of anyway. But so you're, you know, watching YouTube,
Speaker 1: like we've just been talked about, it's all about you.
Speaker 1: Whatever your favorite channel is, you can watch it on
Speaker 1: your big screen with fire TV. It's the ultimate x
Speaker 1: of entertainment and relaxation. I've been been watching The Good Place.
Speaker 1: I've talked about this with Ashley. Ashley's choice was The
Speaker 1: Good Place, My Choices, Barry the Moment, Bill Hayter on
Speaker 1: So Good Good Place. I finished season three just recently too.
Speaker 1: It's fantastic. Oh I haven't gotten there. Yeah, I'm only
Speaker 1: a season two. Another really cool thing about Amazon fire
Speaker 1: tv is that if you connected to Alexa, all you
Speaker 1: have to do is say Alexa open YouTube, Open YouTube,
Speaker 1: and you're brought to your favorite YouTube channel. Uh. That's
Speaker 1: so much better than watching on your laptop or when
Speaker 1: I have to squat into my phone. And if it
Speaker 1: wasn't enough, you can even listen to this podcast that
Speaker 1: you're currently listening to right now on fire TV with
Speaker 1: your I Heart Radio app. You can also listen to
Speaker 1: any music they've got up there. I always say, if
Speaker 1: you're listening to this podcast on your Amazon fire TV
Speaker 1: right now, d ms on Instagram and we'll give you
Speaker 1: a shout out or something. Yeah, because it's actually pretty
Speaker 1: cool that somebody's listening to us on their TV. So
Speaker 1: we've made it. We're stars. If you're not listening to
Speaker 1: it on Amazon fire TV, what you should be doing
Speaker 1: is buying an Amazon fire TV. So go to www
Speaker 1: dot Amazon dot com Slash I Suck podcast again that
Speaker 1: Amazon dot Com Slash I Suck podcast to order a
Speaker 1: fire TV of your very own. They make great Christmas
Speaker 1: grifts for your friends, for your family, for yourself, for
Speaker 1: your dog, for your turtle, for your parrot, for your
Speaker 1: pet snake, for your thrown away tonail, clipping your pet rat,
Speaker 1: all the things Amazon dot com, slash, I suck podcasts,
Speaker 1: grab a fire TV of your very own, or for
Speaker 1: your friends or family or whoever or whatever it might be. Jared,
Speaker 1: I think we should also talk about stamps. I love Love,
Speaker 1: I love stamps, my favorite other Christmas stamps. When I
Speaker 1: was a kid, we obviously sent out Christmas cards and
Speaker 1: we would always buy the holiday edition of stamps at
Speaker 1: the post office, whether it be like Santa Claus, Mrs Claus,
Speaker 1: Frosty Rudolph right of course, and especially with the holiday
Speaker 1: is coming up, you want to make sure you have
Speaker 1: your stamps so that way you can mail all your gifts.
Speaker 1: And what's great about stamps dot com is you don't
Speaker 1: have to go to the post office to wait in
Speaker 1: line to buy your stamps all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: All you need to do is go to stamps dot com,
Speaker 1: where you can access all the services of the post
Speaker 1: office right from your desk. You can buy and print
Speaker 1: real U S postage for any letter or any package,
Speaker 1: all available twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
Speaker 1: All you have to do is click print in mail
Speaker 1: and you're all done. Stamps dot Com will even send
Speaker 1: you a digital scale where you can weigh your letters
Speaker 1: and packages and print the exact amount of postage every time.
Speaker 1: And right now you can use guess what code for
Speaker 1: a special four week trial which includes a postage and
Speaker 1: a digital scale. So don't wait. You can go to
Speaker 1: stamps dot com. So before you do anything else, you're
Speaker 1: listening to us right now. All you have to do
Speaker 1: is click on the radio microphone at the top of
Speaker 1: the homepage. When you go to stamps dot com and
Speaker 1: type in d e A and stamps dot com entered Dean.
Speaker 1: You get a discount. Go to stamps dot com right now,
Speaker 1: get your stamps not even delivered right so you you're
Speaker 1: basically it's like printing money almost. I know, I hate
Speaker 1: going to the post office anyway, the stuff. I live
Speaker 1: like a mile away from one, and I always am
Speaker 1: dreading it when I have to go. There's always some
Speaker 1: sort of way, and there's just I feel like it's
Speaker 1: kind of like going to the d m V. Something's
Speaker 1: always gonna go around. Have you done Christmas shopping yet?
Speaker 1: Not as much as I should have. I've been going
Speaker 1: back and forth because I'm flying back to a Rode
Speaker 1: Island for the holidays, or whatever gifts I buy, I
Speaker 1: have to pack with me. Yeah, that's tough. You can
Speaker 1: just send ship to your house. Maybe I was going
Speaker 1: to do that as well, but then I don't know,
Speaker 1: like my parents gifts are going to be shipped to
Speaker 1: their house. It's like, oh, I really spent a lot
Speaker 1: of effort into this doing stamps dot Com. Though stamps
Speaker 1: dot com you could ship them through Stamps. Well, obviously
Speaker 1: I'm gonna if I do ship them to the house,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go on stamps dot com so don't have
Speaker 1: to go to the post office print um put them
Speaker 1: on there. This year, I'm really proud of myself. I
Speaker 1: ordered a bunch of gifts before I even left for
Speaker 1: South America. Came home to a bunch of just bad boxes.
Speaker 1: Or I got some stuff from my sister for some
Speaker 1: of my friends. You are well prepared, my friendly, proud
Speaker 1: of myself, and you should be ordering some stamps to
Speaker 1: send your parents back. I will get it right now.
Speaker 1: I've been telling everybody that they should go to stance
Speaker 1: dot com right now. That's what I'm gonna do. I
Speaker 1: have my phone out literally in my hand going to
Speaker 1: stamps dot com slash dean um. So in studio, we
Speaker 1: have the wonderful Hillary gold shar Am, I saying that
Speaker 1: properly almost it's gold shirld s. Excuse me, Hilary. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today. Now you
Speaker 1: are a psychologist, can you tell us a little bit
Speaker 1: about yourself? Yeah, Well, I have a private practice in
Speaker 1: Beverly Hills, and I would call myself a relationship expert
Speaker 1: and kind of under that umbrella like a couple expert,
Speaker 1: relationship with the self, relationship with families, relationship with friends,
Speaker 1: just sort of all about understanding intimacy. And other specialties
Speaker 1: include eating disorders, couples, trauma, anxiety, depression, that sort of thing.
Speaker 1: And I tend to work with a celebrity client out,
Speaker 1: so I have additional insight into what it's like to
Speaker 1: be in the public eye dealing with relationship type issues. Well,
Speaker 1: your offices are in Bilvery Hills, so I'm sure you
Speaker 1: work with a lot of celebrities over there, So I'm
Speaker 1: curious what makes you a relationship expert? Like you said
Speaker 1: that you you describe yourself as one, So what makes
Speaker 1: you that? Yeah, I mean, I think the core of
Speaker 1: most people's struggles and issues are around relationships. Relationship with
Speaker 1: the self, relationship with the opposite sex, relationship with the family.
Speaker 1: And as I got into the world of psychology, I
Speaker 1: think that really became where most of my analysis and
Speaker 1: profiling of people as I worked at them came from,
Speaker 1: is trying to understand how they are in relationship to
Speaker 1: other people. Well, I mean that's a good point too,
Speaker 1: because I feel like humans by nature are just obviously
Speaker 1: very relationship driven types of people. And it's funny too
Speaker 1: because we think about it and it's like the only
Speaker 1: really well, I mean, I guess I can't really speak
Speaker 1: for everyone out there, but when I think about relationships,
Speaker 1: I only think about relationships with the opposite sex that
Speaker 1: I would be interested in romantically. Right. I never really
Speaker 1: considered relationships as relationships with my self and relationships with
Speaker 1: my friends and my family, because those are just the
Speaker 1: kind of the constants, right, Um, And so so you
Speaker 1: basically have people that approach you for all of those
Speaker 1: types of things. Then, well, I think in my work
Speaker 1: what I found is that inevitably, whatever issues that are
Speaker 1: coming up with people and their intimate relationships are almost
Speaker 1: always connected to our relationships with our family of origin,
Speaker 1: stuff that happened we're growing up, stuff that happened throughout
Speaker 1: our lifetime with friends and family that impact kind of
Speaker 1: help we move through the world and what relationship style
Speaker 1: we adopt with the opposite sex. I think like, once
Speaker 1: you hit a certain point in your life, you're most
Speaker 1: focused on your opposite sex relationship or romantic partnership. But
Speaker 1: as you're trying to figure out like what you're doing
Speaker 1: right and wrong and those relationships, that almost always touches
Speaker 1: back to familial dynamics. So I think it's more about that.
Speaker 1: I'm sure people come to my office and want to
Speaker 1: talk about the relationship with their mother or the brother
Speaker 1: or their best friends of their sibling, but more from
Speaker 1: the not as couple of stuff. But it always ends
Speaker 1: up sort of relating back to old relationship style. So
Speaker 1: if you were to do like a higher higher our
Speaker 1: goal rank of relationships, one that bleeds into the next, right,
Speaker 1: it all kind of starts with the familial what and
Speaker 1: then it goes into self and then it could be
Speaker 1: into romantic relationships or how how do you think you
Speaker 1: would kind of go about Yeah, that's a that's a
Speaker 1: great question. I mean I think at the like the
Speaker 1: top of the foundation or whatever it is, philosophical hierarchy
Speaker 1: would be like the mom you know would be like
Speaker 1: mom would be your matriarch of the family. I mean
Speaker 1: mom and dad are so important, but mom and the
Speaker 1: relationship that you have with your mom so informed how
Speaker 1: you view yourself, how you move through the world. And
Speaker 1: then yes, I think underneath is you start to discover,
Speaker 1: like who you are outside of your relationship with your
Speaker 1: parents and your siblings and your extended family, and then
Speaker 1: figuring out how you relate to other people, like first
Speaker 1: with friends and like middle school in high school, and
Speaker 1: then the opposite sex and how i'd um, how I
Speaker 1: think about when you when you present that. Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: I have a question. So, first of all, you sound
Speaker 1: like a guardian angel because you don't only work with couples,
Speaker 1: which also work with families who cope with postpartum depression
Speaker 1: and parenting and all that, which is wonderful, and I
Speaker 1: feel like we're finally getting to an age where people
Speaker 1: are a lot more open to it. I'm from the
Speaker 1: East Coast, so I feel like I've had a discussion
Speaker 1: with someone recently and I was talking about the importance
Speaker 1: of going to therapy, and like in my culture and
Speaker 1: the Italian culture, it's deemed, um, like you're a weak
Speaker 1: person if you're going to therapy and if you need
Speaker 1: help from an outside source other than your family. And
Speaker 1: I want to be able to help people understand the
Speaker 1: importance of it. I only started there once, um I
Speaker 1: was on the Bachelor, and within the last three years,
Speaker 1: I feel like I've drastically changed and I've seen I've
Speaker 1: come to understand the world romantically, the romantic, my romantic relationships,
Speaker 1: my relationship with myself in a very different light. And
Speaker 1: it's people, thanks to you, that have helped me get
Speaker 1: to that point. So first of all, I just want
Speaker 1: to say thank you and anyone that's listening, if you
Speaker 1: do need to seek help, I support it and I'm
Speaker 1: a big advocate for that. Now I want to ask
Speaker 1: you if you know, like sometimes I go through different
Speaker 1: situations in life, whether that's like with work or personal
Speaker 1: or romantic relationships. And I heard that there's a point
Speaker 1: in time I think from like age zero to five
Speaker 1: or I don't know what if there's an age gap.
Speaker 1: Things that have happened to you when you're younger kind
Speaker 1: of reappear later on in life, but you don't know
Speaker 1: where it stems from. But they say like between the
Speaker 1: ages of am I don't know if I'm making any sense,
Speaker 1: Like there's like a certain age where if you've had
Speaker 1: trauma that might reappear later on in life. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if there's empirical evidence that sort of
Speaker 1: brackets out certain ages per se, But certainly there is
Speaker 1: lots of anecdotal and empirical evidence that talks about if
Speaker 1: there's trauma in childhood. I don't know, maybe ten and under.
