1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:22,880 Speaker 1: tip is to make shallow questions deeper. By tweaking your 4 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: usual small talk ever so slightly, you can wind up 5 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: with much richer conversations. Today's tip, like another one this week, 6 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:39,159 Speaker 1: comes from Charles Dohigg's new book, Super Communicators. In this book, 7 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,199 Speaker 1: he shares strategies for how anyone can connect with others 8 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 1: more effectively. Doig notes that many of us ask pretty 9 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,560 Speaker 1: straightforward questions when we are getting to know someone. Where 10 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,279 Speaker 1: do you work or what do you do? Where are 11 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: you from? Where did you go to school? Do you 12 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: have kids? And there's nothing wrong with any of these 13 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:07,400 Speaker 1: questions per se, But the problem is that the point 14 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: of conversation is connecting. A person can answer all of 15 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: those questions quite quickly, and then you might need to 16 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 1: keep reaching to forge some sort of connection, and doing 17 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: so can feel tedious, like, Oh, you're originally from Dallas, 18 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 1: and now you're racking your brain to think of who 19 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: you know from Dallas, and the other person probably doesn't 20 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 1: care about this person that you know from Dallas. So 21 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 1: Doeg suggests making shallow questions deeper. Instead of where do 22 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 1: you live, you could ask something like what do you 23 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: like about your neighborhood? Instead of where do you work? 24 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 1: You might ask what was your favorite job? Or even 25 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 1: what's your favorite part of your job? Or another question 26 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: or two later, you might ask is there anything else 27 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 1: you ever dreamed of doing? Do you have kids? Or 28 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: are you married? Can become the more open ended. Tell 29 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:18,239 Speaker 1: me about your family? How long have you lived here? 30 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 1: Becomes what's the best place you've ever lived? Where did 31 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: you go to high school? Or where did you go 32 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,520 Speaker 1: to college? Might become what advice would you give someone 33 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: in college right now? As Doig says in super Communicators, 34 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:38,919 Speaker 1: none of these deeper questions are incredibly pushy. You are 35 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: not asking someone you have just met to tell you 36 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,359 Speaker 1: about their deepest regret or something like that. You could 37 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,360 Speaker 1: ask any of these slightly deeper questions in a professional 38 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: or personal setting, but you will definitely get to know 39 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 1: people a little better. You will know something important about 40 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,800 Speaker 1: them which will allow you to connect. If the person 41 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 1: tells you that the best part of growing up in 42 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: Dallas was the tight knit neighborhood they lived in, and wow, 43 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 1: that neighborhood has changed a lot over the past thirty years. 44 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 1: This just gives you a little bit more to work with. 45 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: You can talk about that change in general, rather than 46 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 1: the person you know in Dallas to your conversation partner 47 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 1: doesn't know from Adam. So as you talk to people, 48 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: think about ways you could switch up your usual questions, 49 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: invite a little storytelling and reflection. You will probably wind 50 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 1: up feeling closer and you will enjoy your conversations a 51 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: lot more. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, 52 00:03:52,040 --> 00:04:02,120 Speaker 1: and here's to making the most of our time. Thanks 53 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,279 Speaker 1: for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, 54 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura 55 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. 56 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,839 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, 57 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.