Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is to make shallow questions deeper. By tweaking your
Speaker 1: usual small talk ever so slightly, you can wind up
Speaker 1: with much richer conversations. Today's tip, like another one this week,
Speaker 1: comes from Charles Dohigg's new book, Super Communicators. In this book,
Speaker 1: he shares strategies for how anyone can connect with others
Speaker 1: more effectively. Doig notes that many of us ask pretty
Speaker 1: straightforward questions when we are getting to know someone. Where
Speaker 1: do you work or what do you do? Where are
Speaker 1: you from? Where did you go to school? Do you
Speaker 1: have kids? And there's nothing wrong with any of these
Speaker 1: questions per se, But the problem is that the point
Speaker 1: of conversation is connecting. A person can answer all of
Speaker 1: those questions quite quickly, and then you might need to
Speaker 1: keep reaching to forge some sort of connection, and doing
Speaker 1: so can feel tedious, like, Oh, you're originally from Dallas,
Speaker 1: and now you're racking your brain to think of who
Speaker 1: you know from Dallas, and the other person probably doesn't
Speaker 1: care about this person that you know from Dallas. So
Speaker 1: Doeg suggests making shallow questions deeper. Instead of where do
Speaker 1: you live, you could ask something like what do you
Speaker 1: like about your neighborhood? Instead of where do you work?
Speaker 1: You might ask what was your favorite job? Or even
Speaker 1: what's your favorite part of your job? Or another question
Speaker 1: or two later, you might ask is there anything else
Speaker 1: you ever dreamed of doing? Do you have kids? Or
Speaker 1: are you married? Can become the more open ended. Tell
Speaker 1: me about your family? How long have you lived here?
Speaker 1: Becomes what's the best place you've ever lived? Where did
Speaker 1: you go to high school? Or where did you go
Speaker 1: to college? Might become what advice would you give someone
Speaker 1: in college right now? As Doig says in super Communicators,
Speaker 1: none of these deeper questions are incredibly pushy. You are
Speaker 1: not asking someone you have just met to tell you
Speaker 1: about their deepest regret or something like that. You could
Speaker 1: ask any of these slightly deeper questions in a professional
Speaker 1: or personal setting, but you will definitely get to know
Speaker 1: people a little better. You will know something important about
Speaker 1: them which will allow you to connect. If the person
Speaker 1: tells you that the best part of growing up in
Speaker 1: Dallas was the tight knit neighborhood they lived in, and wow,
Speaker 1: that neighborhood has changed a lot over the past thirty years.
Speaker 1: This just gives you a little bit more to work with.
Speaker 1: You can talk about that change in general, rather than
Speaker 1: the person you know in Dallas to your conversation partner
Speaker 1: doesn't know from Adam. So as you talk to people,
Speaker 1: think about ways you could switch up your usual questions,
Speaker 1: invite a little storytelling and reflection. You will probably wind
Speaker 1: up feeling closer and you will enjoy your conversations a
Speaker 1: lot more. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening,
Speaker 1: and here's to making the most of our time. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,
Speaker 1: or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura
Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.
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Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.