Speaker 1: It certainly informs how we relate to the world, how
Speaker 1: we view ourselves, and oftentimes, if those things don't get addressed,
Speaker 1: will repeat them in our relationships more often than not.
Speaker 1: So if we were abandoned by a parent through a
Speaker 1: worse or death, or father left his family or something,
Speaker 1: then maybe we end up on the receiving end of
Speaker 1: being abandoned a lot in relationships, choosing people who can't
Speaker 1: be emotionally available, or maybe we do the abandoning sort
Speaker 1: of thing. So patterns can keep repeating themselves unless we
Speaker 1: do I see Dean pointingum guilty right and unlet if
Speaker 1: it goes unaddressed and we don't think about it in
Speaker 1: a super conscious way. Then it ends up showing up
Speaker 1: somehow in our life. Symptoms show up, whatever those symptoms are.
Speaker 1: On to your point, Vanessa, oftentimes the symptom, so to speak,
Speaker 1: ends up being a pattern in relationships. One thing one
Speaker 1: sorry to interrupt, it's just before we kind of expand
Speaker 1: on that topic. One thing that I really dislike. One
Speaker 1: of my biggest pet peeves is when people, like for me,
Speaker 1: for instance, is when people that I've never met before,
Speaker 1: nor do I know, nor will I ever meet, are
Speaker 1: constantly saying, ah, he needs therapy, he should go to therapy.
Speaker 1: I hope that boy gets therapy. That stuff really pisces
Speaker 1: me off. Why because it's like, who the hell are
Speaker 1: you to tell someone else that they need to go
Speaker 1: to therapy, right, Like, obviously it's always good to know
Speaker 1: that therapy is an outlet for someone, but other people
Speaker 1: that don't know you have no place telling you what
Speaker 1: you do and don't need, And that stuff really just
Speaker 1: really makes me so angry. Of course, that's in any
Speaker 1: avenue of life, whether people tell you like, oh, you
Speaker 1: need to be on this or you need to do this,
Speaker 1: and I think therapy is just an outlet for that
Speaker 1: I think. Don't get me wrong, like the therapy. When
Speaker 1: I go to therapy, I under I see myself benefiting
Speaker 1: from it. But I don't want other people to be
Speaker 1: telling other people that what they need, and if that
Speaker 1: thing is therapy, it just doesn't make sense, Like they
Speaker 1: don't really necessarily have a place to like step in
Speaker 1: and be like you need this because your your life
Speaker 1: so left up, sorry bleeped up, you need this, sure,
Speaker 1: but I think I just wanted to distinguish this. You're
Speaker 1: not saying that people shouldn't advocate other people going to therapy.
Speaker 1: Like for example, like if I was talking to a
Speaker 1: friend and I thought that they needed help, it's my job,
Speaker 1: it's a friend could be like suggested. But what you're
Speaker 1: saying is that somebody that has no idea who you are,
Speaker 1: what you're about, should not make a judgment on you
Speaker 1: within first five it's a meeting you, right, So what
Speaker 1: they'll say is like they'll what they'll see something bad happen,
Speaker 1: and then their retort will be like, oh, go to therapy,
Speaker 1: like like it's just it's it's I just feel like
Speaker 1: they put it as like a band aid for something
Speaker 1: and they think like it's just it's it's frustrating to
Speaker 1: me anyway. Sorry. Um well, also, I mean therapy. Obviously
Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan of therapy, but therapy is not
Speaker 1: the only way that people can deal with personal issues,
Speaker 1: Like it has to resonate and be at a point
Speaker 1: in your elector it feels like, yes, that's an outlet
Speaker 1: I want to pursue. And there's a difference between a
Speaker 1: carrying others saying like, oh, I wonder if this could
Speaker 1: be a solution or something helpful for you, when someone
Speaker 1: saying like I see something about your life that feels chaotic.
Speaker 1: Don't help yourself and my personal experience. So I've done
Speaker 1: three separate stints in therapy right when I was younger.
Speaker 1: When I was ten, I did it, When I was fifteen,
Speaker 1: I did it, and then when I'm twenty seven I've
Speaker 1: done it as well. And those first two times I
Speaker 1: got nothing out of it because I was being essentially
Speaker 1: urged or forced to go to therapy. And I don't
Speaker 1: think you really will get anything out of therapy until
Speaker 1: you make the conscious decision for yourself to be like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna go and do this and work
Speaker 1: on myself. Right, So until I was like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to go do this because as I want to do
Speaker 1: it because I want to better myself, and whatever avenue
Speaker 1: it is that I want to better myself in, then
Speaker 1: that's when you start to see the results, right, And
Speaker 1: so people are like not necessarily making you or unless
Speaker 1: you're willing and receptive to the idea of it, I
Speaker 1: don't think you're going to get as much out of it. Obviously,
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you're
Speaker 1: gonna get as much out of it otherwise. Well, that's
Speaker 1: interesting because I have a little bit of a different
Speaker 1: experience because I was probably in my like early twenties
Speaker 1: when I was going through this really bad breakup and
Speaker 1: I blamed a lot of it on myself, which was
Speaker 1: in the right because it was a lot of my
Speaker 1: fault and went through kind of a dark period. And
Speaker 1: it was somebody else that suggested, hey, listen, you should
Speaker 1: maybe just go talk to someone, and they suggested me
Speaker 1: to a therapist, and I was really uneasy about it
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to go to therapy. I didn't
Speaker 1: even want to talk about it. Because it's very similar
Speaker 1: to Vanessa said, in my own head, in the way
Speaker 1: I was brought up, it was a sign of weakness
Speaker 1: to a sense. But then I ended up going and
Speaker 1: I ended up really enjoying it, and I I went to
Speaker 1: therapy for about a year and a half weekly and
Speaker 1: be able to just talk about anything, not even just
Speaker 1: about the relationship with the dark period I was going through,
Speaker 1: but just everything in my life, anything I wanted event about.
Speaker 1: So it was interesting because I had a different perspective
Speaker 1: because I make the conscious decision on my own to go.
Speaker 1: It was somebody else that said you should probably do
Speaker 1: this and it might make you feel better, and it
Speaker 1: did make me feel better, someone that was close to you,
Speaker 1: obviously family member. So that's but I think the difference
Speaker 1: is what you're saying, Dean, and I think you're a
Speaker 1: little bit jaded by the your experience you have on
Speaker 1: reality TV, which is people on social media or people
Speaker 1: coming up to you in everyday life who have no
Speaker 1: idea who you are, thinking they know who you are
Speaker 1: because you're on a television show and suggesting things that
Speaker 1: they shouldn't suggest, and maybe they're right. That's the thing too,
Speaker 1: It's like they could be right, but it's still just
Speaker 1: like frustrating, you know what I mean. Yeah, But it's
Speaker 1: one thing to impose what someone else thinks that they
Speaker 1: should be doing and put that onto someone else, and
Speaker 1: it's another thing to advocate, like Jared was saying, and
Speaker 1: suggest it. Say hey, I've done it. I think it's great.
Speaker 1: And I opened up about my experiences UM on and
Speaker 1: off the show. I and I talked. I openly talk
Speaker 1: about Hillary and this is what I want to talk
Speaker 1: about with you as well. I openly talk about having
Speaker 1: done couples therapy with Nick while we were together UM,
Speaker 1: and I think it was important for us to also
Speaker 1: stick stick with the same therapist, UM, who obviously was
Speaker 1: part of the franchise, So she was there from the
Speaker 1: beginning of our relationship until the end of it, and
Speaker 1: she saw the progress and she saw, you know, things
Speaker 1: that we needed to both work on, and so ever
Speaker 1: since then, I haven't been I've been dating. I haven't
Speaker 1: had a serious relationship since the ending of my engagement
Speaker 1: with Nick. Very much open to it. I'm trying everything
Speaker 1: that I can to get there, but it's dating nowadays,
Speaker 1: is anyway. So I wanted to ask, do you suggest
Speaker 1: couples therapy? UM? For all couples, or do you think
Speaker 1: a couples therapy should be UM something couples should look
Speaker 1: into when and if it arises at a certain point.
Speaker 1: Should it be a preventative or should it be something
Speaker 1: kind of like we exercise every day to be physically well,
Speaker 1: so should we exercise our mental well being as a couple. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a good question. I mean, I think it's hard
Speaker 1: to imagine a scenario where a couple can be together
Speaker 1: and have a life together and not have stuff come up,
Speaker 1: and so whatever that is, and at whatever period of time,
Speaker 1: I think it makes sense to to go to someone,
Speaker 1: whether or not it's a therapist or like a trusted
Speaker 1: other or a pastor, or like a book or something,
Speaker 1: but some resource to help you start thinking about your
Speaker 1: communication style, your relationship style, and how you deal with conflict,
Speaker 1: and how you deal with creating connection and intimacy with
Speaker 1: each other. And I would absolutely recommend doing it in
Speaker 1: a preventative fashion versus just on UM, either an ad
Speaker 1: hoc basis or when there's a crisis, because when you're
Speaker 1: trying to like sort of bury you're buried inside of
Speaker 1: crisis or something, trying to get yourself out of it
Speaker 1: for the first time. In therapy, it can be much
Speaker 1: more challenging than having like a language between you two
Speaker 1: already in terms of how you deal with how you
Speaker 1: communicate and such. So, how did someone go to find
Speaker 1: a therapist I've had. I've been to one therapist and
Speaker 1: it was someone from off off of the Bachelord franchise,
Speaker 1: and after that I didn't feel like I I went
Speaker 1: to go see her and she's like, oh, there's a
Speaker 1: bright light that I fell in love with the first
Speaker 1: time I met. So it was nice to just get
Speaker 1: back to the place that I was at when I
Speaker 1: first met this therapist and then after that. Um, I
Speaker 1: mean I have friends who are therapists who don't charge me,
Speaker 1: which I love. But I so someone who is looking
Speaker 1: for a therapist, how do they even research that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you asked that question, because it actually
Speaker 1: is a kind of challenging process. I mean, depending on
Speaker 1: your financial situation. If you have insurance, you can contact
Speaker 1: your insurance company and get a list of providers are
Speaker 1: in your network if that's something that you have to
Speaker 1: have happened. If finances aren't an issue, using the Internet
Speaker 1: to google like therapists in your area is a good way.
Speaker 1: There's certain um websites like psychology today find a therapist
Speaker 1: dot com that you can um google therapist in your
Speaker 1: area and their specialties will come up as well. I
Speaker 1: would highly recommend to interviewing at least two, probably three
Speaker 1: therapists to find someone that really resonates with you. I
Speaker 1: think when you're in a vulnerable position and you go
Speaker 1: see a therapist that sort of feels like, oh, the
Speaker 1: first one should be right, because like I'm broken and
Speaker 1: I should make this work kind of thing. But it's
Speaker 1: it's it's got to be like an organic, comfortable connection,
Speaker 1: and you should advocate for yourself that you find that
Speaker 1: and that when you say interview, what do you mean
Speaker 1: you're gonna go sit down and meet them and not
Speaker 1: necessarily have a session with them, but just kind of
Speaker 1: have a conversation. No, I mean have a session. I
Speaker 1: mean some therapists will do like a free consult on
Speaker 1: the phone or even a free in person session. Most
Speaker 1: will charge like a regular session, but I sort of
Speaker 1: mean in the sense of having like what would what
Speaker 1: would be a regular session, but in your mind thinking
Speaker 1: about like does this feel comfortable asking them questions about
Speaker 1: how they work, um, how they're going to help you
Speaker 1: form goals? What kind of time frame do they imagine
Speaker 1: that you would be working with them to address the
Speaker 1: issues that you're looking to address, that sort of thing
Speaker 1: like like feeling um uh empowered to ask this kind
Speaker 1: of questions. Yea. So Hillar, you talking about the hierarchy
Speaker 1: of relationships, and you said that probably at the top
Speaker 1: is the relationship with your parents, and so for me,
Speaker 1: I guess my question is why do people put such
Speaker 1: an emphasis on the relationship with a significant other over
Speaker 1: everything in life? I feel, why would that? Why do
Speaker 1: people put such an emphasis on like finding the one
Speaker 1: or finding love when even you just said, probably the
Speaker 1: most important relationship is with your parents, or your family
Speaker 1: or the environment you grew up in. Well, in my mind,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about the hierarchy in terms of like
Speaker 1: a formative hierarchy, right, like what forms who we are
Speaker 1: and how we kind of interact with other people. So
Speaker 1: once we become adults, for sure all of us have
Speaker 1: the romantic relationship is our primary relationship. And that's appropriate.
Speaker 1: I mean that that makes sense. But the way that
Speaker 1: we as long as it's not with one of your parents,
Speaker 1: right then we have another, then you definitely want to
Speaker 1: head into their vage. But I think the at least
Speaker 1: people that come into my office and most anecdotal conversations
Speaker 1: I have with friends and UM, other colleagues and such,
Speaker 1: when we're looking at how we show up in relationships,
Speaker 1: it almost always can be tracked back to our relationship
Speaker 1: within our family, UM, the position that we took our
Speaker 1: relationship in terms of how our parents communicated their love,
Speaker 1: how they didn't um, what their love love language was,
Speaker 1: what ours is, and so it always informs how we
Speaker 1: show up in romantic relationships. But but as you get
Speaker 1: become an adult, you're a romantic relationship is certainly your
Speaker 1: primary relationship and where we put all of our vulnerability,
Speaker 1: all of our hopes, all of our wishes, all of
Speaker 1: our dreams inappropriately. So do you do you think that
Speaker 1: it's uh like a birds of flather birds of feather mentality? Where?
Speaker 1: Because I was thinking about this actually not too maybe
Speaker 1: like a week or two ago, about how like do
Speaker 1: you think that someone that's from a broken home is
Speaker 1: better off with someone from a very well structured and
Speaker 1: like proper home, or do you think like two broken
Speaker 1: homes people's work together better, you know what I'm I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're saying. You know, I gets
Speaker 1: all about if I don't think we should stop the
Speaker 1: analysis there. I think, like the broken home people, it
Speaker 1: depends on what their journey has been, if they've been
Speaker 1: able to seek assistance and help in growing and working
Speaker 1: through some of their issues, and they're able to be
Speaker 1: more insightful and community communicative and evolved as a result,
Speaker 1: than maybe they can be paired with either one depending
Speaker 1: on their evolution, you know, I think I think it's
Speaker 1: more about how people have evolved and how they're able
Speaker 1: to kind of take their experiences and um work them
Speaker 1: into how they how they interact with the world around
Speaker 1: them and people, then whether or not they were from
Speaker 1: a broken home to begin with, because well, so my
Speaker 1: personal experience, I've dated both, I've come from a broken home,
Speaker 1: you know, like Blave had my experience, my troubled past
Speaker 1: with my family and all that kind of stuff. Um,
Speaker 1: and I've dated girls. One girl comes to mind who
Speaker 1: has a very strong family unit, like her mom and dada,
Speaker 1: her best friend, all that kind of stuff. And I
Speaker 1: loved it, and I was like, this is great. It
Speaker 1: is exactly what you know a childhood dreamed to have
Speaker 1: throughout their entire life. But then at the same time,
Speaker 1: on the flip side of it, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: then it makes it hard for you to understand my
Speaker 1: perspective on a lot of things because you've never had
Speaker 1: to struggle the same way that I've had. And then
Speaker 1: I did another girl who had a very difficult upbringing,
Speaker 1: and we could relate on our traumatic childhood that type
Speaker 1: of stuff. But then on the other side of it,
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, well, now neither of us know
Speaker 1: how to form a like a successful family moving forward
Speaker 1: because we've never really experienced it for ourselves, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So there's it's like a weird way
Speaker 1: you can kind of argue both sides of each side
Speaker 1: of it. Yes, from someone who just experienced it. As
Speaker 1: you talked about what did you find was beneficial? Neither
Speaker 1: of them were beneficial. Well, I think that's but I
Speaker 1: think that's right you were. You reminded me of There's
Speaker 1: like a concept in psychology called the wounded kids collusion,
Speaker 1: and if you think of those words, it's like two
Speaker 1: wounded kids who come together as adults and like try
Speaker 1: to make it work. And that's like a difficult pairing
Speaker 1: because if neither has evolved like a more sophisticated way
Speaker 1: of dealing with their emotions and shaping themselves into a
Speaker 1: more productive adults, you just have like two wounded kids,
Speaker 1: like kind of floundering. You know, some maybe you've had
Speaker 1: those experiences or if I was like, yeah, this doesn't
Speaker 1: really work. But having said that, you're right, if it's
Speaker 1: such a stark contrast that you're with someone who hasn't
Speaker 1: had to struggle in that way at all, then you
Speaker 1: might feel sort of vulnerable and not heard or understood,
Speaker 1: and so hopefully that there's a middle ground. You know
Speaker 1: that somehow, some way, no matter the origin of the
Speaker 1: person that you're with, that they've had their own struggles
Speaker 1: and evolution that lets them be able to relate right
Speaker 1: to kind of bring you to the same level on
Speaker 1: certain things. M Dean, I remember, I remember you opening
Speaker 1: up to me about that conversation about the specific person
Speaker 1: that you dated. Um. I think we were about to
Speaker 1: like whole food or whatever to eat, and you had
Speaker 1: mentioned that you felt like that person was kind of
Speaker 1: shouting in your in your face that they came from
Speaker 1: a picture perfect family. I guess my question to you is,
Speaker 1: do you was it something that you felt that person
Speaker 1: was doing or was it your I don't know, for
Speaker 1: lack of a better word, insecurities. Well, I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think it wasn't penstional on their part. I
Speaker 1: think that it was just kind of the only thing
Speaker 1: that they knew, and especially coming from like certain parts
Speaker 1: of America, like certain different areas value family much more
Speaker 1: much differently. Whatever it is, um, And I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't know. You know, when you enter into a relationship
Speaker 1: and people kind of want to project their own values
Speaker 1: onto you because then they want you to kind of
Speaker 1: adopt them and share those types of ideals and beliefs
Speaker 1: as well. Um, I don't think. I don't think it
Speaker 1: was intentional to to your question. I think it was
Speaker 1: just a matter of like, this is how this is
Speaker 1: how I've experienced life. I've lived it, and this is
Speaker 1: how I plan on continuing to live it. And you
Speaker 1: have to get it now, like either get it or
Speaker 1: you don't get this sort of thing. And when you
Speaker 1: don't get it, it's going to be like frustrating. Like
Speaker 1: I don't know it was. It was obviously not meant
Speaker 1: to be not meant to be. But it's not like
Speaker 1: I've experienced everything every one of my clients has experienced, Right,
Speaker 1: It's not that a woman that you ultimately fall in
Speaker 1: love with has to come from home. They just have
Speaker 1: to have like the skill set of support and empathy,
Speaker 1: in compassion and like able to hold vulnerability and be
Speaker 1: vulnerable themselves. Right to be it sounds like a match
Speaker 1: for you. It sounds like this person was like holding
Speaker 1: a space for some vision of perfection or not wanting
Speaker 1: to let some of those I don't know, flaws or
Speaker 1: messiness and in fairness, that relationship had a lot of
Speaker 1: other flaws working with it as well, but but that
Speaker 1: was definitely one of them. It was it was like
Speaker 1: a feeling of constant inadequacy, you know where it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll never be able to give you what you have
Speaker 1: in your like I don't know. Growing up. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it makes me sad hearing that guns. I think
Speaker 1: I was kind of that person before the show. I
Speaker 1: come from a very strong Italian background with like big traditions,
Speaker 1: and for me, I was never really attracted to the
Speaker 1: Italian guy. I was attracted to people who came from
Speaker 1: different cultural backgrounds or religious backgrounds, but we didn't have
Speaker 1: the same I guess um level of understanding when it
Speaker 1: came to our values and our traditions and stuff. And
Speaker 1: I've been hold a few times once or twice that
Speaker 1: the men felt inadequate, and I think it's because I
Speaker 1: unintentionally impose my values and my traditions onto them without
Speaker 1: realizing I was doing that. And looking back, I think
Speaker 1: it's thanks to the show, thanks to being on The Bachelor,
Speaker 1: that it's allowed me to understand where and why I
Speaker 1: was doing that, and I think it came from impose
Speaker 1: values from my cultural um, from my family, thinking that's
Speaker 1: exactly what I wanted, but in retrospect that I don't
Speaker 1: want exactly the type of lifestyle that they have. I
Speaker 1: want the family, I want the husband. I want a
Speaker 1: loving and and happy household, but not in the same
Speaker 1: way that they got it. And it's only now that
Speaker 1: I'm starting to realize that. At thirty one before when
Speaker 1: I said, before we jump into our spot, I have
Speaker 1: a question for you, and everyone is well, Hill love
Speaker 1: to hear your opinion as well. Let's say you're dating
Speaker 1: someone and your parents hate this person. It's a strong word,
Speaker 1: but just like, like, you love this person, but they
Speaker 1: strongly like dislike, maybe don't agree with a lot of
Speaker 1: their own core values, but you love him like you
Speaker 1: know him obviously better than your parents would. Would you
Speaker 1: still be keen on the relationship or no. I've never
Speaker 1: dated someone that my family outright said they didn't like.
Speaker 1: They only mentioned it after we broke up, so they
Speaker 1: never imposed their opinions. They've never imposed their opinions on
Speaker 1: my relationship. But I think if they were really keen
Speaker 1: on not seeing a future, I don't think I'd be
Speaker 1: able to date them. I'm so close to my family
Speaker 1: and I really value their opinions. Um. And they're not
Speaker 1: judgmental at all, Like my family is the most easy going. Uh,
Speaker 1: they're super accepting. UM. So if there's not, I don't
Speaker 1: think I'd be able to do it. Hillary, what do
Speaker 1: you think? That's a tough question. I mean there could
Speaker 1: be another number of different scenarios that could present themselves
Speaker 1: on long as the family is coming from well intentioned
Speaker 1: place and it isn't related to dynamics that aren't healthy,
Speaker 1: like over a protective mom or um. You know, Dad
Speaker 1: who doesn't want another man's energy in his world? Right,
Speaker 1: if it isn't coming from a from an unrecognized, unexplored
Speaker 1: place of the parents that are imposing like their stuff
Speaker 1: on their kids. I mean, it could be really complicated. Um,
Speaker 1: I think it's fine. It's it's it's expected that most
Speaker 1: kids would pay attention to what their adult children would
Speaker 1: pay attention to what their parents thought. But I think
Speaker 1: ultimately it's really important for a grown adult to make
Speaker 1: their own decisions. And even if it's a mistake in
Speaker 1: judgment that you experience, you learn from it and you
Speaker 1: can recover from it. And even if it means taking
Speaker 1: a stance sort of quote agains to your parents. Um
Speaker 1: that that's all part of individuating from your family. So
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, I think it could go
Speaker 1: both ways. Also think if we put unhealthy habits aside,
Speaker 1: like you talked about overprotective mother or things like that.
Speaker 1: Maybe it depends on your stage in life. For example,
Speaker 1: if you're a teenager and your parents are disliking the
Speaker 1: person you're dating, I think that's a different statement than
Speaker 1: it would be if they dislike the person when you're thirty,
Speaker 1: absolutely because it's a teenager. Like for example, if you
Speaker 1: have a daughter and there's a teenage boy, and I
Speaker 1: might be very overprotective if I'm lucky enough to have
Speaker 1: kids one day, um, And so I can understand a
Speaker 1: parent coming from that aspect and being a little playful. Um.
Speaker 1: But if you're thirty and your parents don't like you,
Speaker 1: and your parents would never displayed any type of over
Speaker 1: protection or you know, hindering on your relationships, um, then
Speaker 1: that might be some red flags. Yeah. I I have
Speaker 1: two boys who are four and eight months old, but
Speaker 1: i have eighteen years to influence them, and I'm taking
Speaker 1: every moment I can. So I totally agree with you, Jared.
Speaker 1: You know, during those eighteen years, giving your opinion, direction, um,
Speaker 1: setting boundaries, etcetera. Like, do them all because you're you
Speaker 1: want them to internalize your wise voice during that time.
Speaker 1: And then after eighteen it's like, well and then you
Speaker 1: let them enter the west. That's one of the pros
Speaker 1: and not having parents is you don't have to worry
Speaker 1: about their opinions of your significant on there. So there
Speaker 1: we go. I have been, I have been. I have
Speaker 1: been a few times in my life. When I was
Speaker 1: in high school, I was dating my girlfriend at the time,
Speaker 1: who actually was a guest on this podcast that my
Speaker 1: first love of my life. Her parents were divorced, so
Speaker 1: she lived with her mom, and her mom like loved
Speaker 1: me but also hated me at the same time because
Speaker 1: I was not encouraging but like her and I would
Speaker 1: like rebel together, you know what I mean. So like
Speaker 1: she saw me as like the catalyst to her daughter's rebellion.
Speaker 1: And then even in my adult life, UM, I was
Speaker 1: dating a girl. This is post bachelor in Paradise, which
Speaker 1: obviously I get a bad rep for that for for
Speaker 1: I mean rightfully, so I do, um, and I think
Speaker 1: the girl who I was dating at the time, her
Speaker 1: parents had seen bad certain paradise, and so she was
Speaker 1: ashamed to tell her parents that her and I were
Speaker 1: dating going on dates because of that, because she knew
Speaker 1: that her parents been a very sour taste in their
Speaker 1: math about me. So that's kind of why I asked. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the healthiest adult version of that scenario is that a
Speaker 1: parent can communicate to their adult kids like, hey, I
Speaker 1: have these concerns. I love you, I'm here for you,
Speaker 1: I support you no matter what you'resis. It all comes
Speaker 1: from a place of love, right, that's right, I mean right,
Speaker 1: And we hope so and how it gets communicated can vary,
Speaker 1: but I mean as I said, I think parents being
Speaker 1: able to give their opinion and kids taking in with them,
Speaker 1: stepping back and allowing their adult children to make their
Speaker 1: own choices and mistakes and being there for them is
Speaker 1: It's sort of the best we could hope for. Well,
Speaker 1: before we jump into our next bit, I would love
Speaker 1: to tell you guys about two of our favorite things
Speaker 1: in the entire world. Yes, which your two favorite things
Speaker 1: in the world are me and Venus are right? Well,
Speaker 1: my third and fourth favorite thing using this world, Thrive Market,
Speaker 1: might be one of them. To be honest, th Market,
Speaker 1: how do it possibly forget about? I don't know if
Speaker 1: you guys have forgotten about drive Market or not, but
Speaker 1: what it is is a revolutionary online market place on
Speaker 1: a mission to make healthy living easy and affordable for everyone.
Speaker 1: It's literally whole foods, but way, way, way more affordable.
Speaker 1: You guys have heard his talk about thrive Market all
Speaker 1: the time on the podcast. It's because we love it
Speaker 1: because none of us want to go to the grocery store,
Speaker 1: so it makes it really easy for have our groceries
Speaker 1: delivered right to our door. You can filter through the
Speaker 1: catalog by your dietary preferences, whether you're paleo, gluten free, vegan,
Speaker 1: anything above. This is why I'm obsessed with Thrive Market
Speaker 1: because you can get all the goodies. I currently am
Speaker 1: obsessed with the garlic ale and mayo made with the
Speaker 1: avocado oil. You guys about that delicious, It's scrumpted. It's
Speaker 1: not a lot of people like mayonnaise. I'm a mayonnaise.
Speaker 1: If I have a turkey sandwich, I want turkey cheese,
Speaker 1: lettuce on a white sub with extra garlic, a oli mayo,
Speaker 1: and then Deana, I know you love the almond butter
Speaker 1: well so after. I've never really been a big wine drinker,
Speaker 1: but after South America in the mallbeck in Argentina, I
Speaker 1: sart to get into it. And one of the best
Speaker 1: things about the Thrive market is that they actually have
Speaker 1: the best wine as well. The ones are unique because
Speaker 1: they look for wines that are lower and sulfur spectrum
Speaker 1: and wines that don't have any extra additives or flavoring,
Speaker 1: which from someone that already hates the additives and extras
Speaker 1: of life, it's nice to find a market that is
Speaker 1: willing to provide stuff that that kind of limits that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff as well. So you guys are talking
Speaker 1: about food and stuff, but if you go on the website,
Speaker 1: there's a bunch of other products too, Like right now
Speaker 1: I'm taking magnesium pills from one of my favorite companies.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm pronouncing your right, Soul Solering.
Speaker 1: It's like this white bottle if you go in the
Speaker 1: shop mineral section. UM there's also as an Italian, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I actually just made myself a tomato sauce right now
Speaker 1: to eat past our Affirm done this episode. And there's
Speaker 1: this dice organic dice tomato. And then I've tried from
Speaker 1: Thrive Market. It's non GMO, it's it's b p A
Speaker 1: free and what I love especially what I love about
Speaker 1: it it's sourced direct from the farmers, so it's basically
Speaker 1: you know what you're getting. It's it's super healthy. And
Speaker 1: then one of my um unlike my friend came over
Speaker 1: and they were cleaning my house with with windecks. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's so many chemicals in windecks. I don't like that stuff.
Speaker 1: So if you go on Thrive Market and you click
Speaker 1: on home and you click on household cleaners, I actually
Speaker 1: bought this product called Lavender cleaning vinegar from Aunt Fanny's
Speaker 1: and it's a non toxic product. And I have my nephews.
Speaker 1: My nephew comes coming over and I have a bunch
Speaker 1: of kids come over, so I want to make sure
Speaker 1: that my house is non toxic for whenever I have
Speaker 1: little kids running around. So it's great not only for food.
Speaker 1: I have the same products to the lavender. It's like
Speaker 1: a it's it's like a windex it's it's a table cleaner.
Speaker 1: That's what I use it for. No toxic. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: non toxic, which is a great thing. And guys Thrive Market,
Speaker 1: like Vanessa and Dean just said, it's not just food,
Speaker 1: but it has wine in there. It has cleaning products,
Speaker 1: beauty products. I've gotten shampoo from Thrive, I've gotten body
Speaker 1: washed from Thrive. I've gotten face washed from Thrive. Dean,
Speaker 1: you know all about that stuff. All their packaging boxes
Speaker 1: and inserts are made from recycled paper and are recyclable. Obviously,
Speaker 1: they're zero waste. They're the first company in the country
Speaker 1: may go zero waste, which is really incredible. Guys, Thrive
Speaker 1: Markets prices they're already up to fift off compared to
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Speaker 1: dot com slash Dean d e An. I love it
Speaker 1: when our ads there, when our sponsors use my name,
Speaker 1: it's always Dean. We were talking about this last week,
Speaker 1: Vanessa and I were we we came to the realization
Speaker 1: that the reason it's Dean is because it's the shortest
Speaker 1: and it's easy. Yeah. Sure, whatever makes you guys sleep
Speaker 1: at night helps me sleep. Anyways, that to Rep Pete
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Speaker 1: So skip the holiday lines in the market and get
Speaker 1: Thrive delivered straight to your door. Vanessa, I know there's
Speaker 1: one more spot you wanted to talk about. There's one
Speaker 1: more spot, and since Hillary is in studio today, I
Speaker 1: actually wanted to have her um chime in on this.
Speaker 1: So last week you weren't in studio, Jared and I
Speaker 1: were talking about was it last week I was talking
Speaker 1: about granny panties? Vanessa, you talk about granny panties every week,
Speaker 1: So anyways, I think it was last week. I was
Speaker 1: talking about how like, I'm really not cute when I
Speaker 1: go to bed, and um, so Hillary, I want to
Speaker 1: have I I want to know what your take is
Speaker 1: on like being cute when you go to bed and
Speaker 1: like being sexy and stuff. So you guys heard me
Speaker 1: talk about how much I love my granny panties. But
Speaker 1: since now we're talking, you know, you guys kind of
Speaker 1: made fun of me um about the underwear that I wear.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to up my game a little bit.
Speaker 1: I've I've spoke about this before, Dean. It has actually
Speaker 1: tried my brawl when it came in studio. So there's
Speaker 1: no better way. Yeah, there's no better way to do
Speaker 1: this than go to third Love. It's actually amazing. So
Speaker 1: what's crazy when you think about it? When we go
Speaker 1: shoe shopping, you go for like a I'm a six
Speaker 1: and a half, so I'm obviously a half size when
Speaker 1: it comes to shoes. But I didn't know that I
Speaker 1: was actually a half size cup in bra. So I'm
Speaker 1: actually I'm not gonna say what cup size I am,
Speaker 1: but I'm and a half. So that's what's amazing about
Speaker 1: Third Love. So you go online, it's really simple. All
Speaker 1: you have to do is UM click on their fit
Speaker 1: finder quiz, answer a few simple questions to find a
Speaker 1: perfect fit. They have seventy sizes, including their signature half
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Speaker 1: them is they're using millions of real women's measurements. So
Speaker 1: Third Love designs it's braws with breast size and shape
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Speaker 1: actually wearing right now. They're UM classic strapless braw and black,
Speaker 1: which I find in the winter time because I get
Speaker 1: like kind of pale. It's nice to go with darker colors.
Speaker 1: So I have like one and plum was like a
Speaker 1: darker purple and this one I'm wearing UM in black.
Speaker 1: I'm wearing in black. So they have a new cotton collection,
Speaker 1: which I'm obsessed with. I find cotton to be very
Speaker 1: cute and sexy. Right, guys, cotton could be one of
Speaker 1: my favorite fabric And I love the way you say
Speaker 1: coton cotton. Yeah, cotton. I really pronounced those teas. So
Speaker 1: they have a new cotton collection that I'm actually currently wearing,
Speaker 1: and they're actually really comfortable. The underwears, they're super comfortable.
Speaker 1: They don't look like granny panties. Um, so you know
Speaker 1: I'll be my game. Third Love knows there's a perfect
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Speaker 1: gonna love it. There's no granny panties. Let me know
Speaker 1: how you want to know what's funny. I'm looking at
Speaker 1: this year right now and it says you can get
Speaker 1: their cotton underwear, and I looked at it very quickly
Speaker 1: and I said, I thought it said you can get
Speaker 1: their Colton underwear Colton on sale January seven nationwide. I'm
Speaker 1: sure I love it. So yeah, check it out there
Speaker 1: love dot com, slash Vanessa and get your and a
Speaker 1: half sized bras delivered straight to your house. Perfect. Um. So,
Speaker 1: we have some Facebook questions that I'd love to talk
Speaker 1: about with Hillary, Hillary, if you're open to the idea
Speaker 1: of answering some of these questions with us, Yeah, what's
Speaker 1: your schedule looking like, Hill, Let's do it. I'll hang
Speaker 1: out with you guys. Perfect. Perfect. And again, if you
Speaker 1: guys haven't joined the Facebook group, it is help I
Speaker 1: Suck a dating podcast Facebook group. Join it today. Lots
Speaker 1: of connections and friendships and questions being answered in that
Speaker 1: little form. So the first one comes from I'm assuming
Speaker 1: this is Miranda and it's a typo? Or is it Miranda? Moranda? Mirandaah,
Speaker 1: that's a beautiful name. She said. This year, I feel
Speaker 1: like I've tried so many times to be happy being angle,
Speaker 1: but have been struggling. How do I not How do
Speaker 1: I not let finding a relationship be the factor that
Speaker 1: determines my happiness? What would you say for that? Hillary? Oh,
Speaker 1: that's such a ubiquitous quest and journey for i'd say
Speaker 1: women more than men that you know, I think that
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't want to sound like overly
Speaker 1: stereotypical in terms of UM women in men's roles, but
Speaker 1: I do think we're all friends. I think there's just
Speaker 1: more of a primitive pull for women to settle down
Speaker 1: and um nest and to um secure a scenario where
Speaker 1: that can have children and um to just be more
Speaker 1: future focused because of those I mean really sort of
Speaker 1: primitive urges UM and I think most women at a
Speaker 1: certain age, like in their mid to late twenties, if
Speaker 1: still single, start to worry about what that means. There's
Speaker 1: cultural pressures, there's familial pressures, and there's internal pressures. Will
Speaker 1: this ever happen for me? When will it be in
Speaker 1: time for me to have kids? That sort of thing.
Speaker 1: So there's like a reality component to this quest, this
Speaker 1: pressure of this like problem mma that a lot of
Speaker 1: single women face. And there's no perfect answer, but there's
Speaker 1: like a set of things that I think most people
Speaker 1: should do if they're single. I mean, first of all,
Speaker 1: self compassion is really important. It is totally normal and
Speaker 1: appropriate to want to have a relationship, and I want
Speaker 1: to have those things for yourself and to have a
Speaker 1: portion of your heart and life and mind thinking about that.
Speaker 1: So I think, just like trying to have an ease,
Speaker 1: that that's one of the things that you want, and
Speaker 1: um that that's going to be part of someone's like
Speaker 1: quest and hope, Um until that happens is okay. But
Speaker 1: I think on the journey sort of trying to figure
Speaker 1: out a way to have grace and emotional containment is
Speaker 1: really important. And I mean, some of these things we've
Speaker 1: all heard before, um, but part of that is because
Speaker 1: they're they're tried and true. It's really important to try
Speaker 1: to build other aspects of your life that are meaningful
Speaker 1: to you, whatever that means, whether it's professional stuff, friendship stuff, hobbies, pursuing,
Speaker 1: I mean doing You just went on a three week adventure,
Speaker 1: the third or fourth of mine, But I like, I'm
Speaker 1: sure it had it's ups and downs, right that some
Speaker 1: of it was probably amazing and wonderful and built up
Speaker 1: huge parts of yourself and I'm sure someone's were lonely
Speaker 1: when you did end up on Tinder? Yeah, do you guys,
Speaker 1: do you guys know who Kiana Reeves is by any chance. Yeah,
Speaker 1: huge Kiano fans, So I'm actually I'm I'm a big
Speaker 1: Kiana fan as well. And he's got some pretty fun quotes,
Speaker 1: like interesting quotes, like thought provoking quotes that he's shared
Speaker 1: with the world. I was scrolling through and I saw
Speaker 1: this one the other day that's actually perfect for this topic.
Speaker 1: He says. Someone told me the other day that he
Speaker 1: felt bad for single people because they're lonely all the time,
Speaker 1: and Kiana told him it's not true. I'm single. I
Speaker 1: don't feel lonely. I take myself out to dinner, I
Speaker 1: buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once
Speaker 1: you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes
Speaker 1: an option and not a necessity. Okay, And I love that.
Speaker 1: I get him because the biological problem when in and
Speaker 1: I hate that. Hate that because he's Kiana Reeves. Of
Speaker 1: course he can take himself out when you're finding over
Speaker 1: a million times like you have to understand that. It's
Speaker 1: just Kiana Reeves is allowed to say that because he could.
Speaker 1: He has the opportunity to surround himself with whoever he wants,
Speaker 1: whenever he wants. He said, he takes himself out. He
Speaker 1: takes himself out on a date, so women could do that.
Speaker 1: Because I bet he takes himself out on a date
Speaker 1: because he's tired of being around people. I think it's
Speaker 1: an option for him. Where I disagree. I completely disagree
Speaker 1: with that comment. I believe that people take himself out
Speaker 1: to dinner a lot of times in everyday world because
Speaker 1: it's a necessity, not because it's a choice of their own.
Speaker 1: I think the point that he's trying to make it
Speaker 1: once you love yourself, you don't necessarily need the company
Speaker 1: of other people. I completely agree. And yet society today
Speaker 1: puts a premium on being in a relationship. Why is that?
Speaker 1: Why why do we live in such a society where like,
Speaker 1: the most important thing is marriage, family, kids, And yet
Speaker 1: we also say, on the other hand, well, the most
Speaker 1: important thing is loving yourself. Because I think it's like
Speaker 1: one thing, it's one thing that we can't control. We
Speaker 1: can control our career, we can control like what, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, how much weight we want to gain, how
Speaker 1: much weight we want to lose, or what we want
Speaker 1: to eat, But we can't control whether or not someone
Speaker 1: will love us. We can't control whether or not we're
Speaker 1: going to find someone or whether or not we're going
Speaker 1: to have that family. So I guess it's a sense
Speaker 1: of it being up in the air. At least that's
Speaker 1: that's what it is for me. Like I want to
Speaker 1: have a family, I want to have kids, I want
Speaker 1: to have a husband. Is it going to happen? I
Speaker 1: sure hope so. But I've learned, as i've now I'm
Speaker 1: thirty one, i've been single for the last two and
Speaker 1: a half years, I've learned to really just enjoy my
Speaker 1: own company. And I guess that's why I could relate
Speaker 1: to Kiano's um quote, like, yeah, I take myself out.
Speaker 1: I take pride and making my own money. I take
Speaker 1: pride in paying my own rent. I've never had a
Speaker 1: dollar given to me. I've been working since I was fourteen.
Speaker 1: So I take pride in being being able to be
Speaker 1: financially stable on my own, emotionally stable on my own,
Speaker 1: in order to allow that perfect person and perfect meaning,
Speaker 1: that person that's perfect for me to enter my life
Speaker 1: and just add value to it without having to You know, yes,
Speaker 1: of course, that you're absolutely right. You should take pride
Speaker 1: in yourself and you should have self love. What I'm
Speaker 1: saying for this particular quote is he was responding to
Speaker 1: someone saying, oh, I feel bad for people being single,
Speaker 1: especially around the holidays, and he's like, well, I don't
Speaker 1: I take myself out to dinner. I do stuff by myself,
Speaker 1: and that's that's awesome, Kiano, And I love you as
Speaker 1: an actor, and I've listened to a lot of interviews
Speaker 1: with Canaries and I'm a huge fan of his. But
Speaker 1: I think it's just I mean, I don't blame him
Speaker 1: for saying and of course he can say whatever he wants,
Speaker 1: but in terms of this conversation, I just I disagree
Speaker 1: with him. I think there's two truths in there. I mean,
Speaker 1: as a celebrity, there's a certain kind of buffer in
Speaker 1: the world that there they received that other people don't.
Speaker 1: I think it's probably true that Kanna reeves going out
Speaker 1: to dinner. It's different than like someone in Kansas going
Speaker 1: out to dinner by themselves in terms of the attention
Speaker 1: they're going to get or feeling admired or seen or validated, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just different. So I think that's what
Speaker 1: you're speaking to Joe, and I agree, But I also
Speaker 1: think that he got to a kernel of truth that
Speaker 1: we're trying to get at, which is that ultimately, no
Speaker 1: matter who you are, when you go to bed at night,
Speaker 1: you're still like in whatever pajamas, whether they're branny panties
Speaker 1: or not, but in your pajamas, going to bed by yourself.
Speaker 1: Even if you are Piana Reeves and you have to
Speaker 1: have and if you're single, you have to figure out
Speaker 1: what your relationship is going to be with that, with
Speaker 1: being alone, and sometimes it can be really sad and lonely.
Speaker 1: And sometimes you can work yourself to a place that
Speaker 1: Kiana has arrived at and then others arrived at right
Speaker 1: where you're like, you know what nationa that you were
Speaker 1: talking about, where it's like I want these things for myself,
Speaker 1: a husband and family and all those things, but like
Speaker 1: I I'm like cobbling together a life that feels full,
Speaker 1: you know, and that feels hopeful and that feels resonant
Speaker 1: to me. I guess for me. And maybe it's just
Speaker 1: not the Kiano Reeves quote. Maybe you just spark something
Speaker 1: in make I love the vigor and passion that you
Speaker 1: have delivering this though, I guess I'm I I'm It's
Speaker 1: just life is very confusing a lot of the times,
Speaker 1: and I guess I get confused about like deeming what's
Speaker 1: important and what's not important. And we live in we well,
Speaker 1: I just feel we live in a world that puts
Speaker 1: such an emphasis. And I'm very lucky. I'm engaged, I'm
Speaker 1: in love with my my fiance. We are I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a very lucky man because of that, And I understand
Speaker 1: that a lot of people are not in that similar situation.
Speaker 1: And so it's just hard because I think I hear
Speaker 1: all the time, like how people have so many regrets
Speaker 1: of like, you know, missing out on the one, or
Speaker 1: like you know, I should have done more with that relationship,
Speaker 1: or like they die alone. Right, Everybody says I'm terrified
Speaker 1: of dying alone, right they staying out with their left hand.
Speaker 1: I'm terrified of dying alone. At the same time, I
Speaker 1: just have to love myself and and and that will
Speaker 1: complete my life. So it's like which one is it?
Speaker 1: But the thing is if you when you die alone,
Speaker 1: you're still going to go to wherever you go alone, right, Well,
Speaker 1: I mean it depends on your belief. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: whether you die alone or with someone by your side,
Speaker 1: the fact is you're still dead. I think it's a
Speaker 1: very neolistic approach to that to life. I get it,
Speaker 1: but it's true. I think just a lot of people
Speaker 1: would want their person with them, you know, as hopefully
Speaker 1: they die in peace. This is what I actually I
Speaker 1: think what your bring up is really important. I think
Speaker 1: there is an existential truth to people wanting to be
Speaker 1: with other people, to wanting to connect and not be alone.
Speaker 1: I think there's just an existential truth to that. And
Speaker 1: since it's not always possible for whatever reason, right, not
Speaker 1: everyone is is lucky to find their person either ever
Speaker 1: or at a certain stage in life where it feels
Speaker 1: particularly important, or something happens and gets six sick and dies,
Speaker 1: or the dynamic changes in the divorce happens. But I
Speaker 1: think there's this reality that we all feel that no
Speaker 1: one wants to be alone alone. It's an existential truth
Speaker 1: to being human, and so I think it's like trying
Speaker 1: to live with that existential truth and also the reality
Speaker 1: being in the world sometimes you are alone. So if
Speaker 1: you're alone, what do you do? You know, you try
Speaker 1: to love yourself. You try to fill your life in
Speaker 1: ways that feel full. You try to put together experiences
Speaker 1: that make you feel less lonely. You know what it
Speaker 1: means I think like they they coexist, like they're both true.
Speaker 1: That like, I don't want to be alone, but if
Speaker 1: I'm alone, I'm going to do it in the most graceful,
Speaker 1: full way that I can. Kind of thing. Let's say
Speaker 1: I think that help, it does help you. We're going
Speaker 1: to say something, Yeah, Hillary, I think you brought up
Speaker 1: a good point, the word connection. I think that's what
Speaker 1: we're all searching for, whether that's in a relationship or
Speaker 1: in a friendship, or anywhere in life you want to
Speaker 1: form connections, and the ending of any kind of connection
Speaker 1: is a hurtful one, whether that's the ending of a
Speaker 1: friendship or an ending of a relationship. Um, that's that's
Speaker 1: what I think that we're all searching for. Is connection.
Speaker 1: Can we move on to the next question, though, because
Speaker 1: I want to I want to talk. Yeah, did you
Speaker 1: want to say something? I was just gonna say. I
Speaker 1: was going to prepare a hypothetical picture for us, but
Speaker 1: I think that would probably take too long for us
Speaker 1: to discuss in a brief I was gonna say, imagine
Speaker 1: we live a life from zero to eighteen and complete
Speaker 1: solitude where we don't spend time with anyone else other
Speaker 1: than ourselves, and then come eighteen years old, we're allowed
Speaker 1: to roam the world truly as we as we want.
Speaker 1: Then do you think hang out with other people takes
Speaker 1: the same effect as it does now? No, because you're
Speaker 1: you're you've spent eighteen years of your life by yourself,
Speaker 1: So it's like then then that's when it's a necessity
Speaker 1: versus an option, in my opinion. And it's just like
Speaker 1: it's a weird thing to think of us because we're
Speaker 1: bred to be social creatures and then the fact that
Speaker 1: we're not social creatures for you know, short amounts of
Speaker 1: time in our life, then we begin to get depressed
Speaker 1: and upset with ourselves. I don't know, just so it
Speaker 1: was just a weird way though. No, I agree, it's
Speaker 1: very going back to birds of a prey almost where
Speaker 1: you're brought up in a certain environment, brought up into
Speaker 1: certain society. Birds of a feather, birds of a feather,
Speaker 1: excuse me, birds of prey. That's a d c. Most
Speaker 1: living things are, though, I mean even animals, you know,
Speaker 1: seek to be with each other, connect lions and Nepal
Speaker 1: or something that. But that's I'm gonna read this question
Speaker 1: for you, Okay, Then you can answer it. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: So this question is from Collins. Collins says, my significant
Speaker 1: other and I have been dating for a year. Since
Speaker 1: being together, we put on weight, but we have more
Speaker 1: sex and we are far more intimate with each other.
Speaker 1: Now why I feel like we have more time now
Speaker 1: to have sex? But why are we like teenagers again?
Speaker 1: I made getting back into shape of goal. Will I
Speaker 1: lose my sex life to get back into shape? And
Speaker 1: that's the that you wanted? Yeah? Well, because I'm my
Speaker 1: thirties now, and Hillary correct me if I'm wrong, but
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in my sexual prime women coming
Speaker 1: to it later? Right? Absolutely? This is it peak? I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm thirties. I'm sorry, thirties you peak yea sexually
Speaker 1: not thirty but the decade of right, right? So I
Speaker 1: feel like I don't know, maybe men peak all the time,
Speaker 1: so they're always like ready to go, and women when
Speaker 1: they hit their thirties are like, oh yeah, I'm like
Speaker 1: on the same level as you are. Now do you
Speaker 1: think that has anything? Is that true? Anything? Are peaking
Speaker 1: all the time now? Probably between like what sixteen and
Speaker 1: thirty two or something like that, right, I mean sixteen
Speaker 1: and thirty two. I mean, these are like pretty gross
Speaker 1: like generalizations, but right, but sure, yeah, I love that answer.
Speaker 1: So T T l DR for the listeners, this, this
Speaker 1: person and her significant other are having more sex after
Speaker 1: putting on more weight. And so Vanessa, you think it's
Speaker 1: just an age thing. I think she's more alluding to
Speaker 1: the fact of why are they having more sex if
Speaker 1: they h I guess think that they're less physically attractive,
Speaker 1: because I think it's I think it's also the idea
Speaker 1: of just being able to be free. I think when
Speaker 1: you get comfortable with your own body, you're able to
Speaker 1: just be free in rom and and not second guess
Speaker 1: certain things that you may want to try or do
Speaker 1: or act or what do you think you may look like.
Speaker 1: So maybe they both reached a point where they're comfortable
Speaker 1: being it's like, screw it, let's screw Yeah. Literally, it's
Speaker 1: weird for me because I noticed my sex drive depleting
Speaker 1: when I don't go to the gym, like I've been
Speaker 1: in the gym in like two months, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: that's fine, I don't necessarily need to be going out
Speaker 1: and having sex anyways. But then I go to the
Speaker 1: gym and I work out like really hard because I'm
Speaker 1: like see myself getting like, you know, soft around the
Speaker 1: corners and like out of shape. And I start working
Speaker 1: out more and I like feel myself like tightening up
Speaker 1: a little bit, and I'm like, oh, this is great.
Speaker 1: My sex drive is back. And it's just it's because
Speaker 1: your sex drive backwards because you feel good and you
Speaker 1: want to have sex. Yeah, exactly, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: Because I feel a lot better, Like when I sit
Speaker 1: in a chair, I don't feel my fat rolls roll
Speaker 1: over each other, you know what I mean. But you
Speaker 1: know what, I don't know. I feel like most women.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm speaking for myself. I want a guy who's
Speaker 1: not like horror like. I don't know. I don't want
Speaker 1: like a six pack. I want something I can cuddle
Speaker 1: with and not a guy like that's too much in
Speaker 1: the gym for me. Someone's way were into himself than
Speaker 1: they ever will be. In the relationship with Vanessa, Peter,
Speaker 1: Peter is pretty cut. I never dated Peter. Alex is
Speaker 1: pretty cut to Nick is pretty cut too. Yeah, all
Speaker 1: of these boys are pretty buff. Alex Alex, Yeah, why
Speaker 1: did you bring Alex into that conversation? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was just talking him on the phone the other
Speaker 1: day and Vanessa's name comes up, as it always does
Speaker 1: with him, So he's probably listening to this episode, Alex,
Speaker 1: I love you. Wait Vanessa, Alex, if you if you
Speaker 1: and Alex talked, Yeah, they dated for a couple of weeks, right,
Speaker 1: we did in date for a couple of weeks. We
Speaker 1: hung out in l A with my roommate and one
Speaker 1: of his friends and who else was there? Christina was there,
Speaker 1: and Iggy was there, And then we went to like
Speaker 1: a department store and we just decided the guys decided
Speaker 1: to pick out these outrageous outfits and they put us
Speaker 1: in these crazy as outfits because you know how Alex
Speaker 1: is with his crazy outfits. That's all we did. But
Speaker 1: now he's just so many. He's such a great energy,
Speaker 1: he's so positive, he's so I love Alex. He's fun
Speaker 1: to hang out with. Yeah. Anyways, what the point that
Speaker 1: I was trying to make is they're all very very
Speaker 1: very buff. Alex Alex's body is like, yeah, Alex would
Speaker 1: be on the top. What do you think about that?
Speaker 1: You're very very fit about the Thanks? Um, thank you?
Speaker 1: I Well back to your Facebook or the Facebook question.
Speaker 1: I am thinking that maybe the sex has like open
Speaker 1: up because there's like there is like a letting go judgment, yeah,
Speaker 1: or there's like a letting go like um, like a
Speaker 1: vulnerability that maybe comes up with like letting go, I'm
Speaker 1: just being who I am, I'm not even in my
Speaker 1: best self, and that there's some energy to that that's
Speaker 1: both vulnerable and kind of a turn on um and
Speaker 1: and that's what you want to retain while retaining like
Speaker 1: your health and fitness, you know what I mean. I
Speaker 1: mean maybe overall like go back to the gym and
Speaker 1: feel good or get healthy or something, but retaining like
Speaker 1: that vulnerability and that letting go because I have a
Speaker 1: feeling like that's what opened the door for them, is
Speaker 1: that they're sort of like together or like not our
Speaker 1: best selves are kind of being vulnerable, we're kind of
Speaker 1: letting go. We're kind of being like a little naughty
Speaker 1: by not taking care of ourselves. But you can retain
Speaker 1: that energy and potentially and still be fit. Maybe maybe
Speaker 1: that's more hot and heavy because they're almost borderline recognized unrecognizable,
Speaker 1: and so it's like they're having an affair. It's like
Speaker 1: role play. Oh, speaking of role play, someone did ask elliot,
Speaker 1: what about um sex toys and a role play for
Speaker 1: a dean? How do you feel about that? I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a hard pass all that stuff because you don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about it or hard past. I'll talk. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'll talk about me not doing it because I just
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a prude. You are not a prude. You
Speaker 1: You're not a rude, elaborate I'm not a prude. You
Speaker 1: dated two women at once. That doesn't make me not
Speaker 1: adroom and I wasn't. I wasn't sleeping with both of
Speaker 1: them at the same time. Excuse me, Oh, I didn't
Speaker 1: know that. Okay, I'm glad we clarify that. But that
Speaker 1: just what everyone expects is that I was sleeping up
Speaker 1: both of them the whole time. Now, I guess that's
Speaker 1: what I don't know. There's that, and there's a mix
Speaker 1: of like emotionally, you know, I don't know. Okay, I
Speaker 1: forget about that. Back to role play. You're you've never
Speaker 1: role played before, not that I know of. Should we
Speaker 1: we can? We can tackle Listen a second before we
Speaker 1: get into our next segment. We do want to talk
Speaker 1: about something that means a lot to this podcast. You
Speaker 1: guys have heard us talk about it before, and that
Speaker 1: is twenty three and me, Vanessadine, have even one of
Speaker 1: you guys done twenty three? Mate, Jerry, of course, So
Speaker 1: what was your biggest revel? I'm a hundred percent European.
Speaker 1: I'm the most boring man in the world, Vanessa. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I spoke about how I thought I mailed my
Speaker 1: my my box in. It's still on my counter, and
Speaker 1: all I have to say is it's really easy to use.
Speaker 1: So all you have to do you have to I
Speaker 1: want to ask you guys this, did you guys go
Speaker 1: up into the line with the bubbles of your spit
Speaker 1: or did you go pass the line with the bubbles
Speaker 1: of your spits up to the line. I I listened
Speaker 1: to instructions, but with the bubbles through, the bubbles count? No,
Speaker 1: bubbles don't count. Bubbles don't count. Okay, So I went
Speaker 1: above the line with my bubbles anyway. So it's really easy.
Speaker 1: All you gotta do is like accumulate a bunch of spit,
Speaker 1: spin on the tube, close it, and then they provide
Speaker 1: you this little package that you you um you put
Speaker 1: it in, you close the box, and you mail it
Speaker 1: back to them. So I haven't mailed it yet, so
Speaker 1: I'm waiting. Obviously, I have to wait for my results,
Speaker 1: and I take it takes how long, I think a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks, couple of weeks, a couple of weeks
Speaker 1: and to get your back. It really is the coolest
Speaker 1: thing and it makes a great gift for everyone you
Speaker 1: love during the holidays. There's been there's never really been
Speaker 1: a better way to give the gift to Janet Discovery
Speaker 1: to whether it be your family members, your sibling, his parents,
Speaker 1: on his grandparents, your uncle that you never talked to,
Speaker 1: if you wanted to give him a gift, give him
Speaker 1: twenty three and Me and guess what, guys now through December.
Speaker 1: You guys know December is Christmas Day. The twenty three
Speaker 1: DNA kits are on sale. They're super easy to do.
Speaker 1: We talked about Vanessa was just talking about how you
Speaker 1: just spit into the two provided. I know sounds a
Speaker 1: little gross, but it's effective. Um you register your sample
Speaker 1: to personal to your personal twenty three and Me account
Speaker 1: and in a few weeks you receive your personalized online reports. UM.
Speaker 1: So they come with an ancestry composition report and with
Speaker 1: twenty three and me's ancestry. With that report, you can
Speaker 1: explore where your DNA is from out of a hundred
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Speaker 1: have ever been falling asleep where your body just completely twitches.
Speaker 1: This it happens to me sometimes. Ashley is far more
Speaker 1: of one of your shakers. Is that what it called
Speaker 1: her legs shakes? What is that? What is that called?
Speaker 1: I've always thought it was like your muscles being like going, yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: the cool thing about twenty three and me not only
Speaker 1: does it provide gen X, but you can find out
Speaker 1: stuff like that, like why does your like twitch or
Speaker 1: things of that nature. You can learn how your genes
Speaker 1: play a role in your well being, your lifestyle choice.
Speaker 1: You wonder what I've always wondered, is there's like like
Speaker 1: muscle builders, right, I wonder if there's a specific gene
Speaker 1: for muscle builders that they all kind of have in common. Well,
Speaker 1: you buy because you haven't been in the gym and
Speaker 1: wine and you're like, I'm confused. I'm just curious, like
Speaker 1: if they're all soap buff I wonder if there's something
Speaker 1: specific about their genetic makeup that allows them to be
Speaker 1: that ripped. Well, the cool thing about twenty three and
Speaker 1: Me is that it will tell you that as well.
Speaker 1: And like I said earlier, now through December twenty five,
Speaker 1: you'll get off any twenty three and Me kit. You
Speaker 1: do is order your d n A kit at twenty
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Speaker 1: two three A and D me dot com slash D
Speaker 1: spelled d e A n ready not being together ready
Speaker 1: one two three d e A twenty three and me
Speaker 1: dot COM's asked Dean, you will get off your kit
Speaker 1: from now to December. And they have different versions of
Speaker 1: the kid too. You can do uh the Genetic kit
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Speaker 1: good deal because it's I mean, that's you know, that's
Speaker 1: going to save you like a thirty plus dollars. So
Speaker 1: check it out dot com slash Dean. We want to
Speaker 1: talk to Stephanie Pratt who was on the line. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about her new podcast, prat cast on I Heart Radio. Stephanie,
Speaker 1: are you're there, Oh my god, Stephanie, how the heck
Speaker 1: are you tell us about this new podcast? Years I'm well,
Speaker 1: it's kind of similar to yours, because I'm really glad
Speaker 1: at dating as well. It'll cover you know, dating, shopping,
Speaker 1: how basically anything people want to talk about, you know,
Speaker 1: what you've got for Christmas? Totally like the basic any
Speaker 1: kind of costips, what's going on in the tabloids. So
Speaker 1: for the listeners out there, Stephanie and I went to
Speaker 1: a football game together last night, and I asked her
Speaker 1: on a date at least half a dozen times, rebuked
Speaker 1: every single advance that I that I had. Okay, let
Speaker 1: me just explain how he asked me out. Okay, he
Speaker 1: was on his phone talking to people on Instagram, drest
Speaker 1: messages and he'd look up to see the score and
Speaker 1: then look at me because I was to the right
Speaker 1: of him, and he'd like, do you want to go
Speaker 1: on to date? That's not how it was at all.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, dear leader right there yet. Ye. Anyways,
Speaker 1: So Stephanie, when does your when does your podcast come out?
Speaker 1: Is it? First episode drops win on January seven, and
Speaker 1: then so The Hills will start airing in the spring.
Speaker 1: And when that's that's going, I'll have Hills cast members
Speaker 1: on it and we'll be talking about every episode because
Speaker 1: it's a Hills reboot, right, Yeah, so tell us because
Speaker 1: you have an involvement with The Hills, you to be
Speaker 1: a cast member as well, and you're going to be
Speaker 1: part of the reboot. Yeah, so fill the listeners in
Speaker 1: a little bit about the journey with that. I've gosh, well,
Speaker 1: it's been like eight years, seven years, and we've all
Speaker 1: been together and yes, things have changed, but things haven't
Speaker 1: changed at all. Everyone keeps asked me, is it right?
Speaker 1: Drama is the last one? Absolutely, there's way more drama
Speaker 1: because you know, people are married, they have kids, like
Speaker 1: the Sticks a lot higher. So it's going to be
Speaker 1: a freaking great series. Sounds freaking great. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I'm not entirely sold on the podcast. Is there like
Speaker 1: a teaser that you have out there that I could
Speaker 1: listen to? Um, you didn't already know? Do you not
Speaker 1: follow me on Instagram? Wait? Looking at your Instagram? Now?
Speaker 1: Is it with Wells? It is my co host Wells
Speaker 1: at him he likes saved the show. Um, he's awesome.
Speaker 1: The teaser that's actually out now you can find it
Speaker 1: on my Instagram art official stuff Pratt or on I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Um, it's so funny because I actually meet
Speaker 1: well on the podcast, so I had no idea who
Speaker 1: you were that they can lend in the past five years,
Speaker 1: so it's it's quite joked, but he was a Hills
Speaker 1: fast they kind of knew who I was. Great Well,
Speaker 1: So it's you and Wells co hosting the Hills podcast.
Speaker 1: It airs January seven. You said there is a teaser
Speaker 1: on the I Heart radio app or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to podcasts. I think is what you said. Yeah, yes, perfect,
Speaker 1: So for our listeners go check it out. It's called Prattcast.
Speaker 1: Episode one drops January seven. Um, and like I said,
Speaker 1: Stephanie and I are probably gonna start dating here pretty soon.
Speaker 1: Maybe fill you on that whole situation. Are you going
Speaker 1: to be on the Hills Dean? Yeah, well, I mean
Speaker 1: if I'm Stephanie's love interest, I don't think I have
Speaker 1: a choice but to be on the Hills. Like the story. Already,
Speaker 1: steph and I are already going to Hong Kong for
Speaker 1: New Year's It's going to be a blast. Um, you
Speaker 1: did buy me you last night? Yeah, let me finish
Speaker 1: your hot dog. I gave you money. That's good. I
Speaker 1: gave you money. You didn't take it, so it wasn't
Speaker 1: really a state, you mean your first date last night.
Speaker 1: I tried to give you the cash back, but you
Speaker 1: literally left it in the car. I know. I wanted to,
Speaker 1: you know, make sure you knew it was in a date. Uh. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well we'll work up to it before January seven. That's
Speaker 1: that's we'll figure it out. Plenty of times, plenty of time.
Speaker 1: All right, everyone, I'm going to need full access to
Speaker 1: your Instagram. I don't know, but I'm sure Dean will
Speaker 1: be all over you. Thank you so much for calling in.
Speaker 1: We're excited to listen to Pratt Cast come January seven
Speaker 1: on I Heart Radio. Um, if you want to check
Speaker 1: out the teaser B shirt to jump on the app
Speaker 1: and give it a listen well as obviously it is fantastic. Stephanie,
Speaker 1: you're great too. Um. We look forward to hearing more
Speaker 1: from you. Thanks so much. In Hong Kong. Yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: see you there. Thank you, step Any bye bye. Did
Speaker 1: she say see you in Hong Kong. Yeah, we're going
Speaker 1: out there for New Year's with each other. As a joke.
Speaker 1: Obviously she's going there for New Years. I invited myself
Speaker 1: and Dean will definitely be in Hong Kong for New Year. Um, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: you were just telling us about how you like to
Speaker 1: use sex toys in the bathroom before we got into
Speaker 1: those whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't say sex starts to
Speaker 1: talk about. I did not. I did not say sex toys.
Speaker 1: I said, I'm very open. If I'm comfortable with someone, Uh,
Speaker 1: then yeah, I want to be open to explore, and
Speaker 1: it has to be a safe um, a safe space,
Speaker 1: and there has to be consent. And I'm very surprised that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: consent is very important. So I'm surprised Dean. You keep
Speaker 1: saying you're a prude, and the thing is with you,
Speaker 1: you like to put yourself down. Well, I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think one is better than the other. I
Speaker 1: just I don't know. Um, how do I say this?
Speaker 1: I feel like you need to bring one of your
Speaker 1: ex girlfriends on the podcast so I can actually enter,
Speaker 1: I can actually call of you. Who would you be calling?
Speaker 1: I guarantee all my ex girlfriends would say that I
Speaker 1: was horrible in bad not even I think once listen,
Speaker 1: I think, once you love someone and you're really into
Speaker 1: you know, you have like really great sexual chemistry and
Speaker 1: you love each other. No matter the size, it's going
Speaker 1: to be great sex. Yeah. The thing with guystally need
Speaker 1: to bring it toys and stuff. Well, I think there's
Speaker 1: a difference between sex and making the thing with sex
Speaker 1: with guys more or less is going to be the
Speaker 1: same from person to person these two about that question,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying the variant, the variants in sex from
Speaker 1: from girl to girl for a guy is different than
Speaker 1: guys a guy for a girl. Why is that? I
Speaker 1: think in my obviously have you had sex with both
Speaker 1: a man and a female. No, but I would imagine
Speaker 1: a the composition of a penis is much different from
Speaker 1: guy to guy than the composition of a vagina from
Speaker 1: girl to girl. I think men just sometimes need to
Speaker 1: get off. So let me have a look right now,
Speaker 1: I'm confused. You're saying that an orgasm, you're talking about orgasm. Well,
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying is no, he's talking about the
Speaker 1: actual physical act of sex, right. Well, I mean it's
Speaker 1: kind of all encompassing. Yeah, yes, but not just the
Speaker 1: orgasm part. I mean, do you think that women have different,
Speaker 1: like far different experiences with different men. Saying nine percent
Speaker 1: of the time a guy is going to have an
Speaker 1: orgasm in sex and what sixty percent of the time
Speaker 1: a girl is going to have an orgasm in sex.
Speaker 1: You're talking about orgasms, Well, I'm talking about everything. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about the actual physical structure of a penis versus vagina.
Speaker 1: I think it's also the mental like very confused, Hillary, Hillary,
Speaker 1: You've got a lot of the three children just playing
Speaker 1: around and saying whatever comes to our heads. Um. I
Speaker 1: think the way that men and women typically conceptualize sexual
Speaker 1: experiences is different, like even your paradigm, I'm of like
Speaker 1: the difference between penises and vaginas. Probably women are not
Speaker 1: going to think of it that way. They're going to
Speaker 1: think of like the holistic experience, you know, like what
Speaker 1: the mental connection is, what the fore play was like,
Speaker 1: what the touching and gazing um was like, and what
Speaker 1: the parts felt like, and what the orgasm felt like.
Speaker 1: But that they're going to look at all of it
Speaker 1: as opposed to just, um, the feel of the parts.
Speaker 1: And I think that men may be more likely to
Speaker 1: sort of have that more less more detached, more like
Speaker 1: a quantitative analysis. Well that's kind of always been my
Speaker 1: my not m O. But I've always been more of
Speaker 1: a numbers guy than a more logic as an emotional guy,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Men might be that women
Speaker 1: are less likely to sort of be like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: this boyfriend had a bigger part, and so I prefer
Speaker 1: to that sex versus like their approach to sex was
Speaker 1: more essential and sexy, and our kinds of connection was amazing.
Speaker 1: And so it's the whole that resonates, like as you
Speaker 1: look at your historical ask versus like the those specific
Speaker 1: data You're welcome, You're welcome. I'm processing a lot right now,
Speaker 1: so I don't think we should probably end here and
Speaker 1: go our separate ways and try to process what we
Speaker 1: all just learned. Here's our homework work. Our homeworkis. We're
Speaker 1: all going to go home and I have as much
Speaker 1: sex as possible, come back next year and discuss our findings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is our last podcast of the year. Yeah I will.
Speaker 1: I'll be sure to let every all, let the world
Speaker 1: know how it's working out for me. The thing with
Speaker 1: that it was, I almost didn't want to make one
Speaker 1: because why why. It's not like it's gonna sound kind
Speaker 1: of vain. But it's not like I necessarily need help
Speaker 1: meeting people. I don't necessarily think that I'm ready to
Speaker 1: be in a relationship, and so I'm kind of almost
Speaker 1: just leading people on by even being on the app
Speaker 1: in the first place. I feel like people I don't know,
Speaker 1: I never say ryah, I think you're fine. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you're good and as long as you're honest
Speaker 1: with everybody you meet, saying hey, you know, I kind
Speaker 1: of went on the app, and I'm not sure what
Speaker 1: I'm looking for, but I just wanted to meet some people.
Speaker 1: I guess I don't want to use it as a
Speaker 1: hook up accelerator, Like that's not really what I'm interested in. Um,
Speaker 1: so I don't know, what are you interested in. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. I'm not ready for a relationship.
Speaker 1: And you know, you don't want to hook up, you
Speaker 1: want to find friends. I don't know. That's what it's like.
Speaker 1: Someone said it's a great networking tool, so I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but there is a social aspect. There's like a social
Speaker 1: and then I don't know what the titles are. There's
Speaker 1: like two profiles that you can create the social Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I'll have a great song play, yes, Um, okay,
Speaker 1: well let's jump into Well Hillary wanted to I think, uh,
Speaker 1: I don't know what the hell are you doing thinking up?
Speaker 1: All right? So let's read Yeah, so just um, anyways,
Speaker 1: that'll do it for what do I want it? Just Hillary?
Speaker 1: Let's just do wrap up? Hillary? Anyways, Hillary, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us in studio today. It's always
Speaker 1: great to have an expert's opinion, especially on a lot
Speaker 1: of the things that we don't know what we're talking about,
Speaker 1: which was my plug pretty much everything. Um. We would
Speaker 1: love to have you back at a later date, and
Speaker 1: obviously we can kind of discuss. I love having people back,
Speaker 1: especially professionals like you, because, uh, you can critique us
Speaker 1: now versus then you know what I mean, and so
Speaker 1: it'll be interesting to kind of hear how our perspectives
Speaker 1: has changed. Gauge the growth, gauge the growth exactly. It's
Speaker 1: always very fun, Um Hillary, do you want to plug
Speaker 1: anything that you're working on? Just you can find me
Speaker 1: um at dr Hillary gulture dot com. It's h I
Speaker 1: L l A R Y g O L D s
Speaker 1: h e R dot com to find out more about
Speaker 1: me and locate my practice perfect and that's in Beverly Hills.
Speaker 1: You said, yes, wonderful. I'm sure we'll see you on TV.
Speaker 1: I feel like I I watched your your Real about
Speaker 1: you on all the new news channels and you were fantastic.
Speaker 1: So I'm excited. Thank you. So we'll keep an eye
Speaker 1: out for you. Hill. Thank you so much for coming
Speaker 1: in again. I don't know why it's called Dr Hill ladies,
Speaker 1: and okay, I layed myself to one per episode and
Speaker 1: step Alred took the cake from that. So um, thank
Speaker 1: you again so much for coming in. We really appreciate
Speaker 1: it and we look forward to hearing from you again soon.
Speaker 1: All right, well that'll do it for this week's episode
Speaker 1: of Help I Suck at Dating. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for making my return so special. Jan anytime you come
Speaker 1: back into the studio, it's a special day. We missed you,
Speaker 1: missed you. I missed you. Mark couldn't give let's of
Speaker 1: a crap about you. But that's Mark's problem. Don't worry
Speaker 1: about him. Good time, good to be back, good times.
Speaker 1: But big thank you too, obviously. Hillary Goscher, yep, Goulcher, Goulcher,
Speaker 1: gol Scher like kosher, but Culcher kosher, but Golscher, Hillary Goscher.
Speaker 1: She was incredible. We definitely want her back on the podcast.
Speaker 1: A big thank you to Amazon fire TV once again.
Speaker 1: You can head to www dot Amazon dot um slash
Speaker 1: I Suck podcast to order a fire TV of your
Speaker 1: very own. Um. Be sure to check out stamps dot
Speaker 1: com and use codein for a special four week trial
Speaker 1: to get those stamps printed and get your holiday gifts
Speaker 1: sent out. Big thank you to Thrive Market. You can
Speaker 1: take an extra off your first order and a free
Speaker 1: thirty day trial. All you have to do is go
Speaker 1: to thrive market dot com slash Dan d e An
Speaker 1: in case you haven't learned how to spell it by now,
Speaker 1: Van that's I'll jump in for on this one for you.
Speaker 1: Be sure to check out third Love and get your
Speaker 1: cup size and a half figured out third Love dot
Speaker 1: com slash Vanessa. And a big thank you to twenty
Speaker 1: three and Me. You can get off any twenty three
Speaker 1: Mean kit. All you do is order your d n
Speaker 1: A kit at three and me dot com Slashdan And
Speaker 1: one more big thank you you guys saw that we
Speaker 1: were at jingle Ball in l A a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago. They gave us some really cool gifts that
Speaker 1: Dean has a bag in front of them, so I'm
Speaker 1: sadly it was not a jingle ball. But I do
Speaker 1: have a bag full of a bunch of good you're
Speaker 1: watching a ball. I was not. Was my heart radio?
Speaker 1: That's what I'm thinking of. It's right. I got some
Speaker 1: nice warm socks. I got some shampoo and conditioner heat
Speaker 1: holders socks I've ever felt in my life. What else
Speaker 1: do we go? They look pretty comfortable. We have a
Speaker 1: shampoo and conditioner Eastern. You say that you use those
Speaker 1: every day. Well, this is Kristen s She has this
Speaker 1: new line at Target and um I have been using
Speaker 1: these for months and my hair, I'm told, smells really nice.
Speaker 1: It's very soft and voluminous. It looks word of the day.
Speaker 1: My curls are like twisted ebony. Thanks to you, to Kristen. Twisted.
Speaker 1: Easton's not even reading this off of a sheet. He
Speaker 1: literally is thinking of these adjectives off the top of
Speaker 1: his head. That's fantastic, Eastan. That brings me another question.
Speaker 1: Do you wash your hair every day? Every day? Every day?
Speaker 1: Every day? It's horrible for you, but keep doing that, man,
Speaker 1: keep killing your hair day in the day out. We
Speaker 1: got this pretty cool phone case for an excess and
Speaker 1: an X. It's spigin sp Spigan. I like it. It's
Speaker 1: pretty sturdy. I'm holding my hands right now, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start using. I'm currently holding some extreme lash mascara hourglass.
Speaker 1: Seems pretty nice. Really a lot of great makeup and
Speaker 1: and hell, you know, skincare accessories. Anyways, big thank you
Speaker 1: to all of these great products for being there for
Speaker 1: jingle Ball. I'm bummed I missed it. Were you were there? Right?
Speaker 1: I was there? You were traveling, weren't you? I was traveling? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why did we ever talk about your Yeah? I
Speaker 1: talked a little bit about it. You missed it? But
Speaker 1: post or pre like, did you post? I talked a
Speaker 1: little bit about it last week. Unfortunately missed out on
Speaker 1: that one. I mean it was cool quick synopsis. It
Speaker 1: was just I I was on stage with my shirt
Speaker 1: off for like three minutes if that. Um, So it
Speaker 1: was very quick, painless, easy, and the show itself was
Speaker 1: actually awesome because we were so Tanner and Jade came
Speaker 1: with us, Nick was with us, and it was just
Speaker 1: it was so over the top and ridiculous that the
Speaker 1: and and the cool thing was the Chippendale dancers themselves
Speaker 1: had so much fun with it that it was just fun,
Speaker 1: you know, like you could go as a man who's
Speaker 1: attracted to the opposite sex and still have a great
Speaker 1: time because everybody's just laughing and making fun of themselves
Speaker 1: and the women are going crazy. It was cool, and
Speaker 1: so I was nervous for like two weeks before then
Speaker 1: I didn't really eat. I I ate, but I tried
Speaker 1: to eat as healthy as possible. And then for two
Speaker 1: days before I like, faster, I've got my first spray tan.
Speaker 1: And then it was cool, good, thanks buddy. People were
Speaker 1: giving about my my hair chest which is my chest hair?
Speaker 1: Come on now, I mean, I'm not gonna shave it
Speaker 1: for one show in shipp of Dales, and I am
Speaker 1: very proud to be a hairy man. But it was
Speaker 1: funny in the green room when I was waiting because
Speaker 1: I went on stage early to do this game, and
Speaker 1: then they put me back in the green room before
Speaker 1: I did the big finale with my shirt off, and
Speaker 1: they had weights in there, so like for twenty minutes
Speaker 1: in the green room where I haven't eaten in like
Speaker 1: sixteen hours, I'm pumping weights. I I felt like I
Speaker 1: almost passed out, but I was like, okay, just look
Speaker 1: as good as you possibly can get on stage. To
Speaker 1: do it, get off straight to shake chift. It was fun,
Speaker 1: it was great, it was totally and now I can.
Speaker 1: I can on my deathbed. You know, I think of
Speaker 1: all the cool thing as I've done, and one of
Speaker 1: those things will now be Hey, you were in as
Speaker 1: a great grandfather. You can tell your kids about one
Speaker 1: time you danced the shirtless on stage. I know I
Speaker 1: could be like, hey, guys, I was cool. I'm a
Speaker 1: cool grandpa. I was in tip of Dale's. Anyways, thank
Speaker 1: you so much again for listening to this week's episode
Speaker 1: of Help I Suck at Dating? Big, big thank you
Speaker 1: to our sponsors. Big thank you as always to Jared Easton,
Speaker 1: Vanessa and Hillary. I love all of you. Um. This
Speaker 1: is the last one of the years. This is the
Speaker 1: last episode Who does an eighteen. We actually made it
Speaker 1: through our first full calendar year. Wow. After this episode,
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to do it alone. Big thank you
Speaker 1: to Jared and Vanessa once more, UM, and we'll see
Speaker 1: you next ye two thousand nineteen coming in hot. What
Speaker 1: are you doing for New Years? I'm not sure yet
Speaker 1: either are going to be in Rhode Island or New
Speaker 1: York staying in East Pardian big time we might go
Speaker 1: to the ball Drop. Who's your nearest is going to be?
Speaker 1: What do you do you mind? Actually a funny story.
Speaker 1: This will be Ashley's first kiss on New Year's Eve
Speaker 1: ever ever. So I'm a very lucky man because I'm
Speaker 1: I'm it's pretty cool that I get to give her
Speaker 1: that nice That'll be awesome. Yeah, it'll be fun. And
Speaker 1: we're debating going to New York to maybe go see
Speaker 1: the ball Drop. I've never been. It's they're like over
Speaker 1: a million people. That's so I'm a little nervous about that.
Speaker 1: But hopefully we can maybe wheel and deal some things.
Speaker 1: So yeah, because the celebrities, of course, you should be
Speaker 1: able to celebrities a New Year's if nobody gets a
Speaker 1: rats asked about us, I'm going to be in Australia,
Speaker 1: not at the ball Drop. But so you're not going
Speaker 1: to be in Hong Kong. Oh, that was kind of
Speaker 1: just a joke. I was hoping there was. It was
Speaker 1: a joke with a sliver. It's definitely hit me up.
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, Dan, I got you a ticket
Speaker 1: to Hong Kong. I would go, but I just you know,
Speaker 1: but you already have a trick in to Australia. I'm
Speaker 1: working on getting a ticket to Australia. Why would you
Speaker 1: go to Australia. I have some friends out there, I've
Speaker 1: always wanted to go, and it seems like a good time.
Speaker 1: I'm getting my Scooba certification this weekend to start, I'm
Speaker 1: going to Scoopa a great barrier reef right, self containing
Speaker 1: breathing AD. That's that the acronym stands for. But yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe you know, if Deephanitely I met, like maybe a
Speaker 1: couple of days before, like sooner than maybe I'll be
Speaker 1: going to Hong Kong. But I've only known her for
Speaker 1: twenty four hour or so. It's still totally worth it.
Speaker 1: Are you going to sit? Yeah, That's where I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be most of the time, and I'm gonna like camp
Speaker 1: on the beach and stuff like that. Don't they have
Speaker 1: like a pretty extravagant New Year's Eve? Yeah, I've heard
Speaker 1: there's the Opera House that has like a pretty great
Speaker 1: yeah firework show. I feel like anytime I'm watching rock
Speaker 1: and Eves, which I do, I I love it. I'm
Speaker 1: one of the few that I love New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1: I love staying in I love ordering Chinese food, I
Speaker 1: love I'm my friends over um. And then we watched
Speaker 1: the New Year's Rock and Eve with Seacrest, which is
Speaker 1: quite funny because obviously he works here. Yeah, and so
Speaker 1: and Jen McCarthy. I love it so but every time anyway,
Speaker 1: long story short, I see Sydney, Australia, I see New York,
Speaker 1: and then I think those I see Tokyo, Vegas, Vegas,
Speaker 1: l DOESLA have a pig show? There? There's a West
Speaker 1: Coast show. Actually might be Vegas. Have to double check,
Speaker 1: but I think it's essentially action on ABC at eight
Speaker 1: seven Central. Yes, of course you can all right, well
Speaker 1: that I'll do it again like this is the longest
Speaker 1: sign off in Uh, this was great this. I love
Speaker 1: this part too. UM. Thank you once again for making
Speaker 1: this podcast a thing in two eighteen. Were excited to
Speaker 1: bring us some more fun content in two nineteen. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: The biggest thank you of all goes to you guys,
Speaker 1: because if you guys weren't listening to this podcast right now,
Speaker 1: Dean and I would be on the street, living on
Speaker 1: the street against our will, because I think, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe at one point in my life I will live
Speaker 1: on the street willfully. Yes, I've talked about this in
Speaker 1: the past. I want to move into a van and
Speaker 1: live in a van for maybe like a year, to
Speaker 1: be homeless and just travel around. So we'll see how
Speaker 1: that goes. But we'll see how it goes. And thank
Speaker 1: you so much again for listening help I Suck at Dating.
Speaker 1: I'm Dean. That's Jared Easton and Vanessa. We will see
Speaker 1: you come January seven for for our first episode nine
Speaker 1: team see you guys were hopefully we suck a little less,
Speaker 1: a lot less, a lot less a new year. Follow
Speaker 1: help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast.
Speaker 1: That was like